#I know that part about my health sounds pretty gloomy
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amethystina · 4 months ago
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I am intrigued by all the wips honestly. Anything you give us will be amazing, I have no doubt.
I will ask about Thou Shalt Not Covet tho because it is completed.
And I LOVE the How To Build a Family for Dummies title lmao. If you feel that it fits the story, you don't have to change it imo 😆
Also, I have to ask about your health. I hope you're doing well these days and that you're getting better. If not, don't push yourself too hard. Take care of yourself either way 💜
No pressure x'D
Jokes aside: thank you 💜 I'm very flattered that a lot of you have such faith in me and my writing.
Thou Shalt Not Covet was something I wrote in a feverish haze about a week ago because I was high-key panicking over not having been able to draw or write in what felt like forever and my brain just latched on to that story. Which wasn't at all what I had planned but, apparently, what I needed at the time, so I try not to hold it against myself.
It's basically a fic about Ga On being a raging ball of jealousy for 10k straight.
... or gay, I guess?
So the title is a bit misleading since there is actually A LOT of coveting going on. Coveting of Yo Han, to be more specific.
Ga On you little sinner you.
And it's 10k before editing, I should say. Because since I wrote it with a fever, I'll probably have to add a bit as I edit. Understandably, I tend to miss a lot of details when I'm too feverish. The fic is set just before Kim Choong Sik's first trial, so around episode 10. Which means I'm going to have to add a couple of warnings because Yo Han does not play fair. Whenever I write Yo Han as he was during the drama I'm reminded of how far he's come in Who Holds the Devil because dear LORD is he a manipulative asshole in this one x'D
So yeah. Jealous!Ga On and a Yo Han who doesn't pull his punches. A recipe for disaster, in other words. But they work it out eventually.
Here's a snippet from the beginning of the story (though unedited so there might be changes before it's posted)
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Ga On had never understood how utterly devastating jealousy could be until he felt it — truly felt it — for the first time.
If asked, he would have said he wasn't a jealous person. He may have felt a burst of it once or twice as he and Soo Hyun had grown up — whenever another boy had shown an interest in her — but it had faded just as quickly as it had flared up. Perhaps because, deep down, Ga On had known that Soo Hyun only had eyes for him.
There was no need for him to feel jealous since the odds of him losing Soo Hyun to another were slim.
And, in hindsight, that must have lulled Ga On into a false sense of security, giving him the impression that he wasn't the jealous type. That he was calm and rational enough not to get upset, and knew how to handle the surge of emotions that might occur. Not realizing that what he'd felt at the time wasn't jealousy — or at least not the true depth of what he was actually capable of feeling.
Ga On had underestimated his own possessiveness.
And it wasn't until he met Kang Yo Han that Ga On knew true jealousy.
His first clue that he'd misjudged himself should have been his inexplicable desire to remain within Yo Han's orbit despite having numerous reasons to stay away. All Ga On wanted was to keep pushing closer, to keep proving himself, to keep asking for that intoxicating attention that crackled like electricity down his spine. He may not want to name what he was experiencing — instinctively shying away from a revelation he knew would change his life beyond what he was ready to deal with, finding comfort in denial — but he still craved the rush it gave him. He couldn't help wanting more.
His second clue should have been his own reaction as he'd watched Jung Sun Ah fuss with Yo Han's tie during their photo shoot.
The anger Ga On had felt in that moment — curling black and vicious inside his chest — had been an overreaction of the kind that should have given him pause. But, somehow, it hadn't. Somehow, Ga On hadn't even registered it as something out of the ordinary. Some part of him had even felt justified in his anger.
As if he had a right to feel that possessive over his chief.
But the rational part of Ga On knew that he didn't. He may be sleeping in Yo Han's house and helping him with his mission to upend the world as they knew it, but they were still nothing more than coworkers.
Yo Han had never promised him anything.
---
Expect jealousy, anger, and a bit of angst. Because Ga On has abandonment issues and it actually hits pretty hard when he starts suspecting that he's not so special to Yo Han after all...
As for How to Build a Family For Dummies, the title doesn't fit the vibe AT ALL which is why I'm calling it a working title for now. It just sounds way too cute and cheerful for the actual theme and content of the story x'D But more about that in another reply since I got a specific ask about it!
Aaaaand when it comes to my health, things are really bad, unfortunately. The kind of bad I haven't had since January, with daily exhaustion fevers and lack of focus. And it's probably not going to get better anytime soon since the main cause is related to something outside of my control that will most likely take months to fix. So it's really just a matter of me trying to hold on as long as I can and, if I'm lucky, I won't break completely before I reach the other side. I guess we'll see?
Anyhow! Thank you so much for the concern and the lovely ask. You take care of yourself too 💜
WIP Tag Game
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lalunameli · 11 months ago
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Melly's MasterList of Translations:
And other miscellanea...
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HIATUS June 1, 2024:  Unfortunately my health has gotten worse in recent months, so I am forced to take a break from most of my online activities, and will stop any translations while I recuperate.  I don't know if I will revisit anything in the future, but for now, the focus will be on my health and getting better.  
Thanks for your understanding.
-Melly
Tiger & Bunny:
Mostly Yuri Petrov/Lunatic related
Season 1
Yuri Petrov/Lunatic Article from Hero Gossips
Excerpts from Hero TV Fan Volume 2
TN: May add more translations from this publication later
Hero TV Newspaper Extra Pg 18: Lunatic/Yuri Petrov
Cast Comments from Yusa Kōji from an unknown magazine about Tiger & Bunny: The Beginning
Late Night Tea With Yuri-Sensei: 5th Cup By: Ogawa Kuro
Late Night Tea With Yuri-Sensei: 4th Cup By: Ogawa Kuro
Yuri Petrov's Profile from The Rising - King of Works Super Fanbook
Lunatic - Heroes Column Card
Golden Ryan - Excerpts of Heroes Column Card and short lesson on Japanese polite speech forms
Yuri Petrov's Daily Schedule: The Rising - King of Works Super Fanbook
The Beginning Novelization: Yuri/Luna's post credit scene
Translation of Barnaby's Medical Assessment Performed by Dr. Chinatsu Matsui (From the November 2011 Issue of Animage)
Media
TaiBani Music, Audio Dramas and Events
Lunatic/Yuri-centric content from The Sound of Tiger & Bunny pamphlet.
Small blurb on Special CD #6: Yuri Petrov's Melancholic Daily Life
TN: Changed title to match the title used in the previously translated audio drama; however, 憂鬱 (yuuutsu) can also be translated as "depression", "gloomy", and "melancholy", so both titles work. "Yuri Petrov's Gloomy Daily Life" also sounds pretty good.
Translation of Yuri's Character Song: Thanatos no Koe wo Kike and small article about it
Excerpts from TB2 OST Liner Notes
AFFT Talkshow Event October 13, 2017 (Mainly Yuri information)
Information about TaiBani and New Otani Hotel Collab 2024
Explaination About Yuri and the Karuizawa Cabbage Seller Theory
Taibani Videogames
Translation of Yuri-centric info from this PASH article on Hero's Day for PSP
More Hero's Day Info on Yuri's Route
Hero's Day Screenshots and other info from Yuri's Route.
TN: May add translation of Yusa Kōji interview later
Translation of Yuri's (main) Route from Hero's Day for PSP
Part 1 and Part 2
Hero's Day: Yuri's April Fools Day Message and Small Interview with Yusa Kōji from B's Log
Misc Translations
Translation of blurb on Barnaby and Kotetsu's Eau de Toilette Fragrances
Masakazu Katsura's Tribute to Toriyama Akira-sensei and Masakazu Morita's words (Translation by: Todd Blankenship on Twitter/X)
Translation of Lunatic Sound Drops
Happy 13th Year Anniversary TaiBani
Season 2
Ueda Hiroshi's TaiBani2 Sequel Idea (Tweet)
S2 Cour1 Ep 8: 顔色悪い (Kao iro warui)
Translation of Yuri and Lunatic centric parts of this interview with Kase Atsuko in Newtype, February 2023
Translation of Yuri and Lunatic centric parts of this interview with Kase Atsuko in Animedia, February 2023
Translation of Excerpts from MASAKAZU KATSURA x TIGER & BUNNY 2 Design Works
Yuri Petrov and Lunatic blurbs from the Tiger & Bunny 2 Museum
Translation of Yuri-centric parts from the staff interview in TaiBani2 Exclusive Interviews Vol. 7
Commentary
The Murder Dungeon
Commentary on Lunatic's Hidden Room (aka the "Murder Dungeon™️") including official designs
Murder Dungeon Location Found? From The Beginning Novel Vol.2
Proto Cape Discovered in Murder Dungeon - S2 Episode 20
Commentary on Tartarus from S2 Watch Party Eps 20 and 24, as well as other inclusions of Greek Mythology
Yuri Petrov/Lunatic Guide (Jp, last updated Jan 2024)
Mystery Solved(?) How Yuri Stores His Hair in the Luna Mask
Pale Silly Man Leaves Phone Messages: The Rising Super Prelude
A Japanese Language Faux Pas
My YuriPe/TaiBani Merch:
Last items in storage shipped over
Partial Bday Haul
Found and Fixed Luna-Sensei's Missing Bowgun
Some Doujinshi Anthologies and Goodies
More TaiBani Goodies From My Friend
Another YuriPe Haul🥰
P3 Chara Fineboard and Lunatic TB Styling 2 Figure
Luna/Yuri Care Package From My Friend
Suruga-ya Haul and Others
Mercari Haul
Mercari Lot: Summer Resort Heroes and Other Acrylic Stands
TB1 Sakakibara Manga and Artbook and Lunatic Rascal Acrylic Mascots
Misc (TaiBani):
My YuriPe Tattoos: here and here
Drabble: Yuri on Cabbages
Privatter: The Cabbage Connection
Picrew Fun with YuriPe: Here, Here, and Here
Saint Seiya:
Deadend Game CV: Kawada Shinji (Thanatos' Character Song - Lost Canvas)
Tsunakan's Gag Comics (Scanlations done by House of Libra with their own translations) Here and Here
Saint Seiya Omega: Translation of Cancer Schiller's moves
Meiou Iden Dark Wing Chapter 33
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zabimarushoney67 · 2 years ago
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Heyy! I love your work and I wanted to request izuru kira from bleach hurt/comfort 💦❌️ cause it's a drought with the emo boy kira community.
Hey doll! :) I’m sorry this took so long I hope you’re still here but yes absolutely you got it! We love emo baby boy Kira around these parts 💖 I turned on my emo playlist just to set the mood for this 😭 Kira is a Mayday Parade fan all the way you can’t change my mind.
🌸Melancholy Boy🌸
NSFW!💦MDI!⚠️ANGST!❌
-Summary: After the betrayal of Aizen, with Gin and Tosen in tow life has been very stressful for the rest of us in the Gotei 13. Izuru, your boyfriend of 3 years has recently taken charge of his division. With so much more responsibility falling on his shoulders his attention towards you, and your relationship has been thrown to the side, treated like an option. At first you understood but it’s been 1 month since the attack and he can barely look in your direction, let alone hold an open conversation with you. It’s left you feeling empty and alone, not knowing how to talk to him about it, is making it difficult for a resolution to come about. Will your relationship come back together or fall to the wayside? How can it be fixed?
Word count: A LOT sorry not sorry this request got the better of me emo boys are my weakness 😭
-Warnings: Mentions of mental health/symptoms of MH (depression, anxiety), deep emotions, acknowledgment, healthy relationships, strong language, and dirty writing. Penetration!vaginal s3x. Praise k!nk, Overstimulation. Master!Sir!Daddy! k!nk. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 18+ NSFW.
-Authors notes: woo! this was a doozy, I didn’t mean for this to be so long but I’m happy it turned out the way it did, I purposely didn’t write much about body shape (weight, height, eye/skin color etc. leaving just (c) for color for those things just for readers so y’all could insert your own body.) we’re here for smut after all 🤷🏽‍♀️ let me know if you liked this or not, reposts and likes go a long way 💖 I hope you enjoyed it otherwise! Thank you for the requests in advance :)
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🌸The clouded morning sun, peaks through the sheer white curtains of your bedroom window, illuminating the dark room a pale grey. Outside, it rains softly, the drops gently pattering on the rooftop and falling down the glass window pane. It's been heavy and gloomy around the Seireitei the last few weeks following the attack of Aizen, and his group of traitors. No one saw it coming, we were taken by complete surprise and since then it seems that the clouds have yet to disperse. Y/N yawns and stretches along her side of the bed and with her left hand, feeling around the opposite side of the soft top sheet, only to find a cold empty spot next to her. “What time is it?..” she says quietly to herself as she rolls over to the alarm clock on Izuru's side, 10:39 AM the digital clock reads. “He must’ve left pretty early this morning.” she mentions sadly.
After waking and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, y/n wandered into her usual morning routine of brushing her hair, and teeth, as she decided to put on more clothing than just one of Izurus T-shirts and her black flower lace panties, choosing to just throw on her grey, comfy cotton shorts under the shirt, and some cute fuzzy pink socks as she headed downstairs into the kitchen to find something to munch on. “What to do with so much time off, when normally you're so busy?..” she questions as she ruffles through the cupboards for a granola bar and a bowl of cereal. With everything that’s happened in The Soul Society, it felt almost selfish that she requested time off for her well-being. The familiar sound of her phone vibrating on the kitchen counter catching her attention, the phone screen lighting up to a sweet picture of you and Izuru. A simpler time, it seems now. Izuru’s arm hooked around your neck, both of you smiling big underneath one of your favorite sakura trees in all of the Seireitei. It’s been your background for months and it still manages to make you smile, every time your phone lights up.
Two unread messages from: Babe❤️ read the brightly lit screen. ‘Hm Izuru.. usually he’s too busy to message me during his shifts. I hope everything is ok.’ y/n ponders as she swipes open her phone to read the two messages.
11:09 AM
🌸 “When you wake up, could you throw my laundry in the dryer for me?”
11:11 AM
🌸 “I'll be home early tonight, can you have the house clean, and dinner ready.”
‘Who does he think he's talking to??… first of all I’m on vacation? Or so I thought. Secondly, not even a good morning? A “hey how are you? Sorry, I left you home alone all last night and all morning.”... Not even a please or a thank you?..’ y/n scoffs taking a deep breath already feeling the frustration mounting, because this has been a usual thing for Kira lately. ‘He asks me to do chores around the house and asks me to run errands for him all the time, yet never does it for me, let alone thanks me for the things that I do..’ her brain couldn’t stop thinking now. It hasn’t exactly been stress and tension free between you and Izuru the last few weeks, with his added stress of taking on the duties of both Lieutenant and Captain of Squad 3 and trying to keep his squad under control, you understood why he would be grumpier than usual, tense, and tired and you've been trying to put in extra effort to keep your relationship above water. But it seems as time goes on, Izuru is falling behind you. He hasn't been the same, since Gin left. He treats you differently now, It's becoming tiring trying to figure him out. ‘What am I going to do..’ y/n sighs deeply, the weight on her shoulders returning heavier than before. She bothers not to text him back and places her phone face down on the counter. With her face in her hands, the morning has now shifted down a dark road y/n had tried desperately to stay out of, ‘I’m exhausted too Izuru.. It would be nice if you could also see that I'm struggling... Hurting. Just as much as you are.’ She shakes her head, and runs her delicate fingers through her soft (c) hair.
The Soul Society, your relationship, your home everything seems to be so out of balance now. You can’t help but feel anger and resentment towards those back stabbing cowards. Life was good before all of this easy, and routinely. Your relationship with Izuru was in such a good place, you had so many plans, you were happy. Because of this betrayal everything is changing, The Seireitei has become a much more serious place now, with everyone on edge.
With a full belly, fresh coffee brewed and made exactly how Y/N likes it, it was best for her to take the rest of the morning to relax and find something to entertain herself. ‘Chores’ needed to wait. It seems that’s all she does now, even when she’s on duty patrolling with her own squad someone is always sending y/n to do the most tedious stuff, or even when she’s on a mission in the world of the living, so many things to do… and never enough time to do it all it seems. Taking her warm coffee mug, and her phone into the cozy living space you and Izuru set up together. She curls up on the couch with her favorite blanket and a few couch pillows and sipped her morning coffee while she flipped through shows and streaming services, before finally settling on lighting some incense, turning on and listening to her favorite playlist, and reading a book instead. With the rain still falling gently outside the soft droplets making a ‘tap, tap tap, tap’ on the living room windows, hours had gone by, y/n fully losing and immersing herself in her dark, fictional world through the crisp pages, while the haunting lyrics of Don’t You Dare Forget the Sun danced around the fragrant, dimly lit room.
4:45 PM
Y/Ns phone buzzes once more. Another message from Izuru. “What does he want now?..” she remarks quietly and quickly snaps out of her book and back into reality as she sees her phone light up with one unopened message from: Babe❤️ on the screen.
🌸 “ Hey, I’m gonna be home at 5 tonight. I hope you’ve had a good day today.”
Taken by complete surprise that Izuru finally, and actually acknowledged her this time around, y/n unlocks her phone and replies:
🌸 “okay, see you then.”
🌸 “I Love you.”
Y/N places her phone back down on the couch, not responding further and gets up to lightly pick up and organize the house, and throws Izuru’s clothes into the dryer for him. Opting out of making dinner, and calling for take out instead. She climbs back into her spot stretched out on the couch and throws on a show to kill off the last minutes of Izuru’s disappearance. You’ve missed him all day, you admit to yourself. Wishing and hoping that he’s in a good enough mood to spend some time together tonight. Sighing and hugging a pillow you sink into your couch and drown out anymore of those pestering thoughts with a ridiculous anime on the living room TV.
5:15 PM
The front doorknob wiggles and clanks with the sound of Izuru’s house keys working the lock to get into the house. Y/N sits up from her nest on the couch and looks to the door as Izuru comes in, back facing you, sighing softly as he sets his zanpakto next to yours, and his other gear next to the front door. He sheds his shihakusho right there leaving him shirtless, his hakama loosely held in place by his belt. “Hey..” you say softly “how was your day..?” Izuru comes around the couch and plops down heavily on the cushion next to you, he smelled of fresh rain, fire smoke, sweat, and a hint of his usual warm vanilla musk cologne, such a interesting and heady combination that fills your nostrils, you can’t help but breathe in deeply a few times savoring his scent.
While rubbing the back of his neck and stretching out his legs, his feet in front of him, “It was alright…” he responded dryly, not saying much else about it, he relaxes into the couch with his head laying on the back cushion, eyes closed. “Is dinner ready? I’m starving.” He remarks to you. “I ordered take out, cooking just sounded like to much work tonight.. it should be here soon.” Izuru looks at you with hooded and tired blue eyes, the bags underneath them visible even in the dim living room light. Izuru places his warm rough hand on your thigh and gives it a loving squeeze, you can feel how thick his callouses have become as his hand laid upon your soft skin, thumb stroking comforting lines back and forth, Izuru lays his head back onto the couch cushion and breathes quietly and steadily. The weather outside, was growing more intense as the night progressed. Dark clouds swirled over the house, as a storm was approaching for the night.
The silence was deafening, all that you could hear was the soft noise from the TV, Izuru’s breathing, and your loud thumping heartbeat in your ears. It has never been this hard for you and Izuru to relate to each other, the tension y/n felt in the room was suffocating and almost unbearable, after all he was your best friend, and it was so hard to see him so beaten down, quiet, and distant. Your eyes gazed, studying Izuru’s form. He’s gotten a lot stronger, leaner, his abs even in a relaxed state we’re chiseled and defined, rising slowly with each inhale and exhale. His collarbones were peaking out shyly under his neck, his forearms have grown in size, the veins bulging out at his wrist and up to his elbow. The harsh training was paying off, despite him coming home exhausted and drained every night… ‘mmmph… wow, he looks so fucking yummy. Maybe he’ll want to…’ you think impulsively, reactively almost, sending shockwaves down your spine into the depths of your belly, giving you goosebumps down your neck. It has been awhile since you’ve got to feel.. all of Izuru. Biting your lower lip as your eyes wandered lower to his soft light blonde happy trail from his belly button to his belt, you gently place your hand over his and give it a gentle squeeze, shooing away those shivers, and incredible memories of sex with Izuru away from your brain.
5:40 PM
There was a ring of the doorbell and a gentle knock at the front door, signifying that take out had finally arrived. “I’ll get it..” Izuru says as he releases your hand and gets up from his seat, gently patting your head as he heads to the front door. He pays for the food and tips the delivery driver and takes the food to the coffee table before heading to the kitchen for plates, silverware, and two cold beers for you and him.
You guys ate in silence together, focusing on eating rather than socializing and watching TV. Once finished Izuru takes your plates, and empty beer bottles to the kitchen. Y/N cleans up whatever leftovers there were, and brings them to the fridge to put them away. In the kitchen, you see Izuru washing the 3 day dish pile up in the sink, feeling kind of bad that you had all day to do them but didn’t. Usually you guys tackled all the chores together, and the house was always spotless. Over the last few weeks, the mess slowly started to accumulate as your schedules got busier and you and Izuru spent less and less time at home. Y/N slinks up behind Izuru and wraps her arms around his waist and kisses his skin softly over and over, laying her warm cheek on his strong back. “Thank you for doing the dishes.” Y/N says appreciatively, “It’s my home too, I’m almost finished here.” He says placing the last few dishes in the dish rack to dry “I’m gonna jump in the shower.” Izuru says coldly as he drys his hands and walks out of the kitchen, not saying anything else leaving y/n standing there alone under the iridescent light. ‘..Oh, I’m sorry for bothering you’ y/ns mind sinks in the mud, as she walks to the couch heart feeling heavier than ever, after the exchange.
6:49PM
Standing in front of the steam covered mirror, towel wrapped neatly around his hips, Izuru leans over the sink, wet hair dripping on the counter and into the sink as he takes a deep breath of the humid air and breathes out slowly. ‘I have yet another busy and early day tomorrow..‘ Izuru’s mind has been so clogged, with all the events over the last few weeks he can barely think straight most of the time. Burned out and detached was all he could really feel as he tried searching his mind for a semblance of calm. Izuru sighs deeply and closes his eyes as memories of Gin, and that day replay in his mind like it happened yesterday, making his head ache. He wipes away the steam from the mirror and finishes his nightly ritual with haste. Leaving the upstairs bathroom, steam rolling out behind him as he walks to your shared bedroom, not bothering to close the door behind him to dress. He hears a faint sniffling coming from the living room that he soon drowns out, believing it’s just the show on the TV playing. He dries off and throws on black boxer briefs and green plaid pajama pants and walks downstairs to the living room, squeezing out the water in his hair with his towel on the way.
6:55 PM
Upon arrival, he notices the TV is off and y/n is sitting on the couch wiping her eyes and nose with his shirt, shuddering breaths as she tries to self soothe. “Hey, whats the matter?” Izuru says worriedly and approaches y/n from behind placing his towel over the back of the couch and crouching down in front of her. “… nothing.” Y/N says, biting her tongue and choosing to be silent in order not to put any more problems on Izuru’s shoulders. “Well that’s a lie. Your eyes are red and puffy and you’re sniffling. I’m not stupid you know?…” “C’mon, you can tell me.” Izuru coos as he cups y/n face gently and strokes her cheeks with his thumbs. Y/N whimpers softly as tears well up in her big (c) eyes and spill over, rolling down her cheeks once more, the dam in her heart breaking down completely as she sobbed hard into Izuru’s hands. “I m-miss y-yo-you. S-s-so much..” she choked out in between sobs and sniffles. “You’re always gone now and I’m always alone, you didn’t come home till late last night and you were gone this morning and I’m always doin stuff with never enough time, a-a-and, and, and..” she rambled on, not evening knowing what to say through all the pain she felt in her throat and chest. “Woah.. hey, y/n.. it’s alright don’t cry.” Izuru said in attempts to calm you down, wiping your tears away and brushing your hair out of your eyes and behind your ear. “Use your words, it’s okay y/n.” He reassures you in a gentle tone.
