#idk if this makes sense im kind of word vomiting

[x-letsbreaksomerules-x]

I feel like i know all the necessaries to have good, safe sex but after that post you reblogged i would like to know what tips and advice you wish you were given for your first time, if you dont mind ofc 😅

I don’t know if i really have like ‘tips’ or advice. i think the main thing i was trying to convey with my tags was that, at least for me, all the ‘correct’ things to do didn’t prepare me for how emotionally intense having sex can be. I think i also struggled with communicating with my first partner, and that will ruin it. Above all else being able to hold an open conversation is the most important thing, not just saying the right words, but really being able to put them into action. That one has been said a million times but i had to learn the hard way how important that is.

But, to kind of reiterate, i think something that isn’t conveyed enough in like really basic sex ed(like courses that cover consent and contraceptives) is that sex is bonding, emotionally and physically and also on a chemical level. Some people will experience ‘crashes’ after sex, because emotions can get high and then they’re over and things will hit all at once. Sometimes something can feel really good in the moment too, but later you might not be so sure about it(which is where being able to have a good continual conversation about sex comes into play). I wish sex ed courses taught some kind of aftercare too, i don’t think aftercare should be seen as just a BDSM thing. Sometimes people need extra time and care after even vanilla sex and this needs to be part of the conversations you’re having with your partner. In general i think people focus a lot on how sex works, and not how it feels. It doesn’t work the same for everyone and not everyone is going to have strong emotions, but its common enough that it warrants like more discussion in my mind.

[brigatebajor]

and also re: dealing with historical nuances in stories about [insert organized crime group that historically committed atrocities but is being romanticized today] cause i want to be annoying

there were so many people in the notes of that post saying stuff like "but i just want mindless entertainment with pirates!" and like. sure. but you also have to understand that what that entails is erasing every inch of historical background from the material at hand, and youre gonna have to be okay with people NOT being okay with that honestly??

like mindless entertainment is something that is just made to be consumed while shutting off your brain right? you wont be thinking about social class and the issues pertaining classism and power imbalance between a barista and a coffee shop patron when consuming coffee shop au fanfiction, but it works because we're all inherently aware of them. we all know how a coffee shop works. but what actual knowledge do we have of pirates, or the mafia, outside of stereotypes? so it becomes a self-feeding machine of preconceived notions that ultimately leads to consumers having no idea what theyre talking about, but thinking that they do. which is like, one level shy of historical revisionism or smth

plus like idk i feel like this is the last place where i should have to say this (or the first?) but romanticization isnt like... good. like. both pirates and the mafia (the two examples of that post but surely theres more) are still active and still commiting atrocities To this day. like the fact that people made fun of the mafia twitter thread always drove me crazy cause like do you people not know that people died??? do you people not know that pirates were involved in the slave trade??? and i think it's the same feeling i get with true crime girlies like he is Not just an aesthetic cute boy he KILLED people!! are you that desensitized to murder?? to lifes own value???? idk man it just drives me crazy

[whumpbug]

okay okay okay so I held back on this one because I asked alternate already BUT. can you put Gene and Cassidy in a sci-fi story. what would they wear what are their roles do you have scene snippets or dialog? sci-fi is my favorite thing ever and as always feel free to ignore if this isn't the vibe!!! i love you bug /p!!!!!

OHOHOHOHOHHOH SETH I LOVE U /P

i am all for a sci-fi vibe. even if star wars is TECHNICALLY a space opera, i love love love the space setting and i would be DELIGHTED to talk about it.

im gonna word vomit on the page first and them ill try my hand at a few drabbles in this au. strap in for ANOTHER very long post. THANK U AGAIN SETH I LOVE UR ASKS I TRULY CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM /GEN

okay so. since i'm only really well-versed in star wars sci-fi concepts, this is going to be a vaguely star wars inspired au but i'll try to phrase it in a way thats more applicable to sci-fi in General (its always so fun to translate their jobs and personalities into different settings)

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we'll start with gene. idk why but i'm getting very much a bounty hunter vibe from him. like someone who maybe works for a larger organization or guild hunting down notorious criminals (i mention that he works for an Entity bc i think its sort of important that he doesnt choose his bounties himself. he gets them assigned)

i think he would still do it out of a sense of responsibility because he doesn't think bad people should just be running around like that, but also because. a man's gotta make a living. he's gotta pay the bills.

i can see him having his own little ship that he practically lives out of considering how much he travels, and i feel like he'd get very attached to his ship (much like calliope. sorry calliope you've become a spaceship in this au)

OMG AND ALSO A THOUGHT IS BEING BEAMED INTO MY HEAD.

he wears a mask. you can't see his face when he's out doing jobs. he conceals his face, partially because he doesn't want people to see when hes scared or smug or anything like that and partially for the Swag.

that brings me to his overall outfit. i believe in my heart of hearts that gene would wear something like this (i wish i could credit the artist but i couldnt find it)

except instead of an entire helmet, it would be more of just a black piece of cloth pulled loosely over his mouth and nose. and im also seeing him in a very wide brimmed hat that he can tilt down to Brood pls tell me you guys see the vision.

he'd have a little revolver-looking blaster and knowing him, it'd be set to stun. i don't think he really enjoys bringing people in cold, and does his best to avoid it when he can

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OK now onto cassidy. my beautiful darling boy silver. my sweetiepie.

it was kind of difficult to translate his profession into this setting because. it involves more people other than him.

ultimately i decided that, similar to the modern au, he is a part of an underground business, kind of like a rebellion of sorts, that fight against the injustices of the galaxy robin-hood style. of course, montana is the leader (unfortunately) and cassidy is essentially his right hand man

i can see cassidy traveling planet to planet, dismantling corrupt governments, providing for the needy, and having an absolute blast doing it, but his methods are. very illegal. and there is a growing bounty on his head.

nearly every major government wants specifically him locked away for life because of the destruction he's caused, and of course they hire the very best bounty hunter around to track him down.

and of course cassidy is a slippery fellow

cue their little cat and mouse thing they've got going on. gene wants to catch him because if he does, he'd practically be set for life. cassidy runs away because, well. he has a job to do. he can't get caught, especially by the weirdly attractive masked dude that talks to his spaceship.

and lastly, here is what i think cassidy's fit would vaguely look like:

he loves ponchos he can't help it. they're too comfy.

he too would have a little revolver-blaster thing and of course, his knife and hat. one thing that it different is the stolen jewelry. i decided that instead of stealing jewelry from the awful people, he takes mechanical/droid parts for his little buddy that he keeps around named SC-071-1 (haha. ahaha get it. please tell me someone gets it.)

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OK ONTO THE DRABBLES AND SNIPPETS! you get 3 because im feeling Generous /pos. here in the first little snippet for you. this is the two meeting in a bar and not wanting to make a scene (gene tracked him there) (i just wanted to write a silly tense scene)

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Cassidy heard Gene before he saw him.

