#I have a lot of issues with my weight gain and body image now but at least I’m not actively rotting away y’know?

[eatyourdamnpears]

this isn’t even the same person

[starstruckmiraclekitty]

Hey! I love your stuff!! Could you maybe do fem reader being insecure about how they look and the 141+ König comforting them?? Im sorry that I’m not giving you a lot of stuff to work with. And if you have already done something like this or feel uncomfortable doing it I 100% understand! I LOVEEE YOUU!!!🩷🩷

141 + König Comforting Insecure Reader

Warnings: swearing, mentions of insecurities, crying, mentions of poor body image, mentions of bullying

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Simon Ghost Riley-

"Love, are you ready to go?" Simon's voice called from outside your door. "Reservations at five and it takes us about twenty minutes to get there."

"Yeah, I'm almost ready." You replied regarding yourself in the mirror. You felt the pit in your stomach grow as you turned to the side, inspecting the way your outfit made your stomach look.

You weren't always self-conscious, Simon always had a way of making you feel like the most beautiful person on the planet, but lately you'd noticed you'd been gaining some weight, and really felt like it was starting to show.

Unbeknownst to Simon, you'd been at the mirror for the better part of the afternoon, trying on outfit after outfit, trying to find something you felt good in.

"Love is everything-" He stopped short in the doorway when he heard your sniffles.

You turned to him with tears running down your cheeks, unable to hold them in any longer. "I hate my body, Simon."

Simon's heart slowly broke as he absorbed your words, his eyes softening as they landed on yours. "Y/N."

"No, it's true. I can't find any outfits that fit right. My stomach just feels like it's blown up ten sizes overnight, I just.. I hate the way my body looks." A soft sob escaped your lips as you spoke, causing Simon to walk up behind you, placing his arms around you.

"Enough of that. You are so, so incredibly beautiful inside and out, sweetheart." He spoke as he pulled you into his chest. "Please don't pick yourself apart like that. You're beautiful no matter what you've got on. I especially favor you without clothes, but that's just me."

You turned swiftly, playfully slapping at Simon's chest. "Si, I'm serious!"

"So am I, sweetheart." He leaned down to press a soft kiss on your lips. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever and will ever lay my eyes on. Nothing will change that."

"You mean that?"

"More than you will ever know. I know it's not easy to believe me, I've had my fair share of self-confidence issues, but love, you have no reason to be self-conscious." He got down on his knees in front of you and started to place various kisses across the length of your body.

"You're beautiful here. And here. And here." He murmured in between kisses before landing one on your tummy. "And most especially here."

Johnny Soap MacTavish-

"Y/N? Babe, are you okay?" Johnny called out as he searched the house trying to find you. The two of you were watching a movie together, and you'd dissaperwd nearly twenty minutes ago, claiming you needed to use the bathroom.

He walked into the bathroom and found you picking at yourself in the mirror, with tears streaming down your face.

He stood at the doorway and watched you for a moment, his eyes softening as he watched you pick at the skin of your face. He knew of your insecurities when it came to your skin, but he'd truly thought it was something you'd overcome.

"Babe, what are you doing?" He asked, approaching you from behind.

"I had a sore pimple, and I just came to put some cream on it..and I.. I didn't realize how bad it is." You sniffled softly, letting your hands fall to your sides in defeat.

"How bad what is?"

"My skin, it's just, I wish I had smooth skin like everyone else. I can't get rid of these scars no matter how much I try, and every time I wake up, there's a new pimple, and I... I feel so ugly."

"Now you listen to me." Johnny's voice was stern, causing you to look up at him through the mirror. "I don't know where this is coming from, or why you'd possibly feel this way, but you are so, so fucking beautiful, Y/N. So what if your skin isn't like everyone else's, it makes you YOU."

"But-"

"No buts. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has imperfections, and they are what make you human. I love everything about you, sweetheart, down to the last little scar you've got on your cheek. I love all of it."

You hiccuped a sob and turned to throw your arms around your boyfriend. "Thank you, Johnny."

"No, thank YOU for being you, love." He picked you up, prompting you to wrap your legs around his waist. "Now if you really want to thank me, you'll come watch this damn movie and let me cuddle your beautiful ass while we do."

John Price-

"Hey, I'd check on Y/N. There were some of those newer recruits harassing them earlier today." Kyle said, popping his head into his captians office.

John stood immediately, grabbing his hat as he made his way to your room. Fortunately for him your door was unlocked as he barged inside, only to find you in tears on your bed.

"What did they say?" John's tone was cold, and you could tell he was seething.

"What do you mean?" You asked, fiercely wiping away at your tears. You knew John knew, but were to embarrassed to talk about it.

"Y/N, honey, please tell me." He pleaded, kneeling in front of you.

You stayed quiet, your thoughts running rampant in your brain before you spoke up. "They were saying they don't know how someone like you is with someone like me and that I dont deserve to be on the team or deserve you."

"Look at me." He grabbed your chin gently, directing your gaze to him. "Those twats are just jealous of you. They've wanted on 141 for a while, and they were pissed you got the spot. None, and I mean none, of what they are saying is true."

"I can't help but let it get to me, John. I haven't felt good about myself in a while, and hearing that didn't help." Your eyes flickered down to your hands in front of you, as you fiddled with then nervously.

"Why on earth have you not felt good about yourself, babe? You are so stunning it hurts."

"I've gained weight, John, even you can't deny that. I got on the scale last night, and nearly broke down. I've never been this heavy before."

"The numbers that look back at you on the scale are just that. They are just numbers. They don't define you, love. You are a wonderful person inside and out, and anyone who doesn't see that can fuck right the hell off." He spoke gently before placing a chaste kiss to your lips. "I love you more than you'll ever know. Nothing will change that, especially not some stupid numbers on a scale or some petty recruits."

You threw your arms around him and let him hold you for some time, before pulling away. "I love you John."

"I love you too, always."

~

Later that week, John was elated as he got permission to lead a group of the newer recruits in a training seminar. When he found out the recruits who'd harrased you were a part of the group? Let's just say he didn't pull any punches during the training.

Kyle Gaz Garrick-

"Babe, the boys will be here any minute. Are you able to come help me in the kitchen?" Kyle asked poking his head into your shared bathroom.

You placed the straightener you were holding down on the counter and turned to Kyle with a sad smile. "Yeah, be there in a minute."

"Hey now, I know that look, what's up, kid?" His brows furrowed in concern as he walked over to you.

"I want to look good for you and your friends." You said, picking up the hair brush on the counter. You turned back to the mirror and started brushing at your hair aggressively.

"Sweetheart, who says you don't? You look as stunning as you do every day."

"My hair it just, I can't style it like how I want, it's just always a mess no matter what I do." You threw the brush you were holding down in frustration. "I don't feel pretty because of it."

"Babe, I love your hair." Kyle spoke, grabbing the brush off the floor. He moved you so that you were standing in front of him and began to brush at the strands of your hair softly.

"You have to say that, because you're my boyfriend."

"No, I don't. You and I both know I'm an honest man. I think your hair is beautiful, no matter what you do with it. Hell, you could shave it, and I'd look at you no differently than I already do."

"You mean it?" You asked, blinking away the tears.

"Of course I do, love. You're too hard on yourself, I promise you, you are so beautiful. If you want, if you really want to try out new hairstyles, why don't we look at pinterest or something to see about different ways to do your hair? I can help."

"I love you so much, Kyle." You turned around to grab the brush from his hands before placing a kiss on his lips.

"I love you too." He said pulling back with a smile. "By the way, the boys are your friends too."

"What?"

"The boys, you called them my friends. They love you just as much as they do me, if not more. They are your friends as well."

König-

König awoke to the sound of muffled sobs coming from the bathroom. He blinked the sleep from his eyes as he turned over to find your sleeping form absent from the bed.

"Schatz, what's wrong?" He asked as he shuffled into your shared bathroom. What he found had his heart tearing bit by bit.

You stood in front of the mirror in nothing but your undergarments, tears streaming down your face as you closely inspected the scars and marks littering your body. "I'm ugly, Kö. These marks make me hideous."

"Maus." He moved to stand next to you regarding you thoughtfully in the mirror. "Your marks are what make you beautiful. Each scar, each mark, tells a story, and I love each and every one of them."

"You don't have to say that, Kö. I know my body isn't perfect." Your voice cracked slightly as you spoke. Tears continued to fall down your cheeks as you looked back at the scars lining your skin. "I'm not perfect."

"Nobody is perfect, Maus, and if anyone were to be, it'd be you. I wish you saw what I do. I'd kill to have you see yourself through my eyes." He shuffled slightly to stand behind you as he leaned his head on yours. "Just as you told me when I was self-conscious about mine, the scars make us human, make us wholesome. Nobody is without them."

You gave him a small smile as you shook yourself before turning to him. "Thank you, Kö."

"You never have to thank me, Maus. I'm only speaking the truth."

You wrapped your arms around his med section and squeezed tightly. "Take me to bed?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

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A/N: thanks for reading

[frvnkcastles]

WILL YOU LOVE ME FOREVER ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: You’re feeling insecure and Frank wants to reassure you.

Warnings: Body image issues, weight gain, feminine nicknames, fluff, language

Word count: 900

Author’s note: I haven’t posted anything in a hot minute because university is keeping me SO busy but I’ve been feeling a little down about my weight lately so I decided to write a little something about it. I gained a lot of weight after I started antipsychotics and even though they probably saved my life I really wish I had my old body. Maybe some day. Anyway, I know for a fact that Frank would be accepting of all bodies and not give a fuck about weight. <3

A frown was set heavy on your face as you stared at your reflection in the full-body mirror in your bedroom, your hands gliding down your figure as you assessed the situation. You had just gotten out of a shower and started dressing up, but you hadn’t made it past your underwear when you had caught a glimpse in the mirror and felt something dreadful and anxious weigh down on your chest.

