#now like. i knew it was a thing that was gonna happen bc my aunt had the single condition of like no demons in the house

[witch-of-many-names]

Yknow no one ever tells you that when you temporarily separate from an entity in your practice that you may find yourself absolutely ugly crying over it

... big fuckin ugly cried today bc I miss Asmodeus

[charlxttexo]

I never watched the last dsmp streams cuz 1) techno wasn’t there, what’s the point and 2) I knew they wanted season 2 but I had a feeling it wasn’t gonna happen, so I knew the ending wouldn’t be satisfying. So anyways here’s what I wanted to happen/ happened in my delusions :

- Tubbo and Tommy blow up Dream with the nukes

- Jack was there and saw it bc why tf not?

- there’s basically no forms of governments left so the syndicate members are like ‘ok let’s chill out’

- dream tried to hide the revive book but Techno knew where he’d hide it, found it, and then revived ranboo. No shut up I’m not hearing criticism on this one.

- techno then proceeds to burn it bc there they’re all tired af so he’s pretty sure there won’t be any more wars

- Phil is like ‘awesome let me go be the dad that I couldn’t be for Wilbur to Tommy’ bc I’m extremely desperate for the SBI dynamic ( Ik he’s not a good parent, I KNOW. Let me live a little )

- Tommy, Tubbo and ranboo go to therapy ( or maybe the whole server bc they ALL need it )

- Tommy pick up new hobbies like gardening n embroidery

- Tubbo moves in next to ranboo with Michael

- Tommy shows up one day to be the cool wine aunt and never leaves so he lives there now

- techno builds a bigger house but doesn’t say anything

- Tommy also happens to find pots of potatoes everywhere in his garden as gifts, wonder who that’s from

- tubbo and Ranboo enjoy gay marriage ( I am dying bc cc! Beeduo haven’t talked in centuries, ok? )

- puffy and Nikki get married ( let’s go lesbians )

- Jack cries at the wedding bc he’s proud of his sister ( Jack and Nikki siblings headcannon real, fight me )

- techno and Tommy eventually forgive each other

- Tommy teaches Phil how to sew

- Jack and phil try to build a car based on a dream Jack had and failed ( don’t ask why idk )

- Jack also ends up working with Nikki to build Phil that mechanical wing typa thing ( for context I was thinking of how to train your dragon so it’s based off that )

- he can’t fully fly but it helps

- boom boom boy ( Wilbur ) is at who knows where

- techno and Nikki help Tubbo build a bee sanctuary at l’manburgs grave

- Michael and techno bond wee

- yeah so has everyone chills tf out and lives happily ever after

[leidensygdom]

ENNU EPILOGUE RECAP!!

OKay! So, our campaign ended! Yesterday was the 81 session, and last one of it- Our DM did a wonderful job at running it. We basically got to ask them for the scenes we'd like to see, and the session was built around that. It's been three years, so it was wild to see it come to an end! Here's a recap tho (a lil bit more focused on my blorbos since they're the ones you know)

The epilogue happened two years after the campaign's end, with a couple of flashbacks going some time back

First scene was welcoming Blasma (one of the party members), who had been on a trip all this time to heal her soul at her grandpa's dubious laboratory. She's pretty okay currently- if we ignore soul healing is something theoretically impossible. Probably many questionable things happened there. Osten traveled with her to make sure she was doing okay

Next scene was her welcoming party. A bunch of shenanigans happened. Yxala tried so play cool aunt, got her a motorbike. They ended in somewhat odd terms and my girl was trying so bad to get her trust again

Pulsar and Tephra- each polycule's kids- appeared to be overall terribly adorable. Yxala talked a lot about her Sweet Potato. Tephra is Yxala and Relé's biological kiddo (as evidenced by the branched horns), 6 months old, and just one of these big hefty babies who is starting to munch on everything (here's a token of baby her, and what she's like grown up!)

we also got to see the closure of Mythannae, Yden and Jorven's polycule! Myth and Yden recovered their enchanted clothing business. They specialize in magical clothing adapted to specific needs- Like fireproof clothing for fire genasi, helmets with bag-of-holding like pockets so you can put them on with horns, that stuff. Jorven has now been working on music again. (For context, Myth was my previous character before I switched for Yxala!)

Blasma's player also had an epilogue for his previous character- she's a tired old lady, who is now joining another tired old lady to get in politics. An improvement, given they were cops before that

Centi got to resurrect the weird celestial wife of an old teacher of hers- Who had been snatched up by Sol Ascensus and transformed into a monster. I can't wait to show Niereva to y'all tho, she's a bit of a weird aminal (a mantis/naga-like aasimar)

She may have done a fucked up pact with a psychopomp tho-

We had Yxala's, Relent's and Uri's wedding, we knew that was coming! It took Urion a long while to recover from after the Deep Lab, and they still struggle a lot with that they did as The Onirist

We had a scene of Urion's recovery. Initially they didn't even want to come to terms with being Urion- They were The Onirist. Relé had a hard time forgiving them too, bc they DID hurt Relent a lot. Yxala was a bit more fine about it, even after having her heart carved out by them.

they're all going to therapy lol

There's actually a cult to The Onirist/Ataraxia now though! Some people loved the idea of a godly machine that could solve everyone's hurts and ailments, and they're asking for them to come back and fix the world. maybe the mind control microchips were fine, y'know

(uri isn't doing great about this)

We had the ceremony- Money and seeds are given to the partners as a sign of prosperity and life. They're gonna have a great garden.

The polycule drank (alcohol-free) wine imbued with each other's blood too bc ceremonies there go hard- (this one is seen as a bit more archaic)

And a major exchange between marrying partners is expected. They exchanged basses- They had them custom made many decades ago, with Urion's being based on clouds (after Relé), Relé's being based on fire (after Yxala), and Yxala's being based on bismuth crystals (after Uri's). Now Uri has the fiery bass, Relé has the bismuth one, and Yxala has the cloudy bass

Urion was the bassist for Demonwire, a group they were a part of with some other anarchist friends. This bass has a very long history and it's very significative. Yxala was a bit shocked.

After that, the wedding after-party took place. Blasma set a date with Osten- They didn't actually get romantically involved up until now (and it's probably gonna be very slow still gfhudhdgf)

I forgot to mention this but Urion and Relent are now involved with an organization to help the people who were affected by the Deep Lab and The Onirist's actions. Uri had a very awkward interview about it.

We had few other closure scenes here and there. Finding out two other npcs are marrying, the fact the weird undead guy somehow has a new kid, that stuff- and then we went onto the final one

Which was a concert by Demonwire. Urion played with them for the first time in 12 years, and gave an awkward speech, and it was super sweet and just a great point to end the campaign in!

