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#I have so much world build up in my head
princeofuchiha · 29 days
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I just got the final results for a commision I bought a bit ago and I'm So In Love with my boy in this art style.
Art by @/7angeltrumpets
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allastoredeer · 4 months
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THAT MOMENT YOU REALIZE ALASTOR IS ACTUALLY WAY SCARIER THAN WE GIVE HIM CREDIT FOR
So, in the throes of doing world-building for my Hazbin fics and analyzing characters and how they fit into Pentagram's political system, I realized not only how powerful Alastor actually is, but how fucking scary.
Now, yes, in the grand scheme of things, Alastor is far from the most powerful person in Hell. Far from it. The Royal Family (Lucifer, Lilith, and Charlie), and the Goetia are way above the Overlords. Our twinky, angsty, galaxy bird, Stolas, could 100% body Alastor. I'm sorry, Al. I love you, babe. But in terms of the hierarchal system, you and the other Overlords aren't influential to the rest of Hell, at all.
But, it's an entirely different story if we stick exclusively to the Pride Ring.
I'm not trying to do a big, essay-length analysis, that's a lot of work and I'm tired, so I'll try to make it as brief as possible.
We know three crucial things: 1) sinners aren't allowed to leave the Pride Ring, 2) they've built a semi-functional society for themselves that is exclusive to their specific ring (with a political system that they've molded just for them), and 3) sinners can't kill other sinners.
So, what we have here is a big piece of land stuffed with people who can't leave it, in a society they've built specifically for themselves, with an amassing population that is constantly growing because they have no way of dying/or killing each other. (Honestly, it's like Heaven was setting them up for an Exterminations - THOUGH I'VE ACTUALLY COME UP WITH A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, COMPLETELY FANON BASED THEORY/WORLD BUILDING IDEA ABOUT HOW HELL HAD KEPT THE POPULATION DENSISTY CONTROLLED FOR THE MILLENIA OF COLLECTING HUMAN SOULS, HOW THE POPLUATION STILL GOT TOO LARGE AND THUS RESULTED IN THE EXTERMINATIONS, AND HOW IT WAS ROSIE WHO HAD A HUGE HAND IN IT ALL.
Anyway, back on topic, so the Overlords essentially control this Ring. We know Stolas lives in the Pride Ring (judging by the red sky we see when he's at his house), so its possible more Goetia live there too (and imps, and succubi; the Pride Ring is known for being the most diverse of the Rings), but we haven't seen any evidence of the Goetia, or any of the other Hellborn, interact or influencE Pentragram City in a political way--outside of the Goetia being above the Overlords in the hierarchal system). I headcanon that they do have some involvement in Pentagram City, as they do live there, but for the most part, the Pride Ring is left completely to the sinners and how they run things.
Lillith got involved, obviously (but she's been missing for years in the beginning of the show), Lucifer hasn't been involved for who knows how long, and Charlie obviously doesn't have a lot of sway, nor did she have any previous influence given how she's treated by the very people she rules over. Her status is known, but there's no actual respect for her or her title as the literal Princess of Hell.
The royal family may the the strongest beings in all of the 7 Rings, but outside of Lillith, it seems they had very little involvement (in Charlie's case) or interest (in Lucifer's case) in ingratiating themselves into Pentagram City.
The entire Ring is being run by the Overlords. They cannot leave it. The Pride Ring is their domain. This is their new home. This is their world.
And in this world, the Overlords are the top dogs.
So, Alastor is powerful just in the sense that he is one of the Overlords. Like them, he is essentially one of the rulers of their personal, caged-off little world. He has power and political sway. He joined the other Overlords for Carmilla's meeting, where they were going to discuss the aftermath of the Extermination and what they can do about the loss in the population (and thus, their power, given that owning souls is how they get it).
It's implied that this isn't the first time they've had meetings like this, and if they get together to discuss the best ways to recover from the Exterminations and make up for their mutual losses (literally working together when they could've all just been rivals trying to undermine the others to get more souls), who knows what else they've discussed in their efforts to keep Pentagram City running (especially considering that the best way to maintain their power IS by maintaining the city, it's people, and keeping it from falling apart at the seams. Taking care of the city is in their best interests - I use "taking care of" very, very loosely, considering this is still Hell and it's hardly the gold standard of utopia's). They're essentially a Board of Leadership with mutually shared power.
The Overlords have all the power. All the sway. In their established world, THEY are at the top of the food chain.
BUT then, you take into account that sinners can't kill each other (a rule that extends even to the Overlords), and that's when things get interesting.
In episode 4, "Masquerade" Valentino told Angel that he's "killed people for less" during the scene in the dressing room. But, in episode 2, after Valentino had torn apart one of Velvette's models, she wasn't upset in the way an Overlord would be if they lost someone under contract, especially considering that owning souls is what gives them power (and I assume that they own the souls of most, if not all, of the people they employ). She said that she can't sit and wait for "that bitch to pull herself back together," so, yeah, the implication is that sinners can literally be torn apart (even by the Overlords, who are the strongest among them) but won't die is immense. No matter what you do, a sinner will reform, or heal, or whatever, but they will come back.
So, consider, that there is only one person who's been able to kill sinners, permanently, and that person is Alastor.
Not only that, he killed Overlords.
In a realm where death is impossible, Alastor had cheated the system. And as far as we know, he's the only one who's been able to do it.
The only person I can think of who has something similar is Carmilla, but that's because she'd integrated angelic steel into her apparel. (Though, there's something to be said about her selling angelic weapons to the masses, as she is a manufacturer and distributor of them not only in Pentagram city, but all of the 7 Rings, (as Stryker had gotten his hands on a "Carmine blessing tipped rifle" to kill off Stolas, who's a Goetia), thus, sinners killing other sinners can still be possible, but that's only if they get you're hands on a weapon with angelic steel, or they're wealthy enough to buy onr, and I imagine Carmilla doesn't sell those cheap.
But Alastor didn't use angelic steel. He found a way to tear souls apart, where otherwise they were only able to be owned. Considering how terrified Husk (who is one of the most calm and collected people in the Hazbin crew; who had once been an Overlord, himself) was when AIastor threatened to do they same to him, like, that goes to show just how serious it is. He was literally full-body shaking. Ears-pinned back. Flight-fight-or freeze. Pressing himself down into the carpet.
We've never seen him like that at any other time during the show, even during the Extermination when they were all about to die.
Alastor's threat had scared him more than literally getting killed my an army of Exorcist's.
And like, yeah???? I get it????
That shit has to be terrifying. Not only for those that Alastor threatens, but for every single sinner in Pentagram City.
This random guy cheated the system, killed without any outside means, and if he can topple Overlords (the strongest and most powerful of them) almost over night, there's no saying what he can do to regular sinners. (Or what they think he can do, I have more thoughts surrounding whether Alastor would be able to tear apart a soul that is owned by someone else, but this is already getting long).
And, presumably, the only reason he stopped is because he decided to.
Like???? Do you guys understand what I'm saying???? For someone to have that kind of power??? In a system where that power SHOULD NOT be possible??? A power that gives him this massive advantage over everyone else???? That no one else can do???? And the only reason he doesn't use it is because he decides not to????
It's no wonder Alastor was so feared. Why he still is feared (by those who know of him at least LOL he has been gone for 7 years). And, like, yeah we see him be all creepy and scary during the show. We see him use his magic and grow into his demon form, and he is intimidating in that right, but I think the true horror of his character comes from this ability to kill the unkillable in a system where it never should've been possible in the first place.
That's where the true terror of the Radio Demon lies. That's where the visceral fear comes from. And it's why he's someone you wouldn't want to mess with, even for the other Overlords (especially for the other Overlords).
Like, it makes sense why he has such a massive ego. Why he thinks he can take on anyone. It's because he has. He's powerful, even by Overlord standards, and he knows it. And it makes further sense why him now being on a leash is making him unravel at the seams.
Am I making sense??? Is this all just meaningless rambling to you guys??? Idk! Idk. It's just been tumbling through my head, and it made me realize just how scary Alastor is, especially from an outside perspective.
I have SO many headcanons T.T I've done so much world-building, and I am have so much fucking fun. I feel like a kid in a sandbox. My brain hasn't stopped buzzing since this show came out.
Anyway, I'm off to outline more wips and work on the fics I'm writing. Happy Hazbin-ing to the rest of you.
