#I have lots of strong feelings for them
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trying work up courage to socialize scary. especially when bpd and having crush make want to go perfectly. I want to be loved by you and grow closer. but I don't know how to do that. So here I stay. Feeling like I have to wait. Because as soon as I start typing, my mind is blank. because I can't lead. because I can't take a step forward. my mind goes blank in social situations. I rely on others to come up with things. I want to grow closer. but it's like trying to solve an advanced math problem. none of it makes sense, it feels impossible, and my mind is blank. I can't...socialize. I don't know how to reach out. I never learned. Worsened by the few times I did it when I was younger being ignored or met with upset and anger. because I grew up with bad people. because I never knew love until I was an adult.
#social skills#tired#semiverbal#anxious#bpd#I have lots of strong feelings for them#I want to love them and be loved by them#and it's not off the table I know that#but I can't even get closer as friends first#because I can't...talk to them unless it's on anon asks#we've spoken before and I can't do it#but im boring and I shut down in social situations#ive always been unable to be the one making friends#even as a young child others came up to me#not the other way around#but then I never learned how to#and I just...don't know how to grow closer to someone#especially when I have so much trauma that makes me feel like I'm bothering them#like I'm uninteresting or awful#or I constantly wait to be yelled at like I always did#trauma#vent#personal
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I can’t feel you.
The idea that Roddy’s EM field is so strong it feels like the fucking sun has been spinning in my brain for a while. So I thought, what if while under Shockwave’s control, his EM field doesn’t feel like fear nor guilt, doesn’t feel like anger nor sadness.
But cold, indifference.
Dead. Nothing.
AU by @keferon :3
#transformers#maccadam#tf mecha universe#rodimus#rodimus prime#drift#deadlock#what if deadlock thinks that Shockwave killed Roddy and is now just using his body to pilot the mech because he can’t feel anything from him#what if Shockwave made it so that Rodimus can’t feel anything because if he can his emotions are so strong that he can break out from#the control#i just like tormenting them a lot tehe#i have math finals tmr but we ballin
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I feel like if you're using a lot of disposable plastic bags in your day to day life, you've gotta do something sustainable to make up for it. Like using bamboo toilet paper or eco friendly cat litter or something, yknow
Honestly I exaggerate for comedic effect, while I DO routinely use ziplock bags to hold spaghetti I cook maybe once a month and the bag itself is usually for freezer storage. I actually throw out maybe one bag a week? I DO hate washing plates and tupperware and junk but that usually just means I eat sandwiches without a plate.
I agree though that needless waste should be avoided, and I do avoid it- biodegradable bags and recyclables, empty butter tubs used to store leftovers, etc.
This said, though, not applicable necessarily for myself but for a lot of others- I feel that it's importat to remember that there are many people who legitimately NEED things like plastic straws, or catheters, or pre-packaged foods
And the idea that that's a moral failing that individuals need to personally make up for when a single billionaire blows out more CO2 in a long weekend than I will in my whole life on a superjet meet-cute in the Bolivian rainforest between humvee drag races funded by the river-polluting textiles plants they planted in a third world country to avoid EPA laws and give an entire village stillbirths and stomach cancer is an idea that those very same bigwigs have spent a LOT of time and money investing in planting in the public psyche.
Like- Glass bottles are infinitely recyclable, so why are so many drinks in plastic now? Loads of drinks manufacturers used to buy them back and clean them for re-use, so why did they stop? If they chose to make something out of a limited and environmentally irresponsible material, why is it my failing to track down a correct process of disposal for them? What if there are none in my area? Do I lobby for more recycling plants in my area? Do I set aside some of my limited time outside the pain factory of my job- which I have more than one of, thanks to rising costs of things just like that drink I just emptied- to properly dispose of this company's waste FOR them?
Say coca-cola just rolled up to your town and started dumping millions of empty plastic bottles in the street, going, "wow, you should really think about building and staffing a recycling depot, it would be really shameful of you to just put these in the trash." When companies purposefully use materials with limited lifespans- because yes, even plastic can only be reused so many times- and tell you it's your own fault if it harms the environment- that's essentially what they're doing, just with more steps.
