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inevitably-johnlocked · 3 months

Note

Hello again Steph! I actually love long fics and especially series. I wanted to know whether you could suggest me some. Feels like an addict though 😅 whenever I complete a series or a particularly long fic, it fills me with a longing. I don't know how to manage these all.😐

Hi Lovely!!!!

First off, I know you sent this like MONTHS (maybe a year?) ago, and I apologize because I saw this ask, and went "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!!" not realizing the SCOPE of what I just did to myself, LOL.

To start light, I've a TONNE of long fics, which you can check out on these lists below:

Single Chapter Fics Over 20K

Novella Length Fics: 20 to 25K (Oct 2020)

Novella Length Fics: 25 to 50K (Aug. 2019)

Novella Length Fics: 25 to 50K Pt 2 (July 2022)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K (Nov. 2018)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K Pt 2 (May 2020)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K Pt 3 (Jul 2022)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K Pt 4 (Mar 2024)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. (May 2019)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. Pt 2 (Aug 2020)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. Pt 3 [MFL’s] (Dec 2020)

Long Domestic Johnlock (50K+ w.) (March 2023)

Novel-Length, Not-So-Angsty Recs for Newbies

Now for the challenge! I went through ALL my bookmarks, pulled all the fics that are part of series, and then made NEW entries specifically for Series of Fics, and I am currently putting together the MONSTER list that will be the MFL list.

This is what took so long!! I had to RE-FILE all my bookmarks that were part of series,

All the series on this list have fics I have read in them, but NOT NECESSARILY read the entire series, so take that as you will. And another heads up, in these entries below, when I mark "Series WiP" that ONLY means that the series was marked as incomplete on the Works page, chances are all the stories in the series are complete and can still be read in full.

AND FINALLY, because you asked for "Long fics" (and because I have too many links on this post to post it), I pulled out all the fic series that, as whole, jumped over 50K so you have endless hours of series goodness! So.... Enjoy???

Note, I'll be posting the short-series list next week, and as always, if you have a series you want to share, let me know and I'll add it to the monster MFL list I'm putting together. This list is ONLY for bookmarked series and will NOT be added to!!! Sorry!!!

Hope y'all enjoy!

====

FIC SERIES Pt 1: Bookmarked Full & Oneshot Series Over 50K

The Pieces that Fall to Earth Series by Itsallfine (M, 50,188+ w. across 2 works || Series WIP || Post-S4, Epistolary, Slow Burn, Parentlock, Family, Coming Out, Questioning Sexuality, Love Confessions, Implied Alcohol Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Internalized Homophobia, Developing Relationship, Past Abuse,, Happy Endings, Fluff) – John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most.

The Homecoming Series by sussexbound (M, 51,744 w. across 12 stories, WIP || Domestics, PTSD, Love Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling, Jealousy, Family Issues) – Sometimes home is all you need. After three years of horror, betrayals, and crushing loss, John and Sherlock find their way back home to one another, and together find new footing in a world that has changed forever.

When to Let Go Series by KendylGirl (M, 55,248+ w. across 6 works || Series WiP || S1/S2 Compliant, Reverse Reichenbach, Angst, Friendship/Love, Friends to Lovers, Sacrifice, Forgiveness, References to Torture, Bed Sharing, Regret, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Undercover Missions, Mutual Pining, Fluff and Humour, Romance, Violence, Protective Johnlock, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship) – What if it were John who had to die to thwart Moriarty's plans? John's supposed death shatters Sherlock, and when he returns, it will challenge the pair to forge a path of forgiveness, to peace, and to find a way back to each other.

Lock and Key Series by 221b_hound (E, 59,509+ w. across 14 works || Series WiP || Post-HLV, Tattoos, First Kiss/Time, Anal, Hand Jobs, Captain John, Cuddling, Sherlock's Scars, Possessive Johnlock, Exhibitionism / Voyeurism, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Masturbation, Sherlock in Panties, PWP, Dirty Talk, Sexual Fantasies, Restraints, Photographs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light BDSM, Assorted Kinks, Sherlock in a Sheet, Sex on Furniture, Domestic Fluff) – John has been back at Baker Street for a year, following the debacle that ended in Mary's death. Things are good. Back almost to what they used to be. Sherlock might wish they were something else, now, but he only has himself to blame, he thinks. It's too late, now, for the things he first denied before he'd ruined any chances he might have had. Sherlock also thinks that people who get tattoos are idiots. But perhaps he's about to learn a thing or two, not least of which might be it's not as late as he thinks it is.

Earthly Pomp (Is But a Dream) Series by LoloLolly (M, 60,806+ w. across 3 works || Series WiP || Post S4, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Aftermath of Serbia, Alternating POV, Scars, Love Confessions, Family, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Angst, Whump, Sherlock's Past, Parentlock) – Sherlock had buried the past. Shut Serbia away in the attic of his mind palace. Muddy footprints at a heinous crime scene, however, have led him right back to old enemies. And right back to captivity. For God’s sake, Mycroft.

SpaceBois go to Space Series by elldotsee (E, 62,028+ w. across 3 works || Series WiP || Astronaut / Space AU || Scientist Sherlock, Biomedical Engineer John, Sherlock is William, Astronauts, Close Quarters, Shy Sherlock, Space Travel, Mutual Pining, Chemistry, Developing Relationship, Minor Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Whump, Flirting, Angst with Happy Ending, Mars Colonization, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Zero-Gravity Sex, Alternating POV, UST/URT) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters?

An Experiment in Empathy Series by belovedmuerto (T, 62,397 w. across 13 stories || Empath AU || Psychic John, Psychic-by-Proxy Sherlock, Empathy, Psychic Bond, Romance / Bromance) – In which John is an empath, Sherlock is Sherlock, and an epic bromance happens. In the aftermath of The Great Game, John creates an unexpected bond between himself and Sherlock. Now they have to learn how to deal with it. John is better at this than Sherlock is.

Doctors and detectives Series by PlainJane (E, 63,302+ w. across 5 works || Series WiP || Omegaverse || Sex Therapist John, Virgin Sherlock, Alpha Sherlock, Omega John, Anal/Oral Sex, Frottage, Bonding, Hand Jobs, Mpreg, Miscarriage, Mating Cycles/Heats, Mourning, Childbirth Trauma, Angst, OMCs, Happy Ending, Unplanned Pregnancy, Dildos, Anal Fingering, Social Issues, Babysitting) – Sherlock is a young alpha with an aversion to his cycle. John is a gender medicine specialist. Nothing could possibly go wrong...

Nitroglycerine Series by TSylvestris (E, 64,108+ w. across 2 works || Series WiP || Case Fic, Meddling Mycroft, Developing Relationship, Drama, Romance, Humour, Oral / Anal Sex, Fingering, Hand Jobs, Light Mystrade) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed.

Bedtime Universe by Liketheriver (M, 65,173 w. across 2 stories || Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Angst, Humour, Case Fic) – John's POV during Season 2 and beyond when Sherlock takes up semi-permanent residence in his bed. A collection of codas and missing scenes wrapped up into one long fic and topped with a bow that takes the story beyond Reichenbach and into happy territory once more.

Watches 'Verse by bendingsignpost (E, 66,905 w. across 2 works || Magical Realism, Reality Distortion, Angst, Partial MCD, BAMF John) – First, he is shot in Afghanistan. Second, he wakes to a phone call in Chelmsford, Essex. Third is pain, fourth is normalcy, fifth is agony and sixth is confusion. By the eighth, he's lost track. (John-centric AU)

things fairy tales are made of Series by darcylindbergh (E, 67,761 w. across 7 works || Ficlet Collections, Fluff and Angst, Christmas, First Kiss / Time, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Engagement, Banter, Blow Jobs, Insecurity, Dancing, Nightmares, Cooking, Alcohol, Cuddling, Engagement, Happy Endings) – Fairy tales are stories, and this one starts with a wish.

The Time Traveller's Flatmate Series by orithea (E, 68,674+ w. across 4 works || Time Travel AU || Developing Relationship, Threesome, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Selfcest) – Sherlock Holmes suffers from Chrono-Displacement: simply put, he time travels unpredictably, against his will. John Watson lives his life the normal way. Or as normal as it can possibly be considering that he first meets Sherlock at the age of six.

Realigning Gravity Series by Raina_at (E, 69,159+ w. across 2 works || Series WiP || Sci-Fi / 24th Century Future AU || Post TRF, Cybernetic John, Estrangement, Reconciliation, Developing Relationship, Anniversary, Case Fic, Happy Endings, Doctor John) – Two years ago, Sherlock Holmes jumped off the roof of New London Hospital. Two months ago, he walked into John's clinic as if no time had passed at all. John hasn't seen him since. But then Sherlock knocks on John's door with a case he can't say no to, and while figuring out why the biggest manufacturer or synthetic limbs in the System is going after veterans, they also need to find out whether there's a way to fix what's broken between them.

The Sweetest Things Series by alexxphoenix42 (E, 76,894+ w. across 2 works || Series WIP || Shopkeeper AU || Alternate First Meeting, Beekeeping, Honey, Romance, Awkward First Time Sex, Body Self Consciousness, Sussex, Fluff, Jealousy, Coming Out, Misunderstandings, Case Fic, Angst with Happy Ending) – In an alternate universe, Sherlock is busy keeping to himself, tending his bees, and selling lovely jars of honey when a soldier limps into his life quite unexpectedly.

Seven Moons Series by ladyflowdi (E, 92,824+ w. across 3 works || Series WiP ||Fantasy Omegaverse AU || Non Con Drug Use, Knotting, Heat Cycles, Forced / Arranged Marriage, Forced Heat, Mpreg, Slavery, Pregnant Sex, Loss of Virginity, Miscarriage Mention, Childbirth, Male Lactation, Breast Feeding, Confidence Issues, Kidnapping, Betrayal, Blood, Graphic Labour/Delivery, War, Family) – “This is happiness?” John asks, utterly heartsick, holding up his wrists and rattling the chains. “You’ve sold me for six gold mines and protection along the northern border.”

Northern Light Series by Minxchester (E, 93,412+ w. across 3 works || Series WiP || Security Guard AU || Security Guard John, Rape / Non-Con, Blackmail, Forced Marriage, Captivity, Assorted Pairings, Suicide Attempt, Depression, Non-Con Touching, Eventual Happy Ending) – Recently returned from the war and struggling to adjust back to civilian life, John Watson is given an unexpected opportunity when he's hired as a security guard by Charles Magnussen on the recommendation of his former comrade, Sergeant Murray. Before long, he finds himself assigned the unusual task of serving as personal bodyguard to Magnussen's reclusive husband. But not everything is as it seems in this household--and John gets a lot more than he bargained for looking after Sherlock Holmes.

31_Days_of_Porn_Challenge_2017 Series by distantstarlight (E, 96,540 w. across 31 stories || Prompt Ficlets, Assorted Kinks, PWP) – A collection in response to the 31 Days of Porn Challenge issued by AtlinMerrik! Thanks for doing that because this has been buttload of fun (that joke never gets old). All stories will be brief stand-alone one-shots.

The Ravine Valley Series by SilentAuror (E, 98,196 w. across 2 works || Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Sex Trafficking, Case Fics, Group Therapy, Awkwardness, Past Loss of Child, Bed Sharing, Wedding, Angst, Romance, First Times, Massages) – Sherlock and John go undercover at Ravine Valley, a therapy centre for same-sex male couples in an investigation into a possible human trafficking ring. As they pose as a couple and fake their way through the therapy sessions for the sake of the case, it quickly becomes difficult to avoid discussing their very real issues. Set roughly nine months after series 4.

The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia Series by SilentAuror (E, 99,752+ w. across 2 works || Series WIP || S4 / Post-S4 Fix It, New Relationship, Slow Burn, Kissing, Virgin Sherlock, Cases, First Time, Domesticity, Sex Toys, Cooking, Rosie Watson, Part-Time Parentlock, Bisexuality, Family Drama) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it's all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words.

Mathematical Proof Series by Bitenomnom (E, 108,481 w. across 50 works || Mutual Pining, Assorted Timelines, Drabbles, Mathematics, Kissing, Humour, Friendship / Love, Past Relationships) – Drabbles written using the content of math class meetings from that day as prompts -- mostly Johnlock, mostly separate from one another -- in a variety of formats, points of view, etc.

The Baker Street Nativity Verse Series by SwissMiss (E, 109,655 w. across 3 works || Nativity! Fusion || Teacher Sherlock, Assistant John, UST, Trust Issues, Kids, Music, Anal Fingering Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Kissing, Swearing, Slow Burn, Pining, Shopping, Siblings, Friendship) – Fusion between Sherlock (BBC) and Nativity! (2009 movie starring Martin Freeman). Sherlock is a primary school teacher and John is assigned to be his classroom assistant. Together, they are charged with putting on the school's Nativity play. What could possibly go wrong? Includes main story, DVD extras, and 24-part Advent calendar drabbles.

Baker Farms Series by CodenameMeretricious (E, 111,042+ w. across 2 works || Series WiP || Sports Equestrian AU || Fluff, Angst, Humour, Show Jumping, Horses, Horse Groomer John, Event Rider Sherlock) – Sherlock is a top eventing rider currently training at Baker Farms. John is the new groom who's been told to steer clear of the surly rider and his horses.

between each beat Series by darcylindbergh & hudders-and-hiddles(E, 114,417+ w. across 2 works || Series WIP || Epistolary, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Marriage, Alcohol, Drug Use, Missing Scenes, Happy Ending) – On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with the things they each said when the other could not hear, the things they each put down where the other could not see: a collection of writings that illustrate the way their love for one another has grown over the years.

STATIC Series by patternofdefiance(E, 116,923+ w. across 2 works || Series WiP || Future AU || Cybernetic Augmentation, Discrimination, Developing Relationship, Cyborg John, Body Dysmorphia, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Dissociation, Sci-Fi Violence/Goal, Body Modification, Amputation, Angst, Misunderstandings) – The stigma against human augmentation has never lifted – not after the initial kinks in the operating software and hardware integrations resulted in some curious physical and personality…defects. Despite the lives it’s subsequently saved, the tests the procedures have passed, and the unending barrage of PR stunts and ad campaigns. And then John had gone and got himself shot, and science had taken him in like an overbearing mother, like a charity case, and hadn’t taken ‘no’ for an answer, hadn’t wanted ‘no’ for an answer.

The Swan Triad Series by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers' attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.

25 Days of Johnlock Series by prettysailorsoldier (E, 136,961 w. across 13 works || Random Prompts, Various AUs, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss) – 25 Days of festive prompts submitted by all of you! Every Christmas trope imaginable will make an appearance, as well as a few surprises, so be sure to check the tags for all the specifics!

Just Johnlock Series by Calais_Reno (M, 137,300+ w. across 32 works || Series WiP || Coming Out, Drunken Confessions, Alternating POV, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Fluff, Jealousy, Past Relationships, Awkward Romances, Suicidal Thoughts, Blogging, Assorted Timelines, Angst, Fluff, Sherlock's Mind Palace, Mutual Pining, Hurt / Comfort, Rescue Missions, Deductions, Cases, Reunions, Birthdays, Oblivious John, Developing Relationship, Assorted Stories) – Standalone short stories occurring within the BBC Sherlock Universe. In most cases, the stories are not related and can be read in any order. A few what-ifs and alternate first meetings. Some fluff, some angst, all happy endings.

The Colors 'Verse Series by Quesarasara (E, 144,562+ w. across 3 works || Series WiP || Soul Mate AU || Colour Bonding, Angst, Pining, Cases, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Parenting, Fluff and Angst, John’s PTSD, Romance, Alternating POV) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We're all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception.

Baseball Series by earlgreytea68 (M, 146,073 w. across 4 works || Baseball Player AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU.

Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe by abundantlyqueer, boxoftheskyking, neenya, seiji, suchanadorer (E, 155,485+ w. across 25 works || Series WIP || Military AU || Afghanistan, Soldier John, Thriller, War Stories, Assorted OCs) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John?

Drawn to Stars Series by Silvergirl (E, 164,360+ w. across 5 works || Series WiP || S4 Fix It, Original Characters, Sherlock/OMC, Jealous John, Mutual Pining, Italy, Mutual Misunderstandings, First Kiss / Time, Alternating POVs, Angst With Happy Ending) – After the Culverton Smith case Sherlock is clean, working, and looking for a romantic partner—since John has told him that’s what he needs. Shame John didn’t mention he was interested in that role himself, before Sherlock went off to Rome with a gorgeous Italian copper to try to fall in love and become a complete human being.

The Summer Boy Series by khorazir (M, 168,598+ w. across 4 works || Series WiP || Post-TAB, Flashbacks, Kid Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Bullying, Sussex, Grief/Mourning, First Kiss/Time, Folklore, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, BAMF John, Kidnapping, Past Torture, Developing Relationship, Canon-Typical Violence, Bed Sharing, Caring John/Sherlock) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock.

Skeletons Series by flawedamythyst (T, 174,262 w. across 3 works || Nightmare Before Christmas Fusion || Implied Character Death) – Sherlock's refusal to talk about his past hides far more skeletons than John could ever have guessed at. Halloween-esque AU.

Mise en Place Series by azriona (M, 181,300+ w. across 7 works || Series WiP || Restaurant AU || Cooking, Celebrity Chef Sherlock, Restaurant TV Show, Camp Fires, Brothers, Kissing, Baking, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn't have much choice. There's only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes.

Unkissed Series by 221b_hound (T to E, 184,100 w. across 45 works || Established Relationship, Ace Sherlock) – Sherlock returned from the dead a year ago. John returned to Baker Street six months ago. They've been in a couple since then. or at least, not NOT a couple. For two smart men, they sure can be dumb. Luckily, an art thief tries to drown Sherlock, Sherlock has a fever dream and things are about to change.

Conductivity Series by liriodendron (E, 207,367 w. across 7 works || TRF / Post TRF, ReunionCanon Typical Violence, Developing Relationship, Friendship, Romance, Sexual Tension, First Kiss/Time, Synesthesia, Power Dynamics, Self-Harm, Drug Use, Case Fic, Est. Rel., References to Drug Use, Homophobic Language, Religious Content, Intercrural Sex, Unrequited Love, Angst, References to Suicide, Injury, Anal, Dub. Con, BDSM, Suicidal Thoughts, Violent Sex, Suicide, Grief/Mourning, Break Up) – In which Sherlock Holmes locates his heart, John Watson learns what it's like to burn, and there is no darkness that cannot be made bright.

Care And Companionship Series by elldotsee and J_Baillier (E, 209,820+ w. across 5 works || Series WiP || Me Before You Fusion || Angst, Romance, Depression, Medical Ethics, Insecure Sherlock, Serious Illness, Permanent Injury, Sherlock Whump, BAMF John, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Physical Rehabilitation, Medical Realism, Assisted Suicide, Awkward Sex, Friends to Lovers, Alcoholism, John Whump, PTSD, Anxiety, Family Drama, Caretaker John, Alternating POVs) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

Fallen Series by Belladonna_Q and mamishka (T, 222,094 w. across 3 works || Winglock || Angel!John, Angels & Demons, Faes, Christianity, Changelings) – In a world where myth, mystery, and the supernatural flourish beneath the veneer of modern civilization, Sherlock is a master of magic as well as science and deduction. But there are some things that he cannot see, riddles he cannot unravel, even when they walk right beside him in the form of one John Watson…

Performance in a Leading Role Series by Mad_Lori (E, 223,707+ w. across 9 stories || Series WiP || Actor AU || Show Business, Romance, Coming Out, Secret Relationship, Meta Fic, Hollywood, Interviews, Academy Awards, Relationship Beards) – Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world?

Breakable Not Broken Series by MissDavis (E, 227,442+ w. across 5 works || Series WiP || Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Permanent Injury, Mental Health Issues, Depression, Drug Use) – After John is seriously injured, Sherlock struggles to figure out how to help him, keep himself sane, and maybe, just maybe, get their life back to the way it's supposed to be.

Hollowverse Series by ScopesMonkey (E, 228,876 w., || Post-TRF / Post-Hiatus, Reunion, Cases, Romance, Mystery, Friendship, Developing Relationship, First Kiss/Time, Rimming, Oral/Anal, Survival, Hand Jobs, Amnesia, Showers, Injury, Teasing, Nightmares, Travelling) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home.

John and Sherlock's Kinky First Times Series by wendymarlowe (E, 247,051+ w. across 45 works || Series WiP || Short Stories, Assorted Tags with Assorted Genres, PWP) – A collection of short imaginings of how Sherlock and John might finally allow their relationship to become physical. Don't be afraid of the giant cloud of tags - each fic stands alone and you can read them in any order.

Tennis Series by Jupiter_Ash (E, 249,198+ w. across 6 works || Series WiP || Tennis AU || French Sherlock, Angst) – John and Sherlock are professional tennis players and it’s Wimbledon. One is a broken almost was at the end of his career, the other an arrogant rising star tipped for greatness. It should have been a straightforward tournament. It really should have been. How were they to know that a chance encounter would change everything?

Johnlock Smut (with Feels) Series by CarmillaCarmine (E, 270,569+ w. across 33 works || Series WiP || Assorted Tags across Various Genres, Stand-Alone Ficlets) – Here are all my Johnlock smut fics - all can be read separately, as stand-alone. Enjoy!

