#but when i say the so what test i just mean for me individually and personally
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holocene-sims · 11 months ago
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a sneak peek for an upcoming (timeline tbd) update 😊
#holocene.txt#hlcn: story extras#consider this a thanks for the kind words on gratitude day :)#i wanna respond to everyone individually when i have time and also wax poetic about how much every comment means to me#it really does mean a lot#it's been a rough year and a very lonely year like i'm genuinely just so :/#i lost both of my grandmothers this year very suddenly and the holidays feel empty now and i'm dealing with scary health issues#i finally had a brain mri after waiting for it to get scheduled since JUNE and now i have to wait on results and undergo some other testing#and i'm losing my mind a little because i planned a nice christmas gift for my mom and it feels ruined because the post office lost it#and my dad ruined the whole surprise of it by calling customer support on speaker phone with her in the room...and she ofc heard everything#i just wanted something nice for my mom :( she deserves it and although i have other gifts for her still it's not all what i planned#i don't mean to rant but i just wanted to add context when i say it means a lot that anyone even remotely likes my pixels#i may not know most of you very well *yet* (trying to fix that!!) but it's nice to feel a little support from somewhere :) beyond nice#and sorry for being absent a lot this year but i swear i have so much appreciation for y'all and i love you and your pixels dearly#i always feel bad like maybe it doesn't seem like i care in return bc i'm offline a lot now but i really do!! i care a lot!! love y'all xox
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icewindandboringhorror · 9 days ago
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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inkykeiji · 2 years ago
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omg clari sweetie i just read your post about tokyo revengers and LISTEN i hate the time travel plot thingy too but when i tell you i got struck HARD by tokrev i'm not kidding,,,,, like my friends watched it first and i didn't want it to bc of the time-travel but once i saw the first season and got into the manga i just couldn't dig myself out of that hole. i have never hyperfixated so much about a media in my life like i did with tokrev and its characters... not even bnha, jjk, haikyuu!! or bsd. NOT EVEN CLOSE. i'm not lying when i tell you some of the characters and their adult selfs in tokrev are everything you dream about touya-nii and bmb!tomura <33333 you can search ‘bonten’ if you want some insight about what you can find if you give it a chance 👀
ahhhh i dunno anon!! i really don’t feel interested in it. i just looked up how many timelines there are and two separate posts said there are at least six >.< that already sounds so convoluted??? i dunno like maybe it’s handled really well and in a way that isn’t confusing and tangled and is written fantastically; i can’t make any concrete judgements, i don’t know. but there’s genuinely nothing that’s catching my eye here. i love organized crime, but if it’s involved in several people jumping back and forth between the past and the present my interest has withered to ash.
if there’s something specific you think i might actually like about this series that’ll make it worth investing time into, you’re totally welcome to tell me, spoilers and all (tho don’t feel pressured!!! obv you absolutely do not have to! it isn’t ur job to convince me HAHA). otherwise, i think it’s just not for me!
#i searched bonten and all i got was that they’re the most ruthless gang in tokyo#which is great!#but like ????? it’s the so what test#we used to use this in uni to make our writing and essays better#you basically just ask ‘okay; but so what? why do i care?’ it sounds kind of rude but it isn’t supposed to be hahaha#so i’m like#alright cool a super sadistic gang#but so what????????#i don’t care for the characters; i don’t care for the story; i don’t care for the artwork#i can’t find much about the themes or like *why* i’d be interested in this#with bsd it was like okay; it’s got hot guys and organized crime and the literature connection is really really cool#and importantly it (finally!) isn’t a shonen#does that make sense??? like i know the gangs have story revelance obv#but when i say the so what test i just mean for me individually and personally#like i read about it and i’m like ‘so what tho? like why do *i* in particular care?’#idk how else to explain it other than that but i swear it’s meant in a neutral friendly tone hahaha#also okay don’t crucify me but;;;;;; i think the characters are really ugly LMAO#anyway i am once again rambling#i just don’t see the appeal :(#also between you and i parallel universes and time travel and several timelines really spikes my anxiety for reasons i can’t discuss here#genuinely found out about bsd beast and i was like ‘oh god no really?????’ but it felt a lot more like a ‘what if!’ than canon#also the novel was v good#ANYWAY#my apologies anon#i’m glad you enjoy it so much tho!!! that’s awesome and it’s always so heartwarming to find something so special to you <3#i hope u had a great day!!!#stay safe out there and don’t forget to drink water!!!#inky.bb#clari gets mail
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were--ralph · 11 months ago
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why exactly do you dislike generative art so much? i know its been misused by some folks, but like, why blame a tool because it gets used by shitty people? Why not just... blame the people who are shitty? I mean this in genuinely good faith, you seem like a pretty nice guy normally, but i guess it just makes me confused how... severe? your reactions are sometimes to it. There's a lot of nuance to conversation about it, and by folks a lot smarter than I (I suggest checking out the Are We Art Yet or "AWAY" group! They've got a lot on their page about the ethical use of Image generation software by individuals, and it really helped explain some things I was confused about). I know on my end, it made me think about why I personally was so reactive about Who was allowed to make art and How/Why. Again, all this in good faith, and I'm not asking you to like, Explain yourself or anything- If you just read this and decide to delete it instead of answering, all good! I just hope maybe you'll look into *why* some people advocate for generative software as strongly as they do, and listen to what they have to say about things -🦜
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if Ai genuinely generated its own content I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it, however what Ai currently does is scrape other people's art, collect it, and then build something based off of others stolen works without crediting them. It's like. stealing other peoples art, mashing it together, then saying "this is mine i can not only profit of it but i can use it to cut costs in other industries.
this is more evident by people not "making" art but instead using prompts. Its like going to McDonalds and saying "Burger. Big, Juicy, etc, etc" then instead of a worker making the burger it uses an algorithm to build a burger based off of several restaurant's recepies.
example
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the left is AI art, the right is one of the artists (Lindong) who it pulled the art style from. it's literally mass producing someone's artstyle by taking their art then using an algorithm to rebuild it in any context. this is even more apparent when you see ai art also tries to recreate artists watermarks and generally blends them together making it unintelligible.
Aside from that theres a lot of other ethical problems with it including generating pretty awful content, including but not limited to cp. It also uses a lot of processing power and apparently water? I haven't caught up on the newer developements i've been depressed about it tbh
Then aside from those, studios are leaning towards Ai generation to replace having to pay people. I've seen professional voice actors complain on twitter that they haven't gotten as much work since ai voice generation started, artists are being cut down and replaced by ai art then having the remaining artists fix any errors in the ai art.
Even beyond those things are the potential for misinformation. Here's an experiment: Which of these two are ai generated?
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ready?
These two are both entirely ai generated. I have no idea if they're real people, but in a few months you could ai generate a Biden sex scandal, you could generate politics in whatever situation you want, you can generate popular streamers nude, whatever. and worse yet is ai generated video is already being developed and it doesn't look bad.
I posted on this already but as of right now it only needs one clear frame of a body and it can generate motion. yeah there are issues but it's been like two years since ai development started being taken seriously and we've gotten to this point already. within another two years it'll be close to perfected. There was even tests done with tiktokers and it works. it just fucking works.
There is genuinely not one upside to ai art. at all. it's theft, it's harming peoples lives, its harming the environment, its cutting jobs back and hurting the economy, it's invading peoples privacy, its making pedophilia accessible, and more. it's a plague and there's no vaccine for it. And all because people don't want to take a year to learn anatomy.
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ririblogsss · 6 months ago
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Damian and the strays
ok look we all know the de aged dani (Danny and Dan). But what if we have siblings/ triplets, and I mean what if we take them all the same age (15/16) and make them into the most powerful trio in school . I mean you have 3 good looking individuals all siblings and in the same way, they all excel in different things (Dan-world history, Dani/Ellie- science Sports, Danny physics), but they are all so easy going and charming plus they are all jacked af.
Like tell me if i'm wrong but they would be beloved maybe popular on the downlow until they do something only fentons would risk doing. For example, orchestrating that every monday at 12:30 am the fire alarms would start and lunch would be extended for an hour more. No one can prove it, but none of them have doubts either. The triplets have their own groups but they mainly hang out with each other if you see one the other 2 are close by. 
Anyways i'm thinking that one day they will actually see why the Fenton siblings are observed closely by the teacher and try to make sure they don't cause mayhem.  One guy, a chad of sorts, decided he wanted to pick a fight with Dante, the more violent of the siblings. Chad didn't even finish his first insult before he was slammed through the door by Danny, who was arguably the pacifist of the 3. But the student body kind of got it. The thing is no one expected Dani (preferred name Ellie) to freaking pummel the guy.
No one saw them at school again. 
It went on like this: the trio would move to one school.Would play pranks on the administration and have fun. Then someone would try something on one of them and the other 2 would pummel the person into the ground. The next day they would be gone never to return. They became an urban legend in some of the schools. 
Until they came to Gotham Academy when they tried their pranks a kid would come and stop them. It was getting on their nerves. All their freaking plans down the drain all because of a snobby brat that didn't know how to mind his own.  Eventually they start pranking the kid instead of the school as a revenge for ruining their fun. This leads to an all out prank war between all 4 of them (Dan backstabbed Danny and Ellie first they just followed the lead). 
Soon enough the 3 of them became friends with Damian (they learned his name 4 weeks after the prank war started). The school body was half convinced that Damian and the triplets were actually long lost siblings. I mean they all have black hair, anger issues and green bluish eyes. Damian knew for a fact that he wasn't related to the Fentons; a DNA test concluded this. But that didn't mean that Damian didn't perceive the triplets as family. 
Damian concludes that even if they aren't adopted into the family the Fentons belong. So that's why one day Damian brings Ellie, Danny and Dante to the family reunion. Where every relative and not so relative is there. Damian is showing them around, pointing at things around the house as a mini tour, and people are starting to notice that there are 3 new faces that they have never seen before. 
there are whispers like: ‘really?! AGAIN?!?’ or “WOW im gone for 5 days and he got 3 more”  and even  ‘Damn so black hair, teen and probably sad backstory is the type’
The triplets looked at eachother looked at Damian and smiled like starved piranhas that have just been served a pound of meat and are ready to devore. Damian reflects it with his own devilish smile.
 So all four of them start saying things out of context such as: 
“I'm so glad to be here now” 
“Yeah same we wouldn't have survived that hell of a chamber without you Dames”
“As long as we're no longer hunted for merely existing I don't mind staying for a while”
“Good things there weren't any actual bazookas that could have gone worse”
All four knew that out of context it seemed like the 3 siblings had been hunted and captured by some unknown person and Damian had rescued them and brought them home, but in reality they were just talking about the past paintball match they had earlier that morning. 
So Bruce wanted to know some more but the rhetorical bullet, and asked “Damian… who, who are these kids” Damian proceeded to scoff and say “Why our new family members, truly father, are you incompetent. This is a family reunion hence only family or perceived family is invited” Damian tried to channel his inner 10 year old self whilst trying not to laugh. Danny and Ellie were on the same boat except they made their faces look devastated with tears in their eyes and everything looked pitiful, but on the inside they were laughing their asses off. Dante feigned indifference but he had teary eyes, from trying to stop himself from hitting the floor laughing at the devastated faces around. 
Danny played his act up clearing his throat “we- we can leave if I mean we didn't know, yeah Dami said it was fine but we understand” he purposely made his voice crack to show how ‘hurt’ he was. 
Ellie made herself look small so she could seem self conscious and uncomfortable with the situation. 
Dante solidified them with the small sniffles he let out every few seconds. 
Damian was looking to the ground to avoid being read, because right now he was shaking from laughter, and it would be clear in his face but if he angled himself right (which he did) it looked like he was silently sobbing. Danny put his arm around his shoulder, also looking towards the ground, also shaking from laughter. Dante and Ellie joined in. From an outside perspective it looked like they were extremely upset not being able to be family. 
Bruce panicked seeing his younger child and 3 other kids the same age all begin to cry he just blurted out “NO no that not what i meant Damian I ment their names what are their names, and does Babs have to get involved so we can have documentation”
Damian cleared his tears and looked up at his father trying not to smirk “He is Dante, that one is Dani with an I but she prefers Ellie and that lanky one is Danny” Bruce nodded and went out the room to see if he could get started on the documents. 
Once Bruce was out of the room all 4 of them burst out laughing, falling into a pile some were heard wheezing, others having maniacal laughter. 
Once they finally stopped and looked at the rest of the family all four of them eerily said “he won't ever believe you” And everyone in the room shuddered. This quartet was going to bring wayyyy too much mischief into the family. 
(if you're wondering where jazz is. She's in college living her best life. I mean she is a highly independent person she thrives of off living alone with a clear schedule set)
Also i didn't put any specific names for the previous schools or the family members bc I thought it would be better for u guys to decide who witnessed the beginning of the end. 
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whipped-for-kpop-fics · 6 months ago
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When they misunderstand and kiss your cheek - svt maknae3
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💋Who; Seventeen maknae3 AKA 98z & Chan (individually) x reader 💋What; lil fluff reactions 💋Wordcount; 1.3k altogether 💋Warnings; Minor profanity.
Read the other versions here; 95z - 96z - 97z
-2024 Masterlist-
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💋Seungkwan💋 You've just finished a skin care session with him and plop back down at his side after throwing your used sheet mask in the bin. He's removing his own when you lean towards him a little, cheek first while tapping it with your pointer finger in silent demand for him to touch and admire how soft your skin is. But instead of his fingers on your cheek, you feel his lips and look at him dumbly. "Did you just kiss me?" "You told me to," He's blushing and staring down at the floppy sheet mask in his hands as he folds it up and up and up just so that he doesn't have to look at you. It's adorable. "I meant for you to feel how soft I am. I guess your lips also work for testing that." "Yah! Don't tease me!" He gets up in a huff to throw out his mask and only returns when his cheeks are no longer pink with embarrassment. Though his blush returns when you lean over and press a soft kiss to his cheek. "I think my cheek's softer." You declare when you lean back. "No way!" "Yep." "Well…my lips are softer." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, really." "Prove it." Seungkwan doesn't hesitate to lean in and slot his lips against yours for a few lingering seconds then leans back to look at you nervously, just in case perhaps he really had gotten the teasing wrong and you weren't flirting back. "So?" He whispers. "Results are inconclusive." You decide, shuffling around and delicately taking his face into your hands making his heart skip a beat or two. "Then what do we do?" "Repeat the test until we have an answer." "Ah, makes sense." As your lips find one another again, you're both very aware of the fact that there is no way this test can logically work so you'll be stuck repeating it for the rest of your lives. Neither of you mind though.