Yes, its important to be as environmentally concious as we can in our day to day life, but responsible sustainability is not catholicism. We don't get good boy points from our lord and savior Captain Planet every time the average low-income household gathers together to hold hands and repent for a single-use plastic that allows them to access something they need.
Entire families could eat trees and shit dead lithium batteries for years and still not do as much damage to the planet as an average dye plant or braindead celebrity does in a week just for fun, and I'm mad about it
...this went on longer than intended.
TL/DR: DO recycle and minimize waste, but don't beat yourself up over the little waste you can't avoid, and follow the money.
EDIT: Part 2
#I swear to god if any one of you in the notes calls me terminally online or pretends I'm saying you can just dump bags in the ocean#Yes definitely do your best to live sustainably#But also#You personally are not killing pandas#Unless you are in which case please stop#We put too much money into pandas but let them go in peace#Go do some yoga#Sorry if this is a lot but I have a friend with OCD who has legit panic attacks over stuff like this#Like they have to throw out a ripped plastic grocery bag they've had for six years instead of using it to weave yard furniture or smthn#And they'd go into a spiral about killing the planet#So like#I have strong feelings now
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can't believe fnaf brought me out of art hibernation man what a turn of events
#my art#clou's art summary#dca fandom#fnaf security breach#art summary 2024#ayo rant in the tags#like everyone else on this planet my 2024 was tough haha#but it was really good artwise#ngl going back to drawing and being unapologetic about it irl was liberating#fr i met some real irl grinches since going to uni#the kind that make you feel bad about liking stuff other than work#i sorta felt ashamed at first and toned it down to focus solely on work#the fnaf dca worms were too strong though lmao#ngl this fandom is awesome#like#last time i checked what was going on in the arcane fandom and this place is a straight up warzone#also it turns out people work a lot better when they're happy how bizarre#no but really this fandom gave me a good deal of confidence in general :D#like YEA i love robots they're so cool how could anyone not like them#YEA i watch arcane every weekend even though i have mixed feelings about s2 it's a literal work of art#though some irl peps used to make me feel bad about enjoying stuff now whenever i meet one i feel sorry for them instead#especially when you ask them about THEIR hobbies instead and they answer 'idk tiktok?' like bruh#hey you#yeah you#if you're reading this don't feel ashamed of your interests#it's not worth it fr#go crazy have fun#draw that character you like#make a playlist for them#draft that fic you were thinking about
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Thank you all for an incredible 500 days of love and support. I offer you: answers to questions that no one has asked.
(As always, more can be found in the tags <3)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#a-qing#jin ling#wen ning#jiang cheng#“Hey wait this feels like there should have been way more content for questions” Yes. There was.#I was not strong enough to redraw *all* of what was lost. Rest in piece the original (lost to tea related accident)#But I'll tell you all the fun other things that would have been drawn out right here in the tags!#Did you know my longest posting streak was 61 days? And my longest hiatus was 6 days?#Did you know I missed posting on 92 days of those 500 days - meaning I posted 82% of the time on a daily basis?#I'm normal about collecting data. I have so much data on this blog for normal reasons. I'm also so normal about art. The normalest.#Honorable mention for the character rankings: Lan Wangji! for “Most improved in rank”.#Sorry Lan Wangji fans but until the audio drama I honestly was...pretty indifferent towards him.#I think a huge part of that was due to the fact he's constantly paired up with WWX; who has *so* much charisma and steals the scene#But I've really come to like him a lot more since starting this project. He rose from mid-tier to being in the top ten!