#I live it

[deliriiuumm]

you know what’s fun to explore in a retired!dream au?

it’s dream realizing how bad he is at sex now that he’s human.

my headcanon is that dream is exceptionally good at it because he holds the collective human subconscious— he knows exactly what his lovers like, how they want to be held and kissed, etc etc., but take that away and he’s all sharp angles, sloppy kisses, and clumsy, hesitant thrusts (hello? he’s only had a handful of lovers in his 6 billion years of existence?)

now hob— that man has Experience. he’s a 600+ yr old immortal who’s had countless lovers (men & women you can’t convince me otherwise), who literally fucks around & finds out.

imagine retired (and human) dream enthusiastically fumbling with hob in bed, trying to seduce, trying to look ravishing, trying to please. he straddles hob and gazes at him with his dangerously soft, bedroom eyes, whispering filthy promises with his deep, deep voice between kissing and touching.

but somehow, his attempts to seduce fall flat and awkwardly, embarrassingly stiff. he looks so offended when he doesn’t get the reaction he’s been expecting from hob.

and hob— the bastard— purses his lips in a poor attempt to hold his laughter in. finally, he doubles over in a fit of giggles. “you’re so cute, love.”

dream pouts, unable to hide his dismay. but this look only makes hob’s heart grow fonder and he envelopes dream into his arms.

the sound of their giggles vibrates in their chests, echoing across the small bedroom. then they fall silent and gaze at each other’s eyes, their smiles lingering on their kiss-swollen lips. there’s no need for words at this moment.

they think, this is it, this is what being human must be all about.

tldr: hob and dream giggling while having bad and awkward sex mean the world to me ok

ALSO i can imagine hob being an absolute bastard & grading dream’s performance in bed like he’s grading his students’ essays.

“how did i do?” dream asks through his post-coital haze, looking up at hob with his dark, twinkling eyes.

“not bad…” hob pats dream’s head, his lips curling into a menacing smirk. “i’ll give you… 72%.”

fists pound on the pillows. dream whines an ugly whale noise against the crook of hob’s neck, “hOoooOooob…”

(you can find this thread on twitter)

[ssreeder]

sreedieeeee

am I up to date with itf?? ABSOLUTELY not. it feels like a worse betrayal than the divorce but alas, such is life. I just wanted to update you that I went to spain for a week and my pasty ass didn’t get sunburnt Once and I need you to be proud of me :D

anyway love you to bits and pieces (like your lightbulbs after I’ve smashed them all ;3)

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR NOT BURNING YOUR PASTY ASS!!!!!

but also pissed because like where the fuck was my invite?? I wanna spain too. Also idc that you’re not caught up on liab,,, some of my very best mutual don’t read liab right now and I still lub them (just to be clear I love the people who are reading more but that’s ok you’re fine)

in the most cabbage man way possible:

my lightbulbsssssss!!!!

[lavender-draw]

has anyone else read the longburrow series please im begging you its great and it sometimes goes by podkin one-ear please i need to scream about this series

[paintedcrows]

Did anyone tell Ford (bonus doodles: Family Movie Night, 70s Classics)

[maudiemoods]

If life is a never ending loop of dirty dishes and laundry then that means life is a never ending loop of home cooked meals and comfy clean clothes

[koobiie]

shoutout to everyone who wants to infodump but cant string together coherent thoughts to form sentences and instead just look at you like this

[yourmajestybee]

EVERYONE NEEDS TO LOOK AT HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON UNTRAINABLE THE STAGE PLAY RN

[sca-nerd]

My friends who have never experienced flooding, and who are about to deal with it from this storm, please remember:

1. NO. YOU CANNOT MAKE IT THROUGH THAT WATER ON THE ROAD. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE DRIVING. TURN. AROUND.

2. DO NOT GO WADING THROUGH THE WATER. EVEN IF YOU JUST WANT TO SEE HOW DEEP IT IS. THAT. WATER. IS. CONTAMINATED.

3. IT IS CALLED FLASH FLOODING FOR A REASON. THE WATER RISES AND SURGES IN A FLASH. STAY. HOME.

4. If you're at risk of flooding, raise up any of your belongings now. Put the legs of tall things in buckets. Know where your important documents are.

5. Stay safe.

[codecicle]

Guys I'm so glad everyone loves hit JRWI campaign: The Suckening so much. 12 thousand notes on just a thumbnail that's so cool. Anyone think about emizel pussy-out post revival

[eruditetyro]

good morning let’s hear it for Mildly Cool Outside a round of applause for Mildly Cool Outside

[girldraki]

[wizardpotions]

Christmas as a cultural icon is starting to get really dystopian in a climate sense, december has historically been a time of year in which there would be snow in a significant portion of europe and north america, and the fact that its not even icy this time of year and all the christmas songs and decorations reference a time of year that will likely never exist in the same way again in my life time is so strange.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[candycatfalls]

the book of bill is great

[bethfuller]

limited perception.

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