#I had to clean a pond at the weekend and had less time than I would have liked to organise my polls for the next week

[sebastianstansqueen]

Lost In The Shadows: Part Six

A/N: Hey, it's been a hot minute sorry, writers block is a bitch ,and makes me have no energy to post. If you want to be Tagged, either send an ask or comment on this or click on Taglist open.

Wordcount: 1,241

Warnings: Angst, reader's ex, reader putting up more walls again, if I forgot anything let me know please!

Masterlist // Series Masterlist // Taglist open// 

Tags: @cherryblossomsky- - @babylooneytoonz - @wonderlandfandomkingdom - @miraclesoflove - @amelia-song-pond - @leyannrae - @avengerlex - @pineprincess - @nik2write - @dorothea-hwldr - @rosie-posie08 - @scxrletrecsmarvel - @sebsgirl71479 - @missvelvetsstuff - @hadesownhell - @casa-boiardi - @winterslove1917 - @hallecarey1 - @ash-craze - @barnesxstan - @unaxv - @bethexo07 - @itsmytimetoodream -

Bucky by this point was almost done with the car, besides that he had nothing to do-and that was making him feel antsy-what wasn’t helping that feeling was Y/n, and how she seemed to be avoiding him. He sat in the kitchen just as someone brought the mail, placing it on the counter near him. “There you go, Mr. Barnes.” The woman said.

“Thank you.” He said it quieter than intended, he skimmed through the envelopes that they had received, one in particular stuck out, with his mothers cursive writing on the front of the clean white envelope. When opening it he saw it was an invitation to a family party, his lips pierced thinking about telling Y/n, and as if right on time the front door opened, as she walked into the kitchen Bucky’s eyes followed her he took note of the red splotches on her clothes and the same obvious substance covered her hands.“Um, my Mother has invited us to a family party this weekend.” He, like usual, was the one to break the thick atmosphere around both of them.

“Uh, yeah let me know what the standard is and I’ll get something to wear.” She told him as she grabbed a water from the fridge, before walking out of the room. 

Y/n made her way towards the bedroom. She sat on the bed, today had been more stressful than she needed, that morning she had to head out to the docs to handle a rat. Y/n didn’t bother with cleaning herself off at the moment, she looked down at the glass bottle of water that was now covered in blood from her hands. Then a knock on the door broke her out of the thought, she called out to the other person to come in. “Mrs. Car-Barnes.” The woman corrected. “Someone’s on the phone for your father.” Alice, an in house worker informed her. Y/n nodded, but a confused look masked her face; her father died a year after her second marriage and anyone who knows him knew so why would someone be requesting to speak with him. 

Alice led her to the office doors before disappearing, Y/n made her way into the office, before picking up the phone that was connected to a landline. “Hello, this is Mr. Carter's daughter. How can I help you?” She spoke in a very professional voice assuming this was possibly an old business partner. 

“Y/n?” His voice sounded slightly different now a gasp left past her lips as tears began to fill her eyes. “Y/n, where’s your dad?” 

“Wayne? I-I thought you were dead.” She almost sobbed, in real time she didn’t understand what was happening. How is he alive? 

“Yeah Y/n, what’s going on, where's your uh dad or Henry?” He asked, his voice sounding shaky. 

“W-why would you want to talk to them?” She asked her brows furrowing as tears descended down her cheeks. 

“Y/n, you know what we should do?” Wayne said changing the topic quickly, almost giving her whiplash. 

“What?” She asked, his tone did a one eighty, now it seemed cherry, less, shaky and unnerving, she leaned in the chair trying to process everything.

“I should come see you explain what happened in person, and stuff.” He shortly explained.

“Wayne, I don’t think that’s a great idea, I just  got remarried.” She sighs into the phone, Wayne, was her first husband, and she wanted an explanation now not when he gets here.

“That’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow or something, have a driver pick me up, at the airport.” He said before hanging up, something was up with him and Y/n didn’t know if she wanted to know. She sat back in the large leather chair stunned, this whole thing gave Y/n a bad feeling, she stared at the door in thought to grovel over what Wayne had said, his voice didn’t sound the same, but hay neither did her’s, she shook her head unsure of him coming over now, let alone with the party James had informed her about. 

