#im so overwhelmed rn. and i fucking feel like im going to die

[biolums]

why not mewhynot me whynotme whynotMEwhy Not Mewhy not me whynot me whynotme Whynot me WHYNOTME why not me. why not me

[gooopy]

Fml. I have mental illnesses for real fhat arent just garden variety anxiety and depression <- sorry it turned into a vent/rant in the tags. The perilous poster

[widevibratobitch]

.

[lxnarphase]

Please more Hikari and Todo. It's scratching this itch in my brain😩

━━ ❝ IF YOU WANT IT ❞

☾₊‧⁺...lunar's note : AAA yesyes this has been brewing for a while, i am happy to write hakari i love him so sooooo much!! and ive got another ask for a todo fic im workin on so this'll be hakari's piece <33 it a bit short bc ive got a bit of writers block rn bc of finals taking away my creativity, BUT I THINK ITS GOOD

☾₊‧⁺...cw : smut, pre-established relationship, unprotected sex, dirty talk, begging, mentions of creampies, mentions of birth control, reader makes the birth control decision herself not for the man!!! never get on birth control just cause a man says to!!, hakari nearly loses it

☾₊‧⁺...synopsis : you tell your boyfriend that you'd like to try sex with no condom and he can't help but get a little excited

"you...you what?"

the way you giggle makes him dizzy as you flicked the condom out of his hands with your middle finger and thumb. "you heard me, mr. hakari. no condom, baby girl is on birth control," you said in a singy-song voice. you made the decision a while ago and decided you were going to stick to it. "if you want to use a condom, we can, though, honey," you say, cupping one of his cheeks.

he looked so cute, jaw dropped as he kneels between your thighs, dick hard and twitching. "nonononono, i wanna try, i do, 'm just..." kinji lets out a heavy sigh before he shuffles a little closer. "c-can't believe you lettin' me d'this, cupcake..."

the poor thing, kinji looks so nervous, his eyes wide as he slowly, carefully, starts to push his tip in. if he's going to do this, he needs to commit, but fuck, your pussy was so hot, he feels like he's gonna die-- the moment his tip pops in, he is a goner. his head falls back and his fingers dig into the fat of your hips as a choked groan escapes him.

"hoooohmygod, baby, what the fuck," kinji swears, looking back down. he didn't wanna miss a single second of his cock pushing inside, but the view wasn't doing him any better. "you're so warm...are you always this wet, cupcake? fuck, i didn't know, baby, i didn't know."

you coo at him, how could you not when he already looks so fucked out? his pretty eyes are rolling back and his lip is between his teeth, the glint of his chain with your name on it dangling so pretty on his neck.

he's not moving yet, he's still inside you, so sure that he's going to lose himself inside of you. but then you start talking and he's so screwed because hearing you say such filthy things in that gorgeous, addictive voice of yours is kinji's weakness.

"c'mon, kinjiiii, you just gonna sit there?"

"mmn, poor thing, 's too good? you gonna cum just from puttin' it in?"

"d'aww, kinjiii...pussy made you fucked out already?"

yes. yes it fucking did.

weakly dropping down to his forearms over you, he presses a little kiss against your cheek before pressing his forehead against yours and glaring at you weakly. you know you've got him where you want him.

"doll, you're so cruel to me."

finally, finally, he starts moving and...it feels way too good.

"o-oh. mnn, kinji, shit," you swear, glancing down to where his cock is slowly dragging out of you just to push back in. "fuck, b-baby, you feel s' hot inside me..." the wet noise that fills the air as he slides back in to the hilt causes makes you both hot in the face, it's already getting messy and he hasn't even picked up the pace yet. he coos at you, kissing you once you begin to mewl his name. "i know, baby, i know, 's good, yeah?"

fuck, the sensation of being inside you without any barrier is intoxicating, overwhelming. kinji's pretty eyes fluttered closed for a moment as he allowed himself to feel every detail of your slick walls gripping him.

"talk t' me, angel, how's it feel, huh? c'mon, pretty baby, i wanna know," kinji whines, hips starting to pick up speed as he grows desperate to hear you say how good it feels.

but you don't even get to respond before he hits so fucking deep that you can feel yourself gush. the feeling of your hot, cushy walls hugging him so tightly paired with the pretty little gasp he gets when his sticky tip nudges against something that makes you get impossibly wetter makes him lose his mind.

"y'feel it, right? 's me, 's all me, an' i don't know if i can go back, baby girl, fuck! ohmygodd, you're so wet, so fucking wet for me."

"can i cum inside? you gonna let me fuck you full? hm? please, baby, i'll be so good to ya, let your man stuff you wit' his cum, 's gonna feel so fuckin' good, promise, promise."

"suckin' me in so good, 'm-'m gonna be in this pussy all the fuckin' time. you can handle it, right? gonna be a good girl and get fucked every. fucking. day. by hakari kinji? say it, i wanna hear you say it, cupcake."

"i love you, baby, y'know that right? yeah? yeah, love you s' fuckin' much, 'm gonna marry you and make sure you never have t' go a day without gettin' fucked raw by this cock, 's alllllll for you."

all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter my work

[7nsomnia]

it's so weird to me to feel like dc aren't doing enough things rn when for like 5/6 years I was constantly overwhelmed and felt like they were doing too much sometimes... rn I feel like there's nothing to look forward to except for like next comeback which I don't even want to be soon bc I want them to actually go on vacation and take a proper rest after a month on tour, but like tbh what did they do this year except for touring and having a cb (where they didn't even promote???)... handong did some radio shows.. sua got that variety stuff and her solo... they recorded some special clips... like. wtv im ride or die atp frankly but seeing dc's listeners on spotify decline so much as well as their yt views and interactions on social media in general is worriesome to me and ik perfectly that they AREN'T doing anything rn that actually secures their fandom. like where's the videos that fans can watch at the end of the day and get some good laughs out of etc... man, I'm just not feeling optimistic about their future if they keep on prioritizing touring over everything... kpop moves so fucking fast and they're already taking a hit. I need dcc to get it tgt already this is so tiring

[carpetbug]

what are ur fave songs for each character and WHY. ANALYSIS

omg thank u we’re in love now 😽

I have not updated these playlists in a while so a lot of them are songs i listened to in like 2020 lmao, heres a few from each :)

Marinette

Into the unknown (frozen 2) - original and cristina vees cover make me think so hard about marinette its crazy. her initially refusing to be ladybug, insistent that she couldnt do it but always coming back because she desperately wants to test those waters, see what shes meant to do and how it could change her.

Ladybug

Ribs (lorde) - how easily overwhelmed marinette gets and how her anxiety and stress almost force her to overthink every aspect of her life. I can see her getting this extreme tunnel vision where she cant see all the progress shes made, all the victories shes already had, and instead can only focus on how shes not doing enough, and its not fast enough, and its not good enough. it just really reminds me of how badly she wants to prove herself to be this strong and trustworthy hero, but she feels like shes losing herself as she grows and isolates herself more and more in the role of guardian and ladybug.