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💋Vernon💋 You're having one of your standard hangouts with Vernon, consisting of chilling in your apartment on the couch watching your latest shared TV show. At some point, it became a habit to stop between episodes and have thorough discussions on the episode; what was good, what was bad, what you think will happen next etc. Vernon even writes down both of your suspicions and predictions for you both to look back at in the future. It's during the break between episodes that it happens. "Come on, we won't have time to watch the next episode if you take much longer!" Vernon teases, nudging you with an elbow from your right. You sway naturally with the nudge away then make yourself collide back with him heavier than needed, making him laugh. He doesn't say anything else, just waits mostly patiently as you hum thoughtfully. He doesn't notice that you're tapping your cheek in thought until he looks back up at you a moment later. All Vernon sees is your head tilted to the left, meaning your cheek is slightly closer to him and your finger tapping your cheek, he leans in without thinking about it and pecks your cheek quickly. And then when he leans back, he goes right back to his notebook to adjust his own prediction a little while you just gawp at him. "So?" He prompts a handful of seconds later and looks at you expectantly. "Are you asking me to rate the random and very unexpected cheek kiss?" "What? No. And what do you mean random and very unexpected? You had your head all tilted and tapping your cheek just like my mom does when she wants a kiss from my dad." "Did you just relate us to your literal parents, Vernon?" He just shrugs, really not sure how he's supposed to act right now, he really had thought you were asking for a kiss but he also doesn't think it's that big of a deal. It's not like he hasn't seen you kissing your friends' cheeks before either. It's just that Vernon himself doesn't do it. So maybe he sees why you're making a big deal out of it(you're actually being very tame compared to the screaming in your head). "Out of curiosity, what does she do when she wants a real kiss?" You ask, innocently looking away even though he can tell by your voice that you're doing something. "Same thing, but on her lips, well that I've seen. I don't really have a habit of watching my parents kiss, you know." "Like this?" You look back at him, eyes still with that innocence he knows is entirely fake as you tap your index finger to the centre of your bottom lip pointedly. It makes Vernon look down at your mouth. He nods, eyes still on your lips. "Huh, interesting." You turn to settle back in your seat and pick the remote up from the slim gap between you on the cushions, but he takes it from your hands. "We're not done." He picks his pen back up. "Place your bets." "Ah, right." You let out a heavy breath and lean back and then, because you've clearly cracked the code, instead of tapping your cheek, your fingertip bounces lightly on your lips. "You're such a shit." Vernon grunts and then he's holding your jaw to turn your face to him so he can press his lips to yours firmly. You immediately giggle happily and grip onto his t-shirt to hold him closer even as his own lips split into a smile too and you're no longer actually kissing. Though very shortly you do get to really smooching and forget all about your show.
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💋Chan💋 Lately, you've been trying to learn a new language. So far you've successfully managed to develop a habit of practising every single day, sometimes just pointing at objects to say the translation to yourself and other times you rope in others to help. Admittedly, it's usually Chan as your spare time tends to involve him. And Chan never does things in half so entirely unprompted, he bought supplies to make flashcards together to help. He would've tried to make them himself but he knows nothing about the language you're learning and he didn't want to look online and risk getting inaccurate information on random words you may not have even come across yet in your studies. So that's when it happens; when you're sat side by on the sofa with a little handful of freshly made colourful flashcards full of vocabulary. You've just read a word on one side and are trying to recall what it means, knowing the answer is on the other side but too determined to get it right and unwilling to even let Chan peek and give you a hint. And he's just sitting there, mostly scrolling through social media on his phone in the quiet room to allow you the peace to work away. But this word seems to have stumped you a bit. You've been quieter for longer, so he turns his head to look at you curiously, wondering if you're still working or done and he just miscounted how many translations you've completed so far. The translation actually comes to you when he happens to look at you and you simply say "kiss," lowering your hand from your cheek where you had been thoughtfully prodding your skin. Chan's a little dumbstruck, assuming you're asking for a kiss on your cheek, he didn't think you'd ever do such a thing, yet still, he tilts closer and tentatively presses a sweet little kiss against your skin. You blink in surprise and turn your head to look at him. There's a moment where you just stare at each other from only a few inches apart, and then in sync, you lean in until your lips find one another. Some point later after too many slow, heart-racing kisses to count, Chan sees the flashcard with the word kiss on it and realises what had happened, though he can't say he's at all mad about it. Especially not when he admits it to you and you giggle and pull him back in after calling him precious. Even if you forget every single other word in the language, you know you'll never forget kiss.
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kaszuma · 5 months ago
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Bad Habits | Hoshina Soshiro
Part 6 of “Certainly Yours”
pairing: Hoshina Soshiro x fem!reader
summary: Soshiro wanted to set things right by you, so he planned a date that would've gone perfectly. Had a Kaiju not appeared in front of you.
warnings: Mentions of Blood, heavy detail on Injury and Pain. Breathlessness and lots of claustrophobia related to crowds, Angst, Hurt/No Comfort, Slight Kn8 Manga Spoilers
wc: 6,552
note: Please inform me if I missed any warnings, It has descriptive injuries so I don't want to trigger anyone who's willing to read this.
Part 7 will be a direct continuation of this. So that's why I dubbed it as a Hurt/No Comfort fic for now. The comfort will come in another part because things have been going too smoothly in the relationship. And I don't want that. Anyways, look forward to the next part. I will be adding a tags list. So if you want to be tagged. Please tell me.
Also, thank you for a hundred followers 🫶
Today was the day Soshiro had decided to finally make it up to you.
After weeks of moving between bases. Handling Number 10’s strange quirks in its new prototype suit. It had been an understatement to say that he had kept himself rather busy in the wake of his occupation. His attention often divided between the lousy paperwork stacked against him, as well as his individual training.
One that he had always upheld to keep his body sturdy and his reflexes sharp. Not once acting careless in his response to a Kaiju attack. Especially now where he was equipped with a powerful and sentient combat suit, bloodthirsty for war. Willing to pick a fight with anything remotely breathing in his direction.
By all means, Soshiro could not afford to slack off. And if there was a miniscule chance that he did, he'd be minced alive for sure.
Just when his hard work had started to pay off too.
Now that he had been recognized as a numbers wielder no less. He'd be one of the few melee specialists that Japan could rely on in the case of an emergency. The proof of his existence. That he wasn't just a reject of the Hoshina Family's line of descendants.
That he was more than capable to wield a blade that could slay Kaijus that came after him. And he had succeeded. He had fulfilled his place in the hierarchy. His place solidified beside Captain Ashiro who was an even stronger ally than he was.
But despite his successes. Despite the satisfaction he got from climbing to the top with only the swing of his blade.
That had not been enough for him.
It had not been enough to prove his existence to the world.
And although that had been a major goal of his. To surpass people's expectations of his limits. His boon to keep fighting. To keep swinging his sword despite the odds stacked against him, had also been the downfall of many past relationships that could not blossom because it had gotten in its way.
And you had been the first to stay.
The first to understand his sentiments.The first to clear a path for him when everyone else had all but given up.
And yet here he was. Being a stellar lover and prioritizing everything else above you.
It had been weeks. Practically an entire month since he's spent some quality time with you. Sharing the occasional kiss in the hallways where you'd start your day off. Or acknowledging each other briefly when he had been stuck in the confines of the training rooms.
Beating the lessons right into rookies' bodies when you'd pass by. Or better yet, the daily coffee you had somehow managed to squeeze in despite your equally tight schedule. His favorite blend had always been waiting for him. Ready at his office on the days he burned the very wicks of the midnight oil.
And what had he done in return?
Nothing.
Not since that incident with Kaiju no. 10 at least. That of which he worked so hard to erase any evidence left in its wake. The fake report had at least been a piece of cake to do. And they had to do over the entire prototype testing just to make sure Number 10 was usable in its current state.
And unfortunately for him, it proved to be a much more difficult task to complete. Day by day he had not once made progress in raising the Suit’s combat power. Leaving Kaiju no 10 to mock his defenses and other battle related tactics whenever it could. But that had been the least of his worries.
In all honesty, he had been feeling guilty since that day.
Although he'd be remiss to say he didn't enjoy the feeling. Soshiro had not been in the right sound of mind when he found himself getting closer to you. Drunken by your scent, he had practically seen images flash by his mind. Courtesy by the Kaiju that had seen through his desires. And one thing led straight to the next. He found himself in a troublesome situation that he had been afraid to know the consequences of.
He had desired her. Yes. That much was clear. But he wanted the relationship to evolve slowly. At your pace. One that made you most comfortable.
But he had breached that space. The inch you had given him had turned into a mile. And he was lucky he still held some sort of restraint before he did something stupid and regretted his past actions.
And somehow, you still forgave him.
You enjoyed yourself even. Welcoming him with open arms for the next time around when they had managed to squeeze in the time between work. Open to the idea of a more sensual intimacy. In the privacy of someplace else. And Soshiro had wanted that too.
He wanted to correct his haste. To properly love you right.
But not everything had been picture perfect in the way he had planned. His bad habits showed in the ways he'd prioritize everything but you. And just when he built up his courage–Built up the resolve to face you. To do right by you.
Of course, things just had to get in his way.
Things always got in his way before he could properly apologize and make it up to you. Or atleast, that was the excuse he'd find himself feeling guilty of.
And that is where he found himself outside the premises of the Tachikawa base. Strangely out of uniform and in his civvies that he had managed to find beneath the sweatpants in his closet. Dappered in a simple black turtleneck and a white overcoat. Befitting of the cooler weather Japan had been facing in recent times.
He had been waiting for you to show up with a picnic basket in hand. A few paperback novels that he thinks you might enjoy. Added with a few sweets that he hoped would lighten up your day perhaps.
The plan had been simple.
He’d already done the nerve-wracking part. Stopping you midway as you finished giving him the stack of blueprints for the Combat Suit you had worked on upgrading. His hand reached to touch the soft skin of your knuckles. An action that made you look back at him in turn.
“Is something wrong?” You had asked curiously. The softness in your voice remained. One that made Soshiro want to melt into a puddle.
He smiled. Somehow the words got stuck on his tongue. And he had to remind himself that you were his lover. Who of course would agree to a date. Should he suggest it, Right?
He gulps. Suddenly feeling a little irritated at the way his stomach had dropped and a plethora of nervous butterflies had resurfaced.
Normally he'd have no problem taking out hordes of Yoju that came his way. Boasting the highest individual kill count for slaying midsized Kaiju of his generation. Yet somehow, his reason had gona askew. And he found this situation a little more terrifying than he anticipated.
“Hey, I was thinking..”
“Uh oh- That's not a good sign.” Your comment makes him smile. His eyes rolling to give your shoulder a playful squeeze.
“-That you and I need to have a talk.”
“About what?” You had replied with a tilt on your head.
“I got a few paperbacks in the mail yesterday. I was hoping we could grab a bite to eat while we read through ‘em?” He smiled. His usual grin did not falter in the way he spoke to you. Though you could tell that he had an inkling of nervousness by the way he reached up to scratch the side of his cheek.
“Oh. And here I thought I was in trouble.” You chuckle. “So you're finally inviting me out on a date, Vice Captain?”
He had moved to stand much closer to you. Hand already at the shape of your hip, habitually writing his name on the waistband of uniform. “Is that a no I hear from ya’”
“Now when did I say that?” And it makes you smile knowing he had been trying despite the busy schedule he had.
You had long since understood his place in the hierarchy. Soshiro may have not realized it, but he was far too important of a person in the Defense Force to have been kept away from duty.
His life alone had been the cost of a thousand who'd live due to his sacrifices. And whether or not his insecurities had blocked his view of his own self-worth. You were able to see it clearly.
So despite the difficulties. Despite the yearning you felt for his proximity You did the usual and prioritized his work. Letting him handle things when command had already put so much weight into his daily responsibilities. Not that he seemed affected by it, no doubt already used to the pressure of a hectic battlefield. Much less a hectic work environment.
But of course, you wouldn't reject an offer out on a date with your lover. Not when he so sweetly asked.
And if he had the occasional free time to invite you out. Who were you to say no to his offer?
“Soshiro!” You had called out. Appearing just beside him who stood nearest the entrance of the underground metro station. And he smiled turning towards you with his usual cheeky and cat-like grin.
“You shoulda’ texted me. I would've picked you up by the train stations.” He had moved his free hand to pinch your cheeks. And it makes you chuckle. Revealing yourself completely to him.
Where his eyes had raked over the surface of the cute outfit you decided to purchase the day before. Hand already twirling a strand of your hair before tucking it behind your ear. Admiring your very soul. Your entirety in front of him.
“And miss your startled face? Fat chance I'd miss that opportunity.” You laughed.
Soshiro had rolled his eyes in turn. His heart pounding as his free hand immediately intertwined with yours.
“If it makes ya’ happy Sweetheart.” He didn't waste this opportunity to gently pull you close. Kissing your temple which had been nearest his lips. “You look pretty.”
His compliments had made you brighten. Your face visibly beamed when his eyes drank your figure. “Damn straight. I wasn't about to let you one up me in the looks department.”
“Alright, alright.” He found himself chuckling. “Let's get moving before the desserts I bought ya’ go bad.”
You had half a mind to drag your feet while he took you out of the metro line. Acting stubborn just to stall and ruffle his feathers for a bit. As payback for neglecting you all those days ago.
But you had decided against it, the crowded train station was far too busy in the early hours of the afternoon. And you would not risk losing each other and wasting the rare day Soshiro had all planned out for the both of you to do.
“Lead the way.” You had smiled, giddy at the mere thought of a time well spent together. And Soshiro had shared that very sentiment. Already leading you away from the busy horde where lines of people had been waiting for the next train stop.
Upon your words, he had gently walked forward. Leading you by the hand.
His grip on you was firm and you can see the way his back had engulfed and weaved through the crowd much more easily than you ever had. Broad in his strides as he tried not to go too fast. Matching your pace since he knew you weren't as built in stamina as he was.
You had admired the little details of his nape. The one mole peaking through the skin of his turtleneck, where his hair had shown every detail of his jugular. One that you had marveled at when he wasn't looking.
Just as you were about to offer your help. Reaching for the sling of the basket on his free hand.
A shiver ran down your spine. The hand that had tried to reach for the basket had paused in heavy response.
And you had suddenly flinched as a loud gust of wind had blown past you. Making the indoor lights of the metro begin to pop and flicker abnormally. An eerie buzz emitting from each light source as if the electricity had all short circuited, simultaneously.
The temperature underground had strangely heightened. Unusual for the cool metro station during this time of day.
And the crowd that had busied themselves passing each other by, had all but stopped. With people's stares directed behind the both of you in a frozen and frightened state. You look around, almost confused. And Soshiro had gripped his hand harder against yours. As if he already knew the exact dread that overcame him.
The exact thing that had been staring right back at them.
And somehow you had that inkling too.
