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moltz23 · 1 year ago

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Three Houses (& Warriors: Three Hopes) Trivia: That One Time 3 Stories Ended Without Solving its Loose Ends.

Of all the things people have spoken about Three Houses’ writing, if there’s something I honestly don’t see discussed often as a whole (aka not just in an individual basis), is that KT’s writers were chronically unable to tie up all loose ends with the stories they worked on: Crimson Flower, Azure Moon, and Verdant Wind’s (quick reminder Silver Snow was written by IS instead). This sentiment is even shared by one of the scenario writers involved with both Three Houses, and in the Warriors: Three Hopes spinoff:

Regarding [Warriors: Three Hopes’] Scarlet Blaze, Azure Gleam, and Golden Wildfire chapters, what was the tale you wanted to tell? Iwata: In order to make it a different experience from Three Houses, one of the scenario writers explained about wanting to depict the things that had been left unfinished in the main game. In Scarlet Blaze, it’s the battle against ‘Those Who Slither in the Dark’, in Azure Gleam it’s reaching the truth about ‘The Tragedy of Duscur’, and for Golden Wildfire it’s the appearance of a huge obstacle to Claude realizing his dreams.

In turn, the purpose of this post will be recapping briefly what each unfinished plot thread was about, if we catch glimpses of them in other stories, and how Warriors: Three Hopes decided to give them a proper conclusion.

Crimson Flower: the battle against “Those Who Slither In The Dark”

Forever immortalized as very sneaky plague doctor-looking fellas.

Byleth’s informed starting Part 2 of Crimson Flower that the Empire/Edelgard has teamed up with “those who slither in the dark” for practical reasons in the fight against the Church (mainly, for their manpower and assets), and that the group’s expected to be next on the chopping block once they’re no longer needed.

As the main campaign goes on, the Agathans are treated as an “Elephant in the Room” sort of deal - being brought up only by a few select individuals when the situation calls for it - all while Edelgard and co. are monitoring their movements. Thales/Arundel tries subverting this in at least 2 different instances (Hubert’s paralogue and, most notably, in Chapter 16), but for one reason or another, the situation never escalates further.

The group’s seen one last time just before the final battle, as Edelgard and Thales have a small chat where both agree to keep their team-up going for a little longer once the war’s over. And after the main story’s done, the Empire’s fight vs TWSITD is mentioned in passing during the Epilogue cutscene, multiple paired and solo endings, and even one S-Support, all while confirming the group’s demise sometime later after a certain “Battle of Shambhala”.

Do we get glimpses of it in other routes?

Kinda? Even though the exact circumstances described in CF never take place anywhere else, we see Shambhala being invaded by Byleth and co. in two other routes: Silver Snow (the other other story branch of Black Eagles), and Verdant Wind (Claude’s story).

The main reason this happens in these storylines is thanks to a post-mortem request from Hubert, who was previously aware a certain Imperial fortress would get bombarded by them ahead of time, and determined (somehow) that the missiles’ origins can be traced back to a location believed to be the slitherers’ HQs.

In these 2 stories, the battle against TWSITD is solved in only one chapter, and the main narrative purpose it fulfills is to set up the real, actual final boss of the story (oh and also kill Rhea in Verdant Wind).

How did Warriors: Three Hopes tackle this loose end?

By axing Edelgard’s team up with the Agathans outright as early as possible, which shakes the entire foundation of the story given how much agency Edelgard’s actions hold over the plot. This is very important because the fact neither the Empire nor TWISTD are bound to work together for a common goal allows both sides to properly fight each other openly while the story unravels.

The way the story’s foundation is shaken is also quite important too, as its done by forcing Edelgard and Hubert to assume a very active role in the story against the slitherers which is never seen in 3H’s story besides CF’s Ch. 16, possible only through a one-in-a-million-chance that cannot happen in Three Houses: having Kostas die vs the House Leaders near Remire Village, everyone never meeting Byleth, and having Jeritza become Garreg Mach’s 3rd professor like Edelgard intended.

As you might have noticed by now however, the one big caveat Scarlet Blaze’s exploration of this story thread has is that the conflict shown in it, due to the involved circumstances, will never be the same as the one described in Crimson Flower’s. In hindsight however, given Edelgard’s battle vs the Agarthans in CF is heavily hinted to be anticlimactic and nowhere near as challenging compared to Three Hopes’ timeline (mainly thanks to her having already neutralized all other threats to the Empire by then), I dare say this change might’ve been for the best.

Azure Moon: Reaching the truth about the “Tragedy of Duscur”

This is a pretty cool CG tbh.

Blue Lions gives you many glimpses of the Tragedy of Duscur pre-timeskip. Most notably, Chapter 8 reveals Dimitri is in Garreg Mach mainly to find and get revenge on its culprits, and Chapter 10 shows how he finds out the slitherers’ were involved in the tragedy… right before Dimitri becomes convinced Edelgard was the mastermind of the event and the plot point is derailed completely for a while.

Some time later, it returns in full force during Ch. 17, where an exchange Rodrigue has with Gilbert reveals the body of Dimitri’s stepmother - Patricia/Anselma - was never found in spite of being one of the alleged victims. Then in Ch 18, Cornelia/Cleobulus as a last act of spite reveals to Dimitri that Patricia conspired to make the tragedy happen just to “see Edelgard again”. In Ch. 19, Dimitri tries to get answers from a dying Lord Arundel/Thales - whom he long since suspected to have been part of it - but fails to make him speak. In late Ch. 20/early Ch 21, it’s shown Margrave Gautier found out Viscount Kleiman’s involvement on the Tragedy, and the interrogation of one of his servants reveals not only the dude thinks he did what was best for the kingdom, but also that Patricia was allowed to escape unharmed.

And then the story ends, leaving the mystery hanging. If you bought the DLC, Dimitri & Hapi’s support chain reveals Cleobulus tricked Anselma into believing she couldn’t see Edelgard again due to Dimitri’s father, and essentially emotionally tortured the woman for +5 years until Anselma *cracked* and became a willing participant. Their paired ending also mentions they later worked on to expose TWSITD and the other culprits of the tragedy. Whatever was found in that investigation, it’s ultimately left unrevealed.

Do we get glimpses of it in other routes?

Mostly no. The tragedy is briefly discussed in Ch. 3 of Black Eagles and Golden Deer, but it never goes on beyond what happened and who died. And the circumstances in which Dimitri becomes so hell-bent on killing Edelgard are never ever shown to the player.

Crimson Flower meanwhile, not only confirms Arundel/Thales was 100% involved in it during Ch.17, if that chapter’s main story mission plays in a certain way, Dimitri in his dying speech of hate towards Edelgard will say the following:

Edelgard! You... I will kill you! You will know the regret of my father, who was killed for you! Of my stepmother, who was slain by her own daughter! You will bow your head before all of the lives you trampled for your ideals before you die in misery!

How did Warriors: Three Hopes tackle this loose end?

First, by focusing on the Kingdom politics during the first half of the story. It starts with Rufus (Dimitri’s uncle) launching a surprise coup in the Kingdom - for reasons irrelevant to the story - under the pretext of undermining House Fraldarius’s attempts to use Dimitri as a puppet, all while the revealing he was the mastermind behind the Kingdom side of instigators. And it all snowballs from there while the mystery develops, because unlike Three Houses, Rufus’ involvement isn’t kept under wraps due to a good chunk of evidence going to the grave with him (non-CF), or because he’s sidelined to put more focus to Edelgard's war (CF).

Second, by gradually making Edelgard irrelevant in the story until her character has been effectively written out, the narrative allows the tragedy’s culprits to be the main antagonistic force of the story.

And third, through making the story one of revenge and bringing justice to the Tragedy’s victims, Dimitri in turn is kept in a middle state between his normal and his revenge-obsessed self to justify it, and this permits the plot to have Thales as a fitting final boss, given his status as the brains behind the Agarthan side of the instigators.

Verdant Wind: The obstacle to Claude’s dreams

Look at that dashing smile man.

Starting Part 2 of Verdant Wind, it’s revealed Claude’s dream is one of a world without discrimination and prejudice. And for that, he sees the idea of an unified land, of tearing down the world’s barriers, as a way to allow everyone to start anew, understand one another and realize we’re more different than we would like to admit. And while by the end of the story Claude’s goal for Fodlan is achieved, he never directly has to overcome some obstacle to accomplish it.

Even though Edelgard, the Empire and the Agarthans are clear-and-cut antagonists during VW’s story*, they’re overall quite divorced from Claude’s dream to directly oppose it*. Edelgard is only an enemy mainly due to the threat she poses to the Alliance, as her ideals are not really that different to Claude’s and even admits such. TWSITD meanwhile, are not that involved in the story besides the lategame of Part 1 & 2, and at their core they’re just a xenophobic hate group, meaning they threaten everyone equally.

So in the end, only one candidate remains which fits the ideological angle of obstacle, which Claude does bring up during the plot but never serves this role in spite of the build-up it gets during Part 1: the Church & Rhea. The main reason for it is simply due to Byleth becoming both the new Archbishop and Claude’s biggest supporter during Part 2 during Rhea’s absence, all while the plot forces Rhea to be not only be rescued so Claude can have someone who can answer all the questions he seeks about Fodlan’s mysteries (which is another plot point of the story), but also conveniently kills her offscreen in a sacrificial manner once all’s said and done.

Do we get glimpses of it in other routes?

Sort of, but nowhere near as openly as you would expect. In Crimson Flower, Claude says the following about what he would’ve done had he defeated Edelgard at Derdriu:

In all honesty, I was hoping to become a supreme ruler and lead Fódlan to peace myself. But... that won't be happening now.

Also, compared to how he acts with Edelgard in her route, Claude in Azure Moon is ominously adversarial towards Dimitri after being saved (even insisting he does not owe him any debt whatsoever), and even says the following:

I'm leaving Fódlan. There are things I have to do. Dreams I need to see to fruition. That's why I became the Alliance leader to begin with, actually. But it left me no time for what I was really after.

How did Warriors: Three Hopes tackle this loose end?

Simple; by having him actually clash with the Church (and also the Kingdom by proxy). The plot ensures such by introducing Shahid - Claude’s half-brother - for the purpose of: 1. preventing Claude from ever becoming invested in Fodlan’s past and mysteries, and; 2. from finishing his fight with the Empire.

Time to process what had just happened after Solon revealed himself in front of everyone? - WHOOPS Shahid is invading, so back to the Alliance Claude goes!

Time to invade the Empire proper after fighting them in Gronder Field? You bet- WHOOPS Shahid is at it again!

With both of these plot points aborted and, due to Claude & Edelgard shifting gears after some uneven success in their campaigns, both deciding to team-up finally allows Claude in the second half of this story to finally pick up a fight against someone whom can ideologically serve as an obstacle to the dream he yearns to see a reality. Because without any bonds nor close connections to someone with power in the Church - more so if they lack Rhea’s approval, her own biases be damned -, the reality is that the church is not gonna allow it.

Now that I’ve gone over all three plot points, I do think only one answer remains to be answered:

Why couldn’t all these 3 story threads be finished in Three Houses?

Anyone who’s been aware or has heard of Three Houses’ development cycle would probably answer this question with something like “Well, because the game was rushed, duh!”, but I believe there’s another possibility which explains the “why” from a narrative perspective.

Because these 3 plot threads are side plots.

I’m fully aware this is probably a very spicy take, but please bear with me for a second.

The ideas explored in them can be very intriguing, don’t get me wrong, but as Three Houses shows, it’s not easy to dwell on plot points which are not the driving force behind the main story:

In Crimson Flower, Edelgard needs to wage war on Fodlan to force the continent to change in the way she sees fit. Due to this, fighting TWSITD in the process when it’s made abundantly clear their assistance is needed, risks massively derailing the campaign in the process and also handicap her war efforts. In hindsight, Ch. 16 is more of a godsend than anything.

In Azure Moon, Dimitri must rise from the brink, reclaim Faerghus and oppose Edelgard to bring peace. However, solving the mystery of the Tragedy of Duscur, and thus force conflict with all of its instigators (which BL heavily hints many lie within Dimitri’s own Kingdom) isn’t a wise idea during times of war, more so given the main antagonist of the story played no actual role on the event.

In Verdant Wind, Claude must secure the Alliance’s future by opposing the Empire, and retrieve Rhea to have her spill all the lore-juice missing from his knowledge fountain. For this campaign he’s also openly allied with the Church in spite of his misgivings with its teachings and its old Archbishop, so the whole idea of opposing them during the story (when said church also wants to rescue that Archbishop) is just plain awkward.

Fascinatingly - and I noticed this just as I was writing all this text -, this situation is pretty much inverted in Warriors: Three Hopes. Unlike Three Houses, the 3 stories of the spinoff, in execution, use the war as a pretext to explore the plot threads left hanging in the routes KT worked on back in Three Houses. And because of this, the stories actually end once those plot points finally reach their resolution, in spite of the war being technically not over once that happens.

So…what do you all think? Do you think it was a wise choice to finally “finish” each plot point left hanging in a spinoff? Or should the devs have been given more time to figure things out back in 3H? I personally would like to see the 3H writers come back to some future entry, all but with the condition they’re given far more freedom with the stories as with Three Houses they were pretty clearly limited to a very specific set of structure and plot beats they had to follow (I even did a post about it like 2 weeks ago, for those interested).

#crimson flower #azure moon #fe3h #feth #fire emblem: three houses #verdant wind #scarlet blaze #azure gleam #golden wildfire #warriors: three hopes #fewath #fire emblem warriors three hopes #fire emblem #story #analysis

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spinningbuster98 · 8 months ago

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Sonic the Hedgehog CD Part 2: The Workbench ain't the only thing that's wacky

Ok so last time I talked about the best parts of Sonic CD

Now it’s time for the worst parts. And boy can Sonic CD be so very obnoxious

You know it: the level design is a goddamn mess. The levels are bigger sure, but they often have little rhyme or reason on how they’re built, either having you bounce around all over the place like a maniac, having you deal with some obnoxious gimmick (hi Wacky Workbench) or they are much more vertically developed than they are horizontally, meaning that if you keep going right you can literally skip most of the level, which is the case for Quartz Quadrant and some other levels.

Sonic 2′s level design was still a bit simplistic and had some issues with enemy placement, but it at least usually felt like it had focus. Sonic 1 was often basic and counterintuitive to what Sonic wanted to be but it was pretty tightly designed overall

Sonic CD feels like it was designed with MS Paint, just putting obstacles and enemies all over the place. The final result is that the levels will either be lacking or frustrating. Lacking because if you try to play them by simply going for the end goal you’ll usually find yourself just heading to the right while skipping over about 70% of the actual stage (save for exceptions like Collision Chaos and Tidal Tempest, and even then it’s debetable). Frustrating because...

Ok let’s talk about the time travel! So this is a nice example of a neat idea that wasn’t implemented very well

The idea of having to reach top speed and maintain it without stopping for a few seconds is not bad, as it requires the player to master the levels in a way, encouraging them to find the best spots to make time jumps, playing into Sonic’s core idea of gaining and maintaining speed. Unfortunately for this to work it would need for the level design to be good and, as I have altready mentioned, it’s not. Oh sure sometimes it’s as easy as finding two springs one in front of the other and bam. But generally the game pretty much asks you to explore the levels and look for ways to easily gain lots of speed through the level design itself, which requires you to explore these levels and therein lies the problem

These levels were clearily designed to be explored, given their huge sizes, but doing so is simply more tedious than fun due to their structure, which makes finding even the Badnik generators even more of a chore, hell sometimes it goes against all common sense in cases like Wacky Workbench which requires you to get crushed by fake crushers which you would never think to do because it goes against all basic game design rules, and when you factor in that there are only a few Past signs when compared to Future ones, meaning that you have only a few tries per level.

I’m gonna put this here: Sonic games are not meant to have exploration as their main focus. It’s certainly an element of Sonic game design, but to make it the main focus and force the player to comb through enormous stages that are much larger than your typical platformer’s can make the experience supremely grevious and completely shit on the pacing in a game that’s all about having a fast pace. And CD isn’t even the worst with this, not even by a mile, Advance 2 and 3 are right over, as are some of Heroes’ Chaotix missions and a lot of shit from Shadow’s game. Need I remind everyone of the Sun and Moon medals in Unleashed? Honestly the only game that has done a decent job with this approach I think is Colors, but that’s maybe for another time

But of course Sonic CD doesn’t really force you to do all of this right? That’s what the Time Stones are for! Well yeah, sure, and to be fair the Special Stages are not that bad I find, this puts us back to the first issue: we are now playing CD like a normal Sonic game, but this only highlights just how exploration-focused these levels are, as you’ll basically be ignoring most of the design through this approach. Honestly the simple fact that they included Special Stages as an alternative feels to me like they realised at one point that people would have hated the Time Travel and so they put these in at the last moment pretty much

And while the Time Travel is indeed the main source of this game’s great background storytelling...said storytelling is also not showcased quite as solidly as many say I think

Firstly there’s a small issue with how the time travel works here: you go to the Past to smash the robot generators which will, in turn, make every enemy in the level disappear both in the Past and Good Future timeframes...but not in the Present? That makes no sense

But the biggest issue I have is that the game quite simply doesn’t give you the time for the changes that you bring to fully sink in

Let me explain

Games that rely heavily on background storytelling that is generally player-initiated tend to follow what I’d call a “3-step-process”

1) You enter a level/area where things look/work a certain way

2) You perform a set of actions that cause changes

3) The game then makes sure to show you the effects that have been caused by your actions

Metroid Fusion is one of my favorite examples of this as it does this a lot: you get into an area, you run around for a bit getting accostumed to its vibe, then you either flip a switch or beat a boss and now maybe a completely new type of enemy have stormed the rea, or maybe the silhouette of a floating monster is speeding by in the background which serves to foreshadow how in a later part said monster will destroy the area. But Fusion always takes the time to have the player acclimate to the areas and their general feels both pre and post change

Sonic CD doesn’t really do this. What you are changing is effectively each Zone’s Future, yet the game gives you absolutely no reason to visit them. The only thing you shoudl ever do is go to the Past to destroy the generators, going to the Future is basically a waste of time and forces you to contend even more with the irritating Time Travel mechanic. What this mean is that the average player will not see the Bad Futures if not by accident, thus they won’t know what exactly it is that they have changed upon destroying a generator nor will you be rewarded by showing you the Good Futures. Sure the third act of ebery Zone is set in the Future and I’m sure that the developers had all this in mind, but the third acts are all stupidly short, they don’t give you enough time to truly soak in the atmosphere and they’re mostly focused on boss fights anyway. This also means that you’re likely to miss out on about half of the game’s OST. Tracks like Quartz Quadrant Good Future, Speed Highway Good Future and Metallic Madness Bad Future are among my absolute facorites...yet I barely hear them while playing because of this

I honestly think that the Present timeframes should have been scrapped as they serve no real purpose nor do they even make much sense, since Little Planet in the opening appears completely mechanised, implying it’s in its Bad Future state all throughout. I also think that the player should be instantly warped to the Good Future upon destroying a generator in order for them to fully enjoy the results of their hard work

I used to hate Sonic CD. Flat out. Yes the game looks gorgeous, it’s got great music and a nice way of telling a story, but what does any of it even matter when playing it is a chore due to some of the most off the wall level design in the series and some really irritating gimmicks? Yet this is the game that for years I’ve seen people praise to high Heavens as the best in the series, despite other games in the series getting shat on for similar or even less severe issues? I’m not trying to insult anyone who likes the game that much, more power to you, really, I’m just saying that, as far as I’m concerned, a game whose best qualities are all things that can be enjoyed without me actually playing it (I can listen to CD’s music seperately, look up screenshots of its spritework and watch the cutscenes online) then it has failed as an interactive piece of media for me, because it means that I don’t want to play it ergo I don’t want to interact with it

Now do I hate Sonic CD NOW? No not really. In fact I’d probably play this over Sonic 1 most of the time due to it being overall faster and closer to a “regular” Sonic game by comparison, and because I have gained a certain degree of weird satisfaction after years of learning the level design in order to discover the best spots to time travel (this does NOT invalidate all that I’ve said, it’s a process that took literal years for me and was not very fun, it’s just the end result that gives me satisfaction but I can’t say it was worth it overall). But it’s not because it grew up on me over time or because I gained a new appreciation for it, as was the case for me with the likes of SA2 and Colors, no it’s simply because I got used to the bad parts over years of replaying it for personal marathons. Because if you were to ask me my “objective opinion” (if there even is such a thing, I know) about Sonic CD? This is one of the weakest entries in the whole series, not bad like Sonic 06 and similar others, but below most other decent games. Pretty much a 6/10 game. I wouldn’t be able to give it much more in good conscience

#youtube #sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog cd #my gamplay

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moontide-nymph · 8 months ago

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Me, a caretaker for my uncle with dementia who needs to have everything a certain way, on the verge of overstimulated tears: "So..the uh..no more menu screens up there huh?"