Taking a deep but broken breath, y/n closes her eyes and takes his hands off her face. “.. things just have not been the same babe, I feel like I’m the only one who wants this relationship anymore… I do everything I can and… I still feel less than, like I don’t matter.” Y/N says quietly, avoiding his gaze. Thunder outside booms, as the rain started to fall heavy this time. The wind blew hard against the house making it creak in rebellion. “Today.. or everyday really, feels like so much. I just don’t know how to keep going anymore.. I want you home again. I just want things to go back to normal.” Y/N says sadly, looking down. Izuru looking very concerned as he takes a seat close to you and wraps his arms around you and holds you close to his chest. “Oh babe…” “I’m sorry..” Izuru responds, sounding defeated “I’m sorry y/n, really I am. I’ve been so lost in myself and my duties I didn’t even see… or begin to realize how badly you were suffering through all this.” He acknowledges and squeezes you hard, making you cry some more into his chest. Izuru lays his head on top of yours and rubs your arms, as he felt you cry into him. Breathing in his clean manly scent slowly but surely calmed you down, the sobs turning into sniffles and eventually silence as you relaxed deeply into Izuru’s chest, hearing his heart beat steadily.
After sitting like this awhile, the rain continuing to fall outside. Y/N breaks free from his arms, “We’re gonna be okay? Right?” Y/N whispers, looking directly into Izuru’s deep blue eyes “We’re gonna be okay baby, don’t worry about a thing. I love you so much, more then you realize, I’m sorry I haven’t been expressing that to you like you deserve lately.” “I’ll do better, I promise you.” Izuru leans in and kisses you hard, lips locking in place as he places his hand on your neck deepening the kiss, a soft moan escapes your mouth that is easily dissolved by Izuru and the sudden passion that was taking over the energy between the two of you. Suddenly the room started to feel hot, your body temperature rising as those earlier thoughts of Izuru’s strong hands caressing your body, and his body weight pushing his hard cock into your tight slippery hole flood back into your mind, instinctively your hands cup his face as you let your tongue slip into Izuru’s mouth, accepting you willingly he groans as your tongues play together, twisting around each other, saliva mixing as wet kissing noises started to fill the quiet living room.
Izuru’s hands glide down from your neck to your waist as he pulls you on to his lap so you’re straddling his thighs, pushing you into his groin as you feel his cock stir awake underneath your butt. Y/N leans onto his chest, her breast perching on his muscled chest and kisses Izuru deeply, biting at his lower lip and tugging it gently before releasing it and looking at Izuru’s red blushed face “I love you Izuru, so much.” She says before grabbing his face and pulling him back into a sloppy make out session. Grinding her hips against Izuru’s thighs, encouraging his dick to get harder in his boxers to make a tent big enough to grind her throbbing wet slit against. Y/N moans into Izuru’s mouth as she feels his cock twitch hard against her core. “I’ve missed you.. I miss this..” y/n says breathlessly “Miss what?” Izuru says before grabbing y/n wrists with his hands and pushes her into the couch cushions laying over top of her, keeping her wrists in place, pinning her hips against his uncomfortably hard cock. Y/N whimpers underneath him, biting her lip and looking up at Izuru’s smoldering expression, “I can’t hear you kitten.” Izuru says in a serious tone, all aspects of playfulness disappearing. “I.. I miss sirs big cock inside..” she says shyly, “inside where?” Izuru demands, grinding his hips against your aching core grunting as the fabric between you and him gives zero to no relief to his throbbing cock but enough friction that he keeps grinding his hips, heavy precum dripping from his head making his boxers a mess. He’s missed you just as much as you him, he’s come to realize as pleasure rips through his body thinking about sinking his fingers inside your dripping wet core. “Inside.. my greedy pussy sir.” Y/N says innocently as she tries to hide her face in her arm, embarrassed and blushed pink.
Izuru grabs your chin with his free hand and turns your face towards his, forcing you to look up at him. He places his thumb over your soft lips pushing gently wanting you to take it in your mouth. Y/N parts her lips and takes his thumb in her warm wet mouth and sucks softly, causing Izuru to groan his knees almost buckling at the sight “you’re so goddamn sexy, baby.” he says biting his lip as he looks down at how cute you look going into your sub space for him so quickly. ‘God look at you.. your eyes are still red and puffy… but they’re sparkling so preciously at me.. her soft pink lips swollen from our intense kisses. Fuck she’s so gorgeous, how can I be so stupid?… this woman is gonna be the death of me, and I’m okay with that.’ Izuru notes in his brain, as he releases your wrists, pulls his thumb out of your mouth and moves his hands to the hem of your (his) shirt, undressing you quickly exposing your breasts and nipples to the cold living room air. Your nipples perk up immediately as the cold air wraps around your upper body, Izuru then fumbles around with the cute little bow you tied in your shorts strings to remove your shorts, his eyes eating you up and drinking you in like you were his salvation, his rapture. His eyes gazed down your body, mesmerized completely until he saw your panties. “Isn’t this the pair I got for you on our first anniversary?” He questioned raising his eyebrow at you as he lightly traced the little flowers with his fingers and over your dripping cunt. Putting pressure over your clit through the fabric, as he waited for you to answer. Y/N yelps cutely as his expert fingers gently toy with her pussy through the fabric, her hands resting on her tummy “yes sir… they’re my favorite pair.” She replies and smiles up at Izuru. “You’ve always looked so cute in them.” He mentions sweetly, and he beams back at you. “I’m trying to get inside them though..” he says darkly, smile vanishing as he pulls them down the length of your thighs, over your calves with no remorse.
Completely naked now, and feeling a little exposed y/n giggles as she watches Izuru fumble out of his own clothing, piling them on the floor with everything else. His hard cock finally free and out in the open, ‘when was the last time I’ve seen him completely naked?..hmm he really is a god amongst men. I’m so fucking lucky.’ y/n thinks distractedly, eating Izuru alive with her eyes. Looking him up and down in all his glory, his strong body now fully exposed to her, blushing deeply as her eyes can’t stop glancing at his perfect cock. Slightly curved upwards, deep pink head with pre coating his slit, naturally ribbed with veins running down his shaft and up his V line. ‘Trimmed too?.. fuck. So you thought about it too then huh?’ Y/n noted as she looked up his body, eyes resting on his perfect ass and muscular back.
Finished undressing, Izuru climbs back onto the cramped couch with you, ringing his arms around your thighs pulling you harshly down so his face was level with your pussy. The sudden movement makes y/n gasp in surprise, rocking her back into the present moment from her dreamy headspace. “I wanna show you just how much I love you tonight.. I’ve missed you so much baby.” He coos softly up at you. The scene you were presented with… Izuru’s beautiful face looking up at you from between your soft plush thighs was tantalizing enough, you bite your lip and thread your hands and fingers through his hair pushing it out and away from his face, so he could get to work. Without breaking eye contact, Izuru unwraps one arm and uses his fingers to spread your wet folds apart, the other arm flexing and jerking your leg open to keep it in place. He breathes you in deeply and kisses both your inner thighs repeatedly, then each lip, before he takes your whole slit into his mouth sucking and licking every last bit of your pussy. His tongue digging into your hole as he begins to eat you out. Izuru sucks and gently tugs on your clit with his lips, your juices dripping down his mouth and onto the couch, ‘god she tastes so heavenly…’ Izuru moans appreciatively at your flavor. Sweet, with a little tanginess bringing him forward into complete bliss, Izuru closes his eyes and savors every last drop of you, sucking and licking you up like a melting popsicle. Y/N moans out loud and pushes Izuru’s face deeper into her core grinding her hips against his face and fervent mouth. “Unnnghh.. that’s so fucking good daddy don’t st-st-stop.” Y/N says unashamedly as she tugs at his soft blonde hair hard causing Izuru to groan against her swollen lips, the vibrations being sent directly to her belly and hips as she felt that familiar warm sensation creeping up her legs. “You’re gonna make me fucking c-cum, fuck!” Y/N moans wildly and throws her head back as her orgasm grows closer to snapping at any moment, with the continued movements of Izuru’s swirling wet tongue.
Taking the fingers he was using to spread your labia, he slides the two fingers inside your dripping pussy, while he moves them at a steady pace and puts the exact right amount of pressure on your spongey gspot, with that he could feel the exact moment your orgasm ripped through your whole body. “Oh my GOD!! IZURUUUU YES!” Y/N screams and cums so hard she squirts all over Izuru’s mouth and chest, desperately trying to escape his arms to no avail. The couch now completely soaked in y/n’s juices, with his fingers still inside he continues to play with your spot pushing up and towards him faster and faster while he speeds up the movement of his tongue, flicking over your sensitive and throbbing clit. Overstimulating y/n was one of Izuru’s favorite pastimes, the way she squirms and begs for him to stop his assault on her clit, turns him on so much he unknowingly started to grind his cock into the couch for even just a little relief. Izuru looks up at you with your pussy still in his mouth and finger fucks you until your 2nd orgasm starts to slowly rewind in your belly. Y/N releases Izuru’s hair after cumming and lays back panting hard, legs shaking and body still involuntarily jerking because of Izuru still toying and playing with your slit. “Baby pleaseeee..” y/n begs longingly “I need you inside me now, sir.” “Getting demanding now are we babe?” Izuru quirks playfully, releasing you from his hold because he too was getting eager now, he admitted to himself.
After finishing his (2nd) meal, Izuru sits up on his knees and wipes his mouth with the back his hand. His cock is red and swollen now from the lack of stimulation. Trying to sit up to return the favor y/n is suddenly pushed back into position against the couch by Izuru, he places himself in between your legs, his big hands ride up the back of your thighs as he pushes your knees up to your shoulders putting you in a fetal like position. Izuru grabs the base of his hard cock and pushes his head into your throughly eaten hole, but just the head. “You just lay down and look real pretty while I drill this tight little pussy just the way you like it babe..” he says cooly. Inch by Inch he slowly sinks himself into your depths, impossible to hold his moans back, and feeling how wet you are for him “f-ffuuuuckkk baby… you’re so sweet and tight for me.” Izuru’s shutters, his face softening as he praises you and bottoms out, his full balls resting on your ass. Y/N gasps at the sheer girth of him, Izuru’s cock fits so perfectly inside of you like it was made just for you, each rib of his cock filling and rubbing your walls so good. Izuru stretches your legs out so they’re resting on his shoulders, he leans forward so your pinned underneath his body. His cock going impossibly deeper into you, causing breathy moans to break from your lips. “Ohhh.. Izuru baby, you feel so goooood..” y/n says feeling all of him inside her now, “I haven’t even started yet love.” He chuckles and smiles down at you, before he pulls out and slams back into your pussy, hard. Y/N yelps out, loudly this time and covers her mouth with her hand, eyebrows furrowing at the sudden movement. “Don’t do that..” Izuru huffs as he removes your hand from your mouth, “let me here you scream for daddy.” He says as he really starts to move, his cock ramming into you over and over, relentlessly. Izuru throws his head back and groans loudly as he finds a comfortable rhythm to fuck you too. “God your pussy is so fucking perfect… I miss feeling all of you baby..” he says to you in a forced but hushed tone, trying hard not to cum so soon. “I want to be in you forever.” Izuru claims and pushes your legs to his waist so he can get as close to you as he can, his face instinctively going to the crook of your neck breathing you in. His left hand coming up to cup your soft boob, rubbing and playing with your sensitive nipple while he moved his hips at a slower pace, in hopes this would help him last. His orgasm approaching quicker than he’d like.
The storm was still raging on outside, thunder rolling and lightning flashing through the small slit in the living room curtains. The rain weltering against the windows hard. The scary weather outside was not gonna stop either of you from your current festivities. Y/N wraps her legs around Izuru’s hips as he fills her up, his balls slapping noisily against her butt. So much passion filled the space around and between you and him, no thoughts were processed and no words were spoken just gasps and moans filled the room. He felt so good inside of you. With his warm, heavy body laying against yours. His long slender fingers toying with your sensitive nipple and his breath ragged against your ear, moaning at the feeling of your slick, and creamy pussy sucking him in hungrily. Izuru’s head had begun to spin, as his balls tightened up signaling he was about to cum. Y/Ns soft hands roamed Izuru’s strong back feeling his muscles rippling underneath her palms before settling on his chiseled shoulders. “I don’t.. don’t think I’m gonna last.. much longer. Gonna fucking c-cum.” Izuru pants against you. His cock started to twitch inside, pushing up against your sensitive spot causing y/n to cry out loudly, tears pricking the edge of her eyes. Hearing him speak such things to you tonight was sending you completely over the edge, but that.. what he just said that was the last puzzle piece you needed that sent you straight into your next orgasm. Y/N cry’s loudly as her 2nd orgasm takes over her body like a freight train. Cumming harder the second time than the first, gushing even more all over Izuru’s cock and body. The squeezing and pulsing around his cock did Izuru in, his face contorting with pure bliss, he moans loudly before pulling out and shooting his warm load all of your stomach and breasts, grunting with each shot and thrusting his cock in his fist as he held on through his orgasm, the strong waves rolling through his entire body, leaving him shuttering and shaking. Completely spent now, his cock going soft as he sat there panting and sweaty. Izuru looks down at you, a complete mess covered in your mixed fluids, fucked dumb, panting, and shiny with sweat just like him. He smiles at you with blushed cheeks “you looks so beautiful baby..” he states as he climbs from the now bodily fluid soaked couch giving you room to sit up and recompose yourself. “Let me go and run us a shower babe, wait here.” He says before disappearing upstairs to restart the shower he had already taken.
10:45 PM
Before getting a chance to come downstairs to get you, y/n appears at the bathroom doorway reaching for the hand towel to clean herself up quickly before stepping into the shower with Izuru. Izuru turns away from the shower and sees y/n wiping herself down, stepping towards her and wrapping his arms around her and kissing her shoulders, upper back, and neck, giving her a tight squeeze from behind. “I love you so much y/n. Please never forget that, I’m always gonna be yours.” Izuru says against her chilled skin kissing between each word. “Cmon let’s get you cleaned up.” He says before taking a hand in yours and leading you to the now warm shower. Rinsing you down and washing your body gently, kissing your soft, clean skin, and face repeatedly. After the shower y/n brushes her teeth and hair and dresses in a loose fitted shirt, cotton pink panties yawning her way into the warm bed next to Izuru, who lazily wraps the comforter and his long arms around you and pulls you into his chest. “I’ll bring you the sun, moon, and stars someday my love. Goodnight, beautiful…” he promises sleepily before dozing off soundly. Y/N curled up against his chest, warm, and exhausted hearing his words resonate soundly in her skull ‘sun, moon, and stars huh.. I really am so lucky to have you, Izuru Kira, my melancholy boy. I’m glad to have you back.’ Y/N smiles as she thinks to herself, nuzzling closer to Izuru before dozing off into a deep sleep tangled up in the arms and legs of her lover boy. With the storm outside coming to an end, the residual drops from the rooftop gently tapping against the glass window pane, the night sky clearing and the moonlight shining bright through the curtains, over the gently sleeping forms, of both y/n and Izuru..
End..🌸💕
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— Thanks for reading! I had so much fun writing this 💕I hope this is similar to what you wanted. lmk if not, I’ll take all the constructive criticism I can get to help me get better at writing 🥺
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wjforever · 2 years ago
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Destroy me again. Chapter 7: Warner's mental notes. Day 16
I slowly and quietly close the door behind me so as not to startle her with a loud sound. I have absolutely no intention of watching her. Not tonight. I have already made sure that she doesn't have suicidal thoughts. This was the most important. This is the only thing that is truly critical.
It seems that she repels the very thought of it and this causes internal indignation and even trepidation in her. She worries much more about her dignity and virtue than about how to part with her life. I can breathe a sigh of relief. One less problem, I would even say a threat, to worry about. But still I have to keep monitoring this. Such things can manifest themselves suddenly. I shouldn't miss the moment if that happens.
But right now I want to give her time to recuperate. I want to give her time to recover. I wish we had more time, but we don't. The more I play hide-and-seek with him, the more interested he will be. This is pretty obvious.
I don't care about this. I'll jump off this bridge when I come to it.
I'm trying to summarize our first day with her. 
What I managed to understand.
She's unreal.
Truly.
Definitely. 
I shake my head as my feet carry me up the stairs, the sound of boots echoing down the gloomy hallway.
Everything is going too smoothly that it even scares me a little. Is there something hidden behind this that I didn't notice, am I missing some detail? What if, because of my emotions, I'm unable to perceive reality adequately? But she hardly fights with me in fact, she doesn't hate me as much as she could. Doesn't try to lash out or kill. Her biggest protest at the moment is her refusal to follow the requirement to bathe. Such sweet and innocent nonsense, although slightly discouraging, but even funny, all the more so in the end she did it and was even quite pleased.
She also calmly endured the need to undergo a medical examination, and eventually ate. Yes, I have to be a little tough because we don't have time for bickering. I don't want it, but I have to. For her own good.
Of course I know I should talk to her more, explain more, but now is not the time for that. She doesn't trust anyone and is therefore stubborn. But I can't let her do this. I can't let her to walk dirty, I can't let her to starve, I can't let her not sleep and not take care of her health. Because all of this is a threat to her own life and it's not something I'm going to risk even a little bit. I may be a tyrant to her now, but I'd rather make her take a bath or eat a bowl of soup than watch her continue to wither. This is out of the question.
But whoever she thinks I am at this moment, she still listened. And eventually she is examined, washed, fed and is under the blankets in my bed. We can assume that the first day has already passed successfully.
I note for myself, now I'm convinced of this, that it's really important for her to feel equal. She's afraid of another humiliation, which is not surprising at all. Therefore, my pressure makes her resist. And I'm glad that I made sure in advance that the doctor did everything to make her as comfortable as possible. I've learned from bitter experience with my soldiers and I no longer allow such a mistake. Giving her a sense of security is still one of the top priorities.
I want her to stop hating oneself and consider herself as someone terrible. She thinks it might be unpleasant for others to be around her. She's afraid that I, a person she definitely despises, might feel disgusted with her.  And it's sad, because she's so beautiful, strong and delightful. I want her to start to understand that too. I will do everything so that she doesn't feel like dirt among this crowd, so that she doesn't feel embarrassed because of her appearance or her position as a prisoner. Next to me, it's not that difficult, because no one would dare to look down on her while I'm around. She's been humiliated for so long, but it won't happen again. I will destroy anyone who tries to belittle her in any way. I'm afraid I might have to destroy myself.
But external influence is not all. I also don't want her to feel bad because of who she is, because of her power, her abilities. This is more difficult as it comes from within. They say that if a persons are told something about themselves, they begin to believe it. She has been told for so long that she's a monster and a nonentity. But it's not so hopeless either. I'm convinced that if I feed her with positive information about herself, eventually she will be able to accept it and believe in it. And it shouldn't be that hard, because it's not an attempt to change reality, it's the truth as it is. She just needs to gain some confidence. And I'll give her everything. She will feel special, the mistress of the situation, a person who causes awe, not as a monster, but as a punishing goddess.
Her psychoemotional state is normal, although I can't be one hundred percent sure of its stability yet. Too little time has passed to draw such conclusions. Attacks of hysteria or aggression can occur suddenly and at any time. For now, I should just watch her.
As for Kent… He doesn't seem to be as important to her as I initially thought. His opinion doesn't matter that much to her. His departure saddened her, but I think only because she's in an unfamiliar environment. She adapted to the changes too quickly and her sadness melted away too fast. Although, of course, she cares about his well-being. Humanity. A feeling that not all people have yet managed to lose. Sometimes I forget about it, being around the clock among piranhas.
But the strangest thing about all this, even after deprived of Adam and being left alone with me, she felt almost comfortable, although embarrassment and distrust overcame this from time to time.
A deep sigh and I put aside the strict official tone of my own thoughts, because my own hands are shaking slightly.
God, if I had my hands free, we might be able to become good friends with her. But this position of hostage and jailer will always stand between us, I suppose. As well as this rush. My father's demands…
Father…
I need to focus again and get her out of my mind for a while. Another conversation with my father awaits me, and I must be ready for it, first of all emotionally. But it's difficult.
I enter the brightly lit office, glance at the clock, turn on the screen, set up the equipment. Secure communication channel. I sit on the edge of the table, waiting for my interlocutor to connect. I mentally think over what topics I need to focus on today. There are a lot of them, in fact. We are still not sure what to do with the failure of Sector 32 with wheat cultivation. This alone could cause hundreds of people to die of starvation. Then what to do with the corpses? We can't bury them, and the furnaces are already overloaded, working around the clock. And we still haven't solved all the issues with regulating the water supply. Also the rebels, an explosion at one of the factories, the restoration of the bridge…
"Son."
I raise my eyes and look at the polished smiling face. He rarely calls me by my first name, preferring a more condescending address that emphasizes my position.
"Father." My voice sounds absolutely colorless.
He smirks, looks me up and down. I'm just waiting patiently for this inspection to pass.
"You look tired, you need more sleep, you know."
"Sure. I will take my rest when I die."
Our conversation always looks like this. His invariable arrogant, condescending, mock positive mood, and my complete indifference bordering on disrespect. I definitely take advantage of his son's position in this matter. But he also behaves unprofessionally, allowing himself to move on to personal topics. So we're even. I would prefer to keep everything strictly professional.
"How's our girl?"
"They haven't been able to fix it for the third day. But if we kill a dozen more people, there will simply be no one left to work."
His disgusting cloying laugh sounds like thunder.
"I'm not talking about a steam engine. I'm talking about your unique weapon, which you've been talked my ear off about."
"If you hadn't demanded hundreds of thousands of explanations for my decisions, I wouldn't have to talk about it so much."
"So you should have been more convincing."
"I'll take it into account."
"So how is she? Does she live up to expectations?
I can see his impatience to test my reaction, but my restraint has been practiced for years.
"It's too early to talk about it, don't you think?"
"Well, some first, general impression you should have formed?"
I don't answer right away, I give him a hard look.
"I think we have much more relevant topics now."
"I don't want to. I don't want to hear about all your newly unsolved problems. Give me something more positive."
"I think it can be worked with."
"And that's it?" He purses his lips, looks at the ceiling before continuing. "I don't trust her. She's not reliable."
"Didn't you always teach me not to draw conclusions and not to share thoughts until they were clearly formed and based on data, not emotions? You can't know yet if she's stable or not."
"You're not the first person to deal with her." He opens some file next to his thigh. He, like me, is sitting on the table. We're more alike than I'd like. His body tilts slightly as he reads what's written on the paper, brushing his index finger fingers over it. "Mgm. Extremely unstable. Dangerous and unmanageable. Mmm. And here's another thing. Doesn't make contact."
"So what? You are well aware of how and by whom such characteristics are compiled. These amateurs will even take a diamond for an ordinary piece of glass. Shouldn't trust their opinion so much."
"Mmm, do you think about yourself as an expert?"
"I'll prove to you that I wasn't mistaken. That I can control her and control her power. It just takes a little…"
"No, no, no. Don't tell me about the time. Not discussed…"
"But she needs to recover first…"
"To hell with it. If you have to wait months to fire a weapon, to hell with such a weapon."
I close my eyes and take a couple of seconds to get my emotions under control. I'm doing this on purpose. So that he could see my alleged displeasure. This is just our psychological duel, and nothing more.
"Haste in judgment has ruined a lot of people. You can refuse this project, but I don't understand what's the point of this if there is no decent alternative at the moment."
"Do you really see her as the very weapon we need, possessing the vaunted unsurpassed power? What are your conclusions based on?"
"You know that. If you've read my reports. It has been long months of research. I don't understand what the point is now to wrap up a project in which already has been invested so much time and effort. This project doesn't affect anything. I'm not distracted from my main duties, we don't spend significant funds, just some trifles. So what's the point of stopping everything? Give it time and soon you'll see for yourself."
"Very well. Fine. You're always so excited and insistent. So be it. I don't really believe in all this, but I'm ready to give my son the opportunity to play with his new toy." A nasty smirk spreads across his face. Vile and disgusting. Familiar, actually.
"She's not a toy." I say harshly and firmly.
"Hmm." He snorts and his eyebrows go up, he stares at me intently, as if waiting for me to slip up and give out more than planned. 
Of course, I'm not going to do that. I know exactly what I want to achieve.
"She's a weapon. But you can treat all this as fun if you like to. I'm sure you'll change your mind."
"The weapon you prefer to keep in your bed, don't you?"
Already knows. Looked through the records before contacting me. Nothing new, surely.
"Why not?"
He chuckles softly this time. "I feel it's not just a professional interest, isn't it, my dear son?"
