#insert why Is iT sO eXpEnSiVe meme here

[raeathnos]

.

[seventh-district]

why have i suddenly been gripped with the desire to get back into fishkeeping

[hainethehero]

A JOSS WHEDON HATER FOREVER- a think piece on how Avengers 1 set up Steve Rogers to be the MCU's punching bag for the rest of the franchise

(We all know Joss Whedon is an absolute garbage person. He's done many horrible things including being a racist, sexist moron who should be behind literal bars.) This is a commentary on his absolute shit writing for Avengers 1.

This one particular scene and the one following it is purely poor writing & direction for the character of Steve Rogers.👇

After Coulson dies, Fury addresses Steve and Tony and tosses Coulson's bloodied Captain America cards at Steve. He says something like "guess you never found the time to sign them" which is just horribly cruel and though not OOC for Fury, is not something he'd say lightly. We later realize here👇

...that he's secretly trying to put together the team. This is where he makes his big "there was an idea" speech and mentions that "Stark knows this." Because yeah, Tony was made aware of this in Iron Man 1 when Coulson visited and told Pepper. In contrast, Steve had no idea about the Avengers Initiative.

In fact, the dude was just pulled from the Valkyrie in the ice!! In the beginning scene of Avengers 1, we see him at the gym with the punching bag having LITERAL WAR FLASHBACKS about Bucky and Peggy and the Howlies! He's not stable and yet Fury confronts him and ropes him into the mission to get the Tesseract. Steve says, "you should've left it where you found it." And I can't help but think that maybe Steve means himself as well because dude just lost EVERYONE & EVERYTHING he literally knew and cared about.

Anyway, back to the point, Steve knows nothing about the Initiative but is suddenly made to feel guilty about Coulson's death in some kind of roundabout way of "convincing him to join the team" in honor of Coulson.

And then, to make matters WORSE, in the next scene they make HIM comfort Tony 👇

They make him say, "im sorry" (like it was his fault???!) and "he was just doing his job" and "is this the first time you've lost a soldier?" LIKE WTAF???

*INSERTS JACOB ELORDI MEME FROM EUPHORIA SAYING WHAT THE FUCKKKKK?!*

First of all, Steve barely knows these people! Second, he was fond of Coulson and I'm sure they would've been close friends. But did they have to GUILT-TRIP Steve into joining the team? Like, that's just dumb and proves that they don't actually give a fuck about his character!

AND TALK ABOUT MEAN! Fury at least knew about Steve losing Bucky on that train. He KNOWS Steve's first words when he woke up from sleep was "I had a date" reflecting the tragedy of the man out of time. To just rip him out of sleep and thrust him into a mission and later making him feel guilty about Coulson was just pure cruelty, making SHIELD no better than HYDRA. They all saw Steve as a pawn, another mindless soldier to carry out their missions and I hate JW for that.

Steve's character was not accurately portrayed nor was his trauma properly dealt with and so this is why today, we see alot of MCU "fans" calling Steve the worst avenger, lame, boring and basically a crutch to Tony's genius. (I'm a huge Tony Stark fan, don't @ me). It just felt that the mcu wanted to make Tony the ultimate hero- which is fine, Nothing's wrong with that- but they did it at the expense of Steve's character and trauma.

Sadly, this narrative continues all the way down to Endgame and for that I will always hate JW & the mcu's portrayal of Steve Rogers.

[ad-hawkeye]

assigning the lbc boys concert/marching band instruments for my own sick kicks

a huge thank you to mello who aided me in this serious endeavor.

ayn: he plays piano, sure, but that isn't an instrument you see in concert band and especially not marching band. ayn is very much so a soloist, and you know what instrument likes to pretend it's playing a solo during a group performance? the trumpet. first chair. he's cocky and unfortunately he can back his attitude up with real skill.

alkaid: flute. first chair. practices so, so often. will take on piccolo parts because no one else wants that stress and responsibility. he's also the only guy in the whole entire section, but it doesn't bother him. though rumor has it that half of the section keeps fighting for second chair just to sit next to him. THAT bothers him.

lars: the council was debating this one for a while and settled upon the bari sax. lars has the vibes of both an alto sax player, and a brass player. so why not go with a mix of both? while not the first chair, lars can get serious when need be, but enjoys goofing around and playing meme songs during down time.

clarence: oboe. originally played the clarinet, but stepped it up a notch with the notoriously difficult oboe. though he will play clarinet in marching band to avoid destroying his precious (and expensive) oboe from the Elements.

cael: clarinet. just look at me and tell me this guy doesn't give off clarinet energy. beginner clarinets often sound horrible and squeaky, but by god does this man make the clarinet sound like the most elegant and soothing instrument on this planet.

mc: obvious 'insert whatever instrument you want here' joke. but considering her personality, if i had to assign an instrument, she's giving french horn/mellophone. that bold, brassy sound, but also with the capacity to sound beautiful and elegant when played right.

[silence-between-seconds]

OK NOW YOUR TURN

pls pls ramble abt any niche interest you have

HELLO THANK YOU

*invokes inner history nerd* so. listen here colonizer and listen good. i will subject you to my random knowledge cuz due to youtube, undiagnosed neurodivergency and most importantly- bad jokes. i have a vari-tea of niche interests but the first thing that came to my mind was my knowledge of the history of how Indians became one of The Top Consumers of Tea.

how did this wonder-drug make its way into our masala covered hearts? what led to the fact that everyday at 4pm the word at the tip of most indians' tongues is "chai"?this is my thesis as a pro desi tea obsessed freak.

This story, like most in our history, starts with the arrival of the British. i would like to insert this picture i found in a video that i laughed at for a solid five minutes:

anyway

technically tea was invented in china, and for a very long time it was exclusively grown there. it was a very high class commodi-tea. it was considered so precious that in 1662 when king charles the second married the Portuguese princess catherine of braganza: her dowry was a chest of tea and THE ENTIRE ISLAND OF MUMBAI (then, bombay) for an annual lease of 10 pounds. let me make that clearer. THE PLACE WHERE A 1BHK HOUSE IS SO EXPENSIVE MOST PPL CANT AFFORD WAS EQUIVALENT TO THIS:

needless to say the brits was so freaking addicted man. they wanted this. so bad.

By the 18th centuary there was a war between the english and the dutch and the brit resources were down the toilet so they couldnt afford to spend all that silver on the trade of tea leaves with china. and china was uninterested in anything the white boys were offering.

UNTIL they discovered something china wanted.

✨Drugs✨

the white boys wanted that tea. and they would do anything. so they started growing opium in india (by that time they had colonized us bruh. they came into our backyard and were like "bro we're such good friends pretty please let me use ur backyard" "ok what do you want to do w it?" "i wanna grow drugs bro" "....ok" "you'll work for me no bro?" "why would i do that" "bro its ur backyard bro" "what-" *england pulls out slavery* "SHUT UP AND DO IT") (dont come at me lmao this is a very rough simplification of what happened)(imma get blocked for this?)

anyway, brits grew opium and smuggled it to china in return for TEA. FOR TEA. 40.

now after the charter act of 1833 (idk what that is exactly but basically brits lost its trade monopoly with china and so now china said we should see other people and it was an open relationship and britian got very pissed but they signed the act anyway i think)

to deal with this they established the Tea Committee (this isnt the first government board specifically for tea. there were plen-tea of others like the Tea Board Of India) which dealt w the extraction of techniques, tea seads and resources from the chinese. this was highly unsuccessful and china was not impressed. this is an example of british desperation they'll do anything at this point. (took everything in me to not insert pictures of how they treated indian farmers. it was *inhales, lets go of anger for my ancestors treatment* bad)

but in the end this qoute i found (undoubtedly by a white man) "fortune favours the white men" came tru and they got their way.

oh you thought i was done? haha babygurl i am not

in 1843 robert fortune, who was a scottish horticulturist, went on a solo trip to china to study (read as: steal) tea plantations. no actually apparently he did study cuz he published a book(i forgot the name).(yes. HIS NAME WAS ROB. FORTUNE. talk about being born for a job)

lemme insert a quick meme here:

(they actually hired him on the spot and gave the amazed man 500 pounds per annum and sent him off to china)

he was to perform what we call The Great British Tea Heist the brits had found their vigilan-tea

my guy was committed to his role and shaved his head and pretended to be a monk and after 3 months wrote a letter to his company saying "bro i got the goodssss"

lmao no this it what the letter said- "l have much pleasure in informing you," he wrote, "that I have procured a large supply of seeds and young plants which l trust will get safely to India."

NOW they finally had the greens and started planting it in india. over the years indian tea topped the market in britian as the best tea. mostly cuz the white boyz HYPED it up. they even started doing diss tracks for chinese tea. this is something read right out of an advertisment- "indian teas are more wholesome, purer, cheaper and better than chinese teas in every single way". white boyz started saying stuff like they got out of a toxic realtionship with china and a healthy one with india (but they were the toxic ones)

now brits tried to globalize indian tea to get the moneyyy~ from indians.

their first experiment with (another) government body for tea- Indian Tea Association began on the indian railways. these railways were the ancestor of the IRC-tea-C. basically they started making tea on the railway platforms. this started the trend of tea being the signature experience on every indian train journey, from the first class to economy, everyone was having it (cuz trains were introduced and quickly became popular in use). train tea was said to be better than the quality of tea in 5 star hotels. and this converted us from a nation of tea-totalers to teach addcits.

now i just have one thing to say in the end. HOW did the quality decline so badly my desi brothers and sisters? nowadays the tea on trains is basically water but brown. milk is a lie.

anyway. on the end we got it right. we took tea from the chinese and brits and we added milk and we added sugar and we got:

✨chai✨

you have reached the end. congrats.

[astrolaurical]

Hey

It's the same girl who asked about your opinion on my 10 year old cousin thinking Jungkook will marry her

I just wanted to ask

Is it normal that Every ARMY(some non-ARMYs too) around me thinks that someone from BTS gonna marry them? Or is it just people around me???

