#I just wanted to fully express myself
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I THINK that when it comes to ongoing narratives, things tend to happen that may feel unsatisfying, but that’s like. part of the tragedy. I think that when it came to the fight between monarch and ladybug, with chat noir trapped far far away and having given his miraculous to her to prevent any damage he could’ve done with it — there’s two active tragedies going on here. one, being that chat noir could not confront monarch in a final battle, the villain he’s been fighting for months, nor does he find out that this villain has been his father the entire time. the second one isn’t immediately apparent, but it’s the fact that ladybug HAD to fight it on her own. as it stands, she might currently THINK she won. that even though a wish was made, she managed to get through to gabe and he made a GOOD wish. to an extent, she might even be relieved that he did. because realistically, what could she have done to save adrien’s fate? she WATCHED natalie die, she saw gabriel throw up soot from his rotting body — what hope did either of them have? how relieved must she have felt when she saw natalie walking out in the pink of health, giving adrien a tight hug when all of it was over? but we know that wishes have consequences no matter how noble, and she’ll realize it too, and it’ll eat her alive. she’ll start questioning everything — her supposed victory, the sincerity of gabriel’s wish, letting everyone believe he was a hero, letting anyone at all believe that the world was saved. and adrien would get unsettled more and more as the dust settles. the resentment for his father that still lingers combating the guilt of knowing he ‘saved the world’, the feeling that everything in the world is perfect, perfectly happy, but him. the questions he asks that ladybug dodges or answers in ways that feel like lies, the odd sense that his girlfriend marinette is hiding something too, unsettled by something too
there’s a lot of directions they can take based on the displacement of the usual fighting dynamic that happened in the s5 finale, is what I’m saying. THAT BEING SAID as a standalone episode because of the hole that was ripped in the dynamic it absolutely can fall flat for anyone watching, seem less entertaining, etc. and that happens! but bc it’s not the series finale sometimes things feeling awful and bad and tragic are important to keep the motor running
#text#miraculous ladybug#ml s5 finale#I’m saying this but I also have Anna’s post queued#bc it’s funny and I contain multitudes#I just wanted to fully express myself
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Only 5% of college students with ADHD graduate. A statistic that's disheartening on my good days and terrifying on my bad ones. Still, I know that I (and many others!) have so, so much to offer in my field of work once I get past all the hurdles of getting a higher education.
Hang in there, fellow ADHD students, I see you and I love you.
#art#adhd#comic#fully embracing the bad drawing style at this point because we're working on Finishing instead of Perfecting#(and also I'm not an artist. so.)#idk if this reaches anyone but I drew this to pull myself out of my head when it comes to school funk and maybe it'll help someone else?#anywho turns out that I LOVE drawing actually because it's the only creative expression where I don't feel like it has to be Good#it can just Be#(because I'm still a beginner and I have no expectations of myself)#I hope I never get better because I don't want this to become the way writing has become#original art#bad comic#bad art#but said with love!!!!!
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Khem meet Wichien for the first time
- Mansuang (2023)
#mansuang#man suang#mansuang edit#mansuangedit#filmedit#moviegifs#apo nattawin#khem#khem x wichien#don't mind me just amusing myself with copious amounts of staring at the pretty boy#honestly ok listen i'm going to go off my nut in a minute#because Apo's emotional expressions in this entire movie have got me by the fucking throat#I want to dissect each and every frame he's in#just to suffer#but also because there's an entire ANTHOLOGY in the microexpressions I KNOW IT#there's so much MORE to Khem than the movie got to show us#he's a complicated and traumatised yet resilient and resourceful motherfucker#he's thinking and feeling SO MUCH that we never get to fully understand#i want to pin him under a microscope and study him like a bug
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MAN.
#bnha spoilers#a had no delusions abt her being alive before but saying it out right is differenttt#i just really liked himiko she was my favourite for many many reasons but mostly bc i loved how she reminded me of myself in a weird way#like in a cathartic way idk#she was also taught that her love was like a terrible unnatural evil thing#that should never be seen or expressed#and she never fully realized her capability to love until she finally let herself indulge in it#and thats the thing how she LET herself#and how she wanted to live her life exactly the way she wanted so bad that she didn't care that none of them would love her for it#because she wanted to be free ☹️#and the fact that even after all of that rejection and loathing she still found a place for herself where there was people#who LOVED her and and CARED about her and then eventually ochako who wanted to save her#and it still proves everyone else wrong about himiko#because himiko never had to change or hide those fundamental things about herself to be loved in the end#and i hate that she died#i really do#but her narration of her death scene really hit me bc she's RIGHT#she lived her life exactly the way she wanted to and never got chained down again#and she had people who knew everything she was and loved her not in spite of it#and she's a normal girl#and so am i#UGGGHHUUJHH anyways just wanted to talk i love that girl rip himiko
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Fellas can you take this somewhere else. Maybe. Just not in the fucking halls. Thanks 🫡
I couldn't resist drawing out these tags I wrote on a dif post LMFAO
Moe just has...... SO many problems.......