"Do I really need to explain to you the reason for this action of mine? I wouldn't have thought of that."
"Don't be so embarrassed. I wouldn't blame you. She's pretty sweet, wild and passionate, like an Amazon. Isn't that right?"
"You know better."
"Oh, don't be like that!" He exclaims, jerks his head, pretends a mirthless smile, as if he feels offended by my coldness. Such terrible acting. "We're father and son. Drop that formal tone for a minute and just talk to your old man. Admit it, you decided to have some fun with her after all, didn't you?"
I meet this with the same cold indifference as all his other words. Although it's more correct to call them the true meaning: his endless provocations. 
"I'm not you. I don't screw with weapons."
He laughs, loudly, ostentatiously, demonstratively. Trying to emphasize that my words didn't hurt him in any way, but only amused him. I'm just waiting for this meeting to finally end to occupy myself with other, much more important matters.
"Yeah, yeah, it's funny. Very nice, very nice. But you know, she's actually not only a weapon, but also a slender, sexy young body under all this pile of dirty rags."
"Only idiots combine work and pleasure."
Idiots and you, I want to say, but I know that this is superfluous now. It's not need to exacerbate his irritation. Not now.
"Mmm, right, right. But sometimes work is the greatest pleasure. As they used to say. Choose a job you love and you won't have to work a single day. Your every day will be like in heaven."
I'm sometimes amazed by his deliberate primitivism in such conversations. But I'm not completely sure if he really hold so low an opinion of me, or if he's just trying to humiliate me in this way. I don't know for sure. But he doesn't have that much leverage, actually. His main one, of course, is my mother. He uses it in more difficult moments. But when he just wants to tease me, make me lose my temper, he resorts to something lower-level and basic. Because nothing is more annoying than talking about something natural and intimate. He knows that I don't care about my status, power, or money. But he's always looking for ways to touch me to the quick. At some point, he decided that if I'm a young, then sex is something that I should care about and, of course, this should embarrass me. It's funny, but his provocations only helped me develop immunity. It's like talking to a priest about sins or discussing a bloody scene with a surgeon. No matter how he tries to get into my personal space, he's unlikely to be able to evoke really strong emotions in me, at least while we are having a dialogue. And yet, he doesn't get tired of trying.
I add a note of condescension to my voice and a bit of disappointed disgust to my facial expressions. "Hmm. Perhaps you've forgotten, dear father, it happens… at your age … but I can't touch her."
His eyes flash with an unhealthy gleam, as if he picked up some thread, and he smirks again, moving a little closer to the camera.
"Oh, come on! It's not necessary to touch her, you know. You can just watch. Imagine, she's… on your bed… without all these dirty rags, all clean and examined by doctors, touching herself… mmm, not a bad picture, isn't it?"
He speaks with emotion, making dramatic pauses, but I don't change the mood of my answer. I just snort without breaking eye contact. "It seems your fantasy is running a little wild."
"I'm just giving you options, my boy. Isn't it the task of a father to help his son in such important matters. If not being able to touch her is your only problem, you know. But that's not all. You can still make her come. While you're dressed as covered as you are now, she could even snuggle up to your chest, while shouting out this stupid pseudonym of yours. 'Warner, please, more, Warner.' Doesn't it turn you on?" The pathetic parody of a high-pitched female voice is replaced by another fit of laughter. But this time it sounds more evil and cold, his feigned kindness suddenly begins to be washed away by his true devilish essence. "Or you could make her please you. Even with her cute little mouth, with those scarlet lips. I'm not even talking about her hands. As far as I understand from the reports, a small barrier of fabric or rubber would be able to protect you."
I sigh and tilt my head. 
"Looks like it’s time for someone to find a new assistant. The old one seems to have stopped satisfying you, since your thoughts revolve only around one topic."
And once again his disgusting laughter, which will sound in my head for a few more hours, like a hideous smell lingering in the sinuses, which you can't get rid of in any way. I experienced something similar when I had to spend half a day in the morgue or at another landfill.
"Dear son, you always know how to keep up a conversation with your father. Well, if you are not planning to introduce her to the world of carnal pleasures unknown to her, why else do you need this lovely angel to wake up in your sheets? If you don't plan to lie down next to her?"
"Are you kidding?" I speak in all seriousness and it seems that for the first time I am baffling him.
"Not at all."
"Maybe you shouldn't have been so categorical about some books. It would be nice for you to flip through the basic knowledge of psychology again. I think I have a couple of copies. Send it to you, mm? To refresh your memory."
"Well, well, this is interesting."
"I still have things to do."
"Haha. You won't dare to turn off. Otherwise I'll have to visit you, pick up the books."
Trying to catch me, scare me. I turn the tables on his, smirk, playing ahead of the curve. "You see. You're intrigued."
"Hmm… definitely, I am."
I take a short pause. And then deliberately emphasize the phrase I utter. "So is she."
"Explain."
"She doesn't know what to expect. Afraid. Probably doesn't risk falling asleep, struggling with herself. But nothing will happen. This will cause dissonance in her head. Instability. And where there is instability, it's much easier to break."
"Hmm… that's smart. It makes sense. Do you want her to trust you?"
I shake my head.
"It's not just it and not only it. I want her to understand who holds the key to all of this, to her well-being. So that she understands who is at the helm."
"Hmm…" He seems to feel that he has lost this battle, so he makes another run. "Forget this doll of yours for now. As we have already raised the topic of pleasure… How is Lena?"
"How should I know? Ask her yourself."
"You act unwisely. She's a wonderful and most importantly affordable option for you. It's good for men's health to keep fit. And Lena, she's just charming."
"And single, it seems. You have every chance. Supreme Commander is a great match. And you'll be able to solve this dissatisfaction problem of yours."
He continues to stare at me as intently as I stare at him. "Do you recommend? Is she good in bed?"
"Mmm. Like Sector 87 during last year's energy crisis. Whining and waiting for someone to do all the work. In a word, you would like it. She would be completely in your power."
Guffaws fills the whole space. He laughs so loudly that it makes my ears pop. 
"Son…" he says, still laughing.
"Father?"
"You know, usually when boys talk to their beloved fathers, they use a nicer address, like 'dad'."
"Yes. I'm sure they are… Father." I emphasize the last word, pausing before it. His smile slowly fades, turning into a half-crooked displeased expression. "If you have nothing else to discuss with me, I'll get back to my work."
"Don't take too long with your doll. If I don't see that she's really capable of something… This project will be closed. Maybe she's not ready to be our weapon yet. But she has power anyway, and I want to be sure that this is really the case. She must be ready to use it at your request."
He turns off first. I calmly put the documents in a folder. This is something I still plan to work on today. Then I go out the door, walk down the corridor again, go downstairs, returning to my room. There is not a single thought in my head, just an absolute emptiness.
The elevator door closes behind me, I took a detour so as not to disturb her. It doesn't matter if she's asleep or not. The folder ends up on my desk. Only then do I allow my fists to clench and my eyes to close. 
I feel an urgent need to wash. In almost scalding water with a lot of cleansers.
God, I hate him so much. With every cell in my body. I'm literally shaking from this unbridled hatred. I'm trying to breathe evenly, but I can't. I want to break something, but I've never allowed myself to take out my anger on things, it's absolutely reckless and ridiculous. And it leaves traces and raises unnecessary suspicions. So I just dig my nails into my palms harder. My fingers run through my hair. One sigh. And I sit down at the table to switch my gaze to the papers. I need to take my mind off this. I need to take my mind off him.
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manias-wordcount · 3 years ago
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Hey hey hey! If it's not a problem, may I request an angsty but fluffy Yu Narukami? Like, the s/o likes him but since they're mostly a shut in they don't socialize a lot and when they do they're rlly awkward- and since they know that Yu has a nice friend group, they get all gloomy cause they immediately start doubting themselves thinking they're not good enough?
"I'm... just a shitty shut-in. I'm everything but pretty... I'm useless. He probably doesn't even like me. I can't even hold a conversation..."
Stuff like that iwbdib then they kinda degrade their health and get more negative than normal- and yeah. So when Yu notices they just tell him they're a bit tired and ignore him- then he tries to find a way to talk to them and they clear stuff up and he confesses and he makes sure they know he loves them and thats it swidbwi pls i need angst and fluff 😩😩 (if you're comfortable with topics like this ofc)
Hope you have a good day!! and thanks in advance if you write it aibxisj ❤ pls take care of urself, and remember ur drop dead gorgeous 😩 even tho i never saw u everyone is pretty in my list 💫💫 aight bye HH
Mess (Yu Narukami x Reader) PART ONE
𝗔/𝗡: 𝗦𝗢𝗥𝗥𝗬 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗬 𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡 𝗪𝗔𝗔𝗔𝗔𝗔𝗔𝗛 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗶 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗼. 𝘆𝘂 𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗮 𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝗴𝘂𝘆. 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲, 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗧𝗧𝗬 𝗧𝗢𝗢 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗗𝗢𝗡𝗧 𝗕𝗘𝗟𝗜𝗘𝗩𝗘 𝗔𝗡𝗬 𝗢𝗙 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗡𝗘𝗚𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗧𝗬 𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗡 𝗜𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦. 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗮 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 <𝟯
𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁: 𝗼𝗻𝗲 || 𝘁𝘄𝗼
𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩
𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?
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You’re a mess.
Even still, you managed to be surprised when you were confronted.
Your hands adjust their grip on your bag as your feet awkwardly shuffle against the ground. He’s blocking your way to the getabako by standing at the edge of the genkan. It’s scary how even when you’re a step above him, he still towers over you.
It’s hours and hours after school ends when it finally happened.
“You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?”
The question sends you gnawing on the inside of your cheek, averting your eyes from his silent stare. It’s hard to search for the right words to say. It’s even harder to decide whether or not you should lie in an attempt to save your skin. But when it came to you, a second was a second too long for Yu. Your hesitation was just seen as an invitation to lean down into your space and force you to look him in the eyes.
“Well?” He prompts, his tone light and even and way too close for you to handle. “Have you?”
“N-no...” Your response starts off in a stammer, and you know instantly by the way his eyebrow raises that he doesn’t believe you. Not one bit. “T-that’s not it.”
It’s hard to hold his gaze, especially in such a tense silence. Luckily for you, he relents after a couple of seconds. He straightens up with a sigh, slowly standing back up to his full height. As he shakes his silver-colored bangs out of his eyes, you’re once again reminded about how tall he is- easily standing over you and the majority of the school. It’s an even more intimidating view now that you can see a full, up-close view of him in his sports uniform. Sweaty, yet clearly in shape. It’s starting to get hard to think.
Especially now that he’s cornering you against the lockers in the empty school building.
“That’s not it?” He echoes, letting the sound hang in the air. Despite the gentleness of his voice, you can tell he’s upset. The thought makes your heartache. “I called you twice yesterday. I left a message too. You never responded.”
“I w-was busy.” Liar. “I’m sorry…”
You weren’t busy. You know you weren’t. That’s why you sat at the corner of your bed last night, lights off and arms crossed over your chest as you watched your cell phone ring and ring and ring. The ringtone, something that usually brought you such joy, was beginning to fill you up with dread, sadness, and a mix of other complex emotions. You knew who the caller was. It was the only person you wanted to call you. It was the only person who you knew that would call you.
Yu Narukami.
One of Yasogami Highschool’s transfers from this year. You instantly thought he was cute the first time you saw him. Not that you would say anything, of course. Speaking to others was never your strong suit, and you didn’t really have any friends. To be honest, you always felt a little more comfort in your own personal solitude. Sure it was lonely, but you were never too keen on social interaction. Yet somehow, you wanted to get to know him- to get to know Yu. From the second you saw him, you felt drawn in. Perhaps this was the beginning of a crush starting to form? Well, whatever it was, you were sure it wasn’t going to get very far. You might as well get used to sneaking in glances whenever he’s not looking now. You could just tell this was only the beginning of a very long school year.
But much to your surprise, his seat ending up being the one right next to yours.
You remember watching with wide eyes when he sat down next to you with a warm smile. And you remember your cheeks growing warm when he gave a small chuckle as you stuttered out your name to him.
Yu was quick to become famous within the school, and you can’t say you were surprised. He was the tall, pretty, city boy who just transferred in his 2nd year. He’s smart, charming, good-looking, athletic, sweet, and overall a really dependable guy. It didn’t take long for him to gain friends and admirers all over the school. You swore you even saw some third-year girls peek into your classroom sometimes, looking to catch a glimpse of the silver-haired boy from behind.
Despite this, he still talked to you.
You, the quiet little nobody who never said anything in class. You, who kept to themselves and never had much of a presence to begin with. It was a slow process. But little by little, he eventually worked you out of your shell. It started with little side conversations here and there. Then little jokes he would tell you just to try to make you laugh, and suddenly the two of you were exchanging numbers and studying together. He smiled with you, laughed with you, and even shared lunch with you a couple of times. This little crush of yours that you thought was going to fade only seemed to grow and grow as you spent more time with him.
But so did your dark thoughts as well.
“And this morning?” Yu's voice breaks you out of your thoughts. You try not to flinch as you focus on his expression, but the damage has already been done. His lips were set in a small frown, a look of concern passing over his face. “You were ignoring me.”
“I- I wasn’t! I was just-” You’re fumbling as you try to get your words out but it’s to no avail. One glance into his soft gray eyes, you lose all your composure. You wish he didn’t make it so hard for you. “I was just...tired.”
It’s a weak response, but it’s not a lie. Even still, you know he can see the defeat in your body as your shoulders sag and your voice drops to a whisper. It’s hard to believe anything you say now.
Truthfully, you were tired.
It started with the little moments of self-doubt. Turning around to whisper something to Yu, just to see that he was already talking to one of his friends. Of course, it was fine. Why wouldn’t it be? And of course, that meant you were okay with him going off with his friends to eat lunch. Without saying goodbye. But that was fine with you. More than fine, actually. In fact, you’re glad that he had his own friends outside of you. After all, you’re just-
Ugly.
That’s how you feel every time you look at Rise Kujikawa, the pretty, former idol first year who never failed to cozy up to Yu. With her long brown hair tied in pigtails and her gorgeous figure, it’s hard not to compare yourself with someone who used to model as a part of her job.
Stupid.
That’s how you feel when you look at the Detective Prince, Naoto Shirogane. It didn’t matter that it suddenly came out that she was a girl. It didn’t change how smart she is or the fact that she was employed to be a detective from such a young age. Something that you’ll never achieve.
Useless.
That’s how you feel every time you look at the elegant and refined Yukiko Amagi. She’s always working hard- for herself and for her friends. She’s so sweet and her unselfish nature is something to envy. It’s not surprising that someone as perfect as her is friends with Yu.
Awkward.
That’s how you feel every time you see the bubbly Chie Satonaka with her contagious spirit. She never fails to light up a room and to stand tall and confident. She’s not afraid to do anything- something you always aspired to achieve yet could never.
Forgettable. Unworthy. Tired.
“Tired?” He echoed, the frown on his face growing. You nodded your head.
“Tired.” You affirmed with a whisper, shoulders sagging under the pressure. You don’t meet his eyes, but you know his stare is heavy. You weren’t sure your heart could handle such intensity right now. “Tired.”
You didn’t let the phone ring because you were busy. You let the phone ring because your mind was too wrapped in the idea that he could have been calling anyone else- that he should have been calling anyone else but you. You didn’t ignore him just because you’re tired. You ignored him because the weight of being last place was growing to be too much. He had better friends- prettier, nicer, smarter, and genuinely better to be around friends. And nowhere on that list did it include you. So why should you hold him back? Why does he allow himself to be held back by such a relationship with you? Was it out of pity? Was he just trying to be nice?
Either way, it never fails to make you feel insecure.
Last night was spent letting tears roll down your cheeks in a silent room, only broken by the occasional ring from your phone. You would hug yourself, but it never gave you the warmth you so desperately needed. Today was spent holding back tears as you stared straight ahead at the board. In between rubbing your eyes and quiet sniffles, you finally settled on an evaluation of your worth. It was nothing.
He didn’t need you to smile, and he didn’t need you to laugh. He could share his lunch with loads and loads of other people, and he could always ask for help from someone smarter. And for a while, you thought you were okay with that. But in reality, a part of you needed him.
It took a while for you to notice that your eating habits changed. That realization came with thoughts about how your sleep cycle has been different than usual. And suddenly your grades were starting to slip a little. You were having trouble focusing, and the same old things that used to bring you so much joy were starting to feel like a waste of time and energy. You felt off. You felt lonely. You felt lost and empty. And worse of all, you were never a stranger to such feelings.
But ever since you met Yu, all the negativity you felt was amplified. It was as if you never knew how to live, even after you found something worth living for.
“Tired, huh?” His voice is soft as he speaks to you. It’s a comforting sound that cradles you- almost as if you were made of glass. And when he bends down and leans into your space, you don’t run. You’re too exhausted to fight. You only flinch and watch with bated breath as his hand reaches out and cups your cheek. The silence that settles between the two of you is odd. It’s not tense, but with your warring thoughts, you wouldn’t dare call it peaceful. It’s almost as if he’s trying to lull you into- “I guess the bags under your eyes have gotten darker after all.”
What?
“Wha-?” The question falls out of your mouth ungracefully, but Yu pays it no mind. Your lip quivers as his gray eyes search your face. The look on his face holds so much care, so much compassion, you feel your head spinning. You’re not sure what to do except avert your eyes and shy away. “Wha- what do you-?”
“I’ve been worried about you lately.” Yu interrupts you quietly. His words shut you up instantly and you’re more than sure there’s a look of surprise and complete disbelief painted right across your face. His thumb runs across your skin slowly, rubbing tiny circles that stop just right below your eye. “Well, I always worry about you. I just can’t help it. But lately, you’ve been different.”
His touch is so soft, and his hands are so warm. That’s the only thing you can think about as you lean into his touch. For a second, he freezes, and you think you’ve just ruined your chances and overstepped your boundaries. But not even a second later, he recovers. He just steps closer to you and tilts your head up- the perfect angle to look him in the eye as he says his next words.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” He murmurs, his thumb teasing your skin. “Tell me what I can do to make things better.”
And before you know it, you’re letting out tears you didn’t know you had left in you.
The way you fall into his awaiting arms is clumsy but is that doesn’t stop him from circling his arms around your sobbing form. His hand clutches your head and brings it to his chest as he whispers quiet words to calm you down. It’s hard to breathe. It’s hard to focus. But his steady heartbeat and the way he guides you into gripping his uniform is grounding. His presence at this moment is incredibly grounding. To you, he feels like a mountain. Tall, unmoving, and permanent. You’ve never felt so small.
In between the tears and the hiccups, he manages to coax out your fears. Every time you felt unlovable and unworthy, it pours out to him. Every moment of emptiness and every moment of being lost spills from your lips. And despite your words, despite the ugliness of it all, he drinks it up readily. He holds you, comforts you, saves you. And in the mess of it all, you somehow manage to tell him that you love him.
And in the mess of it all, you somehow manage to hear him say it back.
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shoichee · 4 years ago
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teiko manager anon back ~ my juicy part 2 will disappoint bc guess what: we're skipping two years into the future. akashi never found out what happened, and by third year the gom were the epitome of cruelty. so reader picks a fight with them after meiko game, only to collapse out of stress after. they graduate, she follows kuroko to seirin and they train to defeat gom. but why is she so insecure and easily sad when gom is mentioned? they get their answer when they catch her overworking
oh teiko anon, so so bold.... really out here stirring the pot of chaos with this part 2 huh KEK alright folks BUCKLE IN YOUR SEATBELTS IT”S TIME FOR PART 2 and part 1 is right here ! part 3 will be here ! update: part 4 is here !
Akashi x Reader
Part 2
[Teiko!manager Headcanons]
remember how I said in part 1 how Akashi would find out sooner or later? this would normally be the case, but in this exception…
you came back to school pretty quickly and restored, only to be in shock when Akashi himself confronts you about where you’ve been… like hello? YOUR CRUSH?? is? talking? to you? about your wellbeing?
here’s the thing, Akashi can easily detect lies through body language because he has an extraordinary sense of kinetic vision and critical thinking, but he’s still a human, not to mention… a middle schooler, and he’s not a true mind reader as some teammates would wholeheartedly believe
still, after some easy sleuthing he easily drew out confessions from some teammates who badmouthed you, although every single one were some type of half-truths and inconsistent testimonies that didn’t really make sense in painting a big picture
instead of incorrectly assuming things, he wanted to hear what’s been going on from your own mouth (keep in mind, this is still Oreshi, the guy who’s still cordial and wants to confirm this with you out of respect)
when he asks you some questions, he doesn’t detect any physical signs of lying from you, which only makes him believe that there wasn’t anything wrong to begin with other than you being under the weather and the other teammates saying utter nonsense either out of fear in his presence or using you as a scapegoat to cover up other delinquencies that he may have yet to discover
“(l/n)-san, I take it that you’ve been resting well? I heard from Kuroko that you were absent due to the seasonal flu.”
“Ah, y-yes! I’ve actually gotten plenty of rest and proper meals, so I’m back on my feet quicker than expected.”
“I actually also wanted to ask you something, if you don’t mind?”
“What is it?”
