#I have been treating myself all day
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#I have been treating myself all day#got my oil changed and some other mechanical things taken care of#so my car is in good shape#filled up with gas#picked up some amazing bagels#oh! went to the pool for a while#and then meditated in the hot tub#and picked up dinner for tonight (bake at home pizza)#but the biggest treat of all is that money I spend regularly#on a housekeeper#today she emptied the dishwasher#and she always folds my sheets#which I hate doing#she is worth her weight in gold#I’ve had a housekeeper for many years now#I treated myself long ago#and it’s always been worth skipping a few Starby’s drinks every month#this one?#she’s freaking amazing#anyway did I mention that now I’m reading an actual book?#I feel very decadent today
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simself college fits
#nothing will ever seperate me from the giò ferrari jumper i found in a charity shop#these past few days have been tough as fuck but i'm going to treat myself next weekend by going to a record fair#and i'm going to buy a carhartt patchwork jacket i've had my eye on for months#hope everyones keeping well i haven't been around here much#my friends and i started a minecraft server which we've been obsessively playing#so i haven't really played any sims..#inspiration to do anything at all has been sparse lately i won't lie#side effect of doing a creative course i guess..#college starts up again today.. getting up at 6am was a joy 😐😐#see ya simblr
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#momonina#kindof. embarrassed to post this one bc its just pure fluff lmao… theyre so LAME in this pic (/j)#i can hear mmk going ったく…#nn’s outfits are always soooo cute though#waaaaaah i love the fashion….#miiiight color it though..#edit incoming#future pix here#mmnn#<- decided the drawings of the two of em can have momonina in them but if it leans more romo than plato it has mmnn#bc i rotate them in my head so fast#but as the days pass i get really crazy over them being Not Romantic but still More than That#im losing my Mind tbh#the only thing im certain of is that mmk is definitely a lesbian all things considered like look at her LMAO#everytime i rewatch i do consider how gay her actions are...???#(i've been rotating mmnn around in my mind since ep 1 tbh... the codependency was tempting...!)#but i keep thinking abt mmk herself saying “i saw my past self in you” in like. ep 2 already... and it would linger in my mind#i had written in my notes a While back#like when ep 4 was airing#that it just felt like mmk was trying to be kind to her past self ykno#because she believed that the her now... had failed in her dream#so yknow... by giving the guitar she was trying to have nn continue that dream for her (leading into mmk “guiding nn”)#ofc nn gives back her guitar though and i thank that person on twitter everyday for putting it so well#LIKE AGHHH THEIR MEETING WAS FATE BUT THE ACTIONS THEY TOOK TO PULL EACH OTHER UP... KILL ME!!!!#the choices they make regarding themselves... of staying true to themselves... hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgjhg#idk how many people will see this edit so im just treating it like the void (haha Void) here#(i've made that joke multiple times to myself now#i still think about. how mmnn were drawn to the honesty of each other#and yet. didnt exactly recognize each other as an actual person yet?#nn loved void and so loved mmk for creating it and saving her life. so mmk was a savior to her
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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they were right about the sunday scaries. because sunday nights are indeed scary
#the heron speaketh#been running around tidying up all day ive tired myself out#and now that ive slowed down My Brain Is Going bc theres much to worry about always#cant find anything to listen to to keep me distracted so its just me and my thoughts and my various piles of things i have to put away#maybe if i finish cleaning without my brain eating itself alive ill treat myself . to. something idk yet#ill figure it out by the time im done
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the wind has carried us too far, it's blown the moon down
#artists on tumblr#illustration#art#oc#digital art#my art#tian#happy bday to zhu's man tian tian we luv u tian tian a man for the last day of the year#''i won't be able to do anything for his bday bc i won't have my graph display'' false i love him and technically i have an ipad#''okay i'll just do this quick'' false i've been agonizing over this for 24hrs. the procreate timelapse is hilarious#''OKAY i can't look at this anymore i am DONE'' false we're adding chrysanthemums#this is the first thing i've actually forced myself to do in procreate start to finish........... many things i want 2 fix but not bad#973963747347525000% diff from doing in photoshop. learned many funny things abt my [ checks notes ] process#funniest thing was finding out i know exactly what t looks like in photoshop but in procreate...... whuh. huh. sorry to this man#anyway happy new year's (eve)!!!!!!!! i hope 2024 treats us all so well pls take care!!!!!!!!!!!!
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i had a revelation
#here have an extra meme as a treat#Mitsugi#paradise bl#paradise vn#helga g. pataki#meme#JAST BLUE please translate Musubi so I can witness this in real time 🙏😭#ive been laughing crying about this connection ALL DAY#im burning for this fandisc more than ever#ITS TOO FUNNY I HAVE TO SEE IT FOR MYSELF#and honestly will rescue my opinion of mitsugi from the Negatives
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i took a sick day and took myself out to breakfast and baby waved me. life feels good again.