Frank noticed quick enough — he was on the bed, propped up against the headboard with a book in his hands, but as minutes ticked by with you spinning back and forth in front of the mirror, his attention drifted from the words on the pages and over to you. He saw the downcast look on your face, the tension in your knitted eyebrows and the incessant picking at your limbs, as if they’d change eventually.

”You okay, sweetheart?” he cleared his throat, and flinching, you snapped out of your thoughts and gave him a guilty look.

”Oh, yeah”, you mumbled with heat slithering into your cheeks because of being caught. Still, as you moved back to your closet to dig around for a shirt, Frank didn’t return to his book but kept his eyes glued on you, and you could feel his gaze even with your back turned to him. It made you feel all the more insecure, and quietly, you spoke up. ”Stop staring, Frank.”

With a low chuckle, he put his book on the bedside table and inched his frame to the very edge of the bed so he was closer to you. ”I can’t look at my girlfriend?” he hummed, and with a slight scoff, you continued to look for a top, but nothing felt right.

”I dunno what you find so worth looking at”, you argued against your better judgment, knowing very well that Frank wasn’t going to ignore your self-conscious comment.

His heart broke a little, in fact. ”Hey”, he spoke gruffly, forcing you to stop rummaging through your closet, and begrudgingly, you turned around to face him. ”Where’s this comin’ from, huh? Talk to me”, he encouraged, his dark eyes full of worry, even more so when you subconsciously brought your hands in front of you to hide your body from his attention.

”You don’t have to act like you haven’t noticed”, you muttered, but he only stared at you in confusion, earning a frustrated sigh from you. ”I’ve gained a lot of weight, Frank. It’s obvious”, you gestured at your body with a sad look deep in your eyes, before folding your arms in front of yourself again to hide your stomach from him.

Frowning, Frank pulled at your arms to unravel them and allow him to take your hands in his. ”It ain’t a bad thing, sweetheart. You’re still just as beautiful as ever”, he pointed out, but he could tell you didn’t believe him.

”I already feel like you’re so out of my league, and now this…”, you added quietly, casting a look down at your conjoined hands to avoid his eyes piercing into yours.

At your words, though, he couldn’t help but chuckle in disbelief. ”Out of your league? You gotta know that ain’t true, pretty girl. You’re gorgeous, everythin’ ’bout you. And you really think I care about your weight? C’mon, sweetheart, you know me better than that”, he insisted, trying to tilt his head low so he could catch your gaze.

You didn’t seem convinced, so with a sigh, he reached for your hips and pulled you in closer. ”Hey, I mean it. I wouldn’t change a thing ’bout you. I love you. I love your body. You’re sexy as hell, darlin’. But you’re also soft and lovely in all the right ways and I—I can’t get enough of ya”, Frank rambled away, his grip on you tightening as he admired you from head to toe.

”Thank you”, you whispered before turning back to the mirror and trying to see yourself in a more positive light. Frank didn’t hesitate to stand up behind you, his figure hovering above yours as he wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on top of your head.

”My gorgeous girl. Could look at you all day. Shit, you make me feel things I hadn’t in a long time, y’know that? You’re so much more than a number on the scale. That shit don’t matter. I love all of this”, he went on, running his hands across your belly and your thighs before settling back on your hips.

”If you didn’t have to go to work, I’d take my time and show you just how much I’preciate you”, he spoke lowly in your ear, the timber of his voice sending a shiver down your spine, and noticing, Frank broke into a grin. He kissed your temple and you finally cracked a smile of your own, making him feel successful in his mission to make you feel better.

”Thanks, Frankie. I love you”, you sighed, and nodding, Frank spun you around so he could tip your jaw up and lean down to kiss you tenderly. His lips met yours and you let your eyes fall shut as he kissed the air out of your lungs, always so dizzying and enchanting.

”I love you too, sweetheart. And when you get home tonight, I’mma make sure you know just how much.”

[luke-o-lophus]

In Your Image, In My Eye

Marc Spector x Reader (Minors DNI)

TW: Allusions to child abuse and neglect, and to past eating disorders (nothing descriptive), body image issues, very minor talk of food controls, mentions of sexual activities and some innuendos

Prompt by @apollo-enthusiast: Imagine settling down with the moon boys, just living a calm and stable life without khonshu to bother you. You bake and cook a lot, and are really good at it. As a result, Marc gains a bit of weight and now has a little tummy. You catch him judging himself in the mirror one day, maybe fighting over it with steven and jake, maybe they're feeling the same way, and find out he's feeling insecure about it and needs some love

Word count: 1541

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"For the thousandth time, Steven, we have the same body."

Marc sounds exasperated. He looks exasperated. Just out of shower and towel wrapped low on his hips, he usually doesn't spend this long in front of the full length mirror in your shared bedroom. But today, Steven got his attention. "You still look handsome", he'd muttered. And refused to budge when Marc pointed out the obvious.

"You don't get it. I've got this...ugh", Steven hides his face in their shared headspace. "This thing. I have a..a pooch belly."

Marc mentally groans and pinches his forehead. "Steven I can assure you we're doing fine", he grunts.

"Are we though Marc, are we?" Steven throws up his hands. "Look at this." He incredulously points to his midsection. Marc tilts his head with a raised eyebrow. Steven's fashion in the mindspace is similar to when he's fronting. All Marc can see is the body swimming in a shirt three or four sizes too large, in a pattern that hurts his eyes.

"Steven I literally can't see anything", he sighs and turns to remove his towel and start getting dressed. That's when he sees it. A soft..chunky roll in his belly as he bends to pick up his t-shirt. He slowly turns back to the mirror, shirt in hand, and pokes his finger in his belly. Nearly two segments of the finger sink in easily, and the flesh springs back as he removes his hand. Marc's never seen anything like it on his own body.

Here's the thing. Marc Spector in the past has never really eaten. He's consumed food in order to sustain. In the army and as a merc, he had standard rations and a standard body type he had to maintain. And before that, he had always been a skinny kid. It's no secret he wasn't exactly nurtured at home. And he's even starved himself to points where Jake has had to step in to take care of the body. Until quite recently, actually. Until he met you. Or rather, three months into meeting you.

You'd brought a tupperware of chocolate cupcakes to your fifth date. You were meeting after nearly a month, a month of thinking Marc is going to ghost you. That day Marc came bearing a harrowed guilty face, and you came bearing cupcakes. Who does that? Marc wondered as he bit into one. And almost forgot to chew. It already tasted so, so good he stared at you with wide eyes. You giggled bashfully, a shy finger wiping away ganache from the side of his lip. Later that night those same lips had devoured you over and over until all the tension of the month prior was forgotten.

It had never even occurred to Marc it is possible for the body to gain some stomach fat. And it damn well had never crossed his mind, that would be what's bothering him when he looks at his reflection. But here he is. He can almost hear Jake groaning somewhere in the depths of the mindspace. A groan of "Here we go again".

They moved into your apartment a month later. Steven still kept his, and turned it into a library slash workspace for them. Your place was home. With your warmly lit study, kitchen that always smelled good, the eclectic wooden chandelier in the living room, and the twelve pillows on your queen bed: it was a better home than marc had ever seen himself living in. And then there was you. Who had given him so much love, so much grace, so much understanding. Because of him, you had moved away the large full body mirror to your study the day before he had moved in. The men liked having mirrors around, mirrors made it easier to communicate, but just...smaller ones. It took Marc a long time to be able to look at all the scars and marks on the body without feeling sick in his stomach. The day he asked if you could move the mirror to the bedroom to make dressing up easy, you'd hugged him and kissed him silly. And later baked a batch of apple tarts as a treat.

"Maaarc what's taking you long?" your call sounds impatient. He can hear faint muttering coming closer and your head appears in the doorway. Marc's instinct is to quickly cover his torso with the t-shirt in his hand, almost letting loose an embarrassing squeak.

"You haven't dressed? We gotta do a grocery run quick or we'll get very late for lunch!" you whine with your hands on your hips.

"I don't want lunch", Marc mumbles and you pause in the midst of your woeful rant of delayed lunches.

"What..why? Is your stomach upset? I told you that fish tasted funky, Marc, I swear.." you immediately start fussing over him, coming close and checking his forehead for a temperature.

"No..no...I'm fine. Just ... not hungry" he shakes his head away.

You were familiar with Marc's 'not hungry'. It could mean a lot of things, but very rarely the fact that he actually wasn't hungry.

"Everything alright, bubba?" you ask, hand moving down to caress his cheek. Marc sighs and smiles wryly,"Yeah..yeah don't worry. It's just...it's silly..."

You raise your brows in question, egging him to go on. "It's just...I have this thing.." he rubs his neck and moves the tshirt from his torso slowly, as if revealing the deepest darkest secrets. You blink owlishly at the display, then back up at him. "Honey...uh..I'm sorry but....what am I..looking at?" you ask.

"This!", Marc almost whines, poking indignantly at his belly. You look just as lost, helplessly staring. "Does it..hurt there or something?" you offer with concern.

Marc doesn't look convinced so you prod a little further, asking if that's something that feels uncomfortable or just...looks different to him. "I..I've always been skinny...before the army and the...Khonshu." he sighs, head hanging. "Didn't really have someone cooking me a three course meal every time."

"No...I'm...I have...this..." he bends over to a side and pinches his tummy roll between his fingers. You stare at that for a few moments before it clicks. "Oh honey", you call with adoration, gently prying away those fingers and kissing the tips. "But your tummy looks so nice. So healthy. You look so nice and healthy"

You take a cautious pause at that, almost hurt for a moment. Marc catches onto it quick, and stumbles directly into an apology. "No..no...that came out wrong. I love that you cook, I love everything you make, I'm so grateful. You're..., baby..please..."

It always breaks your heart when Marc apologizes, because of the way he does it. He says sorry for a simple slip of tongue as if you'd be packing your bags and running off before he had a chance to finish his sentence. So you smile at him, a cheeky little smile.