Close-ups of my fave shots!
The elusive Líf...
#fire emblem#feh#i'm like. split between feeling proud of this and feeling So Over It LMFAOOOOOOO#which is why. lighting could be better. but i don't care enough to put in more work than i already have LMFAOO#LIKE... ONE COOL PART is this could be my first fully colored comic piece w completely original dialogue???#where like. i didn't quit at any point of it. EXCEPT. skimping on the backgrounds. but again. more effort than i'm willing to put in#but i think it still counts bc my only real plan was to have the askr pillars/walls as framing/backdrops#ALSO the characterization... in the panel where lif walks into frame. it's SO fun to me#they both look at lif. but moe is Not subtle about it. looking directly at him. while alfonse side-eyes him.#and the most IMPORTANT detail. is that alfonse and lif are making the same kind of face. like 🤨#there is SO MUCH POTENTIAL. in alfonse and lif sharing facial expressions. in having the same knee-jerk reactions to things.#and it's espppp fun to figure out bc you're only working w half of lif's face. it's all in the eyes/brows and SOMETIMES!#SOMETIMES!!!! it's in the nose! in this illust he is more relaxed/resting so you don't see it here#but i'm TELLING you. adding some scrunch to the nose can add soooo much expression-wise#this took longer than i expected it to. also. which is why i'm so over it LMFAOO#but i do think the extra time was worth it... first run of the last panel was too lighthearted/jokey#capturing some conflict between moe/alfonse was the right choice. in how intensely this starts off (tonally)#AND! in showing how they do butt heads at times. in fact sometimes they clash REALLY badly!!!!#which is actually so huge bc i've wanted to capture this since the beginning. how they're so similar but also so opposite#that a lot of times! they understand each other deeply and cover each other's basis. HOWEVER.....#other times. it's just catastrophic. like it isn't That intense here but you can probably see how it goes horribly wrong.#i am... always thinking about it.... and only occasionally stressing myself out about it LMFAOOO#fe alfonse#fe lif#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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This is Herbert West about to experiment on Jeffrey Combs. The concept originally came from @heliojip on here. He hasn't released his image yet though.
I had begun jokingly brainstorming how Jeffrey Combs would react if he was transported into the Reanimator universe and met Herbert. I think he'd escape with his knowledge of how horror movies work and how to act if you wanna be the survivor, and then go eat some keebler fudge magic middles (discontinued). Then Herbert would find him and Jeffrey would have to make up a reason why they look so similar, and he'd tell him that he was his REAL biological dad; the sperm donor to his actually adoptive father. Anyways if you want more of this headcanon tell me, it was fun
#herbert west#jeffrey combs#tell me if i should tag this in any specific way#reanimator#re-animator#tell me your ideas for how theyd interact too if you want#but a contingency in my mind is that jeffrey acts very normal. its a good contrast to herbert and a way to avoid making this weird#unless its already weird. write to me your thoughts!#i used 4 ref images to get this right. im glad i put in the effort#the surgical table doesnt fully follow the ref image but whatever. i still think it looks really good#i shouldve timed myself!! i usually do darn.#i am MOST proud of their faces/facial expressions/likenesses#herb still looks like herb even tho i exaggerated his mouth and nose#just a little but i also wanted to draw relatively realistically#its kinda fun#you have more lines to make a person look like themselves#and of course i love drawing weird perspectives#i also like the lines of the way i drew their hair. especially jeffrey's#dunno how to elaborate on that tho#tell me exactly your thoughts. critique is welcome
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Yeah. Man. I'm just sitting here remembering I've been doing this my entire life. I feel like there was a patch I wasn't, part of the teen years, and that's either I've forgotten because trauma orrrr something else but
