#I just wish I’d known
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Love In Taipei was cute and not bad but also like as a fan of the book that was a VERY different experience
#although it was kinda#fun that it was you know#and I heard something about#a tv show?#which would make sense#love in taipei#loveboat taipei#I enjoyed it and it#was fun to see an#alternative to the book#I just wish I’d known#sooner then I wouldn’t have had#any cognitive dissonance#but it’s so pretty#and cute and definitely#worth the watch
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I’ve been going through and reading sermons from Spurgeon. I found a website that has hundreds of them and I just stuck them all in a Google doc and highlighted the titles I felt interested me.
But I finally read his wiki biography tonight.
Was anyone going to tell me that I was reading the sermons of a 20-21 year old or was I supposed to figure that out myself 😂
#Y���all he started preaching at like age 16#I love this man#he frequently says stuff in his writings that I imagine God had him say just so I’d read them 150+ years later#(I know that’s probably not true but the dude speaks to my soul and I’ll often be reading a sermon and it takes a turn and starts#Addressing EXACTLY what I’m going through that week)#And like#his devotionals#God has spoken to me so many times through those down to nearly exact wording of questions and anxieties I have#Like?????#I wish he could have known that in 1856 he wasn’t just preaching to his church#He was preaching to a scared and anxious girl in her 20s 168 years later#If I got a time machine my first trip would be to see Jesus but the second? Spurgeon. Easy.#I need him to actually privately mentor me#Anyways#read Spurgeon y’all#Charles Spurgeon
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One day, I’ll move to the city.
I’ll walk amongst the light and noise, a small, insignificant speck in a sea of people, a willing agent of organized chaos. I’ll feel the sound of traffic shake every bone in my body, let myself be swallowed by it as I walk to work, as I fade into crowds and become nothing.
Every move I make won’t be scrutinized. Every odd face or noise, every flap of my hands or over-explained joke, no one will care. They have other things to do, more important subjects to think about than me.
It’ll be suffocating, sure, but this time I’ll know what I’m getting into. If I wish, if I have to, I can return to my old life— stifling silence, rumors spreading like wildfire through a small town rapidly expanding, everyone knowing my name and judging whether I’m worthy of having it. I’ll try to reinvent myself, like everyone else is trying to do as well, and I’ll fade into obscurity.
I’ll get a job. I’ll buy a small apartment, maybe a pet or two, and those will be my sole responsibilities.
No more feeling the weight of the world press down on my shoulders. No more crying, wondering what they think of me, if I’ll be able to survive through these terrible, terrible four years until I can leave.
I’m gonna leave. One day, I’ll pack my things, say my goodbyes and promise I’ll visit.
Then, I’ll move to the city, and I’ll let them all forget my name.
#bee’s ramblings#you guys have no idea how much I want to be meaningless#and be okay with that#a part of me wants so badly to be known#to leave my mark on this world and let everyone know I was worthy#but a larger part of me wishes to just go.#Jack Kelly style#but reverse#cause I want to move to the city not away from it#If you ever think you want to live in a small town?#DON’T.#gifted kid#gifted kid burnout#running away#hopefully one day I’ll make it out of here okay :’)#I love my town so much— it’s where my whole life is#but I’d burn it to the ground if given the chance
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Silverborn Release Dates
Australia: August 28th, 2024
US: September 10th, 2024
UK: September 12th, 2024
The specifics could change but these dates have been around since May, so it seems that Silverborn is indeed delayed to 2024. There’s been no announcement from Jess as of yet, but she's also been on a social media hiatus since the delay.
