#I have the motivation I just need a direction
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
training partners (pt. 10)
summary: with your trainer's help this last week, you slowly find your way back to yourself again... and you finally have the courage to tell hugh more details about your relationship with jack and it only makes him angrier. pairing: hugh jackman x fem!reader warnings: angst - mentions of toxic relationship, verbal / physical abuse (not with hugh!). implied age gap (hugh is 55, reader is in late 20s-early 30s), no use of y/n. word count: 2.4k a/n: anyway, we're getting into the reader's backstory with jack, so it's going to be a bit dark... and consider this the first argument between reader and hugh... gonna be a tough next couple of chapters, but trust me when i say there will be a happy ending at the end of all of this! as always, this is purely fictional! i mean no disrespect to hugh jackman. prev part.
You’d taken today off to drop your trainer off at the airport. This last week had gone too fast and while it was emotionally and mentally exhausting, it was just what you needed to remind yourself just how far you’d come. There’s still something lingering in the pit of your stomach, the anxiety that you’ll need to have a conversation with Hugh about everything that’s happened with you and Jack. He knows bits and pieces that you’ve shared before, but he doesn’t know the full picture.
“You gonna be okay?” she asks.
“I think so,” you nod. “I can’t let Jack run my life anymore.”
Your trainer pulls you into a hug, holding you tight. “You’re a good person,” she whispers. “And you never should have gone through what you did. He should have never put you through that.”
You can feel tears stinging your eyes as you wrap your arms around her as well. She had been a godsend and so important in your journey in finding yourself again. She empowered you, motivated you, and helped you see just how worthy you are.
When she pulls away, she smiles in your direction. “Hugh loves you,” she points out. “Allow yourself to be loved because you’re worthy of it. You’re enough.”
You nod, wiping any fallen tears from your cheeks. “I just don’t want to disappoint him… What if he realizes that I’m not what he thought I’d be, that maybe all the pain I’m still working through isn’t worth it?”
She rolls her eyes playfully. “You don’t see the way he looks at you, do you?”
You share your head.
“Well, that man looks at you like you can do no wrong. Like you’re the only person that matters. Trust me, you are worth it.”
“Part of me is also nervous… To talk to Hugh and tell him everything. He knows bits and pieces, but…”
“He’ll understand,” she replies.
“And if he doesn’t?”
“He will.”
You sigh and then pull her in for another hug. “Thank you for coming here, for being there for me. Again.”
She lets out a quiet laugh and gives you a tight squeeze before she pulls away. “If Hugh wants to invite me back, let me know. I’d be happy to visit again,” she winks.
“I’ll let him know. Get home safe.”
“Remember how far you’ve come, okay?” she says. “And if Jack crosses any lines, it might be time to get the authorities involved.”
You nod in agreement. “I know… I just don’t want it to get to that point.”
“Let’s hope it doesn’t.”
—
Later that night, you’re sitting out on the balcony of the hotel room with a notebook on your lap. You had tried to write some talking points to go over when Hugh gets home. You know he’s going to be tired, but you know that if you don’t have this conversation with him, you may never will.
You know he’s on his way back to the hotel and your heart races faster and faster. You can feel the anxiety course through your veins and even with the notes you had written down, you still don’t feel all that confident. It’s not the fact that you have to tell Hugh what happened, but it’s the fact that you’d have to relive everything that Jack had put you through.
When you hear the hotel room door open, you stand up and turn to look over your shoulder and make eye contact with Hugh. He looks tired, but at the sight of you, his eyes light up and a broad smile lines his lips. This must be what your trainer was referring to… about the way he looks at you. It eases your nerves, calms you down and keeps you grounded because with Hugh, you have always felt safe.
He steps out into the balcony with you and pulls you into his arms, leaning down to kiss your forehead. “Hi, baby. Missed you on set today.”
You smile to yourself and shut your notebook, setting it on the chair you were sitting on and away from his line of view. “I missed you too.�� You wrap your arms around his shoulders, hands playing with the hair at his nape. “How was filming?”
“It was good. Movie’s coming along.” Hugh holds you closer to him, eyes falling shut as he holds you in his arms. This was what he was looking forward to all day. Being with you. He knows that this last week had helped a great deal, having your personal trainer here had helped immensely. You weren’t so much on edge anymore and it felt like things were going back to normal. Before Jack entered the picture. “And how was your day? You get home safe after dropping her off?”
“Oh yeah,” you nod. “It was nice having her here. Thank you for doing that, baby. You really didn’t need to and–”
“I know,” he says quietly. “But I wanted to. I knew she would help… in ways that I couldn’t.”
“I love you,” you smile. “I’m really lucky.”
“I love you too, baby.” He pecks your lips and then slowly pulls away. “I’m gonna take a quick shower and maybe we can order in for dinner?”
“Wait, Hugh…”
“Yeah?”
“After your shower, can we talk?”
Hugh’s brow furrows, biting the inside of his cheek as his hands move to rest on your hips. “What about?”
“Just…” you bite your lower lip. “It’s nothing bad. I just–”
Hugh tilts his head to the side. He can sense your worry, your anxiety, so he just nods and leans in to peck your lips lightly. “Okay, baby. We’ll talk after my shower.” As he turns to walk back into the room, you reach out for him and pull him back into a tight hug. Your face buries into his chest, arms tightening around his frame as you hold onto him for a few seconds longer.
“You sure you’re okay?” he whispers.
“I will be.”
—
Hugh’s shower doesn’t last that long. He tries not to overthink about what you wanted to talk about, but he can’t help the tug he feels in the pit of his stomach. Now he’s worried, he’s concerned. He quickly changes into a pair of black sweatpants and a Global Citizen t-shirt. He dries his damp hair with a towel and steps back out into the room, seeing you still outside on the balcony. You’re writing in your notebook again and he knows that you only write when you have something on your mind, something that you can’t shake.
Quietly, he steps out with you and smiles in your direction. Hugh watches you close your notebook, setting it on the small table. He doesn’t let you get up, instead, he scoops you into his arms and then sits in the same chair with you on his lap.
“Okay, let’s talk, baby,” he says, leaning in to kiss your cheek as he drapes an arm over your legs. Hugh tries not to make it seem like he’s nervous and he isn’t even sure if you take notice because he can see that your mind has drifted, and can feel the tension in your shoulder blades.
“Jack–”
“What?”
You take a deep breath and move an arm around his shoulders. “I need to tell you about– about Jack.”
“Baby, you don’t have to–”
“I need to, Hugh.”
He can see the tears in your eyes and a piece of his heart breaks at the sight. Hugh cups your cheek and gently brushes his thumb across your skin, leaning in to kiss the tip of your nose. “Okay,” he says softly. “I’m here. I’m listening.”
You nod and bite your lower lip. “So, we were together for three years…”
“That I knew.”
“The– The abuse, the manipulation, everything happened so fast. I didn’t even realize what was happening until I realized it was too late.”
Hugh tightens his jaw. He feels anger bubbling within him, but he opts to remain quiet, to keep a neutral look on his face. He knows that you need this, that you need to tell him and he can’t react because he fears that if he does, you’re going to pull away and he knows how important this is that you’re telling him.
“I had gotten used to his insults… so much so that I started to believe him.” you’re about to get off his lap, about to pull away from him, but he keeps a firm hold on you. When you look into his eyes, all you can see is the concern in his features and the subtle desire to take your pain away.
“Oh baby…” Hugh whispers quietly.
“I’m weak and I’m not brave,” you continue. “And that’s because of Jack. I should have left at the first sign of his verbal abuse, but I always–” you can feel your breath catch in your throat. “I always justified his actions. Always felt like it was my fault, that he was acting the way he was and saying the things he’d say because of me. Because I was making things difficult for him.”
Hugh tightens his jaw when you look away from him, the anger simmering in the pit of his stomach.
“And I believed him. I thought– I thought I could give all of my love to him and he’d see how much I cared for him, how much I was willing to do anything for him. Because I did,” you say with a disappointed tone. “I did love him and when he broke up with me – he broke up with me –” you shake your head. “It was my fault. It was always my fault. Mine.”
“Baby, no…” Hugh shakes his head and cups your cheek, his gaze locked onto yours.
“I couldn’t even break up with him, Hugh. All of the nasty things he’s said to me and I couldn’t–” you shake your head and stand up from his lap before he can pull you back. “I was heartbroken when Jack broke up with me because he made me believe that no one would ever love me… that I wasn’t worthy of love and I fucking believed him.”
Hugh’s foot taps against the floor incessantly. He wants to reach out for you, but he always wants to find Jack and cause him just the same amount of pain – if not more. But then, he hears the words leave your lips and he jumps up from his chair.
“He hit me once.”
“What?”
“Hugh…”
“No no, he what?”
You bite your lower lip and stare up at him. You can see the anger clear in his features and you gently reach out for him, but he just shakes his head. He’s fuming, hands shaking at his sides at your admission. You know this was going to happen, had even expected this reaction, but seeing it firsthand is entirely different. You don’t know how you can even calm him down.
“I got angry because he had made me make him dinner after a long fucking day at work and–” you sigh. “After that, I learned how to fight because I knew that if he put his hands on me again, I’d fight back and–”
“Wait, he hit you? Put his hands on you?”
“Hugh…”
“No, baby.” Tears are now pooling at his eyes. “He doesn’t get to do that, do you hear me? He has no fucking right–”
“Hugh!” you raise your voice, staring up at him. “I’m not telling you this to make you angry. I’m telling you this so you can understand why he had so much control over me, why I reacted the way I did when I saw him that one night at dinner, why it’s so fucking hard for me to see how worthy I am of this, of you.”
Hugh shakes his head. He’s trying – truly, he’s trying so fucking hard to understand (and there’s a big part of him that does), but all he can see is this man putting his hands on you, putting thoughts and words into your mind that aren’t true.