#Dishonorable mention: Nie Huaisang. Who fell out of number 1 spot and out of the top 5.#He just hasn't shown up a lot! And my rankings are fickle! They will probably change once I finish the third season!#My favourite comics are: A lot of them! And the ones I have yet to make!#I'm very sleepy at the moment while writing this but I do want to give a huge shout out to YOU.#Yeah! you reading this! Thank you! If you've been here since the first week or just started reading: THANK YOU!#If you've only ever lurked and never even liked a single post but still read my comics: THANK YOU!!#In creating this blog - I have found 500 days of more happiness that I could have ever imagined.#Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for giving me your time and your support.#It means more than any 'thank you' could say B'*)
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May your hardened heart be woken By the soft and distant song Of all you left here unspoken All the shards we keep stepping on - Take this body home Take this body home Call the wind, and let her know Take this life outgrown Take this broken soul Call the stars, call them all And take it high, take it far, take it home
#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#bingqiu#sqq#lbh#scum villain#heard the song Take This Body Home by Rose Betts and it nearly took me out at the knees#it really really suits sqq's self-detonation in hua yue city right? i'm not the only one feeling this?#considered adding some literal shards for them to be stepping on - since sqq's sword explodes - but i couldn't quite make it work#anyway this has been playing like a music video in my head for the past couple days highly recommend listening to the song#if you haven't heard it before#can't get over the absolute dissonance between how sqq views this scene and how everyone else must feel about it#like to him he's just completing his plan - hopefully keeping lbh from destroying a city with energy imbalance and escaping The Plot#nbd! he and sqh have planned it all out it's FINE :) off he goes!#meanwhile everyone who loves him - including lbh who worked years to get back to him and is trying to work through a lot of grief#and resentment and doubt and longing and... - watches him DIE in FRONT OF THEM#just collapse while coughing up blood sword disintegrating energy completely consumed#like holy hell sqq could you traumatize the people around you any more???#no wonder lbh went a little bit crazy after that like my man was already not in a great place but what the fuck#lbh watches his shizun presumably sacrifice himself for him ONCE AGAIN like after he's finally Gotten Strong his shizun is STILL#coming to harm in an effort to make up for his shortcomings#my art#most of the time out here drawing what amounts to muppets and then sometimes i get the urge for this and just need to cover everyone in blo
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Something I really like about timebomb is that Ekko actually knows what he's getting into.
I'm not really seeing it get talked about but in season 1 they mention that Ekko and the firelights help people addicted to shimmer get off it and lead more fulfilling lives within the community. I should probably rewatch the scene for the exact wording (might be misremembering tbh) but that comment implies A LOT.
First: Ekko's mission is helping people where he can, he would probably try and help Jinx even if he wasn't in love with her
Second: He has experience dealing with severe mental illness as that often goes hand in hand with drug abuse, namely depression/suicidal ideation like what Jinx was exhibiting
Third: He's probably mapped out best course of action FOR dealing with this and has already figured out his own limits/boundaries. Meaning he knew what he was getting into trying to talk Jinx out of suicide, and was thus more equipped to deal with the aftermath
Fourth: He's probably helped ex members of Silco's gang. The firelights seem to have a theme of healing and repairing and recovering, so they've probably also learned to forgive. If they're mission is to rebuild the lanes into a safe space, they can't exclude people they don't like, they have to make room for them. I think they fought Silco out of necessity, and I doubt Jinx would be the first person they help who's killed one of them.