Y/n got washed up before heading downstairs to grab dinner, as she did she knew she would have to tell James about Wayne coming-more like inviting himself-over. “James.” She said from the doorway of the dining room. He looked up at her with furrowed brows. “I-um a guest is coming tomorrow, I wanted to let you know before they just appeared, here, especially if I’m at work.”

“Who is it, Family?” Bucky guessed they were usually surrounded by themselves and the people who worked for Y/n or who worked around the house like cleaners and cooks.

“An old friend, from a while ago.” Was her only explanation, the way she was talking to him was different at the moment, it wasn’t as professional or had been chosen words, it was like she didn’t expect any of this. 

Bucky could tell something was off about her demeanor. “Y/n, is something wrong?” He asked as he leaned over slightly. 

Y/n’s face shifted to one with slight eyebrows furrowed but her jaw clenched. “Nothings wrong, why would anything be wrong?” She asked after taking a drink of wine. “If something was wrong with my friend coming I would have told you that.” 

“I know you would. You just seem on edge at the moment, plus you were also covered in blood. You know I know all about what can happen if shit goes wrong, so if somethings wrong you can tell me.” Bucky offered an olive branch to Y/n for her to be able to go to him. 

Y/n shook her head with a scoff. “Tell you anything, yeah sure, okay, I think I'm going to bed.” She stood up and started heading towards the exit of the room.

Bucky tried explaining to Y/n what he actually meant, but she wouldn’t hear any of it. Just storming away, but Bucky wasn’t done tonight because he was irritated now. “I’m sick of this!” He yelled, making Y/n stop at the top of the stairwell. “All  you do is ignore me, while you are the only person I can actually interact with, and you ignore me. Y/n, why the hell did you get married to me if you wanted nothing to do with me?” 

“This better not be about fucking sex.” She huffs at the top of the stairs looking down at him with a scowl. 

“It’s not about just that, you don't even actually talk to me, Y/n, I know nothing about you!” Bucky yells in frustration more than actual anger, he calms down again. “I feel like you don’t care or even want this to work.” 

Y/n marched down ignoring the last part of what he said. “What the fuck do you want to know?” She hissed, taking steps up to him with anger. “Huh, that I’ve been married three times now, and that my second husband and my father were both abusive pieces of shit! Is that what you wanna know because we can go down that fucking road Barnes!” Her face was beat read every inch of her was ridged with anger as she stood up facing him. Then she sighs, putting her hands to her face. “Fuck!”She yells, before leaving Bucky alone in silence, before going back up to the room.

[maura-alwyne-blog]

It is just after 08:00 on Saturday as I begin this post and I already have burnt most of my day's pile of brush. That's good because it was already 75F/24C when I came out before sunrise and looking at 91F/33C today plus high humidity.

I learned last weekend while mowing that my mower has a transmission failing–yes it has two one on each drive wheel and they are hermetically sealed so disposable 🤬; it shows the most if I am trying to mow the ditch, not as much on the flat yard.

I am looking into a compact tractor that has a small loader bucket as I need one to finish cleaning up the yard, putting in a new driveway, clearing out some of the old guest house to a rolloff dumpster, dig up stumps, and eventually to dig a pond/swimming hole. Now I could rent a loader each time but that is $1,000 a week each time between rent, delivery, and pick-up so $4k to $5k depending on how long it takes to put the driveway in correctly. A new zero turn that is commercial grade starts at $8k so I may as well buy what I need and always have it. Bonus is it pretty much identical to one I used at my former job–the joys of manager/supervisor you fill in when someone else is out.

The one I am getting comes with a mower deck too and I already have several accessories that it can use like a ground roller, spreader, dump wagon. Our local chain (Rural King) shows financing available, but I decided to discuss it with my credit union ahead of time to hopefully get a better rate. They said they can finance the tractor, probably 10% interest not sure of the term though. Easiest way would be a personal loan, but all the big personal loans while I was married were in Once Wife’s name.