With that, we're now set to go play the next campaign- Which will happen 8 years after this epilogue (ten years after the end of the major campaign events). I'm going to be playing Siegmund, one of Yxala's kids, and I'm very excited for that.

Yxala won't be doing any major stuff- She's gonna still go fight corpos in the streets and she's going back to the Mecha Derby (did y'all know she was a mecha pilot in a sports competition lmao. I'm working on her pilot fit, it's cool!). Urion is going to be back on Demonwire, mostly to raise funds for those hurt by The Onirist and Ataraxia, and will have a bigger role coming up- Specially given Siegmund's (and Vyxander, his twin) have a lot to do with that. Relent will also be doing some major stuff, but it will remain spoilery for a time. He's got some big things to handle!

I may have cried a bit at the end because it's been so long. I'm glad the characters won't be fully gone. Next campaign will have a lot more lore stuff to gush about- We're going to adventure outside the city, and meet people from all over the world. There's a country that uses souls in place of nuclear fission. It's gonna be wild! (And thank you for reading-)

[the-lonelyshepherd]

ok the like. the oc relationship ask. pleeees

10, 27, 19, 22, 20 for shay and cat

18, 19, 25, 22 for shay and katarzyna

HELLO! yes.

10, 27, 19, 22, 20 for shay and cat

10. What is one major difference between them?

oh there’s so many,,,,,,,,, um. i’d say their upbringing/families? 

first off shay is a youngest child with a fairly large age difference (like 8 years minimum) between her and her older sisters. cat on the other hand is the oldest daughter with two younger brothers. cat also has a TON of family in the area while shay’s family immigrated from ireland and england and have no other family in the area. so cat also grey up with a ton of cousins/aunts/uncles and shay was very isolated. weirdgirl 

cat had a very straight path in life that she made for herself which was like. i will work on a ranch 👍 (that’s not reallyyyy what she wanted to do but she gave up her dreams a long time ago) while shay was like poor family kid running around fishing and climbing -> really sudden transition to we have money and power and you have to act like it. this kinda means that cat is very like. she’s practical she knows how stuff works she knows how to do things. and shay is kinda all over the place with a bunch of random little skills but also like shockingly useless in a lot of random stuff. like she can shoot (cat probably could but won’t. for reasons) but she can’t cook very well at all. 

they both had very like tumultuous childhoods but in a different way. shay’s was very like she should have been a son and her dad just kinda pretended he could treat her the same until it got to the point where he couldn’t and then he started resenting her a little and everything got awful very fast. cat had parents who could be a little strict but loved her a lot and then the Events happened and now she lives with her aunt and uncle who love her very much as well but she just doesn’t. believe that. guilty guilty guilty. the cowbird

27. How far would they go for each other? Would they risk their own lives for each other? 

they go very far to every extreme in a way that’s almost concerning. cat HAS killed shay. shay killed someone for cat before they even really knew each other at all. 

cat has also risked her life and permanently scarred herself to bring shay BACK. late story is more shaky in my head but the answer to the second part is yeah. horribly so

19. Are they satisfied with their relationship? Do they wish they were closer/more distant?

i think they would eat each other if they could but they would never say that 

in all seriousness they have a really. weird relationship. it’s two people who never really knew each other get thrown into an awful weird situation place where they are now each others only company for most of the time and also there are Monsters. so they kind of do friendship all out of order it’s like…. names. kill for each other. deepest traumas. stabbing. what’s your favorite color? 

i’m sure there’s a part of them that wishes they were more distant bc they do end up hurting each other a lot. and also hurting themselves by doing that. but i also think they are a bonded pair that should not be separated like those cats at the shelter

22. When were they the most vulnerable with each other?

orurghhhhh there’s this one scene im working on..,,,,,

20. What is their best memory together?

oryrghhh…. i’ve been reworking the story a bit but im gonna use the og plan to answer this one. so probs like reaching the coast. it’s kind of like a . it’s over we made it we’re both here moment. 

i’m sure they’ll get better memories as they get older :) ill be nice

18, 19, 25, 22 for shay and katarzyna

18. Do they view their relationship as temporary or permanent?

i think it’s temporary for katarzyna for sure. she kinda sees shay as like… a means to an end. at some point the line blurs between shay and helena (katarzynas little sister that she’s using shay to try to get back). 

for shay on the other hand,,, i know deep down she knows it’s temporary. not because she knows she’s being used but because she knows she’s going to die. but she clings to katarzyna anyways. she’ll bleed for anything if it holds her tight enough :(

19. Are they satisfied with their relationship? Do they wish they were closer/more distant?

complicyaed ,,,,,,, very much so. unsatisfied because they’ll both never have enough of anything  i think.  

 shay wishes they were closer. bc it’s. shay and she’s like that and also other reasons that i wouldnprobably write way too much about if i started on them now.

katarzyna both keeps shay at arms length and is like the most traumadumping blurring-the-lines-on-who-you-actually-are bitch EVER. like are you my daughter are you my sister are you a god. i don’t know!!! it’s kind offffff like the whole shauna/callie thing but a bit different. i love you but do i love you or who i think you are sometimes. i don’t want you near me you’re everything ive lost you’re the only thing i have left. and then from the other side it’s like all i want is an adult who cares about me all i want is someone who can tell me im okay. they’re so horrible

25. If a stranger saw them together, how would they describe their relationship?

WEIRD.

idk like. it’s kind of impossible to tell who they are to each other the dynamic is just.  idk how to even. describe it. i tried with the earlier question. maybe like….. a mentor situation? if you just kinda saw them? like a mother daughter kind of . more like an apprentice thing

22. when were they most vulnerable with each other?

oh god um. they kind of take turns 😭 i can think of a few occasions but they would take a shitton of context to explain. soooooo. if im going with older story framing maybe after shay killed her dad and then came back. that was something for sure

TYSM FOR THIS GRINNNNNN I THOUGHT WBOIT THEM AND THREW UP A LITTLE 😁😁😁🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

