#here have an extra meme as a treat | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

darnell-la · 6 months ago

Text

𝗪𝗵𝘆? 𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘂𝗹

pairing: protective!rafe cameron x druggie!pogue!reaser

warning: drug abuse, alcohol abuse, drugged, assaults mentioned (not Rafe), hair pulling, slapping, mean pet names, etc.

note: we love a dark, mean, or overprotective Rafe Cameron, but author “S” decided to write a sweet Rafe towards a pogue.

follow our Instagram @ darnell.la so we can start posting random videos, photos, edits, and memes of the people we write about!

————————————————————————

𝟯𝗥𝗗 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡 𝗣𝗢𝗩

Being a Pogue isn’t easy. Most Kooks say they get off and get whatever they want because their island focuses more on the Pogues. That’s easy for someone to say who gets money consistently every week.

Y/n works at the golf bar, serving people who hate her. Most of the time, she doesn’t get a tip, but if she does, it’s a big amount for a group of kids who want to show how much they have versus her.

Being on the island is cruel, and the only thing y/n feels is worth her time, is sitting at the beach, getting high and drunk anytime she can.

“Just need a few grams pre-rolled,” y/n said as she walked through Barry’s trailer. “Gave you a lil extra since my last client pissed me off. Same price, don’t worry about the rest,” Barry said before hanging y/n a bag.

Y/n left Barry’s trailer and headed to work. Today was going to be a rough day. It was a Friday, and everyone came here towards the end of the day because of the weekend.

“Hey, y/n! — Could you handle that table over there?” Y/n’s boss asked, and before looking, she said “Yes,”. Anything he asked for, she’d do for the extra tips he usually gives her from the tip jar overnight.

“Hey, guys! I’ll be your waitress for the night. My name is y/n, and I’m here for whatever you need,” Y/n fumbled her notepad, a bit nervous to cover a huge table of teen boys who usually treat her bad.

“Didn’t know they had pretty Pogue’s,” a boy said. Y/n looked up, finally getting a better look at their faces. She knew them all from school. Some are in every class she takes.

“Oh shit, you’re that Pogue with all A’s. Hey, girl!” A dude said. You smiled with a nod, not really wanting to talk. “Let’s order,” a boy that she noticed right away. Rafe Cameron.

Everyone knows how he feels about Pogues. He fights them. Embarrassed them. Steals from them. She had to stay nice today before he made something up to get her fired. She didn’t know what he was capable of tonight.

“And make sure to do it snappy, dirty princess,” a boy said before y/n walked off with all of their orders. The comment didn’t bother her, since she’s heard worse.

“Isn’t she like top of the class?” Rafe randomly asked, interrupting his friend’s conversations. “Yeah, why?” Topper asked. “Why is she here? Workin’ as a waiter,” he asked, knowing these jobs are for the lowest.

“She’s still a Pogue. Heard they don’t cover her stay at the dorms, so she stays at her dump,” Kelce said, making the table laugh. Rafe chuckled but felt off doing so.

He saw her earlier today, leaving Barry’s trailer. He was curious if they were fucking, so he asked him when he came for his usual order. “I wish,” was Barry’s response.

If she was any other Pogue, he would’ve known they were there for drugs, but her? She didn’t seem like the type. Top of her class and knew what she was doing. Why was a girl like her drugging up?

Throughout the night, y/n was moving back and forth between tables. Luckily, more tables than usual tipped her.

She thought this was finally going to be a good night until the Rafe’s table got drunk. They began making noises, throwing shots at y/n every time she walked past or served them more drinks.

She didn’t notice, but Rafe was the only one who didn’t say anything. His friends tried to convince him, but he said he “wasn’t in the mood,”.

“Ayo!? — Where’s my beer?” A Timothy asked. Y/n quickly made his drink and ran over to serve. “Took you long enough. Might take a dollar or two off your tip,” he said as the table chuckled.

“I’m sorry, I was pretty busy-“ she tried explaining herself. “Doing what? Stealing. Oh, shit, people! Check your pockets!” He shouted, embarrassing her, but she tried her best not to show it.

“Sorry, it won’t happen again,” she said. Seconds later, the boy pulled y/n onto his lap. “Let’s hope not, or you’ll have to make up for it, hm?” He said. Y/n wanted to slap him, but she couldn’t. She’s never been in a position like this.

“Right, princess?” He asked in her ear as his hands traveled her body. “Y-Yes sir,” she stuttered as the table laughed but Rafe. “How about you take a break and stay here with us. Talk about yourself,” Kelce suggested.

“Yeah, do that,” Timothy focused on her curves as she shook in embarrassment and lack of comfort. “I-I wish, but I can’t. I have other tables,” she said, moving to leave, but Timothy tightened his grip on her.

“But Ian done with you yet,” he said. Of course, his friends found it funny. Y/n tried pushing his hands off of her respectfully and leaving, but he didn’t like that. “Kinda hot when a Pogue resists,” he said before sniffing and lightly kissing her neck.

Y/n yelled as she strongly pushed off of him. “C’mon, baby-“ he went to reach for her but she quickly gave him a punch to his face, causing him to fall out of his chair. He was drunk and it was unexpected.

“Hey!” His Friends said as they got up. Even Rafe. “The fuck is your problem!” Another friend yelled at her, pushing her to the ground roughly.

“Hey, hey! — What’s going on here?” Y/n’s boss asked as Y/n got up. “This Pogue punched me!” Timothy said. “What!? You fuckin’ touched me without permission!” Y/n yelled back.

“It was a joke you crazy bitch,” Timothy touched his lip, feeling an open cut. “I’m bleeding! Is this what you hire!?” He yelled, shocking the boss. “You basically sexually assaulted me!” Y/n yelled.

“Barley, you freak. Why would I want something like you? A fuckin’ Pogue!” He yelled, aching y/n’s stomach. How could someone do what he did, and then talk to you like you meant nothing.

“Y/n, go home,” her boss spoke. “But-“ she tried saying. “Go home! Take the rest of the week off,” he said. Kelce and some of the rest laughed, knowing that would fuck with her income. Getting paid all week wasn’t great for her.

Y/n stormed out of her job in anger, pissed off that the Kooks always get what they want. Her boss has cameras, and he didn’t think twice about looking. This was bullshit!

It’s been hours since y/n got home. She couldn’t help but drink and light a couple to ease her mind. She was overthinking and hurt. What if she lost her job? How could she possibly live decently?

On the other hand, Rafe got into a fight with Timothy after he brought up the fact he made sure to talk to her boss and tell him if she came back, he’d sue the place.

Rafe was disgusted. He started the whole situation and ended it like some bitch. Y/n had been nice to the table all night, and he repaid her like that? No. He didn’t like that one bit.

“How could you choose a Pogue over your homies!?” Timothy had yelled at him before Rafe left. Rafe didn’t know got to answer, but he knew this wasn’t right. Something in him saw the real struggle of a Pogue that he’d never paid attention to before.

It’s early in the morning. Y/n’s awake and Rafe is at her front door. He quickly knocked, needing to talk to her about last night.

Y/m groaned, hoping this wasn’t one of her friends. They know she’s unavailable before 12pm. “What!?” She dragged before opening the door to face with a Kook. A Kook at her door was new.

“What do you want?” She asked, slightly closing the door. She didn’t know what he was here for. “Are you seriously high? At this hour?” Rafe asked, feeling anger run through his body instantly.

“Why do you care? Not like you don’t snort white dust every night,” she said. “I’ve been clean. For 2 years,” she said with a straight face. Y/n felt horrible. Why would she bring someone else’s addictions up?

“I — I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ she tried apologizing. “It’s okay,” he genuinely said. “But what’s not okay, is you high at this time of day. That’s not good for you,” he said, making her roll her eyes. Who is he to tell her what she should do.

“What did you come here for?” She asked, not wanting to talk to Rafe Cameron about her drug life. What if he used it against her. “To apologize for my friend. Had to teach him a lesson last night,” y/n said, confused.

Rafe lifted his hands, causing y/n to flinch. She soon realized he was trying to show her his knuckles. He had to beat Timothy good.

“Oh my god, Rafe!” She said. “Nah uh — Why the fuck did you flinch?” Rafe asked, feeling so much confusion that was covering his anger. “I-I don’t know,” she said. “Does someone beat you or some shit?” He asked as he looked passed her for any signs of a partner.

“Were you beat?” He asked. “God, no, Rafe. I was just- I thought you were gonna hit me,” she said. “Why would I hit you!?” He slightly shouted. “I don’t know! Maybe because you fight JJ and John B any second you get!” Y/n yelled in his face.

Rafe wasn’t expecting this morning to go like this. He came to apologize. Hope he could learn more about her, but now he sees how she sees him. As another Timothy.

“Look, y/n — I’ve been done with that for years. Plus, I’ve never hit a woman in my life. I came here to have a decent conversation with you, that’s all,” Rafe spoke.

“Well, I’m not up for speaking. Needa figure out how to make money since I woke up to an email, firing me from my one and only job,” she said, slightly mad at him, but only because he’s a Kook.

“I can help you,” he said, making her scoff. “No — No way Ima let some Kook, better yet, Rafe Cameron help me get a job because he sees me as some weak girl,” she said, about to close her front door, but he pushed it open, all the way.

“Y/n, I’m trying to help you. Can you not see that?” He asked. “No, I can’t! All you do is lie and-“ she tried continuing. “That was years ago! Just because you haven’t changed, doesn’t mean I couldn’t!” He yelled in her face.

The two were silent. Y/n was silenced. He was right, and she knew that. Why is she blaming a random Kook for her lifestyle? She’s the one who uses up her money for drugs. Not him. Her.

“Bye, Rafe,” y/n said in a low soft voice as she closed her front door. Rafe’s mouth opened, but he didn’t know what to say. Why would he yell at her life that? He knows how he used to feel when people yelled at him and he was hooked on drugs.

Fast forward to the weekend. Y/n’s outside on some Kook’s house party patio, smoking a joint while she made conversation with Barry.

She hadn’t been to a Kook party in months, but now that she’s unemployed, she had time. Barry also offered her a free supply if she came tonight, so she did.

Dressed in a tight sundress she bought herself last year. She knew she looked good. She hated going to parties, and looking like a Pogue, even though people already knew who she was.

“Needa make my rounds. See ya inside?” Barry said before leaving her outside to smoke alone. Y/n took a drag of her joint before walking her head back. She felt great. Being broke was finally out of her mind.

“Unemployed princess is here? What a surprise. Haven’t seen you at one of these in a while,” Timothy spoke as he came from behind her. Her mood was instantly ruined.

“Could you like, piss off? You’ve done enough in my life,” y/n said, going to take another drag until one of his friends slapped it out of her hand.

“Hey!” She went to get up until Timothy pushed her back onto the couch. Hard. “Don’t get feisty. No one’s here to save your ass,” he said, pointing to the big crowd that wasn’t paying attention to them. He and she knew they wouldn’t help her. She’s a Pogue after all.

“Look — I just want to have a relaxing night. I’m sorry for slapping you-“ she said. “Punching,” Kelce interrupted. “Yeah — Punched, and that shit hurt,” Timothy said before grabbing a fist full of her hair.

“Have you ever been punched in the face, Pogue? Because I could show ya,” he said as y/n stayed still. What would she possibly do? His grip was hard. She felt pain through their whole scalp.

“But actually, — You’re too pretty, for that. Maybe apologize instead,” he suggested. “I-I’m sorry. I won’t do-“ she tried saying. “Nah uh — Not that kind of apology,” Timothy’s hand traced down to his crotch before he gripped it, giving her his idea.