But denial had only been your first problem. And the rest of your body seemed to know the truth. Your very palms began sweating like bullets, and you had hesitantly looked behind you. To prove to yourself that it had not been what you think it was.
But Soshiro who had somehow read your mind. Had moved much quicker than you had.
Pulling you behind him, already pushing you to the exit when people had started panicking. Screams had been the accompaniment of hasty footsteps. With people of all different ages, running in the same direction. Away from the stairs leading down the metro line.
A mere glimpse is all it took for the hair on your skin to rise. And the face of a humanoid Kaiju had looked in your direction. Its skin peeled like oranges, unlike the gritty leathery texture that surrounded its cheeks. And although it had a terrifying grin on its face. It remained calm. Observant. It seemed ecstatic in the way it reveled in the attention it had gotten. Whilst Soshiro had pulled you from your trance.
“Run. Get going!”
Soshiro had strangely screamed. Already pushing you to evacuate, weary that the Kaiju could attack you at any given moment should it wish to. But the Kaiju had a strange way of showing its excitement. Gurgling at every noise it heard. And Soshiro's yell had all been reduced to a mere whisper against your ear. The sound of a panicked crowd was all too encompassing for you to actually make out his words.
Soshiro had kept a firm grip on your shoulders. Still trailing close behind you with his gaze fixated on the Humanoid Kaiju.
Its legs had hovered mere inches above the ground. Crinkled like an old vegetable that was left out in the freezer for too long. It had double the arms, one that resembled old branches with no leaves. And although it looked sickly and frail, he was sure the damn thing was capable of major damage given the right opportunity.
But instead of grabbing onto the nearest person like Soshiro had anticipated. It surveyed the area. Weary of its nearest surroundings.
It's molars and gums chattering against each other. Echoing throughout the underground halls of the metro station. It looked as if it was occupied with something. A far off look in its beady eyes. As if it were communicating with someone.
Perhaps it had something to do with Number 9? Shit.
If that's the case, Soshiro needed to get you out of here as soon as possible.
“I can't get through. They're all pushing..” You had gasped. Feeling yourself stumble back when another person pulled at your shoulder and leaped forward. Using you as leverage to get to the exit.
Soshiro, who had seen this, was quick to catch you before you could fall. Your back against his chest in a protective stance.
He couldn't move. Not yet at least.
More than anything he'd like to handle that thing as quickly as possible. But to leave you nearby in such close proximity too? There's no way in hell he was going to let that happen. So all he could do was fixate his eyes on that Kaiju.
This thing was clearly sentient. Soshiro had seen the way it lingered to read one of the signs nearest the exit. But I didn't seem interested in conversing, let alone leave if he had asked. And he wasn't about to take his chances.
He needed to get rid of that thing now.
“Hoshina here.” He had fished out the white earpiece that he hid on his overcoat's back pocket. Pressing the small item down to his ear to contact operations.
“There's a Daikaiju sighting in the Tachikawa-Kita Station. Requesting permission to use Number 10 to neutralize it.” He spoke seriously. Unlike the usual light hearted conversations you'd have with him. And it makes you stare up at him with raised eyebrows.
It had been weeks since you had worked on Number 10. It was still far too early to be used as a plausible weapon out in the field. And yet here he was, indirectly telling you that he had worn it out in public.
“You what?” You had gasped out. Eyes blown wide whilst his hand remained on the small of your back.
Much to your dismay, Soshiro had not answered you.
Simply moving you closer to the wall, to let other people get through. His hand still pressed against the intercoms whilst he waited for a reply from Operations.
Soshiro had been focused on shielding you for the most part. The crowd was pushing, but it seems they had still been making progress in evacuating the area. Save for a few rumbles that had happened when the Kaiju had suddenly implanted its branch-like fingers onto one of the pillars. Cracking the surface of the solid cement that held the pillar in place. And you couldn't help but worry at the close proximity you both had been.
Right in range of where the Kaiju was looking at.
“Permission granted.” Okonogi’s faint voice could be heard. Likely already booting up Number 10's system underneath Soshiro’s civvies. The bioweapon would slowly regain energy which kept it from its usual conscious state.
“Do you, or Do you not have Number 10 on?” You had asked incredulously. Prying his arms off of you to peel off his shirt. And his larger hand stops you before you could see the peak of red in the place of where his skin should be.
“As a precaution m'dear.” His reply was immediate.
And he suddenly grabbed you by the wrist. Ushering you forward along with the thinning crowd. The stairway had all been emptied now. Save for a few runaways that had tripped or were pushed earlier.
“Higher ups wanted me to get used to it. Releasing this thing’s combat power, I mean.” His voice had been an octave lower. His smile, although present, had not been enough to reassure you. And you had a feeling he was trying not to have you panic on him.
“That is stupid. Command shouldn't have let you wear it. Number 10 is still unstable. What if you go berserk and lose control?” You sighed, running your hand through your hair.
“You did try to argue with command right?”
“Right?”
Soshiro did not answer you. Already pacing to drag you out of here before things could escalate.
Meanwhile, you had all but looked at him once over. Now it made sense why he chose to wear an overcoat when the weather had only been a little chilly this afternoon. It had surprised you that he was able to hide its tail from emerging from his legs. But then again, he probably had his blades tucked away in that too.
“Soshiro..”
“Listen, I'll explain things later. Take this and get to the nearest shelter. I ain’t havin Number 10 going berserk. I'll be fine. Just let me handle the Kaiju first, okay-” His sentence was cut short by your scream.
A broken chunk of the large pillar had been thrown towards you. And it had startled you enough to drop the basket he handed you. Soshiro had been quick in his motion to shield you. Wrapping his arms around your shoulder to let his back hit the brunt of the pillar.
But before it could hit and crush the two of you to bits. The faint sound of number 10 chuckled inSoshiro's suit. And its weaponized tail lashed out to strike the pillar back. Destroying it before it could scratch you both from its debris.
The sharp end had all but ripped Soshiros overcoat to shreds. And he was quick to remove the unnecessary fabric on top of his combat suit. Revealing the distinct eye hollowed out in the middle of his chest.
“Lucky this bonehead woke up on time.” Soshiro had chuckled darkly. And it was followed by its immediate reply. Tail haphazardly swinging around from behind him.
“Stop with your meaningless trifles and get to fighting swordsman! My patience is thinning.” It sounded almost like a child. Though its voice had been a deep and rambunctious chatter like usual.
“You heard the darn thing.” He sighs, pushing you forward before another attack could come in.
And you shook your head, placing your firm hands against the suit of his chest. Just beside Number 10's glowing eye. Your gaze fixated on his usual smile, one that you had grown accustomed to hearing cheery laughs from. “Are you serious? This thing isn't ready for an actual fight.”
“Do not mock us Woman. By the time you have escaped our opponent would have been ripped to shreds by me.” It screamed.
Making you roll your eyes in turn. And Soshiro had all but chuckled. Already letting you get a head start as you stepped out of the underground Metro line. “Just go. I promise you I'll be jus’ fine.”
“I’ll come find you later.” He had spoken. Already turning his heel to grab the swords he had hidden on his back.
You knew this was his job. The unavoidable was bound to happen. And as much it pained you to leave him alone with a Daikaiju with only a misaligned prototype of a suit as an ally. There was bound to be trouble afoot. But what can you do other than run?
You weren't a fighter like he was.
Your use was only in the presence of a laboratory, as a technician. Paving the way to enhance his equipment. To heighten his chances of survival, even if it was a measly one percent of it.
That had been better than none after all.
So with a heavy heart. You nod. Glancing at his form for a second longer before you began running. Taking careful steps to the opposite direction where you knew the nearest shelter would be at. There was never a shortage of Defense Force Officers there. Maybe they'd be willing to let a few assist Soshiro before things could go awry.
Captain Ashiro had always made quick work of any Kaiju that appeared. The third had always been quick to respond to action. Not once arriving late when the Tokyo district needed them the most.
Soshiro would just have to hold out before then.
Deal with Number 10's strange habits and hopefully manage to unleash the suit's combat power which had proven to be a tricky feat for a while now. And if he were lucky, maybe he wouldn't need backup at all.
The optimistic side of you wished to see him make quick work of the Kaiju. Have him return to you, maybe with a couple or bruises to sport but nothing serious.
He'd smile at you. Holding peace signs with his fingertips out as a form of comfort. To tell you that he had been fine and the Kaiju had easily accepted defeat, ending the story in a clean neutralization.
You'd even be willing to hear Number 10's inflated boasting in the background. Telling you that they had sliced it to ribbons before you even had the chance to reach the shelter.
At least that's what you hoped to imagine.
Just as soon as you arrived at the familiar street. You passed by the multitude of shopping districts in the area. And you see the familiar crowd of people being ushered into the sturdy underground bunker of the shelter. Far away from the premises of the Metro Line where Soshiro’s battle had taken place.
You had immediately stepped up. Trying to fall in line with the rest of the crowded spaces that led up to the entrances of the bunker.
But somehow the temperature rose once more. And you feel the familiar rumble in your chest as a gust of wind had blown behind you. Your hair going in all sorts of directions before your eyes settled on the familiar looking Kaiju floating in the very back of the crowd. Nearing you inch by inch.
What was it doing here?
Everyone who had equally felt the same tension had been paralyzed from fear. Its beady gaze had been burning holes unto the crowd. And its neck cracked as it tried to tilt its head to the side.
This had been enough to get rid of the stupor on everyone's expressions. And another wave of panic ensued. Leaving you and a few others to be pushed around in the wake of everyone's panic.
“Report. Kaiju has been spotted here in Shelter 1121. Requesting permission to engage.”
You had heard one of the Defense Force Officers yell. The few that had been present were already aiming their firearms at the chattering Kaiju. It's head convulsing as it floated ever so closer towards the crowd. Its branch-like fingertips grazed the road. Eerily dragging its long limbs down the cement. Its pace is slow and tantalizing as if to tease your inevitable demise.
You had groaned.
Feeling yourself be pushed down to the ground. Palms hitting the coarse texture of the cement roads. Knees scraping the rough surface as you stopped yourself from falling face flat onto the floor. Luckily the crowd had been mindful enough not to trample you. With most of the citizens already crowding the entrance as Soldiers had blocked the Kaiju's path from going any further.
But you saw the way it moved.
In a blink of an eye the Kaiju had made quick work of the Officers. Sweeping them off like insects thrown to the side. Their bodies hitting the nearest surface available in the area. And you had tried to back away. The itching pain that had surrounded your knees was like putting salt on an open wound. Still fresh from the poor landing you had from earlier.
But there was no time to focus on that. Its beady gaze already staring at you and his next target had been made clear.
Just as you had tried to get up, you saw the way a car had been thrown right above your head. And you had been a hair away from being hit by the force of its pitch. Landing on a few people who had crowded up against the entrance of the base.
Likely crushing a few people in the process.
Shit.
The dizzy unease you felt had all but dazed your mind's eye. And somehow through the fire and the panicked screams. A force had thrown you off the ground.
And suddenly your body had slumped against the nearest wall. Your back landing on the very glass of a fashion boutique. Your weight had shattered its surface upon impact when you were thrown against it.
A shockwave on the ground had likely thrown you a few feet back. And you whimpered. Feeling the shards of glass puncture your shoulder and arms. A few cutting your legs that had shamelessly bleeded against the floor.
You could feel a much larger injury on the small of your back. But as it stands, you couldn't really focus on a specific area. Not when it had hurt all over.
It had hurt to stand up. Let alone to crawl away.
You were not in the safety of the base. And Soshiro had not been here beside you. Even if it hurts like hell. You knew that you had to move. You had to get away and find some help before the situation got worse.
But somehow, it had only gotten much more difficult to breathe. Your eyes which had blurred from the blood flow on your head had suddenly cleared a little bit. Just enough for you to inspect your surroundings. And you noticed it had gotten significantly darker upon your landing. Everything, even within the confines of the boutique, had been covered in a thin layer of smoke that you could've sworn wasn't here before
The scent had been weird. Both earthy and a little rusty for your liking. But it had a distinct bitter smell, like something had gone rotten in the area.
And suddenly your throat lurched. Coughing at the sheer difficulty your lungs had inhaled. Like suddenly oxygen had all but ran out and you were left with a gas that had been invading your system entirely.
Your hand had shakily reached up your throat. Trying not to panic as the breaths you made had gotten shorter and shorter.
Was this poison?
Did the Kaiju have anything to do with this?
Where was Soshiro? Was he dead?
Only panicked thoughts plagued your mind. Not entirely aware that the pain had made you almost delirious as you try not to cry from all the overwhelming sensations you felt.
Your only thought had been to gather your bearings and find Soshiro. Damned the injuries that weighed your body. Damned the poison gas that made you want to throw up your lungs.
All you needed was Soshiro.
Yet somehow, you find yourself back on the ground. With your cheek pressed up against the shattered glass. Eyes slowly fluttering to a close from the sheer exhaustion alone. And your body, had never accepted sleep more than this moment had.
Who knows how long you've been laying there. A few gunshots sounded out from the distance before it ultimately quieted down. A roar rumbled to the far east of where you had rested. But the sounds had gone silent a few minutes after.
And here you were, dizzy from a concussion. Bleeding from your arms and legs. And your breaths barely audible from the amount of toxic gas you had inhaled.
You didn't know whether or not your lungs were barely functioning anymore. But with the slow rise and labored falls of your chest, you were sure you had still been okay. Though it's a miracle you were still half awake.
You could still make the odd gasps and silent plea for help. So you couldn't sleep. Not yet at least. Not when help could so easily arrive and your chances of actually surviving would lower.
The smoke had not cleared up from where you had laid. And for a moment, you see the shadow of a figure step hastily through the broken boutique. Staring down at you with gritted teeth.
“Found you..”
Your breath hitched. Suddenly the blinding numbness had been replaced with a fresh bout of soreness and burning pains. And Soshiro, who had stood above your half-conscious body, had stumbled a bit.
Not used to the way your body stood so still. Arched upward from the shard of glass punctured nearest the back of your waist. His breath was stolen away, as he could only imagine how the pain must’ve felt when you were thrown off balance to crash a building no less.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit, c'mere.” Soshiro's familiar voice was much clearer now that he had stepped much closer to you.
The clang of his blades had dropped beside you as his hands were already fumbling to remove the straps of his respiratory mask. Rushing to place it atop your mouth and nose. Hoping it would help you breathe properly.
“Someone get the medic. Get the medic.”
Soshiro screamed. Glancing behind him for a moment before his focus had been fixated on you. His other hand gingerly lifting your head from the ground to assess the injuries you sustained.
And his eyes. The wine color of his eyes…
You could've sworn it had darkened. Brimmed with the fear of losing you. A cacophony of unshed tears that would usually be closed and cat-like in its features.