#this is as of 8/8/23 but has been known since 5/4/23#nevermoor#silverborn#the mystery of morrigan crow#book news#sharing bc idk how to edit wikipedia or the fandom wiki to update the dates#I just keep having to break the news to people and feel bad :( so figured I’d share it on here as well#the aus and uk links are for preorders!#the us link isn't because it's not available on barnes & nobles yet. but it's a site used in the industry with information from publishers!#I wish I could fix/update the release dates to the new ones bc people are googling and still getting the wrong ones and I feel bad </3#between not much owlcrate merch and a delay I'm not getting much of a chance to use this blog 😔#also. I don't know the reason behind the delay and don't want to speculate too much or even blame!#it could be that jess is still dealing with long covid or it could be supply chain/industry issues. regardless I hope jess is doing okay ❤️
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#jonghyun#onew#shinee#lee jinki#kim jonghyun#I just wish I’d known shinee as a baby teenager 😭#this is from my birthday!! I noticed after posting it 😭#120518#shinee airport#jjong 2012#jinki 12
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aghhhh:(
#I wish I had known about bt when atsushi was still around:( like#getting into them so much has been like a source of happiness and comfort this year#but then I feel kind of bad because the reason I found out about them is because someone died#for a while it was just one of those things that’s like yeah#sometimes an artist dies and that’s how you find out about their stuff#and it’s nice for people to continue discovering and loving someone’s art after they’re gone#but I’ve been feeling more sad about that lately#like I’ve never found a band that’s just felt so much like My thing before#there’s plenty of bands and songs I love but#I’ve never really gotten this obsessed or invested in a specific band#so part of me wishes I had discovered them sooner or heard about them under better circumstances#and not cause I happened to be scrolling through tumblr during work and#saw goth blogs I follow posting memorial stuff#it feels kind of spooky and morbid too because I had been#thinking lately I wanted to find some goth bands from japan#if I had actually gotten around to doing the research I probably would have started listening to them#so it was weird timing#and I was showing my dad the climax together tour and he was kind of#lamenting that he had never heard of them when he was younger because he would have gotten so into their music#like. ah if my dad had any exposure to japanese rock when he was younger#I definitely would have grown up listening to a lot of buck-tick#and der zibet too probably#I was watching dz concert videos late last night#and issay was so cute and lively and full of energy#and then I thought about how he died in some accident and I started feeling upset#especially since one of my favorite movie actors died in a pretty horrific freak accident#it’s like I’d rather just not think about what might’ve happened (since there weren’t really public details)#anyway I’m just kind of like. having complicated feelings about all of it#different than sadness and grief I’ve felt over artists in the pass since it was all postmortem that I knew about them
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The way we have a text that goes out to every client that says “if you are new please remember to bring your pets rabies vaccine paperwork” and yet we still get new clients who come in without it and get mad saying they didn’t know
Bestie
Yes you did
You confirmed the appointment, you read the text
If you confirmed it without reading that’s not my problem
#nsfwitchytalks#that’s just so wild to me every time#‘I wish I’d known that beforehand!’ we literally sent you a text telling you that
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LOVING this music. i feel like i haven't seen hugh in forever and then he comes up to me and jumpscares me with what sounds like a new rendition of his battle theme, which i absolutely love and i think it’s a shame i’ve battled him literally only 3 times in the entire game up until this point
#the greatest songs get the least screen time!!!#but why all this just for an encounter theme#goldie plays pokémon black… 2!!!#sorry ever since i learned i could screen record on my laptop i became mad with power#oh how i wish i’d known this when playing the first game!!!!!!!!!!!!#no idea what this will sound like on the other end! don’t care though
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#thinking about how much my life has changed since 4 years ago#about how I was in New York and I was really lonely and lost#feeling like I was being swallowed up by a city I never wanted to call home but felt like I had to in order for me to try to live a dream#and how swiftly it all changed even in a few months#and how I’d never had known it at the time#now I’m home in Boston and I’ve been home for 3 years#and when I used to long for living in Boston again I’d always feel like I’d never be the same as before#I wish I could tell myself it’s just as beautiful as I thought it never would be#and how loved and supported and warm I feel here#I mean#I get to make movies here?? and still be close to my parents?? and my brother?? and the home I grew up in??#I get to be in love with this spectacular woman and live with her?? and create this soft little life with her??#I never would’ve thought#I guess I thought I didn’t deserve it#not for any reason in particular#just because it was me#not in a million years#anyway#just thinking about how much changes and beautiful it can be when you least expect it#bella's thoughts#personal
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Ruin by the Amazing Devil is prison duo coded. In this essay I will-
#What if I simply yell#if you want to know I have thoughts#the first bit is Icarus after he died dwelling on their relationship#“I will bring you ruin in everything I do. It’s never my intention but it happens all the same“#I MEAN CMON#it’s just right#“It starts with love and comfort becomes a strength of will but all that strength made rubble of the towers that we built“#Somehow they ruing their relationship with him in both resets#if on accident or on purpose#it always starts with love and friendship and kindness#and then they’re corrupt- or they remember and they go back to hurting and hating#also maybe something about they built the relationship up so much in season 2- made so much progress- and then there is a reset#and it puts distance between them again until they reach out#“nothing quite prepares you for when they don’t come back“#and he’s dead#schwoopsies#“I wish I’d don’t things different I wish that I’d been brave“#They wish they stepped in and helped him#That they did something instead of *just sit there*#Maybe if they did something he wouldn’t be dead#“I wish I’d known these stones were something I could save“#well multiple things#I mean the fact that they were growing closer and they could mend that relationship#and also wowee they didn’t know he was dead#they didn’t know they didn’t have to “fix“ it#that he was okay#ANYWAYS-#sorry for the small song anylisis I needed to ramble#It’s been on repeat#fable smp
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it’s not that it makes me sad per se but i really could’ve been dating someone i did actually kind of really want to date since JULY. and now the moment is literally so far gone and i didn’t realise until the moment was so far gone !!!
