#I just find it really interesting to see parallels like

[archiewantsheetmetal]

Phantom Railway Rambles!!

so im gonna yap before the first chapter comes out!! Which should be by tomorrow or the next day.

So! As you know, the two bugs (layton and luke) are going to be travelling together after losing everything they know. I wanted to really highlight their codependency and their jarringly similar situations in canon but in like. a different font.

In phantom railway. Hershel has literally EVERYTHING taken from him. Like it's more than just the evidence of the accident and nearly his life. They take his money. They take everything he owns that's of any interest. Oh and now that I'm thinking about it. Maybe they didn't beat his ass into a coma but maybe he had to drag himself away from the scene. Run hershel run. So now he's got poorly healed injuries and breaks.

I've had a conversation with someone and they mentioned Hershel having trust issues developing in the years following. Like he's definitely going to have seen how dark humanity can be and how dark is actually is. The world is a very dark shade of gray to him now. Things are never going to be given to you, especially if you have nothing to give in return. People are always going to take, and if they're desperate enough for something, they'll kill you for it.

With that being said, I think he would never let himself become too attached to anyone. He'd never stay in one place for too long, either. He doesn't want to get attached to anything, really, because he knows that nothing is permanent. Things that hold love are fleeting. Love sharpens the claws of grief. Also he never stays in one place because of something else too but yk. that's mostly it.

Luke!! However. I'm thinking of having him seeing the brighter shade. I want him to take after his mother in seeing the good in things. Maybe even to a fault. I want him to parallel Hershel that way. They're going to get on each other's nerves so so so bad at first.

Siiiiigh. I want Hershel to start seeing a little bit of past loved ones in Luke. And I want him to be a little reclusive to have anything to do with him because of that. Like the bare minimum would be all he does at first. Makes sure he doesn't freeze. Makes sure he eats. That sort of thing. But Hershel "I crave the company of another person" Layton is obviously. going to get attached to him whether or not he likes it. Sorry buddy. He's your godson but now he's your boy. Go root through trash together.

Luke's also gonna lie to him. Lie his fucking heart out btw. Luke your ass is not lost. He's going to find out soon you stupid boy. He hears you crying in your sleep.

AND!!! about their clothes. Because I've been thinking about it a little. I think Hershel would have learned to sew from Lucille and so he knows how to patch up his clothes. But he ALWAYS. makes sure. the hat is ok.

Also Herhsel. patching up luke's shirt. for him. scratches my head.

Okay sorry. Thinking out lioud here. I think it might be out by morning or sometime later in the afternoon. I hope you guys like it. Grin!

[afinestoutlove]

things i love about heartstopper 66/?

Tao is a really great example of heterosexuality that just doesn’t give a fuck about conforming to heteronormativity. He hugs his friends so much, he’s not concerned at all about being perceived as gay, he’s an ally (but he never demands rewards for it - he doesn’t even seem to think about it much, it’s just what friends do). He's openly loving and emotional.

That's not to say Tao isn't struggling with masculinity. How could he not? Everything about him is a challenge to normative masculinity (which is always white, straight, etc). He's clearly on the outer at Truham, and while he hasn't been bullied the way Charlie has, he's part of that less-socially-accepted circle. And he responds aggressively to it, he gets dragged into Harry's bullshit so easily, and responds to Harry's bullying in kind. Let's be honest, sometimes it's satisfying to see Tao get the better of Harry, but it's not the most constructive way to solve the problem - as Tao says himself, even with all his good intentions, it just ends up making things worse.

Of course he fucks up sometimes - who doesn’t? He’s insecure, and that makes him behave in ways that hurt the people closest to him. And there are some interesting parallels between Tao's insecurtiy and the way a lot of other straight guys are insecure. He's afraid of losing people, of not being good enough, of not being enough, and he lashes out because of it. He leads with anger instead of vulnerability. But where some guys require other people (often women) in their life to do the work of making it better, he recognises where the responsibility lies and works on it himself. He sets an example of how guys can find their way out of those harmful habits.

Tao also leans a bit into the resentful nerd stereotype in ways that can be reductive, even as they're understandable. He dismisses all the rugby guys as "moronic", and implies that he and Isaac and Charlie are "better" because they're intelligent and academic and artistic. I mean... they are "better" than Harry, but because of their behaviour (most of the time...), not because of their brains. Tao struggles to respect people who are into different ways of living from him - especially Nick and his sport - because he used this sense of intellectual superiority as a defense against the shittiness of other guys. Just like his other insecurities, it's really understandable. And just like his other insecurities, even though he starts in a less than ideal place, he recognises the need to do better and then he does.

Tao Xu is a wonderful example of how teenagers can learn and grow, even as they make some pretty big mistakes. He doesn't see himself as lovable, but he really is, and he deserves his second chances. He always leans towards love. Yeah, he’s a bit pretentious and a bit of a snob and definitely interferes too much, but he's also a sweetheart, and given enough time, he'll give anyone a chance. He prioritises love - for friends, family, Elle - over everything else, and what more could you ask for in a friend?

[starlostlix]

BSD 121.5 SPOILERS BELOW!!

So I want to talk about the new chapter because what the actual fuck.

So first of all.... THIS

Atsushi doing this callback with that gaze is insane, and akutagawa's reaction shows he's losing the idgaf war. They're finally realising how much they mean to one another and it's so important, but MORE IMPORTANTLY...

AKUTAGAWA'S EYES ARE FULL OF LIGHT

HIS. EYES. ARE. ALIGHT.

It's not just a bit of light. ITS FULLY LIGHT!!!

This is so important for Akutagawa ong. I don't want to take up too much time with this though because there's a LOT to talk about.

First, the design of ameno-gozen's realm, the fourth dimension. I LOVE IT! It's so mysterious and looks kind of glitchy which is perfect for this vibe. Dazai explains that most people can't see anything here so Atsushi's limited visibility with this art style works well.

So basically this dimension is where the past present and future intersect 'orthogonally' (I had to search this up, it means 'at right angles') and all of time is 'folded upon itself'. Atsushi now, as the only one who can see anything in this dimension, is now able to technically access parts of the past and future at once (my theory is that Byakko has some relation to the fourth dimension, perhaps being created within or being something similar to Gozen). Also note that in the 3rd image 'Dazai' is able to hear Atsushi's thoughts (strengthening the idea id seen of this being Byakko speaking through a visual hallucination of Dazai, especially when this dazai insinuates that it is not him that knows these things but Atsushi himself). Interesting what 'dazai' says about the speed of sound in this dimension basically means it's a lot slower here. Also apparently the mission is to find the 'core' of the divine being here and (i assume) destroy it? No clue how that SSKK fight from the end of the anime is supposed to play out like that but I will see how this goes.

So interestingly everyone else who has been struck by the Amenogozen sword has become stuck in this dimension unaware of what/where they are, and don't have the awareness that Atsushi has (main character moment). Essentially the infinite past and future versions of themselves are 'folding' onto one another (I don't quite know what this specifically means, but I imagine it like Jayce, Ekko and Heimerdinger in the hexcore room in Arcane s2 ep3). But now, since Atsushi is conscious, Atsushi has access to the past and future in this space (leading to the possibility of a lore dump to end all lore dumps next chapter, hopefully about Fyodor's backstory/plan) and he has to choose which way to go to find the information he needs. 'Dazai' tells him to 'feel strongly' as 'that's what you do when you want to experience the past' - and I feel that is such an interesting way of thinking about it in this series. Atsushi himself has suffered from PTSD (as have many characters) and often strong feelings can link to the traumas they possess, but it's not just negative feelings. A lot of characters also have positive memories from strong feelings, including their strong feelings about protecting others as Yokohama's defenders of sorts, and forming bonds with others in that process created the ADA as we know it. I don't really know how else to talk about it but I think it's a really interesting thematic line. Asagiri has some really cool writing.

Honestly this chapter is so cool and I can't wait to see where the series goes with this! My personal theory for next chapter is Atsushi finding the way to the past and we get essentially a lore dump. I think it will be Fyodor's backstory wherein Atsushi's view is spliced with comatose Sigma going through the information he got from his ability and stumbling upon the same information/memories as Atsushi is (also perhaps to cement the parallels between the two like Dazai talked about!).

[mauveisroyalexo]

C H A P T E R — T W O

Summary: As the days lead up to the infamous dinner for the courting season, Akira becomes overwhelmed with all the sudden changes. Secrets are revealed and relationships are formed, but is it all for Akira’s benefit?

Warnings: strong language, breeding kink, heavy smut, strong violence, angst, parallel polyandry relationships, omegaverse, a/b/o, slow burn, trauma/healing themes, abusive family.

WC: 8,966

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“Akira, can I talk to you for a moment?”

I was in the middle of packing my books away when my mother entered my room. I never really saw my mother before, like really see her. She didn’t look like she aged much, even with the few streaks of gray in her curls. We were nearly built the same but still, she was slimmer than me. And her caramel complexed skin seemed a few shades lighter than my own.

“Did you need me to do something for you, mama?” I stopped what I was doing and straightened my posture. She just shook her head, closed the door behind her and walked over to me. I moved the cardboard box I was placing my books in, to the top of my bed and sat down. When by my mother sat down, I could see the tiredness in her eyes. I could see the worry and the concern. I had no idea what was troubling her, but like always, I knew it had something to do with me,

“Akira…baby, I know your life hasn’t been an easy one.” I looked down at my shirt and started playing with the hem. I hate awkward conversations like this. I don’t like getting into the details of my childhood, much of which I’m thankful I blocked out. “Last night’s celebration dinner shouldn’t have happened. We should’ve fully celebrated you finding your pack too.”

“It’s fine mama, I’m used to it.” I shrugged, getting up quickly to grab more books when I saw that she was about to reach for me.