Everyone are delulu omg😭

I have too many stories about these girls

I (forcefully) checked what they were talking about and checked your Tumblr and I was so thankful someone was normal. I almost thought Everyone were like that

And Yes I told her to stay in School

I think everyone has a secret fantasy about marrying their favorite celebrity. That’s why celebrities and idols exist and why boy bands are so successful. I’m really showing my age but omg the frenzy in the 90s and early 2000s around NYSNC and The Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears?? Unparalleled. Then in the late 2000s we saw it again with Justin Bieber and One Direction. The Josie and Pussycats film (SLAY) makes fun of the entertainment industry the entire movie by even parodying boyband obsession, product placements, and the trend cycles. The movie went over so many peoples’ heads when it was released so it bombed at the box office but it’s a cult classic for a reason. Highly recommend to watch!!! Also aging myself again by admitting I had both the dvd AND soundtrack as kid bc the songs are bangers. Honestly the 90s-2000s in general just rocked. This is the only meme I have of the film but see the product placement and the mockery of boy bands? Genius.

The 1D documentary is a perfect example of the boy band frenzy that JATP film was mocking bc they even had a small scene where they had a neuroscientist or someone similar in that profession (I haven’t seen the movie in a few years so I’m not 100% sure but I was a hardcore 1d stan and have the dvd bc their live vocals honestly slap. Their concert cover of teenage dirtbag in the movie?? Still waiting for the actual recording bc chefs kiss). Anyway the neuroscientist was saying that corporations/ music companies have these formulas to create the perfect idol down to a t after studying the phenomenons of rabid Beatles and Elvis fans in the 50/60s. It has to do with the happiness chemicals in the brain. Combine those with good looks and music? You can’t help but fall in love. The entertainment industry then purposely directs their carefully molded artists to vulnerable audiences (preteens, teens, women) because they will buy more products. Casey Aonso (another fellow 1d stan wassup girl) YouTube video describes their XFactor era HILARIOUSLY. War flashbacks. The clips about HOW BAD each individual one direction members auditions were but you could see the $$$ in the judges eyes bc the boys were good looking and you could tel the judges were plotting how to sell the boys good looks. And they did.

And boy do we know that formula works. Hybe overprices bts products on Weverse shop and y’all eat it up and sell it out every time. $200 for a REPACKAGED cd. Weren’t they selling like a $1000 product recently? But even Jin had to be like “nah for my Astronaut comeback yall not gonna be selling hella expensive pajama pants like last time tho. We don’t price gouge in this house”. All hail jin.

I’ve talked a lot about parasocial relationships and media training, etc. While I think it’s fine to have a secret fantasy about marrying *insert celebrity crush name here*, I think it’s important to realize it’s a FANTASY. Fun to think about and daydream to, but NOT REALISTIC when trying to plan a future around or with. Go play the childhood game of MASH or make a SIMS family with Jungkook as your husband. That’s fine and normal. But don’t be going around telling people he’s your boyfriend. That’s delusion. I’ve included a perfect real life example of healthy young fangirling in the tags.

EDIT JUNE 11 2023:

I happened to come across this tik tok video yesterday that also explains delusion and obsession. I think it applies to “fangirling” especially well. TW for trauma.

[m-jelly]

Hi jelly!!!! You know your writings are really cute and boosts my confidence. So, please don’t take it to heart when someone says your writings are bad because they are not. If I catch one of those commenters I will beat them to shits. You know “forbidden fruit”, “hidden song” and “villains can love too” are my favorites.

So, I’m here with a request! You can set it in any AU. It’s a Vampire! Levi x Shy/Reserved human reader. Levi lived for centuries devoid of any affection and labeled as “blood-sucking monster” by the people. However, Levi isn’t like this. He fights other vampires who are threat to people. He has Erwin and Hange on his side for centuries, along with Isabel and Furlan. However, one day he saved a human (the reader) from a dangerous vampire and took her under his protection. He doesn’t know why he did that but he felt a strong connection towards her. The reader was scared of him but as days passed by, she realized he is not a monster, but a good guy. They fell in love with each other. One day, the reader gets kidnapped and Levi sees nothing but red. Now, they will know what it feels like to mess with an Ackerman. You can add smut and happy ending with babies please 🙏🏻🙏🏻. Also, Hange and Isabel teasing Levi for loving the reader.

Thank you so much <3 Those three stories are such fun ones and I was so scared of releasing forbidden fruit because my first vamp one was great, but could have been so much better. Forbidden fruit came out perfectly how I wanted it and I would love to go back to vampires again! The other two have a special place in my heart. I would love to visit the AU and genre again for sure if people are happy to see it! I just gotta produce four more requested ones on Ao3 xD

This is going to be a beefy one. I will probably end up converting this into a story on my Ao3 because I need more vampire Levi. Insert meme of do you like the bread? I fucking love this bread. That's how much I love our vamp Levi. *aggressive love noises* He's the best! We also have our first request with smut, so I hope I do it well. The smut on here won't be as long as I make it on Ao3, but I will be using more fun words than Ao3 because on Ao3 there is a fine line between mature and explicit.

Okay, no more simping and lets gooooo.

Blood-sucking monster.

Levi heard that term used for him for centuries. The only people who stayed with him were Isabel, Furlan, Erwin, Hange and Mike. He gained even more hatred when he hunted his own kind, vampires.

Vampires were a mixed bunch, they were either good and followed the rules or they were greedy and selfish. Levi might have been human for a long time, but he still held something in his heart for them. The more he fought for order between vampires and humans, the more he was hated by all.

He felt alone.

He kept working hard though, because if he didn't help others then no one would. If he didn't work hard, he wouldn't have met you. He found out about a human trafficking place where vampires would move humans for their blood. It wasn't a low end one he uncovered and found you in, but one run by the rich.

Levi went through the massive penthouse a room at a time, then he spotted you with a chained ankle, gag, tears in your eyes and swiping at a rich man with a knife as he tried to bite you. Levi heard the word special mention, but he wasn't sure what was special about you excpet for being determind and beautiful.

Levi ripped into the vampire's throat, then painted the expensive room with his valuble blood. He panted after his slaughter, then moved to you and offered his hand. Levi wasn't surprised when you threw things at him and screamed behind your gag in fear. He was hurt.

Hange took care of you, because seeing a woman there for you was comforting. She caught you when you threw yourself at her and let her pick you up and carry you. She brought you over to Levi's place, because he was the only one who could look after you. You needed his protection, because there was something special about you. You had a smell about you unlike other humans.

Levi looked after you, but you were so scared of him for the first few days. You'd hide behind the bed when he'd come in with food, water or clothes. Levi needed to earn your trust, so one day he decided to sit in your room and cuff himself to the bed so he couldn't attack you.

Levi looked at you. "I won't hurt you. I want to look after you. So, to get you to trust me I am offering myself to you." He blushed at his words. "Tch, no, not like that. I meant you can touch me and feel me." He winced. "I mean." He stopped talking when he heard you laughing so sweetly. "I'm glad you're smiling."

You crawled over to Levi making him blush more at how beautiful you looked in his shirt and shorts, along with a divine scent wrapping around him from you. You sat on your legs in front of him, then reached out slowly and touched his hand. You marvelled at how beautiful they were. You ran your fingers along his cold skin to his face. You held your breath and looked him in the eyes, then you shuffled closer and opened his mouth and looked at his fangs.

You blushed as you looked at them. "Pretty."

Levi smiled. "Thank you."

You searched his pocket, then unlocked his cuffs. "I'm sorry I've been so scared, but being taken by vampires and them biting me so much was scary. They said my blood was special." You looked to Levi. "You won't bite me loads. I can tell you're a good person."

As time went on Levi would visit you often. The two of you would talk and get to know each other. The more Levi got to know you, the more he fell for you. He could see you were falling for him too, well, he could feel it. Levi could hear your heart racing when you were near him. He smelt your natural scent increase to something alluring the longer you were together. Soon the two of you couldn't deny it, you were in love but Levi and you were holding back.

One day he decided to give you a gift, but on his way to see you he bumped into Hange and Isabel. He winced, then tried to avoid them, but they had him in their sights and there was no escape.

Hange sang Levi's name. "Hi."

Isabel grinned. "Hey Levi."

Levi sighed. "Hello you two. Tch, the fuck do you want?"

Hange peered at the necklace box. "What you go there?"

Levi gritted his teeth. "Nothing."

Isabel gasped. "Is that a present!?" She squealed. "Hange! He got her a present!"

Hange inhaled loudly. "I knew you two were a couple! I knew it!" She leaned closer. "What's it like sleeping with a human?"

Isabel hummed. "I bet she's so warm and soft. I bet you hold her and love her all night."

Hange nodded. "They're probably planning babies and everything."

Levi groaned. "Shut up."

Hange snorted. "If you're wondering Levi, the penis goes into the vagina."

"I know how sex works!"

Isabel blew a raspberry. "Come on Hange. I bet he's already ravaged the human already."

Levi said your name. "That's her name, not human." He sighed. "Don't you two have anything better to do than bother me?" His eye twitched when Hange started singing a sex song and Isabel join in. "Fuck you both." He stormed away from them, then went into your room. "Tch, oi brat?"

You walked out the bathroom with wet hair and a towel wrapped around you. "Everything okay Levi?"

He blushed and nodded. "Y-Yes."

You walked over to him, then leaned up and kissed him. "Sorry I'm not dressed, but I had a shower." You blushed. "I looked terrible, sorry."

Levi shook his head. "No, no you look beautiful." He offered you the necklace box. "I got you something." He opened the box to show a necklace with a red stone. "The stone is my blood. Vampires gift their blood as a sign of devotion and love."

You turned your back to Levi and moved your wet hair. "Can you put it on me?"

Levi put the box down, then put the necklace around you neck. "That okay?"

You played with the stone as you blushed. "It's perfect." You blushed more, then dropped your towel to the floor. "You're perfect."

Levi blushed. "Brat, you..."

You turned to face him. "I umm...I want you."

Levi placed his hand your hip, then slowly dragged it up as he followed the curves of your body. "Are you sure?"

You gulped hard and nodded. "Yes. I know I am shy, but I want you. I can't deny it any longer."

Levi slipped his hand to your bum and pulled you against him. He captured your lips and kissed you over and over. Levi frowned when you pulled from his lips. "What's wrong?"

You sat on the bed as you blushed. "C-could you rip your shirt open?"

Levi looked down at his smart shirt, then up at you. He grabbed his shirt and ripped it open making the bullets fly. He watched you shiver and gasp. He eyed your legs rubbing together in need. Levi walked closer and undid his belt slowly, then whipped it off himself. He popped the button, then knelt in front of you.