No wonder I've never felt anchored on this plane. But it doesn't matter, well, no, it matters a lot, but this life is just constantly isolating in how it works so I will keep the talk of not fitting in here and what being weirdly one got in one foot out has done to talking to myself lmfao but... I remember. I remember being in the garden as a really young child and I'm not a young child. I'm this chimaeric fairy-type thing of swirling and bulging colours like a psychedelic faceted-insect-eye's led trip, four or more wings of different types that are again, so ungrounded, so psychedelic, vivid. Not uncertain. Not half-formed. Fully formed, the starbeing in me just barely contained in the shape of the human-pretending-to-be-a-fae it's pretending to be
I remember so much, actually, and it's. it's just weirdly melancholic....? Maybe not melancholic, but it's so sad and I don't know why. Actually. I mean I've been trying to piece it together for like twenty minutes now but... People get a little irritated at me for being very "you don't understand and no one sees me" but like. I have lived an entire life walkinv streets where no one sees me. It's very complicated, there's. mental health stuff in there because of course I've come across a lot of spirits but I have bad issues seeing people as real but like. Man yeah no I am a snail and one part of me can be physically seen but the other has always been on the other side
#There's a lot to this that I just don't want to get into because it's no ones business irt mental health issues influencing#isolation and then trauma and stuff. It's not a matter of ''I was involved in astral stuff and no one else in the world Ever has been''#lmfao like it's just that. Astral self is still me and man. Idk. Realising these past few years constantly the Trauma(tm)#And it makes so many physical events now make sense where like I felt like I could (do astral stuff) and#Man. It's just. There's so much melancholic distance in these astral memories kept behing the Mask Face expression#it really is like. you ever have to leave someone at a bus stop or airport and you're not sure you'll ever see them again#It's this weird heavy and distinct feeling looking at myself like this astral body is a family dog I've just left in#à forest at night and I'm driving away from them and they just know. It's not like Tears Flowing sad it's this. the entire form#just swallows existence. It just is eternally falling away from the world and swallowing it as it goes#It's not a dog left at the roadside its the goddamn ghost of one left years ago. You see it and you aren't sad about leaving your#dog you're like wow. That dogs still here. I don't know what to do. It's image is burned into my retina. It's looking at me#I can see it getting further away in the rear view mirror and no one would ever believe me I'm seeing a ghost so this moment#is etched into my mind now. Except. The memory fades anyway when you look away. It's so like....... It's not even sad#It's just a ghost. I was worried about connecting astral and physical bodies and starting this journey to projection#fully consciously because I knew there'd be a lot of Trauma but this isn't even trauma it's just... My god. I've existed my#entire life as a ghost. like. /ghost/ ghost. Ghost. haunting my own existence. And it's again not just sad it's this weird...#I feel like I've only ever been able to exist off this plane. I exist in this liminal state I exist most freely when unwanted#Not because I need to be unwanted but because what I am freaks people out#Yeah that. vision. that vision of my astral form in this weird obscure unplaceable large animal with a blurred#mask like face in the headlights or tail lights of a car - it's hard to know because it warps reality. I don't know what direction#I'm travelling. I don't know what this thing is. but it's on this forest-flanked road in these lights and it's looking and#there's no one around that can elucdiate the situation and............. Yeah. Man. Yeah.#ramblings //#Astral body //#Astral diary //
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I had seen it was simblr gratitude day(?) and wanted to make a little post before I went to bed :3
I wish I could tag everyone, but I’d be here forever and fearing I forgot anyone. Maybe that sounds like an excuse but I for real wish I could tag everyone I follow, especially mutuals.
I just want everyone to know, no matter how present I am or not at a time, I truly do appreciate everyone I have ever interacted with in any way! It’s been a ride for sure, but I love the creativity that flourishes in this community and am in awe everyday. I count myself lucky to have encountered the number of wonderful people I have in this lifetime, you have each had an impact and I cherish it.
Whether we’ve known each other for awhile now or have only recently begun to interact, I am grateful for your existence crossing mine and look forward to more interactions 💖
Thank you, happy holidays, take care of yourselves!!