“It’s not fine, Akira. Your brother tells me that the leader believes his pack are your mates? That’s a higher rarity.” I looked up from my books when I saw how interested my mother looked. I squinted,

“I seem to hear that a lot lately. I’m a “rarity”. It’s rare for a full human to be born in a family of wolves; it’s rare for me to have mates, let alone seven of them—I’m really confused and really tired of hearing it.” I usually never get upset with my mother but the word ‘rarity’ suddenly became triggering. I felt like I didn’t belong, like I was the family pet or an unwanted guest. Being rare in something that should be normal didn’t make me feel special.

“I wasn’t trying to upset you, Akira. I just meant that knowing that your pack is filled with your partners and not just strangers is rare. It changes things now.” My mother tried to explain. I frowned, still confused,

“How?”

I watched my mother sigh as she tried to think of a way to explain things, “In our world, when wolves find their true mate, be it an alpha with another alpha or an alpha and omega—even omega and omega—they have to go through the courting process. Betas do too but because we don’t really have mates, it feels more like…human dating than it is with wolves.” I know that she’s trying to explain, but once again my mother lost me.

“I’m still confused, mama.” I started my packing again, making sure the last of my books were secured before moving on to my clothes. Opening the closet; I looked at the limited amount I had in the small storage space. I truly didn’t own much.

“The process starts out similar: during courting, you have to get to know each other. Then there’s the meeting of the familial packs, followed by a crossover ceremony—.”

“A crossover ceremony?” I interrupted, “Where exactly do you crossover to?”

My mother giggled, “It’s a ceremony when the familial alpha transfers the responsibility of taking care of their pup over to the new pack leader. You become part of the new leader’s pack.”

“Like a wedding ceremony.” I figured that’s why it was so similar. It’s exactly like a wedding.

“Yes, similar to that. Only when involving mates, the difference is you have to meet with the family. You have seven mates, my love, that’s more than what’s required.” She laughed again, “With betas, it’s more like a human ritual, an actual wedding, to make it more special because our wolf is neutral. It does not need to seek a mate, it simply just wants to have one, it’s not as instinctual like it is with alphas and omegas. If it were just a regular crossing over, like with Justine and Theo, who aren’t mates, it would be like a regular wedding type of ceremony.”

“But…I don’t feel anything that they do.” I shrugged, throwing my folded clothes into another box. I wouldn’t really be leaving until the courting process, I guess, was done. Whatever that may look like for me, “I don’t feel anything werewolves feel.” I walked back over to my closet to grab more folded clothes, “Why are we talking about this? Are you saying you have to marry me off in order to have me move in with a new pack?”

“In a way…yes. Truthfully, I didn’t think I’d be having this talk with you.”

“Neither did I.” I agreed. I kind of thought I’d be at home taking care of my parents but I guess they had other plans. “I don’t think I even pictured my life with anyone.”

“Akira…” my mother frowned as I placed more clothes away, clothes I knew I wouldn't be wearing for a while, “I promise I didn’t mean it in a negative way, it’s just…there’s certain things that you have to know and do—.”

“Oh god, please tell me you’re not telling me I have to sleep with them, too.” I froze, scared that this is what this conversation was really about. My mother shook her head,

“No, and I’m so sorry about what your father said. You do not have to immediately sleep with them, or ever, the point I’m trying to make is that courting is a little different than just dating. It leads to a sort of marriage. If you were an omega, alphas would gift you things that omegas need: soft blankets or clothing to feel warm, things with their scent so that you’d feel safe, things you’d need for a nest. For alphas, they just want a true alpha to take charge, to know where their place is in a hierarchy. It takes the pressure off of them.”

“And for betas?” I questioned, curious.

“Well, for me and other betas, we liked being considered. Betas' role in society is to mediate. Our job is kind of like we’re second in charge; we temper alphas when they get too out of control. But we like knowing that our words are heard. That everything we say and the reasons behind it are taken into consideration.” I looked away. I find it funny that her job is to temper my father, and yet that isn’t at all what’s been happening. I could feel her eyes on me, “…I know your father’s temper isn’t great,” she spoke quietly. I covered my bruise as her eyes lingered on my arm, “but he still loves you.”

“Please,” I nearly snapped, rolling my eyes to myself, “don’t lie to me. Joseph hates me and you trying to sugarcoat it isn’t helping anything.” I scoffed, finding a stopping point in my packing. I would have to start lunch soon since my large family likes to come over for every meal.

“It’s the truth Akira, your father does love you.” My mother stood, reaching out to touch me. I didn’t even think about it when I flinched away, expecting her to grab me harshly too. That seems to be this family’s go-to.

“He doesn’t love me, he tolerates me. I know the truth now and I’m learning to live with it. Once this courting thing is done for Naomi, I will leave. You shouldn’t have come here, I don’t need a ceremony, I don’t want it! I don’t need a pity party because you suddenly feel guilty, just—.” I stopped spouting, trying to calm my nerves. “You don’t have to lie anymore. Whatever his reasons, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Akira, you couldn’t be more wrong. Your father does love you and no, he doesn’t show it, but he won’t deny it—.”

“He told me if it were up to him he would’ve left me in the woods years ago! That you begged him to keep me!” I was fed up with my mother’s blind trust in this man. He was no longer my father and if she keeps it up, she would no longer be my mother, “Stop apologizing for him! Stop lying to me and most of all, stop lying to yourself because we both know if I had presented, none of what I’ve been through would’ve happened!” I moved past my mother and left my room. I started feeling guilty for having this fight with my mother, but I also didn’t want to apologize for finally saying what I felt. I have been holding in my feelings for so long, to finally express them felt relieving. I don’t know if I could ever go back to hiding it anymore.

“Would you like some help today, Akira?”

I stopped peeling my potatoes to see Naomi standing in the open archway of the kitchen. I looked at her confused as to why she suddenly wanted to help me. I watched as she walked further, snatching an extra apron off the hook on the pantry door and tied it around her. I felt like I was stuck for a moment. Frozen in place over how she quickly grabbed a potato and a peeler, then got to work, “…Naomi, what are you doing?”

“I’m helping, what does it look like little sister?” Naomi laughed, peeling carefully. I stared at the sink for a moment before putting my potato down,

“Why are you helping me? Don’t you usually keep to yourself?” What is it with my family all of a sudden? One is trying to tell me about wolf traditions, another is trying to help me cook—I’m starting to think I’m in the twilight zone.

“I just want to help, don’t make a big deal out of it.” Naomi shrugged, placing her peeled potato into the bowl of water before moving onto the next one. I looked at her for a moment longer before going back to prepping lunch in silence. Making such large batches of food was common in my family. Everyone on the compound came to eat, it was a tradition my grandmother started and it just stayed that way. With my aunts and uncles and their children and grandchildren, it can get pretty rowdy, but nothing I wasn’t used to. Once prepping was done, I was now getting anxious with the silence between Naomi and I. This was out of the norm for us and usually, cooking was my only alone time, my time where I felt safe. “Naomi, please, why are you helping me? It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, it’s just…weird.”

“Fine. I felt bad about what happened at the summit.” She stared at my arm for a moment, probably noticing the bruise. It finally stopped hurting this morning, thankfully. “Yesterday, I should’ve noticed your fidgeting, but Jackson and I were talking more and more and I just—.”

“It’s fine Naomi.” I shook my head, checking over the pork chops we were having today, “You seemed to be hitting it off with Jackson, my thing with father shouldn’t interfere with that.”

“How do you do that?” She asked me quietly. I furrowed my brow,

“Do what?”

“Shrug every grievance off like it’s nothing; look at your arm. It’s the nastiest bruise I’ve ever seen. And that thing at dinner last night, he’s putting something that happened to grandpa onto you and you just take it.”

I sighed, stopping my stirring of the gravy on the stove to get my anger in check. Then I replied, “What exactly am I supposed to do, Naomi? He’s stronger than me. He’s bigger than me. If he really wanted to—and let’s face it, he probably does—he could kill me by snapping my neck in half. You’re telling me to stand up against him, against everyone who is like him in our family like I have a choice, I don’t! I represent everything he hates! I represent the very thing that took his father away from him, that man will never love me like he loves his other children and that’s the bottom line of it!” Naomi stared at me like I had three heads. Maybe because she didn’t expect me to get angry, maybe it’s because I refuse to fight him, but I have three months of this left. Once the ceremony for Jackson and Naomi is over, I have to start my life over with the Kim-Bangtan pack, and I’m actually not scared about it anymore.

“Once I found out the truth, accepting my fate just seemed…easier.” I went back to stirring the gravy, “Joseph Baptiste doesn’t love me and he wants me gone just as much as everyone else does.” I felt my face become warm and my eyes start to burn, “Over the years, I thought that that was just his way, that he wasn’t an affectionate man. But it wasn’t until recently, right after you spoke to me in my room, before the summit, that I started remembering everything I blocked out.” I looked over at Naomi, barely making out her face due my eyes watering. Naomi had this look on her face, I couldn’t tell if it was disgust or concern or sadness, “You were right, we didn’t celebrate my birthday as much. Then we just completely stopped altogether. Christmases, I was lucky if anyone remembered me, usually it was grandmother, while all of you got mountains of presents. Halloween, everyone got costumes they wanted while suddenly there was no time left to buy mine so I had to use hand-me-downs. Eventually, I just stopped asking, I stopped going with you. There were no sweet memories like baking with mama or going fishing with Joseph. You all have those, I don’t. You didn’t cry yourself to sleep, I did. You didn’t get whoopings when you did anything wrong, I did.

