#i was doing so well. and i was having healthy relationship thoughts! and i was telling myself that i was just insecure those last few weeks.

[askshivanulegacy]

Posts like these always strike me as ... off-key somehow.

As a writer and an artist, I began posting my work because it was there.

I draw for myself. I write for myself.

I post because I CAN. Because my work is available and there's no reason not to. Because I can have a neatly organized portfolio that I can share if I ever want. Because I just like scrolling through my thumbnails on my art sites or my summaries on A03.

They show progress and achievement.

I don't need anyone else to tell me what I've achieved.

Two decades ago, well before A03 was ever a real thing, when I was doing a lot of my late night reading and thinking, I realized something foundational.

Your stories - my stories - connect you with the reader. For a short moment in time, you are the same. You have the same thoughts and feelings and goals and dreams. That author you're reading understands you on a level you might never be able to articulate to anyone, and you understand them. That means there's a person, somewhere on the planet that identifies with your most secret feelings.

And that's true for every story. And that's true whether you can say anything to the author about it or not.

And that means every story is worth sharing, even if just one person out there loves it, even if they never say so. It's worth it, for that one, silent person.

You don't need people to tell you that you have an impact for that impact to be very real.

And that's beautiful. It means everything.

The other piece of creation is that you, as a creator, cannot outsource your happiness.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging engagement, but you simply have no say in it. It's not something you can control or influence. Whether you post or don't post, it will not affect what other people do about it.

There is a harmful trend of creators deciding they NEED engagement. They become addicted to it and suddenly the only reason they create is for attention. The only reason they post is for attention. And because they've outsourced their happiness but can't control it, they crash and burn if they don't get whatever levels of engagement they've decided they want.

You, as a creator, need to find internal motivation. You need to develop the basic strength to be satisfied with your work. You need to develop a healthy relationship with your work.

Yes, it's a crying shame that readers/viewers do not bother to provide feedback. But you also cannot allow the actions of other random people to dictate what you do. You will ALWAYS end up disappointed. They will never perform up to your standards.

There is at least one person out there who was changed by your work, and that means something, even if they haven't said so. It's more important than sitting on your creations for no real reason other than someone you don't know not doing something very specific.

You can always do what you want with your stuff. If you don't want to share, then it's a choice. But is not sharing because you're bitter about unspecified randos really how you want to do it? Are you going to let bitterness dictate what you do? Or are you going to make your decisions for yourself?

You can only ever make an impact and you can only ever get feedback, however rare, by sharing.

A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.

My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.

My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.

This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.

Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.

I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.

So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.

[woodywood101blog]

Experimental: Delivery, Part 1

The following days were a whirlwind for Yazan and Randy, as they discovered this new phase of their relationship. They both know it will be a bit surprising to everyone back at the hospital when they return with both four babies and a newfound love for each other. At the same time, you can’t always stop what the heart (or dick) wants!

Yazan and Randy tried to enjoy as much as they could in these final weeks, including a trip to the beach. Yazan gave up on finding shirts that would fit, so he arrived at the beach wearing a large bra and board shorts. Randy said it might have been easier for him to shave his beard, to at least appear more feminine while in a public space, but Yazan didn’t have the energy to worry about shaving, especially as he had always maintained a beard for as long as he started growing facial hair. Randy didn’t bother arguing, so they went down south towards Royal National Park and wandered along a more secluded beach, knowing there wouldn’t be as many people around.

Yazan and Randy talked about all sorts of things, including names for the babies, Yazan’s massive breasts, preparing bottles of colostrum and eventually milk, buying the things needed for a nursery, and eventually birth.

“So, we definitely know your ass is malleable, but we still don’t know if it could sustain birthing all four babies.” Randy said.

“I know, I just… I’m scared.” Yazan sighed and looked away.

“Hey, Yaz, look at me.” Randy replied as he grabbed Yazan’s shoulder and moved towards him. “You’re going to be okay. I’m here, we’ve got support from the researchers here, we’re all going to make sure you and the babies are safe. Alright?”

“Alright. I just -”

“Nope, you’re going to be okay!”

“Ugh, here you were bursting into tears weeks ago and now here I am like a blubbering mess.”

“You at least have hormones to explain away your blubber. I don’t!” Randy replied, and they both laughed.

***

At around 36 weeks, they both agreed that Yazan stays at the apartment and only leaves to go across to the lab as needed for the now daily scans. Yazan wasn’t too sure why it needed to move to daily ultrasounds, but it was Mike’s strong recommendation to do so. As far as Randy and Yazan were concerned, and going off the ultrasounds, the babies were all developing nice, healthy and strong. It gave Yazan time to slow down and appreciate the little moments, like the larger ripples of movement from the babies, as well as being able to work out who is positioned where within the belly. He also noticed his belly had dropped, meaning he could breathe fairly normally for the first time in months. It’s only a matter of time now, he thought.

(morph by @bigmpregnm)

It also meant he didn’t need to stress too much about clothing, so he had no hesitations in bringing out some of the shirts and clothes he gave up on long ago to just drape over the top of him. Randy saw Yazan one afternoon standing on the balcony of the apartment, looking out towards the city. Randy walked up from behind and moved his hands as far as he could to the front of the belly, swaying and kissing Yazan on the neck.

Yazan purred as he felt everything coming together nicely. “Isn’t this lovely?”

“What is?” Randy asked.

“Just… everything. The babies are almost here, I’ve got you to help me with the kids, we’re in this beautiful apartment here in Sydney for now, and then we can start a new life together back home.”

“A new life together?”

Yazan turned around and said, “Yeah, I was thinking today -”

“That’s never a good sign!”

“Shush you! I was thinking that I’d probably need an extra set of hands to help look after these four, and since you’ve already helped so much, I’d love it if you could move in with me? I’ve got a spare room if you -”

Randy leaned in and kissed Yazan on the lips. “I’d love that, Yaz. Yes, of course I’ll move in with you!” 

Yazan grinned widely at Randy’s response. “I love you, Randy.”

Now it was Randy’s turn to grin widely. “I love you too, Yazan.” Randy turned towards the edge of the balcony and screamed out “I love you, Yazan!!” Yazan laughed and tried to cover Randy’s mouth as Randy mumbled “But I want the world to know, Yaz…” They laughed as they walked back inside the apartment and prepared for dinner.

