#omg period cramp ok good night | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

infinitelytheheartexpands · 4 years

Text

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST—

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode?

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home:

All hail Incitatus the king

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts

oh god is that hamilton

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway)

Me internally vs externally

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance”

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

#opera #opera tag #results #screencaps #captions #caption #caption this #caption contest #this seems to have gone over well and I am Pleased

33 notes · View notes

jayflrt · 3 years

Note

My night's been going ok. Actually i'm on my period so rereading nnn and exploring your page for more fics has ben keeping my mind off of cramps. Definitely looking forward to the breakup pact! Question (as an aspiring writer) how do u come up with the humour for your fics? It seems so natural and flows really well xx - 🧸

NOOO I WROTE A WHOLE RESPONSE AND MY APP CRASHED but i’m glad your night’s going good !!! also you reread my smau ?? ☹️☹️💞 i’m so honored omg <3 and i’m glad you’re looking forward to my new one !!

as for the humor thing, i think it’s just kinda natural for me bc that’s the way i talk LOL it helps having funny friends who bully you 😞 thanks ibtw .. </3

#💌 : jayflrt love notes #🧸 anon #series: the breakup pact

2 notes · View notes

justkurotingz · 4 years

Note

could you please do a spencer x reader where the reader gets appendicitis & spencer has to take her to the ER so she can get emergency surgery, & since she doesn’t have any family in the area he stays with her in the hospital & even stays with her in her apartment to look after her. pretty much just fluff up the wazzoo! i would prefer if they had only gone on one date so far & through this experience they get closer & he gives her sweet forehead kisses & cuddles, but it’s up to u! thank u!!

omg aw this was the cutest request ever <333 i can’t even keep up with how many i’ve gotten LMAO but i always feel guilty if i keep people waiting :(( sorry for any mistakes, i had to finish this up quickly!!

word count: 800 words

you knew something was wrong when your cramps escalated heavily. this was not your typical heavy period cramps, something else was wrong. you glanced at spencer, who was inserting a doctor who dvd in the tv, ready for movie night. it’s fine you thought, pushing down the pain and willingly cuddling up to spencer as to not ruin his night.

who knew that after one date, you’d fall head over heels for this man? he was the absolute sweetest and quirkiest person you’d ever meet. you smiled at spencer’s expression of joy as the dvd started and he grabbed the popcorn, offering you some.

“i’m good.” you smiled slightly, the pain flaring as you moved your hand. your belly button was on fire. was that even normal? you wondered, trying your hardest not to let spencer know you were in pain.

but of course, he was way too attentive. “y/n, are you ok?” he frowned, pausing the dvd at your grimace. “just that time of month.” you dropped your head shyly and he pouted, raising your head with a finger. “you don’t need to hide that from me y/n. do you need anything, a hot pack, chocolate, coffee?” he offered and you smiled, shaking your head.

“i’m fine, let’s just watch the- shit.” you whispered, face contorting. this was definitely not your normal period cramps. you felt like sobbing your heart out while your abdomen burned away.

“y/n, somethings wrong.” spencer switched off the tv and gently prodded your stomach. “ah!” you cried out and he frowned. “we need to go to the hospital. now.” he got up, scooping you up in his arms. “but i’m fine. spencer, i’m fine.” you protested and he shook his head.

“i think you have appendicitis. we need to go now or your appendix might rupture.” you paled, not wanting to know how that would feel. spencer opened to car door and set you down, helping you buckle your seatbelt and a minute later you were speeding off to the hospital.

by now you could barely speak, the pain was dizzying and you felt like throwing up. and was your appendix burning or was that your forehead? you groaned weakly, leaning against the car door as your eyes drifted shut.

“y/n, stay awake. stay with me.” spencer glanced over in worry, the back of his hand cooling your forehead down. “you have a fever.” he muttered, but before you could respond, you were out like a light.

you woke up later in reduced agony, sunlight filtering through an unfamiliar window onto your face. “spencer?” you whispered groggily, taking in the figure sleeping on a chair next to you. he stirred, rubbing his eyes and spotted you moving. “you’re awake!” you sat up stiffly and looked around.

“what happened?” spencer moved to close the blinds as the sun was directly in your eyes. “we got to the hospital yesterday and you were rushed to surgery. everything went fine, you’re just appendix-less now.” he smiled, and then you saw the worry in his eyes.

“hey, you said it yourself. i’m fine. it’s just my appendix.” you reassured him, reaching for the water bottle by your bed. “did you tell anyone?” spence shook his head, brushing out his curls. “i called your mom, but you know she’s too far to visit. she did want you to call her when you were awake.”

you smiled slightly and then immediately frowned. “yesterday night? you stayed for an entire night?” spencer looked surprised you even asked. “of course i did. y/n, you scared me half to death.” your heart swelled with the love you had for him.

“thanks. you didn’t have to do that, we’ve literally gone out once.” you chuckled and he smirked, leaning over to kiss your forehead. “i care about you y/n. i really like you.” he admitted shyly and you laughed, stealing another kiss.

“i really like you too. now let’s get out of here.” the nurse came by to check you out, and two hours later you were back at your apartment, spencer trailing in after you. “you’re staying?” you asked in surprise and he rolled his eyes.

“y/n, i already told you, yes.” you smiled softly, too tired to protest and he led you back to bed. “can you... cuddle with me?” you asked shyly and he beamed, his smile melting your heart.

“of course. anything to make you feel better.” he slipped under the covers and pulled you closer to him, gently tracing the scar on your abdomen. “you’re so strong.” he whispered, kissing your neck and shivers went down your spine.

“go to bed love. i’m right here and i’m not going anywhere.” you fell asleep in his arms, and for the first time in your life, you dreamt of your future.

48 notes · View notes

creative-kpop · 6 years

Text

Awkward

((Bts- jiminxfemalereader))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Chim, stop it” you sighed and shifted away from him.

“Y/n...” he whined. His fingers continued to dance dangerously along the skin of your thighs. Jimin was needy. There was almost nothing you could do to change that.

You were on your period. There was no way in hell you were gonna tell Jimin that. It’s not like you weren’t close, or he didn’t know it happened to you. It was just...awkward.

Jimin came closer to you, and pressed his lips to your shoulder. He pulled at your T-shirt with his teeth and began to trail open mouth kisses over your collarbones. Your stomach cramped, and your body tensed. Jimin stopped at your sudden movement. He looked up at you with a questioning face.

“What’s wrong, baby girl?” He set set his hand on your face moving it towards him.

“I’m just not in the mood tonight” jimin dropped his hand and scoffed at your answer. He sat back against the couch and glanced at you. He looked beautiful like that. You stared at his face until he leaned close to you and said in a low voice,

“Baby, your never not in the mood. And the way your staring at me isn’t convincing me other wise” He nudged his nose against your cheek, and placed another kiss there. You didn’t respond. What were you supposed to tell him? Sorry we can’t have sex tonight,or the rest of the week, I’m bleeding uncontrollably? That certainly wouldn’t end well. You met eyes. His swimming with lust, and a glint of curiosity.