Levi inhaled deeply and felt a burn of desire run through him as he felt a hungry scent flow off you. He ran his hands up your calfs slowly. He kissed the side of your knee as he slowly pulled your legs open. He shifted them over his shoulders as his hands dragged along the outside of your thighs.

Levi smiled at your blushing face. You just seemed so delicious to him. He kissed along the inside of your thigh and moved closer and closer to your begging heat. He couldn't wait to taste you for the first time. He felt a hunger in him like he'd never felt before.

You shivered as Levi kissed right near your heat, then stopped. You leaned on your forearms and looked down to see Levi's slide across your stomach. He dug his fingers in a little and shoved you down onto the bed. You wiggled and realised he had full control over you, which excited you more.

You lay there waiting to see what Levi would do. You loved him, but knowing he was a blood-sucking creature still put a little fear inside you, but it excited you. You gasped and shiver as Levi's tongue licked up your heat slowly. He was naturally colder than you, so the temperature difference sent a spark through you.

Levi hummed in delight at how hot your body was, along with how sweet you tasted. He growled as his hunger and desire for you took over. He parted your slick lips and eyes your little bundle of nerves. He licked his lips and dove for it.

You cried out and gripped the bed as Levi sucked and traced patterns on your little bud. He listened closely to your moans to ensure he knew what patterns you loved the most. He pressed on your stomach to stop you from wiggling from him.

You squeezed your thighs around Levi's head as your coil inside tightened up and threatened to break. You covered your mouth with your hand as you felt your heat get slicker by the second. You could fell your orgasm coming in fast, but just as you were about to taste heaven, Levi stopped.

Levi pulled back and licked his lips. He knelt up and smiled when you looked at him. He opened his mouth, then placed two fingers on his tongue. He watched as you blushed hard, then stared intently as he sucked and licked his fingers. He hummed and pulled them from his mouth. He moved back down, then ran his fingers slowly up and down. He pressed his fingers in slowly and enjoyed how your heat wrapped around him. he moved closer to your bud and began giving it all the love and attention it needed.

You bit your hand hard and crushed Levi's head with your thighs when he pressed your g-spot. You shiver and welled up at the strong burning pleasure that pulsed from both your heat and bud. You could barely keep track on what was happening to your body. You wiggled and moved under Levi's strong grip as your body fought the intense pleasure, like it was teetering on the edge of pleasure and too much.

You cried out when the coil snapped inside you and your orgasm washed over you like boiling hot water. Levi kept moving his fingers and helped you ride out your pleasure. He waited for you to release his head from the grip of your thighs, then he turned his head to where your blood pump fast through you. He bared his fangs and bit down hard. He hummed in delight as you cried out in pleasure from his bite.

Levi moaned as your sweet blood entered his mouth. He hugged your thigh and felt like he was drinking honey. You were special, because your blood tasted better than any other human. He lapped up your blood, then cut his tongue on his fang and licked your wound.

Levi stood up, then pulled off the last of his clothes. He grabbed your waist and lifted you up the bed more. He crawled up after you, then captured your lips in a heated and loving kiss. He pulled back and panted as you shivered under him.

He ran his thumb over your bottom lip. "Do you want to keep going?"

You wrapped your arms around him as you blushed. "More. I need to feel you inside me."

Levi kissed you and hummed. "Tell me if it hurts and if you want to stop we will."

You nodded. "Yes."

Levi pressed his thick throbbing cock into your welcoming heat. He sighed a moan as you wrapped around him. He enjoyed every bump inside as they brushed against him. He growled when you clenched him over and over. You squeezed him because you wanted to feel every inch of him inside you.

At first Levi was slow and loving as he rocked his cock into you. Levi was exploring your body. He was trying to see what your buttons were and what you wanted. He listened closely to your body as it cried out for him. He made sure that he rubbed his cock against the right spot within you so you squeezed him so perfectly.

You gazed at Levi and enjoyed sweat trickling down the dips and curves of his muscle. His raven hair hung around his face and framed it perfectly. His pupils took over his eyes making him look like a hungery beast. His pants and moans for you were deep and primal. You felt loved and cherished, but at the same time you felt like he was making you his possession and claiming you.

Once Levi sent you into ecstasy, he changed the way he moved. Levi knelt up and spread his knees apart. He grabbed your hip with one hand as his other cupped your face. He growled at you, then slammed his cock into your sensative heat over and over. He watched your chest bounce and your face contort into pure bliss.

Levi dug his fingers into your hip creating little bruises to form on your delicate skin. His eyes slowly dragged down your body to where his cock was plunging in and out of your heat. He never liked mess, but he couldn't believe how sexy it looked having your nectar cover him. He wanted more, so much more. He removed his hand from your hip, then ran circles on your bud with his thumb.

You closed your eyes and turned your head as you thrashed under Levi at the intense pleasure. You tried to escape his hold as the pleasure threatened to break you. You sobbed and cried as your legs shook from over stimulation in your heat. You gripped the bed hard making your knuckles turn white. You yanked Levi against your with your legs as you cried out in pleasure as heat ran through you from yet another burning orgasm.

You didn't think your body could take anymore, but it was like you too were possessed by desire. You opened your arms to Levi and gave him a pleading look. Levi dove at you and wrapped you up tightly in his arms and held you. He kissed you over and over as he grinded his cock deep into your heat. Levi kept making love to you as orgasm after orgasm rushed through you. His stamina was unstoppable, but when he finally came, he came hard. Levi filled you with his cum and fucked it into you. He bit your neck hard and let your honey blood fill his mouth making him feel like you were finally his.

Levi panted and gazed at you as you melted against the bed barely able to move. He decorated your body in loving kisses. He cleaned you up with loving touches and made sure you were comfortable and cared for. He apologised for cumming inside you, but it was well known that vampires could not have children. You let him know that you enjoyed feeling his cum inside you and you couldn't wait to have him again, but you needed a lot of rest.

-------------------------------------------

You and Levi were always together, always loving, always sweet. You two were deeply in love and knew that life would never be the same for you both now you were together. However, there was one thing that needed to be known and that was what you were.

Hange researched and tested your blood, only to find you were part of a rare and special race of humans that supernaturals could breed with in order to make children stronger. So, if vampires mated with you they became stronger against silver and the UV rays. If you mated with a werewolf, they would be able to access their strength better in their human form.

You were valuable.

It was not long before people began to hear about the most feared vampire had a girlfriend, which meant you were a perfect target. Soon, Levi's worst nightmare came true. You had gone out to get him a present to show him how much you loved him. You were going to make him a tea set by hand, but as you were doing so you were taken.

Levi felt a shiver run through him as he waited at home for you. He then felt a stab in his heart when he felt your fear. Levi's connection told him that you had been taken. He clenched his fists tightly and saw red. He used his blood link to you to find your location with his friends following him filled with just as much rage.

Levi broke the doors down of the mansion you were kept in, then he made his way through the home ripping out hearts and throats as he went. Levi didn't mess around, he wanted them all to die until he found you. He wanted people to know you didn't fuck with an Ackerman, especially if it involved the love of his life.

Levi decorated the walls and floor in rich vampire blood. He grabbed one of their heads, then ripped it from their shoulders. He carried the head to a pair of double doors and kicked it wide open. He glared at the man inside. Levi's eyes widened as he was you bent over the bed with your wrists tied, and the back of your shirt ripped open and bite marks on you that did not belong to Levi.

Levi looked at the man holding you with your blood dripping from his mouth. Levi was consumed by hated. He called your name. "Close your eyes. I don't want you to see this." He watched you do as you were told. "Good girl." He threw the severed head at the man, then launched himself at him.

You clenched up on the bed and whimpered as you heard gargled screams behind you of someone clearly choking on blood. You relaxed when you heard a snap and a ripping sound of flesh and bone, then a thud. You flinched when you felt a light touch on your back.

Levi called your name. "Shh, you're okay." He freed your wrists, then pulled you into his arms. He held you for a moment, then bit his wrist and offered you his blood. He smiled as you drank some, then went back to clinging to him tightly. He picked you up like a bride, then carried you out the room. He looked to his friends. "Thank you for helping me get her back."

After that incident, no one dared to touch Levi Ackerman's mate. He loved and cared for you, but he dragged his heels at turning you becuase it would involve killing you. You begged him and he eventually agreed. He cried when you took your last breath as a human, but he became overjoyed when you took your first breath as a vampire. Levi looked after you because you were a baby vampire. He taught you everything you needed to know and was loving and sweet to you, but harsh and snapped at any other young vampires who messed up.

A few months went by of you being a vampire, but then Levi noticed something was up with you. You seemed to have your human life like glow about you again. You not only drank blood, but also ate some human food, which vampires did not do. Levi was so curious about what was going on with you, but you gave him the answer one day.

You smiled at Levi as you blushed. You handed a test over to him and beamed with joy at your handsome raven haired lover. "I'm pregnant."

Levi stared at the test, then looked to you. "It's not possible. How?"

You walked closer and kissed him. "Hange told you I'm a rare breed of human that can provide supernaturals with children. So, I'm having your child."

He welled up and smiled at you. "A baby? Really?"

You nodded. "Really."

He dropped to his knees and cupped your bum, then kissed your stomach. "Hi little one, I'm your daddy. I can't wait to meet you and hold you. I love you."

You played with Levi's soft hair. "They'll love you too."

Levi stood up and kissed you. "You are amazing. You are a gift. You are a goddess. I love you."

You smiled and kissed him back. "I love you too. I'm glad you never gave up on me after you rescued me."

"Me too."

[rin-the-shadow]

30 Day TMNT Challenge: Days 10 and 11

These prompts are favorite movie, and least favorite movie. Considering I’ve only seen parts of Turtles Forever, and haven’t quite managed to see any of the others yet, it’s fairly obvious what I have to answer here.

In some ways, I like the concept of it. The idea of different iterations of the same characters meeting each other, though in all honesty I’d prefer to just put them in the same room and let them interact. Who needs a plot, anyway? But I guess the idea of them having to work together and travel through loads of different dimensions to defeat an enemy is okay, too. And hey, I bet it exposed a lot of young people to the idea of the Mirage Comics, which maybe they wouldn’t have thought to pick up otherwise.

But at the same time, it’s a crossover that came to be when I was at an age that I didn’t like crossovers very much. And I mean like still couldn’t handle Human Torch popping up in a few of Spider-Man’s books. Wasn’t even remotely lukewarm about the idea until 2012 when The Avengers movie came out. In my experience, crossovers usually meant that someone was going to be “better” and someone was going to be “worse,” and my favorites were usually the ones who got shafted, so I had no reason to believe this would be any different. It...really didn’t end up being that way, from what I’ve seen in bits and pieces. At least, not to the degree I thought it would. Though it does still carry a whiff of coming after the re-tool seasons, so....

