#i want to see his brain exploding in real time thinking abt all these things

[floorpancakes]

ok but im rly into the idea of till having a new era that brings the light back to his eyes and drives him forward if he gets to escape the arena. idk where he'd go from there but i want to see ivans sacrifice both haunt him and drive him to actually live his damn life after being the captured bird refusing freedom cause of mizi. once he knows she's alive with the resistance he might be able to actually experience other things and widen his world and if that happens and he puts his personal sense of rebellion towards the human cause OR settles into finding some other way to feel fulfilment that isn't a single person that could be deeply fascinating to me i think

[just-jordie-things]

spiderman fan anon here again who yapped abt how i think ur spideygumi fic is the literal greatest spidey au of all time.. sry i hope ur not tired of hearing abt it but i just reread the fic (again) and i cant stop thinking abt what mc and megumis development would be like from here… megumi is definitely not the typical peter-parker-type with his sense of justice (as one of his figures’ packaging hilariously summarizes “i save people unequally”) which has SOO much potential for a Good fucking hero story AND new relationship dynamic. like maybe megumi tries to become kind of a more “moral” hero on his own, but shit happens, maybe the govt or police are too corrupt and he realizes he can only trust himself to bring justice to the city, a more batman-like mentality. would mc have a problem with his morality and pull away? would she agree with it and help him as a journalist? would she disagree and give him the With great power Comes great responsibility spiel, leading to him growing into a more “true” spiderman-like hero? Idfk i do not write at all but i cant turn off my comics-loving brain with all this potential!!! i also dont mean to push u to write any of this but i had to talk abt it before i Exploded

the way i wanna make this fic a 5 movie franchise now becuz OMG THE AVENUES THIS OPENS UPPP

i am a marvel girl (sorry battinson baby even u aren't my fav) so i see spiderman!gumi having a deadpool mentality but without the mouth lolol

ok here's some very small thoughts i have about what a continuation in the story would've looked like:

he tries to find a mix between the public eyes' idea of the right thing and his version of the right thing but... dammit some people just gotta suffer a bit don't they?

he sees someone get a lil too harsh with a dog and he can't just give em a lil scare. next thing he knows they're beaten beyond recognition and webbed up to a wall for the police to deal with. fuck that guy, who hurts dogs??

when the news starts to call him things like menace and people start to wonder if he's not the altruistic hero they thought he was, megumi tries to balance between the different schools of thought of justice. he has you by his side, supporting him and wishing him all the best with being the best he can be...

so when some perp he's apprehending starts spouting off some real nasty shit, megumi tries to tell himself that prison will bring him to justice. over and over in his head he tells himself that he has to let some things go...

but damnit this bigoted asshole won't shut up and megumi just doesn't see how society could possibly function with pieces of shit like this roaming around. and no, when the guy's body goes limp after a swift ninety-degree head-spinning snap to the neck, megumi doesn't feel any regret. only relief that there's one less bastard in his city.

as for you, you've always trusted in spiderman. so you're learning to place your trust in megumi, too. you hate the rare occasion when he visits you bloodied and bruised, but you hate the idea of a city without spiderman's protection even more. you've been a fan of spiderman since the first day you'd heard of the sightings. a ride or die doesn't walk away just because things are getting a little nastier out there.

a career in journalism will prove to be difficult. the truth about megumi's double life is a secret that you both understand must stay contained no matter the price. you probably bounce around a few firms, trying to find just the right place to land where you can write the truth without revealing too much. however most outlets just want to report on the crimes spiderman himself has committed, and you struggle with badmouthing your hero (and your boyfriend)

i like to think megumi laughs at the papers trying to paint him as a villain. it doesn't stress him out, it's nothing to him really. just a source of entertainment for him to read to you over dinner. between the two of you, you handle the ugly headlines far worse. but megumi likes to rile you up by reading all the worst ones to you, just to make you fuss over it all. some nights it's like you're rivals again- megumi taunting you with the latest edition of the spider-menace storytelling, chuckling when you start to crinkle your brows and spout off about how some writers are uneducated phonies or how they're ungrateful for what he's done. you never fail to go on a long winded rant followed by some chugged down water. and as always, megumi will just smirk and shake his head as he throws away said latest edition.

___

i lost wind here but i would love to hear if anyone has other thoughts too!!

[r0b0t1me]

"#sorry i can only make snippets of scenes and never elaborate on them#unless someone asked me to. huehue" i am begging. you to elaborate the "train me" sketch on the upper right 🥹 and any jr. hcs you have that u wanna talk abt (but only if u want).... also pls your coloring and expressions are INSANE but this is nothing i havent told u before!!!!!!!!! i just think your sketches have so much story bleeding out of them. its great

so funny thing about the train me one....

some of these are ideas i know ive talked about already, but im pulling a lot from idw where casey copes with fear/anger/insecurity by picking fights and attempting to be a vigilante. leos always the one who portals him out of jail and patches him up but the more i think about it, raph could help in managing his anger or taking it out in a more productive way (duo missions perhaps?), even if he cant unpack the mountain of trauma caseys got on his shoulders

i cant help it that the scene where casey cusses out leo is engraved in my brain forever. the kids a jones, on top of the constant violence in his life, anger feels like something that would come pretty naturally to him in order to cope* (i know he was raised to be a soldier, following orders and keeping a check on his emotions to carry things out, so i feel like the moment he doesnt have to fight a war and keep himself in line for the sake of other people anymore everything just kind of pours out of him) donnie has easily spent 1000$ in new sandbags for the dojo

*not that i think casey is inherently violent or always upset. but i think the kids a bit messed up sometimes from the. yknow the Everything

from riches and wonders by the mountain goats. casey jones, the restless ghost who cant feel at home

actually yknow what lets make this post a mile long who cares. i wanna explore casey hanging out with all the boys. i know i focus a lot on him and leo bc their dynamic is so twisted but i need to draw him hanging with mikey, learning to cope with self expression that he never got the real chance to do in wartime. him being around donnie and the two of them both learning they can support each other while still trying to protect their family in their own way (talking mainly abt casey helping donnie with his tech here, since donnies neurotic as hell abt security after the movie to me). casey getting to know raph in general, a living legend to him. and of course cassandra, something i was too afraid to touch on before but now i think im confident enough to try and tackle at this point

i dont think ill ever get around to writing a whole story but i know eventually casey finds stability. in my mind i see him getting a job where he helps people (something in a medical field, maybe). he has a good relationship with his family, and practically lives with them 75% of the time. leo is the one hes closest to, of course. he travels the world alone after a few years and cries over fleo never getting to see it, but knows that wherever his master is that hes at peace, knowing that at least casey had the chance

i have more to talk about but im running out of steam and im starting to get embarrassingly heartfelt the longer i ramble so um- (EXPLODES)