Jimin kissed you, slow and sensual. He pressed against your lips and put his arms around your waist. He tried to pull you onto his lap, but you broke the kiss before he could. Jimin sighed.

“Why are you pulling away? What’s up with you tonight?” His words were filled with concern and a touch of something you couldn’t decipher.

“Oh my god, I told you I wasn’t in the mood. I don’t want to talk about this anymore” you got up off the couch and stormed up to your bedroom. You didn’t mean to snap. It just kinda...happened. You closed the door, but didn’t lock it. Jimin sat dumb-founded on the couch. What did he do wrong? He wracked his brain to think of any reason you would be acting this way.

She’s not...on her period...is she?

Realization struck as Jimin checked his phone and saw the date. He decided you were just moody from hormones and he should just try and be sweet to you. What more could he do?

You laid on the floor of your bedroom with your arm laid over your forehead. Your stomach hurt and sitting wasn’t the most comfortable position. You heard a knock. And then another. You glanced at the door. Un opened. It was unlocked so why didn’t he come in?

“Y/N, can I come in?” He asked in a soft voice, slightly muffled by the door. He was asking you to let him in. He wanted you to want him to be in there. You got up and walked to the door. You opened the door to see a smiling Jimin waiting for you. He stepped through the door way and wrapped his arms around you.

You leaned into his embrace and inhaled his scent. His hand ran up and down your back and he slowly walked you towards your bed.

“Uh I’m sorry for snapping at you” you said with your face buried in his chest.

“It’s fine y/n. It wasn’t your fault. Just Mother Nature” He chuckled and your eyes popped open. He kNEW??????

“PARK JIMIN” you yelled, hitting his chest with your fist. He laughed again and just grabbed your hand.

“Baby, calm down. It’s not that big of a deal” he threaded his fingers through yours, and kissed your fore head. You groaned as another bad cramp hit you. Jimin sat up and watched you roll over in pain.

“Do you need anything?” He asked, now sitting up right on the bed, seeing as how you had curled into a ball out of pain.

“Um not really” you got out through gritted teeth. Jimin grabbed the remote to the TV from the night stand and turned on a movie. He propped up two pillows and leaned back slightly, grabbing your hips in the process. He set you between his legs and leaned you back against his chest. He laid another kiss to the top of your head.

“Jimin stop moving me. I was comfortable.” You shifted around until you found another comfortable spot. Jimin giggled and flashed his smile at you.

Your eyes closed and and Jimin noticed.

“Sleep well princess”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A/N: lol omg this took me forever, but I wanted to post to keep my -37 followers fed :) ok I’m sorry lol

Idk if this is any good but I’m a suck for fluff so

Everything’s always open for request:)

Lots of loveeee<3

#jimin fluff #jimin #park jimin #jimin imagine #jimin smut #bts imagine #bts smut #kpop #kpop imagines #bam #idk what i just wrote tbh

147 notes · View notes

imsarabum · 8 years

Text

Responses to Part 13 I Won’t Stop You (M) // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^

ALSO I have included asks I received to do with IWSY in the hours leading up to before I posted it because there was quite a few! So if you sent in an ask to do with IWSY and I didn’t post it - it will be in this post!

Anonymous said: When ''i wont stop you '' come out i really am inpatient?XD P.S i love you! YOU ARE THE BEST I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i love you (now i told every thing whats on my mind!)(sorry my BAD English:(T.T )

Awww I love you too babe! I’m so happy that you get really excited :3 I really hope you enjoyed the chapter :D And your English is great! Don’t apologise ><

Anonymous said: i've had an awful day today but i know you are going to cheer me up today!!! especially with where the last chapter ended ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I’m sorry to hear you had an awful day :( But I really hope the chapter cheered you up! Thank you so much for reading :3

Anonymous said: TUESDAY IS THE ONLY DAY I LOOK FORWARD TO BUT TODAY WE HAVE A SNOW DAY AND I CAN READ YOUR NEW CHAPTER IN PEACE !!! LOVE YOUR WORK :)))) HAVE A GOOD DAY 💕

OMG YAY A SNOW DAY! I love playing in the snow c: I hope you’ll build lot’s of snowmen! I really hope you enjoyed the chapter love ^^ I hope you have a good day too!!

Anonymous said: It's 6:05 PM, i'm on my period, the cramps are driving me crazy, but I'm so excited that i will stay awake for IWSY bc it's the only series i like so much that i will drop everything to read it 😂❤ __loves the new anon (not really new anymore)

Owwww no :c Periods suck so bad...I will probably be getting mine in a bit because my back is starting to hurt as it always does :( I really hope you enjoyed reading the chapter dear! I hope it can ease your cramping pain a little >< heh, thank you so much my love!

Anonymous said: I'M SO EXCITED FOR IWSY!!!!🎉

I hope you enjoyed it! Yay!!

Anonymous said: So I live in China at the moment and I actually set my alarm for 5:30am just to wake up to the new chapter! Literally the only thing I look forward too during the week!

Ahh that’s so awesome that you live in China! I really want to visit so many places in China U_U And oh my god...I FEEL BAD BECAUSE YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON PRECIOUS SLEEP D: But I’m glad that you look forward to it >< Thank you so much and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

@animeimmortal said I have an essay due tomorrow and i finished it early today just so i could wait for you to release the next part. i LovE THis FIc MoRE ThAn mY liFE P.S. my friend would like to know where did you get the idea for the fic from because the whole thing is bloody amazing

Oh my goodness haha well, I’m glad it was motivation for you to finish it early! You’ll do a good job on it ^^ Thank you so much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! In regards to your friend’s question, I originally received as ask with a request for me to write Vampire smut. But, I had already been planning a Vampire series since the beginning of 2016. So I just added their request into my series to suit both things ^^

Anonymous said: ITS LIKE 1:30AM HERE AND I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW BUT I CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO UPLOAD IWSY JDJSNCND

OH MY GOD GO TO SLEEP I WILL FIGHT YOU ASDFGHJK BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE CHAPTER IF YOU MANAGED TO STAY AWAKE D: SERIOUSLY LOL GO TO SLEEP YOU CHEEKY LITTLE

Anonymous said: its time for jungkook to make me feely his willy, im ready -daisy

Daisy, you are KILLING me with this penis jokes. I can’t *dies laughing*

@cupofcammiemile said: I'm actually so hype for the next part of I Won't Stop You and I'm waiting for it as patiently as I possibly can but I'm like fidgeting and coworkers are actually asking me what's wrong 😂 I hope you have a good night!!❤

Ahhh your co-workers are concerned for your well-being! lol~ I hope you enjoyed last night’s chapter my dear ^^ Thank you so much for reading *hugs*

@wang-banana said: IM SO EXITED FOR THE NEXT PART OF I WONT STOP YOU IVE BEEN MAITING SO DILIGENTLY OMG 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

I know you meant ‘waiting so diligently’ but I literally SCREAMED AND CRIED BECAUSE I JUST HAD AN IMAGE OF JACKSON WITH A BANANA MATING VERY DILIGENTLY (BC OF YOUR USERNAME) AND I LITERALLY CAN’T BREATHE I’M A BAD PERSON OH MY GOD. Aside from that, I really hope you enjoyed the chapter babe c:

@mahirookumura said: I can literally hear a clock in my head 'cause I'm fcking EXCITED FOR IWSY!!!