***

Randy could sense that Yazan was getting more tired as the days went on, to the point where he recommended Yazan just stayed in bed to avoid putting his body under extreme pressure. Yazan, being the stubborn person he is, didn’t take too lightly to being told to do nothing, so had no hesitation in wandering around the apartment, lightly bobbing his belly. Of course, after a couple of minutes, he would feel puffed out and have no choice but to sit down.

“See, I told you! Go, you’re on bed rest now.”

“What?! You can’t order me to rest.”

“I can! Remember who signed your medical clearance?”

“Fine…” Yazan groaned loudly as he tried to stand up and slowly walk back towards bed. He took off his shirt and pants, and grabbed extra pillows to have behind his back as he sat up in bed on “bed rest”.

“Okay, babe, I’m going to go to the lab and grab an ultrasound and tubes so we can do the tests from home. You stay in bed, alright?”

“Yep, okay then. See you soon!”

Randy quickly shut the door and dialled Anna. “Hey, Anna! How’s it going?”

“Yeah, not too bad. Coincidentally, I’m just having a look at Yazan’s most recent blood results. They seem okay…”

“You don’t sound confident?”

“Are you on your way to the lab?"

“Yeah, I’ve put Yazan on bed rest, so I was thinking of borrowing a mobile ultrasound and doing the scan from the apartment.”

“Okay, we’ll talk more when you’re here.”

“Rightio, chat soon!”

Randy speed-walked towards the bus stop to get to the lab. Once there, he saw Anna out the front with Mike talking.

“Hey there, guys! Is everything alright?” He saw Anna and Mike look towards Randy with a serious look on their faces. “Guys? What’s wrong?”

“Let’s talk inside.” Mike said with a hint of worry.

As they got into Mike’s office, Mike immediately said, “Right, so the most recent blood results seem to show a spiked level of testosterone in Yazan’s system. We’re not too sure where it’s coming from, but we’re worried this is the beginning of Yazan’s body rejecting the pregnancy.”

Randy gulped as he processed the news. “Okay, so what do we do? Do we book him in for an emergency c-section? He’s on bed rest now as he’s too tired to move around the apartment.”

“Too tired? Anna, I think we need to see Yazan.”

“No, Yazan doesn’t want -”

Anna interjected, “I know Yazan doesn’t want Mike there,” and briefly mouthed sorry to Mike, “but we’re worried that if the body rejects the pregnancy without us being able to get labour underway, there’s a real chance the babies will die as the body pumps T-cells all over.” Randy looked down in worry. “We’re here to help you, Yazan and the babies, okay? So can we come over and have a look?”

“Okay… but I bet you Yazan will not be impressed!”

“I guess I’ll have to practise my best bedside manner then, right?”

***

After two hours in bed, Yazan already hated doing nothing. He never was the kind of person to sit around and wait, so he did what he thought would be vaguely useful: he decided to go and clean the apartment. He saw Randy picking up so much of the slack around the apartment because of his immobility, so he thought he’d do something nice and clean the place room by room. So, with a bit of effort, he slowly moved himself out of bed, slipped on a bra and some shorts and got to work.

He grabbed a broom from a cupboard and started sweeping around the main living room. He thought it was a fairly simple task to do, especially as he could lean on the broom and rest as needed. I’ll just start with the sweeping and go from there, Yazan thought.

After about 15 minutes of sweeping across the entire apartment, he started to feel a different kind of pressure building up in his back. He groaned as he rubbed his lower back to try and dissipate the pressure, but noticed it wasn’t disappearing.

“Hmm” he groaned. “Maybe I’ll go and sit down.” As he went to go and sit, he suddenly felt a searing pain spread across his back and abs. He gasped in shock at how intense the jabbing pain felt. “That’s insane! No, this can’t be it… No, no, no, no, no!”

He can’t be in labour now. He eventually sat down on the sofa and calmed down the babies as they kicked up a fuss. “Shh, it’s okay kids. Daddy’s here. Seems like you’ll be here sooner than expected, huh?”

About 20 seconds later, he felt what he could only describe as a water balloon bursting inside him, followed by a small trickle of liquid coming out of his ass. “Fuck!!! This can’t be happening now!!”

His waters have broken. These kids want out now!

He groaned as he tried to stand back up, but struggled with the pain across his hips and lower back. He could feel the babies push further down towards his ass, confirming that his manpussy really was going to be where the kids were coming out.

After two more intense contractions, Randy walked into the apartment. Anna and Mike stayed outside to wait for Randy to invite them in. Randy looked down in shock as he saw Yazan kneeling on the floor, rubbing his belly aggressively and sweating all over his body. He also saw a small puddle of liquid near his ass. Yazan looked up and smiled briefly at Randy before groaning in pain.

“Yaz, what the fuck are you doing? You’re meant to be in bed!”

“Argh, you know I can’t sit still! I just wanted to - ARGH!” Yazan screamed as he felt an intense contraction rip through his body.

“Babe, how long have you had these contractions?”

“I don’t know, but they’re getting stronger!” Yazan groaned.

“Anna! Mike! In here - now!”

“Wait, what…” Yazan turned and groaned as he saw Anna and Mike walk into the apartment and look down at the scene. Mike’s jaw dropped as he saw Yazan’s extremely bloated belly.

“I really should’ve brought him in for a planned c-section last week. Shit!” Mike said quietly to Anna.

“Well, he’s in labour now, so we need to help, Mike!” Anna replied sternly. Randy looked at Anna, slightly pleased that she’s standing her ground. Anna kneeled down to Yazan, “Hey Yazan, I’m Anna, one of the research assistants. We’re going to take you to RPA now. We’ll call one of our other assistants to prepare a private room. For now, just breathe, and once this contraction is done we’ll get you to stand up. Okay?”

Yazan nodded as he struggled to breathe through a new contraction. Randy looked incredibly concerned as he saw Yazan holding his breath.

“Yaz, you need to breathe through the contractions. Like this..” Randy tried to help Yazan slowly breathe as the contraction slowly died down.