[yappingmoxie]

idk I think a few years ago when I really realized what all was happening. like I loved (and love that’s important) my family and wanted as much time with them as possible. but a part of me was like “this is bad. this is really bad. and it’s gonna get worse. for sure it is going to get worse. but then you can grieve and things will be lighter and eventually easier. you’ll find new ways to cope and things will suck and you’ll miss them forever but it won’t be so painful. for them or for you. they’ve made their peace so you need to start too” and I know it’s selfish. but none of that is true lol. not in the least. I want em all back. even in the worst of it. I knew how to handle that. knew how to just be when they were here. knew how to care for them and look after them and help. I mean that’s all I’ve ever done. and that’s not a complaint for anyone except my mom. but now I just don’t have that. and life feels a little purposeless. idk. when you’ve been taught since a kid that your reason for being there is looking after people and then all the people you have to care for die it’s hard. and I mean. those were some of the most traumatizing years of my life. having to see family slowly go from strong and themselves to weak and not. like I wouldn’t wish watching ppl you love waste away like that on anyone bc it genuinely is the worst thing I’ve ever seen. but yet I’d be right back there in the worst of it. feeling like there’s no way my heart could break any more if it meant I had them back and could love them. all of them. I talk about my grandma a lot but really I think that’s just because she was always with everyone. I miss my aunt. and my uncle. and my papa. and even sometimes I miss my stupid ass mom. I saw every one of my family cry and they never cried. and I think about that a lot. I remember when my aunt was in hospice and how my uncle never left her side. he still talked to her just like he did before. kept saying how he heard that their hearing is the last thing to go and that broke me a little bit. he didn’t want her to be lonely and I don’t think she was. she had a room full of people loving her. and that was right. that is how everyone should leave. but it doesn’t work that way and it makes me so so so angry. I was the only one who visited my papa. I was the only one who took my grandma to see him. me and her had to be there alone and hear him cry and beg to come home and talk about how he missed us. and we couldn’t and that broke me too. the fact that that was only a few weeks before he died hurts to think about. I think the last thing I remember feeding him was some cherry pie. idk why I remember weird little things like that. I’m glad I do but I also hate it. because I love remembering them. all of them. but I hate it too because it hurts so fucking much all the goddamn time. they’re everywhere but actually here with me. they were all so ingrained into my life for my whole life that it genuinely just feels like bits of me, the bits that are me, are missing. just snatched right out of me and I feel so empty and literally nothing has can or will make me feel whole again. I do not see how people deal with grief when it is so suffocating for me. I know I’m not the only person to experience grief. and I’m sure other people have experienced it worse, as hard as that is to imagine. but grief is so fucking tricky that it really does just make you feel alone in it.

[cherienymphe]

hey, cherie, i hope you're doing well. i really need your advice. so a while ago i told you about how my mom reached out to my aunt in hopes of reconciling after the whole situation that happened in august when i told her i wasn't going to care for her anymore. well, my aunt responded very angrily and my mom responded with "understood". my mom's then left it as that but two days before her bday, my aunt messages her, completely different tone. saying she was thankful for everything but we treated her bad when it came to the whole situation and that we should've done things differently. my mom never responded, she has no intention to respond and doesn't feel like it.

fast forward to easter, my mom and brother receive a happy easter text from my younger cousin. i didn't though. this is the 3rd or 4th time he hasn't wished me a happy holiday and i knew something was up and i've been hurt cause like why? so i texted him yesterday asking him if he was mad at me and he said that yeah ever since the whole situation between me and my aunt happened. since this revelation, i've been relieved. i even told him that there's two sides to every story and if he wanted to hear mine he can ask and he was like "you're right, that's not fair." i did tell him i wanted to call him so idk if i'm ever going to get the chance to tell my side.

but now i know that the family sees me as the bad guy. my other aunt, my uncle, my three cousins. and i thought i wouldn't have cared but i've just been sad.

they know the type of person my aunt is. literally while she was living with my family, she was having beef with her sister and her nephews. she used to talk mad shit about them and it's like after all that you're gonna side with her?

i've been talking to my parents about this and since the whole situation happened and my aunt moved out, my dad keeps telling me not to worry what they think because in reality i'm the "hero" for helping my mom get out of that situation. (we both think that she would've passed out from exhaustion sooner or later had it not been for me speaking up)

there's so much information i don't even know how to add it all in, but if you're confused about anything, just let me know. i really think i just needed to vent.

anyway, thank you for letting me. i really do hope you're doing well 💕

Considering so many of them had beef with her too at one point it just seems to me like they feel some kind of way both bc you did/said what they wanted to but didn't and also bc you didn't just suck it up and bear the burden. I know it makes you sad but your dad is right tbh. Hopefully you'll have the chance to have that talk with your cousin but remember that not every villainized person is a villain

[willel]

We don’t know the plot of the play or if it’s relevant to S5 but saying that connecting some current events to the past (and more specifically to the adults’) would be a complete retconning is a bit unfair. I remember watching S1 for the first time and wondering what happened between Joyce and Hopper, between Lonnie and Hopper, why has Joyce such a bad reputation in Hawkins but also such strong intuition, what happened to her aunt, why did Hopper feel cursed, and since it looked like Will was targeted, were all these things connected? I’m sure they didn’t have all the details mapped out back then but maybe a general idea (ala Freddy Krueger possibly). Maybe it’s bc I was less focused on the kids than others that I noticed these things.

I didn't say it was all retconning. I said specifically Joyce knowing Bob in high school would be a retcon when it's explicitly stated she did not know him.

With the play being canon and all, going back on that would indeed be a retcon. Not the worst one ever but it does mess with me a little when even smaller details like that get rerewitten later.

Like, Bob had a whole thing about Joyce being the it girl and he was a nobody in high school and was bullied, but now he's a well adjusted dude in the future dating Joyce Byers and he's content. Ya'know? I guess it still works even if they knew each other but....

I also said I'm confused a bit about the timelines. We don't know their exact ages but I thought Henry was a bit younger than Joyce and Hopper so connecting them directly is gonna be odd. I feel like the best route would be indirectly which I described in my other post. Writing in a personal grudge against them is a bit much. But a curse on the whole town because of something loosely related to them? Makes sense.

I think Hopper definitely knew Bob, he even calls him by his bully nickname "Bob the Brain" in season 2. I don't think Hopper himself was a bully but who knows.

Then you got Lonnie. Still don't think there's a direct connection to Henry at this point but I wouldn't be surprised if Lonnie bullied people in school such as Bob or Henry.

Anyway. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in Joyce and Hopper's past. I'm extremely curious since even Winona and David talk about it all the time. I just hope they keep everything in line since this is supposed to be a canon play. There is much to learn here but I will write some of it off if it starts contradicting the show itself like many of the comics.

While I am expecting to find out Henry's reasoning for all this, I don't expect we'll be learning why Will was targeted. They seem to be saving that for season 5. But I think we can get some clues.

I think we'll discover Henry's "trigger", what made him realize he had powers. We'll find out his moment that made him so sad and angry.