#txt post#:D#I got tagged like two times and that’s only reason I knew about this lol#shoutout to raiiny and deen hehe#I wanted to try tagging everyone#but it’s happened before where I’ve realized I forgot someone in tagging#and I don’t want a repeat😭😭#it’s never on purpose tho#everyone is awesome and just I have so much warmth for you all#I’m not even fully sure I could express myself fully in words here#but I made an attempt#goodnight and until next time xb
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@ last two reblogs I'd like someone to portray neuvillette and freminet together, ship or no ship. it would be really interesting to see their platonic interactions too—the joke/fluff posts about otter + penguin don't cut it lol I need the deep psychoanalysis rn
#idk theyre just neat. freminet's sense of self is interesting. i feel like it would interact in a [cool] way with neuvillette's hinted feeli#feelings about that#[cool] is in brackets because i wanted to put 'interesting' instead but i wouldve used it twice in a sentence. and so i tried for a synonym#that doesn't really have the connotation i wanted#mr 'i find it difficult to express my emotions because i do not fully understand myself' vs 'freminet began to see himself as an unfeeling#clockwork toy'. neat i think they should meet yknow#freminet#neuvillette#ramblings!
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the probably cis-privileged wonderment of how people know that they're trans or nonbinary or genderfluid or generally anything other that what they were assigned at birth
the following lowkey panic of how do people know they are exactly what they were assigned at birth
like what does gender feel like? how do people know? is my years-old "call me whatever pronouns you wish, i don't care" actually more than just me not giving a fuck?
the somewhat natural (?) next step of "wtf even is womanhood" like what is it? if we dismantle the traditional gender roles, on the basis that those are a cage designed to oppress everyone, what does it mean to be a woman, or a man, so that you can judge whether you're either or neither or both?
like if we exclude the societal negative effects of being a woman, on the basis that the goal is absolute equality between all genders and suffering is not a fun or healthy identifier, then gender-wise, what's left to being a woman that is excluded from being a man?
because it's not the things you do. it's also not the things you like. it's not what you're good at. it's not your job, it's not who you fancy, it's not how you dress, it's not how you behave, it's not how you carry yourself, and it's not how you think. i know what all it was, traditionally, but as we dismantle toxic masculinity, do we not dismantle everything else?
and so finally, if gender is none of those things, then, according to my logic, it must only be how you feel - so again, what on earth does gender feel like?????????
basically, is my cis-brain overthinking this whilst being incapable of empathising (if yes, a horror, how do i learn?), or is this a sign of a budding identity crisis (and can i just skip it then?) ?
#this has been bothering me a lot lately#like i know i'm not going to have a crisis#i don't care about my gender enough to make anything of it#but i'd just like to know if this is a universal cis-experience or not#it will not change my life in any tangible way#it can only give me peace of mind#i also asked my husband#and he also couldnt relate to the feeling of having a gender#naturally i dismissed him as possibly being another outlier because i married him#he's never expresses an ounce of toxic masculinity and it's one of the things that drew me to him#thus it would check out that he too is far enough from traditional gender roles to feel any type of way about gender#but also#it's still possible we're just both cis and this is how it feels like#writing about this feels like stepping dangerously close to terf-territory#i want it known i fully support the gender-identity of anyone and everyone#one can easily support things one cant relate to#i'm only having doubts of my own ability to relate to the existence of gender within myself#and a little bit within my husband even if i have no business doing so 👀#ramblings
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The Dying Star
Additional chapter, Ray-centric character study, Episode 10 (when Ray's father reveals him that he was wrong in his thoughts, Ray gets self deprecating once again - oh that moment when he sits at the table, ouch)
Sand begged Ray not to burn him as he kissed the surface of him – why nobody warned him not to get close to the sun? Why cannot Ray stop clinging to Sand every time, knowing he gives him nothing but tormented skin and scars for life?
#ray is such a source for poetry about broken people#i don't think i fully did justice to what he was going through after that moment but#i had some thoughts and metaphors and wanted to express them#and well if I'm not going to write down what i think about when I'm trying to fall asleep#i will not remember the phrases later and will regret losing them so#might as well write them down on ao3#so what if a couple of sentences in notes turned into >1k words?#i cannot control myself writing just like ray cannot stop going to sand#ofts#only friends the series#only friends#ofts ray#ray#sandray#raysand#only friends ray#ofts fanfic#dropthefanfic#my works#fanfic#dropthefanfic ofts
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growing up as a child with severe hallucinations was wild.. the whole time you're becoming a person and adjusting to reality and learning how the world works but you're thrown a secret curveball that no one else knows about or can warn you about because no one else can see it happening. and should you express any signs of genuine distress or confusion over something imaginary, it's called "over active imagination" or "imaginary friends" and its all cute to adults until theyre losing sleep at night because the kid is too scared to sleep alone- but even sleeping between mom and dad still doesnt feel safe because every night feels like a horror movie where only you can see the monsters that want you dead. but its not real! and you have to listen to mom and dad when they say that! but they dont get it! no one ever gets it! it doesnt go away when you close your eyes! the visions get horrific and grotesque even by adult standards but no one listens! just go back to bed it was just a nightmare :) but the truth was you never fall asleep first.
