#I kinda miss that aunt
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I'm cleaning out my garage and I found a box of my aunt's stuff, the aunt that my mother told me is eccentric (I only met her a handful of times). In the box was a photo album that was gifted to my grandfather for a birthday. Instead of photos of her kids or husband, the entire thing was filled with professional photos of her. Only her. Every frame was her in a new pose and I'm kinda living for it.
#I just find it so funny#that she would give him#a photo album of just her#for HIS birthday#cracks me up#lmaooooo#I kinda miss that aunt#but all I remember from her is that#she got paid to enact star trek#and she was a fuctioning alcoholic#I think she's a professor now#which way to go eccentric aunt#got that all figured out
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A redraw of an old thing because exam season is the only time i get creative energy ig
#but no fr i just came home from 2 consecutive exams. like consecutive as in one after the other in 2 hours#next week is all finals and theyre all like 2 hours 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon like bro#whatevs tho medical update THE MEDS ARE WORKING alhamdulilallah i feel im getting way more energy :)#2 years on immunosuppressants and at least 3 months of corticosteroids which means no salt :( BUT we are getting thru it#im cooking again :')#ok enough my life is not what you're here for. idk if cbeeduo at the end of 2023 *is* but idc#i just rly missed them yk and the vibes and the place i was in plus i have fun drawing them so suck it#i hope my good cbee mutuals enjoy this love yall#my art#dsmp fanart#cranboo#ctubbo#cbeeduo#fashion notes for the cool peeps still reading is i am dying on the hill that cranboo was decked in a 70s aunt wardrobe argue with the wall#also tubbo cowboy cus. like. look at him.#will probably draw tommy next i rly miss him. nothing big as always im a doodle kinda guy at heart#anyway xoxo love yall still here <33#fennec.art
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so sorry for the americans who need to spend time with their extended family not once but twice a year. four weeks apart
#im here with them year round ha.hahaha ha 🥰🔫#i miss when i only saw my grandparents once a year so i actually kinda liked them#but at least my aunt doesn't have to deal w them anymore. good for her
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So I finally watched Sense8. I regret not watching it sooner for a couple reasons. But I'm so glad I finally watched it.
#i dont know why it got canceled#but it ended well for being canceled#AND ITS SO QUEER. ITS SOOOOO QUEER#two confirmed bi women. amanita had bi colored hair but being exclusively wlw the whole show she could be lesbian. a trans lesbian!!!!#all the men are queer. they are. i love how comfortable they are with each other. and RAJAN IS A GODDAMN KING. ID DIE FOR THAT MAN#sun and mun 🥺🥺🥺 omfgggg i love them. i kinda headcanon sun as demi- or gray-aroace and mun 😭 HES A FUCKING KING TOO#and diego 🥺 and felix 🥺 and Rileys dad 🥺 and Caphaes' mom 🥺 and amanita's parents 🥺 nomi's sister 🥺 and Kala's parents 🥺#SO MANY CHARACTERS WERE AMAZING!!!!!#also lowkey still in awe that there was a polycule through the whole show and then in the end theres a second one??? whaaaaat!!! amaaazing#ALSO ⚠️ BEFORE ANY YELLS AT ME FOR MAYBE MISSING A DETAIL ⚠️ Im human. maybe i got up for a drink and didnt pause.#bc thats a crime i commit often lol. so if im misinterpreting something dont chop off my head ok? i saw polycules you didnt have to#i saw an aroace reading. i dont totally know if i sit by that any more bc i think sun x mun is built well. like dont attack me over musings#ok. done for now#sense8#aunt posting
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Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"
#quote from MLP:FIW#sorryyyy been kinda angry about my step family all day#sorry but im so tired of my Stepmom acting like she raised decent kids#my step brother is like 25 and living in my dads home. hes unironically an andrew tate fan and treats his very disabled girlfriend like shit#step sister always got compred to my sister who's the same age and put step sis in the light every time EVEN THO MY SIS WAS LITERALLY BETTER#<- like grades n shit#also both step sibs are gross. never cleans up ever. step brother and his gf are banned from the basement#step bro went to juvy when he was 16 and step sis had a trial last year and almost went to jail#also step sis has mono and would rather die than cover her mouth#i feel bad for SB's girlfriend because she has no other support system and sometimes it feels like SB or SS is trying to kill her?????#my dad threatened to kick out the adults if the house is dirty (adults being SB. SBG. SS. My sister. Aunt.)#My sister does SO MUCH HOUSEWORK and nobody cares and im mad#also bullshit rules recently have made my potential eating disorder worse#i don't think its healthy to rather starve than wash a dish but i actually have cried several times over this#not to mention how much i accidentally starve myself#also our food has been less and less because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat anymore because of my step family#also i have to share the smallest room with my sister. its okay tho ilh and i wouldn't want to get rid of her#sometimes it feels like my stepmom doesn't like me or my sisters because we're “weird”. childish interests and artistic#she lectured me about having missing assignments and I started crying#i said i just forgot to turn in some before the deadline and she called me lazy#<- Oops! so close. its actually THE MENTAL ILLNESS#my sisters and i feel like shit#i feel like my safe space is with my oldest sister.#and you all too! i love you guys#i just feel trapped. trapped by my step family. trapped by my own mind.#i was just starting to feel free from the burden of school and she just made me feel more stressed.#i didn't want to study because she killed the little motivation I had#Spanish exam is now “Fuck it we ball”#sorry for the personal post