I hope you enjoyed it my love c:

@coppertopging said: We're so close!!! My body is ready but i don't think my mind ever will be lol.

That just reminded me of ‘My mind’s telling no~ but my body’s tellin’ me yeeeees!” lol x) I hope you enjoyed the chapter sweetie ^^

Anonymous said: I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for what is to come in the next chapter of IWSY because I know that if I don't I will die of the feels

Ahhh I hope you enjoyed the chapter if you read it sweetie! I tried to make it as romantic and steamy as possible c:

Anonymous said: IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT PART OF IWSY HUYGTFR your smut is always amazing ive never been sO excited to sINN -Mishy

Hello Mishy! I really hope you enjoyed the smut in this chapter my love ^^ Thank you so much for loving my smut! haha c:

@voguekate said: Whaha i am refreshing it bc i waited for this with excitement for this day

I hope it lived up to your expectations lovely! ^.^ I’m so glad you were excited for it!

Anonymous said: Part 13 of I Won't Stop You was so perfect!!! I'm fangirling omg so hard lol. Thank you for writing this series!

Ahhh thank you so much >< I’m so glad you liked it and thought it was perfect! You’re welcome, and thank you for reading it!

@loverofotome said: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! AMAZING! I LOVE YOU NEVER STOP BEING INCREDIBLE! 😘

asdfghj I’m so glad you liked it :) I love you too sweetie! Thank you so much for reading it :3

Anonymous said: Okay I just arrived home after a 9 hour flight and the first thing I did was read the new chapter of "I Won't Stop You" and THANK YOU I'M IN LOVE AND SERIOUSLY YOU MAKE EACH AND EVERYONE OF MY TUESDAYS! Yeah, I think that's all I just wanted to say that I loved it. Can't wait for the next one ❤️❤️

Wow a 9 hour flight, you must be exhausted my love! Thank you for reading it and enjoying it. It really means a lot to me! I hope you get some rest after your flight. I can’t wait to post the next one! c:

@voguekate said: Omfg IWSY istg, this was so good omfg.... idk what to say

Thank you so much my love! (btw, I answered your other ask too~ I hope you could find it within this post!

Anonymous said: Bruh.. BRuh.. BRUh.... BRUHHHH..... i loved the chapter!!!! And I did not expect them confessing

Yes! Jungkook just feels the emotion so intensely that he knows he loves her with all his soul. Conversely, the reader is just so besotted by him and the fact he is the first person for her to ‘give herself to’ (for want of better words) as well. Thank you for reading the chapter my love! ^^

@doubletroublesince1994 said: OH. MY. LORD. THIS WAS PERFECT AND EXACTLY HOW I IMAGINE MY FIRST TIME. YOU JUST PUT MY FANTASIES INTO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WORK OF ART. I LOVE YOU.

AHHH I’M SO GLAD I COULD DO THAT FOR YOU! To be honest, I really wish my first time could have been like this ahhh >< So I just write about how I wish it could have went! It’s pretty ideal, right? c: lol I love you more chick! I’m so happy that you liked it, and thank you so much for reading *hugs*

@animeimmortal said: First of all: I AM DEAD BRING ME BACK TO LIFE FOR THE NEXT PART second of all: I SAW THE TITLE BEING MENTIONED I SAW IT!!!! third of all: Beautiful ❤

*gets defibrillator* IT’S OKAY I GOT YOU. But...maybe next week...it will have the same effect? Possibly...hopefully...stronger? *winks* HEHE. AND YAY YOU PICKED UP ON THE TITLE THANK YOU :) lol thank you so much for reading my love (btw, I answered your other ask in this post too so I hope you didn’t have too much trouble finding it babe!)

@audreymv said: YES I LOVE THIS NEW CHAPTER SO MUCH. LIKE ME LEIKEY ALOT. You really are great at writing and let me tell you you did not disappoint. I love it so much

AHH THANK YOU SO MUCH! You are always filled with wonderful compliments for me and it makes me grin so much :) And! I hope you will like next weeks chapter, too ;) muhaha.

Anonymous said: OK I WAS SO PUMPED FOR THE VAMPIRE JUNGKOOK FIC AND THANK YOU SO MUCH IM LITERALLY DYING INSIDE 😭😭😭💕💕💕💕

I’m really happy you liked it my dear ^^ Thank you for reading it! :3

Anonymous said: Chapter 13 has got me GONE! I never read a fan fiction with such amazing vocabulary and grammar, I applaud you 👏💕

Ahhh sometimes there will be little grammar mistakes but I always try my best to proof-read everything! Just silly little, natural mistakes lol damn colloquialisms! Thank you so much for reading my love :)

@im-so-scared-aaaa said: Truthfully, I've never read something as beautifully writed as iwsy 🙉 I love you and your writing, keep going ! (Excuse my english, I'm french 🙊) Good night

Thank you so much my darling! Merci beaucoup mon chérie! (sorry for my French, I was never very good at it in school :c) hehe~ And your English is great so don’t worry at all! ^.^

@deangetoutofmyspleen said: SARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PART 13 IM DEAD AF WOWOWOWOWOWOW (side note, i read all twelve parts last week at like 4am so i've been WAITING FOR THIS) YOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE IM SCREECHING. MY FACE IS SO RED AND IM IN PUBLIC ASDFGJKGKGKTKGNGMHMMHKYK

YOU READ IT IN PUBLIC OH MY GOODNESS ASDFGHJK I’m so happy you enjoyed it c: And there’s more where that came from! :3 Thank you for reading it babe ^^ it means so much to me!

@mahirookumura said: THERE IT GOES ”I – I WON'T STOP YOU, PLEASE…”

Very cleverly spotted my love c:

Anonymous said: Ahh~ The new chapter of I Won't Stop You was just perfect... The wait was so worth it~ Gentle Jungkook was so sweet... Though I do hope the rough side comes out for a while hehehe. Anyways, the ending was really really cute and I'll happily await for the new chapter next Tuesday~ Can't wait to see the story's progress~ As always, stay healthy, don't stress and keep up the hard work!!