#im very lucky to get paid sick days (which is fucked that people don’t get paid days to begin with) but they don’t carry over#and work has been so stupidly busy and it will only get busier#and im changing roles at work which is nice (i guess) but its just a job and more responsibility#and im trying to always not treat my job like it’s my life or something that defines me or the only place where i give value#cause that’s not true but that’s what the corporate world WANTS YOU TO DO#and feel guilty when you take time for yourself cause if you aren’t around things will fall apart#but all of this to say: if you get paid sick days please take them. even if you aren’t sick or just need a break.#it’s so needed. life is so crazy busy and weekends are enough time to do everything#so taking a day to do the things you need to do or (like something I need to learn how to do) do nothing at all and just chill#my dream sick day is having the house to myself and i can take a bath and then go back in bed and read fic all day#and eat pasta#but one thing at a time
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Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"
#quote from MLP:FIW#sorryyyy been kinda angry about my step family all day#sorry but im so tired of my Stepmom acting like she raised decent kids#my step brother is like 25 and living in my dads home. hes unironically an andrew tate fan and treats his very disabled girlfriend like shit#step sister always got compred to my sister who's the same age and put step sis in the light every time EVEN THO MY SIS WAS LITERALLY BETTER#<- like grades n shit#also both step sibs are gross. never cleans up ever. step brother and his gf are banned from the basement#step bro went to juvy when he was 16 and step sis had a trial last year and almost went to jail#also step sis has mono and would rather die than cover her mouth#i feel bad for SB's girlfriend because she has no other support system and sometimes it feels like SB or SS is trying to kill her?????#my dad threatened to kick out the adults if the house is dirty (adults being SB. SBG. SS. My sister. Aunt.)#My sister does SO MUCH HOUSEWORK and nobody cares and im mad#also bullshit rules recently have made my potential eating disorder worse#i don't think its healthy to rather starve than wash a dish but i actually have cried several times over this#not to mention how much i accidentally starve myself#also our food has been less and less because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat anymore because of my step family#also i have to share the smallest room with my sister. its okay tho ilh and i wouldn't want to get rid of her#sometimes it feels like my stepmom doesn't like me or my sisters because we're “weird”. childish interests and artistic#she lectured me about having missing assignments and I started crying#i said i just forgot to turn in some before the deadline and she called me lazy#<- Oops! so close. its actually THE MENTAL ILLNESS#my sisters and i feel like shit#i feel like my safe space is with my oldest sister.#and you all too! i love you guys#i just feel trapped. trapped by my step family. trapped by my own mind.#i was just starting to feel free from the burden of school and she just made me feel more stressed.#i didn't want to study because she killed the little motivation I had#Spanish exam is now “Fuck it we ball”#sorry for the personal post
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Could really do with some proper alone time 👀✨
Treat me ~ Tip me
#I am desperate to get some of my toys out to play 🥺🥺🥺 im sure ill get a chance soon#It feels like its been a long day already! Despite it being only half 10. A long week actually. I thought it was at least Tuesday already#I think my family (myself included) are all coming down with colds at the moment#Satans knitwear#Alt pinup#Pinup girl#My gif to you#Any tips or treats would be massively appreciated right now 💕 i have about £10 to last me until the 18th 🤢#Pretty lingerie#Lingerie body#Legs for days#Thighs#Matching choker#Choker#Blue mesh lingerie#Mesh bodysuit#bi girl#uk girl#cheeky#wlw
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i know it's 2024 and i have no doubt this point has been made a million times before by a million people more eloquent than me, but here i am again, wishing there had been an
"okay, and...?"
dialogue option during blackwall's big reveal, like...........................what if my inquisitor truly did not care???????? the drama in that!!!! the drama!!!!!!!!
#queenie rambles about dragon age#i know there are SO many bigger and more glaring issues w the dialogue choices in dai and how youre railroaded into treating certain charas#i dont want to minimize those in the SLIGHTEST#but like????????????? idk dude like my inky was a mercenary/sellsword for a hoT MINUTE before the conclave like#she would narrow her eyes like edgar allan poe in that kate beaton comic#idk all the veilguard talk has me thinking about dai again and since im a blackwall girlie i find myself returning to that scene a lot#and i GET that HE feels wracked with guilt and can't live with it - THAT part i get!!! but my inky would just be like ????? okay????#and wouldnt THAT have been a crazy reaction to explore??? he's beside himself w guilt and getting this horrible thing out in the open#only for the inquisitor to like shrug and act like it's a normal tuesday???? idk i'm deep in it tonight lads
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Don’t you know that Tork is a wifebeater?
tags.