"You like my cakes?" you ask him innocently, a playful glint in your eye.

"Huh? Of course I do...yeah? The...the one you made on my birthday, and...and.."

"No no no...", you stop him, moving closer. "I mean, do you like my cakes" You give your butt a playful wiggle. Marc stops in his tracks, then groans at that awful joke. "Babe!" he groans. You giggle and wrap your arms around him. Your head nestled in the crook of his neck with practiced ease, you mumble softly,"You look great. If you feel healthy, and enjoy what you're eating....you're good. Okay?" You pause a bit then sigh. "I...I can't see you starve yourself again, bubba. It...hurts to see you like that." You still remember when Marc had showed up on your fifth date with sunken cheeks and hollow eyes, looking like he's missed half his meals the past month. It's an image you can't get out of your head: him standing with a small souvenir clutched so tight in his palm the packaging was ruined, looking all shades of tired and starved.

Marc stays quiet, but he holds on to you tight, kisses the top of your head. "What's for lunch?" he mumbles meekly after a while. You pull back and smile wide, eyes shining, and continue your grocery run rant. From the increasing price of eggs to the doubtful durability of milk, this new meatball hack you want to try, and a vegan substitute idea you'd just gotten. You follow Marc around the room as he gets dressed, talking a mile a minute. He takes a last glance at the mirror and rakes back his curls, then swiftly pulls you closer. You squeak and hold him on instinct, and he laughs softly while nuzzling the side of your face. "So...remind me the plan. We...are getting groceries, making lunch, so...after eating.." He pauses but you can hear the laugh in his voice. The laugh and the shyness.

"What, Spector?" you tease. "What do you want after lunch?"

"Well maybe you....you can show me how good you think I look?" he says hopefully. You turn around to kiss him, nodding excitedly. "Deal", you whisper, before pulling back and giggling. "I thought you're about to ask me to have you for dessert"

Marc facepalms with another groan.

[marzipanandminutiae]

This never gets brought up enough in "why did people used to be thinner discussions". A SIGNIFICANT PERCENTAGE OF ADULTS HAD NO BLOODY TEETH. And a lot of the food tasted like garbage, of course they didn't eat much!

So, in the kindest way possible, I'd like to unpack this. Because I feel like there are some very common fallacies here.

When/where exactly are we talking about? 1780s Mediterranean France? 1960s rural Australia? New York City, 1857, upper-class neighborhood? It's possible to make some time/ place generalities when speaking broadly about cultural trends, but a lot of people talk about a nebulous Back Then so nonspecifically as to be meaningless.

My (limited) research has turned up evidence of preemptive- ie not immediately medically indicated -tooth removal and replacement with dentures, as a rare but not unheard-of practice, among young adults primarily in the UK, Australia, and Atlantic Canada around the 1920s-1970s, mostly in rural and/or working-class communities. Usually with existing tooth decay and expectations of further issues in the future. With some mentions from the US, Denmark, and the Netherlands, same time frame. So the question would then be "were people thinner in those communities at that time? if so, how much? and what role, if any, does voluntary toothlessness play in thinness if we take into account food insecurity and physical labor?"

2. People weren't necessarily thinner "back then." There are a myriad of factors that conspire to give this impression nowadays, from survivorship bias leading smaller clothes and shoes to be disproportionately represented in museums, to photo editing in eras where many of us are now unaware that it existed, to the prevalence of celebrity images over pictures of ordinary people, spotty record-keeping on the subject, improved nutrition in the modern day, beauty standards that caused people to have unhealthy but celebrated body weights, and so on. Further, the so-called "obesity epidemic" only dates back to the 1970s even among those who accept it uncritically, and the adoption of the (flawed) BMI system led many people to be newly classified as overweight who previously were not. I highly recommend historian Kenna Libes' excellent Instagram, Stout Style History, for images of larger women in the 19th and early 20th centuries.

3. You can still eat solid food with dentures (albeit sometimes with difficulties). And a big part of this whole cultural practice was the "replace with dentures" step. For the even smaller subset of patients I've read about who did it for aesthetic reasons, that was the whole point- like capping teeth today. So that's not necessarily an impediment to eating, and therefore to eating-related weight gain/maintenance.

4. Many people in many eras liked their food, or at least some of it. I know the food in mid-20th-century Britain- a nexus of voluntary tooth removal in my research, and I'm guessing where you're from due to the use of "bloody" -is notorious now, and every period and place has folks who aren't fans of some common dishes. But it's hard to believe that these people (especially after first one war with rationing and then another) were turning up their noses enough to lose significant weight, or maintain non-genetic extremely low body weights unrelated to physical labor, sports, etc.. Tastes change- in my own country, the USA, I have to believe that SOMEBODY liked those fluorescent Jell-O salads, or there wouldn't be so many recipes for them.

I hope this doesn't come off too critical or combative; I just had many Thoughts on the premise of your ask.

[sexiestwerewolf]

my new Ninjago OC!

more information ↓

I haven't come up with a name for him yet bc I suck at those but I've got a backstory

- He was outcast by his species before the merge because of a reason I haven't fully flushed out yet (thinking of making it so that he can't do any shapeshifting at all and making it an entire allegory), but he deals with a lot of feelings of inadequacy because of this and he thinks he's failed as an Oni

- he was outcast before March of the Oni and was lost between realms trying to find a way back home to the first realm without the power of the darkness to guide him. essentially the realm crystal is the EASIEST way to travel realms but it isn't the only way, and he spent a lot of years alone

-When the merge happens he's forced to live in a world he doesn't understand at all and a lot of people during this time are struggling to figure things out. He manages to find a job at Chen's Noodle House and starts to enjoy the life as someone who serves food so eventually he leaves with enough money saved up and opens up his own restaurant

- I like the idea of someone gaining weight when they're happy bc he used to be really emaciated and could barely eat even 3 times a week due to how hard it was to survive but now he's got a healthy relationship with food and his body and he's generally a pretty sound guy and pretty mature considering things. It doesn't look like he's fat in the image but from experience an apron will hide a lot of that lol

- He does a lot of introspection and his outlook on life is that "it's complicated and messy but at least it's life," and he usually looks at things from a realistic perspective while hoping for the best.

-He still gets irrationally angry at a lot of things though and often he'll find himself taking it out on inanimate objects and then he'll feel bad about it afterwards. He doesn't do it a whole lot in front of people, especially customers, but if he's comfortable around you you'll see him swearing and breaking things (usually with his claws on accident) a lot more

- Meets Lloyd a few weeks after the merge when he just started his job at Chen's and initially Lloyd is weary at first because yk he's an Oni and Lloyd had subconsciously associated Oni with bad and everything wrong in his life, but [name I haven't come up with yet] is essential to something Lloyd is trying to figure out so they need to interact and Lloyd figures out through sheer power of being exposed to something that HEY you dumb idiot your ancestry isn't evil or bad

- He had severe issues for awhile with meeting people's expectations and he constantly ran himself ragged trying to keep himself in multiple places at once. He felt like he had to depend on only himself for a while because of the fact he let down his Oni tribe and because of the fact he lived so long in isolation away from others. When he's hired by Skylor he burns himself out within the first week because he doesn't take a break except to go home and sleep.

- Y y y es this is meant to be an OC shipped with Lloyd but they're both demisexual here bc I will always make my favs be on the ace spectrum no matter what

-Hes 21 when the merge happens and by the events of s1 he's 27 (2 years older than Lloyd). He was outcast by the Oni when he was 15 years old (around the events of season 1)

-fun fact, Oni still have pupils in my hc you just can't see them very well. they're kind of like the changelings from mlp where they do have pupils once you look closely but they blend in so well with their irises that you can hardly see them. most Oni eye colors are red, purple, or blue. some are occasionally orange, yellow, and pink. [name I haven't come up with yet] has purple eyes

- he has so much fur/hair (think kind of like mohair on a goat) that he has to stuff a lot of it in his shirt and then use pins to hold it in place and he spends like 30 minutes each day just combing it

- he works out every other day to help clear his mind and to calm himself down but Oni are naturally pretty big anyways and really strong

- despite the fact he knows how to cook he has the worst appetite known to man and will not hesitate to eat the nastiest things ever. I like to think that anytime Lloyd gets offered gross food (as he's somehow done a lot in the show) he pretends to "steal" it but he does genuinely enjoy every single food he comes across and it's not just something that comes from his life of being outcast it also comes from his Oni biology. Though, he seems to be a lot more inclined to eat certain things even for an Oni

if it's not poison, it's food!

- has abnormally large ears for most Oni and he can hear slightly better than most people. it's also another reason why he stretch himself too thin while working when he first started because he believed everything he heard needed his attention and he was constantly trying to get to multiple places and do many tasks all at once

okay now imma go to bed hehe this was actually really fun

-has a better work/life balance in the future at the very least lol so dw

-has digitigrade feet! they're not very exposed bc he wears baggy pants all the time but if you look down you'll see he's never wearing any shoes and his paws are just out

[accio-victuuri]

xiao zhan - GQ February issue cover story 1-3

01 Relaxation

The studio is on the Huangpu River in Shanghai. Xiao Zhan was wrapped in a black down jacket, took off his shoes, and sat cross-legged on the corner of the sofa, looking very relaxed. The filming came to an end for the time being. Although he had been working continuously for more than 7 hours, there was no trace of fatigue on his face. This is a face that always attracts attention. A few months ago, the studio released a set of Xiao Zhan's birthday photos, and sharp-eyed netizens immediately noticed that his face had become "rounder." In order to play the role of Guo Jing in the movie "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" directed by Tsui Hark, Xiao Zhan gained weight before joining the cast. His cheeks were no longer so thin, and his figure was obviously stronger. In the photo, he had Wearing Hu hawthorn children, it shows a bit of vicissitudes of life.

