specsthesecond

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Walking in on a vampire pleasuring themselves, and they get so flustered by you being there that they squeak, turn into a bat, and fly straight into a wall.

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unfortunately this comment a TERF made on one of my posts is genuinely hysterical

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i wish you guys could read the amazing fic i haven't written and probably will never write, it's fire

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my toxic trait is that when I see hate for a female character i automatically believe that person is misogynistic before I consider there is something wrong with the female character

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Morning everyone let’s get through this stupid ass week

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"tumblr's the only social media without algorithms!" "you can still be anonymous on tumblr!" "tumblr's so nice because you don't have to show your face!" WRONG tumblr is special because you can have 3000 followers and still get an average of seven likes a post. i'm doing stand up comedy at a packed venue and one person is laughing

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You've had a long, tough day, but luckily, your alien girlfriend knows exactly what to do to make you feel better.

"Would it make you feel better if you sat on my cock?" she asks.

You give her a pitiful look and nod wordlessly. Her cock makes a slick sound as she leans back in her favorite chair and makes it emerge, hard and glistening just for you. Throwing your clothes off, you straddle her lap and ease yourself down onto it, drawing a long, satisfied sigh. Nothing helps you relax like sitting on her cock. It lets you switch your brain off and focus on the comforting pressure of her inside you. You suspect the mucus that coats her cock must have some sort of special hormone in it that makes you pliant and happy, although she's never confirmed it. It makes you feel the same way when you suck her off. You could almost get drunk off it if you sucked her long enough.

For a while, you just sit there, keeping her cock warm and resting your head on her shoulder while she holds you secure against her body. She runs her hands across your back, further loosening you up. As nice as it feels to just sit there and let her turn you into a wad of putty, you inevitably start to get restless. You shift your hips just a little bit for some friction and gasp into the crook of her neck.

"Do you want to finish?" she asks. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't.

"Yes, please," you whisper.

"Take whatever you need, sweetheart," she says, giving your thighs a squeeze.

You lean back and ride her for a while, but your legs quickly grow tired, so she grabs you by the hips and bounces you on her cock until you're crying out and trembling in her arms.

She holds you close as you come back down, panting into her skin, and you have a hard time remembering what made your day so rough in the first place.

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the current state of fandom needs to be old yellered immediately. im loading up the shotgun as we speak

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divorced couple energy ship will always be immaculate to me. we hate each other. we've seen each other naked. I know how you take your morning coffee. I will never make you your morning coffee again. get it yourself. here you go, I gave it to you anyway. you disgust me. I will always be somewhat in love with you. I will be yours forever. you're not mine anymore. you will always be mine. fuck you. let's fuck, for old time's sake. did you steal my cd? no, no. keep it.

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two year anniversary of my vocabulary being permanently changed for the worse

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Imagine this..

You are the healer and support of your traveling party. Unfortunately.. you also seem to be the side character in their story.

Constant danger. Constant use of your mana to shield others and heal them. Your only purpose is to make sure the main characters don't drop dead.

The only one who seems to have your back is the orc barbarian. Also, another character who seems to be on the sidelines as the 'main characters' forge their story. He constantly makes sure to protect you and that your voice is heard as well.

But after, yet another, dangerous battle, the group gets separated. You were shielded from falling debri by the orc barbarian. The dust settles as you both are hurting, tired, and quite done with following the main protagonists this far.

"We should find shelter near water.. then camp for the night." The orc suggested as you both carefully evacuated from the battle sight.

Without the main characters around for the narrative to focus on.. It felt as if your arc was just beginning.

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2022-08-22

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i’m choosing to take this personally

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tiktok is so funny a video will say "tell me your most unhinged fave fanfic tags in the comments" and ppl will be like "omg dont hate me but....dacryphilia 🫣" girl first of all men crying gets everyone hard Second of all

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Cultural differences and misconceptions in monster dynamics, part twooooo!

Part 1 here!

👽 Alien partner who is amazed by the fact that you can sweat and cry. They come from a very dry planet so the fact that your body just lets off water amazes them. They would never make you cry but they strongly encourage you to work out with them so they can see you sweat. Imagine their utter shock when you take their hand, show them another place that gets wet and tell them there's a much better way to make you sweat and cry.

🧜Siren that is stunned when you decide to sing along to their siren song, simply because no one's ever done that before. They frown when you stop and start singing again hoping you join in. Although your voice is definitely not as beautiful as theirs they look at you like its the greatest thing they've ever heard.

🌱Being in a friend group with multiple insectoid monsters and having a crush on a prey mantis girl. Your other bug friends look very nervous when you try and flirt with her, they're even more nervous when it actually works. They absolutely freak out when she invites you to her room and they all jump to separate you, crying out "They don't deserve to be eaten!" And "How could you?". Now prey mantis girl is laughing her ass off, her friends are embarrassed and you're just very confused. 

🐍Naga/reptilian partner thinking it's so funny that you can get sunburn. If you turn red easily, they will tease you relentlessly. If your skin doesn't turn red, all humans can still get sunburn and best believe your partner will be touching the sensative skin any chance they get cus they think it's just so funny. They also like to lie on the hot skin and soak up all the heat. The only reason you let them is because their cool skin is soothing on the burnt area, though they insist it's cus you like their touch. They help you peel off the dead skin when the burn heals and joke about how it's just like when you help them shed. 

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Honestly, I think I'd like omegaverse much more if omegas were just more feral. Omegas often just feel like very very horny submissive humans while alphas get to be more animalistic and wild. Why can't the omega also bite and growl and be feral and insane?!? Why only the alpha!??

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Big southern alligator lady looking down at you and saying,

"I could just eat you up, sugar"

Licking her teeth and grinning wide.