“Ahh, that was a rough one, Randy!” Yazan lightly chuckled. Randy didn’t find it humorous as it looked like Yazan was about to pass out from the pain.

“Alright, we’re going to help you stand up now, Yazan, okay?” Anna put on her best doctor’s voice. Randy looked up and smiled at Anna as she took the lead. “Mike, can you help Randy lift Yazan?”

Mike quickly scrambled across to Yazan, as he and Randy helped bring Yazan to his feet. Yazan groaned loudly as he felt the babies dig further into his hips.

“This hurts so fucking badly, Mike. Fuck you!”

Randy mumbled to Mike as Yazan moaned, “What’s that phrase, you’re in the shitter?” Mike glared back at Randy, while Randy smirked back at him.

[maybefae]

Messages From Your Forever Person

Pile 1 - Pile 2 - Pile 3

Remember, this is a general reading and it may not resonate for everyone or completely. Tarot is a tool to help guide but you are responsible for your actions and life, you choose your path.

Just a note!: I don’t like doing general love readings because I don’t feel like they are as personal as, well, personal love readings, but I had the urge to make one. Your forever person can be what you consider your significant other, long-term partner, or future spouse.

Tips!

|Pile 1

Tarot: King of Pentacles, The Fool, Ace of Pentacles, Three of Pentacles, Black Numen, Six of Wands, Knight of Pentacles, Three of Swords, Ace of Swords, The Star, Ten of Cups (Bottom of the Deck:

Oracle: Uplift, Forgiveness, Consistency

You know how the planet Jupiter is the defender of our solar system? How Jupiter pulls asteroids away from Earth and even take the hits itself? That’s the energy of this person. As soon as I pulled the cards, I got the feeling of comfort from a strong and stable energy. I must say, this person also has a comforting smile and as soon as you look at them, your nerves will instantly be soothed. They feel like they are standing beside me, hands in pockets, as they watch me write this. They could have a favorite cream cable knit sweater that they like to wear as soon as there’s a chill in the air. 

They are very patient and have the mentality of “it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be done”. You could suffer from anxiety, but I feel this panicked and shaky energy coming from you. I don’t know if you used to be yelled at or punished for doing something wrong by a parent or partner, but it feels like you are terrified of doing anything around your forever person at first. And there are cards here that are telling me that you have been hurt in the past. It seems like this could be the first safe and healthy partner you’ve had. This could just be the first partner you’ve ever had and now you're 20/25+ years old and you don’t know what you’re doing, which brings out this anxiety towards this relationship. But your partner here holds a lot of patience and comfort for you! They really love you. Honestly, this is really fucking close to unconditional love (which is rare). They hold no judgement towards how you operate now because of your past, absolutely not. And they want you to know that. It’s like they have told you this but you continuously don’t believe them, which does hurt them a little ngl. The Jupiter reference could be what this was for. They will take the small hurts you do but persistently and consistently show up until you believe in their love for you. And it’s not that you don’t know, but there is a voice in your head that makes you doubt often even if there isn’t proof of those thoughts. 

God, pile 1, they love you. They are such a steady energy. They are also very stable in the physical and spiritual realms. They are a very hard worker and would do anything to help your dreams become a reality. Your dreams are their dreams and vice versa. They really just want a peaceful home life with you honestly; they like the simple things. I think a good personality reference would be the husband to the pregnant wife in Kiki’s Delivery Service. 

They really want me to drive home the message of forgiving yourself, pile 1. Sure, your actions or thoughts do hurt them sometimes, but they don’t really want that to be the focus. They want you to be aware that they do but in a way to help you heal. They aren’t your past partner, they aren’t going to react like your parent, they aren’t playing you just because you haven’t had a partner. It’s heartbreaking that you would dare to even compare them to others. Maybe this person hides a lot of their hurt not to upset you and this is a hurdle that they have to work through. It’s only really coming out towards the end so that’s why I want to say that. 

I think this message was to let you know how the beginning part of your relationship will be like. They just want to make you aware of it, maybe so you can comfort the insecurities you have so the beginning won’t be as difficult.

|Pile 2

Tarot: Ten of Swords, Queen of Pentacles, Six of Swords, The Hierophant, Three of Pentacles, King of Cups, Three of Cups, The Sun, King of Pentacles, Seven of Pentacles, The High Priestess, The Moon

Oracle: The Moon (again!), Wept Breath, The Chariot, Vulnerability, Divinity, Sacred

Before I pulled the cards, I heard six months to a year or eight weeks. I don’t like to do timing but that’s what I heard. So if that feels right to you, then take it. Or somewhere between a waning crescent and a waning gibbous moon.

Honestly, they are just happy to be here. I think they were ready to give up on love after so many failed attempts and heartbreak before you came along. And you honestly could’ve sworn off love too but you saw them and was like “I want that one.” This is the black cat, golden retriever pile. Raven and Beast Boy, Maleficent and Diaval, or Roger Rabbit and Jessica Rabbit. 

The vulnerability oracle strongly comes from your side. It does come from theirs but they admit that they were practically enchanted by you. “The idea of giving up on love was a stupid idea on their part, sorry your highness, that was my bad.” They just folded and they would happily fall under any love spell you send their way. They are obsessed with you, in the most healthy way possible. They are banging the table with their fist, credit card in hand. There’s an energy that you were in the same room with them and kept your eye on them because you were drawn to how “pathetic” they were. You couldn’t help yourself so you gave in. There’s also an energy of “of course, you’re the fated one to be with me.” You two end up talking and you could kinda bust their balls a little, tease and be a little sassy, but they keep up with you and “pass your little test.” 

I don’t think they were necessarily a player in the past but they had quite a few lovers and most of them played your person. They could have the vibe of one just from how cheeky and flirty they are but those thoughts are soon squashed with you seeing how pathetically devoted they are to you. They are just a lover at their core, they like to keep things light and fun, but they also know how to be serious and fix any issue that comes up in the relationship. They would truly do anything for you. This could come from an insecurity of not getting the love they needed from their past partners so they are overcompensating to keep you in love with them. :( 

Are these the older daughters/siblings that I usually get? There could be something here that they have a pretty put-together family and you’re the first partner that the family actually loves. You could honestly get the love and care that you missed out on with their family. 