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i love final fantasy so much i might go insane
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#urgggfhfgfh listening to distant worlds 6 ... battle theme medley. i heard the ff1 and started Crying already oh fuck this#i can listen to cosmo canyon (i loveu red) and then just start cryying it's insane actually. what reason do i have to cry from that#i am Ignoring the#. the uhm.#the eternal wind one bcs i will be uncontrollable (in sobbing) ..... Man!#idk man i missed this :( haven't been self-indulgent w any interests aside from acads for the past months (which is cool but also) !!!!!#ff1 to 16 and then the spin-offs and sequels and prequels and other games i love you all#will always rmbr my super cool adoptive-tito (he is. american LMFAO gay friend of my super cool aunt so he kinda got adopted into the family#when he went w her on vacation here) who is insane w the piano and played. mario and ff songs for us.#aerith's theme.... oughhh....... rufus' welcoming ceremony and esp uh#the battle theme i forgpt the name of atm. Insane! amazing
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trick or treat! >w<
treat 💥 here’s some chocolate milk for you
#Im not Italian but I can’t stop thinking about Alex latte al cioccolato#When I went to Venice I didn’t want to eat pizza (bc I hate pizza and it makes me wanna throw up) but my mom and aunt did#So they let me get something to eat at the grocery store and stay at the hotel while they went to a restaurant#And I found Alex latte Al ciocollato. Alex I think about you all the time please come back#I miss you Alex#I don’t remember exactly how it tasted like but the packaging made me so happy for some reason#I am like if a child was grown up kinda#inbox trick or treating#halloween 2024
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went on a walk with my cousins :-) that was nice
#much to say there. but we shan’t it’s interesting to kind of see who they are now…#and talking to my whole family was ok#nice to talk to some of my other cousins aunts uncles etc. was over honesty faster than i expected#kinda miss the days where it was just someone’s house#abby talks
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I think I am finally In love
#this is kinda weird but whenever i had a crush on someone it was just like#i would only think about them when i was almost falling asleep at 4 am and during the day they mesnt nothing to me#and now i dream about him and i think about him during every period of the day#and when he says bye to me after class or just look at me and say “schmidt :D” or stands in front of me#in a line i have to hold myself so i won't start crying and hug him because we don't have inyimacy at all#and i miss it so much when we did every project together and everyday he asked me if i was allright and i should have told him the truth#and months ago he asked me to do a project with him again but that one friend of mine who i recently stopped talking with told him that#i was already doing the project with her#an obviously lie#and he never texted me again#and i have never been jealous but i noticed hes been talking a lot to her and he barely talks to me and he doesnt know she lies all the tim#about everything and he doesnt know i wanted to accept his feelings last march but i couldn't even get out of bed that would've hurt him#and i still think i would hurt him but i want him more than ever#and hes everything i want and everything i want to be and look#and he is smart as fuck and he is funny but never offends anyone with his jokes and he never offended anyone actually#he is the sweetest person to ever exist#and my mom and aunt adore him#and who doesnt?#it hurts so bad that he isnt in love with me again and i want to work out things and i want to be good for him#last year he dated like 3 people but hes been single for almost the whole year and if he starts dating someone again#before i manage to get better ill be so sad#and i need him i need him i love his thin arms and i need him to wrap me with then and i need to rest my head on his shoulder#and i want to play minecraft with him like we used to and i want him to know i like him but i cant do it all of sudden#i need to be friends with him again but i have no idea how#i need him to like#i changed so much in the last year he probably thinks im weird and stupid but he won't say it because he is the coolest person ever#and he is so pretty and i want to adjust his glasses and kiss his hands#and i want to ask him if hes ok too#and i want to make him feel better#and i want to sit next to him
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You ever think about traditions that died on your birth
#like. okay for example. on both sides of my family the women sew and embroider#moreso on my dad’s side I think#(if my mom can embroider she’s never shown me)#and they’re really skilled because they’ve been doing it their whole lives#when we visited my dad’s family grandma gave my brother a handmade and hand-embroidered shirt!#and it’s like. all of them can do it. my grandmother and great-aunts and aunts and cousins.#but I’m estranged from that. aside from simple mends I don’t touch needle and thread.#and it’s kinda saddening?? that there’s so much culture and history that I’m missing#because I did not care about it as a child and feel that I’m too old to ask now#edit: I left this in my drafts to stew and today my dad showed me a video of a traditional instrument of the ethnic group hes from#and asked if I thought I could learn it (we do not have the instrument and my woodwind background is useless for it)#so even though it’s not really a family tradition THAT TOO.#pika’s ramblings#gah. idk my dudes. I feel like. a longing for these things and at the same time an aversion#because I know it won’t be the same as if I’d grown up with it all and it makes me feel like an imposter#frankly I feel like an imposter in even claiming my own damn identity because of how distant I feel from my heritage#also *shakes duolingo* at least let me learn my parents’ mother tongues you bitch