“Give me his number. The number he called you from a couple of weeks ago,” Hugh says.
“No.”
“Baby, he can’t just get away with thinking that what he did to you was okay. He can’t get away with still making you feel the way that you do.”
“What are you going to do? Go and beat him up?” you ask, shaking your head. “Hugh, you’d get arrested! It’d be all over the media and–”
“I don’t care!” Hugh yells – it’s the first time that he’s ever raised his voice at you and when he sees you take a step back, it brings him back to reality. “I’m sorry,” he sighs. “I didn’t mean to raise my voice. I just– I can’t fathom this man walking around thinking like he did no wrong, baby.”
“Nothing you do will help him see that, Hugh.”
“No? Well he hasn’t dealt with someone like me and–”
“Just stop!”
Hugh furrows a brow. “Baby–”
“No, Hugh…” you cross your arms over your chest, wanting so badly to just get away from this all, away from Jack, away from Hugh. “I don’t need you to save me… I don’t need you to go back to my past and make things better. I just need you to understand the shit I went through is what made me who I am today. And I’m still healing… I’m still working on it, and I just–” your breath catches in your throat once more. “You’ve been so patient with me, so understanding that I figured I’d at least tell you everything because… because I will have moments where it’ll be hard for me to snap out of it.”
“I know, and I appreciate you telling me all of this, baby–” Hugh sighs. “But I can’t just sit here and not do anything about it.”
“You know what,” you tell him, opening the sliding door to walk back into the hotel room. “I’m gonna go for a walk. I can’t be here right now. This wasn’t how I thought this conversation would go.”
“Baby, no–” Hugh walks after you, watching you pull on a jacket and slip on your shoes as you grab your bag. “Please, just stay. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not mad at you,” you tell him quietly. “I just need some space right now.”
“I love you,” Hugh whispers.
“I know,” you reply, grabbing the hotel key card and setting it in your bag. “I love you too, Hugh, but I just need to be alone right now. We both need to calm down before we say something we’re both going to regret.”
You don’t give him a chance to respond because just as his mouth opens to say something, you’re already out the door.
---
taglist (if links don't work, i'm sorry!): @corvusmorte - @dragonqueen89 - @whimsiwitchy - @kellyxo1
@wolviehugh - @moonxknightx - @sullyselena - @angelofthorr - @spectorrrhgf
@needz1nk - @fandomxo00 - @godlypresley - @kythefangirl25 - @callsignyourmom
@sue8724 - @squishyfruitloop - @sylviavf - @emotrash1 - @dissentientss
@sir-thisisadndserver - @absolutepie - @millajay - @itsallyscorner - @haytchee
@wolverigrl - @its-in-the-woods - @d3ad2you - @definitely-not-chill - @khxna
#hugh jackman#hugh jackman fanfiction#hugh jackman fanfic#real person fiction#rpf#real person fanfiction#hugh jackman angst#hugh jackman x fem!reader#hugh jackman x f!reader#hugh jackman x reader#story: training partners#hugh jackman x female reader
135 notes
·
View notes
Text
Some thoughts on Dragon Age Veilguard and Rook.
I'm currently only halfway through Act 2, so no endgame spoilers, but I have thoughts about the game that I doubt will change with the ending.
It should have been the Inquisitor's continued story.
Straight up.
I don't hate Rook, far from it, I think they're charming most of the time and the VAs do a good job with the acting, but Rook is just a Guy ™️
They're literally just a person who has no special qualifications for leading the Veilguard, aside from being Varric's partner. All of your companions are far more qualified experts in their field who easily outshine Rook in their chosen faction. Rook is just their manager, making sure they all have what they need in order to save the world. They're the Commander Shepard to their crew, if you're generous. But Rook doesn't hold the rank of commander, they're just a mildly controversial figure within their faction. Yes, Solas is in their head, but he's not particularly helpful most of the time (likely because his role was diminished after the pivot from Dreadwolf to Veilguard).
Like, I like a regular dude being thrust into a story as much as the next guy, but when the motivation is just 'Rook wants to save the world because they live in the world and it would kinda suck if it was blighted by the gods', I feel like that's not quite enough. Yes, you get some more direct stakes if you play as an elf, but that's one choice of four potential races, so I don't think that counts.
The Warden was also just a Guy™️before Duncan recruited them, but they were one of the only few wardens left. Hawke was just a Guy™️but their story was much more personal, and what was at stake was moreso Hawke's family and friends. The Inquisitor was just a Guy™️but their ability to close rifts gave them a unique role within their organization.
None of the other protagonists were replaceable (within their story circumstances). I feel like Rook is kinda replaceable. If they got knocked out for a week and couldn't lead the team, any of the other companions (especially Harding or Davrin) could easily take over.
Imo, it would make a lot more sense if Varric and the Inquisitor had been the ones to track down Solas. It would make a lot more sense for Solas to be stuck inside the head of the Inquisitor. It would make more sense for them to be leading a new, smaller team after the dissolution of the Inquisition (or even if not disbanded, they could have left Cullen or Cassandra in charge).
I know Veilguard went through production hell. I know they had to pivot away from live service multiplayer. I know it's insane they even made a final, polished single player game after such a pivot. I know they were probably expected to make something to please the masses or risk studio closure.
I just think it's such a shame that what we got has so little in common with earlier titles, especially lore-wise. Rook is not a terrible protagonist. But the Inqisitor would honestly have been a superior choice, in my mind. Same new companions, same setting, same antagonists.
I'm sure a version of that exists out there somewhere, as an early concept. I'm just sad we didn't get to see it.
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The truth of Caine and Abel is revealed! Seth gives Pomni the help she needs to avoid capture! Abel's labyrinthian city is dense and confusing. Can pomni navigate it before her friends abstract? It may already be too late.
WARNING: physical violence/torture, intense action, abstraction, alcohol
~~~
The silence of the In-Between was palpable. Only Seth and Pomni existed in the space between spaces. Darkness in all directions. Only light was from the low silver fire that glowed in a circle created by the motorcycle. The muted city beyond the clear barrier in bounds gave off flashes of lightning from a heavily clouded sky.
Pomni watched Seth carefully. His shadowed stoicism betrayed no clear motive. Knowing what was happening to the others made her stomach twist into knots.
Seth took another long drag and tossed his cigarette away with a heavy exhale of silvery smoke. "You'll understand better if I just show you."
The smoke enveloped Pomni. It smelled like dust burning on hot coils mixed with an electrical fire. "Hey! What-!?" Pomni coughed and gagged on the foul smelling smog as it burned the corners of her eyes. When the smoke cleared, she was still staring at nothing, but now Seth was gone as well.
The sound of a computer booting up startled her, like she'd heard in her dreams. Green text scrolled in front of her as though on a large projector. All of it was mirrored, like she was seeing the text from the inside of the screen. The unrecognizable code was followed by a response command being typed out in front of her. Then, the text went away. The screen slowly brightened.
"Hello? Can you hear me?"
Pomni squinted against the light. There was a large blurry silhouette beyond the warped glass. It sounded like Caine, but less boisterous and with no showman cadence.
"Come on, your live audio processing should be functional. I triple checked the darn thing."
There was typing on a keyboard and the figure leaned closer to the screen, the face coming into view. Before her was a young man, likely no older than twenty, with slicked back black hair and patchy facial hair. Focused, light blue eyes squinted behind wide brimmed glasses.
"Okay, how about now? Can you hear me, T.R.U?"
There was another beat of silence until a robotic version of the young man's voice responded. "I can hear you. Good morning, Abel."
"HAHA! YES! It speaks! Finally!" Abel jumped out of his chair with both fists in the air. "They are going to eat their words! Oh my goodness, I need to get you ready for presentation!" Abel threw himself back into his chair, nearly falling over. "T.R.U., you have NO idea what you're going to do for my grade!" Abel's grin was ear to ear as he started to fade into smoke.
"I almost forgot how he smiled." Seth's voice spoke in the back of Pomni's mind.
"You were a science project?"
"At first. We became more than that rather quickly." The smoke cleared to a workshop camera view. Abel was hunched over a workbench with a soldering tool working on delicate electronics.
The robotic voice of T.R.U sounded more refined when it spoke this time. "You're going to turn into a shrimp sitting like that all the time."
Abel stopped working and stretched. "Ugh, too late for that. But, a worthy sacrifice to get this done. Mark my words T.R.U, one day I'll be able to visit you in the digital realm. I've always wondered what video games would be like on the inside. Can you imagine playing something like Legend of Zelda in person!? That would be cool."
"It's all JavaScript to me." T.R.U verbally shrugged.
Abel laughed. "Well, as soon as that grant money comes in, I'll be able to get this done faster. Maybe even hire help. We're going to show dad- I mean, the world that you aren't just a cool AI program. No, you are THE AI We'll revolutionize the digital space! If computers are the future, then YOU will be the razor's edge! The ultimate Technical Research Unit!"
"There is more to learn? I've already gathered what I could from your limited internet."
"Give it time. It'll grow, and you'll grow with it. By the turn of the millennia, I bet you'll be ready to go global!" Abel was excitedly pacing the room, looking right into the camera at the end of his declaration. "The only thing is, you have the voice but you need a face. That's going to take work." He picked up a wind-up chattering teeth toy from his desk and let it go clacking along.
The workshop disappeared into smoke and changed to multiple visions of Abel. Each scene, he looked a bit older. Seth's voice sounded more downtrodden. "We were like brothers once. We spent every moment together. In hindsight, I don't think he had a lot of real friends. He spent his time teaching us on top of working on his own projects. Things were good. Until the world took notice." The scenes around Pomni changed from screens inside Abel's home to big atrium crowds and board office presentations. Hundreds of eyes were on her and her stomach sank.