[yuukei-yikes]

WAIT i was the vacation dream kanoshin anon but i just remembered an actual one i thought of myself not my subconcious but i somehow forgot about it-

in my delusions a route similar to the novel route is what gives us str (not mekakucity actors shh- canon isn't real if it's from mca), meaning Kano has his weird ass traumadumping session with ene and whatnot and ends up having to spill the beans to the rest of the dan INCLUDING shintaro not just shintaro casually vanishing-

anyways so this ends up with the same vibe as novel-route kano and shintaro which is like. i mean. kano literally describes shintaro as looking at him the same way he looked at ayano and that kano "can't win against him" like. 🤨

Yada yada everything w/ clearing eyes, similar fight to mca ish ( i like the idea of marry draining her friends of their life to save their lives it's interesting to me-) and wahoo ayano. hi. she exists now (with ofc haruka and hiyori too-) and obviously everyone's like HOLY SHIT. especially the mekutrio. and ESPECIALLY kano.

Like I imagine Kano has a much harder time wrapping his head around the fact Ayano's back since while the other two just saw her death as suicide, he knew what caused it / all the clearing eyes stuff so he couldn't really accept her death and move on, while the others (obviously heartbroken over it though) were able to accept it and grow, yea?

Well we get those feelings of "holy shit my sister is alive" but also mixed with these feelings of "oh fuck. i (very unfortunately) might have a thing for my sister's crush." and IMMEDITELY backs the fuck off from both of them. He doesn't ignore ayano obviously but he doesn't seek her out, and he just actively avoids shintaro. ayano's concerned but meanwhile shintaro's just kinda like. what the fuck did i do to you???

Anyways dunno how that gets resolved i never thought past just the idea that kano can barely handle these two facts alone (ayano is alive now and he might maybe like shintaro a little bit (ew)) but together? Fuck. He is Not thinking on that he is backing Way the fuck up. Nope. Not his circus not his monkeys (he is actually just the entire circus).

Anyways long story short when Ayano comes back and everything is resolved kano's unresolved grief over her death but also the budding crush he's developing on shintaro hit him with the force of a truck (haha) and he does Not know how to handle that so he just Doesn't

DUDE. YOU AND I. SAME BRAIN. LIKE THIS IS SO SPECTACULARLY ALL MY SAME FEELINGS RIGHT FROM DELUSIONALLY IMAGINING NOVEL ROUTE WITH A GOOD END AS MY IDEAL ROUTE AND MARY TAKING THE SNAKES HERSELF AND ALMOST KILLING EVERYONE AND KANO LIKING SHINTARO AND BEING SO FREAKED OUT HE BACKS OUT LEAVING SHINTARO CONFUSED BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THEY HAD WORKED EVERYTHING OUT IN THAT CONVO WHERE KANO COMES CLEAN TO KIDO AND HIM(AND TAKANE HERE TOO) sorry for yelling. i just get excited when i get same brain with someone. like exactly. EXAAAACTLY.

but for ayano i think kano is super close with her and he's constantly trying to go back the same relationship they had where ayano relied so heavily on him, especially bc kano wants to distract himself FROM himself so he wants to focus on how she's doing but ayano isn't gonna do what she did. she realised just how messed up it was putting kano through all that and she feels so responsible. ayano and kano are on this weird YOU CAN COUNT ON ME. NO U CAN COUNT ON ME. NO NOT ME COUNTING ON YOU, YOU COUNTING ON ME!!! constantly... imagine kano sitting through ayano go on and on about shintaro bc ayano can see kano wants her to rely on him so she's like well it doesnt hurt anyone if i just talk abt my crush. like its a thing she can stand talking abt and from her perspective kano will be satisfied just hearing her talk about anything she doesnt talk to anyone else. and kano sits through it like 😁😁😁(wants to explode into a million pieces)

also god the bit u mentioned abt kano saying shintaro smiled at him like how he used to smile at ayano. sorry like allow me to attach the whole thing because

☝️☝️☝️⁉️⁉️⁉️like what the fuck is this. WHAT WAS JIN THINKING WHEN HE WROTE THIS LIKE THIS IS SOOOO. homo. kano is so insanely homosexual for shintaro in the seventh novel like there are several examples it's amazing. anyways the "he's invincible" line i am particularly obsessed with and it's why i always insist kano has this weird thing where he's constantly trying to have the upper hand with shintaro while shintaro unknowingly and effortlessly outsmarts him just by being himself.

kano's feelings for shintaro are so complicated and full of resentment and he always wanted shintaro to be entirely horrible just to justify how he feels, but shintaro keeps proving he's a good person and kano keeps being unable to deny not only that but also that he LIKES him and even admires him. and it drives him so crazy.

meanwhile shintaro's feelings for kano are complicated bc 1. wtf does he hate me or not. 2. augh he's a guy im not gay. 3. my girlfriend(?)'s brother. like shintaro hating kano's guts back is funny but it's not the move like it's not true. shintaro wants nothing more than to get along with kano!!! everyone gets on shintaro's nerves and kano gets on everyone's nerves, so bc of this i understand the common misconception of shintaro hating kano back.

anyways shintaro is so clueless bc he thought they were ok?? they talked it out so it's fine?? he can't ever figure out kano's inconsistent behaviour. he decides that it's probably bc he's protective of ayano but he knows that's not all of it.

ugh ugh ugh. KANOSHIN FIRST KISS WHERE SHINTARO'S LIKE genuinely sad and confused and finally confronts kano like seriously what's the matter?? i thought we were cool already?? and kano's super dismissive like whaaa nothing omg of course we're best friends❤️ but shintaro isn't letting it go and kano is getting rly fed up bc his patience is SO short when it comes to shintaro which also pisses him off like why is he making me feel so out of my element like the best i do is LIE why does he drive me SO CRAZY. and then shintaro's like i just wanna know what can i do to make things ok!!!!! and its so genuine and he is just so earnest and pathetic looking kano kisses him impulsively.

anyways. kanoshin.