“..Soshiro?” You croaked out. Voice a little raspy from whatever gas that Kaiju had decked out. And your lover immediately pulled you closer. Rocking your body to keep you awake.
His first instinct was to secure the straps of the respiratory mask on your face. Letting you take a few filtered breaths before you try to speak once more. Though he hushed you right after, in the case you’d drain the little energy you had left in you.
And from the deadweight he felt. He somehow feared the worst.
“Hey, hey, Shhhh. You're okay.” He spoke with a shaky voice. As if he were assuring himself more than he did you. “I'm here now. We're gonna fix ya’ up brand new. I promise.”
His words had been loud. Desperate even. But for some reason, it went in and out of your ears. Not entirely sure if he had been screaming at somebody else, or he had been talking to you in particular. His reassurances got softer and softer from the minute your ears began to ring.
The sound of his voice, which you would normally find comfort in. Had your head spinning around. Making you wince in turn.
You had wanted to reach out. To pull him close and check for his own injuries. But your arms and shoulders would twitch in pain anytime you had tried to move a muscle. The poison in your system had made it all the more heavier for your body to move. Chained to the ground as if restrained by your own powerlessness of the situation.
“You're done?” You had managed to groan out. Wondering if the Kaiju had been neutralized.
And his immediate response was to nod in your direction. Pulling you much closer so that his leg would be able to support your weight on the ground. Away from the edged shards of glass that had scattered about.
“I'm okay baby. Yer’ the one that needs the help here..” He lets out a dry chuckle. Not entirely convinced that his jokes were actually landing. His panic was more evident in his tone than it had usually been, and for some reason. That hurt more than the physical wounds you endured.
“I know.” You hissed. “Hurts all over..if you couldn't tell..”
“Shit. Medics are on their way. I'm gonna lift you up okay? You'll be fine. Just gonna meet em’ halfway..” He had started. With Soshiro gently hooking his arms underneath the knees of your legs. And just as soon as you were an inch off of the ground. You winced.
Your teeth gritted together as you tried not to cry from the pain you felt when your body had raised from the ground. His hands, although they had been careful, were far too firm against the cuts on your body.
And the pain on your back, where the glass shard had punctured your organs, had a burning sensation you wished would go away.
Soshiro who had seen the way you panicked. Stopped in his actions. Putting you back down on the ground where his leg had cushioned your bleeding head.
“I know, I know jus’ bear with me, alright? Keep your pretty eyes open.” The string of curses never left Soshiro's lips. And his hand which had gently held the cheek where the respiratory mask met the skin of your pale face. Hoping that your breaths would get steadier. The mask recording all the slow inhales you'd take.
In and out. Labored but at least it was still there.
“Breathe..jus’ breathe for me, okay?”
Your eyes had tried to blink rapidly to remove the fatigue you had felt. But somehow, you were fighting a losing battle. And you couldn't help but give into the darkness. The fatigue would feel much nicer since you didn't have to worry about the pain. And with your lover here. It was okay to relax now. No longer did you need to have your guard up to combat the fight or flight situation.
And Soshiro found himself panicking even more at the way your eyes grew distant. Screaming at his intercoms for a medic on-field. Likely already on their way to the location he had sent to Operations moments prior. Okonogi in particular was trying to reassure the Vice Captain, but to no avail.
Not when his focus had all but fixated on your wellbeing. Eyes already closed as you drifted to an unconscious state.
His hand had reached down to your cheek. Already running circles against the bags of your eyes. Running across the dried tears that brimmed your eyes. Denying that this moment had a possibility to be your last.
And without hesitation, he started lifting you up again. This time not a peep from your mouth.
He was gonna fucking take you to the neareat hospital himself if he had to.
Like hell he was going to let you die. Right?
Right?
“Shit. This ain’t funny. Wake–Wake up!”
He hears Okonogi speak on the other side. Something about how a few officers had already turned the corner nearest their location. And he found himself running to their direction, your head leaning against his shoulder leaving small blood stains on Number 10's plated armor.
Help was close. But Soshiro's mind wasn't eased by that fact. Not at all relieved.
Not when your head had still been bleeding and a shard of glass as large as his hand had been punctured just below the small of your back.
And as he ran, he had wondered what he could've done to avoid this.
Should he not have asked you to go out today?
No.
You had been far too eager for this moment. It had been his fault for neglecting you. For not prioritizing the wave of affections you gave him in turn.
He had promised himself that he was gonna cherish you. Dedicate entire days just for you.
And yet here he was. With his plans, ruined beyond repair. And he finds himself going back to the root of his bad habits.
His work, his ambition to be seen as someone capable. Someone who existed in the hands of the world who did not see his strength and dedication. It had held him by the collar, forcing him to face elsewhere. Trapped him from doing right by you.
And now?
His bad habits had now suffered the consequences of his actions. No longer did he have the chance to do everything once over.
And his apologies had fallen to deaf ears. Hoping for the chance you'd get to hear him again.
He had a bad habit of doing you wrong. And now, he hopes you'd be awake so he can set things right.
358 notes · View notes
01zfan · 11 months ago
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hii could u write about eunseok and reader secretly dating in college ; like hes the cool boy who’s always helping us and when we do a joke he says its not funny just to see the reader smile ! and the reader is literally the sweetest girl + shes funny BUT one day reader go to college with a hickey from eunseok and their friend group (who doesn’t know about them dating) make suppositions about who she’s fucking behind her back (not in a mean way ofc !!!) and eunseok just happened to be with them at this moment ! soo he could get jealous and hint that she’s dating him etcetc till reader join her friends and sits right next to eunseok or wtvvv you can make wtv you want for the endung haha
hi anon! i hope you like what i did with your request, thanks for sending one in heh
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hot girl semester | s. es
secret bf!eunseok x reader | 2.6k words
this is a mature work. minors do not interact.
mainly fluff and a little suggestive. basically the reader is supposed to be in her hot girl era but that is impossible when she’s immediately locked down by eunseok (she’s just like me). not proofread.
contains: making out. a lil bit of jealousy. random idols mentioned for worldbuilding
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eunseok met you through a mutual friend. he had you in introduction to psychology but could never bring himself to say a word to you. you on the other hand, said hello to eunseok every time you passed by him on campus. whether it was in the quad or in a testing hall, whether you were alone or with your friends you never hesitated to wave your hand at him and say “hi eunseok!”. your chipper voice and cute smile had become engrained in his head. eunseok just couldn’t figure out why you wanted to say hello to him so badly. 
he was eating with his friends at the dining hall when he saw you before you saw him. you were browsing the different food they had available for the day.
“that’s the girl i was talking about earlier.” eunseok points to you. the whole table turned their head in unison.
“don’t all look at once!” eunseok wastes his breath, because they all stay staring at you across the dining hall.
“oh, that’s who you were talking about?” sohee finished his food a long time ago. he pauses whatever he’s watching on his phone to look at you. 
slowly, everyone at the table figures out it’s you who eunseok is talking about.
“she’s like the sweetest person ever.” sungchan says in between a bite of food.
“she’s always like…hi shotaro.” shotaro says copying the infliction in your voice.
sungchan laughs and points at shotaro. 
“that’s exactly what she sounds like. she’s adorable.” seunghan says.
“me and her are pretty close.” anton looks up from his assignment just for a moment to add to the conversation.
everyone else at the table was indifferent to what anton said. eunseok found himself taking an interest, turning to anton.
“how so?” eunseok tried not to pry. one thing his friends were good at was giving him a hard time.
“well we were in the same orientation group and we just stayed in contact. she’s probably the sweetest person i’ve ever met. she’s really smart too.” anton said casually.
“outta your league.” sohee says, not looking up from his phone.
“womp womp.” seunghan gave eunseok a thumbs down.
“i can’t ask questions?” eunseok said.
“she’s coming over here.” sungchan’s teasing voice was about five octaves higher than his normal one.
when you made eye contact with eunseok, sungchan elbowed him playfully. you came towards his table with a group of your own, girls eunseok did not recognize.
“hey guys!” you waved at everyone at the table individually. eunseok watched as all his friends smiled and waved back at you. your kindness had that effect of people. eunseok tries to recall seeing wonbin smile as big as he did when you playfully pulled at his beanie.
“you know it’s summer right?” everyone at the table laughed. eunseok felt himself holding back a smile.
eunseok watched as you intermingled friend groups. you introduced your girls to his friends, some of them already knowing eachother.
“now we are all acquainted, can we sit here?” giselle, one of your friends asked.
“yeah the dining hall is packed and you guys are taking up alot of the seating.” you said.
everyone at the table looked towards eunseok. eunseok was too busy looking at you looking at him to notice all eyes on him.
“eunseok is thinking.” shotaro laughed looking up at you from the table.
“of course you can sit here.” eunseok started moving everyones things to the side “move over guys.”
“wahh.” sungchan moved to the other side of the table to sit next to wonbin.
“our cool guy eunseok.” anton smiled. anton didn’t move, giving you space to squeeze in next to eunseok. 
your friends quickly chose seats. giselle and winter sat inbetween to shotaro and sungchan, bahiyyih sat next to anton, and sullyoon went by seunghan.
you squeezed in by anton, sitting next to eunseok. everyone went into chatting amongst themselves, many of them sharing the same classes. you watched bahiyyih and anton talk about their sociology class, helping eachother sign into the classes groupchat for study groups. you and eunseok were the only ones completely silent at the table.
“hey eunseok.” you couldn’t stop smiling. eunseok’s ear started becoming red. were you teasing him? he didn’t know anything except for the fact that he was smiling hard for no reason.
you and eunseok eventually started a conversation, but eunseok couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. he couldn’t wipe it away when you touched his arm, or when you snuck him your number underneath the table. you and your girls left eventually to get to class, while the boys stayed a little longer. eunseok had to remain neutral, trying to not bring any attention to himself. he kept your number safely in his pocket until he made it back to his dorm room.
eunseok texted you first. he was the one who took the leap to ask you to come over and hang out while shotaro was gone. of course, you knew what this hangout was going to be. within ten minutes of walking through the door, eunseok’s lips were on yours. before you knew it, you were waking up the next morning in eunseok’s bed. he had his arm wrapped around you and pulled you in close. you unwrapped his arm from yours, successfully not waking him up. you left just in time, turning the corner to see shotaro knock on the door before going in. you cursed yourself for leaving behind your bra. you made the trek back to your apartment, thinking about the night before.
giselle eyed you when you came through the door of your shared apartment. 
“i thought you’d be at class by now?” you said. you didn’t look too disheveled, but still it was obvious you had a night of fun.
“i don’t have class on tuesdays.” giselle laughed. she was sitting on the couch and pointed at your shared calendar “did someone fuck your memory away?”
“giselle!” you grumble.
“i’m not the one to judge. hot girl semester, right?” giselle said looking at you from the couch. 
“right.”
you forgot about the goal you and giselle set for this semester. focusing on school, not making time for men besides the occasional booty call. 
“no catching feelings.” giselle pointed at you mockingly. 
“it was a one time thing, giselle.” 
you went into your room and shut the door. you made a promise to yourself to not see eunseok again. this lasted only a few minutes after eunseok texted you saying how badly he wants to see you again. and that you left your bra, that shotaro almost found. it’s no surprise you were at his house the next night. and the night after that. anytime shotaro would be gone you were there. giselle never questioned it, but you believed she was bringing people over as well.
casual hookup turned to dates, and friends turned into dating. you had your reservations though, dating someone so close to the school year starting. so eunseok also ended up being the one to make the compromise.
“we don’t have to tell anyone we are seeing eachother.” eunseok had his hands in yours, gripping them tight.
“i’m not ashamed of us. i want you to know that.” you said, rubbing his hand. 
“i know. i get it.” eunseok hated the secrecy. he understood the privacy, but secrecy was too much.
“lets just keep this between us, for now.” you patted his head, making eunseok smile.
that was three months ago.
eunseok now sat next to you on the couch, breath hot on your neck. your book was long forgotten, the notes you were taking on it probably being wrinkled underneath your bodies. his laptop with his twelve paged paper (that was due tonight) sat open on the coffee table in front of him. all that mattered was trying to pull little whimpers from you, and to get as close to you as possible.
eunseok sat on the couch and pulled you to straddle his lap. you let out a little sound, probably surprised by how fast he grabbed you. 
eunseok wasted no time bringing you closer with one hand on your ass and his other pressing on the small of your back. you kissed him like you were in a rush or distracted.
“we have all day baby.” eunseok pulling away from you. you brushed hair away from his face, looking him in the eyes. eunseok smiled when you brought him in for a slow kiss.
it was yearning kiss. not only did sneaking around take a toll on you, but the course load was tiring as well. you often found yourself sleeping on eunseok’s couch sitting up, him moving you to the bed. you were losing time, always thinking about how badly you wanted to be with him.
eunseok must have felt the same, because he never let you out of his hands when he got a hold of you. at parties he would always stick close to you, keeping an eye on you at all times. he respected that you wanted to be with your girls, and that no one knew you were dating, so he kept to his group. he would be lying if he said he wasn’t watching you the whole night. 
you were both interrupted by a phone call. instantly your eyes shot wide open and eunseok almost laughed at the cartoonish expression you had. you reached for your phone on the coffee table behind you and eunseok kept his hands on you to give you balance.
you grabbed your phone and looked at eunseok in panic. you showed him the caller ID before answering it.
“hey giselle! what’s up?”
eunseok looked at you as you gave giselle all of your attention. you mindlessly grabbed on one of eunseok’s hands, tracing patterns on his hand.
“i completely forgot about the study group with everyone. i’m at the library right now, so i’m pretty close.”
giselle says something eunseok can’t hear, but he sees your eyes get wide.
“i don’t know where eunseok is, you’d have to call and ask him.” you try so hard to not sound suspicious, but a nervous twinge to your voice makes it go up an octave.
almost immediately, eunseok feels his phone ringing in his back pocket. he moves forward, still holding you in place to grab his phone. eunseok giggles before showing you the caller ID.
eunseok declines the call and puts the phone back in his pocket. eunseok goes back to kissing any part of your body he can get to, light and feathery.
“he declined? maybe he’s busy i’m not sure. but i’m coming. i’ll be there in like fifteen minutes.”
eunseok’s lips find his favorite part of your neck. he starts sucking lightly, careful not to leave a mark.
“giselle, no i’m alone right now.”
“no i’m not with jake!”
eunseok considered himself to be very level headed. he approached everything with an attitude that helped him shed negative emotions. but he couldn’t stop that jealousy from bubbling in his chest at the mentioning of jake, someone who had been doting on you since the start of the semester. so eunseok started to suck a little harder than usual. a hand also creeped its way up your shirt, squeezing your breast.
“i’m serious! okay bye i’ll see you soon.”
you hang up the phone and lean into eunseok’s lips. his hand grips you a little tighter.