The man was always stomping around in a way no one could quite replicate. His footsteps were deliberate, cold, and unmistakable.

And they were right behind him.

The business end of a blaster was suddenly pressed into Cassidy's ribs and his mouth went dry.

"I'll have a Jet Juice. On the rocks."

Gene tossed the bartender a coin, to which he grumbled indignantly and began on the drink.

Cassidy risked a sideways glance at the bounty hunter. His expression was unreadable and hidden as always, and he didn't even turn to look at Cassidy. Instead, Gene leaned close and spoke lowly into his ear.

"Make a scene and you're dead. Try to run and you're dead. Turn on your comm and you're dead. Am I clear?"

Cassidy smirked, and mocked a salute. "Loud 'n clear, sir."

Gene gave a curt nod and turned to the bar. The bartender slid him his drink, which he downed in one go, and he was just about to order another when--

He sputtered when he felt something pressed into a certain.. important area. He blanched.

"Didn't say anything about fightin' fire with fire, did you, cowboy?" Cassidy grinned. The sight of the big bad bounty hunter squirming because his family jewels were threatened never got old.

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DRABBLE 2 HERE WE GO. this one is gene finding cassidy after a mission gone sour. cassidy was effectively abandoned by montana with the promise that he would come back for him.

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The whole mission was a bust from the beginning.

Cassidy should have known. He had a gut feeling-- that it was some sort of trap specifically designed for the organization. When he brought it up to Montana, he said that it was just Cassidy being paranoid. And, of course, he believed him. He always did

And now, there he was, beaten within an inch of his life and left to the elements by the government higher-ups.

They really didn't like people messing with their system.

Cassidy took a labored breath for what felt like the millionth time. Each time it was getting harder. His arms were pinned awkwardly above his head and to fill his lungs, he had to pull himself up. It quickly became exhausting.

The worst part was the cold. Montana had mentioned that this planet's average temperature was a little below what Cassidy was used to, but he didn't mention that the city they were infiltrating was located near the northern pole of the planet.

It was freezing.

Cassidy had long since stopped shivering.

He let his head loll forward. He wasn't sure he had the strength to wait for Montana anymore. He wasn't sure he had the strength for anything anymore. Even keeping his eyes open seemed a monumental task.

So, he let them fall shut.

••••

When he woke up, it was because he registered his center of gravity tilting on it's axis.

There was a body pressed against his. And it was warm.

If he had any remaining strength, he would have clung to his rescuer like there was no tomorrow. Instead, he settled for letting his head fall against the person's chest as he let out a pitiful whine.

A hand chafed up and down his shoulder. "Just relax. We'll get you warm. Don't you dare try to run off, Silver."

He wouldn't dream of it. Not when he could feel himself melting to putty in the arms of this stranger.

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LAST DRABBLE it's gene's turn. in this au he has spasthma (space asthma) and sometimes it hinders his job in Not good ways. and cassidy isn't heartless.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Cassidy really wasn't thinking when he threw the smoke bomb. All he knew was that the damned bounty hunter was catching up and he needed to throw him off.

He did not expect him to fall to his knees with a guttural coughing fit.

It would have been so easy to leave him there to rot, to hop in his ship and escape without looking back.

But when did Cassidy ever take the easy way out?

"Shit," He hissed, darting back to where Gene was kneeled with a palm supporting him on the ground.

He was clutching at his chest, choked gasps leaving him intermittently. His eyes looked vaguely panicked.

"C-Can't--" He wheezed, getting cut off by another coughing fit. He looked as if he was about to topple over.

Cassidy caught him by the arm and dragged him away from the busy street. He propped him up against an wall tucked into an alleyway and began rummaging around in his bag.

One of the younger kids with the Montana's crew had the same condition with all the same symptoms Gene was having right now. The kid was pretty forgetful, and Cassidy always made sure he had an extra rebreather on him. Just in case.

Gene was going to owe him big time.

His fingers finally grazed what he was looking for and he yanked it out, fumbling to get it open. He shook the small canister and pressed it to Gene's lips.

"You have to puff. Just try, okay? Just a little." Cassidy grabbed Gene's hand and placed it on his chest, exaggerating his own breathing to show him what to strive for.

Gene hiccuped slightly before taking a flimsy inhale. He breathed out and tried at it again, and found it gradually got easier.

When he could finally take a deep breath, he collapsed against the wall, panting. His hand didn't leave Cassidy's chest.

"Thank-- thank you," He whispered.

Cassidy smiled.

"Does this mean I get a headstart now?"

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SETH thank you SO VERY MUCH for this ask and this au. i think i may like it more than their original au GOD i love them so so so much FHDJKFH. thank u for the requests and as always PLS dont be afraif to send more if the mood striked you but no pressure ofc! /gen

hope you enjoy my rambling bc this post was LONGGGGG

[jackienautism]

anyone else get pissed off and a little sick that like .... if ashley reveals the truth after mike shoots emily that sam's relationship w/ ashley DRASTICALLY increases? like. this is definitely just a little irk of mine and nothing too major but just ................... i understand that its honorable for ash to own up to the fact that she was wrong (which they also didnt rly show that well imo? sjhe kind of jusr Says Things and thats it) abt the thing she was pretty adamant about, AND its interesting to think that ash's relationship w/ mike drops to zero if he shoots her (despite ofc seemingly advocating for it) but just. i suppose its in character for sam to think higher of ashley if she reveals what she finds in the book b ut ?????????? emily is still like.... dead. and its pretty obvious that sam is extremely shaken up over her death. and yes of COURSE ashley wasnt the one to pull the fucking trigger, i will never put more blame on her than i do mike, but its just....... she was still a reason leading up to her death you know? so to see that sams relationship goes up if she reveals the truth, as if ashley wasnt also involved in emily's death, just ........ irks me a bit

and this is in no way ashley hate btw, sorru if its perceived as such. im just......... it bothers me. bc if i were sam id still be a little pissed off regardless of what she does or doesnt reveal but thats just me. bc of course sam's relationship w/ ash drops to zero if she conceals it, and sam was pretty Not into the whole shooting em thing to begin with so.... its just. idk. it feels wrong to me

if someone has another perspective on this situation though please let me know! hopefully this word vomit makes sense

[supurman]

on a further note of clarks kids. it just gets me sad. all of them just got ruined or damaged by dc.

yall do not gotta read this i ended up ranting about the state of clark's son's/potential super successors and it got REAL long. this is more or less word vomit with no coherent structure. truly my raw thoughts but somewhere in here ( the end ) is what i would envision on this blog.

