#I hope I did an okay job with him!

[dendroaspis-viridis]

I'm begging you, BioWare... Learn from the mistakes of Baldur's Gates past...

[sleepy-crypt1d]

the people have spoken!! (3 people) and now i shall be continuing my rambling about all the implications in COF that simon was a victim of CSA (and that his mom might be dead): an 8am caffeine induced word vomit post brought to you by a guy with over 80 hours in COF <3

under the cut because it's SUPER long.

Trigger Warnings for: talk of abuse, CSA, SA, obsessive behavior, suicide, death, and general COF fucked up-ness.

Not entirely sure on a place to start so I will begin with one of the more obvious places: the enemies.

Each enemy shows us something about Simon, either something overt that is shown to us through other aspects of the game, or things that dig deeper into his mind and point out stuff that we might not notice on a first glance.

For one, the Sewmo, an older male enemy that's bound in chains whose attack is licking the player. There are a handful of possible explanations for what the Sewmos could represent, but for this posts purpose it will be the obvious.

Simon having some sort of deep fear of an older man licking him in some way, a man who is bound in chains and is then released if hit. If defended against, breaks from his bonds and lashes him with a serpentine tongue. The visual of a balding, shirtless man licking Simon as a way of hurting him, of attacking him, is a visceral one that leaves very little in way of nuance to me.

These are an enemy that attacks you in groups and surrounds you in the dark, mainly being in the sewers and hiding in the shadows before stomping toward you. Whether this is a manifestation of someone he knows or simply the fear of older men, I'm not sure.

On top of this, there are also the Children. Enemies in the apartments that are mangled kids in trash bags, which could be read as how Simon sees himself. A child in a body bag that has broken from it's grave, or a way of showing how he feels about his own body, as something deserving of disgust. Something to be thrown away, a sense of revulsion that comes at the idea of one's own skin.

Now, for the most part, the Children enemies seem to be connected to the pedophile in the apartments, who we learn about through notes describing his fantasies surrounding the kids who live in the building. But this doesn't necessarily mean it doesn't have anything to do with Simon, due to the fact that I believe Simon and the apartment predator are connected in some way.

This is where we get very theory heavy- and I won't be surprised if not everyone follows but it's something I'd like to point out. A few things, actually.

For one, the predator in the apartments looks like Simon- if we are assuming the man who gets his head chopped off in the video tape we get from the basement is the predator, which here, I am- just older.

This is where I make the connection that this trauma could stem from his own father or someone he's related to but I know that that link is shaky at best and even I have my own doubts about it (especially since I'm pretty sure we see Simon's dad in game and the models don't look alike), but I figured it was still worth mentioning since the similarities between them are uncanny. The first time I played the game I thought that model was Simon, so the idea that it's the visual of someone related to him still sticks out in my mind as a possibility.

Even stepping away from the 'it was his dad' theory, Simon and the apartment predator are still connected, they still lived in the same building.

There's been a lot of debate on why these notes are in Simon's delusion, why he's seeing them outside of 'oh here's something scary we can put in'. Some people believe that maybe Simon knew about him being in the building, saw his victims or caught him in the act and didn't say anything, and this grew into a deep guilt for not doing so, and when presented with the idea that maybe Simon was a victim of the man in the apartments you usually get the argument that he would have 'aged-out' of his preference but I don't really agree, due to two things, one of which we have proof of and the other I am simply going to need you to believe me about.

The predator canonically lives in the same apartment as Simon after the accident. Simon moves there only after his accident, when he's lost the support of his family and friends and is forced out on his own, meaning he only lives there while in his wheelchair. And the man breaks the elevator in the game. He locks it in the basement, explaining in note #3 that the 'kiddies will just have to take the stairs' leaving Simon locked in his apartment on the third floor. Whether this was a real thing or not, it adds to this feeling of Simon feeling trapped with this man, stuck in place and unable to escape from a predator that haunts his building. There is a fear here, a genuine one, that implies him having been a victim. Either in the past, or now, at the hands of the man in the apartments. He is scared of his man, for one reason or another.

And for evidence of the previous point- he shows up outside Simon's apartment. We see him standing outside his door at one point in the game. At least, I think we do? This is gonna be a stretch and I could very well be wrong here but during my latest run through the game, in the section where you go back to the apartments to get the two fuses and finally go into Simon's roped off apartment- you see him. If you run up the stairs quick enough to the third floor where it's barred off he appears, for a split second, standing outside the apartment. Now, I could be wrong here! It might have been a different enemy that showed up, but I swear it was his model, with the black hair, white over shirt, and blue pants, standing there on the third floor right past the bars. It startled me so much that I paused the game and just sorta, sat there, because I wasn't sure if I actually saw him or not and I'm still not sure since I haven't been able to go back and check. But if I'm right then that's even more of a connection between these two, placing him right outside his door. Further showing us Simon's fear of being trapped, because during this part of the game, the elevator is gone and the entrance is the third floor is blocked off, leaving Simon no escape. He is trapped here, and the man is outside his door. (so small edit, I went back and replayed the game JUST to make sure and uh, yeah, he shows up. If we are to assume that the apartment predator is the model we see get his head cut off then yes, he shows up outside Simon's apartment for a split second during the game when you go back to get the fuses. If anyone wants like, proof of this I can try to get a recording but I PROMISE YOU he is there, adding more to the theory that Simon was assaulted by this man.)