Secrets and Revelations Series by Hisstah (E, 295,909+ w. across 3 works || Guides & Sentinels Omegaverse AU || Graphic Violence, Bonding, BAMF John/Sherlock, Anal / Oral, Alpha Sentinel Sherlock, Omega Guide John, Case Fics, Mpreg, Fluff and Angst) – Dr John Watson has some major secrets that he's kept from his flatmate, Alpha Sentinel Sherlock Holmes. Now the Sentinel Tower is after him. Can John stay out of their hands until he can reveal his secrets to Sherlock?

Forethought and Fire Series by 7PercentSolution & shelleysprometheus (E, 352,650+ w. across 5 works || Series WiP || Johnlock and MorMor || Original Characters, Case Fics, Alternating POV, Bisexual John, Gay Sherlock, Travelling, Developing Relationships, , Revenge, Betrayal, Blood and Torture, Trust, Bereavement, Entrapment, Extortion, Suicidal Ideation) – "The real great perfumers are not perfumers, they are the bees, the winds, the rivers and other things that carry and mix scents in space" ~ Serge Lutens.

Happiness Awaits Series by Mssmithlove (E, 377,160+ w. across 19 works || Series WiP || Assorted AUs || Short Stories, Assorted Tags Across Assorted Genres, Happy Endings) – This is a collection of delightfully sappy short stories. There will be love, sex, angst, first meetings, first kisses, first times, teenlock, unilock, ANYlock really, and they will have all the feels one can have. Every story will be a different length, some longer, some shorter. Every story will be different and as of now the only theme is that they will all have happy endings.

The English job Series by Hotaru_Tomoe (E, 466,195+ w. across 48 works || Series WiP || Assorted Relationships, Assorted Standalone Stories, Assorted Tags Across Various Genres) – Basically where I store all the English fics I write and the translations from my native language, Italian.

The Fallen Series by Engazed (E, 628,898+ w. across 3 works || Series WiP || Post-TRF Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Rape/Non-Con, Friendship, Angst, Gore, Detective Story) – This is the story of The Fall. When Sherlock chose to jump off the roof of St Bartholomew's Hospital to save his friends, he could not have anticipated the devastating and far-reaching consequences. He wasn't the only one who fell that day.

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF JOHN WATSON Series by skyefullofstars (M, 647,634+ w. across 3 works || Series WiP || Angst, Violence, Non-Consensual Drugging, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Torture, Drug Addiction, Kidnapping/Abduction, Disturbing Imagery, Killing, Past Child Abuse, Suicide Attempt, Homophobic Language, Minor Character Death, Espionage, Psychological Trauma, BAMF John/Sherlock, PTSD Sherlock, Murder Mystery) – While Sherlock grapples with his new-found feelings for John Watson, he faces a very real threat: John's kidnapping and shooting at the hands of James Moriarty. And the knowledge that the love of his life is being used to test an addictive drug - at the risk of John's sanity and life.

Sketchy Series by serpentynka (E, 696,806 w. across 5 works || Post TRF Canon Divergence, Career Change, Love Story/Romance, Slow Burn, Art, Illness / Heath Issues, Coming of Age, Established Relationship, Porn With Feelings, Philosophy, Portraiture, John Whump, Switching, First Time, Retirement, Travel, Possessive John, Jealous Sherlock, Marriage, Cases) – What (and who) will be left when nobody cares about your Work? A slow-burn fic with cases, places, mistaken identities, unfair choices, essential changes, violent feels, blatant lies, fearless portraiture, family secrets, high-risk bespoke gifts, durable friendships, bedtime stories, foreign travel and tongues, sickness (and health), and the significance of things which are slow to unfurl -- but cannot be ignored. Oh, and...porn.

Unwind Series by illwick (E, 741,012+ w. across 36 works || Series WiP || Light BDSM / Power Dynamics, Dom!John/Sub!Sherlock, Switchlock, Hair-Pulling, Sensory Deprivation, Deepthroating, Face-Fucking, Handcuffs, Overstimulation, Forced Orgasm, Prostate Milking / Massage, Rough Sex, Biting, Food Sex, Consensual Kink, Sex on Everything, Chair Bondage, Voyeurism, Exhibitionism, Masturbation, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Oral/Anal, Fingering, Sex Toys, Captain John, Establish Relationship, Bratty Sherlock, Greedy Sherlock, Military Kink, Uniform Kink, Gunplay, Roleplay, Shower Sex, Oral Fixation, Praise Kink, Dry Humping, Facials, Dog Tags, Edgeplay, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Threesomes, Homophobia, Size Kink, Past Relationships, Past Drug Use, Double Penetration, Angst/Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Panties) – John and Sherlock unwind after a case.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #series fics #long fics #fics over 50k #long post

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devieuls · 1 year

Text

ˋ Let me Love you༄ ☣

Neteyam Sully x Na'vi Fem Reader <SERIES >

Warning of the Serie: MDNI. Dom Neteyam x Fem Na'vi Reader.

SMUT: Dirty Talk; Fangs; Bites; fingering; Blood; Spit; Jealousy and Possessiveness; Foreplay; violence; Swearing; Teasing; Unprotected Sex; betrayal; slut shaming; oral sex; dacryphilia; outdoorsex; jealousy BDSM.

ANGST: mention of suicide, toxic relationship, words inherent in death, sexual assault, self-harm, derealization, suffering, Requited / Unrequited love, prejudices, bullying and insults. and FLUFF. There will be flashbacks in this series

Aged characters: Neteyam 22 y.o / You 19 y.o.

Synopsis: In the darkest point of your life, swallowed by the abyss, you decide to put an end to your sufferings, seeking relief in the extreme act. Your life was an intricate dance between life and death, and when life decided to take leave and leave death alone in you, you got lost. And as if he had been sent by Eywa himself, a mysterious Na'vi, saves you from hitting bottom, sacrificing himself so you don’t give up. Becoming the light that shone in your darkness. He is the sun that faces your night, and you are the Moon, eternally distant from him.

He grabbed your hand and dragged you away, taking you to his village, a place of healing and hope where he will try to make you love life again, showing you the light you had long lost. Starting a journey of healing, to fight against your demons that tormented you relentlessly, to finally find happiness where you would never have bothered to find it.

Two fates crossed under the tacit protection of the Great Mother, to show that even two opposites can create something perfectly chaotic.

And what happens when night and day dance together, to the rhythm of the stars and waves of balance, eternal opposites that are inevitably attracted?

This is the story of how death falls in love with life; how the sun one day decided to save the moon and how darkness is not so dark if light can penetrate. But also a story of suffering and torment, where not everything is roses and flowers.

CHAPTER WARNING: Mention of suicide and slight violence.

Lenght : 5.1k

NA'VI WORDS: Yawne: Beloved; Tspangoe: I invented this, it means "Suicidal". It comes from "Tspang": Kill and "Oe": I/Me. I couldn’t find a word that came close, so I made it up.

TW: THE SERIES WILL BE FULL OF DELICATE TOPICS!

⇠ Previous chapter ✵ Next Chapter ⇢

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Chapter II: Poisonous as Death

The morning light seeped through the drawn skin curtain, dancing gently over your still pale skin. As you opened your eyes annoyed, your vision was blurred at first, but gradually the world around you materialized. You found yourself in a tent that was filled with scents of herbs and burnt incense, noticing a woman sitting on her back with a shawl of red beads that shone on contact with the blinding light.

As you tried to orient yourself, the sounds of nature gently entered your ears. The melodious chirping of birds filled the air, creating a natural symphony that seemed to sing its awakening. You breathed deeply as the earthy aroma of wet earth, mixed with wild musk struck your nostrils, while the smell of wet wood and flowers charged the air with the typical smell of the forest clan.

With caution, you got up to sit on the carpet where you were lying, passing a hand between the braids while strong twines hit your head with pain. The mysterious na'vi pulled the curtains, opening them to change the air once she noticed your awakening, remaining silent. The woman held aromatic herbs in her hand, which she carefully mixed in a clay pot. The air was imbued with the therapeutic scents of the ingredients, which tickled your senses.

She looked up and a grimace spread across her wrinkled face. "You’re awake." She suddenly said in a tone that was too acidic to be even vaguely the Great Mother, but you thought that maybe it could really be her and that she was just angry with you because of the act you did.

"I am…" you whispered with a thread of voice, feeling strange pain at the height of the stomach, while you noticed bandages covering some points of your body.

The old woman approached you, grabbed you by the jaw, carefully looking at your face, turning it as she wished to look for signs of possible trauma or other. "You have a strong spirit, not many survive a fall from such a high waterfall." you opened wide your eyes, pulling yourself back from her grip, observing her with incredulity

"Where am I now?" Your tone was impatient as you looked around, beginning to realize that perhaps your attempt to end it had not come to an end.

The one you identified as the Tsahìk sat next to you, looking at you with hard eyes, filled with contempt. Her time-stamped face and wrinkly hands silently told the story of a woman who had spent her life saving the lives of those who struggled to hold onto it, and who had now healed and saved the life of someone who didn't appreciate the Great gift. The silence weighed heavily between you, interrupted only by the whisper of the forest, which bore the typical melody accompanied by the lively sounds of the village in which you had involuntarily happened.

"You are in the Omatikaya clan, in my tent." she began, acidly, poisoning your body with a few simple words.

You were alive, still stuck in this hell, in the darkness and in the shame that you couldn’t even get it over with.

Meanwhile, Neteyam slowly approached his grandmother’s tent, the heart in his throat and a mixture of hope and fear gripping him. He expected to find you in a comatose sleep, as he had already seen you in those days, but when he lifted the curtain and crossed the threshold, he was surprised. His eyes met your bandaged back, sitting, feeling a sense of happiness and relief to see you awake, remaining still in his footsteps even before opening the mouth.

You turned at once, peering at the boy you reluctantly recognized as 'the one who saved you'. Your gaze was tormented and angry in his. Your irises were like a stormy sea, overflowing with a mixture of gloomy emotions. There was a deep wound in your eyes, a palpable pain that reflected the anger and frustration of being saved against your will.

He looked down, noticing your sharp eyes as blades penetrating directly into his soul. He felt slightly guilty, as if he had somehow broken something sacred by intervening in your choice without your consent. Though on one side of him he was happy to have saved you, to have given you a chance to redeem yourself and enjoy everyday life.

In the meantime Mo'at had left the tent because of the strong and silent tension that was in the air, believing that it was better to leave you two alone to talk and clarify the situation.

"You." You hissed with disgust and acidity, making him shudder at the pungent tone as he approached and you automatically put yourself on the defensive. Your words remained suspended in the air, unable to really break the silence that permeated the tent at that moment.

Neteyam tried to pronounce his name, but held back, fearing that it would make the situation worse. He approached with caution, with a soft step, trying to show respect for the emotional space you needed to feel safe somehow.

You tried to stand up, but the strong pain of stitches and bruises forced you to sit again, while the worried look of the na'vi burned your skin, stretching out a hand as if to prevent you from trying the stupid move again.

"No, don’t move" he said harshly, albeit with a sweet and thoughtful undertone. "You must take it easy, you risked a lot in these days of coma" His tone presented an obvious sign of concern.

You walked away from Neteyam’s close hand just as a wounded animal did, as if you wanted to protect yourself from the outside world, a world that had shattered your expectations and inflicted unimaginable suffering on you. You carried a hand between the now slightly damaged braids, feeling other pains to the head that made you tighten your eyes for the pain.

" Why am I still here?" You hissed while your gaze was focused on your legs, becoming empty and devoid of emotion like your voice. " I threw myself. Why did you save me?" you growled and gritted your teeth, as faint sighs came out of your cerulean and tired lips.

Neteyam listened to you in silence, keeping his eyes down as he searched for the right words not to hurt you. He felt the desperation in your voice, your need to find a way out of that emotional chaos that was pressing you like a rock on the sand. He wishes he could offer you comfort, healing and redemption, but he knew you would be hostile to him because of his 'heroic' act.

"Because I would never let a young Na'vi like you throw her life away like that. Not on my watch." answered with solemn confidence, looking up only for that moment. "You may not see it, but your life means something, you are important to someone" he approached you slightly, still trying not to cross the line he himself had drawn for you.

"I asked you to let me go, to leave me alone. I asked you to leave me, not to save me. And you ignored my words and saved me." You growled as you took a break, meeting his gaze with wrath. "You don’t even know me and you saved me! Why did you do it?! Who are you to decide whether or not to save someone?!" some frozen tears cut your face because of frustration. "I don’t want to live. Why didn’t you let me die?" your tone became weaker, as your heart began to pump blood faster and faster. "You should have let me die…" you whispered as your eyes silently chained. Your look dull, dead, almost extinct, while the only desire that seemed to shine in that amber mirror was death.

Neteyam felt a bitter taste in his mouth, answering urgently. "No, I didn’t and I won’t. I won’t let you die" he retorted, approaching you, taking you by the shoulders almost instinctively. "I don’t need to know you to know that you are someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s friend, and you belong to a clan. You mean something to someone who will one day regret not being able to save you in time. Please stop saying those words" His golden eyes looked at you pleading, while his voice cracked. < Possible that she suffered so much…? > he asked himself looking at your glassy eyes.

You walked away from his touch again, growling at him, with anger and melancholy. Your soul was still fragile and vulnerable, so hostility was the mask you decided to wear, hoping that for this reason they would also abandon you.

"I WAS someone’s daughter, I WAS someone’s sister, I WAS someone’s friend, I HAD a people and a clan. Now I HAVE nothing. because I WAS someone’s loved one, not now, not me." you felt a bite to the throat, a knot that held the words while you vomited them with blood, tearing you with every sentence. "They’re all dead and buried. so whether or not I join the death toll, you don’t have to decide that for me." Your eyes were like pools of dark, deep water, reflecting the abyss of pain you carried inside of you. They are eyes that once could shine with life, but now they were dull and lifeless, hopeless. Your gaze was charged with an overwhelming mixture of anger and sadness, a storm of emotions ready to crash against the man in front of you. Your bitter voice ruined by yet another growl. "As I said, we don’t know each other. So why do you insist on saving me?"

"You were… if you really don’t have anyone, then let me be your people, introduce you to mine and make them yours. I will be your friend, your sister, your family and a companion to cry on if it is necessary. But I won’t let you disappear, because I know there’s still a flame of life inside of you that wants to shine again." His voice began to flicker, but soon he intensified with something reminiscent of hope. A mixture of desperate determination and concern, with a desire to make you understand that there are reasons why it was worth living. "You’re a stranger, it’s true, but I won’t let you do something so stupid. I won’t let you go." He said seriously. He would like to eradicate the pain from your heart somehow, give light to your dead eyes. "You don’t have to do it alone. I will help you, and if you allow me, we will find a reason for you to live, together. Just let me help you."

You looked away from him, gritting your teeth as your jaw twitched. Your heart so heavy it crushed the organs below.

"You don’t understand…" you whispered in an absent voice, looking out at the curtain walls as you scraped the palm of your hand because of frustration. "I don’t want to live. I don’t want to live anymore. This is not life, it’s not my clan and you can’t be the piece that stops the sinkhole. My life… died with them. But don’t you see? this is only a body that pulls forward and that will turn off" Your voice made the blood freeze to Neteyam, who raised his ears as his tail stopped moving in the air, finding rest behind him. You were honest, you weren’t lying, and he understood that. "I need you to let me go."

"You’re not listening to me. We can find you a life here, even if the life you had before was taken from you… give this a chance." He said gently, trying to hide the pain you had given him. You can form a new family here…" his head bent to the side looking for your eyes, pleading. " Please… believe me" he timidly extended his hand, before leaving it hanging in the air. "Look at me, please. You will not be alone in this." Neteyam was determined after a long time.

He will be patient with you, he will listen to you and he will try to advise you, these were the resolutions that he had fixed in his mind. He will try to understand the pain that burns inside you, and he will burn with it if it helps you.

You didn’t look at him, just taking long breaths, not wanting to answer what you had just been told.

"I promise I will never leave you alone in this fight. I will be here for you, even when it seems like no one else is, and even when you treat me this way. I will not give up, just let me in" he said before he got up. And in that instant, you felt yourself drowning once again, no longer in the waters of the oblivion of that river, but in an unexplored sea of conflicting and inextricable feelings. "You cannot let go like this. You cannot let the dark take over… "

With one last look full of compassion, the man quietly withdrew from the tent, letting you face your emotions in the silence and privacy you needed. Knowing that the path to healing will take time.

For hours you found yourself alone in the hut, not knowing that Neteyam had forbidden anyone to disturb your solitude, still keeping you under surveillance from outside. The Tsahìk’s hut was comfortable, the atmosphere that enveloped the tent was warm and full of positivity, in which the smell of herbs mixed with that of the skin of the tent

You sat on the floor, on the soft carpet, with your legs crossed and your gaze lost in the void. The light of day burst in creating small shadows that seemed to reflect the storm that was stirring in you. Your hands clasped softly around your knees, the contact with your now rough skin offered you an anchor point in reality while the chaos of your emotions threatened to drag you down again into the abyss. The memories of your attempted act tormented you, making you relive the darkness that you had tried so hard to escape. You wondered how you got to that point, how you got so overwhelmed by the pain that you wished it was over.

As you watched the tent in silence, you thought back to the words that the one who saved you had addressed to you, words full of understanding and hope. His voice rang in your mind, like a lighthouse in the night, trying to guide you to a way out of that maze of despair.

"if you really don’t have anyone, then let me be your people, introduce you to mine and make them yours. I will be your friend, your sister, your family and a companion to cry on if it is necessary. But I won’t let you disappear" , "You cannot let go like this. You cannot let the dark take over… "

His words continued to echo in the walls of your mind, the urge to reject them was strong, but at the same time you knew there was a glimmer of truth in those words. A lonely tear turned your face unmoved, happy to be alone so that no one would see you cry again. The shadow of anger and resentment persisted in you as you erased his eyes and his face from your mind, attaching these words to him, that they were inevitably intertwining with a faint flame of hope ched in his little he had fed with a brief conversation.

You sighed deeply as you leaned your head on the pulled fabric of the curtain, trying to fend off that tornado of overwhelming feelings that the boy had sown in you. You decided to give yourself the opportunity to face your demons, but without being helped, you would have defeated your demons just so you could leave in peace.

The words of the Omatikaya boy could not erase your past and your pain, but perhaps they had unconsciously opened a window into the future, a future you thought you did not deserve and where hope and joy could still shine.

Suns began to fall on the horizon, painting the sky with pinkish and purple shades. The village was animated outside the tent in view of the eclipse, while families joyfully gathered in the center of the village to share the dinner as usual.

A voice crept into the solitude of the place where you were still sitting, drawing your attention with a calm yet concerned tone. "Can I come in?"

His words were warm, but you stiffened feeling cold chills hitting your back. You still felt the weight of his actions, the way your will had been ignored to save you from something you didn’t want to be saved from.

"No, leave me alone." You spit bitterly, cold and resolute, closing yourself in once again, hoping to be heard at least this time.

He hesitated for a moment, but then entered the tent with caution, trying not to disturb the dark and tense atmosphere that surrounded you. The dim light of the natural lamps began to light up gradually due to bioluminescence, casting some soft shadows on the skin walls.

"I thought you might be hungry…" he whispered softly and patiently. He was holding a small basket of food that the village had prepared for dinner. The inviting scent of food spread in the air, making you strive to ignore it, keeping your eyes away.

"I’m not hungry. You can leave now." Hissing as your stomach seemed to close to his concern and kindness. He laid the basket on the ground, cautiously approaching you.

"You have to feed your body. Please, just take something," he insisted as he stretched your food, keeping his distance.

You looked up at him, growling, the anger still present in your vitreous gaze. "Don’t you understand?" Your face was stiff, with a still palpable hostility. You squeezed on yourself, creating an invisible barrier between you two. "I don’t want your food." hissing with a grudge voice. "I don’t want anything from you."

The Na'vi’s gaze softened further, though he felt some remorse against his golden irises.

"I know it may seem difficult to accept my help, again… but please don’t deny yourself what you need because of me" he says with a tender voice, trying to make you understand that his gesture is motivated by concern and care. "Eating is a way to take care of your body and start healing. Please try to accept, do it for yourself." his firm, yet compassionate voice, hoping to find your consent.

You stared at the food in front of you, struggling with your inner resistance. After a moment of hesitation, a small sigh escapes from your lips.

You reached the food with your fingers trembling and swiped a piece of teylu towards your mouth. The first bite was reluctant, but slowly the taste and feeling of nourishment run through your mouth like a waterfall. The man’s sweet eyes lingered over you, smiling softly when he saw that you were finally letting him in somehow.

You gave him an indecipherable look as you chewed, with an ounce of admiration mingling with your strong resentment. Perhaps a small, hidden part of you wished for him to stay, believing that someone could still see past your wound.

While dinner was now taking place in the center of the village, you two remained in the tent, enveloped by the tension and uncertainty of the moment. He stood quietly watching you eat, making sure you really fed well.

"You must go, your village is dining…" whistling as you looked away from him, grabbing a yovo fruit, feeling the sweetness pinch your taste buds while the aromatic juice made you close your eyes nostalgically.

"I can eat later. now it is important that you eat" He answered gently, while yet another smile painted on his face, warming your heart in some strange way. "However, you can call me Neteyam" he whispered, offering his name to your ears.

You looked up, and your eyes seemed slightly more present. The sound of his name strangely resonated in your mind, sweet and melodious, like a caress to your ears.

"Ne-te-yam…Neteyam" you repeated in a low voice, experiencing the sweetness of the syllables of his name on your tongue.

Neteyam smiled again, spontaneously, as a light of joy lit in his eyes as you repeated his name without disgust or hostility. He had decided to share his name in the hope that it might be the first thread that could join you.