God, I keep seeing your partner looking at you with the biggest heart eyes and they do this all the time, which could make you so flustered. This could be one of the things about them that honestly gets you to melt a little and lower some walls you have up. This feels like a love that you probably didn’t get to experience in your teen years but this will span on until you're old and wrinkly. They will carry the “honeymoon phase” through the rest of your lives. You know those videos that people make of their parents being in love and fooling around? That’s you two! 

There’s just an overall feeling of excitement coming from them. They could talk about you a lot to their friends and family, but not in a bragging way. They are just so happy with you and thinks you’re the most beautiful person they have ever seen. I heard “A wish I didn’t know I was wishing for.”

|Pile 3

Tarot: Two of Cups, King of Swords, The Hermit, The Fool, ? Dreamworld (reconnection), Six of Wands, Two of Wands, Four of Pentacles, Five of Cups, The Chariot (rest, feeling at home)

Oracle: Serenity, Sincerity, Respite, Surrender

If this resonates, this could be a lover you had that had passed away.

For others, this pile is for the ones who believe in lifetimes before the one you’re currently living. Energy is recycled after all. This is the more mystical pile. 

Your person here has a large energy and could come off as cold and intimidating. They have come to me wearing all black, leather boots, and darker hair. They have very muscular arms and a broad chest, very tall. They could be goth. This could’ve been them in the past life or that is how they show up in this lifetime. They have their head down as they stand beside me and there is an energy of wanting you to know they are here. Their soul does watch over you and guide you but they may stay quiet and don’t give you many signs or messages that they are around. But I suppose they came through today to say hi! 

They are very protective over you and they think you’re a ray of sunshine that graces their life. They aren’t one to show many emotions nor really speak them out, but you accept this and know that you are deeply loved. They know you doubt that they even exist or if they are coming or if they love you and so they are very hesitantly showing up through this reading to say that “I’m on my way” and “just sit tight.” They could have a deeper voice. They could give you reassurance if you ask for it, by the way! They want me to specify that so they don’t come across as heartless. I think you’re the only one that they truly love with their whole being and they do make it known, but if you need a little verbal reassurance, all you gotta do is ask. They are a cat person.

There is something here that you may have lived in timelines where they never got to exist in, like it has been a long while since you two have been together. I heard, “I waited for the right time.” There could’ve been timelines where your lives probably wouldn’t have worked together or it was going to end in tragedy “like the one I met you in.” So they had to wait. And they watched over you through each timeline. Everytime you didn’t get to live a happy lifetime or if your partner of any lifetime didn’t treat you right, it would make your person terribly upset and they couldn’t do anything about it. They are very upset while they show this to me, angry and frustrated. But this lifetime is the one where you two will finally be together. 

You could feel like you are meant to be someone, like a little void spot where your soul is…and you could be waiting out until you meet this person. You actually could’ve done this for the past three lifetimes (which you probably lived more happily than others). And this could’ve been a lifetime where you planned to do the same thing, but your person is coming in. You will be suspicious but you will probably be very enamoured by them. They are different than others and stand out to you. I think they like to rub your back because I just got the feeling of someone doing that to me. They let you be your bubbly and lively self and actually love that about you. They have complete trust in you. They may be on the more quiet/shy side but you two work together perfectly. You two can rest easy in this lifetime. 

Dividers: @inklore

[bitethedemon]

Daggers, Poison, and Shiny Things (Lucanis x Reader x Illario): Chapter 3

<-Last Chapter

Link to this fic on AO3

Tags: Slow burn, De Riva Reader, Eventual Smut, Messy Love Triangles

Fic summary: You lost everything in Rivain: your family, your home, and your hopes of ever becoming a seer. Treviso offered you revenge, but you were not prepared for the loneliness you would find amongst the Crows. The busiest assassin in Antiva became your only friend. That is, until he died and left you alone to pick up the pieces of yourself and his devastated cousin.

Imagine then, that your dead old flame shows up after a year, very much alive, with a very loud demon at his side and a hot new boss, while you have to explain that you are now dating his cousin. Don't you just hate it when that happens?

WARNING: NSFW Content, Toxic Relationships, Baby-trapping

“How do you work like this?” Viago asked and gestured to your worktable in the laboratory. “No order, ingredients thrown around, solution on the table. River…”

“Good morning to you too,” you mumbled. “There is order to my chaos.”

“A moronic thing to say,” Viago said and started sorting through your mess. “There is no order to chaos. That is why it is called chaos.”

He sighed and swore under his breath in Antivan as he began tidying up your workspace. It had been Viago’s laboratory once. He was a master poison-maker, the best the Crows had to offer, but now he left most of the grunt work to you. 

He looked at you out of the corner of his eye as he tidied up.

“What is you and Illario’s deal?” he asked.

You briefly looked up at him.

“I thought you didn’t care about my love life…”

“I don’t,” he said quickly. “But you are a de Riva. If something is going on, it will reflect badly on all of us. I would simply like to know in advance of the rumors.”

It was all bullshit, of course. Viago was big on gossip even though he acted like he was above it. His nose was solidly planted in everyone’s business.

“Why would you assume that whatever is going on is bad?” you asked. “What have you heard?”

“Nothing…” he said with a frown and a shrug.

He poured a healthy dose of various poisons into his morning coffee. He placed them in front of you afterwards. It was something he had urged you to do when you started working as a poison-maker. A little each day so that you could build up tolerance for your own poisons. You started measuring and pouring a little from each vial into your own cup.

“Although—”

There it was.

“I have seen him walking around slightly inebriated these last couple of days, and Teia swore she saw him flirting with someone a couple of days ago.”

You sighed deeply. Illario really was pissed at what you had said. 

“What do you want me to do about it?” you asked a bit too sharply.

“Well do something,” Viago said and sipped his coffee. “You will look like an idiot if people see him going behind your back. It is shameful.”

“He’s the idiot.”

“Okay, you are both idiots,” he said with a shrug. “Are you happy? Fix it.”

“He proposed to me,” you said calmly.

Viago choked violently on his coffee. He coughed and waved his finger around in the air to signify that he definitely had something to say about that once he was done dying.