Strictly speaking, "The Legend of the Condor Heroes: The Greatest Man" is Xiao Zhan's second filmmaking. There are many previous versions of the character Guo Jing, and the pressure on him is obvious.

On the day of the cover shoot for "GQ", Xiao Zhan got up very early to go for a run. He couldn't help but think, my god, I'm going to lose muscle again after sweating so much. He debated whether to continue, and finally decided to run for 30 minutes. When the time came, he thought that body fat would start to be consumed after 30 minutes, so he ran for another 10 minutes.

It's all about work. "Actually, I don't want to run. running will lose muscles, but I have to run to reduce swelling." After the filming, he planned to do weight training again no matter how late it was. An actor's self-cultivation is to be ready to shape the image for the role at any time, but he must strictly control his diet and manage his body shape. Xiao Zhan regards both as professional standards and requires himself to do so.

Before meeting, I thought Xiao Zhan would be very cautious about interviews. To my surprise, Xiao Zhan had a rare sense of relaxation, answered all questions, and even had some humor. Mentioning that actors should observe characters in life, he commented on the sitting postures of several people present. When asked what he had not expected after joining the industry, his answer was that he could not eat whatever he wanted like his high school classmates.

The interview lasted nearly two hours. I was curious. In the past few years, Xiao Zhan has been under huge attention. What kind of experience has it been for him?

Xiao Zhan said that many times, he has forgotten this matter. It didn't cause him a lot of trouble in life. The most "cruel" thing may be, "You can't eat as much as you want." "

I still sneak out to ride a bicycle, take a walk, and do a CityWalk. Only once, just now in after walking in the alley for 5 minutes, I was recognized. I also sneaked into the cinema to watch a movie. No one will care about you, really. after leaving the Internet, many things will be solved easily. Sometimes the world is right in front of us.

He has a lot of things he wants to do, such as taking the subway and going to the mall. "I will really take the subway, maybe tomorrow. It's so normal. I used to do it every day. Take the subway." For Xiao Zhan, this is his real life. The voices on social media no longer bother him. "After all these years, I'm still bothered. Am I still alive? (Laughs) It's really okay."

At this stage, Xiao Zhan is very satisfied with his living situation, " I have a job, a life of my own, and an audience that likes me, so I have nothing to be dissatisfied with."

02 Becoming an actor

To some extent, Xiao Zhan’s sense of relaxation stems from his increasingly clear goals. The voices from the outside world no longer bothered him. He knew what he wanted and what he didn't want. Now, he is doing more subtraction for himself. In the past two years, he has rarely appeared in variety shows, taking the career of actor as his most important goal at the moment.

In 2023, three film and television dramas starring Xiao Zhan will be broadcast, and each role will be a challenge for Xiao Zhan. During the interview, Xiao Zhan said many times that he was "under a lot of pressure", and he said this almost when reviewing every stage. But his tone is light, without the heaviness of complaints, more like an analysis and summary afterwards. The reasons are often specific and objective: the first time he comes into contact with a performance without physical objects, the first time he takes the leading role alone, the first time he plays a modern drama...

"Where Dreams Begin" is a script that Xiao Zhan particularly likes. He likes stories about that generation very much. When he was a child, he watched some movies and TV series, such as "Days Related to Youth" and "Happiness Like Flowers". When he mentioned the 1970s and 1980s, he felt that the sun was bright and colorful. Many people say that Xiao Chunsheng is a perfect character, but in Xiao Zhan's opinion, this is his biggest flaw. He thinks this character is very interesting and wants to give it a try. Xiao Chunsheng is a young man from Beijing. How to express the character's momentum and speak authentic Beijing dialect is a big challenge for Xiao Zhan, who has lived in Chongqing since childhood.

Shiying's character in "Yuguyao" is aloof. Because he didn't want to live up to everyone's expectations for his costume look, Xiao Zhan tried his best to lose weight before joining the cast. ""Yuguyao" is a script I got in 2020. Among the things I can choose, this is the script with the most complete characters and the most delicate emotions. It is also very logical and self-consistent. It is my The best choice."

"Sunshine By My Side" is the script that Xiao Zhan has been exposed to for the longest time, starting at the end of 2019. Although Sheng Yang in "Sunshine By My Side" closely overlapped with Xiao Zhan's career before his debut, he had to move his life as a designer to the screen and act in a natural and convincing manner. "Modern dramas and life dramas are really an unfamiliar field." At first, he was too eager to finish his lines and memorized them so well that when he said them, it made people think that no one in life would speak like this. Later, he discovered that in modern dramas, The logic of where to break the lines and where to put the emphasis is actually very strong.

In the past few years, he has played soldiers, doctors, designers, and Beijing youths. "There are no special considerations, it all happens naturally." He rarely plays repeated roles. But when choosing a script, Xiao Zhan will not deliberately avoid themes that he has acted in before. He will just put himself in the audience's perspective to feel whether he can be moved by it.

In 2021, Xiao Zhan starred in the drama "A Dream Like a Dream", playing the role of Patient No. 5. On the day of the premiere, many topics related to the drama appeared on Weibo hot searches, becoming a phenomenon-level event in the drama circle.

Xiao Zhan hesitated for a long time about starring in "A Dream Like a Dream". There are many reasons for hesitation: he is from Chongqing, not from a professional background, the play cannot be negative, it lasts for 8 hours, "A Dream Like a Dream" is very famous, and there have been many classic versions of the role of Patient No. 5 before. But after reading the script, Xiao Zhan felt that he must act.

Drama is a very pure thing. Dozens or even hundreds of people gather in a space to tell a story. This is an experience that is impossible to bring about in film and television dramas. Xiao Zhan yearns for it. He began to recite his lines crazily, and moved himself to Tangshan to rehearse intensively with the entire crew for more than a month, grinding out one scene after another.

"I was very nervous for the first performance. I am still nervous now when I think about it. When Gu Xianglan rang the bell, I became excited." The moment the light hit him, Xiao Zhan felt that everything had stopped. He could not see the expressions of the audience under the stage. There was only white left in front of me.

Xiao Zhan adjusted his breathing and began to speak his lines. The director said that the actors in the opening scene controlled the rhythm of the entire story, so every time Xiao Zhan said that line, it was when Xiao Zhan was most nervous. As he spoke, he would gradually forget about his nervousness and let out a long sigh of relief after speaking. I thought, ah, it’s finally over.

Once, at the end of the first half of the performance, Patient No. 5 went on stage to find Gu Xianglan with a painting and an address, and had a long monologue. Walking to the middle of the stage, Xiao Zhan suddenly lost his voice. He couldn't remember the beginning of the next word. After hesitating for about 1.5 seconds, he chose to skip that word and continued. The audience shouldn't be able to tell, he thought. He didn't think of that word until the end of the show.

"I couldn't remember it when I got to the break room, so I turned over the script and saw that it was this word."

"Which word?"

"A very common word, for example, drinking pure water. What kind of water was I thinking about? Distilled water? Tap water? Boiled water ? I just can’t remember." Xiao Zhan replied.

Acting is a very profound knowledge. Xiao Zhan said: "We have only scratched the surface so far." When filming "Sunshine By My Side", the opposing actors were all experienced actors. In terms of acting skills, Xiao Zhan is still very immature and exerts all his strength. Too much force will easily leave performance marks. He told himself to "be less pretentious", feel everything the other party throws at him with his heart, and respond honestly.

Xiao Zhan once expressed that due to life experiences, it is difficult to understand many characters. He discussed this issue with his seniors, "Everyone has two opinions. Some people say that of course you have to go through it. Without experience, you don't have a picture. How can you act? What you act is all fake. Also there is a voice saying that everything can be solved by technology."

Xiao Zhan's own answer is, "act more and be exposed to all types of genres" and "cooperate with more good teams, actors, and directors."

"To be honest, what I can do now is to act what my mind can touch. It's really difficult for me to act something that I have no concept of at all. Maybe in the future, through a work or with more good directors, Working with actors can solve my confusion. I look forward to this day coming soon."

03 Breaking away

Relaxation is the side of Xiao Zhan. He can balance part of the pressure, but there is part of it that is difficult for him to resolve. Xiao Zhan doesn't sleep well. "It's very difficult for me to fall asleep, and I sleep very lightly. It's like sleeping and not sleeping, which affects my state the next day." Especially when he just joined the team and is in a state of high nervousness. In this state, he often dreams about filming on location and not being able to do it well.

When he goes to different cities, Xiao Zhan will bring the same type of pillows and quilts. "I will bring everything that can help me sleep well." He has also tried aromatherapy lamps, lavender essential oil, and various other products that make him fall asleep when applied on his body. Medicines, sprays that can be sprayed on the pillow to make him fall asleep, melatonin, and meditation music. Finally, he found that the best things that made him sleep well were eye masks, earplugs, and not looking at the phone, "because I know that if I look at it, then I will Don't sleep, just get up."

Not long ago, Xiao Zhan found an old book "Departure" at home. That was recommended to him by his company boss when he was working as a designer. The concept of organizing life described in the book made Xiao Zhan start to rethink what he wanted and what he should give up.

Xiao Zhan has a particularly axial side to his character, "If I insist on something that I think is right, it will be difficult to be convinced." For example, if he decides to be an actor, he doesn't want to do anything other than an actor, " Come on, let's debate. No one is right or wrong. The team is also for your own good. Isn't it a good thing to have a lot of work? But for me, I have to subtract because some things are really not what I want. "

Xiao Zhan's acting experience began with a story about "an older amateur chasing dreams in the entertainment industry." He participated in the talent show at the age of 24, learned dance from scratch, debuted as a boy band, acted in online dramas, and played supporting roles in theater movies. Until he became popular in 2019, Xiao Zhan also became a star that attracted attention.