The movie also had the misfortune of popping up when I still didn’t understand that there were different iterations of the characters, and that the ones I played as in the arcade weren’t the same as the ones I watched on my VHS tapes, so its very existence was a bit of a mind screw.

It was probably in part because of Transformers, and probably a bit of Sailor Moon as well, that I was ultimately able to learn to deal with different versions of stuff existing, and because of Avengers that I could deal with crossovers. But in some ways, Turtles Forever remains something I hesitate towards as an artifact of that time.

Though I did once complete a drawing meme for it! And in hindsight, it’s pretty funny that I drew my Mirage counterpart as a 23-year-old who wore close-cropped hair and a jean jacket, since that did ultimately happen in real life. I’d actually forgotten that at the time I cut all my hair off, though.

(Admittedly, part of this is just to get this prompt out of the way so I can go ahead and do the ones I want to do in the morning, so please forgive me if I’m a little rambly and disorganized here. Still have quite a few mixed opinions on this movie and not entirely sure how to put them to words just yet)

[lovee-infected]

I enjoy reading character analysis to understand them more and I've also noticed that some insert fics are like too exagerated and their personalities are far from the canon twst. I think some writers are just basing their fics to others and and makes conclusion about it and ignore important details or text on their cards?* And as a reader, I do sometimes think that "this" character are like that. Like Vil, being portrayed as narcisstic and beauty obssessed charac, I think he isnt like that and theres more to him than we think. Sorry for the long ask✌️

You're totally valid anon and I see your point, you know while I agree that each idea and interpretation on characters is worthy on its own and no one is bound to having a specific opinion or belief, getting too wild with personal fantasies and ignoring the originals can totally ruin the writing. Characters are often mischaracterized especially in reader insert fics and the most annoying part is that almost everyone is making the same mistakes about him-! Like some of the noticable mistakes would be:

(1) Femininely has nothing to do with Vil's terms of beauty

Oh lord what can I say- It's even against what Vil himself directly said through chapter five and how he cleared his point on male and female equal, and you can tell he is pretty strict about it.

Like did you just forget what he told Epel when he complained that he doesn't want to act like a girl: “a boy getting embarrassed about ‘acting like a girl,’ -- what year is your head stuck in??? did you take a time machine from 100 years ago??”

He doesn't seem to be one to appreciate the concept of labeling beauty as a female-only thing and on the other hand, he doesn't really seem to like the way women can be looked down on while being compared to men either. He seeks equality, and beauty wasn't ever defined as a feminine act in his dictionary; while there are tons of requests asking for: Vil forcing their trans s/o to wear more feminine clothes/ Vil asking their fem! s/o to wear more feminine stuff an look cuter/Vil complimenting s/o's appearance for not being feminine enough/... And literally TONS of requests like this. Please, you're forgetting one the most important parts of his personality, he considers male and female to be equal and it's so hecking important to show that he holds respect for all genders nonetheless.

(2) Vil's maturity is often ignored

Honestly, within all twst characters Vil's maturity on its own really impresses me. From the way he speaks to how serious and sincere he is all I gotta say is this man is waaay different from the way he's charactetized in most of the fics. Idk why but, he's sometimes charactetized as a guy who's ready to boil you alive if you dare touch any of his expensive make up pallettes or eyeshadows. Oh please, Vil isn't an angry child.

Also he often decides to keep his anger in, though you can tell when he's mad by just looking at his face. Clinching fists, trying not to talk and most likely, walking off or asking people to leave him alone until he calms down a bit is most likely his usual way of expressing his anger, but I've seen him being described as a loud, feral figure like Riddle is! Oh god no- Are you just ignoring how calm and collected Vil often tends to be?

(3) What's with the potato fetish?

While it's canon that Vil can sometimes call people around him potato. You may like to know that in some languages, potato is translated as "Apple of the ground", which can be an interesting reason of him using this nickname for people.

Watching Vil call students potatoes can be as entertaining as watching Malleus play with his tamagotchi, but again, it's important to realize that you don't have to only use potato when you're thinking of what Vil might say in a reader insert/situation!

Come on there are hundreds of different statements and sentences you can use other than just 'potatoes' and it'll get boring to read him saying the same nick name over and over in a fic. Good lord of course this isn't the only word he uses in communication so please try to avoid using it too much. This, is NOT the only word that he knows to use! (Seriously though I've seen being used like 6 times in a 500-word drabble)

(4) Please avoid spreading false information about him and his personality

Funny how I'm saying it here, but don't forget that you do not own him! Vil Schoenheit is a property of Disney/ Aniplex and all, which means that no one can certainly decide on his sexuality/ background/ unexplained character details unless it's officially announced.

Why am I saying this? Because some people are seriously going to far! I've seen people attacking others saying that Vil's pronouns are She/Her and not He/ Him like: EXCUSE ME...???

I don't want to get into details explaining how this drama is going but I've got to say something anyway, YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE ON HIS PRONOUNS! None of us do!

It's totally okay to have your personal preferences on his pronouns or anything else, but you must avoid spreading such information and forcing them on others as long as they aren't confirmed! Please keep your headcanons for yourself and don't confuse the fandom with them. Everyone's free to have their own headcanons but it's never okay to force them on others!

(5) Vil has a LOT to talk about other than just beauty!

Man... sometimes I feel like the fandom is just doing him dirty. Most of the reader inserts, fics , and even Vil memes have something to do with beauty while it's important to try and look through his personality as well instead of just sticking with the beauty aspect.

For example, through the Halloween event, I couldn't be any more surprised when Vil found the crying child who had lost their parents through the crowd and instead of just leaving them to headmaster or asking someone to take care of them he actually started to play with the child and entertrain and confront them on his own! That was probably one of his sweetest moments through the whole game and it really changed my mind about him! It was great to know that Vil as well can have a softer side when it comes to children, just imagine how good this can be used while writing a father AU for him!

His talents on the other hand need to be recognized, for example: his acting skills back in the ghost marriage proved how much of a great actor he can be and this can also give us lots of ideas to use in writings. On the other hand he's much of a celebrity on his own ( Woop- he's also got 2m followers on magicam) which gives us another great plot to write for him.

The way he is around close friends, how he compliments them and gets complimented by them in return, the way he manages Pomefiore and tries to put the students into doing their best in using their skills and lots of more interesting details that can be found through his stories are there to tell you that he's a lot more than just a beautiful Queen. A considerable part of his background as well is going to be released at he end of chapter 5 (Yes baby after the overblot Vil) and I hope that gives us all the opportunity to come up with stronger personalities and plots next time that we're describing or even, characterizing Vil!

Lmao I kind of rushed to finish this so I didn't get to talk about him as much as I wanted to, but hope that this is useful anyway.

[macaronnya]

Fresh(?) Impressions (5)

Other parts: |Trickstar| |UNDEAD| |2wink| |Ra*bits| |Akatsuki| |fine| |Ryuseitai| |Knights| |Valkyrie| |Switch| |MaM/Double Face/Crazy:B| |Eden| |Alkaloid|

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Hello Enstarries~☆ It is the next unit, Akatsuki! I don't have anything to write here as an introduction anymore but leaving it empty is weird, especially with the lengthy disclaimer. So, I'll just babble a bit here. As of now, the first shuffle event is here! I am aiming to get Kaoru! Idk if I'll actually like him as much as I hope but I like the song, his card is pretty and I can always use another Glitter 5☆ rn. I hope he won't be too expensive....

DISCLAIMER!: Everything said here is for entertainment purposes only and not meant to attack anyone. This is not an accurate description of any characters but my subjective rambling for fun, so please don't take it too seriously. (Just to be safe, I'm kinda scared of elite idol fans) Also, you will hear me mention other games a bunch of times bc I'm that bad and uncreative at explaining and I'm still grieving A3!EN's shutdown. Eng is my 2nd (or 3rd?) language.

Without further ado...Let's Ensemble!☆

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I love traditional japanese music mixed with modern, or to be precise, hearing kotos and shamisen playing with modern intruments in modern tunes. It's just SO cool and beautiful, just what their unit theme is, according to enstars wikia. I like the majority of their songs. As far as I know, akatsuki means dawn or so (Akatsuki no Yona = Yona of the Dawn), which explains their red theme. I like their outfits quite a bit as well. Kimonos are SO pretty and I like their more loose approach to it. All the colors work so well together! Oh, and I thought it's cool how they danced with swords and fans (like in Love Live or Pretty Rhythm). Anyways, weren't they one of the ruling and oppressive units in the "!" era? Yikes 😬 Well, they're good now.

8/10 - really like their music and the members are kinda funny

Keito Hasumi

He is, what one and he himself would call, a hobbyless person. Anzu just asked him why he was sitting alone and he went on and on just to say he didn't know what to do with his free time lol He looks so boring at first with his student council president look and aura but the fact that he masks his awkwardness with long paragraphs and lectures, plus he likes comics, reminds me of Sakyo (A3!), which makes him funny again. It even fits with the I-used-to-be-an-evil-boss or whatever happened in the "!" era. And what's up with his points system 😂 Does he have a whole book with everyones' names and points inside it, that he carries everywhere? Would have an actualy blacklist. Or maybe even: Dear Diary, today Miss Producer made fun of me :( Gosh, Leona (Twst), his VA twin would fold him in half in a second. With all of that done, I like his voice. It's a weird mix of being high and deep at the same time but not really and it feels like drinking cold water.

6.5/10 - pathetic funny man I'd be too scared of him in rl tho bc of his authorative air

Kuro Kiryu

Kazuma Kiryu?!?!?!?! (Yakuza series) Big scary looking guy who changed his way of being a gangster to being a big dorky softie 💕 We love to see it. Big bro, likes sewing, caring, hubby material He may not be a man of many words but that's OK, I'm sure his actions prove his good intentions. He seems like he can cook and do housework. Probably has a single father. I love this trope of scary giant with a heart of gold so so much He's also ambitious enough to pursue both being an idol and designer!!! Literally a fusion of Yuki, Omi and Juza (A3!). Is his hair color red or black? Whatever it is, I bet if a card of him with his hair down comes out, everyone is gonna go crazy (me included).