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floorpancakes · 6 months
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ok but im rly into the idea of till having a new era that brings the light back to his eyes and drives him forward if he gets to escape the arena. idk where he'd go from there but i want to see ivans sacrifice both haunt him and drive him to actually live his damn life after being the captured bird refusing freedom cause of mizi. once he knows she's alive with the resistance he might be able to actually experience other things and widen his world and if that happens and he puts his personal sense of rebellion towards the human cause OR settles into finding some other way to feel fulfilment that isn't a single person that could be deeply fascinating to me i think
#alien stage#ramble#idk#till alien stage#as an xxxholic fan i want to see caged birds fly and all the fear and loss and grit and progress that comes with it#till era would be so fucking fun#especially when characters r built arnd one person or one goal or something you want to see them find new things to suffer or thrive abt (?)#random inconsequential thought imagine till hooking up with hyunas besties and they become a resistance throuple#idk i just want till to experience the wider world as the one that was the most restrained by his heart AND literally#cause even compared to the other anakt kids he suffered so much in those damn buildings and labs#i wanna see him freed and what that means for ivans legacy as the person who was unseen but someone who both contributed to and desperately#tried to stop his pain and confinement no matter what#honestly the thing i wanna see most rn off the top of my head is#till coming to terms with what he knows and sees about ivan now#no matter how he feels about it i think ivan wont be forgotten that easily#i want to know whats going thru tills head rn immediately in this moment#cause this snapped him in some way and he is acutely aware of things he didnt even notice before#while handling the mizi desth thing#that he assumed was happening#if he is assumedly saved i want to see the explosion that is knowung mizi is alive#knowing ivan is dead and how ivan felt#and knowing he has a way out of the cage#because its a triple whammy#i want to see his brain exploding in real time thinking abt all these things#and what sort of person the revelations will make him become#also i want to see mizi and till have like an actual conversation cause itd be a wildcard especially right now
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aropride · 6 months
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that post has actually shifted my perception of stupid fucking PrObLeMaTiC MeDiA discourse forever i think i need to chew on the topic for like 8 hours and decide how i feel about it then
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ereborne · 8 months
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Song of the Day: January 16
"Coast of Carolina" by Jimmy Buffett
#song of the day#when I said my schedule would be back to normal today apparently what I meant was my sleep schedule would be obliterated today!#it snowed and I wanted to sleep in and so I reset my alarm but then my phone didn't get plugged back in and it died!#I slept through all my work day and woke up feeling quite refreshed to find several politely displeased messages from my boss#unfortunate!#I did sleep incredibly well though. better than I have in maybe a year#anyway my kitchen is clean again finally and my plants probably will not die and I have done quite a lot of frantic report-building for wor#and I'm going to sleep again now to nap for a few hours so I can be awake for real worktime tomorrow and apologize! unfortunate!!!!#love this song though. very soothing to croon. baked lovely brownies to this song while fretting tonight and it did help#edit: I'm awake and I've written out my apologies and Jo is here and purring so so loud#and I woke up with a different Jimmy Buffett song stuck in my head#Coast of Carolina is the one I was humming when I went to bed#but I've woken up with 'The Wino and I Know' which is also a fabulous song and which also did play as I made my sadness brownies#'just like a fool when those sweet goodies cool / I eat til I eat way too much#cause I'm livin on things that excite me / be they pastry or lobsters or love#I'm just tryin to get by / bein quiet and shy / in a world full of pushin and shovin#and the wino and I know / the pain of back bustin / like a farmer knows the pain / of his pickup truck rustin#strange situation / wild occupation / livin my life like a song'#a later edit: my lovely apology message has been left on read. unfortunate!!!!!!!! I do keep laughing though
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daforged · 7 months
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there’s a lot of things im not enjoying about my life right now but i think the worst one is that i don’t have anything to talk about other than how miserable and tired and unmotivated i am
#im exaggerating a bit. the only positive and changing thing in my life is my dog#but like. this really is just 8 weeks of constant suckage#[ context. im in school to be a cpa while working full time. i have quite literally 0 free time. this will continue until about sept 2025 ]#i keep spiralling into questioning myself on why im even doing this#like deep down. i dont think society as it stands is going to last into my 40s. so why am i wasting my 20s on The Grind#spending my life until i turn 26 hustlegrinding so i can get a solid job and then coast the rest of my professional life#is only a good idea if the world stays functional and i live until. idk. 50 or 60 i think would make it worth it#im just so jealous of people who dont have to financially support their family. i didnt pick this. i dont want this#nobody around me gets it either. nobody i know is in this situation#every time somebody tells me to slow down or take a break i want to kill them. like im an only child and my parents are aging#they do not have retirement savings. ​there is a very real ticking clock for me to hit an income level to keep the 3 of us going#part of me wishes i were irresponsible and could just. do what i want until it blows up in my face#but im too serious im too cautious im too risk averse im too pragmatic#so here i am. spending my 20s ignoring any and all personal enjoyment in favour of Building My Future#i dont think life ends at 30 or anything. if i knew the world was going to be okay i wouldnt worry so much#but i cant shake the belief that we’re headed for a societal collapse in my lifetime. likely when i’m middle aged.#i dont want to be a doomer but what the fuck is the point of it all. why am i doing this if not to set myself up for the next 60 years#freewheeling bitextual
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whumpitisthen · 7 months
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Next chapter of Auden's story is written!!!! Once i edit it you will get to see just how powerful His Majesty is, a tiny bit of how humanity survives through literal Hell
and a little bit of Grim being a nuisance, as per usual, because he is important to me and a bastard
We'll get back to Auden after this it's kinda weird how it's his story and he hasn't been here for two chapters............ Dont you worry the angel boi will continue being harmed and traumatised :3 i just had to introduce our whumpers properly
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alternis · 11 months
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why the fuxk did my dream make fun of disney adults for half the runtime
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peapod20001 · 1 year
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I actually do have very complex thoughts about many different things, it’s just a bit challenging to connect the inner voice to the outer voice sometimes </3
#random post#I have SO many thoughts and ideas. I love to create and I love to build on what I have and I like to connect to existing things#there is lots of oc lore in my brain! it graces my blog sometimes. not always. it’s hard to put abstract feeling and thought into words#and it’s challenging trying to find the best place to start talking about things yknow? like I as the creator of this whole unique universe#pretty much already know how things end up. how they’re going. how it started. some are easier to know than others. but that doesn’t stop me#from trying create for it. or searching for the missing piece to start the domino effect of development and fulfillment#it’s hard to see where the pieces fit sometimes. but getting a new angle or changing something about the piece can make finding where it#belongs easier. this is what I mean when I say I have very intricate and complicated thoughts. not spending too long writing my sentences or#overthinking them helps to keep things as they are in my head. since I’m not filtering them into something almost unrecognizable#writing a paper in a single sitting in a set time really helps me produce a unified and intricate product. I’ve been told I write well#which I find mildly humorous. I’ve never been a writer by choice really. I’m an artist that works with a physical visual piece rather than#letters that convey meaning. I’m more of a thinker than a writer. but in some instances they’re one in the same. I’m rambling but y’all know#that about me by now I’m sure hahagahaha. yea. my OCD makes me spend too long on words and that’s why I always talk in a short way#a more simplistic way. leaves less room for the mind to pick out flaws if everything is flawed on purpose yknow? haha yea. I like me yknow?#and other people like me too! that will never cease to surprise and amaze me haha. I’m one of those people that has an easier time with#people different from themselves. the people I’ve known and spoke to throughout my life are so very different from me. but they all feel#comfortable to share their experience with me. a lot of these people on paper would be ones I’d try to avoid I guess. differing opinions and#world views yknow? but the way I am. gives people comfort I’ve found. I’m not bragging about that it’s just interesting. it’s the same with#my whole household like we meet people that are like. idk a good descriptor but they’re very set in a specific way. and then we just?? they#like us?? idk it’s just funny to think about my dad getting along with legit crazy people or my mom being the person who’s the favorite of#the least liked / polite person in the office. or my brother and sister being very well liked in their schools but are just average students#who aren’t trying to be more than kind. or when I as myself. with the thoughts and opinions I have. am able to get along with anyone I#come across. I’m really not trying to be bright about that I’m just an. empath? I guess? I’m just very nice to people and meet them at their#level and don’t try steering the conversation to smth bad or controversial. but even then people will still talk to me and like me cus I’m#not putting them down or hating on them for how they think and feel. I listen. I can understand them. not agreeing with their views doesn’t#mean I can’t get why people think or feel how they do. I try to not be biased or entirely antagonist to things different than me#I’ve gone my whole life not understanding a lot of things. and over time I’ve learned them. I go into experiences with people like that#I may not understand yet. but I’ll learn to. that’s probably the main reason why people feel comfortable around me. that and also I have#a smile pretty much always lol. I’m small and non threatening lookin with a single dimple on the cheek and eyes so dark you could see the#faintest light reflected in them. anyways I have gone into several different directions with this and kinda lost the main point I was making
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floral-hex · 1 year
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no see I WILL write something eventually, I haven’t been putting it off, I’ve just been uhhhhh cultivating the story for a couple of years yeah yeah
#stop cultivating and start harvesting idiot#no but I CAN’T write until I have at least a dozen books of story ready to go#how am I supposed to foreshadow anything if I don’t know what’s going to happen 500 chapters later???#how am I supposed to write a character even a minor one if I don’t have their entire future backstory and parent’s backstory planned out??#I can’t worldbuild unless I plan out all of the major cities including their political systems religions economy food production trade etc#also I just don’t want to sit down and write#so I just sit an worldbuild in my head all day#I have been for like two years now this is the longest I’ve seriously ‘worked on’ (ie daydreamed) a story in my head#and it’s really cliche and has a billion well worn tropes but it’s like… this is my comfort world building#and by comfort I mean really kinda fucked up world but whatever every edgelord or loser with an over active imagination has one#I need to read more people’s uhh… like.. not published authors… like tumblr users writing or whatev. like what is it called ao3? that stuff#not to be negative to them or anything but to like hype myself up#like see you don’t have to be a big named author to put your mind out there#I’m just kind of babbling here#suddenly reminded that a book I like John Dies At The End was originally released chapter by chapter online#so like… you don’t have to be like ‘this has to be put out whole in one book to be real writing’#I just need to write for fun but im a very shy boy 🥺#im fucking 34 im not a little boy I have to remind myself#anyway… if any mutuals read this much and you write online you should message me something you have that you like so I can read it#and I’ll be extra sweet and supportive and happy bc you’ll be helping me and I’ll get to support you#or whatever. I dunno. this is dumb. I’m sorry for wasting your time! jeez!#you can ignore this#text
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springcatalyst · 2 years
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*banging on your door* I'D LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT JULIAN, LILIANA, UND BROOKE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
What are their final thoughts in the dark silence of night before they sleep? How do they sleep?