He was very gentle indeed! And don’t worry...perhaps, you will get to see his rough side next week? ;o Hmm?! ^^ Thank you so much for reading lovely. I will try to! I hope you have a brilliant week and do your best too! ^^

@cottonxiu said: Today I was learning for 7hours straight bcs I'm having an exam tomorrow and I'm pretty dead rn XD BUT I knew you were posting a new Ch. so when I read it.. It saved my day. Thanks ❤ And oh my lord a chapter full of his ringle dingle 😏 Bless you XD

Oh my god make sure to take a rest! 7 hours is a long time, I don’t want you getting sick or becoming over-tired! :( A chapter full of ringle dingle...I am dying at everyone’s penis jokes ya’ll are too much but it makes me laugh so much LORD lol Thank you so much for reading and I hope you will enjoy the next one too ^^

Anonymous said: NVH FHDUHDCN EANHV THEY SAID I LUV U NO OMG HOW COULD U DO THIS TO MY HEART CHAPTER THIRTEEN OF IWSY WAS SO 👌🏼 AND THE SMUT WAS LIKE DAMN (☝︎ ՞ਊ ՞)☝︎ ( ͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡°)

Love is in the aiiiiirrrr~ heh~ Thank you so much for reading my love! I hope you will enjoy the next chapter too ;)

Anonymous said: OMG 'I won't stop you' just keeps getting better and better honestly I knew this was going to be good because I've read some of your other scenarios but Oh My Lord it's amazing, how many more chapters are you thinking of doing or is it just as many as it takes? ❤️

I’m so happy you think it keeps getting better and better c: I can’t wait for the plot to unfold more and see what you all think of it! Thank you so much babe :) And I’m honestly not sure how many chapters there will be, so I think - as you said, it will just be as many as it will take ^^ :D

Anonymous said: The day was shitty but we have DA SMUT. My day is still shitty, but bearable now thank you - wedding anon

I’m so sorry that you had a shitty day *hugs* you can always talk to me about it! What kind of wife would I be if I didn’t console my partner in their time of need? ^^ Heh~ Thank you for reading it babe ^^

Anonymous said: Why do I get the felling y/n is a vampire, or part vampire or something not human? 🤔 I kinda feel sorry for mugsy, the poor cat probably heard the whole ordeal go down in jungkook room! 😏😂anyhow, keep up the amazing work, Wednesday mornings are now my fav, waking up to a new update! - (new anon) 53669 💗

Ooooh you’ll just have to wait to find out! But I loved reading your analogy on it :3 It’s always so interesting for me to find out what people think is going to happen! And ikr...hopefully Mugsy was fast asleep and didn’t hear a thing...(lol). Thank you so much for reading new anon 53669! heh ^^

@from502to859 said: OH MY GOD, you really outdid yourself with the latest chapter of IWSY, it was absolutely worth the wait!!! That was... top-shelf smut!

Ahhh thank you so much my dear! Top-shelf smut wow ^^ That’s an achievement for me indeed hehe :) I hope you will think that next week’s is the same! ^^ Thank you for your wonderful compliment and for reading as well :3

Anonymous said: Okay so I usually don't read smut because I'm tryna stay innocent LOL but I really love your plot line and I skipped through most of this chapter bc yknow.. smut but I know it was well written of course BUT OMG HE SAID HE LOVES HER I'M CRYING

OOOOOH be careful! Because, in amongst that smut was some very important details about Vampire life~ You might feel a little lost or confused later on in the story if you missed those bits! But I’m glad you enjoyed it nonetheless despite not being a fan of smut ^^ Thank you my love!

Anonymous said: IT WAS SO GOOD FAM!! OH MY SWEEEEEET LORDIIIIIEEEE JEBUS!! IT WAS SO GOOD

Weeee thank you so much babe! I’m so happy you liked it c:

Anonymous said: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I feel so bias wrecked right now! I'm always and will be loyal to V but that new chapter was just a guilty pleasure for me......

Uh oh, don’t tell Taehyung! lol don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret :3 Thank you so much for reading my love!

Anonymous said: brb have to go to church after that smut *fans self* - panda anon

Listen, if I went to church I would burst into flames as soon as I set foot inside LOL. I hope you enjoyed it, panda anon! Thank you for reading :3

Anonymous said: daMN IWSY IS SO GOOOOOOD!!!!!! I just read it all in one sitting and I read really slowly so it took me all day oops. Ur an amazing writer though, like, this whole series has me squealing any time anything happens. I also don't read much so I'm impressed that I'm finally hooked on a fanfic! I'll probably be yelling and also in a coffin waiting to be lowered into my grave until next week so see you then oops

Oh my goodness you read it all in one sitting >< I’m so impressed by that! Thank you for taking the time to do that and then tell me! :) Please don’t go in a coffin >< I’d be very sad! heh thank you for reading my dear and I hope you look forward to the future chapters ^^

Anonymous said: I AM FUCKING DEAD. I AM FUCKING DECEASED. MY BODY IS ROTTING IN THE GROUND AND IM TYPING THIS FROM MY GRAVE AS WE SPEAK. I WONT STOP YOU IS MY FAV FANFIC AND I LOVE YOUR WRITING. I CANT FUCKING WAIT TIL NEXT WEEK OH GOD THAT WAS TOO GOOD. BLESS. FUCK I WANNA CRY CUZ IT WAS THAT GOOD.

WAIT - SO THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH? ALRIGHT, COOL, LIT, DYING DOESN’T SEEM SO BAD NOW lol~ Ahghbsdkgs thank you so much my little flower ^^ I’m so happy you enjoyed it! And..I think you might enjoy next week’s chapter too then :3 hehe~

@suga-buns said: IWSY is breaking me Omg. And that sex scene was super well written Omg props to you. Can't wait until next week's chapter!

Thank you so much babe! I’m so happy that you thought it was well written ^^ I hope you’ll enjoy next weeks chapter too c:

@coppertopging said: I was wrong... i wasn't ready for any of that. Damn...

YOU WASN’T READDYYYY (sorry, vine will have forever ruined my life with that sentence) lmao but I hope it was enjoyable nonetheless my dear! Thank you for reading it :D

Anonymous said: The new "I Won’t Stop You" chapter was amazing! Wow!! I thought you would skip writing their special night together in detail because that's how the preview sounded in chapter 12's ending, but I'm so glad there's a entire chapter dedicated to it! ♥♥♥

Oh my goodness no! I’m evil but I’m not THAT evil~ I wouldn’t do that to you guys hehe ^^ I wanted to dedicate this entire chapter to really prove how Y/N has affected Jungkook in such a way that he is able to be so loving, caring and tender with her; as he was never able to so such things before. Thank you so much for reading lovely! ^^

Anonymous said: Oh my FucKiNG gOD sarA. Tht was literally gold. Omg 4.5k of pure gold omg I loved it I am dying for more. Omg. Fuck. Oh MY gOd I am at a loss for words.

You’re dying for more? Maybe your wish will be granted next week - and a little more....rough too? c; heheh~ Thank you so much for reading this chapter babe! :D

Anonymous said: i love the fact that jungkook wants to be agressive and go all rough on her but hes so considerate knowing its her first time lmao the smut was so sweet and nice i think im... inlove

Yes! Thank you for picking up on that! He just cares about her so much and he can’t explain how he is able to love because of her - but he wanted to show her he is capable of doing that, thanks to her ^^ Hehe, thank you so much for reading it and I’m glad you enjoyed this chapter too! :D

Anonymous said: so the smut scene is on part 13 COINCIDENCE???? I THINK NOT!!!!