Adrien

Mamas boy (dominic fike) - he literally IS the mamas boy. what more can i say. also alludes to him being a sentimonster with the lines "when i was born, you were produced", "i wish i was a toy", "youre made from plastic im just blood".

Chat Noir

First love/late spring (mitski) - ok hear me out. how chat compensates for his family life with devoting himself to ladybug. "one word from you and i would jump off of this ledge im on" is exactly how he operates with her, being ready to throw himself in front of her, literally die for her if she ever said so. and she never does! she gets upset with him for doing it over and over! i just think this song depicts really well how chat noirs goal was always "do whatever I can to help ladybug, no matter what i may lose" while she had to watch him leave his life in her hands like it was nothing.

also including ships because obviously i have playlists for all lovesquare sides + other ships i’m silly about

Ladynoir

Show Yourself (frozen 2) - both the original and cristina vees cover (WHICH IS SO GOOD GO LISTEN TO IT RN) remind me so hardcore of ladynoir. the whole idea of ladybug finally coming to terms with showing chat who she truly is and being ready for the same from him, idk i can imagine an entire movie in my head of ladynoir reveal to this song. [fav lyrics: "I can sense you there, like a friend ive always known", "I have always been a fortress cold secrets deep inside. you have secrets too, but you dont have to hide", "you are the answer ive waited for all of my life"]

Blame (air traffic controller) - this is probably one of my all time favorite songs like fucking ever and tbh i can see it with all lovesquare sides but i feel like ladynoir is the best fit! Chat picking ladybug up when she falls down and constantly being there to remind her she was to get up and fight, theres no time to sit and pity and blame herself, and he wont let her. him being her voice of reason as she copes with losing almost everything to monarch, him grounding her and being one of her biggest motivations to go on! with how severely marinette overthinks and doubts herself, he just becomes a mantra of 'dont blame yourself' which she desperately needs [fav lyrics: "Dont blame yourself cause you tried as hard as hell with the hand that you were dealt", "get on your feet, enough 'poor me', if you got time to bitch and whine then theres still time to try again", "And the vultures they are circling overhead, theyre reminding me of choices from my past"]

Peach Scone (hobo johnson) - makes me think of early seasons ladynoir ;-; chat just being head over heels for ladybug, struggling with keeping his love platonic when he wants to be with her and know her. Also getting to kinda hear his side of ladybug saying shes already in love with someone, how he respects that but still is a bit of a flirt, and hides how much it hurts him. also i love hobo johnson. [fav lyrics: "She kinda loves him back, but not really, theyre just really good friends and thats fine, he understands, its rational", "Oh, you got a man? are you in love? so, what type?", "So i fall to the ground, collect myself and get ready to take over your heart or atleast your spare time"]

Talk to me (cavetown) - i am such a sucker for ladynoir comfort. the idea of them being there for each other at their lowest points, holding each other together. This whole song just makes me think so strongly of chat comforting ladybug when shes breaking down and needs someone. [fav lyric: "ill be here until youre okay, lets your words release your pain, you and i will share the weight"]

Could have been me (The struts) - GOD. THIS SONG. ITS SO LADYNOIR CODED TO ME. them hyping each other up!! keeping each other going!! being each others motivation to keep getting back up and fight!! i just love the idea of them constantly being there to pick each other up and remind them of what theyre fighting for. i could listen to this song forever i love it. I can also really hear "I cant hear you, I wont fear you" being a supportive call and response thing with them <3[fav lyrics: "I wanna taste love and pain, wanna feel pride and shame", "Don't wanna live as an unsung melody, i'd rather listen to the silence telling me i can't hear you, i won't fear you"]

Understood (leith ross) - i am a huuuuuge fan of leith ross so obv i love this song for ml. it just makes me think so much of a worn down, tired, sad chat just gushing and crying to ladybug about how he doesnt understand love, how his family dynamic impacts him, and just letting himself fall apart in her arms. and her relating! her feeling that same tiredness and guilt and ache about love and family and friends, how much invisible pressure is hanging over both their heads and only they understand it. [fav lyrics: "ill visit my family in living rooms that dont get cold cause blankets and body heat cant be compared when it only took you a week to grow old", "Im sick of attachments I recently learned I cant relax and im scared of myself, scared for my health, tell me youll take me back home", "im sick of the feeling that nothing will ever stand still"]

Struck by lightning (sara kays, cavetown) - this song just really makes me think about ladybugs devotion to chat. i just imagine chat being out in the middle of a storm at night and marinette seeing him from her window and joining him as lb to comfort him. her knowing hes not going to go inside, so she just sits and stays with him, insisting if hes going to get soaked and cold and possibly hit by lightning, shes going to do it with him. [fav lyrics: "If you don't respond, I'll put my shoes on and lay down on the pavement next to you if we get struck at least we'll make the news", "What a way to go out something this town will forever talk about the two kids who were laying down and struck by lightning in front of your house"]

She wants me (to be loved) (The happy fits) - literally early seasons ladynoir. she wants me! (to be loved). i think it just perfectly fits how in love with lb chat is and how its clear she cant give that to him. [fav lyrics: "so, you say you love me, but not the way I need, things are so close to what i want to be", "I cant stop feelin, i want her love but all my dreaming is not enough. so in the morning the sun will rise and ill wake up and she wont be mine", "why cant you love me here tonight?"]

Adrinette

I do adore (mindy gledhill) - marinette being head over heels for adrien and being her normal clumsy self. Falling over, rambling, making a huge fool of herself while adrien watches, completely oblivious to her crush. this song just really reminds me of how much marinette struggles with keeping herself calm around adrien, how shes always messing up words and doing the wrong thing, but he never freaks out at her and he never shames her for it. [fav lyrics: "when youre near i hide my blushing face and trip on my shoelaces", "Ive noticed youre remarkably relaxed and im overly uptight, we balance out each other nicely" "Tongue-tied, twisted, foot in mouth, i start to stutter ha-ha-heaven help me"]

Just a friend to you (meghan trainor) - early seasons adrinette <3 adrien being so painfully oblivious while marinette is struggling with balancing being his friend and her overwhelming feelings for him. [fav lyric: "so it breaks my heart when you say im just a friend to you cause friends dont do the things we do"]

Silly girl (chloe moriondo) - listen to this song rn! its so perfectly adrinette! its crazy! how marinette romanticizes adrien and kind of puts him on a pedestal at the beginning which leads to her ignoring how he doesnt fit into that idea shes molded of him. Her having to deal with the pain of being in silent love with him while he seems so far away, and turning that back around to use against herself. i just think it explain really well how marinette saw him in this perfect, unattainable bubble before they got closer and she realized he was nothing like his public image of perfection [fav lyrics: "im just a silly girl in a stupid dumb old world and he is perfect cause hes supposed to be", "he is perfect, unlike me, and how could i ever think that it was meant to be? and how could i ever think that anything was made for me?", "I made him perfect, cause i wanted him to be"]