Mcdonalds worker (I'm boycotting but as dementia caretakers you pick your battles and today just wasn't happening), who is probably tired of people not reading the signs well, in a very tired voice: "No its all on that self serve kiosk now."

Me, still panicking on how to figure out this man's order without causing a scene because this is a huge change for him and its Not Okay: "Oh um nah that's okay we will just have -easy order I figure he will eat-"

I say this scenario because I think people forget that sometimes you need to look beyond "this person did this/acted this way" and think maybe they are doing that for a good reason. I crossed the picket line because I dont have help in dealing with the aftermath of not getting what he wanted on a bad day. I asked the cashier that question because I was frozen by another obstacle and needed to stall for a sec and rack my brain. Being quick to judge people's character isn't fair.

#he and I are both autistic as well #if you think you could do better than be my guest with 24/7 dementia care #i saw ppl say theres no excuse and this is my answer to that #im doing my best out here #mcdonalds #making big changes like that with a large older clientele certainly was a choice #taco bell i am also side eyeing you #trying to curb my families irie in public to avoid causing a scene has become so much harder these last years #verbally shaking my fist at corperations

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xexiar · 1 year ago

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Keep Watching. Ch 18

Ch17 Ao3 FFnet

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Chapter 18

After an uneventful weekend, I was looking forward to class. As I walked into the classroom, I spotted Deku. But something seemed off. He was just staring into his phone. No smiles. Just a dead stare as his finger did the motion of scrolling. And the more I looked at him, the more I started to notice how exhausted he seemed. From the dark bags under his eyes and how pale his skin was. It didn't help that I could tell he was shaking. But sadly, I couldn't do anything as class was about to begin.

It was during lunch that tried to see what was wrong with Deku. But instead, the way he was looking had me questioning if I even wanted to know the answer. So, for the moment, as I tried to think of the right words, I just watched as Deku looked at his food. The way his expression screamed something was wrong. "Midoriya, are you alright?" I watched as Deku looked away from Ida and smiled.

"I'm fine. Are you ok, Uraraka? You haven't touched your lunch."

"You're one to talk." The way Deku's smile left for just a second had me realize I made a huge mistake.

"I had a big breakfast." But before I could say anything, I watched as Deku got up and left. He walked all the way to the trash can and threw out his lunch before leaving the lunch room. I've done it now. I could practically feel the rage that Bakugo is going to have when he finds out. After what happened last week, I am terrified.

As we all headed back to class, I tried my best to seem like nothing had happened. If I acted like everything was fine, maybe Bakugo wouldn't know. Hopefully, he just won't notice. Even though the way Deku's walking seemed like he could faint at any moment. But he kept insisting he was fine. Clearly, he's fine. Right?

…

After my jog, I had to brace myself against the wall as I slowly made my way from the front door to the bathroom. With every step, it felt like my legs were about to fall off. It didn't help that every muscle was sore to the touch, and I was struggling to breathe. But I had to keep moving. For if I stopped for just a second, I fear I might pass out. Which I really couldn't do while mom was still home.

When I finally made it to the bathroom, I did all I could to not fall on the toilet. That jog did nothing to stop this raging headache. But maybe a hot bath would do the trick. And as the steam from the bath filled the room, my head started to feel lighter. With my last ounce of strength, I managed to allow myself to soak in the smooth water.

As I lay in the tub, I looked over at my right hand. With the sports festival around the corner, how will I be able to use my quirk? At that, I don't know what exactly will happen during that event. Since every year the sports festival has different line-ups of obstacles. Which made no two festivals the same. And how would I be able to train with OFA without hurting myself? What would Kacchan do? Kacchan…

Thinking his name left an unpleasant taste in my mouth. Kacchan was just amazing. All the teachers and classmates ever did was praise him for being so gifted in everything. But if I even dared speak about him or tried to speak to him, I was physically punished and shamed. Oh, if I dared speak in class, I would get sent to detention. Or if I tried to walk into class after everyone else, I would be forced to go back home. So many days of not being able to take part in schoolwork because I was sent home. The only way I could get around it was by making sure I got to class before anyone else. At least before the teacher showed up.

Oh, how I wish I could forget about those two weeks that Kacchan wasn't in class in fourth grade after spring break. He wasn't the type to miss school, but for some reason, the teachers didn't make a big deal of it. And during those two weeks it was one thing after another. From being sent to the hospital for a broken rib. I had to put up with everyone trashing my desk so that it became unusable. Or how everyone wrote death threats on my locker. It took me forever to clean those off.

And when Kacchan did return to school, the bullying seemed to calm down. Mostly because everyone was gushing over the fact that Kacchan had a cast over his broken left arm. At least my desk was replaced before he came back. But after that day, I tried everything to seem as unnoticeable as possible. I hoped that if nobody noticed me, then maybe the bullying would stop. It didn't.

It was getting exhausting running after school to avoid getting jumped. Even more so when I also had to worry about the middle schoolers that were nearby. And mom was never home. At that, she never answered her phone when the hospital would call her. What was I going to do?

As I hid in a nearby dumpster, I happened to come across a skateboard. Why would someone throw this away? I looked it over and only saw a few scratches here and there, but nothing that meant it was unusable. So, I took it home and went online to watch tutorials. Maybe if I learned to skateboard, I could get away from everyone faster. With that thought, I couldn't stop smiling. But I just needed to make sure mom didn't find out I had this, or she would throw it away.

*Cough* I quickly sat up, only to realize I was in the tub. As I coughed, water came out from my mouth and nose. Did I fall asleep? What time was it? That's when I heard knocking at the door. "Is everything ok in there, Izuku?"

Oh! That's right! Mom was still home. "Everything fine, mom." I quickly got out of the bath and grabbed my towel. Once I was somewhat dry, I wrapped the towel around my waist and got out of the bathroom. When I stepped out, I saw that mom was there. She had tears running down her face. "Is something the matter, mom?"

Mom hugged me, and I could barely understand her as she cried. "I heard you screaming. Is everything ok, baby?" I tried patting her back. When she looked up at me, I gave my best smile.

"I'm fine, mom." After a moment of her crying, she finally let me go. Once in my room, I felt my shoulders starting to feel heavy again. "Not now." After getting dressed, I went to the kitchen. To my delight, there was food on the table, and mom hadn't started eating yet. After lunch, I spent the rest of my Sunday going over my class notes while listening to Present Mic's afternoon podcast.

Come Monday morning, I did my best to stay awake. It was another sleepless night, but I really needed to get through class. I just can't miss anything. And when I got to school, I was pleasantly surprised I was the first one there. While I sat at my desk, I looked through Hero News on my phone. Maybe there was something I could look forward to seeing after school today.

As each of my classmates slowly came in, I didn't pay mind to them. The only reason I knew Kacchan showed up was because he kicked my desk before sitting down. It was too early to deal with this. I did find it annoying when I noticed his hand making its way to my phone. So, I slapped it away as I continued scrolling through my phone. "Tch." What was his problem?

The classes seemed to blur into each other as the day went on. But when lunch came, it was a struggle to move. I watched as each of my classmates left the room before I focused myself on getting up. My legs and arms were shaking, yet I still found the strength to walk. And as I went to the lunch room, everything seemed just to blur. I knew I was walking and where I was going. But I simply couldn't see or feel the world around me.

And when I did finally sit down to eat, the smell of my lunch made me sick to my stomach. It was difficult not to gag as all I could smell was a mixture of fish, undercooked beef, and the trashcan that was just a few feet behind me. The way my nose picked up all the smells in the lunch room had me struggling not to vomit on the spot. But tried as hard as I could; I focused on talking with Ida. Maybe that way, I can distract from the overwhelming sensation of wanting to run.

When Uraraka spoke to me, I just couldn't take it anymore. So, I tried figuring out any way I could just escape. Thankfully nobody followed me as I left the lunchroom. I made my way to the staircase and tried my best to keep breathing. As long as I kept breathing, I should be fine. I almost missed when the bell rang for us to go home.

On the way home, I felt so weak, but I kept moving. I even forced myself to stop by and grab dinner from a convenience store. And as I reached the corner before turning home, I felt something grab my shoulder. I looked back and saw it was Kacchan. What was he doing? "Nerd?" The moment he spoke, I tried my best to smile, but I just couldn't do it. "Please tell me that's not all you're going to eat today."

I looked at the bag in my hands before looking back at Kacchan. "It shouldn't matter what I eat." I then tried to walk away, but his hand kept me in place. "Why should you care? Now, leave me alone." With that, he let me go. When I got home, I was grateful that mom wasn't there, as the tears burned down my face. What was I going to do now?

I'm so tried. But every time I try to go to sleep, I suddenly am wide awake. I ate my dinner in silence before heading to my room to start my homework. After finishing up the last of the math assignment, I turned on my computer and put on an All Might movie. Maybe that would help me fall asleep tonight.

#fanfic #mha #bakugo katsuki #bkdk #izuku midoriya #bnha bkdk #bakugou x deku #bkdk fanfic

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thunderpetal · 2 years ago

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Dropping all my hunter headcanons because why not

-He definitely experiments a lot with his style. He especially loves human clothing, Luz takes him shopping frequently, he likes wearing skirts too, just really likes the different feel and freedom of them

-He also gets introduced to human tunes and keeps cranking up the volume, he has to be reminded to turn down the volume when listening with earbuds lest he give himself tinnitus aged 17 god bless

-as for who he listens to: everyone. Well i think he actually gets into hard rock/metal, Luz keeps making ‘male maniupulator music’ jokes that he does not understand At All. But then on another day he’ll be singing his heart out to some Twice like this boy contains multitudes

-is camila’s adopted son. Well in legal terms i think he actually gets taken in by both eda and darius. Like he goes to darius at weekends but instead of his parents being divorced its more like they’re the previous generation of theatre gays who still have high school beef but they also saved the world together so its a funny dynamic. Anyway thats just my hc as a dadrius liker but also hunter clawthrone truther. BUT THIS IS AB CAMILA back to camila.

-As i said camila does not Officially take him in, but he does visit her crazy often because he just likes being around her. Being in the human realm post kings tide was a tumultous time for him but the noceda home was where the process of his healing got to finally properly begin so he loves it. And camila was a huge part of that ofc. She thinks he is a lovely young man. Obviously she is also worried about him but she doesn’t have many probing conversations with hunter, like she knows his Deal and past abuse but they spend most their time together baking cookies and shit. He is definitely comfortable breaking down around her though

-Speaking of, cooking/baking is his main hobby he develops post kings tide, it started in the human realm ofc he is camila’s sous chef. But back in the BI he continued and he just. loves it. He reads cookbooks cover to cover like they’re novels and won’t even mark down any recipes he likes because he’s just too engrossed. And then with actual making, he prefers baking bc its very follow-instructions-and-get-correct-result and he has been doing that his whole life, cooking is Scarier bc its more flow and experimentation and artistic but he’s getting to grips with it. He proudly boasts about he’s the only person who can make both human and BI cuisine (Luz not applicable, she can only make instant ramen)

-The emerald entrails are his closest friends and he just loves LOVES hanging out with them all as a team, he loves their group hangouts and how chaotic they get, and ofc they all still play together! He’s also gotten pretty good at flyer derby and he is Not smug about it (he is so smug. But also he deserves it)

-You know how other witches have their palisman tucked away 90% of the time? Yeah not this white boy. Flapjack is just Constantly vibing on his shoulder, save for when he’s out and about in the human realm, bc he could get away with it but it just looks a Bit too unusual to have a bird perfectly content on his shoulder. But mostly Hunter relishes not having to hide Flapjack anymore. It’s huge for him. Sometimes he still feels scared, like Belos is going to come back and rip Flapjack away, but in those moments Flapjack will peck at his ear and remind him that they’re both safe

-(post hair noodle, hunter’s ear is the main Flapjack target)

-him and Amity got over their animosity pretty quickly but that does not deal with the other, greater obstacle: their mutual awkwardness. GOD BLESS THESE TWO IDIOTS THEY WERE TRYINF but they used to be so BAD at conversations. Literally just like ‘hey’ ‘hello’ ‘…’ ‘…’ ‘…nice weather isnt it’ AND SO ON. Luz was greatly entertained and she did nothing to help them. But they figured things out themselves. And once they get past their awkwardness… oh boy, say hello to trauma bonding! Obviously its not the only thing they talk about it but Hunter is comforted by knowing there is someone who really Gets it and vice versa. Sometimes he feels a bit bad going to Amity to vent because he’s like ‘what if she’s having a good day? What if she’s not thinking about the bad things that happened to her and then here I come dredging up everything-‘ but amity tells him it’s Ok. They get through most of their bad days together. And on their good days they almost murder each other over mariokart

-he is okay in the end and lives a good life full of healing and happiness AMEN

#jay talks #toh dot txt #the owl house #toh hunter

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araluenstories · 2 years ago

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Day 6: Encounter

They agreed to handle this quickly. After all, they had a challenging mission behind them and were both looking forward to going home. Their last obstacle was a meeting with an annoying commander of one of the coastal strongholds, who was clearly unwilling to do his job.

This kind of work was one of the less pleasant in a ranger repertoire.

The fortress was small, surrounded by a group of cottages and a small harbour that provided a home for several fishing boats. However, the vast majority of them were now at sea, and in their place, a Skandian battleship was swaying on the waves. A battleship that was very familiar to Gilan.

Will didn't like the smile that settled on Gilan's face. At all.

"What?" he asked after a few minutes of silence, never being good at staying quiet.

"What what?" Gilan finally tore his gaze from the ship, raised his eyebrows and looked at Will. Blaze snorted in amusement. Tug shook his head.

"I don't like that look."

"I could look somewhere else entirely if that helped you."

"Yeah, very funny."

The rustling of the leaves merged with the sounds of the surf, and hooves rang on the stony path. The villagers were turning their heads. There weren't many of them, just a few adults going about their businesses and a group of children huddled on the pier near the boat.

Usually, when the rangers arrived in a village, a commotion arose. This was a much calmer arrival than what they were used to.

"Let’s just say that with a bit of luck, this job could be much easier than we expected," Gilan smiled slyly, dismounting.

Will didn't even take his legs out of the stirrups, and Gilan was already swept along by... a Skandian bear?

"Look what the cat dragged in!" the person hollered. The crew was on their feet quickly, and Gilan received one stronger hug than the other.

Upon closer inspection, it was clear that this was not a bear. Although, the man's appearance was not far from it. Will stayed in Tug's saddle, legs from the stirrups, leaning against the saddle horn, smiling slightly. Rangers did not receive many warm greetings.

"Where do you have Hal and Stig?" Gilan asked the only woman in the crew.

"Up there," she nodded towards the fortress. "For a while now. If they don't show up at any moment, they will have more visitors."

Will looked where she pointed. A pair of men were just passing through the gate, a huge dog approaching like a flood in front of them. Tug pricked up his ears and Gilan had to stand his ground as the dog jumped right at him, wagging its tail. This was another bear candidate.

"Gilan! What are you doing here?" the smaller man asked as he slapped the ranger on the back.

"Dealing with some problems with authorities, I would say."

The two men exchanged a look. "Oh, you mean the sleeping sir?" asked the taller of the incomers.

"The sleeping sir?" Gilan repeated.

"He is not an exactly cooperative person," the taller one continued.

"Quite literally," add the other. "We found out it was much easier to send him to bed and hand the parchments to one of his guards. Clever guy, by the way, and the men respect him. I suggest you start with him."

Gilan turned around at Will. "Told you it would be easier."

Will shook his head in amusement. "When do you think the sleeping sir won't have midnight anymore?" he asked.

"A few hours, I think," said the taller Skandian. "I did not hit him that hard."

Will looked at him from head to toe. He was definitely taller than Horace, with well-defined muscles under his blouse and a battleaxe dangling from his back. They would be happy if the guy woke up before the evening. He jumped off the saddle and held out his hand to the man at whose feet the dog was loitering. Will recognized a leader when he saw one.

"Well, what do you say on a round of coffee and a few good stories?"

"Sure," the man smiled. His handshake was short but firm. His smile warm and kind. "Hal Mikkelson, skirl of the Heron brotherband"

#it kind of got out of a hand #ranger's apprentice fanfiction #ranger's apprentice #rangers apprentice #ranger gathering 2022 #brotherband #brotherband chronicles #also I haven't written anything in ages and it shows

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halfabreath · 3 years ago

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Holster goes on Survivor after graduating, part 2

here! we! go! part one here, tag here

so Holster's got a strategy to update and an ex lover to deal with and like. He and Esther didn't end great.

I feel like we don’t talk enough about why Holster’s chirped so much for hooking up with Esther in canon? Like there’s mention of a rash and a saga that requires an email but we don’t really know?

but essentially Holster likes Esther and is made fun of for it and I can’t imagine that feels good for her? And they probably didn’t do it in front of her but surely that’s not great for anyone’s mindset

Holster and Esther start dating after Winter Screw and she’s so enamored with this sweet dork who sings to himself while he brushes his teeth but the second he’s around his friends she feels like he doesn’t change per se but he showcases such different parts of himself and she likes what he doesn’t show! She’s into that! But that’s Holster like a large percentage of the time and Esther’s got a life of her own so they’re on again off again, Esther doesn’t come to kegsters or games and things fizzle and reignite a couple of times until Holster becomes a captain

Esther knows in her bones Holster will never ever ever ever ever ever choose her over his team (especially Ransom, like what’s the deal there?) and honestly Esther Does Not Enjoy having intimate conversations about how things make her feel and she’s really good at talking her way around her problems so when They break up Esther’s trying to articulate how she feels around SMH she says “I hate who you are when your uniform is on” and for Holster, who’s entire identity rests on being on A Team (literally his position on the team is being part of a tiny two person team within the larger team) this is his life this is what makes him happiest this is how he feels most himself so Holster hears “I hate the thing that makes you you”

So yeah! They broke up and then avoided each other and didn’t really get closure but also neither of them are bitter, it just felt kind of like “man I miss hanging out with them but yikes who was I at that point??”

of COURSE the first challenge involves the exes having to work together in pairs for their tribe and it’s a clusterfuck and Esther is downright cold to him. She’s sending him all the bad vibes in the world and Holster’s now legitimately worried he destroyed her life with their breakup because there’s some tangible animosity there and then they lose the first challenge and Holster’s wondering why he even got out of bed this morning when Esther pops up behind him and says “come with me, I need your long ass arms for coconuts”

The SECOND they’re out of earshot from the camp Esther‘s like “I’m really sorry I was so mean but I think it’s a huge advantage for the rest of the exes to think we hate each other so they don’t suspect an alliance”

Holster: So you don’t hate me? We’re good?

Esther: Good isn’t the word I’d use, Adam

Holster: That’s fair, I wasn’t a very good boyfriend. But I’ve got your back and we’re going to the top three, you good with that? Here, have a coconut wait let me open it for you

Bada bing bada boom, alliance

Don't get me wrong, it's awkward. Like, really awkward. The vibe of this island is uncomfortable and the near-constant rain for the first five days certainly doesn’t help and their tribe loses three immunity challenges in a row so this alliance is TESTED but Esther and Holster always surreptitiously check in by having lightning fast strategy sessions by the well or when everyone has left camp and they’re SO careful to maintain the illusion that they hate each other when they’re actually earning back trust day by day

Holster’s SUPER helpful around camp. He always offers to carry heavy things and makes people laugh and always knows exactly where the machete is and delivers coconuts to people when they’re resting but it’s miserable

There’s this SWEET moment where, after watching Esther shiver for three days straight Holster takes the machete to the woods and cuts off the bottom half of his sweatshirt to make a scarf/towel/wrap for Esther and they pretend like she did it out of spite and honestly? It’s a power move that helps Holster gain access to this smaller faction of people so they have more intel because the other contestants are like this helpful strong idiot need someone to look out for him

It also means Holster’s running around this island in a cropped sweatshirt and compression shorts

The Himbofication of Adam Birkholtz is complete

And even though Holster’s constantly surrounded by people, hungry, wet, participating in incredibly strenuous physical challenges, and at Tribal Council every night it’s still better than having to hear Ransom say they’ll never be together

Esther can fully tell Something Is Up. At first she just thought it was the stress of the game and the circumstances but then during a challenge she and Holster are on a platform way out in the water waiting for their turns on a relay race and they’re actually completely alone for the first time in days and she absolutely uses that time to interrogate Holster because she’s efficient, damn it

And Holster’s annoyed she’s taking his head out of the game and he’s exhausted and hungry and he’s the last leg of their team which means if he loses they all go to Tribal AGAIN and he can’t let his team down, he really can’t so the whole thing bursts out because he just wants her to stop and it goes like:

Esther: Look, I know you’re annoyed but you’re not telling me something and I think you can see why that would be concerning to me given the fucking context

Holster: It doesn’t have anything to do with the game, you know I’d never jeopardize this for us

Esther: No, that’s not what I think it’s just -

Holster: Holy hell, all I did was tell Ransom that I’m in love with him, are you happy?? NOW SWIM, SHAPIRO

Esther, while diving: I FUCKING KNEW IT

Holster, under his breath: that makes one of us, you could have told me. saved me a lot of time. Rude.