"Yes, Neteyam." he repeated, looking at how you seemed to want to engrave that name in your memory. His name gave you a strange feeling of calm.

You looked away from him, looking at the food you were tinkering with between your exiled fingers. "Thank you, Neteyam…" You whispered with a thread of voice and then filled your mouth again. You didn’t specify what you were grateful to Neteyam, but he warmed his heart to hear your words, feeling more relaxed in his presence.

The silence enveloped the tent, only the sound of your breaths and the rustling of the leaves outside could break the stillness. Neteyam put a hand on your head, stroking the braids, a tender contact that served to remind you that you were no longer alone, that there was someone who cared for you.

Your eyes crossed Neteyam’s honeyed eyes, needing no further words at that time. Your expressions, your looks, say enough, and time seemed to slow down in the quiet.

The eclipse gave way to the night, and the air outside the tent was filled with deep serenity. The village could now be heard again in the distance, and the sounds of their merriment were present, as the forest began to fall asleep with the calls of nocturnal animals.

"y/n" you revealed at your turn, breaking the silence. Your voice finally slightly warm, as if your name was still something dear to you. " My name is Y/n.." Your voice floated like a melody, a sound that intertwined with serenade night nature.

Neteyam was struck by the beauty of your name, not expecting you to return the presentation as he looked at you with eyes shining with something you couldn’t recognize.

"Y/n…" Neteyam whispered, echoing your name reverently. His face glowed with a new light, as if the name had unleashed something magical inside him. "I’m glad to meet you, Y/n" replied softly with a smile. "You have a very nice name" His voice is a gentle symphony that intertwined with the melody of the night outside the tent.

You nodded without smiling back. The wind blew lukewarm air outside the tent, bringing with it a slight air of unease. The interior of the marui was enveloped in a peaceful atmosphere, while you and Neteyam exchanged silent glances of understanding, needing no words while you finished dining.

However, the serenity and harmony that was being created between you was shattered by the entrance of a young woman whom you recognized as Tsakarem because of the clothing, hair and jewelry typical of her role. The figure with the regal bearing and the face twisted by annoyance made her appearance, as she approached with disgusted step by your figure.

Her eyes were full of annoyance, anger and perhaps jealousy as she watched the scene in front of her. She immediately noticed you, staring at you with apprehension and surprise, if not with much disgust and superiority.

"Look at that! The tspangoe is awake." Her voice was sharp and cold as a blade, as she spoke her words sarcastically. Her attitude was full of contempt, as if she considered you little more than a nuisance, an intruder in her territory who robbed her of precious time with her partner.

"Tsu'Län." He called her in cold voice, annoyed at her turning to you with so little respect. He stood up to face the woman with a nervous and tense expression.

"What, ma yawentu? I’m not saying anything wrong. I just expressed my surprise that the Tspangoe is alive and awake." She raised an eyebrow as she spoke in a feigned, challenging tone, waiting for Neteyam’s reaction.

"Don’t call her like that." Neteyam’s voice was loud and firm, as he was quietly devouring his partner. "Y/N. Her name is Y/n and now that you know it, use her name to address her."

Tsu'Län was a woman of a charming beauty and an enviable bearing, with long braids covered with feathers and jewels identifying the title, but there was a cold and petty aura surrounding her. Her hard eyes shook you, emitting an obvious contempt followed by a grimace.

"Ah, so you named your Tspangoe. Interesting. Very nice of you to welcome her among us after you…found her in the forest" Your face shrank in disgust at her words and then growl at her, receiving the same reaction. It disgusted you that she was judging you without even knowing you. Even though you knew you were a 'tspangoe', you didn’t think anyone would ever tell you that to your face with so little delicacy.

"It’s her name, I didn’t give it to her. Don’t reduce her to a definition, this isn’t you." Neteyam’s tone made clear his intent to come to her senses and take back the words she had just spoken to you.

Tsu'Län burst into a cold, cynical laugh as she bent over with laughter and carried a hand to touch her lips, amused by the words of her partner. "I don’t see why we should worry about a Tsapngoe" she said with contempt and then looked down on you "Exactly since when we started helping these… people. Ma Yawnetu, I will always love you but I don’t expect to share your affection with this… thing."

Your heart tightened within seconds when your mind was finally enlightened, realizing that the two of them were paired and that this meant that Neteyam was the son of the Olo'eyktan and next in the line of succession. You knew the Olo'eyktan of the Omatikaya clan because he was the legendary Toruk Makto, so the weight of what you were experiencing became even heavier.

You raised your head, looking at her as if her words hadn’t even touched you, looking at her in the same way she did at you. You wouldn’t let some random Na'vi knock you down and humiliate you like this.

"I don’t want to take your 'Yawnetu', nor rob you of his… affection?" you answered firmly, mocking her subtly for her insecurity. "I didn’t ask to be involved in this situation, but I’m only here because Neteyam chose to save me. It was his choice to bring me here, not me. So you can get out of this tent and bring him if you wish. But don’t disrespect me, Tsu'Län" Your tone full of superiority and dignity, so much so that it made the young woman grit her teeth.

Neteyam tried to intervene again, trying to reach an agreement between the two of you, but it was clear that Reyin'al is not going to listen reasons and that you would not bend your head. Two unstoppable furies, she’s determined to enforce her claim to Neteyam and humiliate you, and you’re determined to put her back where she belongs.

"Tsu'Län, stop it. Even if you do not like her presence here, she remains a Na'vi and as such deserves respect and understanding" He stood before her, watching her soured because of her behavior, starting to lose patience.

The Tsakarem laughed again, a sharp laugh full of contempt. "Respect and understanding? For a na'vi who tried to take her own life? I don’t think so. The Tspangoe lose all rights when they become such and you know it better than I do" Her gaze fixed on you with disgust. She seemed to enjoy every word she hurled at you, trying to erode your confidence and confidence, abnormal traits for Tspangoes.

"Keep your hopes up, little tspangoe. Sooner or later you will return to the abyss from which you came out, and Neteyam will understand how wrong he was to save you." She said as she approached you, leaning on your person, amused by your look upset by his words.

You instinctively took her from the braids, making her fall to the ground while you watched her with a newfound flame, but of anger. You could have overlooked the slight insults, but even you knew that enough was enough.

Your fingers tightened the braids, tearing off some of the feathers that adorned her hair, as she gasped out of pain, hitting your arm to free herself from the vise.Neteyam tried to get closer but stopped when he saw your burning look on her.

"Listen carefully. I don’t know who has spoiled you to the point where you believe that you can treat people the way you want just because of your status. But do not believe for a second that you can address me in these tones, of your title I can not care less. A Tsakarem lives under the guidance of Eywa more than anyone other than Tsahìk, try to live up to your title, nothing is due to you. You respect me, and I will try not to make you cry all the tears that you never shed, okay?" you hissed at her ear, before you let go of your grip and make her fall at Neteyam’s feet, that in the while he had watched the scene in silence. He knew your reaction had been a little excessive, but only Eywa knew how much he wanted to put her in her place like that when she was being a bitch.

One of the few privileges of having reached the point of reaching the bottom, is that empathy was your master and only guide, so you could not care about things like the status and moral codes of the Na'vi.

Tsu'Län stood back as she watched as some of her feathers remained in your hand and growled at you, massaging her sore braids.

"Remember, Tspangoe, this is my territory." her impatient and threatening voice made you smile internally, amused by the fact that she still tried to frighten you. You shrugged and then growled at her and pushed her back, annoyed, before she went out and left.

Neteyam looked back at you, not realizing that you had this strong spirit under that dark veil that shrouded you. You lay down on the carpet, giving your back to the boy before you snort. "You go too, now."

Within minutes, that woman had managed to ruin the little thread that Neteyam had managed to wrap around you, to get you close to him. And now he seemed to have returned to the starting point, making him frustrated and angry with his companion who had been petty and disrespectful.

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Notes:

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, things between Y/n and Neteyam are still sour but you can see the soft spot of Y/n.

While I would like to hug Neteyam because he is so cute, please. So boyfriend coded

- Mel

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔　　　. 　　˚　　　　*　　　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　

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gojos-thot-patrol · 1 year

Note

HIIII how have you been?? <33

Candy here, and dear lord have you heard about a star being named after satoru?? Literally, my first thought about it is that should tell this news to you and maybe request (if you’re not doing anything and up to writing rn) because i thought this star will really spread heart-wrenching fanfictions about him, something related to a star with satoru, i kept thinking about him and sugu and stars defining their fate.. sorry this is so vague, tell me if you want details hihi,

hope you’re doing so finee, have some candy babes 🫶🫶

CANDY HELLO DARLING HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!

They named a Star after out boy?!?!?!?!? I'm gonna be emotional-

Okay okay, so I am currently working on kinktober BUT I'm gonna take a break here and wrote a lil warm up for you for two reasons.

The opening line to the fic instantly came to me and I couldn't not wrote a drabble at least

once you're one of my named anons or moots, you get special treatment <3

That being said, I call this one

Starlight.

When you first saw Satoru Gojo, you could have sworn whatever higher power there was put the stars in his eyes by hand, carefully and meticulously placing the celestial sparkles to make the most breathtaking eyes you had ever seen.

You saw galaxies when he laughed, constellations connect when he smiled, you were sure your heart exploded into a thousand celestial galaxies when he finally asked you out. You had fallen in love with Astraeus himself.

The only person Gojo seemed to love even half as much as he loved you was Suguru. The two boys beyond inseparable. Suguru would talk about astrology and you could see the celestial bodies in Gojo's eyes dazzle with adoration. You couldn't blame him. Suguru had a charm to him that made it impossible not to fall into his orbit. It only felt natural when Gojo suggested Suguru officially join your relationship.

You remembered the countless nights you had spent cuddled between your loves, watching movies until the early morning light. You remembered how in love Suguru was with the moon and how fascinated was with the stars. Spending entire nights out under the glittering sky on full moon evenings, dancing and laughing and falling in love.

You remembered the first time you saw the luminaries in Gojos eyes explode, marking the inevitable heat death of your universe. When word of Suguru's betrayal came out. You saw entire galaxies collapse in real time as he coped with what felt impossible. It wasn't the last time you saw the black holes form there.

You though they would never glimmer again after Suguru died, By Gojos own hands no less. You didn't spend the nights under the stars anymore. Instead they were spent at home, with him curled into your side. The stars weren't in his eyes anymore, they were glimmering in his tears. Nothing you did seemed to help. He needed time.

He slowly recovered, though his eyes never dazzled quite as bright as they used to. He recovered, and you recovered with him. He found joy in new things. In raising his son Megumi, in teaching and leading his kids to creating a new world for Jujutsu Society. He found a purpose beyond just being the strongest. You swore the stars in his eyes dazzled exactly how they did the first day you met him on the day he asked you to be his bride.

It was the last time you would ever see the stars. You remembered taking comfort in the soft glitter of his eyes when he told you he would win, and then feeling impossibly betrayed when he never came home. You couldn't cope. The sun had died, the universe had proven it's self to be cold and uncaring.

That is until you the full moon. It was weeks after Satoru's funeral, and by all means you had plans to just ignore it, finding it almost too painful without your darlings. And yet, once the time came, you found yourself drawn into it's orbit.

You swore you saw those stars smiling down at you. The ones you had fallen in love with all of those years ago. You just knew, some cosmic comfort assured you, Satoru was okay. You could hear Suguru in your heart. "Thank you, for fixing what I broke. I'll take care of it from here Darling."

You knew they were okay. And one day, you'd see them again. But for now, at least you still had Satoru's stars in your life. And if you ever missed him, you had the entire galaxy to remind you he was never truly that far away.

#warm up #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #satoru gojo #suguru geto #gojo x reader #geto x reader #satosugu #satosugu x reader #gojo angst #geto angst #hurt/ only a little comfort #bittersweet #gojo x reader angst #geto x reader angst #jjk spoilers #Candy Anon 🍬🍫🍭

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chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter · 7 months

Text

I'll love you better when I'm dead

(chapter 206 from Sanzu's POV)

(tragic MuSan drabble)

(link to ao3 in case some one preferes to read it there)

First of all...I'm sorry for this (not really but yes a lot at the same time, but I did this to myself too). An evil snail shared with me this AMAZING AND BRUTAL essay on Sanzu & katana-chan and reading the last pages about Mucho, this fic happened. So first of all...

GO, READ THE ESSAY NOW!

Summary: "We are both dying here today, captain."

[or why Sanzu looses his grip]

Warnings: Manga Spoilers. Major Character Death (chapter 206, duh). Hurt/No Comfort. Like for real, comfort has been slashed with a katana and is sinking in the bottom of the ocean.

The title is from "Love you better" because I listened in a loop for two days while reading the essay and writing this.

Oh, I played with Sanzu name (again, yes) but this time doing a full Jinx, ooopsie!

(English is not my first language, so be nice please 🙈)

It’s been six months since the Kanto Incident. Six months of planning for this day, of imagining how he’s going to punish that damn traitor. Of pretending his whole body doesn’t ache at the idea of killing the only person that made him feel like he mattered.

Haruchiyo is good at that, at hiding his true feelings from the world, lying to himself as much as he needs as a way of achieving it. He’s good at rationalize the overwhelming whirlwind of emotions that threaten to flood his mind all the time. He’s used to repress the pain, keep his anxiety at bay, bury all of it next to the memories he can’t face without having the need to scream and break everything at his reach (including himself).

Six months that seem to crumble the second his captain’s eyes light up when he spots him outside the detention center.

The ride is dominated by silence, that only breaks with Muto’s simple questions about how he’s been doing during this time. Genuine concern plastered on the face he’s supposed to hate. Haruchiyo wants to laugh hysterically at this, the irony that even now the older boy is only worried about him. Instead, he just gives short answers, knowing the other won’t push his boundaries.

They are finally at the wharf and his resolve flatters for a moment, overwhelmed by a kindness that he forgot how warm it feels.

“I’ve been waiting for this day...”

Haruchiyo trails off, talking mostly to himself. His hands grip the hilt of the katana, steading his inner turmoil with the reminder of why he’s doing this. The tangible proof of his vow, of the promise that gives him purpose. Wielding it with years of practice, preparing himself to strike a fatal blow.

‘Is that it? Is that the only reason I’m doing this?’

He hesitates, consciously loosening his grip on one hand and landing a sloppy cut that buys him some precious seconds.

“You damned betrayer!”

‘Liar, you made me think I could trust you, made me feel safe, seen. How can you say you love me when you couldn’t tell your treason would rot everything we shared?’

“Sanzu...?”

Muto looks at him in shock, trying to stop the bleeding with his hand and falling on his knees. He’s the perfect image of bewilderment, like he can’t comprehend what is happening, why is happening.

“I’ve been fooling you all along.”

‘I’ve been fooling myself, pretending this never meant anything to me. Pretending you never meant anything to me.’

Haruchiyo keeps talking, winning some time in order to collect his thoughts, to understand his own feelings in order to let them go and fully put his heart on the second hit.

“Remember our conversation that day when we were playing shogi? I said it, right?”

‘Do you remember how you told me I also mattered? You made me yearn for more, you were the first person that taught me to be selfish, to listen to my own needs.’

It’s almost ironic, realizing killing Muto is a sick way of putting himself first. Realizing this is personal.

“Protecting the king is the priority. You betrayed Mikey, didn’t you?”

‘You betrayed me, didn’t you?’

He takes off his mask, the scars reminding him of his place, letting go the faint illusion it could ever be somewhere else. That it could be next to his captain. He can’t forget it again, can’t keep hiding his devotion behind his craving for affection.

A sadistic grin on his face. That’s the new mask he’s going to show to a world that will never be the same for him.

“Now it’s checkmate.”

This time the cut is fatal, slashing a lot more than flesh and bones and severing the ties between them.

‘We are both dying here today, captain.’

Somehow, Muto hears the words he never says. But his will be the only tears shed, no one else will mourn the Haruchiyo that knew genuine love.

Sanzu can’t allow himself to grieve. He can’t be weak again, these seconds that felt like ages will be the last entertaining the idea he could be more than a loyal knight to his beloved king.

He made a promise and Sanzu is willing to do anything in order to fulfill it. Even killing a part of himself forever. His weakness, the love that tempted him to break free of his sacred vow. In a twisted way, he can’t avoid thinking how fitting it feels burying it with his captain.

Haruchiyo is dead.

Only Sanzu prevails.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers spoilers #me writing🌻#tokyo revengers fic #drabble #kanto manji timeline #bonten timeline #hurt/no comfort #comfort is not here anymore #angst #sanzu angst #sanzu haruchiyo #muto yasuhiro #musan #tragic as fuck musan #but what's new #tr chapter 206 #katana-chan is here again #canon complicit

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xiaosenthusiast · 2 years

Text

blooming flowers, for better or worse?

hanahaki disease au (cliche storyline of u like him he doesnt like u back but with my own little twist :D)

!TW! brief mention of death and a couple mentions of blood

2.7k words! took me 2 1/2 hours to write? i hope you guys like it..i’m actually really proud of it😭

—

ah yes, the cliché sob story; the hanaki disease; the unrequited love! how i love these things..the grief, the pain, the jealousy.

oh…

and how could we forget?

the death.

join me traveler, as i tell you a story! one about one-sided love, jealousy, betrayal and misunderstandings.

our story begins with..

—

you were lovestruck; you saw the world through rose colored glasses the second you saw him. he was so ethereal. even just standing there.

‘no yn! you musn’t. you couldn’t possibly fall in love in this world.’

this world..full of danger. full of diseases. the most common one, the hanahaki disease.

HANAHAKI DISEASE - in which the victim coughs up flower petals if they suffer from one-sided love.

if only..if only you hadn’t seen him. if only you hadn’t gone to the boba shop that day.

it was your turn to order and the boy with green hair looked at you with an eyebrow raised. you stepped up trying to avoid eye contact as you found the gift cards much more interesting.

“i’ll have a thai tea.”

“with boba?”

“no thank you..”

you heard some tapping on the screen before he spoke up again.

“will that be all?”

you took a look at the pastries, pondering if you should get a brownie or a cakepop.

“i’ll get a brownie.”

he tapped on the screen again and you felt him look at you, “that’ll be $8.50.”

you opened your wallet and took out four dollar bills and one five dollar bill. he opened the register and took your money.

you looked at him and made eye contact as he handed you your change. he was smiling as you felt your cheeks got hot, you immediately looked back down. he handed you your receipt, holding onto it a little longer than 3 seconds.

“what’s your name?”

“what? what does that have to do with anything haha..”

you looked around nervously and you heard him chuckle. “i need a name to call out for your order, no?”

you tried to calm yourself down and shakily said, “it’s yn.”

“okay yn i’ll let you know when your order is ready.”

you nodded and walked to the booth farthest away from the cash register. there you slumped in your seat and sighed heavily. you looked over to the cash register and found him staring directly at you, you squeaked and looked away.

‘nononono this can’t happen. wait- as long as i don’t fall in love with him i’ll be fine right? i can be attracted to him..’

as you thought to yourself you didn’t hear your name being called. ‘i mean..as long as i don’t get to know him and fall in love i’ll be fine?’

“order for yn?”

you looked up and saw the green haired boy from earlier.

time seemed to stop as you two just looked into each other’s eyes; your heart started beating faster and you felt your face get hotter. he smiled at how you reacted, put the cup and brownie down. he winked at you and walked back to the counter while you stared at the cup he gave you; it had his number on it with a smile next to your name.

xiao !

meanwhile xiao behind the countertop was talking to one of his co-workers about the experience he just had.

“you need to stop flirting with girls. it’s not cool, especially with that hanahaki disease going around..”

“oh come on, you act as if any of them will fall for me. all i do is give them my number..they text me and i just pretend it’s the wrong number; it’s too much fun, seeing their reaction.”

“i’m just telling you..be careful! you don’t know these people, what if one of them does fall for you? what if that person just fell in love at first sight? you don’t know them or how they are. you shouldn’t just assume someone’s feelings, it’s not nice. what if they die because of the disease, you’re going to take responsibility for giving them hope.”

after his manager finished scolding him he turned back to where you were sitting, you were studying and writing some notes down with earbuds in. he leaned his head on his hand as he stared at you, he observed you as you were oblivious to his staring. he took in how your hair shaped your face and you were pretty attractive. he sighed and got back to work.

y/n !

you looked at the time and decided it was time to leave so you cleaned up and walked to the trash can, deciding whether or not to keep the cup and save his number or not. as much as you wanted to, it was very risky. you didn’t want to die from a disease..or get a surgery to get it removed. deciding against it you threw away the cup and walked back to your booth; packing up your belongings and walking out the boba shop. the snow hitting your head as you walked back to your house, it wasn’t that far from the boba shop.

timeskip :))

not seeing him was impossible to do since that boba shop was one of your favorites, you always went there to study; you liked the vibe and the drinks were just good. eventually he memorized what to make you when you walked in and you weren’t as flustered when you saw him anymore. you were able to make eye contact and be polite to him without your face turning red.

what he did notice though, was that he never got a message from you; he noticed you always threw away the cups, napkins, or pieces of paper he had given you with his number on it. he noticed it the first time but thought that you had already saved his number. while he was confused on why you weren’t saving his number, you were always shocked when you saw his number written down on something when you got your order. was he into you or something?

if he was…maybe being his friend wouldn’t be bad?

one day you walked into the boba shop and he stood behind the counter smiling at you as you walked up. you took a quick look at his nametag and addressed him by his name.