Small (chloe moriondo) - this was originally intended to relate more towards marinette, but listening to it now with season 5 in my head it just screams adrien! how suddenly he falls for her and he cant get her out of his head! how in just a blink of an eye he is getting flushed when talking to her, hes wanting to be near her and talk to her, he wants to be with her! but shes pulling back from him and hes sort of unable to balance these new feelings AND respecting her boundaries because shes just the only thing he thinks about. i love simp boyfriend adrien. she fell first but he fell harder and no one can convince me otherwise [fav lyrics: "but im not used to dealing with feeling like im waisting your time", "ive never cared so much about avoiding overstepping, and when i think about you i forget about my hands" "endlessly try to make you smile cause whenever i see it my knees always get so weak"]

The one that got away (acoustic version - katy perry) - I am a mess over this song. i always imagine it as a post-reveal scenario in which something happened and ladybug lost chat in the fight against hawkmoth and found out he was adrien right as he died saving her. how badly she misses him and cant stop thinking about how he was the love of her life! having to go on living the rest of her life without him! shes unable to move past it and just spends her time thinking of all the things shed do if she still had him. in another life, they could still be happy together [fav lyrics: "we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world", "talk about our future like we had a clue, never planned that one day id be losing you"]

"Do you wanna be friends?" (leanna firestone) - Marinette breaking her own heart by having such a close friendship with adrien while being in love with him and knowing she cant do anything about it. Her desperately trying to convince herself she can be okay with a life with him as a friend and nothing more when obv she cant bc ouchie! her heart! [fav lyrics: "Do you wanna be friends? i mean, i wanna be more, but if friends is how i get to have you then sure", "The world wont end if you dont love me even if it feels that way"]

Marichat

If i could tell her (dear evan hansen) - i feel like this is a classic marichat song. like its been a marichat song for a hot minute but its still so them. chat comforting marinette about feeling like adrien doesnt notice her! and listing off things adrien 'told him about' and slowly realizing he does actually pay attention to all those small intimate things marinette does! he feels such a strong need to make sure marinette understands how important she is to adrien, and realizing how deep the disconnect between them two is [fav lyrics: "If i could tell her how shes everything to me but we're a million worlds apart and i dont know how i would even start", "And what do you do when the distance is too wide?"]

Drive (halsey) - i love this song for the idea of marinette and chat suppressing their feeling for each other because theyre 'supposed' to be in love with adrien and lb. for me it kind of paints a mental image of hangouts and games and memories between mari and chat that slowly become these intense, almost upsetting silences and tension. Just them desperately ignoring how deep their feelings for each other truly go and insisting everything remain surface level [ fav lyrics: "All we do is think about the feelings that we hide, all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign", "Your laugh echoes down the hallway, carves into my empty chest, spreads over the emptiness. its bliss", "Overanalyze again, would it really kill you if we kissed?",]

Comfort crowd (conan gray) - this song just really makes me think of chat being at a really low point and trying to hide it from marinette so he doesnt burden her with his emotions and baggage, and her just seeing right through it. Like hes smiling and trying to wave it off and she just knows hes not okay, and he just breaks. Ultimately it makes me think of chat turning to marinette for such deep and intimate comfort that purely comes from him being with her. just knowing hes safe to hold onto her and cry and shell be that company for him. [fav lyrics: "this hurt that im holding's getting heavy, but imma keep a smile on my shoulders til im sweaty", "my breaths getting short and im unsteady, welling up in tears as i lay upon your belly", "Telling you im fine I dont really need nobody, but you say through a sigh that i said that lie already", "and even if i cry all over your body, you dont really mind say you like your shirt soggy"]

Lost in you (khai dreams) - i love the mental image of just such relaxed, fluffy, soft, marichat dynamic in this! chat slowly realizing hes in love with marinette and getting lost in every aspect of her. maybe not being able to entirely admit its love, but still being able to admit he has such a deep and sincere admiration for marinette that he feels is returned in a way he doesnt feel from ladybug [fav lyrics: "Im just looking for some mutual love but all i get is unrequited", "Cause i dont even know I dont know why, all your love im trynna find im so lost in you, in all that you do"]

Something there (beauty and the beast) - i enjoy a good disney song every now and then! its just so marinette and chat slowly falling for each other and being like "nuh uh... wait.. wait a minute.." and then falling headfirst in love with each other, and unable to communicate it. But both of them feeling this sudden new and strange spark between them, things slowly changing, becoming more and more personal and slowly beginning to accept that things have changed [fav lyrics: "And now hes dear, and so unsure, I wonder why I didnt see it there before", "and when we touched she didnt studder at my paw, no it cant be, ill just ignore, but then shes never looked at me that way before", "True that hes no prince charming but theres something in him that i simply didnt see"]

I'd have to think about it (leith ross) - another leith song bc THEYRE SO GOOD GO LISTEN TO ALL THEIR MUSIC RN anyways some angst a lil :) a future where marinette/lb and adrien/chat somehow got torn apart after the reveal and lost contact for. a hot minute. and when they've found each other again its chat finally finding marinette, in a new home, with a new family, and a new life. but they both know who each other are and marinette having to cope with knowing she would drop everything to be with him again. anyways. brain food. [fav lyrics: "but if you come to me, in my home with my three kids, if you asked me to leave, to be with you and split, well id atleast have to think about it", "and if you come to me when ive promised to commit, if you told me that you loved me and asked me for a kiss, well id atleast have to think about it", "you are my achilles heel, the weakness only I can feel"]

Come around (peter mcpoland) - THIS SONG MAKES ME SO GIDDY FOR SOME REASON!! makes me think of like chat picking marinette up from her balcony and taking her on rides, showing her (what he thinks shes never seen) a brand new side of paris and getting to bask in the warmth and light she radiates with him. 'shes looking at the pretty lights, i cant stop looking at her eyes' type shit. just him being so so down bad for her. [fav lyrics: "Ive noticed you pull the blinds back when you hear that im driving round", "i dont mean to cause any trouble, well maybe a little if thats allowed"]

Animal (neon trees) - this song also makes me so !! the vibes are so playful and fun and flirty while the lyrics are more intense. just really reminds me of how surface level marinette and chat keep things, flirting and teasing and just enjoying each other, and then as soon as things get more serious it comes down to a life/death type feeling. but still longing for each other! they know it just hurts and they cant but they want to! they both love and hate the way their relationship feels suspended in the air, in that it gives it a rush of uncertainty and playfulness but it also brings serious fears and pain. i love this song a lot for them [fav lyrics: "I do it everytime, your killing me now and i wont be denied by you, the animal inside of you", "hush hush the world is quiet, hush hush we both cant fight it, its us that made this mess, why cant you understand?"