Like most women post divorce I really have no credit history to speak of, and it is somewhat haunting me. Ironically I have a great credit score, but no proof of being able to pay off a loan that size independently. I don’t like the term “the patriarchy” but I can see where our society has some major issues. I ran into issues returning to the workforce after taking four years off to care for Buttercup. It was a nightmare of paperwork to take Once Wife’s name off of my car title–her car a dealer forged my signature to trade it in…no joke, they just had someone sign my name to a legally binding document. Yet taking her name off my deed was insanely easy–seriously we need some heavy duty rules put on that one. It was harder to title my truck after buying it from a dead guy than to swap the deed on my house, figure that one out. Getting her name off my water bill was a pain and I still can’t get Waste Management to take her name off my trash bill.

Many people say divorce is too easy. Personally I think it needs to be easy as too many of us are abused in our relationships be it mentally, financially, or physically, and the option out should be easy, but even in a no fault state, with no kids at home, and all assets and debts divided, we still had to both be present before a judge to have the divorce certified. I can’t fathom how that would work in a situation where it is a danger to be in the same room together. In the end the people who say divorce is too easy have never had to deal with the legal mess that comes after. You can’t just present your divorce papers to take your former spouse off titles and deeds, you have to have their signature and notary stamps, and potentially another set of down payments if your collateral has less value than your loan is for. I’m lucky in that I still get along with Once Wife, most are not so lucky.

So later today I will be talking to Rural King about a loader I need but a payment plan I’d rather avoid…Well I come back to this and it is later, interest is lower than the credit union quoted, payments over seven years aren’t too bad either. Will learn more about this Monday and how it will be delivered via a local towing company as it weighs more than my trailer can haul.

Friday evening I stopped by a local bar-b-que place that I have not been to in many years as I was unaware they had a place not far from where I shop. Food was as great as I remembered, but there was another patron across from me with the same notification sound I used for Jobe. I did not dive for my phone, nor did I get totally filled with anxiety as I was having happen at the end of our relationship. It did open some regrets but they were focused on regretting believing her lies…lots, and lots of lies. I’d be lying if I didn’t say there was a level of anxiety hearing the sound, but baby steps toward recovery is what I have to work with.

Got a new thermometer for my smoker. I have a 30 plus year old Brinkman smoker…essentially a very big tin can. I bought an electric element for it years ago so I don’t have to constantly feed it charcoal, but at my last house the electric service was 103 volts not 110 volts so not sure if the element is weak or the thermometer is a mess…both? I know that the voltage issue is a big factor and I do know the factory thermometer was a joke from day one, so pop a new thermometer in, plug in the super heavy duty extension cord and see what happens with it empty–it needs to burn out as it has been years since it was used last. I need to make it a new jacket as the last one got torn up by mice, upside I traced it out so I have a pattern. I kind of miss smoked roast beef etc. If I can get this going it beats the cost of a new one.

The level of depression is starting to lessen, but I do have a fear of how things will go soon as the depression has been at its worst when I come home from work in the dark…and that is not long from now. I have several friends online that have said I can reach out if I need to, which is good as I have no true friends in real life, but I don’t want to burn bridges either. One online friend doesn’t live too far away and we have met before so maybe with some more cleaning around here I can have them by.

I have submitted two articles at Ordinary-Times one has gone up the other is in the to be used pile, and a third is nearly done. I have been rereading Solitary Nonconfinement a manuscript of mine that if I remember correctly is nearly done. Rereads for me are a chance to catch typos, wrong word intent, and “what was I trying to say?” I actually started this one seven years ago, but Once Wife had a habit of interrupting when I would try to write. Beyond that is another novel that actually is done but has sat fallow long enough a reread is needed before I track down an editor. Solitary Nonconfinement may go live once it is done as it is a series of journal entries covering a year’s time so if I leave it as is it would be as written.

In interesting facts news; I learned Sunday morning that when a US submarine is lost it is listed as “On Eternal Patrol.” A sub is on patrol until it returns to port, thus eternal patrol. Every Christmas the Navy sends open coms messages to those ships. There are 52 of them on eternal patrol at this time.

