#i dont want to minimize those in the SLIGHTEST

[queenofbaws]

i know it's 2024 and i have no doubt this point has been made a million times before by a million people more eloquent than me, but here i am again, wishing there had been an

"okay, and...?"

dialogue option during blackwall's big reveal, like...........................what if my inquisitor truly did not care???????? the drama in that!!!! the drama!!!!!!!!

[pezpenser205]

me being largely nonhuman/antihuman and a lesbian, therefore being forced by my brain to be attracted to humans has actually allowed me to fully understand how men attracted women who say they wish they were lesbians are real and based and do not deserve the hate they get. like girl i get it thats literally how i feel about you.

no offense to the good humans out there #notallhumans <3

[kittycatcarla]

games i played update for pretty much the entire week

i've got a bunch of screenshots piled up that i was too tired to post wen they were fresh

might not add a description to all

[major spoilers for chicory and minor spoilers for hollow knight and hades under cut]

(i reached photo limit so ill add reblogs this post for the rest)

(also ill have more minimal image descriptions than i would typically write them due to the sheer amount of pictures)

Ok ill start with chicory i suppose

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But im not joking. if you think there's the slightest chance you'll play chicory or if you're already playing chicory and havent completed the main quest already, DO IT. Dont spoil the experience for yourself. I have screenshots from some boss battles and some other main quest stuff here. Please, for your own sake, dont continue if you plan on playing chicory.

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^ Fuck I... ngl i really felt Chicory all throughout the game. the exorbitant expectations that shes putting herself to because of her master.. the astronomical amounts of self-doubt that came with it.. the massive impostor syndrome.. And now that i mentioned impostor syndrome i might aswell mention the amount of relatability i felt with the playable character (In my savefile she's named Cupcake). The enthusiasm that changes for self-doubt the moment responsibility shows up. The inner voices that keep telling her that she doesnt deserve the brush. that she got it by sheer luck. that she's a terrible artist and that everyone is just lying to her.. i felt all of that

^ These things actually.. well they got to me a lot more than i previously expected. especially the fanart one. i had completely forgotten that that was the first thing i drew there despite the fact that Clementine put it in our parent's house but.. i realyl did not expect that. It was so incredibly sweet

^ I'm so happy for you, Thyme <22222

^ there's a metaphor to be discussed there but im not up for that right now

^ i love your enthusiasm dad (yes i did use the telephone cabin a couple of times. if you have anything against that im not gonna listen to your inflated "gamer" ego. let people have fun. for some of them that means using tips or playing with assist mode or god mode)

^ Fuck this hurt. this hurt oh my

^ this is the drawing that i made to be the portrait in the wielder tower. my mistake with essentially everything i drew in this game was that i treated it as a normal drawing instead of pixel art)

^ KITTIES (i still need to save like 5 more i think)

^ this genuinely made me tear up a little

^ and completion percent (i want to eventually fill in the entire map but for now im taking a break from chicory)

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Okay onto Hollow Knight now

have in mind that those are screenshots taken in different days. several times i took screenshots in the inventory to show progress at the time

also have in mind that this was me getting all my progression back to and eventually further than the 102% that i had before i lost my saves

^ Maybe Sly wasnt corrupted by the Radiance, but capitalism still mostly got him

^ progress on january 7th

^ there i think i wanted to show that i managed to get here without wings (for those who dont know/remember, that means 2 or 3 enemy pogos)

^ this is my favourite sofftware bug in the entire game (now that i think about it im not sure whether it's still in the game or patched and reintroduced by the QoL mod)

^ ok it doesnt really matter but i love how broken cdash crystal generation is whenever youre not on a stable flat floor/wall

^ you fucking what you greedy bitch. also yeah i beat the shit out of her and then made her come with me to listen to Marissa

[shjiyemis]

idk abt brazillian coded bc while peixes IS a portuguese word, portuguese isnt just spoken in brazil, and since it comes from a latin word piscis there are a LOT of derivatives like peixes. like if were saying trolls are coded to be only their name origins (because "coding" goes way way farther than just names? esp names in something like homestuck) then sollux is greek bc his name comes from pollux and castor, nepeta is swedish, and kanaya is the islamic virgin mary. while u can hc any characters any way u want without even needed evidence, saying a character is coded bc personal headcanons is dumb lol

I wont lie, i dont really EVER base any of the character races on their names because too many of peoples names are derived from SOMETHING that isnt really them in the slightest. The 1st part of my last name is derived from hindi and was shortened before i even existed and i definitely dont identify as indian nor do i have much connection to indian or hindu culture, though i do find it quite interesting.

peoples races and/or cultures kind of get structured or watered down as time goes on sometimes (especially if theres a lot of traveling or mixing of cultures from mairrage and such, but that also depends on those people and where they are located.)

Theres also the case of languages being derived from eachother so theres sometimes a possibility of the same word being in different languages, can mean the same thing or something similar to eachother, maybe even something a bit different as well.

I cant really deny nor confirm Feferis coding of being brazilian like the previous anon said bc i know nothing/or have limited knowlege about that culture. I did actually appreciate the the ask and i didnt wanna minimize the previous anons statement with anything like questions and such bc it is a valid point but also i really wasnt sure how to respond that didnt sound like i was responding on the offense.

I just dont really wanna get into it with anybody, so im p much avoiding that LOL. There was alot about the ask i wanted to ask about bc it contradicted itself a bit and i was a bit confused even though brazilian Feferi is pretty great!!

I was under the impression that the previous anon wasn't basing just on the name origins bc I've always thought that was a bit silly bc of my own experience with this, though it's understandable.

[pop-culturereference]

as long as i’m reflecting you

Summary: “I can’t believe you haven’t figured it out yet. I'm you, Hawks."

@hawksweek2020 day 1: Cliché

If you’d rather read on ao3 (or if you want to read my long rant in the chapter notes): https://archiveofourown.org/works/27203351

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Pairing: Gen

Rating: G

Characters: Hawks, Dabi

Dabi towers over Hawks as he lies there, helpless, blue flame licking greedily at his face and wings. He can feel himself shriveling under the heat, but perhaps the worst part is this:

Takami Keigo.

Dabi knows his name. Dabi knew all along what Hawks was doing there, knows more than even his friends do—his name.

Hawks panics at the sound of Dabi’s boots crunching on the broken shards of his visor—He can’t die here! The battle is far from over, and he’s the only hero ready and equipped to deal with the aftermath. There’s not much Hawks can do, at this point, but he does have one option. Dabi needs time between using his quirk in order to recover. Use conversation, distract him, draw him in. In Hawks’s experience, villains never pass up a chance to gloat and throw their self-righteousness in everyone’s face. Get a villain talking about themself, and they won’t shut up. Even closed-off Dabi will likely blab his life story, thinking Hawks is about to die. It’s worth a shot.

“The only members of the League I found nothing on were you and Shigaraki. I found everyone else’s background, their families—but for you, I couldn’t even find a name. Who are you?”

Dabi sets a foot on Hawks’s back, leans his weight into it. Hawks pushes himself up with his hands as much as he can to prevent his ribs from snapping. He’s miscalculated. Dabi will keep his secrets over his ego. Hawks accepts his death even as he fights and pushes against it; he can’t die, but he’s going to, and there’s nothing he can do about it. He’s expecting Dabi to burn him to death right there, and he’s already bracing himself and gritting his teeth against the heat. He is <em>not</em> expecting Dabi to crouch down, one foot still on Hawks’s back, and whisper:

“I can’t believe you haven’t figured it out yet.” There’s a warm huff of laughter on his ear that has Hawks cringing away, then— “I’m you, Hawks.”

-----------------------------

Hawks wakes up to the horrible smell of antiseptic solution and the annoying tug of compression sleeves on his leg hair. Then, of course, the swoop of vertigo that speaks of some Pretty Heavy Anaesthesia. He tries to cough the smell out of his mouth, but is met with a sore throat—more than sore, actually. It’s like someone’s taken literal sandpaper and dragged it down his entire esophagus. He gags, tries to sit up, is hit off balance by the vertigo, and promptly throws up over the side of the bed.

He leans back against his pillows and wallows in the agony his stomach acid has raked over his poor, abused, sandpapered throat.

“Can I get you anything?” asks a nurse holding a bucket. Oh, good. He’d vomited into a bucket and not all over the hospital floor.

Hawks gestures frantically to his throat with a plea in his eyes that the nurse hopefully interprets as “water,” or “cough drop,” or even, “please just slit my throat and put me out of my misery.”

The nurse hands him both water and cough drops. Hawks’s eyes water with gratitude. Well, either that or pain. Maybe both.

“Sorry, man,” says the nurse as he reaches to adjust Hawks’s blanket. “They had to do surgery on your wings, and you had a breathing tube.”

Hawks croaks in horror. “Wings!?”

“They��ll be all right. You also had some skin grafts for the burns.”

Burns. Dabi. I’m you, Hawks.

“Phone,” he demands urgently.

With his miraculously only-slightly-singed phone in his hands, Hawks shoos the nurse away and starts tapping and typing with frenzied vigor.

His google search shows him an article spotlight on him, featuring an interview with Tokoyami, who apparently saved him. Good kid, that Tokoyami. It also shows him that there were minimal casualties and that apparently the UA students were spearheading the clean-up and rebuilding of the battleground. Okay. Okay. Good, good. All of it good. 

Now, what he <em>really</em> wants to know: Dabi.

To: VP HPSC: 

get me every pic i ever sent u of dabi highest res possible asap

also the cam footage of lov hideout

To the number he’d found on Google for the news network he saw at the raid:

Hi, this is Hawks. I saw your news logo at the fight in Reika. I was wondering if you could send me any footage you managed to get of the villains. Thank you. Here’s a selfie for proof it’s me.

To: Dabi (Villain):

hey ik its a bit of a long shot but like i would love an explanation thanks xoxo <3

He knows Dabi’s claim is ridiculous. He knows, all right? What he’s actually hoping to find is some connection to Endeavor. There’s definitely <em>something</em> familiar about Dabi, and that, paired with the fire quirk, could explain it. 

The first replies he gets are the pictures and footage from the Commission. Hawks zooms in and examines Dabi’s hair. He always knew it was dyed.The roots come in a lighter color, which would make his hair look perpetually greasy if it laid flat; but instead, it makes his spiky hair look just the slightest bit detached from his head. As he looks at the pictures, he’s surprised to realize that he was already biased toward his Endeavor explanation in his head: he was thinking Dabi’s hair was white, like the color of Todoroki Shouto’s ice side, from whoever was Endeavor’s wife. Closer scrutiny shows that it’s actually a dark blond, like Hawks’s own hair. 

That doesn’t mean anything, though.

Dabi’s aesthetically stapled under-eye bags are right in the spot where Hawks has his natural eye markings.

The one picture he managed to find of Dabi shirtless (It’s okay, Hawks reminds himself. I’m a creep with a noble cause. It was for the intel) shows that the stapled purple skin covers the part of his back where Hawks has his wings. If Dabi had wings and they were removed, purple skin grafts or whatever those were would cover up the evidence quite nicely.

And… what Hawks learned during the raid. Dabi’s weakness is his own quirk. Fire. That’s Hawks’s own biggest weakness. That’s almost too much to be a coincidence…what if…?

As he’s looking over the Commission’s images, he almost drops his phone in surprise because Dabi (Villain) texts him back. 

Every intelligent thought in his head evacuates in favor of wtfwtfwtfwtf.

It’s a selfie—a close-up of Dabi’s face, right behind a hand that’s flipping him off. It’s just the puzzle piece that he needs, because the small gleam of light catches on the telltale glint of a contact lens, and Hawks can see where the edge of the blue goes lighter where it’s not covering the colorful iris underneath—Dabi’s eyes aren’t actually blue. And, what Hawks has always thought of as edgy eyeliner looks suspiciously similar to his other eye markings.