kon had the most potential to me. then they put him through the ringer. they made him. they hardly made him have connections with superman in his comic runs ( they barley interacted beside the beginning and when clark split into 2 ). then they erased all his character and turned into a re-envisioned character who lacked spunk and all the personality that he once had. then they they erased him from comics for years IN GENERAL. what im trying to say is they practically made a perfect superman heir, removed him from supermans contact, REMADE HIS CHARACTER AND DESIGN, deleted him for some years, BROUGHT HIM BACK unexpectedly when he was already replaced by another superboy since dc never planned to have kon ever come back.. and yeah.

chris well he was great at first like most super kids but then his writing gets weird ( the whole night wing spirit thing was random as hell i fear ). once again much like jon did NOT get enough time to be a child before he also just disappears into the void of potential super heirs to never be heard of again like kon. until chris makes a comeback in rebirth. but oop! dcs favorite child is here, jon, so now chris is a villain for some reason in his new imagining and come back.

and finally jon. he had a great start. super sons was great. but then he just kind of made superman of a lesser character once they AGED UP JON. clarks writing suffered for a period because they wanted jon to be superman so bad. its no surprise all of this was a fiasco. dc tried to do something ( i forgot what ), failed, and were trying to work with their huge stupid mistake. i like jon to some degree but unlike the other supers he really is a superman copy-paste from personality to looks to style ro everything. and I MEAN HE LITERALLY IS JUST CLARK 2... thats what made kon so interesting. he had every potential to be the super successor WHILE ALSO BEING WHOLLY UNIQUE. jon was also a stone thrown in clarks timeline by accident. i say this because the first superboy was kon. dc got rid of him. which made clark have a spot for a new superboy, jon! so they make jon. dc then realizes they want to bring kon back from the archive closet. they bring him back and kon comes back to a world where he is ‘replaced’ and feels replaced. he has all this needless pain that makes no sense because he was unintentionally both replaced and brought back to a world that was written without intention to bring him back. so hes like ‘superman has a new superboy now..what does that make me.’ idk if what im saying is making sense here. imagine if dc restarted the dc universe ( as they do ). they have their intentions in mind where kon wont be written and jon will be the superboy. superman never knew kon existed since its a new universe, everyone is a clean slate now. then dc is like man we should bring back original superboy except instead of making him a clean slate we should make him remember his past from the original universe so he can be in needless pain of story line where we never planned him in. do you get me? there is nothing inherently wrong with jon i enjoy him a ton. its just more or less the superboy title and how clark ‘replaced’ kon..IF CLARK WAS ALLOWED TO RMMR KON HE WOULD OF NEVER REPLACED HIM. EVER. HE LOVED HIM?? ok dc i hate you so bad this will all be fixed on this blog.

do i hate any of the kids? no. i just wish they made sense. i wish no aging up happened. i wish kon was never forgotten. i wish chris..made more sense.

anyway in a perfect universe ( ahem, the rocky cinematic universe found here on supurman dot com ) Kon is the first superboy who is adopted by clark and never got forgotten ( by forgotten i mean literally deleted by dc and forced clark to forget about him ), chris would come along later, and clark has jon with lois who would then be their youngest son with NO AGING UP. kon would be most likely to be the next superman but everyone son is a rightful superboy.

[theyellowgreninja]

oh no im theoryposting now

Just saw a post (by @dotdotdotdotsometingidk) involving this panel from skypeia:

Luffy is clearly the Sun God (Nika), as per the fruit and whatnot. So who are the representations (champions? reincarnations?) of the other three mentioned here? [im gonna word vomit my thoughts here]

My first thought is, from a meta/narrative perspective, it would make sense that the other gods are the other emperors, but I'm really struggling to find which yonko is which god (Buggy, for example, who we know a lot about at this point, isn't really any of these). If I had to pick, I would say Shanks is the rain (the only one who can swim), Blackbeard is the Earth (............idk it feels better than forest), which leaves Forest for Buggy.

Ooh, but Ryukugyu (? spelling -- Green Bull) is literally a forest. And Magma is pretty earthen, as far as known devil fruits go. And (and this one is a stretch, but) Rain is the result of gravity, which covers Fujitora. ... oh wait Kizaru would be the Sun god then, to fill out the admirals. Are there 2 sets of representations?

Maybe the 4 gods are all Straw Hats? Jinbe could be rain, feasibly (what with the water and all), and Usopp could be forest (plants), which leaves... idk Zoro to be Earth? Zoro/Jinbe/Sanji kinda have a Land/Sea/Air thing going on, sorta...? But Usopp is so out of place next to Zoro and Jinbe lmao. crackpot theory: those 4 get conquerors haki

Is Law rain? I'm thinking of that one line at the start of Wano Act 3 where Law says he's "unmatched in the rain" or something to that effect... In which case, Kidd is Earth (earth is a big magnet ig???), and another Supernova is Forest? Hawkins???

Or Dragon is the God of the Rain? And these 4 gods all have particular mythic-zoan devil fruits? (I say Dragon is Rain because he caused a thunderstorm in Loguetown to save Luffy. Did he do that because he learned the truth of the Gum-Gum Fruit?) In that case, where are the other two Mythic-Zoans? Does Ryukugyu have the Forest one? Or is there a different fruit that would give you plant powers? And what would Earth be? Whitebeard's fruit? Caribou's fruit? Or one we haven't seen yet (a rock-rock fruit maybe?)

This being the grouping of four is kind of strange. It makes me think of the air/fire/water/earth elemental structure, but it's all kinda jumbled and obfuscated. Like, Rain would equal Water, but ironically I think Forest equals Earth and Earth equals Fire (and then Sun equals Air). Or maybe Forest equals Air [Photosynthesis makes O2?] and Sun equals Fire (and then Earth equals Earth and Rain equals Water). Or Rain equals Air [falls from sky] and Forest equals Water [plants need water??] (Sun = Fire, Earth = Earth)? No matter how I try to align it, there's always one of two out of place. Very frustrating (and fun).

or maybe the other gods arent real. and this is just some worldbuilding. but theoryposting is fun lmao and the sun god did already come back up in a big way.

[allamericansbitch]

even after everything I'm still worried about taylor. isn't that sick? she just seems like a completely different person but maybe we didn't know her at all. I'm a black/queer woman and seeing all this makes me physically ill but I'm still like....is she ok? whats going on in her head? I've been a fan of hers since I was?? 11?? 12?? I'm 22 now. a decade of my life I've loved and supported and been dissapointed and angry. this is the first time since i became a fan that im consdering unstanning and its so monumental. but i can't just. cut ties and say "well fuck her im moving on" it's all so insane the chokehold she still has on me bc I feel like I literally grew up with her. idek how to listen to her music moving forward or make edits. a part of me still wants to believe in the end people are good and they can learn and grow. maybe she'll look back at this years from now and say "what the hell was I thinking?" idk I hope so.

I'm just so immensely sad and angry and hurt but I still wanna love and forgive her bc ig thats what im used to.