His friends laughed as she looked at him in disgust and shock. Out here? In front of anyone? What kind of human is he?

“No way,” she said, moving to get up but he quickly slapped her across her face, causing her to fall onto the couch she was sitting on.

“Goddamn Pogue,” he spoke as he climbed into her, quickly tugging on her dress. Y/n screamed and kicked as his friends stood around, laughing and drinking at the sight of their friend trying to assault her once again.

Rafe had seen the scene a while ago. As soon as he saw the group walk up to her, he made his way towards them. He was sadly across the yard, talking to Topper, so he couldn’t stop the slap Timothy gave her.

He knew when he got over to them, he’d go off. How dare he mess with her after he told him not to last night.

“Piece of fucking shit,” Rafe said as he pulled the boy off of y/n and instantly threw a punch to his face. “Oh shit,” one of the boys shouted, making people look their way. Finally.

“What did I say?” Rafe asked before giving him a punch. “Told you to leave her alone, didn’t I, huh? Didn’t I!?” He punched again. “Told you what would happen if I caught you near her again, didn’t I?” Rafe kept lunching.

Y/n grabbed her bag and ran off, pushing through the group in embarrassment. The dress was ripped, and her bar was on display. Her tits even showed a bit. She had to get away.

The poor girl ran to the beach to get away from the human noises. She needed something to block out her thoughts. Their voices.

She thought the waves would help, but it didn’t. The waves were very loud, but the thoughts were louder. He was going to use her. He ripped at her clothes, and no one helped. People watched. Laughed. Talked. No one helped.

Y/n threw her bag to the ground and scattered through it, trying to find a blunt Barry he’d just given to her. She needed something. Badly.

She quickly grabbed one and lit it with a drag, rushing the smoke into her lungs until it burned. She coughed but felt better. She always does, until she doesn’t.

Y/n kept taking drags, noticing the taste was different, but who cares. As long as this shit gets her what she needs.

“Y/n!?” Rafe yelled out as he ran the way she ran. After he was done with Timothy, he told Topper who ran over to the scene, to call the cops on him. He needed to be thrown away for what he did to y/n.

“Y/n!?” Rafe basically screamed, needing to know where she was. Why did she run this way? Towards the water? At night? That’s dangerous. What if she somehow got in the water and drowned? He needed to find her.

“Y/n!” He continued yelling by/n could hear him, but her kind was so where else. His voice and the waves were going through her kind like crazy, but she curled up and ignored them.

He blunt, lighter, and bag laid next to her curled body. She felt different. She felt like everything was attacking her at once. She could feel his hands on her and people encouraging his actions.

“Why the hell y/n,” Rafe ran across the girl and dropped to his knees. “Y/n - Y/n!” He pulled her to sit on her up to sit. Her eyes were closed and she shook her head.

“D-Don’t — Please! I-I’ll do better!” She cried out. “Oh my god,” Rafe looked at her, feeling pain in his heart. She was beyond fucked in the head. He remembers how it felt.

“We gotta get you out of here,” Rafe said as he put out her blunt and then put it and the lighter in her bag. He threw the bag over his shoulders and tightened the straps before throwing y/n over his own shoulder. It took a lot, but he got it done.

“S-Sorry, sorry! — I’m so sorry!” She cried out. Rafe’s eyes filled with tears. What is she thinking right now? Does she think he’ll hurt her? He hated the thought of that. He’d never do that.

On the way to Rafe’s dorm, y/n was knocked out. He watched her all night, and she didn’t drink or smoke enough to be like this.

Rafe searched through her bag after he parked, to take a look at her blunt he saw Barry give her. He never trusted Barry, and he was right not to.

He could see the mixture of hashish and some Xani bars crushed into her roll-up. “He’s so fuckin’ dead,” Rafe said to himself. He’ll be sending the cops after him too.

Y/n is now in Rafe’s bed, sound asleep. He changed her into his T-shirt and shorts so she’d be comfortable. He didn’t want her waking up in the dress some Kook ripped at.

Y/n woke up later the next day. Her mind was fuzzy, but she felt fine. She felt like she’s gotten the best sleep she’s ever had.

The girl went to go back to sleep until she remembered she never made it back to her bed. Whose bed is she in?

Y/n slowly turned around in the bed, noticing someone was next to her. When she finally saw the man, her heart dropped. What did she do?

“Rafe,” y/n said as her heart began to pound. She didn’t know what she was feeling, but her body did. She was stunned.

Rafe groaned as he turned towards y/n. His eyes were closed because he was still in his sleep. “Fuck,” she said low, trying to think of what she should do. She can’t wake up and have a normal conversation with Rafe. In Rafe bed. In Rafe Cameron’s fucking bed.

Y/n took her time but managed to get out of bed without waking him up. That’s when she noticed she had his clothes on. God, this isn’t looking good for her.

Y/n slowly tipped-toed to Rafe’s room door, pulling in the handle but it wouldn’t open. She pulled hard and noticed a keyhole. With a missing key. Did he lock the door?

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Rafe spoke, making y/n jump. “Fuck, I — Hey! Hey,” she said, pushing her body up against his door. She was in his dorm. This day was getting worse by the second.

“Why don’t you come back over here and lay down. Was a long night last night,” he said. Y/n tried thinking of the night, but nothing was clicking. Not one thing until her eyes landed on her dress on his desk.

Her ripped dress. The dress that Timothy ripped when he tried groping her last night. The dress people watch gets tugged on while they watch.

“O-Oh my god, her heart skipped a breath as she spoke. Y/n placed her hand on her chest, trying to calm herself down. Rafe noticed and quickly got up and ran towards her.

“Nah uh, c’mere,” Rafe slowly walked y/n to his bed until she was sat. “Don’t stress — Nothing happened. I finished the job. You won’t ever have to worry about him again,” Rafe said, trying to calm her down.

“B-But-“ she tried saying. “Nah uh, no buts. I got it. I got you. You’re safe and sound. I won’t ever let him or anyone hurt you again,” he said. “Including yourself, so we’re gonna have to figure out this drinking and smoking problem,” he said as she looked at him.

“Yep, and it’s gonna be easy. You have me and-“ she went to say. “T-That’s not possible. Rehab costs money and — And I’m broke,” she said as tears streamed down her face. So much hit her head.

“Hey — Baby. I’ve got you, I said. I’m gonna pay for you, and you’re gonna get clean in no time,” Rafe said, but y/n’s mind stopped at the name he called her. Baby?

“Baby?” She asked. “Yes, a-and I know that confuses you. Fuck — It confused me, but I can’t just watch you ruing yourself. I refuse,” he said like he’s been her friend for years.

“B-But I need it,” she said low. “Why? You’re too beautiful for that shit. You can’t just up and smoke and drink your life away. You’re smart and the best out of all of us in school,” Rafe said.

“Yet, I’m broke. Have no family. Barely any friends. I have no one,” her head lowered. “That’s not true,” he lifted her head slow and softly. “You’ve got me. And I promise, I’m not talking out of my ass. On my father, I’m not,” he said.

Everyone knows Rafe Cameron wants to impress his father, Ward Cameron, so his saying that, was slightly believed y/n. But words need action, and she doesn’t know how those actions can happen in her life. Who would up and help a Pogue?

“Gonna get you clean, get to know you, change the way you see the world. You can change the way people see Pogue’s, y/n. You changed me. And that was without a word being spoken to me,” he placed both of his hands on either side of her cheeks.

“You’re so special, y/n. I’ve always seen it, but never sat and thought about it. I was stupid. Shit, I still and for keeping that motherfucker alive, but don’t worry. I’ll do whatever you need. You need this, y/n. You deserve a better life,” Rafe added.

The two looked at each other for a few seconds without saying a word. Y/n ended up pulling safe into a hug. A hug, thanking him for speaking to her like she meant something.

#rafe cameron x reader #outerbanks rafe #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe x you #rafe fanfiction #rafe x reader #rafe imagine #rafe fic #rafe obx #dark!rafe cameron #rafe cameron x pogue!reader #outer banks pogues #obx pogues #pogues for life #outer banks

72 notes · View notes

yermes · 14 days ago

Text

Reaping the Whirlwind 🎪

↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟

Pick a meme

123

↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟

Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. But I am working on sharing my notes soon so that will be exciting! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟

Socials: My Socials **☾**

↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟

The cards

IX of disks rev 🌙

You are going to have to cut back a lil on spending my sweet baby girl, time to open that excel spreadsheet and track those numbers because believe it or not if we aren’t trust fund rich we do have to keep the future in the back of our heads a bit. Do not spend for clout, do not spend for satisfaction, please be aware of the people around you who cross your spending boundaries. Friends don’t need to spend money to have a good time together and TBH its a red flag if you do. Enter granny mode, budget for treats but do not over spend for fun.

IX of cups 🌷

Girl you don’t need money to focus on yourself for this moment in your life, you just need to feel your emotions and come up with internal satisfaction. You have been sad for to long and I hate to say it buy babes you have been standing in your own way, you don’t need a million dollar mental health saving kit you need to put a plan into motion to get that emotional satisfaction and contentment. And babe i promise with some work you will get there. You are not doomed to emotional suffrage, you can over come this and be much greater than you were before. Will it be okay? It will be different.

The Sun ☀️ rev

You know people are getting what they bargained for but unfortunately we are getting what they bargained for as well. Its always rough when the choices of others negatively impacts you, what everyone else is reaping you are reaping as well. The biggest thing is people took an action believing something so incomprehensible, that yeah theres no way that could be true or happen. But pook, listen, its not your fault, go out. Have fun do what you can with what you are given. People will realize they fucked up even if now you are already here sitting knowing they fucked up. You still need to live your life to the absolute fullest, you have always been crafty don’t let peoples shit choices hold you back. Will it be okay? It will be different.

↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟

Extras:

Story/vent:

4th time trying to upload

Will probably be as anon as possible for next 4 years

↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ↟ ⋆ ❅↟ ⋆ ❅↟

26 notes · View notes

velvetvexations · 2 months ago

Note

Still hung up on that “culturally appropriating transfems” nonsense but since im in a bitter mood let’s talk about “”””appropriating”””” niche in-group signifiers. Let’s talk about the prevalence of “girlthing” as a new transfem-exclusive self description, about the “all trans girls have a secret other gender they only reveal to other trans girls” thing, about the “binary trans woman is a dogwhistle bc no transfem is truly binary” posts. Let’s talk abt all those paired with these people’s absolute disdain for ever associating themselves with nonbinary people. Nonbinary people just describing ourselves are obviously doing so to make transfems seem ‘less cool’ bc our genders couldn’t possibly be about US, but then they turn around and make post after post about how nobody outside their little group has ever known the depths and nuances of gender. But don’t you dare insinuate they’re not 100% fully woman nothing else. They’re only nonbinary when convenient to shut us up but never when they have to support us. And you can tell how performative it is bc any transfems who dare to describe their not-fully-woman gender in a way that doesn’t adhere to the pre-approved little memes gets immediately excluded or misgendered bc “girlthing” is basically just girl but “male woman” is hatecrimeing them by proxy. It’s so fucking blatant that only one group here treats gender identity and presentation outside the binary as purely aesthetic virtue signalling and it’s not the ‘TME genderfucks’ lmao.