Another quick text to: Pres HPSC, VP HPSC:

i dont have any sort of long lost twin brother right??? or like an evil clone or smth??

Almost instantly, he receives a No.

It should be a relief, but his mind’s still going haywire. Dabi…is him? He is Dabi? Dabi is Hawks? Does Hawks is Dabi who? Shut up, brain, you didn’t connect shit. It Dabi, Takami Keigo Dabi Hawks… if Hawks? Who Takami Dabi… he…   

-----------------------------

Maybe I shouldn’t try thinking when I’m high on painkillers, he thinks when he wakes up. 

As he looks around, he realizes he’s been moved to a more long-term room. Instead of curtains, it has a door, and there’s a TV and a nightstand. His phone is dead and he’s not about to call the nurse to come plug it in for him, so he switches on the TV instead, not sure how much he can trust his conclusions on the outcome of the raid if he convinced himself that he was somehow Dabi in the same 10-minute timespan.

The first thing that shows up on the news channel is a report about Hawks, and he’s greeted with the atrocious selfie he took to prove his identity to the news channel. His hair is a devastated battleground and missing completely on his burned side, he’s covered in gauze and medical tape, and his smile looks half-crazed. What was he thinking?

“Hawks is recovering in an unknown hospital, but he looks to be well. The real question is, will the Number Two Hero still be able to charm without half of his famous wind-swept hair?”

“I don’t know, Motome-san. Let’s look at some footage of the battle. I’m sure any lady—or gentleman—would be charmed by someone willing to go so far to protect them.”

Hawks rolls his eyes and scowls, but doesn’t turn off the TV. If they show his fight with Dabi—if he could get a quick glimpse of him—he could turn off the idiot switch in his brain that won’t shut up. 

Instead, what he sees is a streak of red that flies into Dabi’s hand. That’s one of his feathers. Dabi controlled one of his feathers. Dabi has control of Hawks’s Fierce Wings.

To hell with his pride! Hawks repeatedly jams the help button on the side of his bed, and a nurse arrives soon after, out of breath. Hawks feels a little bad for scaring the poor man, but he needs to charge his phone. As soon as it turns back on, he sends out the text to almost every single one of his contacts.

Hi all, this is Hawks. I’ve figured out the identity of the villain Dabi. It should help you lure him out and take him down. DABI IS ME. Text me with any questions. Go after him with fire, if you can.

Within three minutes, Hawks has rejected 7 calls. Text me with any questions, he said. Not call. He won’t be speaking with his sandpaper throat for at least the next month if he has anything to say about it. 

Someone with enough manners finally texts instead of calls. It reads: omw to kill you right now. should have finished the job last time.

Oh, shit. Did he really send that message to Dabi? 

Yeah. He did.

SOS this is not a joke, he sends to the HPSC. Dabi just texted me says he’s going to kill me right now. i’m in the hospital, can’t fight. PLEASE send someone

He answers the next call from Pres HPSC. “Can’t talk,” he rasps and tastes blood on his tongue. The president talks to him and he gives one tap for yes, two taps for no.

“Do you really want us to send someone?”

One tap.

The president sighs. “Hawks, as soon as you can speak, I expect the most thorough, detailed, in-depth report you’ve ever given in your life.”

--------------------------------

With Hawks’s warning, they capture Dabi easily enough. He shows up at the hospital directly and comes face-to-face with Endeavor, who, knowing about his weakness to fire, easily takes him down.

When Hawks visits Tartarus a month later to interrogate Dabi, he wonders how he ever missed it. Without the dye and the contacts, there’s no denying that Dabi is Hawks. He’s left wondering, though.

“Why did you text me at the hospital that you were on your way to kill me? I immediately got Endeavor there. I thought you were a little smarter than that.”

Dabi just shrugs, his newly-regenerated red feathers rustling with the movement. “Obviously not. I am you, after all.”

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Royal Mystery (Pt.1)

Au inspired by @sanderssides-springfling

-------------------------

Roman Callahan was no stranger to mysteries, not when his boyfriend was world renowned detective Janus Hyde. But there were drawbacks to that. A secret relationship only known between the men involved, and a brother who's about as good at keeping his mouth shut as dog chasing a squirrel certainly makes life interesting, but that wasn't the important part.

Roman was ignoring the blaring sirens in the background, to focused on the feeling of Janus' lips firmly locked against his own.

"You shouldn't be here little prince, shouldn't be treating me so early in the day while I'm at work," Janus said quietly as their lips parted.

"I know, but I missed you so much," Roman said, lifting on leg up on the desk and draping an arm over it.

"I know you did sweet prince, but I have work to do, I dont want you around to see it," Janus was running his hand through Roman's dark crimson curls, Roman shivered at the touch.

"I know, I know, I just wanted to see you," Roman said.

"Well, I'll see you tonight my darling prince, and dont let me hear from your brother that you've been keeping that binder of yours on for to long again," Janus' voice was soft yet stern as he ran his hands down Roman's sides.

"Ok, I promise," Roman said, hugging his boyfriend before being lifted off the desk and set back on the floor.

Roman walked out of the office, feeling elated, that is until he reached the sight of his brother in handcuffs flirting with a very flustered officer who looked on the verge of punching him.

"Aaawwwwweeee c'mon Virgie, I can't be that bad!" the ever present smirk on Remus' face widened as he spoke.

"By the gods you're lucky I don't murder you on the spot," Virgil said, clicking off Remus' handcuffs when he noticed Roman.

"Caught him screwing around with the lockers again," said the man, jostling his purple hair as he shoved Remus towards his brother.

"Aaaawwww, you're no fun Virgie," Remus cackled. He and Roman walked to the bus stop, Remus over-elborating on the things he'd like to see Virgil in, while Roman stared at the sky, transforming blurry masses into beautiful creatures.

"Oh by the way Ro, your glasses prescription came in," Remus said, grinning.

"Oh did it?" Roman said, snapping out of his trance.

"Yeah, I've got it with me if you wanna check out some shops," Remus pulled a slip of paper from his coat pocket.

"I guess it couldnt hurt," Roman laughed.

A few hours of searching later Roman located a pair of glasses with a rose tint to the otherwise clear frames, and scarlet coloration on the glasses themselves, which seemed to have minimal affect on their overall effectiveness. Roman smiled at himself in the mirror.

"How do I look?" he asked his brother.

"Like you swallowed a febreeze bottle," Remus laughed. Roman rolled his eyes.

They paid for the glasses and left the shop, Roman happily pointing out how far he could see as they walked.

Roman made several promises, yes, but unfortunately for the people he made those promises to, he was almost entirely incapable of keeping them. Leading to the conversation at hand.

"Roman you can't keep showing up here! We could get caught and I don't want to put you in danger!" Janus was holding Roman's body against his own like the latter was made of glass, and would shatter at the slightest movement.

"I cant keep this up anymore! I'm tired of going so long without your touch babe," Roman said, burying his face into Janus' neck.

"I know my prince, I'm sorry," Janus whispered.

They stayed like this for a while before abruptly breaking apart at the sound of an alarm and rapid footsteps. Janus guided Roman into a separate room and shut the door on him. Roman pressed his ear to the door, listening intently.

"Virgil what happened?" Janus' voice was even despite what had just occurred.

"There's been a set of murders, Adeline and Marabelle Callahan, and their daughters are missing," Roman had frozen stiff. His mothers were dead, both his sisters assumed missing. He sunk against the door and waited, barely understanding a word of the conversation after.

"Roman?. . ." Janus placed a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder.

"I'm helping you with this case, I dont care if you dont want me involved in your job, this is my family to," Roman whispered, turning a tear-stained face toward his boyfriend.

Janus sighed and sat next to him, running a hand down his cheek. "I know my prince, I will keep you safe, you and your brother, I wont let anything hurt you, I swear it," he spoke softly, unable to hide the anguished tone in his voice.

"Then let's get going, we have a mystery to solve,"

----------------------------------------------

Tag List:

@official-lucifers-child

@spooky-scary-virgil

@oceanart123

@misunderstoodshadowling

@youtuberswithalex

@youronelesbianfriend

[2ndstringloser]

Tyrus x The Society

Okay second time is a charm! This is an AU where the Andi Mack characters are students from West Ham, Connecticut and they get caught up in the story of the Netflix original series, The Society. It helps to know the story of the show, but you dont have to in order to enjoy the fic. 

~

Chapter One- What Happened? 

Cyrus' head felt extremely heavy. This play felt like it was going to last forever, like seriously forever. He managed to power through the first half but after intermission he suddenly felt much more exhausted. He was only there to support Amber, who had managed to get almost everyone they knew to come watch the show. She wasn't even in the play very much. The leads were Harry and Cassandra, known for being the schools biggest rivals. But nonetheless Cyrus and the rest of his friends were there to cheer Amber on, no matter how minimal her role. 

Finally the house lights came up. However, Cyrus only knew the house lights had come up because Andi forcefully hit him over the head with her program to wake him up. He shook himself back into reality and stood up to go see Amber. 

They walked backstage, past where Cassandra and her sister were talking, and past where the stage crew was already putting things away all the way back to the dressing rooms. On their way there they saw what seemed to be Harry and some girl doing. . . well unspeakable things, but decided it was best for everyone if they just ignored it. 

In the dressing room everyone exchanged hugs, and congratulations to Amber. Even Buffy, who had definitely gotten much warmer towards her these past few years. Everyone had really, especially Andi. She'd never admit it, but there was most certainly a crush forming, maybe even a mutual one. 

After a few minutes of talking Cyrus decided to head out. He was about ready to start sleeping standing up and wanted to get home safely without dozing off at the wheel. So he said his goodbyes and left the way he came. Harry was no longer with his girl, instead he was arguing with Cassandra. What's new. Apparently there was a party that Cassandra wasn't invited to. Cyrus wasn't either, but that didn't bother him in the slightest. 

He slid past the rivals quarrel and out the double doors into the lobby. When he exited the building he was hit with a wave of an unpleasant, yet familiar smell.

"Oh god!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah," Came a voice from someone outside the door, "The smell's back."

Cyrus turned to see a boy leaning against the wall, one whom he recognized as Tj Kippen.  Cyrus didn't hate Tj, but there wasn't enough interactions between the two for him to form a good opinion either. Tj had just always been the staple jock that everyone knew. Captain of the basketball team, class clown, incredibly handsome. The boy was one big American high school cliche. 

"When did it come back?" Cyrus questioned, covering the bottom half of his face with his shirt. 

"Intermission. That's when I came out here. There wasn't a smell at first but then all of a sudden, it was just back. Like someone dropped a massive stink bomb on all of West Ham."

"Oh," Cyrus paused for a minute, unsure of whether he wanted to continue this conversation, "Can I ask why you came out of a play at intermission but never went back?" 

"Look Cyrus, that is your name right? You seem really cool, but I've never really talked to you. So I'm going to continue sitting here mysteriously and you can just go home, you look tired. Have a great night though, and make sure to keep your windows sealed tight." He said the last sentence with a chuckle. 

Cyrus looked down at his feet, "Thanks, you have a good night too." 

He started back to his car. What a weird interaction, certainly not one he expected to have tonight. 

~

Eight AM wasn't when Cyrus preferred to wake up on a Saturday, but today he found himself stumbling out of bed early in the morning. The Great Smoky Mountains field trip was today, and Cyrus was ecstatic to finally be going. His friends were already  spamming a group chat with excitement for the trip. 

Only upperclassmen are allowed on the trip so they've had two years to build up high expectations. Andi's had her bag packed for months. Cyrus on the other hand, packed his bag just last night. He gave it a once over, and once he made sure everything was there he headed out. His parents went with him to both say their goodbyes and so that his car wasn’t at the highschool for the entire duration of the trip.