These all might be a bit of a stretch but I think it really fits. Beyond that, it shows that Ekko can ACTUALLY help Jinx. As much as unconditional love can do, Ekko has the tools for Jinx's recovery and a path ready for her. He also probably knows that her "healthy" will look different from AU Powder's "healthy." On top of that, I expect he knows how to respect her even in the middle of psychotic breaks and won't agitate her already frail mental state
#if you would like to (respectfully) disagree with me I'll GLADLY talk with you. I can think of nothing but Arcane atm#timebomb#ekko arcane#putting it in the tags bc I want to let people agree with my timebomb takes without having to listen to my other ship opinions#uh on that note I have some Caitlyn and Vi opinions that go a bit hand in hand with this#but I think that in contrast Caitlyn and Vi are mutually self destructive#see neither of them seem to make the others mental health... better.#Vi is desperate and needs love wherever she can get it#and Caitlyn... I'm not sure. I have a hard time reading her but a lot of the vibes I get off her feel like she just likes having the power#over vi#I KNOW THAT'S A STRONG CLAIM#hear me out#Vi in her search for unconditional love does a lot of enabling#a good example is when Caitlyn arrests that henchman in episode 3(?)#Vi is VISIBLY uncomfortable with that and for good reason!#Caitlyn just locked someone up for life for... nothing?#kinda like Marcus did to her (yes Marcus was trying to protect her but I doubt that's how Vi sees it)#but Vi doesn't voice this or push Caitlyn on it#instead she asks Caitlyn not to change#not great communication on Vi's part#but also indicative of how little their values align#and how little Caitlyn actually considers Vi and her problems and history#Caitlyn doesn't help Vi heal and she turns on Vi the second Vi stops enabling her and letting Caitlyn do as she thinks is best#neither of them are ready to deal with the others problems or communicate well#again. willing to discuss this. my opinions are swayable.#I just personally found Caitlyn made the most sense and was most compelling when she was going down facist dictator path#sure she could be more but I don't think the show ever really transitioned her away from that#you can see it in the way she treats Maddy#hhhhhh I should go to bed rather than spill every last thought I've ever had
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Sebastián sketch dump🫶🫶🫶
#some of my favorite sketches I’ve done of judt Sebastian#it’s hard to find them tjough bc I have a lot of sólo Eloise ones#but not as many just Sebastian ones😆😆 I feel like my art is just so niche now bahahahahahahahahhaha#the brainrot is so strong…#I LOVE the first one like…he stayed up all night researching dark magic in the Undercroft#and now he can’t stay awake in class…#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart
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maybe i do want us to kiss a little more
#can you really accept who i am ... ? the fact i am a human and will forever a human; just like how u are never satisfied with yourself#u might never satisfied with me either#twisted wonderland#twst#sebek zigvolt#twst yuu#lilia vanrouge#twst mc#fanart#i . just . wanted to draw . a kiss .#but i did think a lot if he have a desire to be with a strong fae partner so he can erase the human blood from his lineage little by little#or he'd feel guilty about dirtying his fae partner's blood for passing human blood in him to another fae child & make them possibly weak#i think he would somewhat feel guilty too to make a human half fae child because where their place would be then#maybe his true desire is just to end his blood with him as malleus guard and that's all there's to it#i wish all his doubt would be erased once he saw how beautiful his child with his eyes is#just a child who will try their best no matter what blood they have in them
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When your love for each other is so great and it becomes something bigger than either of you, oh that's family baby!
#you guys would not believe the trenchs i was fighting in to finish this me and my tablet fist fighting all day i have a meme planned now#Bee is showing Piston Cybertron :)#tfe bumblebee#tfe breakdown#breakbee#earthspark bumblebee#transformers bumblebee#tf earthspark#breakbee fanchild#transformers breakdown#transformers oc#tf piston#sparkling#transformers#tf fanart#maccadams#maccadam#transformers fanart#this is a canon event in The Last Mile Marker#what Bee doesnt realize just yet is this moment is what caused Piston to go down a path that cultimates in them#pulling a [REDACTED] on Optimus and Megatron demanding they go home NOW. TODAY. we dont belong here i want to go HOME!!!!!!#Piston is not an autobot or a decepticon but they have Breakdowns personality and theyre very young and strong willed and stupid#they march in there ANGRY tears in their eyes hands shaking voice cracking pretending to want to talk to both in private#once the doors shut its [REDACTED] out Optimus is terrified bc Piston is so so SO young and to be like that already? heartbreaking wow yike#Megatron is lowkey impressed but equally concerned like little sparkling what have you been listening to to get this upset#and the answer is they saw how listless Bee was about staying on earth but unwilling to say something and how determined Breakdown was#it doesnt happen right away Piston gets frustrated over the course of a couple of months and feels a need to Do. Something.#also please PLEASE somebody tells me Piston looks like their Creators i was filled with doubt this entire TIME!!!!#they have a lot of Breakdown but subtle Bee details and also Cyberverse Bee#they are green because yellow + blue = green :3