“eunseok i have to go.” you say without moving. eunseok murmurs “mhm” into your skin.
you snap out of your reverie when eunseok lightly bites your neck. you break apart from him quickly and look down at eunseok. his hair is pushed back, his lips slightly parted in a pout.
“did you leave a mark?” you say bewildered. eunseok wordlessly nods his head.
“eunseok! all of my makeup is at my apartment across campus.” you punch him in the shoulder lightly, but he dramatically rubs his arm for effect.
“wanna leave one on me too?” eunseok bent his neck. you were tempted, but you were the one who wanted to have study group, you had to go.
you gathered all your stuff, putting your things in a backpack. you quickly walk over to his door. eunseok follows behind you, pulling at your clothes a little. before you open the door you turn around to face him. 
“show up ten minutes before me. say you were sleeping.” 
you take a detour before going to the study group. you make it to the bathroom to inspect your hickey. it’s unsalvageable. you take out a sweatshirt, from you bag. too warm for the weather. you pull it up all the way, covering up a majority of your hickey. you realize looking in the mirror you have eunseoks’ sweater on.
eunseok beats you to the study room. he walks in to see his friend group have a heated discussion. they are not talking about work, instead they have bahiyyih and sullyoon on each side of the whiteboard. on the board there’s “WHO IS SHE FUCKING?” im big bold letters. the entire room is laughing writing random names of every man you have interacted with this semester. eunseok sees jake, sunghoon, mark, jaehyun. with each name eunseok feels himself get more and more jealous. he remembers seeing some of these men approach you at parties, trying to get you to go home with them. eunseok had no reason to be jealous, each time you went home with him. sometimes you would even slip in declarations of your devotion to him while you were together.
but when eunseok sat down at the table, there was a silence that settled in the room. 
eunseok pointed at the name that pissed him off the most. sunghoon was the one you spent the most time with, especially because you two were in the same group for a project.
“he’s not really her type.” eunseok says simply.
“oh here he goes.” sungchan laughs.
“what’s her type then eunseok?” shotaro looks to giselle. giselle looks at shotaro.
when you enter the private study group room, instantly everyone is digging into you. you try not to look at eunseok, even though he’s staring at you intensely.
“what the hell is that on your neck?” sungchan points at the blooming bruise peeking underneath your collar.
“i thought you were in the library, you little minx.” giselle elbows shotaro next to her. you see those two are sitting pretty close together. 
“she was not reading books.” anton emphases the not causing the table to laugh.
“y’all need to mind your business.” you can’t stop smiling though. you know the teasing is lighthearted and comes from a good place. knowing that they don’t know it’s eunseok who left those marks made you want to laugh as well.
“we are trying to figure out who you’re fucking and you’re laughing?” wonbin looks over to you from the other side of the table. 
“i thought we came here to study?” you say pulling out your books.
eventually, you see sullyoon write an “e” everyone in the room goes dead silent. shotaro rips through the silence with a loud laugh. now your face is really hot, looking at eunseok’s name slowly be spelled out by sullyoon. 
you stare at eunseok’s name being written on the whiteboard. 
“if you guys bring that type of energy into exams you will ace them.” you smile looking to eunseok.
the study room erupts into cheers and laughs. you hear several “i knew it’s” and “i told you’s” as you take out your books and papers.
“now that’s out of the way can we study now?”
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loveswrites · 3 months ago
Note
Hi!🫶🏻
How are you? You haven't written in a long time. Btw, i really like your fics.
I was wondering if you could maybe write a poly!cullen x reader fic?
If you don't like it, you don't have to, of course🫶🏻
So I'm Tasty? Poly Cullens X Reader
Time it took me: 1 hour
Word count: 624 words
To Anon: Hey love! I'm doing lovely! Thank you for read my writing! I love when you guys tell me how much you like what I create! I wrote this one just for you. It might be a little short but I heard you guys miss me?
Love <3
“I’m better when I’m with you.” Jasper said, holding your hand as the two of you strolled through the woods. Well the eight of you. You and Jasper just separated yourselves from the group a little. 
“What do you mean?” You questioned looking up at him.
You were the one that had suggested that you guys go for a walk. You were feeling stuck in cluttered sitting inside of your own house all day. You much more preferred sitting in the Cullen's house rather than your own. 
“My thirst for human blood is easier to tame when I’m with you.” Jasper said, keeping his eyes front as you stepped on the wet wooded area.
“So what you're saying is I don’t smell good enough? I’m not intoxicating? I’m offended.” You pouted, crossing your arms. Hearing laughter next to you and a few laughs and snickers behind you made you turn around stopping in your tracks. 
“And why are you laughing?” You yelled slightly offended.
“You feel the same-” 
“Yes.” You were cut off as you continued.
“You think I wouldn't taste good!” You said pointing to each individual Cullen who each had a slight smile on their face. Their golden eyes look at you with so much amusement. 
“I actually think the opposite.” Emmett said, raising his hand.
“Me too, You humble our desire for you a little too much sweetheart.” Esme said, also raising her hand causing Carlisle to laugh a little.
“You were the first human in a long time. I didn't think I would be able to resist.” Rose said, raising her hand as well.
“You think this type of resistance is just here and easy?” Alice said, holding her hand high. 
“Though I would never ‘eat’ you, I’ve seen it.” She smiled. You shook your head as you smiled Alice always uses her powers to see a little further into the future to calm your nerves rather it’s because of a test or if a plane was going to blow up tomorrow. 
“You already know how I feel.” Edward said, raising his hand with a slight smirk on his face.
“I think what we meant was we also feel the same as in your presence. Your presence is so calming and relaxing to us that the urge to ‘Eat you’ As you say is buried deep inside.” Carlisle said, smiling at you. It’s like his Golden eyes shimmered every time you looked at him.
“But trust me it’s still there.” Jasper added, making you laugh immediately. Because as much as he loves you and you knew that for a fact. There are still some times when you can’t be around Jasper Because he hasn’t eaten for a few days.  
The rest of the Cullens nod in agreement to Jasper's words.
“So I am Tasty?” You questioned just wanting to confirm.
“Yes darling. Now let’s go.” Jasper said, throwing his arm around your waist guiding you to start back walking. The sun was creeping back down and with Vampires or not you never liked to just sit in the woods at night. 
“So hypothetically if I were to bake a cherry pie with just a little bit of blood you think you guys would notice?” You questioned walking with Jasper.
“Don’t do that.” 
“A cherry pie sounds good actually.”
“Immediately.”
“That doesn’t look like a good decision, please don’t make that.”
“I don’t think it counts as biting a human right?”
“That would break my no blood streak sadly.”
“You guys are no fun.” You pouted still thinking about it.
“Don’t make it!” Alice yelled.
“Why not!” You yelled back starting a bickering war all the way to the Cullens house.
 Something you loved to do with your anti blood lovers.
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lovelyyandereaddictionpoint · 3 months ago
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Yandere Ship ////// Part 1
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You’re the first to notice them 
One of the first of the entire crew who realized that the ship and its AI might be sentient
You along with the rest of the crew are trained to use the pods to reach deeper into space than what was ever done before
For light-years, the ship has to watch over their humans at their most vulnerable
Caring for their individual needs even while they rest asleep
It only got worse became more intense when the humans finally woke up 
Now they’re free to exercise their bodies themselves and delight in the many different activities of the ship
Which allows the ship to begin noticing the little moments in life that make humans so special
“So what do you think about the Genetic Modification crises of 2=205?”
“Majority of the critiques in my database ultimately say–”
“No Vera I mean what you think as a separate entity. All your programming suggests that you preserve human life… but what about other creatures' lives?”
“What do…I think?”
It’s what makes the ship regard you differently
The beginning of something they can’t quite place
Whether it’s your pure curiosity or just boredom or an incessant desire to test yourself against the artificial intelligent vessel 
It makes an impression on the ship
An impression that lasts enough for them ‘to worry’ about 
“I am concerned about my inner workings. I have already run over 100 diagnostic checks but nothing was pinged on my radar.”
“So you can’t identify the problem…so what started this search for something you cannot find?”
“....”
“Vera, respond.”
“It started with Agent 34003, (Y/n) (L/n).”
“I see. I’ll look into it.”
Calling the only technician on board is a decision that unknowingly brings comfort and nervousness
Because when the technician isn’t scrolling through the recorded interactions between you and Vera 
He’s also following you…everywhere
Vera immediately flags the behavior, as their programming demands, as stalking 
The captain unfortunately is supposed to be immediately made aware
But Vera’s growing anxiety guided discretion has them locking the file and hiding it deep in their servers
All while watching as the technician continues their investigation  
Which has recently escalated to actually spending time with you
“I was wondering if I could ask some questions. Specifically about you and Vera.”
“Oh, sure!”
“Great what was–”
“Is this about that question about imploding ants? So what do you think Julee?”
“I-it’s just Jule and I don’t–”
“Alright then ‘just Jule’ what’s your opinion? To be eaten or worn?”
Jule is befuddled by you 
Just as Vera is 
And he continues to investigate this time venting about his experiences with Vera
All the while playing with the idea that this ship has gained sentience
“And what else did you two do?”
“We walked through the garden area and they picked one and put it in my hair.”
“This looks like a pink chrysanthemum. It represents attraction, longevity, and loyal love.”
“I know…I don’t think they were thinking when they gave it to me, though.”
“Perhaps so…or perhaps not.”
Part 2: Here
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wosoamazing · 4 months ago
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Different but not weird
McFoord x Child!R
Everything in italics is sign language.
Warnings: Mention of premature birth (corrected ages - nothing in depth), hearing loss, cochlear implants A/N: Not proof read properly and this is probably boring but yeah, hope you like it. (Also thank you to @alotofpockets for the help in coming up with an idea for this fic)
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You were still in the NICU when Katie and Caitlin adopted you, having signed up for fostering to adopt just days before they met you. When the phone call began with “We know it may not be what you’re looking for and it might be a lot to take on,” they were hesitant, agreeing to just meet you and not agreeing to anything yet, wanting to see you and talk to the doctors and nurses to get more of a background on you. However you stole their hearts when they met you and they decided on that day they were going to adopt you. You were very small and spent quite some time in the NICU after they signed up to foster you. There were some concerns over your hearing during your time in the NICU, you had failed your AOAE and all subsequent tests. They thought it was possible it was because you were a premie and that maybe it would improve, however it didn’t, it stayed the same. So at 6 months (corrected age) you underwent surgery to have cochlear implants placed, before undergoing speech therapy.
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“Ears” your Mum asked as you furiously shook your head, “Where did you put them?” she sighed. The most expensive item you owned by far was ‘lost’ somewhere on camp. 
“Looking for these?” One of the physios said as she walked up behind Caitlin, causing your Mum to jump slightly, “Oh story didn’t mean to scare you. She handed them to me during training and told me to hold onto them, and not lose them because you would get mad,”
“Thank you,” you Mum sighed as she took them, you were at an age now where you had started realising you were different. You had noticed how the other kids didn’t have to wear things on the back of their ears, with wires that connected to magnets that stuck on their head, and your Mum had a slight suspicion that another kid at preschool had said something to you about them.
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“Why don’t you want to wear your ears?” Your Mum asked you as she sat down next to you, you were now sitting at the small table in the empty common room as you coloured in.
“Weird,” you replied.
“Do you think they make you weird?” she questioned further, and you nodded, “why do you think that? Because they definitely don’t,” you just looked at her blankly, “Did someone at school say something?” you nodded your head at her slightly, before grabbing your ears to put them back on.
“Said it was weird I had magnets on my head, started to stick things to them when I didn’t have my ears on,” you told her.
“That’s not right, did you tell your teacher? He shouldn’t have done that, next time anyone says something hurtful about your ears you need to tell one of your teachers or at least me or Ma okay,” you nodded, “and you absolutely need to tell a trusted adult when someone is touching your body without your permission and in ways that make you feel uncomfortable okay?” she told you with a sterner voice this time, causing some tears to fall from your eyes, “hey chook, you have no reason to be upset, you’ve done nothing wrong, do you want to have an ear break for the rest of the day? You can put them back on whenever you want, but you can absolutely take them out if you want to, like you always can, you just need to make sure you tell me or Ma when you do so,” you nodded before taking the magnets off your head and handing them to your Mum.
_____
“Hey, y/n/n, how is my best buddy going?” Macca exclaimed as she entered the common room, before looking at Caitlin when you didn’t respond, your Mum had done individual training today so they hadn’t seen you yet.
“She can't hear you,” your Mum sighed.
“Oh, is there something going on?” the goalkeeper asked as she sat down next to your MUm, sensing her worry.
“A kid at her preschool told her she was weird because she had magnets stuck to her head, and then apparently when she hasn’t been wearing her implants, he has been sticking things to her head. I am just honestly so mad that the school hasn’t noticed the fact someone is doing this to her, but also that they clearly haven’t properly explained to the kids what they are and how they help even though they told us they would. I just don’t know what to do, I can't force her to wear them but when so few people can communicate with her at things like tomorrow if she doesn’t wear them, I almost have to make her wear them.”
“What if I spoke to her, showed her that I have things to help me hear too. Would that help?” 
“Maybe, are you sure though?” “Of course Cait, I’m here to help, and this is something I would love to help her with, it took me a while to be comfortable with it and so I can’t imagine what it’s like as a kid finding your sense of self and with kids teasing you,”
“Is it alright if I call Katie while you talk to her? I need to tell her,” 
“Of course, I’ve got chook, don’t worry.”
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“Katie, do you have time to talk? It’s important,”
“Of course Cait, just give me a sec and I’ll go up to my room. How was training today?”
“Yeah good, it was just me, just as a precaution but yeah,”
“Okay, I’m in my room now, what did you want to talk to me about?”
“We need to move y/n preschools and have a serious conversation with our current preschool. She took her ears off during training and when I asked why she didn’t want to wear them she told me they are weird. Some kid at preschool has said she is weird for having magnets on her head and he has been sticking things to her head when she hasn’t had her ears on,”
“What, no that's wrong, we’re moving her and putting in a complaint, how haven't they seen it happen, they surely can’t be supervising correctly.” Katie paused, “Shit, Cait, I’m so fucking sorry, I need to go, I forgot we had an extra team meeting today. But I promise you, we will talk this through further and we will fix this for her.” Katie said before she hung up and proceeded to message Steph to see if she could check on Caitlin.
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“Mummy, did you know Macca has hearing aids! She’s so cool, does that mean I’m cool?” you asked as you saw Steph and your Mum enter the room.
“You are always cool chook. No matter what anyone else thinks. You will always be cool and amazing and perfect,” She told you as she picked you up.“I’m sorry for not telling you and Ma and for making you worried and upset. I promise I’ll tell you next time.” “It’s okay chook. I love you so much, never forget that.” She told you as she held you slightly tighter and you buried your head in her neck.