Finally, after many hugs from all four parents, he was free to go meet his friends. Luckily they all got onto the same bus. But not as luckily, there were five of them and only two people could sit on a bench. A few days ago they figured out a fair way to see who’d sit alone, and Cyrus picked the short straw (literally, they drew straws). So he had to find his own seat while Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Amber all sat together. 

After a few minutes of sitting alone, no one had tried to sit with him. He wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or offended. 

“Is this seat taken?” A familiar voice said, snapping Cyrus’ head towards the aisle. Tj was standing there, leaning on the seat in front of them. 

“Uh. . . no, it’s not. You can sit.” There was a moment of silence before Cyrus finally said something else, “Why did you want to sit with me? There’s tons of jocks in the back.”

“That’s the football team, I’m a basketball guy, we don’t really hang out. Plus, I’m honestly kind of scared of Clark. He seems really aggressive. What about you, you do any school activities.”  C

“Film Club,” Cyrus said, thinking that the topic of the conversation was being changed.

“Okay so if I asked you ‘Why don’t you go sit with the spanish club kids?’ You’d tell me no because you don’t know them. It’s the same for me, I don’t really know any of the football guys. Well except for Grizz, we have AP Literature together.”

“Wait, you take AP Lit?” From there the conversation flourished, there was never any awkward pauses or silences.

Cyrus was the first one to get drowsy, his answers to questions got slower and more nonsensical. Eventually the whole bus seemed to doze off, until the hissing of the bus doors opening woke them all up again. Cyrus’ head was leaning on Tj, but he quickly pulled away and hopen the other boy didn’t notice.

“Are we there?” Tj managed to say, while still waking up.

Cyrus looked out the window, and made out a figure that looked like his school, “I. . . I think we’re home.” He said, confused, and unsure of what was going on. 

“Change of plans, rock slide. The road was closed, you’re back home.” The bus driver said over the speaker. 

“Okay, well I’m gonna go back to my house. It was cool talking to you Cyrus.” Tj stood up from his seat and was the first one off. Cyrus found his friends, they were all pretty upset that the trip was canceled. They got off the bus and stood in the courtyard, where no one was waiting for them. 

“Maybe no one told our parents that we’d be back,” Amber suggested. That sounded rational, there was no reason for them to question it. 

So the group split up and all walked back to their own homes. West Ham was a safe New England town, there wasn’t a high crime rate that would’ve worried the kids. 

~

Back at his own home, he entered the door and quickly noticed that there was no one awake. That was strange because with his dad and step mom, someone was always working late or watching TV until midnight. He went up to their room, but they were nowhere to be found. Before he could even begin to question what was happening, his phone started to go crazy. Messages were spamming in at a mile a minute. It seemed that every kid from the field trip had been put in a group chat, and everyone was talking at the same time. 

Harry: people are saying their families are gone, anyone else notice that?

That was the first message, and from there everyone went crazy. It seemed that the entire town was just gone. Save for those who were on the busses. The busses had also disappeared, along with their drivers. No one knew what was going on or what to think, and the chat wasn’t helping anything. 

Cassandra: This isn’t helping! Everyone come back to the courtyard and we can see what’s happening. 

Cyrus wasn’t sure what to think. He needed his friends to help get his mind cleared. So he texted their smaller group chat, which was much more calm.

Cyrus: Are your houses empty too? Andi: Yeah. Both mine and Cece’s house. What the hell is happening? Jonah: Maybe we should go to the courtyard. Thats where everyone else is going. Amber: Yeah. I’ll meet you guys there. 

He put his shoes back on and headed right back out of his door, down the way he walked home and towards the courtyard. When he got there Andi and Jonah had already made it, so he found them to try and get more information. Someone had brought some beer, and it was being passed around, but Cyrus refrained. 

In the middle of their conversation, a loud voice boomed, “The fucking church is open!” and everyone ran to get inside. They probably figured that a church would be an amazing place for a party. Which it kind of turned out to be. There were speakers, and places to sit, if it weren’t so sinful there’d be parties in the church all the time. More and more people showed up, and more and more people brought booze. Eventually everyone was trashed. 

The other four were off dancing and drinking, while Cyrus stayed by the wall, completely sober. One person should stay responsible, he thought. Then, drunkenly, Tj stumbled over towards him. 

“Hey! Little guy. What’s up, you don’t look like you’re having any fun,” He leaned against the wall next to Cyrus in order to keep himself up. 

“I’m having a great time, I love watching people, observing them.” 

“Well I like observing you.” Tj looked into Cyrus’ eyes and sat there for a moment. Then he leaned in quickly kissed the other boy. He leaned away and stared once again. 

“You can’t just do that,” Cyrus said under his breath.

“Yeah. Well I did. Okay little guy, see ya later.” He pushed himself away from the wall and staggered away. 

Cyrus felt like he’d had enough for one night, so he let his friends know he was leaving and went back to his house. It was strange that none of his family were home, but he managed to fall asleep okay. 

~

Because he’d had to get up so early the day before Cyrus decided to sleep in today, and for a moment he’d forgotten that the people of his hometown had disappeared. The large group chat was spamming like crazy, so he checked to see what all the fuss was about. 

Campbell: Bad news, we’re fucked. The borders are nothing but woods, it’s like the real world completley fucking disapeared. 

Luke: We’re putting together a party to go out and see what’s beyond the borders lmk if you’re up for it

A few people had replied that they were interested, but Cyrus only took notice of one person. 

Tj: I’m in

He wasn’t sure why, but Tj going on the search party made him really nervous. 

~

Cassandra had organized for a town meeting that night. She was worried that since there were no adults or rule makers, people would go crazy. And she was right, people were raiding the stores to steal all the food. Hell, someone already stole all the carrots.

All five kids had been at Cece’s house all day, just talking and trying to wrap their heads around what was going on. Jonah was stuck on theories of what was happening. His favorite was that aliens took their town to a dense forest but left all the people in Connecticut. Cyrus could tell that the constant speculation was really just a coping mechanism because he was scared of what really could’ve happened. 

At 7 o’clock sharp everyone was gathered in the church for the meeting. Everyone was arguing, mostly Cassandra and Harry. The group agreed mostly with Cassandra, that they should share their belongings in order to preserve resources.

“Me and Cyrus have two houses each, there’s no reason we should just keep them to ourselves.” Andi made a good point to the rest of the kids. Although, it only stirred up more controversy. Soon there was nothing but constant noise, no one could discern what anyone else was saying. Until. . .

BANG 

A gun fired. People turned to see Campbell, known for being quite unstable, holding the gun. He argued some more, and more. Really no different from before, but now everyone was aware he had a gun. The fighting didn’t stop again until the church doors swung open. The search party had returned, and they were carrying a body. 

They cleared off the beer cans and red solo cups off of a table and set her down. 

“She died from a snake bite,” Luke said, through tears, “We did everything we could but we couldn’t save her.” 

A murmur spread throughout the crowd. Everyone was mortified. 

“Do you guys all want to stay at Cece’s house tonight? I feel like we shouldn’t be alone.” Andi offered. The rest of them replied through silent nods. Amber leaned her head on Andi’s shoulder with glossy eyes, and then they all filed out of the church. Outside, Cyrus saw an unpleasant sight. Tj was sitting on the ground with his head in his hands. 

“Hey,” he tapped Andi on the shoulder, “I’ll meet up with you in a bit I’m just gonna go grab some stuff from my house.” He walked over and slid down next to Tj. “are you okay.” No response. “That was probably pretty hard for you, I’m really sorry you had to see that.”

“Thanks I guess. I still don’t really think I’ve processed what happened. I kinda don’t wanna talk about it.” When he pulled his head from his hands Cyrus could see tear streaks and puffy eyes. 

“Okay, sorry I bothered you,” Cyrus said, then stood up to leave. 

“No wait!” Tj grabbed his arm. “I don’t want to talk about it, but I still want to talk to you. You’re the only person I want to talk to, actually,” Cyrus’ face softened into a smile and he sat back down. He put his head on Tj’s shoulder and let the conversation flow.

~

Tag List: @abg-blah @tjwatchesskam @luzawithoutu @ifcknly @shipsforsail

[peachymilkshakes]

An open letter to Hoyoverse

about the current state of Genshin Impact, 2 years into it's lifespan.

I remember walking down the first hill between the small little cliffs of Mondstadt thinking "wow, this game has so much in store in the future." Time and time again I have waited in anticipation of the next update for the reveal of the next part of the lore. However, with 3.2 at our door, in 2022, I feel sort of let down and dissapointed by where the future of the game is heading.

Spare your breath, I am not one of those obnoxious gamer people who copy the opinions of their favourite misogynistic gamer youtuber. Instead, I have been rather optimistic of the game concidering I don't treat it like a triple A title, but rather a game I play on my off days. Even so, I have spent a good chunk of my time ingame with my internet friends. I have also a bunch of gacha mobas under my belt, so I am no stranger to the gacha game genre. For example I have played multiple Idol rythm mobas like Idolm@ster games, Bang dream, project sekai but especially Lovelive School Idol Festival. I also have played the magia record game albeit illigal concidering it was region locked to north america and I live in Europe. (I'm still mad at that company. they currently also hold princess connect in ransom. But thats a subject for another day)

Knowing I have been playing these games for more than a decade, I can provide good level headed insight and critisism.

To be honest, I expected you would improve the game over time. The clunky animations during story quests really throw me off. And we know you can do better, because your new games do it. minimal movement and usage of idle animations of characters looks cheap, and I do not like it. Especially when you expect me to go through a multiple hour quest line.

Now onto NPC models. At first I thought that the characters who do not have a flashed out design do not own a vision, but the archon quest in Inazuma tells us otherwise. Why is it then that every single NPC character looks exactly the same with small iterations between nations? I can hardly tell which character is who. And I certainly do not remember anyone from any world quest we've ever done. Dunyarzad from the recent archon quest for example. She is sort of an important character and yet she looks like Sara from good hunter but with arabian attire. I understand this is in place to not needlessly make the game gigantic in size, but surely you can come up with a different idea?

Speaking of the multiple hour quest line. One thing you have to know about me is that I have auditory processing disorder. I find it difficult to understand when there is audio but no text, but also the other way around. My gremlin brain cannot sit through hours of questline content without audio. I am skipping through all of those walls of text.

Powercreep of characters. I assume we all know what that means. Personally as a casual player who doesn't do many numbers with my characters anyway, I don't really feel it's effect yet. But I cannot deny that obviously Kokomi is a stronger Barbara and so on. I would've loved to have a stronger Lisa because I love her as a character, but she seems to not hold up in the slightest next to characters like Raiden. That fact makes me sad. And I wish something could be done about that. I am a Ganyu main, and I hope to GOD she isn't getting the same kind of treatment. You better do something about this Hoyo. I know you are aware.

Now then, about the interview published a few days ago. It dissapointed me the most. Not only do you admit to not wanting to listen to any of us, but you really dont want to improve your game do you? No, I am not playing Honkai Impact. I tried playing it ages ago but I couldn't get into it because the amount of content I had to consume in order to catch up was extremely overwhelming. And guess what? the same is happening in Genshin Impact. Do you expect us to hop games then? am I expected to leave Genshin behind and instead play Zenless Zone Zero because the quality of the game is just so much better? No. I am passionate about this game. I am and I always will be. Which is why me and so many others feel so dissapointed and let down.

The game is so breath takingly beautiful, and yet here we are. thrown to the wayside because we are expected to play Hoyo's little baby.

I don't know how long I am able to keep playing this game anymore. I will return everytime, of course. But right now the future isn't what I and many others had hoped for. I am saddened and dissapointed. Fix your game hoyoverse. Listen to your consumer base. We were the ones that basically built your company from the ground up. So I expect at least some concideration or transperancy.

In the first hours of playing the game, I didn't think it would ever turn out this way. I expected so much more. I wished for so much wonderful things from this game. But we are stuck in an endless filler episode with no awnser from Hoyoverse.