“I never rocked the boat. When everyone joined team sports or activities in school, I never asked to join because I didn’t want him or mama to have to spend even more money on me. I didn’t even fight back when he decided to take me out of school my junior year of high school, I just accepted it. I learned to..block it out.” I chuckled, stepping back from the stove as tears fell down my face, “I taught myself to be quiet. To do what was needed to not make anyone upset because it was easier. To be numb was just easier.” I wiped my face and closed my eyes as I tried to control my breathing, “I kept telling myself that if I just did what he wanted me to do—clean, cook, stay quiet, don’t bother him, whatever…it’ll be easier. I could survive it. It’s like I never existed as part of this family, and that’s the way he wanted it until now.” It surprised me to see tears stream down Naomi’s face. “You told me once how you didn’t like that the attention was on you. I don’t know what that feels like at all.” I shrugged. The saddest chuckle I could give slipped past my lips. I walked over to the counter near the kitchen sink and grabbed a paper towel to wipe my face.

The wind was knocked out of me as the feeling of two strong arms wrapped around my waist. My heart rate sped up, thinking I was in trouble when I heard a whimper, “I’m so sorry, Akira. I’m sorry I never did anything to stop it.” I never heard Naomi cry, ever, and it was unsettling. If anything, it made me even more nervous, “Your heart is beating so fast are you…are you scared of me too?” She seemed hurt? It wasn’t an emotion I would easily associate with Naomi, hell yeah I was scared.

“If I’m being honest, I’ve been scared of all of you ever since we learned I wouldn’t be a werewolf, and it’s the first time you’ve hugged me, ever, please let go of me.” I was shaking at this point. Feeling as though she could probably snap my spine in half if she squeezed too tight. Naomi let go of me and I let out a shaken breath.

“That’s fair, I don’t blame you for how you feel.” Naomi wiped her face, “If I was in your position, I’d be scared too. You endured so much over the years, I’m surprised you lasted as long as you did.”

“I almost didn’t…” Naomi’s eyes widened. I wasn’t going to tell anyone about my suicide attempt but for some reason, I wanted to tell Naomi. I think I wanted to trust her. “When I was sixteen…Joseph took me out of school. It was the only place I felt comfortable. You didn’t talk to me then. I guess you and Braxton didn’t want people to know I was your sister, and that was fine, I made friends with humans like me.” I shrugged, picking at the paper towel, “It wasn’t like I was doing poorly, I made really good grades, good enough to skip to senior level if I wanted, but I guess after a month or so of school left, when he found out that Keith Jackson planned to ask me out after he kissed me one day during P.E., he pulled me out of school. Til this day, I still don’t know how he found out, but we argued as soon as we got home. I don’t remember much of that day but what I do remember was him grabbing his belt and whipping so hard that you could hear the belt before it connected. I remember being grabbed by the back of my neck so hard it bruised. He didn’t care when mama told him to stop, he wanted to make an example out of me. So I just laid there on the living room floor and went somewhere else in my mind until it was over.”

“We were told you got in trouble at school, we didn’t know that was the reason…Fuck Akira, you couldn’t leave your room for a week, you were so bruised.” Naomi gasped.

“I tried slitting my wrists later that night but couldn’t go through with it so I found pills in mama’s medicine cabinet. I knew it was strong enough to put me to sleep but I ended up not taking enough.” I sighed, regretting not finishing the whole bottle, “God, 7 pills was just not enough.”

“Do you..do you still think about it?” Naomi questioned me. I looked her dead in the eyes, unmoving,

“What do you think, Naomi?”

“Lunch was delicious Akira, thank you! I think the kids even wanted thirds!”

I smiled as my Aunt Regina handed me her empty plate. “I can’t take all the credit, Naomi helped.” Everyone’s eyes shot to Naomi who felt very on the spot. I bit my lip, shrugging.

“I uh..I figured I needed more practice in the kitchen seeing as how I’ll have seven mouths to feed now that I’ll be joining a new pack. I wanted to see how Akira managed it all by herself.” Everyone seemed pleased with the answer but my father was unfazed. He wiped his mouth then held out his plate for me to grab. I sighed, then grabbed his plate. Naomi got up and started helping me clear the dishes, “Oh, Naomi you don’t have to get that, I’ll clean up everything.”

“I want to.” Naomi smiled, “I wanna help.” After gathering all the dishes, we headed to the kitchen. The children at the smaller dining table were making a mess, but nothing that was too big to clean up. I sat the dishes in the sink before heading over to the table, grabbing the littlest of the children out of his high chair. I placed him on my hip then told the children to finish up so I could clean up. Naomi just pretty much watched me the whole time, watching me take care of our cousin Nikki’s son, Jayden, “Did this little pup make a mess today? Yes you did!” I tickled him, listening to his cute laugh. I cleaned up his face and picked up the shirt I took off earlier back onto him.

“You do this every day? Clean this house, cooking all the meals, watch over the kids? Did you even eat yet?”

I shook my head ‘no’, “If I have time to, I’ll eat, if not, then I just end up binge eating. Probably the reason why I’m so big now.” I muttered the last part to myself, though I’m sure Naomi could hear me, “I get to eat after my chores are done and everyone’s left.”

“That’s really sad, Akira. How are you taking care of so much and not taking care of yourself?”

I squinted, “It’s not like I get a lot of help. You realize this is the first time you've helped me in the kitchen, ever, right?” Naomi looked away. I sighed, “Sorry. I’m just not used to you saying more than two words to me, yesterday and today kinda threw me off.” I fixed Jayden’s onesie then placed him back on my hip.

“Was I really that bad of a sister to you?” Naomi seemed genuinely curious about her behavior towards me. Over the years, she was indifferent. She didn’t seem to care either way about what I did or what happened to me. She just seemed to exist in her own world, “Was I so bad of a sister that I didn’t see your depression?”

“You weren’t bad, you were absent. You didn’t want to see, Naomi.” I snipped, clearly uncomfortable with the sudden attention she was giving me, “I don’t know what type of game you’re playing at, and I don’t care. Just please, go back to how you used to be with me, by ignoring me.”

“It's not a game, Akira, I really feel horrible about how I didn’t treat you like a big sister is supposed to.” Naomi urged, walking a few steps closer to me, “I thought about my own situation and ignored yours. Compared to yours, mine wasn’t even that bad.”

“Don’t do that.” Naomi tilted her head at me, “Don’t downplay your situation in this family by sympathizing with mine. I may not know what being a beta is like, but I do know what it feels like to have expectations forced on you.”

Naomi chuckled lightly and shook her head, “There you go again, little sister. Always thinking of others, never yourself.” I didn’t reply to that statement. I rocked Jayden, who decided to lay his head on my chest. Naomi decided to clean up the table and put the kids' dishes away. Each one of the kids hugged me and then I handed over Jayden to his older brother, Jacobi. After cleaning up the area, Naomi decided to help me with the dishes. She decided to talk more, telling me about her phone calls with Jackson and how he wants her to meet the rest of the pack soon. She asked about Namjoon, “Um, Namjoon is nice, I guess. He texts me, I guess he figured out I don’t like to talk as much.”

“He thinks you’re nervous, I can smell it on you.” Naomi motioned, taking a sniff, “Jackson said their packs grew up together, that they’ve been brother packs for a long time. He thinks Namjoon really likes you.” Naomi smiled. I blinked, the new information surprising me,

“You…You think he does?” I asked nervously. I wasn’t sure if I like Namjoon that way but I knew I felt something with him. Yesterday, at the summit, he seemed solely focused on me, even his beta, Jin, seemed more focused on me, “Mama said that his pack are my mates. I thought you’re supposed to have one mate. I thought humans couldn’t have mates.”

“It’s not black and white. Having a human mate isn’t taboo but it’s not necessarily normal or heard of. Having a human partner is a choice whereas having a mate is not. You’re biologically fated to be with them. Your pheromones are supposed to complement each other. That’s how you find your mate so really, you being mated to them is a phenomenon within itself, especially since three of them are betas. Betas don’t have mates, and the way I saw Jin react to you at the summit? Biologically, this isn’t supposed to happen.” Naomi was in deep thought by this point, I could see it on her face.

“What do you mean how he reacted?” Now I was curious myself at what she saw.

“There’s this thing that happens to alphas and omegas when they find their mate. Their wolf takes over their human mind for a brief period of time, no more than a few minutes. You notice it in the eye color; their eyes shimmer when their wolf is present. That doesn’t happen with betas, they don't have mates, and it definitely doesn’t happen with humans. It’s actually very odd that we noticed it.” I assumed the ‘we’ was my family when they spoke at the summit. Rather than make both of our brains implode, I changed the subject, “I wish I understood what the courting ritual process was like. Mama tried to explain it to me, but I don’t really understand it.”

Naomi shrugged, “From what I heard, there’s a ritual for each sub gender. It’s three months long and the heads of each familial pack meet to discuss the terms of their alliances and lay down the rules. Like if anything were to happen to us while we’re in the responsibility of our mate, the alliances would be broken. First we, as the ones being inducted into a new pack, have to honor our new pack’s familial leader by giving them a present. Then, the pack we’re being transferred to has to give us a present. It’s a sign of welcoming. If they're your mate, it’ll be something special to them to give to you since that’s their way of being vulnerable. If not, it’ll be something special, just not something of theirs, it’ll be store bought more than likely.

“Then there’s the first dinner. Each family wants to watch how you work with each other, to see if it’ll be a good match. After which the mothers or the highest ranking female of each family will start the planning process for the ceremony. While they go do that, the courting phase between the intended is like…dating for humans; you go out on dates, you spend time getting to know each other, etc.. Throughout all of this, there will be dress fittings and preparations for the grand ceremony.”

I probably looked terrified to her because Naomi just laughed, “What happens at the ceremony??”