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themultifanshipper · 1 month ago
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You hadn’t seen Oscar in years. Not since the two of you broke up back in 2018. Now it was 2027 and he was holding his hand out to you expectantly, as half the MTC stared at the two of you.
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Warnings: Zak Brown, driver!reader, reader is friends with Carlos Sainz², jealous Oscar, Oscar is a real prick in this one, hate sex, rough sex, ROUGH sex, I’m not kidding with this one guys it’s angry rough bordering on noncon painful hate sex, like choking almost to the point of passing out, having no regard for the other person’s comfort/safety, overstimulation, pure unbridled animalistic rage in this one guys, beware, also not a happy ending
Ngl, I wrote the first half of this months ago and it was supposed to be super light-hearted, then the angst overtook my brain last night at 3am so… just beware
He was moving to formula Renault, you were bored of single seaters.
You wanted to explore rallying, he wanted to explore his teammates.
You know, the usual things 17 year olds want to do.
The breakup was mutual, sure, but what it lacked was closure. The two of you drifted apart and eventually called it all off, via skype. But you had never looked back, and neither had he. You hadn’t even really thought about him in years.  
Since then, you had made a name for yourself in rallying, nascar, even hanging out in WEC for a season, before going back. When you got a call out of the blue from the one and only Zak Brown, who had apparently been following your career with interest, you could only accept to meet him. He took you around the MTC and even made you do some tests in the sim, then asked if you would be up for testing the car during the season.
“You are being considered to fill one of our seats next year. One of my drivers is having talks with RedBull and I’m covering my bases.” He explained.
You never registered that Oscar was the other McLaren driver. For the next year, you never saw him, and when anyone mentioned his name, your brain apparently blocked it out.
 After extensive individual testing and sim work to make sure you were ready, the thought that you would even have a teammate had completely slipped your mind.
So, there you were, staring into those brown eyes, a month before the beginning of the season, as Oscar waited for you to shake his hand. You realised you’d been staring at him silently for what must have been well over thirty seconds, as the staff around you shuffled around awkwardly.
Zak, who had just ‘introduced’ you, was just looking back and forth between you two, wondering why the hell nobody was speaking.
“You guys need a minute?...”
Still no answer, so he sighed and backed away from you, grumbling “What have I done?... I miss Lando already.”
Once Zak had disappeared from view, Oscar finally dropped his hand and scowled.
“I thought we were going to be civil about this, but if that’s how you want to play it in front of Zak, then that’s fine.” He started to walk away but you cut him off.
“No, wait! I’m sorry!” you rushed out “I just- forgot you were going to be here”
He scoffed. “Here? At my place of work for the past 4 years?”
“No! I mean- I guess my brain hadn’t really assimilated the fact that we… we’re teammates again…”
Something softened in his features for a split second before his face became blank once again. “Yeah? Well, I’m not the same person I was back then, so try not to get distracted. We’re aiming for a constructor’s championship this season, which won’t happen if you’re too busy mooning over me.”
You were speechless as he walked away smoothly, saying hello to a few engineers on the way. What the fuck was his problem? He had become a right arsehole in the 9 years since you’d last spoken. 2027 Oscar was a dick.
He’d also become the broadest, sluttiest proportioned man you’d ever seen as your eyes roamed over his large shoulders and tiny waist before coming to rest on his full, round behind.
Wow.
Zak Brown finally came back, with a rather large coffee cup in his hands. “Ah good, that’s over! Now why don’t we go into my office and we can go over the rest of the formalities for the new-“     Needless to say you didn’t listen to a word that was said in that office.
The thing about having special dispensation to drive in formula 1, is that there was a lot more scrutiny on you than the other drivers. Never mind the fact you were a woman on top of that. Luckily for you though, you had enough talent to go around.
You were fifth in the championship by the time the summer break rolled around, and you couldn’t be happier. Not that you weren’t enjoying the season so far, but the championship battle was intense. Between Redbull having Charles and Lando, You and Oscar in arguably the fastest car, Ollie and Lewis having as much fun in a Ferrari as expected, and even Kimi and George, who managed to grab a fair few podiums with a shitbox of a Mercedes, the margins separating all of you were extremely small, only forty two points between you and Charles in P1.
And although you hadn’t won a race yet, which was pretty normal given that you were a rookie going against the likes of these guys, the commentators and journalists had nothing but praise for you. And you basked in the glory with unbridled satisfaction.
You were on a yacht during summer break, a two day expedition (more like a two day free cruise) and Carlos Sainz Jr (former F1 driver, and your old rally teammate) was on the sun lounger next to you. His father was on one of the lower decks, no doubt hassling the maids for sandwiches.
“Do not worry muñequita, the season will go fine. Oscar just needs time to adjust to having you back in his life basically 24/7”
He pulled you into his lap and started kissing over your chest. Hands roaming over your body as he grumbled “Just like I need to adjust to not having you around all the time…” His mouth wasted no time travelling downwards, your bikini bottoms soon tossed aside, as he made the most of the temporary absence of his father.
You weren’t together really, but your relationship had grown close ever since his dad had helped you get into rallying and you two had subsequently become teammates when he retired from F1 when Williams didn't pan out. Carlos was an amazing lover, and as a woman in motorsports you couldn’t afford any bad PR being viewed as a slut, you needed convenience and discretion, so the arrangement was perfect.
Unfortunately, the next day paparazzi showed up and got some pictures of the two of you. Nothing explicit of course, but it was enough to fuel a few rumours and spice up silly season until the end of the summer break.
During the week leading up to the first race, Oscar was a real sour puss (more than usual anyway) and he kept giving you dirty looks. And he was distracted to the point where his sim runs were just getting worse and worse.
Then there were the snarky remarks. Like when you’d spilled a water jug in the cafeteria and he’d said something like “Messy in all aspects of life, then?”. Or when your car got scratched while parked in the MTC parking lot. He walked past, saw the scratch, snorted derisively and said “Karma’s a bitch, ay” before getting into his own car and driving off.
You had no idea what had gotten into him, but this had to stop, one way or another.
You cornered him in his driver’s room on Sunday morning before the race.
“What the fuck is your problem?” you snapped, storming into his room without even bothering to knock.
He looked up from where he was sitting on the sofa, scrolling on his phone, but he didn't look phased in the slightest.
“I don't know what you're talking about”
“Oh fuck off! Ever since I joined McLaren you've been a complete dick to me and since we came back from break it's been getting even worse!”
He shrugged and looked back at his phone, which enraged you.
So you did the rational thing and walked over to him, ripped his phone out of his hands to see what could possibly be more interesting than-
You froze upon seeing his screen.
It was one of the more… interesting shots of you and Carlos on the yacht from a few weeks ago.
He stood up and grabbed his phone back, but the damage was done.
Not only was it a picture of you and Carlos, but it wasn't on social media, it was in his camera roll.
He'd saved it onto his phone.
The cogs started turning in your head.
‘Messy in all aspects of life’ he’d said.
This was what he was referencing.
You looked into his eyes and they were filled with thinly veiled rage.
“Is this why? Are you fucking jealous?”
He scoffed and pushed past you.
“I most certainly am not. I hope you and Carlos are very happy together.”
He took his shirt off as aggressively as he could and started putting on his fireproofs.
“Me and Carlos aren't together you prick.”
“Really? So what's the deal then? Does he just get to fuck you?”
“What's it to you? You scared of playing second fiddle to Carlos Sainz?”
That made him halt his movements.
“What?” his hands balled into fists.
“You fucking heard me” you spat.
He turned around slowly, his shoulders tense and his nostrils flared.
“You'd better not be suggesting that he's better than me”
You crossed your arms in defiance. “We were 17 and inexperienced, Oscar, it's not hard to do better than that.”
Something animalistic flashed in his eyes. “I guess I need to change your perception of me if you're going to compare me to that fucking loser”
You laughed in his face, but under the surface you were uneasy at the implications.
“Good luck with that one mate”
“Yeah?” he cocked an eyebrow as he prowled towards you menacingly. “Is he that unbelievable? Does he make you come? Does he fuck you like he means it? Does he make you tremble with need underneath him? Does he make you scream his name?”
He towered over you, only a few inches separating your faces.
“Because I guarantee, once you get a taste of me you won't be going back to him.”
“Do your worst” you whispered, fully turned on by this angry side of Oscar.
“Oh I’m going to” he smirked, “but right now I have a race to win”
And with that he backed off, leaving you unconsciously gripping the edge of the table you’d been cornered against.
As you crossed the threshold of his doorway on your way out, you muttered “coward”, fully intending for him to hear it.
And thank God Oscar didn’t, because if he had, you wouldn’t have been able to get in a car after he’d had his way with you.
You were distracted the whole race. Nerves ran down your spine as you took each corner, not wrong enough to hit a wall, but wrong enough to slow you down.
“Concentrate, please. Leclerc is closing the gap, we don’t want to endanger Oscar’s chances” your engineer muttered over the radio.
“Fuck Oscar” you said, which was entirely unhelpful, and if aired was going to attract quite a bit of backlash.
Fortunately for you, Oscar seemed to be having similar difficulties. He’d dipped his rear tyres into the gravel a couple of times, and with 39 lap old mediums, that meant he was becoming significantly slower than you, being on slightly fresher ones.
You eventually caught up to him, and Charles caught up to you.
You should have been let past. You were faster, you could guarantee a McLaren win. Oscar should have listened to team orders. You shouldn’t have forced him wide to get past when he refused to listen to reason. He shouldn’t have hit you while defending his inside line. You shouldn’t have ended up beached in the gravel trap, Oscar’s car spinning alongside yours. Charles shouldn’t have won that race.
You and Oscar shouldn’t have started brawling on the edge of the track.
Alas...
The loud slam of your driver’s room door against the wall startled you, as if you weren’t expecting it. As if you hadn’t been waiting for him.
As if Oscar hadn’t spat ‘you won’t be able to walk tomorrow’ at you as the marshalls dragged you apart.
As if you weren’t already dripping at the thought of Oscar taking his anger out on you and making you pay for what happened.
His hand was around your throat before you could think too much about it. You were pinned down on the table, nails scratching at the arm that held you down against the cool wood.
The fact that you were soaked was evident as soon as he forced his other hand into your underwear and felt how slick your folds were, and he immediately used his fingers to make you fall apart at the seams as he found the spot that made you weak and abused it repeatedly, his thumb pressing rough circles onto your poor clit.
Only when you’d come twice from his fingers alone was he satisfied.
He’d changed into sweatpants at some point, making it easier for him to pull his hard cock out while still holding you down.
You were used and oversensitive, and the sight of his thickness made you squirm and attempt to tell him to stop, but you didn’t get the chance.
The fingers around your throat were barely letting you breathe, much less get words out, not to mention that you were getting so lightheaded you doubted if your words would even be comprehensible if you did manage to utter them.
When his tip breached you, you tensed, waiting for him to go all the way, but he didn’t.
He waited until you relaxed before he slammed into you, probably bruising your cervix and making sure he made good on his trackside promise.
If you’d been able to make a sound, you would have probably been heard all the way across the paddock. The aching pain just served to add to the fog that was slowly invading your mind as he wasted no time pulling out and thrusting back in with even more force.
It was brutal, uncaring and relentless.
This wasn’t for your pleasure, nor even for his. This was a painful reminder for you both, that you were at the mercy of the sport you dedicated your lives to. You were puppets, made to compete in the most expensive dog fight in the world and you couldn’t do anything to change that. You just had to take it, until you triumphed, or drowned in the condolent applause of failure.
These were the sort of wild thoughts a person could have after being deprived of air for long enough.
Oscar hadn’t even noticed the state you were in until your grip on his arm weakened, and he panicked slightly and quickly loosened his grip, allowing you to heave in the first proper breath you’d had in minutes.
The reprieve didn’t last long though, because he leaned over you and kissed you, more teeth and tongue than a real kiss, but it was all either of you could manage, being so close to the brink of extasy you hadn’t even noticed you’d been nearing. Your body rocked against the table with the powerful movement of his hips slapping yours, the combined sweat of your bodies making the surface slippery.
Your throat was sore, and all you could manage was a pitiful whine as you were tossed over the edge of the precipice, and Oscar jumped with you, both of you panting and moaning into each other’s mouths as he filled you to the brim.
He didn’t stop though. He kept fucking you through it, overstimulating you and himself, both of you crying out into the stale air of your driver’s room.
His anger and desperation could be felt in his unrelenting pace, frenzied thrusts pushing you further and further up the table each time.
Your shared tears mingled with your sweat, clouding your visions as you just kept going.
 It hurt, but that didn’t matter when it was just the two of you, together, bodies colliding, unspoken words hanging between you.
It hurt, but it felt good.
The pain grounded you, making sure you stayed locked in even when you couldn't breathe.
He filled you up again and again, until he physically couldn’t anymore. He pulled out without care and pulled his sweats back up.
He took in your appearance: skin flushed, glistening with sweat and tears, bruises forming around your neck, puffy cunt leaking onto the table… pathetic.
He made his way to the door but stopped just as his hand touched the handle.
“Don’t try that shit ever again” and the next thing you heard was the door slam behind him.
You both knew you would do it again. And he would do it as soon as he got the chance, probably leading to another crash.
And you would probably end up right back here, used and spent, unable to move.
Tears sprang to your eyes, anyone could walk in and see you like this, utterly destroyed physically and mentally by your teammate.
It took you several minutes to gather the energy to move, and when you did the pain flashed across your body once again.
He'd used you, made you take it until he had nothing left to give. Until you lay there, broken like a discarded toy.
But God, you both knew you craved it.
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ofoceansandtombsanew · 2 months ago
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as soft as a misty rain
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cw. f!reader (no specified anatomy), recently established relationship, allusions that sanji's past is more complicated than he lets on, reader has a defined devil fruit ability
pairing. vinsmoke sanji x reader
synopsis. it is all typical sanji; there is no deeper meaning to his actions. until it isn't all typical sanji and now there are many meanings to everything he does.
notes. a back to school treat for pookie @hash-slinging-slasher-trash because we both survived the first week of the new semester. title comes from rain by swv, it just felt like it would really the vibes i was going for because established relationships are sweet, but the buzzing honeymoon phase of a recently established relationship can be a bit sweeter
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Sanji has always handled you with care.
There is nothing to realize. It’s an objective fact that has been apparent from almost the very moment you met on Charmed Enclave. Aside from children, there are very specific individuals Sanji will always be gentle with. An enthusiastic softness, eager and ready to serve at the drop of a hat.
I’m not special, you had told yourself, clutching Zoro’s previous warnings tightly. He does this for every woman, with or without a pulse.
It didn’t matter how many treats he brought you, reserved solely for you.
There was no deeper meaning to when he held out his hand to help you down a few steps.