So now Holster’s just admitted this before his ex and 7 million viewers and oh yeah he’s gotta swim through an obstacle course so he and his team can eat today

And finally, FINALLY, their tribe wins. Holster gives it everything he’s got to gain ground (water?) and win it for the team and he’s just laying in the sand, trying desperately to catch his breath, Jeff Probst screaming in the background, while his whole tribe swarms him and if he closes his eyes he swears he can feel the ice under his feet and hear the clack of the sticks and pucks and it’s the first celly he’s earned in years and it feels incredible but it makes him ache for Samwell

Jeff notices that he’s tearing up and of COURSE asks what it’s all about and Holster’s swallowing back tears when he says “I’ve spent my whole life playing on one team or another and after graduating from college I suddenly wasn’t? And I didn’t know how much I missed it until I was on a team again and I even though I love my friends I think this is the first time I’ve let myself admit that things aren’t like they used to be and that I’m not, either”

So Ether’s watching her ex cry on national television and for the first time she understands exactly how deeply he loves his team? And how hard he tries to make them proud of him? And suddenly a lot of their relationship makes a hell of a lot more sense

After the challenge Holster’s laying in a hammock and Esther rolls into it with him and just says “We’re good. Top three?”

Holster, beaming: Bro! Top three!

Esther: What did I tell you about calling me bro when we’re cuddling

Holster: I thought that only applied to post-coital romantic cuddling? Unless of course you’re trying to tell me that you’re ARDENTLY in love with me

Esther: shut up

Holster: a heart full of LOVE a heart full of SONG NO FEAR NO REGRET A NIGHT AS BRIGHT AS DAY -

Ether: Hi, guys?? can someone vote me off this island please?

Part 3 coming soon!! This is so much!! But I fuckin love it!!

#survivor!holster #adam birkholtz #Adam holster Birkholtz #holster #holster af #omgcp au #Esther Shapiro #holsom au #HOLSOM

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feralaot · 4 years ago

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so... what does our favorite aot character say about us?

anon this feels very confrontational

What your favorite AOT character says about you

note: none of this is meant to single anyone out and is just, in my opinion, baseline observations

these are gonna be labelled ‘srs’ (serious) and ‘non srs’ (non serious) cause I figured I should include some silly ones to lighten the mood a bit ya know

If your favorite is....

eren

srs: you probably feel insecure and as if what you can do isn’t enough, so you’re always pushing your own boundaries. you may have an underlying anger against something, whether it’s society, yourself, someone who impacted your life in a negative way, etc.

non srs: you have a god complex and daddy issues

mikasa

srs: sometimes you can be a little too dependent on other people and you allow others to influence you often, but you don’t think anyone could ever know you better than yourself. you might prefer to handle things on your own.

non srs: you’re a simp for eren but don’t quite kin him

armin

srs: you want to understand everything, the how and why of it all, but you might not be able to look inwards and reflect on yourself because of low self esteem. you may carry guilt or blame yourself for something.

non srs: you’re a nervous wreck projecting onto another nervous wreck

jean

srs: sometimes you may not recognize your own faults and bottle things up for too long, you might feel like you’re just a secondary character in someone else’s story and you’re more on the ambitious side to the point it’s unhealthy

non srs: when he gets called “horse face” you really feel that

connie or sasha

srs: you probably just want to live an easygoing, relatively carefree life but at the same time might feel like something is preventing that, and you channel some of your insecurity into humor

non srs: you just want a pal you can be chaotic with

historia or ymir

srs: you might’ve been raised in an overbearing household and let yourself be influenced by other peoples’ standards they set for you, so you always tried to be the “perfect” kid. you want to be appreciated so much so that you may fake aspects of your personality.

non srs: you are incredibly sapphic

levi

srs: you’re probably more vulnerable than you let on and for someone who’s extremely emotional you don’t show it, like, at all. you get emotionally attached to things and people easily and act like it isn’t a big deal even though it’s slowly eating at you

non srs: you either kin him or he’s your comfort character and you want him to be happy

hange

srs: you definitely feel misunderstood and you might be just a bit eccentric. you have a lot of specific interests that some people may deem weird but once you find someone who will listen to you you’re pretty much immediate best friends, although you may become too easily emotionally dependent

non srs: you’ve got a thing for androgynous weirdos

reiner

srs: oh man. you’ve got something going on and there’s probably some kind of internal dilemma you’re facing or obstacle that you just can’t seem to overcome and you “cope” with it by repressing everything until it becomes too much to bear. in conclusion, please seek healthy coping mechanisms

non srs: you are probably lgbt

bertholdt

srs: you feel like there’s a huge amount of pressure on you to succeed and do everything right the first time. you struggle to make decisions for yourself and you can often come off as cowardly or emotionally vulnerable. you have gifted kid burnout

non srs: once again you are a nervous wreck projecting onto another nervous wreck

annie

srs: you were probably called the “smart and mature one” as a child and now you have anxiety. you’ve always been pushed to give everything your best shot even if you just wanted to be “normal” and everything you had to do was not what you wanted to do

non srs: you like powerful women

porco

srs: you can’t stand the thought of being taken advantage of. you always feel like people are out to get you or undermine you and nothing is more irritating than that. you have a lot of repressed emotions and take it out with unhealthy coping mechanisms

non srs: you are depressed but horny

pieck

srs: you constantly feel like you’re being underestimated or people are looking down on you. you’re always seeking that perfect opportunity to prove that you’re worth much more than you seem, and you’re always rooting for the underdog

non srs: you also like powerful women

zeke

look I don’t know what to say you probably just think monke man funny and that’s valid

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littlethie · 4 years ago

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In Safe Hands - Draco Malfoy x reader

You and Draco are in a relationship. The two of you have a fight but still go to a party. Draco is still angry and reserved until someone drugs you and you seek out his help.

A/N: this was FUN! Thank you for a lovely request ❤︎

Warnings: Angst, fluff, alcohol, drugs, swearing, puking, mentions of death/killing, fainting - this sounds like a horror movie, I swear it isn’t

Requested: Yes / No ; By: starcross16

Words: 1,9k

picture’s not mine

“Fine, then I´m not going!” you screamed at your boyfriend and dramatically sat down on the sofa, your voice echoing through the manor. The two of you had been fighting this whole day. You couldn´t even remember why, anymore.

It had started in the morning. You both had woken up a little annoyed, snapping at each other every now and then. You were visiting him at the Manor since his parents were away on a fancy Malfoy-style vacation. Everything had made you irritated and you hadn´t even been able to make breakfast in peace. Draco had been answering you unpleasantly and acting as if you were an obstacle in his way. This hurt your feelings, since you had been invited by him.

You didn´t fight much in the relationship. But today was different. You both could have dealt with the irritation. But when Blaise Zabini had invited you to join him and the others at a party happening at his place, Draco had said something about you not being able to handle liquor and something about you embarrassing him.

So you had been screaming and fighting. You had done your makeup and hair. You both wanted to go, perhaps, let off some steam. It was kind of funny, how you had fought but still got ready. You didn´t think you had a problem with liquor, and honestly, you both knew, somewhere deep under your layers of egos, that this whole situation was just an unfortunate outcome of bad sleep or a bad day. But you were also stubborn. And resigning was just too anticlimactic for the both of you.

“Don´t be such a fucking child, Y/N,” he scoffed at you, evidently now more irritated. “Perfect, now I´m a child. If you don´t want me to go, then just tell me. I may just fucking stay at the Manor and bore myself to death,” you rolled your eyes and put one leg over the other, while your head fell behind, leaning against the backrest.

He was fuming. You knew you both had to go. Everyone knew you were visiting him. “Don´t make me angrier. Get up.”

Oh, how you didn´t want to. Again, standing up would scrape your ego. But you did it anyway. Draco huffed and walked to the door with your unbothered body behind him. He grabbed you by your arm but didn´t look at you. Firmly and a tiny bit painfully. His brows were furrowed and mouth upside down in a scowl. He could never hide his discomfort.

You apparated in front of Zabini´s huge Manor. All you knew was that his mother was also somewhere on a vacation. You were a expecting a peaceful evening, maybe some other classmates. But when you arrived you could hear loud music coming from the inside. Draco let go of your arm and made his way inside. There was one thing you couldn´t deny, though. He looked extremely attractive in his tux.

You followed your snappish boyfriend inside and got immediately greeted by already drunk Blaise, Theo, Pansy, the smell of alcohol, bodies and perfumes. “Heeeeeey, the favourite couple has arriiiived!” he slurred.

“Merlin, Blaise, how many people do you have here?” Draco asked, totally perplexed, looking at the mass of people dancing and drinking. “I have no idea, man. Some people have invited people and they have invited more people,” he laughed and this was the first time Draco gifted you a look. A confused one. But he did. Others quickly rushed you into this huge saloon.

“Come on Y/N!” Pansy had a strong hold on your wrist while dragging you to the bar. “What are you drinking?!” she screamed through the music. You looked over at Draco, who was not far behind with Theo. “What are you drinking?” you asked him, the annoyance leaving your mind. “Don´t care about me,” he growled and your heart sunk. “I just asked…,” you explained but his face stayed stern. He walked through you, leaning slightly over the counter asking for a firewhisky. He usually asked for your drink too but tonight… not a chance. “Oh, trouble in paradise?” Theo smirked and Pansy hit his arm. “Stop being an asshole and leave… and take your drama queen with you,” she pointed at Draco with her head.

Theo squinted and mimicked her, but Draco swiftly turned him around by his shoulder. “You alright Y/N? What happened with you two?” she snooped a little and you just shook your head. “It´s nothing. We had a bad day full of fighting. We both got up on the wrong side of the bed,” you sighed. “Oh, I´m sorry. A little drink and dancing will always help! We can start lightly. Hey!” she turned around to face the bartender. “Two gin-tonics please!” she yelled at him. The bartender looked at her then you. He blinked at you. You were petrified. “Did you see that?!” you came closer to Pansy. “Yea, I heard he´s a prick, don´t mind him,” you obeyed but this feeling in your gut just wouldn´t go away.

You looked behind you to see where your boyfriend had gone, and you spotted him sitting in a booth with the boys and some other classmates. You turned back the moment you heard the bartender. “This one´s for you…” he handed one drink to Pansy, “and this one is for this beauty I hope I can see later,” he handed you the other drink. “I´m sorry, I´m here with my boyfriend,” you gave him an uncertain smile. He raised his eyebrows and looked at you strangely. What the heck? “I said, don´t mind him! Let´s dance!” Pansy grabbed you again and dragged you right into the middle of the dancefloor.

You took a sip from your gin-tonic and let yourself go. You noticed Draco walking behind you towards the bar, probably for another firewhisky. “Hey…” you grabbed his arm lightly. He shot you an angry glance and wriggled out of your hold. “Can´t you leave me be for just a few fucking hours? This doesn´t help me calm down.” You were looking at him totally blown away. He continued in his way and you were now looking at Pansy, who was about to rip him to shreds. You stopped her. “Just leave it. Let´s dance!” you were trying your best not to cry. So you finished your drink as quickly as possible.

After a while your body started feeling weird. And so did your mind. It was only one gin-tonic. You said to yourself. Out of the blue, you could see not one, but two, three, four Pansies. You stumbled a little and Pansy quickly got a hold of you. “You didn´t eat anything before this, did you,” she laughed. You couldn´t answer. Your eyes were circling around the place. The lights were too light, music too loud and people too many. You wanted to tell her something was wrong, but your mouth felt like powder sugar and you put your fingers up to your face to feel it. She was dancing like crazy, turning away from you to dance with this cute tall boy.

Your steps seemed heavy as rocks. You felt like puking. Every time you made a step forward it was like your direction changed or the room turned around. Your sight was blurry and music made you flinch. It was even worse when different bodies hit you while dancing or walking. You tried to steady your mind, focusing on the platinum mop of hair. You were well aware of your situation and what was happing.

You thought it had been at least an hour. It had actually been five minutes. Your eyes landed on his tall body. He was standing, his back facing you. His hands were on the table supporting him. You were getting closer.

“Draco…,” you breathed out as soon as you reached him. He turned around with an extremely annoyed face. “Fuck, you´re already drunk?” he frowned, “you only had one drink, Y/N, this is what I was bloody talking about,” his friends were looking at you with raised eyebrows but you couldn´t care less. You felt the panic attack washing all over your body.

“I can´t. I... Draco, there´s something wrong with me,” that was all you had managed to let out before collapsing, Draco catching you just in time. His annoyed face turned into a worried one. “Y/N?! Hey! Baby! Come on!” he shook you gently, but your eyes kept going backwards. You had fainted. The boys didn´t wait a second and helped Draco take you out for some fresh air.

You had woken up by then and you steadied yourself, holding onto Draco and Blaise. They helped you sit down on a bench outside of his manor. You knew you had to get it out of your system. You put two fingers deep down into your throat and puked. Theo was quick to bring you some water. Boys let the two of you alone. You were sitting on the bench for a solid hour. Draco didn´t mind though. It helped him calm down, to gather his thoughts and to realize what an actual ass he had been this whole time.

Draco pulled you into him, kissing the top of your head. You closed your eyes, feeling a little better now. “What the fuck happened, Y/N?” he murmured into your hair, slowly rocking the both of you back and forth. “I think the bartender drugged me. I am not sure, though,” you answered him honestly, taking in his sweet and masculine scent. And just as you said that, Blaise stormed out.

“Guess what. The bloody bartender has been selling drugs in my own fucking manor. He shat his pants when he saw Y/N, so he confessed. The boys are taking care of him now.” He said and squeezed your shoulder softly as he left to deal with the sucker. You could see Draco´s urge to go and hex the guy, but you held him close to your body. This was more important and he knew it. “I´m so sorry, Y/N. If it weren´t for my stupid stubbornness, this wouldn´t have happened,” Draco cupped your face and placed a warm kiss on your lips. “I´m going to hurt him anyway, though. Who does he think he is?!” he growled and you placed your palm on his fiery cheek. “Hey, just let it be. Let the boys deal with him. Don´t get your hands dirty,” you smiled and shifted closer to him. “I want to kill him. This is all my fault,” he pressed a kiss onto your forehead.

“It´s not your fault, Draco. We are both stubborn. I was acting like a child today and I want to apologize. I am a little emotional at times and you are really the only one who can handle me,” your noses were touching, foreheads pressed against one another. He moved his nose gently along yours and kissed the tip. “I love you, Y/N. I promise I´ll take care of you. I promise I´ll keep you safe. I don´t know what I´d do if you were…,” he gulped, “you know, if you ended up in a worse condition, just because I am too proud to let things go.”

“Stop, Draco. I am here. Thanks to you. You know that I love you too.”

“I think it´s time to head back home. There´s no other place I´d rather see you than in my bed with my clothes on. What do you think?” he smiled beautifully.

“Let´s go,” you whispered and kissed him once more.

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justreadingfics · 4 years ago

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It’s a Deal (Chapter 11)

Chapter Summary: Bucky is ready for commitment.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 4.6k

Warnings: fluff. Bucky is so smitten.

A/N: It’s been 84 years, but I hope you have fun! Thank you, @lesqui, for reading it over and helping me out with English and everything. The link to my masterlist, where you can find the other chapters, is on my description. Feedback is highly appreciated.

Tag list for this story is closed.

Placing your hands on each side of your hips, you smirk at the popped-up screen in your office. Another project you just nailed. Ever since the promotion, your productivity has increased tenfold and you feel as motivated as ever, your creativity on a top level. Also, the last few weeks, after you decided you needed some time alone, you did set more focus on yourself and your own projects. Work being one of them.

It’s weird to say the least… you’ve been busier than ever and yet, it seems like you actually have much more time to yourself now. You’ve been reading books you’ve bought but never really got to read them, eating ice-cream at 3am as you watch The Return of the King for the millionth time, your drawers are finally organized and so is your precious DVD collection. You got to explore a great number of parks and spots you’ve never been before, even living in New York for so long. You’ve been going out a lot and catching up with friends and family.

It was a good decision. You remember in your relationship with Eddie there were always obstacles for you to hang out with people outside the small inner circle of you as a couple. Sometimes the obstacles were subtle, and not always brought solely by Eddie, but also by you who let yourself get involved in that dynamic. You had no idea how much you missed people that were yours only, and not yours and Eddie’s.

It’s been great to be single. Really, really single for the first time in your adult life. No boyfriends or fiancées, no booty-calls or deals. Completely single… A title and state of mind you didn’t really get to enjoy in the first months of being broken up, being too heartbroken to even think of everything you could do with your life then.

Deciding to be alone for a while…It was a great and reasonable decision.

You have to admit something to yourself, though.

Sometimes you just wanna throw ��great” and “reasonable” out of the window. Because you do miss him… A lot.

Finding out how he’s changed his mind and predisposition towards your relationship has messed quite a bit with your mind… and heart. You weren’t expecting that at all and now you don’t really know what to do with the chaos that’s bringing upon your feelings. And what’s making it even messier is the other guy who also changed his mind and predisposition towards your relationship… you weren’t expecting that either… however, that particular change of heart hasn’t been making your own heart jump each time you think of it…

Squeaky little yells and an animated chattering sound of female voices catch your attention to outside your office. Your previous smirk turns into a smile while you shake your head to yourself. That type of commotion only ensues when a certain someone drops by the Tech Department.

With a wave of your hand, you shut down the screen you’ve been working on, before moving towards the sound. What you come to find a few stops outside your office, at the Department’s common area, is a little circle of your female coworkers around a Super Soldier. He’s always a hit among your coworkers, but today it seems like they’re even in a bigger frenzy, fussing around something that he seems to be holding in his arms. You attempt to catch an eye of it, but the bodies in front of you make it quite hard.

He spots you as you approach them and opens a huge grin at your sight.

You smile back at him just as widely and after you come closer and some of the girls make room, your eyes widen and a small little gasp slips out of you when you finally find out what the fuss is all about. They are all cooing and marveling at a beautiful cat on Bucky’s arms, white as snow on a mountain peak, standing there like royalty, staring back like they’re nothing but proud of being where they are.

“Hey,” Bucky greets, prompting your eyes to focus back on him.

“Hi, there,” you answer back while your gaze carries an amused question mark at him.

He lifts a hard drive with his free hand to your vision field, “We collected this last mission, it’s some alien stuff,” he offers you the drive, keeping his eyes on yours.

As you gaze at each other, you reach for the little device. His fingers brush against yours and that’s precisely when the chattering around both of you becomes nothing but a distant and vague noise that barely reaches your senses… until a loud clear of throat sound stands out.

“Alright, girls, let’s get back to our desks and let these two, ahm… work,” Camilla, your closest friend there, gives you a pointed look and a discrete curve curls the corner of her lips as she leads the group - which looks far from happy about it - away.

When your gaze meets Bucky again, he’s got that shit-eating grin of his that tells you the little interaction between you and your friend didn’t quite skip from his attention.

You bite your lip and are about to say something when he beats you to it, “Sorry, I had to bring her with me.” He looks down at the cat on his arm and gives it a gentle shake, grinning down at her while she looks up at him before her incredibly blue eyes shut in what looks like sheer contentment, “This little girl right here started whining at the door when I was leaving… she just can’t leave my side anymore.” Bucky shrugs and ticks his tongue, before winking at you.

You chuckle, finding the surprising scene before you nothing less than adorable. The fact that you enjoy being in the presence of his charm again doesn’t go unnoticed by you, but you say nothing about it, “It’s ok, of course. I love cats. What’s her name?”

“Y/N, this is Alpine. Alpine this is Y/N,” he introduces you two with pride lacing his voice.

“Oh, hello, Alp-” your attempt of petting the cat comes to an abrupt halt with you withdrawing your hand at the loud hiss the animal aims at you.

