#I live it

[deliriiuumm]

you know what’s fun to explore in a retired!dream au?

it’s dream realizing how bad he is at sex now that he’s human.

my headcanon is that dream is exceptionally good at it because he holds the collective human subconscious— he knows exactly what his lovers like, how they want to be held and kissed, etc etc., but take that away and he’s all sharp angles, sloppy kisses, and clumsy, hesitant thrusts (hello? he’s only had a handful of lovers in his 6 billion years of existence?)

now hob— that man has Experience. he’s a 600+ yr old immortal who’s had countless lovers (men & women you can’t convince me otherwise), who literally fucks around & finds out.

imagine retired (and human) dream enthusiastically fumbling with hob in bed, trying to seduce, trying to look ravishing, trying to please. he straddles hob and gazes at him with his dangerously soft, bedroom eyes, whispering filthy promises with his deep, deep voice between kissing and touching.

but somehow, his attempts to seduce fall flat and awkwardly, embarrassingly stiff. he looks so offended when he doesn’t get the reaction he’s been expecting from hob.

and hob— the bastard— purses his lips in a poor attempt to hold his laughter in. finally, he doubles over in a fit of giggles. “you’re so cute, love.”

dream pouts, unable to hide his dismay. but this look only makes hob’s heart grow fonder and he envelopes dream into his arms.

the sound of their giggles vibrates in their chests, echoing across the small bedroom. then they fall silent and gaze at each other’s eyes, their smiles lingering on their kiss-swollen lips. there’s no need for words at this moment.

they think, this is it, this is what being human must be all about.

tldr: hob and dream giggling while having bad and awkward sex mean the world to me ok

ALSO i can imagine hob being an absolute bastard & grading dream’s performance in bed like he’s grading his students’ essays.

“how did i do?” dream asks through his post-coital haze, looking up at hob with his dark, twinkling eyes.

“not bad…” hob pats dream’s head, his lips curling into a menacing smirk. “i’ll give you… 72%.”

fists pound on the pillows. dream whines an ugly whale noise against the crook of hob’s neck, “hOoooOooob…”

(you can find this thread on twitter)

[ssreeder]

sreedieeeee

am I up to date with itf?? ABSOLUTELY not. it feels like a worse betrayal than the divorce but alas, such is life. I just wanted to update you that I went to spain for a week and my pasty ass didn’t get sunburnt Once and I need you to be proud of me :D

anyway love you to bits and pieces (like your lightbulbs after I’ve smashed them all ;3)

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR NOT BURNING YOUR PASTY ASS!!!!!

but also pissed because like where the fuck was my invite?? I wanna spain too. Also idc that you’re not caught up on liab,,, some of my very best mutual don’t read liab right now and I still lub them (just to be clear I love the people who are reading more but that’s ok you’re fine)

in the most cabbage man way possible:

my lightbulbsssssss!!!!

[lavender-draw]

has anyone else read the longburrow series please im begging you its great and it sometimes goes by podkin one-ear please i need to scream about this series

[woodrocko]

Man i love men

HEHEHEHHEE WHBWIHBSUUBS

bows down to you

[paintedcrows]

Did anyone tell Ford (bonus doodles: Family Movie Night, 70s Classics)

[maudiemoods]

If life is a never ending loop of dirty dishes and laundry then that means life is a never ending loop of home cooked meals and comfy clean clothes

[verifiablebot]

'this property says it has nine acres but those neighbours look pretty clo-'

oh.

ohhhhhhhhh no

[koobiie]

shoutout to everyone who wants to infodump but cant string together coherent thoughts to form sentences and instead just look at you like this

[yourmajestybee]

EVERYONE NEEDS TO LOOK AT HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON UNTRAINABLE THE STAGE PLAY RN

[sca-nerd]

My friends who have never experienced flooding, and who are about to deal with it from this storm, please remember:

1. NO. YOU CANNOT MAKE IT THROUGH THAT WATER ON THE ROAD. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE DRIVING. TURN. AROUND.

2. DO NOT GO WADING THROUGH THE WATER. EVEN IF YOU JUST WANT TO SEE HOW DEEP IT IS. THAT. WATER. IS. CONTAMINATED.

3. IT IS CALLED FLASH FLOODING FOR A REASON. THE WATER RISES AND SURGES IN A FLASH. STAY. HOME.

4. If you're at risk of flooding, raise up any of your belongings now. Put the legs of tall things in buckets. Know where your important documents are.

5. Stay safe.

[codecicle]

Guys I'm so glad everyone loves hit JRWI campaign: The Suckening so much. 12 thousand notes on just a thumbnail that's so cool. Anyone think about emizel pussy-out post revival

[eruditetyro]

good morning let’s hear it for Mildly Cool Outside a round of applause for Mildly Cool Outside

[girldraki]

[tributary]

bro this is latin. someone actually thought latinos speak latin in latin america

[inkskinned]

it's extremely critical that you see the photo of the perp walk for luigi mangione as being propaganda. i've seen so many people wave it off and instead fawn over his looks. and trust me, i know it ended up being kind of pathetic and weird - but please don't brush it off as a "modelling opportunity" for him. it's a fucking terrifying message the police are sending.

i want to make a few comparisons here, in case you're not from the US or familiar with why the perp walk thing is something to pay attention to. just to set the groundwork for why this is a purposeful, unusual, and cruel act by the nyc police - for why this is not a common occurrence and for why that matters.

the prosecution alleges the show of force is due to the charge of "terrorism." for comparison, in june 2015, tsarnaev was found guilty for the boston marathon bombing, which killed 3 people and injured hundreds. his actions are considered to be an act of domestic terrorism. i have spent the last hour looking through google for pictures of similar to mangione's perp walk - and so far, i have found zero. i also just do not personally remember a moment like that, despite living in boston at the time.

they allege that luigi is a stone-cold killer who carried out a longterm plan, making him particularly dangerous. again for comparison: in nyc, recently cory martin was found guilty of the killing of brandy odom. the murder was planned and premeditated to steal insurance money. and yet no staged perp walk. why didn't her life matter enough for a "show of force"?

but mangione gets paraded by a veritable army of police officers as if he is a rabid animal. for a single citizen who allegedly killed one other single citizen, the "largest perp walk ever" occurs.

so what is the "strong message" that the mayor and the police were trying to send here? the mayor speaks as if mangione is already convicted of terrorism. there is a very thin number of people who feel threatened by the CEO's death. none of us felt like mangione needs to be under massive armed guard.

the message is that you shouldn't resist. they are trying to "make an example" of him - that if you behave badly and kill a single rich person, you'll be treated as if you killed hundreds of people. you will be treated worse than a man who was found guilty of terrorism. you will be considered guilty without trial. the message is that the rich are a protected class, and you cannot touch them without massive punishment. they are trying to prevent a revolution by showing dominance and force against you.

the message is that the police are a puppet of the wealthy and that the law is not equally applied across class disparity. it is "some are more equal than others." it is "one life is more precious than another."

the show of force wasn't for luigi. it was for us. it was a warning. they are trying to remind us who is really in control.