I'm sorry this doesn't make sense i just needed to word vomit 😭 and thank for taking the time out of ur day to read and post these it means a lot. makes me feel less crazy and alone. I just wanna put us all in a really big group hug.

A huge group hug sounds amazing. A lot of people have been saying similar things, they can’t just leave and they feel terrible for not being able to do it, but there’s still a part of them that has a hope it’ll all be fixed. Also worrying about her isn’t sick at all, it’s obvious something’s going on and she did go through a breakup so we can only imagine she’s hurting in some way.

Having this kind of emotional safety net for a decade and then it suddenly not being under you can be insanely jarring, no shame in not being able to rip off the band-aid. There a huge difference in just not being able to let her fully go vs invalidating people hurt, saying it’s no big deal, or pretending like nothing happened. It’s very complex for any fan, but for you and I’m sure many, many others who are a part of the communities he’s hurt, it’s so layered and you should be allowed to have grace with how you deal with it. You’re not at all crazy or alone, we’re all in the same boat here ❤️.

[upsidedowngrass]

reading your and jaspers posts about bryce with silent admiration because im too scared to contribute but i really love bryce so much hes my girlfriend and my husband and i like hearing u guys talk about him because youre Right. especially as someone who struggled from grief and trauma and being abused i think bryce's case interests me more than any of the other characters (even though liam is my favorite, and it says a lot because i find all of them interesting) because there is so much to him. i doubt he has processed a single thing about what happened. i think stellas death was recent too honestly, within the last few years at least, and he copes by... not coping. burying himself in work and drinking in the hopes to forget about it. not even to mention the fact that in episode 7 it showed him driving home drunk personally i feel he was past the point of caring to the point of engaging in risky/dangerous behaviors (this speaks for itself, i dont think i need to say why). i think that the plane impacted him so much that within those 7 months after leaving he got his shit together. i cant speak for if hes totally sober or not but at the very least he doesn't drink as much as he used to and i doubt he's putting himself in danger anymore. to be honest i think bryce is one of the characters who has changed the most because of the plane, which makes him being rejoined all the more interesting to me. im probably just making shit up but i like to read into it a little more than "bryce and liam were getting along but now theyre separated and liam has to fix it oh no". sorry this ask is kind of word vomit im not in the headspace to tidy it up but i hope you get what i mean

i think if one had continued for longer than it did it would have been interesting to explore bryce finally accepting and coming to terms with his past (him not seeing his childhood home in the wr anymore kind of representing this). i love bryce and he deserves to heal

TY!!!!!!! im glad my thoughts warrant admiration to you :D!!!!!!!!!!! (i will say tho that every time uve ever posted YOURE thoughts i am like ohhhhh.... ur SO RIGHT. i think u have some of the BEST interpretations of the one characters ive seen!!!!!)

(talked SOOO so much .so there is a readmore :) )

brcye really IS such an interesting character???? ik ive said it before but i AM biased towards protagonists so i usually focus on liam but like ...... bryce really IS probably one of the more. indepth ? characters in one in terms of like. background and how he Acts. i think ALL of teh characters are written really incredibly but i think, given how much of his bg is clarified (esp in contrast with how little is shown of the other characters lives pre-one) his motives, personality, emotions all end up being SUPER super elaborate and i REALLY love how he was written ??

(that said i think the reason he IS elaborated on sm is bc like. one doesnt elaborate on character backgrounds like MOST of the time. even charlotte is mostly left up to interpretation, bc one is more about the HOW people respond rather than WHAT made them respond that way. but charlotte and bryce are both outliers, and bryce ESPECIALLY so. because both obviously have Things they havent worked through properly, but bryce is directly just. Living in it. its the fact that he WONT acknowledge the actual Things that hapepned enough to heal that warrants the elaboration. while the other characters stop acknowledging ANYTHING about their lives , save for charlotte, who gradually works out her issues themselves, because THATS whats effecting her, bryce is CONSTANTLY just. he Needs to go back, but his problems ARE about what happened, and the fact that his life outside of the plane was what MATTERED to him, but that even then, he just Wouldnt acknowledge that life when he Needed to. idk if that makes sense but ohhh i think about the decision to elaborate on some characters and to not on others bc it feels Important)

hes so. he mirrors all of the contestants in some ways, but he mirrors amelia a LOT in that both of them respond to trauma by Setting It Aside. like That Trauma Cant Affect Me If I Dont Look At It. like. ur right bryce has NOT processed ANY of his trauma. which like it makes SENSE bc. it prob feels so much easier to him to not think about it by drinking instead, because its a Lot to think about. its a Lot to come to terms with. but bc he WONT acknowledge it but its still AFFECTING him he just gets More and More miserable (the detail about him driving home drunk and not even caring is so. :( )

what IS one of the most. compelling? aspects of his character to me is the way he responded to Everything after getting eliminated. bc it just feels So Real. because he IS healing, not completely, and not in the best way, but he clearly like. started putting SO much work into improving his life??? (the detail of him finally getting an end table for his bed instead of just... using a cardboard box ALWAYS gets to me. and that + the fact that the photo of stella is put up makes it seem like. THATS what was in that box. he LITERALLY started Unpacking thigns. its like poetry to me.) because it IS hard, and i think hes still putting things to the side, shoving the trauma from the plane to the side now instead of all his other grief and trauma. and the removal of the cans from his room yknow?? that hes getting up for work on time now?? its like. yeah i agree idk if hes necessarily SOBER yet but he really does seem like hes working really hard

its not perfect, but its BETTER and it feels. correct?? (and tbh? trying to brush off the plane as a dream isnt even teh worst thing he couldve done with that, i think, bc reasonably what WAS he supposed to do w that experience?? i dont think there WAS a good answer) bc the plane was a whole new kind of trauma. and i think surface level, one would THINK hed get WORSE after further trauma but like. i think he DID in some ways but in the ways that actually affected how he acknowledged and responded to his pre-existing trauma DID get better bc, as he puts it, hed Thrown his life away before, and didnt want to do it again. bc this time, he very well couldve died. and while he was on the plane, being home, on earth was SO much better than the plane, and it recontextualized Everything. hell, maybe after that, the earth finally felt Less daunting, like somewhere he Wanted to be, because for once, he WANTED to be back, and rationalizing That and the fact that he got Lucky, that something Worse couldve just full on Killed Him Forever really DID mean he didnt WANT the worse to come, at least not as much as before. but that meant he HAD to start actually Working on improving things, and i think he may not have Intended to acknowledge Worse things, but simply because the things he had to do to improve his life, like drinking less, making his house more Livable, they all Forced him to think about things More. hes still certainly not thinking about them as much as he Should, hes still not Processing things, but hes Heading in the right direction . he really was SO changed by ONE