I guess for now that is all.

Maura out

[hauntingthechateau]

Monday November 6th

rain, clouds, high of 14

I've got a new routine! Get up, great dressed, head to studio, have tea at studio and do my journaling over tea. Much better. Its easier to write when I'm not falling asleep and it uses that awkward hour in the morning when I'm ready before breakfast.

Had a great breakfast (with Dusty, of course). And then took me second tea of the morning for a walk around the property. It's been raining on and off but there was a perfect lull and the temperature is quite nice for a hat and jacket. I met the chickens and goat and sheep and saw the swimming pond as well as the reservoir and some swans and ducks and a maybe a muskrat? Some sort of cute rodent having a lazy little float. sat on the bridge with the best view of the Chateau and finished my tea.

Headed to the studios and got to work! Finished a layer on a painting around noon and then had a great one on one with Beulah (the director of the Residency). We had a great talk about what I want to get out of the residency and my time here, my background and what I'm planning on working on. I think it kind of sunk in then that I was going to get even more out of this residency than I thought... It's a lot more hands on and involved and committed to helping artists grow and giving them resources. I mentioned wanting some more storage for my studio and within minutes Ziggy (the co-director) appeared with a couple matching antique corner units. I cleaned them up and then filled them with supplies and my studio is looking both more organized and less empty.

Realized today that 12pm lunch doesn't mean I need to EAT the lunch at 12 pm, just means it's SERVED at 12pm. Apparently it's not put away until around 1:30/2 but even then it just goes in the fridge. SO I had lunch today around 1:30 which made the 7pm dinner easier ��.

Didn't do a lot of painting today, but feel really good about what I accomplished and I'm getting really excited for next steps. Headed up to the Chateau around 6:30 and was assault by the smell of roasting sausages. Tortured ourselves by talking until dinner was ready while drooling from the smell. Dinner was Chef Marie's first meal back after the weekend and we were treated right! Sausages (full of garlic and herbs and so rich and succulent), the most flavourful french lentils I've ever had, brussels sprouts, chicken caesar salad and fresh baked bacon and cheddar biscuits. Dessert was a molten lava cake that was divine. I had mine with creme anglais and a heavy red wine that complimented the rich semi sweet cake perfectly.

I didn't stay too long after dinner, even though the conversations are good, I find the dining room gets so hot and loud that my ears are ringing by the time I get home.

Now that I'm not journaling at night, I really have time to read. I'm reading Babel right now and its GREAT, but its hard reading such a stressful book before bed, it really gets my heart pumping. Its due in a few days and its sooooooo long, but I've got to power through and finish it so I can return it to the library.

Headed to bed and was out for the night.

[onewithnomightypowers]

Old Habits

pairing: Tom Holland x fem!reader

summary: Old habits come back when you meet an ex lover after a long time. Conversations feel like you never stopped talking to them. Sometimes you have to see them one last time to say goodbye like you mean it but most of the time it doesn’t go as planned.

warning: drinking

words: 2.1k

a/n: could be read as part 2 of last kiss but is a stand alone. got a bit poetic at the end. hope you guys like it. and as always, love reading your opinions/reactions. also asks are open. (gif not mine)

masterlist 

'@tomholland2013 posted a story'

'@tomholland2013 posted a story'

 She picked up her phone to open Instagram. Yes, Y/N still had notifications on for his account even after they were broken up for months. Classic Tom. 

 He posted two of the same picture on his story. No one understood how that would happen almost every time, not even the people working at Instagram to whom they contacted about the glitch.

 Tom had his hair slicked back, standing in a white t-shirt next to Harry, his brother, giving a million-dollar smile. They were holding a clapperboard together. There was text on the picture too, 'day 1 let's go!!' She smiled to herself. Just because they weren't together doesn't mean that she wasn't allowed to feel happy for his achievements. Even though she wishes to know all these big things from Tom himself she is, unfortunately, left here, watching a small part of his life flash in front of her for less than thirty seconds.

 "Are you listening?" Hope, Y/N's date said.