“hi..xiao…the usual, please..?”

you felt awkward being friendly with him, after all you avoided making small talk or getting to know him. he seemed as shocked as you did and you just looked around while your face turned hotter. he smiled and started laughing.

“the first time in three months of coming here, and you actually said my name..i was wondering how long it would take.”

your heart started pounding as he continued laughing, eventually you started laughing with him too.

“yn’s usual order, coming right up.”

he smiled and gave you your receipt. you went and sat down at the booth you usually sat in and took your stuff out to start studying. after a couple of minutes he brought your stuff out and sat across from you. you looked at him and you were both staring at each other, “why won’t you save my number?”

your eyes widened at his question, was he really that into you?

you awkwardly smiled, how were you supposed to answer that? ‘i’m not into you, sorry.’ that is such a lie! i’m totally into him! i just don’t want to get that horrible disease!

wait..if he was already into you…would you get the disease? i mean you’re not suffering from a one-sided love. so weighing your options you chose the best option out of this situation.

you tilted your head and put a finger on your chin; you made a confused expression and said, “you gave me your number?”

he stared at you for a couple of seconds before opening his mouth to talk, he was dumbfounded. “y-you never saw it?”

you nodded and continued to play dumb, he brought up how many times he had wrote it down for you to see but you wouldn’t budge. he slumped in his seat with a defeated expression, “i give up. it seems like you really never saw my number.”

“if you want..”

your heart started racing.

“..you can give it to me now?”

your face turned hotter.

he thought about it, he thought about why he hasn’t given up on giving you his number. before he was doing it for fun and now he just didn’t know why he never stopped; he was waiting for your text after work.

he smiled at you and wrote his number down on the napkin and slid it over to you. “we should hang out sometime.” with that he got up and walked back to the counter.

to be perfectly honest, you were still very afraid of getting that disease. but xiao seemed into you, it didn’t seem like it was going to be a one-sided love. so you decided to risk it; instead of suppressing your emotions whenever you saw him you expressed them. he did the same and it made you happy, unfortunately neither of you made a move to make it official so you were stuck in that ‘more than friends less than lovers’ stage.

at least you were stuck in it until someone new came into the store. you were studying like usual and a girl with blue hair walked in. she had a white coat on and her light blue hair was in a ponytail with a bow, she dusted herself off and you could sense her presence the moment she walked in. you were watching her and xiao interact, you were growing slightly insecure. she smiled at xiao and sat down at a window table near the cash register, unlike you where you sat in the corner of the shop nowhere near the register. or a window.

she looked so pretty. just sitting there. she was scrolling on her phone and you found yourself comparing yourself to her.

“order for ganyu.”

you heard your not-boyfriend yell, you eyed her cup to see if there was a number on it. she got up and walked over to the counter, grabbed some napkins and walked out.

‘guess i really was overthinking..’

or at least that’s what you thought until you looked over at xiao he was staring at the door, as if he was expecting her to walk back in. you felt a deep pit settle itself in your stomach, you were feeling very anxious right now.

all of a sudden you started coughing violently, you felt all kinds of emotions going through you. the most distinct one though; you were feeling dread. your coughing fit had caught the attention of xiao as he walked over to you. you ran to the bathroom before he could get to you, you locked the bathroom and kneeled over the toilet.

what you started coughing up made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. you were mortified right now. this is what you wanted to avoid. this is why you knew it wasn’t a good idea to get close to him. he was ripped away from you just like that; in two seconds, when that girl walked in.

“yn? are you okay in there..?”

you heard xiao softly knock on the bathroom door and you got up. you flushed the toilet and opened the door. you smiled at him and walked right past him. he looked at you confused, why weren’t you saying anything?

“yn? seriously, are you okay?”

“mhm! peachy- cough peachy keen!”

“at least let me check if you have a fever-”

you were packing away your things, getting ready to leave. you turned around and xiao was right there,his hand was right there and he put it up against your forehead. the action warmed your heart and you felt another coughing fit coming up.

“yn you’re burning up, should i walk you home?”

“no i’m-i’ll be- cough cough”

blood covered petals were being forced out of your throat as you held onto your chest. xiao stood there, speechless; his eyes were wide and he was staring at you. “do- what? what happene-”

you grabbed your belongings and shoved him out of the way. he tried chasing after you but he was scared stiff; he couldn’t move, shock and horror going through his body.

you at home started crying your eyes out, you were in so much pain. how did all of his feelings vanish after seeing her for two minutes? it wasn’t fair, did those four months mean nothing? you were really in a world of hurt. bloodied petals being coughed up while experiencing heartbreak, how did he get over you so fast?

he didn’t see you for the next month; he started staring out the door more, expecting you to walk in. he was spaced out more than usual at work, he looked over to where you would usually be sitting and his heart tore a little when he didn’t see you there.

this didn’t last long though, as the blue-haired customer started coming in more. xiao was entranced by her and eventually he was able to do his work just fine as long as he could see her more. she seemed to share the same thought.

you knew what you had to do, it’s not like he would care anyway. you had the proof in your body, he didn’t love you anymore. you scheduled an appointment, you knew what this meant; you would be forgetting about him and your feelings for him all together.

another timeskip ><

it had been about 5 months since xiao had seen you, honestly he had you locked away in the back of his mind. he didn’t want to remember what happened that day; he felt guilty. he felt guilty for letting yoy walk out like that. he felt guilty for letting your feelings go on like that. he knew. he knew about your feelings for him; he had feelings for you too.

that was until that blue haired girl walked in. unlike her, he didn’t have love at first sight with you. he had to get to know you, he had to get closer to you for his feelings to actually develop. she walked in and took his heart from you, tearing yours in the process.

when he heard the bell of the door ring he looked up expecting it to be ganyu, but you had walked right in. his eyes widened and memories started pouring into his mind. you looked at him confused, “where’s lumine? did she hire someone new..”

you mumbled to yourself while wondering who the new worker was. you shrugged and walked right up to him.

“hi! i’ll get a-”

“thai tea, no boba with a brownie? warmed up?”

you were stunned to say the least, “huh? did you read my mind or something? ARE YOU A FORTUNE TELLER?”

you stared at him determined to know the truth, “okay honestly..how did you know what i was going to order??” you were a little scared but intrigued.

“you don’t remember?”

“what? remember what?”

xiao started to connect the dots, did you get the surgery in those five months you disappeared? no you couldn’t have possibly..

“yn did you get the sur-”

he was quickly shut up by a mouth on his hand, “yn, hi! how’s everything going?”

“lumine! everything’s going fine, i just wanted to come here more..you liar you said this place was only open weekdays! also when did you hire him?~ he’s pretty cute!”

you winked at him and his ears went red.

“oh trust me, you don’t want him..he’s a troublemaker.”

you laughed and lumine side eyed xiao. “what can i get for you yn?” she smiled and looked back at you , she took her hand off xiao mouth and took your order. he just watched the interaction between you two.

lumine told you to go sit down, but when she walked to the back you winked at xiao again.

“so what’s your name?”

“oh, it’s xiao..” he took a moment to reminisce the memories between you two.

“well..nice to meet you xiao, i hope we get to see each other more often!” you turned and went to go sit at a window table.

it seems even if you forgot all about him, you could never resist his charm.

—

@layla240 @meisuuu

#adeptus xiao #xiao angst #xiao x y/n #xiao x you #xi #hanahaki au #hanahaki disease #genshin xiao #genshin impact xiao

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sry-im-still-deciding · 1 year

Text

Final Goodbyes (Limited Life Fanfiction)

[written after session 3, don’t know how the series ended, just thought of this at 3 am]

They were running out of time.

They always had been. But it was much more apparent now. At first, it was nice, relaxing, even. They died with little consequence. They just lost an hour or so, so insignificant then. They didn’t fear death. But now, their timers were just running out. Not death by other players, or mobs, or fall damage. Just the last of the sand falling through the hourglass.

That’s how the Clockers lost Bdubs. Impulse had killed him, leaving him with only a few minutes left. He barely even made it to Entertainment Rock to say his goodbyes.

Scar and Cleo stood there now, planning. Trying to find ways to get more time, to stay in the game. The constantly ticking, red timer in their vision making it hard to think. Trap this, kill them. Get more time.

“Scar! Scar!” A familiar voice from behind Scar. The overwhelming panic in it was less familiar.

Scar turned to see his friend sprinting towards him, like the grim reaper itself was on his heels.

To see his lover’s face streaked in tears.

To see his enemy unarmed and vulnerable.

Grian almost knocked Scar over when he ran into him, even though he was much smaller. Scar could feel his friend’s body trembling.

“Grian? What’s wrong-” Grian cupped Scar’s face and cut him off with a kiss.

The kiss was like ones they’ve shared before, passionate and full of impossible wishes and unachievable dreams.

But they had time for those kisses.

Grian broke away and instead wrapped his arms around Scar’s neck. Scar’s arms instinctively settled around his lover’s middle.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry, Scar,” Grian gasped between sobs. “I’m sorry, and I love you, and I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you, Scar. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Scar’s eyebrows scrunched in concern and confusion. “What-”

“Shh,” Grian cut him off again. His grip around Scar’s neck tightened a bit, like there was someone trying to separate them. “Just- Just hold me.”

So Scar did. He held his enemy like nothing bad had happened between them. No death, no abandonment, no betrayal or heartbreak. Just them, holding each other. Like they used to do. When they had all the time in the world. When they could decide when it was over.

Grian’s body went limp in Scar’s arms.

Scar fell to the ground with a sob.

They had run out of time.

#its not my best #but im still kinda proud of it #especially the whole friend lover enemy stuff #also ignore that were on session 6 now i just didnt wanna post this yet #limited life smp #goodtimeswithscar #grian #desert duo #scarian #trafficshipping #rain's writing #limited life fanfiction

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onehundredandeleventropicalfish · 2 years

Note

Hello I'm a new fan of your blog and I just wanted to ask your opinion on something Sandman related because I just love your takes and how they provide such an in-depth perspective. Before Lucifer asks Dream to cut his wings, he states that he is very tired and that is why he is quitting Hell, and that Dream states the same thing on the cliff to Death just before Morpheus dies. Can you share your thoughts on that?

i definitely can! (and thank you!)

so, this is the page you're talking about, yeah?

and we'll get to that in a minute, but first this has made me realise i haven't read the first couple pages of this issue since the first time i read them, before i knew how this would end

and wow i did not realise how early dream's suicidal nature was set up, bc this is only like. three issues after the show left off

so that's gonna be breaking my heart for a while!

but it's also exceedingly relevant, bc as i covered very explicitly here, dream hit the critical point with his depression centuries if not millenia ago. and the thing he clings onto to stay alive is nothing to do with anything he actually wants, it's the fact that he sees responsibility as utterly mandatory. he's exceedingly lawful, he will never do anything that would involve giving up or endangering the dreaming, no matter how much he wants to, that's just not who he is

(my personal favourite kindly ones panels illustrating that particular point)

but dream and responsibility comes up absolutely everywhere, if i was to list every single moment i'd be quoting half the comic

and because it's such a strong theme, he's placed in contrast with people who were in the same position, but made the selfish choice (note: i do not use selfish as a bad word here, it's a good thing in this situation, but dream cannot see that, as far as he's concerned choosing yourself over your duties is the greatest crime someone can commit)

first, as you said, we get lucifer. (arguably actually the corinthian, but, first explicit). and lucifer’s still mostly an antagonist, even if they have entirely relatable motives, and aren’t terrible to talk to. and lucifer leaves hell because they were exhausted, in a very similar way to dream, they’ve played the perfect part for billions of years, but they just can’t anymore, they have to choose their own well being, and dream gave them a convenient way out. but they specifically give hell to dream, because they promised to destroy him.

and dream and lucifer know each other very well. just as dream gets to pull lines like the dreaming of heaven one, lucifer knows exactly how much this all gets to dream. because lucifer’s in the same position, and dream is so chronically lawful that whatever choice he makes with the key to hell, lucifer will have won. change or die, right? the central theme of the series. either dream gives up his responsibility, and therefore fundamentally changes, or dream gets crushed under the pressure. either way lucifer wins.

and i don’t think lucifer wanted it to be one or the other, honestly. they get this line in kindly ones, clearly they do have some level of empathy for someone stuck in the same situation that just can’t get themselves out of it. as is always the way with lucifer, in any canon, their victory is always also a fall

then there’s destruction. and i won’t go into a full analysis of brief lives bc this post is getting long enough already, but he’s a really important part of this too. because he’s not an antagonist, he’s dream’s younger brother, he's not malicious or contrary and he's part of the family, which means that if he's in the same situation, he understands. and as much as dream may have interpreted it as betrayal, he didn’t leave to spite dream, he left to try and make a positive change in the world, and because he had to - continuing to be one of the endless just wasn’t feasible. like lucifer and dream, he's exhausted and something has to give. lucifer and destruction decided that would be their domains. dream has always placed that burden on himself. and destruction tries so hard to get dream to realise he can leave, he's always had the ability to leave, and if the pressure is killing him he has to. but, as destruction says, the hard part was always getting dream to listen

death in the show is also an interesting one. because there's that bit in sound of her wings where she talks about how she almost gave up and left, and dream just stops walking and stares at her

and given all the comics context that just reads as being absolutely unable to process that, because he always saw death as someone like him, someone who would always put her duty above herself. he can accept lucifer giving up and he can put destruction out of his mind but death is the person he most looks up to. so obviously (to his mind) she's perfect and has no flaws and that means she can't have ever felt the way he does, because he shouldn't feel this way, it's wrong and not what he was made for

(that's another huge problem of dream's. ignoring his own issues and not doing things that would help him cope because those are human things, endless shouldn't want or need them, this is childish and he just needs to get over it)

and like. one of the themes of sandman, i think, is honestly that this much power isn't healthy for anyone? none of the endless are okay, none of the angels are okay, very few deities are either. and they all have their different coping mechanisms, death's being one of the significantly healthier ones. she's the closest to human an endless can be, she's aware of her own needs and problems, and she no longer tries to solve things alone. she's been where dream is, but she got the endless equivalent of therapy, whereas dream is kinda putting all of his problems in a box and sitting on it so the lid looks like it's closed and not overflowing with trauma. and she tries so hard to get through to him, to get some of those strategies to stick in his mind, but ultimately, dream is not death. and her words are only a stop gap measure

which honestly, is the most compelling thing about tragedy, for me, and why those two kindly ones panels are my favourite. because a well written tragedy will give the protagonist a thousand ways out, the way to avoid this all has to be so easy. but the tragedy is built around its central character. and if that character were ever to take any of those ways out, they'd stop being themselves

#the sandman #sandman comic spoilers #ask #dream of the endless #lucifer morningstar #destruction of the endless #death of the endless #mine #meta

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mobius-m-mobius · 10 months

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Pt 2:

(Okay I'm sorry this length is actually a bit absurd. As you can see my mind is SPINNING and this may have gotten. Out of hand. Please do feel free to ignore me, I promise I won't take it personally 😆😆)

So here’s the thing. In Loki and Sylvie’s first full episode together, I read the nexus event as being Loki experiencing self-love for once in his existence. Until events unfolded and I sighed and resigned myself to the inevitable heterosexuality of fit all. But.

Consider it from Loki’s perspective. You find yourself caring for this person who is and isn’t yourself. And it’s nice, at the end of all things, to care. Then the most emotionally intelligent man you know is insisting you’ve fallen in love with her. And gosh golly gee that is NOT what you thought was going on there, but you’re new to this whole letting yourself care schtick—how would you know?

Then, a miracle—against all the odds in the universe, Mobius decides to trust you after all. To fight by your side.

And within seconds, it gets him killed.

It feels like everything is over, and you don’t understand why. But it isn’t. The world is still falling apart, and Sylvie is still trapped, and whatever the way in which you care for her, you do care. And Mobius—he is dead. And nearly the last thing he said to you was that he thinks the love between you and Sylvie could save the universe. So what else can you do? You have to try. For both of them.

So you go to Sylvie, and it’s hard to get the words out, and it doesn’t feel quite right, but you try to tell her—

Your maybe universe-saving hopefully-actually-true love confession is cut off, and things get a bit wonky after that. And in the meantime there is another miracle—Mobius is alive after all.

But the universe still isn’t saved. And Mobius isn’t dead, but you thought he was, and you’ve been so viscerally reminded that to love is to lose. And anyway—before his seeming death the last thing Mobius said was that if he could go anywhere, it would be to his own life. Those scant moments when it seemed you might move forward side by side were illusion indeed. Mobius has a life of his own, in which you have no part.

So you turn to this other self, and say, ‘will you stay will me, after?’

She isn’t you. But perhaps she’s near enough to stay. No one else will.

Then you have the Sylkie kiss, which frankly imo barely counts as evidence on its own. When Sylvie finds out about Mobius’ nexus event theory she immediately goes to Loki to say ‘yeahhhhhhh so lets not do that bud … hey did you notice how much Mobius cares about you? 😃” Lok got a little confused, but Sylvie doesn’t seem, to me, to ever have thought her feelings for Loki were romantic. And when she kisses him, it’s a betrayal. Giving him what he seems to want as a distraction for the sake of her own ends.

And so he can’t trust her, and she won’t trust him, and there is no safety in running to himself to avert his loneliness. And he kissed her, and the universe isn’t saved.

And the lonely god runs straight on back to Mobius. And he might have still been sorting his head out a bit in the first two eps of s2, yet. He never leaves Mobius’ side again. Not until it is only way to save him. Not until he has spent centuries searching desperately for a way to stay by his side.

Wouldn't dream of ignoring you, absolutely love hearing the thought process people go through while watching or rewatching the show (starting another rewatch of my own soon!) and found myself noticing many of the same things you've mentioned especially regarding Sylvie as a representation of Loki coming to terms with self love for the first time which then led to the actualization of forming the kind of emotional connection and openness with Mobius that romantic love can build on.

Will reply to both parts of your ask here (linking part 1 just in case anyone hasn't seen it) and absolutely believe you're right in that while Loki would've always had potential escape from the methods and mistrust of the TVA in the back of his mind, he was very rapidly starting to separate Mobius from being part of the collective because there were too many genuine moments building between them to ever be in line with what the TVA would normally allow.

(adding a read more bc, well, it's me so we know this is getting long)

The shot in Roxxcart that lingers on Loki watching Mobius walk away after their discussion of trust always stuck with me because at that point I was under the assumption Loki was grappling with awareness the mission could be an opportunity of escape and for the first time didn't actually *want* to leave but had no idea how to process the feelings that had developed from being in a partnership of mutual respect and further taken a hit with the reminder that Mobius is still a major part of the TVA, and no one at the TVA will ever fully trust him.

Funnily enough even though it's kind of a running joke that Mobius had fallen for Loki before they even met (and he absolutely had 😅), the fact that it really was something more always came across as almost subconscious for him?? Loki knew what they had but panicked, never having experienced anything of that level before and not knowing what to do with any of it while Mobius has repressed his feelings about, well, everything for so long just to cope with life at the TVA it's hard for him to picture anything outside their rule.

I never saw Loki taking off after Sylvie as anything more than the chance to escape what could, or in his mind at that moment couldn't, grow with Mobius while taking a perfect opportunity to explore curiosity on his part as to who this is, whether she's useful, and how she connects to being a Loki and from that point on we continue to see in his interactions with Sylvie they mirror each other at various stages of life.

If anything his clear hesitation at leaving Mobius definitely made the betrayal sting that much more, which is why Mobius lashed out so openly during the next interrogation without even bothering to hide his hurt and I've always thought the moment where Mobius calls him out for being a bad friend in front of the guards is when it actually clicks with Loki that he may have ruined something big, something important between them if Mobius is willing to not just admit to them having a real connection in front of people who would almost certainly report something like that but consider him a friend to have trust in for the time in his life. So he risks it all trying to convince Mobius to trust him one more time and thinks he failed like usual, only to have Mobius come back with faith in who he can be, faith Loki doesn't feel he deserves but gladly takes which leads directly to Mobius getting pruned trying to protect him.

And I love how you phrased this section because exactly, Loki is so completely lost and torn apart in a way like never before after watching Mobius die. Sylvie is the only anchor to anything left, and Mobius had just (misguidedly, but still lol) told him the two of them could make a difference so that's exactly what Loki tries to do but every time he attempts to involve some level of emotion like the possible confession before also getting pruned or discussing their nexus event it's immediately cut off and for good reason; because that's not who those feelings are meant for. It's important to note as well that when Sylvie tells Loki how much Mobius cares about him, it isn't brushed aside or joked about but instead allowed to land and breathe in that moment because they know how true it is, but also that Loki isn't ready to face that yet.

Then at the citadel (and didn't s2 go a long way toward erasing pretty much all the implications meant here besides the fact that they'll never see eye to eye 😂) Loki and Sylvie immediately clash, with both of them openly wondering why they can't trust each other. Loki's frustration is clear because if he had been talking to Mobius instead they could take some time so things wouldn't have reached this point but he isn't, so he and Sylvie come to blows.