If I were to try and relate this to my own theories, such as Will having powers, it'd be pretty important to figure out what kind of person as potential and how to bring that out of someone in ways besides experimentation.

Finding out about Joyce's past in particular is a curious subject. They've hinted at family issues in the past. When Joyce was so persistent that she sensed Will around before but couldn't anymore, Lonnie immediately brings up, "Maybe it's like your aunt", implying her aunt "sensed" stuff or was generally a weirdo or had mental issues, which Joyce immediately denies.

That could be "connecting things to the past" leading to the reason why Will was targeted if Joyce passed along some potential powers to him or something.

I dunno. We shall have to see~

[spy-flair-extraordinaire]

Spy Kids: Armageddon second trailer!!

New trailer already? Not that I'm complaining.

So I just watched the next Spy Kids: Armageddon trailer, which also looks good! I do have a worry or two though.

I also recorded my first time reaction via OBS, and recorded the screen this time, and it still won't let me upload to Tumblr.. just wasn't meant to be, I guess. So once again we're doing an analysis post instead. The trailer's a little longer though, so this post is gonna be longer too.

If you're curious about my thoughts on the teaser trailer, you can check it out here!

I forgot to mention last time (mostly bc I wanted to know if it was true or not) that the new siblings' names are Patty and Tony, and their parents are Nora and Terrence. Rodriguez once again continues the tradition of naming the main characters after his family, though this time he named a character after himself! Kinda. Patty is named after his sister Patricia Vonne, and Tony is named after his middle name Anthony, and he went by Tony a lot as a kid.[source]

So first thing we see is Tony attempting to play a game without getting caught. That worries me. Why are games off-limits? That does not always go well.

Ayy, a Switch Lite! :D

Also this game looks like it could be an MMO.

Armageddon code? OK, so we're doing something different with the "Armageddon" naming this time compared to the Armageddon Device.

Why are there see-through safes for the Switch Lites?? Even the parents have one! Should I be worried??

When your parents say your full first name and not your nickname, that's how you know you're in trouble.

Ha! 😆 OK that was pretty funny.

Yeah, something tells me Patty and Tony are gonna be like the Gumball and Anais of Spy Kids.

Wait, the power is going off now? Is the Armageddon Code the Transmooker all of a sudden??

That is literally what happens in Spy Kids 2! Or at least in its novelisation.

Yeaaahh, these two definitely didn't help cause the problem, noooo no no, why would you suspect them? 🤭

Oooohh, is that what these guys are? They're video game enemies! OK, that makes sense. Yeah, I knew the video game aspect had to come in at some point.

So in this film, instead of the parents going away and getting captured and an uncle figure sending the kids away or an AI leading them away, the parents send the kids away themselves and get captured in the process. It does explain one of the promotional film stills. Yeah, doesn't look like there's gonna be a new uncle or aunt figure this time. Or maybe there will be? I could be wrong.

OK, so they're going with a different sort of surrealism this time, especially with the jail cell. In the first film, one of the inspirations for the first film's wacky, whimsical surrealism of Floop's castle was Antoni Gaudí.[source] This time they went with more geometric surrealism.

Oh shoot, this is a safe house!! Awesome!! 😃

Doesn't look as cozy as the original safe house though. Sorry to say.

OOOOOH, A TRAINING COURSE!!

Did we ever see a training course in the original films? I mean, the Cortez family have a workout room that I guess counts as a training course (it was used to get the kids ready for when a time like the events of Spy Kids happens). Spy Kids: Mission Critical is when we've actually seen a training course by the OSS for spies. It's really cool to see a training course the Spy Kids can train on yet again!

Also, I like your enthusiasm, Tony! X) Better than the "I'm gonna be a better spy than my step-mother!" remark last film.

The tradition of the main boy character getting hit by stupid things continues!

"Spy Suit Generator"? XD Ha! I like that, actually! Brings another new thing to the series. It also explains the fog. Though are we still getting those "let's suit up" montages?

OK so, the plane is also a boat (or is it a seaplane?), but it's separate from the car, maybe. Gotcha. I love that it still looks like a toy, not unlike the RX Express plane.

"Magna Boots"? Ooo~. Is that what the name of these shoes are. Very on the nose!

Wow, the trailer's showing the kids freeing their parents, way to spoil the whole movie! /j

Nah, this is a family movie, of course they're gonna free their parents, what did you expect? Besides, the trailers for Spy Kids 1 also showed the kids freeing their parents. Kinda (it's actually two completely different scenes edited together to look like a rescue). So it's not that big of a deal than, say, the Ruby Gillman: Teenage Krakken trailers that did spoil everything (seriously, just let the creators put together trailers for their own movie! Rodriguez did!)

Don't worry, I don't blame you for experiencing VR, it can make people nauseous. /hj

This is new.

But also, see, Spy Kids 3? You can have the entire family in a video game without capturing or "elsewhere"ing them or reduce them to cameos! /hj

Oooohhh, myyyy Gooood!! This is a beautiful shot! 👀

And here we have the main villain, Rey "The King" Kingston! Now what are you gonna be like, my guy? Definitely note-taking from the Toymaker, I see.

SURPRISE!

🎵Sail away, sail away, sail away🎵

Whoa! The skeletons were moving in a stop-motion-like manner, ala Jason and the Argonauts! That's a neat reference to both that and Spy Kids 2. Animating technology sure has improved.

What a way to end the trailer, huh?

"Only on Netflix September 22nd" Oh frick, the movie is in 11 days already?? Sheesh, that was quick, I better mark my calendar!

So once again, this trailer has gotten a very contentious response from people. For me, I'm still excited to see this when it comes out! (though I may or may not watch it outside of Netflix, cough)

My hopes from my previous post seem to be holding up: - They seem to be getting creative with the gadgets again! - No title puns or fart jokes were said at all in the trailer, so far, so we may still be safe. - Tony and Patty's chemistry is pretty funny so far, reminding me of Gumball and Darwin's chemistry with Anais (from The Amazing World of Gumball). - The villain and the enemies look fun. Can't wait to see what they bring! - The parents seem fun so far, even if I would've preferred other actors to portray Nora and Terrence than.. the actors that we got instead..

What are your thoughts on the trailer and hopes for Spy Kids: Armageddon? Once again, please let me know! ^^

[dulcewrites]

I’m dying for more of the Fools such in au. Do you have any more ideas/ thoughts you wanted to share about it? What was the moment Aemond realized he and Myrah might actually be happy together and vise versa?