Your eyes snap at Bucky to see his jaw dropping and his eyes widening with a mix of shock and fluster, “Fucking Christ,” he gasps, before looking down at the cat who now licks its paws absentmindedly, “What the hell, missy? Apologize. Apologize now,” he scolds, gaining absolutely no reaction in response.

He scoffs, looking back at you with incredulous lifted eyebrows.

You laugh, mainly at his attempt of making Alpine apologize, “Don’t worry…” You wave him off, “How did that happen, though? I don’t remember you having a cat.” You narrow your eyes just when your head tilts.

He bites his lower lip before an almost cringing smile forms on his lips, “Oh well…”

A FEW WEEKS BEFORE…

“Weren’t the Skrulls, like, actually good guys?” Bucky frowns, shoving one of his post-missions Oreos in his mouth and crossing his ankles over the spaceship’s dash.

“Every bunch has its bad apple, I guess,” from the pilot’s seat Natasha shrugs, eyeing the apple in question from over her shoulder.

“You’ll regret this,” threatens the prisoner, who’s actually a Skrull slaver named Gragnon and has his hands and feet securely tied up, stuck on a sit at the back of the ship. Still, he tries to get up and advance towards the front, but a shield of red mist surges in front of him, making him fall back on the chair again with a growl.

Wanda, the third member of the party on that mission, smirks from her seat right behind Nat’s.

Nat rolls her eyes, “What a douche… Talos has been leading a search for him for years now, he’d be thankful we’re taking him to them. Feet off the dash, please.”

Bucky quickly obeys, pulling down his legs to the floor as Wanda snickers.

“In fact… we should thank the success of this mission to a certain someone, who came up with a device to break alien codes.” The cheeky smile on Wanda’s face as she started speaking only fades so she can shoot a glare back at the prisoner, who’s now revolved by a red mist dome.

“Damn right.” A dreamy little curl pulls Bucky’s lips as he swings on his seat and passes the bag of Oreos to Wanda.

“Jesus,” Nat scoffs, setting the ship on autopilot, before swirling her chair to see both Bucky and Wanda, “Could you ever imagine this could be possible? That this guy would someday be that smitten over someone?” she questions Wanda.

“Not in a million years. I don’t know Y/N that well, but I bow to her.” Wanda mimics the gesture before shoving a cookie in her mouth.

Bucky doesn’t even drop the dreaminess of his smile. He is smitten… completely… utterly… and fuck if that doesn’t feel damn good. He always thought that kind of feeling would be a pain in the ass, boring and painful. It is not. He feels like singing, dancing, hugging every human being and alien he comes across. Fuck, he would hug the Gragnon dude if it didn’t mean to get a kick in the ass from Natasha. It’s been ages that he doesn’t really get high on anything, but that feeling… he’s definitely hooked on it. There’s not a doubt inside him anymore and he’s in love with being in love with you.

“So, spill it,” Nat crosses her legs, swinging on her chair “You really went to her place and poured your heart out to her? Right after her ex proposed to her?” She questions, “What did she say?”

“Well, first she thought I was kidding and laughed her ass off…” He shakes his head with the same dreamy little smile on his lips, “Then, when she realized I was not, she started crying and, of course, so did I.” He shrugs, ignoring when Nat and Wanda exchange looks, “She wasn’t expecting that from me at all, and, we can’t really blame her can we?”

“Definitely not.”

“Nope.”

Bucky chuckles at the unison response from her friends before leaning over and snatching the bag of cookies from Wanda, before giving them the details of his talk with you, having their undivided attention. “And she said she needs some time alone, being single, I mean, to sort her feelings out… Also, it seems like she doesn’t think I can’t deal with the kind of commitment that being in love requires,” he says with a mouthful.

“Oh, honey…” Nat tilts her head.

He notices the sympathy on hers and Wanda’s expressions and waves his hand to brush her worries off, “No, no. None of that. All in all, it went pretty well. As much as I wished it would be different, I think her decision is fair. At least she didn’t say yes to the jackass with the ring,” he huffs, “I wasn’t really expecting her to throw herself in my arms. At least, not just yet.” He smirks.

“What?” Natasha shoots a look at Wanda before turning to him, “You’re not stepping aside?”

Bucky snorts at the question, “Are you kidding me? The first broad I ever fall in love with and you think I’ll leave the path free for that short little clown who thinks ten years matter?” He lets out an exaggeratedly loud laugh, “I’ve lived more than one hundred of them. Ten years mean nothing to me, and soon enough she’ll realize it doesn’t have to mean much to her, either.” A small smile rises on his face, “Of course she can have the time for herself she wants, find out what’s like being single. She deserves that. And she can think and figure out all she needs… have her fun... It’s all good…” He nods, “But in the meanwhile? I’ll be around romancing the shit out of that woman,” he states, right before tossing another cookie in his mouth.

“Holy shit,” Wanda addresses Natasha, with both eyebrows high on her forehead.

“I know…” Nat answers with an equally dumbfounded look on her face, before turning to Bucky, “Listen,” she sighs and tilts her head, “I hate to be such a killjoy here, but… I get you’re in love, and I know this is new and exciting for you.” She’s smiling before her lips tighten, “Having said that… I think she might have a point about you not being ready for commitment Bucky, you never wanted that. I’m gonna be honest here, I’m the one who set what you two had up because I thought it wouldn’t lead to this…” She waves all around him, “Feelings, I mean… and I would hate myself if you two ended up hurt because of it.” She focuses an apprehensive gaze on him while Wanda also rests her attention on him, looking like she agrees with her friend.

Bucky takes a good look between the two of them before putting into words the answer that’s so clear on his head now, “I know it may sound weird and uncharacteristic of me. Trust me, I know that.” He nods at Natasha, taking a moment to silently communicate with her in the way that has been always so easy for the two of them, “You’re right, I’ve never wanted that. Settling down to just one person, commit to a long term relationship…But with her,” he sighs and the corner of his lips curl up without further notice, “I want her and I want all of that with her, the whole package. I’m ready. I’m not afraid. I think the reason I didn’t want all of that before is because I hadn’t met her yet. That’s it. Simple as that. I know it’s not going to be easy, but to hell with easy. I want her. And I want her hard.”

Wanda already has a huge grin on her face when a satisfied little smirk twists Nat’s lips, “That’s what Amanda said.”

Bucky’s eyes widen before he squints at her, “What’ve you been up to?”

Nat puts on a nonchalant face and reaches forward to grab a cookie from the package. She takes a bite and shrugs, “Poor girl… needed some comfort after being let down by your buddy down there.”

Bucky lets out an outraged scoff and throws a cookie on her way, from which she dodges easily as she laughs, “I bet you were of great help in consoling her… Jesus… Amanda and you? The world isn’t ready.” He shakes his head.

Natasha sports a smug smile on her face when she nods her agreement, “You’re not wrong.”

“Alright, as much as I want to hear all about this Amanda girl, we’re getting close to the Skrull base now and we need you to land us, Nat,” Wanda nods towards the dash.

“Copy that,” Natasha makes a military salute at her, before shifting her seat and taking control of the ship again.

“And as for you,” Wanda turns to Bucky, “I don’t need to read what’s on your mind to know you’re telling us the truth. You’re ready for commitment,” she offers him a soft smile, which he reciprocates, “And if you really wanna show her that, I may have an idea.” Her smile turns into a devious little smirk and that’s enough to pique Bucky’s interest.

~~~

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Bucky asks, shoving his hands in his pockets as he walks alongside Wanda through the busy sidewalks of Manhattan, “I mean… I know I said yes, but it is one hell of a commitment, what if it’s not for me?”

“Don’t worry, Bucky,” she smiles, “We’re just gonna take a look around, feel the vibe, and then see what happens. You don’t have to decide anything just yet,” she assures, wrapping an arm around his elbow as he looks down at her, “I just think it’s a good idea for you to get to know a bit more of this sudden inclination to commit…to experiment, I guess,” Wanda shrugs, “Besides, a dear friend of mine runs the shelter and the girl knows her stuff. If she feels like you’re not ready, she won’t allow you to get out of there with one of her babies.”

Bucky lets out a laugh. Feeling a little lighter about the subject, he places his hand over the one Wanda has wrapped around his arm, “Alright… I’m not opposed to the idea of having a dog, I guess. I always loved Labradors…” he frowns, “I would have to switch apartments, though…”

“Look at you.” Wanda nudges her shoulder on him, “Already making plans for your child…”

“Child…” Bucky can’t help but snort. He had agreed to Wanda’s idea of going to an animal shelter because he thought it would be a good way to show you he’s ready for commitment and, like he said, he’s always been fond of dogs and he’s sure if he ends up taking one home he’ll treat them well. But he also never understood how some people could be so attached to an animal to the point of considering them a child, or family…“I don’t know… I’m definitely not taking a pet home today. I agree with you, I shouldn’t decide anything just yet.”

As they walk past a small alleyway, Wanda halts, forcing him to stop with her.

“What?” Bucky frowns down at her.

“Shhh,” she brings a finger to her lips, staring towards the alleyway, “Listen.”

That’s when Bucky’s enhanced hearing catches the thin and shaky little sound coming through the trash cans.

“Come on,” Wanda pulls him to the alley and towards the cans.

What they find behind one of the containers, among all the filth around is a ball of white fur. Curled up and shaking just like the meows they heard seconds ago. A cat, a young adult white cat looks up and a pair of baby blue eyes meets Bucky’s and he just can’t look away from the plea on them and it’s just when something clicks inside his chest.

“Oh, no, look,” Wanda points at the tail, that has an evident injury on it, but when she leans down to examine it further, the animal flinches and rushes towards Bucky’s legs, letting out another trembling and weak meow. Bucky freezes as it starts climbing up his calves.

Given the poor coordination on their back little legs – probably from the damage on the tail- it can go much higher, but keeps trying. After the initial surprise, Bucky can’t help but to smile at the little fighter, who seems to reach out at him for protection. Next thing he knows, he’s leaning down and picks it up with all the caution he can muster.

“Hello, little lady… what happened there, huh?” He coos, nodding towards the small injury, which looks like a bite, having the cat meowing while bumping and rubbing the head against his chest.

“Is it a female?” Wanda tilts her head, an amused and questioning expression on her face.

Bucky smirks, not taking his eyes away from the animal, who is now quiet and seems much calmer, but digging her little claws on Bucky’s shirt, “I know a beautiful lady when I see one. Don’t I, gorgeous?”

A purring sound comes out of the now contented animal, the small injury on her tail apparently not being a problem anymore while she climbs higher and practically hugs Bucky with her little paws, whose fur is smudged by dirt, making his heart take a flip in his chest. Damn his heart nowadays…

“Aww, Bucky…” Wanda smiles, placing her hand over her heart, “What are we going to do? Should we take her to the shelter?” Wanda offers, with a bit of tentativeness on her voice.

Bucky’s eyes widen largely, before they snap to her friend. A protective tightness laces his hold on Alpine, who lets out another weak meow. Shit… Alpine? When the hell did he even come up with a name? Fuck if he knows, all he knows he’s done for and can’t possibly think of parting from that white furry little thing, who seems to have gone through a lot in her life already and probably has never met with human kindness before.

He doesn’t need to say anything as understanding falls upon Wanda’s face. He would even guess there’s a bit of pride adorning the smile on her lips now, “Alright, alright… we do need to take Alpine to the vet, though, Mr. I’m not gonna take a pet home today.” She winks.

~~~

PRESENT DAY…

“Oh well…” Bucky scratches the back of his neck while you keep your beautiful interested eyes on him, “I found this beauty on the street… she had an injured tail, poor thing… probably bitten by a dog. But she’s fine now, aren’t you, sweetie?” He coos, putting on the new tone of voice that belongs to Alpine now and loving the sound of your chuckle, “You know… I’m fully committed to taking care of her. I’m a cat dad now.” He says, putting some effort to highlight the word “committed”.

“I can see that…” you comment, nodding with a glimmer of fondness in your gaze at where Alpine is cuddled against him with eyes closed, completely relaxed.

Bucky looks down and smiles. That one is too cute for her own good, but he’s definitely having a talk with her later, for hissing at you like that, like he hadn’t given her a lecture about good behavior and how incredible you were before they left home.

“So, it’s been a while, huh? How’re you doing?” He asks softly, boring his eyes on you and holding back every ounce of him to not pull you to his arms and shower you with all the intense love he’s gathering in his chest at your sight in front of him. If it was up to him, he wouldn’t have spent those long weeks apart from you, but he met with missions and an Alpine in the way. Also, as much as he’s resolved to show you he’s the one for you, he understands you needed time for yourself. But, hell, he missed you so much.

“Oh, I’m good, I’m good… pretty good,” you ramble, brushing a finger behind your ear, that thing you do when you become a bit self-conscious, which happens often when he places his gaze so intently on you.

He can’t help but smile, his chest impossibly swelled with his feelings for you, because that woman who becomes all flustered with his attention is the same woman who whined to suck his dick while shitfaced after a party. Damn, he’s so in love with you.

“That’s great...Are you free tonight?” He asks, smoothly, “Wanda and Sam will make hamburgers, they’re one hell of a team in the kitchen, you’ll be welcome to come if you want to.”

“Oh… I…” You falter.

“I’m not trying anything, I promise,” He’s quick to add with a chuckle and raises his free hand up, noticing the trepidation in your voice. “Everyone’s gonna be there. We’re just gonna eat and hangout.” He shrugs.

“Oh… no, it’s not that, it’s just…” You tighten your lips “I’ve got plans.” Something Bucky guesses to be disappointment or something like that sweeps into your voice. As for him, he holds his breath, bracing himself for the news that you’re going out with that douche of an ex, “I’m gonna meet some friends from college tonight. I got a reservation for us for dinner and then we’re gonna go dance…”

Bucky lets out a breath and the smile that grows in his face is wide when he says, “Oh, alright. That sounds like fun.” Really, really fun, especially if that jackass isn’t involved. He’s not disappointed. Far from it.

You smile back at him, matching his mood. It doesn’t slip from his attention that you seem a bit surprised by his reaction at you declining an invitation from him in favor to hang out with your friends, but he says nothing of it.

“Yeah… I’ve been getting reacquainted with them lately,” you say, excitement plastered on the little curve of your lips and the glint in your eyes, “It’s been fun. I’d love to get to know Wanda and Sam’s talent in the kitchen, though….Maybe some other time?” You offer.

“Sounds perfect, sweetheart.”

The term of endearment brings the effect he was aiming for when you promptly does that thing with your finger on your ear again, but it was also noticed by the other girl in the room and currently in his arm, who seems to wake up from her comfort slumber against his chest to hiss at you again.

You look at each other in widened eyes.

“What the hell,” Bucky scolds down at the cat, glancing at you briefly, catching your now amused expression, before addressing Alpine again in a whispery voice, “We’re gonna have a talk back home, young lady.”

~~~

“What a number you put out there, huh?” His voice is gentle despite the reprimanding intention in his words while Bucky crouches and fills her little plate with the special food the vet recommended.

With her crystal-clear eyes glued on the plate, Alpine doesn’t really acknowledge his half attempt of admonishing her before digging in.

Bucky chuckles, “She’s cute, isn’t she? But so are you,” He scratches the back of her ear and she stops eating for a moment to brush her head against his hand, “You don’t have to be jealous, doll. You’re so cute, you’re my girl, too, you know?” he coos, still petting her, “But you gotta help me out there buddy. Ok? She’s really special and I know you’ll love her, too.”

Alpine lets out a weak meow before getting back to her plate and Bucky swears to God he sometimes wonders if the cat is some sort of shapeshifter in disguise, understanding every little thing he says.

Letting her out to eat, he stands up, “Hey, Friday,” he calls.

“Yes, Bucky?”

“Could you search for a table reservation in the name of Y/N Y/L/N tonight? I need the address of the place.”

A small silence ensues before the A.I speaks again, “Isn’t it a bit creepy?”

He sighs, placing his hands on his hips, “Friday… babe…” He smiles at the giggles that resound in his kitchen, before bringing a hand to his heart, “I’m in love, ok? I’m not gonna ruin her night…If anything, I’m just going to make her night out with her friends more… interesting.”

“Alright, you know I can’t say no to you,” the A.I concedes, “You can find the address in your phone’s map. Good luck, handsome.”

“Thanks, babe,” Bucky grins, before turning to Alpine, who’s now about done with her food, sprawled on the floor busy with cleaning out her paws, “And you?” He calls, catching her attention before he points at her, “You’ll have burgers with your aunt Wanda. I have plans for tonight.”

~~~

To be continued...

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes fanfiction #it's a deal

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whentheynameyoujoy · 4 years ago

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Yup, Sure Was a Finale

I had an epiphany. The reason why I never re-watched the final two parts of Sozin’s Comet even though I’ve popped in episodes at random many times over the years isn’t that I can’t bear the sadness of seeing one of the best, most engaging narratives out there come to an end.

It’s simply that the finale isn’t all that good.

Some honorable mentions of what was enjoyable.

(+) This

Just this.

(+) The Church of Zutara has another convert

“Are you sure they don’t get together?” Hubster, 2020

(+) The tragedy of Azula

And the fact that it’s acknowledged as such. I hope Zuko will do his best to get her help and have a relationship with her…

(+) Sokka being a big bro

And the whole airship sequence in general. It’s wonderfully paced and plotted, with moments of humor, real stakes, Toph being both badass and a scared crying kid, Sokka strategizing and protecting, Suki saving the day, and non-benders being instrumental in thwarting the bad guy firebender’s plans. Would be shame if Bryke never portrayed them this capable ever again…

And now for the main course.

(-) Blink and its over

The wrap-up feels too quick (hashtag Needs More ROtK-style False Endings). A part of this is due to how fast the story goes from the thick of the action to hastily tying up a bunch of loose ends, but the larger issue is how Book 3’s uneven pacing comes home to roost. After spending half a season on filler episodes that at best subtly flesh out established characters while dancing around a huge lionturtle-shaped hole, and at worst contradict the theme of “no one is born bad” with “you’re a hot mess because your great-grandfathers didn’t get along too well”, the frantic “go go go” rush of the second half screeches to a halt with “they won and everyone was happy because now the right people have power and it will be all good from now on yup nothing more to deal with baiiiii”.

Yes, I know, it’s a kids’ show. But goddamn, this particular kids’ show has proven so many times it can do better than the expected tropiness. Showing the characters in their roles as builders of a new world was the least that could have been done.

Oh well!

(-) Ursa

We’ll never know. There will never be a story that delves into this. Yup. Shall forever remain but an intriguing mystery. Is good, though. Mystery is better than a story where Ursa shares her son’s penchant for forgetfulness. Imagine how embarrassing that would be. Speaking of which…

(-) What does Mai see in this jerkbender?

Look, I like to harp a lot on the mess of inconsistent writing that’s Mai but let’s unpack this scene from her perspective, shall we?

Zuko forgot about her! It totally slipped his mind that the one person who prioritized the safety of his dumb ass was rotting in the worst prison in the Fire Nation—because of him! And she was rotting there long enough after the final Agni Kai for the news of Zuko’s upcoming coronation to spread and her uncle to feel sufficiently secure to release her. But then the coronation scene is attended by every single member of Gaang & Friends that was imprisoned?

So what this tells me is that either a) the invasion force had the ability to break themselves out the whole time and for some reason decided not to exercise it until after the war was over, b) Zuko forgot about them as well and no one thought to remind him there were prisons full of POWs until Mai arrived, or, and that’s even better, c) Zuko took care to free every single resistance fighter while making sure Mai would be the one to stay behind bars.

Never thought I’d say this but Mai? Honey? You deserve so much better.

(-) “What does Katara want?”

Asked no one in the writers’ room ever, apparently.

This is not so much anti Cataang as anti romance stories that pay attention to the needs, opinions, and wants of only one partner in general. Over the previous 60 episodes, Katara actively expressed romantic interest in Aang exactly, wait for it,

Once.

And it got retconned out of relevance by the following two interactions where the possibility of a romantic relationship came up, making the Headband dance pretty easy to reclassify as just one of those examples where Aang “teaches” Katara to have fun (as if one of the main obstacles to her having fun wasn’t him constantly fooling around and offloading his duties). And because the writers not only didn’t succeed in portraying Katara’s internal state of mind, but also failed to root her reluctance to pursue a relationship in outside circumstances that could change, her sudden state of unconfused once Aang steps into the spotlight has a single canonical explanation that as much as approaches coherency.