“From what I was told, you pledge your alliance to your new pack, light the unity candle and kiss. The mating mark comes later, but that’s for betas to decide if they want the mark. For alphas and omegas, it’s instinctual, but betas have the right to choose if they want it or not since we don’t really have mates.”

“Would you get your mating mark?” I wondered, wanting to know her thoughts on it.

“Probably not. That’s something you do if you really love that person; you’re linked to them forever if you do that and while I like Jackson, I don’t know him. Three months is not a long time to know if I want that deep of a commitment.”

“But you’re practically marrying him.” I theorized, putting away the dishes in the dishwasher while Naomi scrapped the remains on lunch down the disposal, “That’s a commitment within itself.”

“But I can choose to walk away. Like I said little sister, it’s not all black and white. A mating mark symbolizes your wolf connection being made. Your emotions, your thoughts…your soul is forever linked to each other. If one of you dies, you’re forever mourning the loss.”

“Like grandmother..” I realized now how she never truly looked happy but the only time she did was when she talked about grandpa. “God, I can’t imagine living like that.”

Naomi placed the last dish in the dishwasher after rinsing it off, “Honestly, I have no clue what all of this will be like for you. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of humans with a mating mark, let alone having to go through the ritual practices with multiple mates and their families. I just know based on what mama told me her experience was.” I nodded in reply, still reeling over the fact that I have to do all of this. Still, I didn’t believe that that would be the case for me, “I don’t know. I don’t exactly see our parents shelling out money for my ceremony. If anything, I expected them to solely focus on yours and I would just maybe get sent away to Namjoon’s.”

“No.” Naomi closed the dishwasher and turned to me, “No, I will make sure that you’re included, Akira. The crossing over ceremony is a huge deal, and even though I don’t like the attention, I’m actually looking forward to it. It’s a huge honor to know someone has chosen you, and you have seven men who are very powerful in our community, they chose you. I can’t tell you if you’re really their mate or if they think you are or if it’s biological or emotional but they chose you. It should be celebrated just as any other wolf’s crossover.”

“I’m not a wolf.” I countered.

“You are now.” Naomi quipped back.

I wasn’t sure how it happened, but the discernment I felt towards Naomi was slowly dissipating. She showed me more kindness today than I’ve seen in a lifetime. And while I was still on the fence, I couldn’t ignore the fact that maybe Naomi was trying with me, and I’ll be honest, I’m glad that she is.

“What about this? This would make a great gift to give to the head of their familial pack.”

It had been a couple of weeks since the summit had taken place, and my parents already started things in motion between Jackson and Namjoon. I managed to get out of my comfort zone and actually spoke to Namjoon on the phone. I couldn’t believe how patient he was with me. I know I’m practically moving at a snail’s pace with getting to know him, but all of it was so new to me. I have no idea what to expect from him or anyone else for that matter.

“Jade is supposed to be a lucky gem in Chinese culture, maybe this hair comb for Jackson’s mother would be nice.” My mother took Naomi and I to the mall to find gifts for our first dinner with the heads of the familial packs. Well, that was the plan. It took us an hour and a half to get to that point because Naomi and mother wanted to go shopping first, “Or look at these earrings, maybe those.”

“Maybe both? I really want her to like me.” It’s unsettling to see Naomi this way. Maybe it’s because she and Jackson talked damn near everyday since the summit or maybe she’s secretly always been this person that I’m just now seeing, but whatever the case, it’s unsettling. I would rather the nonchalant, indifferent, hate-the-world Naomi than…whatever this is.

“We should really find gifts for your in-laws too, Akira. There’s seven of them you have to impress.” My mother expressed happily, moving onto other things in the store. I don’t even know the name of the place we’re in but it felt like we’ve been here for hours. “Goodness, seven mates…this has to be the most unprecedented event ever.”

“My crossing over isn’t that big of a deal. I bet there won’t even be a ceremony for me.”

Naomi scoffed, “Please. You’re the mate of one of these most important packs in the city, you’re all anyone talks about these days.” I watched my mother nod her head in agreement, “Just pay attention, haven’t you noticed the stares we’ve gotten since being here?” I frowned, suddenly looking around the store, noticing a few glances and whispers thrown my way. Had I always been this aloof to not see the gawking and murmuring happening around me?

“This is…everyone’s really s-staring..?” I nervously pulled on the strap of my crossbody purse. I felt my anxiety get the best of me—I never had so much attention on me like this, it was uncomfortable.

“Well now you’ve gone and made her nervous.” My mother tutted, shushing me though her comment was aimed at Naomi, “It’s alright, Akira. It’s nothing to feel nervous about.”

“What if I mess up with the gifts? What if their families don't like me?? What if they don’t want their sons to have a human in their pack?!”

My mother grabbed my face and shushed me, having probably heard my uptick in heartbeats seconds before I felt it. My hands felt hot and clammy. I felt dizzy and winded, like I couldn’t breathe and could faint any moment. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of these people. I didn’t want to embarrass anyone. “Breathe Akira, I’m sure if they had a problem with you, they would’ve called it all off days ago. They are not the people to tempt fate. If your pack feels that you are meant to be with them, then that is what will happen.”

After finding presents for everyone, my mother made us go shopping for more new clothes, insisting that I actually buy some, “Half of these stores don’t sell my size, and the ones that do are for middle aged women!”

“Will you just look and see? It doesn’t even have to be anything extremely fancy, just a nice dress, Akira.” I could tell that my mother was getting frustrated with my attitude. I sighed and nodded, complying with her. I knew I was being a brat today and I think it was more of the fact that I was tired and wanted to rest. While in the store, I came across a simple black wrap dress, nothing fancy. It had long sleeves to hide the ugly bruise that was still on my arm and I knew I had some flats to go with it, “Mama, how about this?”

“Oh that would look nice on you.” She smiled, “We just need some accessories to match.”

“Oh, ma,” I felt myself about to whine and soon tampered it down, “You don’t have to do that, I feel bad that you’re buying all of this.”

My mother tutted at me, “Nonsense, you need a first dinner dress, besides, it’s very modest, which means it’s not—oh look, there’s Namjoon!” My head whipped towards another section of the store just as Namjoon’s did, probably hearing his name. He wasn’t alone; I could see two others with him, all staring at us. The smirk on Namjoon’s face was barely noticeable as he started making his way over to us. Why did I feel so nervous?

“Good afternoon Akira. Naomi, Mrs. Baptiste, how are you?” His voice was deep, deeper than I remembered. I nearly fell back into my mother as I said hello back.

“Good afternoon, Namjoon. And who are your friends?” My mother was smiling from ear to ear, you’d think she was the one getting courted.

“These are my pack mates, this is Hoseok,” he pointed to a man similar in height with a slender build, hair long enough to touch the back of his neck and just as black as the sweater he was wearing. He was tall but not overly tall like Namjoon and had a heart shaped smile when he introduced himself to me, “Finally nice to meet you, Akira. And please, everyone calls me Hobi.” His eyes were suddenly a blown out crystal blue, obviously a beta. He reached for my free hand, the icy blue of his eyes relaxed into a soft dark brown color then, while my other hand clenched hard around the dress I found.

“Would you prefer I call you Hobi?” The slight growl I heard from him shocked me. Namjoon smiled, trying to mask his laugh. Hoseok seemed to like that I called him that so I guess I will. Faintly he smelled sweet like spied lemonade, a bergamot and mahogany scent that seemed to settle me. Reminded me of when grandmother would eat gingersnaps and drink lemonade with me on her porch.

Namjoon continued, “And this Taehyung,” The next man I met was nearly the same height as Namjoon, with black curly hair that covered his eyes, one hazel brown eye, the other green from what I could see. His sharp jawline complimented his boxy smile and he was just as muscular as Namjoon. He held out his hand, the body movement making his long dangling earring swing from his right earlobe, “Nice to finally meet you, Akira, hyung told me so many wonderful things.” His smirk made me nervous. I shook his hand, watching his eyes shimmer a vibrant red before settling once again.

“Nice to meet you, Taehyung.” I replied softly. His smile widened like if he were the human version of a puppy and then he stepped to the side, back in toe with Hobi.

“So you’re my sister’s other mates” Naomi smiled, nudging my shoulder some. I felt the heat rise to my face as my eyes widened and I looked down at the floor, a little embarrassed, “Forgive her, she’s naturally shy.”

“Naomi!” I groaned internally, squeezing my eyes shut.

“Naomi, stop teasing your sister; Akira, why don’t you go with the guys, hm?” My eyes widened as I turned to face my mother, “Go on! Get to know each other better!” She had the biggest smile on her face from ear to ear. “I’m sure they wouldn’t mind keeping you company.”

“Maaaa!” I covered my face just as Namjoon chuckled while Taehyung and Hobi snickered. My mother practically snatched the dress out of my hands and pushed me into Namjoon’s chest. His hands caught my arms and instantly, I winced slightly and unfortunately he noticed. Sighing, I glanced at my mother and Naomi before following in Namjoon’s direction. “W-What brings you to the mall today?”

“Well, actually, we were shopping for you.” Taehyung answered honestly. You nearly tumbled into him as you stopped abruptly, “And before you say anything, it’s a part of the courting season.” He smiled wickedly, like he knew he had me cornered.

“Because rejecting a gift is like rejecting your alpha.” I mumbled, somehow remembering that rule out of all the others. “Just please, I don’t need anything fancy.”

“Well we’ve already finished shopping for everyone, love. Now we’re just loitering.” Taehyung continued, his obvious pet name not missing my ears. By everyone, I’m assuming the others have gifts for me too.

“Does this mean that all of you will be at the dinner?” I kept my eyes to the tiled floor of the mall as we walked, a leisurely pace set for us as we had nowhere else to be.