“Don’t he dare,” he wheezed in a firm tone and coughed again. “Don’t you dare. I did not invest all this time in you for you to become a Dellamorte. Not that any of the families would approve. Is he—”

“I know,” you said. “I told him that too. I didn’t say yes, obviously. I’m not stupid…Don’t tell anyone.”

Viago opened his mouth to start ranting again before the door to the laboratory opened. It was Lucanis.

“This conversation isn’t over,” Viago said to you before grabbing his coffee and leaving.

He shut the door behind him. Lucanis looked from the door to you.

“Trouble?”

“When isn’t there?” you said with a sigh and then looked up at him with a smile. “Hi.”

He gave you a small smile and walked over to you. He placed a tin container on the table.

“I brought you food,” Lucanis said. “Couscous with mint and bell peppers.”

Your smile widened. It warmed your heart. You had missed his attempts at making Rivaini food dearly. It always tasted amazing, even though it had that distinct Antivan taste that he never quite managed to fix. Not that you ever had the heart to tell him.

“That’s so nice of you,” you said. “I haven’t had Rivaini food in ages, actually. How do you find time to cook when you’re doing…whatever it is you and your new allies are doing?”

He leaned on the edge of the table and looked at what you were doing.

“I don’t sleep,” he said with a shrug. “I try to do something productive with the time.”

You looked up at him. He did look like he had not slept in days. There were dark circles under his eyes.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” you asked with slight worry in your tone.

“Spite,” he said. “He takes over my body when I sleep. So, I don’t.”

You nodded and could not help looking at Spite. He looked as if he was simply listening in on the conversation, though he was observing you intensely. Lucanis cleared his throat in an awkward manner. You blinked and turned your attention back to him.

“Sorry,” you said and shook your head. “He’s difficult to ignore.”

“You are telling me,” Lucanis said with a tired smile.

He most likely wasn’t fond of you seeing him that way, or he was scared of how Spite might act if given too much attention. You decided to change the subject since he seemed uncomfortable.

“Why are you in Treviso?”

He tilted his head slightly.

“Illario didn’t tell you?” he asked.

You weren’t sure if you should tell him that you two were having trouble. Lucanis sure didn’t need more things to worry about, so you simply shook your head.

“He has some information for us,” Lucanis explained. “We are supposed to meet with him at Café Pietra.”

We. 'We', meaning him and Rook. They were just casually going to one of Lucanis’ favorite places in Treviso. That didn’t bother you in the least, obviously…

“Right…” you said quietly.

Then silence fell over both of you. You both just stood there for a moment. It was hard to put a finger on it, but everything was so just odd between the two of you. As if there was an invisible wall between you that hadn’t ever been there before. You hated it.

“Right,” you repeated and scratched your neck awkwardly.

You moved to one of the many bookshelves along the wall to pull out a book. It was one of those he had once given you. You looked through it and bookmarked two chapters with strips of paper before handing it over to him.

“Here,” you said. “You can borrow this. There are a few chapters on seer meditation and how to move out of trance after a possession. I don’t know…It might be helpful.”

He smiled when he recognized the book as one of the ones he gave you.

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” you said and smiled back at him.

“NO BOOK. Help. Us,” Spite hissed. “River is SAFE. Help Lucanis. FREE US!”

Lucanis’ eyes closed and his jaw clenched for a moment.

 “I…need to go. Good luck with Viago,” he said.

“NO!” Spite hissed in frustration.

You nodded and watched him leave in slight puzzlement. Free…us? You couldn’t stop wondering what Spite had meant by that. Something more was going on than just an unruly spirit.

You were tired. You had just closed down the laboratory and were on your way home. You heard close steps behind you and then an arm wrapped around your waist. You jumped slightly and turned to see Teia smiling up at you.

“River…” she said in a low, conspiratorial tone. “One of my fledgling’s just came back here from the bar down the street. The Sun.”

You knew of the Setting Sun, of course. It was Illario’s favorite spot to drink himself into a stupor. You already had a hunch were this was going.

“Yeah?”

“They saw Illario practically eating the face of some poor girl down there. It would just be a shame if you caught him red-handed.”

You felt a flare of anger in your stomach. Your jaw clenched and you looked at Teia.

“Thank you,” you said.

“Give him my best regards,” she said with a smile. “Don’t go easy on him.”

There were so many excuses. Illario could not quite figure out if he should play the victim card or the aggressive card. He was drunk, of course, so that did not help in the least. You had found him with the girl sitting on his lap. Now you were loudly arguing outside the bar.

“You are no different from everyone else,” he snapped at you. “You don’t love me. I am just the next best thing to him, isn’t that it?”

“If I wanted to be with Lucanis, you and I would not be together!” you yelled at him. “You have humiliated me. How stupid do you think I am, Illario?”

“I have humiliated you?” he hissed. “Do you think it is not humiliating to know that you will ever only see me in his shadow? That you will not even marry me?”

“I won't marry you because it is a ridiculous idea,” you snapped back. “Don’t you play the victim with me right now. You went behind my back.”

“As if you have only ever been upfront with me,” he said with a scoff. “Don’t you think I notice how you look at him? How you still pine after him? I hope I was a good replacement until the real thing came back.”

“Oh, shut up,” you gritted out in frustration.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” he said bitterly. “Hm? He still visits you as if nothing has happened. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“You weren’t a fucking replacement!” you snapped at him. “Lucanis and I are still friends, yes, but I love you. We needed each other at a moment in our lives when we both had nothing, and I am loyal to that. Which is why it hurts so much to see that you cannot pay the same respect to me.”

He sneered at you. He ran his hand over his face, shook his head, and sighed.

“It doesn’t matter…” he said with a bitter scoff. “You are going to leave me. Everyone does eventually. My parents, Lucanis, Caterina, and now you. It doesn’t matter what I do.”

He was playing dirty with his sad eyes and bitter tone. It pissed you off to no end. You groaned in frustration and kicked the wall behind you hard. Gods, you wanted to strangle him sometimes.

You closed your eyes, took a few deep breaths, and then looked at him.

You shouldn’t forgive him. You were better than that. Had you been back in your village in Rivain and had you two been married, he would have been shunned from the community for what he just did. You really shouldn’t…

You gave another frustrated groan and then walked up to him until you were in his face.