and then liam showing up forces him, once again, to think about something he tried to push to the side. aaaaaaaandd then he rejoins and its so. it feels thematically fitting and IS so so SO interessting. because for once in his life hes REALLY facing his trauma head on. but then is brought straight back into it. and i need to think about that aspect more bc those thoughts are a bit less Focused than my other thoughts but given how complex his writing is after he gets OUT, its. SO interesting to think about how being BACK affects him

esp bc like. him starting ep 18 Pissed Off- which historically his responses to trauma are to either just Be Shocked, as depicted a LOT in ep 14, or to get Very Vocally pissed, as shown through the first half of s1, esp ep 6, and ep 11, and ep 13, and ep 18. ive seen it written as 'he doesnt have anywhere to direct the sheer amnt of STRESS and fear so he just. ends up yelling at people bc what else CAN he do' and i think thats?? probably fairly accurate. i dont think hes as Constantly Irritable and Irrationally Angry as fanon presents him , bc it tends to be. excessive. but he DOES get reasonably angry in response to stress !!! i always think abt how his body language in the 'credits' scene of ep 6 look like hes yelling at airy. and im. lays on the ground. i dont even know if thats ever as much 'just anger' as it is Fear and it FUCKS ME UP

but the way i see it, that ties to ep 18 a LOT. because he was really Getting better. hell, what he thought was the WORST that could happen HAPPENED (dying) but he. came out OKAY? its like he was being forced to think about and work through his trauma and he survived and was ok. but being sent back is like. 'oh god i did that all for nothing.' but i think it also sort of?? serves as the Last Push for him to really, REALLY acknowledge the plane (which is why it makes sense so thematically for him to be the rejoiner. he WAS the only contestant whod Chosen to ignore it all. but that has nothing to do with the plane, he cant choose if the plane ignores Him.) past talking about its affects, how its affected people. because after everything hed worked toward, hes Back. hes back, and everyone else is STILL HERE. liam had said they were all still There but seeing them there is a whole other thing. hed SEEN the effects of making it out after 7 months. but he never saw what it was like to still BE there after all that time. and bryce CARES about them (fanon sometimes treats him as if he is a bit. coldhearted? but i think people misattribute him being unhappy with liam as him not caring. i think the problem is that he maybe cares too much, and was affected a LOT, but didnt and doesnt know how to handle that. so he WANTS to ignore it, because it was all he could do, and haaving to backtrack on his haphazard healing from the plane is. highly daunting and uncommfortable and terrifying. thats not being cold though, thats VERY different) and now he HAS to acknowledge Everything, has to be a part of it Again. and i think its a combination of 'liam was here for 7 months after we all thought itd only be a few weeks. Anything could happen. who knows how long ill be here for?' and 'liam didnt have anything when he came back. will I have anything when i come back?? will i have worked so, so hard to heal and fix my life for Nothing?' and 'i dont WANT to be here again.' and 'oh my god all of them Really Really Are Here. Theyve been here the whole time.' and i think all that culminates in an appropriate amount of horror, and that prompts him to do what hes STARTED doing, which was All He Can. and hes pissed off cus hes terrified, so he spurs everyone into pulling out the plug. and then. it doesnt work. it doesnt work and thats the LAST of what he had, and i think iirc hes the LAST one to close his eyes afterwards. because hed BEEN off the plane, hes the one of them who had any hope to give them anymore. and it didnt work

(i also think a lot about how it mustve felt seeing the contestants all so. resigned. because bryce was like that before all this, but ever since one began he was stubborn, and didnt WANT to give up. and i think finding out that these people youd seen try so, so hard just to Handle Any Of This be SO resigned would be. so fucked up. he knew amelia when she was so determined to leave, and while charlotte seems a bit saddened by her resignation, bryce was there BEFORE that happened. he wasnt there like liam or charlotte was to see it gradually develop, and to develop that despair alongside them. all hes seen is that amelia was so determined. and that he may not have known her THAT well before, he knows shes different. he knows she Gave Up and like. GOD. and also i think abt how he mustve Felt seeing the plug for the first time because ehs the only one of them who hadnt seen it before (given its likely all the other characters had, since they casually refer to it). and given the short time frame between him getting there, and the contestants trying to pull the plug? it almost seems that that was like. the last straw. and ive never posted it but i once drew stuff abt it bc. the damage to it is noticable. and i think hes already aware liam was fucked up, but this is like. a tangible, permanent record of that on the plane. and he cares about liam, and has been grappling with all the things liams told him, but thats. thats something he can See. And i think it all of it culminates in him deciding that what hes been avoiding is doing Soemthing about all this, because before he couldnt, and then it was. an awful idea to, and then he didnt have many choices BUT to help. but now theres hardly anything to do, but he has to try. he doesnt want to give up. and it makes me soooooooooooooooooo. head in hands.)

anyway that was a LONG tangent the point is. YEAH. i think rejoining would be. very very significant for his character i dont think youre making shit up its DEFINENTLY a topic w a lot of things to discuss about it

but god. yeah it wouldve been SO nice to see him come to terms with everything hed been through before one. i think the show purposefully included what it did and ended when it did because it makes more sense thematically for it to go unresolved, because the point was that NOTHING was able to be resolved nicely because unfortunately, many things are Out Of Their Control. things COULDVE resolved almost perfect but enough things went wrong at just the right (or more fitting, wrong) time for all of that to not work. i think him no longer seeing the suburbs may have signalled more that maybe, just maybe, he could Do something to help the other contestants even if HE was Dead, that now he finally HAS a goal, if that makes sense (though i think even in the timeline of the series it still wouldve taken way longer for him to process everything Fully, they WERE only in the waiting room for probably about a day) but the idea of finally seeing the waiting room as it is bc hed finally worked through everything .... man.............. man

ik ive already said it though but i DO think it is sooooo so possible for him to heal post canon. im a firm believer that no matter what, at LEAST bryce and ameliaa get home (liam and charlotte have more room for error but i DO generally interpret the ending as them both getting home too, theres just less room for things to go wrong w amelia and bryce). and i think after everything? hed be able to heal. it would SUCK but i think hes, shockingly, in a better place Logistically for things to improve, because he has a support system, he has what hed already worked on in those 7 months, he has so much to aim for. it would be rough and take long but i think ultimately? hed be able to heal :) and its what he deserves