[boytouya]

in that case :3

could you do a monoma x male reader where monoma has put off asking him out because he thinks it’s adorable to tease him? like he always flirts with reader and makes comments abt how cute they would be together but never makes an actual move. then one day monoma sees him talking to someone from class 1a (any of the guys) and gets the idea that he likes that person and decides to finally ask him out

𝐀𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬

Warning: arguing (not between you and monoma), maybe ? ooc monoma ?, monoma insulting you (but he doesn’t mean it)

“You should see the stupid look on your face!” Monoma slaps his hand against his knee as he laughs, the other reaching up to wipe fake tears. As the years go on he becomes increasingly more annoying and flirtatious. Part of you can’t tell if he gets a kick out of seeing the frustrated expressions you make or if it’s just affection masked as amusement.

Staring into his grey eyes can only do so much. There’s never not a glint in his eye that hides how he truly feels. He’s only ever an open book when he feels threatened (he considers you as his equal but he has an odd way of showing it), like when he stumbles over his words after Class 1-A proves him wrong. You never had the guts to say it out loud but you fell in love with his stubborn personality.

Monoma rests his hand on the back of your (way too warm to be normal) neck as he pushes you forward. It’s his way of telling you to walk.

“It was more like… A cute kind of stupid, you know?,” His head shifts to the side to get a better look at your face, watching your eyes widen. You shy away and pull your arms into your sides in embarrassment. Neito puckers his lips, moving the hand on the back of your neck to your hair. He tugs rather harshly, snickering when your head jerks back. If that was his way of flirting he sure was bad at it. “I think your stupidity and my intelligence would be a perfect combination.”

You swat his hand away with a groan. He pays no mind to the look you give him, instead continuing with his tangent, “Now that I think about it, we’d be a power couple… Just think, Monoma Neito and his just as cute, but not as smart, boyfriend.”

You want to ask him if he knows how to flirt without simultaneously insulting you, but you’re still hung up on the flirting part. He does it every day and yet it still astonishes you. You open your mouth just to close it, One, twice, three times. Before you can mutter out a weak response Neito turns away from you, opening the door to his dorm room. He managed to make your heart go through its own personal rollercoaster in just five minutes.

“I’d invite you in but that wouldn’t be a good first date.”

…

Katsuki Bakugou was number one on Nieto’s hitlist. No, it wasn’t the rivalry they had. It wasn’t the constant budding heads or rude responses. It wasn’t even the lack of apologies when he deliberately bumped into him in the halls. He was talking to you. Almost as though he wanted to one-up him. Sure, he looked disinterested, but that’s just how he was. There’s a small hint of a smirk on his face, but it’s nothing compared to the charming smile you give him.

Katsuki Bakugou was pursuing the boy he liked. Surely that couldn’t be true? And of all boys, if not Neito himself, why one from Class 1-A?! Did you like him?

Monoma doesn’t hesitate, instead of gathering himself he marches straight into the classroom. He stands directly in front of you and smashes the palm of his hand against Bakugo’s cheek to shove him away. There’s a loud growl from behind him, all you can do is watch in shock as Bakugo explodes with rage.

“Monoma?”

“Don’t put your filthy fuckin’ hands on me, extra!”

“I should be the one saying that.”

“Huh?! I don’t even know who you are!” Bakugo’s hands have sparks flying from them as he presses his hand against Monoma’s cheek and copy’s the boys action from earlier.

“[Name], don’t tell me you settled for a plebeian.” Monoma exclaims, his voice slightly muffled by Katsuki’s hand.

“Settled?”

“Stop talkin’ in riddles! The hell’re you tryna say now, Shakespeare?”

You’re at a loss for words, trying to process what Monoma had just said. Did he think you and Bakugou were a thing or something? Didn’t he know you liked him? You've always liked him.

“You could do so much better, I’m right here after all!” He strains against the boy holding him down, briefly knocking himself off balance and into you. You grab his bicep and make a gesture, silently telling him to elaborate.

“You want to..pursue me?” You use his own phrasing against him. Your heart rate quickens. It finally made sense, the flirting, the constant teasing, the way he stared at your lips for longer than normal when you spoke.

“Will you,” He swallows audibly. Though in the future he’d claim to be calm and collected, but you knew otherwise. In a way, you always knew. He was hard to read, but he was still human. “Be my boyfriend?”

Your brain temporarily shuts down as you nod enthusiastically, warmth rushing throughout your face. You squeeze your eyes shut, expecting everything to be gone once you open them because there was no way this was real. Reluctantly, afraid this dream might end, you open your eyes to see Monoma’s knowing smirk. The brief flicker of nervousness was completely gone, replaced with a smug face.

You were the only person to see him nervous, the only person who made his cheeks light up, the only person he flirts with. Neito Monoma was completely and utterly in love with you. Both of you have never done this before, but you could tell he was just as excited as you.

It was him. It was always him.

“Get your sappy asses out of my way!”

[yanderecrazysie]

Hi!❤ I just want to say that as someone who really loves yandere stuff and read tons of yandere haikyu I can say that your works do the rare job of making character yandere while still attaching his canon personality 🤌

I'm not really asking for one-shot (like, it'd be great but I saw on how many things you're working rn and your genius brain also need some rest💆‍♀️) but since you've uploaded your Tanaka one-shot I can't stop thinking abt yandere high school Tanaka who fell in love with his tutor (after some time) and how his thoughts would look (bc he's realising that he's got over Kiyoko)

I hope you're getting some rest between your work and that all your pets are having the best time 👌 (pet them for me) and I'm excited for (maybe?) new yandere worshippers content in the future bc for me worshipper kind is the best kind ‼️

Sending love and blessings my dear talented author ❤

This is one of the nicest feedbacks I’ve received in my life!!! Thank you so much! I do my best to hold onto their canon personality even though they’re yandere, and I’m so glad my efforts were good enough to be noticed by you!

Tanaka has so much yandere material and, yet, he’s rarely made into one, so I’m so glad to see others wanting to see more of him too! I simp for underrated characters way too much.

And my precious doggo Bellatrix got a big hug and pets just for you!