“Has anything odd happening to you lately? Anyone who has given you trouble or has been uncooperative with you as head manager as of late?”
at the question, you only frown in genuine confusion before you answer no; you genuinely believed that these teammates weren’t in the wrong for “speaking their mind” and if anything, you felt like you were the problem in not being capable enough in managing your own job and your health in the process (despite being knowledgeable in health yourself)
because Akashi saw that you weren’t lying, he dropped it completely out of respect and asked you that if there was anything troubling you that you could reach out to him
oh how he was so, so close to finding out the truth
this wouldn’t be brought up ever again because you and Akashi only continued to grow busier and busier with your own duties; eventually, your fears came true when the Generation of Miracles had in fact “left” you behind when their talents blossomed too fast and left unchecked
honestly, you developed a horrible habit of overworking despite Kuroko’s and Kise’s constant checks on you
what do you know? of course the coaches and faculty members would ignore your opposition against putting the GoMs in every game; after all some of them had been quite dismissive of you already
it’s kind of ironic because if Bokukashi was the one interrogating you back then, he would’ve either easily (correctly) assume based off of the teammates’ testimonies alone, or he’d be a lot more insistent in discerning the truth of the situation and nipping it right in the bud to stop the “nonsense”
but at the same time, Bokukashi has a lot more pressing priorities than a few poor-attitude teammates when he has the entire reputation of Tekio’s legacy on his shoulders; anything pertaining to you never crossed his mind ever since his domineering side emerged
you were really excited for Kuroko since he was gushing about playing against his old friend, since his friend couldn’t make it to finals the first time // needless to say, you were also Kuroko’s mental support when he felt really down at that time
after Kuroko sustained an injury in the game before Meiko, you immediately accompanied him to the infirmary
there, Kuroko requests you to go watch the game and you only reluctantly agree because you wanted to see the game just to relay back to Kuroko just in case if he couldn’t make it, and you were still a manager with a job to fulfill; you’d figure leaving Momoi to watch over was sufficient enough
when you walk out the door though… you bump into Akashi, which is the first time in a while where you two were face-to-face like this; your heart sank when you realize that you had to accept the fact that he’s changed and allowed the distance to grow between you two
but a small part of denial makes you quickly turn and flee out the hallway, but you really begin to evaluate your crush on him as you scurry away; Akashi just stares at you for a moment before he enters into the infirmary where Kuroko is
you’ve distanced yourself from other people (GoMs in particular) in basketball out of denial of the fact you were really left behind (plus, you already dread attending to their games because it’s always a cruel reminder that you’re not working hard enough to achieve results of the same level), which is why reality slapped you in the face after the aftermath of the Meiko game… when you witnessed the full extent of their cruelty on the court
you were really hurt—in fact, you looked more distraught than the Meiko teammates themselves
especially, since the fact that Kise himself, who you thought of him as someone you can trust in, partook in this as well (this is actually your first time in seeing his cruel side in action, since he’s always been very sweet and helpful to you because he respects you)
you first confronted Kise when he was alone for a bit, sounding absolutely heartbroken and on the verge of tears; you shocked him out of his cold side and he immediately becomes a mother hen and asking if you needed water or a seat to calm down before you overexert yourself
after telling him your feelings about the game and your growing distance in the friendship, he sincerely apologizes for making you feel in such an awful way and tells you to let him know next time before a game, so that he wouldn’t suggest this type of entertainment for the game again.
you were in complete disbelief… the fact that your best friend suggested this himself? You dumbly asked for his reason, and he only says that you wouldn’t understand it because no one ever gives the GoM a proper challenge
even though he didn’t intend anything bad when he said this, it just made you feel worse, but you still accepted the apology to get it over with
the other GoMs come and you immediately become angry again and tension just skyrockets; Midorima simply looks away and says nothing, and Murasakibara and Aomine do most of the talking back/arguing… and Akashi only impassively stares at you
later, when Kuroko himself confronts them while everyone was walking in the hallway, you completely lagged behind on the group, tearfully staring at the backs of the GoMs and how you felt really alienated and unmotivated to continue being a manager for a team you don’t even recognize anymore
you grew dizzy again, and you knew your body was dealing with too much at once but you willed your body to at least last the trip
at least you gave a warning when you assumed that you were away from the GoMs at Teiko before you went unconscious; Kise happens to catch you before he brings you to the school infirmary
he does stay with you the entire time, knowing the reason for your collapse was all the extreme emotional and mental toll accumulated in such a short time; he feels absolutely guilty, and when you were about to stir awake, he simply leaves a lighthearted note and a cutely shaped bread before he leaves, knowing that you’d be stressed again if you saw him (around this time is when Kuroko confronts Akashi to quit the team, which is why he was nowhere near you at the time of your collapse/rest)
you felt better that at least Kise still sees you as a close friend when you see what he left behind
you still feel awful, to say the least
it felt wrong of you to quit mid-season, since you felt that you were simply giving up and further perpetuating the fact that you weren’t doing the most that you could
but you didn’t feel like staying for the rest of the season, so you decided to overwork yourself again to get the rest of the paperwork and training plans out of the way for the remainder of the games; you even left detailed instructions to Momoi in how to relieve certain pressure points and muscles for instant relief in case someone hurts themselves
a little timeskip where you decided to tag along Kuroko in attending Seirin High, but you were more reluctant in joining basketball again because you didn’t want to re-experience the stress and burdens in Teiko
well, until you made friends with Riko, and her story in how she was skeptical about basketball at first too inspires you to give it a try again
Kuroko feels really happy that you’re at ease again for the first time, but he definitely notices how you grow gloomy when the Seirin teammates praise the GoMs
you slowly relapse into the habit of overworking to “compensate” for your lack of contributions to Seirin’s team, but this time, every member DROPKICKS you to stop working and relax sometimes (Riko and Hyuuga are the main culprits)
even though you never tell them the reason for your poor habits, the Seirin team members just SENSE and KNOW what to say to make you feel like you’re doing more than enough to support the team in their own unique ways (Mitobe giving really cute shoulder pats and thumbs-ups… Koganei giving you slaps on the back and high-fives… Riko bluntly telling you to relax and giving you encouraging winks… Hyuuga being a roundabout in his praises… Teppei openly praising you… and Kagami telling you that you were doing too much LOL)
Kuroko gives you the SOFTEST SMILES (everyone freaks out every time he does that, it’s hilarious)
however, wounds slowly reopen more once again every time Seirin goes against schools that the respective GoM plays for
after every win Seirin achieves against the GoM’s respective school, each GoM would eventually learn a little tidbits here and there about your tendency to overwork and collapse and possible speculations of why, but you never confirm anything with them
even though you easily forgive Kise after the Seirin vs. Kaijo match (seeing how he interacted with Kagami and Kuroko in the park), for the others… you weren’t so ready to confront…
… particularly with Akashi
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sinner-as-saint · 4 years ago
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You Were Made To Be Mine - 3.
Pirate!Bucky x Mermaid!Reader
Part 3 of this series.
Run-through: Bucky is one of the greatest pirates ever known. Living peacefully in his vast and flourishing archipelago; filthy rich and respected by all those around him. He is the leader of his people and his massive fleet, and is viewed as no less than a king by his crew and the people on his lands. He, however, has a secret that he keeps from everyone. The infamous and brawny pirate has lost his heart to one of the most beautiful creations he’s ever seen – you. Ever since the moment he saw you, he knew that you were meant to be his. But he belonged to the earth, you to the ocean. Could love and resilience somehow find a way to unite two worlds?
Themes: mermaid!reader, mythological elements, pirate!bucky, fluff, slight angst, smut
a/n: This will be the last part of this series. Thank you to everyone who loved this series, and pirate!bucky as much as I did! I love you guys so much!
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One week in your absence felt like a thousand years to the heartbroken man you had left behind.
A tragedy of his own making, truth be told.
Bucky was miserable, torn and completely unable to function properly now with you gone. He could barely sleep. And spent most of his time on the shore of the small isle – where he used to meet up with you. Which used to be his favorite place but now the shore and the rocks only reminded him of his terrible mistake. A mistake which cost him the one thing he soon realized he couldn’t live without.
Sat there, on the rock where he had spent countless hours with you in the past just talking and learning about each other and falling deeper and deeper in love, Bucky looked down to see a shiny pearl in the palm of his hand. You brought him many pretty things from the depths of the ocean – shells, pearls, but this one pearl stood out the most to him. Mainly because the color of it reminded him of the many hues present on your tail.
“I miss you, my little pearl. Come back to me. Please.” He whispered under his breath. Sad and sulking, he hadn’t smiled since you were gone. Sometimes it felt like he hadn’t lived at all before he met you and now with you gone, he was just… existing – void of any happiness and love and warmth.
As each wave crashed on the shore and on the rocks, it felt like someone was poking at a wound. Each day he returned back to his island, without any knowledge of your whereabouts, it felt like a defeat. Bucky spent the nights at the isle, then rowed back in the morning – where he slept and sulked all day inside his home and came out at night again to row back to the isle. He was a mess and only you could fix it, but you were mad and broken and gone.
His friends were worried sick but there was nothing they could do. It was impossible to even look for you because they would never find you from the surface. All they could do was wait and pray that you come back else they feared that their friend might die from a heartbreak. He was already in so much pain already.
 Bucky never gave up. Midway into the second week, he was hurting just the same but that didn’t diminish his hope. He would sit at the rock and wait each night. You never showed up, but he never stopped showing up either. He’d sit there at the shore or on your rock and just reminisce the time he spent with you. He’d smile to himself, laugh at the funny things, shed a tear or two whenever the realization hit him and reminded him cruelly that you were gone and it was his fault.
“I’m not gonna make it without you. Please come back.” he begged, looking towards the ocean as the gentle, cool and salty wind caressed his face, reminding him of your touch. Damp and cool but it brought him warmth like no other. And just like always, all he got back as a reply was tranquility and the sound of waves dying out on the shore – much like him.
Yet, just like the waves, he was resilient and he kept coming back hoping that one day you’ll show up. He had faith in the love he had for you, and he knew that you’d be reunited again one day. Sooner or later.
Lucky for him, that day wasn’t too far.
-
 One evening, Bucky felt much better than he had ever felt in the past two weeks in your absence. Which was weird because he’d only been sad and gloomy since the day you were gone. But tonight as he rowed to the isle he was almost, dare he say, excited and more hopeful than ever. He was confused but he felt tingly and warm – like how he usually felt whenever you were around.
And much to his surprise, he had been right. Because as soon as he reached the shore, he felt immediately more alive. And something told him that you were close by.
“Sweetheart? Is it you?” he called out, using the moonlight and the torch to look around as much as he could. He found you and his body froze to the ground.
He found you on the shore, not far from him. You appeared to be unconscious, and as though the waves had washed your body up to the shore. He ran to you, and as soon as he got close enough, his heart skipped a beat or two.
You were… human. With legs in lieu of your lovely tail and fins. Oh sweetheart…
Bucky fell to his knees beside your bare body and wedged the torch to the ground and pulled your body up to him. Bucky immediately removed his thick coat and wrapped you in it, sheltering you from the cold. You whimpered as he touched you, because even when not so conscious, you knew it was him. “Wake up, Y/N. Please wake up,” he cradled you against his warm chest.
He could feel your heartbeat as he held you against him, and that was the only thing keeping him from being hysterical due to all the overwhelming emotions he was feeling. Regret for letting you go in the first place. Guilt for being selfish. Heartache because he had broken your heart in doing so. Happiness for having found you at last. It all hit him right in the face like a harsh punch.
He felt like he wanted to scream and shout and just do something, but then the sound of your voice calmed him down instantly.
“Buck…” your voice sounded hoarse and it ended in a cough. You didn’t open your eyes but you felt him there, holding you. You felt safe.
“I’m here, my love. I’m right here. Are you okay? What- I need to know you’re okay, please.” He waited, leaning in to kiss your forehead as he hugged you tighter.
You struggled to talk but you managed to mumble out some words, “It’s… I…everything hurts.”
Bucky felt like he was being torn apart limb by limb. “How can I make it better, sweetheart? Tell me what to do.” he sounded frantic and scared and hurt all at the same time.
Your next few words made him shed tears right there on the shore. “Take me home.” He held you, clinging to you like a child and he cried silently. Whispering and pleading and telling you he’s sorry.
-
When Bucky brought you home that night, his friends were surprised but they didn’t question him right away. Thor was the one who knew just what to give you for the pain. Okoye brought you all that a woman could need. And Sam and Steve worked on what to tell the rest of the people when they find out about you.
You were still slipping in and out of consciousness. And no one knew what happened in those two weeks, all they could do was wait for you to wake up.
“She’s alright. She’s here with you now, with us. Everything’s going to be alright, Buck.” Steve gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder and Bucky nodded. “Get some sleep. I’m sure she’ll be fine by morning.”
His friends all left, telling him they were close by and to call for them if he needed help with anything. Bucky walked them till the front door then hurried his way back to you. He had cleaned you and dressed you in a light blue sleeping gown and placed you in his bed, you looked comfortable and at ease. But he wanted you to just wake up already.
There was so many questions he needed answers to, so much he had to apologize for, so much to make up for.
“I love you more than anything.” He whispered and leaned down to kiss your forehead. “I’m sorry, my love.” Bucky stayed by your side the entire night that night. He hadn’t seen you for two weeks, so each glimpse of you now was a privilege that he was more than grateful for.
-
You woke up abruptly in the middle of the night; panicking and panting. You felt warm, and something was clinging to your body. Your eyes were wide open and you felt so hot. Your chest was heaving and you thrashed around trying to reorient yourself and find out where you were. All you felt was dry, silky material wrapped all around you.
Your movements woke Bucky up and he opened his eyes and realized that the candles had gone out so hurried to light them up again. And once he did and turned around, he caught your stare. You were clearly disoriented and scared.
“Hey…” he came over and sat down on the edge of the bed. His hand reached out to touch your cheek and you closed your eyes and relished the feeling of his skin against yours. Oh how you had missed him. “Are you in pain right now?” he asked, there was so much you and him needed to talk about but right now your comfort and health was more important that anything. Besides, now you would plenty of time to discuss things.
You shook your head. You weren’t in any physical pain, not anymore. But your heart hurt. “How did you…” your voice trailed off, your throat suddenly feeling dry and itchy. Bucky figured you needed some water so he grabbed the nearby goblet of water and held it up to your lips. Reluctantly you leaned in, but then stopped.
“It’s just water. You’re thirsty, you need some. Drink,” he cupped your face gently and tipped the lip of the goblet a little, letting some water into your mouth. You drank half of it and closed your eyes and sighed, it seemed to have quenched your thirst.
“Thank you.” you mumbled as Bucky placed the goblet to the side and turned to face you. One look into his pretty blue eyes and your own started watering. It was all too much to bear. The separation had killed you, the heartbreak as well. And now here you were, thousands of unasked questions between you two acting as another barrier, although you had just overcame a major one.
Bucky spoke up after a few seconds of staring into your eyes. “I found you on the shore. You were barely conscious at the time.” He filled you in on the part which you seemed to have trouble remembering. You nodded and he spoke up again. “I’m sorry I let you go.” He scooted closer to you and caressed your cheek. “I love you. Way too much. It’s killing me, sweetheart. I don’t know what to do.”
He sounded lost and vulnerable. Your tears fell, despite how much you tried to hold them back. You let out a quiet sob as you leaned forward and wrapped your arms around him. He hugged you back, tightly securing his arms around you. Your tears were incessant, but you broke into a faint smile as he cradled your head. Your hugs weren’t damp and cold anymore, but warm and comfortable.
When the tears finally stopped, you pulled away and filled Bucky in on what he missed. After you ‘broke up’ you were pissed and dove into deep waters without a care in the world. You made it to where the potion supposedly was, and after spending multiple days looking for it, you managed to find it.
Your memory was messy and scattered after that. You remember feeling pain. A lot of pain, and you remember passing out and feeling like you were being torn in two.
“I must have lost consciousness then. I don’t remember. But the waves thankfully brought me to the shore.” You finished. Bucky listened attentively. God, he felt awful.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” he apologized, looking down in his lap where he held both your hands in his.
You squeezed his hands. “It’s okay, you didn’t know.”
“I was stupid to let you go.” He argued.
You smiled and reached up to touch his face. “I wouldn’t be here, like this,” you pointed at your lower limbs, “if you didn’t let me go.”
“I love you.”
You smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “And I love you.” you mumbled against his lips.
Bucky spent the whole night just holding you close to him. You were still a little weak and unwell, but you promised him you would be alright in the morning. After all, you were way too excited to explore his island and meet his people and be one of them.
“Will they like me?” you asked, unable to fall asleep. Bucky chuckled and leaned down to kiss the top of your head.
“They’ll love you.” he replied.
-
He had been right.
As soon as his friends came by the next morning, they were all impatient to see you at once. They told Bucky that they would make up a story and tell the rest of the inhabitants of the archipelago that you were found stranded on an island, and that’s where Bucky found you.
“We have to hide the truth, for her sake.” Sam made sure everybody understood and were on the same page. Everyone nodded.
When Bucky came to get you, you wobbled on your feet a little before standing up. “I’ll have to get used to this.”
Bucky chuckled and came over to help you steady yourself. “One foot in front of the other. We’ll take it slow, sweetheart. Don’t you worry, you’ll get the hang of things in no time.” He smiled and led you out of the room.
You struggled to walk initially, but you were a quick learner. By the time you reached downstairs, you were able to walk on your own, but you still let Bucky keep his arms around you and you held on to him just in case. You met Bucky’s closest friend in the foyer. And the men all stared at you like they had never seen anything like you before. The woman however, Okoye – Bucky spoke of her often, gave you a polite smile.
“Welcome to our world.” She spoke, stepping closer and giving you a polite nod.
You smiled at her, her warmth rubbing off on you. “Thank you for the clothes.” Bucky had told you last night how she had made all the arrangements regarding your clothes. She smiled and said there was no need to thank her.
“You’re one of us now. You’re family.”
You almost shed tear of joy at her words. And something told you that you and Okoye would get along really well in the future. She just had that kind of aura around her; fierce and strong but also almost motherly and caring.
Bucky introduced you to everyone else. You recognized Steve from the swords fight. Then Sam was just as Bucky described him. Thor was much taller and broader than you imagined, but he was also the most gentle out of all of them.
Steve spoke up soon after you were introduced to all of them. “We’re so glad you’re finally here. Now someone,” he looked directly at Bucky, “will finally stop weeping and moaning in sadness.” That earned a round of chuckles and a giggle from you.
Bucky shot Steve a glare and had you not been there, he would have showered his friend with insults. You immediately liked them all. And even after they left, you couldn’t stop smiling.
“I can’t wait to meet everyone!” you chirped as Bucky helped you sit down at the stone table for breakfast. He figured you must be hungry.
“I can’t wait either, but it’s time you eat.” His words made you a little nervous, but also excited. Bucky gave you a quick tutorial on how to handle cutlery and you learnt in less than a few minutes. “That’s really good!” he cheered as you took your first bite of food all on your own.
You chewed cautiously, then turned to him with wide eyes. He chuckled, happy that you seemed to really enjoy human food.
-
That was just the beginning, soon Bucky realized that you were no different than a child experiencing everything the world had to offer for the first time. Bucky really enjoyed walking you through everything; and luckily you learnt everything rather quickly.
By the end of the first week, you were able to walk around on your own, dress yourself up and wash and brush your teeth and do your own hair. Bucky was impressed.
Some days later, Bucky decided that it was time to introduce you to everyone. And he meant everyone.
You had always wanted to be part of one of Bucky’s feast but you had never thought it would be this grand, and crowded and loud and cheery. People gathered around the many tables; loud chatter, laughter and clinging of goblets – it made you happy.
Bucky managed to get everyone’s attention. And told them the makeshift story of how he once found you, stranded on an island far from here. He added to the story and told them that he had to keep you hidden for a week or so because you were injured and sick but you were all better now.
“So I’m glad to introduce you to Y/N, the newest member of our family.” He held your hand showed you off proudly. He didn’t have to say it, everyone present at the massive hall could tell that he was madly in love with you. It could be seen in his eyes as he looked at you in pure adoration.
Your introduction was followed by a loud roar of cheer and claps and merry. Everyone was just happy that their mass was growing, and they took pride in it.
All throughout the feast, Bucky couldn’t help but feel more powerful as he sat next to you. He felt like he was on top of the world, like there was nothing he couldn’t do. You completed him. And you were here now, here to stay. Forever by his side.
Bucky made love to you that night. He couldn’t hold back from touching you anymore. All those nights of sleeping beside you, and not holding you or pleasuring you like he so desperately wanted to, had been pure torture.
Not only for him, but you as well. Having to see him shirtless and having his arms around you almost all the time had been making you feel hot and bothered almost always. But you were too shy and inexperienced to initiate anything so you waited. Until tonight.
Back home from the feast, as soon as you walked into your shared bedroom, Bucky grabbed you and gently pressed you against the door once he closed it behind him. He had you trapped between him and the door, and you weren’t complaining.
The look in his eyes spoke volumes. He was hungry and wild, and ready to ravish you all night long. But he knew he had to be gentle with you. He wondered how to ease you into it but you took care of that by reaching up and pressing your lips to his. You kiss was rough and needy, even Bucky was surprised.
Your body trembled in anticipation as he wrapped his arms around you and walked the two of you towards the large bed. His tongue slipped past your lips, and you let him. He stroked the top of your mouth and you found yourself whining and needing more.
Your body felt like it was on fire. One which could only be doused by his touch. Yet as soothing as his touch was, it wasn’t enough. You wanted more, you wanted him. Unrestrained, and passionately. You needed him so terribly you almost begged.
As soon as your back hit the soft mattress, Bucky pulled away and looked down at you. His body hovered over yours, and your hands caressed the back of his neck lovingly. “Make me yours.” You whispered.
Bucky closed his eyes and sighed. “My little pearl…” he was feeling too much to talk. So he decided to let his emotions show instead. He planned on worshipping your body and make love to you until the sun came up.
Bucky pressed his body down against yours. Nothing had to be said, you could both see it in each other’s eyes; the love, the desire and the need. The feral need. That same tingle spread all over you again – the one you got each time he touched you even in the most innocent ways possible. You looked up to see his eyes had darkened a shade. His grip tightened on your body and he dipped his head and kissed down your neck – making you shiver again.  
“I will make you mine. Just promise you’ll tell me if it hurts or makes you uncomfortable. Yes?” he made sure you understood. You nodded and mumbled a ‘yes’.
Bucky took his time and got you out of the lovely dress you were wearing. As much as he liked it, he liked you better naked. So he didn’t stop undressing you until you were bare against his sheets. He looked down at you like you were a meal, and he, a hungry man with an insatiable appetite. You felt no awkwardness, no shame. You were his, entirely and his gaze only made you feel more confident and beautiful.
He went on to remove most of his clothes as well, leaving only his pants on. Bucky leaned down to kiss every inch of your body. Your lips, down your neck, your collar bones and your chest. He paid a lot of attention to your breasts; licking and biting and sucking, letting his hands cup your breasts and taking his sweet time; caressing and fondling. Instinctively, your back arched off the bed and you whimpered under his soft, yet needy touch. Bucky was eager to show you how much he loves you, but he knew he had to take it slow.
He dragged his soft lips up and down your body, making you tremble under his touch. His beard pricked your skin but it also tickled, making your whine end in a giggle. He smiled when he heard the noises you made, he knew it would be his favorite things to hear from now on.
Your body tingled and burned under his touch, and there was nothing you wanted more than have him buried deep in you. But you were also nervous for your first time together, but the pressing need inside you overpowered the nervousness.
His mouth found yours as his hand slipped in between your legs with ease; caressing your inner thighs as he went. The foreign, but very pleasant feeling caused a shiver to run down your spine; you shivered and moaned through the kiss. His knuckles gently stroked your wet folds; making you whimper. He chuckled against your mouth upon feeling just how aroused you were. Wet, and warm and ready – just as needy as he was.
But he wanted to take his time and savour you first. He ran his fingers up and down your folds, gathering and smearing your arousal around as he went. He poked at your entrance with his finger, “Is this okay, sweetheart?” he wanted to confirm. You nodded quickly, eyes shut and head thrown back.
“Yes… please Buck…” you were breathless already. Pulsing and hot, your body wanted him bad. So bad. He chuckled at your reply and pushed a finger into you and you shivered. He messed with you for a little bit; stroking your walls with his finger, then added another; making you whine.
You felt your hole stretch around his fingers as he was knuckles deep in you, slowly slipping his fingers in and out of you. He kissed the side of your face, along your jaw and down your neck as he sped up. Your legs spread further apart naturally, a sign that you wanted more. Bucky smirked.
“You feel so good around my fingers, sweetheart,” he whispered, nibbling at your jaw. “So warm, and wet…” he chuckled and the sound of his laugh was so hot it made your body clench around his fingers. He noticed and slowed down his pace, purposely teasing you. Oh he wanted to pleasure you so bad, but not so easily… “You’re dripping all over my hand,” he noted, seductively whispering and kissing the shell of your ear, “I wonder how you taste…”
You squirmed at the sound of his words, your heart racing in anticipation as he kissed his way down your body again. Quicker this time, impatient to reach in between your legs. You threw your head back and moaned once his lips kissed your inner thigh and his mouth latched onto your core in no time; his tongue teasing your clit softly. He had you squirming and moaning – a complete mess under him in no time.
He kept his fingers inside you, moving ever so gently against your walls. Your body welcomed the foreign feeling. You felt his rough beard scratch in between your thighs but that was the least of your concerns, all you focused on was his mouth on you. Shamelessly eating you out like you were his favorite meal. His tongue licked up and down your slit, diving in and out of your wet folds, occasionally running over your opening where his fingers were snug inside you.
You moaned and reached down to grip his hair. You squirmed and whined and cried out. Your legs trembled in pleasure, and Bucky lifted one of them and placed it over his shoulders, eager to taste you even more, pushing your core further into his mouth and making you cry out of pleasure. His hands locked around your thighs as the lower half of his face pressed down into your wet heat; his lips drenched with your arousal.
“Hmm,” his hum reverberated inside you, making you squirm. “You taste heavenly, my little pearl.” He whispered and placed a loud kiss right on your clit before getting back to eating you out like a madman again.
Your eyes were shut, but you imagine he must be quite the sight. Big and broad and muscular, knelt in between your legs, his face pushed in between your hips as he took your higher… and higher. A couple more strokes of his tongue and your moans got louder and louder, a strange but sweet pressure forming in your lower regions.
“Let go sweetheart, cum for me.” He mumbled. He had you coming in no time; gushing out all over his lips as he lapped up whatever you gave him. The wet sounds erupting whenever his mouth sucked on your sensitive clit were downright sinful. As the waves of euphoria washed over you, you felt him kissing his way up your body; leaving warm, wet kisses all over your skin until he reached your mouth again. Bucky kissed you deeply and his kiss was a little more rough and messy and demanding than earlier.
You were like a drug. And now that he had had a taste, he only wanted more. He needed more. Bucky pulled away from the kiss a few seconds later. Chest heaving, and recovering from your previous orgasm, you admired the man above you, as he lowered his pants, reached down and pulled out his cock; stroking it while he looked down into your eyes.