“Yes, all of us will be in attendance, Princess. We’re excited to be able to talk more with you, it seems like our leader has been hogging you.” Hobi joked, making Namjoon playfully roll his eyes. I don't know what came over me but I giggled—I actually freaking giggled, I never giggled a day in my life! They all stopped, their eyes shimmering various shades of red and blue as their smiles widened. I gawked, afraid I might’ve done something wrong. Namjoon pressed a hand to my non-bruised arm, squeezing lightly, assuringly, “You have the most adorable laugh.”

I snorted, “I do not!”

“You actually do,” Hobi countered, “it’s bubbly and airy, like champagne.” He winked, sending my wrecked nerves into overdrive.

“Let’s stop teasing, she’s clearly uncomfortable.” Namjoon mocked, clearly in a teasing tone.

“It’s not that, I’m just…” I sighed, fixing my purse, “I’m not used to all the attention. I just assumed this would never happen to me, it’s a little…” I trailed off, thinking of the right word to express it.

“Overwhelming?” Namjoon tilted his head, trying to look me in the eyes. I nodded, clearly feeling that feeling now. Namjoon reached out and lifted my chin with his other hand. “It can be when you’re suddenly the center of attention.” I bit my bottom lip, nodding in agreement.

“Well you better get used to it Princess because you have four other wolves dying for your attention.” I heard Hobi say, watching his smirking gaze look past me. I slowly turned my head, seeing four other men—at least one I have met before—with bags in their hands, all smiling and waving at us. My god, were they all supposed to be this beautiful?

“We can practically hear that beautiful heart of yours going crazy.” Namjoon whispered to me, making me gasp in surprise at how close he was, “Just relax, baby. We’re just as normal as any other pack.” I felt my body sway, even with his hand still holding my arm. Taking a deep breath, I follow him, Hobi and Taehyung over to the rest of the men, introducing myself to everyone and saying hello to Jin once again.

“Hyung told me you were beautiful but he never said you were this beautiful, wow.” The one to speak was Jimin, with his icy blues flickering brighter before flaming out to a nice rich brown color. He looked unreal, almost angelic. With his sculpted jawline and pouty lips. His average height and build, only slightly muscular, and his jet black hair that reached the base of his neck. I felt like I’d turn to stone if I stared any longer. “Very happy I left the den today.” He laughed.

“Hyung? What does that mean?” I felt my head tilt, no doubt a curious look on my face. Their smiles never faltered, though I wish I knew what they were thinking about.

“In Korean culture, hyung means older brother. It’s a sign of respect to use honorifics when addressing someone.” Namjoon explained. I bit my lip, already feeling nervous about my second question,

“You’re gonna kick me for this but…?” I trailed off, which Namjoon figured out almost instantly, chuckling some as he shook his head,

“It’s okay, beautiful. Honorifics are titles used when addressing someone older or higher in status. I’m the leader of our pack and older than Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook. But I’m younger than Jin, Hobi and Yoongi. Leader or not, I show them respect, even though at this point in our relationship, we’ve sort of dropped honorifics.”

“So wait, who’s the oldest?” I asked, slightly confused.

“I am.” Jin raised his hand slightly, “Then it’s Yoongi and Hobi, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook.” After learning everyone’s age, I realized I was the youngest among them, “JK finally got his wish, he’s not the youngest anymore.” Jin laughed, the sound squeaky like windshield wipers. His laugh actually made me smile.

“And, forgive me, I’m still pretty new here, I think I’ve met everyone except you two,” I spoke softly, pointing towards Jungkook and Yoongi, “Which one is which?”

“I’m Yoongi.” His deep voice nearly made me froze as he spoke, reaching to grab my hand. Like Jimin and I, he was of average height, but with a slightly buff chest and arms. His skin was fairer than everyone else, even with his tan, making his long black hair stand out. And stretching along one of his eyes that seemed to shimmer a bright deep red the most was a long scar stretching from above his brow to the top of his cheek. By far, he felt the most intimidating? “That’s Jungkook. Nice to meet you, Akira.”

“H-Hi.” I stuttered before turning to the last member of the pack who was just as tall as Jin and Namjoon, with an even muscular—if not more—build. He too had long black hair reaching past his neck, with a lip and brow piercing and an entire sleeve tattoo. You would think out of all of them, he’d be the most intimidating one but when he smiles, it’s like he’s a human bunny. A fully grown puppy. He didn’t shake my hand, he fully hugged me, making me freeze, “Oh!”

“Jungkook—.” Namjoon started to warn him but I slowly started to relax, finding my hands slowly reaching to rest on his shoulder blades.

“She smells like chocolate chip cookies, hyung!” Jungkook giggled excitedly, pulling back to look at my overwhelmed face. His red eyes dimmed back to a dark, almost black color. “I like her!”

“I swear this kid has no filter.” Yoongi sighed, rubbing his temples. I giggled again and that seemed to make everyone growl. I’m starting to see that when they do, it’s a good thing, so I relax some more, “Anyway, Akira did you come alone?”

“N-No. I came with my mother and sister, we were getting things for the first dinner.” I replied softly. “It was a little overwhelming, I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“I’m sure whatever you picked out, our mothers will love them.” Hobi answered.

“Wait, all of your familial packs are ran by women??” Now I was truly nervous, women are way harder to impress, especially mothers!

“Well everyone’s except Jimin and Jin. Their fathers are the leaders, but I promise you have nothing to worry about. Our parents are actually really excited to meet you.” Taehyung shrugged, trying to make me feel at ease. I nodded, still nervous and worried, but not as much as before.

“We were actually about to meet up for lunch, would you like to join us?” Jin asked me. Everyone turned to me, waiting for my response. When I wasn’t looking at them, I was noticing the onlookers watching the eight of us.

“Um, ok, sure.” I nodded, clutching my purse strap once again. I felt Namjoon slip his fingers on the small of my back as we started heading towards the entrance of the mall, coming up on the store my mother, sister, and I were just recently in, “Oh, uh, can you give me a moment?” I went back inside the store, searching for my mother and sister. When I found them by the home goods section, I told them that I would be heading out to lunch with the pack.

“Ok but be home by dinner, we still have a few things to go over with you both.” I nodded, saying goodbye before heading back out the store. We left the mall, heading towards a large black SUV in the parking lot. I’ve never felt this comfortable around people, especially strangers, but it seemed the more I spent with them, the more at ease I started to feel. Maybe this was good for me.

“You know you should really consider the heels.”

Startled, I turned around to see Naomi standing in the doorway of my bedroom. By the end of the week, the family dinner had snuck up on me so quickly, I hadn’t realized how nervous I started to be. The whole time I had been fiddling with my hair, she snuck up on me. “I can barely walk in heels, I don’t usually have to wear any.”

“Still, this wrap dress would look good with some. Maybe grandmother has a pair your size?” I shrugged, nodding as I picked out my curls. It took two hours to put perm rods in my hair; didn’t help that my hair was as long and thick as it was but we made it work. I didn’t use any makeup as I didn’t have any besides lipgloss, I never went anywhere that there was an occasion for it. After fixing my hair and changing my shoes, thanks to my grandmother who just somehow magically had some (yeah they planned it), I left home with the rest of my immediate family and headed to dinner. Being that there’s so many of us, my parents had to rent out a banquet hall for all nine families to attend. I was just happy everything was catered and I didn’t have to cook anything.

When we arrived, I noticed Jackson and Yoongi outside, most likely waiting for Naomi and I. Though I had only met Yoongi last weekend, we managed to talk the most out of everyone. I guess whatever job he had, he had the most flexible hours, but he managed to text me the most. We even got comfortable talking on the phone, sometimes ranging from morning to when I'd eventually fall asleep. As soon as we parked, everyone got out of their cars. I quickly grabbed the gift bags before getting out, making sure everything was right. We started making our way to the entrance and Yoongi smiled, his cheeks all plump, teeth gummy and wide. I gave him back an even smaller smile, my nerves getting the best of me. “You look beautiful, Akira. Even more beautiful than the last we’ve met.”

“Yoongi please.” If I could blush, I’d be as red as a tomato right now. Laughing, he held out his arm for me to take, which I was grateful for as walking in heels of any kind wasn’t second nature to me. “I feel like I’m gonna be sick.” I paused; I had this overwhelming feeling of nausea settle deep within my stomach. I was scared. Terrified. What if the heads of their families didn’t like me? What if I embarrassed myself? My family? What if I embarrass the guys?

“Akira? Jagiya, are you alright?” Both Yoongi and I turned to the entrance of the hall, Taehyung came rushing over. I felt Yoongi’s grip tighten on my hip as I stumbled, the nausea hitting me once again. “Yoongi-hyung, what’s happening?”

“She’s nervous, Taehyungie. She needs to rest.” I turned towards Yoongi, shaking my head slightly,

“No, I can do this, I can get through it, I’m just really nervous.” I just really don’t wanna mess this up. I kept telling myself that, but really, I couldn’t make it two steps before pushing the gifts in Yoongi and Taehyung’s arms and running to the nearest bathroom, heels nearly tripping me up as I struggled to open the door. I ran to the first stall and threw everything up. I could feel my stomach tighten at every hurl, and the burning in the back of my throat and eyes grew worse. When I finished, I flushed away everything and went to the sinks. I rinsed out my mouth, washed my hands and wet my face. “I can do this. I can do this, it’s just dinner.” I whispered to myself.

After composing myself, making sure my dress or hair wasn’t out of place, I headed back to the door to leave. It felt like I ran into a brick wall the minute I stumbled into a hard body. Strong hands stopped me from falling and instantly, the deja vu engulfed me. I looked up just in time to see Namjoon staring down at me. My bottom lip trembled as I fixed my mouth to apologize but he spoke first, “Beautiful, I felt your distress, are you okay? We were worried.” My eyes quickly caught the faces of all seven men standing outside the bathroom, each one looking incredibly worried. “Are you feeling sick?”