(Same anon who sent the ask about the hypocrisy of so many of these blogs loving nonbinary memes when it suits them but being wildly exorsexist and hostile to any notion of solidarity with non-transfem nonbinary people, wanted to emphasise that this isn’t a transfem-specific issue, just a really obnoxious pattern with a lot of these TME/TMA people and that I don’t believe this is “”””culturally appropriating”””” nonbinary people or anything. I would actually agree that the line between binary and nonbinary trans identities is blurry for many of us! Hence why the double standards going around frustrate me so much! Sorry for the rambling I hope this made sense)

I'm torn because I don't think it's great to do what they do and insinuate their non-binary identity is superficial or fake in some way but it does really gall me how they rake me personally over the coals for calling myself a male woman while doing this shit. Ultimately they are non-binary if they say they are and we shouldn't be trying to prove they're the ones doing non-binaryism wrong, but the way they treat others is startlingly hypocritical, not because they're more fake but because none of their beliefs about "TME genderfucks" stems from any real viewpoints on being non-binary to begin with. It's all just purely a combination of bigotry and insecurity, and statements like "no trans woman is binary" make that extra clear when it's mostly people who do not in fact identify as non-binary that are having these tantrums.

#exor sexism #discourse

32 notes · View notes

lilgarbitch · 26 days ago

Text

Running In Circles - Five

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

CW: none?

Word Count: 9.5k

Author’s Note: I’m really hoping I’m not overwhelming the tags or anything by republishing all of these so close to each other. Also because I’m changing a few things, there are possibilities that I missed something so if anything looks weird or doesn’t make sense, please feel free to let me know❤️

Part Four

Y/N

It’s been a little over a week since Noah and I argued. Since Matt and I got close. Since The Will Ramos reached out to me. And I truly couldn’t be more confused about my life.

Firstly, I would like to make up with Noah. I really would. But the universe and my mother made me the petty bitch I am today. We tried our best not to let the tension bother everyone else, which meant I still had to see him every time we all hung out. We just kept our distance. And I guess it was the fact that I was upset about it all, but he was getting on my nerves so easily now. I kept it to myself, but I still got annoyed every time he interrupted someone. Or he couldn’t control his lanky ass appendages and accidentally hit or kicked someone or something while moving around. I know it was because he was always on my mind, so I paid extra attention to him without even trying, but that, mixed with the ruminating feelings I dealt with after being so disrespected, was just a disaster for my mood most days.

Finn did his best to support me, him being one of the only ones I told everything to. I left Cal and Cam in the dark, mainly just saying that we had a little fight because I couldn’t do that to them. They didn’t need to be in the middle of something like this. And everyone else treated me fine, so I’m not sure who Noah talked to. Matt said that he hadn’t said anything to him, but at the same time, I do believe that Noah may be a little too irritated with him to speak to him at the moment.

Speaking of Matt, that’s point number two. Matt and I have stayed close. We started going on little friend dates whenever we had time, checking out places in the cities we visited. It wasn’t always the two of us, sometimes a few of the boys joined us, but he was really helping keep my mind off everything. We mainly just went out for ice cream, as we enjoyed that little tradition we started, but occasionally we found places that said they were “The Best Hotdogs in the World” or “World Famous Onion Rings.” We even joked that we should start our own ‘Flavor Town’ podcast or something. We just liked being able to try out things with someone we considered an extension of ourselves. It felt like a mix of being able to try out new things by yourself, just not entirely alone. It was a little exaggerated, but finding someone so…you, was such an amazing feeling.

That resulted in everyone eventually pulling a full-on interrogation on us, asking if we were dating, or at least hooking up, which we just laughed at and repeated responded with a pointed “Fuck no!” I couldn’t tell you if that news had reached Noah or not, as he was starting to give us both the silent treatment. Matt said he was okay with it, that it wasn’t nearly as bad as when he picked Folio’s side in an argument a while back. I did feel like I was getting in between brothers, but with the reassurance from Matt and enough “fuck that guy”s from Finn, it eased my stress a little bit.

Now onto Will. We’ve actually been keeping in touch. He was hilarious, and I truly couldn’t wait to meet him. We’ve mainly just sent memes (because I accidentally sent one to him instead of Damien once, and it just became normal), and me asking for tips here and there, but there were still a few chats filled with compliments about each other’s voices and bands. There was no rush to meet him, especially with me touring and him dealing with his own tight schedule. We could barely even catch each other’s texts unless it was a night where we were both staying up super late, him usually working on music and me dwelling on thoughts and writing more lyrics. But I was still enjoying having him as an online friend. Maybe I’ll work up the courage to Facetime him like he asked, saying it could be a little online vocal session. I would love his help, but I’m still not convinced he was even talking to me.

Another crazy thing I learned is that we were all going to spend our week break in Los Angeles. Our L.A. show magically landed on October 29th (we all know that Noah and the boys had some input on this), and from the 30th to the 5th, we were all going to be staying there. If you asked me, I’d say it was a little selfish for Noah to have his birthday off this tour but not Ruffilo, but they also spoke about it also being a holiday, so I guess I could understand. The Bad Omen’s boys wouldn’t shut up about being able to be in their own bed again. They even invited all of us to stay with them, Cam and Cal immediately taking them up on their offer. Finn said he’d think about it, mainly because I was adamant about just booking myself a hotel. I know once I tell Finn that I was okay and for him to just have fun, he’d immediately jump on the offer as well. And truthfully, I needed a hotel room to myself. The boys and I have lived together for coming up on four years, and the chances of me ever being alone in that house were slim to none. I do kind of wish we could head back home to New York for the break, but I knew the boys wanted to party with the rest of them. I even debated on heading back to Louisiana and spending time with family and old friends, but I knew I would get “wish you were here”s and constant updates of everything I was missing out on. So alone time in a hotel was my best option, and I honestly couldn’t be that mad.

We had a few more shows before our L.A. one, but I already had everything planned out. The hotel room was booked, me spending a pretty penny on a nice one so I could have as much R and R as possible. I did some research on places I wanted to check out, whether it be alone or with my boys- who now included Matt. And I even had a possible outfit picked out if I did decide to go to the Halloween/ Birthday Bash. Apparently, Noah hated mixing the two, which I completely understood, but they decided they just had to do it this once since they wanted to host a giant mid-tour party. Maybe if I get drunk enough or find a way to stay away from Noah at all costs, I could be okay with going.

We were now on our way to the next show, and I was just sitting in the back of the bus, listening to music. I’ve been in constant debate on whether my emotions could take over and I could bum out on some of these shows, or if I should look as hot as I possibly could, letting ‘you know who’ feel bad. But with the break coming up very soon, I decided that going all out was the obvious choice, and I could let the feelings take over the second I reached my own privacy.

I knew that it wasn’t my clothing choice that made Noah treat me like I was a whore, but even if it was, I was sure as hell dressing like a whore now to shove it in his face. I constantly had as many of my tattoos on display as possible. I’d wear jackets to and from the venues and arenas just so I could wear a low-cut top on stage. I haven’t worn a pair of pants on stage once, only skirts and shorts, some even showing a little under cheek. And I can’t lie, I have been feeling so good about myself since I started doing this. The boys have given me many compliments, and even the crowd has started to notice. I had girls comment on my and my band’s posts, asking for outfit details, and even a few guys said they enjoyed seeing me feeling good in my body. Yes, there was hate and a lot of sexual comments, but that wasn’t new, and I never cared about it anyway.

Today, I had on an outfit I felt super proud of. I wore a bra-like top with a corset underneath, lining up perfectly to look like a full shirt, a cute skirt with buckles and metal rings going down it, some thigh highs with garters attached at the top, and my old reliables- platform boots. My neck, chest, and arm tattoos were on full display, and I felt fucking good. Maybe it was the feeling of petty revenge, maybe it was knowing the compliments I’d get, or maybe it was just that I’d compliment myself if I saw her walking down the street. All I knew was I had reached a point of confidence that I never wanted to return from.

We finally pull up to the venue, and I turn off my music and got ready to head out. The boys and I all pile out of the bus and head towards the venue, now having gotten into a good routine of checking the place out if we got here first.

As we walked up, I noticed that there was a group of people already waiting in front of the venue, and the confidence had my body moving before I could even think about what I was going to do next. I informed the boys that I would be right back and walked through the venue towards the front. I finally ran into some security and asked them if it was alright if they joined me while I met some fans. Some said they’d call more over since they didn’t want to deal with all of that right now, but eventually, I had four security guys walking me out the venue's front doors.

Within an instant, there was a chorus of screams, and all I could do was smile. Two of the guys made sure everyone stayed in line, and the other two followed me towards the fans. I knew they weren’t all there for me, so I only talked to the ones who looked like they were almost in tears.

I didn’t even think of bringing a pen or marker, but thankfully, some fans always came prepared. I signed whatever they asked, most being random body parts, as this was not a normal thing for me to do, so most were as unprepared as I was. I took so many pictures that my cheeks were starting to hurt, but I didn’t care because the looks on their faces as I spoke to them overpowered any discomfort. I even took a few videos, greeting people who couldn’t make it or wishing people happy birthdays. One guy even Facetimed his girlfriend, who had to give up her ticket since she was sick, so I talked to her for a few minutes. I learned that her name was Dahlia (which I obviously complimented) and that he was Austin. She said she was a huge fan and apologized for looking bad, but I just told her that she looked beautiful, because she did. She was almost in tears as we ended our talk, and once the call was over, I asked the guy to write her username on something so I could shoot her a message later. His eyes widened as he wrote it down on a random piece of paper he had, and said that it meant the world to him that I cared, and that the only reason he came here instead of staying with her was because she forced him to, with the job of recording as much as he could. With a pout, I gave him a hug, whispering in his ear that I may be able to get my hands on future tickets for them, but he has to keep it a secret, to which he nodded with his eyes wide and the brightest smile on his face. I need to do this more.

I spent a good twenty more minutes chatting with fans, becoming close with a few more of them, before having to head back inside, not wanting to force the security guards to deal with too much. I thanked everyone in security who was there for everything they did, between this and dealing with the crazy crowds during shows. They all responded in their own stoic way, wanting to keep their tough persona. But one asked for a picture, saying his wife was a fan, which warmed my heart. After that, I headed back to the boys.

Once I reached everyone, I saw that the other group had shown up while I was gone, so I said my greetings before sitting down and waiting for soundcheck. Matt usually worked with crew during this time, only occasionally popping in if he had the chance, and the rest of the guys just did whatever, generally acting like idiots until we had to get to business. Damien and I started doing our warmups on the bus; that way, in case we were ever late to a show (like we were a few days back because of an accident on the road), we wouldn’t waste any time. So all I really did now was play on my phone or help out crew if they let me.

I pulled out the piece of paper, opening my phone, and typing Dahlia’s username into Instagram. I didn’t follow her just yet, wanting to get my secret message across first so she didn’t freak out when she saw the follow.

Y/N- Hi, love! Before I say anything, I just wanna let you know that what I’m doing is very secret ;) So if we could keep this between us, that would be great❤️ Austin gave me your user and I just thought you were so sweet and I felt so bad that you couldn’t make it so I wanted to know if there was another show you could possibly make it to. Hell, I’ll even buy plane tickets if I have to.

She almost instantly read it, and I waited for a response. It took a few minutes, as she was probably freaking out a little bit like she was before, but I finally saw that she sent a message.

Dahlia- Stop I think I might cry. You really don’t have to do this. I can just catch you guys the next time you come out here.

Y/N- Oh stop❤️ Pick a show sometime in the future where you’ll be available and healthy. I’ll get you two tickets, unless you want to bring more, and anything else you need.