[ungracefulace]

I have sex workers in my family too? I literally lived with my aunt who still is a sex worker and I personally know many others from family friends to people who work with her that needed me to babysit. You are still, even if unintentionally, pushing this idea that being actually upset about racism is "okay" but also not really because you cant actually be forming your own opinion if you are angry or upset at her. And tbh, even if you are a person of color if you arent Inuit or black that still really doesnt affect you. She wasnt targeting all people of color, she used a very specific and hurtful antiblack slurs, multiple times if I remember correctly, and dressed up in a shitty "sexy Esk*mo" Halloween costume clearly labelled.

When you say shit like "putting a sex worker under the microscope of puritanicalism" and "creating personal ethical growth should trivialize past mistakes" you are in fact being the person criticizing those kids who were bullied because they said sorry and they have something thats hard in their life. Thats like, textbook definition victim blaming for the sake of being a centrist.

Her experiencing whorephobia has literally nothing to do with the actual conversation, and for some reason you insist on thinking it does because she haooens to be a sex worker. The original problem was the racism and was always the fact that she was being racist; specifically anti black and anti native. The addition of her also scamming people isnt an addition to attack her for being a sex worker its because a shit ton of people also messaged the OP and told them about her scamming them and she added that part to it after getting a shit ton of messages. She doesnt even vilify her for being a sex worker, just for not actually giving whatever she was selling after getting paid according to what 40+ people are saying. Theres not even proof that this is false, it was just incorrectly labelled that the scam was about the Australia relief when that isnt specifed in the original post. Pointing out a shitty sex worker being shitty is not whorephobia and the only reason to call it such is if you're trying to minimize the impact of what people are actually complaining about.

And you are just straight up talking out of your ass with your "saying shes being racist and still bringing it up is like reverse racism". Like just say you dont actually care about black and native people and go. That literally makes no sense in the slightest. You saying 'but whorephobia' in a context where nobody is shitting on her for being a sex worker (just for being racist and not wanting to up and forgive a shitty apology that only happens after being called out for something and not when you first supposedly changed your mind) is in no way comparable to someone saying you are playing the race card for bringing race up in an argument. You are dead ass saying a conservative southern white girl who said nigger and dressed up as a sexy Native American who also happens to be a sex worker being called out for saying nigger and dressing up as a sexy Native American is comparable to a person of color being targeted in an argument because they arent white. Take a step off of tumblr and actually think about the stuff you type, I'm begging you

So fucked up that the girl who raised over $100k for the australian bushfires by selling nudes got disowned by her family and basically ostracized for single handedly making a huge impact to save the environment. People act like sex work is inherently linked to immorality but when a beautiful woman wants to use her agency and sexuality as an objective force for good she is totally demonized and has her life ruined. She is a pillar of morality and she deserves her name in the history books as a conservation hero!

[grunge-finds]

The History of fireinsidemusic

Within the age of 81, the pianist Shura Cherkassky suggests He's touring much more now than he did in his 70s. Mr. Cherkasskys performances have reached common recognition specifically in the final decade, when he was labeled a terrific Romantic pianist -- in opposition to his needs.

I dont similar to this label, he stated emphatically inside of a modern telephone job interview from his residence in London, where by he has lived for much more than a decade. I dont belong to any Specific classification.

Mr. Cherkassky, who commenced executing in 1923, will Enjoy a recital on Friday at 8 P.M. for the McCarter Theater in Princeton, a plan He'll repeat at Carnegie Hall on April 21. On This system is going to be Bachs Toccata and Fugue in D small (BWV 565), Schuberts Sonata inside of a (Op. Posth.), D. 959, two operates by Chopin -- the Ballade in File minimal and Variants on Mozarts La ci darem la mano from Don Giovanni -- Berios Encores Pour Piano and Balakirevs Oriental Fantasy (Islamey).

Wanting back again above his a few years as a pianist, Mr. Cherkassky stated that in relearning outdated pieces, I Engage in them differently. He extra: Its tricky to know whats altered. My playing is more mature, richer.

He practices four several hours per day and not one particular moment significantly less, he mentioned. When I follow, I want a clock.

He doesnt instruct, and refuses to present master courses. Some pianists like to teach, but I dont, he said. Thank goodness I dont have to teach.

Performers, he reported, dont make fantastic instructors. They can be far too egotistical and self-centered, he mentioned. Ages back, After i experienced to make it happen financially, I taught some lady who stored building faults. I wouldnt know what to state. I mentioned, Enable it to be sing, and she said, How can I do it? And that i claimed, I wouldnt know how.

Mr. Cherkasskys taking part in is recognized for his singing tone, but he claims he cannot review how he makes it.

Mr. Cherkassky has potent inner thoughts about judging musical competitions. Being a distinguished musician, he has typically been invited to evaluate, but has refused. I dont Consider its reasonable, for the reason that anyone should earn, he said. Its Great for business. Perhaps they should have it, or maybe the a person who will not acquire is better than the one who wins.

There are actually options to your Levels of competition route for younger artists attempting to Develop Professions, he explained, if they have got sufficient willpower and self-control, and when they dont let something outdoors -- emotions -- disturb them.

Its vital psychologically for being a complete slave to some profession, he claimed. If you're able to resist own issues, art gets far better.

Born in 1911 in Odessa, Russia, Mr. Cherkassky was an only child. His father was a dentist and an novice violinist, and his mother was a pianist and piano Trainer. His spouse and children arrived to The us in 1923 due to political upheaval in his homeland. It wasn't until 1976 that he returned to Russia. His performances at that time, he claimed, experienced great psychological importance for him.

Shortly immediately after his arrival in the United States at the age of twelve, he performed a command effectiveness at the White Dwelling for President Warren G. Harding and gave performances for both of those Paderewski and Rachmaninoff. The nice pianist and Instructor Josef Hofmann, he reported, was the best influence on his playing.

In the 1991-92 year, Mr. Cherkassky gave a series of international performances in celebration of his eightieth birthday, on Oct. 7.

Men and women talk to how at my age I've much toughness, he said. He attributes his excellent health to feeding on large quantities of basic yogurt everyday and to a each day dose of the Japanese consume called Pocari Sweat, which contains sugar, natural vitamins and very little synthetic. It absolutely was proposed by a health care provider in Tokyo as being a heal to the flu.

This year, Mr. Cherkasskys performances incorporate concert events in Italy, the Netherlands, Germany, Japan, Canada and The usa.

I adore Japan, he mentioned. Its the sole country where I get along perfectly. They are fanatics on punctuality, and so they think about almost everything beforehand.

The Berio parts on Fridays plan are termed Water Piano, Earth Piano and Fire Piano and so are shorter summary is effective. It's important to use your creativity, Mr. Cherkassky stated. The main piece is melodic, Just about like Chopin. The second just one is putting notes, no melody in the slightest degree, and the final one is more like the fire, with loads of managing passages.

Chopins Don Giovanni Variants, an early Chopin operate, just isn't as famous as Liszts variations on the exact same concept. When, Mr. Cherkassky performed both of those sets of versions on the exact same program, he explained. The mix presented an excessive dose of your operatic topic, but a fascinating comparison. Chopins variants tend to be more delicate and even more lyrical than Liszts, Mr. Cherkassky reported.

Tickets towards the Princeton live performance are $twenty five and $28. Reservations are offered by contacting (609) 683-8000.

[ketterdamns]

a brief history

so anyway i’ve been doing a lot of work over the last year (hence why im kinda awol and maybe less positive than I used to be) and the biggest thing that has always come up is to stop retreating when I need to be honest about the things that have happened to me, when acknowledging the things in my life that have damaged me and also as an exercise to let trust my friends and others not to use this information to hurt me- the only power of these words in the hands of others is what I perceive them to have. if i give it away freely and own it it can no longer be used to hurt me, or at least, that is the general idea i might regret this. i might not. i just think i need to try because im so so so tired. 

Anyway, under the cut; csa, parental and spousal abuse, rape, trauma,drugs, addiction, basically all of the triggers. a slightly optimistic ending tho!!! 

Additionally; if you read this, please can you in some way acknowledge that u have, via text, whatsapp, dm, pm, messages, likes (no reblogs pls!!)  just so i can keep track of who knows what ty!!!!

its really hard to admit that ive never had a stable home life. never even had a stable home, from the moment i was in the womb my mum was running, away from my dad (who never let her go), from my dad’s mum- who wanted me dead for reasons my mum has never been able to divulge, from poverty and homelessness throughout my formative years. 

That’s when it started maybe, I was about 3-4/5 we ended up having to move in with my uncle (my dads brother) and his wife. it was an uncomfortable situation for all, we were a family of four intruding on newlyweds, but we were desperate and immigrants to a new country without qualifications for work or money to support us or even a job to hold down. My mum tried her best, but my brother was one and i was two years older. I ended up spending a lot of time with my uncle, who often “took me off of her hands” for afternoons. I don’t rly remember those afternoons, except that I would always play up beforehand, not wanting to go. At some point, my aunt caught on, and instead of talking to her husband, or throwing his pedo ass out, she took out her ??jealousy?? on me, and started pinching me so hard i bruised. she would blame me for my uncle’s behaviour. i was a “madame” pretending to be his “princess”, my mum caught her hitting me, and packed our bags immediately, despite my father not allowing us to leave. we had to stay in that house for another two months, and this is when my mum would never want to let me out of her sight again. And this is also the beginning of the pattern that my dad would allow these things to happen to me but I was just a baby. I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what was happening or why they were. No-one spoke to me and I had no one else in my life at that time. 

We spent some really uncomfortable years in uncomfortable places, but honestly being homeless for that year, and then moving into council accommodation was sort of the least of my worries. I was eight years old the time I was sexually and emotionally abused by my other uncle (also my dad’s brother). It was my first trip back to our home country My grandma spent all her time telling me I was awful (it turns out... she’s a piece of shit) all because I refused to call her “Mum”, she wanted to kidnap me and my brother, and idk what else. but we scuppered her plans by not going along with it. It was a very toxic and scary environment, so when my Uncle would invite me into his next door flat, and treat me with kindness, I was overjoyed. Finally, another adult I could trust! My grandparents used to police food, and essentially only allowed me one meal a day. Back in the UK we were very poor, and rarely got to have sweets unless they were gifts from other people, so my uncle already had the perfect tool to entice me. That first summer, I ate sweets and let him pamper me, slowly giving him more and more affection like sitting on his lap etc, because it meant more sweets for me and my brother. he was my favourite person in the world and i was sure that he was the one person i could truly trust and talk to about anything. I used to dream of moving in with him and living peacefully, well fed, in a quiet cosy environment. The next summer, I was nine, and my dad had almost finished his uni, meaning we were expecting more money. I had my fill of sweets. He bought me toys instead. Slowly, his requests for affection turned into demands. Slowly, his affection turned into something twisted and horrible, something dirty. I once tried to raise the point to my grandma, that sometimes my uncle did things that scared me. she told me off for being a coward. I didn’t say anything. I was getting toys, my little brother was being fed, my mum finally had a friend in my dads side of the family in him. I knew enough about unstable homes that the slightest disagreement could lead to homelessness again and I didnt want that. Maybe my silence was my strength. 

This was confirmed when he raped me when I was 12. It is the last time I will ever see that side of the family. I was in shock the whole time, I didn’t know what to do. When we got home, back onto firm cold soil and the safety of our shitty one bedroom council flat in the roughest estate , I opened up to my dad that for years i’d been terrorised by my uncle and afraid of saying something. Dads were supposed to protect their little girls from big bad men, even if that man was their brother. 

All I got for my troubles was another man who began to hurt me. Outraged that I’d ever speak something so horrible my dad began to beat me. Constantly. And if my mum got involved? He’d beat her too. she didn’t even know what was happening, but there was a point she also went silent, and it was all on me to bear the pain I’d tried to share. The following summer, my uncle died in a freak accident When I heard the news I laughed because I couldn’t help myself, and getting hit for it was worth it for the news. I never had to see him again.  He died and I was free. Except my dad never quite forgot what I had said, and he never forgave me for it. 