“A little but,” realizing how close we stood, I pushed on his chest some, but he wouldn’t budge, “it’s just nerves, Namjoon, I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Say the word. We can leave right now.” Jimin proposed the idea and instantly, everyone agreed. I shook my head, grabbing onto Namjoon’s forearm for balance, “I am fine. You’re gonna make everyone worried about all of you coming out here like this—.”

“We don’t care about everyone else, we care about you.” Jungkook interrupted, making me pause. “Our families would understand, if something is wrong with our mate, they would understand.” I could tell he was feeling anxious, they all were, about me getting sick. I looked up at Namjoon and squeezed his arm. He nodded back, letting me go, as if he knew that I needed to reassure Jungkook that I was fine. I moved away, taking a few steps towards Jungkook, who instantly had his hands out for me.

“I’m okay, Jungkook. I promise.” I squeezed his wrist, then looked around at the group, letting them know I was fine, “When I get nervous, I get a little nauseated. This is a huge night for everyone and I guess…I guess I was scared of embarrassing you…” My eyes found the carpeted floor more appealing as awkward tension filled my body. Jungkook’s fingers rubbed the small of my back. He then used his other hand to raise my chin, making my head tilt slightly so that we were eye to eye,

“You could never embarrass us. You’re perfect, Akira.” I closed my eyes, shocked at the feel of his lips kissing my cheek. I bowed my head slightly, feeling his chin rest on top of my head. Why is my heart fluttering like this?

“They’re waiting, shall we go, love?” Hobi questioned, waiting for me to give the go ahead, no one else. I nodded, pulling away from Jungkook slightly,

“Let’s do this.”

[jackklinemybeloved]

trying to connect the watcher bullshit with the way media companies on YouTube have regularly failed. Can’t figure out how to be coherent yet but ohhhh boy when I do.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

childhood friend!sugu vs childhood friend!toru

YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE .

thank you for saying this anon i’ve been thinking of it a lot actually. i’m morally and legally binded to choose childhood friend!sugu no matter what because he’s literally……. my favorite Ever. and i think the inherent devotion of the childhood friend trope blends soooo well with his natural devotion. his protective urges. etcetc. i have wayyyy too many thoughts about childhood friend!sugu 😭 but it mostly boils down to him wanting to be by your side forever. he wants to make you happy and he wants to protect you and he knows you so well that he doesn’t trust anyone else to love you like he can. he’s selfish and he wants you to lean on him more than he wants anything for himself.

childhood friend!toru though….. i feel like he would be your estranged childhood friend. that makes most sense to me :3 like, you met when you were really really young, and ended up playing together in an empty park. he was a brat, kind of quiet, and you were just sweet, y’know? you were the closest thing to a friend he had as a child. then you ended up moving away, he never got to say goodbye… and you meet again as adults. you don’t remember him — it was just so, so long ago — but he remembers you. he remembers you a little too well.

so now you just kinda have to deal with this tall, handsome, cheery man who keeps talking to you like you’re best friends even though you literally don’t remember him…. he’s sweet though. a little annoying, but sweet. he has a soft spot for you. i think having anything remotely close to a childhood friend makes him feel human in a way he can’t help but crave.

sooooo. overall!!! both are good :3 i will always be a childhood friend!sugu truther before anything else but childhood friend!toru has sm potential..

[daylighteclipsed]

ive been replaying kh1 (going thru the whole series on steam since i never got the chance to play all the games) and i was struck by something a bit odd. i have been dyinggg to talk about it

it's about kairi and her past.

i don't think she's a replica or construct necessarily

but in kh2 there's a parallel drawn between her and sally in halloween town; and the same i think could be true in kh1.

sally is a Frankenstein monster/doll made by the doctor. the entire plot of Halloween town centers around the need for the dr to make a "heart" which requires memories from Sally (the scene of her picking the forget me nots looks a lot like kairi holding a flower for aqua too)

sora takes interest in the project to restore a heart to the heartless too because of his desire to restore Kairi's heart.

i havent really come up with a coherent thought about what this means.

but given that we know kairi was experimented on in a way that involved her heart, it just seems suspicious that this parallel was made twice to her and a doll that was stitched together and animated by a mad scientist.

shes also compared to chirithy in kh3, which from my understanding were created by MoM for keyblade weilders; and to Pooh, who is a toy/story book character that came to life

given too that Kairi already has a weird thing going on with her heart, it just seems possible that theres something..more to it that i have yet to piece together. and its driving me crazy

NO, WAIT… ANON YOU’RE COOKING. Idk what it all means either, but those parallels are so good and so true. Cause there definitely is something artificial about Kairi’s heart, even if just partially. It was experimented on, like you said, and it looks completely different than the organic hearts we see, and I suspect that’s why we’ve never seen Kairi’s heart station. Because it’s (at least partially) artificial. It would look totally different than all the other heart stations and would probably give away what’s going on.

[daydreamerdrew]

The Power Fantasy (2024) #6 and #2

[maliciousalice]

Hear me out (or don't... it's fine I'm just venting and mean) yeah um I don't believe Chakotay was saved in Prod*gy s2.

[arundolyn]

i don't really know how to articulate this super clearly but i really appreciate that like. kuon conceptually with the 8 floaty swords behind him could very easily have turned out like a murakumo knockoff and im impressed by how visually and stylistically distinct he is. its really nice

[solar-nightengale]

@lizardthelizard You wanted my thoughts, you're getting them 😏 Three and a half weeks later but you're still getting them ehehehe 😌😌😌 (Idk what to make of them so have fun with that word wall of mayhem)

August 2.18 | Zelena 3.16

[dailymothanon]

I’m not that good at drawing g1 Soundwave so I decided to do some practice 😎 ofc with some tweak of the design so that it was more pleasing to me. Also, what color optics yall think he has? Most of the time when I see the headcanon it’s just about always golden 🤔 which I find interesting! To me it’s nearly like a parallel to Shockwaves’s yellow/golden optic, so again very interesting

So I also decided to see what he might look like with either red or golden 🤔 both kinda go hard so I can’t really pick one

The gang does not appreciate his drip 😔

[xinganhao]

🍨 svt spoiling their partner.

★ prompt: how ot13 spoils their partner? 🥹🥹🥹 i am just a girl give me treats c/o @shinwonderful

ⓘ established relationship, pet names, fluff. headcanons under the cut. special thanks to @chugging-antiseptic-dye for helping! ♡

🍨 read more?

seungcheol 𖹭 planning dates. he will refuse to let you lift a finger for your day out. everything will be meticulously laid out, finetuned to be something that you'll enjoy. his goal is to lessen the mental load of decision-making and planning; he wants you to be able to focus solely on enjoying the surprise, and he'll break his back to make sure that happens.

jeonghan 𖹭 'parallel play'. even if the two of you might not be interested in the same things, that's okay. he's happiest to spend quality time with you at home, where the two of you are free to do your own thing within eachother's presence. just being in your vicinity already makes him content, and so he plans everything around the two of you getting to explore and share your respective hobbies.

shua 𖹭 acts of service. need help with your taxes? need someone to fill up your tank? he's already on it. he'll say that these are all 'little things', call it the bare minimum, when it's apparent that he makes it a conscious effort to make your day-to-day easier. his brand of spoiling you comes in the form of quietly doing things that will improve your quality of life.

junhui 𖹭 buying clothes you'll like. he can't help it, really. when he sees an article of clothing that he thinks suits your style? when he finds a local brand that shares your advoacy? he's already pulling out his wallet. he likes the idea of dressing you up. nothing makes him happier than knowing you're wearing an outfit that he entirely picked out for you.

soonyoung 𖹭 daily reasons why he loves you. people always joke that he has a bit of a motormouth, so why shouldn't he use it on talking about you, you, you? he's big on words of affirmation, on making sure you never doubt how he feels for you. he'll point out the little and big things that make him adore you, and it's never the same reason twice.

wonwoo 𖹭 indulging your interests. he may not always understand these trends— blind boxes, must-have fashion pieces, et cetera— but he'll never make you feel bad about it. if there's anything that you want, he's already doing everything within his power to get it. his greatest joy is seeing your face light up once he's gotten you your 'priority' item; it's why he keeps doing it in the first place.

jihoon 𖹭 trying new things for you. there's a long list of things that jihoon never thought he'd do, but then he started dating you. time and time again, he willingly goes out of his comfort zone to accompany you on the little adventures and experiences that you ask to go on. he does these things scared, does them anxious, does them begrudgingly,— does them all for you.

seokmin 𖹭 meals he thinks you'll like. he's the type to have dozens of tabs open for homemade recipes dot com. he knows he's an amateur at this, but he's undeterred in trying. whether it's a trending pastry on tiktok or the comfort meal that your mother makes you, he's determined to learn it so you're always eating well.

mingyu 𖹭 getting-to-know card games. he gives as good as he takes, which means mingyu's way is to listen and remember. a night where the two of you can just have deep conversations with no interruptions is his ideal evening. he will know he succeeded if the two of you end up talking until the sun rises, feeling like the hours haven't passed at all.

minghao 𖹭 postcards from tour stops. he loves art and he loves you. his postcards are pocket-sized reminders of those facts, always packaged with a few choice words that are sweet and sincere. his trinkets are very "i-got-you-this-because-it-reminded-me-of-you" in nature, and you know each one was purchased with you at the front of mind.

seungkwan 𖹭 getting you your favorites. he figures he should put his industry connections to use somehow. he's always amused by how happy you get over a rare photocard, signed album, or concert tickets, and so he keeps it up. buying dozens of albums, contacting other labels, bearing the arduous ticketing. your excitement at the end of it makes it all worth it.

vernon 𖹭 producing songs. he hadn't really pegged himself as the making-music-for-the-sake-of-it type until he met you. now, he revels in getting to send you a track that's for your ears only. all the lyrics just seems to flow naturally when it's you inspiring him, and so he sends you works-in-progress with reminders that you're the only intended audience.

chan 𖹭 at-home massages. he's all too familiar with the aches of an ailing body, so he knows exactly how and where to work on you. he always does what he calls 'the works'— a good bath, scented candles, essential oils. he lets you take your time, and he takes his time with you in helping you unwind.