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

ahh okay, i finally have a break, although my brain is absolutely dead, so pls bear w me if this doesn't make any sense ! 😩 anyway, i love that ur fic made me dream about him! any ewan char has to be a good dream 😂 but the cartel thing i think was bc my husband has been watching Narcos and so i was hearing it in the background yesterday lol. Michael and a cartel was an interesting mix lol

but onto your fic!! (TW: a lot of smut talking and spoilers to "Stuck On You" for anyone else who might be reading this) Ugh, idk where to start bc i literally loved it so much!! i think I've talked about before, but i love dark fics in general, but **especially** yours bc i think you capture it so well. you could tell me you majored in psychology and i'd believe it bc of how well and easy it seems for you to get into their mindset (any ewan char!). Like-- idk how to describe it, but it feels like you just know all of his chars personally from how well each of ur fics seem to match their personality. I've said before that you add so much little detail to ur fics as to not rush over things, and i could really tell here. my fav small detail was when you simply mentioned how he repeated entering her until he was fully sheathed bc he hadn't fully prepared her. like-- when i read that, my mouth kinda dropped and i had to just take a moment bc (1- ur girl can relate 😂) but also it made me stop and realise just how many fics I've read where it kind of just rushes past the first thrust. and honestly, i just enjoyed that detail *so much* bc it's relatable and realistic ? i love reading smut bc its fantasy, but I've-- and I'm sure many others-- have had that moment where it doesn't enter perfectly the first time and just reading a relatable moment like that was SO refreshing. okay, I'm going to stop w my rambling bc i feel like i might sound stupid now-- onto my questions bc im so curious about his mindset more! fair warning, I feel like some of these might overlap or be repetitive, but i didn’t know how to word them perfectly.

did Michael have an interest w her from the start, or was it only after she embarrassed him did he take an interest in her? did he/does he have any actual true feelings for her? bc the way he talks to her makes it seem like this is more of a hate/revenge thing than anything. like he's just so mean, but is there actually something more underneath all that spite ? and with that, do you think she would have genuine feelings for him as well or would it be this "codependency" thing? -- idk if codependency is the right term, but its better than what i was coming up with lol. her mindset during sex kind of seemed like that dumbification vibes, but she's clearly not actually dumb, he just looks down on her like she is-- which no surprise there, it's Michael lol.

ANYWAY ! i have probably made this way too long and questionably unbearable. again, i really really really apologise that this is probably a mess, bc my brain hurts so bad after the day I've had lol. this is not proofread, so i apologise I'm kind of just word-vomiting all this at you. i hope you've had a good day, Ange and that life is treating you kindly. 🤍

-Hannah Montana anon.

Aaahhh, thank you so much! I’m so glad you liked it! Michael is definitely a virgin, but he understands the mechanics of sex, and the body is willing. I strive for realism in almost all of my smut, so I’m glad that pulls through here.

Onto your questions!

Michael doesn’t notice her at all, until she embarrasses them both at the first night of Fresher’s week. He sets his sights on getting revenge, because he sees her as just another spoiled little rich girl, and he despises those types of people more than anything.

When he learns more about her circumstances - she’s there on a scholarship, genuinely cares about her studies, etc. he softens to her, but not by much - in his view, she is naive and needs to be taught a lesson.

It doesn’t become anything tangibly sexual for him until she kisses him. That’s what sets the wheels turning in his head of “I could ostracise this girl so much that I have her all to myself”

She is definitely into him, and he has effectively backed her into a corner. Basically, she has gotten what she wanted from the start - to have a brilliant mind to be friends with in order to have the “authentic” Oxford experience. And he has what he wants in the sense that he has broken her down to nothing socially and she’s now fully dependent on him.

There is the potential for genuine feelings to develop, but its current state is dark, twisted and reliant on lust.

Hope that all makes sense! Wishing you a lovely week xoxo

[corpsoir]

hello! so I don’t really know how to word this in a non word vomit kind of way so my apologies ahead of time! One of my further questions about art especially digital art is finding a nice in between style of realism & “cartoony.” I personally struggle with the realism kind of art somethin about drawing real people is extremely difficult for me, I don’t want to draw them like fully real like but I do think my art could improve if I figured it out. Do you have any tips or recommendations to help with finding this? My other question is a bit more into coloring, i think I’m getting a little better at it but I’m still a tad confused on things like shading how to do lighting all that extra stuff people add when it’s not just flat color. Hopefully I make sense? I’ve been watching videos on digital painting & it’s helping but sometimes the ones I watch kinda go over my head & I was wondering you had any other tips/tricks or could dumb it down for me. Please & thank you sm again I really appreciate your help 💘

yeah sure i have lots of tips and thoughts im sure other people might find useful or fun to read as well!

i just wanna preface this by saying this is how just i do things and by no means am i saying im doing it "right" or that there even is a right way to do art. have fun! art is just a by-product of being human, nobody can do art more correctly or better than anyone else, its just art, its like breathing!

the best tip i can give to anyone looking to improve their art, especially when it comes to drawing people and light and shade, is taking a real life figure drawing class!

i know it can be expensive depending on where you live etc but if you ever get the opportunity, DO IT! its seriously so valuable especially if you have a teacher who is good at explaining 1) how to think when youre drawing and 2) can point you in the right direction and give you tips personally according to your abilities

when it comes to balancing realism and a more stylised cartoony style the best thing here is also to learn how the real human body works and looks. and again a figure drawing class can help here but so does looking at pictures, looking at your own body and how it moves and how light plays on your skin etc! i think in order to stylise something its always helpful to have that background knowledge of how something looks like in real life, that way you can sort of abstract the thing youre drawing and simplify it with simple shapes. i think one of my favourite examples for this that a lot of people struggle with is hands. people tend to want to draw every single finger in detail, and sometimes that can look a little bit stiff. heres a bunch of hands ive scribbled lately, notice how theyre all just. idk. shapes? especially the little negative spaces that trick you into seeing a finger when in reality its just a blob with a hole through it.

you read them as hands but theyre really just. blobs mostly.

there are tons of books on anatomy for artists as well and those might help! i dont have any tips there though, most of my knowledge on the human form is from figure drawing and looking at my own body and stuff :))

and COLOURS! so i always work with a limited palette for my art. instead of going in and picking new colours all the time and ending up with an inconsistent muddy mess like i used to, i have made a nice palette with colours i enjoy and that go together well.

lots of reds and browns and purples here, but thats just my personal preference for how i work with colours lol

and im gonna be really annoying with this but when it comes to shading things "right" this is something you gotta practice practice and practice, by looking at real world examples and trying to replicate it on paper (or digitally i guess). i still have a lot to learn, i struggle with light and shade still too and its fine, its a learning process!

but anyways this is how i usually do the light in my art, and i think this piece is the best example because its a very bright light source and stuff

excuse my handwriting lol my thinking when it comes to light is just. im trying to think about what im drawing as a 3d object, so in my head i try to visualise for example how the light will fall on their weird hair shapes and their skin and clothes.

oh and also i just found a compilation of a bunch of videos by an artist who is really good at explaining a lot of stuff i do too! its REALLY long but she's got so many good tips on how to think about art and its really helped me a lot since i stumbled upon them. shes also really great at explaining colour theory in a way that made it so much easier for me!

hope this helps at least a little bit lol im not a good teacher sorry!!