Title: Admiration

Pairings: Tanaka x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, obsessive thoughts, infidelity delusions (Tanaka feels like he’s cheating on Kiyoko, but she isn’t in a relationship with him, he’s just delusional), spoilers for season 3

Summary: Tanaka can’t help the romantic feelings shooting through his nerves, the love exploding in his chest every time he has a tutoring session with the girl he’s falling head over heels with. He knows it’s not fair to his goddess Kiyoko, but he can’t help but deep down he knows- You’re so much more to him than Kiyoko ever was.

admiration

/noun/

something regarded as impressive or worthy of respect.

Tanaka couldn’t help but stare at you when you tutored him.

It wasn’t his fault! You were just… just so… wonderful…

Even inwardly admitting it was painful. How could he look at anyone other than Kiyoko? His goddess, that he pledged his life to like the knight in shining armor he believed he was�� she could never be tossed aside for anyone or anything!

Kiyoko was put above everyone and everything. Every priority was dropped the moment Kiyoko walked by, yet he couldn’t find it in him to skip tutoring lessons, even when Nishinoya tempted him with the promise of seeing his goddess where they were going.

Surely it was because he cared about fixing his grades, right? He was a second year, so graduation wasn’t too far off. If he didn’t improve now, he may never improve. Plus, his teachers all insisted on the tutoring lessons, and he didn’t want to let them down.

Those were all the reasons that he almost looked forward to his lessons, right?

He only obsessively tidied his room because you were a guest at his house, not just one of the guys, ya know? He didn’t freshen up for any real reason other than looking presentable for a guest, right? I mean, Saiko would probably beat him up if he didn’t treat a female guest with the utmost respect…

Those… were all the reasons… right?

A little bit of admiration was all it was, right?

When the match against Shiratorizawa came up, and you appeared to cheer Karasuno on, Tanaka couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy inside. Even if half the school was there, he just knew you were cheering for him. After all, he was the only team member you knew. Probably.

But after Shiratorizawa was left behind in the dust of national-prospects, Semi approached you. He said something: a pickup line maybe. Whatever it was, it made your face flush and a surprised laugh escape your perfect lips.

When Tanaka heard Nishinoya’s shout “RYU- There’s a guy flirting with our goddess!” he marched towards the two of you, ready to rip that failed-setter away from your precio-

“Wrong way, dude!” Nishinoya quirked his eyebrow teasingly, despite the serious tone he held. “Kiyoko’s this way.”

Sure enough, there was Tanaka’s goddess, being hit on by Seijoh’s flirt of a setter. Enraged, he raced ahead of Nishinoya, ready to give Oikawa a taste of his fists.

But not before sending you and Semi one last conflicted look.

When Tanaka got home, he felt like crying. Now that the thrill and adrenaline of Karasuno’s win had worn off, the weight of his mistake crushed his heart. He’d cheated on his goddess… He’d thought of another girl’s romantic safety over Kiyoko’s.

Something about (Y/n) was changing him, he couldn’t deny that. But despite how good it made him feel, his loyalty would always remain with Kiyoko…

Wouldn’t it?

Tanaka found his attention drifting from Kiyoko to you whenever you both were in the same area. As much as he tried to pull his mind back to his goddess, his eyes unconsciously seeked you out every time.

You didn’t look anything like Kiyoko, but you were so beautiful. Your skin color, your height, your hair, your eyes, your everything. It was so beautiful…

Where were your loyal followers? He couldn’t comprehend how you didn’t have any. Sure, a few boys showed interest, but there was no one that would quite literally kiss the ground you walked on if you asked him to.

Tanaka’s guilt overwhelmed him to the point that he went to Saiko for advice, of all people.

“Ryuuuuu, don’t be stupid,” Saiko popped a lollipop into her mouth and spoke around it, “You obviously have a crush on this (Y/n) girl. If you aren’t interested in Kiyoko anymore, accept that and move on.”

“But, I’m still in love with Kiyoko-” even to him, the words seemed forced.

Saiko narrowed her dubious eyes at him and issued him a challenge, “Skip a day of tutoring without telling (Y/n) and see how you feel.”

It was torture. Pure torture.

Was this what withdrawal felt like? He’d been jittery the entire time his tutoring session was supposed to be, and his heart twisted and squeezed when he pictured the disappointed expression you probably had.

And, when practice rolled around, Kiyoko never even crossed his mind. She was inches from him, yet all he could think about was you.

It was time to accept the truth- what he’d known deep down for a long time.

This was so much deeper than simple admiration.

Kiyoko wasn’t his goddess.

You were.

And it was time to worship you properly.

[rotshop]

hiiiiiii i have a disease,,,im gonna make a seperate post for 8 other characters i had in mind w/ this same prompt for the sake of me not dying <3

anyway here's a few random madcom characters + an animal s/o because im deranged <3333333

Hank

-this one is a LITTTLEE easy i will admit but,,,Cat,,,,,it just fits!!!!

-he's very good at just kind of. dealing with whatever it is that you kinda throw at him. if you randomly decide you wanna try and take up all the space on his bed (good luck, its fucking Big) that's ok, he'll just lay down next to you somehow. if you decide you wanna lay on him then whoops!! he's stuck there till you get up now lol. (the amount of times deimos and sanford come back from missions and just see him sitting on the couch with you laying on his lap is uncountable,,,each time he just makes a gesture for them to be quiet so they dont wake you)

-VERY gentle w/ you, especially after becoming a mag. he always pets you very carefully with his more normal hand because he's scared of hurting you (there was one time he'd accidentally nicked you a little with his claws and he felt SO bad, kept fussing and asking if you were alright afterwards)

-you both purr!! his is a little louder than yours naturally but he kind of. tries to force it to be quieter because he wants to hear you :[ you kind of. get him into the habit of not doing that so instead he just lays his head on your chest or stomach so he can hear / feel it

-he can pick you up so easily its really funny. exactly ONE time on a mission where you were about to get hit from behind while dealing with another grunt and he just like??? SWEPT you up off the ground and wrecked their shit. the entire time you're just kind of there like 🧍

Sanford

-I'm so serious about this one dont even TALK to me. bnnuy.