How do they choose their clothes when purchasing and dressing?
What is a fear that they cannot pull themselves away from? They need it, and they hate it.
OMG HELLO HI HELLOOOOOOOO i am taking ur coat like a victorian gentleman and inviting u inside.  These are so specific and dramatic i love
AHEM
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Sleep, rather, the moments right before it, is when a person is at their truest.  You can’t really hide from it.  So those final thoughts are typically a lens into the basal forms that make up a character.
Liliana is a character that’s very true, very genuine, so her sleeping mind doesn’t show much that you wouldn’t expect, because there’s not a lot that she hides, at least not from herself.  She’s obsessive: stuck (though ‘stuck’ implies that she’s here by some force other than her own) in this quest that she’s been trailing for years, getting closer but not in any way that’s tangible.  She goes to sleep with ‘what next’ floating around in her skull, and dreams of a goal reached.  And she sleeps like the dead, but only because she puts it off for as long as she can.  Not that she avoids sleep itself, though, rather she stays up and works until she can’t stay upright anymore.  She is laser-focused, set on her task.  It can benefit her, in certain conditions, but mostly it leaves her running on so little sleep she has trouble functioning. Her being a satyr means her sleep schedule doesn’t quite align with a ‘typical’ one anyway, but she definitely fucks it more and also that’s not set in stone atm.
Julian, on the other hand, is a liar and he hides just about everything about himself, including from himself.  Julian and Liliana are similar in a lot of ways but this is not one of them.  So his unconscious truth doesn’t always align with what he appears to be.  It’s careful.  It’s somatic: a sort of ‘is the door locked is the knife within reach is the cane by the bed,’ but it’s also theoretical: more a ‘who here do I trust (in the most basic sense of the word) or who do I watch out for.’  He absolutely is the impulsive asshole he looks like, but the little bit of careful caution that remains beneath plays a role in his continued safety (relatively speaking).  Julian is also a pretty light sleeper, growing up with five siblings (lmao) there’s a good amount of noise in the mornings or if something is wrong at night, so he’s just kind of grown accustomed to waking up, even if it’s that barely-awake state, to evaluate the noise.  And he rises with the sun- mostly old habit, but it’s also convenient for guaranteeing some time unobserved, for safety or just for some quiet.
Brooke is different in that the thing that follows her into sleep isn’t as much a thought as it is a feeling.  Brooke spends a lot of time busy, not necessarily with the intent of keeping her mind securely in the present, but that’s the effect it has, no matter.  So when she isn’t doing something- following or fighting or helping or hurting -she gets that little moment of quiet calm and it’s occupied by guilt.  The weight of it kind of lingers above her, the knowledge of what she was a part of, the remembrance of what she’s constantly trying to undo.  Brooke lives in the shadow of a debt to repay, and it catches up to her when she has a moment of still.  She is an uneasy sleeper, heavy to the ongoings of the waking world, but she rarely sleeps straight through the night, nevertheless.  She doesn’t dream, just wakes with the feeling that she did, even as it evades her. 
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I feel like this is already so long and that’s just the first thing but like, you gave me the opportunity so I’m taking it <3.  Choice of fashion is a little less dramatic but I’m sure I’ll find a way to make it anyway.  Clothing basically serves three functions: utility, expression, and comfort.  For the sake of character designs I usually focus on the first two unless it’s particularly relevant, which it isn’t for these three so much. 
Brooke is mostly utility.  She has casualwear, of course, but honestly I haven’t really designed much of it and usually just draw her in her armor.  Which is pretty obviously utile, but it’s also familiar.  She keeps this leather armor, embossed around the edges (that I’ll actually design and make mean something eventually but... not yet apparently) and either similar or just the same to the kind she wore with her family, their guild.  Familiar isn’t always a good thing, but it’s all she knows.  If I’m being real she’s still being developed, especially storyline specifics, so not a lot is decided.  I’ve thought about switching around the colors, the blue I typically give her can be a changed version, removed from its ties to before, which was maybe a gold or a purple, something more implicative of importance.  Or of having her rid herself of the armor completely, so caught up in breaking her bonds that she makes herself vulnerable... but I’m a little too attached to how the armor looks... basically, she’s just balancing the safety of utility with the unrest of something recognizably hunter. 
Liliana is mostly expression.  She doesn’t need anything particular from her clothes, so chooses what makes her feel good.  Nothing too extravagant, because she is still wrecking shit and needs to not be hindered by what she’s wearing, but she dresses to look good and be scary, when the need arises.  She wears dresses and skirts despite the fact that, as a satyr, she really doesn’t... need to?  Because satyrs, post-cataclysm, live closely tied with humans in particular, though fauns as well, depending on locale, and as such have absorbed some social elements of theirs- like clothing and gender norms.  She abides by those norms, gender in particular (to a certain degree), not because she has to but because she wants to- because, you know, trans.  She carries a good amount of things with her on average- swords and knives and lockpicks and money and various other whathaveyous -but rarely carries them all at once, taking them on or off her person whenever she thinks she may or may not need them, but her belt remains on no matter, because that’s what she needs to have any of them at all.  Her compass, too, stays on her at all times, but that’s more sentimentality than use. 
Julian is a bit of both, but with him, a lot of the expression melts over into utility.  The puffy shirts, while inherently pirate out-of-universe, are conveniently the opposite of form-fitting.  They make him look bigger than he is like a cat puffing out, but also hide, you know, trans.  Typically they’re white or otherwise lightly colored, because it’s cheap and function-over-form, but later era when he’s particularly full of himself he trends towards darker colors and black.  Black, as a dye, is expensive to make, so wearing it is a way of making it clear that he is either important or dangerous or both- he strives to command respect or fear and it doesn’t always matter which.  Julian, like Liliana, also carries some stuff with him, but the difference is that he has less, and so almost always has all of them.  The exception is his sword, which is bulky enough to always have that unless he for sure needs it, he’ll leave it in favor of a knife (or two, counting the one in his cane).  And because his right hand is typically occupied by his cane, his things are all strapped to his left, another reason he doesn’t always carry the sword- it gets in the way.  Finally, depending where storyline-wise he is, he wears a couple little gold earrings- mark of a pirate.  Been considering having it be a status thing, too: one for crewmate, two for first mate, three for captain, or something similar. 
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Fear is a really interesting one.  I dig where you’re going with it, and I’m sure I’m about to exhibit some mental illness, but like, fear is possibly one of the most important things in a character, because it’s what’s really behind at least 90% of a characters’ motivations, isn’t it?