Dahlia- Two is enough!! If someone wants to join me, I’ll just kick Austin out of the plans since he’s the lucky one who gets to see you today.

Y/N- 😂 If you say so. Look over the tour dates and let me know the perfect date for you, and I got you covered, okay?

After some reassurance that it was indeed not a big deal, she eventually decided on one of our shows in a few days since it was a drivable distance. I worried that she might not be feeling better by then, but she let me know she was already feeling better, she just didn’t want to risk spreading anything. I asked once more if she needed anything, like a hotel room, but she assured that she could cover everything else and that she felt that I was doing enough by getting her these tickets. After chatting for a while, I noticed that it was almost time for soundcheck, so I told her to rest and thank Austin for getting videos tonight.

I felt eyes on me as I put my phone away, looking up to see Noah staring at me with a look I couldn’t quite distinguish. Then I realized that I had a big smile on my face as I was texting, and he probably immediately got jealous since that was his favorite thing to do now. I ignored him and stood up, walking past everyone and down to where I assumed Matt would be. Once I saw that signature long hair and cap, I walked over with a smile on my face.

“Hey Matty, are you busy?” I asked, trying to sound as sweet as possible, holding my hands in front of me so he couldn’t say no to me. He turned to me and smiled but then eyed me suspiciously.

“What do you have planned?” He already knew me too well.

“I was wondering…If we had any tickets and backstage passes left for the show on the 29th?” I tried not to break from the sweet persona I put on. I did this anytime I wanted him to grab me water or take me for ice cream late at night, and he could never say no.

He rolled his eyes playfully, not actually annoyed, just pretending like he hated that I was giving him extra work to do.

“I guess I’ll check. What for?”

“Well, I went out early and met a couple of fans, and one of them was this guy who was forced to come alone because his girlfriend was sick. She and I ended up talking, and I just felt so bad because she really wanted to come but didn’t want to spread anything, so I wanted to buy them future tickets and passes. She was so sweet, Matt. I just felt so bad,” I pouted as I finished speaking. He groaned.

“God, you’re too nice, dude. Okay. I’ll check when I get the chance. We usually always have extra tickets just in case one of us needs them, but I have to see if they’re still available and if that’s even a date where we’re doing a meet and greet.” He jokingly looked at me like I was evil for being nice, making me laugh.

“So, I may or may not have convinced her to pick a date that had a meet and greet after without telling her…so I did one of the jobs for you!” I said with a cheeky smile, making him shake his head, chuckling.

“Alright, then we’ll talk later about the tickets, now go before you’re late for soundcheck,” He commanded as he shooed me away. I gave him a quick side hug before turning to head backstage.

I was maybe a little too giddy about the whole situation, so I skipped with a giant smile as I went back. I got a few looks from the guys when I entered the room, but I ignored them as I sat back down on the couch, probably looking a little insane as I giggled to myself while waiting for soundcheck.

The show was super fun. I was in a good mood the whole time and made sure to show it. I saw Austin in the crowd, and even though I felt a little bad for everyone else since I may be favoring them a little too much today, I let him pick our cover song. He said that he loved the Lorna Shore cover that I did, so he asked if I could do another. Thankfully, the boys had been practicing a lot since that day, convincing me that maybe we could upload a real cover of one of their songs somewhere in the future. They all really enjoyed ‘Sun//Eater,’ so they mainly practiced it. We obviously didn’t have a rhythm guitarist and had only been practicing for a week, so we got the crew to play the instrumental as we all performed the song, wanting to give the crowd a full experience. Everyone went crazy once again. Sadly, Cal and Cam were too busy playing to be able to control the crowd again, but everyone still had an amazing time.

Everyone was now back on the busses. We didn’t have to leave for a few hours, so most of the boys were hanging out on the Bad Omen’s bus. Jolly came by a few minutes ago, asking if I wanted to join a few of them as they ran to the store, apparently stealing Matt’s van to do so. I said ‘no,’ not knowing who exactly was going (and not wanting to ask) and also because I was once again enjoying the privacy I had as everyone else was hanging out somewhere else.

I had my laptop playing Adventure Time in the background as I played on my phone. I liked playing games like solitaire or sudoku when I had the chance, it being nice to exercise the mind while entertaining myself at the same time. Then, I heard footsteps walking up the bus stairs, making me snap my focus to whoever it was. Matt sauntered into view with a smile on his face.

“Two tickets for the 29th secured,” he said, handing them over to me. I gave him a wide smile.

“Were there no backstage passes?” I asked, a little worried.

“No, there were, but you owe me something in exchange.” I rolled my eyes and laughed.

“And what would that be?”

“Join me on a ride to pick up some candy,” He responded with a childish grin.

“I would..but Jolly stole your van.” His face immediately fell as he let out a loud groan before laughing.

“That asshole!” He trudged over and plopped down onto the couch next to me.

“Damien definitely has a stash around here somewhere,” I giggled out. He turned to me with puppy dog eyes, making me laugh more as I stood.

I looked through Damien’s stuff for a few minutes, checking all his hiding spots, before finding a stash of sweets hidden under all his clothes in his suitcase. I returned to Matt, handing them to him, before sitting back down. He gave me a giddy smile as he began opening up a bag of Sour Patch Kids. I laughed as he shoved his face before going back on my phone. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, me playing on my phone and him watching the show as he packed his mouth full of candy.

“So, I have to ask,” He said, mouth slightly full, breaking my attention from my game, “What’s your plan with all this shit with Noah?”

“Well, I’m still upset, and it’s honestly been really easy to ignore him and piss him off by ignoring him, so…” I trailed off with a smirk on my face.

“So you’re gonna keep pissing him off til he apologizes.” He laughs.

“Bingo.”

“Y/N, how do you expect him to even want to apologize when all you’re doing is making him mad?” I give him a smirk.

“By looking hot all the time,” I responded with a wink. His head dropped back with a loud laugh.

“I mean, you got me there.” He shook his head in disbelief as I giggled.

“It’ll be okay, though. The last thing I need right now is a relationship. I’m on my first tour with a major band. I’m gonna be working on my vocals more. I’m gonna try to meet more fans. I’m making memories with everyone that truly matters to me. Hell, this is the first time in years that I haven’t been actively yearning over someone! Finn told me that I needed to live a little, so that’s exactly what I’m gonna do,” I rambled. Matt nodded as I spoke, giving me a proud look.

“Maybe I need to be a slut for a little while! I went so long without sex, that now that I got that under my belt, I feel so good about myself!” I finished. Matt loudly snorted before he dropped his head into his hands, laughing.

“I mean, no one’s holding you back. If you truly want to focus on yourself, you get to decide what’s best for you. So fuck it, have some fun.” He said, still laughing, making me giggle with him.

“Thank you for supporting my bad decisions, it means a lot,” I giggle out, patting his shoulder.

The next few days went well. I was thriving in my new headspace. The confidence flowed into every performance I did. I continued to sneak out and meet fans if I had the chance. I was constantly getting tagged in pictures online, either from the fans themselves or story outlets talking about me and the new energy I was giving off. And I looked good in every photo. There was even a little thought in the back of my head, saying that this was the perfect payback since I spent so long seeing Noah all over these pages.

Since it was the 29th, our last show before the break, I decided to go a little extra and put together a costume, the one I was thinking of wearing to the Halloween/ Birthday Bash. Well, more like throwing together my usual clothes and just adding clown makeup since I haven’t had a chance to get anything more for it. I had a cute ruffled dress on and just tossed on some ruffled socks underneath a pair of boots. As wild as I dress, you’d think I would maybe have more, but sadly, I didn’t even think about Halloween when packing for tour.

I put extra effort into my makeup and hair, though, really wanting to pull the look together. It was nothing special, but I needed it to look as clownish as possible. I even teased my hair and split it into pigtails. Personally, I looked like a hot clown, and that’s all that mattered.

We were now at the arena, and I was sitting in the back, texting Dahlia. We’ve been chatting over the past few days and I honestly couldn’t wait to finally meet her. I told her to let me know when she was here and that I would meet up with her to give her the tickets. I finally got a “pulling up now” text and giggled, standing up.

“Dude, your laugh is even creepier when you’re dressed like that,” Ruffilo said from across the room. I turned to him and laughed before giving him my creepiest smile, it being extended by the overdrawn smile I did. His face, along with Jolly, who was now watching, contorted into a look of humored terror, making me giggle more.

Once again overly excited, I skipped to one of the side doors of the building and walked out, wanting to tell security that they were allowed. I texted Dahlia the directions and waited until I could see her and Austin walk into view. Then, I remembered something.

Y/N- Oh, just warning you. I look like a clown.

I see her looking down at her phone and laugh before typing a response.

Dahlia- I bet you look fantastic.

Austin finally sees me and taps her to get her attention. They both see me and laugh as they try to close the distance faster.

“You weren’t kidding! You actually look like a clown,” She said before turning to Austin and hitting his shoulder, “ I told you I should’ve dressed up.”

I laugh and give her a hug, trying my best to not get any makeup on her, and then turn and give Austin a side hug, telling him that I was happy to see him again.

“I’m so happy to finally meet you! I was worried that you wouldn’t wanna come!” I said.

“Meet me? Shut up, I cried when you texted me! And now here I am, talking to you!” I sheepishly waved her off, smiling.

“Oh yeah, take these before I forget.” I hand her the two tickets and backstage passes. She smiles as she looks at them, but when she hands Austin his ticket, her eyes land on the passes, and she stares up at me in disbelief.

“Nuh uh! Dude! You didn’t have to!” She exclaimed. Austin peaked over, trying to see what she was freaking out over, and once he saw the passes, he gave me the same shocked face, making me giggle.

“Show these to security after the show, and you can come hang out with us backstage. We still had a lot left, so you may be the only ones.” They looked at me with the widest, most shocked smiles before giving me a big hug. I laughed and hugged them back.

“What the fuck! You really didn’t have to do this!” Austin exclaimed.

“Of course I did. You two are some of the sweetest people I’ve met, and I would be so sad if I couldn’t spend time with you after all of this.” I look over at Dahlia, and she had tears welling up in her eyes.

“Oh no! Don’t! Your makeup is too cute to ruin.” I say with a pout, moving to hold her face.

“This is just so sweet of you. Last week, I was hunched over a toilet, feeling like death, and now I’m about to meet Praising Deities.” She sniffled as she spoke, and I choked out a dry sob.

“So let today be a good day for you! No more tears. Go enjoy the music, and then come around, and we can hang out for a while. And remember, we’re nothing special, so don’t overthink it, okay?” She nodded, hooking a finger to try to wipe an eye without ruining her makeup.

I gave her and Austin one last hug before telling them to get in line and that I’ll see them soon. We split to go our separate ways, and I returned to the group. I hadn’t told anyone other than Matt that I was doing this, so I rounded up my band to let them know what was happening.

“Okay, so two very special fans are gonna come see us after the show, and I need you boys on your best behavior. Actually, just be you. I don’t want you guys putting on some weird celebrity personas because I want these two to feel as comfortable as possible, okay?” I told the three boys. They gave me a confused look but nodded anyway. Cal asked why they were so special, so I just explained the story to them, and they all immediately understood. They were sweet boys, so they started talking about things they could do to make this a fun night, and I couldn’t help but smile.

We had just finished most of our set. Some of the crowd also dressed up for the holiday, so I really enjoyed connecting with them, calling them by their costumes, letting them know that I saw and appreciated the effort.