The fact is, though, that trying to interpret canon Cataang from a Watsonian perspective is an exercise in foolishness. Because there is no Watsonian justification for the ship and never has been. Bryke simply conceived of Katara as nothing but a tropey prize for Aang, never saw her as anything beyond that, and were perfectly happy to go on and immortalize her as a passive broodmare for the rest of her life.

And I fully intend to die mad about it.

(-) Iroh dips

OK, it’s been long apparent that the show doesn’t intend to do anything about Iroh’s complicity in AzulOzai’s regime in any meaningful way, and that his sole motivation for doing anything whatsoever is Zuko whom he views as a replacement son which is supposed to be good for some reason. But the finale has him abandon even that, and instead turns him full-on YOLO, idgaf anymore. It really throws Iroh’s supposed love for Zuko into doubt when his last act in the entire show is to take a half-educated 16-year old with no political savvy or an heir to secure a dynastic continuity and plomp him on the throne of a war-mongering imperialist regime where the entirety of the militarist and ruling class is guaranteed to fight him tooth and nail for power.

(I sure hope Mai’s ready to start popping out babies by tea-time otherwise the whole country is fukd in about a week)

Christ, how hard would it be to have Iroh keep the throne warm for a few years while Zuko is getting ready to succeed him? Not only would it make the whole FN reformation bit quite likelier to occur, it would require Iroh’s hedonistic ass to actually sacrifice something for once. And not having Zuko ascend to power, instead spending some time bettering and educating himself first, would be a wonderful message that no matter what you endured and overcame, you never stop growing. A kids’ show, remember?

(-) The conquering of Ba Sing Se

Gee, I feel so blessed to have my attention diverted from battlefields which actually matter to an old dude vanity project I would have been perfectly happy to assume resolved itself off-screen.

The White Lotus in general just bugs me. I was fine with the individual characters and their overall passivity when they were portrayed as lone dissenters living under circumstances where it wasn’t really possible for any single person to mount a meaningful resistance. But as members of a far-reaching shadowy organization that’s left the real fight to a bunch of kids for 59 episodes straight and didn’t turn up until a perfect opportunity presented itself to take control of the largest city in the world and bask in the spotlight?

Yeah, no.

Similarly to the lionturtle-ex-machina, the White Lotus represents a huge missed opportunity for a season-long storytelling. Here’s just a brief list of what they could have been doing throughout Book 3:

orchestrating a Fire Nation uprising;

gathering those directly persecuted by AzulOzai’s regime to help Zuko keep his hold on power once he’s crowned;

establishing themselves as a viable alternative to Ozai;

sabotaging Fire Nation’s war efforts from the inside;

countering Fire Nation propaganda (Asha Greyjoy’s pinecones, anyone?);

running a supply network to alleviate the suffering of Earth Kingdom citizens.

Instead, they sit on their asses until the time comes to claim personal glory.

You know what, good on Bryke for making me conclude that in comparison, the Freedom Fighters were perfectly unproblematic, actually.

(-) Fire Lord Dead-by-Dawn

Yes, a kids’ show, I know! But ffs, this is the same kids’ show that came up with Long Feng and portrayed courtly intrigue, kingly puppets, secret police, spy networks, and information wars. Was it really too much of me to expect something other than “enlightened despot solves everything”? Especially if said enlightened despot has persisting anger issues, no personal support system, no base of followers, and no political experience whatsoever?

If Zuko’s actually serious about regaining the Fire Nation��s honor (i.e. by dismantling the country’s military machine, decolonizing the Earth Kingdom, paying reparations to everyone and their lemur, and funding any and all cultural restoration projects Aang and the SWT come up with), then there is no way, no way in the universe that he doesn’t face a civil war, deposing, and execution within a month.

One reason why his future as a Fire Lord seems rather bleak is that little’s been shown about the actual subjects of AzulOzai’s regime. While we get a vague reassurance that “no Toph, they’re not born bad” (le shockings), they largely remain a voiceless uniform mass of brainwashed clapping seals. What is their view on the Fire Nation’s crimes? Do they associate their condition with their country’s war-mongering? How will they react when Zuko starts dismantling the country piece by piece to rebuild it, bringing it to economic ruin? What will they do when noble Ozai loyalists come out of the woodwork and begin rounding them up under the banner of “Make the Fire Nation Great Again?”

I have no idea, and Zuko doesn’t either because he’s unironically more qualified to rule the Earth Kingdom than his own people.

You know what would have been better? Fire Lord Iroh, White Lotus pulling the strings to maintain the regime, and Crown Prince/People’s Champion Zuko travelling the Fire Nation with Aang and an army of tutors to promote the new boss, only to realize that absolute monarchy is kinda crap for the people he’s one day supposed to rule and gaining their support by ceding some power to them.

I’d laser holes into my TV due to how much I’d enjoy watching that.

(-) All hail Avatar Rock

Literally and metaphorically. Aang doesn’t sacrifice anything, gets everything, and the clever solution of going about getting said everything is handed to him on a silver platter, requiring no active participation on his part whatsoever.

He doesn’t work to unblock his chakras, spiritually or physically.

He only speaks to his past lives to get a pat on the back and a bow-tied solution he could mindlessly follow.

Energy-bending doesn’t require any sacrifice from him, leaves no lasting marks, and only serves for the narrative to praise him as the rare individual that’s unbendable and thus so very very special.

The most infuriating thing is, however, that Aang is clearly shown as being able to beat Ozai without either the Avatar state, or energy-bending.

And he chooses not to. From this moment on, Aang no longer fights to save the world. He fights to preserve his beliefs, going directly against the instructions of his past lives and effectively reneging on his duties as the Avatar.

Again.

It’s not like you can’t portray Aang’s faithfulness to his spiritual beliefs as the key to beating Ozai and saving the world. But that’s not what the show did. There is no link between Aang sparing Ozai and securing a better future, quite to the contrary—Ozai’s survival ends up being a massive problem for the continuation of Zuko’s rule, and consequently a threat to the world at large. His survival benefits Aang and no one else.

Aang’s spiritual purity and his status as a savior of the world are allowed to coexist only due to a deliberate stroke of a writer’s pen.

And I hate it.

Welp, nothing to do about it now except to bury myself up to my tits in fix-it fics I guess.

#atla #atla rewatch #meta #zutara #anti bryke #anti-kataang #anti-aang #anti-maiko

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life-rewritten · 4 years ago

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WE BEST LOVE (Fighting Mr Second) Deyi And The Role of Family, Duty/Obligation and Responsibility.

Let’s get to it, oh my, We Best Love just keeps on getting better and better the more I break it down. Seriously I am so surprised by how much I can write about this show especially when it comes to these two, they’re so incredibly written in my perspective just because they hit all the right things I want from writing; they are 3 dimensional, they’re flawed and realistic, they are relatable (the more we get to understand why they do what they do) and their romance is both sweet and entertaining but also deep and serious. There’s nothing else I can say when it comes to praising this show especially season 2 which is very polarising to the audience because they feel whiplashed by the sudden seriousness and change of tone with the goals the show is trying to achieve. My thing is if you don’t understand the show properly, and how the characters have been planned and written from the start, you end up in season 2 just being sad and frustrated by how many mistakes the characters make, how stupid and illogical their actions seem when they do something or they respond to something. For example in episode 3 Shide is seen as an idiot, a noble idiot, his actions by pulling away and refusing to communicate and be open with Shuyi is seen as stupid and annoying because it caused a lot of pain, suffering, anguish for them that could be avoided. And yes it was uncontrollable situation to him that he tried to deal with but because there are other ways he could have dealt with this more maturely, smarter and better, there is this struggle to try and forgive and understand his perspective for why he decided to stay away from Shuyi for 5 years. It’s very sad and upsetting to know the reason is again a basic trope used in BLs and romance stories. But again I keep saying We Best Love isn’t trying to do something different it’s using the same tropes in this genre but writing it better. And I know it doesn’t seem like the choices made so far in the show is smart but there is understanding when you finally break down what the writers are trying to say with this story, why the writers are choosing this path. So again I come with another essay (my second one this week) focusing on Deyi and why it’s more complicated than just what we saw in episode 3 about the truth of Shide’s reason for why he chose to give into Shuyi’s father. Let’s break it down shall we?

The Theme of Family in WBL

The first thing about this essay is going to be focusing on the role of family, duty, obligation and responsibility in We Best Love. Family is something that has always been important in the show since we started of our couples first reason for talking to each other being that they both have lost a family member. The effects of Family in the show is very prominent and shown in season 2 of WBL. But also it’s always been hidden and hinted at how the environment that Shuyi and Shide grew up in (Nature vs Nurture) had made them become who they are in both seasons. So the reason why Shide is seen as responsible, always in control and strong is because of him having to replace his father’s role when he was younger to want to be the one to protect and take care of his family. For Shide Family means everything to him it’s what makes him who he is, his focus is his duty and obligation to them to make sure they are living peacefully and safe. This started of just as his mother and him but later on as we see in season 1 he also then takes the responsibility (In America) over his stepfamily as well, we don’t know exactly why he’s the one who has to deal with a lot of struggles to protect the family again, but everything he does is to keep them safe. The reason why we see him in season 2 in his company is again to do with Family. And Shuyi is not different, Shuyi is also shadowed by the influence, control and hold of Family, he has a legacy he has to protect, but also someone he has to impress and become like his father who he was left with. Whilst Shide takes on the role of protecting the family’s safety and happiness by ensuring they’re taken care of and at ease, Shuyi also takes on this role to protect his position, his heritage and his father’s riches and company by being competitive and determined to be on top. So this has always been there since season 1, it explains a lot about how these two think and how they act. They’re both feeling pressured by the responsibility, duty and obligation they have to the role they play in their family to succeed. And what season 2 does is it brings that to light, it shows the struggles that they have been going through but also it makes us see the sacrifices and choices they have to make because of this influence of Family and pressure of Duty. The idea of having to both hold a weight of responsibility which clouds people from them, their wants and needs, and leads them to make constant sacrifices.

The Introduction to Shuyi’s Father

So that’s important to notice because episode 3 brings in a revelation that Shuyi’s father is very important to the break down of our couple’s relationship and the reason for why they’ve both entered a state of misunderstanding and miscommunication. It’s because he pressured and made Shide separate from Shuyi for 5 years that we are in this well of pain and anguish and toxicity. Shuyi’s father is not introduced to us immediately in season 1 but his shadow is there. The mentions of how Shuyi has an easy life, his wealth, having people keep an eye on him, having a very privileged easy life is hinted throughout the whole season until finally it’s after Shuyi and Shide fall for each other, the father shows up from the dark. He’s been keeping an eye on Shuyi and looking out for any hints or clues for obstacles to his goals, but also when we first see him he’s shrouded in dark lit room, he’s cold, has a powerful aura and demands to know more about the situation. We can already see from how he reacts that he’s angered by the situation. So we know he is going to be our villain in season 2, it’s not a surprise to realise that he’s always been the reason for why our couple is separated, it’s not a surprise to see that he’s an obstacle to them. But the thing about him is that as much as he is at first just a typical one dimensional homophobic BL parent, he’s more than that, in fact at the end of this analysis you will see he’s not even the villain the writers want us to focus on because he’s not a villain, he’s actually so more than that. Let me explain more.

A Lovers Game or A Long Lasting Commitment?

The first time we see him as an obstacle is when he calls Shide, after Shide returned back to America to find Shuyi and know what’s going on. Shuyi had misunderstood and thought Shide was married with a kid and had left him. So Shuyi was not speaking to Shide and Shide after dealing with his own family issues, finally returned to Taiwan and came to face to face with the father instead of Shuyi. The father is determined immediately to stop their relationship, the first reason he gives is because he thinks it’s not long lasting, it’s fickle. He calls it a game. Of course our mindsets and Shide’s start to think he says this because he’s phobic, he’s belittling what they have, he’s refusing to take it seriously and he thinks it’s doomed to end. He doesn’t think the relationship is strong or right enough to help Shuyi, he sees it as a waste of time and an obstacle that needs to be stopped. He’s determined. This is quite contrary to what Shide and Shuyi believed about what they had, they believed especially Shide that they would have forever, because that’s how devoted he was to Shuyi which is what he tries to say.

Shide tells the father that he’s serious about what they have but also that Shuyi can leave him but he won’t give up on Shuyi. Again this is a huge hint to one of the reasons for why Shide is lacking, or what was his first mistake, his doubt in Shuyi. In that sentence it’s him that is chasing, he believes it’s his strength and determination to make their relationship succeed because that’s how he’s always been since they were together and that’s what always got Shuyi’s attention. He doesn’t trust fully Shuyi’s commitment to him because he always believed for so long that it was one sided. In a way Shide views Shuyi’s feelings for him as weaker than his, it can change at anytime, it’s not as strong as his, hence the consequences of his actions is that he hurts Shuyi’s pride and feelings by holding back the truth from him because he wasn’t confident in what they had.

A Volatile Fight For Survival and Peace

But this is not just what the father uses as his reasons for why they shouldn’t be together. Again connected to phobic beliefs he focuses on Shuyi’s future in the company. Remember this is what Shuyi’s character outline is connected to, his duty and obligation to protect his position as the heir of his father’s company. So we find out that the father believes that the environment is harsh and inhospitable for Shuyi if he’s found out by the shareholders of the company that he’s with Shide. The father views Shide as an obstacle to Shuyi’s peace and comfort in the future. Shuyi has been told this before and also Shuyi knows he’s being watched by the shareholder, he’s under pressure by them and he mentions how much he is in this season.

Shuyi’s initial reaction is also always focused on control and protection of the position he has, because he was constantly told he had to be more stronger and better to be in a great position where he was safe, his father made him active, agile and more but that only always broke his spirits, broke his trust in others and broke his heart because he also constantly felt like he was never enough because he was always losing. It’s actually his father’s constant push that makes Shuyi determined to always become first because he was always told he had to be ahead to get to where his father was. His father’s shadow always covered him and led him to always distrusting and misunderstanding people’s actions, he always felt babied, and without freedom to actually do what he wants until he fell for Shide. This is why he states to Shide I didn’t want to fall for a guy after he confesses to him. Not because he didn’t know what he was or he was in denial but because of the exact reasons that his father gave to Shide, because of the pressure of taking over and being watched by people and the shareholders, of being used as a weapon to take him down in the homophobic society he was in. Shuyi saw competition even in season 1, it was always his focus because his life has always been about that, Shide saw wanting attention and notice to ensure that he was never seen in his protector role as weak or vulnerable to get what he wanted, to make a name for himself, and to be something more.

. It’s the reason for why Shuyi has to fire half of the company because it makes the Shareholders trust that he’s in control and isn’t weak. The father also mentions how it’s family that are also enemies to them, because they’re also looking for reasons to see Shuyi’s downfall. (hence why Shuyi is so distrustful of people because his own family also wants to see him fail). This is when we start to see the intentions of the father’s actions, yes he has a phobic mindset but the focus is on Shuyi’s protection, the focus is on making sure Shuyi is safe. The father believes that the shareholders all are phobic hence showing the environment that he was raised in but also his mindset that has been framed by ignorance, tradition and society. The father doesn’t want Shuyi to struggle with the company because he won’t be able to manage the shareholders’ power if they do have something to say since they also affect the stocks and how the company runs. In a way his business is also in jeopardy in his head, he wants to have an heir to his company to secure the safety of it but Shide might be an obstacle to that because of how society and the environment they are in is.

What’s ironic is that Shide is remarkably similar to the father when he mentions his past in terms of struggling and trying to make it to be something. The father talks about how he started from scratch to make this company hence he knows the struggles, the chaos, the vicious environment surrounding them, which is why he constantly wanted Shuyi to be strong, to be seen as successful, to be seen as in control, because he knows what Shuyi will have to go through with that role. He doesn’t want Shuyi to struggle with the same stuff, it’s ironic because Shide is actually in the father’s position when he was younger, where he is struggling with responsibility, and work and making a company stay safe and being someone in society. That’s why it’s sad but also funny that both Shide and the father in their acts of always wanting to protect and keep Shuyi safe they actually just hurt him and they make him feel insecure and less than because of what they do to him. But again it’s understandable why they are so determined to protect what they love because its what they love, Shuyi is precious to them both, and they don’t mean to make him feel the way they do, to hurt him, or to push him away. The father is not meant to be seen as the villain of the show; it’s society that is the villain of WBL, how society acts, how they pressure people to think, how they control our ways we view ourselves and our freedom, that’s why the father is shown slowly to be just jokey, funny and sweet in his own way to Shuyi, he’s not cold he’s warm despite being such a suffocating shadow over Shuyi. So that’s a very important thing to notice about the show with what they want to show with the father. It’s society that’s making him act the way he’s acting.

The Distance Of Two Different Worlds Apart

The father also mentions another reason for why he thinks Shide and Shuyi are unfit. He claims they are from different worlds. This is so eye opening because again Shide has the same ideas in his head about the struggles that they face (it causes his insecurity of why Shuyi’s feelings may be weaker). Being from different worlds is why Shide is determined to be number one. When Shuyi’s father mentions that they are from different worlds it puts a perspective again on understanding why Shide feels insecure about what he is to Shuyi but also why he’s so determined to by himself make sure that what they have is safe and okay. It’s why he’s so focused on protection. Because there is a slight insecurity about what he lacks in terms of economic status, reputation in general, and position. He’s always been trying so hard to make it and that’s another thing he focuses on for the 5 years they are separated; to keep trying to make it to become someone in Shuyi’s world. In order to be with Shuyi he has to ensure that he can be in a place of protection, safety, security and ease which he feels he can’t provide by just being himself. It’s so important because it’s this insecurity plus other things that will be mentioned later that makes him give into the father, seek the father’s approval, and proceed to sacrifice what he wants, for Shuyi’s happiness. He always hoped that even after 5 years even if there has been a distance he’d be able to be stronger to get back to Shuyi. Because he was never going to give up.

The Problem With Insecurity, Doubt, and Fear

1. Insecure about their relationship;

As mentioned Shide is insecure about what he is to Shuyi, he has been in an 8 year unrequited love for Shuyi and he still struggled to believe and trust that what they had was strong enough to withstand anything.

This is sorted in his head because he always believes that his determination will win over Shuyi. As long as he can fight for Shuyi and as long as he doesn’t fail chasing after Shuyi he will be successful in ensuring he makes Shuyi want him. This is why he automatically thinks in season 2 the reason why Shuyi is angered is because he disappeared for 5 years, he failed at his determination to make sure Shuyi’s attention was always on him, because he thought it could be stolen if he was weak. The father tells Shide that if Shuyi has a girlfriend after 5 years then he needs to give up. As long as he doesn’t have someone by that 5 years then there’s hope. But also if he does have someone and is happy then Shide who is self-sacrificial will be willing to sacrifice his own happiness for Shuyi’s happiness. Even in season 1, he’s always been self-sacrificial because he didn’t even want to win over Shuyi whenever he had a chance to, he was only trying to get a friend, instead of doing what he wants and trying to elevate their relationship. He always chose whatever Shuyi wanted over himself as we saw in season 1 when the truth came out in the hospital and Shuyi said he didn’t want to fall for a guy. Even the reason for why he chooses to give into the father’s demands even though he knows it’s a trap and has no chance of escaping, is because of Shuyi. He says it’s to protect how Shuyi views his father, and their relationship (and that hurts because he understands the value of the relationship between father and sons because he lost his father, so he wouldn’t want to put Shuyi in that position when he knows how it affected him)

2. Insecure about himself

Shide although he tries to have a mask of being in control and being strong all the time. Although his goal is to always ensure he’s number one to everyone and Shuyi, there are parts of him that does not see that in himself. It is because he does not think he can be loved/helpful by just being himself, being vulnerable or being weak that he takes on everything and works hard constantly to make sure he is ahead always. Especially for Shuyi in Season 1, the reason why he thought Shuyi wanted him was because he was number one and he got his attention by always defeating him.

This is treated in his head by becoming something or someone just the like the father requested so they end up in the same status. Because he’s determined to be someone to his family and protect them he takes on the responsibility of taking care of the company but he also does so because the father gave him an ultimatum to get a career and be someone to be with Shuyi.

3. Insecure about society and how they are treated

Shuyi being the heir of his father’s company also makes Shide become insecure about what to do to protect them. Again Shide wants to be viewed as a helpful addition not a burden, someone who protects not destroys, he didn’t want to be the reason why Shuyi ends up losing the relationship with his father, and his position as the heir.

This in his head is removed by staying away for 5 years to ensure that Shuyi has enough time to focus and get the company, become CEO and defeat the shareholders. Once Shuyi passes the test of the shareholders and takes over, they wouldn’t be as big of a threat. This is what both Shide and the father believe.