*GASP* *SHOCK* ;o

Anonymous said: I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART I WONDER HOW IS IT GOING TO BE LIKE BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM WHEN THEY GO TO WORK THE NEXT DAY LMAO

Hmmm yes...I wonder what will happen the next morning...;) Thank you for reading my love! :D

Anonymous said: I WAS SO SCARED I THOUGHT JK WAS GONNA END UP BITING ME ... god now im wonderin if tht could actually happen 🤧🤧🤧

Oh my goodness yes c: Idk about anyone else but the thought of that actually makes me feel a little hot >< haha I’m possibly just very kinky whoOps~

@jynxy24 said: THE SMUT HAS ARRIVED!!!!!! @-@ Is it wrong that I grinned the whole time i was reading it? BTW THE CHAPTER WAS SO GREAT GAWDDDDDDD!! Stay awesome at writing and life, Sara. LOVE YA!♥♥

YES THE SMUT IS HERE FINALLY! No it’s not wrong at all, I’m happy to know that you grinned the entire time! :3 Thank you so much for your lovely compliments my dear :D And thank you for reading it as well! I love you more ^^

Anonymous said: I love I won't stop so muchh I can't wait for the next chapter!!

Thank you so much my dear! I hope you will enjoy the next chapter too :D

Anonymous said: "Not hung like a horse," AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

LMAO I’m so sorry x)

Anonymous said: Hi Sara! So I was thinking, maybe y/n is the daughter of a vampire and a human, and that's why she's so special? And maybe that is the reason why Yoongi wants her, maybe she has some kind of powers idk. I love guessing things of this beautiful serie! ❤ ~mina

I won’t stay whether you are wrong or right because I would like it to be a surprise for everyone! But I love when people tell me what they think because it can say in my head ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ hehe ^^ Thank you so much for reading darling ^^

@deboracorrea25 said: I'm touched... I'm wordless... This chapter of "I won't stop you" was just perfect!!

Thank you so much for your kind words sweetie ^^ I’m so happy you liked it!

Anonymous said: The latest update of I Won't Stop You was so good I'm shook!! There was the perfect amount of smut and fluff, it could not have been better! You can be proud of yourself :))

Ah thank you so much for your kind and sweet words to me :) I’m so happy you enjoyed the chapter. Although, I hope I can evoke similar feelings next week - but...more roughness? ;) Thank you so much!

#I Won't Stop You #IWSY #Responses #Asks #imsarabum

21 notes · View notes

maggiehanhamgrad701 · 3 years

Text

All About Annie

MY LOVES

Its about time we become straight up and just say what we are all thinking right (lol)? So here I go, here at the most annoying, frustrating and honest things that float to my brain when I think of Endometriosis.

HERE ARE THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ENDOMETRIOSIS SUFFERER\

Yeah, sorry to get straight into it with the gorey details. However the amount of underwear ive had to handwash in the shower, or are to far gone and had to be thrown in the bin is so high I have lost count. Might I add it really sucks when I treat myself to a beautful sexy matching bra and undies set and after the first wear I have to bin them.

2. Constant STI/STD Checks

OK this one for me is a serious annoyance. The fact that I have probably had more check-ups than a sex worker (no hate) is absolutley ridiculous. Its even more frustrating when I explain that ‘I was literally tested a month or 2 ago and havnt had sex since then’ and still get poked and proded amazes me. Even more crazy is the fact me and my boyfriend were given pills to take for an STD even though we both tested negative more than ten times, but just in case we had to take them. I have endo, not a STD mate.

3. “OMG I get really bad period pains toooooo”

Look, I know you trying to be supportive or whatever by saying this however this one one of the most offensive things you can say to an endo sufferer. You may get severe period pains and that sucks, but the fact that you think endo is just period pains is frustraing. When you can hardly get out of bed for weeks on end, talk to me.

4. Greasy Hair and Hairy Legs

You know you are having a bad episode when even the thought of showering is draining let alone actually completing this task. So to say I literally get in and out would be quite a good description. My poor boyfriend putting up with my hairy body and my poor, poor cute outfits being let down by a greasy bun. Oh the joys of fatigue.

5. Paying for Pads and Tampons

This stuff is expensive, espically when you bleed for 6 weeks straight. Goverment listen up, fund ’em!

6. When everyone you meet suddenly has the ‘answer to my prayers’

Im just not even gonna…….

7. “My Aunty had a baby and thats how she cured her Endometriosis”…..

First of all, CURE – LOL, second of all, whatever rock you live under, please remove yourself from it and educate yourself, Pregnancy doesn’t help everyone people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. When the Staff in the Emergency Department think your a Drug addict

We all must have been here right? The funny looks, the whispers and stares, the “are you sure your really in pain hunny” chats. A common complaint from a lot of woman who deal with Endometriosis is they are made to feel like drug seekers. Seriously? Do you think I want to be lying in a cold, loud hospital wing on a Tuesday night at 1:13am instead of my warm cosy bed fast asleep? Do you really think if I had a choice I would like to be hooked up to a morphine drip filling myself with pharmaceutical crap?? NO I AM NOT SEEKING DRUGS! But I would really like them to help get rid of this pain so please come to your senses and realise I am in desperate need of your help and assist me in getting sane and comfortable enough to head home, thanks 🙂

9. The wheat bag is just never hot enough

Ok, how many of us have literally nearly burnt ourselves from frying our skin with an extra hot wheaty? (I imagine you are all raising your hands at this point) When the pains are so bad it is literally impossible to get your heat device hot enough to even slightly make the cramps bearable, there is so no saving you lol.

10. “Does like, that mean you can’t ever have babies?”

Firstly, sit down you insensitive human. Secondly, my chances do become slimmer then normal, thanks for reminding me 🙂 isn’t it actually the worst when people don’t even think about how this question is going to make you feel? So cut throat it hurts.

11. Painsomina

100% is a thing. 100%. You are so sore, that you can’t even sleep. But you are so tired and exhausted from being in pain all day and you just wanna sleep. But you can’t, cos your in pain still and you cannot get comfortable no matter how hard you try or how many painkillers you take. You are just awake, dying a slow death whilst watching time slowllllllly tick by.

12. Explaining to your new partner what is wrong with you

Isn’t the “it sometimes hurts to have sex” convo literally the worst? Explaining to a male who has it drilled in his head that periods are even more taboo to talk about then the devil, that what Endometriosis is and how it effects you, ughhhhhh such a drag. I actually have now decided we should get like gold medals after having this conversation?

13. The initial convincing the doctors theres something wrong with you saga

Omg how did I nearly forget this one? THE ABSOLUTE WORST! Trying to convince a medical professional that your BODY HATESSSSSSS YOUUUUU and them not believing you for idk, like 8 years (using that number as its the average time a girl has to wait for a diagnosis) is so horrible. I remember the “take some pandadol, its just a bad period” chats like it was yesterday. You leave feeling so deflated and so mental

14. The after surgery gas

Haha k, I’m sorry, we have to discuss it. The first few days after surgery, and all that gas that they have pumped your tummy with is leaving your body, so embarrassing lol. You feel so un feminine and its so unacceptable. With no choice in the matter, “Pardon me” becomes your new favourite saying

15. When tired really, reallllly means TIRED

I literally hate it when I get to this point. When you actually have to put thought into picking up each leg when you walk. When simple tasks such as the dishes, folding the washing or brushing your goddam teeth feel like an olympic race. Once the fatigue takes over, the only thought I can concentrate on properly is getting myself to bed.