 "Yeah, I'm sorry. You were saying?" Y/N placed the phone back where it was resting, next to the cold wine bottle.

 "You seem distant," they said.

 When she 'met' Hope (she only really met them 30 minutes ago), Y/N wasn't looking for love, just sex, and that is what online dating specializes in. She hoped Hope knew what they were signing up for, sexual intimacy and nothing else.

 "It doesn't matter does, does it? We both know what we are here for. Why not just cut the chase," Y/N replied.

--

It was early in the morning, the sun had yet to shine in its full glory. Y/N could only think of the first time she stayed over at Tom's old apartment but then she turned her head only to find Hope's naked body next to her. Her heartbeat accelerated with the realization that he was not hers anymore. Being in a foreign environment didn't help her growing anxiety, twisting and turning her intestines.

 It's been four months, her feelings for Tom refuse to quit on her because she knows she could never quit on them, on him, even if he has. He probably has already found someone else in Canada, she thought. She didn't want him anymore but she still needed him, one last time just to teach her stupid heart how to say goodbye.

 Y/N wore her clothes and picked up her shoes, going on a trail to find Hope's door to get out before they wake up. Climbing down the stairs, she took out her phone from the back pocket of her jeans.

 '5 new messages from Sam' 7 hours ago

Sam: hey

Sam: ik it's late

Sam: I am going for a run tmr morning @6

Sam: do you wanna come?

Sam: will go to the new coffee house near my house after that

 Y/N texted him back

Y/N: I'll meet you at the coffee place

Sam: come fast. already here

--

Sam and Y/N were standing in the queue to place their orders. “You look especially shitty today,” Sam said, running his right hand through his sweaty hair.

“I haven’t been home yet,” Y/N reasoned her appearance.

 His mouth formed an ‘o’ shape. The person in front of them left the queue, they moved towards the counter. “One hazelnut latte, double shot with skimmed milk,” Y/N gave her order.

 “And you?” the cashier’s question directed to Sam.

 “I’ll have a matcha latte with oat milk”

 Sam turned to Y/N, “Harrison got me on matcha, and now I can’t go back to coffee”

 They paid their dues and moved over to the barista counter to collect their order.

 “So, what were you doing last night?” Sam inquired.

 “I was on a date, it isn't a big deal though. Just had some needs to take care of”

 “Oh, was it any good?”

 “It was fine. I was distracted the whole time. Saw Tom’s story about halfway into the bottle of merlot. Couldn’t stop thinking about him”

 “Seems…sad. But you know Tom is coming back for the Christmas weekend, I think. He might attend Harrison’s Christmas eve party”

 “One hazelnut latte and one matcha latte,” someone behind the counter screamed.

 “That’s us,” Sam raised his voice.

--

Harrison had a bucket inside his house, under a sign that said 'drop your tracking devices here' with an arrow pointing to the bucket. Y/N dropped her phone on a pile of roughly fourteen others. Debating whether to see Tom's face was something she wanted or not made her late and not very fashionably.

 The house was decorated with empty liquor bottles along with red and green streamers from one wall to another. Everyone was drunk in their best dress. There were no signs of Tom yet. Y/N took a deep breath, walking towards the kitchen to get herself some liquid courage to help her socialize.

 The kitchen was rather scarcely populated. Empty glasses were lined up next to the sink. Are they clean or used? Bending down, Y/N opened the refrigerator to see if Harrison had any chilled wine. No luck. "Hey," a familiar voice was heard.

 She looked up at the familiar stranger.

 "Hey Tom," she smiled. The refrigerator light falling on Y/N made her blush visible.

She grabbed a half-cut lemon placed in the egg tray.

 “How have you been?" Tom asked leaning back on the kitchen counter, observing her movements.

 Y/N walked towards the sink to grab herself a crystal glass hoping for it to be clean. "Just busy with work these days"

 "I heard you got a job at Condé Nast, is that true?" he took a sip from his beer.

 "Well, you heard right. You are looking at their new senior brand manager for digital", she said proudly.

 Tom hugged her from the side she was holding a knife to cut the lemon for her gin and tonic. "That's great darling! You always wanted to work there"

 Darling. The butterflies in her stomach were fluttering like the first time she met Tom.