It was now time for the ‘Fan’s Choice’ song. I truly loved doing these. The boys and I have practiced so many songs over the years, all of us having such a broad music taste, so it was rare that someone picked a song that we didn’t already have perfected. They usually chose popular rock or metal songs, with someone occasionally trying to catch us by choosing a more pop song, but most of the time, we had it in the bag.

Tonight, since Dahlia and Austin were super close to the stage, I gave it to them again. I know. I was being biased again, but after talking with Dahlia the past few days, I knew she had an amazing taste in music, and I really wanted to see what she would pick.

I talked to the crowd for a minute, explaining what was happening, just in case they didn’t know. They all cheered like usual, hearing that we were going to perform something fun. My eyes landed on Dahlia, and I smirked. I walked towards the side of the stage she was in front of and crouched down.

“You, pretty lady. What song should we sing tonight?” I asked. She looked at me shocked and Austin just chuckled next to her. She thought for a moment before walking closer to the stage, so I held the mic out for her to speak into.

“I’ve always wanted to hear ‘End of Time’ live, but since it’s an old song of yours, you never played it.” I looked at her a little shocked. This might’ve been the first time someone asked us to play one of our own songs during this part of the show. I brought the mic back to my lips.

“Wow. I haven’t played that song in so long. Honestly, that’s an amazing choice.” I stood back up and moved back to center stage and put the mic back in the stand before speaking again.

“So, who’s all excited to hear an old song of ours?” I shouted towards the crowd. They all cheered back, making me smile. Who knows if they actually know the song and are just cheering for the fun of it, or if any actually wanted to hear this? I looked back at my band and saw that they either had shocked or excited faces.

“You ready, boys? You still remember how to play this?” I asked them through the mic. I watched as Finn looked over his guitar as if working the chords back into his memory. Damien was the most excited, always loving our classics from when we formed the band, and Cal just looked happy to be there, like he always did.

Finn starts us off. We didn’t have any backup vocals to play so I just stood a little far from the mic to hum the beginning. Then, Cam came in right on time. I swear he could store any song and its timing in his head, always playing it perfectly. Cal joined in when he got the hang of it again, and it truly brought back so many memories of playing this on dingy little stages at random venues. With a bright smile, I started singing.

You’ve built your life

Above the sin

You hold my hand

Before the end comes

The crowd was going wild, singing along. Holy fuck, they actually knew the words. I did my best to keep my composure, but I truly couldn’t hold back my smile as I sang along with everyone.

‘Cause I belong to you

‘Cause I am part of you

I am dying in your arms

It’s time to go

I can’t make it through

Cal steps towards his mic to sing his part. I look back and officially lose any restraint. This brought back memories I didn’t even know I held. Practicing in Damien’s garage. Us learning that Cal actually had an amazing voice and that we needed to add it in as much as possible. The excitement when we first perfected our own song. My lip quivered as I fought back tears.

I’ve come to realize

Tonight my dear

The end of time

Is not so far away

We cannot pray

To save our lives

I looked back at the crowd as he sang and felt the tears finally well up in my eyes. The faces I could see were all singing along with him. I’ve never gotten to see so many people sing this song. And they all sang along with him. Cal told us that playing and singing at the same time was a struggle, so we stopped adding solo parts for him. However, watching all these people join in with him made me realize that I didn’t care. I needed all my boys to join me in future songs.

I sang a few more lines, keeping my voice as still as possible, not letting too much emotion flow through. I look over at Dahlia and Austin and see them singing their hearts out, looking into each other’s eyes with the utmost love as they serenade each other. She requested their song. This song was their love song.

Cal joined in again as we sang a few lines and I could no longer hold back the tears.

As I belong to you

My flesh and blood in you

I am burning in this fire

It’s time to go

I can’t make it through

I was a bawling clown on a stage in front of thousands of people as I finished the song. I did my best to hold back from my voice quivering, but it didn’t help much. Once it was over, I had to turn away from the crowd to try and collect myself as they all cheered. I tried my hardest to control my breathing and ugly crying face before turning back around.

“You guys..” I started, a pout forming on my lips, “ We haven’t performed that song since we played at crappy little stages in New York when we decided that we wanted to pursue music together.” I had to stop and choke back a sob.

“I didn’t realize how many memories singing that would bring me. That whole time, all I saw in my head was a montage of the four of us practicing in Damien’s crappy little garage.” I heard Damien shout an offended ‘Hey!’ making me laugh out a sob.

“And to see all of you singing it. Dude. You guys knew the lyrics! I watched so many of you sing along to Cal’s part, and I just couldn’t hold it back anymore. And now I’m standing here, in front of so many of you, sobbing in a clown costume!” This made a lot of them laugh, but I saw a few people wiping their eyes, feeling the emotion I was pouring out in my speech.

“Fuck, let me settle down and we can finish this, okay?” And they all cheered in response.

I had just finished wiping off the makeup that had been ruined by my crying. The boys and I had an emotional chat after we got off stage, reminiscing on everything and discussing how to bring that love back into our future music. We may all have shed a few more tears, but after a big group hug, we went and got ready to meet some fans as the other band performed their set.

I had gotten a text from Dahlia earlier, apologizing for making me emotional, but I immediately shut it down and thanked her profusely for helping bring back so much nostalgia.

We were now waiting for the other group to get ready for the small meet and greet. I had changed my outfit earlier, being so emotional making me want to be a little comfier. I still wanted to look good since fans might’ve wanted to take pictures, so I threw in a cute tank top with my cardigan over it and some shorts and fixed my makeup, putting on something more normal, so I wasn’t sitting here looking like a sad clown as I spoke with everyone.

Matt led a few fans through once everyone came out, changed, and refreshed. They decided to do this in groups to make it easier on us, and I made sure to tell Matt to put Dahlia and Austin in the last group.

The eight of us talked to a bunch of fans, signing anything they asked and taking a bunch of pictures. We chatted as much as we could, getting to share stories and answer any questions before the next group came through. This went on for a while, my hands getting a little tired from signing, but every new face that I saw, excited to meet me, made it all better.

Finally, the last group was coming through, and I got a little too excited seeing Dahlia and Austin walk through the door. I did my best to stay in my spot and talk to the people that came before them, but once it was their turn, I squealed and pulled them both into a tight hug.

“I missed you guys!” I confessed.

“You just saw us in the crowd an hour ago,” Austin laughed out.

“I don’t care. I was too excited to see you that I couldn’t wait any longer.” I said.

“I do have to say, I still am really sorry for requesting that song. I didn’t think it would be so emotional,” I just shook my head at Dahlia’s words.

“Watching the two of you sing along was enough of an apology as I need. That was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m so happy you two love that song.” I gushed. Then I realized people were staring and remembered where I was. I turned to the group of boys in the room and rolled my eyes at myself, feeling dumb for forgetting.

“Guys, this is Dahlia and Austin,” I introduced them, “Dahlia and Austin, this is guys!” I held my hand out like I was presenting something, making Dahlia laugh.

They all introduced themselves personally, and I could see the two internally freaking out as they met everyone, and it was just adorable. Since they were the last two, I figured it was okay that they could stay for a while.

We all hung out, chatting about anything that came to our minds. The couple told everyone how much they loved their music. We learned that Austin played the bass, so he, Cal, and Ruffilo hit it off pretty well. Dahlia and I chatted with Finn about things other than music, with others pitching their opinions at points. Overall, they became acquainted very well.

The boys started talking about wanting to finally head back to their house, so we decided to cut the night short. We found out that Dahlia, Austin, and I were all staying at the same hotel, so we agreed that I could ride with them. Finn asked me many times if I was alright with him staying with the guys, and every single time, I responded that I wanted nothing more than a hotel room to myself. He eventually accepted my answer, and we started getting ready to head out.

I grabbed all my shit from the tour bus that I needed for the week, apologizing to the couple for having so much stuff, but they repeatedly said that it was nothing, that they understood that I was quite literally living on a bus. Once I had all my important things in their car, I gave my boys a hug, telling them that I’ll text them that I was safe when I got there, I waved to the other group, and the three of us headed off to the hotel.

Austin drove and Dahlia felt bad that I was stuck in the backseat by myself, so she sat with me. She was so sweet I couldn’t take it. I got to talk to Austin more, finally having the chance to speak to both of them privately, and it was really nice getting to know them and making new friends. At one point in the drive, Dahlia leaned over.

“Okay, so this might not be my place to ask, and I’m so okay with you saying it’s private, but the gossip in me has to know because I was seeing some crazy signals tonight. What’s going on between you and Noah?” She whispered, almost like she didn’t want Austin to hear. I just laughed.

“Honestly, I desperately needed a girl friend to gossip with, so I’m all for spilling the juicy deets as long as you both promise to keep it a secret.” She looked at me and immediately nodded, motioning like she was zipping her lips.

We spent the rest of the ride gossiping. I told her almost everything that happened. I didn’t dive too deep into how long I liked him and the whole festival and magnetic attraction thing, but I told her how I had liked him for a while. I mentioned the ‘talk’ which made both of them laugh, I guess having been there before. Then I mentioned the night at the bar, to which they both gasped, and I just nodded. Austin helped give a lot of insight into what could be running through Noah’s head, which was nice. I never had anything against someone playing devil’s advocate, especially if it helps me gain perspective on a situation. But Dahlia took my side every step of the way, even saying some things Finn had said, which made me laugh. I know it was dumb of me to talk to people I met not too long ago about such juicy things, especially them initially being fans of both of our bands. Hell, I was dumb enough to even get in their car, but something in me told me that I could trust them.

We finally reached the hotel and unloaded everything. Austin was a sweetheart and helped carry some of my stuff, which I greatly appreciated. We continued our chats as we got our rooms set up, none of us fully able to pay attention or stop laughing at something one of us said. I didn’t want the night to end, and apparently neither did they. As we were heading towards the elevator, Dahlia stopped and asked if I wanted to head to their hotel room and continue the night, to which I obviously agreed. God, if I were in a horror movie right now, I’d for sure be dead, but fuck it, I’m having fun, and I really enjoy talking to them.

I told them that I was going to get all my stuff into my room and then I’d meet them at theirs, and that’s where I was now, sitting in their hotel room as we just cackled the night away. I had sneakily stopped at the front desk before heading to their room and got them to switch everything of theirs to my card, and ordered some sparkling wine to be sent up as room service. I just felt so bad; they had to get this hotel room last minute, it being the only option left that was close enough to the venue, and it was quite pricey. I already felt like I was intruding on what could’ve been a beautiful date for them, so I still wanted to make their night the best it could be.

Room service eventually came with the wine, and they still didn’t catch on to what I had done, so I was leaving it to be a secret for the morning. We just sat around the room, sipping wine and talking about anything. Dahlia truly felt like the girl friend I always wanted. Hell, the one I needed. Finn was an amazing friend, always there for me, and the best friend that I could ask for, but he was still a man. And that came with so many frustrations that wouldn’t happen with Dahlia.

We learned so much about each other as the night went on and the drunker we got. I learned that they met at a concert in college, bonding over their music taste, and even while they were still friends, they made concerts their tradition to do together. They tried finding as many bands as they could, always wanting to expand their music taste, and that’s how they found Praising Deities when we were still a small band. Apparently, this was the first tour they could actually make it to since it was our largest one, and they were ecstatic that it was with another band they both liked. It’s crazy how life works out sometimes.

I told them the band’s history and answered any other questions they had. Some were even super fangirly, but I would just laugh and answer anyway, knowing exactly how it was. I mean, the boys and I were literally touring with a band that we had been fans of for years, so it didn't affect me that I was becoming friends with people who were fans of me for years.