#like it actually doesnt make me sad because there wouldve been major complications Had we dated#and the person who i trust most in this world has told me theyre glad it didnt happen#and i think in the long run he’s not the First person i should date anyway like in an ideal world we’d date like. 2-3 years on from now when#i’d been in at least one relationship to work out how i operate in a relationship#but it’s also like i wish i had known that the opportunity was there and i wish i had taken it#and part of me goes well maybe in 2-3 years it COULD happen#but i think that does a disservice to the person he’s dating now like . i do hope they’re happy and it goes well for the both of them#AND ALSO ITS WEIRD AS FUCK TO BE LIKE OH WELL MAYBE IN A FEW YEARS ILL DATE THIS PERSON *AFTER* another person??????#like bitch who do you think u are that you’ll have managed to date ANYONE in that time and also why the fuck would u date someone without#hoping it would last????????#but thoughts ≠ action nor are they inherently moralistic#but also that’s a weird way 2 think about relationships#it’d be funny if it happened though#idk i just think that if the timing was different he and i could have so much fun dating like genuinely i think it’d be a really good time#but it’s really weird because i’m not pining away after him or anything like ik it sounds like i am#but it’s not like that it’s more just that it’s opened up all these thoughts that i hadn’t really thought possible before ?#and they’re not possible NOW bc he’s dating someone else so i’m in exactly the same position but idk#i think i’m getting too settled. i’m TOO SETTLED.#because it’s literally not normal to think oh maybe in three years we could date and it’d be better timing for both of us ???????????#unhinged behaviour. what the fuck is that.#it’d be fucking hilarious if it happened tho
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also fun fact. you can effectively punch holes in plastic glow in the dark stars using a push pin and a rock and just pressing it really hard into your carpet or something so it doesn’t damage anything once it penetrates the plastic. in case you ever needed to know that
#i hope all my actors come to the premiere because i do not think i will be finishing this shit by sunday when we stop filming#going to need to tell them i have surprise presents for them all and use that to make them come see my mid short film#i have to stop putting down my own film. it’s not going to be mid. it’s going to be good. perhaps not as good as some others in the class#but it will not be as bad as the annoying ‘men’s mental health story’ bs one group is doing#frankly i don’t give a shit about men’s mental health but whatever#actually it might not be bad as a film idk their skill levels. but i won’t care about it due to there being no women in there#actually another group is making a film with no women (except the firdged mom) but i think theirs will be good#they have a cast of two people it’s not insane that there’s no women so i’ll allow it#and also of course that guys script was very good and he was actually my first choice when we voted on who’s scripts to make#no i was not my first choice…. i was trying to be humble….#also i wouldn’t have had to be director on his film. i could have been the bitchy production manager…..#i also would have had to go on multiple hikes due to the locations they needed. so perhaps it’s a good thing my script got voted in too#and i know i complain but i do actually like my group they’re great people to work with#even if the Annoying one and i clash sometimes. i like to think of our dynamic as Divorced Coparents#which sounds more sexy than it is. it’s not sexy at all. there’s no sex going on metaphorical or otherwise#i just mean. we clash sometimes but we also have good rapport. it’s like a tense middle school friendship#and the other guy. he’s great. cringe at times but we love him#i wish i’d known him before this semester so we could have had more time to become friends this timing kinda sucks#anyway. i don’t remember how this post started.#ok bye
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sometimes having thorough knowledge of fob history is a curse. i’ll really be reading a fic and i’ll be like “wait this is alluding to taking place in april 2006??? ummm doesn’t the author know this CANT take place in april 2006 cuz they were _____” and it can kind of ruin a fic for me if i’m so honest
#like not that much but i just keep thinking about how it’s not Right#but it’s stupid cuz it’s literally a fanfic. yeah i’m sure they weren’t sucking and fucking in april 2006 too but that’s the whole point#like it’s all made up it’s okay. but i have severe problems#people can do what they want tho and honestly they are the normal ones here so i don’t even fault them#i wish i wasn’t like this too cuz i abandoned this one fic that i was writing bc it was too much work#bc i was thoroughly trying to research every documented fob move and interview etc etc from 2008#so not even to be condescending but i wish i could just ignore proper dates of certain things#(or like if i did write outside of the Known Dates i’d have an author’s note just being like I KNOW OK)#am i making sense. i’m rambling n a bit stoned so. hi
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[deep breath in] I am happy my post resonated with so many people
[deep breath out] I am not bothered by the assumptions people are making about me and my life story
[deep breath in] it is truly beautiful that even a brief mention of my personal struggles seems to be helping others
[deep breath out] it is truly beautiful that people feel comfortable and safe expressing the way my struggles make them feel
#I go back and forth between wanting to find out how to mute notifications for it#and wanting to see what people are saying#because most people are saying very beautiful and kind things#but some people are saying cruel and/or really presumptive things#and it feels weird!#I am much less chatty in tags when I reblog nowadays because of how weird this feels#I’m sure I’m overthinking this.#don’t worry I know I’m overthinking this#it’s just funny because I’d never told anyone I was suicidal before that post#and nobody touched it for months and then suddenly it got 1000 notes in two days#and now it has over 12k#if I’d known people might reblog it I probably would’ve prevented that with settings#but now I’m really grateful for how it’s resonating! I just kinda wish I’d been more intentional with my wording
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Separate anon here... we love and care for you too, we had things happen to us too and can only pray karmic justice be done upon them. <3 u
hello angels !!!