Ladrien

Dixie boy (april smith and the great picture show) - i have to admit i dont think a whole lot about ladrien but! i am a sucker for jealous/posessive ladybug like claiming adrien for herself and adrien jsut being like. yep. okay. i agree. cause her ass is petty enough to like makeout with him in front of chloe just to really rub it in and adrien is like yippe!! my super hero bug gf loves me! while ladybug is so >:) do not ever touch my man [fav lyrics: "Cause like a soldier defends his land well i stand up, i get up, i defend my man", "Well i know the way that you girls operate so keep your hands to yourself and your eyes on your own plate. Its not nice to stare, dont make me come over there", "Im a lover, not a fighter, and i dont want to have to get rough. just warning you ahead of time I can be a bitch when it comes to my stuff"]

Bad ideas (tessa violet) - both adrien and ladybug just being such lovesick nerds for each other <3 ladybug trying to fight the urge to kiss him when theyre together, and adrien doing anything he can to keep her near him. they both know its a bad idea, to just stop trying to keep it all contained, but its so tempting to just say fuck it and indulge the bad ideas. atleast for a little [fav lyrics: "But i just wanna see the grooves between your hands, your teeth, oh, tell me do you think about me?", "So why'd i wanna kiss you even though i miss you, guess i just wanted to know what it would feel like"]

Her (eery) - how much adrien thinks about ladybug. just all the different ways he dissects her personality, their memories, every little bit of information he knows about her. i just feel like this song, while simple, just really encapsulates how constantly ladybug is on his mind. i miss that dynamic damn

YOUTH (troye sivan) - ladybug and adrien running away together. fuck it. literally think about it. them just being in love and together and adrien finally getting out of that HOUSE and getting to be with his LADY and be happy. How deeply devoted to each other they would be, and although naive, they would be so sincere and literally ride or die for each other.

Roman holiday (halsey) - i love the idea of ladrien having those small, important firsts together. putting aside not being able to be completely honest with each other, adriens entire family dynamic, everything, and just saying screw it and dating and doing couple things! theyre both too scared of what might happen if they slow down and face reality, so they ignore everything outside of themselves. they both have that ache of knowing its not real, its not how they can actually live, but for now they get to be happy. and in love. and with each other. and theyll deal with all the heartbreak later [fav lyrics: "didnt know where we were running to but dont look back", "and we know that were headstrong, and our hearts gone, and the timings never right"]

and my other playlists

Chat Blanc

ANTI-HERO (SEKAI NO OWARI) - i will do my best to put my emotions towards chat blanc into comprehensible words but i make no promises. i love him so much. anti-hero gives like him turning his back on being a hero just for marinette, being okay with being viewed as evil hated because hes doing it for her! his distaste for the rest of the world in comparison to mari/lb ! how he lost his moral compass and doesnt understand the ways hes hurting her and himself by turning his back on being chat noir! god its so good [fav lyrics: "im gonna be the anti-hero, feared and hated by everybody, im gonna be the anti-hero so i can save you when the time comes", "cause there are people that ive got to protect and if you get in my way youre dead"]

I am damaged (heathers) - you caught me im a theater nerd but literally this song is so good for chat blanc! him coming to the realization the only way to save mari/lb is to destroy himself. him saying goodbye and making sure she understand that she was his everything! and he trusts her to fix the mistakes he made because shes his lady! and her not being able to talk him out of it and just having to say goodbye [fav lyric: "wish youd kiss me then youd know i worship you, ill trade my life for yours and once i disappear clean up the mess down here"]

Blah blah blah (the oozes) - reminds me of the trauma marinette gets from chat blanc, how she suffers nightmares and just cant stop being reminded of the horrible fate her partner suffered through. how marinette just cant go back to 'normal' after fighting him but also cant confide in anyone about it [fav lyrics: "you couldn't care less for the people youre hurting, there no excuse", "youve ruined the color blue for me, im surrounded by a deep dark sea"]

Anytime you smile (JT music, Andrea storm kaden) - kind of how i imagine chat blanc kept himself going while being isolated for all those months. coping by pretending ladybug was still with him and nothing was wrong, but slowly feeling uneasy and letting reality creep in. it shows how desperately he fights against his loneliness and pain with day dreaming, but still loses his mind. [fav lyrics: "anytime you smile baby you know you drive me wild, crazy! thats why you got me screamin, i think i might be dreamin", "believe me if im sleeping, i wanna keep on dreaming", "Someday soon this honey moon might be gone though, i hate goodbyes. I might not love you still, youll find no tougher pill to swallow (open your eyes)", "I stepped into a nightmare when i woke up from utopia starting to remember my depression and my phobias, why is everybody looking at me like i lost it?", "How can i be happy here? guess ill just pretend to be!" "no more sadness in this beautiful world, in love with happiness shes a beautiful girl!")

Mr bright side (the killers) - IM SORRY?? "it started out with a kiss how it did end up like this?" AND YOU DIDNT THINK THIS WOULD BE ON MY CHAT BLANC PLAYLIST?? thats really it for some reason this song is just so chat blanc to me. i love it.

Bad bad things (ajj) - im also a big fan of just bonkers insane scary chat blanc, him losing his humanity and only being able to see it reflected in mari/lb and not being able to stand it. him not being able to control his more violent ideas and losing himself in hurting others [fav lyrics: "So i looked into your eyes and i saw the reflection of a coward that you and i both hate very much", "If i dont go to hell when I die i might go to heaven but probably not"]

Akumanette

Dumb dumb (mazie) - i love the idea of an akumanette that just LOSES it on her friends after lila does some real stupid shit. none of her friends standing with her or supporting her and marinette getting so so upset and frustrated that they would be dumb enough to fall for it! which, being akumatized, of course wont come out the wrong way and is warped into this monstrous idea that marinette sees them as these morons who have disappointed her time and time again [fav lyric: "disappointment takes us by surprise even though by now i think we should have realized everyone is dumb"]

Class fight (melanie martinez) - god I LOVE AKUMANETTES THAT LOSE THEIR SHIT. lila putting distance and uncomfort between her and adrien (pre relationship) before marinette catches them kissing and get akumatized, and then marinette wrecks her shit :) her inner voice of reason feeling so horrified with the brutality and trying to get herself to realize but being able to deny monarchs voice encouraging her to act on her worst instincts [fav lyrics: "she had a boy wrapped around her finger tight, i fell in love with him but he wasnt in my life", "Her face was fucked up and my hands were bloody, we were in the playground things were getting muddy", "my one true love called me a monster"]