Yes, I do have more thoughts! Thank you for asking First and foremost, I just recommend watching the movie (fools rush in) for anyone who hasn’t seen it. Not even just for this, mainly bc it’s one of my favs and I think others should watch if they haven’t 💀

Anyway onto the thoughts. I’m gonna try to do like a mini timeline of events I could see happening and hopefully that answers some things

Myrah and Aemond meet at a restaurant owned by Myrah’s aunt. In this cute little town right outside the city (where Aemond lives)

They instantly hit it off ofc, go back to Aemond’s hotel…. Baelor is conceived 😊. Myrah books it out of there in the morning before Aemond even wakes up

They go about their business for weeks till Myrah starts feeling tired a lot, and even feeling a bit sick. So she goes to the doctor. The checkup is going pretty normal till her doctor is suddenly like ‘congrats mama 🤭’ and myrah is just like ??? 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Myrah goes back and forth between even telling anyone and just getting an abortion is secret. But she breaks down one day to her mom bc she scared. Her parents are pretty traditional so ngl it does hurt their soul a bit that their young daughter is pregnant and won’t even tell them who the father is. Her aunt (who owns the restaurant) is like 👀 but also is like ‘girl if you want this baby dead I’ll drive you’

In the end, myrah ends up deciding to keep the baby. Then makes the decision to tell Aemond. Not bc she wants anything but more for him to know. She doesn’t want some guy showing up in 10 years like hmmm is that my kid. But she is nervous bc she knows how this looks. She knew very little about Aemond, or his family. But it takes one google search and she’s like ‘ofc he’s from one of those families’. She comes from a working class background. She can only imagine what his family would think about her

So, she shows up at [insert work place for Aemond I haven’t decided on]. Not super appropriate but she kind of has no other way to reach him.

He is confused to see her. She asks if they can get lunch, mainly bc she wants to tell him in front of people so he doesn’t act up lmao

Anyway he takes it… not great. He excused himself to go scream in the bathroom 😭. But when he comes back myrah reassures him she doesn’t want anything. This was a curtesy thing, and that she (and the baby) will be fine.

Aemond shocks her, and honestly himself, by asking if he can come to the first appointment. Myrah is halfway to saying no bc her parents advised her to cut ties cleanly especially if he doesn’t explicitly say he wants to be around permanately. But he looks so earnest so she says yes.

I sort of debated how I imagine Aemond telling his family, namely Alicent. Honestly I could see him jay blurting it out one night on the phone. Like ‘I’m having a kid’. Now this ofc shocks Alicent. Bc frankly, she thought if any kid would be making her a young grandma is Aegon. But she gives him sound advice about raising a child (especially while not being in relationship with the mom) is not easy. And if he’s not 100% in, he needs to leave them alone for their sake.

the thing that really pushes him to step up is viserys tbh. His father is so critical of him for this. Probably makes some disparaging comments about myah when he hears she’s essentially a struggling artist. Hinting at her doing this on purpose. And Aemond really can’t believe for a moment bc really??? Viserys targaryen has something to say about raising kids??? That’s rich. But then he remembers how clueless his father is so sure he would think he’s a great father/made good decisions and has room to talk

Anyway fast forward to the first appointment with the obstetric. I feel this appointment def lays the early stages of them being good for each other. It should be nerve wrecking and awkward, and don’t get me wrong some parts are, but he holds her hand and when they do the ultrasound he has that’s “their” baby in there.

When they leave, Aemond is very clear about wanting to make it work. Not just co-parenting but with myrah herself

Ok that was super long winded opening to their relationship. Anyway in terms of hiccups they may face. Aemond is a workaholic. Hard to curve and him and myrah butt heads a lot of what things are considered ‘important’ in life. It is understandable when you grow up in the family dynamic he did, that ideals in that department is murky. They both have to create appropriate boundaries before baby Baelor comes.

Moments they realize they could be happy together. For Aemond, the way she gels with his mom and siblings. Mainly Alicent. She also tells viserys and daemon to fuck off one night (she instantly feels guilty. Pregnancy hormones what can ya say) but Aemond loves her for it. Also when Baelor comes, Aemond sort of feels like his heart is bursting. For myrah, the fact that Aemond tries. She isn’t expecting perfection but nothing bothers her more than someone who dwells in their situation when they have the means/wherewithal to get better. Also he is very handson from the get go. One of her fav memories is him shooing her out of the apartment so him and Aegon could paint the nursery. As well decorating the nursery with him

[perfectlullabies]

since this dreadful year is finally coming to an end, here’s my DIARY ENTRY because i feel like writing it all down (well, just a short summary of some of the things that have happened)

let’s start with the way i finished 2021. i had a severe panic attack in a supermarket when i was on my way to weronika’s to spend new year’s eve together and had trouble calming down for over two hours. thankfully i took some meds, changed my clothes, called my mom and cooled off. not exactly a great sign for the upcoming year, was it?

first four months were pretty much uneventful, i was doing fairly well at uni even though i still had online classes. i was hoping to get a job (did not get it eventually). at the end of january i started taking meds which definitely helped a lot with my ocd i’d had since childhood and i also applied for therapy 

then may 16th happened - your usual monday. the day before i was watching eurovision with weronika, having a great time drinking beer etc. morning after when i was drinking my coffee i got a phone call from my distressed mom. i immediately knew something terrible must have happened, i could hear it in her voice and the way i heard my aunt in the car with her. they never got together unless something was Happening. my mom called me straight from the place the accident took place. she was talking to me as she looked at the car wreck and her deceased mother on the ground, with the police still guarding the place. my 73 year old grandmother, who had just started her retirement after 50 years of working as a pediatrician, had been killed instantly in a violent car crash - a truck had driven right into her side of the car because the man had lost consciousness while driving due to brain tumor. my grandparents were on the way to the oncology centre bc my grandfather had been terminally ill. so that day my grandma decided to drive him to the centre, usually she wouldn’t do that

my grandfather survived the accident itself but passed away two weeks later on may 29th due to severe injuries and ongoing illness. the accident sped up the process. i said goodbye to him and promised him to visit him again - i didn’t have that opportunity

i hadn’t talked to my grandmother since 2017. we had a very complicated relationship, you could say we were estranged. we used to be very close prior to that. not gonna get into details because i find it irrelevant right now. however i wish i had a chance to apolgize to her and for her to have the chance to apologize to me and my parents. we never got the opportunity to reconcile. i hate to think about it

after the accident came funerals, just two weeks apart

my whole family’s crumbled, there’s an ongoing WAR that my abusive uncle and godmother initiated. no details here either, just know that when i use the word abuse i really mean it all - physical, psychological, financial. all kinds