Society: Mindsets, Environments, and Prejudice

The father’s focus on wanting children is also stated when he later goes to the bar with Shide. Again him being phobic is problematic but it makes sense that he is, he’s ignorant and again warped by the ideas in the environment he’s in. His phobia isn’t from nature it’s caused by nurture, it’s caused by what he’s been shown, told, since he was young. His automatic mindset for success and stability is for the typical path that society wants ‘men’ to follow in his time to become; to be masculine and strong, ( hence why he forced Shuyi to do a lot of athletic activities which ended up breaking and hurting him in different ways), to make a legacy happen, to have a wife and kids, it’s all old-fashioned ideas because he is old-fashioned because he wasn’t taught better. Again he’s not the actual villain of the show. Society is.

The cheating misunderstanding is what causes the catalyst that makes the dad try to break them up. He tried to listen and accept Shuyi’s threats of leaving but then when Shuyi showed back up after America he was furious. Because he already had an idea formed in his head about how fickle their relationship would be because of phobia, and now it was being shown to him because the way Shide is perceived to cheat is to choose the right path that he wanted for Shuyi. (a wife and kid). Not only did Shide cheat but Shuyi cried about like being ghosted for 6 months, because Shide wasn’t texting. The most important thing to discover about the father and understand his character outline is that although his flaw is having closeminded ideas based on society and environment, his actual focus is protection of Shuyi’s happiness, the reason he really wanted them to separate, the reason why he formed that trap was because he thought Shide was not serious and that Shide was harmful for Shuyi because of the cheating scandal, because he made Shuyi cry so much, because he hurt Shuyi, because he essentially was mocking Shuyi’s devotion and heart by cheating in America. It’s also about the pride of Shuyi being protected. Again just like Shide the father’s prime goal is protection of Shuyi.

So now knowing Shide’s mindset and why he did what he did, we can revisit the couch scene in episode 2 and discuss more about how the show shows him dealing with the consequences of his actions.

The Consequences of Actions and Mistakes

Ahh the couch scene, I’ve been thinking about it. I know people want me to break down why it was wrong they had the romantic music playing when they slept together, what message it showed, I know people want me to talk about how uncomfortable we all felt in that scene (you were meant to feel that way), I know people want to talk about the trigger warnings in that scene but there are so many other comments about why non consent/ dubious consent is an issue that should be taken seriously when being shown in BL. You can find them in the tags.

I’m going to focus on the writing of the show and analyse why the scene happened the way it did. This is not me defending non consent, this is just me laying out what the writers wanted to achieve with the scene. You weren’t meant to find it healthy, you weren’t meant to want a relationship like that, you weren’t meant to praise the actions of both characters, because Shide and Shuyi are problematic as of this time because of the situation they are in. So from this show we can finally can say that Shide and Shuyi did sleep together, how do we feel about that, probably not great right? I feel like, I didn’t think they would sleep together because I was holding out for hope that Shuyi would punch Shide. So yeh it was an interesting thing to see not fully discussed or explained in the new episode. However these two’s relationship are in the stage of miscommunication and misunderstandings (which can lead to toxicity and escalations) mixed with the longing, pining and passionate love they’ve both been trying to hold back for each other for 5 years. The theme for these two has always been about control as from my previous analysis and the couch scene no matter how morally wrong or right it was, was always going to happen because we finally see both of them break down and lose that control they’ve been trying to have on each other, and of course before that happens it’s done with a fight, with breakdowns, with confusions, with questions.

The loss of control of the heart

Shuyi loses control over his heart because he can see Shide in his most broken state. Remember this isn’t like Shide. Shide is normally calm, in control, always trying to salvage the situation, Shide has never cried in front of Shuyi apart from their first confession and even after all that he’s always come out looking better and in control of everything because it’s like him to do so.Shuyi was frightened; one because of trying hard to keep himself from giving into his wants and longing for Shide that he’s been trying so hard to not lose to, he was frightened because Shide was being aggressive and he wasn’t sure if he was messing around with him or not, he was also frightened lastly for Shide. Because Shide was screaming like someone who was drowning on the inside, someone close to just giving up on everything, someone who was so broken and desperate to have something to hold on. Shuyi was frightened for Shide because he realised that there was something more to what happened, he also realised that Shide was not willing to let him know, he saw Shide grapple with confusion and wanting to say it, and he couldn’t understand but he was worried and understood that Shide wasn’t happy, wasn’t a victor in their breakup like he thought. Shuyi also recognised Shide’s pain because it paralleled his at the beginning of the episode when he cried over the broken phone and his heart break. Shide was also heart broken like he was, Shide was also struggling like he was, Shide was also lost like he was. That’s why even though he tried so hard to fight it, his walls fell and he let him self be with Shide that night. That’s the first part of this equation for why Shuyi let himself sleep with Shide although he was drunk, (dubious consent,).

The loss of control of the mind

If Shuyi was fighting losing control over his heart, Shide was losing control of his mind. As much as it pains me to say, Shide wasn’t in the right state of mind, this was a Shide who was being the worst version of himself because he was exploding, he was losing control, he was confused, he was also very angry at the mess he and Shuyi were in, he was lost because all his efforts, (which is pointing to the title of episode 3; Self Righteous Efforts Are Wasted). His energy, his work, his heart was wasted because of situations he couldn’t control. Shide was so affected because he realised just like Shuyi also realised seeing him drunk, that what he did to Shuyi was so much more worse than he thought, he was doing everything he could to protect Shuyi, to prove himself to Shuyi’s father, to let them have a happy forever later on, he was doing all he could to stay with the one thing that was his ultimate priority and happiness, he was doing everything he could to protect that and he found it so unfair that he couldn’t even let Shuyi know about that, he probably also hated life its self, because there was so much he had to struggle with those 5 years without Shuyi that he couldn’t control.

He couldn’t control the situation in America in his head (why he didn’t text Shuyi is his own fault but it’s a flaw of Shide to always hold back his truth so he’s suffering consequence of his actions), he couldn’t control in his head Shuyi’s father’s requests because Shuyi’s future was more important, Shuyi’s relationship with his father was more important, Shuyi’s peace and calm was more important (what he failed to see was that he was also Shuyi’s priority, happiness, future, peace and calm so again because he had self-doubt about how important he was to Shuyi he put himself in a situation where again he held back the truth which again is his flaw). Basically Shide was exhausted, and hurt because to him it was so unfair it was like all his efforts for the past 13 years when he finally got hope with Shuyi fell down the drain, because Shuyi no longer saw him as someone even worth being real to. Like Shuyi really was going to go so far in his heartbreak and hurt to also break Shide even more, Shuyi must have hated him so much to want to use him and toss him after. Shuyi’s care for him had ended. And all Shide could do was blame him self, wrap himself up in self-hate, self-doubt, insecurity and anguish as he drank with Shouyi.

Even when drunk he tried to be in control he wanted to go home, that’s what he told Shouyi, he was going to choose to keep up the façade with Shuyi and let Shuyi have his revenge or whatever with him but he couldn’t because he was no longer able to hold back because of the influence of alcohol. That’s what alcohol does, it disinhibited all his inhibitions, It made him explode with everything he was feeling, pain, suffering, longing, anger, tiredness and defeat. He was split into two people. One the Shide that was angry and upset at how Shuyi wanted to treat him, at how much everything he’d done was for nothing, but two, the Shide that had just been biding his time to be with Shuyi since 5 years, the Shide that ever since they reunited had just wanted to hold and go back to how they used to be with Shuyi hence the kissing, hence the skinship, hence the breakdowns and tests and everything that happened. That Shide was not meant to be liked, that Shide was the most vulnerable form of Shide that he was trying to hide so much.

The Problem With Gao Shide

Shide’s actions is not right but it is understandable (I mean he’s dumb and stupid for always reverting to holding back the truth and himself, and emotions from people it’s his downfall, but it’s always been his character, it’s loyal to how his character was written). He’s always been invasive, always been secretive, always shoulders all the burden on himself so of course he does the noble idiocy trope with Shuyi’s father, of course he doesn’t tell Shuyi when he’s suffering in America, of course he doesn’t; for Shide his problems are his problems and he doesn’t want to be burden to people, he always wants to be seen as number one, now this can be anything, seen as a success to people ( wanted by people), proper and responsible for others (so they feel safe and protected with him) to be seen as strong and happy (so the people he cares about feel happy and loved). Because he lost someone that was like that to him (his father) and so he felt like he had to replace his role since a young age, he had to be that person for his mother, he had to fill up that space and do things right, and make sure he’s not a burden, he’s not weak, he doesn’t fail. Because of this he never wants to show when he’s struggling, to anyone, even Shuyi.

It’s a flaw that he formed because it was the only way for him to stand up and take the role that kept the people he loved safe in his head. But the thing with character flaws is that they have to go through a development, so Shide has to suffer the consequences of his flaws, hence why season 2 is the way it is because it’s unveiling how he is and what he does to himself constantly, how he hurts himself because of his flaw and how he also hurts others. Again Shide and Shuyi are flawed characters since season 1, but season 2 is when we finally see them mature and have to grow from all of that just like people have to also grow and learn about their flaws and compromise when they get in a relationship. Remember the goal is pure covenant love at the end (they don’t have that yet) which is at the end of it all unconditional love. These two need to be able to learn and work through both flaws and communicate and show each other the truth, it’s only when we finally let ourselves be vulnerable with the one we love, that’s when you get that healthy, relationship, you get that healing, you get that pure love. So give them time; the truth is slowly being unveiled, this couch scene, episode 2, is the worst versions of both Shuyi and Shide. Shuyi because he’s vengeful and cruel and obsessed with wanting control and Shide because he’s Shide and he finally enters a state where he can’t do that no more, alcohol had to be the thing to finally make him stop hiding and doing everything on his own. That’s why the couch scene happened, you can argue they shouldn’t have slept together (I agree with this) we could have had the punch, we could had a different outcome or a discussion shown about why it was wrong, or even add a trigger warning to the episode. I agree but it’s not going sway me from seeing how good season 2 is with story telling and character development, and character writing. Say what you want to say about the show but this writer hasn’t changed anything about her characters. About her aims of the show, about these twos journey since season 1. She’s always left these clues, she’s always shown what these characters are like, she’s never hid their flaws and it’s not surprising that Shide does all the things he does that are harmful to himself and Shuyi but that’s the part of learning and seeing their relationship finally tackle these issues and get to the healthy place they will end up at. And I still commend the show.

#we best love #wbl #wbl: fighting mr. 2nd #we best love: fighting mr. 2nd #fighting mr.2nd #cwg #fvete #march #bl series #bl drama #gao shi de

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xhanisai · 4 years ago

Text

Confront the boundary line of good and evil in my heart

AO3 / FFN

Summary:

It wasn't her fault! No way whatsoever! But still... Still... 'It really does hurt so bad...so much, I can't take it!'

~(x)~ . . . Tick. Tock. "I'm so sorry Chat Noir! I didn't mean to- I just- I just completely broke down and she was right there and I needed someone-" "It's okay, Bug. I understand, don't apologise," Tick. Tock. "It's not okay at all! You've wanted to know for so long, so patiently and I have always said no- and then look at me now! A hypocrite! This is probably a huge sucker-punch for you and I hate that I've always kept on hurting you back then but now, this takes the cake-" "N-No, I'm fine, honest...really. What matters is your happiness and wellbeing-" "But what about you!?" "..." Tick- "...Kid, talk to me, please. The way you're staring out into space is scaring me." The subdued, raspy voice belonging to the ancient being of destruction went unheard. The boy in question continued to observe the empty space in front, sitting on top of his bed with his knees tucked under his chin and his arms folded in front, hiding the lower half of his face. If one were to enter the room, they would instantly freeze from the glower of the boy's fiery emerald greens that were begging to pool with unshed tears and the aura of his stone-cold demeanour. From the waft of his internal turmoil, even a blind person would be able to pick up that he was currently the host of bad luck. "...Adrien...I want to help, I want to understand, so talk to me!" Once again, Plagg was left ignored, leaving him no choice but to float back down to his pillow and direct his pleading kitten eyes at the blonde, his tiny heart shattered from the state of his chosen. Alas, even he was helpless, his feline ears and whiskers drooping with sorrow. 'But you won't understand. You never did and you never will. No one will ever understand.' Adrien didn't even flinch, didn't even bat an eye. He was a statue of apathy and aloofness; though deep down inside, he was a maelstrom of agonising pain. Oh, so much pain. It was excruciating. He wanted to suit up and claw through the rooves of Paris whilst screaming in anguish. He wanted to find every billboard that had his face on it and tear through it all like paper. He wanted to shred and pulverise his useless, traitorous heart along with its despicable feelings and emotions. But most importantly, he wanted to rip the magical ring off his finger and throw it into La Seine with all his might and then cry for the rest of eternity. And he hates that he feels that way. Absolutely, ridiculously, hates that he feels betrayed. Self-loathing and disgust have taken over his body like a puppet and rendered him completely useless, like a toy forgotten at the bottom of the box, never to see the light of day ever again. The feeling of uselessness and pure shame replaced the blood running through his veins and numbed him to the point where he was equivalent to a powerless machine. He felt his throbbing heart fall deeper and deeper into the pit of his stomach. It wasn't her fault! No way whatsoever! But still... Still... 'It really does hurt so bad...so much, I can't take it!' The younger, softer, naive part of himself which was usually tucked away within the dark, hidden crevices of his heart, screamed as if the rest of humanity's lives depended on it. It was taking Adrien everything to keep him out. 'Is it too much to ask for only one constant in my life? Is it too much to ask for one thing to remain the same? Is it too much for anyone to stop keeping me at arm's length!?' . It is. . It is. . Deep down inside, below the platinum chains and iron bars of solid, concrete denial, he always knew that Ladybug never considered him as close as he did with her. And why should she? Just because he performed an act of common, proper human decency and helped an old man get his walking stick back? Just because he was gifted with the power to destroy anything he touches in order to save the day? Just because he knew how to fight possessed villains alongside her? Just because he's in love with her? . "I'm literally the worst." Adrien finally spoke out loud ever since he returned from...that patrol many hours ago. Despite his words, his soul couldn't help but weep and pray that it was all one huge, cruel nightmare. A twisted, sick joke that whatever deities out there have concocted up just for him. Anything! Yet, this was his reality. "I disagree." The boy snapped his gaze towards the kwami, his brows furrowing for elaboration on the little God's part. "I may not be human but I do have feelings and I can empathise. I've existed from the beginning of time and I've witnessed many, many things in my lifetime." Plagg then floated towards him, settling on Adrien's arm so that he was face to face. "You're not in the wrong here, kid. It's okay to feel like this-" "No, it's not!" Adrien's sudden outburst had the kwami shoot away in surprise, the boy instantly turning baffled at his own harsh reaction and then visibly paling even further. He caught sight of his own reflection on a nearby mirror, cringing at the monstrous mess that looked back. With a frustrated sigh, he leapt off the bed, solemnly treading towards his windows, fingers digging into his upper arms as if he was hugging himself. . The luminous moon that shone through the night sky, what was once a beacon of freedom in the past, never looked so unappealing to the distraught hero. His usually glittering eyes were vacant, devoid of any joy and hope whilst his lips were etched in a permanent frown. How many fake smiles and empty words of wisdom did he force out in front of his Lady earlier on? He's lost count. And how many more times will he have to keep doing that, knowing that there will always be another person out that there that Ladybug trusts more than she'll ever trust him? . "I stand by with what I said," Plagg quipped once more, his host quietly surprised with how the little God managed to get so close without him realising. "The two of you have been thrust into a messy situation with very little guidance and a whole bunch of rules which only complicated it further." He then directed his eyes from the moon to the boy. "Yes, I agree that Ladybug's decision in confiding with someone about her identity was a good idea, but as a result of that, it's brought you so much pain. You are not the worst and it's okay to cry it out. It's okay to tell her how you really feel." He placed one of his tiny hands on Adrien's cheek, ears and whiskers still weighed with melancholy as the boy allowed his eyes to prick with tears. One drop. Two drops. Three drops. Four. "It shouldn't hurt- I...I shouldn't be so selfish! Even if she never told me, I was able to tell that she wasn't able to handle her civilian life any longer, especially after becoming the Guardian- I'm supposed to protect her and be by her side! Not throw a tantrum like a three-year-old just because I'm not the one she decided to tell about her secret identity! And then adding my own stupid feelings and insecurities to her plate? I'll be a burden!" The dam was broken and the overwhelming feelings within Adrien cascaded like a tsunami. "You have plenty on your plate as well-" "But I'm used to it, she isn't. I was born and raised to deal with these kinds of things anyway so it's a no brainer for me to shut up and accept it all with a smile-" He paused abruptly, a wet gasp escaping his throat as he leaned against the glass for support when even more realisation sunk in. 'I have been dealing with so many responsibilities ever since I was born...and that puts us on the same boat...so why couldn't she have confided with me then?' Adrien dropped to his knees, fingernails scraping against his scalp as he tried to fight back against those negative thoughts and questions. 'Why am I never good enough? Not for Maman, not for Père and now...not for Ladybug...?' 'Why am I even here then?'

"Adrien...you don't need to put a mask on when you're with me. Cry it all out. I'm not gonna sit by and watch you destroy yourself from inside out because of your inability to address your true feelings. I'm right here, I'll even destroy all the wretched butterflies that dare to come by- so please, let it all out," "I can't! If I do, I'll never be able to go back and nothing will be the same again-" "And if you don't, then things will change for the worse and trust me, kid, that is the last thing you need." Finally, Plagg's words unravelled the obstacles that slowed down the flood and Adrien couldn't help but give in. His body shook and a whole new fresh wave of tears pooled down his eyes, teeth biting down on his lip to prevent the sobs from bursting out. . "...It hurts Plagg...it hurts so much! I love her...and I trust her so much but it hurts! I know she trusts me on a level and I know that multiple times she's mentioned that I'm irreplaceable but dammit! Why does it all feel like a lie!? She did the right thing in telling her civilian best friend, she finally has someone to look after herself- but why does it feel so wrong? Why is my heart in so much pain? Why can't I stop crying? If Ladybug won't lean on me, then what am I here for? And if I can't lean on Ladybug...who...who do I have?" . "...I may not be much and I may talk about nothing but cheese...but you'll always have me, kid," "I want to believe you, I want to so badly, Plagg...but I can't. I feel so alone...I've always been alone... ...And I'll always be alone..." . . . A couple of hours ago, just shy under midnight on a lone, hidden rooftop, if a curious civilian looked up, they would have seen Ladybug and Chat Noir locked in an embrace. However, what they would have noticed first was the absolutely broken, heartwrenching expression Noir wore... ...As if his entire world has fallen apart... . . . ~(x)~ A/N: Just wondering if I should make a sequel and give these two poor cats a happy ending~

#my writing #my fanfic #miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanfic #ml fanfic #ml spoilers #takes place after gang of secrets #basically a possibility of what could happen when chat finds out that ladybug told her identity to someone else #super angsty #adrien agreste #chat noir #plagg #ladybug

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spactcle · 4 years ago

Text

you say it first

Archive of Our Own Link

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandoms: Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou Language: English

Summary: “I can’t tell him.” “Why not?” “Because then he’d know.” Kirishima and Bakugou seek advice from their friends about UA's worst-kept secret (except, apparently, from them).

“I think I’m in love with Bakugou.”

Kaminari is bent over his homework, cheek resting on his fist. His shoulders freeze, he doesn’t look up from his workbook, but his pen stops scrawling across the page. After a few beats, he lifts his chin and plops it on his fist instead.

“I mean… obviously.”

“What?”

“Dude, c’mon. I know I’m me and this will sound weird but let’s get serious and study, please? My grades don’t have time for you to state the obvious.”

“The obvious?” Kirishima pops up from where he's sprawled out on the ground, looking at Kaminari in disbelief. “How did you know?”

“Everyone knows, slick,” Kaminari retorts, sarcasm dripping from the nickname. “Now we have finals next week, can we please focus?”

“Everyone?”

“Okay.” Kaminari’s hands clap together and he snaps his workbook closed. “Clearly we are focusing on the wrong thing. Why are you bringing this up,” the tip of his finger jabs as his closed workbook, tapping at it for effect, “now?”

“Why have you not brought it up?” Kirishima accuses, arms gesturing widely.

“Because I thought you knew!”

“How would I know?”

Kaminari jabs his finger accusingly at Kirishima instead now. “They’re your feelings, Kiri!” His finger curls back into a fist and he brings it to his lips, brow drawing in with concern as he thinks. “Your weird, weird feelings. But still.”