#guys i’m sorry i don’t need this right now#i’m done being ‘funny’ and trying to make it lighthearted#yes. i know. i have very conflicted feelings about peter and ive been really upset abo it it especially this week#i have had a horrible start to the school year. can we not get really heated about the monkees right now PLEASE#i am sorry to be rude this is just like the fiftieth anon ask i’ve got in the last few days and idk what i did wrong#and people seem to be really mad. we all know peter was not the saint right? i’ve said it like fifty times. i made the whole post about it#i deleted the post that seemed to get people angry where i talked abott it my dislike of torksmith#people treat peter like he’s so innocent. i know that he was not. i distance myself from real life peter. are you happy?#i am tired#please stop spamming me with asks whoever you are
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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good morning friendz & happy tuesday ! ! i hope today is a great day for everyone ! please remember to do something sweet for yourself because you are doing your best and that’s more than good enough !
#yesterday was soooooo not it i’m ngl#but today is a brand new day !!#and it’ll be a good one <3#🫂🩷 hugging whoever needs one rn . the world can be scary sometimes but we will find joy in the little things !#you’ll put on your fave show or eat your fave treat and the world will seem a little less harsh ᰔ#give it a lil time and you’ll start to feel okay again . . slowly but surely <3#<- using this as a lil reminder for myself as well 🙂↕️#going to queue up a lil zoro blurb that’s been in the drafts for far too long#idk if it’s rlly my best work or anything but it’s done & feels good enough so we move#need to stop hoarding onto stuff !!!!#reminding myself it’s not that serious and if it’s not 110% the best thing i’ve ever written then it’s okay bc i had fun writing it#and if i don’t post now it’ll just be endless edits for the rest of my tumblr days … shivers .#FHDJDDJDJ#i hope u all have a great day & remember to stay awesome mhm <3#sending out lots of love#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ — ✩ daily yap.
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"For a self-proclaimed researcher... I thought you'd know by now that Psychic-types are weak against Ghost." "Morty-ehehe! B-But I'm nohohot a type specialist!" "Maybe should've thought of that first before deciding to wake me up so early."
A spiritual successor to this lil doodle of mine 🫣💖💕
#sacredshipping#morty x eusine#morty/eusine#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#eusine#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#pokemon tickle#'tis the season to be giggly or however that song goes askjdasnd//////////////////#pretty much a self-indulgent treat for myself this holiday season SDKJFSNKDFNS it's been real quiet this time 'round#I honestly don't usually look forward to christmas anyways since I have some bad memories tied to it :'D though it has been exceptionally--#--all over the place this year; partly on the busyness and errands being run on my household's side--#--though mainly on my own headspace and how I haven't.............. been great- these past few months#December in particular has been a time of reflection for me and it's just--been a lot - to grapple with#I needed to distance myself from things to try to make sense of myself---and still - I'm not quite sure where to go from here just yet#but I'll figure it out - one day. I finally do have a schedule with that new psychologist so that's something to look forward to#and I'm trying to get my bearings where I am now so--that's at least something to be grateful for I feel ❤️#got a bit sad there so I deserve to draw my sillies being tickly as a gift for myself yes yes akjsdajsknd#I've always wanted to draw a lee!Eusine ever since he's been implanted in my mind graaaaaaAAAHHHHHHHHHH /affectionate#let them be soft and sweet and domestic and silly with each other it's what they deserve 🫵🫵🫵
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chat. chat i have a question. i know ive always had guilt when it comes to getting things for myself, but like. would it be stupid to drop like $116 on the special editions of two games ive been wanting for a while (now because one of which is on sale)? i mean, ive been saving my money literally all summer to use for myself like i haven’t bought anything i didn’t need and i KNOW im not gonna blow through all of it in school because i don’t go anywhere & dont do shit and i know it’s my money and i can do what i want with it but. idk. it feels stupid. is it stupid or is my brain stupid??
(extra context in tags ig idk)
#i mean i got paid like $700 last week and i get paid one more time next week before i’m off for school but still :/#like. like is thinking it’s stupid reasonable or should i. ahem. ‘treat myself.’#the two games in mind have a TON of content so i know they’re gonna keep me busy for a LONG time so that’s kinda why i wanna get them;m#so i can have long grundy games to keep me occupied and not really want to get anything else for a long time you get me?#i know $116 won’t be a lot from my $3000 account but like. still. idk. :/#ofc i have to jump through the many hoops of setting up a paypal to use in the nintendo eshop#or i could just. ask my sister to help me unlink & relink her card so it doesn’t charge hers instead (because her card’s linked for NSO)#but aside from that i could have that shit like. tonight.#not like i play games a lot on the days i have work because i get home so late but still y���know?#i think it would be a nice ‘good luck back at school’ gift for myself#because i love skyrim & pokemon i really do but that’s literally all ive been playing for like over a year now i need to spice it up :/#anyway chat should i or should i not?#grace being stupid#text post#personal
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