from the very start it was me and my mom who took care of most things. we cleaned the flat back in june, we then cleaned the flat again back in august and today we emptied the basement and the rest of the furniture and stuff from the flat that has been sold. none of my cousins helped - instead they sent me disgraceful messages on facebook

i’ve just come back from their flat, having thrown out most of their stuff that was left there. i’m tired, pissed off and so melancholic

this year has shown me that people don’t have much empathy, pity and kindness in them. nobody helped us, nobody cared. none of my so called friends or relatives cared - they still don’t. people think that when such a tragedy happens, it’s over within a month or so. it’s been 7 months now and the things we’re dealing with have NOT been as intense ever before. everything takes months or even years here. it’s not easy. no understanding for it either 

we had some terribly macabre and grotesque ‘’adventures’’ in the meantime such as having to deal with the funeral home who accidentally sold our 2nd burial place to some other family (they ended up digging up some deceased man. unimaginable)

around september i had to resign from therapy i had been attending from late april to late september because my therapist had been the most unhelpful, ABUSIVE so called mental health professional i’ve ever encountered. she further made me believe i am somehow responsible for the things that happened, also relating to my family past as some kind of ‘’curse’’ - as you know, my grandmother’s brother and his wife were killed in a similar car crash back in 1978. so she told me we were cursed. anyway it’s over and done with, i’m no longer seeing her and i won’t ever attend therapy again. gross 

in 2022 i had been ill at least 5 or 6 times, each time ending up on heavy medication. so did my parents. my dad had to resign from his job because of health issues and other things. i am very worried abt my parents on daily basis

i haven’t slept well since may. i have nightmares, truly awful ones. almost always involving our trauma. i had shown many ptsd symptoms and i dearly hope it won’t develop further. but who knows at this point

when it comes to uni and everyday problems - my thesis supervisor proved to be especially unhelpful. i haven’t touched my thesis since may and i don’t know when i’m gonna continue. uni doesn’t help with anything, i’m all alone with everything there, more so than ever before 

i have no support from anyone - it’s just me and my parents out there. doing everything, dealing with everything. on top of it all we received no money from the insurance companies - NONE AT ALL. two people have been killed. we get nothing from it

the man who killed them hasn’t contacted us, not even a message with an apology. nothing

and now the global things - ongoing pandemic and the terrifying war in ukraine which is so close to us. my heart goes out to all ukrainians, i love them all dearly, they’re like beloved family to polish people ALWAYS. i’ve got nothing but unconditional love and support for them

2022 made me believe that there is not much kindness in this world. not much pity and understanding. no empathy. no one cares and life goes on and this is the lesson i’ve learnt this year. you die and nothing happens - that’s what the terrifying truth looks like 

[plague-of-insomnia]

hm idk how ur gonna feel abt an ask like this but i do want to get smth off my chest & u seem p safe. feel free to delete if u want

i saw a post recently talking abt how "gay" got used as a slur a lot more than people acknowledge. and it got me thinking of my school years & how often it got thrown around.

thing is. and heres where my train of thought goes off the rails. i actually experienced the word "incest" as an attack more than the word "gay"... which. ill explain. but it really got me thinking on this whole purity culture & demonising of incest depicted in literature & yknow taking things too far with whats considered incest.

bc at the end of the day. the reason incest is illegal (mostly) is to prevent inbreeding & the health issues that come along with that. if ur not blood related then theres no problem.

and like. the reason i got called incestuous and generally ostracised was bc i was close with a boy in my year. like we dated for a week as 14 yros do. and at some point i discovered that hey. his last name is the same as my aunts and lo and behold hes my 2nd cousin thru marriage or smth. so. not incest at all.

anyway that p much ruined our friendship (& it was a friendship. i broke things off before i even knew we were related bc i just didnt feel the same way and we stayed friends for a little bit) all bc some kids couldnt let it go that we had the vaguest relation to each other. he got bullied for the rest of our school year & ive felt horribly guilty for leaving him bc i wanted to be "cool" & ended up without any close friends like we were.

sorry if thats a weird thing to put in ur inbox.

Hey, anon. I don't mind this ask. I hope you don't mind me replying publicly. (In future if you don't just say so.)

This post will be a bit long, so I'll go ahead and put it under a readmore.

TW for discussions of "gay" used in a negative way, and discussions of the use of the word "incest," and its association with child sexual abuse, though there's really nothing terribly bad here as I'm not going into detail on any of thse topics. (If you need something tagged, though, let me know.)

Now, I'm old as dirt by tumblr standards, and I remember VIVIDLY the word "gay" being used in a negative light. As a kid, I didn't really see it used as a "slur" per se, but it was used to mean something was bad.

Like, if you saw a movie that sucked, you'd say "Man, that movie was so gay." It meant something like "lame."

So obviously, it wasn't a good thing, and when I got a bit older and was explained why using the word was bad, I stopped, and fortunately most other kids did too and it mostly faded from use (in that sense) at least as far as I noticed.

(I'm not saying gay hasn't been used as a more nasty slur/word ofc, this is just my personal experience with it.)

Granted, keep in mind when I was in high school, our LGBTQ+ club was just the "Gay/Straight Alliance." Back then, it was basically, you were gay/lesbian, or you were an ally. We never talked about trans people or nonbinary people or ace/aro people. Ofc every one of those identities/kinds of people existed, but as far as my world went, they didn't. Most of my circle of friends was queer in some way, but many were closeted or semi-closeted for various reasons.

Anyway, sorry for that detour. Now, as to your incest situation. I'm sorry that happened to you. It definitely wasn't fair. You didn't have any way to know if you were related, and if/when you did it was "easy" to end the relationship. But kids are kids, and they always love to find a way to single people out, and they probably didn't really care what the actual truth was.

Even if you'd discovered having a similar name was total coincidence, I'm sure they'd still have bullied you for "incest."

I wasn't bullied for it, thankfully, but I did have a classmate in high school with the same last name as mine. My name is very common in some places, but where I lived at that time it was not, so everyone assumed we were fraternal twins. He was a nice enough guy, but I really didn't want people to think we were siblings. But no matter how many times we both explained we weren't related, no one believed us.

Sometimes, once someone makes their mind up about something, there's no changing it.

As for "abandoning" your friend because you didn't want to be left out and regretting it, I get that too. There was a guy I dated when I was around 16, and we were very passionate, but I think honestly I entered a major depressive episode and lost all interest in everything, including him, and... anyway, I regret how things ended between us even today, many, many years later. I wish I could shake my 16-year-old self and tell them not to be so cruel, but we can't change the past, only learn from it and move forward.