Bust your kneecaps - johnny dont leave me (pomplamoose) - i think this one really works well with an akumatized ladybug! her being so soft and scary to chat, chat blanc style, while promising to do horrible things to him. akumabug trying to convince him to 'just stop fighting' and 'hand over his miraculous' and then 'everything will be just the way it should be' and finally giving up and working instead to defeat chat rather than convince him

Therefore i am (billie eilish) - cold, angry akumanette FOR THE WIN OGH her just being such a silent but deadly akuma, her voice devoid of all the love and kindness it used to have when she was with adrien/chat, and him having to fight her while she shows no mercy. I just love the idea of chat doing anything he can, crying and begging marinette to fight it and come back to him and she has no pity for him [fav lyrics: "Get my pretty name out of your mouth, we are not the same with or without", "Did you have fun? i really couldnt care less and you can give them my best but just know im not your friend"]

Pretty privilege (blegh) - marinette being shown time and time again that the worst people will get away with horrible things, while she has to suffer beneath them and getting fed up. her letting all her feelings rise to the surface about how ugly she thinks people can truly be [fav lyrics: "Its crawling from underneath the surface nobodys first choice kind of ugly", "just because somethings pretty the laws dont apply to them have you noticed this shit its so ugly"]

Other friends (cristina vee cover) - i live for crazy akumanette losing her mind on everyone! what can i say! i love the idea of her confronting her friends and lilas lies in such a angry but playful way before losing her shit! and the added bonus of it being MARINETTES voice?? im screaming [fav lyrics: "What did she say about me, what did she say?", "Im the loser of the game you didnt know you were playing", "life on the line, winner takes all, ready or not lets begin!"]

Marigami/Kagaminette

She (dodie) - kagami fighting against her feelings for marinette because of their friendship, because of adrien, because of her mother, and because shes scared to admit she loves marinette far beyond how friends should. I love her just gently pushing that line, asking herself that question of "what is so wrong about it?" and working to accept that the pain and heartache are real because her feelings are [fav lyrics: "Could it be wrong when shes just so nice to look at ?", "id never tell, no id never say a word and oh it aches, but it feels ugly good to hurt"]

Sophie (black polish) - marinettes feelings for kagami! wanting to freeze her time with her, relive every moment they've been through and just experience the world by kagamis side. just how desperately they both need each others time and space, how comforting it is to just be with her. [fav lyrics: "youre impossible to read and thats fine, i dont even understand my own mind", "I just wanna escape the world sophie with you, with you, with you, with you"]

and an added bonus: i LOVE the song Bruno is Orange for kagami. reminds me of her so much.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

This is mostly just a vent but. Im so deep in burnout i cant go to work. i wake up and get ready and dressed and then i freak out and have a meltdown bc its overwhelming and i end up thinking of everything im fucking up by calling in to the point my boss tried to call me to talk and i just never responded bc i dont know what to do. im looking for a new job but idek if thats gonna help. my bf and i just got our first apartment and im able to make rent rn with literally no money left after and i feel so guilty bc it's causing him so much stress too. i have a therapy appt set but im so scared to ask for the help i need bc idk how to tell a professional i think im autistic and have adhd without sounding like im begging for meds. and to top it all off i just got home from my parents and my cat that i left (for my little brother) has a hematoma that parents could probably afford vet care for if they really tried but they wont and i cant even think about paying for that rn. im so scared shes gonna die. shes 8-9 and has been getting matts lately and shes already practically blind and im so scared. i skipped school for almost 2 weeks when my last cat died idk wtf im gonna do.

Hi there,

I’m so sorry about your kitty. I lost my childhood cat last year. Her name was Alice. I called her Allie for short. Here she is:

As for the apartment issue, I can’t really help with because I’ve never lived with my significant other (but I’m hoping to in the future).

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Maybe my followers can give some advice or tips on this.

Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[dandyshucks]

i need to vent i'm sorry dear god things are so bad

me when the conservative candidate is voted in (which is not a surprise bc i live in a conservative area but still) and this guy has exhibited pedophilic behaviour in the past and is a proud gun/army fanatic. i'm gonna fucking die.

and the conservatives in my province this year have been the most aggressively and openly transphobic main political party we've ever seen nation-wide, and it is looking like theyre either going to win majority or them and the other party are both going to be minority gvmts together and both of those options are Bad bc conservatives are going to have so much power either way. unless somehow the other party manages to juuust pull ahead enough to make up majority but it... isn't looking that way. and that's just coveirng the transphobia, theres been so much racism and other shit going on too, i'm really really scared !! esp w the fe.deral election coming up next year !!!

i feel extraordinarily unsafe rn esp with some local politics from earlier this year w someone in a position of power in town (i have to be so vague otherwise its going to be way too easy to look shit up and place me on a map lol, im already pushing it as is) and it was horrifying and seeing so many ppl be apathetic to it is just. so scary. i'm scared !!

also i have to wait for another two days for the welfare ministry to call me (stressed all day long from 8-5 bc idk when theyre going to call me) and if they do not call me by the end of tuesday then i have to phone a couple ppl and ask what to do bc they're supposed to call me to do the eligibility interview within two weeks of submitting my application. and by this tuesday it'll have been two weeks. i'm so unbelievably stressed dsfjkl i've been nauseous so much lately bc of the anxiety. and i dont cry very often but god almighty i've been crying every couple of days these past two weeks bc i'm just so exhausted and stressed and at the end of my rope fdsjkl

also my mother is being really scary lately and i can't do anything about it except keep my head down and just hope she eventually stops this shit

anyways i am not doing well ! feeling like everything is sort of closing in on me :''''))) idk what to do about it bc nearly everything that's causing me overwhelming amounts of stress is out of my control so i just have to keep clinging to life with the tenacity of a cockroach. but i'm really tired of it 😭😭😭 and i just. would like to be safe? i guess? that's such a silly notion though fdsjkl i do not ever get to be safe so it is silly to want for that. i think mostly i just want things to go back to being tolerable fsjkl i am... reaching the crisis limits beyond my real limits, to be entirely honest.

[dashielldeveron]

HELPPPPP TELL ME WHY IVE ONLY NOW FOUND YOUR FICS AT AN UNHOLY HOUR IN THE MORNING AND HAVE SPENT THE PAST FOUR HOURS PORING OVER YOUR WRITING????

literally wasnt in a bnha phase atm when i got smacked in the head with the absolute DELIGHT that is your writing??!?! oh my GOD your writing is so delicious i was kicking my feet and had to put my phone down MULTIPLE times when going through shinsou's, monoma's, and dabi's part of the soulmate series and im Not Ready for aizawas or todorokis. what RIGHT do you have to make me have to stuff my comforter in my mouth to stifle my laughter as i clutch my phone in my hands and grin like a maniac at the absolute comedic gold that is your writing.