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The bad thing about having a sleepover with my lil cousins is that they woke up at like 7:20 or something but the good thing is that we watched megamind last night
#the thing is that last time those two had a sleepover the boy couldn't sleep and he wanted to go home at like 1 am#(we all live close so the other older cousin watched him walk home)#but when my aunt woke up she freaked out cause he was missing and they didn't tell her cause he didn't want to wake her up#anyways#so i kinda expected someone to wake up at night and need something#but they didn't#but cause i was worried i woke up at like 4am and at the time i had completely forgotten they were here but realized they were here cause of#the light and the fact that my door was open#so then i fell back asleep again and saw them in my dream and we were having a sleepover at his house instead#and i woke up again by my mom at like 6 cause she was getting ready for work#and then at 7 i heard them whispering and thought#huh i need to wake up. they're up. i must feed them👁👄👁#btw they're like 9 and 11 years old#also i have a haircut less than an hour and the girl will come with for company#but the boy doesn't wanna walk that far so he'll stay here and watch 2j on YouTube or something#cause he doesn't have keys for his house i think#sugarenia talks#sugarenia has family#sugarenia cousins
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I made Eila and the rest of her family here <3
Top row is Eila, her sister Keira/Kiki and big brother Eoin
Bottom row is her mum and dad who currently don’t have names 😶
#I can never decide if I want eila or kiki to be older so I’m always changing my mind oops#probably kiki tho?#their ages have been changing the whole time I’ve had them though whoops at one point I’m p sure eila was the oldest#kiki is the one who has kids#I haven’t decided what eoin’s life looks like yet#maybe he already has a kid when eila leaves so they’re also missing the next generation of their family as well 👀#there’s also kellan who was the youngest sibling but died in an accident when they were children#I didn’t make him bc it felt weird to have him looking the same age as the rest of them#lowkey I’m kinda like what if I went and made a whole family tree now w grandparents and aunts and uncles and fleshed out the kids#and timelines and everything#basically my brain is like what if I started dragon age creating properly again but with something completely outside of canon events lmao#but YEAH here’s the du Val’s as they currently exist in my brain
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#i’ll get better pictures later#but look at them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i only got two done because i was working on designing a spaceballs shirt before too long but got annoyed and had to give up#also i know there’s a piece missing on the heart grenade i have it to iron on later but i kinda like it this way#i only got to make the van halen one cause my aunt who was helping me was talking to my mom so i had some free time
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every so often I think about how my sixteen year-old self would love my current lifestyle just because the place I live in now is safe
#bolo speaks#I used to want to leave home SO BAD because I (rightly) felt like I was under threat there#like my aunt asked me what it was I wanted most in the world and I told her I wanted to live anywhere else (because then I'd be safe from my#dad) which was uncomfortable to say out loud but I didn't want to lie to her#sometimes I'll be in my creaky little dorm bed and think ''I am completely and entirely safe right now. this was what I dreamed of just a#few years ago'' and it's kinda weird ngl#BUT I was soooo fucked up with homesickness when I got to college anyway almost entirely bc I missed my mom. and I'd moved out my childhood#home recently too so I KNOW it wasn't about the house. just the familiarity of having my loved ones in the same city#how the turntables and all that#addition bc I'm still thinking about this: honestly my dorm is even better in terms of safety than my new house in some ways bc it's soooo#geographically distant I know my dad could never ever reach me here. and I don't think my address is easy to find#because sometimes even in my new house that fear he'll find me and End It doesn't really go away. like I still know it's feasible even if#I'm being irrational#but now I am so fuckoff far away it's not even a blip on my radar. stunning spectacular amazing
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Yknow no one ever tells you that when you temporarily separate from an entity in your practice that you may find yourself absolutely ugly crying over it
... big fuckin ugly cried today bc I miss Asmodeus
#astar speaks#now like. i knew it was a thing that was gonna happen bc my aunt had the single condition of like no demons in the house#and she has no issue w me goin into the woods on the property to do it and shes been very chill#however its been too hot too rainy always too fuckin something to do anything so just#i miss him#i miss him a lot and i fucking ugly cried about it todau#and i find myself kinda tearing up again writing this out but here we fuckin are#swear im making a nice meal and getting a bottle of the og wine we drink together as soon as i can get this trailer of my own on th property#welcoming that man back with a bang#even if there is a day before that that i actually can fuckin do smth out in them there woods#new space gotta celebrate!!#i swear ive felt like a fuckin child who suddenly cant find their parent and i dont like that bc that hits an inner child wound (or several)
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i'm all like myeh myeh i don't enjoy my illegal hobby anymore and then 2 months later i'm up to my elbows in unbuffered coconut coir blasting mephistofeles again
#i miss being Weed Aunt#it is the only identity i feel kinda good about having#also i forgot that if i smoke weed only at night i don't get hangover bc hangover hits me exactly 24 hours after smoke
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