cargoshortsenjoyer

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I know this is gonna be a massively unpopular opinion but I'm feeling contrarian enough to share it regardless because the fact that no one on this website cares about misogyny and the way most people seem to agree that women who date men are hysterical crazy bitches or total idiots when they complain about the atrocious way men treat them I'm gonna go ahead and be unpopular

I hope everyone who follows me knows me well enough to understand how vehemently I oppose the anti porn movement and the fact that I don't think one can ban, legislate, or otherwise force people into or out of specific behaviours. But having said that I do think porn being so available has been a net negative in general but especially for men who date women and even more so for women who date men, and if you talk to these women you'll hear some really bizarre stories of how their partners porn use has seriously fucked with their sex lives and relationships in general.

I realise men are misogynistic regardless but reading a story from a woman whose husband, before losing interest in having sex with her entirely, was stealthily watching porn holding his phone behind her head while they were having sex, it's impossible not to think that if you still had to order a DVD or buy it from a store, these men - and there's a lot of them - probably wouldn't be choosing simulated sexual contact over the real human relationships they actually have. I don't think it's possible to completely divorce technology from subjectivity and claim that this bad behaviour would exist anyway in a different form, especially when accessibility has quite a lot to do with behaviour anyway.

And saying "masturbation is different from sex" doesn't explain this either when men who are taught to objectify women often just masturbate with their partners bodies with little concern for her experience anyway. Ofc men have been doing that forever too and the sex/uality depicted in porn is both a reflection of those norms and a product of existing (but largely unseen) dynamics in the porn industry itself.

I've posted about this a lot in the past but to offer a parallel, it's in the interests of porn producers to expand the sex acts considered standard in porn in order to put downward pressure on wages (since sex acts outside of the standard ones pay more for the performer) yet this is often framed solely as porn having to become more explicit or violent to hold viewers attention. At the same time in Hollywood films, costumes and set design are constantly decreasing in quality because designers are forced to accommodate constant last minute changes while their pay is decreasing in real terms along with design budgets. In both cases, the economic conditions behind the scenes are shaping the final product, yet when it comes to porn people outside the sex industries only seem to deploy a social analysis, not a materialist one, so they end up assuming that everything they see is solely a product of social norms and not things like legislation surrounding the industry (eg certain sex acts being illegal to depict), workplace dynamics (especially between producers and performers as independent contractors, whose working conditions are closer to gig economy workers in studio porn these days) etc. Among people who are anti porn or on that wavelength they see misogyny in every sex act while those who consider porn something that's only criticised by radical feminists and evangelicals don't seem to be aware of any misogyny whatsoever. Neither group cares about the experiences or labour conditions of the performers themselves of course, but that's another post entirely.

Still, while the "porn becoming more extreme to appeal to a desensitised viewership" idea is questionable to say the least, it's impossible not to notice that porn is perpetuating the same objectification in the culture that produced it and made it appealing in the first place; all media works in both directions as a product of and contribution to cultural norms.

I realise this isn't exactly the sociology understander website or even the media literacy website and it's plainly obvious that most people on here don't care about misogyny at all, but it would sure be cool if we could yk stop dismissing the experiences of women who've been on the sharp end of this out of hand and acting like they're controlling, hysterical, crazy or reactionary for correctly noticing that their partners are opting out of their real life sexual relationships in favour of simulated ones, as if that isn't yet another example of how people are becoming more and more atomised and isolated from each other.

It's more than possible to draw a thorough line between that and the way dating apps facilitate an overly choosy sexual and dating culture where potential partners are held to a set of arbitrary pre-set standards rather than relationships and hookups being based around chemistry, libido, rapport, etc. Dating has always been a weird mess of unspoken social rules and rituals that block communication at least as much as they facilitate it but browsing tinder isn't all that different to browsing pornhub, flicking through image after image looking for someone who ticks the boxes largely removed from any real interaction that would humanise the other person. And again, I get that men are misogynistic anyway but to say that the technology we use to move through the world doesn't also influence that experience of the world is nonsensical. Since these technologies are mediating our interpersonal relationships it would be beyond reductive to dismiss criticism of them out of hand.

And while I'm still mulling a lot of this over myself and reserve the right to revise it, in the nicest possible way the experiences of women who date men and are subject to heteronormative relationship dynamics (and the misogyny therein) are simply not considered on this platform most of the time, in the same way I'm always pointing out that most people on here struggle to see mothers as people at all let alone people who are also harmed by the structure of the nuclear family. Most people around me at least can see that children are seen as property and shouldn't be and yet they can't make the leap that this has also historically applied to women (and to a large extent still does).