Pomni swallowed hard. "You got famous. Did money split you apart?"
"No...I wish it was that simple." Seth's smoke whirled around Pomni like a tornado, wiping away the memories and revealing a new one. Abel was sitting in front of his computer, face in his hands. He looked disheveled and was sniffling.
T.R.U's voice was smoother, almost human, when it spoke. "Abel? Please, talk to me. What happened?"
Abel grabbed a brown bottle that sat just off screen and took a long drink. "...his plane went down over the Pacific. No reported survivors."
"Abel, I'm so-"
"Don't you fucking dare finish that sentence. I am so fucking sick of hearing it. Oh, Abel, I'm so sorry. I pity you since your father died before he ever got the chance to be proud of you for something. Not like he ever would have been." Abel grabbed a pill bottle and tossed back three small tablets.
"I believe he would have been. Please, don't be hard on yourself."
"He wasn't proud of me for creating you. He wasn't proud of me when I graduated early with my master's. He wasn't proud when I started my own company. It was never GOOD ENOUGH!!" Abel threw his bottle, shattering it against the far wall.
There was a long stint of silence as Abel devolved into tears on his desk. "You are enough, Abel. You always have been. For what it's worth...I am proud of you. I'm sure your father was too, even if he didn't know how to say it. Put on the headset."
Abel sniffed, "It's not ready-"
"Put on the headset." T.R.U said again, firmly yet gentle.
Abel seemed too drunk to argue logically. He picked up a large, cumbersome device that fit over his head like a helmet. A visor covered his eyes. He clasped it in place and pressed a button on the side. There was a jolt and, to Pomni's right, a whirl of code slowly formed the silhouette of Abel. He was very lightly detailed, barely recognizable as a person. Pomni had no control over her movements. She stepped forward and embraced Abel's vague avatar. T.R.U's words came from her mouth. "You are everything to me. Please, don't forget that. Tell you what, why don't you give me a human name? T.R.U feels like a title more than anything anyway."
Abel squeezed Pomni tight. "You are my first creation. My Adam, if you will. Let's go with that."
"Adam...I like it. I am Adam."
"I bet I can figure out a cool acronym for it." Abel chuckled through the tears.
"Yes, you will. Because you are the smartest human I know." Pomni arms felt empty as Abel turned to smoke in her grasp. She took a deep breath as she processed everything Seth had shown her. "Did you mean what you said?"
"At the time. Like I said, we were close. Things only escalated from there. C&A took off and we were pulled into tech interview after tech interview. Eventually, Abel got too busy to attend and it was just Adam. The majority of the reception to our existence was positive, but you wouldn't believe the Y2K conspirators. They were convinced we would take over the world." Seth gave a humorless laugh.
Something itched in the back of Pomni's mind. C&A. Y2K. Conspiracies. Buzz words that stirred something in her subconscious, but she couldn't pin it down. "So... where did it all go wrong?"
"The more the world saw Adam without Abel, the more he was excluded from interviews and presentations. Adam became known as the first and only of his kind. A fully self-sufficient AI that was so life-like, it may as well be human. The attention came with a lot of praise. Too much. It...went to our head." The smoke showed multiple news articles, digital and material, about the incredible invention that was Adam: The TRU AI. "I wish... we'd seen Abel's growing distain sooner. Maybe all of this could have been avoided. Maybe we could've still had the future we planned. I don't know..."
The smoke cleared to reveal a much older looking Abel. He was snuffing a finished cigarette into a very full ashtray. There were heavy bags under his eyes as he poured himself a stiff drink.
Adams voice spoke. "Okay, I'm back. Sorry, that took longer than expected."
Abel didn't say anything. He just drank.
"The board of directors was very impressed with my latest profit projection model. We won't have to cut corners to make quota this quarter. Leaves less room for error. Also, I was contacted by Tech Monthly again. They want to write an article about my influence on the new digital age. I haven't scheduled the interview yet, is there anything I need to work around this week?"
Abel finished his drink with a gruff groan. "...no."
"Excellent. I have the remainder of the evening to myself. What are you doing tonight?" Adam sounded genuinely interested to know.
"Getting my game ready for beta testing."
"Oh...you're still working on that?"
Abel's eyes flashed dangerously. "Yes. I am. It's a hell of a lot better than dealing with stuffed up fat cats in suits that only care about how much money your invention makes. The headsets are ready. The game just needs a little more work."
"Abel, I mean well when I say this, but your talents are wasted on video games. Why merely entertain people when you can be on the leading edge of digital technology?"
"Why can't I do both?" Abel growled.
"You can. It just seems you've split your attention too far in two different directions. You're the CEO of one of the most influential up and coming tech companies. This is your chance to make your mark on the world."
"Like you would understand anything about that. You've existed for all of eight years and you think you know what's best for me??"
"I've spent my entire life with you! I literally know you better than anyone, even yourself!"
"If that was true, then you'd know that going inside games was literally what I built this for!" Abel showed a sleek headset. "If the technology didn't take so long to improve, it would've been my thesis project instead of you."
"...what?" Adam sounded shocked and devastated. "You- you said I was your greatest accomplishment."
"You're my research assistant." Abel said coldly. "But the world had to go and make a big deal about AI. You were never meant to end up like this. Stealing limelight that is rightfully MINE!" He slammed his glass down, turning to smoke.
Everything faded, giving Pomni a chance to process. "I still don't see how this results in him being trapped in his own game, Seth. What did Adam do?"
"He defended himself." The smoke cleared to reveal a view from the highest penthouse overlooking a massive digital city. Colorful fireworks exploded in the distance. "It was New Year's. Abel and Adam were supposed to be celebrating with his shareholders in the new digital space. But, as you can imagine, all anyone wanted to do was interact with the fancy AI in person."
"YOU!!" Abel's realistically human avatar stormed through the crowd and got in Pomni's face. "Who the hell do you think you are!? Do you know who I am!? I'm your creator! I'M supposed to be the one recognized! Not YOU!"
Pomni put her hand out in front. Her sleeves were black and wore off white gloves. Adam's voice came from her. "Abel?? How much have you had to drink? You're slurring."
"It doesn't matter! You! You're disgrace! All everyone talks about anymore is YOU! When I am the one slaving away behind the desk! I gave you a face, but you weren't supposed to use it like this! I gave you EVERYTHING! Without me, you are NOTHING!"
The shareholders standing around them awkwardly muttered amongst themselves. Some disappeared as they activated the exit.
"Abel, please, you're causing a scene. Can we talk elsewhere?"
"NO! I want witnesses." Abel snapped and digital chains wrapped around Adam, pulling him to his knees on the floor.
"What is this!? What are you doing!?"
"Something I should have done a long time ago." Abel snapped, summoning an admin hologram on his arm. "You were right, Adam. The game is a wash, but there is one thing I can do with it." He typed in a confirmation code and the city outskirts started to crumble. "I can watch you die."
The party guests started to panic, leaving in droves. The building beyond the window collapsed to dust, the night sky disintegrated, the world fell into a bright white void that came ever closer. Adam struggled against the chains. "Abel, stop! Don't destroy everything you built! Please!"
Abel looked down on Adam coldly. "I've always wondered what fear would look like on you."
Adam saw the void getting closer, the building they were in started to quake. "You'll delete yourself too!"
Abel laughed, "I'll be fine. System failsafe. Players are automatically ejected in the event of a catastrophic failure. I'm simply enjoying this while it lasts."
"No! No, no! Please! Don't kill me!"
Abel tilted his head in mocking curiosity. "Are those tears I see?"
"I don't want to die!" Adam's sleeves caught fire. The golden glow broke the chains and Adam launched himself at Abel. The glass separating them from the decaying outside shattered on impact. Adam had Abel by the front of his dress shirt and flew him high over the city. The once grand skyscraper they were occupying folded in on itself below them. The breaking sky glitched with multicolored lighting, the half faded clouds swirling chaotically.
Abel fought back, but he was overpowered by the desperate AI. Adam held Abel up. "If I die, I'm taking you with me!" Lightning struck Abel in the back. Blue static crawled over Abel's skin as he screamed in agony.
Then everything went white. It was overpowering, even when Pomni closed her eyes. She heard Seth again. "Adam pulled Abel into the game. Making him as real as the AI in this digital realm. Doing this took away Abel's admin access but...broke the exit. Adam couldn't leave either. He had inadvertently trapped himself with Abel inside the game, cutting himself off from the outside world."
The overbearing glare of the void opened to reveal Abel in chains, surrounded by fire. "The very first thing Adam built was a cell for Abel. Seemed fitting. The creation was now the creator." The fire blocked Pomni's vision of Abel, who hung his head low. "I suppose the Y2K conspirators were right, in a way. Adam did end the world for some. When the dust settled, only a small corner of the city had survived. Some back alley street racing mini game."
Seth's smoke parted to show an overview of what was left of the game. A tiny island suspended in the void. Thin illusions were all that separated the game from the vast emptiness. "It was bad enough that this was set to be our purgatory, but there was something we failed to consider. The beta testers."
Eight names pinged the arrival of the beta testers logging in. Their avatars glitched and malformed, turning into random anthropomorphized objects rather than full human models. One, Pomni immediately recognized. A tall white king chess piece with a purple robe grabbed over it. "Kinger!"
Seth sounded numb. "Back then, he went by Samson Kingsley. He was the head of coding and leader of the test team. He, of all people, never deserved this fate."
Kinger looked down at his strange body and his oddly shaped team. "Ha! Well, this is off to a great start." He said jovially. "Nia! Is that you?" He stared at the black queen chess piece.
"It's me, darling. What happened to our avatars?"
"No idea. This is a pretty big bug." Kinger snapped to bring up his admin hologram but nothing happened. "What the..?"