You lips parted in hunger. You wanted him so bad it hurt. Your walls clenched around nothing as you watched him stroke himself. His size both startled and excited you. You were both nervous and impatient to just have him in you already. Bucky leaned in again to press his forehead against yours again. “Tell me if I hurt you,” he mumbled, voice hoarse and gruff as he pushed his erected cock past your tight entrance. You moaned out loud as he did. He grunted once he filled you up entirely, and he gave you a couple of seconds to adjust.
“You okay, my love?” he asked again, breathless as your walls squeezed him violently. Fuck…
“Yeah…” you were just as needy as him. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders and you buried your face into the crook of his neck as you felt his body flex against yours. His back muscles felt taut and firm under your touch and his hard chest pressed down into you.
You were so full of his thick cock that even forming a proper thought seemed impossible at the moment. You shuddered as you felt all of him. His lips found yours again, attempting to get you to stay quiet while he rolled his hips against yours. Slowly at first, testing and seeing if you could take it.
You moaned as your body welcomed him in, and Bucky got his answer.
He removed himself out of you entirely and pushed himself back into you, and watched in awe how you struggled to adjust to his size. He lowered his face again, and dipped his head into the crook of your neck. You heard him panting and swearing under his breath as he rocked into you. Your nails sank into his skin, around his shoulder and muscular arm; which you held onto for dear life as he pounded into you. He slowed down occasionally, then picked up the pace again; making you lose your mind. Yes… yes…yes. All you knew was that you wanted him there, forever if you could.
You tried matching his thrusts but were unable to; so you simply let go. He kissed you, bit your skin, kissed your open mouth while he rammed into you; and you never complained once. Given his size, he stretched you out completely. And it did hurt, but the pleasure compensated for the pain.  
“I love you so much…” he mumbled against your skin. But you were unable to answer, all you did was moan and whimper and squirm as he pounded into you. Your legs trembled and he lifted them up to wrap them around his waist. This allowed him to thrust deeper into you.
Bucky growled and bit down on your shoulder to keep himself from making any louder noises while he fucked you. He was relentless, as though each moan, each mewl which left your lips only encouraged him to give you his all.
He was sweet and caring as he handled your body, caressing you and kissing you, but he was also animalistic and wild at the same time. His kisses were passionate and deep. His touch was tantalizing, and he didn’t hold back as he made love to you. And you knew you could definitely get used to this. The now familiar pressure was back again, hot and burning. You got louder and so did he.
As he pulled away and looked down at you, you saw in his eyes, the determination, the hunger and the need; matching your own. “You’re all mine.” he whispered as he made you cum again around his cock for the first time that night. Your moans were wanton as your walls clenched around his cock. You felt him fill you up again, with his warm load shooting at your walls. “Mine.” he growled and collapsed into your arms.
 At some point during the night, he took you again. This time he flipped you onto your stomach and pulled you onto your knees by your hips, your ass up in the air.
“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked again.
“Yes.” you replied almost immediately.
He kissed the back of your neck and pushed himself inside you again. You felt his hard body press against the curve of your ass as he filled you up just like he had earlier.
Bucky’s hand found its way to your front and he pressed his palm against your lower abdomen. He liked the wave of excitement which coursed through his veins each time he felt himself thrusting deep within you. He liked how he was the only one who would ever touch you like this, the only one who would own you like this, the only one who would ever fuck you like this.
You moaned at how wonderfully Bucky stretched you out and rammed his thick cock in and out of you rapidly. You felt your walls clench around him, and tightening around his thick member. The sounds leaving his lips were sinful more than anything. And it sent shivers down your spine. He panted against your cheek, kissing the side of your face lovingly.
He didn’t slow down as your walls clenched around him violently, he kept pounding into you as your eyes rolled back and you moaned out loud as you came; hard. Bucky fucked you relentlessly; not even stopping for a second. He panted and groaned at how good you felt and how perfect you felt around him.
Unable to form coherent sentences, you moaned as you felt your release approaching. Your legs were shaking, and your body moved along with his perfectly. You wanted more of what he had to give. You craved him. A rush coursed through your veins as you felt your mind clouding with lust again. He growled under his breath, his lips dangerously close to yours as you whined and whimpered under him.
You came again, walls tightening around his length. He bit down on your lip as you lifted your hips to meet his thrust; chasing your release. Your body trembled under him as you came again. You noticed his irregular thrusts and the sound which left his lips; he came right after you; filling you up yet again.
After he was done, he fell limp into your arms, careful as to not crush you beneath his body weight.
He stayed like that for a while, and let you wrap your arms around him; with his head against your bare chest. He relished the feeling of being in your arms. Until he finally rolled over and pulled you into his side, tucking your head under his chin.
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
 ---
Days went by in pure bliss.
“Do you miss it?” Bucky asked one night, as you laid your chest on his bare chest. Both of you worn out and tired after having made love to one another for hours.
You closed your eyes and sighed, pressing your face into his warm chest. His smell, his body heat, his soft touch – it was all pure heaven. You knew he was asking about the ocean.
“I do. But I miss it like one missed their childhood.” You explained further. “The nostalgia hurts, but it’s a good kind of hurt. Take yourself for example, you will always miss your childhood; the freedom, the fun and the lack of responsibilities. Yet at the same time, now you’re grateful for what you have now and who you’ve become. You’re wiser and better and surrounded by people who love you.”
You tilted your head up and found him staring down at you, looking lovingly into your eyes. You spoke up again. “It’s the same for me. I will always miss it, I mean I was born there. But this is where I’m meant to be. With you, till my dying day.”
He rolled the two of you over and hovered above you. His long hair framing his face, making him look so handsome and angelic you could cry. “I love you.” he said, his bare body pressing down on you under the covers.
His body heat wrapped around you like a protective cocoon. “I love you more.”
 -6 YEARS LATER-
 You stood on the beach, not too far from home. You smiled as you looked around; right on this beach is where you and Bucky got married 6 years ago. It was a beautiful wedding, and the celebration even more so. You turned around and caught a glimpse of the grand fortress. Stone and concrete, sharp and rough edges but still radiating a sense of warmth and security – much like the man who had it built himself.
Your smile grew at the thought of your husband. In just six years, so much had changed. For the better.
Your little reverie was interrupted by the sound of giggles and shouts of excitement. You looked straight ahead and found your three kids running around and playing close to the water, paying little to no attention to the beautiful sunset behind them. Yes, they were human but very much skilled when it came to diving into the ocean. You often took them swimming, and they all amazed you by how well they could hold their breath under water for surprisingly a long time. They definitely got that from you. And Bucky was proud of that.
You sighed in content at the sight of your kids. They were everything to you and Bucky. Speaking of Bucky, he caught you by surprise by coming up to you and wrapping his strong arms around you from behind, nuzzling your neck.
“Hello, my love.” he mumbled against your skin. You giggled. All these years and his voice still made you weak in the knees.
“Hi.” You turned your head to the side and beamed at him. “How did the meeting go with the rest?” Bucky and his crew were planning another loot soon, and they’ve been busy preparing and discussing these past days.
He pressed a kiss to your cheek, his beard pricking your skin gently. But you had gotten used to the roughness of it, it was almost comforting now. “It was fine.” Bucky went on to give you some details about what they discussed.
Then you were both interrupted by the sound of your kids laughing and yelling in excitement. Apparently their sand castle was now complete, they’ve been working on it for hours. Bucky looked at them and a warm smile formed on his face.
“We should get these little monsters home and get them showered before dinner.” He smiled down at you. You chuckled.
“They won’t listen, and they won’t leave until their feet aren’t hurting from running around too much.” You knew your kids too well. “I’m afraid they’re just as stubborn as their father.” You added, teasing your husband.
He raised an eyebrow at you, smirking. “Are they now?” he leaned down to gently bite your partially exposed shoulder. You laughed, tipping your head back and resting it on his shoulder. He tightened his grip around you and looked down at you in pure and utter adoration and smiled. His wife, at last. The mother of his kids. Entirely his, finally.
Then as he often did, he got emotional just thinking about that night all those years ago, where he was foolish enough to think that letting you go was a good idea. He blurted out, “I’m sorry.”
You turned around in his arms and faced him. You reached up and cupped his face in your hands. “What for?”
Bucky looked down, seeing your bodies pressed together. He let out a dry chuckle. “I almost broke us apart forever that night.” he said and you knew exactly what he was talking about. “I didn’t realize I would be hurting you too. I was so stupid to even think that I would survive without you.”
He often brought it up, whenever he was sad or upset. Or when he’s had a little too much ale. He’s even cried in your arms like a child all night once when you brought it up casually. The guilt had diminished, but it was still there in him somewhere. But you had faith the one day it’ll be gone entirely. You were both working on it.
“It’s been years, Buck. Let it go. We’re here, aren’t we? We’re together and we have a family just like we always dreamt of. That’s all that matters.” You maintained his stare as you spoke. He nodded. “I love you.” you leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead. You pulled away and smiled, “Besides, if it weren’t for my fit of rage that day, I would’ve never found the potion. So think of it this way, we had to drift apart for a while, and it happened for a reason.”
He smiled and leaned in to press his forehead to yours. “I love you so much it hurts.” He mumbled, making you giggle. Then a thought popped into his head out of nowhere. “I never asked you this, but when you found the potion, did you drink all of it?” he had always been curious about that.
You smiled faintly, remembering the day you found it. “No.” you answered, deep in thought. “I took some, and then I put the rest right back.”
“Why?” he was intrigued. He wondered how come this conversation never came up earlier in the past years.
You pulled away and looked up at him. “I was scared. I saw it and I wondered, what if in the next life the roles are reversed? What if you’re born in the ocean and I, on land?” you chuckled, although your eyes watered a little. “I wanted there to be hope for us even then. I… I can’t imagine not finding you in the next life. Or the one after that, and the one after that.” you chuckled again. “It scares me, when I think about what if our paths don’t cross in another life?” You let the single tear fall, which Bucky caught as it ran down your cheek. “Or what if we can’t be together like this again?”
Bucky felt a weight on his chest at the sight of another tear escaping your eye. You wiped this one away quickly yourself. He couldn’t help but lean in and kiss you on the lips, a gentle, sweet kiss to remind you that he was right here and there was nothing for you to worry about.
“My little pearl…” he whispered softly as he pulled away from you. “All of you, your heart, your soul; you were made to be mine. Don’t you worry, I’ll find you in the next life as well. And the one after that, and the one after that.” His words earned him a teary smile from you. “I promise you, my love, I will always find you. And you will always end up being mine.”
You threw your arms around him tightly and pulled him in for a kiss. You felt him smile through the kiss which lightened up the mood a little. “And I promise to love you just the same each time.” You whispered against his lips.
-
Although neither one of you recalled the promise you made to each other that day on that beach; in each lifetime, you both kept your promises. Bucky kept his word, somehow he always ended up finding you. And you did the same, you loved him unconditionally each time. It didn’t matter when or where you met. Or how your story began or ended. All that mattered was that in the next life, and the one after that, and the one after that; you ended up together every single time.
Bucky had been right; you were made to be his. And him, yours.
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giorno-plays-piano · 4 years ago
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Yandere alien Bucky x astronaut darling
I find this request very unique! I’ve never actually thought about this before, so thank you for bringing this creative idea <3
P.S. The action takes place in the future.
The Reason
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Pairing: alien!Bucky Barnes x astronaut!Reader
Warnings: yandere, obsession, kidnapping, death of minor characters, allusion to breeding and non-con.
Words: 2985.
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When you finally managed to open your eyes, everything was pitch black for a couple of minutes. Your body hurt so much as if someone threw you into a well, then pulled your dead body out, and threw it back in. The oxygen mask on your face felt heavy as hell.
You easily recognized the monotonous sounds of life support system since it wasn’t your first space mission. Damn, what had happened? Did you finally get that significant brain damage Dr. Strange was so concerned about? You didn’t remember blacking out so violently after your last spaceflights. This one wasn’t even your longest.
When you saw the room, you stared at the unnaturally high ceiling that you couldn’t blame on your blurry vision. It just didn’t look the same. Did they move the Adaptation Center to a new building or something? Did Dr. Strange mentioned it before? You couldn’t remember, really. You didn’t think he did.
Despite the fact that you felt weightless, moving your body seemed nearly impossible as you struggled to move your legs. Shit, and there you thought those magic drugs NASA offered you last time were way better than their usual treatments. 
Wait. You didn’t finish your mission. You weren’t returning to Earth yet as you had around 6 more months to spend in space. Had something happened? Did Dr. Str-
Oh yes. Dr. Strange was dead. You still remembered his face when Sergeant Barnes, an extraterrestrial from Theseus-17, had shot him right in front of you.
When you saved them from their greatly damaged spacecraft, it was five of them: Steve Rogers, the Captain, their leader; Tony Stark, the Pilot; Bruce Banner, the Doctor; Vision, the Pastor, and James Buchanan Barnes, the Soldier. All of them simply used human analogues of their true names, but the members of your crew didn't protest: since Theseus-17 was incredibly far even for your highly technologically advanced spaceships, you knew very little of its inhabitants. Apparently, they attempted to establish a good relationship between your races - especially since you had so much biological similarities. In fact, they might be the closest to humans among other species you had ever encountered before, you thought.
Well, it was true, but you failed to see they would use it to their advantage to the fullest.
They were a militaristic alien race with predominantly male population controlled by stratocratic government. Their planet was three times smaller than Earth, but their technological advancement was unbelievable, especially compared to human's: it allowed them to invade several other small planets and colonize them in the past. However, due to some extreme DNA mutations, their female population was declining decade after decade resulting in zero births over the last five years. The Hydrarirans, as they called themselves, were rapidly facing extinction, Steve told you while explaining the reasons why they were so far from their home.
You had a pretty long talk after Bucky had shot Dr. Strange, and Tony strangled Wong. You barely remembered what had happened next, though you could guess you ended up being drugged by Hydrarians. Fuck. Did you send a signal back to Earth? You couldn't tell. Well, you certainly remembered Dr. Strange sending a message about saving the crew of Theseus-17 spacecraft. If you went missing, it would be a clear sign of something going very wrong.
But you still were God knew where. Gradually becoming extremely nervous with each passing second, you looked at the countless wires attached to your body and started to pull, forcefully taking them out of your skin and silently crying - you didn't remember feeling so much pain since the times of your first space mission. Violently throwing away the oxygen mask, you crawled on the bed until you fell to the floor with a loud thud. Shit.
You stayed there for a couple of minutes, afraid Hydrarians would quickly discover what you were doing, but since you heard nothing, you crawled further from bed to a wide glass wall, your vision still blurry. Where were you? It didn't feel like a spacecraft. It felt like you were brought to an unknown planet, and when you saw two red suns shining in the black sky, you realized it was exactly like Steve described his planet to you.
No, no, it couldn't be. Theseus-17 was God knew how many light years away. Their ship wasn't in the condition to fly you there so fast, yours even less so, and you certainly hadn't been put in a cryostasis. However, how well did you know what technology these alien freaks possessed? What if they could be using some teleport able to cover enormous distances? It could easily be an option.
Crawling further to the window, you had finally reached it and touched its cold surface. It certainly looked and felt like a glass beneath your palm.
The black meadows you stared upon were nothing like the ones you saw from a window of the little house where you spent your childhood. This place was wicked, evil. You could feel it in the air as you inhaled that strange, sickly sweet oxygen or whatever it was. No wonder their women couldn't handle living here, and you wouldn't last here either. It was clear what you were brought here for, and even the thought of it was repulsive to you. How dare they? How barbaric were these freaks, intending to use human women as some breeding machinery? If their military experiments made them facing extinction, then let it be, you thought, horrified and disgusted at the same time.
You rubbed your droopy eyes, feeling the wetness on the back of your palm as you tried not to cry, thinking what were your options except to submit silently to your abductors. How were you going to navigate a ship back home? How were you going to steal a ship? Actually, how were you going to leave this damn room, considering that your body was almost unable to move because of the time you spent in space? Recovery would take quite some time, unless Hydrarians had advanced medical support for cosmonauts. You hoped they did, because spending months to recover while staying with these savages wasn't an option.
Huh, it was better to listen to your mom and become a doctor. Now you'd be sitting in your cabinet and listening to concerns of elderly ladies, not being locked away on a planet with no female population. You had hard times imagining what they would do to you if you end up being thrown in a crowd of mad men yearning for intimacy for years.
Rubbing your eyes again, you exhaled loudly. You were in deep, deep shit.
When the white wall beside you suddenly moved to the side, allowing a tall, menacing man in a black military suit to enter, you held your breath, watching Sergeant Barnes walking into the room. You thought of his metal hand with a red star engraved on it - he could snap your neck with one swift motion if he wanted to, though he could probably do it with his flesh hand, too. Certainly, he was both skilled in combat and cybernetically enhanced, so escaping with him guarding you would be extremely problematic. You'd prefer to meet Vision instead of the grim Soldier.
"What are you doing, woman?" Barnes asked as he saw you on the floor with your back pressed to the glass wall, your arms bleeding from violently tearing the wires of the life support system out of your body. Apparently, you didn't look as good as he expected you to.
"A woman has a name." You said sternly, watching one of your abductors marched through the room and trying your best not to tremble. If he was raised in a stratocratic society, he valued power and strong will more than anything else, probably, so you had to pull yourself together.
“I am sorry.” He suddenly said, bowing his head as he stood right in front of you. “If it pleases you, I will refer to you by your name only, Y/N.”
You blinked, your vision still unfocused and blurry - a part of you was thankful for that since you couldn’t see Soldier’s face clearly. You doubted he looked very friendly, despite talking to you with some respect.
“Don’t touch me.” You commanded as he leaned closer to take you back to bed, his shiny combat boots touching your bare leg just slightly, making you shiver involuntarily.
“We have medication to nurse you back to health, but you still need the life support system. Please, do not resist.” Sergeant Barnes once again tried to pick you up, but you grabbed him by the wrist instead, silently staring at his pale face half-covered by that black mask he wore.
The man got silent and froze on the spot, looking at you with a strange glint in his eyes. He certainly didn’t seem menacing or angry, but there was something in him you couldn’t quite put your finger on. Why wasn’t he upset by your behavior? Soldier didn’t try grabbing you forcefully, nevertheless.
Could it be your contact, then? You might be the first woman to touch him in years. Thinking of it, the very next moment you recoiled, crawling away to increase the distance between you two.
Maybe the man was disappointed, but you couldn’t see it with that blank expression he wore as he suddenly sat down on the floor close to you, and then took his mask away, showing you his rather handsome, yet gloomy face. He looked... human, and it truly scared you. 
“I know you think we are a threat to you, but we are not.” He said calmly, watching you. “I will not hurt you. I promise.”
You were ready to laugh at that. “You’ve killed my crew, people who I’d been working with for years.”
“Yes, and I am sorry for that. It was necessary.”
Necessary. What an interesting word he found to describe what he and his comrades had done.
“Don’t you understand what will happen once people from Earth learn about you and things you did?” As he cocked his head to the side, his dark uneven hair falling on his shoulder, you realized he wasn’t scared at all. “We can wipe you out of existence. Even if all of your kind are soldiers, there are billions of us, humans. You aren’t a threat.”
“We are not trying to be one.”
He extended his hand in attempt to touch you, but you recoiled and crawled away a bit further, narrowing your eyes at Sergeant. Whatever he was doing, it couldn’t be good for you.
“Please, do not be afraid. Right now you are the most precious being on our planet, and anyone trying to hurt you will be beheaded at the very least.” 
Of course, you were. If Captain told you the truth, you were the one and only young woman on Hydra. You would be treasured, but you dreaded what they would do to you. Even thinking of it made you face twist in revulsion.
“What makes you think using me like a cattle won’t hurt me?”
“A cattle?”
For a few seconds Soldier got silent, and you realized he was searching the meaning of this word - now you managed to see a strange device on his ear that looked like an old Bluetooth garniture or something. Then the man looked at you with a surprised expression on his face, and you felt an urge to bite your tongue to stop thinking how human he appeared now.
“I assure you, you will never be degraded to such an inferior being. On the contrary, we can give you anything you wish for. I know the status of women on Earth is still far from being equal to men’s, but you are godlike to us.”
Carefully lifting his hand again, Barnes had took a shiny black glove from his flesh arm and showed you his hand with five fingers, spreading them for you to see he was as human as you. For the first time you felt like you wanted to cry, and bit down on your lower lip. God, why? Why did he look just like any other man? Why was he trying to seem kind to you? It would be so much easier if he was hurting you, pressing your face into the floor and binding your arms.
“I swear to you on the name of my mother, I will do anything in my power to make you happy.” 
Apparently, it was some sacred oath, judging by the way his cold blue eyes gleamed, but you weren’t buying it. Make you happy? The one and only thing he could do was letting you go back home, to your own kind, and allow you to forget what had happened above your ship, the image of Dr. Strange with a wide hole in his chest still making you clench your fists.
“Why are you so sure we are a good substitute? If your own women weren’t able to survive here, what makes you think human females can?”
“Because our extensive research proves it. Moreover, a couple of human females have already been living here for several years.” Your face became distorted with horror at his words. “Captain’s wife was even able to give birth to two healthy children this year. They are the first children to be born on our planet in the last five years.”
“Humans will destroy your planet. They will kill all of you when they learn you’re kidnapping our women!”
“We are already in contact with your kind.” Dropping the glove to the floor, Barnes attempted to smile at you, confirming your suspicions he barely knew how to do it. “It is true, you are much greater in number than we are. But all of us are warriors with far more advanced technology and abundant resources. We will be able to damage your planet heavily before you eradicate each and every of us.”
The more he talked, the harder it was to follow - without the life support system, the lack of oxygen was making it harder for you to breathe, impossible to focus as you started breathing heavier, louder than before, but still refused to come back to bed, staring at the man in front of you with disgust and fear. God, it was better to suffocate than stay here with him.
“Do you know we possess twenty times more the amount of Vibranium you humans do?” Crawling closer to you like a spider, Soldier was watching you with both great interest and concern written all over his face. “We also have tritium and plutonium, too, as well as minerals you do not have on Earth at all. We are ready to trade them for something humans have in abundance.”
You were close to vomit, your eyes tearing up as you rubbed them furiously. You tried convincing yourself no one knew you were going to be captured by ruthless aliens. Of course, no one on Earth knew anything about that. There was no agreement between Theseus-17 and Earth to trade women for Vibranium and other resources. It would be direct violations of human rights and...
And it was very likely of humans to do, considering the lack of resources you had been facing over the last couple of decades.
When you started weeping, horrified of the things awaiting you in the nearest future, Sergeant finally reached you, wiping away your tears with his flesh hand. His touch was very subtle, gentle even, as he tenderly pressed his finger to your cheek, feeling the warmth of your skin. His hand was warm, too.
“It’s not true.” You cried, turning your face to the glass wall and leaving wet marks on it. “They’ll come for me... I won’t become s-some shared property.”
“Of course you will not,” he shushed you gently, enveloping you in what seemed like a hug, lowering your head to his shoulder. “You will be a queen to me. I will treat you right, I swear.”
“You?”
Stilling, you bit down on your tongue, feeling the metallic taste filling your mouth as you drew some blood. Concentrating when your brain was lacking oxygen wasn’t easy, but you could still breathe, inhaling deeply, trying to calm yourself. He said something about Captain’s wife, didn’t he? He said she gave him two children. He said you wouldn’t become a shared property.
Dear Lord.
“I won’t be yours.” You whispered through tears, pushing the man’s chest in desperate attempt to keep him away from you. “I’m not your possession. I won’t be yours!”
You saw him frowning at you, his expression growing darker, more impatient, enraged even as you crawled away from him, your legs too weak to hold you. Oh, he didn’t like you looking at him like that when you realized you were given to him like some prize he won in an amusement park.
But Soldier wasn’t having it. Had you ever thought what it cost him to spend years in combat to earn his privileges, his right to travel among the best of the best? Did you know how much time he travelled across multiple universes to find exactly what he was searching for? Huh, you couldn’t even imagine what he felt when the team got coordinates of your ship, when he saw you for the first time on hologram, smiling and laughing at jokes of Dr. Strange.
Grabbing you forcefully and lifting you off the floor, he raised you in the air above his head, making you silent in fear of being smashed against the floor.
“I have fought for you.” He let out a guttural growl like an animal. “I have killed for you. I have earned my privilege to have you, and no one can challenge my right. You are my woman, and you will stay here with me.”