16. The bloating

You don’t know bloat until you have meet the Endo belly bloat right? Being that bloated sucks, especially when it means you can no longer eat your favourite chocolate unless you want to deal with the 4 month pregnant belly look. Even worse, looking pregnant when you run the possibility of never actually being able to be pregnant – can suck it.

17. Having your period, like all the time

SO many of us have been here – the never ending period. The waiting for it to finish and it never does. The loosing count of how long it has been since you didn’t have to change a tampon. The “OMG WHY WONT YOU GO AWAY” tears whilst sitting on the toilet unwrapping yet another night pad that will only last an hour because the flow is so heavy. Lets all have a moment of silence for all those who have been there, we deserve it.

18. You become your friends and families pharamcist

“So, can I take these two medications together?”

“You know that thing I got off you that time I felt nauseas, can I take some home with me?”

“I have a headache, do you have anything that will help?”

“Will I be fine if I take this without food?”

“How many of these can I take at once?”

19. Cramps

Its an obvious one, yet one that still needs to be addressed. How flipping sore are those cramps though? Cramps in your belly, cramps in your back, in your legs, in your actual vagina! Like enough is enough. However your body doesn’t understand that saying and just keeps throwing you cramps on cramps.

20. Calling in sick for work

Having to try and explain that periods are not an easy task for you and that you need to stay home in bed to your manager is not a fun or ideal task. Having them believe the severity of it can be so hard. Especially when you did this last week, and now you have the same problem and they can’t quite get their head around how you have your period again in such a small amount of time? Like when is ” I have my period and I have Endometriosis so leave me be” going to be an acceptable reason for a sick day? I vote it should be now.

Guys, honestly lol – I could sit up all night typing because the list seems to be never ending. Feel free to add “the confession you wanna make but never say” into the comments below – I can’t wait to see what you all have to add and what I’ve missed!

Hope you had a lil laugh relating to the above.

0 notes

nikiandvincent · 7 years

Text

N. THE SIZZLE 7/25/2017 leo season

Vincent,

All the leos in my life other than you are annoying me.

BUT HAPPY ALMOST BIRTHDAY LITTLE LION OMG.

Things are crazy, but I can feel things settling into place. The new apartment is so nice, so perfect, so near the beach. Feels like I’m on vacation. I still work and have class up near the old place, but my class will be over soon and hopefully I will have another job so I can never take that bus again ever. It’s funny how much I want to hate that area now just because it isn’t this one.

The show is good. A bunch of the cast is heading to Toronto for the show they’re bringing to Summerworks, so our rehearsals won’t be happening for a while. I like the new guy we cast I think. He’s not bringing a lot of lust to our characters’ dynamic though and I’m unsure of how to deal with that.

I feel like all the things I want to say are boring. Like “yesterday I got a dresser for free from a girl I went to high school who also lives here, so now I’m not living out of a suitcase.” and “my period cramps are so bad right now that I called in sick to work and my plan for the night is to eat soup and make myself a strawberry milkshake.” Both true... neither are particularly noteworthy.

The soup is leftover from when Dom came over two days ago to see the new place. We made peanut soup and talked and talked. It’s so nice to have my friends over in my new space. I feel really happy in this space. Mint green walls, all the plants I bought with Amanda. Ample cupboard space in the kitchen, an even more profound fusion of Sarah’s things and my things.

Our old landlord is having a lot of feelings these days. We receive them via angry email. She doesn’t have any right to withhold our security deposit, but has mentioned possibly doing that. She things the humidity damage is our fault, we think the issues existed in the apartment already. There’s not much left to do but accept the anger and let it be what it is. It feels really shitty to leave things like this with her... but I don’t think we have a choice.

I’m really pensive. I keep imagining the ocean in November and how different it’s going to be to live here then. I’m thinking about school and how soon it begins. There’s just a lot right now. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but it’s a lot.

I miss you. We haven’t seen each other in-person since over one year ago now. Wild.

Ok this has got to be my most boring blog post yet.

So sorry for that.

Love you.

-Niki

0 notes

whoajeon · 7 years

Note

Omg I'm in love with u I love puns💞 and YES THE EGGTARTS R SOOO GOOD!! I got mine at this bakery called 85 degrees bakery, some Taiwan bakery. It's sooo yummy!!! How r u doing? I hope it's been good!! Yesterday has officially made my week terrible bc I got my monthly-u-know-what and I've been having the worst stomach ache I've ever had. I couldn't finish hw so now I'm doing it rn but it's ok, I think I'll survive somewhat :') today I have a band concert and we're playing Hey Jude but lmao 1/?

We suck bc we barely got the chance to practice rip so yea. Oh but I get to go eat udon after since my mom promised so I'm excited for that :))) gosh I hope u r doing well and staying healthy and I love uuuuu 💞💞💞💓 - morning music anon 2/2

I’m seriously going to have to go and track these down because they look so good holy crap lweagjraoij

I’ve been good! Bit of a rough week school wise, totally bombed my one exam but i got an 80 in another (i was failing, this grade saved me)! Ahh, i too got a surprise visit from my monthly friend :)))))))) Do you use Midol? That shit is a life savior. I feel like i need to make a PSA about this because so many people have never heard of it??

MIDOL: a medication specifically for periods that helps with relief of cramps, headache, backache, tender breasts, bloating, and fatigue

if that doesn’t sound like a miracle worker than i don’t know what does. and it kicks in SO FAST god bless. go get yourself some midol (it’s in the feminine care aisle!)

Oh god, how did your concert go?? At least there was a happy ending to the night :’) Send me food i’m broke and don’t have any fun money left for school ;~;

I hope you’re doing well!!!!!

#i take ages to reply #but at least i got this message #bless #morning music anon #Anonymous

0 notes

hellothisisourhouse · 7 years

Text

Birth Story

Pic: omg I really was pregnant, Lois at 1 week old, Lois last week.

First-time moms like me carry a lot of baggage into the hospital with them - yeah I’m talking about the overstuffed hospital bags, but also 30+ years (and then 9 more focused months) of thinking and planning and obsessing about labor and delivery. Heading into it, my mindset was all over the place - as a feminist I wanted to feel powerful, and as a nerd I felt (over?) informed - but mostly, really, I was feeling like a huge chicken. My whole life I’ve had low pain tolerance (a hangnail will depress me for days) and a total aversion to physical feats (see my tortured cross country participation, or my one day of skiing that I absolutely hated). I was the one who swore I would close my eyes during the videos in birthing class because I didn’t want to accidentally cry in public.