I could also go into how Simon decorates his space as well, how barren his bedroom at his mom's house is, how cold and clinical it feels, as well as him straight up not having a bedroom in his apartment but that may just be a game limitation more than anything else?

Still, the added detail that the only space in Simon's apartment that has nothing in it is his bedroom is something interesting that I've never seen anyone mention. And you can't say it's because you never see it, because you do, you can go in there.

And it's empty.

His bathroom, which we only ever see in a cutscene, is furnished and modeled but his bedroom isn't. A room we physically go into, seeming to suggest that Simon just sleeps on his couch and spends all his time in his living room, which might explain why it's so dirty and disheveled when we see it.

But again, could be a game limitation, so I won't spend a ton of time on it. Instead, I'm going to shift to his relationships with other people. Specifically with Sophie, since I feel she gives a better read of how he sees personal relationships. But first I'll start with Purnell.

We see that Simon is distrusting of his doctor, antagonistic and refusing to open up about his home life. His friends and his school things that he won't touch when in session. Now, depending on which ending you get, changes Simon's opinion of the man. either someone who he apologizes to and praises for his attempt at helping him, or lambastes and curses for being incompetent.

His lack of trust in people, and his inability to feel comfortable around Purnell seems to wrap back around to my point made in the beginning: Simon seems to hold a fear of older men.

This fear could very much be manifesting in Purnell in his delusions, especially with him appearing as this dangerous force you are constantly chasing. And once you do catch up with him, his death is violent, it's personal. Simon stomping in his head with his heel born of a visceral hatred of the man. A desire to cave in his identity, to crush his skull and leave nothing but a bloody mess of the face he's been forced to stare at for hours at a time.

Alongside this is the note from the bowling alley which state "Something is off about Doctor Purnell" pointing towards other patients also feeling uncomfortable about him.

I'm not saying for sure that Purnell hurt Simon in any way, but I will point out here that- if you hit the bars of the gate Purnell is behind in the mental hospital enough times- one of his lines of dialogue is "Don't make me angry, Simon" which leads to an unpleasant visual of what their doctor - patient relationship is like in the real world.

Overall, I'd say that Simon's distrust of his own doctor and the image he paints of him in his delusion points to, if nothing else, Simon's aversion to older men.

Now Sophie is where it gets interesting.

Simon is obsessive, dangerously so, viewing Sophie on a pedestal above everyone else. Seeing her as his 'special person', his everything. He hinges his health and happiness on her, becoming overwhelming obsessed with the idea of them being together, going as far to write his happy ending with them together. His doctors even prohibit her from seeing him under the basis that she is bad for his progress, that she hinders his healing and sends him back into delusion.

In his confession, he corners her on the street, seeking her out and falling to his knees holding onto her desperate for her to listen to him, to hear him out, that if he tries hard enough she'll understand, she'll love him back, that he just needs to explain it better.

He's desperate for her, even going as far as to kill her in ending 2 to 'keep her all for himself', viewing violence as the final romantic act he can attempt. The final confession of his devotion. Seeing violence as love, killing her as the ultimate way to control her. You can never say her name without thinking of him, each thought of her memory now tainted with him, an eternal way to intertwine them.

This shows us how Simon sees love, romance in general, as something devastating. Something bloody and visceral. Something he yearns to have control over. Something he's been taught is violent.

There are a few ways to read this, the possibility of his mother in an abusive marriage and seeing how his father treats her, a possibility that his self-hatred leads to a desire to be together in death- saved from their pain together- or, in this reading, a twisting of his mind from a young age. Something that happened to him that created this view of love as obsessive, as painful, his desire to want to protect her stemming from his own victim-hood.

He's terrified of being alone, of being trapped in a body that he views as disgusting, trapped in a house he feels violated in and cornered by a man outside his door, resulting in a deep obsession with someone who makes it all go away, that makes him feel good. That brightens his day, so when she says no, he doesn't know how to handle it, and it gets twisted in his head that he just needs to convince her. Because if she doesn't love him, who will?