8/10 - good boy, I'd pat his head

Souma Kanzaki

He never grew out of his chuuni phase and even went as far as to get an official license for his sword, if that isn't dedication idk what is. -insert meme of a guy cutting cake with a giant sword but instead it's a fish and his katana- He's like Gakupo (Vocaloid) but real. May or may not be friends with the ninja guy. He used to have a lot of friends in elementary school but then became a loner, is what I imagine. Dude didn't even realise people were kinda put off by his sword. If he has a license, then he practices kendo, right? He can actually wield it, right? If he also likes swords a lot and not just being a samurai, he'd have a field day with Touken Ranbu. His voice is softer than I imagined it to be, it has a pudding like texture.

7.5/10 - part of the drama gangy, would be the uncle kids love only for his cool things

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Conclusion

They can live perfectly fine in a house with just the three of them without burning it down. We have a cook, smn who does the paperwork and finances, and a handy guy. Honestly, still a pretty normal group here. I can't wait for more songs of them to come.

That's about it this time. I hope you found it nice and all if you made it this far. If you have any thoughts you wanna share, just remember, that everything is just for fun and stay polite! See you in the next part~☆

[chibinekochan]

How to become a Demon Ruler 201

Part: 00 I

GN. Reader insert

taglist: @ayesha95 ; @nomnomcupcakesworld ; @fex-phoenix ; @depressed-bixch ; @kitsune-oji ; @witch-o-memes : @gallantys ,@tanspostsblog ; @undertaker-02 ,

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1,4 words

After this, I decide to take a shower before going to eat my breakfast.

Today I pick my clothes out of my way too large closet. It's honestly still baffling to me.

I take it rather slowly today and take the nice-smelling supplies that Asmo gave me.

The water is nice as always and I hum a bit while cleaning myself. At least until I notice something strange on my back while washing it. It feels like I got a scratch somewhere. I investigate myself in the mirror, and much to my surprise, there is a big mark on my back.

A surprised yell leaves my mouth. Have I been cursed?

Barbatos bashes into the room, causing me to scream again from that surprise, especially since I'm naked.

Barbatos blushes lightly when he notices my state. "Master, I apologize. I thought you were in danger. Are you alright?" He quickly turns away from me.

"It's alright you just surprised me. I just saw this strange mark on my body and now I'm scared." I shake lightly from the cold and the shock. Grabbing a towel to cover me up.

"Can I turn around again? I want to check that mark." Barbatos sounds worried.

I agree. "I'm covered so it's okay." I'm slightly embarrassed since I'm practically naked, but this is more important than that.

Barbatos slowly turns back around, cheeks still flushed. He then looks at my back and sighs.

"What is it? Is it dangerous?" I feel very uneasy with his sigh.

"Nothing of the sort. It's simply the proof of your pact with Lord Diavolo." Somehow he sounds disgruntled, but I don't know why.

Now it's my turn to sigh from relief. "Thank the demon lord, I was worried I got cursed."

"You don't need to worry about that at all. Me and lord Diavolo have cast protective magic over you. No curse shall ever touch you." His words are sincere but he still seems strange.

"Why is it that you seem troubled then?" I feel uneasy with his expression.

"It seems you have gotten quite good at reading me. This will become quite troublesome. I assure you, that you don't have to worry about it." Barbatos tries to wave me off but it's not helping.

"Saying that makes me only worry more." I sternly look at him.

"Well, let's just say it's the case of a little orange monster in my heart. By the way, when you are done here I have something for you as well." He gives me a small smile.

I know he won't tell me what he means and I don't want to dig deeper right now, seeing how I'm wet and cold.

Barbatos leaves the bathroom and I once again look at my back. The elaborate circles and strange symbols seem to resemble Diavolo. I can't quite explain it but I know it's true. My hand gently touches the mark. Maybe I'm imagining it but it feels warmer than the surrounding skin.

It reminds me of Diavolos warmth. I can hardly imagine my life without both men at this point. A small giggle escapes my lips, it's very funny to think this way after only seven days.

I still struggle seeing Diavolo as my big brother, but I shove that into the back of my head.

I finish dressing and then go back to my room.

Barbatos has removed the now empty box. He really is efficient.

When he sees me he smiles politely. "You look very lovely today. It's almost a shame that you will have to wear the school's uniform from now on."

My cheeks heat a little from his compliment. "Thank you Barbatos. I'm a bit nervous if I'm being honest but I kinda look forward to it." I'm curious about the devildom and other demons. Especially now that I decided to live here. So this will be a good opportunity for sure.

"As I mentioned I have a present for you. I wanted to give it to you at the party yesterday but after the sudden appearance of the demon King it was very chaotic." Barbatos sighs.

I can only imagine what kind of mayhem went down after I left. By the time I returned with Diavolo to the party it was already winding down. It surely was thanks to Barbatos’ hard work.

Barbatos takes a small box from his jacket. It's a jewelry box. I can't even start to imagine what might be in it.

I hold my hand out and Barbatos carefully places the box on my hand.

I open it with great care and a wildly beating heart. Inside I find a beautiful pendant with some symbols on it that I have never seen before. I carefully take it out and look at it with a huge smile. "This is so beautiful. Are you sure that I can have it?" It looks very expensive. Way too much for a normal present for sure.

"Of course, I got it for you. Actually, it's a protective charm. I'm well aware of the fact that I might not always be able to protect you. Especially when you are at school. With this, I won't have to worry about that." Barbatos gives me a rare and genuine smile. This must've bothered him.

I look at the pendant and I can almost feel Barbatos' sincere thoughts by holding it. This honestly just leaves me one choice." I will gladly accept your thoughtful present Barbatos." I gracefully smile at him.

His face relaxes from obvious relief. "I'm glad that you say that. Will you allow me to put it on for you?"

It doesn't sound like a big deal at all. "Of course." I free my neck from my hair and Barbatos steps closer, causing my heart to beat faster. He is so close.

My cheeks start to burn when his cold fingers touch my sensible skin. I have to hold back a gasp.

He places the pendant in front of me and carefully closes the clasp on the back of my neck. This isn't necessarily an intimate action but I feel very self-aware. Especially when I notice that his nose is just inches away from my face. If I move just a little bit forward I could kiss him. This causes my heart to beat even faster.

He looks at me with curious eyes. "No need to be afraid. I'm already done." He smiles gently and lets go of me.

I suddenly feel strangely shy. "I wasn't afraid… you were just so close that's all."

Barbatos hums lightly. "I see. You should take a look in the mirror."

I take a few steps to the mirror in my dressing room. The pendant looks very lovely. "It is so beautiful. I have to make sure that I never lose it." I rest my hand on the cold metal, it feels somehow very assuring to me.

Barbatos stands behind me, eyeing me in the reflection. He looks very happy. Our eyes meet and I smile at him.

"You don't have to worry about losing it. It's made so you won't ever have to take it off. I want you to see it as a guardian in my place." His eyes seem gentle but there seems to be something hidden behind his words. Somehow I feel uneasy. "You make it sound like you are going to leave me."

"I would never do that. I'd hate to trouble you." Barbatos would usually call me master but he doesn't now.

It's strange but also nice. I gently let go of the pendant. It's lighter than expected. Its golden shine reflects gently in the mirror. It looks almost like a protective aura.

"We probably should go and head to breakfast now." With that Barbatos turns around and then I notice that he is dressing his gloves. Somehow I didn't notice this earlier but he touched me with his bare hands. I feel baffled by that realization. Did he want to touch me? I can only shake my head at that thought.

Barbatos crooks his head at me. "Is there anything that is bothering you?"

"Huh? Oh no, I was just thinking nonsense. Let's go eat. What are we having for breakfast?" I change the subject to hide my embracement.

"We have some things from the human realm today. Waffles and pancakes. I heard they are very popular there as well." Barbatos did his research.

I can't hide my excitement after hearing this. "If I didn't know it any better, I'd think you are trying to make me fall for you." I giggle at my joke.

Barbatos chuckles softly. "Let me know if it's working." It's rare to hear him joking so casually. I feel we have gotten very close by now. It's very nice.

---------

For the people who might wonder, when Barbatos says the little orange monster he is referring to Levi's sin.

[willowcrowned]

Unlimited funds, you say? I think in a world that operates on such a large scale, faking stuff would be so much easier. After treating myself to a spa weekend (unrelated to the plan, I just deserve it) and buying a lot of expensive robes, I am now the monarch of a small planet considering joining the republic. No one's heard of us? Well we're definitely here lmao, where else would I come from? Anyway, all these spacers I've paid say there's a planet there. (1/?)

Why would they let these nobodies from beyond the outer rim join the republic? Well firstly, legendary republican corruption vs the deep pockets of my silk lined fur coat. Secondly, oh look, my ‘planet’ has near unlimited natural resources that would benefit the republic war effort (insert high res jpeg that just says OIL in bubble letters). Still not interested? Well I (and my people, which do exist) could simply call up Count Dooku on my pink flip phone. I’m sure HE’S a man of taste.

I’ve got their attention NOW. But, I insist on them sending some specific Jedi to convince me my planet would not simply be exploited by the republic. They grudgingly send Obi-Wan and Anakin. At the same time, Yoda of the Jedi council receives an email that at first glance looks like a scam. BUT...its not asking for his credit card number or anything...and an all-expenses paid holiday might be just what he needed. He can work from out-of-temple, surely, and he’s not getting any younger....

The co-ordinates I give are, of course, bullshit. Just as Obi-Wan is trying to figure out if they took the wrong exit off the Corellian Way or if this was all some elaborate con, Dooku strides in, looking equally confused. This isn’t wild space.

He looks around, sees Dooku and the disaster duo doing the pointing Spiderman meme in what is clearly a very expensive and lightsaber suppressing waiting room. He lowers the shades. “Frog buffet, this is not.”

No. It isn’t. But it IS a perfectly decent family therapist’s office. And their appointment is all booked and paid for.  

AKJFDSHJGHKDKALDAFDHGSF YOU WIN. YOU WIN. THIS ISN’T A CONTEST BUT YOU WIN.

[ask prompt]

[secondhand-trash]

BNHA but it’s thebonappetittestkitchen

A/N: I watched one Test Kitchen Talks and now I’m obsessed. I’ve been binging BA vids and this is the end result lmao (might write a part 2 later if I can think of other characters to put in there)

Bakugou Katsuki

Gourmet Makes but angrier

very serious about everything

*tch* “The weight of this layer of the cookie is off.”