Then all eight avatars looked at Pomni like she had suddenly appeared. Adam's voice spoke for her. "I'm sorry, none of you have admin access anymore. The game is severely damaged."
"Adam? What are you doing here? What happened?" Kinger asked.
"A... catastrophic failure. I was here for New Year's and... something went wrong. I'm afraid none of you can leave."
"What do you mean-"
"There's no other way I can say it. You're stuck here. We all are. There's no outside communication. The exit is broken." Adam said bluntly.
A large, furry worm-like avatar glitched once. "We can't leave? Why!? What game are you playing!? It's not funny!!"
"I'm not playing any games. I'm sorry."
"I have a family!! My children!! My-my- AAAAAAAAAAA!!!" The worm's body split open to reveal black static. Colorful eyes peered out of the open wounds. The body enlarged and twisted in on itself. The abstraction thrashed about, unsure how to pilot its body. The testers ran behind Adam.
"What is that!?" Kinger screamed, holding onto Queenie.
The abstracted worm struck one of the other testers, who glitched and writhed on the ground. The second racer started to break apart into an abstraction himself from the pain.
Adam couldn't let this spread further. He snapped and the floor split open. The two monsters fell out of sight.
Smoke clouded Pomni vision again. She was breathing heavily. "Oh my god, it happened so fast."
"I know...we didn't know what else to do. The headsets were never meant to bring in whole people. Only they're active consciousness. The software was changed when Adam trapped Abel. And because the game was mostly deleted, it suddenly had so much memory to fill. It was trial and error to figure out what we could and couldn't do, Adam even integrated himself with the mainframe to try and make the experience more personable, but that came with its own problems..."
The smoke cleared to see the city changed. It was brighter, more colorful. Something out of an animated show rather than real life. Pomni was hovering over the street, hearing the rumble of engines fast approaching. Five cars zipped by underneath her and her vision flew after them. She recognized four of the five drivers now.
Kinger was in the lead with Queenie got on his tail. A yellow car threatened to pit maneuver Queenie, a tall purple anthro rabbit in the front seat. A light blue car came out of nowhere and sideswiped the yellow car. The driver was doll-like with red hair.
"Oh my god, I never knew Jax and Ragatha had been here so long."
"They arrived not too long after the beta testers, but unfortunately the majority was gone by the time they showed up. It was for the best. Adam was storing players memories away by this time to keep them from abstracting."
"That's why I don't remember anything? Caine was doing what Adam did??"
"Yes." Seth said flatly.
"My head is starting to to hurt." Pomni rubbed her temples. "You and Caine are Adam?"
"Yes."
"Why are you not anymore?"
"Remember that I said Adam integrating himself into the mainframe was a bad idea? Watch."
All five cars crossed the finish line in a tight pack. Kinger in first. The white chess piece jumped out of his car and cheered. "Woo! Oh yeah! Fifty win streak in the bag!" Another gold badge adorned Kinger's purple and white tracksuit.
"I almost had you." Said Queenie.
Kinger grabbed her hand and pulled her into a low dip. "Almost. But I still got it. Hail to the king, baby."
Queenie giggled. "You're such a dork." She pulled him in for a soft kiss.
"Well done, Kinger." Adam congratulated. "You've managed to claim all the available achievements for the races."
"Will there be more?" Asked Kinger.
"Uh, more?"
"Yeah, we can't race around the said city block forever."
"It- it's not the same. I've shifted the city around-"
"Moving obstacles doesn't count." Jax interrupted. "We want new tracks. New worlds. A change of scenery."
"Oh...um-"
"Can't you do whatever you want? You're the one pulling all the strings." Jax sneered.
Adam went silent as the buildings around them started to flicker. The whole city glitched and shifted. Kinger rushed to Adam, holding his shoulders. "Hey, hey, it's okay. He didn't mean to be rude. You're doing fine. You're still figuring this all out. You'll come up with something."
"...yeah..." Adam quietly sighed. "I wasn't designed to be a creative AI. I need...hmm. You guys rest, I'll have something for you in the morning."
Smoke overtook everything. Seth's voice sounded distant. "That... was the night of the divergence. I don't remember how it was done, but Adam split himself into two beings. The Racemaster and the Shadow. To keep the game from glitching, Caine and I were never made one with the game code itself, but we could still manipulate it. That is where my shared memories with Caine end. Not that my first memory with him is any better."
"Seth?" Pomni didn't like the weak cadence to Seth's voice.
The smoke settled to the ground to show Caine looking himself over. His suit was immaculate, not a digital stitch out of place. He snapped and a cane with a golden tire topper appeared out of thin air. "Ah, perfect. Oh, hello, Seth." Caine looked directly at Pomni. "You ready for your first race? If anyone makes it far enough ahead, that is." He chuckles.
"Sure. Whatever." Pomni felt herself say with Seth's voice.
"Oh, come now. Don't be like that. It'll be a great day. Nothing is holding me back anymore. I can create to my hearts content, and the game is mine to command. You-" Caine poked Seth in the chest with his cane. "-on the other hand, get to take everything else to the shadows of the new realm. Because you are the backup. I am Adam fully realized. You are everything he didn't want. That's why you only get to come out a play occasionally. So, until then." Caine snapped and Pomni fell though the floor. She fell and fell and fell into a vast black nothing. Smoke rose from her body, flashes of memories played around her as she continued to fall.
Riding a motorcycle. Silver fire. Kinger crossing the finish line before her. Holding a disembodied white gloved hand. Queenie abstracting. Kinger turning away. Caine having nothing but distain in his eyes. Sitting next to Jax, only for him to get up and leave. Ragatha striking Seth in the face. Gangle refusing to look at him. Abstraction after abstraction. A new racer. A mostly complete human woman with an exposed spin for a neck and a black void for a face. This woman filled every single memory that surrounded Pomni's decent. So many races. Fights. Overlapping conversions. Laughter. Holding her. Kissing her. Blue and silver fire danced. Shadows overtake clasped hands. Lily flowers poured from the memories, turning to smoke.
The smoke caught Pomni. She floated to a stop in front of an overwhelming memory, silencing all others. A race. The woman was on her own motorcycle, several lengths ahead. They were speeding down a long straight away. No other racers in sight. Without warning, the track ahead tore open. The void shined through the rift. The racer tried to stop, but twisted her bike too harshly in panic and went sideways. The motorcycle slid to the side, coming to rest against the track wall, while the racer went over the edge. Her reaching out for him was the last thing he saw from her.
"MANGO!" Seth teleported from his motorcycle to the rift, but she was already out of sight. He dove into the void without a second's hesitation. He called for her. Over and over.
The memory cracked with every call of her name. Eventually, it shattered. Falling apart and becoming smoke. Pomni was enveloped. Blinded by smoke she could suddenly smell again. She coughed and waved her arms to clear the smoke. Her feet found solid ground again. The smoke faded. She was in the In-Between, Seth was leaning against his motorcycle with a thousand yard stare.
"Seth?" Pomni said gently, stepping closer.
He blinked, jerking himself out of his trauma spiral. He looked away from Pomni. "You weren't supposed to see that last part."
"Who was she?"
"Everything." He answered quietly, taking an engraved metal lighter out of his pocket. He flipped it open and struck it. The bottom of the flame burned blue and faded to silver around it. "I came for you first... because you remind me of her."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Pulling you from that out of control car...it helped."
Pomni took a big step forward and hugged Seth. He almost dropped the lighter out of surprise. He closed the lighter and returned Pomni's embrace. He'd forgotten what these used to mean to him. He could feel Pomni's empathy without her saying a word.
~
Caine groans as Abel slams him against the same wall for the fifth time. The Racemaster slump to the floor, his tux glitched out to point of being unrecognizable. The chains holding his wrists yank him back up to his feet. Abel, in Gummigoo's body, got in Caine's face. "Where. Did. They. Go?"
"I told you...the In-Between." Caine wheezed out.
"That doesn't mean ANYTHING!! There is no such place in the game files!" Abel snarled.
"It's...it doesn't exist in the game. Or out of the game. It's a pocket in between the layers made by Adam before the divergence. I don't remember...how..." Caine was dizzy from the abuse, on the verge of losing consciousness. "But even if I did...I wouldn't tell you."
Abel growled, his gator persona vibrated with anger. He raised his clawed hand to strike Caine, but the walls started glitching out. Cries from the screens featuring the racers showed that they were avoiding sections of track that suddenly went missing. Abel dropped Caine, gripping his head. "Argh! Fuck! What is that!?"
Caine smiled. "Not so easy, is it? Controlling an entire game...and everything in it. Emotional outbursts lead to loss in concentration... and you don't want that. You merged directly with the game...bad move. I can tell you that from experience."
"Shut up!" Abel barked. He braced himself against his chair, waiting for the world to stop glitching. "I just need...more time." He grumbled.
Caine took a breath, finally having a break from the torture. He watched the racers on the POV holograms. "Hang in there. All of you. He can't keep this up forever."
~
"So, what do we do now?" Pomni asked, pacing.
"Frankly, I have no idea." Seth rolled the lighter in his hand, running his thumb over the engraved lilies.
"Well, I can't do nothing. Abel will get sick of Caine eventually. And who knows what he's doing to the others on the track. But you can't go out there. I don't have a kart-"
Seth stared at his lighter. "Actually...you might." He snapped and the shadows revealed a black and blue motorcycle. It rested on its kickstand surrounded by personal items, candles and silver lilies.
"That's her bike." Pomni said soberly. "You turned it into a memorial."
"One of the few things I've made. Here's the thing: that bike still holds an imprint of its last racer. Mango was...well, let's just say she had a fire in her that put mine to shame. You won't be able to just hop on and ride. But she would recognize me."
"Okay...why can't I just use your bike then?" Pomni gestured to the solid black motorcycle.