It's also possible that he was never in love with her, only thought he was, confusing platonic feelings and romantic feelings due to them being tangled in his brain. A possible symptom of CSA being a difficulty to distinguished between platonic, familial, and romantic feelings, resulting in a skewed perception of relationships.

His obsession with Sophie is a cry for help that goes unnoticed. He clings to her and destroys her in the process, unsure how to love without hurting someone, as he never has been. His brain desperate for connection, for friendship, but being unable to see friendship without love. Without sex. Unsure how to even grasp a relationship that isn't inherently harmful.

Kids who have gone through something as traumatic as CSA react in different ways, and to me, Simon's view of himself as a disease, his knee jerk reaction to push people away, his dirty bedroom and inability to feel romance without twisting it into something violent reads as someone who went through severe sexual abuse as a child and didn't have the words to put to it.

Wasn't told that what happened to him was bad, wasn't given the space to deal with those emotions or taught ways to heal from it, didn't grasp how much it hurt him until he had hurt someone else and had to see it in their eyes instead of through his own, as someone desperate to feel normal.

-

One last thing I'd like to touch on here- even if it is off topic, I mentioned it in my original post so why not- is the continued hint that Simon's mom is dead. Either leaving him in his father's care, or the reason why he moves into the apartments. This also adds to Simon's fear of abandonment. His sentiment of being lonely his entire life coming to a head with the death of the one person we know truly does love him.

In the apartments, there is the Drowned enemy, a ghostly figure that is suspended as if hanged that directs you to kill yourself if you look at her for too long.

Additionally, a baby bursts from her stomach and begins to stab you if you get too close- and this could be a reference to his mom, an older woman figure with long black hair that haunts you through the entire experience.

Now, I'm not entirely saying that the amount of 'pale ghost with long hair' enemies aren't just, references to The Grudge (since it's implied it's his favorite movie) but I'd like to ignore that in favor of theorizing for a moment.

(Though I am aware of the similarities don't worry. Especially the whole baby thing, if you've seen The Grudge 2 (which he literally has a poster of in his room like a dweeb) then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Weird movie. Go watch it. )

But following the idea that these enemies represent his mom, it gets darker as you venture into the forest sections. Namely, the Hanger enemy type.

The same ghostly women from before, clad in a white nightgown with long black hair that drops down from the trees with a scream and a noose around their neck. These enemies are also in the suicide hallways in endings 1-3, the bloody halls you have to parkour through to get to the sick Simon fight.

They are everywhere as the booming voice in the background screams and roars over itself 'kill yourself' and 'I'm sick'. It's not hard to imagine at all that these are his mother. Either having killed herself from the abuse at the hands of his father or after his accident, leading to him having to move out and find his own place- leaving him with the predator in the building.

Now, I can hear you saying 'but she's texting him? how could she be dead?' and here I would like to posit the idea that his mother acts as a call to the void type character.

A voice urging him to the other side, a gentle sway coaxing the gun to his head. Which could also explain why the Drowned enemies attempt to get you to kill yourself.

Simon taking his own life as a way to reunite with his mother, someone who we see deeply cared about and loved him, a calming voice throughout the runtime of COF that grounds you. Simon's breaking voice calling out for her when he get to his house also implies a disconnect, an empty house with a made bed and dust covered furniture that he weeps at. He's returning to a void. A comforting mirage that once held the things he loved.

His mother is never mentioned in any of the endings, neither is his father, the only hint towards their existence being his mention of how his family abandoned him in ending 2 but still his parents are not mentioned by name. He's alone at the end of this story. Just as he started it.

Overall, Simon is a kid who, no matter how you read the story, has experienced severe trauma all throughout his life. Whether you read it as him having been assaulted, his mother taking her own life, him living under an abusive father or simply being a kid riddled with depression and severe psychosis- he is a wounded mind. Someone who has been fucking through it, and I think there are several things that imply he's been through more than the game lets on.

The Sewmo's violating attack to the visual of children in trash bags and the continued theme of Simon feeling trapped at the hands of a predator are things that linger through the entirety of Cry Of Fear and to me, at the very least, make a very compelling argument for Simon having been a victim of CSA.

-

I hope this wasn't too confusing to follow? I haven't slept and am hopped up on caffeine right now so it might be a little all over the place. I've been working on this for like, two hours? and I think my brain is scrambled.

I'm sure I missed a few details here and there that also point towards this theory and if you have anything you noticed that I didn't, feel free to send me an ask about it! Analyzing this game and digging into the meat of it's story is really interesting to me and I think there are dozens of ways to interpret it's enemies and reoccurring themes. This is just one of them.

Also, this is coming from personal experience, as someone who has been through some shit in his life this is just how I see his trauma and how it could manifest. I understand that not every victim is going to see themselves in Simon or agree with this post or how I phrased things and that's entirely okay, this is simply my lived experience and how my trauma has effected my life.

