#were made against him! I hope zack and brendon fucking die.

[backseatloversz]

Trying to watch panic at the disco behind the scenes but so fucking much of it is zack hall and aside from the fact he is legitimately terrible on his own and also just comes across as really annoying he reminds me of the dad of this one childhood friend of mine who i inexplicably hated and was terrified of for like my entire childhood and i dont know why but i am still uncomfortable around him. so. Thats really awesome& cool

[iwriteficsnottragediesladies]

Soldier Girl pt 5

A/N: Part 5 has arrived. Hope you like it! (Again, if you’re on the tag list and don’t want to be, lemme know, cuz I fucked it up at some point, sorry to bother you!) @multifandom-slytherin @melonandtheirfictionalcharacters @toystorytwowasokay @beeboatthedxsco @zimeah @opheren @staticpalmsvibes *Ptsd

Now things are complicated with you and Brendon. Not because things are awkward, or that you regret it, or you don’t know how to proceed.

No, that’s not the problem--The problem is that you can't find a goddamn way to keep your hands off each other. All you want to do is pounce on Brendon at any and all opportunities. Obviously you had to keep everything secret from the boys, but it was hard. After someone fucks you the way he did, how are you supposed hold yourselves together?

Sure, you had some alone time, but the length of your time alone was never promised. What if the someone, or the boys, came in unexpectedly and interrupted? The coast was never really clear and you couldn't risk it. And once you started something, even just a quick kiss when you're alone, you might not be able to stop yourselves. There was no in between or compromise, just painful abstinence. Even just the way he looked at you was too much sometimes. You never had a break from each other, so the dirty thoughts never rested.

Despite this, you both did a pretty good job hiding it. His acting skills and your cool and collected soldier attitude was coming in handy. You found it funny, the boys didn’t seem suspicious at all.

The concert tonight was particularly crowded. You patrolled around the venue while they played and Zack also made the rounds. As much as you loved having some fans of your own, it made things even more hectic. It was much easier when nobody knew who you were.

The fans were literally screaming in your face. You were just feeling really overwhelmed for some reason. You wish you could just do your job.

Finally the night was over and you all headed back to the bus. Everyone took turns taking showers in the pathetic excuse for a bathroom you had on the bus. You climbed up to your bed that was lofted above the driver’s seat. You fell asleep as soon as you laid down.

The helicopter blades. The little girl. Your family shaking their heads.

It’s the same dream again.

Brendon is shot, dead before he even hits the ground. You voice travels nowhere. The enemy soldier charging at you.

You were going to die. You scream.

Everyone on the bus jolts awake to the sound of your voice, shrieking and crying like nothing they had ever heard before. Was someone on the bus, hurting you?

Zack is immediately out of bed.

“Y/n?!” he yells as he makes it to the kitchen first, and Brendon quickly appeared behind him, followed by the boys. Dallon had his phone out ready to call 911.

You weren’t really even conscious but you knew you needed to get out of the small crevice you were stowed in. You’re scrambling onto your knees, still screaming.

Brendon pushes right past Zack. It’s a good thing he’s arrived so close to you because in your panic, you practically fall from the loft.

“Whoa, whoa!” Brendon essentially grabs you out of midair around your waist, holding your back to his chest to keep from dropping you. Zack ran to assist him. You were kicking and screaming, still so confused and terrified.

You are placed down on the floor and you grab around your knees, becoming a tight little ball. Brendon is at you side and Zack at your feet. The boys were looking on. It was obvious that no one had broken into the bus, but it wasn’t clear if maybe you in severe pain, so Dallon continued to grip his phone at the ready. The boys look on with great concern.

Brendon held onto your shoulders just as he did that night at the hotel.

“Y/n,” He called to you, “Y/n, it’s Brendon.”

Your eyes open. You couldn’t breathe. 

“It’s okay, it’s me, it was just a dream,” He comforted you quickly.

You looked at him with wild eyes, glancing around and seeing Zack, as well as Dallon, Kenny, and Dan.