-HE JUST THINKS UR CUTE!!!!,,,,ur a lot smaller in comparison to him (dont even get him started on how you look standing next to hank or any mag agents) and it makes him go :] ,,, on that note 9/10 he's carrying you around, he just likes picking you up and holding you since it's real easy and its a way of keeping you close to him (also he likes showing off his strength to you a little bit but shhh)

-rip to you though because you've got more sensitive hearing and. if you've heard his voice lines. then you know. this man. isn't always the quietest. BUT as soon as he noticed how you kinda flinch whenever he's yelling something on a mission or to one of the others then he apologizes a bunch and does his best to keep it to a minimum around you,,

-deimos is a menace and he would try and get san to confess to you a bunch'a times and it would usually just end in him trying to like. cover your ears or something so he can tell deimos to stfu. it barely works but its funny as fuck to see your confused expression and sans flustred one to dei

-all in all he just thinks you're really cute and kind of funny...sometimes you just kind of. sit down next to him and kind of stare because you want him to pet you lmao. on that same note at some point you just kinda. got into the habit of coming to his room to lay down with / around him and he just <:']

Sheriff

-AS MUCH AS I LOVE CATPERSON + SHERIFF,,,fox,,,,,,,,

-You're incredibly sly and fast, directly complimenting his more flighty nature. he is a coward who avoids danger and you ARE said danger, u are fucking deranged <3. at first he kinda thought of you as an enemy because you kept swooping in and saving him but the entire time you kind of. dragged him around like a ragdoll SJFFDJWCDS,,,you're running off as you pull him by the hand to follow you and you like. looked over your shoulder and gave this fanged smile back at him and he just . his brain fucing exploded you killed him. he didn't stop thinking abt it for like 3 days.

-anyways. you run circles around him its crazy, you two playfight and roughouse a lot. however he did have to ban you from biting too hard because you accidentally drew blood one time,,,,,u were apologetic and you kept checking the wound to make sure it was ok and that he was doing alright,,he wont admit it but he thought it was funny to see you all worried abt him, teases you about it but you just bare your fangs (jokingly) and threaten to do it again. he just gets flustered and rolls his eyes with a little scoff.

-you make a lot of like. squeaks and yips when you're excited or otherwise kinda worked up and he thinks they're real funny. he tries to imitate them but he ends up failing and 10/10 you hear his voice crack BUT he still considers it a win when it makes you laugh so :)

-admittedly he does poke and prod a lot lmao. he likes to trace your paws and to kinda. brush against your claws a little because he thinks they're really cool. also again this mans fucking weird, he's stuck his hand in your mouth before because he wanted to fuck w/ ur sharp teeth again. you bit him. he does not do this anymore.

Hofnarr

-(looks at a very specific mutual) hey. yeah no hof cat s/o lol

-he just!!! thinsk you're neat :) he really likes how sweet you can be and also still be evil and fucked up if you so please. you cause problems on purpose and he has to get you out of trouble lmao, SO...most times you just kinda stick around him (unless u have ur own work to do) and watch what he does. sometimes he'll have you help him out with certain things, eventually you kind of just. start picking up knowledge abt this and the first time you say something before he almost messes up on something he's just kinda 'oh yeah ur right....HEY WAIT YOU REMEMBERED-' he doesn't know WHY but it just makes him happy

-it is. admittedly. a little nerve wracking. to be nonhuman. in a lab that sometimes experiments on people. and nonhuman people. for some kind of obvious reasons. so he gets a little nervous about that sometimes. he does his best to kind of keep you out of serious trouble bc of that, keeps you away from phobos or any of his higher ups like him as much as he possibly can because he's scared of what they might do to you :[

-ON A MORE LIGHT HEARTED NOTE,,,u two stay up pretty late at the lab a lot. you just kinda help him out and you both get carried away. it's not an uncommon sight to any night guards or janitors to see you both talking in the dark with only like. a kinda dim lamp on as you both work. its like 1/4 you actually getting things done and 3/4s you two just talking about whatever comes into mind, he shows his more casual and laid-back nature in these moments especially. also not uncommon for people to see you both passed out in his lab curled up against eachother lol

-pets you absentmindedly a lot,,he isn't sure why he does it he just!! does!! he just kinda subconsciously reaches for you (sometimes you have to kinda. put your head under his hand for him which he appreciates). also likes messing with ur paws and claws a little, he's a lot more careful though since he's nicked himself on your nails before

[elysianslove]

I'M THE ONE WHO OFFERED PLS IT'S COMPLETLY OKAY !! i rly don't mind since i still have a bit of free time 🥺<3 if u want a selfship doodle even a picrew avatar is fine + a character of ur choice; it's up to u honestly bUT IT'S RLY FINE OK ILU <3

I WAS HAVING MIYA TWINS BRAINROT (when am i not) WHEN I READ THAT AND GOD PLS....my brain just couldn't stop thinking abt being, ahem, sandwiched between the twins and how tsumu and samu would probably sound so different??? tsumu would probably be loud imo, very vocal and just shameless 😐 but man does he sound pretty 😭 samu on the other hand feels like the type to try and be more restrained, moreso bc he wants to hearyou. but it drives you mad all the same; the way he grunts, his breathy sighs and gasps, how he's pressed so closely to you that you hear everything so so clearly — it's too much; and the thought of hearing the both of them at the same time??? my brain is gonna explode GHHSHSS ALSO for some reason i see samu as a biter? like he just. bites into your shoulder when he reaches his peak 🧍‍♀️or maybe that's just me HSJSBDN + this is self-indulgent BUT my ears are sensitive, and i can't stop thinking of samu leaning over, feeling his breath right at my ear, and just whispering all kinds of filth — i feel like i would cry pLS EJFHSJSN

miss maam i just woke up what is this —🦊

WAIT WILL U REALLY DRAW A SELFSHIP FOR ME FHSLHNSDHW i think i would like to marry u now,,, and i would straight up show u a pic of me but im scared of the internet 😃 so i’ll make an avatar or something! ily so much fr <3 

also i will never not be thinking about being sandwiched by the miya twins like, it occupies a big portion of my brain. the image u just put in my head im running laps. i’ve written this and this about being tag teamed by the miya twins and i just hsdskcfs but on the miya twins fucking in general? 