In my opinion Sylvie had never seen Loki in a romantic light either or even wanted to consider the possibility, but she did notice his constant struggle to reconcile feelings that did exist for Mobius and took advantage as a distraction and mirror to the Roxxcart grocery store divorce which leaves Loki confused and alone, processing what's just happened as he realizes despite everything his trust in Mobius has never wavered and never will. He races towards him only to finally know what it does feel like to look into his eyes and find that trust fully missing, so once he gets his Mobius back he spends almost every moment of s2 as close to his side as possible until he's forced to give him up, but as you said not until he's exhausted centuries seeking a way to stay. It's clear both of their endings are to be left wanting and waiting which is the most tragic way to have Lokius confirmed but we can only hope sooner rather than later they have a chance to work their way back to each other 🥰

#congrats on taking the title of longest ask! you beat out a previous night at the museum one that i really thought would hang in there 😂💖#this was tons of fun to read and reply to so tysm for sharing your thoughts and i've always felt the reason lokius is such a strong pair #is because even in a limited series they actually had time to sit on their feelings and process what they WANT to mean to each other #and once they've figured it out you see right away in s02e01 you can't part them their devotion to each other is like none other 🥺#loki spoilers #ask

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femalehieronymusbosch · 2 months

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how special friendship is so pure and so sinful at once, it feels like poison fr, you were right. it's like 1 season cesare and lucrezia, you know where it's going but it hasnt yet, and their love is as pure and all consuming as the love of god

i see you're a person of culture as well! i didn't see similarities before but now you mention it i can't unsee - their scenes together have this tunnel-vision on each other and slow honey-like quality as if the time stops when they're together. check! their desire to compare themselves to historical figures too. check! they have enchanting love theme that plays over their scenes too. check! however, notice how Georges and Alexandre's theme is quite sombre and reminds more of season 3 "Cesare and Lucrezia spend the night together" rather than season 1 "Cesare and Lucrezia's love theme (by the fountain)". and the whole vibe you describe so well, of course.

Georges is dreamlike romantic hero, Romeo, beautiful, elegant, noble, softspoken, with patrician bearing and quiet charm, Alexandre is cute and soft but lit from within with his unbreakable spirit, he truly has “not of this earth” charisma, fire burning too brightly is destined to went out quickly. Their first date is dreamy, sweet, cute… the way they instantly cling to each other! The moment when they exchange blood is subtle eros incarnate, Alexandre’s gaze is full of love and tenderness as he looks at Georges licking his blood, and Georges’s enigmatic and sensual flutter of eyelashes as he looks down… Humans are equally body and soul, true love is both heavenly and earthly, you know.

Alexandre’s unshakeable confidence in Georges’ feelings, he knew that “you love me and I love you” before they ever spoke to each other from glances alone, “glances that are like kisses, and words are like caresses” he’s sure of it and he won’t back down. Only in childhood we can ever be this devoted, without considering anything else. That’s why after Georges’ presumed betrayal he’s got nothing to live for anymore. Georges is older that’s why he can see the benefits of pretending to comply, to lay low, to play along with well-meaning holy fathers (and they do mean well and while being nosy and insistant, that’s their job, they’re teachers, parents entrusted these boys to them).

Georges no matter how much of a lovesick poet he is, lives in the real world, while Alexandre doesn’t, he’s uncompromising, it’s either love or death for him, and if Georges doesn’t love him… with Georges’ love Alexandre was willing to be against the whole world, but if Georges has forsaken him… As father Lauzon says “give me back his soul, it was yours for too long”. And gives Georges a photograph of Alexandre, taken before he was wounded and forever changed by love, “when his heart was untouched. when there was nothing, no one”. Love for Georges was his religion. One shouldn’t look for love and death, for they find one on their own. Georges was looking for love, he wanted to fall in love and tried it with Lucien first, when he was shot by Amour’s arrow at the sight of Alexandre, and Alexandre was looking for death when the love he thought was as strong as death failed him.

They properly meet on a train but even before they’re introduced to each other they already know they love each other and are connected by the string of fate. Are you acquainted? – No, but we are in love. they speak with their eyes, melting, basking in their shared feelings. They’re saying words, but they don’t need them, it’s just a lovers’ meaningless babytalk to enjoy hearing each other’s voices. You love me and I love you, we’ll be united forever, run away together and don’t care for anything else, I will never forsake you, I don’t care if we’ll be caught, as long as we are together and never separated… murmurs like an endless stream. There’s no internal torment, they instantly give themselves to each other. I like the way Georges always positions himself lower as if putting Alexandre on pedestal, sitting/standing on the stairs slightly below to look up at him with adoration. When father Lauzon catches a whiff of Georges’ lavender perfume on Alexandre’s hair... What implication is more damning, the gifts – exchange of perfume and perfumed locks of hair, or frolicking together in a haystack?..

Book’s moment when Alexandre confesses “I love you more than life itself” is omitted, but there is another equally important one added. When Alexander sneaks into Georges’ music lesson, he looks at him with eyes full of tenderness and sorrow, and touches his hair with gesture too familiar. It’s when “I love you more than life itself” is palpable, even if unspoken. The realization, the surrender to feelings. It’s unusual and unsettling to see such an expression on the face of young boy, this expression is kind of reserved for romance heroines in specific moments when her hero is weak (wounded in attempt to protect her for example) and she’s looking at him slowly realizing how much she loves him, caresses his hair with “now it’s my turn to be stronger one and protect you” notion. And it’s after they got caught! So Alexandre is doubling down on their love. Showing that he’s unafraid. He felt that he can lose Georges and it made him brave, made him feel that they have to seize every moment they get. It made him understand himself and acknowledge the fact that he’s found the meaning of life now. And that meaning is Georges. It’s as dramatic and life-changing and deadly as only first ever love can be.

Then Alexandre's demise is ambiguous on purpose. Georges is left with this eternal bleeding wound, guilt. Was it an accident? If it wasn't - did Alexandre repent in his last moments? Was he saved and forgiven? Where is his soul now? Georges cannot even follow him in death because what if Alexandre did repent and went to heaven? And if he didn’t? And Georges won’t meet him even if he drags through life till the natural end? There's no answer.

#фильм #you send ask you get a wall of purple prose for free #the power of yaoi

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elmswriting · 1 year

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Title: The Paradox of Love and Power, Revisited

Setting: Malfoy Manor, during the First Wizarding War

Lucius Malfoy stood in the opulent drawing room of Malfoy Manor, a setting of luxury that belied the tension in the air. Tonight, the manor's walls would reverberate with dark incantations and whispered conspiracies—the clandestine meeting of Death Eaters. He looked around, his eyes falling on the masks and dark robes strewn about, stark reminders of his double life.

Across the room, separated by a world of unspoken complexities, was Narcissa. She stood at the periphery, her ethereal beauty contrasting sharply with the dark room. She was no Death Eater, but her life was inextricably linked to one. It was a paradox, a cruel kindness that Lucius felt deeply. He wanted to protect her, shield her from this world of darkness, yet his actions exposed her to it.

Lucius' Internal Dialogue: I've brought her into a realm of danger, thinking it's to protect our family, our legacy. Is it bravery or foolishness?

Narcissa felt his eyes on her and looked up. His gaze was intense, a palpable force laden with unspoken emotion. It was a blend of power and vulnerability that sent ripples through her usual composure.

Narcissa's Internal Dialogue: He looks at me as if I'm his sanctuary, but what if I'm also his Achilles' heel? We're entangled in this perilous reality, and our love is both our armor and our vulnerability—an open secret.

Drawn together as if by an invisible thread, they found themselves standing closer, isolated from the ominous gathering. The air between them was thick with sensual tension, a palpable heavy lightness that seemed to defy the gravity of their situation.

Lucius' Internal Dialogue: To touch her would be an ephemeral escape, a sweet sorrow as the walls of reality close in again.

In a moment that felt both fleeting and eternal, Narcissa reached out and lightly touched his arm. Her touch was full of contradictions—a comfort and a torment, a simple gesture echoing their complex reality.

Narcissa's Internal Dialogue: I wish to assure him we'll survive this, but that would be a comforting lie. It's a paradox, a form of enjoyable suffering.

Lucius looked at her hand on his arm, a simple touch that shattered his typical self-assured thought patterns. He felt compelled to say something, to encapsulate the storm of emotions within him.

Lucius: "We'll find a way through this, Cissa."

Her eyes met his, mirrors reflecting the same mosaic of fear and love, hope and despair. It was a minimal exchange of words, yet it felt as if they had laid their souls bare—a gentle betrayal of his emotional reserve.

Narcissa: "I believe we will, but at what cost, Lucius?"

The question lingered, a form of organized chaos encapsulating the essence of their relationship. They were each other's sanctuary and their own battlefield, a paradox both bewildering and inherently understandable.

Lucius' Internal Dialogue: She's right, as always. The cost is an enigma, a riddle with no easy answer. All I know is I would pay any price to keep her safe—even if it endangers us both. A foolish wisdom.

Narcissa's Internal Dialogue: And I would follow him, wherever this dark path leads. An intelligent folly.

As Lucius returned to the inner circle, his robes swirling around him like a cloak of darkness, the contradiction of their existence was palpable. Their love was an oxymoron, a complex interplay of opposites—fear and courage, darkness and light, bondage and freedom. Yet it was real, as tangible as the war raging beyond their walls, a love that defied simple definitions. It was their precious bane, their lonely crowd, their sweet sorrow.

In a world increasingly filled with contradictions, they were the most beautiful oxymoron of them all. And as they faced an uncertain future, that oxymoronic love remained their one unwavering certainty.

Thus, in a room brimming with paradoxes, they stood as the most intricate—two souls deeply in love but ensnared by a world that might tear them asunder. A complex enigma that neither could untangle, and yet, neither wished to.

#Lucissa #first wizarding war #chatty writes #chatgpt #ai writing

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squalodinoappreciationsquad · 7 months

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Hey there! So, just thinking about these two again. If I can, I'd like to bother you for your headcanon for happened after the Ring Battles. Had they been estranged prior to the battles? How do you think they went about reconciling after being on opposite sides?

Hello! 💖

No bother at all, I would love to talk about my idiots to infinity and beyond!

SO.

For this particular answer I have A LOT to talk about, but I will try to be short and simple and hopefully make sense.

So.

First of all, I think that these two did not originally part ways exactly as friends, ESPECIALLY after the whole Cradle thing.

On one side we have a very angry Squalo shouting: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE DAMMIT, I NEEDED YOU WHY DID YOU SIDE WITH THE VONGOLA?!

And on the other side we have a very sad Dino shouting: MY PEOPLE WOULD HAVE DIED ATROCIOUSLY, I HAVE WORKED SO HARD FOR WHAT?

S: AND AM I NOT YOUR PEOPLE?

D: YOU LEFT ME IN A DITCH TO FOLLOW XANXUS.

Et cetera etcetera, you know, divorce is happening and it's ugly.

Which definitely would not end up well, but as the Internet dads @ Cinema therapy say, "the more you are angry, the more you are stupid".

In any case there is a rift, but they kind of start walking on eggshells around each other, but like they don't exactly HATE each other, they are suffering from a bad case of miscommunication, mixed with being forced to choose sides and the supposed betrayal they suffered at each other's hand.

Anyway, Canon happens, the battle of the rings happens and Squalo nearly gets chomped down by a shark.

And Dino sees that it is not Yamamoto Takeshi, but Squalo Superbi. And Dino is:

he is definitely an ex friend and traitor, what do you mean i have gone into a full panic attack? what do you mean i have tried giving him cpr myself, what do you mean I have just gone into a frenzy because he is dying and my world is suddenly falling apart and I am having huge flashbacks to when my dad died?

In any case Dino starts feeling guilty, because maybe if back then he had used whatever leverage he had had as new Cavallone Decimo things would have gone differently, etc, in a neverending spiral of doom. In any case Dino feels as guilty as hell.

Days later Squalo awakens and Dino is beside his bed, looking all worried. And Squalo is like "why did you save me?" and Dino is like "it would have been trouble for the Vongola if you died" or something like that.

And to this day I DO NOT believe a single moment that Squalo believed in that pathetic excuse.

Anyway.

Days, maybe weeks pass and finally Squalo is not going around with the same nonchalant walk of Dr. House and he decides that he wants to find out why Dino has saved him, because Vongola Nono did want him, Xanxus and the rest of the Varia very much dead and they did not die because it appears that Iemitsu put in some sort of good word.

In any case, Squalo goes straight to Villa Cavallone and does not even wait to be announced. He storms into Dino's living room with the rage of a thousand suns and screams something like "VOOOOI WHY DID YOU DO WHAT YOU DID REALLY? I DO NOT WANT ANY PATHETIC EXCUSE, CAZZO!"

(In my hcs, Squalo cusses like a sailor)

And Dino in that moment does not have Romario, or Reborn, he is alone trying to deal with his own anxiety and just goes with "Because I feel GUILTY!!!"

S: Guilty of what

D: For not having your back all of this time, I am a horrible friend and I deserve death! And I also feel like a coward because you too were my people, along with my family!

Which makes them both shut up for like a good five minutes and finally prompts a sort of discussion. Not a coherent one, very much full of cries and screams, in which it is established that:

Dino very much thinks of Squalo as "his people"

Dino also is very much hurt that Squalo was willing to end a friendship over Xanxus and his ambition

Squalo very much offended that Dino would think that Xanxus would be the one ending their friendship

Squalo is very much hurt because if Dino thinks of him as "his people", then he should have sided with Varia and then the Varia would have taken care of anyone who dared hurting Dino's people

At the end of the day neither of them were to be blamed, they were forced to choose a side whilst being in the eye of the typhoon

S: is that everything or is there more?

D: NO, I also saved you because I was panicking and I did not want to lose you, literally.

S: what if I killed the brat then, what if I won the match?

D: I don't know, I panicked, I don't know what I would have done!

They understand each other very well, but they are an utter mess these two. They don't know how to communicate.

Cue Dino accidentally confessing undying and eternal love to Squalo, which takes Squalo by surprise. Cue Dino realizing what he has just said and wanting to disappear into the ground.

After all peace was never an option.

Well, at least something has come out of this mess.

Squalo will need to think of an answer, quickly. He has never prioritized anything about love, to him it was fight or die and now he is speechless. And he leaves.

It's gonna be up to Lussuria, who is somehow sensible to these things, and Romario, aka Dino's parental figure, to push these idiots to talk it out again.

And they do, agreeing to take things slow whilst they both figure themselves out.

Well. I hope you enjoyed the rollercoaster, dear anon. By the time they are TYL they are happily married.

Also, I am ace, but you are free to imagine them figuring themselves out in other ways, *winkwinknudgenudge*

And this was supposed to be short... Sorry!!!

#mod replies #khr asks #khr headcanons #dino cavallone #squalo superbi #THEM

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ahundredtimesover · 3 years

Text

The Love After (02)

02: The Love that Can’t be Forgotten

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader, ex!Yoongi x Reader

Genre/Tags: werewolf au; beta!jungkook x human!reader; angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: minor character death, grief and loss, depression, thoughts of one’s own death, animal attack, descriptions of wounds and injuries, use of sex to cope, sexual content (first times; fingering, breast play, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 16.3k

Mini-Series summary: Every werewolf has a fate, interpreted by Amma and guided by the Moon. In this world, there are 2 Supreme Fates fully determined by Her - serve in the Wolf Warrior Clan or find your True Mate. You and Jungkook have neither. You both lost the loves of your lives to live out their Supreme Fates and it’s why you both hold resentment towards the mating system. Until the Ceremony happens and you and Jungkook are fated to each other, connected only by heartbreak, pain, and the long lost belief that you could ever love again.

A/N: Happy New Year, everyone 🎊 I hope you all had a wonderful celebration. Here’s how I’m doing mine - with part 2! This is a tough one 🥺 I hope you enjoy!

Series Masterlist

The light from the moon bounces off the silver necklace, causing its shape to dance on the ceiling and you feel betrayal, as if the Moon is mocking you for permanently taking away the little bit of hope and happiness you had left.

You trace your fingers on the locket, feeling the scratches and cracks on it; you know that whatever battles Yoongi fought, he did his best to protect this, the symbol of your love, the one you gave him before he left.

It was a week after the Ceremony 3 years ago, the day before he took the trip to wherever and never looked back.

You open the lock and your fingers ghost over the book pendant. On the right are engraved words - Your life and mine are one, he’d said once, and you wanted to let him know you believed in it as much as he did. On the left are dried primrose petals; you wanted him to know you will always love him. Even if he was away, even if he said he wouldn’t call; you wanted him to know you’ll never forget him.

He held you then, wiped away your tears, and kissed your lips until you cried harder, and then until you stopped. You laid in his arms on his bed, your breaths steadying at each other’s warmth, at each other’s longing even before you had to part.

“I’ll never be without this,” he’d said, voice full of promise. “You’ll always be the best thing that ever happened to me. And I’m so sorry I have to go.”

He didn’t have to apologize, he never had to. You’ve read stories of the Wolf Warriors growing up, had books of them that always enthralled you, how they fight the other creatures - humans, included - to ensure the safety of all the wolves. You never thought those stories would pain you one day, and that night, it pained you the most.

“I’ll never forget you,” you said. “I’ll always love you.”

He couldn’t tell you that so would he, but that you’re not meant to love only him. He couldn’t tell you that you’re meant for great things, that all the dreams you both had are still dreams you can have, that you can achieve, and he’ll be happy even if it’s not with him. He couldn’t tell you that he’ll hurt everyday, knowing he had to leave you behind, but he knows one day that someone will take his place - someone who’ll be by your side, loving and taking care of you the way he couldn’t.

He’d only smiled then and held you tightly, and you both kissed and cried until the sun rose, and you didn’t want to let him go.

You couldn’t stand being in the pack house to celebrate his Fate, as his departure was a knife to your heart, and you watched him enter the car from afar and drive away, leaving broken dreams and a shell of the woman you were in his wake.

You let a tear fall as you recall all this, knowing the hope you had that you’ll ever see him again has been buried in a pile of rubble - all the pain and sorrow remind you of what you’d lost and what you’ll never have again. You knew it was silly to wish one day he’d come back, that you’d find a way to make it work, but you did; you hoped and you dreamed for both of you - it was one of the ways you could hold onto him.

Now he’s just a memory kept in this necklace, in the charm-filled bracelet he gave you before he left, in the books you read together, in your garden and your porch, in all the rivers and meadows you spent days in, in the sun and the clouds. In the Moon. He lives everywhere, and everything just hurts.

It’s been a week since that day at Amma’s house when you all received the news. Namjoon had heard a specific howl from the elders and he knew, with their connection to the Wolf Clan, that something was wrong, and the package had confirmed his suspicions.

You faintly remember how your whole body went numb, how you couldn’t breathe, and how soft arms wrapped around you, Amma’s humming and whispers telling you that you can cry filling your mind for mere seconds, until Jungkook’s low and pained voice told you that he’d take you to your parents’ house; you don’t remember much after.

You know you’ve been here for days, though, dazed and unresponsive, clutching on the necklace like it’s your lifeline, like you’d die without it. You barely eat; not even your grandfather’s pies change the emptiness in your eyes. Your mother has taken to giving you a bath everyday, and Baram and Mi-Rae have been alternating sleeping next to you on your bed, not wanting you to be alone in fear of how much more you’ll break.

You know that Jungkook visits everyday, walking in your room to lay the food on your bedside with a book he's brought from your bookshelf in his cabin. You never meet his eyes, but you feel them staring at you, with what you only expect to be more apology and concern.

He doesn’t tell you that he wishes you could come home to him, that he wants to help you grieve and cope and move on. He doesn’t tell you how much he wants to comfort you, to help you release your anger and hurt in whatever way. He doesn’t tell you that it hurts seeing you like this, knowing there’s nothing he can do to fill the void that Yoongi had left but as your mate, Jungkook will try, he’ll try everything; he just wants you home.

It’s the next morning when your grandfather enters your room with spinach pies he baked, taking your hand in his as you lie on your bed, your eyes devoid of their usual warmth.

“Hey, sweetie,” he coos, sitting next to you and urging you to look at him. “You have to eat. You can’t let go of yourself, okay?”

“How did you cope with losing grandmother,” you ask after a while, disregarding his request. “How did you move on?”

“You,” he says softly.

You turn to him, as if to let him continue.

“You came into this world a year after she passed, and I was a broken man,” he shares. “It’s not easy to lose someone you’ve loved your whole life.”

Your grandparents were neighbors, fated from the moment they met, he’d said, and you never doubted that. You’d seen photos and could see the love in them; you wanted to have the same thing one day, you remember thinking.

“I couldn’t even rejoice when your mother told me they were pregnant, couldn’t hold her hand when she was scared or hug her when you came out, all because I couldn’t let go of my own pain, pain that she also felt from losing her own mother.”

He wipes the tears that stream down your face and kisses the top of your hand.

“Your mother always left you with me while she and your father worked, and I think it was her way of helping me, you know? I needed a way to continue living without falling apart, and that’s when I started reading you books. Your grandmother always loved them,” he smiles.

“You seemed to love them, too, your eyes just focused on me and your joy just radiated every time. It was beautiful to watch. And then when you got older, I started baking you pies. She and I used to do it together. Walnut was your favorite; it was hers, too, and the first time I made it again after she died was for you.”

You look at your grandfather, pain and longing mixed with content and happiness. He’d been remembering her through you.

“The pain doesn’t really end, sweetie,” he sighs at the hard truth. “It comes and goes. It’s okay to mourn however you want; we deal with grief differently. But we get to decide if that pain will numb us, or if we’ll let it push us. Because however it may feel right now, you’re not alone, okay? You have us. You have you. Yoongi lives in you; he won’t go away for as long as you live.”

You nod and hug him, letting yourself weep for the first time since that day. Your cries have been muted - in the bathroom when your mother leaves you to dress up, at night when you know that no one can hear you.

But today, you let yourself go, you let yourself feel. It helps when there’s someone who knows what it’s like to lose someone they thought they’d have more time with.