 "I saw your story the other day. You started filming your script, right?" she dropped the lemon in the glass.  

 "Yup, it was a long time coming," he grabbed the knife she was using and washed it without even knowing. He was so used to Y/N never washing utensils after using them and, he would always have to clean up after her.

 "Congrats on that babe!" The word 'babe' just slipped out of practice.

 Y/N grabbed a Bombay Sapphire standing still on the marble slab. The blue of the bottle shinning even in the dim-lit room.

 "I missed you," Y/N made eye contact, screwing the cap back on. A long, silent pause.

 I miss you too, so very much

 She cleared her throat, "so, how long are you staying?"

 "Going back Monday morning"

 She opened a can of tonic water.

 "Are you seeing someone?" Tom asked.

 "Wouldn't you wanna know" a smirk on her face grew. "I've been out on few dates, nothing serious. What about you?"

 "Met this girl online, dated for a bit but, she wanted something I couldn't give to her"

 Y/N scoffed, "did she have a foot fetish or something?"

 "No, Y/N. She wanted love, not my feet" they both laughed.

 "On that topic..." Tom calmed himself, "...I was listening to this song a few weeks ago and, there was this line, 'the smell of your hair reminds me of her feet' and it made me think of you"

 "I reckon," she took a sip of her gin and tonic.

 "No, seriously, I really related to that line. No matter how many people I hook up with, it will be hard to find the type of intimacy I shared with you. I still relate to it"

 "I hate going on walks alone and having faceless dreams," Y/N blurted, lacking a proper reaction.

 "You're still the face of all my fantasies," Tom confessed.

 None of them knew what to say next. Anything they thought of saying now included walking over the blurry line of exes to lovers.

 "You look pretty"

 "Classic me, had a glow up after getting my heartbroken"

 "You always looked this pretty. You are beautiful," Tom assured her. The 'heartbroken part did not sit well with him. He already felt guilty for taking a job across the pond which was a great opportunity for him to grow but was only possible by severing his ties with Y/N.  

 --

It had just started snowing on Boxing Day. Tom was alone in his cold home, boiling a pot of ramen noodles. He took out his phone and snapped a picture of the burning stove with the pot on top.

Tom: *attached photo*

Tom: I come back after months and my family leaves me alone with no food

Y/N: you should add a poached egg

Tom: Thanks. I shall.

Tom: I think I made too much ramen for me

Tom: do you wanna come over and share?

 Her indecision was visible by the coming and going of the gray dots. Then finally, Tom could tame his anxiety by her simple reply.

 Y/N: sure.

--

There was a loud knock on the door. Tom put two bowls of hot ramen on the dining table and went to open the door. Behind the door, Y/N was standing with her hands inside her brown checker coat. There was dust of snow sitting on her shoulders. Her braided hair was made by the most anxious hands in town.

 The door opened and, Tom’s hands flew to take Y/N in his arms. They hugged like little kids hug their parents after being away from each other, for them, an eternity. It did feel like an eternity to them too but, they hadn’t forgotten each other’s touch.

 “I parked my car at the church, couldn’t find any spot here ‘cause of the snow," she pulled out.

 “The snow seems to be gaining momentum.”

 Y/N hummed in agreement. She took off her coat and hung it in the Holland’s coat closet.

 “Come on, the ramen is getting cold,” she followed tom into the kitchen.

 They sat adjacent on the wooden table in comfortable silence. Tom used chopsticks and, Y/N used a fork. Only the occasional noodles falling in the broth were heard, along with the gushing of wind.

 “It’s really spicy for me,” Tom said.

 “Yeah, I can see your ears turning red.”

She still remembers 

 Y/N raised her hand to cover her mouth while yawning.

 “Since you made the food, I’ll do the dishes,” she got up, grabbed their bowls, and walked over to the sink.

 Wearing the gloves, she turned to Tom, “it was quite tasty”.

 Tom gave her a smile.

 She spread the soap on the dishes and turned the tap on. Tom pushed his chair back to get up.