I woke up and looked around the room, confused. I went to sit up and realized I had fallen asleep on a hotel chair. Looking around the room, I see Austin awake, on his phone, and Dahlia passed out next to him. I don’t even remember falling asleep, but it must have been late because Dahlia and I were up long after Austin fell asleep.

I yawn and stretch, feeling a soreness in my neck from the uncomfortable sleeping position I was in. Austin looked over at me, and I just laughed out a ‘good morning,’ knowing I probably looked like a mess.

“What time is it?” I quietly asked him, not wanting to wake Dahlia.

“Almost ten. We should probably start packing up soon, but I figured you two stayed up late, so I was gonna wait for you two to wake up,” He replied, getting up to start getting everything ready. They really didn’t unpack last night, only to change into pajamas and brush their teeth. That’s when I realized I was still in my outfit from last night, which made me chuckle a little.

I walked into their bathroom to make sure I looked sane. Thankfully, my makeup was practically unscathed, mainly because I redid so late last night and then slept on a goddamn chair, but my hair was a mess. I really need to start washing my makeup off before I sleep. My skin probably hates me. I did what I could with my hands and a little water to smooth it out before heading back to where they were.

Dahlia was now awake, and when we made eye contact, we just burst out laughing. The entire time we spent together was either talking or laughing, and it felt unbelievable to have such a good time. I felt like a normal human. I just had a sleepover with another girl, spending the whole night gossiping, giggling, and drinking. I don't want them to leave. But I do need to spend this break with a little time by myself, so maybe I can head down to see them sometime in the future because I’m really going to miss this.

“Okay, everything’s packed up. We cleaned up the mess we made last night. Uhhhh…” Dahlia trailed off, listing everything she had to do before they were ready to leave. All I could do was pout.

They had everything ready and I told them I’d walk them down, wanting to spend as much time with them as possible, but it was also so I could be there to see their faces when they realized I paid for it all.

We all stepped out of the elevator and walked to the front desk. Austin started talking to the worker, making sure everything was together so they could check out.

“And all of that is going onto the card of Y/N Y/L/N, correct?” The receptionist asked. Austin went to correct him but paused and turned to me with a stunned look on his face. I just giggled before answering for them.

“Yes, that’s the one.” The receptionist nodded, and I walked forward, giving them any information they needed. He handed me the paper with all the information on it, and I took it with a smile. They both had the most shocked look that I couldn’t hold back my laughter.

“How did you..?” Dahlia started.

“Before I came to your room last night.”

“And all that champagne..” Austin continued.

“It was easier to get room service to your room if I just added my card to your room,” I shrugged like it was nothing.

“You little shit,” Dahlia said before pulling me into a hug. I hugged her back tight as I giggled.

“You guys made yesterday such a good day for me, and I felt so bad for intruding on what should’ve been a cute night for you two, so I had to give you a gift in return.”

“But the tickets!” She said.

“Those ended up being free. So I knew I still had to do something.”

“I swear if we get back home and there’s a new car or a goddamn pony in our driveway, I’m gonna kick your ass,” Austin joked. I just shook my head and laughed.

“This is the end of my gifts for now. But I am really gonna miss you guys, so I’ll let you know when we have another break on tour, and I’ll make plans to come see you, okay?” They agreed, and we all hugged one last time. Then, I remembered something.

“Hold on. I need something to remember this.” I said. I walked over to the receptionist and sweetly asked him if he could take a picture of us, to which he happily agreed. I pulled the two of them away from their luggage and wrapped my arms around them, posing in front of the receptionist who held my phone, and we all smiled for the picture. I looked at them when I got my phone back and smiled.

“I’m gonna send these to you. Gloat to your friends that you just became besties with a rockstar,” I joked to Dahlia. She laughed, and we all had one last group hug before I watched them walk out the hotel doors, waving until they were out of sight.

A while later, I was lying in bed, playing on my phone, and taking in the fact that I finally had privacy for the first time in forever. It was amazing. I had music playing on the T.V. on a low volume, humming along as I just soaked in the peace of not having to deal with giant man babies.

Fuck. Now I was worried about my giant man babies. I assumed they had fun last night or all just passed out the second they got there. I wonder what they were doing today? The party wasn’t until tomorrow night. Shit, the party. Do I even want to go…? Okay, but if I don’t, I won’t see the boys for a few days because I know they're going to be hung over the next day. And the last thing I want to do is go over there just to hang out. It feels weird going to their house- Noah’s house. But the party would be different. There will be so many people that I’ll forget whose house I’m at..right?

I don’t even have a good costume planned, and I love going all out for halloween. But do I even want to go? Should I go costume shopping just in case I make up my mind at the last minute? I let out a groan. Of course, my thoughts take over the first time I have peace and quiet. I roll over with a groan, pulling up messages and sending a text to Finn.

Y/N- Wanna go costume shopping with me?

I set my phone down and just lay there, waiting for a response. It took a few minutes, and, of course, I went back into overthinking everything, but eventually, my phone chimes, bringing me out of it.

Finnegan- Sorry love. We’re all playing a drinking game right now, and I am not in any way fit to be in the public eye.

Finnegan- You could come and join us? We can go shopping tomorrow?

Y/N- No, it’s okay. You have fun with everyone. I love you❤️ Keep yourself and the boys safe.

Finnegan- love you too❤️ no promises!

I roll my eyes and giggle. Well, maybe I’m going to have to go alone. I started searching for places that sold last-minute costumes when I remembered Matt could be free. I quickly send him a text.

Y/N- Are you busy? Or can you join me to go costume shopping?

Within a minute, he responded.

Matty- Grabbing my keys now. I was watching over the guys just in case one of these idiots needed a hospital, but they know how to work a phone to call 911

I laughed at his text and stood up to start getting dressed. I showered earlier, so I just needed to change and maybe throw on some makeup. I texted Matt which hotel I was at and quickly tossed on a comfy shirt and shorts. I did light makeup, pulled my hair up, grabbed my phone and wallet, and headed downstairs to wait for him.

I just finished getting ready. I have to head over to the boys’ house early to do Matt’s makeup after I spent the entire shopping trip yesterday having to convince him to even dress up. He finally agreed after we bickered for an hour, once I asked if I could at least just do some simple makeup, but he still hasn’t told me what he wanted to go as.

I felt so good. There was almost nothing in that ransacked Spirit Halloween when Matt and I went yesterday, but I managed to find a Ghost Face mask and immediately knew what I could do. Smoothing my dress out one last time, I decided to post a picture of my costume, wanting to show off how good I looked.

I grabbed my phone, wallet, and makeup bag and removed my mask to hold it before heading down to wait for my Uber.

Part Six

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #running in circles

23 notes · View notes

hxhhasmysoul · 8 months ago

Note

I found it strange how certain fans don’t apparently see the romantic undertone and chemistry between Gon and Killua, but yet still see can Killua as being gay.

Do you think it’s possible that those fans infantilize Gon by not viewing Gon being capable to understand romantic feelings?

Despite the fact that Gon is technically more experienced with those type of relationships compared to Killua…

I think you’re right, some fans do infantilize Gon a lot (or demonise him). But there is more to why he’s not perceived as gay or why his feelings are not so well noticed.

The most obvious as to why they don’t want to see Gon’s quite obvious feelings towards Killua is the expectation of Gon being straight just by virtue of being a shounen manga protagonist. Those guys do not engage in romance usually, and if they do it’s very much in the background or played for laughs. There will just be “and they were all straight” time skip ending.

Based on my observations of the two fandoms I’m a part of, there are a lot of fans who come into stories with preconceived notions of what the story will be. If it’s a shounen the mc will have certain traits, his storyline will have certain beats and they will just ignore anything that deviates from these expectations. (Or get very upset that the story is not meeting those expectations)

Killua can be gay, because he’s not the main character and those are allowed more range by the fandom at large. Like there will be people who expect Killua to be Gon’s rival and get confused that he isn’t, but generally the fandom is more tolerant of Killua not fitting that character trope.

And Killua fits into several western gay stereotypes ( I don’t know enough about Japanese gay stereotypes to say he fits those too).

His body language sometimes slightly veers into what is deemed stereotypically feminine.

He has more distinct outfits than Gon in the anime. In the manga Gon has more outfits, including a dress-up game that Togashi drew as extras, which includes a dress for Gon, which I at least treat as a canon outfit that Gon has. Which makes Gon not really gender conforming 100% of the time, which in our current societal norms makes him seem queer. But most fans never read the manga, or just skimmed through it.

Killua likes sweets which according to gender stereotypes is a girly preference. In Japan this kind of stereotype can be seen that sweets are for kids and girls, but also in the western so called manosphere you can find people claiming that a real man should never order a dessert. I wouldn’t claim that we never see Gon eating sweets in canon, because I’ve never cared enough to keep track of it, but Killua’s obsession with Chocorobos is so prominent it’s a meme.

And the reader is treated to Killua explicitly waxing poetic about Gon in his head. It’s kinda hard to miss.

_____________

In addition to Gon not performing queer stereotypes as much as Killua does, there just is prejudice against the kind of person Gon is. And here comes the full on infantilization.

I kind of hate writing this kind of stuff, attaching diagnosis to characters that officially have none. There are aspects to Gon that can lean into interpreting him as neurodivergent. He has moments of hyperfocus when he becomes blind to the world outside, he sometimes has problems regulating his emotions, he can get single minded, he’s prone to risk taking, has issues with self worth and depression.

Like many neurodivergent people he’s not good when it comes to school learning, school is just not compatible with the neurodiverse.

But people (including some not self aware neurodiverse people) will judge you on your intelligence and maturity if you don’t excel in that environment. With Gon it’s extra annoying, because he proves over and over again how smart he is.

Also Gon has hobbies and shows excitement about them. To a large subset of society that just means you’re a child, like for some reason the mark of maturity is being tepid and not invested in anything but making money and having a nuclear family. Gon still is literally a child, so his excitement is excusable, but it also makes him see much less mature than Killua who’s already trying to perform moderation in showing excitement about things, he doesn’t always manage, but he’s more reserved, above it all. He’s already self-policing his levels of excitement.

And because a lot of people in the fandom are young, these biases are just something that have been ingrained into them by the culture, their family and school and they never paused to actually realise that they actually have these opinions and how fucked up they are, because these opinions just feel like duh, like this is obviously how it should be.

And since we don’t get that much of Gon’s inner voice, it’s easy to get tricked into thinking that unlike Killua, Gon doesn’t have a rich inner life, that he doesn’t have all these thoughts constantly running through his head. He’s just this silly kid who sees a bug and suddenly the excitement of that is just 100% percent of his inner life.

As a silly child Gon’s incapable of romantic feelings, especially gay feelings. Because as we know gay feelings are for older people. Which strongly feeds into the bias that neurodivergent people are generally immature and like should their supposed love lives (or gender identity) even be treated seriously let alone acknowledged?