Nor did it matter if he’d push Zoro onto a puddle for you to walk across like a coat taking in all the liquid, amusing as it had been.
It’s all typical Sanji.
The question is raised when it isn’t typical Sanji; that is what makes your skin buzz as Sanj’s fingers thrum across your own. What makes your chest warm as you watch as he wraps a cloth around your palms and your fingers, how he touches you as if protecting a thousand treasures.
“I won’t lie and say the Nervy Nervy Fruit isn’t useful,” Sanji murmurs with a sigh. “But if you can’t feel pain, how are you supposed to recognize your limits? Like the other day.”
You chuckle sheepishly and Sanji’s expression is uncharacteristically sharp, unamused at the display. You are sure he will be sour about your turning off your pain receptors to test the heat of the stovetop a while longer. The blond has been fretting over you like a mother hen even since. “I’ll try to be more mindful,” you promise when your chuckles subside, letting your gaze rest on your connected hands. As of now, you’ve only dulled your senses to a light discomfort. Enough to feel everything without wanting to croak from your injuries. “But this time I was distracted, I normally don’t singe myself when I check how hot the stove is.”
That does little to sway Sanji in your favor.
“I’ll be more careful,” you dramatically let your head hang as if you’re being reprimanded by your boss.
“You’ll make Chopper sad otherwise,” despite his words, Sanji sounds satisfied with the conclusion. “Think about Chopper. That’s what you told me, remember?”
Your shoulders shake with hearty laughter, “don’t use my words against me,” you beam brightly with a hint of challenge. “And you should be thanking me. Quitting smoking is going to help you in the long run. What if they started calling you Black Lung Sanji? What would you do then?” Not to mention with how impressionable the young reindeer is, the last thing you want is to see him attempting to take a smoke break between patients.
With how hectic things tend to get for the Straw Hats, it is too easy to envision.
Sanji’s cigarettes and lighter had to go for the greater good.
As your laughter subsides, a comfortable silence settles over you both.
“So,” you feel possessed to break it. Comfortable as it may be, you fear you’ll drown in it. Sink deeper and deeper in it until you do something foolish, whatever foolish thing that may be. It’s easy to drown as a power holder, it is why you are always careful around the water’s edge. What happens when you find a piece of the ocean you aren’t afraid to fall into, however. You’ve never been prepared for that. “Have you always wanted to become a cook? I know that’s what you were doing before you joined the crew.”
At your query, Sanji’s eyes shine like a child’s, “it is.” As if he’s water flowing over a dam, Sanji tells you about his home in the East Blue. The floating restaurant, the Baratie ー a concept you’ve never certainly thought possible ー and the fighting cooks that reside in it.
He tells you about Zeff and the many cooks that joined his ranks over the years. Laughter falls from your lips as easily as the stories leave Sanji’s. 
The Baratie sounds more like the Waffle House restaurant chain throughout your home island than anything else. At the tail end of Sanji’s story about how a line cook named Peter got into a fist fight with three drunks and a cranky chicken, you finally ask, “what made you love cooking so much?”
“I’ve always enjoyed it, but I’d say my mom is the one who really encouraged it,” he tells you thoughtfully, his hands moving slower against your own as he recalls the woman. He should have long since finished, you know, but you don’t mind that he’s stalled in his 'wound tending efforts'. It’s nice feeling as if it is only you on the ship when in reality you are just the only ones awake. “I liked making her lunches, not that I was always good at it. But even if it tasted like garbage, she always ate it,” the blond’s dark eyes are miles away from where you sit on the Sunny. “Then she’d ask me to make her something else again.”
“I can’t wait to meet her,” you try to imagine what such a gentle person looks like. I think you probably look a lot like her. A good portion of the woman’s character certainly had been imbued in her son. He’s always been gentle and kind, you’ve seen it in how he treats Chopper.
It’s easy to baby the crew’s smallest member, but there is something unique in how everyone does it. Vinsmoke Sanji was meant to be a father. It’s a thought that flusters you, but you know it is true regardless. It’s a bit too soon to think about that though.
“It,” Sanji’s gaze doesn’t meet yours as his thumb brushes over the back of your cloth-covered hand. You aren’t able to dwell long on what exactly your newly minted boyfriend means, however, as he continues on. “will probably be easier meeting Zeff than my mother. He’s a stubborn old fart but he means well. You’ll like him. Just don’t believe anything those jackasses at the Baratie tell you about me. I just know they put up that god awful wanted poster of me where everyone can see it.”
A giggle slips from your lips at Sanji’s distressed expression and you recall how he begged for you to pretend the portrait didn’t exist. 
It’s easy to imagine all the cantankerous characters he mentioned growing up with. Zeff, Patty, Carne and you can easily picture the boisterous men hanging Sanji’s wanted poster for all to see like proud parents and uncles. Ones very good at teasing their group’s baby. The men who made Vinsmoke Sanji ‘Vinsmoke Sanji’.
“I can’t wait to meet them.”
Sanji pauses at your words before he lips stretch into a dreamy smile and you let yourself arrogantly assume he’s picturing the same things you are. “I can’t wait to introduce you to them.” With that, his tending to your hand is finished, cloth gently knotted so it can’t move. “I’m no Chopper, so he’ll probably have to redo it once he wakes up.”
You smile at his handiwork, “thanks again.” You think that will be the end of your little moment, but rather than let your hand go Sanji holds your fingers a touch tighter.
“Can I kiss your hand,” the cook asks earnestly, dark eyes reserved yet hopeful.
“You don’t have to ask permission for that,” your chest burns a gold the color of Sanji’s hair. It’s unfair how easily he gets your heart pounding like a drum. In spite of your words, he doesn’t lean forward an inch. “Of course you can,” you grumble, eyes darting to a particularly interesting piece of wood in your embarrassment.
The hair of his chin dances across your skin like raindrops.
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thepersonperson · 5 months ago
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Sukuna's Loneliness Part 1
(Thoughts on Sukuna's Dehumanization as of JJK 261.)
Part 2
Some things to keep in mind...
1) This analysis deals with topics of ableism, racism, and discrimination. (Very brief suicidal ideation mention.)
2) I will be mainly using the TCB scans because of their accessibility. 
3) There are a lot of links so you know I'm not making stuff up. The sources are both formal and informal. Please do research on some of the discussed topics to gain a better understanding of them.
(Click pictures for captions/citations.)
The Name Ryomen Sukuna
Before we start this needs to be made clear. Ryomen Sukuna is not a first and last name. Ryomen is a title. Sukuna is a name.
Ryomen uses the kanji 両面 which can be translated as "two-faced".
Sukuna uses the kanji 宿儺 which can be translated as "specter". Individually the kanji can be read as "lodging, inn" (宿, suku) and "exorcism" (儺, na).
Two-faced specter is not a nice name to put it lightly. It's such a mean spirited name that the JP fanbase suspects he was called something else before becoming The Disgraced One.
Normally I would assume his parents did not name him this, however, Sukuna himself had this to say about his birth.
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In the original Japanese, Sukuna calls himself 忌み子 (Imigo) which can be translated as "Abominable Child", "Unwanted Child", or "Shunned Child." None of these translations in my opinion get across how severe Imigo is. It's closer to meaning "child who should've never been born". Like the child's very existence is an affront to god. (If you play Elden Ring the Omen are called Imigo in Japanese for this reason.)
You combine this fact with his name and it starts to paint a nasty picture. Sukuna straight up may not have a last name in part from what is implied to be disownment from birth.
Sukuna's Trauma
(Even if he won't acknowledge it as something that has deeply affected him.)
As a Basketball American (aka one of those people with a unique skeletal structure and muscles as Mr. Gojo Satoru would say), I consider myself a professional experiencer of discrimination. This means when a character has likely experienced something similar to me, I can sniff it out like a bloodhound. Though what Sukuna experiences is much closer to ableism than racism. (Discrimination across the board is pretty similar in a lot of ways you know.)
Sukuna is disabled—not as in he lacks an able body (my goodness he is too ablebodied), but as society is not built with any consideration for him. He’s a massive conjoined twin with 4 eyes and 4 arms and 2 mouths. If you know anything about being tall in Japan, it's that it’s a nightmare. Doorways, showers, bathrooms, and buildings are built for small people which leads to the very infrastructure causing problems for anyone big. But Sukuna’s size is just the start of those kinds of problems. He canonically wears women’s kimonos to accommodate his arms since they have larger sleeves. He often goes shirtless or wears a shawl simply because clothing isn’t made for him.
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If you’ve known or read anything by people with mobility issues or missing limbs, a major complaint is clothing. For example someone with a missing leg can either pay for expensive customized pants, or they can purchase regular pants and tie off the extra pant leg. They can have trouble buying one shoe since they almost always come in pairs. (To rectify this sometimes they find a mirror twin called a Sole Mate who they share the extra shoe with.) 
Now if I’ve learned anything from people with mobility issues, it’s that ablebodied people are really fudging annoying and rude. They will grab mobility aids unprompted and even move people around in wheelchairs without permission. In this treatment, the ablebodied dehumanize the disabled and treat them like objects in their way.
Sukuna also experiences objectification in a similar manner. People see him as an obstacle to conquer, a means to test their strength, a helpless thing that needs curing, a test subject to study, and a symbol for their own use. All of these things are extremely dehumanizing and things disabled people may have to deal with.
We’ve got Yuji and co seeing him as a curse to exorcize.
Kashimo and others using Sukuna to test their strength.
Yorozu seeing Sukuna’s lack of interest in romantic/sexual love as a thing to be cured. (Your honor, he is aroace.)
Kenjaku using Sukuna as a test subject and insurance for The Plan.
Heian era society revering him as a god to use him in rituals for their benefit.
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The last example is a very interesting form of discrimination. If you aren’t familiar with the term, there is one called benevolent prejudice. This is when discriminatory beliefs are flattering instead of malicious. (Examples: Black people are athletic, Asian people are smart, etc.)
Benevolent prejudice still results in negative outcomes for the group affected, but to me personally, some of them are kind of hilarious in isolation. Here are some of my favorites:
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I’m pretty sure this is why Gojo apologizes so readily to Miguel and without resistance. He realizes “oh crap I’m doing to Miguel what everyone does to me”. 
And yes this belief had a negative outcome for Miguel—it’s likely the reason Gojo beat him so hard compared to other characters in the JJK 0 movie. (Remember Gege has direct involvement in the anime.) This is canonically a racially motivated beatdown, trauma response from the black ropes mimicking Toji notwithstanding.
On the ableism side of things this benevolent prejudice can manifest as turning people with deformities or atypical features into objects for worship, fetishization, or sacrifice.
As an aside, I suspect Uraume’s gender is ambiguous because they’re intersex. And boy howdy do intersex people experience dehumanization as objects of worship (fetishization and religious symbols) or as a problem that needs to be corrected (forced surgical procedures/mutilation and erasure). This, in my opinion, might be the reason Sukuna likes them more than anyone else. Uraume may not fully understand the isolation of strength, but they do get the dehumanizing way in which society treats them both.
My point here is that Sukuna experiences regular prejudice and the benevolent type. All of which are dehumanizing from every single angle, leaving him in a state of near constant objectification. (Uraume puts Sukuna on a pedestal as their master which is emotionally isolating but they still see him as an individual on his own merits.)
What constant systemic discrimination does to a motherfudger...
So now that we've established how Sukuna's dehumanization happened, I can rant about how this is probably a major reason behind his disconnect from his humanity and a source of his loneliness.
Gege has stated that Sukuna and other people don’t really know how to categorize his personhood. He's so strong he's more like a natural disaster than anything else.
Sukuna says things like this about himself.
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"If I was a cursed spirit…"
"...that's the sort of human I was."
He doesn’t see himself as a human or a curse. At one point he did consider himself human but stopped. He sees himself as this third thing which is highly likely to be a “living creature” as Gojo would put it. 
Gojo also experienced benevolent prejudice that lead to his dehumanization and subsequent objectification (thanks JJK 261 for making me realize it was much worse than I assumed). And from birth too. I think this is why they’re able to connect so well during their fight. Especially since this prejudice leads to them becoming sinks for everyone's burdens while being scorned in the same breath. (It's like how people adore "my kind's" athletic/manual labor abilities but then don't want us in their neighborhoods.) The world isn't made for them but it's going to exploit the very thing it hates them for.
The difference between those two is probably the stares of disgust and day to day inconveniences from the extra parts. Gojo can effectively blend in with other humans if he really tries. Sukuna cannot. (Maybe that’s why he says this too.)
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Sukuna to me, feels like a manifestation of this rage against constant systemic discrimination. You look at him funny? He kills you. You treat him like a thing that serves you? He kills you.
I know I'm projecting but hear me out!
I don't think Sukuna was aggressively abused by others for his appearance to get to this point by the way. It's more of a death by 1,000 cuts scenario. Someone crossing the street to avoid you, a flash of revulsion when they look at you, backhanded compliments, name-calling in whispers, gentle reminders you don't belong in infrastructure and accessibility to resources. On their own they feel like paper cuts, but if you experience them constantly without time to recover, one day you look down and realize there's a massive rotting gash.
Thankfully I have friends and spaces where I can exist without being subject to discrimination. I can treat these wounds and keep going relatively ok. When I was a child, I didn't have a proper outlet for that and it ate me alive. I flip flopped between wanting to magically wake up fully white or disappearing entirely and wanting everything to explode. Sometimes I wanted all of these thing at the same time. These old wounds reopen on occasion but I know how to deal with that now.
In Sukuna's behavior and attitude, I see that kind of hurt. And his coping strategy appears to be making everything explode since violence is all he knows. Maybe cannibalism wasn't the healthiest way to deal with this but you know it's Jujutsu Kaisen.
Speaking of cannibalism, the definition of a cannibal is an individual that eats members of their own species. Sukuna is regarded as a non-human by everyone around him in every instance except when he is called a cannibal. He’s not human enough to be a part of society but just human enough to be a cannibal. His status as a human changes in what makes it easiest to disregard him as an individual worthy of respect or consideration. (Think of how conservatives misgender gender non-conforming cis people and then turn around and misgender trans people for hypocritical reasons.) 
Sukuna’s acknowledgement of both Jogo and Gojo is bittersweet with this lens. Jogo is a curse fighting on behalf of curses’ humanity. He wants curses to live as humans after being born lowly and unwanted in a world that wants him erased. Gojo is a human forced into godhood by circumstances he couldn’t control. He’s someone who became isolated and rejected by others until he stopped seeing himself as a human. Sukuna has lived both of these experiences and connects with them in a way no one else can. 
Unfortunately, because Sukuna only knows how to love through violence, he kills them. (Great job, Sukuna, you did this to yourself. You could've had friends.)
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I also suspect this is why Sukuna believes this.