Gotta start with Julian for this one.  He is afraid of a thousand entwined things in a way he will never admit and might not even be aware of.  The way he is perceived is so important to him that he lives with the constant threat of what he’s built for himself being taken away.  He’s so... I can’t call him exactly fake, because it’s not all false... he’s so constructed.  Everything he is, is exaggerated.  He is angry, and impulsive, and fast and rude and detached, but the way those things are presented is curated to be viewed in the way that he wants it to be.  And because of that, because everything he is is built on a not-quite-lie not-quite-truth, he runs the risk of having it all crash down around him.  That’s what follows him: the fear of being seen past it all, because he thinks that with that, he’ll end up right back where he was before.  Not to be too insane but in my silly little character.doc that I have for fun there’s this segment that’s pretty much what I just said:
He is afraid of no longer being taken seriously
He is afraid of losing the image he has created
He is afraid of trust being broken and secrets getting out
He is afraid of being patronized or the subject of pity
He would have you believe he is afraid of nothing
Liliana, now that I’m thinking about it, is actually pretty similar to him.  I didn’t even do this one on purpose oops.  Her difference, though, is that what she is isn’t fake.  She has this legacy, this name, that she reigns- people know of her, she commands that same respect or fear that Julian has to try so hard to.  Part of that, though, is taken from her.  She has her... I don’t want to call it a birthright, because that sounds entitled, but she has her birthright, then it’s stolen from her, and she rebuilds it even as she is on a hunt to reclaim it.  And so her fear stems from the possibility of failure.  If she never reaches her goal, if she truly loses what should never have been taken in the first place, then it’s all been for nothing, not only her work, but her father’s.  And the longer she goes without reaching that finish line, the more she is afraid of ‘what if it’s too late’ and ‘maybe it’s already over.’  Because her failure is also his, what she’d lose is also his, and that’s worse than if she just failed herself, because she feels the need to honor what he built, what he left, and what he was, in his absence.
Brooke is afraid of exactly what you’d expect.  A thousand what you’ve done’s follow her.  She terrified of never making it right, of the possibility of her wrongs being something that she never can make right.  She made a vow and she intends with all her being to keep it, but there is no endgoal, there is no ‘finished.’  It’s constant, and as such the constant threat of failure, of breaking that promise, whether by action or inaction, stays with her.  She lives with it for so long that it begins to leech into her, more than it already was, so it becomes what drives her.  But also... it’s what’s always driven her.  For a long time, she’s driven more by what’s behind her than what’s before her, and all that does is make her steep in this guilt and fear, fighting for a repentance that she doesn’t even know if she deserves. 
-
Okay I’m done being insane now, I hope my fucked up little guys provide enrichment to your enclosure but either way you’ve given me the GIFT of LETTING ME BE ANNOYING so THANK U AGAIN BESTIE. KISSING U KISSING U KISSING U KISSING U K
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termagax · 27 days
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sighs. yk i dont think it was anything they were ever planning on but i do think they would at least have had a conversation like "do you ever think about getting married" and i wonder how that would go for them
#in my mind hed bring it up and word it in a vague sort of way and theyd be like. what like to you? and hed go no... just like... in general#<- big fat liar#because i dont think it was ever something he really thought he wanted from his life like at all for a lot of reasons#but mainly i just dont think he ever saw it happening because he doesnt really. care about people like that.#like i think by the time they met hes been alone for so long and he more or less likes it that way so he just kind of figured this was it#and while i think they wouldnt have been against the idea entirely its not smth they were thinking about until he brought it up#mostly because theyre just here to have a good time and piss off their parents. but once he brings it up theyre just like oh. yeah.#i do really like him and ive put so many things in my life on hold to be with him. why shouldnt i want to marry him#and clearly he wants to marry me or he wouldnt have brought it up so we're basically going to get married and its going to happen#and this is my forever guy YAAYYY. and well we saw how that went for them right#i do think they build it up in their head way more as an inevitability that theyre gonna be with him forever right. theyre young and stupid#and they like him so much its not even funny and they really do just. abandon the rest of their life. they have no plans#with hog its like. he loves them probably more than hes ever really loved anybody but in his mind this is a thing that can only ever end bad#theyre young and stupid and will get over him or worse hes gonna be the kind of man he is and fuck it up in some way. he sees hurting them#as inevitable because he just sees himself as someone who can only ever hurt people#so when he leaves it feels like the best choice. it was only a matter of time anyways right might as well rip the bandaid off and let them#go home and move on. but for them its like. the world is ending and *their* whole world just walked out on them. after years of everyone#in their life telling them they couldnt and shouldnt do this. and theyre mad as fuck about it and what are they gonna do?#go home and admit they fucked up? that they screwed over their whole future for a boy that didnt even like them?#after everything theyve done for this place? no absolutely not theyre gonna go get him and drag his ass to the altar wthr he likes it or not#🐟
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seonghwaddict · 6 months
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save a horse, ride your best friend — song mingi
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in which your best friend can’t believe you’ve never ridden a dick before, so he takes it upon himself to teach you.
best friend!song mingi x fem!reader. requested by anon. genre. slight fluff. smut. best friends to friends with benefits. warnings. explicit sexual content mdni, inexperienced!reader, thigh riding, fingering, use of a dildo, big dick!mingi, multiple orgasms, unprotected, creampie, swearing, nicknames (baby, angel, pretty). wc. 4k. rating. mature.
lilo’s notes. this was requested a while ago but i’ve been putting it off because… i’ve never written anything about toys being used so uh, i was worried about the pacing and stuff. i wasn’t sure if you meant for them to be in an established relationship, so i went for the fwb route. IMPORTANT!!!! i lost access to my google account bc of a stupid mistake, if you sent in a request through my google form and would still like me to see it, please send it as an ask <33 i remember a few of them, but do send yours in just in case!!
listening to. need to know, doja cat // if u think i’m pretty, artemas // moonlight, kali uchis
masterlist.
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it was a regular saturday evening. you were on a video call with your best friend, mingi, talking about anything that came to mind as you each ate a bowl of ramen as if you were really in the same room. he really only lived a couple buildings away, a two minute walk at most, but actually joining you in your apartment didn’t cross his mind until something interesting was brought up.
you weren’t sure what led to the conversation, but somehow it steered into the direction of something less innocent as you found yourself talking about an embarrassing date you’d gone on a while ago. recounting the story, laughing together, soon turned into a conversation about what each of you like in bed.
“oh, it’s just amazing,” mingi laughed as he gulped down a mouthful of water, momentarily pausing his rambling about how much he loves it when someone rides his dick. he ran a his hand through his short, washed-out pink hair, “honestly, my favourite thing ever since it probably feels just as good for whoever is, y’know, riding.”
based on everything he’s said so far, you came to the conclusion that he was more into giving than receiving, that he got off on seeing all the pleasure he can give his partner. so, it made sense he’d choose to mention the fact that riding him would feel good. not that you would know.
“can i admit something?”
he looked up from his bowl, sharp eyes looking almost hopeful as he nodded.
you looked around your kitchen jokingly, pretending to make sure no one sense was listened as you leaned closer a whispered, your hand cupping the side of your mouth.
“i’ve never done that before.”
his jaw dropped at that, letting out a small laugh. “you’re kidding.”
“no, really,” you insisted, going back to eating casually as if you were having the most normal conversation in the world with your best friend, “i really haven’t done… much, so i can’t confirm or deny your theory.”
“huh.” he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms as he thought for a moment. his head tilted and it was then that you felt how warm your cheeks felt, how your thighs were pressed together under the counter. of course, he was well aware of the fact that you had much less experience than him, only knowing about two people you had slept with. but damn. he clicked his tongue and shook his head ever so slightly. “that won’t do.”
furrowing your eyebrows, you opened your mouth to ask him what he had meant by that. he beat you to it before you could get a word out.
“i can… teach you, if you want?”
you blinked at your screen, resting your wrist on your countertop and gripping your chopsticks a little too hard. a silence followed his offer, though it wasn’t awkward. in fact, he could see you genuinely considering it as you thought it over. eventually, you gave him a tiny nod.