i read this on the day i saw [redacted] so thank you so so so so so much.
it’s is incredibly special to hear from folks who understand in such a way. thank you all for your love, care and time.
i’m sorry that knowledge of what could be described as, “hell on earth” is something that we have in common. my hope is all of you are taken care of in respects to your health regarding such evil.
you are all survivors! adapting to allow continued existence despite what has happened is incredible and shows the strength you all share.
🕯️for the safety each and every one of you and unending justice for us all.
again thank you guys for reaching out. it’s always amazing to hear from others, to have confirmation that we can live despite it all.
it also helps me gain the confidence to be more candid about my own existence. mwah mwahhhhh <333
#evidence of life#waaahhhhhhhhhhh i’m literally so weepy /positive about this plural folks are literally the nicest people in the entire whole wide world#we give each other the biggest group hug the world has ever seen i love us alllllllllllllllll#i wish i had the words to express how much i love and how proud i am of systems the resilience in the face of trauma oh my gosh mwahhhh#literally what would i do if i get sweet messages from the loveliest people on the planet every once in awhile#if i didn’t get*#i wasn’t there for all of it but i met a sweetheart whose hms get to express themselves through ttrpgs and if i was p******g i’d probs cry#she’s transfem !!! and i was literally like LEY MEHTOUTTTTT it’s okay tho i’ll see them again :’3 was the first known multiple i’ve seen#idk it was the breath of life i really needed wahhhhhgggggggggghhhqwahhhwwahhsuhghdaaaauuhhhhwahhhhhhhhhhooughhhoughhasawahhhhhhhheahhhwahhe#anyways tumblr quits when i write long responses and this is like the third time i tried answering this <3#same in dms so trust im getting back to you i just have to type in outside of the app then copy paste which is ridiculous#like this app is soooo broken omgggg i want my money back and it’s free lol#message in a bottle
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Haven’t been sleeping well because, and this is the stupidest reason, I’m so full of damnable longing. All I do is yearn and pine and want.
#I hate it!#I just want to fall in love!#not long distance. not through an app. I want to meet someone and be awkward and flirt and be messy and work for it.#I’m 35 now and I feel like I’m too old for that#which yeah I know sounds ridiculous. life goes on. I’ve got time. blah blah blah.#but I do wish I’d done the standard meeting and falling for someone in school and marrying young and having kids#all that milquetoast basic stuff#BUT IT’S NOT BASIC! I want that! I want that security and young love that just grows and grows!#can you imagine building that kind of connection with someone?#I know there’s plenty of valid criticisms towards marrying your high school sweetheart but come on… lemme dream a little#I don’t want to fill out applications online and trawl dating sites for someone!#I want the friends to awkward more than friends to maybe more to yes! please why did we wait I know you. I’ve known you. I accept you.#I want someone to know me and want me for who I am#aaaaaaaaaa I’m fucking foaming at the mouth#I can’t stop thinking about it and it makes my chest ache so much#and I feel like I’m too old for that! I have no social life! I’m not in school around other people! how could this even happen for me?#stupid!#😮💨… okay… calm down Ian… it’s cool. we’re cool.#I don’t want to sleep. I just want to lay in bed and imagine being in love all night.#gross. gross gross gross.#you can ignore this#goodbye forever#text
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