Kirishima blows a raspberry at him, leaving his lips out in a pout with the gall to look offended. “How are my feelings weird?”

“Bakugou is an emotionally constipated trash can,” Kaminari deadpans. “And you’re… I don’t know? Whatever the opposite of that would be.”

“Diarrhea recycling bin.”

A beat. Kaminari’s face pulls back into a disgusted grimace. “Really could have done without that mental image.”

Kirishima shrugs and starts to nervously pull at his hair. It’s a Saturday and he didn’t style it today, just has his bangs pulled into a half ponytail behind his head. Kaminari has told him to just chop it off but Kirishima insists that it’s part of my brand, and besides how is Blasty going to call me shitty-hair if I don’t have any?

His confusion is what’s most baffling to Kaminari. They’re in their third year and it feels like Bakugou and Kirishima should have figured each other out by now – they know one another better than anyone else could, so how are they so bad at this? Kaminari figured out his feelings for Jirou the previous year, Midoriya and Uraraka got together just a few months later, and even Kendou and Tetsu finally stopped beating around the bush. Now that he thinks about it, a lot of people more emotionally dense than Kirishima have confessed to their respective partners, like Todoroki and Tokoyami.

One of Kirishima’s sharp teeth hangs over his bottom lip as he chews at the skin. It makes Kaminari feel a little bit bad. But only a little. He really should have joined Jirou and Momo for studying instead.

“Why are you bringing this up now?” he repeats his previous question but without the edge to his voice, trying to exercise patience for his friend.

Kirishima collapses on the table, voice muffled by his arm. “Because I don’t know what to do.”

“Tell him.”

“I’m being serious.”

“So am I.”

Kirishima lifts turns his head up slightly to glare at him from over his arm. “I can’t tell him.”

“Why not?”

“Because then he’d know.” He hides his face again.

Kaminari rolls his eyes so far back he’s surprised he doesn’t see the inside of his skull. “That’s usually the idea.” Kirishima’s answer is a wordless scoff, tongue sputtering around words he can’t form. “Just tell him. There’s no way he doesn’t feel the same.” The sputtering worsens and Kirishima snaps his head up from the table, gawking at Kaminari as his face turns as red as his hair.

“I said I was serious!”

“Yeah, seriously blind.”

“What?”

This time Kaminari is almost positive he sees his skull, but that could just be his vision whiting as he strains his eyes. “Kirishima Eijirou,” the full name absolutely required to get his full and undivided attention. “The fact that you and Bakugou have got it bad for each other is the worst kept secret in the entire school – except, apparently, from the both of you. I’m almost positive that there’s some kind of bet going around about when you two will stop being complete boneheads and make it official.”

Kirishima’s eyes wandered around the room as if searching for a cosmic answer to all his problems. “We… bet? Bakugou… I’m…”

“Yes. Now can we please study? And you can deal with your love life later?”

Kirishima’s cheeks grow big as he puffs them up with air and stares blankly at their workbooks. Kaminari gives him a full minute then clicks his tongue and starts to pack up. “Alright. I’m going to leave you here to process. Good luck, bro.” He sets a hand on Kirishima’s shoulder as he wraps his other arm around his schoolwork. “I know I said it was weird and all – and in my defense, it is – but I think we’re all rooting for you two.”

Lips formed around words that didn’t seem to want to come out of Kirishima’s mouth and Kaminari just sighed, patting him on the back before making his exit. He really should have just studied with Jirou and Momo.

- - -

“I think Kirishima is in love with me.”

Uraraka looks up from her place at the desk. She spins in her chair to find Bakugou collapsing on her bed, then she looks to find the hidden camera that someone must have hidden in her room. No one pops out of her closet laughing, and Bakugou is laying on his back staring at the ceiling, arms lying limp at his sides. He’s frowning in the way that he only does when he’s encountered an obstacle that he can’t quite figure out. So, this isn’t a prank.

“Why are you telling me this?”

He snaps up, rage normalizing his expression again, and argues, “Who the fuck else am I supposed to tell?”

Uraraka frowns at him pointedly and his lips fall out of the snarl and into a resigned grimace, a sign that she has come to recognize as his apology. “Kirishima, for starters.”

“Fuck that.” Bakugou flops back onto her bed. “Why should I have to do anything when he’s the one in love with me?” He gestures wildly at the ceiling like it’s the one that he came to for advice on his love life.

“Are you in love with him too?”

Instantly, his expression closes off. He turns his face away from her and lets his arms fall back to his sides.

“Bakugou?”

“Shut up. The hell are you asking for anyway?”

Uraraka’s cheeks blow up with air before she huffs at him. “It’s the obvious question.”

“The fuck it is.”

“If Kirishima burst in here, just as rudely as you did, and declared his love for you – what would you do about it?”

Bakugou’s head turns away from her, but she can see the back of his neck redden and she isn’t big enough to not feel satisfied by that. He’s treating his and Kirishima’s feelings as if it’s some huge secret and revelation – but she, Deku, Todoroki, and Tsu have a bet about how long it will go before one of them does something about it. Iida disapproves.

If it happens in the next week, the pot goes to Todoroki.

Her bet starts the week after.

He’s lucky that Uraraka is at least a big enough person to help him now instead of waiting.

“Probably something along the lines of,” she clears her throat, bringing her hands together and resting them against her cheek, then continues in a high pitch, “oh, Kirishima, I love you too! Sweep me off my feet!”

Bakugou sits back up before she’s even finished, hands poised to attack, and face screwed into a scowl, but the effect is decidedly lessened considering the deep blush coloring his cheeks. “Shut the fuck up if you want to graduate, round face!”

She leans back in her chair, lifting an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Bakugou, you obviously have feelings for him. This wouldn’t bother you so much if you didn’t.”

“It doesn’t fucking bother me.”

“It bothers you that he hasn’t said anything.”

“It—” His mouth snaps shut and his eyes dart away from her. His ears also start to turn pink and then he zeroes in on her with a sharp glare. “You bother me.”

Uraraka rolls her eyes and waves him off. “Everything but Kirishima bothers you.”

“He bothers me too.”

“Because he hasn’t told you that he loves you.”

“Fuck off.” He throws himself backward on the bed, again, arms crossed over his chest as he glares are the ceiling instead of her.

She observes him. Over the years, she’s learned to read Bakugou – being one of the few to earn his respect early on had those perks, if it could be called that. But she knows when he’s thinking too much – which is what he’s doing right now.

“Bakugou, why are you here?”

He doesn’t answer.

“Do you need me to tell you that you need to tell him?”

“I don’t need you at all,” he snaps, but there’s no heat behind it.

She ignores him. “You should tell him.”

Bakugou makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “He’s the one that always goes on about manliness. What the fuck is manly about keeping shit to yourself?” His arms uncurl from his chest and his fingers make a fist. “Fucking own up to it.”

“Well, you’re the one that always says you do what you want,” she points out, tilting her head to the side. “So… if you want Kirishima, then shouldn’t you say something?”

He doesn’t reply, and his arms fall back onto the bed. Uraraka shrugs and turns back to her desk. Their finals are coming up after all and he interrupted her studies.

“I’m fucking going to sleep,” he says finally, pushing himself off the bed.

“Or you could help me study,” she offers without turning around, voice airy. She knows the answer to that.

“Fuck no.”

“Oh, that’s right. You only ever help Kirishima.”

There’s a small explosion as the door slams behind him, but Uraraka smirks and isn’t big enough to not feel satisfied.

- - -

What the fuck does Uraraka know anyway? She’d shacked up with Deku a year ago, so Bakugou clearly overestimated her judgment and overall sense.

Truthfully, not that he would ever say this out loud, Bakugou doesn’t know why he went to her room. He doesn’t know why he was so tracked on this when his main objective should be elbowing his way to the top of his class. Finals were soon for fuck’s sake. What the fuck was he worrying about Kirishima or feelings for, anyway? He is Bakugou fucking Katsuki, and he is going to be the undeniable number one.

Hands clenched into fists, the right one still steaming from his outburst at Uraraka’s last words, he takes the girl’s elevator down to the common area. Water first, then he’ll take another practice exam before sleeping. He shoves his clenched hands into his pockets and stalks across the common area.

It’s dark outside and the rooms here are empty, everyone already separated into studying groups or gone to bed. If this was two years ago, Bakugou would already likely have been asleep. He didn’t normally stay or socialize in the common room, and if he did it was only for a few minutes or maybe an hour. But Kirishima persisted and it was annoying. He wouldn’t fucking leave Bakugou alone or stop nagging him about hanging out with his peers more (Your friends, Kirishima would correct him, but Bakugou only started calling them peers in their second year). How was he ever going to connect more with their classmates if he just holed himself up in his room to study?

Fuck you. I fucking help you, don’t I?

Exactly! And now we’re best bros!

When the hell had Bakugou asked for more friends? He hadn’t even asked for the one!

But, honestly, he’s quietly glad he’d been forced out of his room, even if he won't admit it out loud or say it in so many words. Some – and only some – of his classmates were actually pretty cool. His friends from before hadn’t really been friends. Lackeys, maybe… Kids that were taken with the boy with a great quirk and a domineering personality. Other bullies, he reminds himself. And he’d been fine with that at the time. He hadn’t needed anyone else, and he hadn’t wanted them. He would think that other people would hold him back, ask for things, for compromises – or worse, look down on him.

Then Kirishima decided they were friends and Bakugou hadn’t really done anything to stop that from happening. It changed him… for the better.

Fuck. He needs to stop thinking about it. He’s got more control than this.

Bakugou gnaws at his lower lip, glaring at the bouquet of flowers sitting on the coffee table. Blue bell-shaped flowers that he couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of. What he does remember is everyone’s look of surprise when it had been Todoroki carrying those flowers, and with the confidence that he always seemed to possess, walked right up to Iida and asked him on a date. Four-Eyes turned redder than Todoroki’s left side and started sweating so badly that his glasses wouldn’t stay on his face. But the takeaway from the story for Bakugou was seeing Kirishima’s soft, almost sad smile and the awkward way he laughed it off when Bakugou asked him what was wrong.

Well, more specifically Bakugou asked, What the fuck is wrong with your face?

The petals were starting to wither at the edges, but Class 1A had really come together to keep them alive for this long, though he’s pretty sure it was the girl with the vines in 1B that was doing most of the work. The two classes met and hung out a lot more than they used to. It was always so damn loud now.

Scowling, Bakugou keeps moving toward the kitchen. Yeah, maybe it had been the wrong thing to say. Maybe. Like he doesn’t already know it was the wrong thing to say.

Are you in love with him too?

“Fuck,” he swears, throwing open the fridge. The water bottles were running low, and he frowns, taking one of the last four after a moment of consideration.

When he rights himself, he starts to close the door when Kirishima comes around the corner. Because of course he does, and of course he has his shitty hair down and not styled since Bakugou always thinks he looks so goddamn pretty like that. He looks just as caught off guard to see Bakugou. “Oh, hey man, what’s up?” He asks, his hand going to the back of his head and that fucking adorably shy, little smile on his lips – the one where Bakugou can only see his top teeth and his eyes crinkle a little.

You should tell him.

Bakugou grits his teeth at the thought and wills away the blush that threatens to dust his cheeks as he remembers what Uraraka said. “Water,” he grunts, the fridge door standing awkwardly open as a physical barrier between them. “What are you doing down here?”

“Snack,” Kirishima replies, with a small shrug as he moves closer and further into the kitchen. “Kaminari abandoned me to go study with Jirou and Momo, I think.”

“You think?”

And dammit the huffy little laugh Kirishima lets out, the one that Bakugou recognizes as him being embarrassed makes his heart stutter in his chest. “Yeah. I was distracted…” He starts absentmindedly looking through the cabinets as he speaks. “Thought some food might help, though.”

Bakugou shakes his head at Kirishima. “You’re always getting distracted. You need me there to keep you on track.”

Kirishima glances at him with that smile. “You study by yourself on Thursdays,” he replies with good nature as he moves to the next cabinet, the one full of nothing but dishes. When his eyes return to see the contents, he still stares into it like he’s looking for something, clearly feigning interest and clearly still distracted.

“You could’ve asked if you were having trouble,” Bakugou grumbles, his brow wrinkling as he watches.

Kirishima lets out another awkward laugh. “Yeah, I guess I could,” he agrees. He doesn’t move from the dish cabinet.

Is he pointedly avoiding looking at Bakugou now? A frown lowers on Bakugou’s lips and he stares at Kirishima’s profile for a long moment, waiting for him to say something else. Kirishima fills silences, not Bakugou. Kirishima doesn’t avoid eye contact, Bakugou does. Kirishima doesn’t stare into dish cabinets when he’s hungry and looking for a snack, Bakugou—well, no, he doesn’t. He shakes his head, annoyed with where this thought process is leading.

Bakugou doesn’t shy away from conflict. And neither does Kirishima. So…

“What the fuck are you doing, shitty hair?”

That seems to startle him, and his eyes tear away from the dishes. “Oh! There’s no food in here.” His sheepish laugh returns, but this time it’s annoying because that's the one he uses when he's trying to brush something off. “Guess I’m still distracted.”

“No. You’ve been acting weird all day.” Ever since the Todoroki-Flowers incident, but Bakugou doesn’t say that.

“Have I?” Kirishima asks, closing the cabinet as his eyes dart around the room and look anywhere but Bakugou.

That makes him grind his teeth. He knows Bakugou hates being answered with questions. He was going to wring this shitty-haired, perfect piece of shit’s neck. His gaze zeroes in on Kirishima and he narrows his eyes. “Kirishima.”

At the sound of his name, ruby-red eyes find Bakugou’s own, and he blinks rapidly. “Uh…” He stutters as sharp teeth worry at this bottom lip and Bakugou hates the way he can’t help but follow that movement. Pink dusts Kirishima’s cheeks and Bakugou’s hand clenches into a fist as he tries to avoid moving over there to touch and see if his cheeks are warming with the color. The bottle crackles in his hand as he squeezes it. “Sorry, Bakugou. I’m really just a little distracted, honest.”

Bakugou looks at him, his expression gradually easing out of irritation. He feels like there’s something in his throat and he still hates it. “Tch. Just come get your damn food,” he says, stepping away from the fridge like an offering. And he hates that he knows that Kirishima will recognize that as Bakugou looking out for him in his own way – that it’s his way of saying eat something and maybe that will help.

He hates it even more that it works.

A knowing smile flits across Kirishima’s lips and he nods. He says something that Bakugou doesn’t register because all he can think about is that Kirishima is moving closer and stepping around him to take a look in the fridge. He stands back, watching the back of Kirishima’s head as he looks through what he could eat, and the proximity makes Bakugou’s chest feel full, and his hands sweat, and he hates it.

No. Fuck. He doesn’t hate it.

Bakugou, you obviously have feelings for him. This wouldn’t bother you so much if you didn’t.

Uraraka really got in his head. Because she was right. It did bother him. Kirishima was good with feelings. He was the one that was always encouraging Bakugou to embrace his emotions – shit, all the nights they’d spent staying up talking after Bakugou woke from nightmares to a panic attack and Kirishima could hear him through the walls. Kirishima vocalized his worries and his anxieties, he used them to talk and relate to their classmates and lower classmen, hell, even villains. Because Kirishima was good.

It bothers you that he hasn’t said anything.

Of course, it bothers him! Why should Bakugou have to take the initiative here? He was never the one who had to take the initiative before. Kirishima brought him into a friendship kicking and screaming, but that didn’t deter him. Even on Bakugou’s worst day, he knew Kirishima would still be there.

Are you in love with him too?

Fuck.

“Kirishima.”

Kirishima rights himself and looks back at Bakugou like he’s surprised to hear his name again. He turns around and he’s backlit by the light from the fridge like a goddamn angel and fuck if he isn’t the prettiest thing Bakugou’s ever seen. Bakugou’s brain feels like mush for the first time in his life and all he can do is glare at Kirishima’s confused face while he tries to decipher what exactly possessed him to say this stupid, wonderful, infuriating, amazing boy’s name.

Well, you’re the one that always says you do what you want.

Before he manages to catch up with himself, Bakugou finds himself stepping into Kirishima’s space and reaching up to hold the sides of his neck. He's never done this before because no one has ever caught his attention like this, no one has ever felt so close to him as Kirishima, but fuck if it isn’t perfect when he presses his lips to Kirishima’s, swallowing the small gasp that passes his lips.

Kirishima is still for a few beats, but he moves just before Bakugou begins to worry that he made a mistake. His hands find Bakugou’s hips, and he presses back, tilting his head into the kiss.

Bakugou might not know what he’s doing, but even to him, it’s clear that Kirishima does. The hands at his hips don’t stay there for long as they wind behind him to lie flat against his back, just under his shoulder blades as Kirishima bends and pulls Bakugou up into him – when did he get so damn tall? And he will never admit to the noise that he makes into Kirishima’s mouth when his tongue pushes gently into his mouth, or to the way his arms secure around solid shoulders as his fingers twist gently into red hair. He’ll die before he ever says he feels lighter and over the moon and like he’s having a moment straight out of those stupid American movies that Ashido likes so much.

The kiss is slow and sweet and everything like what he thought a kiss from Kirishima would be, because now that he’s actually kissing him, he will admit to thinking about it before. He lets Kirishima explore his mouth with his tongue, letting him lead and he’s never been so happy to follow.

As it slows to a stop, their lips press together in a lingering way and it’s Kirishima that finally pulls away. Despite the way he’d been so confidently and thoroughly kissing Bakugou, his eyes are completely full of questions and some uncertainty, wide and staring at him.

Bakugou looks back at him and realizes they’re still wrapped around each other and he’s a little out of breath. He doesn't know what he did with the water bottle he had in his hand, but it's gone too. No, right now, nothing else matters. So, he sets his jaw and tightens his hold slightly on Kirishima’s shoulders. Resolve. He’s full of resolve. He’s Bakugou fucking Katsuki, and he goes after what he wants.

“I do what I want,” he says, his voice sure even if a bit winded. “And I want you.”

The way Kirishima’s eyes light up and a slow, blindingly happy smile creeps onto his lips sends Bakugou’s heart into fits and his stomach turns upside down with fucking butterflies.

“You want to do me?” Kirishima asks, a laugh tinging the back of his throat.

Moment ruined.

Bakugou’s cheeks warm faster than his quirk and he knows he’s turned the shade of Kirishima’s hair. “Fuck you,” he says, putting a hand on Kirishima’s face and shoving him away as that piece of shit laughs – and goddammit if it’s not Bakugou's favorite sound.

He pulls away, pushing off of Kirishima’s face as he goes and extracting himself from his arms. He storms away, hands balled into fists at his sides as he swears at himself because he doesn’t know how to fucking do this. The door to the fridge closes somewhere behind him and Kirishima’s laughter follows him to the elevator.

“Oh, come on, that was funny and you know it!” He says, catching Bakugou’s upper arm and letting himself get dragged onto the elevator as the doors pull open.

“No, it wasn’t,” Bakugou snaps, but all the fire there is just to mask his embarrassment. “I take it back. I hate you.” He shrugs off Kirishima’s hand and jams his finger against the button to their floor.

It doesn’t deter Kirishima in the slightest. It never does. “No, you don’t,” he laughs brightly. He takes his hand back, but steps back into Bakugou’s space as the doors close. “You like me.” His hands find Bakugou’s waist, and he turns Bakugou to face him, his lips pressing warm against flushed cheeks.

Bakugou turns his head slightly away, his hands grasping Kirishima’s forearms, but he can’t find it in him to pull away. “The worst,” he mutters, but still leans into the kisses pressed along his cheekbone.

A low chuckle rumbles through Kirishima’s chest – oh, oh that’s a new one and Bakugou doesn’t know what it means and he’s a second away from worrying about it because he’s gotten to the point where he can recognize Kirishima’s laughs or nonverbal cues and that’s new, but then Kirishima is stepping forward and pushing him back slowly. He presses against the wall of the elevator and it’s cold through his shirt but Kirishima is warm at his front and oh okay, fuck. There’s a little huff that works its way unbidden from his throat and his arms are moving without thinking as he clings to Kirishima.

“The worst, huh?” Kirishima grins, nudging his nose against Bakugou’s cheek for his attention.

And he gives it to him, turning his head back and letting Kirishima kiss him silly again. He feels hot all over, in a way that doesn’t have anything to do with his quirk. The cold at his back is exhilarating, somehow, as Kirishima presses him against the wall. He’s vaguely aware that the elevator has stopped moving and the doors are opening but he doesn’t care because Kirishima’s tongue is in his mouth again and it’s such a weird feeling but so, so right when it’s Kirishima.