› scroll through all my work ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ my masterlist | @xinganhao

[inkykeiji]

omg clari sweetie i just read your post about tokyo revengers and LISTEN i hate the time travel plot thingy too but when i tell you i got struck HARD by tokrev i'm not kidding,,,,, like my friends watched it first and i didn't want it to bc of the time-travel but once i saw the first season and got into the manga i just couldn't dig myself out of that hole. i have never hyperfixated so much about a media in my life like i did with tokrev and its characters... not even bnha, jjk, haikyuu!! or bsd. NOT EVEN CLOSE. i'm not lying when i tell you some of the characters and their adult selfs in tokrev are everything you dream about touya-nii and bmb!tomura <33333 you can search ‘bonten’ if you want some insight about what you can find if you give it a chance 👀

ahhhh i dunno anon!! i really don’t feel interested in it. i just looked up how many timelines there are and two separate posts said there are at least six >.< that already sounds so convoluted??? i dunno like maybe it’s handled really well and in a way that isn’t confusing and tangled and is written fantastically; i can’t make any concrete judgements, i don’t know. but there’s genuinely nothing that’s catching my eye here. i love organized crime, but if it’s involved in several people jumping back and forth between the past and the present my interest has withered to ash.

if there’s something specific you think i might actually like about this series that’ll make it worth investing time into, you’re totally welcome to tell me, spoilers and all (tho don’t feel pressured!!! obv you absolutely do not have to! it isn’t ur job to convince me HAHA). otherwise, i think it’s just not for me!

[prettealolilol]

i like to think about the duality of the kids about people shipping Bruce with anyone, because the guy has been elected as the most handsome man in the country for years, has this whole playboy Brucie persona and is often seen with someone at his arms (men and women)

on one side, they'll be like "ew god no, i do not want to imagine dad like-" and "oh my god some people actually ship Bantman and Joker wtf ??" and they'll do their best to filter every social media to avoid any thirsty or shipping content about Bruce

when the press ask them about it, they be like:

Tim : "Would you like it if I asked about your thoughts on your dad cheating on your mom with his secretary ? No ? Then mind your own business." when the dad was in fact cheating with his secretary and now everybody knew because Tim was live when he answered

Jason, pulling out a gun : "i swear to god i'll shoot the next person who asks me this and then i'll shoot myself. Ugh, do i look like i fucking care about the old man's sex life ?"

Dick, smiling uncomfortably : "i don't really live at the manor anymore and i barely see him with my job so you know..." when it has been in fact a week he's been sleeping at the manor after patrolling with Batman

Damian, frowning as usual, looking at the guy who asked him as if he did not have a brain : "Father is careful in not mixing his carnal activities with the family life so i do not have any hindsight on his sex life. i do not wish to know regardless." the journalist is taken aback by the explicit answer of this ten year old, while his brothers are trying not to laugh behind him (Jason was not hiding his snickering)

on the other side, you cannot tell me those guys are not the biggest shippers in the world

like Jason would want Batman to date Wonder Woman just so she could be his step mom. i strongly believe the guy has a ao3 and tumblr account and is very much active on both. he definitely reads batman x green lantern fics just to annoy Bruce (even though his dad has no idea, but still gets shivers when Jason is reading one)

Dick and Duke both ship SuperBat although for different reasons. for Dick, that's his uncle there, he was there when they met and saw them as they slowly became best friends. he strongly believes they are made for each other. Duke just think it would be super cool (no pun intended) if the Superman and the Batman were dating.

Stephanie just likes to roll with it, some days she feels like shipping superbat, others she'll be more into batcat, or batlantern. she's pretty volatile and doesn't really have a favourite, but when she gets into one she's all in. she'll be arguing and insulting people online who disagrees, sharing crazy theories...

Cass doesn't really care, she'll listen to any of her siblings ranting about their thoughts (especially Steph) and juts find it adorable (and funny how much they care)

Tim probably ships superbat because they are completely opposed, and he finds the parallels really interesting. he definitely writes fics (Jay reads his fics and they exchange about it without knowing it's each other)

Damian doesn't really see the point. but he has drawn of few fanart (Jason tried to bribe him with money once and Damian had to remind him of his inheritance) when Bruce benched Tim and him and he ended up drawing some batlantern that Tim printed and plastered all over the manor. Bruce had to restrain the access to the printer (Tim hacked into it the next day)

Barbara, although she doesn't really ship, is the one you go to if you search some content, she'll find you the most heart wrenching, 200 thousand words, slow brun, angst/comfort fics you'll ever read (the type of fic that changes you deep into your soul). she still likes debating with the batkid

Regardless, if there's one things they all agree on, it is Bruceman (love those fics were the batkids just go along with it). like it's hilarious but the fans make some pretty good points and they are in fact impressed. it's also the safest ship as it would not happen in any situations so they don't have to worry about their dad being stolen

[mandalhoerian]

Repost because tumblr's tags were broken yesterday and it ate my post up 😞 Spoilers and translation notes for Rafayel's intertidal zone & analysis because it kinda floored me, I was just as a blank page as he was throughout this. I had to watch it like 5 times to understand what the story was saying and dig into chinese and japanese versions of this to piece together what was really happening. It may be my idiot brain not getting it and maybe it was like the easiest thing to understand for you but. Yeah. I may be just dumb LMFAO AND!!!! There's also a theory of mine into how Rafayel is actually able to read mc's mind/wishes through their lemurian bond, so stay tuned for that I guess

EDIT: correcting some transcriptions of chinese characters and the translations. sorry about that! google couldn't transcribe it correctly. for clarity's sake i will also include original screenshots. please tell me if anything is wrong!

EDIT 2: Check out part 2 to this as well for stuff I missed!

EDIT 3: An Abysswalker connection I found

EDIT 4: Debunking the myths of non-consent & Rafayel hurting MC in the spicy scene

So Rafayel’s whole deal in this memory, I believe, is dependency. Like, too much intensity, too much need, too much fear -- about scaring her off, about what he sees himself possibly becoming in the future, overall just being too reliant on mc and getting scared by it.

Let's begin with this massive fear of being a taker, not just in the “I’m stealing someone’s fries” way, but in this existential, soul-deep kind of way where he’s terrified of turning everything he loves into something he exploits out of demand for his art. And yeah, it’s sad when you first hear him say it, but it’s also really interesting when you look at how this all ties into his relationship with MC and his inspiration source drying up because of her.

Before Rafayel became an artist, he looked at the world in this super pure, wholesome way. Sceneries and nature were just there, things to admire and feel awe over without needing to do anything about it. Like, imagine standing at the edge of a desert, looking at a sea that’s drying up. Sure, it’s tragic, but it’s also kind of beautiful in a raw, heartbreaking way. That’s how Rafayel saw things, he could appreciate them without feeling like he had to do anything.

But then Rafayel started creating, and suddenly, sceneries weren’t just sceneries anymore. They became inspiration. He wasn’t just admiring beauty, he was extracting something from it, its meaning, its pain, its soul, to turn into art for other people. And that made him feel all kinds of icky, because now he wasn’t just looking at the drying sea. He was taking from it. Just as he's using his people's pain in his art as well, that's also a thing.

Now let’s talk about MC. Rafayel loves her like he used to love those sceneries,,, in this pure, untainted way. There's a parallel here. But here’s the kicker, he’s not the same guy who can just admire something and leave it untouched anymore.

And suddenly, this is no longer only about losing inspiration for him.

This happens after he and MC get together, and it’s like all the pain and anguish that used to fuel his creativity just.. ... dries up. He can’t find that spark anymore because now his life is surrounded by love instead of suffering. In fact, his inspiration starts coming from her and it's starting to clash with how he makes art. In the phone call, he seeks her out and says he needs her so bad and she only needs to talk to help him out. This is the first wink wink nod nod of the story.

So what does Rafayel do? He goes on this big, dramatic trip to "find inspiration" (or at least his muse), but it’s not just about his art. He’s not just looking for inspiration, he’s trying to figure out how to be less dependent on her and becoming increasingly more restless over this. The temparature and physical discomfort is making things worse, he's anxiously overthinking, and imagine trying to fight this and the longest art block as of late off when all you want to do is indulge in this special person and be comforted like a lap cat all day every day.

He understands that if he lets himself indulge without restraint, one day his love for mc will turn into pure need. He’ll become more and more greedy, and he doesn’t want that and is afraid of being abandoned because of that growing neediness and dependency.

This is in relation to his art, because as @/dat-silvers-girl put in the comments, he's struggling with "the genuine fear of not being able to enjoy anything in life because all you're thinking about how to use it (as an artist)" . what if he starts doing this to her? to their love and relationship? take from her, and become someone who only takes in every area of life -- like someone who only exploits things by extracting what he feels about them to use it for his art. he's afraid of that, he doesn't like that and possibly doesn't like himself who does it. so why should she? she would leave him for sure, in his head, that's a solid reason to.

The first time around he brings up his anxiety about MC leaving him out of the inner realization of his dependency, the possibility of just what he can become, and fear of abandonment. she effortlessly soothes his worries. It's heavily implied they did it afterwards and after hearing "her life has already been consumed by him" he tweaked out a little bit and his "obsession" seeped through.