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Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki @helenaeisenhower​ @villanellevi @hurricanerin @void-hoechlin @abyssaint @heeeyitskay @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherubwrites @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @soleil-dor @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @iheartsebastianstan ​ @stargazingfangirl18​ @ninefuckingoneone
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plus-size-reader · 4 years ago
Text
Surgery
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Elijah Mikaelson x Plus size!reader
Word Count: 1341 words
Warnings: none
Summary: Reader has a pretty serious surgery, so Elijah makes it his business to take care of her
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Surgery sucked, no matter what you got it for.
However, there was something much more sucky about really invasive, internal surgeries because they were more dangerous, took more time, and had a hell of a lot more involved.
You knew as soon as you went under that you'd take quite some time to heal but one thing you hadn't been expecting was the time you'd be laid up. You couldn't do anything without being in terrible pain, which left you hardly able to move at all and you hated it.
There was so much to do, and so many things that plagued your mind in the time that you were sitting there, but you couldn’t do any of it. 
Not to mention that Elijah, your darling boyfriend, wouldn't leave your side.
As soon as he heard your doctor mention bed rest, he knew that you wouldn't be leaving your bed until well after you were fully healed.
...He would make sure of it.
He wasn't going to risk something bad happening to you, even if you got angry with him.
As far as he was concerned, you were staying in that bed even if he had to force you to comply. It was important that you healed, and not up for negotiation.
In his time, Elijah has seen people do some serious damage to themselves over things much smaller than the surgery you’d endured. It was serious and you really had to understand that. 
He wasn’t keeping you locked away for his health, and he didn’t like it anymore than you did.  
"I know you're out of bed Y/N, don't make me come in there!" he yelled from the kitchen, having only walked away for a moment. He wanted to get you some water, and you took that as your chance to use the bathroom without assistance.
You loved Elijah, with everything that you had, but there was only so much of this you could take.
He hadn’t left your bedside in days, and you were getting a little bit frustrated. Even knowing that he was only doing it for your own good, you couldn’t help but feel trapped with the circumstances. 
"I just need to pee 'Lijah, can't I do that by myself?" you huffed, flopping back on the mattress as dramatically as you could without hurting yourself. Your entire body was tense and aching but you were stubborn, and right now, what you wanted to do greatly out-wayed what you could do physically.
You just didn’t like being told what to do.
“No, you aren’t allowed. You need help, doctors orders” he hummed, entering the room in long, fast-paced strides. He had a glass of water in one hand and a cookie in the other. 
You both knew that he could overpower you if necessary, but he wasn’t going to do that. The biggest part of this whole thing was the in order for it to work, you had to want to do it on your own. 
Besides, it wasn’t in his nature to even be forceful with you, especially in your current physical state. 
He knew that he needed to keep you amused and entertained, or else you would put up much more of a fight against him. Knowing that fighting more would only increase your time spent in bed wasn’t enough of a deterrent. 
“But ‘Lijahhhhhh, I don’t need a babysitter” you whined, flopping down against the pillows gently, ignoring the pain in your insides when you moved. It hurt, of course, but you did your best to mask it to Elijah
You had no idea how bad it would be if he knew you were in as much pain as you were. 
“Not a babysitter darling, a caretaker” he corrected, smiling at you as he tried his hardest to remain calm. He wasn’t going to let you hurt yourself, especially not out of spite. 
...But luckily, you knew better than to argue at this point. 
You had to pee, and you weren’t going to spend the next hour or two arguing with Elijah about having to stay in bed, even if you wanted to. “Fine, then feel free to caretake” you sighed, securing your arms around his neck to let him lift you. 
The action hurt only a little as you moved, but all things considered, Elijah was very careful to keep your movement to a limit. 
~
“I’m so tired of this” 
The grumbling from your room didn’t surprise Elijah in the slightest but that didn’t stop him from heading in your direction anyway. “What’s wrong darling?” he purred, setting down the novel he’d been reading on your table. 
“I don’t want to lay in bed anymore” you sighed, angry that you were still stuck here. It had been a week since you had been able to even get out of bed, and you were sure that you were going stir crazy. 
It was going to drive you insane. 
“You have to lay in bed for a little longer, but I could make it more enjoyable if you’re interested?” Elijah offered with humor in his tone as he watched you, pouting there in a puddle of blankets and pillows. 
You looked truly pitiful but he knew that you had every reason to be. After all, you were in a lot of pain and you didn’t want to be stuck in bed any longer. Elijah couldn’t blame you for that. 
“How?” you sighed, rolling over ever so slightly to hide your face in your pillow, a low grumble leaving your throat as you thought about an entire night stuck in bed again. 
It was just a gloomy projection, but luckily for you, Elijah had a plan for that. 
He was going to keep it a little bit of a secret for a few more days until your morale was super low and needed a pickmeup, but it was clear that you needed it now.
“Give me just a moment” he suggested, rushing out of the room to gather all the things he’d been collecting every time he left the house, which was few and far between since your surgery. 
...And you did,  seeing as you didn’t have a choice. 
In what seemed to you as no more than a few seconds, Elijah was by your side again. He had a million things on his mind, and a ton of options for things to fill your evening. 
However, he knew one thing was going to lift your spirits more than anything else.
You had always loved watching movies and that was something that you and Elijah had in common. As someone who had been through a time without movies, and had lived through every stage of its development, he could appreciate a good film. 
He just knew that this would be just what the doctor ordered to make you feel better.  
“I curated several different films, grabbed some snacks, and I intend to spend the next few hours giving you my undivided attention” he introduced, smiling at you as he presented his gift. 
It was thoughtful, you’d give him that. It was strange to imagine that he hadn’t been giving you your undivided attention already but it was the thought that had to count. 
In this situation, it was the best that he could do and you weren’t going to argue. After all, this was clearly something he’d given a lot of thought to and you weren’t going to pretend it didn’t sound nice. 
He’d been so busy worrying about you these last few days that you didn’t really get to spend time together if it wasn’t to eat, shower, use the bathroom, or go to bed. 
You hadn’t spent as much quality time as you usually did. 
...And you did miss it. 
“Alright ‘Lijah, that sounds nice” you grinned, setting up with a small groan to make room for him at your side, settling in for a nice night of movies and cuddles. 
Maybe being stuck in bed didn’t have to be all bad after all. 
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urlocalbunny · 4 years ago
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Hello ^^ I wanted to tell you that I really like what you write about boys, I see their personality in much the same way, and it's still very pleasant to read ^^ Can I ask for a reaction ? It's not a happy question, but I wondered how the boys would react if Eloise sink into depression ?(Seeing Vladimir's reaction at the end of the first chapter, I thought to myself that a girl more fragile than Eloise could easily sink into depression after such a scene). Thank you and have a wonderful day ^^
Hi, anonie! I'll assume you mean she's just beginning to feel depressed as in something momentarily there and it's something reversible and subtle, therefore, not pathological! Also, to my readers, I'll say something my therapist said to me when I was 15: nobody can make your health problems disappear just by being around. please understand that that's your journey and narrative and if you're hurting, that's totally fine and you don't have to wait for anybody but yourself, and if you get over this, that's your accomplishment! Your loved ones can always help, though!
Aaron:
Probably sink into it with her. He was already sad that he got cursed and dragged her into this in the first place. He will try to come around and be gentle as much as he could.
If they become friends, he'll take her with him to his favorite places and will teach her many things to get her head off the sad parts of her life. He'll also try to help her find her parents and be always lenient to make sure they'll respect her space even if she's already strong.
With time and patience, she'll begin to get familiar with the house and then she will, by herself and by her own accord, try to keep pushing. He's glad.
Raphael:
He's going to either feed into it because in his head he understands her and likes that she can understand his pain too in a level, or he'll absolutely despise the idea of her being sad and he will blame himself.
He's going to let her move around as much as she wants to and sulk, but every time she comes back to him, there'll be so much affection and understanding that she'll find herself at his doorstep every night.
They'll both bond over this condition and even if the pain doesn't go away at first, they'll have someone to understand them while they work through their personal issues and that's a nice beginning.
Beliath:
He's going to feel so bad... Poor girl. She's so young and so pretty. Should be living her life, but now she's sulking on a corner because of him.
He'll cheer her up constantly though. She'll have the glow up of her life! Contrary to what I feel like most people would think, he's going to be the one to say "no parties for you all the time, missy." She'll go when she feels like she wants to have fun and on her own accord. He won't push and he won't be all up in her face all the time. That's her narrative and her story and he won't take that from her, he also knows he can't cure her out of his own accord. That's crazy.
Eventually if she gets used to it and comes around, they'll end up being best friends.
Vladimir:
Honestly he's gonna be mad at her lmao who are you girl??? but then after a day or so he'll feel bad for her, because he'll remember himself when things weren't bright at her age.
He'll knock on her door and apologize for his mistakes, open up as much as he can (very, very little) and he'll read for her too. He doesn't feel great and he never was in the spot to be someone's helper, but he realized that right now, he had to take care of her.
Eloise might realize he also doesn't know what to do and this will make her feel better because she knows he's hurting and that's why his behavior was poor at first, even if she knows that's just part of his personality too given the things he said.
Ethan:
He will act like he couldn't care less, but he just can't stand her being so gloomy and the others looking at him with frowns more than usual. He'll wonder what is she up to and what takes her so long in her room night after night.
One day he'll just barge in and while this might scare her, she'll end up bursting out laughing at his dumbstruck face and she'll slap her own forehead because she was supposed to be mad at him >:( but he looks ridiculous.
He ends up thinking her laugh is cute >///< but since it's Ethan, he'll just look at her with a disgusted face and...
"damn, you sound like a donkey." And she's gonna laugh even more. They'll end up playing chess and sharing book interests together. He doesn't know how, she just peaks his interest and they end up bonding over their tastes.
Ivan:
He won't know what to do, but the look on her face was just so sad and he couldn't comfort her because he was the whole problem. He started to leave some stuff on her door. A book, a gameboy, then flowers. Sometimes she returned some things and then he wrote a note. "You don't enjoy horror? I'll switch it up then!" And he'd change things.
Eloise started to notice he learned what she liked very quickly and she started to put some stuff on his door too to learn more about him. She got more and more invested to the point where she felt her heart race every time she heard his hurried footsteps.
One day, Ivan woke up to a note: "There's one thing I like that you can put at the door." And he'd wonder ALL day. When he got up and wrote "What can I do? Anything!" And gave the two usual knocks, the door swung open and she smiled warmly. "You got it just right. Come in! I want to talk about the last game you left."
He was happiness in person.
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gore-hovnd · 4 years ago
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/Vent
I haven't posted on this account in weeks and I want to so badly but I really don't have a single thing to say. Tumblr is the only platform I have where I can freely voice my distress without having to worry about people flooding my dms, sometimes it's nice but sometimes it's so intimidating. I don't know how to tell people that I'm simultaneously ok and not ok. I'm ok in the sense that my bills are paid, I'm making decent money, and I don't have the urge to hurt myself but I'm not ok in the sense of I have no inspiration anymore, I can't write or draw like I used to, I haven't even been reading. The last thing I wrote wasn't even an idea I came up with on the spot, it was something that had been sitting, completed in my drafts for a year that I got the sudden urge to pretty up and post. I haven't drawn anything more than pen sketches bc when I try to do anything more, I get frustrated and tired. I haven't been reading but I keep buying books hoping that eventually I'll get something that interests me enough to want to. All I do is watch TV and play videogames. I bought a second switch bc getting further in Animal Crossing is the only thing that makes me feel like I'm making progress with something. I've been doing chores like laundry and dishes only bc I can turn my brain off and not have to sit alone in my own head. Youtube has been getting repetitive, I watch hours upon hours of true crime content because hearing about gruesome murders somehow tends to be easier than thinking about how I'm wasting my own life. I have plans to move next year, but I haven't been saving my money the way I should be and if I don't get my head out of my ass, I won't be able to. Part of me is afraid to move bc I'll lose the decent paying job and then what? I'll be unemployed and alone in my head again. I live with my sister but I feel so isolated. I get scared to be around her because my moods are so volatile and I feel like I could be set off at any second and I desperately don't want her to see me as the shitty brother who thinks he can apologize and then not change anything. But sometimes it feels like aggression is the only way I can emote. I tried to start dating but once again, I'm so overwhelmingly afraid of it. I got distant really fast and I feel like I keep trying to force myself bc I'm convinced that once I know him better I won't be so intimidated. But I'm so scared of the attachment. I want to move next year anyway, so why would I try to get myself into something like that now of all times? My life feels weird. Too good to have the right to complain about it but my mental state makes it hell. The gloomy weather around here lately has been a comfort because it makes me think of Washington, where I desperately want to live but, just as I do with everything else, I treat it like some magical mental health cure-all. Nothing's ever that simple and I know that. The only thing holding me back is my own head, if I didn't feel like shit all the time, maybe I could actually indulge in the hobbies that make me feel fulfilled. Unfortunately the lack in motivation keeps me from being able to. I can't write without inspiration, there's nothing coming to my head. I've gotten overly critical of myself, thinking about things makes me feel stupid. Sometimes I ask myself why I'd waste time doing something I never plan on making money with even though I feel so excited to create. It doesn't feel like I actually have a life plan, just something I say to convince myself I won't be stuck working at a damn gas station the rest of my life. Everything is weird right now, I've been feeling shitty since January and the only thing keeping me sane has been the short manic episodes between the depressive ones. None of it feels like it matters, even now it doesn't feel like I'm typing this all out to get it out of my head, rather that I just want to hear the sound of my keyboard clicking.
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diyunho · 4 years ago
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The Joker x Reader - “Trapped” Part 4
Almost one year ago, someone tried to kill The Joker in a speeding car and Y/N pushed him out of the way, getting hit instead. With a fractured skull and broken bones, she was out of business for 6 months; when she finally recovered, The Queen of Gotham wasn’t the same anymore. Trapped inside her own mind and exhibiting severe cognitive impairment, Y/N’s life switched upside down without any hope of ever returning to normal.
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Part 1       Part 2      Part 3      Part 5
Next Morning
“We’re done here, OK?” The Joker shouts and you stomp away, furious at his behavior.
“Of course we are done, who the hell would put up with you?!! You’re horrible!!!”
“It finally clicked? Good!!!! Come on, speed it up and disappear!!!!” he points at the top of the hill where your car is parked.
You walk faster and J is increasingly frustrated with each step you take.
“So what you said was a lie?!” he yells before he can stop himself. “You assured me I’ll get used with being loved and here you are running from me! Hypocrite! Who’s the liar now, huh?”
You turn around, stunned.
How dare he twist your most intimate confessions in such a manner?
Y/N and The Joker glare at each other for a few moments before you voice all the bitterness and resentment building up in your heart loud enough for him to hear:
“I hate you!”
“Oh yeah?” he smirks. “Perfect! I’m used to it!”
You reprise your stroll, determined not to fall into his little traps anymore: this time is over and you have to put as much distance in between the two of you in the next few seconds before he attempts one of his tricks.
Not that you would fall for it again, but you never know…
One last glare while you try to open the car door and you see him flair his arms around loudly screaming at his phone; your fingers keep missing the lock and you kick the metal frame, irritated. Another glance and you spot a vehicle driving in the parking lane towards where The Joker is.
“J?...” you hesitantly call out to him yet The Joker probably has the earbuds in so he can’t hear you. “J!!!” you wave to get his attention without success. “Oh my God!” you rush back in his direction when you realize that SUV will hit him if it continues the present trajectory. “J!!! J!!!!”
The King is too absorbed in his business conversation thus he finally sees Y/N next to him as she violently pushes him out of harm’s way.
The strong impact wakes you up and you gasp for air, panicked. Your troubled mind has difficulty catching up with reality: a damaged brain can’t possibly render any type of comfort in this situation.
“Why are you crying?” J mumbles half asleep. “Did you have a bad dream?”
You seem confused and unresponsive to his questions, no other choice besides waking up to check on you.
“Calm down. You had a nightmare, ok?” he pulls the agitated Y/N in his arms. “ Hey, it’s me!”
You whimper at the pain paralyzing your body and don’t complain when he drags you on top of him; it actually feels soothing having someone close that understands what’s happening to you.
“Don’t hold me so tight, I can’t breathe,” J pecks your forehead where the blood clot pressing on your frontal lobe should be. “Better?” he asks a tearful girlfriend that ultimately begins to understand she wasn’t hit by a car minutes ago: it’s an ordeal she already went through months ago despite the aftermath of the accident still creating problems. “Such an early bird,” The Clown yawns since he won’t be able to doze off after your episode. “Only 7 am Princess…” the grumbled noises make you receptive to his complaint. “What about you give me some sugar in exchange for my services?” J suggests, quite puzzled when you roll off him and stumble out of the bedroom. “Where are you going?!”
You don’t answer because you’re concentrating just on what your neurons were able to translate in such a short notice: your man wants sugar. That’s why you’re in a big hurry to bring him a bag containing the sweet product, happily offering the item to his majesty The King of Gotham.
“For God’s sake, Pumpkin!” he accepts the gift nevertheless and places it on the covers. “That’s not what I meant,” he snatches Y/N in his arms and kisses her.
“No…sugar?...” you inquire out of genuine curiosity.
“I already got it,” he mischievously smirks at your bafflement, deciding to exercise your skills at once. “Say Princess: if I give you two kisses and then I give you two more, how many kisses do you get?”
“Ummm…” you debate on the question,”… not enough?”
“Due to your high standards, certainly,” The Joker huffs at the genuine reply. “Your solution is not wrong, but I’m looking for a number. Two plus two? Come on, you already know this one!”
“Mmmm… Four?...” you blur out and get groped as reward.
“Good girl!” J proudly applauds your abilities at crack of dawn. “Enough algebra for this morning,” he changes topic. “Your doctor appointment is at 10; you should take a shower soon,” and he rambles on until something is clear: the blank expression on your face hints at the outcome.
“You’re not listening, are you?” he suspiciously inquires.
“No.”
Why would you? Your brain’s self-defense mechanism prevailed at all the information flooding your deteriorated synapses and the result was blocking the outpour of sentences.
“That was a 10 minutes speech, Pumpkin!” The Joker grouchily admonishes the carefree Y/N.
“11,” you gesture at the clock on the wall.
“11 what?”
“11 minutes, not 10,” you nonchalantly conclude.
“Oh, so you have the audacity to time me while you don’t bother keeping up?!”
“Yes,” you giggle and hide your face under the pillow.
“That’s preposterous!”
“Hm?...” your nose emerges from under the cushion at the fascinating word you can’t recollect being in your current vocabulary.
“Preposterous, Princess!” J repeats.”… Stop laughing, would you?” he forcefully hijacks your pillow and you snicker because whatever-the-heck- it-means Preposterous Princess sounds like a hilarious nickname. “You wanna play games?” The Clown Prince of Crime sucks on his silver teeth willing to bring a final showdown to this magical day. “Fine, remember you made me with your abominable behavior!” he reaches for the nightstand in order to grab his favorite deck of cards. “Pick a card, any card; I won’t peak,” J watches the captivated woman pluck her choice from the mound. “Now put it in the stack,” he urges and you follow the instructions.
The Joker vigorously shuffles the cards then searches for yours.
“Is this it?” he triumphantly flicks the Joker card out of the bunch.
You nod a yes completely smitten he guessed again and your terrible half steals a kiss, triumphantly growling to himself:
“Who’s  laughing now, huh?”
*************
After Your Doctor’s Appointment
J slides the screen on his phone and before he can utter anything you announce:
“Hi, this is Pre… Pro… Mmm… W-wait,” you stammer and gather your thoughts. “This is Preposterous Princess.”
The Joker sighs, definitely unamused at your 5th call in a row to tell him what’s going on at your routine consultation: he barely finished counting the ammo boxes he received with the shipment after you left and going over the heist scheme for next week it’s made impossible by Y/N.
“Pumpkin, I will remind you that’s not what I meant when I said that word. It was Preposterous COMA Princess!! Two separate entities, alright? We need to have a serious discussion after you get home.”
“I have to go, Pro… Ummm… Preposterous Princess is at…at the gates,” you say it very fast and hang up, excited to share news with him.
Yet The Clown is already acquainted with the whole development on your condition: the doctor’s office contacted him after your departure in order to brief him on Y/N health. The blood clot is a bit smaller since it keeps reabsorbing; the cognitive issues are there, tests ended up pretty much within normal range except one, thus it’s necessary for the two of you to have the dialogue he mentioned about.
Five more minutes and you barge in his office holding your yellow teddy bear and for the first time in his life The Joker can’t help regretting he’s about to burst someone’s bubble.
You approach the desk and set the ultrasound picture in front of him waiting for his reaction; your bright smile doesn’t go well with how gloomy he appears, literally an understatement anyway.
“Baby,” you tap the image just in case he didn’t realize what he’s staring at.
“I know, Pumpkin. We can’t keep it.”
“Hm…?” your smile gradually dies out as you comprehend he’s not on the same page with your wishes.
“We can’t keep the baby, it’s very dangerous given you merely survived a severe trauma. I was told it’s nearly impossible for you to have kids, that’s why I didn’t use… Anyway… I admit this one’s on me and the conclusion is… … we can’t keep the baby.”
“No baby?” you sniffle.
“Nope, it would be too harsh on your body. Plus, you won’t be able to use your anti-inflammatory medication if you’re pregnant.”
“I want baby!”
“Are you deaf??!” J slams the desk with his fist, annoyed. “You can’t have a child, it could kill you. Do you want to perish?!” he rises from his chair.
“No… I want you and baby.”
“No way in hell!” he snarls at your defiance.
“Why can’t I h-have baby? Because… because I’m stupid?” you cuddle with your plush toy, heartbroken at his approach.
“You’re not stupid, but I’m beginning to have doubts if what I told you doesn’t make sense!”
“I want baby!” you whisper on the verge of crying.
“I want baby,” The Joker mocks and watches your demeanor change: it doesn’t take a genius to detangle the mystery of how hurt you seem.
“Are…are you making fun of me?!”
The King is a jerk, no doubt about it. Despite his obvious flaws he never ridiculed someone’s disability; it’s simply beneath him. One could say this is a new low for him and he cannot erase it: Y/N’s cognitive impairment is clearly sacred ground he trespassed on a whim when he shouldn’t have.
“If…if you were like me… I wouldn’t laugh at… at you,” you wipe your tears, sobbing. “I’m not smart… anymore but I can m-make decisions, ok? I want baby!”
“I said no!” J yells, fired up you won’t listen to reason.
“I don… I don’t care!” you storm out of the office and trip on the carpet, almost falling to the ground. “It’s my baby!”
“It’s mine also unless you have another boyfriend!!”
**************
You’ve been gone for the last hour; it’s a big place yet it shouldn’t be so difficult to find one’s partner.
The Joker dials your number and inquires as soon as you blow your nose on the other side of the line.
“Is this The Preposterous Princess?”
Dead air again; Y/N isn’t in the mood to speak to the man she can’t forgive for his transgression. In addition to him disregarding her intention of keeping the offspring, he made her feel dumb and that’s unforgivable.
“Y/N, where are you?!” J descends the steps leading to the basement, the last area he didn’t searched for his missing woman. He opens the boiler room, nothing. The pantry reveals zero clues either. The janitorial supplies closet is a different story; a box of sponges flies by his ear, immediately accompanied by a hateful tone:
“Go away!”
“You almost broke my nose,” he over exaggerates. “What are you doing here anyway? I’ve been looking all over the house!” “I’m hiding baby from you,” you clearly enunciate without stammering.
“Give me a break,” he drops on his knees in front of you. “I don’t want you to kick the bucket, why is that a bad thing?”
“I want baby!”
“Stubborn mule, you sound like a scratched CD that skips and skips and skips,” he barks at your persistence.
“Hm?” you crinkle your nose.
“Scratched CD!” he brings his face close to yours, pleased an opportunity for his plan has arisen. “First of all, if you want to keep the kid you have to promise not to die; second, I have no desire to become a father and third of all pick a card!” he shoves them in your fingers, perfectly aware that if you can’t process all the stuff he’s yapping at an amazing speed, you’ll get distracted and forget you’re mad at him; including one of your favorite games to the equation should seal the outcome.
“Hm?”
“Chop, chop, pick a card Pumpkin!”