When you decide to do something, you must try your best to do it well. This is what Xiao Zhan has been taught since childhood. When he was in junior high school, his family bought him a mobile phone. When he first started sending text messages, he often used spaces to replace punctuation marks. His father said to him sternly, "What about the punctuation marks? Why is there no period at the end of the sentence?" From that time on, Xiao Zhan paid great attention to punctuation marks.

Xiao Zhan has been competitive since he was a child, and he doesn't want to miss any opportunity when it comes to things he can control. When he was taking the bus to school, he would worry about the person on the bus who missed the stop because he fell asleep.

For things that he cannot control, he will remind himself not to argue and learn to accept them. Until then, do what you can.

When asked which drama Xiao Zhan worked hard for, Xiao Zhan's answer was surprising. He said: "Every one." Before becoming famous, he auditioned for many dramas and went through interviews to enter the final round. , I had already put on makeup to try out the scene, but was replaced. Of course, scripts will be handed over now, but Xiao Zhan always tells himself that people only have intentions and can hand them over to many people at the same time. When he encounters something he really likes, he will take the initiative to meet with the director and explain his understanding of the character.

[josendlessmonolouge]

hey so I just binged your head cannons and how does it feel to be right all the time? I was wondering what you would think about body/weight insecurities with the underworld kids? Like Hazel grew up in the 30s when black girls were the opposite of the beauty standard and I imagine her having complicated feelings about her appearance caused by never feeling attractive growing up. And going into the legion they do intense exercises so she probably put on a bunch of muscle weight after the first few months, and on a short girl like her that can look pretty stocky (totally not projecting rn). So she’s prob never thought about herself as very feminine or beautiful. Do think dating Frank and being desired would help her recover from that and gain confidence?

And with Nico he’s always been very skinny especially after the jar incident. I feel like people around camp would say insensitive things about him looking skeletal or ghastly as a joke but he would actually be very hurt by it. Like internalized homophobia would already make him feel unmasculine and comments like those would be like salt in the wound. Also his eating habits described in the book are definitely disordered in some way.

sorry this ended up way longer than I planned but would love to hear your opinion

Omg thank you for the ask and the spam likes I’m happy you enjoy my head-canons :>> So first Hazel;

I struggle a lot with body dysmorphia myself. The Hazel idea is something I hadn’t really thought about much but now that you put it in my head. I think definitely makes sense and I love it. I think her and Frank probably both have a lot of issues with their physical appearances and how they’ve changed within the events of the books and starting off with bad self image. Within or having to do with the events of the book being Him losing a bunch of weight and gaining muscle then putting weight back on after the blessing of mars, and her like you said putting on more muscle.

my BD/ED was actually the down fall of my first relationship so I don’t think just feeling desired could really fix it , however I think that being with frank would probably improve her self image. I think Frank is probably pretty body neutral or working hard at being body neutral for himself and encourages her to do the same. I do think that his adoration of her would probably also help some. He’s a wonderful hype man and a blushing mess whenever she gets dressed up cute so she can’t help but feel a little better about herself. I think they’re both probably working on themselves and building each other up when it comes to body image.

Nico ooh I’ve got a lot of feelings on him bc I’ve chatted with my friends about it and you said exactly what I’ve been saying about how it probably makes him feel emasculated since he’s a young gay man who’s constantly surrounded by these ultra masculine friends and probably feels like less than in some ways. I feel for some reason that he has some arfid symptoms because most modern foods are just different than he used to and just he can’t will himself to eat most things. He also just gives the energy off even when he was in the 40s he was pretty picky since his family was wealthy. (Idk that he canonically bought McDonald’s to raise the dead that kid cries if he tries to eat a French fry) so it’s extremely hard for him to gain the weight back after the jar incident. I also think He knows he should reasonable work at gaining weight but he also just wants to take up as little space as possible literally and figuratively so it’s a constant mental bottle of “I’m sick and getting sicker, will is worried about me I need to eat, but also food is icky and I really don’t want to see the number on the scale go up even though I know I’ll look and feel better”

I could go on for a long while about this actually lol

[sybaritick]

cal sybaritick's

bloodweave fic recs 2: 2 Blood 2 Weave🩸🔮

Since my previous bloodweave fic rec post, there have been hundreds more fics posted in the tag! That's so many! How will you know which ones are good? It's simple. I know which ones are good, and I'll tell you. Here's a non-exhaustive list of my favorites!

Keep Yourself Warm by lividstatue

E / 28k words / fluff, developing relationship, belly kink and weight gain / complete

Gale slept with his hair gathered back, leaving that lovely neck exposed. He had a bit of pudge under his chin absolutely begging to be nipped at. Just a drop, Astarion thought. His entire body stirred at the thought, more than he’d thought he was capable of anymore. Two hundred years and here - right here, an arm’s breadth away, was a delectable neck Cazador couldn’t stop him from taking. It would take so little to slide a leg over Gale’s hips, to feel that soft belly tremble beneath him as he drank. After the nautiloid crash Astarion is on the hunt for protection, and has his sights set on the handsome, plump wizard.

okay yes this is My Kink and of course i'm recommending it but also it's extremely well-written and does such a wonderful job in its handling of Gale's and Astarion's respective issues and trauma, especially its depiction of Astarion's sexual trauma. additionally, the way Astarion truly adores Gale's body in every way in this is wonderful. for a belly kink fic (which it is!) i think it will still have a lot of appeal to people without that particular fetish.

Rest, Indulge by @zigraves

E / 6.5k words / [consensual] somnophilia, domestic life, vulnerability / complete

The slow, drowsy way that Gale’s eyelids flutter before they open fully is its own particular pleasure, and he leans into Astarion’s hand while still half-dozing enough to luxuriate without thinking. Consciousness comes back in a slow rolling wave, free of the stresses of their old camp life that might necessitate instant wakefulness. Astarion watches each moment as it builds, crests, breaks, until his wizard is awake and meeting his eyes with warm curiosity.

this fic might have given me a somno kink. at the very least, it gave me the kink when it comes to this pairing. the pleasure Astarion takes in seeing Gale fully relax, watching him eat and drink and read and sleep, and eventually to have Gale to himself completely vulnerable... so perfect. Beautifully written, with such evocative, sensory language that truly brings out what's hot about this, as with everything Zi writes.

as natural as another leg around you in the bed frame by AgentBuzzkill

E / 13.6k words / fluff and sincerity, character study, weird wizard sex / complete

The others fret about shopping and circuses and a murder investigation, all things that he's vaguely interested in but can't focus on right now. Right now, Astarion is leaning forward and whispering into Gale's ear, voice low and tinged with a hint of urgency that he can't manage to hide. "I have a room for us tonight."

as with many of the best bloodweave fics, this captures both of their voices very well. their unusual dynamic shines through not just in the dialogue but in the sex itself, the way they navigate things... i enjoy that very much.

Sweet Oblivion by mos_cat_o

E / 5.3k words / dom/sub, blood drinking / complete

Astarion settled on the floor behind him, the smooth, cool plain of his chest pressed to Gale’s back. Gale tried to meet his eyes in the mirror but of course, that wasn’t possible. Instead, he was met with his own image; naked, in an exposing position and jarringly alone. A cool breath passed over his shoulder as Astarion sighed. “Don’t you look just delicious.”

to recommend this i can simply repeat what I said about it in my comment: "this is so hot, just incredibly good... Gale's dedication to submission, the way he takes pleasure in the pain, in being used and consumed... magnificent!

there are so many parts I could shout out as a favorite but I have to admit my number one was Gale being so hot for the idea that Astarion nearly killing him. that not only is he accepting it, but it turns him on... god... "as though Astarion was so kindly relieving him of the weight of his existence..." i am so horny for this it's insane. gale wants to give and give and give and he'd let astarion take *everything*..."

Foreign Bodies by @draculastarion

E / 7.7k words / sex pollen, identity issues, mildly dubious consent / complete

“Astarion?” Tav asks, tilting her head. “What is it?” “The powder,” he says faintly. “It’s some sort of… pollen.” “Pollen,” she repeats, her voice strangled. “I thought that was just a made up trope in terrible smut novels!” Astarion’s face scrunches even further with distaste. “Apparently not.” In the Shadow-Cursed Lands, Gale gets hit with a strange powder. Astarion might be the only one capable of curing his affliction.

such a wonderfully emotional fic in *addition* to being hot-- Astarion resolving to do this for Gale, enjoying it when he absolutely didn't expect to, the moment he realizes Gale knew the whole time... does an excellent job describing how this all feels to them both.

Brûlant by porcelain

E / 10.7k words / sex pollen, blood drinking, dubious consent / complete

“Oh,” Astarion breathes, eyes drooping into glassy little crescents. Well, if this is how he dies, Astarion thinks, this is how he dies. A shame that he’ll never get to plunge a stake through Cazador’s chest. “Death is so beautiful.” “...Precisely how much of this spider’s blood did you consume?” Gale asks, his hands brushing Astarion’s hair off his soaked forehead. The touch makes the unbearable, painful heat in his body squeeze around him like a heavy chain. “You’re scorching. You could give Karlach a run for all her gold.”

the descriptions of Astarion's sheer level of *obsession* with Gale's blood in this-- and later, Gale himself-- are just glorious. incredible writing style. every person i have talked to about this fic absolutely ADORED it. extremely hot, highly recommended.

Create Water by anonymous

E / 4.6k words / piss kink/omorashi, humiliation, dubious consent / complete

“If you don’t use your magic on me,” said Astarion, one of his hands releasing its grasp on Gale’s wrists to snake towards the front of his torso, tracing gently along his distended lower belly. “Then I’m going to have to assume you want this.” Astarion’s hand and hips went still, and he became silent for a moment, as though waiting to see whether Gale would move to fight him off – whether Gale’s struggle against him had been a genuine one, or whether there was a strange, secret part of Gale that might just be enjoying this just as much as Astarion was. And for the briefest of moments, Gale did consider using a spell to propel Astarion away from him; it would be so much simpler, in some ways, to put a halt to whatever madness they were currently engaged in, and to happily untie his remaining laces and seek the relief he’d spent the last several hours dying for. Instead, however, what Gale chose to do was to cross his legs tightly in an undignified, last-ditch effort to hold back what he now knew to be inevitable, press himself back into Astarion, and let out a broken, high-pitched “please.”

i swear it's so good even if piss isn't your usual thing. the fic makes it so clear why it's hot!