I personally don’t think that Gon is that much more experienced than Killua when it comes to romance. Like Gon thinks he knows how to throw a date but it’s clear he’s much more interested in the whole planning and preparing a date then being romantic with a person. It feels that his attitude towards “dating” is a little naive and confused, which makes sense because he is a kid. That doesn’t mean he’s incapable of deep love, it’s just that he needs to gain more life experience, actually try to be in a romantic relationship, not just have deep feelings for his friend that they never talk about XD So like I think his experience in romance and dating should only be measured once he tries to take on a date someone he actually would like to date. And not organise play pretend dates for his aunt or as entertainment for some tourist ladies for whom it’s an a funny attraction to indulge a little sheltered boy who things that taking them, complete strangers he’ll never see again his life, on a guided tour of the island and giving them flowers constitutes a proper date. Especially in the context of Gon’s date with Palm.*

_____________

Gon’s love is stated in dialogue and not in his inner monologue, it’s in the way he acts towards Killua, how he repeatedly says that he wants to be with Killua, how much Killua’s safety matters to him. Because of that it’s more missable, it just flows with the scene. It’s not as explicit as Killua’s stream of consciousness. We don’t know what Gon’s stream of consciousness looks like, we don’t know how much of his conscious thought is occupied by him just explicitly thinking about Killua. Because of that the people, who want to see Gon as just a shounen protag, will assume that there are no such thoughts in Gon’s head. Or even more likely, never bother to consider what might be going on in Gon’s head because it’s not something they generally do. And because of the stupid date with Palm gag, they will feel more assured in their assumption that Gon's straight. Because of how Togashi frames it, Gon's clear discomfort with Palm's bahaviour and his complete interest in her as a potential crush are obscured.

_____________

* Dates with older ladies and Palm tangent, le sigh.

Generally Togashi really doesn’t stick the landing when it comes pedophilia.

First of all, it’s pretty clear Togashi did no research on it, just defaulted to stereotypes about it.

There’s Hisoka who kinda embodies the harmful stereotype that links samesex attraction and gender non conforming presentation with pedophilia. And leans into the stranger danger stereotype. In reality creepy strangers like Hisoka are statistically less likely to anything more than passive creepers who stare at kids and have pedophilic scenarios in their heads, because most active paedophiles are people who are in some way close to the child. Unless there is child trafficking going on, or child prostitution. Of course someone so powerful like Hisoka could just use violence or money to get access to children but this is going into speculation about what Hisoka could potentially do outside of what the text gives us. It’s not unreasonable speculation but I don’t think Togashi thought that deeply about it. I just think he went by the stereotype and used the hints of paedophilia as an extra quick association to add to Hisoka’s general super creepy vibe. And I’m saying hints, because Togashi really strives to have plausible deniability here. He always tries to mix in Hisoka’s obsession with strong opponents into the scenes that without that would clearly read as pedophilic. But with that obsession in the mix, it lets some people contest the pedophilic reading, claim that Hisoka’s boner is about Gon’s power growing. I think Togashi muddies the waters on purpose to keep the whole thing less serious.

Some people in the fandom interpret Illumi as a paedophile. Him being one is more in line with what rl statistics would suggest. He has an extremely creepy obsession with Killua, has means to control Killua and is very chill with Hisoka having paedophilic interests. And while I think it’s a reading that makes perfect sense, it is an interpretation. Even if Togashi wanted Illumi to read that way, he still put in enough plausible deniability that many people will just think that interpreting Illumi as a paedophile is reaching.

So now we come to Palm and Gon “dating” older women.

What I think Togashi went for with the older women on Whale Island is to give the reader the image that Gon’s dates were akin to kids throwing tea parties for their toys and/or family members. Especially the mention of him going on dates with Mito makes it more plausible that it was what Togashi intended. Just a kid play pretending to do adult things. Cute, naive, innocuous. And also knowing it’s just role playing. Because most kids know that they are playing, that serving tiny toy teacups to their family members is just pretending to serve tea. They are usually old enough to separate their imagination from reality.

We know that Gon is aware that the date he organises for Palm is pretend. He does not like Palm that way, he does not want to be in a relationship with her and he is trying to let her down easy by taking her on a pretend date. He probably thought it was a good idea because he likely got good feedback from the older women he used to “take on dates”. Likely those women had fun like adults have fun during the fake tea parties. Everyone knows it’s just role playing a scenario for fun.

I don’t think that we’re supposed to think that those women were creepers who believed those dates were real. Because the whole shitty joke is that both Palm and Killua think that it’s real when Gon is perfectly aware that it isn’t.

Gon has enough self-awareness that he knows he doesn’t have feelings for Palm and that he’d like her not to have feelings for him. But he’s also scared of her because she’s an extremely strong nen user and she’s shown to be unstable in a violent way. So he chooses to play into her delusion to get himself out of the situation and not hurt her feelings. Because of his lack of like experience it backfires, because he likely had never met a person like her. He doesn’t know that there is no way not to hurt her feelings at that point, that she’s not a rational actor.

In this Gon both shows that he has emotional maturity in line with his age and certain gaps in understanding the world also in line with his age.

And we also see that Killua treats Gon as intelligent and as mature as himself and with respect for Gon’s life experience because he takes Gon’s words about dating experience waay too seriously. Which is also in line with his age, kids that age can we waay too serious for their own good just because they are trying to perform more and more the societally accepted trappings of maturity.

Why is the joke shitty? Because it’s misogynistic, sexist towards boys and again shows how Togashi didn’t do any fucking research on paedophilia.

In real life we will have people claim that there is nothing wrong with adult women dating or even having sex with teen boys. That these boys should feel proud that they bagged a hottie, that if they complain if they feel bad or exploited they are not real men. That it’s not really pedophilia if an adult woman does that to a boy. It’s also sexist towards boys because it comes with the assumption that a real boy is horny all the time and of course straight.

And the joke is only that Palm is crazy and she threatens Gon with violence into it. At least that the only issue male shounen fans both teenage and adult have with this. Palm is hot enough to be an obvious target of desire for Gon, a hottie to bag, but you know hahaha the best pussy is crazy, just saying hahaha.

And of course we have the sexism of women only being concerned with relationships, and being crazy about that. And easily controllable by men they are attracted to. That it’s okay for Knov to exploit Palms mental state and her feelings for him.

Togashi really shat the bed with this one. And the problem is that a lot of fans hate Palm for this, even more than Hisoka, because Togashi plays it for laughs, unlike with Hisoka. That the only issue presented with the scenario is that Palm is unhinged, otherwise the whole thing would’ve been cool.

The misogyny in fandom is unreal. Because the thing is that if Palm’s story was framed properly the date would’ve been a far more nuanced thing. Yes, her forcing Gon to do it would’ve been creepy and horrible. But also it’d be clear that Palm wants to date Gon because he seems safe and controllable to her. Because she’s being abused and exploited by an adult man who uses her feelings to manipulate her. And she’s looking for a situation where she’d be more in control. She is both a victim and an abuser. And this is a very psychologically realistic situation. There isn’t a direct causation between being a victim of abuse and then becoming an abuser. Not all abusers used to be victims, not all victims become abusers. But there is a significant percentage of abusers that used to be victims. It’s something Togashi could’ve explored with Palm because it’s all there, in the text, but he chose not to. Instead he played her creepy behaviour with Gon for laughs, made her prostitute herself to make Knov happy, and fixed her mental issues through having her bodily autonomy violated… And I’m not sure he could’ve done it worse if he tried. Because the sad truth that this shitty Palm situation came from him not trying, him just defaulting to harmful cliches while writing her and calling it a day, likely not giving her story much thought at all.

#answering asks #hxh #hunter x hunter #gon freecss #killua zoldyck #my ramblings #hxh meta #killugon #killugon meta #palm siberia #gon meta

52 notes · View notes

my-name-is-apollo · 11 months ago

Text

OKAY so I read "The Caesars" by emperor Julian and y'all, if you love Lucian's satires this is absolutely for you.

Here are some of my favorite parts from it:

A quick summary: Romulus (who has now attained the status of a god, like Heracles) once hosted a Saturnalia and invited the Greek gods and the Roman emperors to the banquet. A contest between the Roman emperors ensued, with Alexander the Great called in as an extra contestant upon Heracles' request.

Silenus is the star of the show, doing most of the jesting. But I really like the way his bond with Dionysus is highlighted

And it's no joke, he really does roast these emperors till they're sizzling lol starting with Julius Caesar himself:

Next comes Augustus Octavius, whose entry is so pretentious and pompous that it becomes repulsive

Apollo gets a bit defensive over his "nursling" (a nod to the belief that Octavius was actually Apollo's son) and goes *insert Barbie meme "it's really not that bad! it just needs a little... shaping. To the salon!!"* ft Zenon the Philosopher who casts some spells of philosophy to make Octavius less obnoxious

And it works because Octavius is mostly humble and well mannered for the rest of the day lol

Heracles grabs this opportunity to fanboy over Alexander the great.

Like, "my beloved Alexander"?? It's cute when the gods gush over their mortal descendants.

Now, a shoutout to the emperors who didn't even get a chance to sit in the assembly because they were the worst of the lot apparently. We have:

Caligula, so terrible that the gods didn't wanna even look at him and he straight away was sent to Tartarus

Nero, who tried to be an Apollo wannabe and promptly got taken to the underworld

Commodus, whom Silenus didn't even bother to roast (and he tripped and fell anyway, what a loser)

There are more but these were the funniest

Anyway, the gods decide on how to choose the best amongst the Emperors. Apollo and Hermes have differing opinions on this, but Zeus decides to entertain the suggestions of both of his sons :3 (finally, one instance where he treats Apollo and Hermes equally)

All the emperors talk about their achievements first, then Hermes cross examines them to see if their motives were worthy enough and oh boy, it does not go well for Alexander who is brought to the verge of tears by Dionysus lmaooo

Anyway, in the end the gods vote and Emperor Marcus Aurelius wins the contest. But after that, Zeus asks each emperor to choose a god to spend the rest of their evening with

Ares and Aphrodite kind of just adopt Caesar LOL and yes, Cronus is present, sitting beside Zeus, with Rhea and Hera also sitting with them. He is the one who nominates Marcus Aurelius.

but here's the most crack part of this whole thing:

Like who invited Jesus bro skdjsndn 😭

Anyway, the story ends with Hermes giving some generic advice to the author, Emperor Julian and ending the story. Also, Julian lets us know that this whole story was told to him by none other than Hermes himself, and gives a disclaimer that he doesn't know if it's is true or just a lie fabricated by Hermes, or a mixture of both LMAO

Here's the link PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE THING

#Kronos #Zeus #Dionysus #Silenus #Apollo #Hermes #some jokes and roasts I did not understand because I am really not well versed with these emperors #and the many atrocities they've committed #but this made me more interested in digging into the Roman empire than anything else #Like Heliogabalus?#Absolute madlad #I should have known about him sooner #Anyway #Even if you just like seeing Greek gods hang out and have a nice family chat #You will really enjoy this #Emperor Julian #The Caesars #dadpollo

78 notes · View notes

wizardsnorlax · 3 months ago

Text

Ok so update on the Spiral Jon fic I'm writing: I'm getting it onto Ao3 bit by bit because it's super difficult to write on mobile, but I need to take a break and get ideas for the season three events out before they get lost, here's a link to the season 2 notes

Ok here we go

Melanie does not join the Archives, this is for the best

At one point in season 2 Jon gave Sasha Georgie's contact info for "in case of emergency" use so Sasha is gonna be (mostly) ok she just needs to pop an allergy pill every once in a while

Sasha might be good with the hardware of a computer but the software might as well be a completely different language so she's very little help with Georgie's show

Jon takes to reading Statements like I took to weed gummies

Sasha follows about the same trail of clues as Jon did in Canon but Daisy's grip on Sasha is a bit harder to hold so Sasha gets claw slashes on her arms instead of a knife at the throat

Things that have changed about Jon while Sasha was gone: his hair now has ringlet curls, the extra flexibility in his joints has progressed but not to the point anyone has noticed let alone would consider a problem and his eyes are twitchy from the stress of filling her position to the point he looks like he's constantly ODed on caffeine