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I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#benjamin sisko#jake sisko#s1 Julian being so young and eager to prove himself and latching onto Sisko as this mentor figure to look up to#seeing Sisko with Jake and low-key seeking that fatherly figure connection which he won't even let himself think about#Sisko seeing this young brilliant doctor who's got all the makings to be something great and he's just GOTTA help him along#I think he would also catch on pretty quick that Julian's got Parental Issues#he tries to ask one day all casual like 'tell me about yourself :)' and Julian talks about nothing but Starfleet and med school#any attempts to ask about his family are met with awkward brief answers and redirections#and then theres the way Julian's eyes light up the first time Sisko invites him to watch a baseball game#like he Knows. he's a dad he Knows somethings up#but he doesnt pry#I also think it makes their dynamic more tragic towards the end of the series#where we have Sisko asking Julian to compromise his morals again and again#Julian's trust and respect for him gradually deteriorating#and then at the end of course Sisko is gone and they have no idea when he'll be back#which I think Julian would have a lot of complicated feelings about#but of course theres also Jake#I imagine they'd get closer#very brotherly dynamic#you know that scene in TNG where Wesley goes to Riker for girl advice and Riker and Guinan start flirting?#absolutely happens but with Jake asking Julian for girl advice and Julian wooing a girl at Quark's and Jake absolutely loses the plot#makes the events of ...Nor the Battle to the Strong more intense as well I think#also I like to think there'd be an episode where the B plot is Jake gets mad at Sisko and impulsively decides to move out#ends up at Julian's because he did not think this through#Julian is now very much caught in the middle of this family drama and he Fucking Hates It#also him and Jake are NOT compatible roommates but he's trying so so hard to be nice#eventually they have a talk and Julian cryptically hints at his own home life and tells Jake he's lucky he has a dad who cares so much#them being closer would work into what Alone Together sets up for them
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so this is basically the whole space trip thing right.
#danny phantom#danny phantom fanart#dp#dp fanart#vlad plasmius#jack fenton#vlad masters#i know a lot of people don't like what they did with... uh. season 3 in general#i'm kind of one of them? my feelings aren't suuuper strong but y'know def the weakest of the bunch#HOWEVER#aesthetic.#as a lover of all things space travel themed i approve his funny little space vampire outfit#i was disappointed when it was gone at the end of the episode lmao#why do i draw so much vlad.#... don't answer that. i get it. *squints at narry*#not that narry has beef with like. a teenager. but he does have beef with hundreds of internet reviewers on steam#ONE of em has got to be a kid. at least.#ney's art#ney's comics#this is not a part of the eight page comic i'm making btw. i am simply hopping from canvas to canvas. again.
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As someone who ships people more as friends and someone who is genuinely cool with Sonadow and Superbat...
Can I see their relationships more like platonically? I want the soft moments of them, but something between them. I want their relationship to almost always be a slow burn friendship.
I want Sonic to chill with Shadow after a tough battle, not kissing and being all over each other. Both of them collecting themselves, as they are tired from the battle. I want them to maybe hold hands for a few seconds, but then stop once one of them moves or speaks up about something (like the sunset or the flowers around them).
Let me see Clark being a reporter for a charity event and spotting Bruce Wayne. I want them to "bump" into each other and just do a interview that turns into a casual conversation. Maybe even add a silly Bruce with his fake persona on throwing a flirt by accident and getting a small blush from Clark.
Have Shadow need to carry Sonic as he cannot move. Shadow being uncomfortable at first holding Sonic in his arms, however as he speeds along he starts to like the feeling of Sonic holding onto him. Sonic would be shocked by Shadow holding him, but he would clutch tighter to the soft chest from Shadow. Sonic would know it would not last long and could not be talked about, so he melts with the touch he loves to give others as he is in the receiving end with one of his closest. They both would blush once Sonic tightens his grip, but it would last only for a second.
How about Bruce as Batman needing to block Clark from a kryptonite bomb coming for Superman. So Batman has to hug Superman to block the explosion from him, which Bruce almost never touches Clark. The moment is panic at first, but Superman will instead lean into the hug. Their faces would be close, but no one makes a move as they just stare at each others eyes. Superman would hug back as the smoke fills the air, It would make Bruce flinch with worry for Superman, but it would fade into love of the small touch they have before the debris cleared.