“Guys, it’s alright,” Brendon turned towards them and said quietly in a low voice, “Just give her some space.”

Well, clearly he has gone through this before with her, the boys thought to themselves. They all back up, including Zack, but Brendon does something different: he gets closer.

“Y/n, you need to breathe,” He said softly.

You look to him helplessly. It was now clear to the boys that you were having some sort of panic attack

“You’re safe,” he assured you, “Just breathe.”

”The little girl--I couldn’t save her,” You were gasping for air.

“Y/n, it’s okay,” Brendon said, rubbing your arm. He had no idea what you were talking about, but he continued to comfort you.

“They hurt you,” Your attempts to breathe were unsuccessful.

“Y/n, look at me,” Brendon directed you, holding you underneath your forearms. You did as you were told. “I’m fine. I’m right here and I’m okay,” Brendon explained slowly.

You inhale successfully for the first time and pause. You study Brendon’s features--yes, here he was, in front of you, alive and well.

You throw yourself into his arms and start sobbing, tucking your head under his chin. He holds you tight.

“Shhhh, it’s okay,” Brendon whispered in your ear. Brendon looks back over his shoulder to the boys and gives them a sad smile, dismissing them from the situation. They silently obey and go back to their bunks. Zack gives Brendon one last nod, silently communicating to let him know if he needed anything. Brendon silently accepts, returning his nod.

Now that you were alone, Brendon became more affectionate. He ran his fingers through your hair and stroked his thumb across your cheek, wiping away some of the tears. He placed a kiss on your forehead.

“It’s okay,” he whispered against your skin.

He let you you cry against him for a few minutes, just like that. He continues to reassure you softly from time to time. You finally surface, pulling away with a sniffle.

“I’m sorry Brendon,” You said quietly.

“Y/n, don’t apologize,” He responded gently, “It’s okay.”

“I probably scared the shit out of everyone,” You sighed, so embarrassed.

“They’ll survive,” He replied, “They’ve lived with me for years. They’ve seen worse.” He smirked and a small smile tugged on your cheek.

“Do they...” You started, “Do they get it? Will they know?” You were asking if the boys could piece together what had happened.

He looked at you with a small sigh, an affirmatory shrug.

“Oh god they’re going to think I’m crazy,” You hang your head in shame.

“No, Y/n, of course they won’t!” He reassured you. “They don’t think like that. Actually, one of the guys who we started the band with, Ry--”

You interrupt him.

“I know who Ryan Ross is, Bren,” You sniffle, chuckling with an obviously knowing look. He always forgets you were a fangirl from day one.

���Oh right,” He reminded himself with a small smile. He continued. “Yeah, Ryan kinda had ptsd too. I don’t think he really got diagnosed, but he’d have flashbacks, a lot in his sleep too. So you’re not the first, darlin.”

Train of thought detour: HE JUST CALLED YOU DARLIN

“Between that, and my anxiety...” He listed off with his face screaming ‘yikes’ humorously.

“We’re all mad as rabbits here, gees,” you tried to smile.

“Don’t worry about a thing,” He says sweetly. You yawn. “Why don’t you get back in bed and try to sleep?”

You nod your head drowsily. He supervised you as you climbed back up the ladder. He followed you up and leaned over you.

“Goodnight beautiful,” He said.

“Goodnight Brendon,” You reply.

He kisses you gently and you dissolve into the sensation. You emerge from the kiss with a lazy smile plastered on your face.

“Get some sleep,” He said. “I’m right here if you need anything. I’ll leave my phone on extra loud too so you can text me, alright?”

You nod.

“Thank you Bren,” You whisper, gazing at him.

“You’re welcome, beautiful.” And just like that, he disappears. You drift off to sleep.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed that :) Like/reblog if you’re feelin’ it!

Read the next chapter: https://iwriteficsnottragediesladies.tumblr.com/post/164599238833/soldier-girl-pt-6