Two things kept me from total melt down as the big day approached. One was the idea of epidurals. We attended a lecture on “pain management options” at UCSF and I asked all my mom friends - everyone seemed to say that they help, like a lot. I also found out that modern ones are more measured and humane than in times past, which was reassuring. I know they are not for everyone, but for me, every time I thought about labor and wanted to panic, I would remember epidurals and feel better. The other was an analogy - that this whole thing is just a rollercoaster. I calm myself down with analogies a lot - maybe someone deeper would call them mantras or something. So the rollercoaster was just a reminder that all you have to do is strap in, and the fun happens to you. Unlike taking a big test, giving a speech, or running a race, it’s not about effort or performing - it’s about showing up and riding it out. Maybe I’m not describing it well, but it helped me.

Be warned - the story below contains words like cervix and crowning and many references to both pee and poop - read at your own risk of feeling icky. Also, it’s really long - I mean scroll to the bottom and see what you’re in for. Ok, you’ve been warned.

So three weeks before the due date (which was Oct 22) I stopped working and settled in at home to eat pasta, read about politics (the presidential election was coming up), and further research pregnancy and baby stuff. I also did the typical 9 months pregnant thing, which is furiously cleaning out drawers and closets - I organized everything from the cake decorations tub to my miniature hotel shampoo collection.

On the evening of Wed, Oct 12, I had been cleaning all day in anticipation of my mom arriving the next day. I was dirty, with my hair up, pajamas on, dusty from handling old paperwork files, and the house was a mid-cleaning disaster zone. Brian was on his way home from work and I wanted to finish just one or two more things before throwing dinner together. At about 6:30pm I reached down to move an ottoman in our bedroom and peed my pants. It’s not the first time that had happened that day - cleaning makes me sneeze and sneezing makes 9 months pregnant women pee - but it was the biggest one. So I trundled to the bathroom to change and noticed the pee was tinged pink. A small alarm bell went off in my head because one of our classes had taught us that amniotic fluid is pink.

Deep in denial (I was sure sure the baby was going to come late - not early!) I googled “how do I know if it’s pee or water breaking” and read a bunch of unhelpful message boards where people swear that water breaking starts with a pop and/or gushes like a waterfall. I thought about calling Brian, but didn’t want to panic him while he was driving - so I called the nurse line at UCSF instead. “Umm hi - I’m pregnant and I’m not sure but maybe my water broke or maybe I just peed. I’m not having any contractions.” I told her it was pink but the amount was little. She said, “it doesn’t sound like your water broke, but because you are GBS positive, you should come in and we’ll check it out.”

Too bad I hadn’t packed our hospital bags yet - I grabbed the nearest duffel and stuffed it with the basic items (thank goodness I had at least created a packing list in advance). I circled the more complicated items thinking - if this is a false alarm, I’ll add these in when we get back home. Brian walked in the door, probably just wondering what was for dinner, but instead he got me announcing that I think my water broke and UCSF wants us to come in. He lept into action - ok, car seat, check, bags, check, grab extension cords and the camera, check, car keys and house keys, check, ok, let’s go. Later we looked back at that car ride and neither one can remember what we talked about, if anything. I think it was pretty quiet as we each processed our feelings and wondered what the night would bring.

At the hospital, I stopped in the bathroom in the lobby and noticed that I had continued to leak, so that seemed significant. We headed up to the birthing center to check in. We might have been the calmest couple-in-labor they saw that night - maybe a little too calm. I was dreading being told that this was a false alarm, but also sort of dreading it being the real deal, so I think I overdid it playing super casual cool at the desk. “Hi, yes, we are here to perhaps have a baby, you know, if that’s how things should pan out. I called about it in advance?” They checked us in.

We went to triage and I got hooked up to monitors, which is when things got interesting. The nurse told us, “this one shows the baby’s heartbeat and this one shows contractions - so you are having contractions, and they are pretty regular.” Well that was news to me - it’s really weird to be told you are having these things you can’t even feel - I literally had not even had any braxton hicks practice ones. As we sat there waiting to be seen by the doctor, we played a game where I would look away from the monitor and try to guess when I was having one. Brian would confirm yes/no - but for a while I kept being totally wrong. If these were contractions, sign me up! (Yes I realize that at 9 months pregnant, I was already very much signed up.)

In triage we also met a medical student who was there to observe - everyone we met that night was so very cool and nice, which helped a lot. We made a joke about him later because it seemed to be his main job to collect our birthing plan paper, which we had left in the car. He asked several times over the next couple hours before Brian finally took pity and went to grab it for him. Our plan was pretty uninteresting (basically, “please just help me out and yes I’m open to an epidural”) and as it turned out, not even useful in the end. Also while in triage, my mom (is she magical? mom esp?) called to ask Brian a computer question. It was pretty funny to watch him talk her through some troubleshooting before finally saying, “oh yeah and we are at the hospital because we think Ani’s water broke” - and go on to explain the whole situation.

When the doctor arrived, she did a speculum exam - by that point I was leaking fluid all over the table and she (and we all) concluded that yes, my water had broken. Interestingly, she said that from her exam (which is different from a proper cervix check), my cervix looked “visually closed” which clued me in that this could be a long process.

The standard procedure for when your water breaks and you’re GBS positive, is to induce labor to get the baby out sooner rather than later. In my case she explained that since I was already contracting (in labor) this was more “augmenting” than “inducing.” Ok then… We decided on a dose of pitocin and made plans to move me to an empty labor room to get the party started. We grabbed our stuff, walked down the hall, met our friendly on-call nurse, and found our room. I think the time was about 9:30pm.

By this time, I could feel my contractions - they started as a slightly nauseous feeling and worked their way toward period cramps as time wore on. Lindsey, our nurse, ran us through the gamut of paperwork and Brian joked with her about how the paperwork must be a lot more hectic if the patient is deep in labor. We signed off on everything and I got the misoprostol - at the last second the doctor came in and recommended that instead of the pitocin. I was thinking about my one friend who had been induced earlier that month (also at UCSF), and how she had waited 2 whole days to give birth. Everyone seemed to think I should rest up, get some sleep, and we would see how labor was progressing in the morning.

Brian realized we hadn’t had dinner (or packed any snacks) so he ran down to the cafe, which closes at 10. He came back with a haul - I ate an apple turnover and some fruit salad because sweets sounded good. I said I was too nauseated to try the burrito, so save it for later. After that, Brian changed into pajamas (I was already in the hospital gown) - we both brushed and flossed and put our mouthguards in. In the Heung household that signals bedtime. We tucked in and I felt uncomfortable (groaning through contractions) but basically ok.

At some point the misoprostol must have kicked in because the contractions were no joke anymore - I kept jumping up from the bed at each one. Lindsey came in and we talked about options - she recommended fentanyl because it was early in labor and I should be resting. It would take the edge off the contractions and make me sleepy, which should be just the ticket. It did make me feel groggy so I laid back down… Until it didn’t anymore and the contractions came raging back.