 “Have you made any friends at your new job,” he jumped and sat on the counter next to Y/N.

 “Yeah, sort of. Kyara works there too so, I have just made her friends my friends,” she washed his chopsticks.

 “That’s good. Have you talked to Emily after the wedding? She told me they are planning on adopting.”

 “They invited me over for dinner when they got the approval from the agency. Kyara made this amazing Hyderabadi biryani, it was her mum’s recipe so, it was obviously better than the restaurant”

 “God! You and your love for Indian food”

 Y/N removed her gloves, “I should go. Thanks for the ramen, by the way”

 “Are you sure you can go out in this weather?”

 “Yeah I think," she started walking out of the kitchen.

 Tom grabbed her hand. “Stay”, his voice was like cotton.

 Y/N turned and made contact with his pleading eyes. She moved closer to him. “Please”, he said. They both were inching in to lock their desperate lips.

--

Y/N did not notice when she had fallen asleep talking to Tom. Their naked bodies were covered by the white comforter. Her eyes slowly opened to a boy with brown eyes and messy hair looking at her.

 “I like it when you sleep. I love watching you sleep”

 She chuckled. “That’s a bit creepy, don’t you think?” She had a sleepy voice.

 “You look so serene, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I could stare at you for eons”

 “But love, I'm only here till the snow settles,” she caressed his cheeks.

“Then the cold shall frost our limbs," he leaned in to kiss her.

tags: @elios-timotea​

[talkfastromance4]

/clementine/part 3: Ashton Irwin

Thank you all so so much for giving this new series a chance!🧡It will probably be structured like my Luke&Lily series where I’ll have open discussions about this family with little blurbs and then some one shots like these. Catch up below and please tell me what you think! Much love🧡

Part 1 // Part 2

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: sweet moments, mentions of pregnancy

Masterlist

•••••

Preparation for the baby began minutes after Y/N and Ashton celebrated the happy news in their garden and after many photos that Ashton took. He had her pose in the swing then sit on the edge of the pond so the vases could be seen behind her. She thought his excitement was so wholesome it wasn’t hard for her to have a genuine smile as he had her hold one of the vases. When he stuck a small orange flower in her hair she used that opportunity to give him a quick kiss.

“I’m so happy you’re happy,” she whispers.

“I’m over the moon,” he grins, eyes twinkling like stars. “Can I ask why you chose the colors orange and green?”

“Uhh…well. I really love your album and it’s like…” she touches her belly lightly, “this baby is our own superbloom.”

More kissing ensued then Ashton was rattling off paint ideas and how the room next to theirs would be the perfect nursery once he finally cleaned out the leftover packing boxes and some of his things he shifted there to make room for her stuff.

He began sketching the nursery right away but kept his drawings away from her until he could color them in, so she’d have the perfect visual of what he saw in his mind’s eye.

Later that night while they were getting ready for bed, after he checked the locks and security cameras he found her in their bathroom with her shirt yanked up to her breasts and her shorts pulled down a little staring at her reflection. She twisted every which way, a glowing smile present. He’s only known for a few hours and she’s already glowing.

It’s not until he shifts his focus from her face to what she was looking at, a small round bump. Ashton becomes transfixed as he admires her and the life that is very apparent growing within her.

“Do you see this?!” she squeals finally turning around to face him.

“I do see, and it’s incredible, angel,” he smiles moving behind her. He places his own hands over the small roundness of her belly then turns them towards the mirror. “You’re so beautiful.”

He rubs her stomach, fingers tickling her skin until she’s sighing against him. “You’re sure you’re happy?”

“I’m beyond happy, angel.” Then he frowns spinning her around so she’s facing him. He turns her chin up. “Why do you keep asking if I’m happy?”

“Because this wasn’t planned, and I don’t want you to feel stuck with me or something…” she shrugs, eyes lowering in shame.

“You can get that out of your head right now,” he cups her cheeks forcing her to look at him. “Remember when I told you there’s no downside to us not using protection? I meant it. Yes, we absolutely should have used protection, but this isn’t a bad thing, yeah? I’m so happy we’re having a baby.”