“...you said 14.9 grams.”

“Yes and this is 0.1 grams off, we have to do this again.”

constant swearing when he is by the stove

the staff might have give him constant new topics just to see him tick off

always bickering with the other chefs

“Hey, kacchan-”

“Do not fucking call me that on camera.”

the fan favorite meme

(Kaminari is bitter about that)

“Taste this.”

“I think-”

“Say anything and I’ll burn this place down.”

“...it is great.”

Midoriya Izuku

the helpful one

always wandering in the background of every single video

works under the editor

is not actually a professional chef but kinda learned enough by being around everyone 

the one that got sent to deliver bad news because he is less likely to be stabbed by a kitchen knife by annoyed chefs

“...they send you here to tell me things that will my job harder, aren’t they.”

“Yeah..”

the one who will drop his own things to help around the kitchen

doesn’t normally cooks, but when he does it is always for very homely recipes

“This is not the most common way but that’s what I grow up eating...”

“My mom taught me how to do this.”

“I found this recipe in my mom’s old cookbook.”

Kirishima Eijirou

the “big friendly dog in human form”

started out as a butcher

gets appointed to do all the heavy work

prime thumbnail material

(he still has no idea why the editors are always telling him to roll his sleeves all the way up or where a tank top whenever they are filming outdoors)

campfire specialist

“Bro, this is sick dude.”

“Eyyyyyyy Bakugou-” *hand in the air*

“(sighs)” *high five*

very popular among older viewers??? 

(grandson material???)

Aizawa Shouta

the “tired guardian”, as always

puts booze in e v e r y t h i n g

“Now add a splash of white wine.” *proceeds to pour out half the bottle*

it’s an inner joke among chefs and fans that he never sleeps 

showed up in a video in a crisp shirt with his hair up like, once, and the internet went into a frenzy

comments like “WHY IS THE HOBO SO HOT” flooded the comments 

compilation videos with titles like “Aizawa being done with everyone’s bullshit for 10 minutes straight”

(it’s basically him sighing and staring with dread in his eyes in someone else’s background throughout the entire video)

gets undermined a lot because of his demeanor, but will casually namedrop his credentials which shocks everyone

“When I was working at (insert famous prestigious restaurant)...”

“Wait hold up a second wHAT????”

Yaoyorozu Momo

the “properly trained in some renounced culinary school and probably comes from some impressive background but we don’t talk about that”

ridiculously accurate tastebuds

often act as the guinea pig for other chefs

recreating (blank) by taste videos

gets oddly specific realy quick

*munch munch* “Is that prosciutto that was made in winter by hand and dried for two years in Italy?”

“I’m sorry what now???”

gets cranky when people misplace things 

never raises her voice, never swears, but somehow intimidating as all hell

when Yaomomo tells you to put the flour on the forth shelf counting from the left, you do it

unintentionally expensive taste

“Wait, you’ve never tried European white truffle (which can sell up to thousands a pound btw) before?”

“No?????”

Kaminari Denki

the “how the hell does he even get in here anyways????”

blog editor, but people like him so much that he keeps showing up

always causing chaos

always butting in when the others are filming 

the prankster

“I hide tiny babies all over the test kitchen”

“I replace all the extra virgin olive oil in the test kitchen with virgin olive oil and see how long it will take for people to notice”

No one has ever seen him cook on camera but he still has a fuck ton of screen time

“Make Kaminari film a cooking video” is now the no. 1 requests among fans

Todoroki Touya Dabi

the “I need this job or else I’ll have to go home and inherit the 1 billion dollar net worth family business”

how the fuck does he make the chef uniform slutty???

(the trick is to unbutton enough until you can see the line of his chest)

does that thing where he looks into the camera while chopping every video

how the fuck does he make basic instructions sound suggestive???

(the trick is to lower his voice enough until it almost sounds gravel but you didn’t hear that from me)

“Can you pass me that salt, doll? Thank you.”

the only one who has his nickname in the credits

“So I learned how to cook this because my dad told me that it wouldn’t work and I want to piss him off.”

sleeves are always rolled up because “these tats are expensive, why not show them off?”

rumors are that he has beef with Shouto from the office, but it’s just a rumour though

Asui Tsuyu

the one who will actually teach you something

gives very clear instructions

back-to-back cooking 

“Why is this not working-”

“Have you tried adding more butter?”

“Oh.”

you can physically see her growing more and more concern by the second whenever she walks by someone messing up

she’s like your mom, somehow she’ll be able to find everything that you couldn’t even though you both look through the same places

her siblings showed up in the kitchen once and everyone was immediately smitten

[scandeniall]

actually, i’m dating iwa

iwazumi x reader, but mostly (?) platonic!Oikawa x reader

i just really love college au’s and tried to combine with youtuber!au. Also this is my first time writing for a character other than Kuroo and my 3rd time ever writing hq so yeah this probably fucking sucks

-----.

“Filming a video with the bestie. Send us questions,” you put up a peace sign not even looking up from your phone as oikawa flashed his camera at you for his Instagram story. You’d done a similar post hours ago for your own followers supposed to have filmed hours ago. A head plopping itself caused you to quickly finish your text before tossing your phone on the table in front of you. “Ugh where’s Iwa with the pizza. I’m starving,” the brunette groaned from beside you after you tried pushing his head off of you to which he just continued to put more of his weight on you. “Move your big ass head Oikawa,” you cried out still trying to push the man child off of you. “No because you never spend time with me anymore now that you’re-“ he dramatically huffed “Dude I’m literally with you everyday” It was true. The two of you had been practically inseparable for the past few years. Meeting at summer orientation right before both your first year of college, he noticed you doing the same thing he was. Vlogging, and thus the start of a beautiful friendship. Now in your last year you two have practically grown your social media together, collaborating with him more than you had anyone else (same for him). Hell, you two even lived together for a year before you decided you couldn’t take anymore of the asshole both never cooking and using up all the hot water with his long ass showers. “First of all it’s more like every other day. Second of all where is your stupid boyfriend? The sun is gonna go down before he gets back here. You know i hate filming with ring lights” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at him referring to his best friend as “your stupid boyfriend,” knowing if Iwa heard that Oikawa would be the first one to start running to avoid a hit. The two of you had met through Oikawa. It was midway through freshman year, Oikawa had invited you to his dorm for a study session for the gen ed class you two shared. He failed to mention that his roommate was there taking a nap, and that your loud ass drum beat knocking woke him up. You were absolutely mortified and continued to apologize, literally wanting to kill Oikawa. That was one thing you two had in common and that night not only did he have a grouchy sleep deprived roommate, but an annoyed you to deal with as well. You heard a slight struggle at the door before raining your neck to see that Iwaizumi had managed to make it in, holding pizza and other bags. “Go help Iwa put the stuff down,” you scolded your friend as he watched with amusement as the man struggled balancing the pizza boxes with one hand and the plastic store bags with the other. Once seeing Oikawa just shrug and rest back against the couch saying something about ‘being too hungry to move, before picking up his phone and typing away’ You huffed and got up yourself. Your boyfriend shot you a grateful smile as you took the pizza from him so that he was able to place the bags down safely. “Hey Haji- what's all this. Thought you were going to get pizza,” you said softly leaning against the counter as he began to empty bags. “Just a few snacks for you guys. Thought you two could make the video a mukbang. Although I’m not sure why I did, considering Shittykawa is here to eat some.” Your heart swelled as you both ignored your whiny friend across the room. You just wanted to hug your boyfriend and so you did. Before you could place your lips against his, said whiny friend had gotten his ass off the couch. “Can you two not fuck on my kitchen counter,” as he maneuvered around the tiny kitchen to start getting his food together. “Pretty sure I live here too,” your boyfriend scowled pressing a quick kiss to your temple before letting go of your waist and going to set up the camera for yours and Oikawa’s video. “Also, who’s to say we haven’t already,” you decided to tease, pushing past Oikawa lightly bumping into him. “Remind me to bleach every surface in here later on. Nasty bitches,” “Love you too Tōru” “How is it not living together anymore?” you read out. Already smiling at a chance to drag oikawa. “Fucking amazing! I get to come home to my food not eaten and I actually can get hot water when I’m trying to shower. I-“ “Oh you actually shower? Could’ve fooled me,” “Says the man who always used my expensive body wash,” you retort back looking off camera to pout at Iwaizumi laughing at the two of you. To the camera it would just look like you were refusing to look at Oikawa, not making puppy-dog eyes at your boyfriend. “Yeah because you don’t. Stinky” --- “What’s your favorite thing to do together? “Nothing because I hate this bitch-“ you deadpanned. The room going quiet before you, Oikawa and off camera Iwaizumi started laughing. “I’m kidding I promise. But I’m gonna let Oikawa answer this because he definitely knows what I’d say.” “It’s because we’re the same person. Twin-telepathy. But I’d have to say our monthly road trips with Kuroo and Bokuto. It’s the best time to unwind with my best friends and it’s always fun finding new places and we love taking you guys along with us. Special shoutout to the man, Iwa who gets all of the b-roll and actually records the chaos. Iwa! Speaking of him- he’s actually home for once and is watching us film. Aren’t we pretty,” you watched your best friend recount laughing when Iwaizumi says loud enough for the camera to hear that he isn’t. “Come say hi to the video,” Oikawa begged, deciding to record Iwaizumi on his phone to insert in later. “Oi! Get that camera off of me Shittykawa”