“i mean,” you shrugged, shifting your eyes away shyly, “sure, i guess. why not?”
he grinned, trying to hide it as he shoved a mouthful of noodles into his mouth and shoved his bowl aside. he chewed, swallowed then got up and made sure to bring his phone with him. you recognised his hallways then bedroom as he walked through his apartment. “i’ll be there in like 15, i need to buy something on the way. just wait there, and where something comfortable and… um, accessible.”
you nodded, despite your confusion, and he hung up. accessible? you looked down at your clothing—or rather, lack thereof. since you were home and not expecting anyone, you’d settled on wearing just a shirt you stole from mingi that was too large for him and much larger for you, and panties. you lifted the hem of the worn shirt, assessing how much of your dignity you’d lose if he saw your pink hello kitty undergarments that you only wore if you were doing laundry.
you could already hear him giggling at the sight.
groaning and cursing under your breath, you dropped the shirt and sped to your bedroom to dig through your closet in hopes of finding something a little more appealing. after making a mess of one of your closet’s drawers, you finally pulled out a pair of less offensive panties. they were made of soft cotton; a muted light blue with thin white lace trim, the cut shaped more like a bikini than what you call your grandma underwear.
deciding they were flattering enough, you slipped off your hello kitty pair—ignoring the embarrassing amount of wetness creating a wet patch right where it was pressed against your core—and replaced it with the new pair. as you untwisted the waistband and adjusted it to fit properly, your doorbell rang and you froze on the spot before pulling yourself together and heading to open the door.
the walk to the door felt abnormally long as you stumbled over on wobbly knees. admittedly, you were a little nervous. sure, there have been times where you wanted to do some more than friendly activities with mingi, but you never actually thought it was happen. yet here you were, opening the door for him so he could come in and show you what being a cowgirl feels like.
“hey,” he greeted you softly, stepping into your home and closing the door behind him. you noticed a small plastic bag in his hand, eying it curiously as you watched him kick off his shoes and hang up his coat. once that was of the way, he took one of your hands in your free one and pulled you to where he knew your bedroom was.
once there, he set the bag down on your bedside table and dragged you to stand between his knees as he took a seat on the edge of your bed. he looked you over, lingering on the familiar t-shirt.
“so you’re the one that took this shirt, huh?” he quirked an eyebrow, glancing up at you as he released your hand and brought both of his to your hips. his thumbs caressed the curve of your waist over the shirt. “it was my favourite.”
you laughed softly, “clearly you didn’t care enough if i was able to keep it for three years without you noticing.”
“you little thief.” his nose scrunched as he glared at you jokingly, giving you a gentle squeeze.
“if you really want it back, you can always take it.”
“nah, it’s fine, keep it. it looks cuter on you anyway.” he took a breath and gave you another once over, humming appreciatively when he moved his hands up higher, dragging the shirt with it until he caught a glimpse of your panties. you tensed, caught off guard by how close he felt. “i need you to relax a little, how about i help you loosen up, yeah?”
you nodded, averting your gaze but returning it to him when you felt him pull you onto his lap. he slotted one of his legs between yours, easing you down to straddle his thigh. his hands ran up and down your sides and few times before resting on your bare thighs, your breath stuttered and he held back a smile.
“are you still okay with this?” he asked quietly, absentmindedly playing with the hem of his your shirt. “if i do anything that makes you uncomfortable, just tell me and i’ll stop immediately and we can just watch a movie or something, okay?” when you only nodded, he continued, “i need you to say it, please.”
“i’m okay with this,” you muttered in return, resting you hands on his biceps, “and i’ll let you know if i need you to stop.”
“good, now…” without waiting any longer, he leaned forward to attach his lips to your neck, his hands slowly beginning to rock you back and forth on his lap.
you sucked in a sharp breath and clung into his arms a little tighter, your stomach fluttering at the feeling of your clothed cunt on his firm thigh, your panties dragging against your clit with ease thanks to how wet you already were. he lifted you slightly as he pulled you towards him, pushing you down as he pushed, the varying pressure making your lips part in a soft whimper. he nearly groaned at the sound, moving his lips right below your ear.
“you know,” he rasped between the licks and kisses, “i can’t deny that i’ve wanted to fuck you for a long, long time now.”
“r-really?”
mingi chuckled as he pulled back to look at your face, half surprised and half needy. he noticed that if he relaxed his hands, you’d continue grinding against his thigh.
“yeah, really. i mean, look at you,” he glanced down, one of his hands lifting the hem of your shirt to watch you ride his thigh slowly, a dark wet patch forming right where your leaking pussy sat. he bit his lip, “you look so perfect… and i bet you’d feel perfect, too.”
you nearly whined at that, fucking yourself on his thigh just a little faster as he sucked a dark mark right above your collarbone before returning to mutter dirty words into your ear.
“i know practically everything about you and your cute little body, you know. better than anyone else,” one of his hands inched it’s way up your thighs, brushing against the edge of your panties, “i’ll make you feel so good, angel, i promise.”
“mingi?” you whimpered, prompting him to lean back a little to look at you with a curious tilt of his head and a raised brow. “if you don’t shut up and kiss me right now, i might lose my mind so… please.”
his beautifully plump lips stretched into a smile as he wasted no time in practically pouncing forward and smashing his lips against yours. it started a little slow as you got acquainted with each other, despite the fact you could feel a nearing orgasm as a knot in your stomach drew tighter with each roll of your hips, but soon the kiss turned hungry.
he groaned into your mouth as you let his tongue explore, making you let out a quiet moan. mingi knew he wouldn’t be able to kiss anyone ever again. you, his best friend of all people, had the most inviting lips he’s ever felt. so inviting, so perfect and so soft. he thought everything about was soft. his hand slipped just under the edge of your panties as his other one made your grinds slow down.
you didn’t mind the slow pace, knowing just a few more rocks of your hips would have you tipping over the edge. but he evidently had other plans as he finally made your hips still completely. you pulled away from his lips with a pout. if you were trying to make him feel bad, it backfired terribly.
all he could think of as he looks at your swollen, red, wet, pouty lips is how much prettier they’d look wrapped around his cock. but he could save that for another time.
“there’s no need to rush, baby,” he chuckled, wiping some saliva away from your bottom lip.
eventually, when he was sure you had calmed down enough, he lifted you off his lap a little and turned to lay you down on your back, pressed against the comfortable mattress as he kneeled on the edge. he gripped your knees and bent them, pushing them closer to your chest with his eyes zeroed in on where your slick was leaking through your panties.
with one hand keeping your knees together and elevated, he ran his other over the fabric, pressing down on where he knew your clot would be and elicit a sweet little moan as you squirmed beneath him. he thought you were so cute like this, you looked so flustered as he gave you nothing but featherlight touches where you needed him most. for now.
“don’t get all shy on me now,” he cooed as he glanced up and noticed you covering your face with your hands, “let me see you, pretty.”
he didn’t continue his touches until you finally removed your hands, giving him a nice view of your abused lips and round eyes, pupils blown wide with lust in a way that had something stirring in his abdomen. and his pants.
he let down your knees for a moment so both of his hands could slip under the waistband of your panties, slowly pulling them down your legs. he actually moaned when he saw the strings of arousal clutching onto the fabric as he dragged it away, snapping when he got too far.
“you’re so pretty, baby,” he murmured, watching your entrance squeeze around nothing, making more slick drip out.
after tossing it aside, he wasted no time in getting your knees back to the previous position and running his fingers through your folds.
“oh, fuck,” he groaned, eyes squeezing shut for a moment as you let out a moan when he tapped against your clit, “you’re soaked.”
he glanced up at you, wanting to see your face as he slowly pushed in too fingers and catching a glimpse of your hard nipples poking through your shirt. your face contorted for s fraction of s second before relaxing, your head tipping back against the mattress as you let out a whine.
he choked back a moan at the tight walls around his middle and ring fingers, the fingers of his other hand digging into your thighs. “sh-shit… you’re so tight. i’m gonna have to stretch you out first, okay?”
you nodded mindlessly, too distracted by his fingers prodding at your sweet spot to care about any words he may have said. but you furrowed your eyebrows and lifted your head when you felt both his hands leave you, finding him reaching for the bag. your curiosity outweighed your disappointment as he pulled something out.
it was a dildo. about as thick and long as the biggest person you had before, and made of what looked to be transparent silicon. your insides tightened at the sight, somehow the thought of him seemingly buying this just for you turning you on even more.
he returned to kneeling at the edge of your bed, leaning down to loop his arm around your waist and lift you up to place a pillow under your hips before letting lay back down.