Your dialogue? masterful. i want to eat your writing because the interactions between characters seem so Real and Complex and in depth i am frothing at the mouth you dknt UNDERSTAND!!! And the fact the reader insert has a nuanced personality!!!! the snark and sheer Kindness from the reader in dabi's fic and TENDERNESS!!! HAD ME!!! SHAKINF!!! goddd you write tenderness and yearning so so well im going to be re reading your fics for the next couple years, actually. "shy boy" and "sweet boy" being used for dabi , , , im on my hands and knees you have no right!!! at all!!! to make me want to kiss the reader insert!!! hello!!!! what the fuck!!

AND MONOMA!!! MY BABYGIRL!!! HES SUCH A THEATRE NERD WHO WANTS TO PRACTICE AND SATISFY YOU BECAUSE!! TO SEE U BE UNRAVELED BY H I M --- NOT AN ABILITY HE MIMICKED FROM SOMEONE ELSE--- MAKES HIM SO SO WEAK. i have no words. best monoma character portrayal ive seen. hands down. im gonna die happy, actually.

also.

reader: wanna try sexting?

shinsou: no <3

made me cavkle so hard aksbjsbsbs i love that man sm

Oh btw!! may i ask what other chars you have planned for the soulmate au? i will be. frothing over whatever you put out nonetheless!! i hope you have a lovely day <333

four hours?!?!?! you could've watched gone with the wind in that time!!

yessss YESSSS get back into bnha!!! we want you back!!!! lol it's fab that you were reacting like that to thinking about the boys; i think that monoma would be kicking his feet, too, if he were reading about you!!! and shinsou would get so overwhelmed reading fluff about you that he'd have to take breaks, splash water on his face. if dabi read fic, he'd prob read the whole thing in one sitting, emotionless, but then have to go throw rocks at windows. whatever you're feeling, they'd feel, too

and yesssss dabi is shy/sweet boy bc that's what he is!!!! he's prob not feeling very shy/sweet in canon rn, but he'll remember eventually!! ohhhhhhhh monoma my beloved. GOD it makes me so happy to hear that you like him here. i love monoma soooooo much; i dislike how he's villainised in fic bc it's easy to, but i think he's so charming and devoted, both to his friends and to the bit. and based on 1-B's play at the festival, someone's a huge fuckin' nerd about LOTR and Shakespeare and stuff, and i think it would fit monoma well; he seems aware of the roles of characters in stories and overall storytelling, and LOTR/HP/Shakespeare are all about structure and word choice. i love him. i'm going to take him to therapy and make out with him in the car afterwards.

also!!! not that there's a "correct" order to read the routes in, but it sounds like you're reading them out of release order!!! which is great!!! i'd be FASCINATED to hear back from you after you read aizawa's chapter, bc that's where most of the tainted love lore is dropped--and aizawa's and shinsou's routes have pretty heavy overlap.

i'm writing shigaraki's right now, and then i have a route for [secret character], censored not bc he's the "true route," or anything, but bc he already appears in the story, and from my POV, it would sour his current scenes if we knew we had a route with him. these are the routes i have planned, and then i will either 1) let the fic marinate or 2) leave the fic "finished" but occasionally add "non-canon" routes for other characters and perhaps "fandiscs" for existing routes. considering i have lots of ideas for other fics, i'm leaning towards the first one, since i don't think i can commit to the latter right now idk

but ohhhhhh i love you. you are SO kind, and i'm so so so glad you're liking the fic!!!! i hope the rest of it is just as fun and that your day is peaceful!!!! xx.

[gortashs-skidmark]

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙂𝙖𝙩𝙚'𝙨 𝙈𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙝 - ρα૨ƭ 1 ♥ BG3 x READER ♥

This is a series :) I will slowly update this on tumblr, and on Quotev. I don't like Wattpad and Ao3 has a very slow waiting list. tumblr won't let me post the person-in-the- beginnings threats so this will be censored version. It wouldn't let me add the part about sewer rats either. here's a map, for reference of the story! ♥ PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, Premise: Thrown into an unfamiliar realm (BG3) you have to navigate to survive. It is not going so hot for you. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I tried to make this LESS "omg characters!! I love my life rn!! I'm obsessed and own 7 t-shirts!! im so smol bean" and MORE "oh fuck. what do I do in magical medieval times" ♥

Gender Neutral, un-descriptive looks, No name, MATURE THEMES ♥ CONTENT WARNING: Cussing, fires, death, description of dead bodies, death threats ♥ Enough YAPPING. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ You were crying. Wailing. Writhing in agony. You could feel your body die in the moment you had been thrown into this Realm. It felt fictional, it was fictional. Your skin was gaunt, light blue veins ran through your body, and you could see it in the muddy puddle below you.  On your knees you shook, your body wracked with ache. Your vocals strained, resting, and wailing again. You didn’t shed tears when you cried. You couldn’t, you couldn’t even breathe. Your body was among the flames consuming your mind and body. Your clothes were the tight crop top that complimented your midriff, short socks on your feet, and high waisted baggy sweats. It was what you briefly remember wearing before dinner-time in your house. The only difference was the bandages covering your midriff, shoulders and neck, forearms, and encasing the lower half of your shins. Your ache shortly ceased, replaced only with painful emotions ravaging your body now. Your eyes couldn’t focus properly. You saw black and brown tattered pants rush around you. You couldn’t focus on their yelling, you felt fear. "Heretics!"  That fear became the only thing you felt. A dreadful aura wrapped around your body, you were going to be murdered. Alone. In an unfamiliar place. That fear warped into something bigger, your body quaffed your physical strength and energy. Zapping it from you. Turning it into the flames you witnessed on your body. Pillaring in blue and black flames, everything went. You felt the emotions in the cold flames licking around your body. You felt no harm, not even threatened by it. It was your friend and your inferno, a bond forged in sickly emotions and twisted circumstances.  You heard screams and saw bodies drop and actively char in front of you. You could only pathetically whisper “no, no, no..”’s with your crying, drool on your chin, your voice was too weak to speak real sentences.  You felt a big booming presence reach at you among the flames. Like the last ones, but stronger, nauseating, overwhelming.  White shifty sand and a glittery red figure ran past your vision. “NO, NO, YOU!!” Its hands held its head, then pointed a long white sharp finger towards you. It was all muffled. "AND EVEN CYRIC WILL PRAISE MY NAME!” It spoke loud, and in an ever-changing lilted tone. It giggled, cackled even, between phrases. It sneered and smiled at the end. You couldn’t quite focus on what it was. You simply felt more fear, and the blue and black flames rose. You heard a pitched scream of agony and the white and red figure vanished. It left no trail. It went silent. The flames licking your body and the ground withered into tame blue wisps of inferno. There were no movements that you could register. It was still.  You didn’t move. For a time.  Your knees started to ache on the cold sludge you knelt on. Putting your hands on your knees for leverage, you lifted yourself off the ground. A wave of dizziness flowed through your body and brain, you stilled yourself as much as possible. It passed, and you blinked. You saw. You saw you were in a moldy, moss-ridden environment. Man made, bricks building the floors, to the walls, to the curved ceiling. It was a sewer. You were in a sewer.  It reeked but your body couldn’t bring itself to gag. You saw black char and blue lit ash decorating on the bodies in front of you. Husks. Bodies, simply bodies, without a soul or purpose now. You sniffed and placed shaky hands on your hips.  “Well.” you whispered in a cracked voice to yourself. Lifting your head you looked at your surroundings once more, the sewer tunnel had three different paths you could take. One thing at a time, you thought. You chose to go right.  To Be Continued if tumblr let's me fucking use gross adjectives without restriction...