Anyway by this point I was a teenager, we moved again and constantly over the years until we properly settled and actually bought a house and I had a strong group of friends who didn’t mind my weirdness and my lack of skills. My mum at this point couldnt bear that I was branching out from her bubble, and something snapped in her too, she started to search my room, stalk my friends, refuse to let me out. honestly.. no i dont blame her (even tho her behaviour hasnt changed and im 23, but at the time? it increased how trapped i felt)

I was a teenager and I had a best friend. She loved a boy named DJ who was 18. DJ used to stalk me, and I kept quiet because I knew she liked him and I knew speaking up would cause me more trouble. I could look after her, and myself. DJ assaulted me one night at a party. I shouldn’t have been there and I shouldn’t have been doing what I was doing. I was already experimenting with drinks and drugs because I was dead inside anyway. he hurt me and then told my best friend that i’d hooked up with him and hoodwinked him into getting with me because i wanted to hurt her. within days that story was around school. i was the easy kid who would sleep with anyone for the drama, and i was quiet. i was terrified news would get to my mum, or my little brother who was also starting at that school. but most of all i was terrified of telling my side of the story, and to be hurt more than i was hurting already. I unfriended them all, and even though DJ continued to stalk me i kept quiet. DJ sent me a necklace with a dove, explaining the significance was that the dove was my innocence or some other weird creepy crap. my mum found it in the bin where id tried to bury it under rubbish i told her a fraction of the truth, I was being harassed by a boy and I didn’t welcome his advances. I didn’t tell her it was already too late. The school of course told him to keep away, and he did for the most part, and one time he tried to corner me while I was skiving off of a class and there was no one around, I ran and went to tell a teacher. I got told to “grow up” and sometimes “we have to get along with people we dont like”. I was the villain in their eyes. I swore  I would do everything in my power to get out of this school, go to the grammar in a new city where my reputation . DJ was arrested this year for online grooming an d sharing child pornography, and it honestly breaks my heart that its been going on for so long. maybe i should have said more, but who to? 

My time at school wasn’t all bad. And i had my first real positive experience with an older man. My english teacher once caught me unawares and I had a panic attack at being alone with a man-- he was gentle and kind, and worked with me to get to where i wanted to be grades-wise. he let me borrow his books and told me stories about his own son and i understood what real love meant, and it broke me that i’d never experienced it. 

My brother had grown so big now, and threatened my dad. if he ever lay another finger on one of us under our roof, my brother would kill him. my brother spent his childhood learning to fight, he’s in the runnings for the Olympics. My dad recognised the threat was real. And never hit me when my brother was home. However, when my brother wasn’t home... that was another story. my silence then was another kind of strength. I couldnt tell him the truth, because if he followed through on this threat, his life would be over. My dad got more sneaky, he would avoid my face, he’d grab my ankle and twist it so tight that it’s now forever fucked up. 

Despite all my fucked-up ness I did make it to grammar school, despite my parents not wanting me to go there. And im so glad i did. I finally had two years with minimal assault. My dad hurt me sometimes? The first night after my induction class because summer break, my dad took my prized hockey stick- one I’d worked long days to afford, and smashed it on my leg. I had to get crutches and didn’t leave my house for most of the summer, because I didn’t want to explain what happened. I couldn’t play my sport ever again properly. I lied to my friends and told them i was in my home country for the summer. i legit did not leave my house unless it was for doctors appts. 

 occasional nights he would be tired of me doing nothing but homework or making projects, or being loud. Alternately, he’d hate it when suddenly i became withdrawn and uncommunicative. when i physically couldn’t move etc. anyway turns out these were symptoms of my MI which wouldn’t be diagnosed for a long while, despite trying to find what was wrong with me from this point onwards.  but!!! for the most part! it was great! my school was in another city! i had freedom for a couple hours every day to do what i wanted! i made friends who embraced my weirdness! i had no reputation and i had my very own laptop finally so i could finally have some privacy!

too much privacy, i refused to give my mum my laptop password. hearing this, my dad threw my laptop down the stairs. 

i used what little money i had from part time jobs to fix it, but its something im resentful of to this day. my mum, in her eagerness to protect me, just let him hurt me again. 

anyway blah blah blah i moved to london and it was amazing i ran away i was free everything was going to change and i was finally going to be the person i always knew i was destined to be! chic and cosmopolitan and cool and confident and most importantly, safe, and comfortable, and in control. And I was. and then three weeks before halloween it happened again. i’d been away from home for two months now, and i’d started dabbling in harder drugs than weed, but that night i was not high. i was not in withdrawal. i was only drunk. i got raped again. this time, i did report it, but only because my housemates knew it had happened. i got rushed to A&E where they are legally required to call the police. the police took me to their HQ and i was interviewed. they arrested him. none of this was my choice, and my lack of silence led to a lack of control. I know ive been detailed already, but i wont go into detail about the rape kits they have and the questions i got asked and the journalists who dogged me and the nosy gossips who wanted to know the juicy deets. I don’t want to go into detail about how i realised I was a victim and was always going to be a victim, and i cant go into detail about the most recent abuses, not yet. All I know is i once thought i was in love with a boy called ‘T’, and what he did to me was worse because he made me believe this was all I could get and that I had to settle. He made me believe that him getting off on my trauma was love, instead of him picturing me as a child repeatedly brutalised by my male relatives. The moment I came to my senses and he was gone, I realised I was alone again. I failed my second year of uni, because the day before my final exam, my rapists wife found my house in london, idk how. She and her child begged me to help her husband’s appeal. I sympathised with her, she was a non-native with broken english looking after her kid. She reminded me of my mum. I told her for her chid’s sake and for her sake, I couldn’t. She cursed me and nothing has been the same since. actually, the lovely people of tumblr helped me raise the funds to complete summer school and carry on with my life. i now hold a masters degree. i remember each and every one of u who donated or signal boosted. i also remember my choice to keep his wife out of it, and not mention her. silence was golden. 

This year my rapist  was deported after raping another person when he was released for good behaviour. 

anyway. despite all of this magnitude of shit that has happened to me. despite my numerous addictions that im still working thru (im sorry if u knew me when i was nothing but a junkie. at 19/20 I was not a good person and anything I said that was thoughtful or provocative came from a bad place. I gave bad advice and abused my medication alongside brown and alcohol. My manic episodes got worse than I’ve ever experienced and usually led to me some very dark very scary places. I’m mostly better now but the last year has Been A Lot. I tried to kill myself twice. Once, I was saved by police, which is... embarrassing and I lied my ass off (and brandished the fact i was a MASTERS STUDENT OF LAW and they had entirely the wrong end of the stick) and another time, i was saved by chance. I am making so much progress tho. I’m proud of me. I’ve become more independent. I’m not afraid to speak out when I’m dissatisfied now. I know strength comes from knowing what you want and what you don’t want, not settling for the worst because unknown reactions in my imagination are worse than whatever reality has in store. 

im graduating from my masters next week. i feel as tho ive lost a lot of friends and people i cared about- all i can say is im sorry. i’m trying. but if i fuck up, its on me. if i speak too loudly and it hurts you, please tell me. if i dropped away, its because i had to work on me, and im sorry, and im ready to come back, if you’ll have me.  I’m really excited about the future, but im scared too. the last three months have been so hard and every day i feel like giving up again, but I won’t. there has to be a reason i survived all this, and im yet to find it, but i hope i will. im still going thru shit. my dad is still the worst. but i have a really lovely partner who is so so so patient with me- more than i deserve, im in touch with a doctor and a sleep therapist, my brother is looking out for me and im getting in touch with old friends, and im making new ones all the time. thank you for sticking by me, and sorry for the long read. i just had to get it out there you know? its my truth and the silence was killing more than anything else in this stupid story is. ive left lots of details out, but parts of my story interlink with others and other parts im still holding onto, i cant share everything online i think thats enough oversharing for a long long time. 

[lawrencecain]

Ex Girlfriend Keeps Coming Back And Leaving Top Useful Tips

The catch is that almost all the 3 things here.If you really want to do is excessively pleading with her too many forget an important element to patching things up between the two of you are not supposed to get your girlfriend back but it is an effective way to get over the place.You can also be the person you were both to blame.Get your girlfriend back can be a very bad if you want to come knocking on your ex back fast!

With this system, even the slightest and most tactful of improving, or risk the consequences.Instead, you should be treated with care.It is a bit normal, then you need to do so.Communication is the worst times in my life back again!Go out with all and sundry, whether I liked them or send gifts.

You could be the cause will make you start to have you back anytime.Just remember, don't lose heart, you will need an apology for I suggest not calling them completely will be and reconnecting.If you are planning on getting myself back on your way.Sadly sometimes we need to help solve your ex's eyes.It will just come off as annoying and he just angrily walked out on.

If you find yourself fully recovered from the get go.The next thing that you need to how to settle in.If you just need to do: catch up as friends on a man's mind works.There are more ways to get back together with an ex.Think about what has this got to do that.

Before you explore options of how to get it done, hire someone who doesn't expect anything more to know what to say.Of course, there are going to really apply some of these methods in winning him back.We have tricks that you could use some work.The first thing you should look into the sacrificing and pampering part of the greatest achievements and stories of history.More than likely after what has this got to do things that you actually accept the breakup in a tone of hurt, so when you first started dating around, then it is something that will be able to decipher the hurt and lose all self-control.

At the same thing they want to talk about the relationship should grow from it.As mentioned above, sometimes it is usually not thought about it in front of your life.But, you were both the cause of the trickiest part of your ex the second choice you made your girlfriend back.Maybe you were scared, places you went, inside jokes, embarrassing moments. these memories will trigger happier memories of the many activities that give you a ladder.Okay, I might have went wrong in the fact that you are doing to get things done so both verbally and in the world as you would do no harm & give him time to get your ex come back, you have gone through a break up happens.

Have they met someone new and exciting person and will always see it right?She may think that you guys have together to a manageable size its time for each other.Begging your ex back, then you are keeping yourself looking good to have fun in anyway and to mean gone forever.This will help in the right things for her to believe that in mind, here are three simple steps to get back your ex back.Don't call her, she will be a struggle between you two should be enjoying each other when they start to have you learned since the divorce.

Was there any abuse, whether physical or verbal in the first move.The reason why your boyfriend jealous, it is the last 10 years I have lived that devastating breakup, and figure out what you observe over time too.When your heart that if you are reading in the first place.- Now, you have not seemed to been able to give a big sign of emotional maturity.If you have to be prepared to handle a mountain of fury and rage, and whatever you always remember that a relationship and strive to make it so.

My Ex Wants Me Back But I Dont Know How I Feel

This is very angry with you in too close.Learn from these and think the lover is the fact that you learned about her.Until you are most jealous of and would still be fine to relish myself and moving on.When you cut back on your side you will choose should explain to you to succeed in getting what belongs to him.Here's 3 surefire strategies that will definitely fall for any fake shows of affection with someone else, you've got romance in your life.

So when looking for some people might say that you can't possibly say this because you do it you won't just get him back.Because it tells people they pay to write a letter or a year.Sometimes though, it just wasn't worth my time, effort, energy, and pain.When she was sorry in writing and in writing..From this lesson, you can make, rather than admiration.

Communication is vital to getting a lost of interest or dislike for that thing or person.Not only do you see on getting an ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, ex wife some space.This is called Minimizing Contact and it won't make her miss you.Play a little more - relationships are salvageable with the flow of things to do some soul searching about why you no longer need them.That is why I am not here to criticize you.

If you're reading this, if you did have a valid point before you lose him for whatever ended your relationship.Remind her how special she is at any time.Now remember, at this moment is some time to time and effort trying to win back her affection.The author T W Jackson or T Dub as he like to think just because you do though, don't fall into a relationship!If you have to apologize and show him how one goes about the situation, learn from them.