Let me see more casual romance/platonic ships. I like Sonadow and Superbat, just differently I guess. I am not a hardcore shipper for these two ships, but I do think they are both adorable if played out correctly.
#ranting#rambles#thoughts#sonadow#superbat#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#bruce wayne#clark kent#batman#superman#sth#dcu#platonic ships#how about romance but always slow burn and never too strong#i am cool with hugs and cuddles#just they are not popular with the duo#but when it happens it gets serious and helps their relationship out a lot usually#if the happy character is going to be with the broody character this is how i want it to play out#just a weird view of romance#also they both have a female who supports it#sonadow has amy supporting in the corner#superbat got diana pushing them from time to time#amy and diana would both have mixed feelings at the start once both duos tell them about their relationship#sorry if you disagree#i just wanted to rant about my ways of ships
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So interesting to read about Mephistopheles and his children. He sent another one of his cambion children- Antilia to be a spy in Archdevil Baalzebul’s court as a consort (which is interesting because that’s exactly what Haarlep is for Raphael imo.). He really thinks Raphael is that much of a threat. (or maybe he was just paranoid/preparing for all possibilities which is very Mephistopheles vibes) He’s also eaten more than one of his cambion children. He consumed Magadon Kest as well. But it seems almost all his children stayed in his service, Raphael was a lot more independent than a lot of Mephistopheles’s spawn. Mephistopheles resurrected that other consumed child in exchange for power (though he kept half his soul, basically keeping him at least semi-leashed to him forever). I wouldn’t be surprised if Mephistopheles always intended to sort of re-leash Raphael to him and maybe everything- letting the crown go temporarily, was to tie up the naughty end of a meddling and potentially extremely dangerous spawn. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up resurrecting Raphael as well, as one of his agents of course.
#I wonder if raphael had some agreement with Zariel about staying in 1 bc getting out from under his father’s thumb couldn’t have been easy.#I actually do feel quite sorry for Raphael in the sense none of Mephistopheles children are ever really free of him it seems.#They’re born and he’s like: great new servant. Which kind of makes sense. If he’s immortal he doesn’t care about them. He’s probably had#Thousands of children live entire lives. They mean nothing to him. But Raphael is an abnormally strong cambion I’d doubt he’s dead for good#Lots to think about.#Mephistopheles#mephistopheles dnd#antilia dnd#Magadon kest#Magadon dnd#raphael bg3#raphael the cambion#baalzebul#baalzebul dnd
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Thinking about the hightower kids meeting 15 year old alicent when she was happier
#time travel au#but i will not elaborate#alicent doesn't know these sad weird kids but she feels a strong connection to them#meanwhile they are absolutely devasted about the young girl that's so much like their mother#she never grew up she just got more sad#i have a lot of feelings for alicent idk#hotd#hotd fanart#alicent#aegon#aemond#heleana#my art
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Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#madam lan#A-qing#Band AU#(Reminder that Madam Lan's design inspiration goes to Qourmet!)#Madam Lan may have been the winner per vote count but there were so many strong advocates for A-Qing!#I played around with a few versions of what the 'poll winner' art was going to be and ultimately decided I wanted them both.#As any good theater love knows though - The battle for leadership was a ruse. They *all* get a chance to be featured.#Cooperation was the real end goal! However I do think these two have the best frontman energy of the group.#Or at least 'crowd favourite' energy. I also really loved hearing what people thought their vocal styles would be like!#This was probably one of my favourite polls to do and I love drawing these characters a lot B*)#I'd love to spend a bit more time in this AU so count on me bringing it back.#One thing I keep feeling like I need to redeem myself on is Madam Lan's Translucent skirt. I have *not* done the concept justice yet.#It is such a crack-platonic ship but I want to think Madam Lan and A-Qing would enjoy each other's company.#Possibly also with JYL as well. They can be like mutually beneficial therapy dogs to each other.#Madam Lan never got to see her kids grow up into teenagers after all. She only had sons. Never daughters.#Even if she saw her kids once a month we do know she treated them with so much love and kindness.#She would bite the shit out of YZY for yelling at JYL. What a sight to see. A-Qing would also start biting (for fun).
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