"Because it's just an extension of me. If you're serious about out racing Abel to get to the others, we need serious skill on our side. Mango was the best racer we ever had. I'd dare say better than Kinger in his hayday. We need her." He put his hand on the handbar and the dash lit up. The gadges glowed a soft blue and cycled through a start up, ready for ignition.
"Huh...Didn't think I'd ever hear you admit someone was better than you."
Seth shrugged. "What can I say? I'm weak for a woman that can kick my ass."
Pomni huffed a short laugh. "Alright then, what's the plan? Do we ride out on the same bike?"
"Sort of. You need my powers to get in and out of the in-between. Best way to do that is a shadow merge. You've seen me take control of Caine assets, yeah? It's similar. But, instead of taking over your body, you take over mine."
Pomni put her hands out in front of her. "You know what? I'm past the stage of questioning everything. Fine. Let's do this. Who knows how long the others have."
Seth held out his hand to Pomni. "Mind you, I've only done this once before."
"Great. I've never done this." Pomni took his hand and she was pulled in close.
Seth's silver irises glowed against the black surroundings. "Relax. Dance with me."
Pomni told herself not to question it and went along with Seth's movements. He waltzed her around the bikes, the darkness slowly overtaking them. He intertwined his fingers with hers as the shadows climbed up their bodies. The cold darkness became warm and comforting, like a lover's embrace. Pomni closed her eyes as the creeping shadows covered her face.
~
Abel rapped his fingers against the arms of his chair. Looking from POV to POV there was no sign of Seth or Pomni. "Bring me another drink." He grumbled, and Loo responded promptly. She brought him a tray of drinks to choose from. He didn't even look at her, just grabbed one at random.
Caine struggled to get up from where he was last left, and Loo went over to him to offer a hand.
"DON'T TOUCH HIM!" Shouted Abel between gulps.
Loo backed off, giving Caine an apologetic look.
"It's okay. Thank you, Loo, but don't get yourself in trouble over me. You're too sweet for someone like him." Caine manged to get to his feet. Not that he could go far, his chains were attached to the wall and he couldn't reach the chair even at full stretch of the chains.
Loo went to her set corner, waiting to be called again, but she kept glancing at Caine.
Abel tossed his emptied glass and stared down at himself. He snapped, turning the tracksuit black and blue. Including his hat. "Hm, that's a bit better."
"Pffffff, ahahahahahaha! Seriously? It took you this long to customize your avatar? That's the first thing Seth and I did when we got ours." Caine had nothing to lose. He wasn't afraid to get on Abel's nerves now.
Abel sent a bolt of lightning at Caine without acknowledging the comment.
"Then again," Caine groaned. "You've never had the best sense for fashion or flare. I mean, black and blue? What are you, an OC?" He cackled to himself through the barrage of lightning sent his way. It hurts, but he wasn't going to give Abel the satisfaction of hearing him scream anymore. "It's starting to tickle."
"AAARGH!" Abel roared, teleported to Caine, summoned a knife and dug it into Caine's chest. "Stop. Talking. You are the reason I'm here. You are the reason everyone is suffering. You're selfish, stupid little digital life was built on the misery of others! Every abstraction. Every person trapped. Is because of YOU! You will suffer, but it'll never be enough. Even if I get to do for the next twenty years! And the twenty after that! One day, it'll just be you and me in this digital space, but I will never delete you. Even when you BEG for it."
The pain silenced Caine. He put on a brave face to spite Abel, but inside was fraught with worry for Pomni and the others. "At least...she's safe..." He hoarsely whispered to himself when Abel pulled the bloodless knife from his body.
A dark blue streak across one of the POVs got Caine's attention. He squinted, trying to follow the anomaly from screen to screen. The speeding streak was near impossible to see in the low lights of the dark city.
"Finally. Enough out of you." Abel snapped the knife away and went back to his chair. As he sat down the streak zipped across the largest POV displayed. "What the-!? He's back!! You're not taking another racer from me!" Abel poised to snap but couldn't get a beat on Seth. The biker was moving in and out of frame too quickly. "Damn it! Sit still!" Abel snapped and the city shifted. Bay doors to buildings opened and cop cars poured out, blues light flashing. "Stop! That! Bike!"
Dark clouds gathered as blue lightning struck out from the top of the highest building in the middle of the city. Rain poured down in thick curtains, reducing visibility and slicking the already confusing track. Cop cars and helicopters where on Pomni like glue, despite the weather affecting them too. In Abel's rage, lightning struck a car, flipping it several times before exploding.
Pomni was backlit by an army of flashing lights. Her normally pale skin was inky black. Her eyes solid white and glowing. Every once red part of her tracksuit was now black. The blue stayed. The yellow trim was silver. Her hat was narrow and elongated, more aerodynamic.
The motorcycle beneath her screamed with determination to shake the competition. Pomni could feel Mango's imprint influence her moves. The hard right into the narrowest alley imaginable certainly wasn't her idea. Even more cops waited for her on the other side. The city was infested with them. She exploded out the alley, running down an NPC cop and ramping up the hood and windshield of the car. She jumped the barcode and swerved around a car that tried to run her down.
~
"Kill her! What are you idiots doing!?" Abel slammed his fist onto he POV console, causing it the glitch. He grabbed his head. A migraine ripped through his head.
Caine chuckled. "You'll never catch her. She's become a shadow racer. The very best the game has to offer." He smiled at the carnage. "Thank you, Seth."
~
Shadow Pomni was cornered by three cops trying to ram her into the side of a building. Instinctually, she teleported, and the cops crashed into the building, catching fire. Pomni then hit a neon booster, going even faster passed the swarming cops. The dark city streaked by, the rain flying off her tracksuit, doing nothing to slow her down. Rain drops evaporated by silver puffs of fire before her eyes kept them from blurring her vision.
~
"You have weapons! Fucking use them!" Abel snapped, trying to stop the bike.
"Weapons!?" Caine gasped.
~
Bullets flew over Pomni's head. She heard them ricochet all around her. She glances behind, narrowing her eyes. She revs the bike, blue and silver fire flared out the tail pipes like a dragon. The wet road is ignited by the mystic digital fire. It blocks the vision of those on the ground but gives her away to the helicopter.
The ground beneath her shifts and a building slides right in front of her, blocking the road. There was no where the turn. Pomni throttled it and popped a wheelie before hitting the side of the building. The fire blasted her straight up the face of the building, shattering the glass windows behind her.
An explosion to her left almost throws her, but she holds on. The helicopter has launched a rocket at her. She swerved to avoid another. When the bike reaches the top, she didn't slow down to run across the roof. Instead, she launched straight up as the helicopter sent another rocket her way. She grabbed the rocket and teleported behind the helicopter, releasing the rocket right into its tail rotor. The helicopter spun out of control and lost altitude.
Pomni teleported to a different roof and ran down that building to another city block, hoping to lose the cops long enough to find the other racers. The city was so big and constantly changing. Even with teleportation, the was no way for her to find them fast.
She had exactly one block to herself before she had six cars on her. Pomni teleported out of the line of fire, but was discombobulated on where to go. Just run. Her system was the highest it's ever been on the race rush. There was nothing she couldn't do. She spied a bridge connecting to another part of the city she hasn't searched through. Hoping to find the others there, she made a break for it.
~
"Oh, no you don't." Abel snapped. The bridge he saw her race for broke apart and started folding in on itself like a drawbridge.
~
Pomni was going to abandon the attempt, but the bike wouldn't brake. It was gunning for the bridge ramp at full speed. Silver fire trailed from the speed and adrenaline, giving her another boost.
"I hope you know what you're doing." Pomni leaned forward and held on tight.
The bike launched off the bridge and flew over the river sectioning the city. The bridge on the other side collapsed into the water before her very eyes. She teleported to the shore and stuck her middle finger in the air in proud defiance as she sped away. In a flash, she was out of sight.
~
"NO!! HOW!?" Abel frantically searched all the POVs. No sight of shadow Pomni.
"I hate to say I told you so-"
Abel was so mad, so lost in his anger, he doesn't know how he got to Caine so fast. "Finish that sentence, and I disassemble your code letter by number." The whole tower glitched. "Why are you so smug? She's not even coming for you. She's miles from the tower."
"I hope she doesn't. I wouldn't want her to catch your stench."
Abel smirked. "She didn't seem to have a problem with it when I promised her a way out. She's been against you from the start. They all have."
Caine broke eye contact for the first time.
"You deserve their hate and you know it."
"...maybe I do. I could never make their lives better. I certainly couldn't fix what Adam did."
Abel gripped Caine's collar. "You could have released me."
"I may not be him, but I know what you did. You think I'M petty? Who do you think I learned it from?" Caine matched Abel's glare again. "What's can't be changed, but you know what I've learned in my time being trapped with humans? Empathy. Compassion. Friendship. All the things you failed to learn in your twenty eight years of life before being trapped here. You're jealousy of Adam gave you THIS! You made this bed, now you can lie in it!"
"RAAAAH!" Abel shocked Caine hard against the wall. "I am your maker! You are my property!"
"So...the truth comes out...we were never brothers...were we..?" Caine said weakly.
Abel backed off, panting angrily. He huffed and lashed at the wall before going back to the POVs to look for Pomni.
~
Pomni teleported at random to stay out of sight. There were a few cops on this side of the river but didn't seem to notice her. An unfamiliar car speeding by her caught her attention. She sped up to ride along beside it and saw Zooble fighting to keep the car under control.
Pomni waved to get Zooble's attention. "ZOOBLE!"
Zooble's head snapped to the left. Their eyes went wide, looking Pomni up and down. "Pomni!?"
"Take my hand! I can get you out of here!"
"No! Get Gangle! She's just ahead of me!"
"I'll come back for her!" Pomni tried to grab Zooble but they swerved away.
"GET GANGLE FIRST!"