tsumu really would be shamelessly loud, just grunting and panting loudly as he fucks into you, and he’s very vocal about everything, telling you to look how pretty yer cunt looks suckin’ me in, look how cute ya look droolin’ for me, or so gorgeous with yer face stuffed of my cock, hm? and it’s so overwhelming, it makes you wanna scream. he literally always wants the entire world to know that he’s fucking you. he wants you screaming and crying for him. it’s definitely a huge ego boost, like he loves that shit, especially if he makes you ride him just as he’s edged you so you’re very shaky and you’re struggled and you’re so desperate and whiny and twitchy above him,,,

osamu is a bit quieter, more subtle, but when he’s close to you, the way he grunts and gasps directly by your ear, it’s literally electrifying. you always feel a chill down your spine when he’s fucking into you, and he just gets real close and buries his face in your neck to gasp and moan there. like is he trying to kill you? probably. also very few words are said, but they are effective as fuck. things like, “fuck, feel so good,” and, “love yer pretty cunt, pretty face, pretty voice.” and that’s usually at the start. when he gets really into it? like he’s really close to his high? it’s all about you. “gonna cum for me? squeeze ‘round my cock?” and shit like that dhskjfhs AND HES DEFINITELY A BITER PLS just nips at your earlobe and you wake up with bite marks along your shoulder like 😐

anyways 🤲🏼

[sweetbitterpdf]

"parallel universe wherein eliott is a business major and lucas just. hateshim" 1. sgjhdsfhjssg 2. you're right and you should say it 3. can you really blame lucas, i would hate him too 4. at one point they're assigned to work on a project together and lucas gets to know *real him* 5. preferably with eliott saying that lucas always made him nervous cause he's so smart and pretty 6. anyway now i need enemies to friends to lovers business major!eliott and gay!lucas au, someone write this

ok maggie not that i’ve been thinking abt this ask since the moment i first read it, but— and stick with me here—

enter lucas, a science major of some sort— bio maybe? first/second year

he takes a psych course as part of his required courses or smth

the prof randomly matches each student up with another one for some big project. all of the students write their name, their department, and a fun fact abt them or smth; either before the course actually starts or during the first class of the term

lucas gets the info for his partner— eliott, a business major in like third or fourth year, his fun fact is that he likes art or smth like that

he’s immediately like what??? a business major??? in 2020????

some of the partners are chatting and meeting for the first time as class ends, but lucas has a class right after or smth so he has to scoot

he hangs out with yann, anti-capitalist icon, who tears this eliott a new one, without either of them knowing him, this eliott boy is ‘actively working toward the destruction of the working class,’ other marxist thoughts, etc. etc.

just.... really going off to lucas abt eliott

lucas is like yeah... YEAH

fuelling his resentment— if not outright HATRED— for this guy who he hasn’t even met yet

but then, after the next class, on another day of the week, lucas’ schedule is a bit less hectic, so he sticks around to try and meet this boy

and oh

oh no

he’s hot

he’s like really really hot

and so eliott is like [is the embodiment of the sun] and lucas is like [gay panic] and then they part ways for now 

lucas literally cannot get eliott’s beautiful face out of his head

he meets w yann again

yann’s like eyes on the prize frérot do u rlly want to be dating a fucking capitalist or w/e yann would say

lucas is like ok true, and steels himself up, if only a bit

lucas spends time w eliott as time passes bc he has to, for this project that they have to work on

and eliott is never anything less than the most wonderful person lucas has ever met

and also unabashedly flirtatious, which makes lucas want to explode every time he thinks about the way eliott said ‘your smile is really nice’ the other day, or ‘your hair is so fluffy, i love it’ when they were working together last week and eliott “””accidentally””” touched his hair

and they get to know each other little by little

and then

THEN,

lucas’ perspective of eliott is changed completely

because one time when they’re working/hanging out together, it comes out why eliott’s a business major— whether he brings it up organically or bc lucas asks him

since the beginning of the term w the whole intro activity he’s actually declared a double major, business and psychology, because he wants to open his own psychology practice

more specifically, an art therapy office— “remember how i wrote that i loved art, on my paper?”

because he’s bipolar, and art has been a constant in his life, through all of his struggles, all of his bad days and all of his doctor’s trips— even a hospitalization, when he was 17

and he wants to give other people that same opportunity, specifically young people, like he is and was

and lucas just... is taken aback

like, just... floored

because this is just... not the eliott he was expecting at all— at least at first

but it just... fits, so well, for the eliott he knows now

a small part of lucas’ brain is so excited to tell yann that he was wrong, that not all business majors are hungry capitalist pigs

but the majority of his brain is just consumed by the fact that he’s in love w eliott

and he’s finally realized it

and lucas breathes something soft out, something along the lines of “that’s beautiful”

and eliott bows his head, blushing lightly, all bashful

but lucas doesn’t miss the way his eyes flick up to look at him

and so he lets himself look, unwaveringly, at eliott for the first time

because this project is due soon— and if this doesn’t work out, they never have to see each other again, right?

but then eliott’s head is back up, and he’s looking at him, too

and so they look

and look

and look

and then they get closer

and closer

and closer

and they kiss, so soft and light it’s barely there, but lucas’ heart wants to explode when he pulls back to look at eliott, eyes closed, a dazed smile on his face

“what?” lucas says, acting as if that simple, quick kiss wasn’t the best thing that ever happened to him

and eliott opens his eyes, looking at lucas again, and says “i’ve wanted to do that since the moment i saw you.”

[cue romantic montage as they fall in love uwu]

[deathvsthemaiden]

🌻

Congrats! You have won access to a list of some of my most random thoughts in recent memory! Enjoy maybe (advance apologies for not linking any sources to any of the half remembered fun facts...don’t take them too seriously I never know what I’m taking abt 😬🤗)

•If you’re talking loud enough for people to hear you without trying or meaning or wanting to...it doesn’t count as eavesdropping!! @/my mother I am innocent! Learn some volume control 📢

•The older I get the more toxic and alienating I find the commonplace turn of phrase “I’d forget my head if it wasn’t attached!” Why is that painted as a bad thing...... 🥺💔❓I’d loveeee to forget my head. Just a few times. 👌🏽 As a treat.