I had some trouble with articulating some of my points, especially around Sophie, so I'm hoping it's still like, intelligible ya know? Mainly my point with her is that, him being so lonely, and with his view of affection stemming from a place of violation, he has a hard time feeling emotions that are not all consuming. Either extreme anger or extreme devotion, he flips between the two constantly throughout the game. He wants to keep her to himself, have her be completely his, he doesn't have a healthy view of romance and this could VERY likely be because he is a victim of CSA. That shit fucks with you and your perception of what a healthy relationship is.

Point is? get this guy a fucking break.

[waitineedaname]

its reigen ritsu and teru - in that order per sentence

the post in question

guys who don't have anything wrong with them and are so normal about it

[twilightdomain]

is this the only way i deliver rat lore anymore

[anabetel35]

personally I think that if a fictional guy isn't a dilf or a malewife or a baby girl or even a pathetic wet meow meow he should be at least a little bit of a whore. What else is he there to do if not look pretty? (Meaning that you'll have to rip my Skull Sorcerer design out of my dead cold hands yourself if you want me to change it.)

the colors came out a lot more orange than I wanted them to but that's okay :)

[sskk-manifesto]

Next time we should just skip over ep 3 and do a chapters 84-87 reread

[b0nelessdoodles]

dnd this last weekend was intense af!

shoutout to the paladin pulling a clutch move to juice up the goblin with god powers and giving him a power trip 2 seconds after he got brought back from death saving zone

[pseudodog]

during those weeks id tie my hair up into a bun, took my wallet off its chain, tightened the straps on my backpack and had my pepper spray in my hand constantly cause i was so scared of being Grabbed on the street while making deliveries

[mossterunderthebed]

my baby Yuuji is so feral 💖

[backseatloversz]

Trying to watch panic at the disco behind the scenes but so fucking much of it is zack hall and aside from the fact he is legitimately terrible on his own and also just comes across as really annoying he reminds me of the dad of this one childhood friend of mine who i inexplicably hated and was terrified of for like my entire childhood and i dont know why but i am still uncomfortable around him. so. Thats really awesome& cool

[hartxstarr]

today i learned that the manager who has only been here for ten months thought i had been working here for years which explains why they always seem to come to me to ask how things work/how to do something. ive also worked here for ten months. this does not, however, explain why they seek me out specifically to vent about the day.

[kiryucutie]

yo yooo, hai kiryu! is this like a platform where we can send in whatever topics we'd like to discuss (ones adhering to the rules ofc)? yk, where we just have friendly chats and all? genuinely curiousss. do lmk and i'll send more asks. have a nice day yuyuuu ><

Hello lovely~~ mhmm!! You’re exactly right. Can talk to me about whatever you want! Platonic, romantic, whatever your little heart desires! Though, I will admit, im probably a bit too much of a flirt, haha~ either way, I can’t wait to get to know you better <33 love spendin’ my time talkin to you guys <3

If you want to talk to any of my friends— here take my phone, and just scroll through the contacts yeah? I’m sure anyone would love to talk with you, too~~

[landonkirbyappreciation]

I really think the universe was trying to tell us something when the show got cancelled after a season with practically no Landon or Handon and where Landon was treated worse than ever and the writers proved they were never gonna stop screwing him over... And also the fact that, before getting cancelled, the show was in “limbo,” just like Landon was. And then once it was basically confirmed in the show (in 4x17) that the writers were never gonna let Landon out of limbo, and they ruined things with Handon even more as well, the show got cancelled. Literally a week after that episode, the cancellation was announced. Like if that’s not a sign that what the writers did to Landon and Handon, and what they seemingly planned to do to them in a s5, was not meant to be, then idk what is.

[aureoboros]

our flag means death teaser just dropped. they really did that. i will be screaming and crying for the rest of eternity

i haven't been feeling very well recently so i haven't gotten around to fanart yet, but i absolutely will as soon as i can!!

i have never been this excited about a second season of a show !!!!! it's kind of wild to me that it's a real thing that exists. so many cancelled shows have made me less optimistic for renewals, but it's incredible that this story is really going to continue !! the first season didn't really get any advertisement at all, it was all just by queer word of mouth. and i think that's lovely !! it just shows what we can make happen when we band together :] (it'd be even better if hbo max paid their writers and actors fair living wages though,, just saying,,) i can't wait to watch this silly pirate show and for online to be like march of last year again !! october 5th we're so back !! we're all in the brainrot again folks

will be yelling about the teaser in the tags just in case anyone who comes across this hasn't seen it yet, and if you haven't, go watch it !!

[only-lonely-www]

Sigma……

[moonsidesong]

is there just something about serilly x arle puyo that prompts homophobic men to leave backhanded compliments on my posts or.