[abyssalpriest]

God. Talking to Lev about the religion we're in the process of making together... He's been treating it as a pet project for only the two of us bc it makes me anxious, ie he's hiding what it truly is and I only know that it's hidden and not what is hidden, but slowly hes introducing the idea of it being an actual established thing with more than just us in it (not necessarily big, just that us two was already intimidating in size when it started so even three people feels Established to me), and I just asked him like. OK. You know. I already know Im coming here and incarnating from the future for A Personal Job, is this a part of it? Do the waters of our time mention or talk about this or does it die with me? I'm not getting into what was said because future shit is the one thing I don't want to discuss anything about online, and also I. kinda. shut down him answering bc I don't want to think about it rn

Suddenly though I'm like... A switch is flicking in my head from "I was a part of the pop culture pagan section of my ex's cult, he was having me expand his cult by creating a 'new religion' based on BB secretly connected to it" to "hold on, why did my ex, who knows who I am and when and where I'm from, start trying to get me to create a new religion with him that's eerily similar to the one Leviathans insisting on creating with me?" i already new my ex has been trying to twist fate and time and reorder his downwards spiral and steal shit for his own and so this is a little...... Uh...

Bc like. I keep getting this overwhelming relief and clarity throughout my entire working w Lev - even way before this was ever a broached subject - these past three years of "ohhh THIS was what I was supposed to be doing, THIS is who I was supposed to be doing things with, THIS is the real god of oceans and dreams and the dark shadowy aspects of life and (etc), my ex was just fully playing up all these aspects to fulfill a role" i never.... Stopped to ask why my ex did that.

Why was he having me fashion a religion based on what I'd later come to find was Leviathans attributes, energies, symbols, etc ?? Because my soul already loved him, he didn't need to pretend to be Lev bc I knew lev and not him or something. He could've picked a mask based on anything - he even specifically picked cut content micolash and not even in game micolash because the mask he chose didn't fit micolash's aesthetics and energies so it's not even a "oh well I just happened to be drawn to micolash bc micolash is like Leviathan, so he had to go with it" they. are not alike. he literally had to change his fictional mask to be like Leviathan. He had to warp the character so hard and just count on cut content mic having no fucking content so that he could be as much like Lev as possible. Yes, they are indeed very similar, but like also no they're not. Anyway. and then he spent five years bringing me into this spirituality only to start building a religion with me -

- oh my god. I always brush past "yeah in the months before we broke up was when he started getting me to write stuff on the religion, our religion (called Oceanic Spirituality. bruh) really only started being made just before shit hit the fan and idk what he was trying to get me to do" but like. I. Wasn't supposed to be making it with him. was I.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HI MAC. FINISHED SEASON ONE OF HANNIBAL. THOUGHTS: AHGHSGHFAHSGDKDFHKJGHKJGD OHGHGGG WILL GRAHAM THERE IS SOMETHING SO WRONG WITH YOU. i am holding him by the scruff of the neck and looking directly into his sad autistic eyes. i love this little guy. he needs severe medical and psychological help. i love him more than anything. dr lecter is so fucking interesting i need to grab him by the neck and strangle him he is such an awful person but such a cool character agh ough agh. he says he's will's friend but then he manipulates him and does all these horrible things and i just!! wanna know why!!!!! if he is your friend why are you hurting him!!!!! or is he actually your friend at all?? do you see him more as something to play with???? someone who thinks in such an interesting way that you wanted to know what lengths you could push him to???? I DON'T KNOW!!!! I WANT TO KNOW SO BADLY!!!!! pls tell me will doesn't die i am so attached to him i am putting him in my pocket and feeding him jellybeans <3 i am going to watch season 2 once my cold is gone because when i feel bad physically i feel bad MENTALLY so i am Not in a good like. headspace?? to watch it rn what with the death and blurring of reality and such but MAN. MANNNNN oh it is so cool i am kicking my feet and giggling i am so excited to watch the rest oghhh it is so fucked up <3 i love fucked up weird murder stories 10/10 amazing show no notes thank u for recommending it 2 me i love it v much :3

NORMAL HANNIBAL EXPERIENCE. OH MY GODDDD im so glad u sre enjoying it so farrrrr <3 its like. beloved piece of media to me but also it fucks me up in the brain. its a good horror reset for me . occasionally im just like. i need to feel weird about blood and gore and death and then i will watch a couple epispdes of hannibal and just sit there like

TAKE YOUR TIME. OF COURSE. dw dw i was the same way watching it for the first time because it gets SO weird and existential sometimes and. tbh the artistic gore kind of got to me in ways i did not expect ??? it can be so overwhelming sometimes and my exact feelings on it are very hard to articulate and i could sit here for hours discussing it and not actually ever get to a point . SO I GET U. it's just the kinda show you gotta take ur time with. and thats totally cool :) I CAN TELL YOU WITH. MINIMAL SPOILERS. will graham doesnt die . absolute mess of a man. u know that post thats like "what a beautiful man . i would love yo see him in a fit of despair" thatd me about will graham. and also covered in blood. and let me tell u this show fucking DELIVERS.

[tenojan-in-tevinter]

Ok veilguard ending thought dump under the cut

Oh my god..... oh my god????? Neve is such a badass! Like I knew she was but like????? Kicked the blights fucking ass, she did!!

Persuaded Solas to join the veil by forcing him to confront Mythal... honestly great ending imo. No idea what people mean when they say the ending sucked. The writing is good. Didn't feel rushed, and made sense for the characters.

My only regret is that Rook didn't get the option to punch Solas when meeting up with him after escaping the prison. Just once. Please. I don't hate him but my Rook was pissed. Let him get it all out.

The Elgar'nan fight was pretty fun and felt adequately high stakes. The phases weren't too overwhelming. The arena was small which helped it feel more intense. Loved watching Solas and Lusacan fling each other around on the way there.

Im not okay though. I have. So many thoughts rn. Idk if someone HAS to die defeating Ghilan'nain or not, maybe I just didn't have everyone at high enough bond? But yeah I lost Davrin and Assan. Im not okay about it.