“If I ever catch you with another woman again, you will wish that I had left you now,” you growled at him. “You humiliate me like this again, Illario, and not even death will give you peace from my anger. Do you understand?”

It was clear in his eyes that he was torn between whether he should let you speak to him like that or if he should simply agree with you. He had not seen this side of you like this before and it clearly threw him for a loop. You were raised in a society where a man should feel honored if a woman like you looked at him twice. Illario grew up in a society that told him that everyone should bow and scrape around him.

He eventually gave you a curt nod and put his hands on your hips. You slapped his hands away.

“You reek of her,” you said with utter disdain.

You turned and walked home, leaving him there alone.

You had removed the key to your house from where it usually was hidden. You did not want to even look at him. You were tired and you were pissed off.

Of course, removing the key did nothing more but send a message that you did not want him there. Illario found a way inside anyway, to no surprise. It was late in the evening when you heard some commotion from your bedroom. You grabbed a knife from your kitchen before going upstairs.

You swung the door open and pointed the knife at him.

“No,” you said firmly and pointed to the window he had come from with the knife. “Go.”

He looked like he had somewhat sobered up since you had yelled at him a few hours ago. He was not impressed with the knife. He knew as well as you did that you had never been good with them. His expression said as much when he looked down at the knife and then smiled at you in slight amusement.

You raised a brow in challenge and slammed the knife down on the top of the drawer beside you. A flash of fire emerged from your hand instead. He frowned slightly then.

“Don’t be like that,” he said.

“I have nothing more to say to you tonight, Illario,” you said. “Leave. I am not playing this game with you.”

“I am not here to play games, love,” he said in an almost pleading tone. “I thought we agreed to put it to rest. You’re sorry, I’m sorry… I just wanted to see you. We’re fine, no?”

Gods, he could be so thickheaded sometimes. You glared at him.

“So let us move on,” he said and slowly walked towards you. “I’ve missed you...”

You did not extinguish the flame in your hand. His eyes flicked from it to you.

“We both know you won’t throw that.”

The flame grew bigger, and your fingers twitched. He took a small step back.

“What do you want me to do? Hm?” he said with a hint of frustration.

“What do I want?” you repeated his question in an irritated voice. “I want you to leave, Illario. Instead, you are here acting as if everything is completely fine. As if you wouldn’t have fucked that girl, had I not intervened.”

“River, amore,” he said in an exasperated voice as if what you were saying was unreasonable. “We talked about this. I was in a bad state of mind. It should never have happened. I told you.”

“I need time.”

He sighed and looked from the flame to your face again. You saw how he relaxed his body language, and you had been around enough assassins to know it was a ruse. You tensed and readied yourself to move away.

He got ahold of you before you could even flinch. He wrapped his arms around both of yours and forced your arms down, making you to extinguish the flame so as to not set fire to yourself. He turned you around and wrapped one arm loosely around your neck and the other tightly around your middle and arms.

“You are cute when you’re jealous,” he spoke into your ear. “Please, love. Don’t be like this.”

You gave a low, irritated groan at his words. It wasn’t his first time pissing you off and then trying to fix it with honeyed words like this. You just felt stupid that it always somehow worked on you.

He slowly kissed his way from your neck to your ear.

“It was hot when you yelled at me earlier,” he said and bit the lobe of your ear. “I’ve missed you so much…”

He pressed himself against your ass and you felt that familiar stir of arousal in your stomach. You cursed yourself for giving in so easily. He loosened his grip on you when he felt you becoming calmer. You turned around to face him.

“Never again,” you said firmly.

“Never…” he agreed.

You sighed. You leaned forward and kissed him. He smiled against your lips and began walking you backwards towards the bed.

He pushed you gently to sit on the bed and started unbuttoning his pants. You sighed internally but took the hint when he started running his hand through your hair. You really ought to bite it off, you morbidly thought to yourself as you started to kiss your way up his shaft, it would save you so many problems with this man.

His breath hitched when your lips closed around him. His grip on your hair tightened slightly when you did. His thumb ran gently over your ear.

“You are so beautiful like this,” he murmured. “Don’t stop.”

You didn’t. You took him as deep as you could go without gagging, eliciting a low groan from him.

You knew this little dance of yours, because you had done it so many times. Illario was a selfish lover. You didn’t particularly mind taking care of him like this, but it was slightly infuriating at times like these where he had been an asshole. Still, you liked making him feel good.

He pulled out of your mouth after a while and helped you out of your clothes. He grabbed your hips and turned you so that you were on all fours in front of him. He ran his fingers over your folds, teasing your clit for only a moment before one of his fingers entered you. You were already wet, which in Illario’s head meant that not much more foreplay was needed.

His fingers pressed into the soft flesh of your hips before he sank his cock into you with a groan. He leaned down to kiss your back. His hands moved from your sides to your chest to play with your tits. He began driving into you in a slow steady rhythm.

“You are mine, aren’t you?” he mumbled into your ear.

“Yes,” you moaned.

He groaned and his thrusts became quicker.

“And you won’t leave me,” he said breathlessly as he moved. “When I become First Talon, we will get married, and no one will be able to take you from me.”

You were used to Illario babbling nonsense when fucking you. You mostly tuned it out, but the First Talon thing was a new one. His thrusts became deeper and harder. He leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“You should have seen how he eye-fucked that elven girl the other day,” he hissed into your ear. “I doubt he ever flirted with you like that. He doesn’t deserve you. He never did.”

You bit the inside of your cheek and tried your hardest to ignore him. He was close. You knew it from the way he bit your neck and shoulders. Your hand went to your clit and you started rubbing it in circles. He fucked you harder, and with your own help, you managed to come half a second before he did.

Though this time, he did not pull out like he had done millions of times before. You panicked when he bottomed out and came deep inside you.

“Are you fucking stu—”

He grabbed you in a way that made sure you couldn’t move, and he pressed you facedown down into the mattress.

“I’m serious about this, River,” he growled into your ear. “I want you.”

You winced as the contents of the bottle violated your tastebuds and went down your throat. You had to make a potion that would ensure you did not get pregnant from Illario’s spontaneous desire for fatherhood. Everything was such a mess right now. What the fuck was up with him these days?