Those lips trail away from Bakugou’s and he grunts at the loss, but then bites down on his bottom lip as Kirishima makes his way over his jaw and mouths at this throat. That’s when a whine – a fucking whine – forces its way past Bakugou’s tongue. His hands drop to Kirishima’s shoulders and he grits his teeth. “Fuck,” he growls, forcing his voice lower.

Then this mother fucker giggles and pulls away – and Bakugou honestly doesn’t know which one he’s more pissed off at – smiling at him. It’s blinding. “You’re so cute,” he exclaims. “I like you so much.”

“Shut up,” Bakugou groans, digging his fingers into Kirishima’s shoulder and ducking his head as he feels his cheeks redden again.

“Say you do what you want again! Say that you like me!” Kirishima pleads, laughing the whole time.

“Fucking—” Bakugou cuts himself off, not even sure what he wants to say. “You—” He growls unintelligibly again, and pushes Kirishima away from him, even if it is the gentlest push he thinks he’s ever given in his life. He slams his finger on their floor again, and the doors open immediately. He stalks around this laughing, amazing mother fucker and into the hallway, making a straight line to his room.

As always, ever since they were first-years, Kirishima follows. And he’s still laughing like an idiot, and there’s a section of Bakugou’s chest and stomach that is absolutely giddy, and he grinds his teeth instead of smiling. “Bakugou,” Kirishima calls, elongating his name and fuck it’s cute and he’s going to wake the entire floor up and if that happens Bakugou knows that he’ll die.

The door recognizes his fingerprint – a security measure that the school added in last year, but Bakugou knows it’s because some people just couldn’t ever keep track of their damn keys – and the door opens. Kirishima still follows him, stopping the door with his foot and a hand flat on the door. Damn, he is so lucky that Bakugou wasn’t slamming it because he didn’t even harden.

“I just want to talk,” Kirishima says, smiling sweetly at him. The laughter has mostly subsided, but it still shines in his eyes.

Bakugou’s heart thumps loudly in his chest, and he softens. He loves this boy and it’s so weird to think that so openly to himself now, but he likes it.

“And then, maybe you can cross a few things off your to-do list.” Kirishima waggles his eyebrows, that sweet smile turning into a knowing smirk.

Nope, nevermind, Bakugou hates him.

“You shithead,” he groans. But despite that, he walks away from his door and makes no move to close it again. A silent invitation for Kirishima to enter which is wholeheartedly taken.

It amazes Bakugou how relaxed Kirishima is in his room. He treats it like his own, acting perfectly at home and comfortable as he collapses on Bakugou’s bed. Meanwhile, Bakugou’s brain is reeling. It’s like there are red flashing lights in his head that are screaming at him, Kirishima is in your room and on your bed, as if Kirishima hadn’t ever been here before.

But it’s different now because he just had his tongue down your throat in the elevator and you’re hoping that he does that again, his brain points out.

And it’s fucking right, and Bakugou doesn’t remember the last time he’s felt this unsure in his own space. At least not about something this stupid. Sure, there had been his first year where he was the reason that his childhood role model and reason he decided to become a hero had to retire because of him. And the fact that, at the same time, his childhood rival was starting to rise to his level and surpass him. Kirishima had been by his side then, though, and that made things just a little better. And it made him want to be better. But now Kirishima was in his bed and laid out like a fucking angel—

“I can hear you thinking, babe,” Kirishima said, looking up at him with that smile again. The soft one that Bakugou thinks is probably the reason he fell in love in the first place.

Wait. Babe.

Fuck, he’s on fire, he knows it.

Kirishima laughs and holds out his hand, gesturing for Bakugou to take it. “Come sit down. Don’t worry, I promise I just want to talk.”

Bakugou feels so tense. His shoulders feel like they have rocks on them, but he takes Kirishima’s hand and the sweat that’s layering his palm doesn’t seem to be a bother as he’s tugged forward and onto the bed. “I’m not worried,” he grumbles, crossing his legs under himself, sitting across from Kirishima and he knows that his lie is utterly unconvincing in his presence.

The reassuring look on Kirishima’s face is almost enough to make him actually not worry. “Yeah, okay, tough guy,” he chuckles, looking down at their hands and rubbing his thumb over the top of Bakugou’s. It feels nice. Really nice. Bakugou didn’t know he could like physical touch this much, but it feels so genuine coming from Kirishima, who’s one of the only people who’s never been afraid to touch him. And now he’s holding dangerous hands so gently and, fuck, lovingly.

Bakugou can’t decide if he wants to pull away because it’s overwhelming, or dive in headfirst and drown in it.

“I’ve liked you for so long,” Kirishima tells him quietly.

Bakugou wants to say I know or That’s because you have good taste or something confident but instead, his throat feels too dry and he swallows, watching Kirishima’s hands stroke his own.

“I kinda… love you, actually.”

Bakugou dives. Kirishima’s not going to let him drown.

“Me…” He clears his throat when his voice comes out scratchy. Kirishima looks up at him and he looks hopeful, which Bakugou thinks is stupid. He doesn’t need to look hopeful, he should already know. Kirishima knows him better than anyone. For fuck’s sake, Bakugou had been the one to move first – for the first time in their friendship. Relationship? Shit.

“You?” Kirishima prompts him, and Bakugou realizes he’s just been staring at him like a dumbass.

“I love you,” he finishes because Kirishima deserves for him to actually say it, even if his voice is an embarrassed, low grumble. Not just say me too or yeah or some kind of quick exchange where Bakugou gets to leave it unsaid while Kirishima keeps carrying the burden of initiating everything. He doesn’t need Kirishima to initiate everything. He’s Bakugou fucking Katsuki.

Kirishima’s smile puts every other smile in his arsenal to shame. This one is Bakugou’s new favorite. This is the one he’s going to think about every waking second. The one that’s going to get him to do whatever Kirishima wants, and he’ll do it happily behind a mask of annoyance because that’s just how he is and Kirishima accepts that about him.

He’s Kirishima fucking Eijirou and Bakugou is so damn in love with him.

It is weird to say, though. Bakugou has never said those three words together before. But it’s not a bad weird, and he still feels like himself. That’s how he knows that it’s true.

“I love you, too!” Kirishima exclaims, reaching for him and cupping his face gently at the jaw.

“Yeah, you said that already,” Bakugou replies, averting his gaze for a few moments for his own sanity before inevitably being pulled back in by the magnet of Kirishima’s pure joy.

“And I’ll keep saying it,” Kirishima insists. “Can I kiss you again?”

“I’ll be fucking pissed if you don’t.”

Kirishima’s lips are already on his by the end of his sentence, because he already knew the answer would be yes. It’s just as good as the last three kisses, and Bakugou wonders when he’ll stop keeping count.

This one is different though because Kirishima is pulling Bakugou closer but they’re sitting down. But he wants to be closer, too, so he moves and it’s strange. But this is clearly not the first time for Kirishima, because his hands are on Bakugou’s waist to help him move and arrange them in a mess of limbs where Bakugou sits on Kirishima’s lap. Now his hands are on Kirishima’s neck and he’s above him for the first time. Hand spread over his back and the tension in his shoulders melts away. His eyebrows are scrunched together, and he feels so helpless but safe like this.

Then laughter once again bubbles up from Kirishima but this time Bakugou ignores him. He’s just happy. That has to be all it is. But it doesn’t stop and increases a little when Bakugou experiments with his own tongue, sliding it over Kirishima’s lips.

Bakugou pulls back and glares down at him. The tips of his ears are red. It’s not like he’s ever kissed anyone before so, of course, he doesn’t really know what he’s doing but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do it confidently. “The fuck are you laughing for?” He frowns.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Kirishima says. One of his hands leaves Bakugou’s back and covers his face, pressing the pad of his finger under his eye, tears leaking out of the corner. “This is just crazy. I just went to get a snack.” He pauses, wiping at his eye and looking up at Bakugou with consideration. “Well, actually. I mean, I guess I did kind of get one.” He grins and his hands go back to Bakugou’s sides, looking him over appreciatively.

“Shut the fuck up,” Bakugou groans, dropping his head onto Kirishima’s shoulder. It takes him a moment to realize how natural that was, so he doesn’t move, turning his head into Kirishima’s neck.

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend now?”

“Fuck off.” His voice is muffled on Kirishima’s skin and he fists his hands in the back of Kirishima’s shirt.

“You would miss me too much.” And fuck, if he isn’t right about that.

“Maybe,” Bakugou concedes, a little huffy.

Another bright laugh and this time Bakugou doesn’t try to stop the smile that creeps onto his face. “Alright, so now we can hold hands walking to class. I want to cuddle in the common room on movie nights too, okay?” Bakugou scoffs indignantly, but he’s ignored as Kirishima continues with his list, “You have to kiss me good luck before the big exams, too. And before we go on patrol. Oh! I wonder if Fat Gum would let you patrol with us, sometime!”

“You wanna be the one to ask Endeavor?” Bakugou retorts.

“Oh. No.” He feels Kirishima shake his head before he turns down and kisses Bakugou’s forehead. It’s so sweet and domestic and it’s a gesture that Bakugou doesn’t recall ever experiencing before. It makes him feel warm and he picks his head up to press a lingering kiss to Kirishima’s lips instead.

“I will, maybe, do some of that,” he says, knowing full well that he will do all of it if it means Kirishima will keep smiling like this at him, about him, for him, because of him.

“Can I tell everyone that you’re my boyfriend?” Kirishima asks, brushing a gentle hand through Bakugou’s spikes.

Wow. He really likes the sound of that. Kirishima’s. His. Boyfriend. Which also means, Bakugou’s, mine. It means he’s Kirishima’s and Kirishima is Bakugou’s. He doesn't mind being someone's if that someone is Kirishima.

“…yeah,” he agrees, nodding.

The smile. Yeah, that’s what he wanted to see.

“Can I call you Katsuki now?”

“You’re a menace.”

“You can call me Eijirou.”

“Get out.”

Bakugou isn’t sure how long they stay in his bed. They switch between kissing and talking for hours, and he knows it’s getting late because he’s exhausted and falling asleep on Kirishima’s shoulder. He vaguely realizes that he never studied more, which means Kirishima didn’t either. But they were distracted. He’ll make them study tomorrow and hold kissing hostage until Kirishima passes his practice exams.

To avoid Aizawa’s wrath, Kirishima eventually picks himself up to leave and Bakugou finds himself following him to the door. More lingering kisses by the door and Kirishima complains that he doesn’t want to leave and makes another joke about a to-do list. Bakugou pushes him out by his shoulders, Kirishima cackling and holding up his hands in surrender.

“Goodnight Katsuki,” he smiles, kissing him one more time as he leans back in the doorway.

“Goodnight,” Bakugou insists, mostly closing the door.

“Hm?” Kirishima hums, followed by another peck on the lips.

“Goodnight Eijirou,” he says again and receives a very triumphant look from his boyfriend. Fuck, he really likes that. Kirishima’s beaming like he’s won, but Bakugou doesn’t feel like he lost.

“I love you!”

“…yeah, yeah, you too. Go to sleep!”

It takes a few more tries, but he finally gets his door to close. He can practically see the heart emojis coming off of Kirishima as he leaves.

Finally, he collapses in bed, curling up under his blanket. He stares up at his ceiling blankly for a few minutes before he smiles, biting down on his lips to try to stop it. Then he finds himself laughing quietly, barely a breath and mostly out of his nose, but he’s laughing and he’s so happy.

No. No, he doesn’t hate this at all.

#kiribaku #bnha #bakugou katsuki #Kirishima Eijirou #uraraka ochako #kaminari denki #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #mha #p: my writing #ff: bnha

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skaylanphear · 3 years ago

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Hi there! Do you have any advice on improving traction towards a fanwork/fic? I love writing—and it's not for notoriety by any means—but having validation and feedback also feels nice (I hope that's not conceited). What would you recommend to someone without a large audience/follower base? I do "advertise" on tumblr when my work is written/updated on AO3. How did your journey start? Thank you!

This is an interesting question and I doubt most people are going to like the answers, but here we go:

So, first and foremost, you need to be realistic about why you're creating in the first place. If you're doing work in a fandom that is older, where content has stopped coming out, or that is simply smaller, you're not going to get much engagement, period. There will, of course, be activity in these fandoms, but it will be far less and the people involved—while they may view your work—will be less likely to comment/spread it around simply because there's not much going on. So if you're creating in that sort of environment (which can be a really good environment if you're looking for something chill with no pressure), then you have to be prepared for low engagement, even if the people you do meet and who are willing to talk about your work are more regularly in your sphere. You can probably make better/closer friends in these sorts of fandoms, if you're willing to try.

But, on the other end of this, if you're coming into a huge fandom late, it's also going to be harder to wade through the massive following to get your stuff out there. For example, in both the Miraculous and Sk8 fandom, I started work pretty early on, when the shows were still gaining traction, and so my "name" as a creator gained traction parallel to that growth, as opposed to when I started writing in the Voltron fandom. With Voltron, I came in super late and so what few fics I had that did gain traction took a lot longer to get there because people already had their fav content creators in the fandom, etc. It's not impossible to get popular in this situation—far from it—but it does take longer.

You'll also benefit from having finished works early on in a fandom's lifespan, at least with writing. This is because there's less competition for views and so more people will be filtered to your work, initially. This means that you have a better chance of getting those comments and kudos. Having a finished work increases this engagement because people look for finished works before works in progress. Generally, the length of a fic doesn't matter much for popularity, so long as it's DONE. When I was writing in the ML fandom, quite a few of my earlier fics were shorter, and they compete in popularity with my longer fics, because people care more about having a finished story, not a long story. That's why when it came to Only Practice Makes Perfect in the Sk8 fandom, I worked hard to get that shit done, because it was the most popular story I had in the fandom and I decided—like an idiot—to make it a long fic. Which, yeah, means people probably love it/remember it more in the long run, but if I hadn't finished it in 2 to 3 months, I'd have lost considerable traction as far as making a name within the fandom.

This leads into one of the most important points, if not THE MOST IMPORTANT point in gaining an audience—consistency. If you do want to be a successful creator, you Have To Be Consistent. This is the most difficult hurdle for all creators, and it is oftentimes impossible to make happen. If you want to aim for professionalism, which a lot of fandom creators don't care about (which is fine), then consistency is how you get there. Nobody wants to read a fic or follow an artist who doesn't stick to creating what they start (RIP all my unfinished works and the people who left me as a result, LOL). Using my most recent works as an example, I very, very, very consistently updated Only Practice Makes Perfect multiple times a week. To the point where people got comfortable expecting it, which is the key variable here. When people become comfortable that you will regularly create content, they not only stick around, but will be more interactive with you and your work. Nobody likes the disappointment of getting involved with a work only for that work to rarely get updates. Most people don't have the attention span to care. I'll admit, if I read a fic that's not finished and the writer takes one week to update, then one week, then THREE weeks, I probably will, like, forget about it. That's just life.

The best thing you can do is schedule. And again, this is the HARDEST thing to do, because it holds the creator to a deadline. Most people who create in fandoms don't want that kind of pressure—and that's fine. I go back and forth on when I have scheduled releases and when I don't, depending on what I'm aiming to do. But if you to retain your audience, telling them that you will update a work regularly on such and such a day and such and such a time, it creates something for them to remember. If they're invested in your work, they will think, "oh, it's Friday, that means such and such is coming out with something new." But, with that in mind, you also have to commit to a schedule that people will remain invested in. Which basically means you can't put things out more than a week away from each other, unless you're really, really famous, lol. If I told people I was going to go on a two week update schedule, I would lose most of my audience. But a week is long enough for people to both still remember and anticipate. That's just how the scheduling of the world works. And if you're an artist that's working on a big project, then you have to share progress, or pieces of what you're doing on a regular basis. That's what generates "buzz" and keeps you relevant. And, yeah, that's a really hard schedule to commit to, because it's a lot of work. BUT this consistency is where you see people being successful. Popular youtubers may not have gained their popularity by being consistent, but most sure do retain it that way. And again, there are outlying exceptions, but they generally ARE exceptions.

Speaking of hard work, here's probably the second hardest thing to accomplish—you have to be prolific. Especially as a writer. You have to write A LOT if you want to gain an audience. And yeah, that means you have to work, a lot. I love my work, so I enjoy that "grind," and I also have developed a lot of strategies to work around writer's block and every other obstacle that tends to catch people up. I work in a very professional manner—I do outlines, and drafts, and plan. I do a lot of stuff that people who do this kind of thing for fun can't be bothered with (and that's fine), but that's because I find it to be what works best in creating an efficient environment. I'm also very, very NOT lazy, lol. I was raised in an environment where you have to work for everything that you want. My parents didn't buy me my first computer, or snowboard, or what have you. We were tight on money and if I wanted something, they couldn't help me—I had to get that shit on my own. And I also grew up on a farm, where hard work was a staple of how you did things. You did things the right way, even if it was the hard way. You can't cut corners and it's the same with this. If you want it, you have to actually do the work, that's it. Some people get lucky with popularity, most don't. Most famous actors didn't become well-known off their first efforts, they had to keep trying and keep working and then they have to continue to do that to stay relevant. So if that doesn't sound great to you, then you might want to not focus on your audience and just create because you enjoy it, lol. Sometimes that's what I do too, when I don't wanna deal with the pressure.

Moving on, here's another point that nobody is going to like. Simply put, you also have to be good at what you do. I think some people don't realize that I've been writing fic for over fifteen years. I currently have nearly 2 millions words worth of fics on AO3 and that doesn't include a majority of the stuff I've ever written. I practice A LOT. I write every day. And I'll tell ya, when I started out in middle school, my stuff was not good. But I worked hard, I ignored the hate, and I kept going. That is the only way you will ever get better at anything. There's no quick way to become a better writer, or artist. And a vast majority of people are only going to pay attention to your stuff if it's quality work. Getting to that point is a process, on top of then creating stuff that fits into popular molds. Not only am I good at what I do (and I don't care how arrogant that sounds—I've worked my ass off), but when it comes to fandoms, I rarely write "rare pairs" and "crack ships." Generally, if it's popular, that's where I am. That makes a big difference and I honestly don't have sympathy for people who write rare pairs and such and then complain about lack of engagement. You knew what you were getting into (it's mostly the Miraculous fandom that gave me this bitterness). If you're not writing what people WANT to read, then your audience is simply going to be smaller. And that audience doesn't owe you their attention, no matter how frustrating it is or how good your work is. I could be the best writer in the world, but if I'm writing RekixCherry fic, I have nobody to blame but myself when nobody reads it. BUT if that's your passion, and writing a certain unpopular thing makes you happy, then, again, you need to not be concerned with traction and your audience.

The last point I'll make is that it matters HOW you present yourself online. A good chunk of the well-known creators in any fandom are, simply put, older people. And those that aren't, and are able to connect with those older creators, have generally created a bubble around themselves of maturity and, like, of being nice, lol. A lot of creators are skittish these days, and if you're an asshole (anti) or fight a lot over stupid shit, you may get a bigger audience, but you will isolate yourself from other creators. And this is important because oftentimes it is your exposure to other creators that will get your work circulating. The reason I got popular in the ML fandom? I wrote a short angst fic and a really popular artist shared it/talked about it and the rest was history. But if I'd had a habit of being an asshole, probably wouldn't have happened. And, granted, I'm not saying don't voice your opinions, but if you're loud all the time, it does turn people off. Especially creators because they are oftentimes the ones being attacked. They don't want to pull more of that negative bullshit into their lives. I'll admit, when I was in the ML fandom, I was down for a fight, but then that's what people came to expect, and it probably did turn others off, and then when I didn't fight, or didn't think the way my audience thought I should, it, again, turned people off. It's really not worth it unless being that type of person IS your platform.

So, that's all the advice I can give, I suppose. And even if you do all this stuff, that still doesn't mean you're going to be popular. At the end of the day, the thing that I stick to is this—I do what I want, I love what I do, and I work hard. If I'm in a position to worry about all that other stuff, then sure, I do, but otherwise… There's no easy way to become popular and, quite frankly, it's better to just "live" working hard and being a decent person than it is to focus on all this bullshit. I've created a working environment where I function within these "points" quite naturally, so it's not something I think about (except for schedules, lol). Sometimes I get popular in fandoms, sometimes I don't. At the end of the day, it comes down to how much work you're willing to do, because you will always be giving more than you are getting back, so you have to at least enjoy what you're doing.

Seriously, just do it because you love it. And if the pressure of everything above is something you don't love (I like a good, high pressure situation, lol), then don't do it that way—it's not worth the grief.

#skaylanphear replies #anonymous

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