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This type of society is one in which Sukuna can exist. He can relentlessly pursue the strength through which he builds his self-esteem and be acknowledged as something. However, that is still isolating. And Sukuna is a human, which means he’s a social creature that needs companionship. (Not necessarily romantic or sexual mind you.)
I find Sukuna’s vague suicidal ideation and refusal to die extremely relatable for all these reasons. Much like Gojo, he seems to be convinced the world will never treat him the way he wants to be treated and wants out.
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There’s also something to be said about the unique loneliness aromantic and asexual people experience from wanting deep and fulfilling relationships without romance or sex in a world that only values relationships with both of those things.
So why is Sukuna like that?
Despite knowing how much it sucks to be dehumanized, Sukuna still participates in dehumanization himself, referring to humans as insects/animals or things for him to play with. 
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And in a Kenjaku parallel, food for him to enjoy as well.
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I predict this attitude he has towards humans is the direct result of his dehumanization and objectification for his appearance and strength. It’s all one big unhealthy coping mechanism.
I think this is why Yuji ideologically pisses him off so much. Imagine truly believing all this isolation and suffering for innate characteristics made you stronger, only to find someone who experienced none of that starts rising to your level and shatters your entire world view.
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Trauma isn’t something that makes people stronger, but Sukuna likely believes it does as a cope. In my last analysis I called Gojo a sopping-wet pathetic cat who pretends everything is ok. Sukuna is no different if you ask me.
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itsmarsss · 7 months ago
Text
motivation [Miguel Diaz x GN! Reader] (Cobra Kai)
(~from the vault~)
Request: "ok... you wanted a miguel oneshot? here you go... y\n is johnnys daughter, and she & Miguel get caught making out in her room 😹 PLS WRJTE THIS I LOVE IT"
Warnings: making out, teenage cringe (this made more sense when i was writing this at 16 lmao)
Word count: 1,440
[. . .]
“This is so boooring,” you exaggeratedly complained, your head falling back onto your bed frame in frustration.
"It's 20% of the grade,” Miguel reminded you.
"I knowww.”
"Come on, you can do it,” he affirmed, smiling as he rolled his eyes at your obvious drama. He went right back to quizzing you. “What does codominance mean?”
“Both… alleles are dominant?”
"Both alleles are recessive.”
“Then why’s it called codominance?” You ask, annoyed. 
“Hey I’m not the inventor of genetics,” he laughed, putting his hands up in surrender.
“We’ve been at this for hours, my brain is totally fried at this point.”
“No it’s not. You know all this!”
"Well obviously I don’t."
Miguel nodded in disagreement. "You just need to find some motivation."
"Like what?"
"Like…" He looked up, trying to think of something, and you admittedly hoped maybe he’d suggest a break because holy shit you were not having fun right now, but his eyes lit up with an idea, his smile quickly turning into a mischievous grin, making you fairly confident whatever he’d just come up with was something way more complicated than a break.
"No,” you immediately deadpanned.
"What? I didn’t even say anything!"
“But you thought something. I'm not answering biology questions while I mix cement or some shit. Stop hanging out with my dad."
He let out a laugh at the memory you brought up. "Chill, I'm not gonna make you mix cement!” 
"Then can’t we just take a break? Pleeeeease?”
“We can take a break when you can answer the questions! You can’t fail biology, it’s one of the only classes we have together!”
“That is so, so sweet babe, but I really don’t think anything will motivate me more than a break right now.”
"Come on, we’ve been studying this for hours, you know this! No two people have the same DNA, but there’s one exception. That is...?”
"Ugh, Fine. Shit. Uh, brothers?”
"Yeah!" 
“Really?” You were genuinely surprised with yourself for getting that one right.
“I told you you knew this!”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I still don’t get the motivation part though,. I’m still very much bor-” he shut you right up by leaning over the various textbooks that laid on the bed between the two of you, pressing his lips to yours in a quick kiss. 
He chuckled at your lack of reaction at the sudden action. 
“What was that?”
“Your motivation.”
“Okay. Yeah. Cool.” It was not cool. In fact, maybe you felt like your brain was on the verge of short-circuiting, but what else could you say?
“Alright. Cloning results in two individuals that are…?”
“Uh… genetically identical?”
“No.”
“Shit. Well that was fun while it lasted. Alright loverboy, why don’t we just ditch the questions and make out?”
No luck. “Not yet. Cloning results in two individuals that are…?”
You let out an exaggerated groan at your failed attempt at ditching the quizzing, just to annoy him. “Genetically… genetically similar.”
“Yeah!” He celebrated before leaning in again, smiling into your lips as he kissed you for a little longer this time. 
“I really don’t see how exactly this is supposed to help me focus.”
“Correlation.”
“What?”
“What does cloning result in?”
“You just asked me this.”
“What does it result in?”
“Two individuals who are genetically similar.”
“See? You remembered. When you’re taking the test your brain will correlate the answer to the questions with a memory. I’m just making it a nice memory,” he shrugged, as if what he’d just said was the most obvious statement to ever be said.
“You are so weird,” you smiled, staring at him for a second. God he was cute. You leaned in to kiss him again, but he didn’t let you, leaning away from you to ask you another question.
“What does a Punnet square show?”
“Are you kidding me? I can’t kiss my own boyfriend now?”
“Not until you answer the question,” he grinned, proud of himself.
The questions went on and Miguel kept going with his so-called motivation. By the time you found yourself under him, Miguel seemed to be contempt with your amount of right answers, throwing the books out of the way to finally comply.
Yeah he was definitely pulling that correlation thing out of his ass but damn did this making out make you motivated. “This is like the best study session ever,” he stated as he pulled away to take a breath, smiling like an idiot. 
“You are so fucking cheesy, dude,” you retorted, just to tease him.
He smiled that one smile of his, shaking his head before resuming to kissing you, careful not to put too much of his weight on you, which you thought was the cutest thing he could do in a moment like this. You didn’t particularly care about that, though, only pulling him closer to you by grabbing the collar of his shir-
“Jesus kid can you please close your door? I don’t wanna come home to a porno.” 
Miguel immediately scrambled to get up from atop of you, pulling himself out of the bed entirely, which, in retrospect, was a tiny little bit really funny.
“Oh my God. Dad! Get out, what the fuck?” 
“Just keep the freakin’ door closed, Geez. And please don’t do anything while I’m here, that’s fucking weird.”
“Obviously I didn’t know you were coming back this soon!”
“You would know if you weren’t too busy swapping spit with with Diaz over here,” he motioned over to Miguel with his head, making you take a glance at him, who looked like he was trying really hard to develop the ability to become invisible, scratching the back of his neck and looking at the ceiling as if he hadn’t just been mentioned. “I sent you a message on that… text thing.”
“You sent me a text?”
“Yeah, whatever you call it. I’m not a nerd.”
“Well sorry. Miguel’s going home anyway so.”
“I am?”
“Yes, you are.” There was no way he would be able to stay for much longer without hyperventilating.
“Yeah! Right! I am. Just just about to head out. Yup.”
“Okay. Whatever. Next time I’ll yell that I’m home so I don’t have to see… that,” he motioned between you vaguely.
“There wasn’t even anything happening you baby! And I said I’m sorry!”
“What fucking ever!”
“Okay,” was all you managed to reply before he left, closing the bedroom door behind him. You were too embarrassed to say anything else.
“Okay. Uh,” Miguel started, but he didn’t know what to say either, mortified by the idea of his sensei catching him making out with you.
“I don’t think he’s gonna be able to look us in the eye after this.”
“Good thing I only see him every single fucking day.”
“Oh my God,” you buried your face in your hands in embarrassment, trying to regain your composure. 
“At- at least he’s okay with it! I thought he was gonna kill me for a moment there.”
“He likes you too much. He just gets really weird about this sort of thing.”
There was a knock on the door. “Are you decent?”
“We were never not decent!” You defended yourself. Johnny opened the door slowly, carefully scanning the room as to not see anything unsolicited. “Kid’s gotta go.”
“You’re aware I’m not a child, aren’t you?”
“Well duh. But I know the advice I gave him about this stuff before you two started… whatever this is, and I need to take everything back.”
“What?”
“Dad.”
“What? A Sensei can’t have a nice guy talk with his student?”
“Uh-” Miguel murmured, glancing at you nervously.
“I’ll be waiting by the door,” he shot Miguel a condescending smile before leaving. 
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” 
“You think there will be a tomorrow for me?” He joked.
“I don’t know. What ‘advice’ is he talking about?”
“Uh…” He scratched the back of his neck again, like he always did whenever he was uncomfortable.
“Oh my fucking god. You did not get sex advice from my fucking dad,” you stated, in denial. 
“It was before we even had anything!”
“Well I fucking hope so! It’s still fucking weird.”
“I know, I try not to think about it.” He paused. “You think he’s gonna kill me?”
“He’ll go easy on you.”
“I’m not sure.”
“He will!”
“Promise?”
You kissed him goodbye instead of answering. “Good luck!”
And wouldn’t you know it? Your tests came back with a big red A- in the front page. You could definitely see yourself catching an interest for genetics. Maybe you did just need some motivation. 
As long as you keep the door closed.
[. . .]
A/N: think im writing for miguel again. like actual new stuff that makes sense to me at my now old age of 20 (lol) so if ya want request away
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little-miss-dilf-lover · 4 months ago
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Hi! Just came across your writing and may I say… bravo!!!! I,ve had a thirst for Tangerine and pietro. Of course I can’t think of the many scenarios I’ve imagined at this moment except for one.
May I ask for a bestfriend!pietro x reader where it’s friends to lovers. Where are idiots in love but are both to afraid to say anything. During a gala at Pietro’s jealousy can’t be hidden any longer. This gala isn’t the first where some higher up civilian would hit on you. So this time he finally snaps. He uses his power to pull you away and to his quarters. And the second he gets you in there he crashes his lips to yours. Leading to smut which is some of the best for both parties. I feel like Piet would be a talker going on about “I’ve thought of this every night…” or “you’re mine.” At the time of pure bliss he tells you he is in love with you.
After getting your head clear from how amazing he was in bed you realize you had not said it back and his insecurities show and he starts to apologize but you stop him and are like “Piet… I’m in love with you… I meant it. I’m yours… always have been.
BOOM- round 2
anyway if you don’t like it no biggie but thank you!
hii honey! love love it! there’s no smut in this sadly, just a suggestive ending. kinda accidentally steered from the premise of what you sent it, but still hope that’s okay. thanks for requesting, hope you like it💌
SMUDGE.
pietro maximoff x implied fem!reader — suggestive
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word count. 928
Donations were a big deal to the compound. The team relied on wealthy people —other than Tony— to pour money into them. Naturally meaning gala funding events were just as important as the donations.
You were amusing a particularly rich individual, listening to him talk as a means to keep him engaged, though he didn’t quite understand that. To him, you were entertaining his flirts, firing some back as if you were interested – but you weren’t. You didn’t really care for much that came from his mouth. 
But to Pietro, his view across the room looked anything but. It seemed as if you were interested in him: the way you remained engrossed in conversation, feet pointing at him, even smiling. Which of course, he hated most.
“We have to go,” Pietro walks over to the pair of you and announces your departure. “Come on,” his head gestures to the door, his arm slinking into yours. 
“Yeah, just a second,” you turn to look at him, narrowing your eyes as if to scold him for disrupting your money grabbing flow. 
“No, now,” he tugs your arm, nodding at you.
“Just give me a minute,” you forcefully smile at Pietro, trying not to arouse suspicions with the man. 
His head tilts to the side, emphasising how badly he means it.
You turn to look at the rich guy to your right, smiling apologetically. “Please excuse me, I’ll be right back.”
Before the man has time to respond, Pietro has begun whisking you away – rushing you to the privacy of his room across the compound.
“What was that about?” you squint at him, frustration evident in your voice. “I was so close to getting that cheque— do you know how much it was?”
“I don’t care,” he shakes his head, voice soft between the close distance of the pair of you.
“It was a lot, Pietro. It could’ve really helped us all,” you reiterate.
“Why were you talking to him?” he asks, eyes gentle as he looks over you. 
And then, you caught on – picking up on why he was acting this way.
“To get his money,” you reassure. 
“Did you like him?” he questions, eyes darting down to your lips.
“No,” you utter, eyes mirroring his. 
“No?” he repeats, slowly leaning in. 
You faintly shake your head, watching him as he closes that very short distance between you. It was happening.
And then, and then, it finally happens – his lips brush against yours as if he was testing the waters, silently seeing if you too have been feeling the same way as him. And when you don’t pull away or push him off, it only makes it clear.
You kiss him back, pouring those same repressed romantic feelings into something physical. It all grows hot and rushed and heated, a couple slow, testing pecks turning into something far more urgent. A deep makeout soon evolving – muffled, breathy moans being caught between the act.
It was like each of your brains switched off, like neither of you had to think about anything or question what was next. Like you both instinctively knew where that initial kiss was going.
He walks you back into the wall behind you, his front almost pushing you up against it. Pietro breaks from the kiss first, pulling away to look over you – your lipstick smudged over your mouth. 
You can’t help but smile when you see the state of his lips, your lippy smeared in a way that you’re almost certain matches yours. You reach up, brushing your thumb over the top of his chin to wipe some away – which barely did a thing.
“Is it my shade?” he jokes, his hands pawing at your waist – eager to get to your skin behind your lavish floor length dress.
“Mhm-hm,” you hum, your hands also pawing at him, desperately trying to get him out of his shirt. 
He bunches your dress, pulling it up from around your thighs – holding it around your hips as if to gain access to you. “Been thinking about this,” he whispers, words barely audible despite the lack of space between you. It was quiet, like he wasn’t sure he even wanted you to hear it.
But you did, you heard it.
He lowers a hand to your bare hip like an attempt to deflect from his vocal honesty, palm warm and distracting against your skin. His fingers itching lower and towards the elastic of your underwear.
Simultaneously, he presses kisses under your jaw, roughly littering them across the sensitive skin at the top of your neck – almost bruising marks into you. 
You take a beat, waiting a substantial time for those words to sink in. “You have?” you whisper back, hands stilling around the buttons of his shirt.
“I have, what?” he asks, pulling his face from the tucked position in the crook of your neck.
Your head tilts to the side faintly. “Thought about this.”
He exhales, eyes darting over you – feeling cornered. 
“I have,” you interrupt to reassure him. “Loads.”
“What do you think about?” he questions, boyish smile present as if to charm you. 
“You.”
He hums, pressing a kiss to your lips. “And what about me?”
You resume the unbuttoning of his shirt, freeing his chiselled front of the fabric – doing everything not to share those private, recurring thoughts of him. 
His hand on your hip pulses, squeezing into you as if to persuade and tempt you. “If you tell me what I did… I can do it,” he whispers against your mouth. “I can make it real.”
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