Viago entered at some point and started speaking at you: Something, something, remember to request new ingredients, something, something, five batches behind.

“Are you listening, River?”

“No,” you mumbled absentmindedly.

“I would ask if your ears were for decoration, but I have seen how they look and know that cannot be the case,” Viago chided harshly. “What is wrong with you?”

“So many things,” you mumbled tiredly and started noting down ingredients on a piece of paper. “I’m only three batches behind. I’ll get the remaining two done today.”

“Hey,” Viago said and snapped his fingers in front of your face to catch your attention. “You are not focused. What happens when we are not focused?”

“Mistakes.”

“Correct,” he said, and his tone softened slightly. “Is this because of Illario? Teia told me of his little…fling. I did tell you to do something.”

“We made up,” you said absentmindedly.

You could almost hear Viago roll his eyes across the room. As if he and Teia were any better...

You turned to face him. You needed to talk to someone. You had three someones: Illario, Lucanis, and Viago. One was the problem, the other was riddled with other problems, so there was just Viago left.

“He’s sure he’ll become First Talon,” you said. “Like dead sure. It’s weird.”

“Illario? First Talon?” Viago let out a rare laugh. “Are you serious?”

“It’s weird, don’t you think?” you said, putting the thoughts that had swirled around in your head since he first mentioned it into words. “I mean Caterina just died, his cousin just came back, and now he has mentioned it to me twice.”

“Why does he think that?” Viago asked. “We both know that if another Dellamorte were to take the place of First Talon after Caterina, it would not be Illario.”

“I didn’t ask,” you said with a shrug. “But it’s weird.”

“Someone says something like that, and you don’t think to ask?” Viago asked with a scoff. “He could be planning something.”

“Well, please do forgive me,” you said sarcastically. “Illario was in the middle of proposing the first time he said it, and the second time, he was inside me. It didn’t really seem like the time to bring it up.”

Viago’s face soured as if he had just taken a bite of something utterly disgusting. He raised his finger at you.

“Don’t ever say those words in that order to me ever again,” he said.

You smiled. Making Viago uncomfortable was one of the few joys in life. It was painfully easy.

“I will send someone to sniff around a bit,” he said. “Keep this between us for now, yes?”

You nodded.

[impala124]

I feel like I gotta let you talk about why you like Vegas now bc I had so little to say!

Vegas belongs to the list of fictional men I would never introduce to someone new. Like, if they get him, it's well and good, and if they don't, that too is fine. So Shan, I get having very little to say about Vegas.

I also understand not being that into Kinnporsche. Other than the fact that it was beautifully shot, my only reasons for sticking around (initially) were my beloved Tankhun and the rivalry between Kinn and Vegas. Kinnporsche, for all its faults as a series, not having a coherent plot being one of them 🤷, gave us very interesting characters and inter-personal dynamics.

How I feel about this character

I love him. Don't get me wrong, he is not a good person, nor does he pretend to be one. He is not a reformed person who will only do good deeds post-canon.

My (not so healthy) reasons for liking Vegas boil down to

His self-loathing tendencies

His filial piety towards his father, however undeserved it might be

His competence at being the head of a mafia family

Thinking about post-canon Vegas is so interesting because everything he thought he wanted out of his life is gone—his father is dead, Porsche is now the head of the minor family, and he has Pete, a romantic partner in ways he never imagined he could/would.

So, his character arc isn't complete; he has to figure out who he is as a person outside of his rivalry with Kinn.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Only Pete!! I couldn't subject anyone else to be on the receiving end of my little manipulator's romantic affections, lol.

And people say that romance is dead!!! One of my reasons for shipping them together is the evitability of their relationship. It didn't happen because someone was pulling the strings behind a curtain or because one person had an agenda while pursuing the other. It's about seeing yourself in the other person and understanding them. In short, they match each other's freaks.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Let's be honest, all of us wondered where Vegas and Porsche would go after the bike ride scene.

Love Vegas and Macau's relationship. There is a lot of love there and an instinct to protect him from their father's abuse. Love me a good protective older sibling ❤️

My unpopular opinion about this character

I wasn't active on this site when the show was airing, so I don't know if these are unpopular opinions. But, I do see a lot of fics depicting Kinn and Vegas as being almost friendly towards each other post-canon, and I'm like, how? I don't know; I just can't see that happening in a million years. Also, Vegas as a father? I know that this happens in the books, which I haven't read and never plan on reading. He has a long way to go before even thinking about fatherhood, and I don't believe he is someone who aspires to be one. So, yeah, I can't reconcile the image of Vegas as a father with the Vegas in my head.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wish we got to see him wearing more red, because he is a fucking vision.

I also wish we got more of Tankhun and Vegas. I could see them fighting over Pete a lot. Also, hours of footage of him just cooking, for my indulgence.

Give me a character ask game

[scriptlgbt]

Hello, hope you are doing well. I am currently trying to make an Aromantic Asexual character that is a sociopath. I believe there is a negative stereotype around these two parties that they are cold and unloving and would like to try portray and show people that hey they are human and are capable of love. However, I'm slightly hesitant to do so since I don't want to play into the stereotype. Please send advice! ( Also have a fantastic day)

This advice is going to lean on the "sociopath" term a bit because I have more advice to give on the topic, and it's also not something we've explored in this way before on the blog.

I have some biases here because I have a Cluster B personality disorder (a cluster which includes disorders that are often labelled as "sociopath"). The term sociopath is generally considered outdated at best and derogatory at worst, with people mainly only using the term to harken to a legacy of criminalizing and institutionalizing people who don't express care for others in a way that is legible to others, or whose care is not expressed in a healthy way.

Based on your wording here, I'm assuming that you are using the term in an earnest way to describe a neurodivergent experience, and do not believe in these ableist assumptions yourself.

Because of this, I would recommend determining more specifically what you mean by "sociopath," and then dropping the term. Do you mean low/no empathy? Do you mean a specific disorder (and which one)? What does this look like for them, and what does their emotional and mental experience feel like for them? There are resources out there for learning more about what these things feel like for people who have low/no empathy, or who have disorders that are categorized this way, but I think if it is not a thing that you experience, I would tread with a lot of caution and find a beta reader or sensitivity reader with these experiences who is comfortable talking about this with you.