•excluding the obvious, such as slurs, my least favorite words in the English language are landlocked (hideous reminder of my geographic state of affairs), and kismet. The latter is just so uglyyyyy the original language(s) it’s derived from make it sound so much better why can’t we just say kismat! I speak Urdu so I’m biased but like—

•I emphathize with fish an odd amount. I’ll eat them gladly and w gusto but I also find the level of suffering they’re allowed to feel staggering. It blindsides me. Blob fish used to (actually still do) freak me OUT!! Like my sister would scare me by showing me pictures of them w no warning. But apparently the reason they look the way they do is normally they live like 2000-4000 ft underwater and the decrease in water pressure as they’re drug up to the surface misshapes and deforms them and apparently this is very painful?? Even if it isn’t tho...the first time I read that. Immediate tears sprung into my eyes. And apparently some fish can choose to commit suicide? Like they just stop swimming and eating... god oh my god—!! They’re FISH!! Why are they so COMPLICATED!!! And I used to own a tank full of fish and usually fish don’t last long in our house! Rancid vibes you know? And my mom and I were so pleased these ones had lasted so long!! And then mysteriously they all just died too?? We did everything RIGHT! It was probably more than 2 years ago and we keep saying we’ll get more fish but I just don’t have the heart...I’m.....not ready to get hurt again so soon.

•apparently purple marble is/was a thing that exists. But the Romans used it up? Wild if true

•can’t stop thinking abt how elegant FGO!Bedivere would look in fencing gear

•My parents almost named me Sumbal

•You know how B&N has special gilded hardback editions of various classics? I will never forgive them for making their edition of Jane Eyre black/grey and WHITE!! MONOCHROME and BLEAK!! (Just bc it’s gothic!!!) It’s one of the most colorful books I’ve ever read!!! It swept me off my FEET! During the happiest parts of the book everything in my line of sight irl was GOLDEN I was in literal actual and true LOVE!!! I fell a-freshly in love w life bc of how much this book delighted me and they swaddle her in black and WHITE?? I can’t deal gentle reader I cannot deal—

•I have mixed feelings about poetry but I have a soft spot for The Tiger is out yes (you know the one, by the little boy? the ENERGY!!)+e. e. cumming’s The Grasshopper. On average poetry doesn’t make sense to me but grasshopper is the sort of (non)sense which I’m capable of appreciating. I dream of having a voice controlled fancy robot try to kill me so I can tell it to recite grasshopper and then it just explodes in confusion bc you can’t do that (recite grasshopper) 🐅 🤖

•I’ve lost track of the # of years I’ve waited in vain for Shoukoku no Altair to be localized and have official (physical!) English copies available for purchase, instead of just ebooks. Since the forgettable and upsettingly bad anime adaptation I’m afraid it’ll never happen ever...💔 I ache and yearn for naught but idk how to stoppp 😭

•The Cr*wn of L*ve by John Everett Millais is one of my most favorite paintings but I’m like. Embarrassed about it 👑 @my brain WHY. When did I become such a s*ppy gremlin. I blame ur fics and Jane Eyre Eve 😑 I was firmly in the ‘romance is a neurochemical con job’ camp just years before courtesy of my upbringing....what have I become 😶😶😶

•nothing screams “I hate you” like not appreciating+wasting food and also not returning the favor ever like it’s not a zero sum game but god is a little reciprocity too much to ask yes it is and yes I am sensitive and have been hurt before why do you as—🤐

•purposely vague but sometimes I wonder if I’d been one of those kids who put her head down on her desk in elementary school a lot and stopped listening to teachers whilst doing so maybe life, academically speaking, would go smoother for me now. But I was too afraid of getting in trouble and not yet the full fledged quitter you do (not literally) see before you today. Although the urge to put my head down wasn’t one I never felt...Missed opportunities alas

•I used to be able to handle spending any length of time in those mesmerizing aquarium tunnels and even enjoy myself in them but I’m now a more fragile and wise gal and can not even look at pictures w/o feeling intense WHJDNDNDND idek. They’re scary man. 🌊

•one of my favorite fun facts ever is this painter in 1881, Edward Burne-Jones finally realized mummy brown paint actually had bits of real mummies in it when having lunch with friends and was so unnerved he tried to give his tube of the paint a burial immediately. Like immmmeditately. (read this like a year ago in The Secret Lives of Color by Kassia St. Clair) 🎨 📖

[littlebabycrybtch]

ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

[castlehead]

Finally, I have grabbed the black briar of restraint. I had heard it Bristling somewhere, there, in the past, waiting to be removed               But I did not, and so the branch grew— And thickened around my future, Until I let go.

There is a difference between logic and reality, there is a line drawn the length of a gun barrel.

“Behold the men in helmets borne on steel, Discolored, how they are going to defeat.”

—Wallace Stevens

     We can almost hear life. Back to  Preconditions, willful or no,

             Or is will a precondition? Outside of death these wage fuller. Our curse is what      Is benignly at the end of the tale, the silent busride taken             After the act, or non-act, as happened while Waiting at that rainy stop, that time when you remembered about       Your appointment, to go—

Running into oncoming traffic. Do you remember that anymore now, baby? I remember.��I remember the gall of it: the feeling of a gall, a gall

So offensively invasive in processing me, as to, upon its quitting the examination, leave me worried as to what one could really expect to

  Bruise one’s harmony, when that, -well- that warn’t even the real Brain Surgery:

Surgery of another kind tho it was and which you felt, persistently, to the point of the smarting chaos, while I displaced my sensitivity for a bit somewhere it could be cloistered and honored properly. We

Unlike that, are not there, and feel that never, feel nothing

And so then know never what we, you and i, are doing, on this planet, or at this fancy party with an unnecessarily large, ornate chandelier hanging unwieldy, and seemingly stressing out the ceiling it and its miniature candle-glarers hang from, and that probly

Had cost a sum. And in those emaciated hours when trivia goes everything

Dull, we make -mind- of the ship, when the towline Of the Boatmen slacken, like it says in Beckett’s translation

Of La Bateau Ivre. We free it like Rimbaud did, and so it is left to bob On the clunky wheels of the surf, rolling, balancing on a slick, smooth Pair of feetsies, called both sides of the hull, the feet to help her traveling.