ALSO ALSO ALSO- there's foreshadowing of stuff related to the "masked people across the sea" and I'm so confused about that. Idk how to feel. There've been hints about them throughout the games but I never thought there would be more. I was kinda thinking this would be the last dragon age game. Might not play any new ones if they keep it going tbh. I feel like it's just a good wrapping up of what we had.

All in all I think the people hating on veilguard just want something to be upset about. I mean if u didn't enjoy it I'm sorry and that sucks but. like. don't try to make other people feel like shit for liking it, okay? Okay.

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

i am having a moment where i want a lot of people to die because i actually think they deserve that. i am trying not to think about it because it's just pissing me off that some people get to just live without experiencing any consequences for their actions. i know that what's probably going on with me is that i'm having a lot of built up hurt and now i'm projecting everything onto people who aren't actually *that bad* (fucking hurts to write lol i think they should die, but i'm trying to be dialectic here and not a spiteful little bitch lmfao)

i'm a trauma holder and a protector. my go-to stress response is fight. i think i need to find a good way to let off some steam without it overwhelming me. rn i'm trying writing ig. i need to learn how to process feelings so we don't dissociate and fragment even more

rn i'm trying to not indulge in homicidal ideation. i'm trying to not think about any specific people so i don't start obsessing over someone i might feel mad at rn. idk if this is just a DID thing or if we actually do have some PD after all, but man this brain is broken

i just feel trapped and like im getting treated like shit and that i want to let the world know they can't do that to me or other people i care about! i guess i will try to just go tf to bed because it's past 2 am now. but idk i'm trying to write some more shit down because it helps me reflect on shit and also helps being able to look back on later

anyway, i'm not a danger to anyone - including myself. i'm actually doing pretty well, which is why i can write this down lol. idk i'm gonna post my rambles to the void ig

[midwestemoismid]

i dont know what is wrong with me ok i just need to rant i know a lot of these words wont make sense im just copy and oasting messages i sent to my friend because im to lazy to type also bad grammer

bro i cant physically exist without pain what the fuck is wrong with me why am i like this oh my fucking god everything is so loud what the fuck why can i hear every single little noise why is everything screaming at me what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what theufjc fufikc fuck fuck fucj fuck why is everything so loud why is everything so loud why what the fucj also dont force yourself to rwply if you dont want to im just ranting because idk what else to do

omfg im gonna claw out my arms and lefs i swear to fucking god why am i always in pain

i hate laying on my back but if i lay on my side i have to keep switching everytime bc it starts to feel wrong and yneven

and anytime something brushes against me on an uneaven wag i freak out and irs so overstimulating

also impulsive thoughts fucking shck

its so bad when im overstimulated to like rn i cant look at things that are uneven ir it just bothers me i cant explain it but wtf

om js severely overstimulated, but im not overwhelmed and im rlly tired but i can sleep bc my brain is hyper and idk what to do or how to explain my deelings

bro i fucking hate impusive thoughts or iust existing because i was on a boat today and i had to close the window because all i could think about was theowinf soemthing important out the window or jumping out thw windoe anns i just couldnt mi dont fucmign know

everytjings so overstimulateding i dont know khow to deel with my problems

it feels like wverythings against me right now and i have the cinstant feeling of dread or if i an going to dies oom pleade i dont want to go please o dont want to fuckig die im scared to go to sleep because what kf i dont wake up ive been fucking forcing myself awake skmetimes because of the dread that im not going to wake up im afraid of death what the fuck is going to happen i dont know whats going on anymore why cant i lige in the moment why id time moving so fast why id everything going on i cant keep uo with everything im not okay rnw im not ok what the tukkf isngoing on on in onj dont know wholw to express my feelings or thoughts so im just typing wverything i tuonk without tmaftially thinking because i dont fucking care rn i jutst doknt knkw what to do im sfared i feel like something is out to get me i feel like imm trapped and alone o feel fucking lsot what is going on i sont fucking knkw im sfated scared who am i because i dont even fucming know am i actually real pr is thos all a dream becausre i dknt wevn fucking knkw at rhis point im so fixking scatd that egeruthing js fake and all these memlries lf existinf is fake im here right now but what jf im jot what if indont fucking know SHIT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SUIT UP SHIT UP SHUT IL O AHYE THESE THOUGHTS I DKNT WAKNT TO THINKA BOUT DEATH OR WHAT HAPPENS I JUST WANT TO BE FUCMING NORMAL WHAT THE FICK IS WRLNG WITH ME.

also 4 the ppl ik irl/online on here plz dont he worried about me im ok this happens a lot i just need to sleep and calm down and shit ok jm ok these are just my constant tjought (om pretty sure a lot of this is caused by ocd i was told) also i am safe and im not gonna act on any harm against myself or anyone else bc its all impulsive thoughts and ik im not gonnq do anything

[scarletanpan]

..

I'm starting to think theres an issue beyond being off my meds bc back from family trip a full day ago, and was in sm pain and covered w bruises on my arms and legs I didn't make it to work.. the excessive bruising is weird, I'm clumsy but theres abt 4-5 on each limb, and one on my face from my niece smacking me w a dog plushie while I was laying on the bed?? I think its bc of my glasses but Ive never bruised on my face, theres at least 2 now. also covered in giant bug bites that arent going away quickly even w witch hazel And looking into effexor since im on it and og my god. Not the list of meds u can take but dont mix well being like 100 names, every med ive taken i think is on it, both forms of adderall too. ik the symptoms that are rarer is an extensive list only for functional purposes but why am i experiencing so many of them. ik im at risk for a number of precautions when taking it, and may or not may not be experiencing symptoms related to those too

they say u should get labs on it regularly i never have but didnt know damn. a lil concerned abt the acute angle-glaucoma thing, first of all wtf i did Not remember seeing that side effect and my family has a history of eye issues. i get regular eye pain and razed two mailboxes in my parents neighborhood last year bc my vision whited out mid turn and i felt this weird overwhelming pain w pressure in one side of my head. never figured out what it was when i went to the doctor but. sudden extreme pressure on one side, close to my eyes, the steamy vision all sounds right. idk how i didnt run into this when i tried to search it up the issue before, i dont wanna assume but its raising too many red flags rn i got a brain scan but they said i was perfectly fine and, so i never followed up and it happened a couple more times multiple things arent meshing well w my family history/genetics. starting to realize the amount of physical pain and exhaustion ive been it for three months is kind of abnormal and needs a solution before i die. at least i have a starting point but like this is gonna cost money huh

also maybe shouldnt be working a job that requires staring at the road for 1-4 hrs a day and then stocking as quickly as u physically can (in theory im fucking slow). i wonder why i struggle sm i might not be physically capable rn. prob failing one of my classes this summer bc it took too long to realize this. ill try to prioritize it bc i paid money for this shit but the shame i feel from pushing back work feels lethal, i havent fucked up enough to get fired yet but atp itd be a saving grace. im so sorry to my coworkers im sure theyre annoyed and confused rn