Isopleure by freezermilk

E / 20.0k words / dom/sub, blood drinking, communication / complete

Gale is practical. He cooks their little party’s meals, he keeps track of their stocks, he marks their maps. He believes himself reasonable enough to reason, then, that he ought to take a liking to Astarion—because Astarion hangs off of Illy, as does Gale, and it would be most practical if they were all to simply hang off of each other, no? After all, according to his geometric studies, a triangle is quite a uniquely dependable structure.

like i have a couple times earlier, i will just repeat some things from my comment as my recommendation for this fic: "i just want you to know i ADORE this. seriously, your writing style is just so much fun, so clever and well-paced, and your characterizations of Gale and Astarion are excellent. [...]

the miscommunication of it all is so utterly realistic-- and that's a very rare and difficult thing to achieve, and yet you did so perfectly! i loved astarion's reaction to it, too (in ch5): “So, yes, of course you would think sex is all I might want, because that’s the lie I’ve sold. Quite the ingenious trap to have laid for myself, don’t you think?”. even though we see the story largely through Gale's eyes, that little piece is such a nice keystone to the descriptions of Astarion's psyche as well. [...] gale wanting to be Eaten in this way is so hot it's making me insane. and making him chubby... you are so correct about it. who among us would not want to bite into those plump thighs. he's like a squirming little rabbit caught in a trap and yet he so fully wants to be caught... i am having lustful thoughts about him."

[viennacherries]

Also, tummy kisses for Tav x Halsin!

this prompt has a chokehold on me and i thought about writing something nsfw cos ik it'd be hot asf but i am such a sucker for cute comforting stuff

so have some completely sfw loving tummy kisses. very short and sweet but i hope you like it!

reminder i'm accepting requests/prompts! send me an ask if you have a req :)