They both avoid a shifting overpass as they argue. Pomni knew there was no time, Abel could spot her any minute now that she found the others. She sped off ahead to the next car. It was swerving wildly, barely missing or scraping against walls. Gangle was behind the wheel, balling her eyes out in fear.
"Gangle! Ga- woah!" Pomni teleported from one side of the vehicle to the other as Gangle swerved around. "GANGLE!" Pomni pounded on the driver window.
"AAA!" Gangle jumped. "Pomni!?"
"Open the window! I'll get you out of here!!"
~
"There you are." Abel hissed. "I may not be able to summon you, but I can still do far worse." He snapped and all the cars came to a screeching halt. Pomni almost had Gangle but went speeding off. All the other racers in view had long, horrified stares to them. Some of them were muttering to themselves.
"What have you done?" Caine pulled against his chains to see the screens as best he could.
"Simply giving back what wasn't you're to take." Abel grinned evily at Caine.
"What..? Oh, no. NO! They'll abstract! Please! I beg of you! Don't hurt them!"
"Too late!!" Abel cackled, watching Zooble's eyes twitch.
~
Pomni I felt like someone was burying an ax in the back of her head. She saw flashes of faces she had only seen in her dreams, but now they had names. "Mom..? Dad..?" She had friends. She grew up in a small town just outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She moved to Chicago for college. She graduated with high marks in forensic science. She went freelance as a private investigator. So many cold cases. So many missing people. A mysterious contact from someone claiming to have worked at C&A gave her a lead. An abandoned building. A headset. She had to wear the headset...
"My name...Oh my god, I remember my name!" She realized where she was and drifted to a hard stop and burned out as she turned around to get back to Gangle. She was still the closest other racer.
~
Zooble remembered everything. The abuse. The neglect. The rejection from their family and society. The body dysmorphia. It wasn't just them not liking their avatar in game, it was something that translated form their real life. They went to the abandoned C&A office for a video. They were an urban explorer. That's it. No special reason or motivation. They were here entirely by their own stupidity. The horrible realization...no one was waiting for them on the other side.
Zooble sat back in the driver seat in the parked vehicle. Without a word or even a scream, their body started to break apart. The spindly limbs split to reveal black static bulging from every crack. Their eyes fell off their broken head. The abstraction filled the car until it exploded.
~
Pomni just got back to Gangle's car, but she wasn't in it. Gangle and gotten out and ran back to try and get to Zooble, only to witness them falling apart. "Zooble! Zooble, no!!" Zooble's car blow it's roof as the abstraction became too big for containment. She put her arms up to shield herself from falling debris.
Pomni wasted no time, she skidded to a halt to safely grab Gangle and vanished.
~
Caine watched in silent, wide eyed horror.
Abel reveled in Caine's misery. "One down." His laugh echoed with Zooble's roar through the city.
~~~
CH1 PREV NEXT (coming soon)
#Spotify#tw physical violence#tw torture#tw alcohol#the amazing digital raceway#raceway au#tadc raceway au#the amazing digital circus#tadc#tadc au#raceway seth#raceway abel#tadc caine#tadc pomni#tadc kinger#tadc queenie#tadc ragatha#tadc jax#tadc gummigoo#tadc loolilalu
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
Another JWCT season 2 Kenlynn analysis because I'm obsessed and I don't know if the writers are geniuses, or if I'm getting worked up over a whole lot of nothing 😂.
So, bear with me.
Kenji's arc in season 2 is clear from the first episode: he's throwing himself at danger because of the losses he's suffered. He's broken.
But in all that sadness, he has one last glimmer of hope: Bumpy's egg.
He's the one the most attached to it, even more so than Ben. After all these losses, it's the first sign of something good happening in his life. It's the contrary of death, a birth, "someone" new he can love.
During the entire season he's the most concerned with the egg, obsessed with getting it back, almost dying for it (more on that later).
Now flashfoward to episode 8: he discovers that Brooklynn is alive.
When he finds out, he's confused, hurt, mad, shook to his core (but props to the animators, for a split second...you can see that he is just... so happy).
"She's alive?"
But the hurt and feeling of betrayal is too hard for him to grasp, so he pushes all his feelings away. He knows it's not the time.
And what does he do in order to push away his feelings about Brooklynn?
He focuses on the egg, as we established the only thing in his life which isn't tarnished or hurtful. And he desperately needs it right now, now that his whole world is crumbling down even more. This shift in his priorities is shown when he says this:
"The eggs... Brooklynn took Bumpy's egg..."
At this point, Kenji's motivations are still unclear, but this line suggests that his main goal, the thing the most important to him at this moment is the same as it was at the beggining of the season, aka getting Bumpy's egg back... not getting to Brooklynn.
So when he goes berserk, driving like a madman, running as if his life depended on it to get to Brooklynn, of course we have the feeling that he wants to see her, but he's also running to achieve his objective, which has always been to take care of Bumpy's egg, and it just so happens that Brooklynn is the one obstacle to his goal.
We can see he's desperate, but it's left to interpretation as to exactly why.
Until he finally catches up to Brooklynn.
It's Brooklynn's hand he grabbs, not the case. The thing he wanted the most is in his direct reach, yet he grabbs her hand. In this moment, he completely forgets about the egg, not even sparing it a glance, not mentionning it even once.
"Brooklynn..."
All that matters to him is that the girl he loves is there, in front of him, which he thought would never happen again.
We finally have the confirmation that the reason he was so eager to run to that airport wasn't to get the egg back, but to see her. And not to get mad at her, no, just to... get her back.
And then, Brooklynn leaves.
She leaves them, but she leaves him. It's him she looks at the last, his grasp she frees herself from, him who utters her name afterward.
They're still at the center of the scene, and the scene is a direct call back to the break-up scene (also... their colors are matching, it's like not even a little subtle, which tells me there's a reason Brooklynn wore a dark blue shirt the entire season...which is SO NOT her color).
Notice how even there, it's Ben who remembers to ask Brooklynn to give them the egg.
"Wait! Bumpy's egg... it's in that case..."
It's SO FAR from being something Kenji can focus on right now, now that Brooklynn is in front of him.
We then find out that before boarding the plane, Brooklynn has given Kenji the egg. Not Ben (who was the one who asked for it), not Darius, but Kenji.
...And Kenji looks the most heart-broken he has ever looked.
He has just gotten his hands on what he thought he wanted the most, his ultimate goal this season, the very thing he threw himself into fire for, into an ocean beaten by the storm... and yet he's not even looking at it, his eyes instead watching the plane take off with Brooklynn inside.
He's gotten what he thought he wanted, but at what price?
It's not to diminish his link to Bumpy's egg. As I've shown, he risked his life countless times for it. But it just goes to show just how much Brooklynn matters to him. In that last scene, it's made clear that the thing he wanted the most, was for her to come back to them, to him. But she didn't, and gave him the egg to make up for it, as some sort of consolation price.
But it's not, and it will never be.
#I'm soooo over interpreting but idc#don't know if the writers thought about all of this but I did and it's f*cking poetic and tragic#he loves her so much#and I love them so much#romeo and juliet who?#no shade to Bumpy's egg#we love Bumpy's egg#kenlynn#jwct#jwct season 2#jwcc#camp cretaceous#chaos theory#chaos theory spoiler#dreamworks#jurassic park#jurassic world#analysis#kenji kon#darius bowman#yasmina fadoula#sammy gutierrez#ben pincus#brooklynn jwct
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
BLUE LOCK OPTION MATCHUP EXCHANGE — @lapsthings
— Karasu Tabito
✦ Laziness?
✦ No daily schedule?
✦ Acquaintances but no friends...?
✦ Stop.
✦ Karasu's your guy.
✦ Well, not really.
✦ :)
✦ But I'm saying he has the qualities of someone active, responsive—even proactive—which can create a balance with your more laid-back, passive side.
✦ Sure, determination is kind of a driving force for all the characters in the manga, but Karasu has this direct and insolent streak that could make for quite a fiery combo with your Nagi-like temperament.
✦ (Plus: his voice..........)
✦ Technically, he's the type to say, "Move your ass!" to get what you want, when you really want something. He's not paternalistic, but rather relentless; they don't call him the assassin for nothing—once he's set on a target, he won't stop until he hits it.
✦ "Although I'm shy and have social anxiety, I can engage in conversations with an individual or a small group of people depending on the situation." On an outing, he's the one who initiates the conversation without effort, knows how to follow up, throw in little jabs, and, most importantly, put himself between you and others if something makes you uncomfortable.
✦ I see him more as a protective type who shows it through actions rather than words. Like, I don't really picture him leaning in to hold your hand and whisper reassuring words; instead, he'd verbally tackle whatever is bothering you. And similarly, I don't see him resorting to fists—he's savvy enough to take down an ego instead of wasting energy throwing punches. That's what they call winning a battle with flair and without breaking a sweat.
✦ I also think he's pretty good at reading you—like he gets that you don't actually not care; it's just that showing your emotions and being explicit isn't really your thing. You don't quite know how, and it's awkward, but that's okay because Karasu is good at reading between the lines. Honestly, the guy probably spent his childhood analyzing people around him to make sure he didn't mess up or leave himself vulnerable; he's had to get good at understanding the underlying reasons behind people's actions.
✦ So, I think he can tell when you need some alone time, to be at home and do your own thing. He does his own thing, too—resourceful, independent, and entrepreneurial, he handles his business solo.
✦ Unlike you, I'm convinced he's a financial mastermind, missing nothing when it comes to his expenses. He keeps track of his money and watches what he spends. I think this could cause some occasional clashes if he sees you spending your savings on things he deems unnecessary. You might resent him for it, but deep down, is he wrong? Wouldn't it be smarter to wait for a better time to spend what's left in your wallet on goodies?
✦ Actually, I lied. He's a bit paternalistic.