You suspiciously pluck your item and then shove it back in the bundle.
The Joker steals a kiss while figuring out your card and you protest:
“I don’t… I don’t want your four kisses!”
“That’s too bad, I do come with four kisses, it’s a bundle deal!” J dismisses your logic connected to this morning’s algebra lesson. “Is this your card?” he shows you the Jester card and your mouth opens in amazement.
“A-ha!”
He fights with himself if he should disclose the secret: you don’t seem totally diverted and his plot could misfire due to inaction.
It’s not worth it.
“Do you know how I select the correct card?”
“No.”
“Each single time Pumpkin you invariably pick The Joker card.”
You sulk at the revelation since it’s true: you don’t recall sorting another card from the deck.
“I do… I always choose you…”
He doesn’t have a response and the chat is taking a strange turn, not precisely what he was aiming for.
“Yeah, well… good for you, Princess…” he stands and offers his hand to help you up.
Another smooch as bonus for his assistance whilst The Queen pouts at his impertinence: he has such a nerve!
Perhaps because he comes with four kisses.
It’s a bundle deal.
 Also read: MASTERLIST
You can also follow me on Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.
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shanaraki · 3 years ago
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OCTOBER 2TH, 2021.
DAY ONE.
—— I've decided I'm starting a journal. ——
I have never been that good in keeping track or stuff. I get bored, I abandon what I start so easily. It is hard for me to push myself into doing something I don't have the motivation for.
However, I've decided I'm starting a journal. This journal. I feel better writing it online than in paper. When I'm forced into writing it in slow motion with my own hands, I get desperate sooner or later. My mind rushes and the words speed up while my hand is still struggling with the first lines.
I do have a lot to say. About so many things. There are things I'll never write or speak about. The belong in the silence between God and me, the empty spaces where the human mind can't go, that secret and non existence place.
I'm better now.
This imply that I was bad, of course. It's a cycle. I know the bad things won't stop coming, but I like to think that's no reason to stop working on myself. More than a circle this is... A spiral. I'm trying to make this spiral going up. It's hard. Humans can so easily die. It's so simple, so effortless to give up on myself and let the pull of the Earth take me underground. And yet...
I'm better. Not physically. I haven't been sleeping enough or drinking enough water or eating like I should. It's not my body that it's better, it's my mind. I don't disassociate as much these days. I feel present. I feel like I'm my body and not just in my body. I have more energy. I want to do things like clean my hair often and take care of my skin. I want to do exercise, to eat healthier. I feel calm, in my mind, in my thoughts. I need to keep meditating and doing my breathing exercises. They do help a lot.
There are many things I need to work in. My physical health is one of them, but also I need to practice using my phone less. I need to find other things to calm me. I have my paintings, I could practice with them. Or maybe drawing. And of course, there is my thesis.
I've been avoiding my college duties. Again.
I fear the stress or the semester. There's something that's very frustrating to me, and it is feeling like I'm failing at some task while everyone is already many tasks in front of me. Like,,,, hmm,,,, it's like trying on your shoelaces while you're on a marathon. You need to stop and tie them, but if you do you're gonna lose time and they're going to get even farther away, and you're so stressed over it that you're losing concentration, and the shoelaces, and the competitors, and your stress, and— there it goes. It gets worst and worst until you kinda resignate and think "I just need to finish this marathon, just it. I don't want to compete anymore".
There's also the fear of what I'm going to do after I graduate. Work is the obvious answer, right? I should. I want to work. But there's this idea,,,,, listen, sometimes I don't understand people. I'm smart, but not when it comes to normal things or daily skills. The other day I put a candy on the microwave for a minute and I almost burned the microwave.
I don't know how to do any house choirs. Why? Well, because my family tells me I should do them, but the minute I try and do them, they appear and tell me to go away because I'm doing everything wrong.
How am I supposed to learn if I can't practice? But there's still some sort of trauma reaction in me. I fear doing something that can't be fixed while practicing. That's the reason why I fear driving, because I'm terrified of damaging the car (mostly because I don't want to cost extra money to anyone, and I don't have money to buy and less alone fix a car).
So I should work. To gain some money. But let's not talk more about that because I got nervous just by thinking of it.
Aaand I lost track of what I was saying. I'm sleepy. I was supposed to write how today I was better. I downloaded some cool apps, I want to learn how to play the kalimba, I felt pretty today, comfortable, safe. I shouldn't be writing my problems on an online diary but oh well.
This is exactly how my mind works. Now it is bored of writing this and wants to close the tab. I wants to change the song. Meditate. I get bored of things so fast this days. I'm not able to end a whole task if I don't pressure myself for HOURS. I'm better but there's still a long way to go.
I wish I could go to a psychiatrist and finally see if I have anxiety or adhd or if im just overreacting. When I told my psychologist I thought I had anxiety, she told me she would not give me any labels to use, only treat me. I suppose that is good, but a part of my does wish I could know the labels. I don't like when I don't know what is happening. I don't like when I don't have control over the stuff that surrounds me. I don't like being vulnerable or deadly curious.
I haven't been praying that much later, either. I miss my regular contact with God. It makes me feel very lonely and afraid, and very guilty and ashamed. I know many people hate Christians and for a good reason, because many have hurt the whole world with those ideals. And I know for many the way I feel would be silly. I just........ I can't stop believing in him, feeling this way. I want to help others, not by hurting them, but by just standing in silence in the distant with my silly words and silly presence, so if they ever feel lost, they can always find me and sit, talk with me. I love them all. I love humanity so much. It makes me sad. I see the killers and the politians, I see the worst human beings and I think, "I wish you some clarity, I wish you some joy, I wish you to be so full of good things that there's no more evil feelings, just the ability to feel guilty and change, to become a better person".
I'm tired of seeing people dying. Suffering. My grandpa E (the biological father of my mom) is dying. His lungs are collapsing, slowly but surely. We lost my grandma some two or three years ago. I don't think of her as much as before, but I feel it, her absence. I miss her voice and her hugs. I miss the people we were when she was alive. I miss my grandpa H (the step-father of my mom) happiness, I miss the time where my mom's face was not so gloomy and sad.
I'm tired of hatred and anger. I see it everywhere and many who feel it are just sad and hurt. Like wounded animals, they lash out when they are in pain. And I wish I could cure them. Yes, I guess I have a Saint complex or whatever. I feel bad for speaking about how I wish I could save the world, love every human enough for them to feel better. I feel bad for not being capable of doing more.
And the worst part is that I feel like I'm capable of doing more, but I don't do it because I'm afraid. If I wasn't so shy or anxious, if I wasn't so selfish, I could be out there traveling and saving lives. I look at my ceiling in the dark and think if I'm gonna die paralyzed by fear. Or if I'm going to die fearing dying that way, and asking to much of my body and soul and mind, enough to destroy myself.
I don't want to sound self-centered, damn. I am anxious again. You see, I'm better, but it is hard. It feels like my limbs need to move because it is a physical discomfort. It feels like I need to do something, to shake that feeling.
This is a lot for a first day entry. No one is going to read this, just me. And if there's someone reading it, then... Know you're walking over my heart. Every word is war, every emotion written in the moment. I'm laying in a couch with red led lights in a white room. There are some dark brown furnitures, the room is tiny. There's a giant TV on the floor, there are plants on shelf next to the ceiling. The plants are tiny and fake. There's a big window, closed with curtains. There's another high tiny window, and a mini desk that goes into the wall in a sort of hollowed square that there's in the room. There are two posters on glass frames, they are big, they are by the wall.
It's almost 2AM. I hear some cars passing by. It's neither cold nor hot. There's a constant sound, like the one electric devices make. It's kind loud. I don't know if it's the nature or the electric devices. I'm on an apartment. The town I'm in is in the mountains, but a few minutes from a big city.
I'm calmer now. It's feel a little lonely in this room because I'm on my own. My family is on the apartment, but there's no sound to be heard of them. At least the acoustic in this neighborhood let's you hear even when the person some building away is coughing. Yeah, crazy.
I think I'm going to be now. I'm tired. I want to be more online, write on my other blogs, do some rp, work on my thesis, clean my room, read books, watch TV shows... But even when I'm better, I need to be careful to don't pressure myself to much. Too many stimulus and I'm gonna be avoiding everyone again, until I feel less overestimulated.
No more worries. The day is over. I need to sleep.
Goodnight, mysterious person. And if no one ever reads this, goodnight to the absence of and the empty and the memories.
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armymaryoongi · 4 years ago
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Chapter One: Sakura Handkerchief
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pairing: min yoongi x reader
genre: fluff, slightly mature, historical au; king au
warning: none (for cutie Yoongi, yes!)
words count: 1k+
Special appearance: Villager Jeon Jungkook and Kim Seokjin
Note: English is not my native language
(Names, places and incidents are just based on fiction)
masterlist // Ch.Two
Summary: Just like any other kids, King Min Yoongi also has his own childhood memories but his involved a mystery girl who he met once and was known as his love at the first sight. Will he gets any chance to meet her again? What will he does when he found her? Will the girl remember her too?
“Prince!! Where are you going?” the guards screamed while chasing the Crown Prince. A burst of snicker laughter escaped from his mouth, trying his best to run away from his personal guards. Abruptly, he stopped running. His black eyes wildly scanning the area of the palace. He fistful his baby blue hanbok as anxiety rushed inside him, he doesn’t know where to hide. The sounds of their footsteps are getting near and this boy looked so helpless but not until he found a magnificent spot to hide. He fastens his steps, afraid if the guards hear his footsteps if he runs.
Not long after that, he heard the guards complained, “Where is the Crown Prince going? The King will scold us.” Of course, they will be scolded soon because he ran away from his scholar, Kim. It’s not that his scholar is a bad guy but the Crown Prince feels like ditching his class for today. He wanted to sneak out of the palace as he wants to go to his favourite place, the market. 
“Let’s split into three groups. One group at the main gate, one group at the garden and the other one at the throne hall. Let’s go!” the Head Personal Guard commanded, don’t want to give up their mission in tracking the lost Crown Prince. His eyes followed them as the fear of getting caught crept up to him again. At last, when he guaranteed the guards have disappeared from that place, he backed up slowly from his spot and ran to the wall. “Ah, it’s a piece of cake to run from them. I am the Crown Prince of Joseon! I am Min Yoongi! Nobody can read my movements.” he said proudly and chuckled left from his mouth while getting off the wall. 
Min Yoongi is the only Crown Prince of the kingdom as the Queen couldn’t bear another child anymore because of health matter. The King is not like any other kings who have stunning concubines by his side. He doesn’t care about having another heir or any concubines because his Queen is the love of his life. For him, the Crown Prince Min is qualified enough to be the next heir and he doesn’t want to take any risk; Min Yoongi is an obedient child but he can be naughty sometimes, just like the current situation. Imagine if the Min couple has three to four children like the little Min, they will easily get a headache!
“It’s been a while since I came here. Nothing change?” the curious Min whispered to himself, afraid if the villagers recognise him. Once again, his sharp eyes went wild, cautiously observed his surrounding. “Of course, the genius Min needs to hide.” he adjusted the hat (Gat) he is wearing now, make sure it can cover his face a bit and his unique blonde hair. 
The reason he always goes to the market is that he likes the environment, how the villagers running their errands; from selling those unique handcrafts to buying a basket of fishes from the fishmonger. It makes him feel happy as these remind him of how hard his father and the ministers have work in bringing a better and peaceful surrounding to the country and the villagers. Absolutely, he wants to be like his father, a role model of his, when he gets the throne in the future. With no hesitation, he took more steps that led him to one of his favourite shop, Jeon Arts and Crafts. The corner of his lips lifted as he excitedly looked at the variety of unique handcrafts displayed on the wood table. 
“Sir, how can I assist you? Any specific handcrafts that you are looking for?” asked the young Jeon to the prince and flashed his bunny smile. In this town, everyone knows who is the Jeon. His family inherited the talents and the villagers know them for such an incredible and good quality item of arts. They could create such a unique item for the villagers to decorate their hut or house. Not forget to mention, this shop will always be swarmed with youthful girls and women since the Jeon also inherited the good looking in their blood.
Not to get caught again, the genius Min deepens his voice, “It’s okay, Mr Jeon. I’m just looking.” The young Jeon just nodded, understand his customer’s intention. All of a sudden, the prince heard those footsteps. He can easily recognise as he has been living with it since he was a little child. He sighed because he knows he needs to change his spot immediately. With a bundle of nerves, he went straight to the next two shops from the Jeon as he saw a group of adolescent girls. He thought he can blend in with them and perhaps the guards don’t see him.
To pay respect, the villagers quickly giving space to the guards to walk. However, they felt weird why the guards who belong to the palace came at the market. Did someone betray the country? There’s an illegal seller? They couldn’t make their mind. 
Meanwhile, the prince pretended to be mesmerised with embroidery even though he was in bewilderment as he has stumbled upon the embroidery shop. ‘Please, please…Let me escape this time too.’ he quietly prays as his gaze set down at the sakura embroidery handkerchief. He couldn’t take his eyes off from it. Without he noticed, his hand slowly moved to that handkerchief, thinking to buy it. Howbeit, before his hand could reach it first, he saw a hand of a girl grabbed it. Even though he knows about it, his mind can’t process to pull back his hand and eventually, he touched that feminine hand.
Sudden heat flooded his body and tinged his pale cheeks with rosy colour as he looked up at the owner of the hand. His mind has plotted to apologise for his clumsiness but not his mouth. Not only him but the girl also looked at him, cheeks slightly blushed as she realised it was a hand of a boy. The son of the king looked so speechless, lips slightly parted, couldn’t take his eyes off from her just like the time he looked at the sakura handkerchief. 
Her eyes are pretty as the lotus petals, her small button nose compliment her cute face and the red colour tinted her lips perfectly. Absolutely, giving her an innocent look as she is wearing her pink hanbok. The long-forgotten handkerchief fell from her grip but not Min’s hand still touched hers. The girl who was attracted to his black sharp eyes quickly pulled her hand from Min and walked away.
Min snapped from his fantasy as he realised the situation. Forgot about his personal guards who are tired of searching him, his slender legs slowly followed her footsteps and accidentally revealed himself to the public. “That’s our Crown Prince!” shouted an excited fishmonger, Kim Seokjin. Everyone bowed to him but the sad Min failed to realise about it. That girl was the only thing he could think of. 
The guards were all aware of the sudden screaming and their surrounding. In the twinkling of an eye, the Head Personal Guard spotted the wanted Crown Prince and he plodded to the sad boy, to not wanting to scare the boy. “Your highness. Are you okay?” he noticed how the boy startled when he caught him. The Crown Prince let out a sudden sighed, frustrated with himself as he couldn’t spot the sight of that angelic girl.
Accompanied with a frown on his handsome face, he walked back at the embroidery shop and tried to find the handkerchief. As he found it, he pressed his lips into a thin smile and asked the owner to wrap it for him. The Head Personal Guard who everyone in the palace couldn’t deny has been the closest person to the Crown Prince felt curious about his sudden behaviour. “Let’s head back to the palace.” the last sentence he has listened from the gloomy Min that day.
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miracul0us-multishipper · 5 years ago
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Welcome to the Back (Part 6)
First Chapter  Previous Chapter  Next Chapter
Felix’ home was... not what she’d expected. From the street, it had looked pretty similar to the Agreste Mansion: high walls, pointy fences, and security cameras.
But as soon as the gate closed behind them, the similarities ended. The plot was wide, but the actual house was almost tiny. It had two stories, and was by all standards still more than enough for two persons, but for a family this rich, it was almost ridiculously modest. The garden was just a bit too messy, the house just a bit too... homely to compare it to Adrien’s. 
“Mum? I’m home.”, Felix said in English as they entered the house, Marinette hurrying after him. The inside of the building was illuminated by sunlight falling through the high windows, tinted green by the leafs of the maple tree outside. There were shelfs as long as the diameter of her room covering the walls, filled to the brim with fashion magazines, novels and poetry collections. One wall was completely plastered with pictures of a sulking, gloomy looking boy in various stages of childhood. The photographies didn’t look like results of a professional photo shoot, but rather like snap shots of a phone or amateur camera. 
They were utterly adorable.
“Sorry for the mess.”, Felix pulled her out of her reverence. He looked a bit nervous, bordering on embarrassed. It was... cute.
“We only moved here a couple of weeks ago, and my mother tends to overcompensate by... well, giving the room her personal flair.”
“And I did a damn good job, Mister Misery Guts!” yelled a chirping voice from the stairs in the back, just before a tall, red haired woman stormed into the room, beaming like a Christmas tree. Her curly hair was pulled up into a bun so messy Marinette almost mistook it for a nest, and there was a reddish smudge of lipstick on her cheek. At least a dozen pins and needles were stuck between the folds of her yellow dress, and Marinette would bet the bag on her belt contained even more. And was that a string of yarn wrapped around her hips?
“You must be Marinette!”, the cheerful woman greeted before basically throwing her arms around the girl. “I’m Evelyn, and so happy to meet you!”
“U-Uh, likewise!”, Marinette stammered back. This woman could only be Felix’ mother, but she was so... different. All hugs and smiles and loud positivity. If she didn’t know better, Marinette would have never guessed the two were even distantly related.
“Mum, remember the talk we had about personal space?”, Felix groaned and shooed her off so Marinette could breath. Evelyn jumped back immediately.
“Right! Sorry! I’m just so excited. Felix told me so much about you!”
“He- He did?” Marinette asked with a side glance at her friend, who became weirdly stiff next to her.
“How about we have lunch now!”, he all but yelled, his eyes burning into his mother’s with something akin to panic. She shrugged and pouted innocently.
“Sure! It’s not like like I would’ve said something embarrassing. But you were right, her pigtails really are cute!”
“MUM!”
Lunch was delicious. After hearing Felix complain about the english cuisine for weeks she’d been a little worried if she was honest. But the Fish and Chips Evelyn presented out of seemingly nowhere were wonderful! And after realizing Evelyn knew all sorts of embarrassing things about her son, Marinette had given Felix the most devilish grin possible, before starting to worm every little detail out of his mother. But her friend didn’t give his dignity up easily, so the meal turned into a verbal battlefield quickly. Marinette’s attempts at revealing yet another embarrassing childhood story were countered by Felix’ creative solution of changing the topic as fast as possible.
Finally, Felix secured victory by bringing up Fashion, something all three of them could get behind.
“Flowers! Oh, I love flowers!”, Evelyn exclaimed, pointing at Marinette’s shirt. “There’s nothing quite as timeless as plants!”
“Absolutely!”, Marinette agreed. “And they’re not limited to any culture as well. You can have flower prints on Kimonos, T-shirts, Saris; they have a huge significance in fashion all around the world. As a pattern or as accessories!”
“They’re available everywhere.”, Felix chimed in, listing several of their characteristics. “They symbolize similar things in almost every culture. They’re associated with life and health, and their  color schemes cover a wide range. They come in both extravagant and discreet shapes. So why the hell would Audrey Bourgeois want to promote glitter? It’s too flashy!”
“And too reminiscent of the 80’s!”, Evelyn insisted. “Not to be rude, but Bourgeois has no in-depth perception when it comes to fashion. No clue about history, or cultural significance.”
“Or parenting.”, Felix and Marinette deadpanned simultaneously and Evelyn laughed. 
“From what I’ve heard, absolutely.”
Her hand gestures through the air, as if to swat a fly or get rid of a distraction.
“But to get back at what I originally wanted to say, I adore your clothes. Felix told me you design and create everything yourself, by hand! I’m impressed, especially given your young age.”
Marinette shrugged, but beamed with pride. Evelyn Leanne liked her designs!
“I started a bit out of necessity. My favorite color is pink, but almost every pink article of clothing I found in shops was too much, or too gaudy, or too impractical. And then there was the issue of combining! But when I made my own clothes, I could make them exactly as I needed them. And it was so much fun, I just couldn’t stop! Last month I even won the Agreste’s bowler hat competition.”
“Neat! That guy’s hard to impress. I remember doing a collaboration with him last year, and it was a total disaster. He just couldn’t compromise on a single thing! If we had done it his way, the entire show would have been monochromatic black and whites. And on the day of the show...”, she trailed off, the smile fading from her face. It was dead quiet for a second, before Felix chair scraped over the floor with a screech, startling both of them.
“I’ll do the dishes.”, he stated calmly, but his mouth was tense as he spoke. She watched him as he left the room, worried about the sudden change in the atmosphere of the room.
“Is everything alright?”, she asked his mother. Evelyn sighed, looking after him as well.
“I hope so. He didn’t do this for a while, but since he started school, he’s become a bit more sensitive to the topic again.”
She looked at Marinette.
“I was hoping you knew why, to be honest.”
The student shook her head in confusion.
“I don’t want to pry, Madame, but what topic do you mean?”
Now Evelyn looked uncomfortable.
“It’s... See, that was his first fashion show, and I might have put a bit too much pressure on it, on him. He was so excited, and I went a bit overboard with what I promised. And he was doing great, he really was! But another model... he didn’t mean any harm, the poor boy. He just didn’t understand the situation, and Felix took the brunt of it. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.”
She sighed, rubbing her temples.
“You should probably ask him, if you want to know. I shouldn’t interfere too much in your friendship, and what he wants to share, or how fast.”
Marinette was dying to know what had happened, but nodded. Felix was adamant about his boundaries and kept things close to his chest. She wouldn’t like her parents to spill her worries either, especially not to someone who had only visited once.
“I understand.”
“Thank you.”, Evelyn said, her voice so serious and genuine she sounded awfully similar to Felix. “He’ll appreciate that.”
A smile crept back into her freckled face, chasing the frown away.
“Really, I’m proud he has a friend like you. I can’t remember the last time he brought someone over, and I was a bit worried. He likes to be by himself, but... he’s so different since he knows you. He walks lighter, he smiles a bit more... it’s subtle, but I think he’s happier now.”
Marinette laughed nervously, a fuzzy feeling in her stomach at the thought that she affected him that much.
“Was he that grouchy?”
“No! I mean, yes, but that’s just how he is. His default mode. But now you’ve unlocked the Smiling Grouch Premium Pack, and that’s more than I could’ve ever hoped for. Who knows, maybe I’ll even hear him hum one day! Or, God beware, whistle!”
They talked on for a while, and Marinette realized she’d been wrong, earlier that afternoon. Evelyn and Felix weren’t that different at all. 
Both were tall and slender, both had the same thin nose and eyebrows. They shared their sarcastic humor, their passion for clothes, their respect and care for each other. Even in their bluntness they were the same, though Felix spiced his with a scoff and a bit of rudeness.
Their relationship truly was miraculous to witness.
“Done.” Felix announced his return and went back to his seat. “Mum, you have lipstick on your cheek. And your neck.”
Evelyn gasped and fumbled with her napkin to remove the red smudge.
“O-Oh? Really? Clumsy me, must have gotten there when I paired the makeup and outfits for next week’s photoshoot.”
Was that just her or did Evelyn look a bit too embarrassed? Just when Marinette decided to ignore it, a door opened and a dark skinned woman with short hair peeked inside.
“Miss, you’re 15 o’clock call is waiting.”, she informed Evelyn and gave Marinette and Felix an apologetic smile. 
With lips that wore red lipstick. 
Lipstick that looked suspiciously similar to the smudges on Evelyn’s skin. 
“I regret the intrusion, but it’s important.”
“Of course, right away!”, Evelyn replied dutifully, turning to Marinette. “This is Cordelia, my assistant. Sorry to bail on you now, but work’s calling.” 
Still trying to get rid of the quite obvious traces of lipstick on her neck, she followed Cordelia through the door.
“I hope I’ll see you around, Marinette! Felix, don’t forget your lessons later. Have fun you two!”
And off they were.
Surprised, Marinette turned towards Felix.
“Was that... Are they...?”
“Not officially.” Felix shrugged. “But the word “subtle” does not register in my mother’s vocabulary, so... yes.”
He walked towards the stairs and gestured her to follow. 
“They want to keep it secret from me, in case I need time to adjust.” he informed her, before giving her a sly little grin. “Little do they know, it was me who set them up with each other.”
Marinette snorted.
“For real now?!”
“Of course.”