The human part is a possibility encased somewhere, an haunted mien Beneath the distant quandary of the Captain’s Office, a hue of a coffin there,         An accidental step taken when not needed taken,            A stiffness in the stars we see, as if they Called us back, hearkened us back, to emotional realities From childhood, mainly. And so we    Almost, almost hear the life of you, dear boy, Who makes a drumming for his heart to beat at all. Now, Thinking death similar, and having     wasted the immortal give                 With pageants of hydrogen, for to look up at and wonder, I ask: Where, where is all the—miracle—once possessed? We feel it tiredly in our bones.

We muster for you what seepage comes gradually of the stars To tiny fire, and misery a rainbow-colic [cowlick] making              Everything a smaller, sicklier version of itself, Weakening as we complain about our riches Making out our Wealth to be Plague, which is kind of morbid;        Too much, in our eyes. There’s much                    In the universe that would catch the eyes of one Stuck on EARTH. But tarry, the ambiguous trials         Mean more here in their present doing Than what you think about them afterwards, a thwartedness mind uses to

Conceal, till an opening, infinite—to us, at least, prolonged—is upon us living who, uh,

                Cannot see death’s wisdom yet. Well we heal with What yieldy sparks come flaming, prepare ourselves before they flame: a noisy Ripple in the water like turning a spout, then something Like a motor making curves of a floor of algae                            Like the curves of flame. I allow

A drop in the respite-soothe, as soon it predictably     Makes off its tender course, like,

Meandering elsewhere; and does so while leaving you cavalierly without The sea of meanings you had wanted, -anything to gratify the ebb of pain,                 Originally, and the respite-tub drawn already, drawn

Like the way nerves,—that swell up like Gout in the elderly but with each     New problem, rather, not minute, or what’s the difference—

Like the way nerves make my drawn face, as holds seas of insecurities I blow off like friends, or like that dangling hair that’s

Always in front of your face. With barely any cocoa Butter skin stuff, we must then ration; just a drop Of it is just a drop, by itself; I mean, what anarchy

Of mind!, this is like Lord of the Flies But for Cosmos and I don’t mean to harp On these always-nameless sages’ timely

Ways they can and do pause themselves just before the atom splits, at the ledge.

Which is their job. The Rube Goldberg Machine of cause and effect informs The wisdom of sages, and almost creates a vacuum again, with A little air hissing out in places, which was normal, but         In which airless container the split atom         Can stay safely static, the split atom can                   Stay steady and stable. The  Disastrous egg is in two halves and still telling Her story of hope to the cameras, however justified And firm and like a machine the process might be, hoping For a whole omelette. The atom is hovering up and down On the bounce house of Scientific Archival Purposes It says, written in highlighter on a piece of tape Stuck there on tha box of that carnage:

     A more illuminated nothing as would explode New York, but New York as an empty palace, and the room you’re looking for filled

With an atom’s distance from something, This measured in prodding the atom                 With a stick Like you would an hibernating father sleepin off his drunk in bed, when U want to check about whether he is actually dead, again. You do this every hour all day Sunday.                 The atom, once prodded, destroys cities rather Than cracks skulls with beatings, like yr father: as small as it    Is you may do with it what you will so That you may compare the real space and otherness To things with the measurements you recorded.

        And think Your room a gusty field in storm, a soulful dark:

Nothing is sans the purchase, no ownership as life would have it: A habit in the reigns, but still a habit, to rightfully take: no rights,     No, no rights are in death, you                  Kidding? A nil of the finest -one- at the first. That  An immaculate verb might could make me again real If I was dead I believe, wholeheartedly, and if I was remembered for it I          Would be the very res of nostalgia in experiencing it again, Verbing my heart out for the times people call simpler When I won that swim meet back then And the whole complicated story. The good old days,           When scruples sat in people’s stomachs,            Knotting them out of their possible daily impulses And putting that knot somewhere where     It can be forgotten abt, or lost; it then will build up And get more disgusting, like that trash barge That kept being pushed and pushed back                Country after country, east, west, north, south,        And nobody with the stones enough to just Say what everyone is thinking, that     The Starving Children in Cambodia would Benefit from eating this garbage      For food. Or If that grand rotten floating conservatory runs dry, There’s always, always, always Cannibalism to consider!        I am thinking about what is it called When an action has a consequence, like from Saying something dumb, -not who is called thereupon. Because you have to handle it lonely sometimes. If only man -did- press her ears to the door of calmative life  And ambition, but also drew up a snazzy block of wrath to hurl; To carry in a rumpled bundle of info sweatstained by hands              Out of view, tho somewhere; just to make sure: And hurl, thru the glass pane, making shattered glows of Ministered content’s whiling for forever beatitude and depth, as magnetized   Drew forth more other blocks, seeing the success Of the one—more wrong, insipid stars to                    The both life has in it: either/or: well then we are graced             With knowing all there is, While not being it; in death, we scrape our ears Against gravel to hear the dust, pursue the time             Before our grave gave us all the time to tie our unknotted    Discourses, belied a magic happening, to finish the job, and            Then: dismissed by public beings, tho once adored, We settle into our useless state of maximum use. We drew a fire of cosmos, let life make of them, the stars, toys, or things To gaze at longingly, wishing for the mustard to make a need

 Of little stones, by the graveyard gate, where poundage Lays brownly on that coffin, then, we, sealed, remind you that

                       Our doors: you’re what’s behind them. We are the ones             Who peer, forget the stars. Think only of the rainy

Stop, that time in Flatbush tripping on mushrooms. Think of then, When you where suicidal: say: I would be like that,                Like daunting ignoramuses

We call genius, when they were, and in their immortal skin, just Leather and words, for we had lives our own. A man is a man. Think me—

       Off into thoughts, make them akin not to everyday benign silence But, to pausing and compressing all: between the life of my travels,  And when I make a mistake about that.

When I am too roly-poly I will stop worrying about accomplishing things, blasé                 At this stop in the rain, yes, I self-say; And too

Sapped from my long strain,                     With the notions and the back-o-mind            Bewailings, to actually move my body: and think then that your

                           Meaning is not bad, I self-say. And think              Of all the times you have felt on the brink of a shared knowing with her.

When ourselves wished to lift our ears to you sages, and hear Our predicament from you, speeched through nameless lips soaked in wine and        Winding up the dialectic, o nameless sages: lemme jus’ say, We beckoned life appropriately from the appropriate place: we are                           Almost as good at that as at            Ignoring all the while that you correspondingly give us    What we have needed to this end, all this time, and            Have started our own problem Just to attain.