[creativelyryeblogs]

Small Rant

Towards the end of the year 2022, I felt a sense of confusion. Confused of my identity, what I want to do in life, pleasures, enjoyments, goals, a multitude of things. What direction do I want my life to go in? How am I viewed as a person? Am I genuine with my actions or do I just act like it? Its easy to wear a mask when you are unsure of your own identifications. Ive always felt goofy, soft, kind, chill, the basic terms of identification. Now I seek to find something deeper. Honestly it feels cliché as fuck but here's where I am. Ive skated pass life not really being able to process and it feels like that episode of spongebob when squidward is constantly going thru the same routine and eventually he gets tired. Thats life for me and I barely have a routine. I honestly hate them. I feel like the same actions and continuous practices that I do on a daily bases will continue to leave me into feeling that life is passing by toooooo fucking fast. I need to slow down. Im working on being more present in the moment. Writing things down more. Taking deeper breaths. Adding a few more mins to my shower. I called my mom the other day and told her I would call back once I got out the shower. The call back was literally in 10 min. She made me realize that I rush things even when I don't need to. A speeding ticket a week ago humbled me mentally and was a metaphoric situation on how I am going thru life. I want to slow down even when my surroundings are fast pace. Hell. I feel like im typing this too fast. Idk if this is just a temporary feeling but I think that's why im documenting more of my thought process. There are too many times where I know I have the same thoughts about my life but I always forget them due to time and my memory giving up on taking a mental note of that thought.

Why are thoughts so easily lost? How can I make them stay? This is something that scares me. Ive had 4 grandparents deal with some form of Alzheimer/Dementia. Bro the thought of losing all your memories and thoughts is SCARY. Looking at the closets people in your life and not knowing who they are the next day is WILD. Like wtf??

Anyway. Ill try to do more of these rants and become more consistent with word vomit.

[fourmula1]

top 5 ways to say I love you without saying I love you

this is a great question because one happened to me today. about a half hour ago my aunt - whom i am incredibly close to - called me to see how the race was today. she has zero interest in formula 1, she knows nothing, but she knows i love it, and she called me to have me tell her all about how it went today. ♥

this is otherwise kind of hard for me to answer because i am very much a Words of Affirmation love language gal (on the giving end, i don't prefer to receive WoA). so for me i am very good at making it known how i feel about someone with my words. one may call me verbose about it lmao. if i like you, if i love you, you will know about it. i am word-vomit-y with my praise and affection and not afraid to spill!!!!

im sorry i don't have really a top five to say because idk i am not a very imaginative person and i am so very in tune with the verbal expression of my love that it's hard for me to think about this because i'm like, just say it!!!! if that makes sense. i'm sorry!!! thank you for asking.

[superchat]

Fuck that anon, get your tit's out and say poggers or whatever, cringe is dead

i couldnt tell if they were serious or not cuz idk who tries to fun a tmblr blog like "play gotta play to the right demographic, make sure they word count is low enough that people read it. what kind of meme images are hot right now?"

like ppl just be posting they shit and stuff, theres been posts i was proud of that no one sees and ones where im just thought vomitting and it gets noticed somehow,

i mostly just likeknowing that theblog is an archive in a sense, for me. but its lately becoming more andmore of a weight i think,

i dont want to act impulsivley tho, last thing i want is to regret it sohard it makes me sick

[erwinsvow]

My day was pretty good but college is kicking my ass so badly rn it’s embarrassing…

On another note, just wanted to let you know how I found your blog! It was through another blog (can’t remember which one sorry) recommending their favourite obx writers and that’s a statement I absolutely agree with🫶 You’ve developed a consistent characterization of Rafe that I believe is recognizable and belongs to your blog (idk if that makes sense) I think it’s extremely natural to compare yourself to others but please remember that you’re doing an amazing job!!

Sorry for the word vomit but you’re just so kind every time you interact with anyone and your writing is just SO good I wanted you to know how I feel

Also was curious to know how you feel about dark Rafe because I can’t stop thinking about ghostface (but he could also be sweet in a more twisted and obsessive rafe way)

-💓

omg i remember college like it was yesterday and it kicked my ass too😭😭😭 you got this bae!! it'll be over before you know it but stay focused on the grind 🩵

also stopppp that is so sweet. you are so nice because im so new to writing for obx! n that is so generous of you to say because i really love writing for rafe and bouncing btwn mean n sweet rafe... he's such a tough cookie to write but that makes it so fun! you are so so so nice im gonna cry <3 will remember this everytime i feel iffy :( also i always try to reply to every anon how i would want someone to reply to mine!!!! i remember so vividly being in someones inbox and pouring out ideas or love for like a short reply lol which would hurt my feelings even tho it is not that serious at all haha

but its srs to me now <3 i love replying to ppl on here especially sweet angels like u !!! 💓

ur fucking cooking... you may or may not have seen that my entire blog used to scream themed because its fully one of my favorite movie series EVER<3 ghostface!rafe is SOOOOO yummy. tw murder and a whole bunch of psycho stuff lol

he's soooooo sick n fucking twisted!!!! if he was a true ghostface, he'd be insanely protective over you, telling you it's dangerous to go out alone at night, that you shouldn't even stay at home alone if he's not spending the night. his lil killing spree would start with people trying to break the two of you up, people he knows are actively trying to get into your ear and tell you that rafe is dangerous, that's he's bad for you.

n you defend rafe with all your heart!! your boyfriend is so caring, doesn't even allow you to drive home alone, chauffeurs you around in his car, drops whatever he's doing to come get you if you call.

a couple times he's a lil late.. shows up to your door all sweaty, looking tired n messy, and you ask where he's been all night. doesn't really give you a real answer, just tells you he was with the boys. (he was gutting this boy from some party the other night that wouldn't leave you alone). you hear the news the next day, and when people in town start questioning some of the young men, you valiantly protect rafe, saying he was with you all night (which he was... kind of..) and the way he beams at you when you do this guarantees that you would never voice your suspicions no matter how prominent they become.

ur big friend group tries to figure out what's going on... pretending to be detectives, one of them even questions if youre the killer, saying your sweet personality is the best alibi n that no one would suspect a thing. you laugh, then rafe laughs, so everyone laughs, but the friend who said it is next on his list.

consoles you when ur crying, sick n tired of feeling so scared all the time, wanting life to go back to normal! you love spending time with rafe but everything is getting to be a little bit... overwhelming. you're never alone anymore, never have time or the chance to just be with your friends. it's a lil suffocating but then someone else turns up dead and you retreat into safety, into what you think can protect you: rafe.

the big reveal is the make or break. in the real world youd run screaming for your life. but in shea's world ur just as crazy as he is, still believe he did everything for the right reason, brainwashed enough by him and his charm and his love for you that is so apparent he would kill for you and you let it sway you.

that was a lil dark even for me, but canon rafe is literally a killer n i just be ignoring that part like damn kill me too!! i love u!! biggest fan i'd be ur alibi!!