“couldn’t find one my size, but this should be fine,” he held the dildo and ran the tip through your pussy, collecting wetness as you shuddered, “my cock will just have to stretch you the rest of the way.”
you breath hitched at the implication of his words. so he was bigger than that? your thighs pressed together at the thought of being completely stuffed by him. he chuckled, separating your knees enough for him to have a clear view of your pussy, pulsing and dripping and begging for his attention.
he began slipping the toy into you, filling you up inch by inch and watching your needy hole stretch around it and swallow it up. the sight had him choking back a moan, biting down on his bottom lip.
the stretch had your back arching and pushing yourself against it desperately, feeling like that alone could get you to finish. it only took a few deep strokes for your pussy to get used to the size, squeezing and writhing around it until you couldn’t handle it anymore. your arousal coated it quickly and seeped out with each stroke, squelching sounds filling the room that shot straight to his dick.
when you finally came, your toes curled and your body twitched as you let out a string of and whines and moans, little curses slipping between. he watched with fascination as you came undone right beneath him, not wanting to wait any longer to be inside you. he shoved the toy deep inside you, leaving it there as he leaned back for a moment to discard his clothes, slipping his hoodie and sweatpants off.
when you were brought back to your senses, you found yourself on his lap again, straddling his hips this time as he sat with his back against your headboard. you felt his erectile straining against his boxers and pressing against your core. you couldn’t help but rock your hips against his slowly.
“do you ever ride your pillow?” he asked suddenly, voice dropped what felt like two octaves lower than his regular tone. your eyes widened at the question but you nodded. he nodded too, his hands finding your ass and helping you grind against his clothes length. “this is a lot like that, except you have something in you… and it’s more of an up and down movement… and i’m obviously not a pillow… still, there’s really no right way to do it, just go slow and you’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t. plus, i’m here to guide you.”
he gave your ass a squeeze as if to punctuate his sentence, massaging the soft flesh in his palms. when you felt ready, you dropped your hands from his shoulders to his boxers, palming his length a few times before hooking your fingers into the fabric and dragging it down until his cock sprung out.
he definitely wasn’t lying when he said it would stretch you more than the already-big dildo. he was definitely a lot bigger than anyone else you’ve been with, well over average. you nearly dropped at the sight, wrapping your hand around him and jerking him off, eyes fixated on the angry red tip leaking precum as you passed your thumb over it.
the muscles of his abs rippled and squeezed as your worked your hands on his cock, his head thrown back against the headboard and letting out stuttering moans. all the sounds he made encourage you to sit up on your knees, guiding him through your folds and whimpering as you finally sank down on him carefully.
the two of you moaned at the same time, him at how well you squeezed around him and you at how well he stretched you. you stopped when you reached just halfway, unsure whether or not you’d be able to fit more. his hips jerked slightly as his hands squeezed your hips.
“come on, baby,” he moaned softly, looking up at you with encouraging eyes, “just a little more… we can make it fit, right? just breathe.”
you nodded and as you took a deep breath, he used his hold on your to sink you further down until he finally bottomed out. he cursed silently, the back of his head finding the headboard again as you whined and dropped yours onto his shoulder.
you felt his tip pushing against your cervix, the new feeling making a lump form in your throat as you blinked back tears. this time it took a while to get used to the stretch before you tried grinding back and forth. it was slow, almost painfully so. he was amazed that despite stretching you with two different things, you were still so unbelievably tight, hugging him in a death grip as your raised your hips an inch before dropping down again.
your soft noises were muffled by his shoulder as your hands rested on his biceps, panting and squeezing gently as every inch of him dragged against the sensitive spongy patch in your walls every time you grinded on him. soon enough you were able to lift yourself to his tip and drop all the way down, your wetness letting him slip in and out with ease.
still, you kept the pace torturously slow, savouring each bounce and grind. his hands had left your hips at some point, exploring your body under your shirt, massaging your breasts and tweaking your nipples. he lifted the fabric but kept it on your as he watched your tits bounce temptingly, your puffy pink nipples making his mouth water as he pushed himself forward to take one into his mouth.
your hips stuttered as he sucked and nibbled at your nipples, throwing your head back and arching into his touch as your grinds grew sloppy. he felt your decreasing pace, using the hand that wasn’t teasing your other breast to guide your hips once more. he angled you slightly differently in a way that made your clit press against his pelvis each time he bottomed out, the speed of your grinds picking up quickly as his hips bucked up to meet yours.
his lips detached from your bruised breasts with a popping sound as he leaned up to capture your lips in his once again. it wasn’t much of a kiss, more teeth and tongue and moans and groans than anything else as you swallowed each other’s sounds.
you finished first, pushing yourself down hard and stilling, filling yourself with his throbbing cock and pressing your clit against him. he held you tightly, burying his face in your neck to suck at all the spot he knew would get your to writhe. many tickling fights contributed to his knowledge on all your sensitive spots.
your body twitched as you returned to bouncing on his length, your juices looking at his base. the overstimulation burned a little, making your thighs and knees quiver, but you were determined to get him to finish too. and by the looks of it, it shouldn’t take much longer.
“shit, baby,” he said, halfway between a whimper and a moan, fingertips digging into your hips as he threw his head back in bliss, “‘m so close— fuck, you feel s-so good.”
his chest rose and fell with shallow breaths, bottom lip caught between his teeth. his cheeks and the tip of his ears flushed a deep red, his plush lips a few shades darker and coated in your mixed saliva from your kisses. as you adjusted the angle of your hips, something in him snapped, grabbing your hips tighter and taking over. he took over your movements, thrusting his hips up desperately as you fell forward onto his chest with the sudden change in intensity. his tip pushed itself against your g-spot continually, another knot tightening in your stomach.
the wet sounds of your cunt and your skin slapping against his egged him on until finally he felt like he couldn’t hold back any longer.
“baby, p-please— fuck— please, can i cum i-inside you?” he begged through a groan, “i— please, angel, i-i can’t wait any longer.”
you nodded against his chest with a whine, you were on the pill anyway. not a second later, he released into you, filling you up with stuttering hips. he pulled you down, flush against him and keeping you there as he emptied himself with softly muttered curses, his head dropping to press open-mouthed kisses to your shoulder.
it felt new to you, the warmth making you squirm until you came again without warning. it was much weaker this time but still enough to make you shake in his arms, panting softly after letting out a strangled moan against his skin.
after a few long moments of trying to recover from the shared orgasm, he lifted his head, one of his hands cupping your chin to tilt your head to look at him.
“so,” he started, lips stretched into a smile, “how’d that feel?”
“fucking amazing.” you rolled your eyes at how smug he looked after your confession, not protesting as he leaned forward to kiss you.
this one was much softer than the previous kisses you shared, much more tender. it was a lot shorter too, he pulled away first to rest his forehead against yours.
“yeah?” he whispered, kissing the corner of your lips, “just wait until i hit it from the back.”