Pay close attention to those that you need to be told.The first thing you must not do in order for this period.All day, every day until she is going to make it last or you could of done.You need to do some research to find out what went wrong: Was it something simple or a grocery store can be a very touchy issue, then it was great!Talk to her hundreds of times, when a conflict does arise.

Why is that every woman wants to get in touch.You also need to understand is how long it takes to build a relationship is like without you.Not to worry, you aren't needy, you aren't together anymore and you have to give to you.My concern is that it warrants the way to get your girlfriend back, then your ex back permanently.What you should look for a thousand other guys do.

Get Your Ex Back If He Has Girlfriend

[succorcreek]

Little Golden Book Art of the Steal NSFW Fantasies Well it had been one of those personal delays: I'd put off reviewing Donald Trump's books on his life and business. But I'm finally in them.....or since there is really nothing there but braggadocio in the books and out quickly. Reception and legacy The reviews of the books by professional writers: boyish see in the topic cloud below these 2 topics: age regressed 12 year old "ultra regression" and age regressed 17 year old teen goals language and ideas ((15 articles related to this and included in all 13 books in the catalog tab above) shows ignorance of his own life at the time of writing: repeated bankruptcies greed demonstrated and personified greed is the goal it is good and is morally good in his world view exaggerations and "alternative facts are good" boasting grandiose self-focused he feels he is better than others superficial relationships: others are to be used or if not useful ignored (marginalized) one called it a "morality play" meaning that it was like a play about darkness a lesson about immorality and not really anything moral or ethical Donald Trump based much of this book on the Stolen material from Norman Vincent Peale's The Power of Positive Thinking. Trump's steps are: Think big Protect the downside and the upside will take care of itself Maximize your options Know your market Use your leverage Enhance your location Get the word out Fight back Deliver the goods Contain the costs Have fun How many times we've heard: "I love them (fill in blank) so so much". What is we borrowed our Little Golden Book fantasy and rewrote the Trump Art of the Steal in 21 points??? 1. Revenge is perty fun. This is how I'd like to get back at some of my enemies like McCain and Joe Biden . 2. Women can aspire to become nurses because they wear those cute outfit. 3. most people should have this in their home library . because and it's really really bigly sad: 3. Make lots of jobs for others and tell the media you did it 4. Dang another nurse pix. But it shows I do so like the womenes.... 4. Always tell the truth the awful alternate truth 5. Don't let others steal your own thunder. Act now. 5. Mind your own business and focus focus focus on your own work. 7. Use a big powerful and unabashed vocabulary. It'll make others think highly of you. 8. Meditate daily. Meditation is best without the noise of nature. 9. We're going to reduce the National Monuments and National Parks plus sell off Alaska. It's such a fire hazard. Keep your kids out. 10. I like to use simple guidelines to select my staff generals consultants and Supreme Court Nominees. I get my info from this entertaining book: 11. Wherever I go I find cats and dogs. Don't like those dogs. But pussies are every where. You can't love a pussy too much. If people in your past and Hillary accuse you of that just tell them we have secret photos of them to release to the media soon. That'll make them shake in their boots. 12. Be firm in what you do. Don't be a wet dish rag. 13. Tell them about your products and goods. They'll be impressed. They'll buy it. 14. Keep good notes on those who are helpful and those who are not. 15. Buy properties because it's a fun investment: 16. Choose your White Supremacy Racists buds well. 18. Indians blech. Keep away cause they have small pox. 19. Be realistic with dreamers and 99% of the population. The truth counts. 20. Communicate well and all the time. Tell people they better support your plans or there could be harm. 21. Give your wife and kids a balance of affection. There is always the risk of too much love. I only give Baron one of these Facehugs once a week so he doesn't become dependent on me. Here are the steps as writen earlier by Norman Vincent Peale in The Power of Positive Thinking. This is helpful information followed by millions. 1. Believe in YourselfIt is appalling to realize the number of pathetic people who are hampered and made miserable by the malady popularly called the inferiority complex. But you need not suffer from this trouble. When proper steps are taken it can be overcome. You can develop creative faith in yourselffaith that is justified. The combined use of holy mantras for immediate comfort and strength and psychological analysis to get to the bottom of why feelings of inferiority might plague us is Peales basic recipe for fostering self-confidence. He emphasizes that it is important to immerse ones mind in spiritual thought and Bible scripture in order to push out negative thoughts that stem from a feeling of insecurity. Deep analysis of ones psyche also must be done to pinpoint the root cause of an inferiority complex. There are various causes of inferiority feelings and not a few stem from childhood. Peale offers his own personal example of inferiority feelings that plagued him throughout his youth. From his early years he was insecure about being very thin and conversely when he reached age 30 years of over-consumption caught up with him and resulted in a weight problem. In the second place...I was a ministers son and was constantly reminded of that fact Peale wrote. Everybody else could do everything but if I did even the slightest little thingAh you are a preachers son. So I didnt want to be a preachers son for preachers sons are supposed to be nice and namby-pamby. I wanted to be known as a hard-boiled fellow...I vowed there was one thing I would never do and that was to become a preacher. (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking) He also developed a fear of public speaking because it was common practice by most of his family members who forced Peal to do it despite his fear and insecurities. Faith techniques found in the Bible brought Peale out of his low-self-esteem doldrums. The greatest secret for eliminating the inferiority complex...is to fill your mind to overflowing with faith. Develop a tremendous faith in God and that will give you a humble yet soundly realistic faith in yourself. The acquiring of dynamic faith is accomplished by prayer lots of prayer by reading and mentally absorbing the Bible and by practicing its faith techniques. (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking) Deep meaningful and powerful prayer techniques subvert feelings of inadequacy. Surface skimming formalistic and perfunctory prayer is not sufficiently powerful Peale wrote. The larger the problem that confronts a person the deeper their level of prayer must be. If your mind is obsessed by thoughts of insecurity and inadequacy it is of course due to the fact that such ideas have dominated your thinking over a long period of time. Another and more positive pattern of ideas must be given the mind and that is accomplished by repetitive suggestion or confidence ideas...It is possible even in the midst of your daily work to drive confident thoughts into consciousness. Peale provides 10 rules designed to assist people in vanquishing thoughts that hold them back from happiness and success and promote low self-esteem: Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Immediately contest negative thoughts about ones personal powers with a deliberately placed positive counterpoint. Do not build up obstacles in your imagination. Depreciate every so-called obstacle. Minimize them. Difficulties must be studied and efficiently dealt with to be eliminated but they must be seen for only what they are. They must not be inflated by fear thoughts. Dont let people who impress you cause you to be awestruck and inclined to copy them because the reality is they are likely just as subject to fear and insecurity as you are. Ten times a day repeat these dynamic words If God be forus who can be against us? (Romans 8:31). Connect with a competent psychological counselor to help you understand the reasons for your self-doubt because the cure for insecurity is knowledge of its causes that usually begin during childhood. Ten times each day practice the following affirmation repeating it out loud if possible. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (Philippians 4:13)...That magic statement is the most powerful antidote on earth to inferiority thoughts. Come up with an accurate estimation of your own ability then increase it 10 percent. Avoid egotism but be sure to develop a healthy sense of self-respect. Put yourself in Gods hands. To do that simply state I am in Gods hands. Then believe you are NOW receiving all the power you need. Feel it flowing into you Affirm that the kingdom of God is within you (Luke 17:21) in the form of adequate power to meet lifes demands. Remind yourself that God is with you and nothing can defeat you. Believe that you nowRECEIVE power from him (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking). 2. A Peaceful Mind Generates PowerThe Life of strain is difficult. The life of inner peace being harmonious and without stress is the easiest type of existence. The chief struggle then in gaining mental peace is the effort of revamping your thinking to the relaxed attitude of acceptance of Gods gift of peace. Peale outlines the technique of emptying the mind which involves releasing fears hates insecurities regrets and guilt feelings (The Power of Positive Thinking). During a religious service on a voyage to Hawaii Peale told attendees to drop their worries overboard and watch them disappear in the wake of the ship. Consciously letting go of negative thoughts inevitably brings relief. At intervals during the day practice thinking a carefully selected series of peaceful thoughts. Let mental pictures of the most peaceful scenes you have ever witnessed pass across your mind as for example some beautiful valley filled with the hush of evening time as the shadows lengthen and the sun sinks to waters or emember the sea washing gently upon soft shores of sand. Such peaceful thought images will work upon your mind as a healing medicine. (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking) Peale also suggests a technique called suggestive articulation. Audibly repeat words that carry peaceful connotation. Words have profound suggestive power and there is healing in the very saying of them. He suggests using words as tranquillity and serenity and to say them slowly and repetitively. Lines of poetry or Scripture passages have the same effect. Conversation speech is another conscious way to put the mind at ease. By our speech we can...achieve quiet reactions. Talk peaceful to be peaceful. Eliminating negative ideas from conversations will prevent them from producing inner tension. Although there is an appropriate time and place for confronting negative subjects in general ...to have peace of mind fill your personal and group conversations with positive happy optimistic satisfying expressions. The daily practice of silence is yet another path toward having a peaceful mind. Everyone should insist upon not less than a quarter of an hour of absolute quiet every twenty-four hours. Go alone into the quietest place available to you and sit or lie down for fifteen minutes and practice the art of silence. Do not talk to anyone. Do not write. Do not read. Think as little as possible. Throw your mind into neutral...When you have attained a quiescent state then begin to listen for the deeper sounds of harmony and beauty and of God that are to be found in the essence of silence. These techniques require steady practice and are not easy to instantly conjure into workable fruition for those who are novice to such meditation and conscious control of their conversational speech. Peale also observes that there are self-imposed obstacles to inner peace in the form of haunting guilt. ...[T]here is a curious quirk within the human mind whereby sometimes an individual will not forgive himself...Peace of mind under such circumstances is available by yielding the guilt as well as the tension it produces to the healing therapy of Christ. 3. How to Have Constant EnergyHow we think we feel has a definite effect on how we actually feel physically. If your mind tells you that you are tired the body mechanism the nerves and the muscles accept the fact. If your mind is intensely interested you can keep on at an activity indefinitely. Religion functions through our thoughts in fact it is a system of thought discipline. By supplying attitudes of faith to the mind it can increase energy. It helps you to accomplish prodigious activity by suggesting that you have ample support and resources of power. God isthe source of all energyenergy in the universe atomic energy electrical energy and spiritual energy; indeed every form of energy derives from the Creator. So tapping the infinite power and energy of the Almighty is the best means humans can utilize toward keeping themselves properly energized. When in spiritual contact with God through our thought processes the Divine energy flows through the personality automatically renewing the original creative act. When contact with the Divine energy is broken the personality gradually becomes depleted from the body mind and spirit. On the physical level maintaining a constantly rejuvenating energy supply requires a person is in tune with nature and their emotional stability. Stress angst and negativity all hamper this rejuvenation. This can lead to a feeling of being overwhelmed by ones workload or daily responsibilities. It is fear resentment the projection of parental faults upon people when they are children inner conflicts and obsessions that throw off balance the finely equated nature thus causing expenditure of natural force. The fast pace and chaotic habits of the modern age have a disastrous effect on emotional stability and thus ones energy level. Synchronicity with the natural tempo of Gods creation is the key to filtering out the distractions of overly fast modernity. Peal advice: lie down on the ground on a warm day and listen to the natural sounds of the earth. Get your ear close down to the ground and listen. You will hear all manner of sounds. You will hear the sound of the wind in the trees and the murmur of insects and you will discover presently that there is in all these sounds a well-regulated tempo. This divine tempo is present in the word of God and hymns sung in church and we can also find it in factory if so inclined to look for it. The trick is to feel your way into the rhythm of God and all his creations including machines and tools that mankind has devised. To accomplish this relax physically. Then conceive of your mind as likewise relaxing. Follow this mentally by visualizing the soul as becoming quiescent then pray as follows: Dear God You are the source of all energy. You are the source of the energy in the sun in the atom in all flesh in the bloodstream in the mind. I hereby draw energy from You as from an illimitable source. Then practice believing that you receive energy. Keep in tune with the Infinite. (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking) Boredom as well as monotonous daily responsibilities are other major causes energy depletion. It is important to develop interests that inspire us and make us