After it fades to black, he says ほら……僕もとっくに……君に侵食されてしまっているんだ…… which means "See... I've already been completely consumed by you too" in Japanese instead of the life being made a chaotic mess localization. While I think MC's line was jokey and lighthearted, I don't think this man is joking at all. Rafayel didn't say his life was consumed by her as well, he said HE was consumed. Ouh.

This took the edge off from him for a while but they hadn't gotten to the root of the problem yet, so he was back to square one after the memorial hall, because remember, he's trying to find inspiration as an act of making this dependency of his better. Pain and suffering are all around him here, which his inspiration feeds off of. The dried up ocean he could hear weakening, the skeleton of the whale, the burden of his people and homeland more prominent than before. And what does MC do? Tear through the perspective of pain and introduce a hopeful alternative, "Isn't it a surprise to see an ocean in the middle of the desert?"

This is a place that gave Rafayel the height of helplessness and suffering when he visited by himself before despite momentarily being hopeful after the locals told him such a place existed. But now, she was there to comfort him through his loneliness and pain, hug him, and give him hope yet again. He brings up how he wanted to come here with the most important person to him when he was still hopeful about it before consumed by the pain of it all, and that wish has been granted. That moment has to be so powerful for Rafayel. Literally light at the end of the tunnel.

It had me reeling that he just sat in the car after all that, staring at her for god knows how long until she woke up. He was probably overthinking again, but my interpretation that it was heavily emotional for him (it could have meant so little for MC but the world for him, she doesn't even know) and he wanted to be in that moment with her, just feel and look without restraint. Indulge a little. (I can just imagine him going just a little bit more, I'll go after she wakes up.) And like. His eyes are shining in the darkness is the description here. Perhaps he was feeling so much here. So much love. So much happiness. And he's about to go in for a kiss (heavy breathing and everything) after that, but holds himself back and actively has to pry himself away. He's feeling the neediness again.

That’s why he makes an effort to actively wean himself off and says he'll be okay on his own. What he says to her after MC is like "spoiling him" being all "hey you're sick maybe don't go? or let's go together?" (which is NOT helping Rafayel at all) is even more meaningful in Japanese and I didn't know why they left out this context, but the rearranged line would be "Do you want me to become a sea creature beached on the sand after the sea recedes, unable to breathe on my own ever again?"

Yeah. YEAH. This is about dependency. (He's saying don't coddle me I'll literally become that wolf tearing his shirt meme 😭)

So of course his stubbornness and anxiety force him to do things without MC and distance himself, he can do it. He’s determined to prove to himself that he can endure it on his own.

I also feel like part of the reason he insisted on going to the salon alone is that he’s still worried mc might come to dislike the version of him who's someone he's so sure she will leave, who isn't perfect and he hides behind the persona he's put up just for her. If he truly becomes addicted to her and shows her everything/his true self, and she ends up leaving him, it would completely break him. He's trying to be like "im so normal about her haha" but he's so not normal about her at all. He's literally obsessed I feel like, and perhaps this is him fighting it knowing it's not healthy.

and OOOH about why he ends up coming back from the salon all hot and bothered.

I have strong context that she flicked the bean in there after he left her high and dry in the car ("hot water washes away the stickiness from my body and his stifled breaths still echo in my ears, enveloping me along with the steam in the bathroom. The warmth from his fingertips lingers in the places where he touched me..." is the english. however, in chinese, it goes "熱水洗去身上的黏膩，壓抑的喘息迴盪在我耳畔，和浴室裡氤氳的水氣一起包裹著我." stating "the suppressed breathing" -- which doesn't have any possessive adjectives when I translated it on google and later explicitly asked chatgpt if it had any his/my adjectives involved, just to be sure. it said no but i'd like it if a real chinese speaking person could give their input on this !!! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME WITH CHATGPT

so um. if the context is in fact the case that he heard her masturbating to him, the intensity with which he attacked her would be normal, I think 😭

I have belief that MC unconsciously shatters his "training himself to be without her" determination through their bond. She just keeps thinking about him the entire time. about him reading her thoughts, though. we still don't know all about the lemurian bond they share. I’d say it grants him some sort of mind/heart reading ability or connects their minds together (when she was thinking about whether she should hug him, he answered “yes”).

At the salon, I imagine Rafayel was already thinking about her like crazy. Then he realized, or perhaps, "heard" she was still worrying about him and thinking of him (as much he thought about her) and decided to go back. Rafayel probably felt that suppressing himself was only making her more anxious and unsettled. She's thinking all about him, unconsciously calling to him to come to her, she didn't want to let him go at all, wanted to go with him, etc...

but even if it was his own decision and no mind reading was involved... uh. If you ask me. He did quite literally hear her after coming back. That's also something that might make him think she wants him as much as he wants her, which made his self-restraint utterly meaningless from the start.

Disregarding this theory of mine proven wrong until a Chinese speaker helps me out here, MC returned to Rafayel's room. A translation omission happened here from what I saw. There are no possessive adjectives in the Chinese text about the room she returns to, and the Japanese one states she returned to the guest room (doesn't specify which one. She was also able to enter Rafayel's room without needing to knock before.)

so uh. she went into rafayel's room y'all. the line "this is my room, you're the one who walked in here" MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE. (SO LIKE. NOT ONLY DID SHE GO INTO HIS ROOM, SHE FLICKED THE BEAN THERE AND HE POSSIBLY HEARD IT. SHE'S MORE OF A FREAK THAN HE IS, I UNDERSTAND WHY HE LET GO AFTER THAT LMFAO)

I don't put it past him to get worked up after he finds her in his room post-bath even without my theory lmfao (idk why they put her in a dress when she should be in a bathrobe or something 😭)

His conclusion at the end of this memory that "he finds inspiration in pain and the art of creation is a part of his life. mc made him realize love and art are so alike. even if they don't complete him but burn him instead he wants them (love and art) with every fiber of his being" and MC says she doesn't like that, rightfully so.

So like. There's SO MUCH to unpack in here.

When Rafayel says he finds inspiration in pain and that creation is a part of his life, he’s admitting something raw and essential about himself: pain isn’t just a byproduct of his art, it’s intrinsic to it. For Rafayel, pain and art are intertwined in a way that’s almost inseparable. It’s like his muse isn’t just beauty, but beauty that hurts.

But then he takes this further by connecting art to love. He’s realized that both art and love demand the same from him: vulnerability, passion, and sometimes suffering. They don’t necessarily complete him (he’s not romanticizing them as salvation), but they burn him, wear him down, consume him (coincidentally, this is something he said to MC in the JP dub of this memory, that she consumes him), but also give him life. And for Rafayel, that’s the crux, even if they burn him, he wants them with every fiber of his being.

This is such a Rafayel thing to say. It’s dramatic, it’s tortured, but it’s also deeply SUBTLE. He doesn't spell all of these out, mind you, I got a headache trying to understand him. Or I'm just slow, I don't know. It shows how much he values creation and connection, even if they come at a cost.

MC, on the other hand, challenges this perspective. When she says she doesn’t like that he views love and art as things that burn him, she’s pushing back against the idea that suffering is a necessary part of creation, or love. MC doesn’t want Rafayel to see their relationship as something that requires him to hurt. She’s telling him, “You don’t have to destroy yourself to love me.”

When MC says, “You’ll never have to burn for me,” she’s giving Rafayel an alternative to his destructive mindset. She’s saying that love doesn’t have to hurt, that their relationship can exist without him sacrificing himself on the altar of passion. It’s a refusal to let Rafayel romanticize pain as the price of love.

And I love that Rafayel goes, "Will you help me look for other parts in life outside of pain?" in response. This is NOT about art or inspiration anymore, and the way the dialogue is written is just AUGH. Again I had to rewatch this over and over again for the nuances and subtext.

I love MC's response, she knew exactly what to say. “I’ll always be the one who walks along the shore with you. Of course, diving into the sea bed is fine too. If it can snow in the desert, there will be a day when the ocean returns.”

MC’s response is layered with metaphors, but at its core, it’s about unwavering support and hope::

Walking along the shore: This represents safety and companionship. MC is saying she’ll be with Rafayel in the calm, in the moments where they’re just observing life without diving into its depths. She’ll be his steady presence, his grounding force.

Diving into the sea bed: This is an acknowledgment that life and love sometimes require going deeper and they may go through hardships, into the unknown, the murky, the challenging. MC isn’t afraid of this, she’s willing to go there with him too.

Snow in the desert and the ocean’s return: This is a symbol of hope and transformation beyond being a nod to The Sea of Golden Sand. Snow in the desert seems impossible, just like the idea of Rafayel finding inspiration outside of pain might feel impossible to him. But MC believes in the extraordinary, in change, and in the possibility that beauty and creation can exist outside of suffering.

Her words are a promise: she’s willing to stand by him, to face the unknown together, and to hold onto the belief that a new way of seeing the world is possible.

And Rafayel LOWKEY PROPOSES IN RETURN.

By saying “let’s watch the sea together,” he’s accepting MC’s offer of companionship and hope in the long run. He’s recognizing that life doesn’t have to be about diving into the depths alone, it can be about sharing the experience with someone else, even if it’s just standing on the shore and watching.

“Every sea”: This phrase is key. Rafayel isn’t just committing to one kind of life or one kind of inspiration, he’s opening himself up to all possibilities. Watching every sea means embracing all facets of life, whether they’re calm or turbulent, painful or beautiful. It’s a marriage proposal declaration that he’s ready to explore the world beyond pain, with MC by his side.

So. I love that his inspiration returns after his freak is accepted by MC because he literally feels the acceptance through the bond.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. This memory DRAINED me. They were just supposed to bang what the fuck happened. Why did I have to go treasure hunting to find what was going on in this card. anyway...