#and its even worse like. expressing these things as an older child too#having adults be like 'oh i believe you!' and you feel relief finally#only to have that adult say 'youre being haunted by spirits!'#like you have no idea how damaging that was to hear as a young schizophrenic#i genuinely believed i was haunted. i genuinely believed evil spirits wanted to kill me via dreams#i fully believed that was real and possible and happening!#im lucky ive grounded myself as an adult but i still struggle with#the most random delusions. hallucinations of voices and sometimes figures#im lucky i can tell when its real and when its not. when it cant be.#but for how long? how long do i have before i cant help but believe its real?#and i know in this post im mostly talking about the night terror aspect#but it gets so frustrating when people just reduce it down to just that too#like these didnt only exist at night- thats just when it was scary#broad daylight with a clear head its easier to be like- oh that just isnt scary#and as i'd get older i had to train myself to just not react and ignore things that genuinely scared me#i think thats why i liked horror movies so much as a kid.#dont even bother me the type shit i got goin on.#probably didnt help tho..
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*starts drafting a rant on tumblr dot com* *writes a few hundred words* *is overcome by lethargy and omg doesn't sleeping sound so much more fun than this because im never going to get everything i want to express down and it's gonna feel forever incomplete* *lets it rot in my drafts forever and ever*
#liveblogging.pdf#i am a sleepy first and foremost above everything#but yeah just did the thing again#my drafts are a hellscape#so many incomplete rants in there i appreciate people who can consistently write full on rants#i adore reading rants but theyre so much work. critiquing and being a hater is so much work#because you have to be so careful about not accidentally including/excluding some harmless thing you didnt want to target#i mean dont get me wrong ive posted a few of them too#they usually get like 2 notes lol but its more for myself i like having it written down somewhere so im not overwhelmed when someone inevi#- tably asks my thoughts on a topic#and its frustrating stewing in my annoyance#but yeah anyway#i like ranting into the void its so satisfying when i feel like ive gotten my thoughts out semi fully somewhere#like processing all my thoughts takes away that power they have to frustrate me because i know im annoyed but cant fully express why#but yeah i am bad at completing them. thats the drawback of not being able to stay angry for long the sleepy always overpowers the rage#its a blessing and a curse#blessing cause im mostly pretty chill#curse because it WILL comeback to annoy me later if i dont fully process it
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#me#so I found out my work is getting a new uniform policy in and it means no that my hair might not be appropriate#I don’t want to sign my new contract if I can’t fully express myself#I have spent years trying to make myself appear in a way that expresses myself as the person I am#I am feeling really sad and weird about it#my kids love me and I’m a good educator#they get so excited every time I colour my hair or change something about my appearance#it’s so friggen wholesome and makes me love my job#I would lose that#idk I’m just ranting#sorry
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sorry for Ranting On Main™️, I just need to get this out of my system, feel free to ignore
#would literally be sooo cool if my family could stop being patronizing/borderline condescending#treating me like a child is getting old very fucking quickly. my mom always jokes how glad I'll be once I [finally] move out and it's like.#''ok but what if it wasn't a joke'' (internally anyway)#telling me what to do & not do with MY money like I'm not a fully grown adult is so......#like yes I've made financially questionable decisions before. but never before fighting myself for DAYS on whether or not I really want it#stop treating me like I'm 5 challenge (impossible)#and also acting like I'm lazy just bc you don't see me doing uni stuff like.. idk I work my ass off for those grades but go off I guess...#even then. I'm allowed to take breaks. I'm allowed to lie down and nap when I have headaches that refuse to go away. I have FEELINGS man...#being ridiculed for expressing said feelings & being sensitive is really Not It either like newsflash all this does is make me hate u <3#I feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg but#shit like this is a big part of why 1. I haven't come out to anyone irl & 2. I refuse to voice my 'neurodivergence theory' out loud#because I know I wouldn't get taken seriously!! I fucking KNOW it!! and it sucks!!!#tw toxic family#tw negativity#(trying to not fall into the mindset of ''but others have it so much worse''....)#I don't particularly expect/want pity from anyone btw. I'm just really frustrated and don't want to bottle it up anymore
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