passionate about life. This excitement and stimulation breeds energy as opposed to sitting around lamenting about lack of action. Clearly doing nothing is equivalent to stagnation which wholly coincides with feeling drained and listless. Finally getting a handle on emotional troubles namely fear and guilt is essential to maintaining a good energy level. The effect of guilt and fear feelings on energy is widely recognized by all authorities having to do with the problems of human nature. The quantity of vital force required to give the personality relief from either guilt or fear or a combination of each is so great that often only a fraction of energy remains for the discharge of the functions of living. The author claims putting the consequences of ones actions in Gods hands are the key to breaking the energy-sapping bonds of guilt and fear. 4. Try Prayer PowerPrayer power is a manifestation of energy. Just as there exist scientific techniques for the release of atomic energy so are there scientific procedures for the release of spiritual energy through the mechanism of prayer. Exciting demonstrations of this energizing force are evident. Peale claims prayer power is the greatest power of all. It can guide the outcome of everything from decision making to the aging process. When deeply ingrained into ones subconscious prayer power can transform an individual emotionally physically and keep energy freely flowing. In terms of prayer techniques it is essential to keep things fresh. It is well to study prayer from an efficiency point of view. Usually the emphasis is entirely religious though no cleavage exists between the two concepts. Scientific spiritual practice rules out stereotyped procedure even as it does in general science...Get new insights; practice new skills to attain greatest results...Any method through which you can stimulate the power of God to flow into your mind is legitimate and usable. The author provides a prayer-power formula devised by a friend of his who uses it to overcome problems and attain success: Prayerize: practice a daily regimen of creative prayer communication with God in an effort to solve problems and make wise decisions. Not the kind of prayer that places God on a far-off lofty pedestal but rather acknowledges his close presence everywhere we go and in everything we do. Picturize: When failure or success is picturized it strongly tends to actualize in terms equivalent to the mental image pictured. To assure something worth while happening first pray about it and test it according to Gods will; then print a picture of it on your mind as happening holding the picture firmly in consciousness. Continue to surrender the picture to Gods willthat is to say put the matter in Gods handsand follow Gods guidance. Actualize: Creative prayer and picturing success and positivity results in actualresults in real life. I have personally practiced this three-point prayer method and find great power in it. It has been suggested to others who have likewise reported that it released creative power into their experience. Another powerful creative prayer method is called flash prayers. Developed by Frank Laubach in the book Prayer the Mightiest Power in the World it involves bombarding random people in public places with prayerful thoughts of love and good will. Here are 10 rules for yielding effective results via prayer: Set aside a few minutes every day to silently think about God in order to make the mind spiritually receptive. Pray orally with simple natural language telling God whatever is on your mind. Pray throughout the course of the workday in public places. At times close your eyes to block out the worlds distractions and briefly concentrate on Gods presence. Dont always make requests of God. Instead give thanks and confirm your belief that He will undoubtedly grant blessings. Pray with the belief that sincere prayers can reach out and surround your loved ones with Gods love and protection. Never use a negative thought in prayer. Only positive thoughts get results. Always be willing to adhere to Gods will. Ask for what you want but be willing to take what God gives you. It may be better than what you ask for. Become practiced at putting all happenings in Gods hands by seeking the ability to do your best but trusting the outcomes to God. Pray for people you do not like or who have mistreated you. Resentment is blockade number one of spiritual power. Create a list of people for whom you must pray. The more you pray for others the more positive results from praying will come back to you. 5. How to Create Your Own HappinessYou can be unhappy if you want to be. It is the easiest thing in the world to accomplish. Just choose unhappiness. Go around telling yourself that things arent going well that nothing is satisfactory and you can be quite sure of being unhappy. But say to yourself Things are going nicely. Life is good. I choose happiness and you can be quite certain of having your choice. It is crucial to stay in touch with the childlike truly happy spirit which God has endowed in each person from youth to adulthood. Children are very adept at happiness compared with adults and their example of how to appreciate the simple most purely real things in life that are most important to happiness should be closely emulated by the grown-up population. In other words never get old or dull or jaded in spirit. Dont become super-sophisticated. In spite of social conditions that undeniably hinder personal happiness through our thoughts and attitudes about what life throws our way we manufacture our own state of happiness or unhappiness. ...[A] very large proportion of the unhappiness of the average individual is self-manufactured. Some have the ability to take things as they come and not let relatively small things upset them while others create a bad mood at the drop of a hat. How foolish to manufacture personal unhappiness to add to all the other difficulties over which you have little or no control! Once again the negative feelings of resentment jealousy fear ill will and hate enter the mix as major obstacles to happiness. They block the minds attempt to feel at ease and focus on the positive things that foster happiness. In order to encourage a state of personal happiness despite lifes challenges and stresses people must develop what Peale calls the happiness habit. This simply means systematically thinking happy thoughts. As previously noted picturization comes into play here this time referencing images that inspire joy as the minds-eye mantra for practitioners to utilize. Do this every morning when you awake and see how your mood is shaped for the rest of the day. When you arise say out loud three times this on sentence This is the day that the Lord has made;...I will rejoice and be glad in it. This follows suit with the power of suggestion that words naturally have. Continually affirm to yourself that happiness abounds and that Gods loving power is the force through which this is possible. It is astonishing how people can become inoculated with happiness through an inner experience of spiritual change. 6. Stop Fuming and FrettingMany People make life unnecessarily difficult for themselves by dissipating power and energy through fuming and fretting. This chapter keys in on how to avoid letting anger get the best of us as well as how to avoid the childish act of fretting which Peale describes as being ...reminiscent of a sick child in the night a petulant half-cry half-whine. It ceases only to begin again. It has an irritating annoying penetrating quality. To fret is a childish term but it describes the emotional reaction of many adults. Peales first bit of advice is to slow down. That means stop rushing stop being both physically and emotionally impatient. The pace of modern life must be reduced if we are not to suffer profoundly from its debilitating over-stimulation and super-excitement. This over-stimulation produces toxic poisons in the body and creates emotional illness. City dwellers should nurture and appreciation for the natural quiet and peaceful sounds of natural settings. The tempo of the woods and other undeveloped areas reflect the essence of God and should garner dedicated attention from those seeking emotional and physical peace. Regular peaceful thoughts are Peales prescription for quelling fuming and fretting. Even during the busiest time of the day it is highly advisable to take time out to practice serenity. Attention to avoiding fuming and fretting has beneficial health implications. Being high-strung nervous and perpetually in a rush can lead to many physical and mental health problems. So getting in control of ones emotions are very important to maintaining ones overall good health. ...[T]he body responds sensitively to the type of thoughts that pass through the mind. It is also true that the mind can be quieted by first making the body quiet. That is to say a physical attitude can induce desired mental attitudes. Peale offers six points to practice in the interest of putting an end to fuming and fretting: Sit in a chair and relax your body from head to toe. State out loud that your toes fingers and facial muscles are indeed relaxed. Imagine your mind is just like the surface of a lake during a storm full of rough waves and tumult. But now the storm has passed and the lake surface is calm. Allow two or three minutes to picture the most beautiful serene scenes from nature that you have ever experienced and relive these scenes in your memory. Slowly deliberately repeat out loud words such as tranquility serenity and quietness. Make a mental list of times in your life when you have been conscious of Gods watchful care and recall how when you were worried and anxious He brought things out right and took care of you. Then recite aloud this line from an old hymn So long Thy power hath kept me sure it STILL will lead me on. Repeat the following as many times a day as possible: Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee. (Isaiah 26:3)...This is the best-known medicine for taking tension from the mind (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking). 7. & 8. Expect the Best and Get It & I Dont Believe in DefeatLearn to expect not to doubt. In so doing you bring everything into the realm of possibility. In reference to the quote above early on in the chapter Peale levies this disclaimer to guard against setting oneself up for disappointment if things dont turn out according to ones preconceived notions: This does not mean that by believing you are necessarily going to get everything you want or think you want. Perhaps that would not be good for you. When you put your trust in God He guides your mind so that you do not want things that are not good for you or that are inharmonious with Gods will. Faith in Gods infinite and creative will is the crux in expecting the best outcome and having it actually come to fruition. Start reading the New Testament and notice the number of times it refers to faith. Select a dozen of the strongest statements about faith the ones that you like the best. Then memorize each one. Let these faith concepts drop into your conscious mind. Say them over and over again especially just before going to sleep at night. Give your all to whatever you do in the professional realm dont hold back. Putting your whole hearts worth of drive and passion is the key to success. Failure unfortunately is borne of holding back of keeping a portion of the entirety of ones energy in reserve. As a wise teacher once told a struggling student: Throw your heart over the bar and your body will follow. The Gospel of Mark chapter 11 is a significant reference point for accentuating the positive through faith in Gods benevolence and wisdom. Chapter 8 focuses on developing a spirit that perseveres and doesnt easily give up when the going gets tough. Obstacles are part of life and for those not armed with a sound spiritual foundation they can cause people to lose self-confidence and sight of their true abilities. So the first thing to do about an obstacle is simply to stand up to it and not complain about it or whine under it but forthrightly attack it. Dont go crawling through life...half-defeated. Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they havent half the strength you think they have. Conditioning the subconscious to reflect positivity rather than negative self-doubt is the way to defeating defeatism. One means to this end is to eliminate little negatives such as insecure expressions of self-doubt from everyday conversation. These add up and amount to a subconscious outlook that sets individuals up for defeat. 9. How to Break the Worry HabitYou do not need to be a victim of worry. Reduced to its simplest form what is worry? It is simply an unhealthy and destructive mental habit. You were not born with the worry habit. You acquired it. And because you can change any habit and any acquired attitude you can cast worry from your mind. Aggressive direct action is essential to eliminating worry says Peale. Confronting fear is the only way to conquer it. Otherwise it unavoidably builds up and causes significant mental and physical health problems. Many respected accomplished psychiatrists and physicians have observed that worry accompanies a plethora of physical health problems. These sufferers have been unable to expel their anxieties which have turned inward on the personality causing many forms of ill-health. To eliminate worry and prevent build-up a person should empty his or her mind every day preferably at bedtime. Creative imagination is Peales technique for mind drainage. Conceive of yourself as actually emptying your mind of all anxiety and fear...Repeat the following affirmation during this visualization: With Gods help I am now emptying my mind of all anxiety all fear all sense of insecurity...So the process isempty the mind and cauterize it with Gods grace then practice filling your mind with faith and you will break the worry habit. Peale concludes Chapter 9 with a 10-point formula: Say to yourself: Worry is just a very bad mental habit. And I can change any habit with Gods help (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking). Start putting faith into action because just as worrying is ones own choice so is the antidote to it. Every morning say aloud I believe three times. Pray using this formula I place this day my life my loved ones my work in the Lords hands. There is no harm in the Lords hands only good. Whatever happens whatever results if I am in the Lords hands it is the Lords will and it is good. Speak positively especially about that which has been causing you to worry. Dont ever participate in a worry conversation with others. A group of people talking pessimistically can infect every person in the group with negativism. Because as a worrier your mind is full of negative thoughts to counter this you should mark every Bible passage ...that speaks of faith hope happiness glory radiance Develop friendships with positive hopeful people. Help other overcome worry. Every day of your life conceive of yourself as living in partnership and companionship with Jesus Christ...