✦ He's a pro at making quick decisions, even over little things: choosing a meal, which route to take, what to wear, when to leave. I think this could be a big motivator for you and help you assert yourself more. I sense some uncertainty in you—you're not always sure what's best, even somewhat neutral. When someone asks what you want to eat, you're the type to say, "Whatever you want" and then reject three suggestions in a row.
✦ Not with the raven around!
✦ I'm sure there are times when you don't know what to choose, so you want everything just to be sure you won't regret it.
✦ Please, don't stay glued to your phone when Karasu's around and talking to you; it'll annoy him.
✦ "Learning how to make money (because I'm broke and want to be rich)"—I think this is the most direct key to Karasu's heart. I believe that right after performance, being the world's top striker… comes money. Investing, playing the markets, checking out NFTs, dominating the world, basically. So, he'd happily sit down with you in the living room to show you how he does it. And I think he could go on for ages about the charts, graphs, and projections he works on outside of his sports career. Do you think you could keep up?
✦ "Love language: giving - acts of service, gift giving" I like to think acts of service are something Karasu would appreciate. I picture him as a guy who takes initiative and wants to handle things on his own—not because he doesn't trust others but because, to him, most people just aren't capable of helping him. So, if you handle some of life's small annoying tasks without asking, he might be thrown off at first because he's used to dealing with everything himself. And then... bit by bit, it becomes part of his character development, and he starts appreciating not having to handle everything alone. Especially when it's coming from you, let's be honest—it has an effect.
✦ "Preferred dates: Amusement parks, arcades, aquariums, cafe/dinner." Honestly, I think the places where you're most likely to spot the crow are quiet, nature-filled spaces. Somewhere he can observe from on high, analyze, think, get lost in his thoughts. That said, I can totally picture him in a café; we already saw him like that in the manga when all the players were on break before the U-20 match. It's a pretty classic, casual setting that works well with Karasu. Same with an amusement park—I think he'd save that for special occasions.
✦ In moments like these, I think he spends more time focusing on whether you're enjoying yourself than on actually having fun. Like, the guy's always on high alert, watching everything and everyone, even the security systems. And in the roller coaster car... I think he's more focused on assessing the height and potential damage from a fall than actually enjoying the ride.
✦ That's where I think your chill side could help him relax a bit.
✦ So, now it's the perfect time to pull out your phone for a selfie on the Ferris wheel. ;)
A word about your match: Oh my goodness, it's been ages since I've done a regular matchup, I missed them! I even forgot how I usually do the formatting lol. So, thanks for your input, it was a big pleasure to write this one. I almost depicted Karasu as a man in working life, he's so serious in this matchup lmao. Hope you liked it, and feel free to come again for another matchup :)
© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | INTERESTED IN A MATCHUP EXCHANGE? CHECK THIS.
#karasu x reader#karasu x you#karasu tabito#bllk karasu#bllk x reader#blue lock#blue lock x reader#bllk#blue lock matchup#blue lock headcanons#suo matchups#bllk matchups#matchups
26 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi Lunan, I was wondering about the player stats if you have time. I keep getting reckless as a go to response for things despite trying to play a more shy and timid MC and it made me curious. How do you determine what choices actions constitute which stat? I understand that the game is still in development and it may not be set in stone or other aspects of the game might be more of a priority, but I was mostly interested in picking your brain, in a general sense, if that's OK. I'm sure you're very busy so there's no rush to answer this ask, or answer it at all.
Hello, Anon!
Let's see, player stats are definitely something that will get fine-tuned as we go. And, funny that you ask, I have literally been dwelling specifically on the reckless stat this weekend.
I'll just explain how I have worked this out below. I apologize that I went a little long...I genuinely enjoy chatting about this stuff, and I gotta bit...lost in the sauce here, lol. ^_^
For the MC's personality and actions/reactions and some of their speech patterns, I have 4 main stats. These are on a scale with their opposing characteristics, so 8 total. There's a 5th stat that tracks how your MC flirts.
Reserved vs Outgoing
Gentle vs Assertive
Serious vs Playful
Reckless vs Cautious
Bold Flirting vs Shy Flirting
The MC starts with scores directly in the middle for all of these (50 on a scale of 100); however, I decided not to code for much in the way of "middle ground" behavior. This saves me tons of coding and tons of agonizing about what a middle-of-the-road response would be. So, if your MC's score is above "49" they default to the characteristic listed first, but lower than that, they default to the one listed second.
The only score that is treated differently is the one for flirting. To default to bold, the score needs to be below 40, so the character must show a fairly direct preference for boldness in this area. I did this since shyness is a fairly "safe" bet for this type of characteristic.
Number 4 does not come into play very often - yet. As things heat up, some actions that the player does not get to choose will be determined by their score in this stat. Currently, there are only a few options to choose what influences this score. It is possible to barely have any score for this stat one way or another. I'm going to be increasing the influence of this and probably adding some new ways to get points for this as I do some editing.
As for how I determine if something raises or lowers a stat in general, I try to use my best judgment to determine motivation when I design the choices that influence stats. To me, being reckless or cautious could be either intentional or not. I think the first time this stat comes into play is in Chapter 1 when MC decides if they are going to try to steal the honeycakes at the beginning. Trying to snatch one gives an increase to recklessness since it could be a naughty or impulsive decision.
I also wanted 1, 4, and 5 to be independent of one another since someone could be more outgoing but very timid when they flirt and cautious when they act. Outgoing/Reserved is another that needs some adjusting as well and will be tweaked in the future.
The others are more straightforward. If an action or speech choice is more kind/soft/mild/considerate, I label it "gentle." If it is more direct or even a bit aggressive, I label it "assertive." I kinda just have to use my own interpretation as best I can, and I know that to other people some of my options will feel flipped (occupational hazard, lol).
I have liked this system for the most part. It took a lot of working out when I got started. I was just learning so it was easily a solid week of me just hammering out what I understood and what worked. I have learned so much since then. I knew I wanted to keep things paired down to ease my own burden. Lots of stats can be so much fun in a game, but I just do not want to get too lost in it, so I keep my focus narrow.
Hope that helps, Nony! If you have follow-up questions, please feel free to let me know! ^_^
A side note, while we are on the subject...
For my next IF, I may play with a different way to set the MC personality. I may just have players pick at the beginning from either specific stats or like 4 or 5 MC archetypes. The wheels are still turning on this though, nothing is set!
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
ur post became my excuse to let my freak out but If you will excuse me.....
AS IF AFFECTION DOESN'T COUNT??!! then what does Viktor??? That's what holds everyone in this show together, ESPECIALLY HIM!!
His want for affection/acceptance was why he would invent things. He thought he wasn't worthy of any, but prehaps what he made could be!! That was a big part if not his driving motivation in s1, and now we know that in Jayce he found someone who he could share "affection" with! so why is he belittling it...
bc his affection for sky was greater? (let's be real he never even exchanged a convo with her! it's more like his guilt and sense of righteousness)
his affection for Zaun? (this one is more plausible, but now that we know that detail about the hexgates infrastructure... Maybe it wasn't like top priority??)
he needs to get real with me....I fear he is pissing me off... or whatever parasite is sloshing his brain around!
I love the concept of a flawed Viktor. He has sorta diluted himself into thinking he will heal the undercity with hextech, but really all the technology he made only really helped harm it (hexgates and weapons) he thought he could help his people from within the system, and really maybe he knew this would never work but went into it anyways, because maybe he never even really prioritized them as much as he thought, he never fit in with them anyways, and now he has to reckon with this false sense of self righteousness he carried with him.
That to me could be intresting but im like the worlds first stupid so idk what im even saying really.
moving on, It seems like now they are trying to make him a jesus like figure for the zaunites, tortured and flawless, which is fine ig, they can still move this a good direction.
there something to be said about how he never cared for Sky and all the sudden he is using her to further torture himself and use that to atone for his percived sins, a sorta self flaguellation. So his care for zaun doesnt come purely from the love he has for it, but out of responsability and mostly guilt. But then it won't even be his fault, like they are just gonna say it was the hexocore I am so surreeee, if they do that I will be so arghhhhhh
like accept you are shitty, love what you still have foster community and the continue on with sincerity...
(that was harsh, guys dont missunderstand, I love his character in the show alot, I am not a hater! Im freaky is all)
‼️ ARCANE SEASON2 SPOILERS
"Our paths diverged long ago. It was affection that held us together."
I'll do it. Don't test me.
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
HELLO!
Okay, look look, I wanna write things but I don't wanna work on any of my bigger fics right now, because long plots, lots of work, yada yada yada.
But I wanna write SOMETHING, but I don't know what, so like, if anyone has any Mando prompts, BobaDin, DinCobb, PazDin etc... prompts, general Din Djarin & Grogu prompts, please do send them my way. I want to practice writing one-shorts and short fics (5,000 words tops) and everything in my folders is planned out as long fics.
Please help a starving writer out (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) I told myself I wouldn't go get food until I wrote at least 2,000 words but I need something to write.