----

“Alright guys. We’re gonna do one last question. Tōru, take it away,” you smirked already knowing the question he was gonna pick. “Are you and (Y/N) dating?,” Oikawa read out, picking up his bottle of beer to take a swig while looking at you with a teasing smile on his lips. “Whew that’s an interesting question.   You wanna take that one (Y/N)?” For years the two of you never answered that question. At one point it was genuinely because you two had a crush on one another and while you never became more than just friends, there had been a thing there. After that passed you two just always played off one another for videos, knowing people loved it. Once you and Iwaizumi started dating the more flirty actions had stopped, but that still never stopped people from assuming. You two were almost always with one another, after all. You had been sharing relationship memes on twitter and even let it slip once that you had a boyfriend on Snapchat(although the audio was a little hard to hear as you’d said something like “i can’t find my boyfriend,” in a loud bar. And, to top it off you had recently posted a video of you getting ready for a date night. To anyone that kept up with you all the signs pointed to oikawa However, no one ever paid attention to how in the background of Kuroo’s vlogs how you and Iwaizumi always walked a little slower behind everyone else. No one thought anything during the last vlog with Bokuto when he captured you and Iwaizumi in the middle of the freezer aisle joking about which ice cream was best for root beer floats. Or how you and Iwaizumi would always be standing closer than you should in Oikawa's bar night videos. Of course Iwa’s hand resting on your lower back, occasionally slipping lower had never been caught on grainy phone cameras. “Well,” you took a deep breath. The three of you knew you were going to announce your relationship today but for some reason you were still nervous. Your relationship was one of the only things about your life you didn’t plaster on the internet. Iwa was definitely not one to be all on the internet, despite all of his friends being on there in the open. Not only that, but you were concerned about comments saying you’d been using Oikawa for views or leading him on or any of the crazy shit people come up with. You were pulled out of your thoughts when Oikawa lightly punched your arm offering you a comforting smile. “First of all, no. We aren’t dating-“ you started off. “Don’t forget to add it that you had a crush on me a few years ago” “It was mutual you dumbass,” you huffed. Loosening up. Knowing this half of the video was going on your channel you spoke up again. “As I said. Me and this dumbass are not dating. We’re-“ you pretending to gag, “genuinely best friends.  The love I have for Tōru is absolutely not romantic. However I am in a relationship and you can say that I met him through the idiot next to me.” “Babe you wanna come over here and officially be introduced as my boyfriend to the internet,” you called out. Oikawa mocking you “Yeah babe. Come in for a second.” Before you could even retort you notice your boyfriend signal to you and ducked as you saw a couch pillow fly towards the side of Oikawa’s head. “OW! Iwa that hurt. And stop laughing at my pain (Y/N),” Oikawa cried out. Ignoring your friend you looked up to Iwaizumi leaning over the edge of the couch in the camera's frame, lips hovering next to your ear. “You did it. Now people can stop shipping you with him.” Iwaizumi places two kisses on you for the camera. One on your cheek, the other on the side of your neck before looking up. “Hey,” and with that he was up and out of frame. “You guys see how he didn’t even acknowledge me. Just (Y/N). So rude” “Shut up Oikawa,” you and Iwaizumi said at the same time. Right before the camera cut off i stopped here bc idk what i was even doing because this turned out nothing like my initial idea. idk request if you want and i might give it a try. Also adding pt 3 to college!kuroo soon. 

will be cross-posted on ao3

[koteosa]

here’s some modern au headcanons for the arcana ... it’s something I think about a lot

Asra

gamer memeing shitlord . he majored in minecraft you cannot convince me otherwise

plays A Lot of minecraft but also just enjoys any similar sort of game, sdv, animal crossing, etc. He’s really good at video games but he’s just fucking around . he likes to play online games and try his best to make everyone hate him in a really harmless sort of way . he heals the enemy spy . changes his display name and avatar to be exactly the same as someone else . tells people to go into the console and type unbindall

he plays games with his friends and he’s usually the top player so he just spends his time spoiling the shit out of his friends giving them good items carrying them through dungeons etc but not Julian, he tells Julian to dig straight down in minecraft . Julian doesn’t ever know what he’s doing in any video game so Asra trains him wrong on purpose, as a joke

anyway enough about video games (for now)

Asra lives in a van that he painted the exterior of himself, it was both a fun project and a very smug way to annoy people with this awful fucking hippie van strolling into town, eat shit

it’s decorated with crystals, furs, fairy lights, mason jars full of food For The Aesthetic, books, etc. It’s very cozy, cottagecore / bohemian and it’s ridiculously obvious that he’s into witchcraft. he just lets Faust explore because this isn’t real and I can pretend that a snake is exactly as well behaved as in a fantasy story

basically homeless by choice

drugs tw but I see him as the type to want to try anything and everything at least once so if he’s ever been offered A Drug (and he crashes parties for fun and for free food, so he’s got opportunities) he’ll try it Just To See, and this has resulted in some bad trips before, but Muriel saw him in the middle of one and then after he sobered up Muriel put his foot down and made Asra agree to only do these things as responsibly as possible, like, with supervision from a friend

still drugs tw but I also see Asra as a stoner but in the cbd edibles sort of way, a lot of this is because I headcanon Asra as having ADD (because I do and I want to project a little bit) so it helps him focus but also he just Likes It. the glove box of his car has like, chocolate/lollipop edibles stuff like that

goes between like super healthy elaborate meals with mushrooms and veggies and fresh meat and shit and then just eating nothing but cheez-its all day

style wise I see him as the type to wear a lot of tank tops, like, the loosest of tank tops so it hangs super low and long and you get some nice cleavage out of it, crystal necklaces, gold jewelry, pride pins/jewelry/etc (trans/nonbinary/bisexual flags), oversized hoodies with loud colorful patterns, joggers and other loose comfy pants, and either boots or slippers

he’s got like... the at home look that’s basically what I just described, and then the away from home look that’s got thirty layers and none of it makes sense and he just shows up in orange crocs With Patterned Socks and everyone who sees him just lets out the heaviest sigh

Asra getting home be like (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a l

He likes to go on long road trips completely at random and saves up money to go on more extensive trips like, out of the continent. It can be really hard to place him at any given time, especially because he’s extremely slow to respond to texts for a whole multitude of reasons. He just fucking vanishes sometimes and he doesn’t get that maybe people want to know where he is. He’s too solitary

He makes money either via street performances (magic, tarot readings, etc) or selling shit on etsy like handmade tarot decks, crystal necklaces, magic charms, etc. He Has Never Worked A Day In His Life and He Will Not Start Now

Responsibility? Don’t know her

People ask him really obnoxious questions sometimes and he makes outlandish lies to tell them for fun . Why do you live in a van? A house killed my parents

In the fall/winter he lives with Muriel or more to the point, he crashes on his couch for a really long time and Muriel’s landlord doesn’t need to know about it for rent purposes

Julian

he’s a highly paid doctor and your mother would love it if you’d marry him if not for the fact that he looks like he never left his teenage emo phase

PIERCINGS

There’s DEFINITELY at least one piercing on his d

he lives with Portia and Mazelinka and tries to handle all their expenses but Mazelinka won’t fucking let him

soundproofed his room but not because he’s a youtuber or anything but because he uh. y’know what I’m gonna let y’all figure this one out on your own

goes to like............. lgbt friendly bdsm clubs every now and then looking for someone to step on him and call him garbage it’s for his mental health you don’t understand

black turtlenecks . silver jewelry . distinguished but Edgy as well, black boots, winklepickers, doc martens, ohmygod this is my SHIT I’m giving him red plaid pants and a reversed cross necklace and a leather jacket that says some radical shit on the back and Lots of Rings . black jeans with tears in the knees and black eyeshadow, demonia boots, leather gloves, hhhhhhOHmy GOD

catch him at home in black leggings and a my chemical romance tshirt with holes in it . he wakes up in the morning with yesterday’s makeup and he just cleans it up a little and that’s good enough

fairly small bedroom because he’s usually never at home, but it’s still pretty clear what he’s into even if it’s not super decorated or elaborate, kind of just Default Room but with his stuff arranged throughout . band posters, black furniture, a bed that looks like a depressed vampire sleeps in it, a bookshelf but most of the books are scattered around his desk, bed, and the floor. there’s a taxidermy skull on display somewhere because it’s just so dramatic you gotta love it

plays a black electric violin

extremely out of tune with pop culture he still listens to 70-00s music and he doesn’t know what a minecraft is or why Asra keeps yelling CREEPER when he comes into the room nor why Portia yells back AW MAN

I googled it and he qualifies as a millennial but I still see him as such a fucking old man who doesn’t know how to use electronics

despite being a doctor he’s so unhealthy . he eats nothing but depression meals (or just, nothing) unless someone forces him to sit down and eat an actual meal . No Julian whiskey does not count for your daily water intake

Malak probably happened because Julian wouldn’t stop feeding every black bird he saw just for the aesthetic and that was like 17 years ago but they still show up at his window expecting almonds or whatever the fuck . he changes houses but they’re too smart . you try to be a cool gothic thespian with a raven that will pose on your arm ONE time when you’re a teenager and they just never stop coming

sad lonely no friends hasn’t been laid in six years because he’s too busy and no longer remembers how to form meaningful relationships. Portia keeps being like so I met this really hot (insert gender here) and like idk I think they’re into goth dudes............... just saying...................... and he’s like am I really so pathetic that I’m going to let my baby sister set up blind dates for me? Yes

would drive something very goth like a hearse or some shit if not for the fact that his family would make sure he ends up in a coffin in the back of it if he drove up in that shit . please . buy a normal fucking car . Julian . oh my god

he starts quoting melodramatic poetry at the slightest inconvenience . he is that “All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread. My cat stole my fucking garlic bread” meme

been arrested multiple times for general rowdiness but also for political activism . at this point Portia/Mazelinka will just sigh and pay his bail and they don’t even ask what he did this time . how does he still have a job? I wish I knew

theater kid

Muriel

lives in a rundown apartment in the shitty part of town because it’s all he can afford, it’s quiet, and no one will try to visit him (except Asra) because no one wants to go to THAT part of town . but no harm will likely ever befall him because he’s 6′10 and like three million pounds of raw muscle with battle scars like you gonna fuck with that? really?

even if he got robbed it wouldn’t matter because A) he doesn’t own anything B) Inanna will chase the thief away

depression man staying in his quiet rundown dark apartment distracting himself with idle hobbies and taking care of his dog to prevent the encroaching ennui from tearing him a new asshole

changes jobs frequently both because he never stands out therefore never gets taken on full time after the part time trial period, AND to protect himself from the horror of being known

works mostly things like construction, auto repair, dog sitting/walking/etc, woodworking, mostly hard labor but if he can convince granny to let a very scary but completely harmless man look after her bichon frise for the weekend then he’s pretty happy about that

in a similar manner, he orders everything online so cashiers/etc won’t start to recognize him. delivery workers leave everything outside his door and he just drags it inside after they leave like an itazura kitty coin bank

goes camping a lot because staying cooped up in his apartment is super bad for his mental health and he doesn’t like to take walks through the city for a multitude of reasons. he takes Inanna on walks through the woods instead