Re: Aroace - there are people who are asexual and aromantic who have had pretty much every experience and identity alongside this. What makes a stereotype harmful is when:

They are the only representation.

They are not written as 3-dimensional characters with feelings and thoughts, identities and experiences that transcend these labels.

These can be countered by having more characters of the same identity who vary from the character you are concerned with, and making the characters all as multi-faceted as possible. You may not be able to explore every character's whole lives in depth in front of the reader, but to a reader, it still matters that this intricate life they have is implied and hinted at within the context.

But that is generally good writing advice, in my opinion. So many authors have characters that are written to fit a role within the life of the protagonist. Best friends are there to fawn over them and be supportive, but don't have hobbies or interests or an unrelated life thing going on offscreen. When you write, ask yourself, could someone feel inspired to write fanfiction of this character? Is there enough that they could put them in an AU and they would still be recognizably them? Or do they only exist by their relationship to the protagonist?

mod nat

[technically-human]

Ooh, now that we’ve seen N!Edwin and DP!Edwin talk about Feelings could we see the same with N!Charles and DP!Charles?

As simple as that.

Edwins version

ko-fi

[stuckinapril]

.

[dykedvonte]

Preston x Danse is the only companion ship I think would actually work because Preston’s inner turmoil is sort of a loss of faith in himself due to the traumatic experiences he’s faced while Danse is looking for something to have faith in and would find the fact that despite the desire to give up Preston held out so long not just for the honor of the Minutemen but because he had some hope.

It would 100% start off as a lotta unhealthy on Danse’s side as I believe he completely lacks the emotional intelligence (due to a combination of factors) to recognize the he’s feelings as anything but a sort of respect for a superior along with leaning too much into Preston as a substitute for the BoS. Preston may not really have a title but he’s like THE Lieutenant of the Minutemen. Realistically he’s the only companion Danse would probably be comfortable taking instructions from especially for how trusted Preston is by the Sole Survivor and his adherence to military standards despite how unstructured the Minutemen are. It would be him waiting for orders, approval, anything from Preston and he thinks it’s just the desire to have the regiment of the BoS again but he also like when Preston compliments him on being useful or resourceful. He likes the stories of Minuteman glory days and he trades the stories of the BoS that don’t hurt to talk about. He likes the familiarity Preston would provide and he’d be oblivious that it’s not just new found loyalty to the Minutemen.

Yet Preston explains it himself that he’s not a natural leader. He’s not an instructor. He helps manage what the General has put in place and he content on doing that. He relays what needs to be done and does major upkeep but I don’t think he’d know what to do with this guy this literally marches up to him and practically begs for a mission that doesn’t exist. Like the formality and respect is nice but he can tell it’s covering something even if Danse doesn’t.

Danse could go to Sturges for the many repair and upkeep assignments he gives him and has the freedom to go straight to the Castle if he really wants a big mission, but he chooses to come to him everytime. He’s aware enough that Danse only trusts him out of all of the Generals confidantes but it would take a bit for him to understand why. If anything Danse should be strategizing with him as equals seeing as he almost got the Minuteme wiped out and Danse was a Paladin for the Brotherhood with many successes under his belt before Preston even led his first scouting mission. It’s like he sees him as some figure of hope, some one who can come in and add stability. Someone with a fresh outlook who can provide a new perspective for him.

It’s like he sees him like he saw/sees the Sole Survivor but that would be crazy because that would also mean… and then oh, it clicks.

The revelation is both flattering and he doesn’t know what to do with it cause how do you address “I know you respect me but is that the only feeling you have for me?” To the guy who like refuses to rest unless you tell him at ease? He has to reevaluate his whole manner of interaction with Danse cause this is a very slippery slope that he’s sliding down and it’s even more perilous due to Danse’s repressed emotions regarding… everything. There’s an equal chance Danse will try to open up as completely shut down and he’s not just concerned about it cause Sole Survivor cares for him but because he has grown to care for the guy too. It’s not like he doesn’t also enjoy Danse’s company and value as a Minuteman member. He’s not a love at first sight guy but he’s played with the idea, anyone would when you’ve spent nights trading stories, historical facts and beers by the fire in a little home you’ve carved for yourself through literal blood, sweat and tears.

I think it’s one of those cases where it’s agonizingly slow to the actual relationship but neither part are anguished about that. If anything happened to soon Danse would be too dependent and Preston not equipped to handle it. It’s a case where I genuinely think they’d bring out the best in each other cause theyd want to figure out what is best for the other and not just apply what they think is the best. It’s the care that Preston would ask Danse what he wants to do and encourage it and at the same time Danse would be incredulous everytime Preston second guesses himself.

Long story short it’s a good ship to me because it’s just two guys with broken confidences and faith in their roles being each other’s hype man and kissin a little about it.

[superkitten-poison]

velvette to me is soo the girl who got bullied in middle school and never got over it and now wants to be the bully every chance she gets

[rawliverandgoronspice]

one thing you must understand about me extremely fast is that the only pairings that make any sense to me are those where it's the worst idea you've ever heard and both participants are getting out of there in tatters

[lightgriffinsect]

Agoti is secure in the knowledge that he is the only one who can make Aldryx laugh since the Void, and so has no fear of anyone trying to steal his most important family member away from him

[thebirdandhersong]

But where do I put all this love? It's inside of me, growing and festering and threatening to explode out of me. Who do I give it to now? Where does it go? Where does it go to fade away? Where does it go to die a quiet death? There isn't a pair of familiar hands to receive it anymore, and no longer a welcoming mailbox waiting with its mouth open. Where does it all go and where should I put it? Who do I love now, the way I loved that boy?

[nomaishuttle]

uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it

[gibbearish]

love how literally every other r/offmychest post is someone going "my partner just asked about opening up the relationship, what do i do?" and the comments are "the relationship is dead, this is a horrible betrayal of your trust, break up with them you don't deserve this abuse"

[biolums]

why not mewhynot me whynotme whynotMEwhy Not Mewhy not me whynot me whynotme Whynot me WHYNOTME why not me. why not me