Sasha gets back in the office and when everyone learns they can't quit or be fired Jon makes it his personal mission to be as much of a menace to Elias as possible

but he'd never do that to Sasha, she gets doodles of her hanging out with Cecil from Nightvale because she's a good boss:)

Martin scolds Tim for how he's been treating Jon and Sasha because of the changes caused by first and secondhand paranormal bullshit exposure

Jon gets to go out for drinks with people who actually like him

Everyone learns why Jon has a shirt that says "the difference between me and Superman is Superman has Super Vision, I need constant supervision

A discussion about who takes Jon home with them is had because at some point the poor goober lost his shoes and started trying to wrap around Martin like a belt

Sasha gets kidnapped on her way home

Michael helps her because some part remembers being an archival assistant and she's treated hers so much better than Gertrude did

Helen doesn't take Michael's place but the door still rejects him and the corridor collapses as both Sasha and Michael crash into Jon's new flat

Michael is freed but is in such bad shape he needs to be in the hospital for several weeks on recovery

Things attempt to be normal

Tim and Jon are menaces to Elias in very different ways

Jon doesn't want anyone traveling alone

Elias doesn't care but can't STAND the idea of Jon being there without a buffer so Sasha gets to have company on her trip, Tim goes to India and gets the ghost bullet, cue Mystery Mousketool meme

Martin, Basira and Daisy are handling the workload as best they can but since none of them are particularly suited to the task things go badly because Martin is terrible at direct leadership

When Sasha and Jon get kidnapped by Trevor and Julia, Sasha decides that the best way to clear some of the air is through lore dumping her backstory (still to be determined)

Jon is deemed suspicious by the false cop cause he does NOT look sober

Insert attempted police brutality interrupted by a shotgun

While the false cop is regenerating Jon gets the "how did you two meet" Statement from Julia

They get to the cabin and Jon freaks out a little at the idea of reading ANOTHER cursed book

Big relief when nobody gets eaten this time

Nobody ever believes him but Jon has kept every promise he's made (not that he's made many before but it's the principle of it)

Yoinks the page

Our duo finishes the assignment

Back home

Sasha learns about the storage unit

JON STOP REACHING FOR THE EXPLOSIVES YOU ABSOLUTE GREMLIN

Tim is EXTRA motivated to wreck shop at the Unknowing

Jon and Martin stay behind to be distractions

Big boom happens, Tim makes it out because the guy's literally too angry to die, Sasha is in the coma, Daisy is in the Coffin and Basira is just having a time of it

Jon gets mind fondled by Elias and it makes Martin want to rip the bastard's throat out but the best he can do is have the cops rough him up as much as possible

Jon is temporary head of the Archives and the pressure swallows him whole and he crashes like a meteorite because he desperately doesn't want to be the one giving orders

Martin's "assistance" has been leaving cobwebs in places nobody checks

And thus we enter season 4

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #sasha james #tim stoker #martin blackwood #au fic

28 notes · View notes

anonimusunnoaniswriting · 11 months ago

Text

Fucked my way up to the top

A follow up to Clumsy Office Intern

Boss!Sukuna x ClumsyIntern!Reader

WARNING: THIS IS A HEAVILY DUBCON FIC. BUT THAT IS ALL IT IS FICTION. I do not endorse such behaviors. If this is happening to you God forbid, it's not sexy or cool it's abuse seek help. Reader is very much hierarchically lower than Sukuna who is her boss. And he takes advantage of this. He is not a good man. Sukuna is also older than reader by a bit. Reader does not say yes. Read at your own discretion.

This has been betad now. We die of cholera like normal people in the Victorian era or poverty or whatever. Many thanks to my beta reader @ominous-meme for all her help.

Ryomen Sukuna, forty-five, manager at the company, a well-known dictator among the employees – even ones not on his team – had his eye on you. The stupid blubbering intern who kept messing up and kept getting saved by her co-workers. Why, though? Why were these men and women so devoted to you? It was simple. You had enraptured them like a demon of lust straight from the second circle of hell.

He watched you now, eyes trailing up your smooth thighs to the pronounced curve of your ass; to your thick tummy; to your soft breasts just barely peeking out from the pale blue shirt you wore with its first two buttons undone. Around your neck, you wore a thin silver chain with a small gemstone that glinted in the light catching his eye. A gift from an employee – Gojo-kun. “For doing so well in your first month here, Intern-chan!” he had announced to the cubicle. Sukuna had rolled his eyes then, and he did so again now. It was clear that the blue topaz was a stupid way of him trying to claim you as his own. Geto and Ieiri liked bringing you little treats too – snacks from the vending machine, an “extra” coffee “accidentally” made. And Nanami… Sukuna scoffed to himself. The biggest simp. Always softly smiling at you, making sure you’re going for your lunch break, waiting with you till you finish up work. Effectively making sure that all the time you spent in the office, you interacted with Sukuna minimally.

It was infuriating. So now that he had gotten hold of a chance, there was no way in hell he wouldn’t let it go. Here you were, all alone in the office, working late on a project that he had strategically told you about only this morning, knowing that Nanami Kento’s watchful eye was on a work trip out of the office for the day...

He approached your little desk (littered with small notes of encouragement from your co-workers and your cute stationery) and scoffed at your hunched back seeing the Cinnamoroll and Kuromi pen and pencil alongside the Hello Kitty eraser. Hearing him, you turned around in your chair slowly, wary of what he might ask. “Sukuna-kachou, I’m working on the ta–”

“That’s not what I’m here for.” He cut you off brusquely. You waited for him to speak, anxiety slowly growing in your chest. If only Geto-senpai or Nanami-senpai were here, you thought. They might have acted as a buffer or if only just to calm you a little. “We should have a chat. Wrap up and come to my office please.”

This was it then, you mused. At least you weren’t going to be fired in an office full of people. It would just be you and him; everyone else having left for the weekend, probably enjoying themselves in clubs and bars; drinking and doing karaoke.

Saving the file you were working on, you packed up your things and headed to Sukuna Ryomen’s room. It was a nice spacious office, with a large desk and even a sofa set around a coffee table. Being on the thirteenth floor meant the large windows displayed the sprawling city in front of you, the lights scattered all around with none of the usual bustling city sounds.

Sukuna sat at his desk leaning back in his chair, his thick arms crossed behind his head, pushing up his hair. He indicated with a nod of his head for you to sit in the chair opposite; you did so, carefully trying to glean what it was going to be. A reprimand? A firing? Were you going to have to look for something new now? Your mind was running a hundred miles an hour thinking up all the possible scenarios you might have to face.

Your boss’ voice cut through your thoughts, “How long have you been working at this company now?”

“Sir? O-one month and a few days, sir.” You squeaked out a response.

“Hmmm…This is your first time working in such a big place isn’t it?”

You nodded, “It’s my first time working, sir.”

Sukuna felt his cock twitch. The softness in your voice, the innocence. He couldn’t wait to absolutely ruin you. He wanted to mould your cunt in the shape of his cock.

There was a lull in conversation. As clumsy as you were, you didn't want to lose this job.

You were about to tell him that you’d work harder when he suddenly spoke up. “You’ve improved a lot since you first came here, you know. But you still have a long way to go.” He paused as if he was thinking, then said, “I want you to do something for me.”

You nodded your head vigorously, thinking you'd do anything to save your position here; such a prestigious company with a good name and so much potential for growth.

“You see, I need to know that you’re dedicated to your work here.” You were so dedicated; you could show him! “I need to know you’re dedicated to me.” You would do anything to prove it! “I want you to get on your knees and suck my cock”

Anything…?

You spluttered, unable to form the words needed for an adequate response. “You want to keep this job don’t you?” he asked smoothly. Your head slowly nodded in response while your brain frantically tried to process the situation you were in. “Then get on your knees and show me just how dedicated you are, slut!”

Sukuna barked out the last word, startling you into getting out of your chair and going around his desk. You barely understood what you were doing, only that he had angled his chair as you walked around to him, to allow you the space to kneel before his crotch...and then you were dropping to your knees.

“Good girl.”

You watched as your trembling hands unzipped the black slacks, pushing the band of his boxers down. These small hands pulled out his cock from inside, the pink of your nail enamel reflecting your face – wan and blank with eyes wide, lips slightly parted. It was this that made you pause.

Sensing your hesitation Sukuna caressed your cheek – an uncharacteristically gentle touch that made you drop your guard – which was all the opportunity he needed to shove his cock into your mouth. The slight graze of your unsuspecting teeth made Sukuna hiss.

“Oi, watch yourself brat. Come on. I thought you wanted me to know how dedicated you are.”

You couldn’t help but open your mouth wider, pink glossy lips stretched around his thickness. Sukuna had thick veins running down the sides of his cock that you could feel against your tongue as you licked down.

A groan made you look up at the man through your lashes. You looked so young and soft. Sukuna felt himself twitch in your mouth. “Suck, brat. What are you looking at me for?” You dipped your head low, taking in as much of him as you could and felt him grab your ponytail.

If he wasn’t before, Sukuna was now completely under your spell. Your warm mouth wasn’t just sucking his cock, your hands weren’t simply wrapped around his thickness. You were milking him, for all he was worth, his lust, overpowering. For a moment he had to wonder if you were really human. That you weren’t in reality a succubus sent by Satan.

He used his grip on your hair to shove your head down along his cock. You couldn’t help but gag. “Ganbare ganbare…” The soft words of praise that fell from Sukuna’s lips came with a hidden warning that you couldn't help but heed. Do this well, Intern, your job is on the line.

You laid your tongue flat out and forced yourself to suck, pulling yourself off his cock with a pop! Then a kiss on his purplish head. You started licking up and down his length the way you’d seen so many times in porn. All those unrealistic situations had now come alive; here you were kneeling in between your boss’s legs and sucking his cock, taking him deep into your mouth while you played with his balls. The dark hair at the base of his dick tickled your nose and you resisted the urge to scratch it. Sukuna let you go at your pace for a while, let his cock explore the confines of your mouth as he watched your small head bob up and down in his lap.

But he was never known for his patience, so without warning, you found yourself deepthroating him as he thrust up into you. Head held down by both hands, Sukuna shoved his length down your throat, over and over with little regard for your whimpers. Tears streamed down your eyes while he abused your poor mouth. Your nails dug into his thighs but he barely noticed, lost in the bliss of how you felt.

“Come on, little girl. Take it! Take my fucking cock!”

Your jaw was starting to hurt now from the stretch. You found yourself thinking of your kind co-workers. What would they think if they saw you in this deplorable state? You never wanted to find out.

A jerk—-and Sukuna was cumming in your mouth. Bitter and acrid on your tongue, you almost spat it out, but Sukuna pushed himself deeper and growled, “Fucking swallow, brat! I don’t want to see a single drop wasted.”You forced yourself to swallow. The disgusting taste clung to your tongue, making you gag. Sukuna pulled you off his cock, to your feet, and onto his lap. One hand explored your body, while the other stroked your hair. “You did a good job, little intern. Perhaps we can see about getting you a more permanent position in the company now.”

The intern position isn’t good enough for you anymore. Sukuna thought to himself. Maybe you’d be better off as my personal assistant…

Masterlist

#anonimuswritings #anonimusunnoan #jjk #jjk sukuna #sukuna ryoumen smut #sukuna ryomen #sukuna x reader #sukuna #dubcon #fanfiction #FICTION #NOT REAL #SUKUNA IS NOT GOOD #bad #bad man #walking red flag

82 notes · View notes