Your grandfather rubs circles on your back, whispering words of encouragement and love, reminding you of who you have left.

A knock disrupts the moment and Jungkook enters, his eyes softening at the sight of you not looking as dazed as in the past few days. He smiles and places the food on your table then heads out.

“He comes everyday, you know?” Your grandfather says, taking the tray and placing it in front of you.

“I see him bring the food in,” you respond.

“He wishes you’re back home with him, though,” your grandfather continues. “He wouldn’t be here in the morning and throughout the night until you’re asleep if he didn’t.”

The first emotion other than pain and anger you feel is towards Jungkook - guilt. You know how he worries, and you’d been holed up in your room in your family’s house for a week, not speaking to him, not looking for him. You can’t imagine what it’s like for him - being as strong and capable as he is yet not being able to do anything to help you, his mate.

You promptly finish your food as your grandfather tells more stories about your grandmother and how he felt her speak to him through other people, and you feel a sense of relief somehow - that someone knows what you’re going through, that one day, you’ll learn to move on with nothing but a reminder of the love you once shared with a man who gave up his life for the greater good.

Yoongi was always meant for grand things, you think, and you know that’s what happened. Even if you were spared the details of his death, you knew enough that he did what he could to save others, and he’ll be immortalized for that. That was his Supreme Fate. That was his great love story, and that’s enough comfort to you. For now.

You walk down the stairs, as the call of nature strengthens. You know that sitting out on the porch would help.

You’re surprised to see Jungkook sitting on the steps that lead out to the garden, his head turning side to side, like he’s in awe of his surroundings, as if he doesn’t witness your town’s beauty on a daily basis like this.

You sit next to him and you see the slightest turn up of his lips.

“Your garden really is big,” he starts. “I see why you’re quite unimpressed with our cabin’s backyard.”

Our.

You disregard how casually he says it.

“The backyard’s fine. It's just that it doesn’t get as much light, that’s all. And there’s not much grass and flowers and patches to grow vegetables and herbs. And there’s no—”

You stop at his pouting face, and you can’t help the smile that escapes you.

“Yeah, the cabin’s backyard isn’t that impressive.”

He laughs softly, a sound you realize you haven’t heard in a week. Even with his silence, he’d let out a soft one every once in a while. You don’t want to admit that you missed it.

“But it’s okay. It’s growing on me,” you continue.

Your eyes follow a bird that sits on the porch railing, its elegant blue feathers reminding you of the ones that you and Yoongi used to see.

You let the silence engulf you, finding comfort in sharing this with Jungkook, no longer used to being without his presence.

“I’m so sorry, ___,” he says after a while, his head bowed down.

He’s sorry for what you have to go through, that it hurts; that right now, he’s unable to make it easier for you. Somehow he’s sorry that it wasn’t him.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” is all you say, as you stare out the mountains before you again, the light of the sun and the parade of the fluffy clouds making it seem like some sign.

“Take me back to the cabin, Jungkook.”

The words catch him off guard, as he was ready to spend another night without you. It’s been torturous, not knowing how you are, not hearing your voice, not feeling you shift next to him at night or seeing your peaceful face when he leaves every morning.

He comes here at daylight and then back at night, hoping you’d be okay enough to go back home with him because somehow, it doesn’t feel like it without you around. He doesn’t know what he feels, apart from constantly worrying about you and hoping you’re alright.

He’s unsure if it’s love, if it’s possible for it to come this easily and this quickly, even if for a moment in his life he doubted that he’d ever feel it again, but it doesn’t matter. You two are bound by a promise to the Moon, and by a promise he made one desperate night that he’ll keep trying and enduring whatever it is, until one day you can be ready to love again, the way he’s doing his best to be ready just the same.

But the sound of your voice asking for both of you to go home and how that does something more than calm his racing heart, is making him feel that maybe, he’s on the way there.

Your grandfather was right. The pain comes and goes - some days, things seem manageable; some days, you feel like a hollow being incapable of feeling anything but the pain.

You wake up some mornings and feel like you could at least get off the bed, make your tea, and go to work. It often starts out fine, until something reminds you of the part of you that’s missing. It could be anything - your bracelet clanking, Yoongi’s doodle on a book you both enjoyed, a particular shape of a cloud, the chirping of birds.

Most nights are hard, though, as the tranquility in the mountains makes you think more. The dreams come and go, too, but they’re mostly snippets - bike rides to school, the first time Yoongi held your hand as you walked to the river, talking about all your dreams under the stars, his fingers tracing your face, his soft lips on yours.

You can hear his low-toned laugh, his satisfied hums over the pies you make him, and his whispers of love and affection as you lay next to him on the grass.

The pain goes from a deafening pound to the pricks of needles, but it’s always there.

It hurt when he left, more so when he asked not to communicate because he’d said it would be harder, but the thought of him living and breathing elsewhere gave you hope that one day he could return, and you could see him smile once more, feel him against you even for just a while.

You said your goodbye 3 years ago with the thought of seeing him again. You didn’t think you had to say goodbye for good.

But like your grandfather also said, you’re not alone. Jungkook makes sure of that. He’s next to you every morning, staying on his side but right there just the same. He’d offered to make your breakfast but you insisted, saying you’re not incapacitated, just grieving.

He doesn’t leave for work until you do, and he’s taken to preparing dinner every night while you sit on the chair outside and watch the night sky.

It’s one of those days when it starts out good, and then slowly you plummet, feeling that familiar feeling of helplessness once more.

You enter the cabin after a busy day at work and take a bath, the hot water and incense - one that Jungkook got for you - doing enough to soothe you. You go to the kitchen and see the bowl of tangerines that you got from the market yesterday and start peeling one. It was Yoongi’s favorite, and you’d instinctively bought it then realized on the way home that you’d be eating these, remembering how he always peeled them for you.

You were never good at it, which is why you’re struggling right now. It’s hard to detach the core even when you dig your fingers on the skin, and you’re getting impatient. You want this peeled, you want to eat this, you want to show yourself you can be without him because there’s no other way, the Moon didn’t give you a choice.

You feel the tears form as you struggle some more, and you end up poking a hole through the fruit, and you’re frustrated - this isn’t how it’s done. You throw the tangerine on the wall, and the rest of them are mocking you, so you throw what’s left off the table and you sob.

It’s just a fruit, but it drew so many memories and took so much out of you. You stand there by the dining table with your hands on your drenched face, crying, your heart twisting and turning again, until you feel rough hands turn you and you’re crashing on Jungkook’s firm chest, his arms wrapping around you, steadying you as you shake uncontrollably from all the emotions.

“Hey, ___. It’s okay, I’m here,” he whispers. “You can cry and shout and punch me if you want, just let it out. Just let it all out.”

You do all that in order - you wail, then you scream, then you pound your fists on his chest as you cry about how much it hurts, how unfair everything is, how you want to just stop feeling.

Jungkook takes it all, stopping his own tears from falling seeing you in pain like this. You’ve been dazed for weeks; even as you agreed to come home with him, all you’ve been is quiet and even more detached, sullen and void of hope. He’d wanted you to just let things out, express your pain in ways you’re able, in ways you want to.

He’d comforted someone who’d lost someone, too, and he knows how important it is to let all those emotions out, and much more, how important it is to never leave your side.

He caresses you, and you don’t pull away, gripping his shirt as if you’re holding on for dear life, and he’s glad you’re at least letting him comfort you like this.

You look up at him, tear-stained cheeks with glassy eyes and quivering lips.

“Feeling better?” He asks.

You nod in response.

“Do you want me to peel those for you?”

You shake your head no. “Please throw them away,” you whisper.

“Okay, but you need to eat something.”

You nod again.

“I’ll heat the food your parents brought, okay? You can sit outside and I’ll just call you.”

“I-it’s okay. I’ll stay here by the fireplace,” you say.

Jungkook takes out the food and heats them in the pan, constantly looking at you as you watch the flames dance around as you hug yourself on the couch.

He calls you over and the smell of pork and vegetables is mouth-watering. Jungkook gets to slicing them for you before you could even start, and you watch him do this so naturally, as if he knows just what you need. Even if you barely talk to him, he knows that you need him around.

“Thank you,” you mutter.

He smiles. It’s a soft one, and you could see the light reflect on his eyes, and you feel comforted, peaceful, even.

You have dinner in silence as you often do, and you wait for him to clean up before you both head to the bedroom and wash up one after the other.

You’re lying on your backs on the bed, watching the shadows dance on the ceiling.

“He was my best friend,” you break the silence. “I wasn’t always comfortable around people and he made me feel like I was safe around him, like I was special being normal and ordinary.”

“Go on,” Jungkook says.

“We lived in our own world, in our books, in our safe place in the meadows and the rivers,” you continue. “He was so wise, always knew what to say. He was quiet but only because he was always thinking and maybe, maybe that’s why,” you start to stammer. “Maybe that’s why he was chosen, because he’s so intelligent, so brave. You’d trust him with your life, you’d trust him to make things happen; you know he’ll always do what’s right.”

Your lips quiver as you feel the tears form again.

“I miss him so much. I miss him everyday,” you cry once more, and you instinctively turn and feel Jungkook’s arm around you again, your tears seeping through his shirt as you hold onto him tightly.

His chin rests on your head as you calm down with his hand rubbing circles on your back. You lay like this for a while, with your arm having moved to wrap it around his waist and you snuggle him closer, as if begging him to take the pain away from you. And knowing Jungkook, he probably will.

With the stillness in the room, you’re suddenly aware of his body - his tiny waist and taut back, his firm chest that you’d pounded your fists on earlier and which your head currently is resting against. You could feel his heartbeat pacing and hear his shallow breathing. With your bare legs slowly entangling with his and your hips mindlessly rubbing against his own, you feel his hardening length press against you.

You look up at him, his closed eyes and clenched jaw telling you that he’s stopping himself from something.

“Jungkook,” you whisper.

“Please don’t mind it,” he says. “I’m trying to, uh…”

He moves his hip away from yours but you pull him back to you.

He looks at you questioningly.

“Jungkook, I…”

You bite your lip and you start to pant, feeling him stiffen against you and how you both are right now reminds you of all those times you took home men and let them ravage you, take from you even if there was none of you left.

But Jungkook is your mate. He’s not just anyone. This is a man you live with, are destined to be with, are meant to be one with. Doing more will change things, and while you know at some point it’s bound to happen, you know it shouldn’t happen like this - not when you’re grieving and aching and wishing he was someone else, but the part of you that’s desperate to feel something else other than hurt overtakes you.

Your hand trails dangerously close to where he’s aching and your eyes are almost pleading, and he wants nothing more than to have you close, bare for him so he could take your pain away even for just tonight.

“Tell me what you want, ___,” he pants, as his hand moves to your waist, gripping you to try to control himself.

“I want to feel you,” you whisper. “All of you. Please, touch me, Jungkook.”

He lets out a low growl before he lays you on your back, hovering over you as his eyes trace your face. Your eyes are glassy but they’re pleading, your parted lips are quivering but they repeat the words it’s okay and take me the longer he stays staring at you.

Jungkook lowers himself, eyes on your lips as he goes, but you turn away, not willing to let this mean anything more. You see his pained look from your periphery but you don’t take your rejection back. You’re not ready for that, much as you asked him for this.

He takes another route, though, aching to build on the arousal. He places an open-mouth kiss on your exposed neck, briefly feeling you hold your breath, but he goes soft on you, and your hand that wraps around his neck and pulls the hair at its nape says you want more, so he continues.

His hot breath leaves goosebumps on its wake as he nips and licks your skin, grunting as he goes. He settles on the crook of your neck as his hardened cock presses on your clothed cunt, and he grinds against it, the friction making his head spin, causing him to just want more of you.

Your one hand moves to his waist, and he takes the hint of your attempts at pulling his shirt up, so he kneels and takes it off, blessing you with a sight you hadn’t realized was hiding underneath, his toned body a match to the kind of strength he possesses.

His fingers trace your waist, slowly moving up your torso until you remove your shirt yourself, and you don’t miss the way his eyes widen at the sight of you bare underneath him, your pert nipples and heaving chest waiting to be ravished by him.

He starts in the valley of your breasts, wet, slow kisses that move from one nipple, swirling and sucking and then moving on to the other, giving the same amount of attention as you moan in pleasure. His hands hold your waist as his mouth glides further down, kissing every part of you that’s exposed to him, as you initiate pulling down your shorts and your undergarment, and the scent of your arousal unleashes the animal in him.

He settles in between your thighs, inhaling your scent and lapping up your slick as he sucks and licks your clit, his moans creating vibrations that add to your pleasure. You’re a whining mess underneath him but you scream for more, so he brings two fingers inside your hole, hitting a spot that has you keening.

“More,” you moan. “I want more.”

He enters another finger, and this is how he prepares you for him. As he tries to put another one in, his thumb now drawing patterns on your nub, he feels your walls clench around his digits and you let out a restrained cry, your essence spilling all over his hand. He licks them off, drunk on your scent and wanting more just the same, while your chest heaves from the pleasure you haven’t felt in so long.

He kisses your quivering thighs then your hips, then your torso then your breasts as you come down from your high.

“Was that alright?” He asks, facing you again.

You nod, though that wouldn’t give it justice. It was more than alright and you know that he could do so much more with just his mouth and his fingers inside you.

You palm his clothed length to let him know what you want, and his worried look tells you that he’s afraid he’ll hurt you.

“It’s okay, I can take it,” you assure him. “I just… I just need this, please.”

He lowers his pajamas and you briefly see his cock, massive as you expected, and throbbing just like your clit is.

“Tell me when it starts to hurt, okay? I’ll stop right away.”

You know it will hurt, but it will also be good, pleasurable, numbing enough to not let you feel the other kind of pain you’re tired of feeling.

“I will,” you say, as his tip slowly enters you, the sting immediate as you feel his size take every inch of your cunt.

He grunts loudly, not hiding his own pleasure. You’re warm and tight and so good around him; he feels he can get lost in you easily.

You moan together as he goes deeper, his cock dragging inside your walls and he hits the end of it and stops, his body shivering at how well you’re taking him and how wet you are. This feels so much better than he ever thought it would.

“That’s good, Jungkook,” you pant, though you see that he’s not all the way inside.

He’s huge, and you could feel the ridges of his length glide inside you and you feel so full; it hurts but he feels so good.

“You can move now,” you tell him. “Don’t stop until I tell you to.”

He follows, starting slowly to get the hang of it, to get the hang of you and the sight of your pleasure-filled face, half-lidded eyes and parting mouth moaning yes as he thrusts in and out of you, his pace quickening as he loses himself in how you feel taking him like this.

His low, husky tones turn into restrained growls that keep getting louder the longer he goes, and you don’t seem to mind, gripping his taut arms for support as he pounds into you relentlessly. His clenched jaw keeps him at bay, and you know he’s stopping himself somehow.

“Don’t be afraid, it hurts good. Just keep going,” you mewl.

So he does, and all he could do is bury his sweat-stained head on the pillow next to your head, afraid of the temptation to mark you if he nuzzles your neck. He knows you’re not ready for that, and he doesn’t want you to feel any more pain when your body rejects it.

You tighten your hold around him, nails scratching his back, prompting him to go even harder, faster. You find refuge on his shoulder as he lifts his head, biting him to muffle your sounds of pleasure and pain.

“Fuck, yes Jungkook,” you cry out. “Yes, yes.”

You feel the tension in your belly as he continues his fervent pounding, the delicious sting of how much he’s stretching you out and his pelvis hitting your clit, adding to the pleasure. You know you’re close, something you verbalize and you instruct him to just keep going.

You can’t help the scream that escapes you once you give in and your orgasm hits again, and this prompts him to stop.

He gazes at you, sweaty and panting, as if caught in a daze with what just happened.

Your cunt clenches around him, something that he doesn’t expect, and it’s what does it for him. He pulls himself out of you in time, but ends up expelling all his cum on your torso, and you yelp in surprise.

“I’m sorry, I…” He stutters.

You watch in awe at the insane amount of it on your belly, and your eyes turn to him who’s looking guilty and worried, as if he didn’t just fuck your brains out seconds ago.

“There’s so much, I…” he stammers again, taking his shirt and covering his cock, which continues to release his seed, with it.

He looks at your bewildered state and he starts to panic.

“I’ll get a washcloth and clean you up, just stay here.”

He jumps off the bed and scurries to the bathroom with a blanket wrapped around his waist, and you can make out the scratches on his back that are healing before your eyes. He takes a while, and you’re not surprised if there’s more of his cum coming out, while you lay there stiffly with the rest of it on you.

He finally comes out and cleans you, scooping his seed into the nest of tissues he made. He takes the washcloth and uses it to wipe your joint slick from the rest of your body.

Aftercare isn’t something the men you’ve slept with ever did, so you welcome this, as Jungkook gently dries you up, eyes flitting to you for approval, which you respond to with a nod and a faint smile.

He goes back to the bathroom, scratches no longer there, and you suddenly feel bare and vulnerable.

You quickly put your clothes back on and he returns to lie next to you, with him cradling you in his arms. You feel hazy and spent and you welcome this, too, welcome this tiredness and this pleasure. It’s better than anything else you’ve been feeling.

“Thank you,” you say for the second time tonight before you slowly drift to sleep.

The pain comes and goes, you remind yourself.

It’s warm, so warm, you think, as the bit of sunlight dances through the room. You don’t remember mornings feeling like this.

That is, until you open your eyes to the sight and feel of a bare chest against you.

The memory of last night comes rushing back - the tangerines, your breakdown, dinner, another breakdown, and Jungkook’s hard length thrusting inside you as you asked for more.

It was good, and for those moments, you didn’t feel your heart hurt; for those moments, it’s like you could forget.

He grunts at the distance you create, until he realizes you’ve woken up and his eyes open to look tenderly at you.

“Are you okay?” He asks sleepily.

“I am, thank you,” you return his shy smile.

“You don’t have to keep thanking me,” he chuckles.

But you want to. Jungkook was more than good, it’s as if he knew exactly what to do, how deep or how fast to go, how hard you want it. You feel the tightness everywhere but you don’t feel as sore as you expected; he’d taken care of you, did all the work, made sure you felt good, like you thought he would.

You look up at him.

“You’ve done that before, huh? Last night was uh, it was really good, Jungkook.”

He has an unsure look on his face.

“No, that was… that was my first time.”

The shock and guilt are immediate at the thought of last night being the first time he’d ever had sex, and you’d prompted him to give in, all because you were sad and upset.

“Shit, shit,” you panic. “I took that from you. That’s not how it’s supposed to be, I—”

“Wasn’t that your first? I mean, no judgment but—”

“It wasn’t,” you sigh. “Well, it was my first time with a wolf.”

You look away and the realization dawns on him.

“Yoongi and I were waiting to be fated before we did it,” you explain.

“So was I, and well, that’s what happened.”

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook. That wasn’t right of me, I should’ve asked you first,” you say, sitting up on the bed, pulling the blanket to cover you, as if it could mask the shame you’re feeling.

“It’s okay!” He props himself up with his arm. “You’re my mate. It’s… it’s expected for us to do that.”

You cringe at this because you were in pain. It was relief, a means to cope, something you’re not exactly proud of.

Another thought enters your mind, and you immediately palm your neck to feel if the sting of his bite is there.

“I didn’t… uh, I didn’t mark you, don’t worry.”

You breathe a sigh of relief, ashamed that you did so in front of him. Bonding feels so intimate, even more than what you did last night.

You know enough of what it would mean for his kind to mark you, bond with you. It means being with him for life, for as long as possible, your own body going through changes to match his. It means continuing on with this life that you’ve found has lost its meaning all those years ago. You’re not ready for that, at least not yet.

Jungkook sensed your fear and hesitation last night when he kissed your neck, and he wouldn’t do anything you’re not ready for, and he knew you weren’t ready to be bonded with him.

He’d read the rest of your body, though - felt your heart racing, the shiver of your limbs, the hair raising on your body, the slick you produced. He could feel and smell and sense your body in all ways, that’s how he knew what to do. He may never have done this before but he knows you; that was enough to guide him on what to do.

You make out his disappointment and you don’t blame him, but this just makes you feel worse about what you’d done.

“I, uh, I have to go,” you stammer, standing up then grabbing some clothes from the closet.

Jungkook watches you head to the bathroom then out, saying you’ll just meet up with Jimin and your friends.

He can't deny the way his heart breaks a little with your departure, as he dispels the desire to lay next to you longer, maybe trace your face and feel your lips that screamed - for the first time last night - that you wanted him. He was hypnotized by your sounds and how your body spoke to him, how it ached for him, and how his did the same.

But you turned away when he tried to kiss you, became afraid at the thought of him marking you, yet your moans and how you let him continue told him you wanted it - wanted the pain and pleasure of the act.

Nothing is more important than your healing, he tells himself, and if this is how he can help, he’ll do what he needs to do to ensure that happens.

You sit down next to Jimin on the mat and eye the picnic that they quickly set up when you called earlier that you wanted to see them.

You’d dropped by your parents’ house to get some pastries that you know are always available then headed to one of the meadows that you, Jimin, Taehyung, and Mi-Rae used to frequent when you were teenagers.

“You guys were fast,” you say as you take some raspberries. “I called just an hour ago.”

“Got excited. It’s been a while since you did,” Jimin says. “You haven’t been out in so long.”

“Perhaps I know why,” Taehyung says, and you eye him suspiciously until you notice him sniffing.

“You and Jungkook have done the deed, haven’t you?”