read this fic on ao3 here

cw for body image issues

~~~

"My heart?"

Halsin's voice from behind you makes you jump, and you turn to face him. His voice and face are laced with concern.

"My heart, what ails you?"

You frown, "nothing, Halsin, it's okay."

He raises his eyebrows and comes to stand beside you where you're analysing yourself in the mirror. As you look back at it, he meets your eyes through the reflection. His eyes soften in understanding.

The last 8 months since the defeat of the Netherbrain have been kind to you. You'd returned to the land around Moonrise towers with Halsin, with the goal of establishing a community there together.

It's truly started to flourish in recent months, which has afforded the both of you the luxury of taking a step back and relaxing.

You think you might be relaxing a bit too much.

"My love, you are as beautiful as the day I met you."

You shake your head. You know he means it, but you still can't find it in yourself to believe him.

You were never skinny before being abducted, but your journey across Faerûn had been one of constant movement. As a result, over the course of your travels, you'd shed a lot of weight. You'd always thought how you looked didn't matter to you, in truth. You were happy as you were.

But now here you are, stood staring at your reflection, coming to the realisation that you've gained back a lot of the weight that you previously lost. The lean muscles across your stomach have dissolved back into your body, giving way to a soft roll of fat that hangs down a little. Your thighs are wider that you can reach your hands around, and you have to hold your head at a very specific angle to avoid a double chin.

It never used to bother you. You hate that it bothers you now.

Halsin's gentle touch on your shoulder pulls you out of your melancholic trance, and you let out a dejected sigh.

"I hate how I look, Halsin. Why do I hate how I look? I'm feel happier now than I've ever felt in my life, but I'm standing here staring at myself wishing I could curl into a ball and disintegrate."

He frowns, "I understand, my love, but you truly should afford yourself more care. This body protects you, shields your vital organs and guards you from harm. You are a work of art made by Silvanus himself, and you are exactly as you were designed to be. There is nothing wrong with you, my heart, in fact the opposite is true. You are beautiful, and radiant, and perfect."

Tears well in the corner of your eyes at his words, and you look down at the floor. "I wish I saw whatever you do when you look at me."

He turns you away from the mirror, towards himself, and holds both of your hands in his. When you don't meet his gaze, he guides your face gently upwards with his finger under your chin. "I see you, exactly as you are. I see nothing more and nothing less. You, exactly as you are now, are beautiful and worthy of love. You are no less beautiful or worthy now than you were when I met you. You must know, I am absolutely enthralled by you; mind, body, and soul. I cherish everything that is you."

As he finishes speaking, he places his hands on your hips and sinks slowly to his knees. He rolls your top up to expose your bellybutton, and with a glance upwards to meet your eyes he places a soft kiss to the skin there. His gaze is full of such passion and emotion that it feels overwhelming, like you're being consumed by his love for you. Tears roll down your face before you have a chance to register them, and as he spots them he places a second, firmer kiss to the roundest point of your stomach. He places a third to the left, over a collection of purple stretch marks that snake around and up from your hips, and then a fourth on their mirror image on your right.

He takes your hands again, and slowly encourages you to kneel with him. When you reach the floor, knees touching, he brings your hands to his face and places a gentle, reverent kiss to them. He leans forward and kisses the trails along your cheeks from your tears, and rests his forehead against yours.

"You are perfect, my heart. Nature makes no mistakes."

[sucrows]

Crow you interested me in ur femstars body headcanons now..... I would love to hear abt everyone but that might be too much work LMAO i invite u to share misc headcanons tho.... i love women

hope you know ive thought about this ask daily for the last 2 months, so its time to free it from its chambers and release the femstars body headcanons

gonna go wild and write as much or as little as i feel like for every character and ignore any i don't have any thoughts on. warning for talk about bodies and weight amongst other stuff

adonis: mostly muscular build but not in like... an instagram fitness influencer way in that she hyper focuses in on glutes. She works out upper body and lower body equally. she keeps her hair incredibly long but always has it up in some way. idk how accurate this is to canon but in MY eyes she used to be heavier before she got into being an idol but since she's moved to japan she's gotten more muscular. She still has the stretchmarks and loose skin in places to show for it. not particularly busty, probably a b or maybe c cup at most

chiaki: bangs and a high ponytail. her hair isn't all that long (just past soulder length) but it's enough that she can pull it up. really sickly as a child so she works out a lot and is decently muscular now.

himeru: if "willowy" were a person. Hair is long and straight and sleek. It falls in her face often. she and fem!adonis know each other well from working on shampoo commercials. Gives the impression of a "mean girl" until you chat with her

izumi: pixie cut. do you know how strict the ballet and modeling scene are on young girls? her self image is rough and she's still definitely struggling with the fact that bodies change as you age. She used to be really thin and was a late bloomer. She's still thin now and has a decent amount of muscle but fem!izumi is even more sensitive about her weight than regular izumi

kanata: short hair. what is up with everyone giving her long hair? if anything, the symbolism of kanata not having long hair anymore means even more if we're talking about fem!kanata.

keito: dresses reallllllyyyy conservatively until its for a job and then she flashes everyone with eyefulls of arm muscles and tits. Genuinely gorgeous and stunning. Bob with a small undercut for hair.

koga: ok i cannot picture her with one specific hairstyle so im going to just say she's always changing it up. She'll go "im growing it out!" and then the next day she's shaved her sides.

leo: her hair has not changed at all, she just plays with it a bit more often. Short and bony. basically the same as regular leo but even shorter.

mayoi: same hair as regular mayoi. very thin and not very shapely. She's not completely flat chested but her breasts are small enough that she can often get away with not wearing a bra. when she's not really anxious but not smiling she has a case of rbf and it's funny

niki: hair is same as regular niki. busty and bottom heavy. really reslly struggled to gain weight as a child and early teenage years due to her health issues but has gained weight as of becoming an idol due to having enough money to actually feed herself what she needs! yippee!

rinne: wolf cut! used to be long but one day after she got to the city she cut it and never looked back. does not work out often but somehow maintains a muscular physique.

ritsu: longer hair as a kid, same as regular ritsu now. permanently wears oversized clothing.

souma: almost identical to regular souma except shorter and with b cups

tatsumi: i am a short hair tatsumi truther. It was really long during reimei but it was such a hassle while she was hospitalized that she decided to go for the big chop. wants to grow it out again but has a bob as of canon time. anyways back to what everyone wants to hear: yeah she has a massive chest but she's kinda insecure about it. she's another one who grew up fat and still isn't quite used to everyone praising her now for having fat in the "right" areas. frequent practice has her a bit thinner than she used to be but do not get me wrong she is still fat (especially on her stomach and arms). oh yeah and also molessssss

Ok getting off my soapbox now i love women ❤️

[fatkish]

Could you do pro heroes x teen child reader who has to take some temporary medicine which caused them to gain some weight? As long as they are taking It, their weight isn't budging which is affecting their self esteem, and thus have taken to extreme dieting and how they comfort her? (Best Jeanist and Aizawa)

Aizawa & Best Jeanist x Teen Reader

Self Image Issues

(I too have experienced weight gain issues from taking birth control and now with my depression, I find I struggle the most with motivation and self image, so I kinda understand. I’m trying to lose the weight but it’s so hard and it’s seriously affecting my mental health. Sorry, anyways, onto the Drabble.)

You were a student who was interning with Best Jeanist. You had been interning with him before you took the pills and although he has noticed your weight gain, he has said nothing about it. He assumed you were find until he one day heard you throwing up in the bathroom after he had seen you eating lunch. Before you could leave the agency that day, he asked you to stay back and chat with him for a bit. You had no ideas what this could be about do you agreed.

When Best Jeanist revealed that he heard you throwing up after lunch he wanted to make sure you were okay. If you were starting to get sick then he wanted to walk you home or have one of his sidekicks walk you home. You played it off as something you had eaten made you nauseous so you force yourself to purge whatever was causing the nausea and it worked. It took awhile, but he believed you and let you go.

The next day during school, one of your friends noticed how little food you had brought for lunch and asked if you wanted some of their’s. You politely declined and told them you were on a strict diet and that the medication you’re having to take requires this strict diet. Needless to say, some believed you and those that didn’t merely asked questions or stayed silent.

It wasn’t until you stoped coming to dinner and would only eat like half an apple or nothing that certain people began to question this ‘diet’. Bakugou knew something wasn’t adding up. So he made sure to watch you prepare your lunch the next morning and saw that a lot of the food, contained Iceberg Lettuce. A leafy green that has the nutritional value of cardboard. Sure it might fill you up, but there’s hardly anything you could get from it except water. He watched as you made your lunch with little to no calories or nutritional food. It was mainly just lettuce.

Bakugou wasn’t an idiot, he knew that you had been gaining weight and he had overheard the girls talking about how you had been possibly getting sick since you would be throwing up more often. He put two and two together and decided to inform Aizawa about his suspicions since he didn’t want to mess things up if he was wrong. Aizawa was glad to hear from Bakugou’s input and Aizawa began to keep a closer eye on you.

It was during your interning at Best Jeanist’s agency when you were bringing him some files and ended up passing out due to not consuming enough nutrients for your body. Of course, Best Jeanist called Aizawa to inform him of what happened and that was when they agreed to sit down with the reader to figure out what’s going on. When you woke up, you were still in Best Jeanist’s agency and we’re about to get up to go back to work until you noticed an IV bag attached to tube that connected to a needle in your arm.

“So you’re awake, good, we’d like to talk to you”

You looked over to the couch across from you and saw Aizawa and Best Jeanist sitting there. Best Jeanist remained calm and elegantly poised while Aizawa was hunched over with his elbows in his lap.

“Do you know why you collapsed earlier?” Best Jeanist inquired.

“Um…”

“You fainted due to a lack of nutrients in your body. Your body had been overworking and ran out of energy so it basically shut down on you” Aizawa spoke in a stern tone.

“Your body is like a cloth, if you don’t properly care for it, eventually wear and tear, as well as exposure to its environment will end up destroying the cloth and causing the fabric to fall apart. That’s what you’re doing to your body at the moment by withholding the proper care it requires” Jeanist explained.

“I hate to ask this, but does this have anything to do with your recent weight gain? I’ve noticed, as well as your classmates that your eating habits have changed and not for the better. It’s fine to diet but you have to make sure you do it right or it could cause more harm than good” Aizawa softly inquired.

That’s when you couldn’t look them in the eyes and curled up on the couch and hid your face in your knees the best you could as your started crying. At that, the pro heroes realized that they had hit a sore spot. Your cried as your tried to explain to them how your doctor prescribed you a temporary but necessary medication for you to take but that the medication has caused you to gain weight. You tried to explain about how your self esteem has been affected and how you hate your body but that you tried other kinds of methods to help reduce your weight but it hasn’t worked at all.

You cried as you continued to explain how you grew more desperate as your mental health became worse due to your increase in weight. You told them about how nothing seems to work and you can’t just stop taking the medication since it’s vital for you. After you explained everything you all sat in silence as Best Jeanist handed you a tissue box for your tears.

To keep the reader from extreme dieting, they help the reader count calories and makes sure to help them lose more calories than they take in. Maybe they help look for alternatives for the medicine or look for weigh loss supplements that will help.

Best Jeanist would buy cute clothes for the reader

[sanyu-thewitch05]

A Twst Tale: Completely Under Your Love

Wonderland

The Savannah

Tw: kidnapping, forced feeding, forced weight gain

I feel a space in my bed. Leona must’ve left at some point. Thankfully, today is a new day, and the past is in the past.

“Nyah! I wonder what the next story will be!” Grim meows, jumping into my arms.

“At this point, I don’t want to know,” I answer, walking into the campus building for breakfast.

“I have another task for you!” Crowley announces, grabbing my hand and snapping us into the Mirror Chamber.

“I haven’t even had breakfast yet,” I groan, rubbing my eyes.

“Beggars can’t be choosers, Yuu,” Crowley says as I do the same routine and open the coffin.

Surprisingly, the coffin didn’t send Grim and me screaming. Instead, it sent water swirling around our bodies. The water disappears, and I’m a mermaid while Grim is a tiger shark.

“Cool!” We exclaim, bumping our bodies.

We swim to Ursula’s cave and find Jade, Floyd, and Azul.

I guess it would make sense for them not to change in this story. Though, Azul is as chubby as he was back in the old-school photo.

“Which woe do you want to get rid of?” Azul asks as Jade and Floyd circle around me.

“He can do anything,” Jade whispers.

“Though it will cost you,” Floyd whispers so close to my ear I can feel his teeth.

“I’m here to help you. A little birdie told me you were having self-image issues,” I say, getting straight to the point.

The cave’s entrance slams shut behind me, and the atmosphere is now dark.

“You can’t-you won’t tell anyone about what is said in this cave! If you do, I’ll feed you to Jetsam and Flam!” Azul(Ursula) screams, his tentacles wrapping around every part of me.

“Ok, I’ll stay silent,” I whimper.

“You could say it’s true I have a couple of insecurities. Everyone made fun of me for being chubby and slow. I couldn’t swim as fast as that red-headed mermaid Ariel! She was supposed to come for me to make a deal, but here you are,” Azul rants.

“You look fine. Besides, big boys are the best for the winter. They keep you warm. Plus, when you swim slower, you enjoy the moments of life others may miss because they’re swimming in the fast lane,” I advise, trying to mas Azul feel better.

“I suppose you’re right, but what does it matter? My voice is shit. I can’t even sing a single note,” Azul moans, tears starting to form in his eyes. “If only I had Ariel’s voice.”

“Don’t you have any other talents?” I ask, trying to calm him down.

“He’s an excellent cook. Ursula makes the best meals for us after work,” Jade says, taking out a tray of seaweed wraps. “Try one. They’re delicious.”

I take a seaweed wrap and look at Azul.

“Azul, these are delicious!” I yell, my eyes growing wide.

“Thank you, my parents taught me how to cook. Not everything has to be raw and bland in the sea,” Azul brags, pulling me closer to him with his tentacles. “Also, my name is Ursula, not Azul.”

“Who gives a damn if you can’t sing?! You could become the sea’s best chef with your skills!” I exclaim, swimming forward.

“I suppose I could. Besides, it would take a lot less effort than making deals with other mermaids in exchange for their talents,” Azul notes, looking at the weird wormy things on the floor. “I suppose I’ll have to release you all.”

The worms seem happy and wave from side to side quickly.

“Can you help me taste test my meals?” Azul asks, taking me to a bedroom of sorts.

“Sure!” I say, happy that this isn’t going like the other stories.

“Great! Just stay in this bedroom! You won’t even have to get up for anything!” Azul squeals, taking me to a purple bedroom with many seaweed pillows. “From now on, think of me as your personal caterer!”

Grim swims around while blankly staring. Though, Grim’s most likely asleep right now.

“I’ve come with our dinner! I call it Into the abyss of dreams! One bite, and you’ll be in dreamland!” Azul explains, opening up a tray and revealing a blue fish with a shine to its scales. “I cooked a dream fish. Hopefully, it’s to your tastes. I made it, especially for you, you know.”

I take a bite, and suddenly I start to feel sleepy.

“Azul…I think that name fits me.”

I wake up with my tail attached to a chain. Tentacles are holding every inch of my body.

“Morning, my pearl. I made breakfast for you a bit early. Hopefully, it’s not too cold,” Azul or Ursula says, putting a plate of shrimp in front of me.

"Ursula, what are you doing?!" I yell, trying to get out of his hold.

"No! Call me Azul like from before! I like that name!" Azul pleads, putting a shrimp in my mouth. "Azul feels more right."

I nearly gag from the spoon being pushed so far into my mouth, but I swallow the food. Grim is eating the tail of some large fish while Azul prepares another spoonful for me. I turn my head away.

"You don't like it?" Azul says sadly.

"Let me go!" I yell, tears starting to well in my eyes.

"You can't go, remember? You promised to be my taste tester for every meal. Your only job is to stay in this room, eat my lovely cooking, and give feedback."

"I never promised to stay in this room!"

"You're staying here! You get to be like a princess for the rest of your life! You can eat meals with me forever! What is so bad about me that you can't want to stay!"

"How about you kidnapping me?!"

"JUST EAT!"

Azul shoves a spoonful of shrimp in my mouth, and I nearly choke on it as they go down my throat unchewed. He opens another tray and forcefully feeds me a different meal. I barely have to breathe before he shoves another spoonful of food in my mouth.

~~~~~~~~

How many days has it been? A month? Forty-three days? Who knows? One thing I know is Azul has no intentions of letting me go. He only feeds me, showers me, and takes care of my basic needs. Of course, his favorite activity is doing my sometimes three times a day shower. He likes to see the food stains on my cheeks. But he really likes looking at my stomach as it grows from me not moving around and only eating. He says it's the sea's way of showing appreciation to him.

"Look at how big your stomach is from eating all my delicious food. I wish I could cram more down there," Azul says, rubbing a tentacle around my stomach.

I've tried everything. I vomited in the toilet after every meal. I haven't eaten for weeks. Somehow he still finds a way to make eating more and painfully make my stomach become bigger from eating all of his food. I hate him.

I hate when he keeps feeding me even when he says I'm full. I hate when my stomach feels like it's about to pop from eating too much.

"How about dessert after this? I found some coco beans in a ship nearby," Azul says, kissing my cheek.

He looks down at my chest, seeing the poorly fit bra shell.