this getting hella long but rafe with ghostface tendencies is also.... so hot....just lots of overprotectiveness and stalking and if he's part of a duo, just trying to keep you out of everything and protected. doesn't want you anywhere near this stuff, freaks out if you end up hurt or realizing what's going on. but he knows you won't snitch, won't leave or even try to run. he's got you wrapped around his finger <3

and yes he fucks you with the mask on. sneaks into your house while ur leaving him a cute msg saying goodnight. fucks you all crazy and half way through you realize it's rafe. you don't stop tho n beg him to keep going <3

was this too much? maybe. do i care because this is my blog? yes i do care a little. don't want you to judge me LOL

hope this was fun for u to read bc it was fun for me to think!!!!

come again soon!! <3

[woahjo]

HELLO I THINK I REMEMBER YOU MENTIONING ON YOUR REPLY TO ASKS ONCE THAT YOU DON'T LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT OR THAT YOU DON'T LISTEN TO HER. BUT IT'S CRAZY HOW MUCH YOU REMIND ME OF A TAYLOR SWIFT SONG, YOU'RE LITERALLY THE EPITOME OF IT, LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE AND ALL-- THIS HUGE ENERGY OF KINDNESS AND SINCERITY RADIATING OFF OF YOU AND YOUR GENUINENESS WHEN YOU ANSWER ASKS. YOU'RE LITERALLY THE SWEETEST PERSON I KNOW ON HERE AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT WELL ENOUGH THAT'S WHY I'D JUST SUM IT UP BY SAYING YOU ARE LIKE A TAYLOR SWIFT SONG. BUT EVEN IF THAT MAY BE A COMPLIMENT TO OTHERS I'M NOT SURE IF THE SAME APPLIES TO YOU SINCE YOU'VE MENTIONED DISLIKING HER BEFORE UNLESS I'M WRONG HAHAHA

anyways i love your WRITING SO MUCH. you have literally made me fall in love with tendou in ways i haven't thought of before, when i barely even paid attention to him, now rewatching haikyuu all i can think of are the stories you've written about him and how i picture the way you write him and, oh god, it's painful in a good way. that good type of hurt. i feel like i've fallen deep into the lore of exploring more about what he'd be and the universe you write him in and base him around on is just so one of a kind that it makes me think so. much. about him. you've gotten me into the rabbit hole of all these other different concepts and AU i don't think anyone has thought of writing on here before. you've raised my standards by so much. your works are the kind of stuff i was always looking for, the kind that makes me think deeply about life and have an ache in my heart because of the impact from how good a writing can be and then i found you. you just have a very unique mind and i really adore your efforts and creativity on this platform a lot. like an awful lot 😭 thank you for sharing your talent where it's easily accessible <3 because if i'm being honest, it feels sort of illegal to read your writing for FREE idk man it just feels too good to be true. i can't believe i have access to something this great so easily??? genuinely would pay for it if i could. but i'm also glad it's for free :') but like, i would pay for it too yk? all that's stopping me is not getting the bag to do so 😞 but i really would.

just word vomited all over you so i apologize if i don't make sense half the time. love you, you're an amazing person ♡ thank you and hope you are well 🙏 you deserve the best.

i don't even know what to SAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! it doesn't matter if i like taylor swift or not this is such a kind thing to say and i am so so so touched that you feel that way about me and my work <3 i love this space and i love the community it has, thank you for sticking around with me and being here, it means a lot <3

and GOOOOLLLYYYYYYYYYY it means so much to me to hear that you think that about my writing. it really is a part of me and i feel it whenever i put anything down on the page. im so pleased that the feeling it gives me translates that way for you and i am sincerely grateful that you came and told me this <3 like im genuinely so touched. i love writing i love fanfic i love you, thank you for the kind words <3

[mikadollie]

🍮 anon from the shu ask here! ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*) im so glad u have a tumblr acc hehe ^_^ the anons r trying 2 win your heart!!!!! im just watching it n im the cameraman .. also your arstyle is SOOOOOOOOOO cute I LOVE IT esp how you draw eyes (＾∇＾)ﾉ pls let me EAT your art :33

if u dont mind ,, let me b .. a little bit insane (๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑) delete this ask if uncomfortable ,, i‘ll probably resend it without this part later .. its currently 2AM rn and I Am Going Insane >_<

/// trigger warning & content warning, this contain mentions of ; non-con, gang🍇, chikan, kidnapping (??implied idk), a bit of emetophilia (vomit) && urolagnia (piss), anthropophagy, anthropophagolagnia in the end ( sorry again 4 the long words .. ) and also out of character. not so wow but yeah

i know u love aira buuuuut i have a relationship of love&hate with him!!! (＃ ＞ ＜) i cant disagree that hes cute n hes amazing matwrial 4 dead dove tho .. aira works hard for his reputation as an idol ,, he wants 2 recognized by that n aims 2 be like his role models, it would just be terrible if aira‘s reputation, including ALKALOID‘s, would be ruined :( poor little aira! he thought it would b nice 2 be recognized in public, but he doesnt seems 2 like it too much when older men‘s large hands r groping his smaller body in the train n he cant ask 4 help ,, nobody would help him anyway . of course he would like 2 see his lovely friends in public! he likes having the attention 2 himself n how fascinated his fans look 2 only see him ,, aira cant help the feeling on his gut by seeing his fans beinh men or/& women who r much older than (੭˃̵ᴗ˂̵)੭ aira cant rlly do something when hes already being split in half n feeling how tight his cunt is clenching around the dick of a random gross man, his so called “fan” is much bigger than he could properly take being a virgin .. he can feel blood mixed with cum dripping down his thighs, he can feel the bulge on his throat & stomach. aira doesnt knows if that was a good idea.. maybe he should be more careful of his safety, he doesnt knows what kind of people his “fans” are, but hes certainly sure he knows now with how he struggles to breath with the cock inside of his throat, gagging n choking (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑) his mouth feels tingly n watery, he cant talk with how the older man moves his head even deeper, he can only gag at his own vomit, earning a disgusted (??or excited.. idk) look from the older man. aira shouldnt trust people easily,, hes an idol & hes famous, of course there should be danger near. he wished he could warn this before as he feels himself getting filled up with cum again, his body reacting in a way he doesnt wants it to react. his face is a mess of cum, drool & now of piss, the smell being disgustingly intoxicating for his senses. another man, another dick to take. he cant count how many of them are in a state like this, he only feels another cock rubbing precum against his cheek, while he jerks off another one.

i would make this worse but .. yeah

🍮ANON !!!!!!!!!!!!! WELCOME WELCOEM!!!!!!!

I almosy came 20 times to that itsokay sometimes i hatw aira when he doesnt comehome on his banners anndddd nnnooowwwwwwww... i have a newthought to think of when i start getting mad at hhim.... :3