His comment would’ve annoyed you greatly if it wasn’t for his slightly innocent look that borders a smirk.

“I forgot you could smell those things,” you sigh. “Wait, does that mean I could walk in a room full of werewolves and they’d smell that I’ve had sex with Jungkook?” You panic.

“No, we only can because we know your scent,” Mi-Rae explains. “And it isn’t this.”

“Great. I don’t need a sign on my head that says I had sex with my mate,” you scowl.

“Wait, does that mean…” Mi-Rae pushes the sweater off your shoulder to expose your neck.

“You haven’t… I mean, there’s no mark…” she trails.

“I wasn’t ready and I guess he sensed it so he didn’t,” you say, putting it as simply as you can because you don’t want to be reminded of how selfish you actually are.

“So that was what, just something like you did with the guys you slept with when you were away?” Taehyung asks incredulously, and you don’t blame him for the accusing and bitter tone of his voice but you also don’t need this right now.

“I broke down last night, okay?” You snap. “I was fine for days and then I wasn’t again and he asked what I wanted and I just… I didn’t want another night feeling like shit,” you heave. “It won’t happen again.”

“But do you know what ha—”

Mi-Rae covers Taehyung’s mouth before he says anything more, and you’re thankful that your friends at least don’t totally hate you. It is, after all, their Beta that you’re using to quell the emotions you have that you can’t seem to face properly.

“I just… I don’t know what else to do that isn’t crying or moping or wishing Yoongi was still alive,” your lips start to quiver. “It’s tiring to be sorry for myself for so long.”

You’re met with silence and you hate that you’d ruined today for all of you.

“Let’s talk about something else, can we?” You pick on your food. “I’m angry at myself enough, I can’t have you feel that towards me, too.”

You go about the rest of the day with none of the three mentioning it again, although you feel them skirting around the topic, worried about how you’d react if they bring it up again.

You all stay at the meadow for a while then watch a movie at the local theatre, then you quickly text Jungkook that you’ll be having dinner at your parents’ house. It’s later in the night when you get home to his sleeping form, and he briefly wakes up to ask if you’re okay and if you need anything. You say no and turn to your side, afraid to face him and once more see the disappointment in his eyes.

Jungkook knows you’re avoiding him.

You’d stayed out the whole day yesterday and if it wasn’t for him feeling you stare at him this morning - then you, quickly pretending to sleep when his eyes opened - he would’ve thought you’d regretted what happened. You still could; you’re more hesitant and wary than you are angry and detached, and he feels he knows why.

You’re just about to avoid him again in the kitchen when he blocks your way, his hand gently holding your arms. His head lowers to face your bowed one, prompting you to look at him.

“You don’t have to feel bad about what happened, and I know you are,” he says, his voice soft.

You look at his pleading eyes while yours are filled with the apology you can’t say.

“I agreed even if I knew what it meant for you,” he continues. “You needed someone and I’m supposed to be there for you. I wanted to be there for you. I know how sometimes, we need to feel something else other than pain. And if that’s how I can help you get through it, then, I’ll just keep being there for you. In that way.”

He knows, and he doesn’t mind.

“Jungkook…” you trail, not wanting to treat him like just some warm body to sate your needs. “That wasn’t fair to you; this isn’t fair to you. I can’t ask you to just… fulfill those needs when you and I don’t…”

Love each other, you don’t say.

He knows this, too, but he goes on.

“It was the first time you slept properly, with no bad dreams, no whimpering or crying, no tossing and turning… you seemed at peace,” he reasons.

“I was probably just tired, I mean, you’re big and your stamina is insane…” you fake a laugh.

“Maybe, but it also helped you release your anger somehow,” he shrugs. “I’m just saying, if you need more of that then, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere and I… I really want to help in whatever way I can, ___. Please let me.”

He looks sincere, shy even at the proposal, and much as you hate putting him in this position, you also know he’s right. It helped, and he’s willing. Maybe he could let out his own frustrations on you, too, but you don’t say it. Instead, you wrap your arms around his waist and hug him.

“Okay,” you say, as you feel him sigh and wrap his arms around you, too. “Thank you.”

Jungkook keeps his word.

Some days and nights are harder than others. There are still times when you’re dazed and detached, in contrast to those when you’re more engaged and active. It’s a tiring roller coaster of emotions, but during the moments when you’re haunted by a memory or you feel that stinging pain of loss, you seek him.

It’s mindless cuddles in the morning that turn sensual, as you guide his hand in places that yearn for his touch and the next thing you know, he’s turning you on your side then he enters you from behind. Thrusts are lazy but intentional, enough to keep you unfeeling for the rest of the day.

It’s sleepless nights when you’re tossing and turning, then you lay on his chest, until your hands roam his body and you find yourself on his lap, with him pulling you as he pushes inside you relentlessly. His strength is unmatched and he always leaves you spent and unable to think of anything else but your tired body and the aftermath of the pleasure coursing through your veins.

You feel terrible, but Jungkook doesn’t make you feel that way. He always holds you after, loose enough for you to pull away but you rarely do. He whispers “it’s okay” constantly, reminding you that he’s not leaving your side and he understands, and you never ask him why.

For Jungkook, resisting you is the hardest part.

Mating is customarily done on the night of the Ceremony. Given your circumstances, however, he didn’t expect that to happen; your coldness was enough of a tell that it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

It’s natural for him as a werewolf to seek his mate’s body - to protect, to hold, to make love, to breed. Whether love is present or not, the moment his kind is matched, there’s that desire to feel one with his mate in the most primitive way; it’s the animal in him.

But his other half - you - isn't wired that way. Sex may be a physiological function for humans but that’s what it is - a function. One does not need to tie it to an emotional attachment or purpose of procreation the way he needs to, and he satiates your need every time because he wants to create a connection with you, which is opposite to the reason that you choose not to kiss him - you don’t want that bond; you’re not ready for it.

He likes holding you, he likes it when you let him touch you in places that elicit the most hypnotizing sounds from you. He likes the feel of you next to him, against him, around him. The wolf in him awakens at the scent of your arousal and your soft touch and the way your body moves when you’re lost in the pleasure that he gives you. He wants to lose himself in you, make you feel more of what he can give and what he can do, but he doesn’t want to hurt you, he doesn’t want to scare you.

He’d wanted so many times to feel your lips against his, to know how else you taste like, but you cut him off like you don’t want that piece of him, that piece he’s willing to give - his broken heart. And with every shiver of your body when he gets close to your neck - the movement that tells him you fear his mark - it breaks him. But he told you he wants to be what you need, and right now, all he is, is a distraction, a band-aid solution.

He yearns for you; sometimes he thinks he just yearns for someone, someone who isn’t the one he lost, the one he also couldn’t be with. But he at least wants to try so it’s now you he wants to love. It’s tiring, being like this, doing this. It takes too much from him, and it’s not something he can replace.

But he hears you cry and he’s weak for you, because all he wants is for you to feel better, for you to forget. The mate in him wants to protect you from your pain and if this is how he can do it, then he’ll keep on doing it until there’s none of him left.

It’s ironic how you both want to forget someone you once loved by taking each other, yet he wants to give all of himself to you while you keep him at bay, limiting what he can get and what you give. He hopes he can do more, he knows he can, but you won’t let him. It seems like right now, this is all you want from him.

And as you bite your lips and scream his name as he pounds into you relentlessly after another bad day, he wants nothing more than for you to look at his eyes, to see him plead for you to want him, too, in more ways than this. He wants you to see the ache in them and let you know that he understands you, and to let that be what binds you to him, even if that’s all you want to give - your pain.

It’s been 2 months since Yoong passed.

It’s hard enough that you have to grieve the loss of a best friend; you have to do that for a lover, too. It’s too much, you think, too much for you to carry.

You hate yourself most days. You don’t love life the way you used to. You don’t recall the last time you looked at the moon and marveled at its beauty or at the sun and soaked up its rays. Birds chirp and you act like they’re nothing; the swaying of the flowers in the wind doesn't make you stop and watch.

You’re irritable, impatient, more detached than you are present. Sometimes you don’t know why Jungkook bears with you the way he does. He doesn’t leave your side and he lets you do what you want even if it’s unfair to him, even if it hurts him. Because you’ve seen it - his pleading eyes, the ones that ask you to let him in.

It’s not easy for you to do that. There’s too much resentment and loss and yearning that fill you, and his kindness sometimes just reminds you of how undeserving you are of the life you’ve always wanted, of whatever it is he’s willing to give.

You’re thankful for him, you hurt for him, but you also want to be angry at him. Why does it seem so easy for him to just keep trying?

He doesn’t know what loss is like, you think to yourself. You may be his other half as the Moon declared, but Jungkook doesn’t know what it’s like to know exactly what was lost, and to feel that hole inside you grow bigger and bigger and not be able to let it stop.

You wander around on your own today. You think you’re ready for it. You’ve known nothing but the cabin and your office and your parents’ house and you need to be somewhere new.

New, insofar as a place you haven’t been to since you left for the city those years ago. You find yourself in one of the fields that Yoongi used to take you to. He liked the sound of the river not far away; it reminded you of a soft hum of a lullaby, you’d told him.

You lay on the grass with your arms behind your head and stare up at the sky. You try to find it beautiful again. You try to bask in the feel of the sun and force yourself to listen to the birds flying by.

Then, for the briefest moment, you remember. You remember how they used to make you feel, as you trace the charms on your bracelet. They’re wonderful, soothing, captivating like they always are. And you drift to sleep at the memory of what you loved about life and wanting to just be in this moment for a while, hoping they’ll last long enough for once.

The sun has started to descend when you open your eyes, and the cool breeze and rushing sound of the river tell you enough - you’ve been asleep for a while. You know that Jungkook is bound to be worried, so you get on your feet and are about to leave, but the pull of the water feels too much. This place means so much to you and you want to say hi again, and then goodbye.

So you turn the other direction and head towards the river, a smile gracing your face at the sufficient light that lets you see the red wildflowers perched on the riverbed.

You walk towards them, wanting to pick one and dry the petals to keep in Yoongi’s locket to preserve more of his memory, of your memory.

Your sneakers help keep your feet dry but not in keeping you steady on the small rocks. You wobble your way until you’re able to reach for a flower, feeling accomplished as you admire its beauty and feel the nostalgia wash over you.

The happiness doesn’t last long, though, as you become aware of another presence in the river.

You’ve lived in these mountains for years and have always known to be wary of the wild animals that roam around. You’d luckily never come across them, and Taehyung once said that the wolves have, for centuries, done their duty of protecting the town from dangers like this.

You suddenly remember that morning you woke up not long ago, seeing Jungkook’s lacerated arm and how a bear was caught in a trap. He’d mentioned that they’ve been coming closer to the populated areas, looking for food.

It’s probably why there’s one, several meters away from you, its monstrous growl causing a shiver down your spine. You make the mistake of looking at it, the fear radiating off of you probably prompting it to move closer.

It’s huge, and it looks angry. It definitely looks hungry. You’ve never felt fear like this before, and you realize that your last-minute decision to come out here is your undoing. You don’t have an escape, but if you stay rooted on this riverbed, you might as well just be a sitting duck, waiting to be devoured.

So you do the only thing you can think of - walk back. The bear comes closer as you do, watching your every move.

Your eyes remain on the creature when it should be where you’re walking, because right as you place your foot behind you, there’s nothing to put it on. You miss a step, and your foot gets buried in the water, causing you to lose your balance and hit your head on the big rock.

You feel your shirt get soaked. The water is cold as it runs over you. You feel pain on your head and in other parts of your body. The sound of the current is loud but it doesn’t drown out the terrifying growl of the beast, getting nearer and nearer. Your vision is blurry but you still see the massive black figure come closer and closer. Your heart stops at its short, sharp teeth, with strings of saliva across them, and its large paws and deadly claws ready to snap you in half.

And then it’s gone.

A dark brown figure appears out of nowhere. There’s more growling, but howling, too. You’re scared more than anything, unable to move with your foot still stuck between rocks underwater, your arms barely able to wrap around where you’re lying with your front getting soaked. Everything hurts even more and there’s not much else to do but cry and wait for this to end, however it will.

Your mind starts to drift as your eyes flutter close, the shock overtaking your body.

It’s not long after when you feel suspended, as something takes hold of you and the wet rock you were hanging onto for dear life turns to dry and soft fur, tickling your nose. You feel the breeze on your body and you’re cold, shivering as you gather what little energy you have to hold onto this creature.

There’s more howling and more growling. You don’t know how long you feel like flying past the meadows but a familiar set of houses comes into view - hazy but there. The next thing you know, you’re being carried somewhere, and there’s buzzing, lots of chattering and panicked cries.

You try to feel yourself, what parts hurt, what parts are missing. Then you feel it. Your bracelet is gone. You try to cry but nothing comes out.

Scared, obsidian eyes are the last thing you see before yours close, and for the briefest moment, you wish it was for good.

Your eyes feel heavy when you open them. The light is blinding and you squint to try to make out where you are.

There are lanterns hanging over your head - purple and yellow, your favorite colors. There are flowers on your left and a birdhouse near the window. Not far away are bookshelves; it’s how you know you’re home. In your room. At your parents’ house.

You try to move your body to see what hurts but everything does - your head is heavy and there’s a hollowness you hear. Things are faint and you’re dizzy, but you know it’s Jimin when he enters your room.

“Hey, you’re awake,” he says in his calming voice. “Can you talk? How do you feel?”

“How long have I been out?” You groggily ask.

“Three days. You were on and off yesterday, though.”

He sits on the bed next to you. “Do you remember much?”

“They’re a bit hazy,” you mumble, turning away, the light from outside bothering you. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Concussion, a head wound, a sprained ankle,” he informs you, flicking the blinds off. “But you’re alright. Just give yourself some time.”

You nod, trying to still make sense of what happened, how you got here, how you survived.

“How did I get here?”

“Jungkook found you and took you to Amma’s to be treated, but you asked to be taken here. And you—”

The door opens and the same scared eyes you last saw are looking at you.

“You’re awake. You’re fine,” Jungkook sighs, as if comforting himself. “Are… are you—”

You reflexively move your arm away when he reaches out, unsure why you do. But the pained look in his eyes burns, and the pang in your chest aches more than you expect it to.

He saved you, as you know he would, and somehow you hate that he did.

“I… I’d like to be alone first,” you mutter.

Jungkook huffs but accepts your request, the hurt in his eyes lingering on you, but he turns around as Jimin stands from your bed.

You pull your cousin’s wrist to stop him. “Jimin, can you stay?”

From your periphery, you see Jungkook stop in his tracks but he doesn’t look back. He just walks out and gently closes the door.

You stare at the ceiling, the darkness a comforting companion tonight. Somehow it reflects what you feel inside, with the slivers of light making their way through. But the dimness of things overshadows what remaining glimmer there is.

That comfort should be your mate, Jungkook, who’s currently sleeping on the floor; the rumbling sounds escaping him are louder than usual.

You’d heard from Mi-Rae how he had you on his back, ran all the way to Amma’s, and hadn’t left your side since. He’d just gone back from the cabin to bring your clothes earlier, but even with you turning him away, he still silently entered your room and laid on the mattress, with no other words said.

You didn’t protest. You don’t really know what to say; your aversion is enough to tell him that you don’t want him around. For the briefest moment that you wanted things to end, Jungkook made sure it didn’t. He made sure you’re safe, like always; he made sure you weren’t even more hurt, like always; he made sure you’re not alone, like always.

And you have nothing to give him, nothing to give anyone, not even yourself. Yet he’s here, without fail, and you resent him for it. You needed his comfort then and he gave it and he continues to, but a part of you wishes he gives up on you, just so it’s easier to keep feeling sorry for yourself. You were already doing better, and all it took was one moment to lose all that progress.

There’s no greater pain than love lost, you read once. But what makes the pain last is that after losing that love, you start to lose everything else. That includes yourself.

Jungkook strolls mindlessly as he makes his way back to your parents’ house. He’d woken up this morning, feeling the same helplessness that’s been overtaking him since you got hurt, since you lost Yoongi, or rather, since the Ceremony when you were fated with him.

Your mother advised him to take a walk this morning, thinking it better than staying at your porch and just waiting for you to walk down the stairs and ask him to take you home like last time.

Home. Your home isn’t with him, you reminded him of that.

The first time you woke up days ago at Amma’s, your head still heavy and everything else a blur, you said you didn’t want to be there.

“Take me home,” you’d told Baram, who was tending to your head wound.

“Alright, Jungkook will bring you to the cabin and—”

“No, that’s not home. Take me home,” you’d insisted.

The words broke him in ways he didn’t expect; they still ring in his head like a bad dream that won’t go away.

He doesn’t know what else to do. You were doing better, but like what your grandfather told him one time, only you decide when you’re fine; nobody can do that for you. But what happens when you don’t want to try?

Jungkook knew you were close to giving up. His wolf had taken over that evening when you’d been gone too long and he went looking for you, the faintest heartbeat he knows is yours urging him to find you. Even from far away as he was running towards you, he could see your unmoving body, as if you were just waiting.

The beast aimed to hurt you, and Jungkook got there in time to fight it off and hoist you on his back and make the way to Amma’s to save what remains of your spirit, but it’s as if you don’t want that anymore, too.

Even now, as your parents tell him that you still refuse to eat your food and take the medicines and herbs that have been prepared for you.

He wants you to try, to live and not just survive. He wants you to believe it’s still possible. That you can do that with him.

Jungkook enters the room and sees you sitting up on your bed, back against the bed frame and arms crossed, eyes away from the food that’s in front of you.

“___, you have to eat,” he says sternly for the first time.

“I don’t feel like it.”

“You haven’t eaten for days. You need your energy back.”

He sits on the bed, prompting you to look at him, and your tired, sullen eyes with the tinge of disdain that look back at him cause him to lose all energy as well.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m fine.”

“It does, you could’ve died!” He exclaims desperately, voice loud now, his heart beating erratically at being hysterical like this towards you.

“Well, you should’ve let me!” You scream. “That would’ve been better than living with nothing to look forward to, to be happy about, no one to love. I don’t know what’s left of me, I don’t have anything more inside of me.”

Your tears flow silently, and your tired heart aches at the words you say.

“Yoongi may be gone but that doesn’t mean you should be gone with him,” Jungkook urges. “You still have your friends and your family. You… you have me.”

It’s those pleading eyes again. They’re begging for you to give him a chance, to give this a chance.

But you push the hand he reaches out away.

Because sometimes, that’s what broken people do - they hurt the ones who care for them, they hurt the ones who matter. They’d rather let the broken pieces stay that way, afraid of what they’ll become when someone tries to put them back together.

“I didn’t want this. I didn’t want you.”

You see the life drain from his face at your words, cutting him into pieces, the way you are right now.

He stands and turns away because he doesn’t want you to see him hurt.

You think he turns away because he doesn't want to see him hurt you.

“You think you’re the only one?” He asks, voice so low you almost don’t hear it.

“I didn’t want this, either. I try, everyday, because I know it’s the only way, but it’s hard to keep doing that for someone who’s not willing to give me a chance.”

He chokes back tears, a sound you’ve never heard before, and you struggle to stop yourself from crying even more.

“You don’t… you don’t know what it’s like to lose anyone, Jungkook. You can’t…” you stammer.

He sighs and takes a while to respond.

“You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone the way you did. But I also had someone I loved who loved me back, who wanted me, who saw a future with me. But the Moon decided that we weren’t meant to be.”

He turns towards you this time, and those scared, apologetic eyes hold nothing but pain, pain that you recognize.

“There’s a certain kind of hurt from seeing the person you love be taken from you, fated to another far greater, see her slowly fall in love with your brother, and watch her live a life you both thought you’d have.”

Jungkook’s voice cracks. What he’d lost is so clear, like he’d seen it just an hour ago; in fact he did.

“They’d been written in the stars long before I even existed, and I thought we were going to live this life together, but that just wasn’t our fate.”

You open your mouth to try to say something but nothing comes out.

“I’ll never know what it’s like to have someone you love pass away, ___. And I’ll always be sorry for what you had to go through. Yoongi is a memory, but I lose Jin-Ae every moment.”

You stiffen, your heart breaking for Jungkook this time at the revelation.

“She takes a piece of me everyday when I see her, hear her laugh, see her smile, see her happy knowing it’s not because of me, not anymore. Because she’s fallen in love with Namjoon, as she’s meant to, while I can’t even get my own mate to want me around.”

“Jungkook…”

“Don’t,” he turns away. “I can’t hurt any more than this.”

He walks out the door and stops at the sound of you sobbing, and it takes so much of him not to run back inside and take you in his arms and hold you until you stop, until you say you’re okay, until you smile again.

“It’s okay,” Mi-Rae tells him, sensing his desire to comfort you but knowing that would take a lot from him again.

“We’re here for her,” she continues, motioning to Taehyung and Jimin who all have heard what transpired. “Think about yourself right now. She’ll need you after this. Just give her more time.”

Jungkook only shifts into wolf form when he has to patrol and hunt. Sometimes he even does those in human form but right now, he just wants to get away.

His ability to run as fast as he can takes him to one of the mountain peaks, taking his clothes with him as he shifts back and watches the rest of the world continue on.

He didn’t mean to unload on you, and he already knows the next time he sees you, he’s going to apologize. But everything just hurt and he couldn’t hold himself back.

His cabin isn’t your home and it pains him to think this, so he went to the pack house earlier upon your mother’s urging for him to take a walk, not knowing where else to go. The sound of children squealing had caught his attention. Her children.