With regards to antis/purity culture taking incest so far, I do agree it has gotten ridiculous. As you said, the reason incest is taboo is because of inbreeding, because if your (general you) DNA is too closely related, you increase the chance of having major/significant diseases due to a lack of genetic diversity. But antis tend not to understand the WHY's behind things (since they also believe pedophilia is bad bc it's disgusting, and not because it hurts children, who become real grown adults).

But I have seen some really wild takes called incest. Like a ship from one fandom where the male and female characters are friends. A lot of people consider it "problematic" apparently, because they have a "sibling-like" relationship. They did not grow up together, they aren't related, and yet that's "incest" according to antis.

I do want to mention another reason that incest can/is considered so bad, and it's because, despite what antis may think, most sexual abuse of children comes from someone close to them in their lives, often a family member or close friend. So for a lot of people, when they think of "incest," they closely associate it with sexual abuse of a child. It's possible that's why antis get so upset about it. I don't know. But that is another aspect to it. (Ofc for you, in your past situation, you were both around the same age, so that's not the case, but that association is there.)

But, in the end, in fiction, it doesn't matter, because there are not actual children who can be conceived or harmed, and so the whole purpose behind why incest isn't allowed in many places in modern times doesn't exist.

I hope you're doing OK now, anon. Don't be to hard on yourself. A lot of people have done things when they were young teens they regret and wish they could "undo," but as long as you learned from that experience so you could become a better person than that 14-year-old version of you, I think you're doing OK.

Sending you some hugs. <3

[unearthlydream]

im sad and can't focus on work so instead time to scream into the fucking void so it at least looks like i'm trying to write this story thats due at the end of the day.

i keep finding myself thinking "i wish things were normal" and wishing i could go back to pre-Oct 31 and how things were before all of these things happened. but i don't think there is a noraml to get back to and i think that this is just what my life is now. and idk how to cope with that tbh lol ijust wanna jump off a building

i want to be able to see my friends and talk to people and work on craft projects but instead all i do is sit at home in silence after work dissociating into a game or a tv show because i don't have the energy. i can't lie and mask my way through life anymore and i feel uncomfortable w the fact that i can't have a conversation with anyone without them inevitably asking how i am or what i've been up to. how can i even engage with people when i have nothing positive to share and most of the convos just end up with "i'm so sorry, let me know if you need anything"??

my mom has been on and off dying (thankfully off for good now i think? long recovery process) since december. i've cared for my grandpa from oct 31-dec only for him to now be on palliative care. my family is being so normal and cool about it and i'm the youngest one and being forced to deal with all of their issues because my aunt and uncle can't be not self centered for once in their lives-- and obv my mom is dying and my grandma is grieving and helping w my mom so like who else is gonna take care of things and manage people's emotions and be a shoulder to cry on?

so i'm actually doing horribly and don't have the capacity to make up lies anymore. and what have i been up to? spending tons of time in hospitals and then getting various illnesses because people can't seem to mask up in a fucking hospital of all places!!! i don't have the energy to lie anymore bc i'm funneling everything i have into just waking up in the morning and doing thebare minimum to make sure i do'nt die and my household is clean enough that it's not a danger to my cat.

and even when my friends and partnersask like 'how can i support you' -- idfk put a bullet in my brain??? like no one can do anything to help me. i'm alone andhave always been alone and will always be alone and forced to be the mommy in every situation and i'm so tired. i just don't want tot hink. but then when i say 'it stresses me out that you're waiting on me to make the plans for groceries or doing laundry and i just need you to get it done,' i hurt peoples feelings and i'm being too rough.

i'm just so tired. i'm so fucking tired and i wish my brain didn't go from zero to "just kill yourself" so quickly. i wish i knew what i needed and how tomake it better. i feel like my stupid ass needs to be committed. i'm worried about self harming again as i already relapsed late last year amidst all of this. i'm worried one day i'll be so lcose to the end of my rope that i'll act on one of my impulsive thoughts and make things worse for myself.

i don't wanna worry anymore but i think that's just what's in the cards for me. which is like... doubly scary bc of the genetic lottery i've already won (mom had a stroke in her 40s and now is dealing with all of this which like.... most of it is caused by stress and not taking care of herslef and i'm falling down that same rabbit hole without my consent which is so cool and funky fresh).

and the worst part... i don't even think things would be easier if i died. the guilt of knowing what i'm leaving behind won't even let it in the realm of possibility.

this is so long. i might delete this later. but like holy fuck. a bitch needs a fuckin break. a bitch needs a resource officer or somethnig like hold fuck.

[tacoma-narrows]

Rant/vent below w/ mentions of family illness/death

God these past two weeks have been so damn stressful and it has absolutely sucked. My grandmother has been in the hospital for awhile now, but she was moved to hospice either yesterday or the day before and by what my dad is telling me, it looks like she’ll pass tonight or early tomorrow.

In all honesty, I’m not super torn up about her passing specifically. Yeah, it’s sad to see but I never really knew her very well since for almost my whole life, she lived in California while my family and I were in New Jersey, and I’d really only see her at new years or occasional larger family gatherings. It more is really hard not being home to support my dad, my aunt and my uncle, since I know this is really hard for them.

My mom and my sister came up to visit me for my school’s family weekend last week and that was really nice (my brother came up from Indianapolis as well, where he’s going to college abt 2 1/2 hrs from here), but the overall mood of them being here was overhung with the news coming in from my dad about my grandma. Initially it looked like I was going to have to fly home for like two days, at first over family weekend (which would have been horrible, since it feels like none of my college experience has gone my way and that would have only added to it), and then potentially what would have been the end of this current week. That would’ve been sandwiched between two events I really couldn’t miss here on this past Wednesday and this coming Sunday.

Thankfully I don’t have to fly home, but this thing on Sunday is also stressing me out. I’ve been aiming for this scholarship that’s offered through one of the fraternities here and I’m one of the 25 or so finalists for it after making it through 2 rounds of interviews and two days of a “leadership retreat” that consisted of team building games and a ropes course. Of the 25 finalists, only 6 get the scholarship, and it’s rewarded at a banquet on Sunday that we have to dress in business formal attire for. I was able to buy a nice outfit for it with my mom this past weekend, but I’ve never gone to an event like that, and not knowing if I’m gonna get the award is also stressful.

Then, I have two assignments I need to do/type up by Monday, and my computer’s charger decided to seemingly bite the dust. I got a new battery for it back in August just before school, so I know it’s not that. Unless my roommate, who’s more knowledgeable with mechanical stuff than I am, can fix it somehow, the soonest a new one I order could get here is Monday/Tuesday, ie after my assignments are due. I can still use the computer labs here to write/do them, but it still sucks that I generally won’t be able to use my computer at all until I get a new cable.