"I'll get you a new one with the money I've earned. Everyone loves my cooking, just like you said," Azul coos, climbing into the tub with me. "I'll be back. I'm getting you a slice of cake to eat."

I silently stare at him like I always do, and Grim swims into the bathroom. He drops a key with an octopus design as its top into my hand, and I catch it, causing a rack to fall over.

"My darling pearl, what are you doing with that key?" Azul asks, walking back into the room.

"Going home," I hoarsely say, making a twisting motion with my wrist.

The world turns black, and I hear the water moving around me. I'm back to how I was before I met Azul, and Grim is back to his cat form. A figure appears, and I walk toward it, hoping it can help.

"Hey, help! I need help!" I yell, feeling the effects of not having my legs for a long time.

"My beautiful pearl, you haven't left me yet," Azul says, turning around to let me see his deformed body.

"Oh my God, Azul!" I yell, about to throw up.

Half of Azul is chubby the other half is skinny like he is in reality. He struggles to walk toward me as his body weight is uneven. A tentacle wraps around my ankle and tries to pull me into the blackness.

"Let go!" I scream, trying to pull my foot up.

Grim bites the tentacle, and it releases me. I take the chance to run away from Azul and head toward a purple light. I hear something on Azul shift into something slimy, and he chases after me.

"My pearl, wait! Don't leave me!" Azul pleads, chasing after me with his tentacles.

I halfway reach the light, but Azul's tentacles stop me. I've had enough of him.

"Leave me alone!" I scream, slapping Azul hard across the face.

All is silent, and then Azul bursts into tears that transform into pearls.

"Please don't go! I promise I'll feed you when you want it! I'll take off the chain more often! I'll invite you to my restaurant! I'll do anything for you! Please don't leave me alone as everyone else did!" Azul wails, getting on his knees and wrapping his arms and tentacles around my waist and legs. "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please don't leave me my pearl! I can't live without you!"

"Azul, let go!" I yell, trying to peel him off of me.

The purple light moves closer, and I put the octopus key in, letting me return to NRC.

"You aren't real. You don't get to terrorize me," I say before the light takes Grim and me back to the Mirror Chamber.

The coffin slams shut, but something tries to open it from the inside.

"Yuu, there you are. You've been gone for like 43 hours. Everyone was worried," Ace says, walking into the Mirror Chamber. "Are you ok? You look malnourished."

The coffin is forced open with tentacles peeking out.

"My pearl, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise! Please d-don't don't don't d-d-d-on't leave mmm-mme mmm-mem-me!" Azul pleads, glitching as the coffin slams shut again, cutting off part of his tentacles.

The coffin disappears into dust, and I look at the mirror.

...What the fuck was that?!

[askthebutch]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years, things are great and we got engaged. She's helped me grow and figure myself out and I did too, I met her before she came out to me as trans and I met her before I realized I was an intersex cis woman rather than nonbinary or trans, so we went through this discovery together and it helped us bond a lot. However, I've been terribly preoccupied with some things that she keeps reassuring me about but I just can't get over.

I have an eating disorder, hormonal issues and arfid, which make me fat and while I've been dieting (even dangerously) for my whole life, I never lost anything but my sanity. I started trying to recover by no longer counting calories and watching my diet obsessively, but now I'm gaining even more weight. This has been inhibiting my sexuality with her a lot. I'm not shy and I love myself a fat woman, and I like myself too now, but everytime we're intimate it feels like it's hard to navigate my body, to lift the fat up, to move me around, especially because she's way smaller than me. She doesn't mind doing any of that, but I get extremely insecure. She also has a great relationship with food and helps me do so too, we eat together, cook together, she doesn't think about her weight at all and doesn't care what she puts in her body as long as it's yummy. So it helps me a lot being around her but I've been terrified that my body shape and my constant struggles surrounding something that she finds enjoyable may make her develop an ED too or that she looks at me and starts thinking "I hope I never look that way". I know that trans people are more likely to develop EDs, and so it breaks my heart to think that my body or my habits or my fears could in any way condition her.

And she's not like that. In my heart, I know it. I talk to her about it a lot, and she reassures me, and I do my best to be positive and let her love me. But I can't actually feel at peace because I could never forgive myself if she ended up having body image issues because of me. She's the love of my life and I don't know how to manage this since I can't afford therapy, and I want to heal really badly for both of our sake, but I also want to still enjoy our intimacy without feeling like it's wrong for me to be touched by someone when I'm like this. And I want her to feel free to enjoy sex with me without constantly being told "please don't touch me".

I'm sorry if this is complicated and a lot to throw on a stranger but I guess since I don't really have friends I didn't want to keep it all in. Thank you

K so first of all, weight is controlled first and foremost by genetics and hormones and not by our habits. Like. Unless you're eating a sheet cake for breakfast, you're not part of the problem.

And just as a thing to know, if your partner has naturally high testosterone levels, then her body just doesn't hold on to fat as much as someone with more estrogen. Like. However much you think hormones affect your weight, go ahead and multiply it by about 7. It's a huge factor.

Second, it might help to think about your sexual limitations just in terms of accessibility. There's shit I can't do because of my body's limits and there's shit my wife can't do because of hers. And the adaptations and modifications we make to accommodate our body's limitations just enhance our sex life. Cause we're comfortable! So sometimes we use toys, sometimes we use pillows or sex furniture, or harnesses. Sometimes sex for us is just masturbating together! I think you've got to meet your body where she's at. And tell your partner what you're feeling. Exploring new methods of intimacy is scary but also can be really fun.

Also I'm your friend now no takesies backsies we're gonna have a secret handshake.

[walkawaytall]

I’m hardly the first person to make this observation, but I’ve been pretty solidly plus-sized for like three years or so due to a crazy amount of mystery weight gain that a lot of my doctors want to chalk up to the “COVID 20” or whatever, which is insanely annoying since for me it’s closer to the COVID 50 even though my habits didn’t change that drastically and also it happened in weird spurts of very rapid weight gain with a few plateaus but whatever. The point is I’ve been plus-sized but I haven’t always been plus-sized so I have perspective from both sides of the size spectrum or whatever and…

Why…why can’t I just find basics easily? Why is it every time someone says, “Oh, this store has plus sizes!” nearly every item is a loud-ass print that’s seems like it’s meant to distract and confuse people so they won’t have to focus on my size or the items are cut so poorly I will not want to wear them? Why are things cut so short-waisted and boxy??? I have a large chest and a long torso, which didn’t magically change just because I gained weight, and I feel like everything is cut boxy so I either have to size up for length, which makes everything feel even more shapeless, or if the store has Tall options (incredibly rare), I’ll order the Tall sizes despite the fact that I’m 5’6”.

None of my jeans fit. None of them. If they fit in the waist, they will be baggy everywhere else because I do tend to gain in my waist. But…like…a lot of women gain in their waists. Why will no jeans fit? I have on jeans right now that are supposed to be skinny cut and not a single person on this planet would think they were anything other than slightly baggy straight-legged jeans. And these aren’t cheap jeans. I often buy Madewell and, more recently, I bought a pair from Talbots.

And there is just so much animal print??? I remember a few years ago when I was first starting to look for plus-sized clothing, like every color option was black or leopard print. Once time, I grabbed some garment thinking it was going to be a solid color, and there was a leopard print racing stripe down the side. Why…why can’t I just get like a pretty green or burgundy or blue shirt with no crazy pattern that isn’t cut as if I’m trying to suffocate myself in cloth? Like, I’m not even looking for revealing clothing or overly tight clothing; I just don’t want to look like I’m trying to dress entirely shapelessly? I historically like swing dresses or A-line dresses and boatneck tshirts and skinny jeans or boyfriend jeans and I feel like my options without dipping into loud prints or just dressing in black every day are extremely limited.

(I know I keep railing against loud prints. Here’s the thing: I occasionally go for a loud print. And if that’s all you love, I think you should wear them every day. But it is insane that I can find like ten color options in straight sizes and then if I hop over to plus sizes, my options are black, leopard print, and some very large floral prints. It very much comes across as, “We need to distract from their bodies with these giant flowers!” when maybe I just want to wear a plain purple shirt occasionally. Or tiny floral print. Or checks. Or stripes. Or anything that doesn’t lean into some “big and brassy” stereotype.)

Anyway, I have a couple of stores where I can usually find some things, but flattering basics have been incredibly difficult. Like, it has already been hard given my past body image issues, past eating disorder, and just getting used to what my body currently feels like, but I’m then routinely presented with this issue of wanting to look and feel like I care about my clothing a little, but mainly having options that make me look entirely frumpy or so loud that I don’t feel like myself.

[thatdayindecember]

Idk when next part will be posted but I have to complain for a sec and this is the only place where i can do so bc it's about my body

I gained a lot of weight before I was pregnant. It was necessary ofc. Without that weight, I probs wouldn't have gotten pregnant. But while I was pregnant, I gained a loooot more. Obviously gaining is normal and necessary while pregnant, but I gained more.

And it shows. I lost the actual pregnancy weight (baby, amniotic fluid yk) and then I lost some more in the first few weeks. I had a very low appetite after giving birth. But then my appetite came back. And so did the weight.

I lost did my makeup for the first time again and so I spent quite some time before the mirror. And I cried. I didn't realize how big I got. I knew my weight already ofc but I hadn't realized and seen how I look now.

It shouldn't matter. I have a perfect little baby. My body did that. This body was his home for 9 months. It still is. He doesn't care. He just knows this body is mom and mom is all he needs.

I hoped this wouldn't happen, I hoped the gratitude for this little miracle, would overrule my body image issues. But it doesn't.

Ofc I'm immensely grateful. And ofc the weight gain was and is worth it.

But I hate it. I hate my body. I don't want to look like this. I'm disgusted by myself.

I can't relapse. I have a baby depending on me. I have to be healthy. But feeling like this... idk if I can handle this. And I don't know how to not feel like this