The room Felix lead her to was obviously his own, but the sheer difference from the rest of the house startled Marinette. It was small and tidy, white walls, bedsheets and lamps dominating the room. A few books were stacked on his desk and a black violin case stood in the corner, but a few pictures and green succulents aside, there were no knickknacks or decorations. The notebook with his poems rested on his bed, the sheets around it wrinkled as if someone had laid there after making the bed. 
She wondered if Felix liked to stay on his bed for a while after getting up, writing down what went through his head before all sleepiness faded. Did he write something new, just this morning? Maybe even about her?
“Marinette?”, Felix asked and she realized she’d stared at him. 
“Oh, yes? Sorry, I spaced out.”
She felt her cheeks warm up. 
“The room is very... you.”
Felix blinked and hurried to look somewhere else.
“Do... Do you like it?”, he asked with feigned casualness. 
She looked around again, over the room that looked so impersonal at first glance. Then at the wrinkled sheets. The notebook. The well cared for plants, the pictures on the wall and the books that had been read so often their pages started to look yellow.
She smiled.
“I love it.”
-
Lila was careful. She waited until half past 15 o’clock until she called Madame Leanne, knowing full well she wouldn’t answer the phone now. Her number, she’d taken from the pictures of Felix’ calendar.
“This is Evelyn’s private phone, for business calls please contact my assistant. Otherwise, leave a message after the tone!”, chirped an energetic voice and Lila prepared herself.
“Hi!”, she cooed as soon as it peeped. “This is Lila Rossi, I’m the class representative and a good friend of your son, Felix. I wanted to speak to you personally about some matters regarding his situation in our school, but if you’re not available now, maybe I could come over later? Felix gave me the address, it won’t be a problem. It’s really important. Thank you in advance, see you later!”
She hung up, her smile widening. Not leaving her a chance to decline was crucial, as her lies were most effective when she could see her target face to face. 
But once that was the case, Evelyn Leanne would be a piece of cake.
And Felix would have no choice but to give her a chance.
-
“Can I ask you something?”
Felix shrugged.
“You do so all the time. I haven’t figured out a way to stop you yet.”
She chuckled.
“It’s impossible, Alya already tried and failed. But seriously now, it’s okay if you don’t want to answer.”
He straightened and nodded, so she went ahead.
“Earlier, when you left... Your mother said that there was a problem at your first fashion show. Involving another model.”
She noticed his shoulders stiffen.
“There’s tons of problems at every show.” he mumbled and she wondered if this was a good idea. Still, she couldn’t turn back now.
“Did... Was the other model Adrien?”
He stood up so fast the couch shook.
“Is that all you ever ask about?”, he snapped. “Adrien this, Adrien that, he’s oh so perfect and can do no wrong! Can you take off your rose colored lenses for one minute and think about something - anything! - else than obsessing over Agreste?!”
-
Felix regretted it as soon as he said it. He didn’t know why he said it in the first place, his head clouded by undirected anger and hurt and the instinct to run. The best defense is the offense, he knew, completely forgetting that this was Marinette; that she wasn’t the one he needed to protect himself from.
But now the words were out, and he could see exactly how shock and pain twisted her face into an angry grimace.
She had jumped back at his sudden outburst, but quickly took a step forward and bore her index finger into his chest.
“Stop yelling at me!”, she snarled, hurt worse than she’d like to admit. “Contrary to what you and Alya seem to believe, my world does not revolve around Adrien! And if your petty grudge against him is why my crush on him is a problem, it’s definitely yours, not mine!”
She stepped back, chin raised and hand clenched to fists at her side.
“I told you you don’t have to answer, and I asked because I want to understand you, and that includes whatever happened that day, and your dislike of Adrien. So either tell me you don’t wanna talk or explain it to me, but you have no. Damn. Right to talk to me like that!”
She grabbed her purse and wanted to storm off, but his voice stopped her before he even realized he’d opened his mouth.
“Wait”, he asked stifled, all aggression faded from his voice. She turned around. He couldn’t look at her, eyes locked on the floor in beneath her feet, lips pressed together in a tight line. Hurt and Anger were faint memories now, his chest constricted by shame. What had gotten into him?
“I’m sorry.”, he pressed out, trying to keep his voice calm and failing miserably. “That was unfair, and I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Yeah, you shouldn’t have.”, she said, but without any fervor behind it. 
“I like you.”, Felix blurted out in panic, still not able to look at her. Was she angry? God, what if he’d made her cry? “You’re important to me, and I don’t want to lose you.”
If he had ruined this just because he couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut about Agreste... 
“I shouldn’t have said that.”, he repeated, wishing he could turn back time and slap himself before hurting his first and closest friend. “It’s not true that you’re obsessed with him, and I-I don’t know what possessed me to lash out like that.”
God knows he didn’t get what she saw in Agreste, but she had told him that in confidence; she had trusted him with something this personal, and he’d used that against her. If their roles were reversed, he wasn't sure if he would’ve even sticked around to yell at her. He only knew that if she left now, she’d never look at him like before and he wouldn’t be able to bear that.
“Please don’t go.”
When she didn’t move, he slowly dared to look up. She stood in the doorframe, body facing him but head turned away. Her hunched shoulders and tense frown filled him with anxiety, but when she turned to look at him, her eyes were calm.
“Okay”, she said and relieve made him dizzy. “Okay.”
-
“What did my mother tell you already?” Felix asked, his voice steadier now. They sat on the couch again, Marinette with crossed legs and Felix with his usual posture. He was still more tense than usual, she noticed.
“Not much”, she answered honestly. “Just that she put high exactions on you, another boy messed up and you took the harm of it. She blames herself.”
He shook his head.
“She does that often, but she’s wrong. It wasn’t her fault.”
He sighed, slumping a bit.
“I... I want to take over the company one day. I’m not good at designing, but I’m interested in marketing and business economics. As CEO, I wouldn’t do much of the designing myself anyway, but rather take care of the business side. My mother supports me, of course, but she thinks it’s too early to get me involved. Wants me to enjoy my childhood and so on.”
Marinette listened attentively, resting her chin on her hands.
“My parents divorced last year.”, Felix continued, his voice growing bitter. “Don’t know what took them so long, my father is an asshole. Only cares about his own image, and what kind of scandals he can milk for profit. He’s... He had his issues about the divorce, just wouldn’t accept it. Mum had a restraining order against him in progress, and the security she hired had strict orders to not let him near me.”
He fidgeted.
“During the divorce, he used to... forgo recommended ways of behaving towards a child. And even before, he was dismissive at best.
“When I had my first show, I made Mum promise me to involve me more in the company if I did well. I had already worked with Adrien a couple of times, and thought it wouldn’t be a problem.”
So her suspicions had been correct: Adrien had been the other model. And that Felix had accidentally used his first name implied that he’d liked Adrien back then, maybe even thought of him as a friend.
“And the first half went well, really. I knew my dad had wanted to be the journalist reporting about it, but Mum had my back and the security did their job. During my second walk... he barged in anyway. Started to shout at my Mother in the first row, and I just... froze.”
He wasn’t looking at her, eyes locked on his own hands.
“He took a lot of pictures, despite the security dragging him out. Of me, looking admittedly horrified. Of Mum looking angry, and of how I ran out. Not only did I ruin the show, he made up stories about how the great Evelyn Leanne mistreated her son, used him for publicity and who knows what else.”
A bitter laugh escaped him, not reaching his eyes.
“It didn’t last long, of course. Our lawyers stomped him into the ground, he lost his job at the newspaper and our reputation recovered. But the damage was done.
“Our company lost much value for a while. Mum went through a lot, before we were exonerated. And my reaction and withdrawn behavior afterwards convinced her that I wasn’t ready for more responsibilities, that I needed normalcy and support. She didn’t  mean to punish me for how I acted then, of course. Just to protect me. She’s not at fault.”
His face turned sour and Marinette braved herself, already expecting his next words.
“Agreste is.”
He closed his eyes in something akin to resignation.
“He let my father in, through the private entrance. I told him how I feel about my father, but all it took was some “I just want to make things right” bullshit from him to convince Adrien I was wrong.”
Marinette opened her mouth to defend him, more out of habit than conviction, but stopped herself. What did she want to say, anyway?
What excuse could she make that actually worked out? 
“I... I’m sorry.”, she said instead. She couldn’t think of anything else. All she knew was that Felix was hurt, and he trusted her enough to show it, and she had no idea how to help. No idea how to show him she cared.
So she remained quiet and nudged his leg with her knee, just how he had done earlier that day. Their silent way of support.
He didn’t speak, but his hand tentatively grasped hers, as if not sure how. She squeezed it lightly, watching his profile. 
Calmer now. Relieved, almost.
He squeezed back.
-
They sat like that for a while, not speaking as Marinette processed his words, and he processed his inner turmoil. 
Felix wasn’t good at that.
He didn’t face his own feelings. He figured out which were productive and acted on them, then found a way to work around the rest. Easier that way. More efficient.
But it had been convenience or his friendship with Marinette, so he had had to swallow the bitter pill and hope for the best. And... this was the best possible outcome he could think of. 
In retrospect, he didn’t know what he had been afraid of in the first place. This was Marinette.
The girl who stood up for him when no one would listen.
The girl who’d rather risk being labeled a thief than keep something from a boy she’d barely exchanged a word with. 
The girl he could joke with and talk to, without feeling pressured to perform.
The girl he loved more than- Wait.
He stumbled over his own thoughts, his mind coming to a screeching halt. 
Where did that come from?
When did this happen?
He shook his head, trying to shake the thought off.
He was under-socialized. He was interpreting too much in this feeling. He just didn’t have enough experience with friendship. There was no way he-
Marinette, seeing him shake his head, quickly pulled her hand away and he found himself grasping for it again, holding onto her and the feeling of warmth she radiated. He froze mid movement.
Oh.
Oh.
He loved her. He wanted to hold her hand, and he wanted to be close to her, and now that he thought about it, kissing her didn’t sound so bad either. Oh no. Oh crap.
He’d messed up. His first real friendship, and he went and fell in love. 
What was he supposed to do? Should he tell her? Oh hell no. No, no, no. 
Maybe this was more of a passing infatuation? 
He threw a hesitant glance at her, just to see her smile at him.
Nope. 
Definitely not going away that quickly.
He didn’t know what to do. Wasn’t prepared. Mum had told him more about love than he’d liked to hear at the time, but now he couldn’t remember a single thing. All he could think of was that his mother had been friends with his father for years, fallen in love with him, and now hated his guts. 
What if he’d hate Marinette eventually? What if she would hate him? She was in love with Agreste, wasn’t interested in him that way, what if she-
“Are you okay?”, she asked him, blissfully unaware of the thoughts racing through his mind. 
“I’m not sure”, he answered honestly.
She bit her lip, and the idea of kissing her came back to the forefront of his mind. Not now!
“I’m not sure either.”, she confessed. “But I’m happy you told me. I meant what I said earlier. You can be hard to read from time to time, and I really want to understand you. And.. now I do that a little more. And can support you when you need it. So... that’s something, right?”
Felix took a deep breath.
She was right, more so than she knew. This might not be an easy realization, nor a convenient one. But... he liked the feeling of holding her hand. The feeling when he thought about her, or when she looked at him like this. It felt... good.
And maybe that would change, for the better or for the worse. But for now... it was something.
And that was enough.
- - -
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cyb-by-lang · 4 years ago
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Leaning On Each Other (Remix)
This is a while later than I expected to get it finished, but here is @writer-and-artist27‘s birthday gift. She asked for a Kei-style take on this minific she wrote a while ago, so I did a full remix.
Apologies for making it a remix instead of the requested Kei's POV of this exact scene.
“I’m telling you, the difference is all in the wrist,” Kei said, holding out a kunai as though it was a katana. She spun it between her fingers as soon as her demonstration was over. “I mean, imagine this about four times as long in the handle and with ten times as much blade, but the point still stands.” 
“You’d have to get me a bokken and show me directly if you want that to make sense,” said Obito, shaking his head slightly. “Rin?” 
Rin shrugged, though her eyes didn’t quite leave the blade. “The blades I deal with are even shorter. I don’t really use them to stab people outside of a medical context. If you’re stabbing someone with a scalpel, something’s gone wrong,” Rin said, even as Kei made the kunai disappear into the holster on her thigh. 
“Like in the flying clipboard story?” Obito asked. 
“I still don’t know the actual story behind that,” Kei said.
Rin nodded along, but only smiled mysteriously when both of her friends in this conversation turned interrogative stares her way. “It’s funnier if I don’t tell you.” 
On the opposite side of the couch, Kakashi made an agreeing noise, then flipped to the next page in his book. Kei didn’t know for sure what he was reading, other than noticing earlier that the cover art was entirely in grayscale and looked kind of gloomy. If Kei had been the one reading, she probably wouldn’t have paid enough attention to the conversation to know where she was supposed to make obligatory listening sounds. 
Tomoko emerged from the kitchen at this point, flopping down on the couch between Kei and Obito. Kei raised a hand to keep her head from hitting the wall, and the three of them shuffled around a bit to accommodate her. 
“So, done working for now?” Kei asked, silently making sure that all of her weapons were stowed. Sure, she’d left her sword at home, but no shinobi was ever fully unarmed. It was a truth universally acknowledged that a kunai somewhere unfortunate would ruin anyone’s day. 
“You know me,” Tomoko replied, not noticing the shinobi weapons-check or not saying so. She leaned against Kei’s shoulder without hesitation. “Just for now.” 
“That’s what you always say,” Obito said, leaning forward over his knees to get a better look at their faces. “You should’ve let us help.” 
“There was batter on the ceiling last time, wasn’t there?” Rin asked. She’d only heard this story second-hand and the details changed in the telling because no one wanted to admit they’d been the one to start shit. 
“That was Kakashi’s fault,” Obito said instantly. “And we were at Kei’s house, so we only got banned there, so it doesn’t count!” 
“Getting banned from any kitchen still disqualifies you from going into a professional one, I think.” 
“Focus, team,” Kakashi said, but mostly sounded like it was a wordier version of the iconic Uchiha “hn.” He certainly didn’t put any force behind the order. 
“Okay, okay.” Kei nudged Tomoko with her elbow. “So, what’s up? Besides a clear need for a nap.”
“Nothing but the ceiling,” Tomoko replied.
“No, really?” Kei drawled automatically. “Would’ve never guessed. Congrats on your first well-timed pun, though.” 
Tomoko pouted. “It got your attention, even if it’s a horrible one. So I’ll try to be punny more often.”
“Tomo-chan!” Obito said, shaking his head. 
“I don’t regret it. Fight me.”
Kei considered her options carefully. A bad pun used in verbal combat came with a number of acceptable responses, but Tomoko wasn’t Hayate—who Kei would have already shoved off the couch by this point. Possibly backflipped him over the top of it, trusting his combat training to handle the landing. Tomoko needed more delicate handling. 
Therefore, Kei said, “Obito wouldn’t fight you if you paid him, puns or otherwise.” 
“It was a joke!” Tomoko protested, half-sunk into a combination of Kei’s jacket and the plush back of the couch. Her voice was a little muffled and pouty as a result. 
And Kei occasionally pretended she didn’t know about those conversational ripostes solely to exasperate Tomoko. She wasn’t sure Tomoko had caught on yet. 
From cross the table, Rin leaned forward and said, “You need to work on your delivery, Tomo. That landed pretty flat.”
“And the Earth is round and rotating on a crooked axis, sue me,” Tomoko said childishly in return, refusing to raise her head from her new resting spot. “I’m trying and I don’t wanna move.”
“It’s almost like overworking has totally foreseeable consequences,” Kei mused, her voice lilting to take the sting out of her words. 
Tomoko paused, thinking on it for a second. “…Would you have me any other way?”
The answer was immediate. “Nope.”
“Good.” A smile replaced the pout. Tomoko’s habit of puffing her cheeks out to pout mostly made Kei want to poke her. “What’s up with you?”
“Not much.” Kei shrugged as best she could with Tomoko’s head on her shoulder. “To make a long story short, Kakashi doesn’t want to give input on my totally half-assed kenjutsu lesson. Obito and Rin are being good friends and pretending they know what the hell I’m talking about.”
There was a crinkle signaling the turning of a page as Kakashi went back to reading.
“Okay, just for that? Rin and I are going to talk about things that aren’t swords,” Obito said with a comically exaggerated huff. “See how you like it.” 
Kei rolled her eyes. “Oh no. Traitors, et cetera.”  
Rin’s smile was helplessly fond. “All right, all right. No more sniping until we get you both on a practice range.” She turned her head. “So, Obito, did I tell you what happened when Akihito-shishō caught the nurses smuggling candy—” 
Rin’s tempting gossip drew Obito’s attention wholly, which was a good indicator that everyone was indeed done with the sword story. 
Tomoko turned her head so that her face was finally angled up toward Kei’s. “You know I was asking about you, health-wise?”
There were times when it seemed as though Tomoko did little else. The life of a ninja was like riding a rollercoaster with a rickety, rusted track that didn’t deserve to have so many twists and turns. Especially for how unreliable it was. Their lifestyle was a major risk to life and limb. 
Kei didn’t say any of that. Instead: “Yeah, I know.”
Tomoko thumped her head against Kei’s shoulder. “You’re my best friend in the whole wide world, y’know.” 
“I know,” Kei said by rote. Reincarnation time buddies! Who hopefully weren’t going to destroy the universe by accidentally turning something into a paradox. 
Another bonk. “Nagareboshi Café will always be open for you, y’know.”
“I know, Tomo.” Mostly because Kei had enough people in her life that she’d never forget it now. Being able to find half her social group there on a given day made the place a landmark, even if it wasn’t also a homey spot on its own.  
Sounding a little strangled now, Tomoko added after a short pause, “So then, Kei?”
“Hm?”
“Whenever you need help, whenever you’re down, you can call me up, y’know. I don’t know how well I can fix things, but I’ll try. I’ll always try.” 
Kei sighed. It was half from fond exasperation, but half from genuine frustration. There was always a part of her that utterly rejected the idea of pushing any of her emotional burdens onto Tomoko. Kei had volunteered practically from the start to chase whatever means of gaining power she could, all so she could make sure her precious people were safe. That was not the choice Tomoko had made. She’d never needed to, and Kei almost needed her to stay out of the blast radius. 
“Tomo, you know I’m not good at asking for—” 
Bonk. 
Kei went silent, raising an eyebrow in a silent question as Tomoko stared back. 
“Just listen, okay?” Tomoko rarely demanded direct, sincere statements toward Kei, who was equipped with a bone-deep inclination to deflect and dismiss what she viewed as excessive verbal reassurance. “No matter what happens, no matter what you end up doing, I’ll stay with you. To the end of our days.”
Kei bit down on the urge to interrupt. 
“I care about you, y’know. So when you need it, let me help you like you help me. Just get that memorized.”
Kei sighed again, reaching up to pat Tomoko’s head. “I’ll remember that.” 
When she could. It wouldn’t be as easy as Tomoko made it sound, but perhaps it could be, eventually. 
And that was when Obito bounced onto the couch hard enough to make Tomoko briefly airborne. She landed with a surprised “eep” with her weight still mostly on Kei’s side, but turned to face Obito. 
“Obi?” Tomoko said, startled.
“Nice of you to drop in,” Kei said over Tomoko’s head. It was so much easier to downplay any surprises when she could track everyone’s location within the room. Also, she’d seen Obito move out of the corner of her eye because he definitely wasn’t being stealthy. 
“Your conversation looked like it needed crashing,” Obito said lightly. “It looked heavy even from where I was standing.” He tilted his head to one side, tucking his legs underneath him. “Tomo, is Kei influencing you? Are you gonna start all your conversations with puns now? Please say no.” 
“It was my first try, Obi,” Tomoko soothed, reaching over with her right hand to rest against the side of his scalp. “I can try a different joke.”
Kei shifted her weight so that Tomoko ended up leaning more Obito’s way. 
“I don’t know, I think the debut worked,” Rin said, settling back in at her spot. Whatever she and Obito had talked about must’ve scared him back into this conversation. She added to Tomoko specifically, “Just maybe relax a little and let them come naturally.” 
“Wordplay and swordplay are both about timing,” Kei offered, “so I could probably help.” 
“I can see you being a bad influence, you know,” Obito said. “Even if you’re trying to be all underhanded about it.” 
“You’re shinobi,” Tomoko said, “Everything’s sneaky and underhanded! I could’ve sworn bad puns are how eye roll considering the family-friend thing.”
Obito groaned, defeated.  “Kei, you had one job!”
“If she’s not making improvised bombs in her bedroom, I’m still coming out ahead,” Kei told him. “And she’s not. I think?” 
“I’m not!” Tomoko said, half-frantic at the turn. “Just baked goods, like usual!” 
“Oh, if that’s the breaking point,” Obito grumbled.
Tomoko frowned thoughtfully. She rested her hand against the side of Obito’s face in apology, then said, “I’ll hold off on the puns and you can have a batch of cupcakes later. Will that be better?” 
This time, there was a hum of approval. Obito closed his eyes and leaned into Tomoko’s hand like a cat, mollified for now. 
That’d probably last until the next time one of Kei’s friends opened their mouths. Peace reigned until the next half-joking argument in the life of Team Minato. And most of their associates.
“Can I join in?” Rin said, though she was already cramming herself into the space on Kei’s other side with a medical textbook in her lap. Kei didn’t bother wondering where she’d gotten it from; at some point, pulling a “nothing up my sleeve” routine felt like it was expected. “This looks like fun.”
“There’s cookies near the stove if you want to grab those first, Ricchan,” Tomoko said. Her chakra felt floaty with contentment. “Just to help with the studying you have there. The cookies are sugar and snickerdoodle.”
Rin’s smile widened. “Maybe later?” She still absently opened the front cover of her book, glancing at it before leaning against Kei’s other shoulder. “This feels nice right now.”
“Just make yourself at home, I guess,” Kei said with a toss of her head, settling farther down in the couch cushions. She shuffled to handle both hers and Rin’s weights before considering. “What about you, Kakashi?”
“Hn.” He instead disappeared briefly into the kitchen, out of easy spotting range thanks to the movement limitations of the human neck. “There’s not enough space for five people on that couch. There really wasn’t for four, but apparently we’re stacking like apartment blocks,” he judged when he returned, but he settled at the group’s feet and set the plate on the table in front of them all. “I brought the cookies.”
At this point, Tomoko started humming. 
Rin reached forward and retrieved her cookies, passing out others at random. Kakashi demurred, returning his attention to his book, and wrinkling his nose at the thought of eating such sweet things of his free will. He was content just basking in his friends’ company. 
“Just eat and relax?” Tomoko offered, passing a cookie from Rin to Obito. “We don’t have anything going on today, so let’s pass the time like this.”
Kei leaned her head back against the top of the couch, listening with half an ear to the world around her. With sight out of the way, she could focus on her friends’ contentment through her chakra sense and live in the moment. 
Tomoko’s voice rose over the impromptu cookie party: 
“Dream of anything; 
I’ll make it all come true.
Everything you need 
Is all I have for you. 
I’m forever 
Always by your side. 
Whenever you need a friend, 
I’m never far behind.” 
Obito shifted and the couch dipped under his weight. Felt like he was reaching for his next dose of sugar already. The plate scraped across the table. “Could you sing that a bit louder, Tomo-chan? I want to hear.”
“Eh?” A sudden wave of shyness swept through Tomoko. “You sure?”
“We’ve all heard you sing before, Tomo,” said Kei, keeping her eyes shut. “No pressure.” 
Rin’s sun-on-water chakra perked up along with her voice as she said, “You were the one to say we should relax, right?”
There was a brief back-and-forth between the boys—banter so played-out it was almost entirely fond. Amusement passed through each of them like an electric current. 
Tomoko’s voice rose again. 
“If the stars all fall,
When there’s no more light, 
And the moon should crumble, 
It will be alright.”
Being here, with these precious people, would tide Kei over through their next absence. With the life she and her friends lived, that separation was inevitable. There was always something else coming down the pipeline and eventually disturbing their peace, but that was the future. 
This was now. 
“Don’t you worry about the dark,
I will light up the night with the love in my heart.
I will burn like the sun,
I will keep you safe and warm.
Like the smell of a rose on a summer’s day,
I will be there to take all your fears away.
With a touch of my hand,
I will turn your life to gold.”
Kei seared the moment into her memory, to keep it like a light against the darkness still to come.
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