So I'm not very surprised that women subject to these heterosexist relationship dynamics are considered unimportant if they're considered at all, but yk perhaps instead of calling women jealous or controlling or whatever else we could stop buying into misogynistic stereotypes of "the controlling/insecure/crazy girlfriend" and ask why women might be feeling hurt by the way their partners use porn. These arguments of "not owning other people's sexuality" and "if you're insecure it's a you problem" etc simply does not work in a relationship where this heterosexist patriarchal dynamic exists already, where that foundational respect for their wives and girlfriends isn't there, where women are constantly made to feel that they're not good enough and their partners only reinforce that, where men are already understood to own their partners sexuality anyway (!), and where women are treated as if they exists solely to meet the needs of their partners while having none of their own. Like, please tell me how you can blame a woman for feeling threatened by her husband's porn use when she's been taught that her role and responsibility as a wife is to sexually satisfy him? How is she meant to react when her entire identity rests on that, when she may even believe she can only be loved for that? Not that long ago everyone was talking about compulsory heterosexuality, and while that was largely nonsense (since there's no pre-social person), did no one learn anything about the sexual expectations ingrained into young girls and women?

All you're doing when you blame these women for being upset about their partners porn viewing is punishing women for reacting to this mistreatment while giving men a free pass to treat women like shit. While these are the conditions women are subjected to while dating men frankly I'm going to be on their side even if their sole problem is that they feel that men watching porn is cheating; if they weren't constantly objectified, devalued, neglected, and made to feel insecure and that their only value is as a sex object perhaps they wouldn't have to worry about being replaced. And since plenty of women have literally experienced their partners choosing simulated sexual experiences over having physical relationships with them - no matter how much people on Tumblr claim this isn't true - I'd say their concerns are in fact completely legitimate, even if they're mistakenly blaming porn and thinking of it as an aberration rather than a regular reflection of how men see women in general. Or to summarise, most people denying that porn has anything to do with interpersonal relationships are coming at this from a completely different social position and aren't subject to the same heteronormative relationship dynamics and general misogyny that the women talking about how porn has effected their relationships are, and they don't care about these women either (perhaps women in general), which is why they point and laugh instead of considering the possibility that women aren't crazy jealous bitches and that they're actually trying to pinpoint the nexus of real problems they've actually experienced

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@ryoki-ph hope you don't mind me tagging u I didn't wanna reblog the wall of text again lol but I had a whole list of things which Tumblr kindly turned off reblogs for then hid from my tags entirely but I have a linktree with some articles here and I always recommend the book "revolting prostitutes: the fight for sex workers rights" as a starting point (tho it's pretty narrow in focus so I hope people keep reading other things afterwards) as well as Laura Agustine who's an anthropologist who focuses on on transactional sex and migration. Also Melissa Gira Grant tho I'm not sure if she's still writing about transactional sex she wrote "Playing the Whore" which is very good.

Unfortunately I haven't seen a lot about the porn industry specifically these days, a lot of that was coming from firsthand accounts of porn performers on industry websites that don't exist anymore since the shift away from studio porn/towards independent porn (tho independent is a bit of a misnomer since the hosting platforms like OnlyFans serve a lot of the same functions while implementing a lot of the various regulations around porn). I can't find the in-depth article I had handy (it might be in the linktree) but PornHub famously owned many of the studios that produced porn and then leaked its own content to profit off the ad revenue while using the leaks as an excuse to decrease the pay performers received (arguing that porn was becoming unprofitable because of the leaks) but there are some articles about the leaks like this one

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God I fucking wish I'd seen a video like this 5 years ago

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My knowledge about child development versus the social pressure to not interfere with other people’s parenting fight daily

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я тебя люблю

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Hey there! I'm Alexis Royce, and I make-

Visual Novels

A Theologically Spicy 18+ Horror Romance about loving the artistic process a little bit too literally.

[itch.io]

Interrogate suspects to solve a semi-supernatural murder in an Edwardian watercolor mansion where inner demons manifest!

[Steam] [itch.io]

Follow the correspondence of two professors, in the months before one of them makes a decision he'll never be able to take back.

[Steam] [itch.io]

[And several more, all available on itch.io!]

Watercolors

[Commission Info Over Here] [Print Shop Over Here]

And some fanfics and comics that tend to evoke a bunch of this:

You can read them here.

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opening for 10 full body comms in this style - details on ko-fi!

i will be starting these by the beginning of december & should have them all complete before xmas. shares appreciated!

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piece abt intrusive thoughts+chronic pain but can also apply to: -migraine -sinus pressure -being alive in 2024

piece listed in my ko-fi shop

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Joan Jett (1978)

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I embroidered this back patch! I combined the designs for the Sabo cat with the IWW logo and embroidered it over the course of the pandemic. It's still my biggest piece of embroidery

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misselaneous or however th fuck you spell it

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had a fixiation with mechanics and engineers today. just in general

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Basilogue

i made a little comic about an old OCT character that got thrown into space 2 years ago

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mokey

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nation of cringe

youtube link:

バルサミコ酢 (youtube.com)