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networks. @cromernet @wonderlandnet @cultofdionysusnet @pirateeznet
permanent taglist. @ad0rechuu @sankatchu @mlink64 @yeosangsbb @seonghwasbbgirl @likexaxdaydream @dreamingofyeo @yalyallic @yunhoswrldddd @coffee-addict-kitten @thunderous-wolf @chngbnwf
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neverendingford · 11 months
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#tag talk#vent#idk. I've been dissociating worse than normal recently. leaving the stove on. forgetting to clock out at work.#I've caught myself spacing out more. staring at the same place and I know how long it's been because I look back through my music queue#I'll flip back five songs until I finally find one I remember listening to. I can't do anything without constant music or other audio#I feel like I'm not myself. or.. idk. not in my body. and I don't know who's piloting it. we're both tired and dead.#I don't know what autopilot program is running this body but it's not very good.#I keep realizing that time is passing but I'm not the one spending those minutes#I'm afraid to drive anywhere because I don't know if I can safely drive. I've just been so faded into the background#I just. idk. this stress is fucking me up and I need to keep moving forward I need to keep moving forward I need to keep moving forward I n#but everything is so hard everything takes so long everything is going to be so much more work#and I keep fighting the trained bit in my head that keeps reminding me how well we slept the day after I drained my blood into the tub#how empty and clear my head was in the three days I recovered from opening myself up#I want to be back there. a closed environment. no more worries about my responsibilities.#to be fair. I did spend a pretty bad night with panic attacks and flashbacks and shit so I shouldn't idealize it so much#yeah. hmmmm. I think I've done my best to not think about. but it wasn't all That great#idk. I just. I'm so distant right now. the input lag is hard to work with. I'm zooming in just to see anything.#I'm traveling backwards at constant acceleration and yet somehow I'm still present in the world#my ears drone and the pressure builds in the back of my head but I still have work tomorrow and I can't afford to die#I have too many things to do and I know I will feel better in a few weeks#but also. Christmas is coming up. religious trauma is gonna be a constant zap in my brainstem until January#I was gonna rip a new one but I decided to shower first And Then do it but I lost motivation after the shower so uh I guess I've healed?#like. I just... don't wanna anymore. which is a testament to my recovery over the past five years I suppose.#idk. I'm gonna make it through but I'm not gonna be happy about it
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s0dium · 5 months
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Douchebag
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A/n: This is honestly the BEST fic I've ever written! I took a lot from prompts I found on this site and the smut scene is inspired from a book called "The Kiss Quotient." (It was just so damn good). This fanfic is also inspired by my original fanfic, "Douchebag" Tengen x Reader. ALSO, I AM WORKING ON YUTA FICS, SO DON'T WORRY! Word count: 3.5k
Synopsis: Gojo Satrou was a man of many things. It would be hard to find anyone in the jujutsu world who hadn’t heard of his name before, whether that be through his many wins in battle or his reputation as an A-class player. Some describe him as eccentric, and others (mostly girls) describe him as irresistible. You? Well, you on the other hand would describe him as nothing else than an utter, complete,  douchebag. Warnings: Enemies to lovers,  teasing, fingering, intense kissing for a sec, squirting, use of pet names, belly bulge, cervix fucking, breeding kink, virgin!reader, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, choking ~
You scoffed, watching through the classroom window as a clearly frustrated old man stormed out of the building, no doubt a higher up. No doubt the work of Gojo Satoru. "God I hate him." You hissed, turning to face a dozing-off Shoko and your other friend Haibara. The classroom you sat in was almost empty, bathed in the soft light of midday filtering through large windows. Sparse shadows stretch across the well-worn wooden floor. Rows of desks, mostly unoccupied, face a dusty chalkboard at the front. "Who Satoru?" Shoko yawned, leaning into the palm of her hand to face you. Haibara lets out a loud chuckle. "Why? Because he's an ass to higher-ups?" He nods to the window and you click your tongue against the rough of your mouth. "No, it's because he is an ass in general. His whole 'holier than thou' attitude, and don't get me started on the way he treats girls." You practically shiver as you remember the time you saw some poor girl from Kyoto Jujutsu High profess her love to the white hair man, only to run away sobbing. "I swear to god it's like he expects us to kiss the floor that he walks on, he's.... infuriating" "Who's infuriating?" Oh god, you knew that stupidly deep voice anywhere. You whipped around to find yourself face to face with the very tall white-haired man you were talking about; a shit-eating grin spread across his infuriatingly handsome face.
“You couldn't be talking about me, could you?” Satoru's voice dripped faux shock and you rolled your eyes.
“Well you know what they say, speak of the devil and he shall appear.” You spat.
“That must be why you love using that pretty mouth of yours to talk about me so much.” Satoru lowered himself to close the provoking height difference between the two of you until your noses were inches away from touching. “Cause ya love having me around  doncha.”
In that moment you have to conjure up every ounce of self-restraint to not spit in his face there and then, and luckily your friends catch the drift. "Hey Satoru! What are you doing here?" Perked up Haibara who reached out his hand to dap Gojo up. "Well, Suguru and I are heading for a night out today, small club, and I thought, out of the kindness of my heart," You scoff and Gojo merely grins and continues, "I'd invite you all. Drink on me of course." As Satrou's invitation lingered in the air, you noticed Shoko's ears perk up. Her curiosity was piqued, a subtle lift of her eyebrows betraying her interest. You bit your tongue, the taste of reluctance sharp against your teeth. The idea of going anywhere with Satrou was far from appealing, but knowing your friends might join made it harder to outright refuse.
You crossed your arms defensively, leaning back slightly as you fixed Satrou with a skeptical look. "And why would you want me there?"
Satrou's lips curled into a half-smirk, his eyes lighting up with a mischievous glint."You're annoying, I'll give you that," He took a casual step closer, and leaned in closer, his voice lowering to a conspiratorial whisper, "but I never said you weren't fun."
His words, intended to irk you, did their job well. You glared at him sharply, the frustration evident in your furrowed brows and the hard set of your jaw.
Satrou chuckled.
“Great, I’ll take that as a yes then, I'll text you guys the details.” He turns around to walk out of the classroom. “See you guys there!”
There was a silence as you all watched Satrou walk away before Haibara turns to look at you. “So are you going to go y/n? Come on it will be so much fun!”
“Yeah no way in hell.”
~ You were a liar. You were a liar because here you were, leaning over the counter of a bar in a club that was far from "small." The nightclub was a pulsing, chaotic hive of activity. Neon lights flashed in syncopation with the deafening throb of electronic dance music that shook the very air. The club was jam-packed with bodies moving rhythmically, the heat from the mass of humanity palpable as the scent of sweat and sweet perfumes mingled. The bar surface was sticky under your arms, and the occasional spill from a too-hastily poured drink added to the chaos of sounds and smells around you. You lazily stirred the thin red straw into your drink, trying to politely ignore the creep who wouldn't stop talking to you.
Somehow, in the maze of gyrating bodies and blinding strobe lights, you had lost both Shoko and Haibara, leaving you stranded at the mercy of this clueless conversationalist. Despite the roar of bass and the chatter of dozens of conversations, his words seemed to bore into your ears, relentless and unyielding. He leaned in closer than necessary, trying to make himself heard over the club's cacophony, not realizing or perhaps not caring, that you were more interested in plotting an escape than in anything he had to say. "And might I say you look gorgeous tonight." It took everything you had not to scoff at this creep's words, but before you should shut the man down, you felt an arm wrap around you. "Everything alright love?" Oh god. You knew that voice anywhere. As you turned, you were met by Satrou's piercing blue eyes, their color vivid even behind stylish rectangular sunglasses. The multicolor flashing lights overhead caught in the threads of Satrou’s light blue button-up, making it shimmer subtly, and the fabric clung just right to his broad shoulders and tapered waist, hinting at the well-defined physique beneath. You hated the fact that your brain immediately noted how damn good he looked. His arm was wrapped around your waist drawing you close and you had to bite your tongue from frowning at the pet name he had given you As he leaned in, his voice was low, a soft murmur over the noise of the club, "This guy bothering you baby?" His tone was teasing, and you could detect the challenge in it, as if daring you to admit that his closeness and pet names affected you just as much as he knew it did. "Of course I'm fine baby!" You smile brightly and for a second you think Satrou looked a bit taken aback. If playing along got you out of this situation so be it. "This guy, I'm sorry, what's your name?" You glance back at the creep who had turned bright red. "I'm sorry, excuse me." You watched as the man disappeared into the throng of the bustling crowd, your attention fixed until he was well out of sight. Only then did you turn back to Satrou, the false warmth on your face instantly transforming into a cold, hard glare.
"Thanks for that, but you can get your hand off me now," you said, your voice icy as you tried to wriggle out of his hold. Despite your efforts, Satrou’s grip on your waist remained firm, unyielding.
"And why should I? I think we made a fantastic couple," Satrou cooed, a teasing lilt in his voice. His eyes sparkled with amusement, clearly enjoying the moment far more than you.
You rolled your eyes, exasperation seeping through. "You really think I would fall for something like that?"
"Why? Did you?" he probed further, his smile widening, eyes searching yours for any sign of genuine affect. Anger started to boil up inside you as your attempts to escape his grasp remained futile.
"I don't think you understand the dynamic here very well, Satoru," you began, your voice low and deliberate, each word punctuated for emphasis. You stepped closer, invading his space as much as he had invaded yours, your eyes never leaving his. "Let me make this crystal clear, I'm not someone you can just fucking conquer, and I'm certainly not one of those girls who's gonna kiss the ground you walk on with your whole 'I'm the strongest' act," you seethed.
Your face was mere inches from his now, your breath mingling, the tension palpable. "Because I know what you really are, Satrou," you hissed, the anger in your voice barely contained. "You're a fucking douche bag." "Oh? Is that so."
Satrou's expression shifted subtly, the amusement fading into something more measured, more cautious. He studied you for a moment and you took the chance to wiggle out of his grasp and make your way through the crowd on the dance floor toward the door. The beat of the music pounds in your ears and throughout your body making your synapses jump like beans in a tin can. You can barely see the floor, only flashes of bodies you frantically tried to push past. Before you can make it to the back door, a hand grips your wrist tightly enough to halt your forward rush. Above the din of the pulsating music and amidst the strobe-lit shadows of dancing figures, Satoru's face comes into view. You feel your breath catch in your throat. God his is beautiful. Strobe lights catch and accent every one of his sharp features alighting them in a multicolor color hue. He pulls your wrist to him so you're close, too close. You can smell the old spice shampoo from his hair mixed in with some sort of sweet cologne. It's a smell that makes you want to bury your nose into him over and over again. "Jesus fucking Christ y/n" he breathed his eyes searching yours. "How long are we going to keep this thing of ours going?" You furrowed your eyebrows. “Our thing? What thing?”