Here’s the part where I try to describe what a contraction feels like - after all, that’s the scary thing of labor that I always wondered about. Was it an ocean wave coursing through your body like the natural moms said? Was it a full body charlie horse like I imagined (I super hate charlie horses)? Why was everyone always comparing it to period cramps (which I already did in the paragraph above)? Well due maybe to the fentanyl, or just my weird body or something - I’m still not really sure what a contraction feels like. I can honestly say that the main sensation I felt - and this is going to get icky - was intense intense pressure, like I-need-to-poop pressure. I’m sorry, but there’s no other way to say it. If I could think of another way to say it without the word poop, I surely would. Soooo - strong period cramps?

A couple other things happened during the intense part, but the order they happened escapes me. One - during one contraction, I really felt that pressure pressure feeling and begged Lindsey to help. I whined like, “I don’t know what to do with this feeling what am I supposed to dooo….” 23 cumulative hours of birthing class and I seemed to remember nothing. She calmly looked me in the face and said, “you need to breath” - and actually that is exactly the reminder I needed. Deep deep deep deep breaths and the contraction was over (until the next one). Even in my addled state I was thinking like, yeah, nurses are baller for dealing with this all the time.

Two - my main MO (probably to the annoyance of Lindsey) was to lie down between contractions and keep up the farce that I was still going to get some sleep that night, and then immediately jump up and and pace or run to the bathroom as soon as a contraction would start. The reason I say annoyance is that the up-and-down required removing my monitors, which I’m allowed to do, but then the nurse has to come check why my monitors are off. So it was a lot of up and down, on and off, in and out and checking on me. During one of these trips, I barfed projectile vomit all over the bathroom. Weirdly, I decided that I should try to clean my totally barf-soaked slippers in the bathroom sink and I actually tried for about 10 seconds before another part of my brain was like, girl, you’re in labor and these are from Ikea - please throw them away. So I did…RIP pink slippers. Then Lindsey, the baller with the patience of a saint, came to check on me and I apologized profusely for completely destroying the bathroom with my fruit salad vomit. She assured me it’s ok. Thinking about it afterward, I bet that happens constantly in these rooms, but at the time I was so embarrassed about the mess.

Three - at some point we all realized the fentanyl was not doing its job anymore (it only lasts like 45 minutes per dose) so I took a second shot of it for relief.

After a particularly frenzied round of me groaning about “the pressure! the pressure!” Lindsey called the doctor back into our labor room. She announced it was now time for a cervix check - went on in for a second, then pushed her stool back, looked at us and said words that are some of the most surprising of my life - “you’re at 10 cm.” You could have picked my jaw up off the floor where it was resting on my slipperless feet. Hello our endless hours of birthing class, you did not prepare me because this is not how it is supposed to go (but like, in a good way?).

The room seemed to spring into action - lights went on, the team assembled, and I heard talk of it’s time to push. Brian and I were like - oh hey but wait can we still get that epidural? I knew that pushing usually lasts 1 to 3 hours, and that’s a long time to be oh-so-very uncomfortable. In my mind the doctor said slowly, “ok sure we can do that for you…” while shaking her head side to side. I’m sure she didn’t actually do that, but that’s the feeling I got. I read the room - no one thought I should get the epidural - just push they said. I’m very trusting so I went with it - feet in the stirrups, face in the nitrous oxide, let’s do this thing. Later Brian said they could pretty much see the baby crowning the minute I was in position. At first he held one leg, but the nurse redirected him to hold my head - it felt really good to have him there for the literal and figurative support. By now I was used to the rhythm of contractions and it made sense to push during and rest between. Pushing her out felt like you might imagine - painful, but sort of necessary too. I took puffs of the nitrous in between pushes because I thought it was funny (the idea of laughing gas amuses me, like I should be at the old timey dentist right now). I also thought about the birthing class video (the one I had dreaded watching) and remembered how easy they had made it look. First the baby is in, then you push, then she’s out! Maybe I didn’t have enough reverence for the miracle that was happening, but sometimes your brain just thinks what it thinks.

Pushing, like the rest of labor, went pretty fast. Each contraction I could feel her moving and then she slipped out - head first, body second, and they put her up on my chest. It’s the moment we had all been waiting for and it was here - 1:51am, Thursday, Oct 13. My first reaction was just to laugh (not sure if I did out loud or just mentally) because it was so unexpected. Later on the medical paperwork confirmed it - ten minutes of pushing - it just seemed so fast and it took me a minute to get my bearing on the situation.

When they realized that the baby was going to come quick, and that I had just redosed on fentanyl, they placed a couple extra doctors on hand in case she came out drugged (a bit scary). But she came out screaming (yay!) and immediately started rooting around when she was on me. My first visual of the human creature that made us parents will forever stick in my mind. The room was dark but there were spotlights in my eyes backlighting her little head, which was inches from my face and craning from side to side, like a little baby dinosaur. Everything we had learned about skin-to-skin and the magic hour made me so excited to see her moving like that, marking the first time I was already proud of our girl for doing her thing.

It took them about an hour to fix me up (yeah, the downside of a fast labor) but between Brian by my side, our fascination with baby’s every move, and a few more puffs of nitrous, I barely noticed. Lindsey the nurse told me my pain tolerance must be higher than I reported because I had been talking to her even during my later contractions (I don’t know about that - in my post-childbirth life I’m back to being a wuss). The nurses also said I should watch out if I ever have another kid - they might be born on the freeway since successive births tends to be faster than the first. They did apgar and the basic tests on the baby and everything looked good - height 21 inches, weight 7 lbs 8 oz. Her temperature was slightly low, but came back up by the next time they measured. We must have slept because the next thing I remember was a 5am wake up to move us to the recovery room.

The next 2 days in the hospital were pretty fun - it rained a lot, we ordered way too much food from the cafeteria, had visits from our parents and a few friends from birthing class who had had their babies just days previous. The staff at UCSF was so so very kind and good - they taught us to feed her, diaper her, swaddle her, and basically keep her alive. I have so much gratitude for them just doing an excellent job, and for our parents swooping in to take care of every other little detail so that we could make recovery and learning our main focus.

So that's it! I realize that parts of this birth story sound a little humble braggy - “I couldn’t even feel my contractions!” “10 minutes of pushing!” - and I do, and have, felt weird about that at various times ever since Oct 13. When other moms are telling their seriously heroic tales, I feel like I have to rush through mine, or add focus on the bad parts to make it sound more gritty. But of course that is silly - our story is what it is - everyone’s story is what it is. Of course I feel lucky (relieved?) that things went smoothly. Of course I had nothing to do with it, it’s just how things went. Afterward, I even googled a bunch of stuff like “are birthing hips a thing” so I could at least feel like maybe this was sweet payback for a life of larger-than-desired jeans sizes, but it turns out birthing hips is not really a thing. Long labor, short labor, smooth labor, complicated labor - it’s pretty impossible to predict. And no one’s really permanently sad about it - even my friends with the longest and hardest labors look back and say, “worth it.” Who knows, but it’s our story and I like it - it brought us Lois and I wouldn’t change one second of the rollercoaster ride that we had.

0 notes