Asra is his only friend and that’s fine (it’s not fine)

convinced therapy doesn’t work and he wants nothing to do with it

doesn’t like using electronics and only keeps a few things around his house so Asra can use them when he’s around . Muriel has a phone (that Asra got for him) so he can text Asra, check the time, check the weather, google questions, and like, nothing else

pretty much only happy when something is about dogs. he wants to go to the pet store and look at the dogs but he needs Asra to go with him so Asra can distract the workers and Muriel can look at the puppies in peace

dresses in blacks, grays, greens, and browns for the most part, jacket with the hood up, tank tops, dark jeans with tears in them, brown boots with mud stains on them . functional, not particularly stylish, and if he’s going to be in public he doesn’t want to make it easy for anyone to see his face. at home it’s mostly no shirt + sweatpants/joggers/etc. doesn’t accessorize or put in any real effort. he doesn’t care what he looks like (because he’s convinced he’s not much to look at anyway)

lives that super eco friendly life like Asra does but it’s more that he just feels comfortable living like he’s always on a camping trip

he doesn’t want to eat junk like Asra does but if Asra shows up with mcdonalds then well he can’t really say no

the type who uses something until he absolutely cannot use it anymore instead of just buying a new one

has never been to a doctor, dentist, etc Ever. the most he can do is take Inanna to the vet because he loves her so much

drives a very old pickup truck with like, chipped paint and mud stains. he’d take better care of it if only anything in life mattered

didn’t go to school

Portia

I like to think that she took on a groundskeeping job at Nadia’s very expensive large house and they fell in love and now Nadia pays for everything and Portia just spends her time gardening, playing with Pepi, and like idk running a vlogging/gaming youtube channel

200 videos of Pepi on her youtube channel with 4 million views each bare minimum . takes random videos of cats where she has to audio edit it to shit so you can’t hear her high pitched squeals of delight

minecraft let’s play part 30 where her, Asra, Nadia, and Julian play together and it’s extremely chaotic because Asra and Portia decide to gang up on Julian who does NOT know what he’s doing, and then Nadia surprises them all by not being the bigger person and instead tricking Julian into some elaborate trap where he steps on a trapdoor and falls 15 blocks into some lava and he looks up and all he sees is Nadia’s smug fucking avatar looking down at him

nightcore. it’s just not FAST enough

wears sweaters with cats on them. generally dresses in warm colors + brown/green, it’s like a very soft cozy look that you could go camping in or just generally be outside and get grass stains and whatnot. cute, functional

likes to make Julian do things for her like drive her places etc because like, he will. he always will

really likes social gatherings with her friends; sleepovers, beach trips, sitting at mcdonalds and pouring all their fries into a pile etc. tries to get Julian to go with her but he’s Just So BUSY. she makes fun of him and makes him drive her to it, then manages to convince him to stay

cottagecore aesthetic . she just thinks it’s so cute to have the little mason jars and decorate everything with leaves and flowers and BEES and whatnot . would love to live in a little cottage with a farm if she could

her room has a big cat tree in it . green wallpaper with yellow flowers. pressed flowers into books, an extremely cozy bed, fairy lights, it’s very farmy but also there’s a lot of electronics. she’s got a lot of 00s games, like, right in that ps2 sweet spot

nicknames all of her pokemon

she spoils the ever loving shit out of Pepi. She’s got a little cat harness and they go on walks through the park together

I don’t have a lot to say about the other two I Am Sorry

[lampd-intheface]

vampire LAMP au

okay but like imagine a vampire au with polysanders except virgil is the only human???

roman got bitten by a vampire in italy just for kicks and then he was left to his own devices. he had to suffer through the shift alone with nobody to help him

for a little while, he was ravenous and accidentally killed a lot of people. in the end, tho, he snapped out of it and taught himself how to control his hunger

roman lived through the italian renaissance and moved between italy and spain (which is why he can speak really good spanish/italian) and even settled down a little in england for some time too

when roman settled down in england, he met patton who'd been a vampire for a while now

patton became a vampire becos he was hit with the plague and his mother was desperate to find a cure. this vampire they met ended up helping and then taking patton under his wing

roman and patton eventually find themselves in america (which was still a pretty new country at the time)

logan lived during the industrial era where everyone was just inventing things left and right and it was booming in terms of science and machinery

he was turned becos a vampire thought his genius was too valuable and death shouldn't put a stop to logan who had a lot of potential

the three then settled down in america

roman made some money writing fantasy books under pseudonyms. logan made money through patents or really any kind of intellectual work he could find. patton spent his time at home, just helping out and taking care of roman and logan

they had to move often, of course, becos people would be suspicious if they just stayed in the same place for too long. they couldn't get attached to people either becos getting attached to people meant people who would keep track of them

after all of their years being alive, patton and logan and roman have amassed enough money that they're just chilling and living comfortably

now, it's the modren era and, in this au, all of them either have online classes and/or night classes

virgil takes night classes and online classes because it limits his social interaction with other people and he's much more comfortable interacting with smaller groups of classmates (night classes)/not physically interacting with classmates at all (online classes)

the others because well duh they're vampires

it's not becos they dont like sunlight (they can be exposed to a little but too much gives them rashes). it's just that it's easier to keep a low profile if they interact with less people

logan is really the only one seriously taking classes and not for any other reason than because he loves learning. patton and roman will take classes here and there but only for their hobbies

insert virgil. i haven't thought this one through but logan probably meets him first because they share a class together.

anyway, LAMP have a meet cute or whatever

maybe like virgil is in an art history class and the prof says something wrong abt a certain part of history

logan is about to correct the prof but virgil beats him to it and logan is impressed with how accurate virgil was with his facts because logan lived that era and not a lot of people are so knowledgeable about it

that aside, their friendship takes time

logan has to introduce patton and roman separately and then the three of them have to keep attempting to get closer to virgil slowly and at virgil's pace

eventually, for their own reasons, they fall in love with virgil

logan falls in love with how much he relates to virgil. virgil is so smart and the two of them can talk and have debates and virgil just understands him so well

roman falls in love with how snarky virgil is becos he'll tease virgil and he knows virgil will serve it right back to him. virgil challenges him and its exhilarating and exciting

patton falls in love with how soft virgil is and how much he wants to protect virgil from all the bad things in the world. he loves how virgil has been through so much and yet virgil is still so strong

virgil is unaware of how smitten the three of them are tho and he falls in love with them too. he kind of just... plans to be with whoever asks him out first (if any of them ask him out at all)

because virgil struggles with his anxiety a lot, he can't really work at normal places. there's too many interactions, too many people.

he had thought that he'd eventually get used to it and then he'd be able go get a job but it's taking him a lot of time to get over his anxiety

precious time he can't really afford since he's putting himself through college

which is where his vamp boyfriends friends come in because hello, if they can't pay for their cute human crush's essential college classes, then what's the point of having all that money?

in any case, they find out abt virgil's financial problems and they're like omg... we're the solutions to his problem!!!

roman: i can finally actually slay what ails virgil!!!

logan: you won't be slaying anything--

roman: LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING

before they establish that sort of relationship though, logan and roman and patton all agree that they want virgil to know the real them first so that virgil can decide whether or not he wants to be associated with them

the last thing they want to do is make virgil feel like he's obligated to stay with them even tho he fears them becos they're paying for his college and housing him and stuff

so, they plan get to know virgil more and then tell virgil they're kind of sort of creatures of the night

definitely easier said than done

when they tell virgil, he's like *phone error sound* ??? before realizing oh my God, they're serious

he then laughs about it a little and the other three are confused but he clarifies that the situation was very ironic

becos like omg, how hilarious is that??? the one goth guy who's super pale and avoids social contact and is practically the stereotypical vampire is actually the only one that's NOT a vampire??? that's irony at its finest

virgil then also assures them that the three of them being vampires doesn't bother him one bit

virgil, the epitome of tumblr humor: bold of you to assume i wouldn't f**k a supernatural being

jokes aside, he does reveal to them that he couldn't care less about what species they were, just that they loved him and he loved them

and damn did virgil love those three idiots

roman: woah there, you might pull a muscle from all the i love you's you're spouting

virgil, sweating up a storm after showing the most emotional vulnerability in his life: sh*t u rite

jokes aside, they do form a sort of weird relationship where the three of them happily provide for virgil because virgil doesnt have the means to do so

it takes virgil a while to really get used to it since he's not used to accepting things from other people without giving back

he struggles for a little while becos he keeps trying to find ways to repay them for what they do for him but there's only so much he can do

eventually they have a conversation abt it and they're like babe honey sweetie no

patton: you give us your love and that's the absolute most important and priceless thing in the world!!!

virgil, known pessimist who cringes away from romantic gestures out of habit: sounds fake but ok

but like eventually they work it out in like a slowly but surely kind of way.

virgil learns to see money the same way the other three do (replaceable and pretty much worthless to vampires who have a large abundance of it) and the other three learn to kind of tone it down on the expensive gifts

virgil: im so glad you guys dont buy me really expensive things now

roman, sweating profusely as he hides the golden apple he had commissioned to be made especially for virgil: oH YEAH OFC HAHAHA

(logan, when roman had suggested getting virgil the golden apple: first of all, no??? in what way is that even romantic--)

omg imagine if virgil does the thing where he coops himself up in his room??? and then someone tries to get him to get out by pulling the blinds open to let in light??? and virgil hisses???

patton, having just let sunlight in, looking absolutely offended: OKAY FIRST OF ALL, you're not a vampire so don't take that tone of hiss with me--

someone is like teasing or bullying virgil abt his aesthetic and virgil is obviously getting uncomfortable, esp when they call him twilight (in reference to the vampire romance novel)

so one of the boys, probably roman, steps up and he's like 'the person you should call twilight is me' and he scares the bullies by flashing his eyes red and showing them his fangs

omg!!! roman doesn't have a reflection so virgil helps him put on make up or smth!!!

maybe virgil in this au is an artist so he paints a picture of all three of them so they know what they look like becos they dont show up on pictures and reflections

patton, gazing down at the picture: this is what true love feels like

logan, also feeling the same way: really? how unpleasant

logan:

logan: give me more

omg also logan having only really kept up with the intellectual side of history so he doesn't know abt memes and like stuff like that so virgil teaches him and he has his Flashcards™

iDK MAN JUST VAMPIRE BOYS BEING SOFT FOR EACH OTHER AND FOR THIS SMALL LITTLE HUMAN THEYVE PULLED UNDER THEIR (bat) WINGS