Jungkook hasn’t been staying there long since she’s given birth, the image of what he could’ve had was just too much for him to bear.

His eyes found her and saw the smile that once made him grateful that he could live a long life and be able to one day wake up to that. She’s happy, as she deserves. Jin-Ae was the brightest star in his sky and he protected her as if his life depended on it. Now someone else gets to do that, and Jungkook has been trying his hardest to be happy ever since.

Namjoon’s laugh cut through the squealing. Jungkook used to make fun of how low and unrefined his brother’s laughter was for an Alpha. Namjoon laughed then, teased him that he probably sounds more like an Alpha than he does.

It’s a cruel joke when he was reminded of it earlier. Sometimes Jungkook thinks how much easier it would’ve been if it was him - maybe not the Alpha, but the one who was fated to Jin-Ae. It must be good, to be with the one you love and to be loved back. He’d felt that.

But like you, the Moon decided it was not for him. What if he fought for her, what would’ve happened? What kind of life would he lead if he was with someone who wanted him just as much? Because she did at one point. But she’d moved on as she said that spring before you arrived.

Jungkook held onto Jin-Ae like an oath he wouldn’t break, afraid he’d break with it if he did. She’d given him her heart, unknowing that someone else was meant to have it, and when her identity was discovered, that was all it took for the connection to manifest, and it had been an easier time for her to get over what she thought was a love meant to last with Jungkook and move on to the love that was destined with Namjoon.

Jin-Ae barely thought of herself as anyone special, until she found out the truth about herself. Until she found out about her great love. Jungkook turned out to be just a footnote of that one.

It took months for him to recover; he took the pain and let it overtake him for just as long. But he had to keep on going, knowing that his love for her and Namjoon was too great to let it continue hurting him, to let it hurt them. So Jungkook tried hard, everyday, to let it go.

He’d seen you that night at the Ceremony for the first time since he lost a part of himself and saw your pain; he knew you’d understand what it felt like to lose someone to something far greater than you could imagine and he hoped that one day, you’d see his pain, too, something he’d never been brave enough to show others because unlike you, he didn’t want to keep feeling it, afraid it would consume him.

But you let yourself feel yours. He always thought you were brave for doing that; it shows less of you not being able to let go and more of you ensuring that you’ll always keep a part of Yoongi because he’s meant that much. Human beings are sacred like that - they let others live in them; no one ever really dies.

It’s why it hurts Jungkook the way it does to see you wither away, to let yourself go the way you are. You’re stronger than you think, and much more than what you lost. He wishes he got to tell you all this, though, and he suddenly hates himself for holding back.

He wants you to feel that joy again, even if it’s not something he’s fully seen before.

When you stayed at your parents’ place for a week after Yoongi passed, Jungkook got to know you.

Your grandfather told stories of all the times he looked after you when your parents were busy at work, and how you helped him recover parts of himself that he lost when your grandmother died. You smiled all the time, he’d said, eyes so big and bright whenever there was a new story he told. Whether it was a fairytale or a fable or a classic story of heroes, you always stayed awake and looked at him with the softest eyes.

You found beauty in everything, Jimin had said. He didn’t understand why you cooed over the sky or stopped to watch the flowers sway; he didn’t know how you could look at the same sun and the same moon and watch them glow like it’s the first time.

“You forget things are beautiful when you stop looking,” you’d told your cousin once, and Jimin knows you’d stopped looking at one point.

Baram said she always loved to tease you. She’d been the spoiled one growing up who loved to get attention while you didn’t, and she’d never tell you but your attention is what she craved most. She always wanted to be like you - warm and caring. You learned to cook because she was picky with her food, learned to sew because she didn’t like her dolls’ clothes, learned to ride a scooter so you could pick her up from school. You let her shine as bright as she does, Baram had said, and she’ll always be thankful you love her the way you do.

Taehyung and Mi-Rae took turns talking about how you’d been the one to make them realize their feelings for each other, how you prepared dinner for the 3 of you in your garden and didn’t show up, how you mirrored the best parts of them and reminded them when they’d forgotten.

Jungkook savored all those stories. He can’t say he’s surprised. He’d seen snippets of those parts of you in the months you’ve been living together, but it was as if you’re just remembering who you used to be and had forgotten that you’re still the same person; losing a big part of you doesn’t mean the rest of you is gone.

Jungkook thinks back to the times he’d seen you smile, or looked up at the sky, or savored the scent of your tea, or delightfully watched the way your marshmallows roasted in the fire when you both stayed in one snowy night and made s’mores. He wants to see more, wants to know you more, wants to hold your hand when he does.

He returns to his wolf form. He knows one way that could happen.

You let Mi-Rae’s soft fingers run through your hair and give you some sense of relief as you continue to sniff and wipe away your tears. You’ve been crying for hours, and you’re unsure if it’s because you hurt Jungkook or you despise yourself for doing that to him.

You can’t imagine what it’s like, to be reminded of your what if’s everyday in a form of a love that you thought was yours, and to see the person you love build a life with someone else that you could’ve had. You’re not comparing your pain with his; as he said, he can’t imagine what it’s like losing someone the way you did. But you could at least recognize pain caused by not being with the person you thought you were meant to be with, and this morning, you’d seen it in his eyes.

He’d been trying to hide it, you think, and you feel terrible for not noticing, for not trying, for not wondering why they always seemed so caring, so apologetic, so understanding.

“Did everyone know about them?” You ask, wondering if you’d lived too much in your own world to notice.

“It wasn’t newsflash or anything,” Mi-Rae answers. “We all knew that Jungkook was her protector and she always enjoyed hiking and exploring the forest on her own. It made her get to know herself more, she said once, since that’s where they found her.”

Interesting enough that you have that in common with Jin-ae, you think.

“But Jungkook was always quiet, just did his job and followed her around. I guess spending that much time together could make two people feel something, you know?” Your friend continues. “I mean, she was trying to get to know herself, he was trying to learn how to be a Beta… perhaps they found comfort in figuring out life together.”

You wonder if it’s still possible to figure out how to heal and move on together, too.

“But, people never talked about it? I never heard it from you guys,” you question.

“It seemed like there was something there if one paid enough attention,” Taehyung responds. “But no one really said anything; people respected them enough not to. But during that Ceremony when Jin-Ae and Namjoon were fated, you could tell something was off. Jungkook left the pack house to build his own cabin in the mountain the next day, and he just said it helps with patrols. We rarely saw him after that.”

You take this all in. You wouldn’t have known. You stopped paying attention a long time ago. Even before Yoongi left, you sought beauty in things more than you did in people, in your own relationships and not others’. You were content with what you had, with who was around.

Yoongi was the same and you basked in that ordinariness. Just two people living - that was enough. Jungkook probably felt that, too, until the love he wanted for himself was taken away, just like you.

“All this time I kept thinking he’s just been blindly believing in all this, you know?” You sigh. “Like, there’s a role he has to play and he’ll keep pretending there’s something there when there isn’t. And I just hated how easy it seemed for him to believe in all this, to believe in me, in us.”

“It’s the only thing he could do, ___,” Jimin chimes in. “When you lose the one thing you believe in, you have to start believing in something else again. It’s kind of a survival thing, I guess, otherwise you’re just lost.”

“But what if this new thing you believe in doesn’t want to believe in you?” You utter the words, painful as they come out of your mouth, knowing it’s what Jungkook is feeling.

“Then you’re just hurt. And all alone. Who wants to live a life like that?”

Jungkook doesn’t come to your room that night nor the next. Baram says he’s just making up for the patrol duties he’s missed and observing a lone wolf that someone spotted nearby.

You know this isn’t the whole truth though. You shouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t want to see you right now. You’d pierced a hole in his heart that wasn’t even done healing from another wound; you’d resent yourself, too, if you were him.

It’s 3 days later when you ask Mi-Rae and Taehyung to drive you back to the cabin. You’re still recovering from a concussion but your head wound is healing and your ankle is doing better. You think staying home will just make you more anxious, especially without Jungkook visiting. You realize aside from when you were unconscious, this is the longest you’ve not seen him.

You don’t miss the slight emptiness you feel at the thought.

You enter and see that the bed is made. You go to the living room and see a pillow on the couch and Jungkook’s wolf bed by the fireplace, and you know he’d been sleeping here and not in the bedroom.

“You sure you’ll be alright?” Taehyung asks as he drops your bag on the floor.

“Yeah, I’ll just, uh, I’ll just wait for Jungkook,” you manage a smile.

“Okay. No moving around and heavy lifting, okay?” Mi-Rae hugs you. “Call when you need anything. Sorry we can’t stay any longer.”

“I will, and don’t worry. You have family duties. Go on now,” you affectionately push your friends out the door. “Bye!”

You stay in bed and try to get some rest, hoping that when you wake up, Jungkook is back home, but try as you might, you can’t seem to calm down.

You’re restless. You pace back and forth in the room and try to find something to clean to get time moving but there’s nothing to do; everything is as they should be. You stay outside but the breeze is too cool for the afternoon, so you settle on the couch and just wait.

It’s sunset by the time you decide to start preparing dinner, and you hope this could take your mind off things, make you feel capable again. A part of you hopes he’ll catch the scent and just come home.

But it’s another 2 hours of waiting. You’ve left the stew on the stove, and you grip your cup of tea and wait at the dining table when you hear the door open.

His eyes widen at the sight of you, turning to the kitchen, then back at you.

“You’re back,” he tries not to sound surprised. “And you cooked,” he now sighs. “You should be resting, ___.”

“So should you,” you reply, trying not to sound like you’re nagging. “You’ve been out all day. Where have you been?”

“I don’t ask you that when you’re out all day,” he says softly.

You deserve that, you know, and you try to hide the effect of his words on you.

“How did you know I was at the river?” You ask, thinking back to how far out you were that day and how Jungkook was able to find you.

“I can smell you from miles away, ___. You’re still my mate even if you don’t acknowledge it.”

This causes a pang on your chest but you let it.

“So… did you go on a hunt?” You change the topic.

“Yeah, for this.”

He places your bracelet on the table, and you can make out some scratches on the charms but they’re complete, it’s intact, and suddenly you feel like crying. You thought you’d lost this, afraid that it was a sign that you’re losing Yoongi for good. It’s one of the reasons why you were so angry. You went there to reminisce, not to lose him even more.

“You found it. How did you—”

“You weren’t wearing it, and you never go without it,” Jungkook mumbles, turning away. “I figured you dropped it somewhere. It was stuck on the flowerbed. It’s a good thing it didn’t float away.”

“You spent all day looking for it?”

“Days. I traced the entire trip.”

You feel your lips quiver at the thought of Jungkook spending the last few days looking for this, while you spent all of it worried and feeling sorry and upset that he hadn’t come see you.

“You didn’t have to, Jungkook.”

You’re right, he didn’t have to, but he’d seen it missing when he took you to your parents’ and he knew you were going to be devastated if you lost it. You kept holding onto your wrist reflexively even when you were asleep and after he’d run to the mountain, he just knew he had to find it.

He had a piece of Jin-Ae, too. It was a necklace she’d given when he turned 18, and he never took it off, until that day when he decided he had no choice but to let her go, and he threw it in a river and watched it float away.

He had to, otherwise he’d just keep living with his biggest what if, and he knew he couldn’t keep doing that. It’s different with you, though. Yoongi’s gone, and it’s more than the loss of love that you mourn, it’s the loss of him.

“It’s a piece of Yoongi,” he says. “And he’s a big part of you. You can’t lose anymore. I can’t… I can’t let you.”

You can’t stop the tears that fall. Despite the hurt that Jungkook went through, despite the hurt you caused him, he wanted to make sure you didn’t have to go through any more. You’ve been in pain and so has he. Your heart aches at the memory, while his heart aches at the present, yet he still chooses you, chooses to protect you and be with you.

He wipes your cheeks, stained with all the words you can’t say, but still, you try.

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook.”

“It’s okay, ___. And I’m sorry, too.”

He takes you in his arms and hugs you, knowing it’s all he can do for now. You’re back and you’re safe and with everything that’s happened, he can’t ask for anything more. This is enough, he thinks, as your arms wrap around his body. He’ll hope for you to try with him again another time.

A week passes and you feel like your old self again - physically, at least. That has much to do with Jungkook doing his best, as always, to take care of you. Even if the first night when you got back was a lot harder than you expected - with Jungkook spending the entire night with his back turned towards you - things got somewhat better after.

He’d wake up around the same time as you, sometimes a little later, and while you get ready for work, he prepares your breakfast and packs you lunch so you won’t have to go out to buy it. You insisted that you could ride your scooter, and it took a lot of back-and-forth before he agreed, but you’d come home to dinner and hot water for your bath.

He’d ice your ankle, dress your wound, and make sure you take your medicines. You’d woken up a few mornings with his arm on your waist and some distance between you, and neither of you minded. You’d gone about your days, had shallow talk about how they went, and mostly continued on in silence.

You try not to mind, as he often goes to bed right after, prompting you to lay next to him and take another few hours before you fall asleep. You’re often on your sides though, or on your backs, but not facing each other. There’s too much that happened for that kind of closeness again, you think.

With your renewed energy, you decide to bake your walnut pies. You hadn’t visited Amma since that day you got injured, and you’d been wanting to send her something as a thank you for taking care of you.

Jungkook had left for work, you assume, as he’d missed a lot of days. You take the trip to Amma’s in your scooter and enter the residence, always amused at it never being empty. It’s just a large space where people come together, any time of day, but it’s not hard to spot her; she’s always just there, talking with everyone.

“___, sweetie,” she spots and approaches you. “You look well. I’m glad you’re doing better.” Her hug is deep, warm, like always.

She takes the pie and walks you to the kitchen.

“This smells wonderful. Your grandfather’s recipe, isn’t it? More like, your great great grandfather’s,” she smiles, taking a bite. “It’s pretty amazing how it’s always tasted this good.”

You laugh, being reminded of her age.

“I just wanted to thank you and everyone who helped me that day. I don’t know what would’ve happened if, uh…”

“If Jungkook hadn’t found you,” she finishes.

“And if you hadn’t helped me,” you continue.

“Well, everyone here was pretty distressed at the sight of Jungkook being hysterical. They’ve never seen the Beta with that much emotion.”

You smile, unable to imagine Jungkook being frantic.

“You worried him a lot, you know?”

“I do,” you hum. “I don’t really know how to repay him.”

“You can start by trying. Or trying again,” she advises. “That boy has always carried the world on his shoulders and I don’t know how to make him slow down. Maybe he’ll listen to you.”

“I don’t know about that,” you mumble. “All I’ve done is hurt him. I don’t really know how to comfort him or something. He seems to be the only one doing that between us.”

“You’ll learn how to. Or he’ll tell you. Either way, as long as you’re ready, you’ll know.”

Somehow it seems like the most useless yet most striking advice that Amma could give you, but you nod as if you understand what she meant, then follow her out in the living room where she offers the pie to the others.

It’s the people flocking to where you are that’s your cue to leave, and you tell her you’ll just wander out in the garden and pick some flowers. She gives you another hug and you step out, feeling as if you hadn’t been here in so long, apart from being brought here unconscious and learning about what happened to Yoongi.

You continue walking, smiling at the birds chirping, and then at the sight of the pond that you used to run to when you were little.

Your smile falls, however, at the sight of Jungkook’s sullen eyes as he stares out at the water. You’re about to walk towards him when another presence appears, and you don’t miss the way your heart cracks a little when you see Jin-Ae walk towards him, and he turns around to look at her.

There’s distance between them but you see the familiarity in how they speak to each other. But even more is the comfort in her eyes, and you imagine her voice, too, and you see Jungkook’s lips turn up a little, and perhaps that is what hurts more. You realize you don’t really know how to make him smile, or to comfort him, or to make him feel better.

It feels too intimate, as if you’re intruding, so you leave and find your way back. There’s not much to do at the cabin so you decide to stay here for a while and wander around. There’s a lot of space to just sit and admire the large trees and beds of flowers here.

Time passes and you’re near one of the smaller ponds where baby ducks are cooling off when Jin-Ae sits next to you, and you suddenly feel self-conscious, not because she’s your Luna, but because she’s Jungkook’s first love.

“It’s nice seeing you here,” she starts. “There’s a lot of things to marvel at here, you know? It’d be great to see you around more.”

“Just felt like I needed a change of scenery, I guess,” you hum.

The silence should be unnerving, but her strength as a Luna is in her calming presence, in her gentleness that you can’t help but feel even if she’s not doing or saying anything. You don’t blame Jungkook for falling in love with someone like her. She’s kind and warm and definitely nothing like you.

“Jungkook is one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, ___,” she finally says, as if she’s been trying to hold back these words for a while, perhaps afraid of what they might imply. “He’s incredibly loving and he deserves the world. It hurts me to see him feel like he doesn’t.”

“I haven’t been good to him,” you respond, the guilt weighing on you again.

“You’ve gone through a lot, ___. It’s too much for one person to bear. But maybe that’s why he’s there, don’t you think?”

You have me, he told you once. In fact, he shows you everyday.

“Do you remember Uncle Geun? One of the caretakers here?”

You nod, recalling when Master Geun, as he was known, died almost a decade ago. The whole town visited. Everybody loved him. He tended to the gardens and always had a smile on his face.

“He was the one who found me in the forest when I was left there. I guess it’s why I got so close to him, and it was really hard when he passed because it was so sudden. I didn’t get to say goodbye,” she sighs.

“But during that time, Jungkook stood by me and never wavered. Even if it hurt him, too, because he’d gotten close to Uncle as well. He knew it hurt me more, and he made sure I never felt that I was alone.”

It’s such a Jungkook thing to do, you think. You don’t blame her for falling in love with him, too.

“Jungkook has spent his life looking out for others. And not just the town but the people he cares about. Me, at one point, and now you,” she smiles. “He’s always been our strength and I really don’t know where he gets his from.”

Her smile is pleading but kind as she continues. “I hope one day he can get it from you.”

The moon sits gently in the sky, providing Jungkook and a few others just the right amount of light to attack their last prey of the evening before they call it a night. The kill is quick, and he howls in gratitude to the Moon before shifting back to human form and strolling to the house to feed the rest of the pack.

He lets the breeze cool him down, as his mind goes back to earlier in the afternoon when he’d been at the house and his heart stopped when Jin-Ae approached him. She hadn’t done that since the Ceremony where she was fated, and he always thought it had everything to do with Namjoon. Not only is he the Alpha but he’s her mate, and Jungkook just happened to be the man who loved her before Namjoon did. He understands how that might look.

“Is it okay if we talk?” She’d asked then. “Namjoon asked me to, so you don’t have to worry.”

Jungkook nodded and told her to meet him at the pond by Amma’s place, and he hadn’t been waiting long when she arrived.

“He’s worried about you,” Jin-Ae said. “He noticed you haven’t been looking well, and I agree.”

“He’s my Alpha. Shouldn’t he be the one telling me this?”

“Believe it or not, he’s unsure how to. He knows he’s not exactly the comforting type,” she grinned.

“At least he’s self-aware,” Jungkook faintly smiled.

“It’s about her, isn’t it?”

The drop of his face said enough, but he didn’t want to say more. It’s a little complicated, but even if it should feel uncomfortable that it’s her asking him about his mate when there’s so much history between them, somehow Jungkook didn’t feel too bothered. She knew him very well at one point, he reminded himself.

“I’m okay. I’ll figure it out,” Jungkook had said then. “Tell Namjoon he doesn’t have to keep worrying. I’ve lasted this long. There’s really nowhere else to go but forward.”

“I know,” she replied, and those two words felt too heavy. Too empathetic even, because she does know. She’s done it.

“I’m glad you’re happy, Jin-Ae,” Jungkook said, the first time since.

“I am. It hurts me that you aren’t.”

Her words cut deep, but he meant it when he replied. “I’m trying.”

“I know you are, but it will make sense to her one day,” she’d comforted. “Just hang on a little more.”

The words felt empty, even for her, but he’d tried to believe in it for his sake. And for yours.

The conversation plays again in Jungkook’s mind, and as he sees the light from the pack house, he knows they’re near. But a familiar sound catches his attention, and it's not long before Jungkook sees it.

Big and black and probably hungry. Jungkook growls and shifts again. He glares at the bear with a scratch across its eye that he caused and he knows it’s the one that almost attacked you, then Jungkook sees red.

You wait in the kitchen with a pan of chicken waiting to be cooked. Amma gave it to you before you left her house and you decided to have it for dinner tonight. Jungkook had messaged that he’ll just go on a quick hunt and that he’d be home soon, but it’s taking longer than usual. You think maybe there’s not enough light from the moon, and you make a cup of tea and wait in the kitchen a little more.

Your mind wanders elsewhere, and you don’t even recall what you were thinking when you suddenly drop the cup and you yelp in surprise at the sound of it breaking. You start to clean and shriek again when your phone rings.

A panicked Mi-Rae cuts off your greeting. “Are you at the cabin?”

“Yes. Why do you sound like that? Is everything—”

“Okay, stay there. Taehyung is on his way.”

You hear distressed voices in the background and you feel your heart drop.

“Jungkook went on a hunt, ___. But he fell over a cliff.”

“He what?!”

“He fell and he’s unconscious. He’s barely breathing.”

Things feel hazy and all too familiar.

“Taehyung should be there, come quick.” Then the call ends.

You hear howling right outside and you run towards the door. You see Taehyung, urging you with his wails to get on his back so he could take you to where Jungkook is.

The night breeze suddenly feels colder, and as your friend charges downhill, all you could think of is that you don’t want to lose Jungkook, too.

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