“The thing where we act like we hate each other but actually want to fuck the brains out of each other.” Your eyes widen and you feel your face grow deathly hot. You try to step back, get some space, some room to breathe, but the hand on your wrist keeps you from doing so
“I-fuck you” the words come out of your mouth more soft and meager than you intended to, and you find yourself locked into his blue gaze.
“Believe me, I've thought about it.” His voice is low, and his face isn't painted with a shit-eating grin like it so usually is, he's serious and his eyes are soft. Fuck it. You can no longer hear the lyrics to whatever song was playing, only a soft dull hum of the beat in your ears. Immediately your lips are on his. The kiss is frantic, hot, messy. The club's pulse thrummed through you like a second heartbeat, the noise and chaos all but forgotten in the singular focus of his presence. You could feel one of his large hands on the small of your back, drawing you in until there was no space left between the both of you. Your mouths clashed against each other as if you were both seeking something vital, something long-denied. Satoru's lips were insistent against yours, moving with a fervor that matched the pounding bass surrounding you. You whined as his tongue slipped into your mouth, your hands tangling in his hair, pulling him closer. You could feel the heat radiating from his body, the firm press of his chest against yours. The scent of his cologne mixed with the smoky air around us, intoxicating and heady.
Your mouths separated with a soft pop, and Satoru is grinning while you're left dazed, breath heavy and chests rising and falling after it. "How bout you say we get out of here Princess."Gojo's voice was a low murmur, his breath warm against your ear as you broke from the intense kiss.
Before you could even respond, a dizzying rush enveloped you. The loud club vanished in an instant, replaced by the quiet, dimly lit ambiance of his bedroom. You were suddenly on his bed, the soft duvet beneath you a stark contrast to the hard dance floor we'd just left. Right, he can teleport. You forgot about that. Wait was he... where are you going to... Before you can get a word in, he’s once again engulfing your lips with his and pulling you into a feverish kiss in which the two of you can’t seem to get enough of each other. The moment one pulls away to breathe, the other is immediately searching for their lips again; intertwining tongues and teeth clashing together recklessly.
Your hot, everything is hot, your body is burning up by the second and there’s a sickly sweet feeling in your stomach that keeps on expanding as time passes. You whine into his mouth when you feel a hand slip under your skirt and lightly trace the outline of your slit with his index finger. You're painfully wet; your arousal has made a large spot on your underwear translucent. “Just touch me,’ you whined, arching impatiently against his hand. He couldn’t make either of you wait any longer. Slowly, he brought his middle finger down and slid it gently over her folds. You threw your head back. "Ahhhh, more please." He did it again, this time his fingertip slipping between and gathering your wetness. He parted you with two fingers. You let out a gasp when he hit your clit and started to rub it in small circles. You tried to say something, anything to explain how hot you were feeling right now, but your words were lost against his soft lips. The taste of him, the smell of him, the feel of him so close against you, skin to skin. Time and space had no meaning anymore. There was only you and Satrou.
“You feeling good baby? Satrou speaks slowly, breath on your neck and voice in your ear making you shiver. You bite your lip and nod like any words that came from you would ruin it. You almost wince when you feel two fingers slip into your tight hole. "Jesus, fuck. You gotta relax princesses." He chuckled, knowing far to well that the tightness was going to feel delicious around him. Two fingers worked into you, and your eyes rolled back into your head. He began a steady rhythm as his tongue nipped and sucked the tender skin of your neck. You couldn’t prevent her hips from rising to meet his thrusts. Oh God, you were riding his hand. That had to be bad. You told herself to stop. You couldn’t. Somehow, you found your hands tangled in his short white hair. Your body was coiled tighter, grasping at his fingers, so wet now you could hear the slippery sounds every time he drove back into you. "Hnghhh.... so good." You squeezed your eyes type, becoming focused on the tightening feeling of your core and the blossoming warm pleasure. Your legs started to tremble under the unbearable pleasure and your back arched against the bed as if your body was trying to escape the euphoric feeling that coursed through your skin. "That’s it, fuck, beautiful girl... such a natural submissive...." You want to tell him he's wrong, all this pleasure wasn't because of his egotistic ass, but it'd be a lie. And as if on command, all feelings come to a heightened crescendo; explosions of euphoria clouding your brain causing your toes to curl from pleasure and your body to shake like a leaf.
It takes a couple seconds after you calmed down to realize you squirted all over Satoru's hand and all blood rushes to your face turning you a bright red.
“Oh my god in so sorry I didn’t-”
Your voice dies out as you watch Satrou pull off his shirt, revealing his extremely built body and toned muscles, to wipe the liquid off his hand. You don’t even notice that he had pulled out his dick until you feel something pressing against your entrance, making you look down and your eyes widen as you do so. Your stomach inwardly twisted,  filled with the sickly excitement and your breathing started to quicken. "Shhhhh baby," Satoru cups your cheek and kisses your forehead. It was a sweet gesture despite everything happening right now, a gesture that made your heart swell and your mind yearn for Satoru. The stretch of his dick spreading your walls is insane. No amount of preparation could've prepared you for the length of Satoru's dick. You feel it heavy inside you and Satrou pushes into you until he can't push anymore, until his hips are flush against you and the tip of his length is smushed against your cervix. The pleasure of that alone felt numb, unbearable, you needed friction, you needed him to move. You practically faint when he first thrusts into you in earnest. It's euphoric; the curvature of his dick digging itself against your g-spot, scraping against your vaginal walls every time he backed his hips up. His cock pulsed inside of your silky walls, stretching you to the fullest capacity as he bottomed out again and again. "Oh fuck." Satrou groaned. He was no longer grinning, Satoru's playful resolves vanished and his smile quickly dropped. He knew you'd feel good, but he didn't expect how good you'd feel. The feeling of his hand he had fucked himself to the thought of you for so many nights was nothing compared to the real thing. It was too much, the feeling of your wet soft walls gripping him so tightly. How was he able to live without your pussy in the first place? The pleasure built rapidly, too potent, too insistent. He kneeled over you, a groan escaping his lips—a raw, primal sound that vibrated through the charged air between you. Satorus thrust your quick and hard, a clear display of strength and endurance he had gained from years of jujutsu training. "Been thinking about this, so long, bet you have to have ya~"
As Satrou's long, deliberate fingers encircle your neck, a thrilling chill races down your spine. He applies pressure gently at first, then with a firmer, insistent grip that gradually restricts your airflow, sending a wave of exhilaration through your senses. The world around you narrows, focusing intently on the point where his skin contacts yours, heightening every other sensation that courses through you. His other hand slips under your bra bra to grab and massage your breast, his thumb flicking over your nipples.
"Satoru..! Ahhhh..! I..I, fuckkkkk can't handle this.." You had no strength to answer him, only offering wanton moans in retort as he continued to wreck your body with his completely brutal thrusts. The pain of him hitting the tip of your cervix nearly every time mixed with his hand squeezing your throat it was just all too much.
Satoru. Satoru. Satoru
"Slow down.. please im gonna ahhhh~" Drool slipped passed your lips and you writhed and squirmed at the feeling of hot euphoria passed over your body in flesh arrow. "Gonna cum? Fuck baby, let's... let's come together m'kay?" Satrou almost stuttered. His body had kicked into autopilot, and a deep primal need for you settled in as he thrust in and out, creating a methodical rhythm that echoed in your ears. Your ankles lock around his lower back and you cry out when the head of his cock kisses your womb, your legs shaking as you feel yourself start to be thrown into an intense orgasm. You want to say something about the weird feeling in your stomach, how your skin is buzzing but it's all too much, and before you know it your tumbling toward the edge. It feels like your whole body was shot with electricity and color dances in your eyes as you float in ecstasy.
"Sh-Shit, shit, fuuuuck~" He chuckles into your ear, choking over his words as his hips sputter inside of you, hot cum fills you as much as you can hold inside of your stuffed cunny. Satoru doesn't pull out as you both come down from your high, instead watching you intently as you ride through the aftershocks of your orgasm. "Wanna do this again?" He chuckles.
"Fuck, yes, please."
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catcatb0y · 1 year
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It's that 'can't sleep, wanting to reach out to people' mood r n T×T
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