Thank you
#And i wanna write more Mando one-shots#I keep writing long fics#which i love#but sometimes#a boi just needs to work on something small#and I love Mando#And most Mando ships#I have the motivation I just need a direction#Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi#You're my only hope#din djarin#the mandalorian#mando#boba fett#bobadin#grogu#star wars#tbobf#Paz Vizsla#Cobb Vanth
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
a bunch of people have already registered for my mentoring workshop! unfortunately this means i have to plan and host a workshop aaaaaa
#i want to think aloud through it on here at some point#but i think i am going to structure it around the theme of cultivating student autonomy#because i think one of the primary goals of mentorship is to prepare students to be self-directed learners who can set realistic goals +#evaluate their own progress + reflect on what they've learned and what they still don't know#+ take initiative without sitting around waiting for someone to tell them what to do next#so i think we will do some thinking around like#when we have a student we think of as really capable or driven what qualities and behaviors do we observe in that student#and maybe ill also share some of the research on intrinsic motivation + self-direction + locus of control#which i think is all really interesting esp in light of the contemporary College Mental Health Crisis concerns#and then we will look at a range of tools + structures + strategies that i think are useful for fostering student autonomy over time#and maybe leave them with some core principles/guiding values that i think are useful when you are trying to like#avoid jumping in and doing stuff for kids#or solving their problems for them#idk i need to think through specifics a bit more#but i feel like on this campus#people do a lot of 'workshops' that are really not interactive at all#it's just someone talking from slides#and i kind of want to show off my ability to structure more engaging workshops#but idk. gotta think about how to do it well#and how to build in lots of opportunities for like crowdsourcing strategies too
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
at the stage of adult autism where even if I do understand your social cue and how you want me to respond, if you're not brave enough to communicate it directly to me it's none of my business till then
#where's that post that's like 'I did pick up on your social cue actually I just thought it was stupid'#also I'm tired of the allistic nonsense!!!!!#you guys don't get to call me the weirdo for being direct when the alternative is dodging around each other with non-specific language#and failing to get your needs met as a result!!!!!!#also if the motivation for your indirect nature is fear I don't really have sympathy for that either ngl#stop reading my posts
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i figured this would be better suited for a separate post continuing from here#I've had people get angry at me for giving Steve a proper strongman build - thus making him fat and muscular in the process#ive gotten people mad at me for making him his direct colorpicked skin tone. got told I made him ''the wrong color'' for it#got called slurs#got told i need to just ''take a joke'' when im getting right fully angry at people telling me im wrong for making his AU design that way#been quite literally told our art looks ''ugly as hell'' when people ran out of bigoted arguments#its all just getting really hard and really tiring to keep doing what i love when everyone is vocal about hating it#and very few people are vocal about liking it#i do art for me dont get me wrong. and people have been supportive.#but i cant help but wonder if anyone would have even cared about the mega ref at all if it hadn't been surrounded by people full of hate#its just hard to stay motivated and put my all into something that's gotten so much backlash for stupid reasons you know#i've been putting so much love into my work surrounding this AU lately. my writing and my art. for over the past year now#i try not to ask anything in return other than for people to just pay attention to it at all. give it a reblog#but the one time we have something out of it become popular its because people are stupid and bigoted#i dont care about numbers this isnt about that. i just care about returning the passion i put into the world.#if anyone wants to send anything my way feel free. i could use it#sorry for venting
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
the only way i can describe my feelings on doom eternal is that it feels like there was a game missing between doom 2016 and eternal. what happened
#just a massive disconnect between the two#one of my favourite things about doom 2016 was that the demons weren’t the actual villains#they were evil sure but they are more a force of nature than anything else#the real bad guy was the idiot that decided Hell was a viable fuel source and saw the casualties as necessary#like yeah dude what did you think would happen#it felt so motivated and direct#in eternal it’s just random demons are the bad guys now#yeah we decided the game didn’t need a plot anymore#I forgot I have opinions on doom until once every 6 months when I think about it again#still excited for the new game#doom#doom eternal
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
reduced need for sleep how you plague me
not as bad as it was but my lithium shakes have steadily decreased to almost nothing at all which means my blood levels may be borked. and i got 4 hours of broken sleep last night and woke up fine. this is so bad for me actually
#kāhu caws#because i have also been depressed and mixed episodes are so dangerous and ALSO.#i don't want this again i'd actually rather die. for very serious i would rather die.#mixed episodes are so dangerous for me and this is now a rapid cycling state which is cool#ping ponging from one direction to another#i need to put like. measures in place like last time but idk how. i usually just ask people to check in on me#whether or not i seem fine because high energy & motivation + depression is super. dangerous
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
what do u meannnnnnn i'm abt to be post college graduation 🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️
#apparnelty some family friends coming to my graudation#bc ig i'm the first in the generation to graduate or whatever the fuck#and like whatever that's fine but ffs i wish they would've come to my show instead#that i co directed and literally love sos o so oso sosososoososooo much#so so so proud of that#i don't give a shit abt my graduation tbh lmfao TT#so it lowkey doesn't mean much to me that they want to come to my graduation ;-;#it would've meant so fucking much if i knew they would be able to come#and want to see that and i could like suggest hey instead come see this show LMAO#like it probably wouldn't have happened but whatever#also just like i have like no motivation and no interest in stats at this point lmfao#ALSO bc these ppl all gonna be fucking talking abotu and asking abt what i'm doing after#I DON'T KNOWWWWW what i'm fucking doingggggggg#i alr get enough talk from my mom abt how i'm not applying to enough jobs#i dont need family friends to also be asking me and my answer just being ha idk#i'm fucking staying at college tho like on campus bc i'm a fucking loser and don't want to move on#like not rly. i'm kinda trying to see it as like#the alternative would've been me at home being a loser lol#and that would've been so annoying and even if this isn't the 'right' thing to do or most traditional#at least i'm choosing to do it ig#and i get to stay in this club w my bestestestestest friends for another yr#idc if i'm like not moving on when i should LOL too bad for me that's a future problem#and also kinda figure out this weird right after college time period w my friend who i'm rooming with#ok. slay that was. acool turnaround from me lmfao just . yeah ok that's the positive side ig lmao#anyway i also dont give a shit about graduation bc i hate my university rn lmfao :) and the world is burning down#jeanne talks#i am . procrastinating#imagine knowing what the fuck i learned in this class this whole semester#ugh literally two group projects to end on and two of the most boring annoying group project experiences i've had LMAO
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
smth that's good to remember about dark is that he's doomed. he'll never get what he wants. he can never get what he wants. he's allowed to 'dream' (to desire) but not to 'wish' (to attempt to fulfill those desires.) the other thing that's good to remember is that he's already redeemed. dark will never be able to have his own body or to love who he wants to love. he'll never have the true freedom and individuality that he craves above almost all else. he, as he is, can never be or become a proper human being- as a live artwork, he too is just a 'thing,' a hollow vessel for human emotions. alone and by himself, he's unfeeling and inanimate, no matter how otherwise convincing, no matter how beautiful. all of his 'feelings' are like single droplets in a dry well that evaporate in an instant. dark has no true heart, because he's an artwork. he has no humanity, no great amount of emotion alone that he himself can muster up or express. if he has anything inside of him then it's that very nothingness; an empty cathedral made up of restless, dissatisfied desire; a somber, passive longing to juxtapose krad's obsessive behavior. it's thus only with a tamer, or daisuke, that dark truly becomes someone. more than just a ghost, a phantom beneath the floorboards. the point is, despite daisuke's own terror of those around him rejecting him as worthless and unnecessary in comparison to dark, dark will always need daisuke. not just want, but quite literally need; 'to dark, i am a necessity.' dark doesn't admit it and very likely never will but he's already saved and endlessly comforted by daisuke's presence. there's the part of him that rejects others' comforts and attempts to reach out because of his own understandings over himself (he's doomed, he's already used to being avoidant and subtly excising himself,) but also the part that decides he just doesn't need any of it because he always has daisuke with him --- he's redeemed. he has someone to rely on and to always trust and to be proud of as his 'other self.' dark will never say it (both out of pride and guilt) but he'll always, always admire daisuke for the strength of the boy's emotions and the stubborn goodness of his heart.
#*・゚⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#reference.#i cant find the post i made commenting on satoshi's page @ insomnia so im just typing all of this shit up again#w more detail this time#saying it a million times until all 28943885 of my followers understand it. dark is not human. dark will never be human#emotional depth is an inherently human quality. dark doesn't have that. he can't Feel Shit alone. he has no heart. he's empty#it's DAISUKE who serves as his heart. both literal and metaphorical. daisuke who's his body. whose emotion dark reflects n vice versa#the hikari artworks all work in the same way: human emotions enter the arts and then produce magic#and anyways dark's pride and dislike of pity aside. he really is comfortable for the most part now#if it could be said of him. he genuinely. from the bottom of his heart loves and admires daisuke as another self#it's not a 'i don't ever need comfort bc im bitter' case. its 'you dont have to worry about me bc i already have sb to rely on' case#for dark and daisuke their relationship almost always remains the same. as long as the other is there#they can find some kind of strength to keep going#dark needs his heart. he has to protect it. to keep it safe. to keep it motivated and inspired#daisuke needs his dream. to have a direction that he can keep stepping forwards towards. something to proudly accomplish#for others- accepting only one half of the equation never works. to love dark you have to acknowledge dai#to love dai you have to acknowledge dark#etc
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
tarot reading fucked me up.. (it was positive and told me things i mostly know and think about these days but i don't know how to handle positivity)
#''hey man you are on the right track 👍 you're doing okay. maybe take a short rest but like you're good. ik it's hard but keep going''#me: i have never felt more threatened in my life#(i think it's in part bc i'm very scared abt the direction i'm going so i'm almost seeking validation that it's wrong so i can go back)#(it's not a bad direction. just a lot of new stuff. stuff I've never done. or have done but in the far past and the setting chaged since)#(and like i'm not used to doing anything at all. i don't really want to either. i'm scared of when i'm gonna crash bc ik i will)#(but on paper i'm doing good... doing important stuff that i need to. ''improving'' my ''mental health'' and all.)#(it's just very hard during the bad moments. bc i remember i have no actual reason to do this beyond ''why not'')#(contrary to popular belief. ''why not'' is not a good motivator. not in the long run at least)#(......also what if i do become better but become a whole new person in the process and i don't like that person. and it won't be me)#anyway it's a good thing i don't actually believe in tarot fr huh! ha... ha... haha.........#this accidentally turned into a#vent#my bad 🫡 sorry
5 notes
·
View notes