Depending on how things happen with regards to my grandma and what kind of things we want to do as a family afterwards, my brother and I may drive home for Thanksgiving break a day early and I’m just really hoping that this all doesn’t overshadow my break from school, bc that would also really suck.

Anyways, I just had to get that out of my head. Thank you for reading if you did. I’d appreciate some just, comments of support on this if you’re willing, just so I know some people are there.

[ghost-town-story]

You ever just have moments where weird coincidences happen and you just sit there like “huh. that’s uh. some timing.”

(context below the cut bc uh. rambles)

So yesterday I got to thinking about things and the gist of it is I decided I’m going to change some characters’ backgrounds. Specifically, Maria is now half black, specifically Caribbean black for reasons that ultimately boil down to that’s my fam yo.

So, obviously, that waterfalls down to her kids and grandkids, which means I have a bit of character redesigning to do. nbd. I decided to go picrew hunting tonight to redesign Jazz, Hayden, and Nick specifically bc they (Jazz n Hayden at least) already had picrews made, and I would like those updated at least for my own mental images of them.

Now, as I’m making those picrews, I decided to hop over to facebook to pull up a pic of my uncle because, again, part of the reason why Maria is specifically Caribbean black is so I have a very quick reference system of “are these features reasonable for these kids?”

The first post I see on fb is from my aunt. Apparently yesterday was my other uncle’s birthday, and my grandpa’s was earlier this week (and before anybody questions why I didn’t know this before, they’re both gone, and I never really knew either). And now I’m sitting here like “huh. that’s uh. some timing. deciding to change my characters’ family to more reflect my own the same day/week as some of their birthdays.”

idk man. I’m just gonna go back to making these picrews now that I’ve gotten the refs I wanted

[daaydreamy]

crineee ok it’s kind of a long and messy story

so basically my aunt had this boyfriend for like 15ish years and none of us liked him but we never said much bc he was a father figure to my cousins but my grandma didn’t care and made it very much known that she hated him. but they broke up a couple years ago and he wouldn’t leave their house so my aunt left instead and one of my cousins was still in high school and living there so he stayed bc obviously you can’t leave a minor to live alone?? so for the couple years that they’ve been broken up we’ve been hearing about how he’s gonna be officially kicked out soon but it never happens bc my aunt never shows up to her lil court hearings and also is never at home so if he left my cousin (who’s legally an adult now but still) would be fully alone. so flash forward to now my grandma moves from where we live to where they live (800 miles away) and she’s staying in their house which we been knew was gonna be a mess bc like i said she hates this man, but also her and my aunt fight all the time bc not only are they too much alike but they’re also both active drug addicts (plus my grandma has brain damage from a work accident 18 years ago and even tho she says that’s the reason for most things it’s usually da drugs 😳) and my cousin has told us a couple things so far about her living with them including our grandma offering my cousin a joint and also roaming around the house looking for a container to put her cocaine in and then doing said cocaine in the kitchen. my cousin didn’t see her do it but she could hear her snort it so that’s cute. BUT ANYWAY the reason she almost got arrested today was bc she offered to pay for a hotel room for my aunts ex bf for a week so he can actually move out for real this time and still temporarily have a place to stay and he surprisingly agreed. so i guess yesterday he went to the hotel and the room was dirty so he asked for another but it was dirty too apparently so he came back to their house and then TODAY my grandma went to the hotel to complain about it bc she loves doing that and somehow that turned into them calling the cops on her for something called “thief of service” and she almost got arrested but they let her go i guess. although it wouldn’t have been the first time she ended up in jail 🤪

WHATTSTSTATATTA there is so much to unpack here

[prettybutter-flyy]

Sza released music! I want to give a review, a deepdive and a journal entry.

I just discovered sza honestly, like 2 weeks ago. I fell in love with Ctrl and when she released a new album just 2 weeks later that cemented her as my new favorite artist. Ive never been to a concert before- i want to go to her concerts. She gives me the vibes of someone i am AND someone i want to be at the same time.

I'll admit i avoided listening to her for a long time bc of her looks- she looked urban she looked impossible, how could i relate to her? But looking at Sza and listening to her is like two different experiences, bc looking at her and hearing her music she is a literal goddess and she makes me feel absolutely otherworldly, uplifted in her rifts and tone..

And then listening to her lyrics... she just like me fr. Like she was clearly a suburban black girl, who was average in her hometown, and grew up being overlooked by everyone, but she always knew she had indescribable talents. And then the fact that she lost weight and "glew up" (even tho she was goregous before) gave me hope that, hey im an average overweight black girl, i could look like her too. Those facts (that i probrably projected onto that poor woman) give her just a sense of relateability.

Sza is a relateable, timeless, sub/urban goddess and she manages to wear all those hats so fucking well in the album.. listening to SOS have me the eternal feeling of sitting in the car with my aunt, who was always unapologetically black, proudly booj-etto, always listening to india Arie and Erykah Badu, thinking "who will i be listening to when im your age?"

That's a really specific feeling, if you get it, you get it, but I'm gonna go into my review now.

Szas album was just what i needed. It was fresh, relateable and revolutionary. We explored so many different genres: rnb, pop, rock, rap, classic rap, and yet it ALL had signature sza (the riffs, the runs, the autotune/filter that makes her voice sound like that, the echos in the background). She exposed herself, to me anyways, as the black girl next door, the older one that i look up to. She knows who she is even when she doesnt. And shes a great antirole model. Bc she can be self destructive but she knows exactly WHY shes destroying herself, very in tune with her feelings.

The song that sticks out to me the most is Special.

I think its bc (im pretty sure im autistic and) i spent a LOT of my childhood just trying to blend in and be normal. And people you wouldnt expect (my mother and siblings) made fun of me for not understanding how to properly be social. And so i threw away the parts of me that made me special bc they made me stick out. Fuck man, i didnt deserve that. Now what? Im a loser with identity issues, struggling to figure myself out: what i like, how to create and enforce boundaries. And i imagine thats all too familiar of a story for many (autistic) people. And the worst part is i imagine that i did it to other pekple who understood even less than me how the world worked. They didnt deserve that either.

For a while, i was trying to figure out if cacooning was something i needed to do to discover myself. Im a very social person so im still not sure it is. But this album did make me realize maybe space is good. Not full isolation but magic happens when a creative gets bored. And i deserve that.

I want to elevate like sza but i want to be me. Bc no one else on this planet gets to have that experience and i think that's really special. Its the main thing im qualified for right?