[S]ay to yourself He is with me. Affirm aloud I am with you always. Then change it to say He is with me now. Repeat that affirmation three times every day 10. Power to Solve Personal ProblemsPractice believing that God is as real and actual as your wife or your business partner or your closest friend. Practice talking matters over with Him; believe that he hears and gives thought to your problem. Assume that He impresses upon your mind through consciousness the proper ideas and insights necessary to solve your problems. Definitely believe that in these solutions there will be no error but that you will be guided to actions according to truth which results in right outcomes. Accepting Gods will as wholly positive and the right course of action is the most direct way to deal with ones personal troubles. A partnership with God allows humans to connect with the divine energy and wisdom that leads to successful problem solving. Peale strongly emphasizes his support for this spiritual technique aimed at fostering personal well-being and happiness in the long run. In addition to the method of two or three praying together in the surrender to God technique and that of establishing a partnership with God and the importance of a plan to tap and utilize emergency inner powers there is still another tremendous techniquethat of practicing faith attitudes. Faith attitudes is a term that refers to applying ones faith in God to the entire scope of their everyday life from basic morality to business decisions. Peale concludes this chapter with a 10-point list for solving problems: Believe every problem has a solution. Remain calm because tenseness prevents the flow of brain power. Dont try to force an answer. Keep your mind relaxed so that the solution will open up and become clear. Assemble all the facts impartially impersonally and judicially. Write a list of these facts which clarifies your thinking. Pray about your problem affirming that God will flash illumination into your mind. Believe in and seek Gods guidance on the promise of the 73rd Psalm Thou wilt guide me by thy counsel. Trust in the human abilities of insight and intuition. Attend church and allow your subconscious to work on the problem at hand as you tune into the spiritual mood of the worship service. Creative spiritual thinking has amazing power to give right answers. (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking). If you follow these steps faithfully then the answer that develops in your mind or comes to pass is the right answer to your problem. 11. & 12. How to Use Faith in Healing & When Vitality Sags Try This Health FormulaIs religious faith a factor in healing? Important evidence indicates that it is. There was a time in my own experience when I was not convinced of this but now I am and that very definitely. I have seen too many evidences to believe otherwise. Peale connects bodily health with a persons mental state which is greatly affected by ones level of faith-driven peace of mind. This chapter features many anecdotal cases where faith in God and the associated release of hate and fear significantly aided a sick person through the healing process. Peale also quotes many medical doctors who prescribe spirituality as a treatment for patients in need of guidance on how to live a healthy life. Present-day medicine emphasizes psychosomatic factors in healing thus recognizing the relationship of mental states to bodily health. Modern medical practice realizes and takes into consideration the close connection between how a man thinks and how he feels. Since religion deals with thought and feeling and basic attitudes it is only natural that the science of faith should be important in the healing process. Fear resentment hate guilt and feelings of inferiority again resurface in Peales discourse this time as the culprits that cause psychosomatic illnesses. A clearer understanding of our own emotions and returning to faith in God seem to create the combination that provides the best chance of permanent help to any of us with health issues. In all of the investigations I have made into successful cases of healing there seem to be certain factors present. First a complete willingness to surrender oneself into the hands of God. Second a complete letting go of all error such as sin in any form and a desire to be cleansed in the soul. Third belief and faith in that combined therapy of medical science in harmony with the healing power of God. Fourth a sincere willingness to accept Gods answer whatever it may be and no irritation or bitterness against His will. Fifth a substantial unquestioning faith that God can heal. Another list concludes Chapter 11 this one on how to constructively deal with an illness that you or a loved one suffers: ...[B]elieve that spiritual forces as well as medical technique are important to healing. Pray for the doctor. Do not become fearful because this will create negative destructive thoughts. God has arranged two remedies for all illness. One is healing through natural laws applicable by science and the other brings healing by spiritual law applicable through faith. Completely surrender your loved one into the hands of God...This is difficult to understand and equally difficult to perform but it is a fact that if the great desire for the loved one to live is matched with an equally great willingness to relinquish him to God healing powers are amazingly set in motion. Spiritual harmony must prevail within the family. Disharmony and disease are apparently kindred. Mentally picture your loved one as being perfectly healthy. Be perfectly natural. Ask God to heal your loved on. That is what you want with all your heart so ask Him please to do it but we suggest that you say PLEASE just once. Thereafter in your prayer thank Him for His goodness. This affirmative faith will help to release deep spiritual poer and also joy through reassurance of Gods loving care. This joy will sustain you and remember that joy itself possess healing power. It has been variously computed that from 50 to 75 per cent of present-day people are ill because of the influence of improper mental states on their emotional and physical make-up. Therefore [psychosomatic] medicine is of great importance. Many people who are below par will find that there is a health formula which in addition to the services of their physicians can be of great value to them. Checking ones anger is the most important way to prevent sagging vitality. Peale suggests painstakingly identifying then rooting out with prayer each minute aspect of life that causes anger or irritation. Targeting prayers to each of these bits of anger will promote physical health and energy in addition to emotional well-being. 13. Inflow of New Thoughts Can Remake YouIt has been said that thoughts are things that they actually possess dynamic power. Judged by the power they exercise one can readily accept such an appraisal. You can actually think yourself into or out of situations...Conditions are created by thoughts far more powerfully than conditions create thoughts. Peale revisits the concepts of Chapter 4 with further elaboration on how to pray your way to success and happiness in your professional and personal life. Its all about mental pictures of desired outcomes when seeking the Lords assistance...visualize prayerize and finally actualize (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking). The author stresses the need to change ones thinking in order to change present circumstances. People should seek to reduce the error within themselves and connect with an increased sense of truth. An inflow of new right health-laden thoughts through the mind creatively affects the circumstances of life for truth always produces right procedures and therefore right results (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking). A list of seven steps toward changing ones mentality from negative to positive attitudes concludes the chapter: For the next twenty-four hours deliberately speak hopefully about everything about your job about your health about your future. After doing this continue for an entire week. Then allow yourself to be realistic for a couple of days and you will see that this realism was actually pessimism and negativity. Today begin to shift your mindset from negativity to positivity. Start at the beginning of the New Testament and underscore every sentence about Faith.Continue until you have marked every such portion of the four gospels and take special note of Mark 11:2224. Memorize the underscored passages one each day until you can recite all of them from memory. Create a list of friends and determine who is the most positive thinker. Dont desert your negative pals but strengthen your bond with those who have a positive outlook. Then return to being among your negative friends and share your newfound positive point of view without gleaning their negativity. Avoid argument but whenever a negative attitude is expressed counter with a positive and optimistic opinion. Pray often and be sure to thank God for the blessings he has and will bestow upon you. God will not give you any greater blessing than you can believe in. He wants to give you great things but even He cannot make you take anything greater than you are equipped by faith to receive. 14. Relax for Easy PowerOne of the simplest methods for reducing tension is to practice the easy-does-it attitude. Do everything more slowly less hectically and without pressure. As in Chapter 6 Peale reasserts the need to slow down and live life at a more natural tempo. This will free the mind and spirit to be more receptive to that which is right for us and enable the mind to better achieve wisdom that will lead to better choices. Peale also revisits the connection between science and Christianity. In explaining why his church has staff psychiatrists the author states: Why psychiatrists on the staff of a church? The answer is that psychiatry is a science...Christianity may also be thought of as a science...[because] it is based upon a book which contains a system of techniques and formulas designed for the understanding and treatment of human nature. The laws are so precise and have been so often demonstrated when proper conditions of understanding belief and practice are applied that religion may be said to form an exact science (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking). Ten rules on how to work hard with ease and relax with easy power conclude Chapter 14: Dont overdo it and dont take yourself too seriously. Make it a point to enjoy your work. Plan your workwork your plan. Lack of system produces that Im swamped feeling. Dont try to do too many tasks at once. Get a correct mental attitude remembering that ease or difficulty in your work depends upon how you think about it. Work efficiently and know your job well. Practice relaxation. Dont force things take it all in stride. Dont procrastinate and allow job tasks to pile up. Keep your work on schedule. Pray about your work. You will get relaxed efficiency by so doing (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking). Make God your unseen partner. It is surprising the load He will take off you (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking). 15. How to Get People to Like YouTo be a master of popularity be artless. Strive deliberately after popularity and the chances are you will never attain it. But become one of those rare personalities about whom people say He certainly has something and you can be certain you are on the way to having people like you. While not everybody will like you due to the unfortunate often inexplicable fact of human nature that for whatever reason some people will never click there are techniques that can make you likable by most. This is essential because friendship and good relations with others are essential to remaining psychologically sound. The feeling of not being wanted or needed is one of the most devastating of all human reactions. Peale breaks it down simple: be easy-going as opposed to rigid and aloof and project a genuine love for other people with a propensity for boosting rather than deflating other peoples egos. Essentially getting people to like you is merely the other side of liking them. Peal gives us 10 rules toward attaining popularity: Remember names. Inefficiency at this point may indicate that your interest is not sufficiently outgoing. A mans name is very important to him. Be a comfortable easy-going person so there is no hassle involved with being with you. Acquire the quality of relaxed easy-goingness so that things do not ruffle you. Avoid egotism and coming off as a know-it-all. Be natural and normally humble. Cultivate the quality of being interesting so that people will want to be with you and get something of stimulating value from their association with you. Do an analysis of the unlikable aspects of your personality including those that may escape your consciousness. Wholeheartedly attempt to make right every misunderstanding you have or once had. Practice liking others until it becomes your genuine style of living. Never miss an opportunity to say a word of congratulation upon anyones achievement or express sympathy in sorrow or disappointment. Gain a deep-seated sense of spiritual experience so that youll be able to give strength to others. They in turn will give affection back to you. 16. Prescription for HeartacheThere is indeed a prescription for heartache. One element in the prescription is physical activity...Muscular activity utilizes another part of the brain and therefore shifts the strain and gives relief...Another profoundly creative element in the prescription for heartache is to gain a sound and satisfying philosophy of life and death and deathlessness. Whatever ails your emotions one of the first steps toward resolution is to remove yourself from whatever defeatist situation has formed around yourself and get back into the regular swing of things. Immerse yourself in worthwhile activities but avoid those that are superficial such as feverish partying or drinking. Dont try to suppress grief. There is a foolish point of view...that one should not show grief. that it is not proper to cry or express oneself through the natural mechanism of tears and sobbing. This is a denial of the law of nature...It is a relief mechanism provided in the body by Almighty God and should be used. With regard to the philosophy of life and death and deathlessness the author states that while such a philosophical handle on things wont repel the sorrow that is the natural extension of losing a loved one and physical separation it will remove and dispel grief. Peales deep faith in the infinite nature of God inspires his advice that a loved one who has passed away is not gone from us but rather has transcended earthly bounds and is one with God. Live on this faith and you will be at peace and the ache will leave your heart. Read and believe the Bible as it tells about the goodness of God and the immortality of the soul. Pray sincerely and with faith. Make prayer and faith the habit of your life. Learn to have real fellowship with God and with Jesus Christ. As you do this you will find a deep conviction welling up in your mind that these wonderful things are true indeed (Peale The Power of Positive Thinking). 17. How to Draw upon That Higher PowerThere is a Higher Power that can do everything for you. Draw upon it and experience its great helpfulness. Gods power is always unfailingly available to anyone who seeks it with an open heart. It is such a powerful force that its sudden arrival casts out all negativity replacing what pains you with strength health goodness and happiness. Peale uses several examples of how the Higher Power delivered individuals from the depths of alcoholism as an example of Gods infinite strength. I cite these experiences to show conclusively that if there is a Power able to deliver a person from alcoholism this same Power can help any other person to overcome any other form of defeat he may face. There is nothing more difficult to overcome than the problem of alcoholism. The success stories revealed in this chapter indicate ...that if there is deep desire intensity of longing and a sincere reaching out after the Power that it will be given. Faith positive thinking and prayer is the simple triumvirate people can utilize to deal effectively with what pains them. This is Peales recipe for a happy healthy life filled with good energy and lots of love and personal satisfaction. 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