He kisses her forehead then her lips once, twice, three times. His hazel eyes search her face for more signs of doubt, but he sees the resolve appear.

“Okay, you’re right,” she sighs. “I’m overthinking it. I’m happy too.”

***

As months go on and Ashton continues to clean out the soon-to-be nursery, Y/N’s showing more and more. Their friends and family were ecstatic about the news of their bundle of joy that would be making their arrival in the middle of June.

Ashton has been more than happy being her support as her body continued to change. He made sure she had plenty of fluids, taking all the necessary prenatal vitamins, gave her the best herbal teas and didn’t mind running to the store for her odd cravings. For a straight week all she wanted was an apple and chicken sandwich.

The holidays went by and Y/N had a constant glow about her that radiated to everyone in proximity. Even through her migraines, nausea, back pain and heartburn, she was still extremely happy to be pregnant.

Mornings are spent by Ashton speaking to the baby while he rubs her belly. He and the boys have started working on the nursery and at nighttime Ashton has set up a little woodshop in the garage where he’s making the crib. He wants it to be circular and painted a light green.

She enjoys watching him work, loving the way his muscles ripple and flex, his sweat making his tattoos shine. Her raging hormones were also very apparent and fired at all times. Once, when Ashton came home he saw her crying on the couch because she had a really good sex dream and was very upset when she woke up. As of late, their best position is from behind while laying on their sides, fingers interlocked and Ashton’s lips on her neck. Because of her heightened arousal, her orgasms happened very quickly.

She’s eight months along now, both her and baby are extremely healthy. Her baby shower (that Ashton insisted on attending) is this weekend in their backyard, but the girls wouldn’t let them lift a finger.

They’re sitting out in the garden now watching the fish swim around lazily as dragonflies kiss the top of the sparkling water. The garden has expanded even more with overflowing green ferned plants and a small bird bath.

“I was thinking of having pork chops for dinner tomorrow and don’t forget we have a doctor appointment on Friday,” she tells him while playing with his fingers. They have more callouses now from all of his woodshop making, the crib is finished and drying in the garage. She looks over at him to see he’s staring off into the distance. “Ash?”

“Hm?”

“What are you thinking about so hard?” she taps her fingers delicately on his temple.

“I’m thinking about the night we met,” he sighs bringing his other hand to cradle her belly. “Do you remember?”

“Of course, I remember. Why are you thinking about that?”

“I had a thought that night and it popped in my head just now,” his fingers create soothing circles on her stomach.

“What thought?”

Ashton ignores the question and starts telling the story of the night they met fifteen months ago.

They were strangers then, both of them agreeing to a speed dating night but there was a twist, it was held in the dark. The waiters wore night vision glasses and walked the daters to their tables, fate had Ashton and Y/N be at the same table.

“They really took ‘blind dating’ literally, huh?” she laughed nervously trying to break the tension. She’s only been on less than a handful of blind dates but this one takes the cake.

“Yeah, I get the concept, but I wish I could see you,” he complimented. Her teasing piqued his interest immediately, she sounded feisty but also clever. “You sound pretty.”

“Yeah? How does pretty sound?” she giggled.

“Just like that,” he pointed then placed his finger down since she couldn’t see it. “Your personality is in your voice. You’re funny and witty and your giggle is just adorable.”

“Well, thank you,” she said feeling her face warm up. “You have a nice voice too.”

“I’m Ashton.”

“Nice to meet you, Ashton, I’m Y/N.”

The evening continued with more laughter as they tried to eat their food in the dark. It took them forever to find their forks and couldn’t stop laughing as they patted the table trying to find a knife.

“Maybe we don’t need one?” he asked.

“But it’s chicken! I don’t want to pick it up with my fingers, we aren’t in the stone ages.”

“Maybe it’s already cut?”

“You test it first.”

She listened as his fork stabbed onto the plate, then it clattered while he yelped in surprise.

“Did it bite you?” she laughed.

“No, it’s just very hot! Be careful.”

When the date has ended with a chocolate mint, the host of the blind dating soirée thanked everyone for participating and said if you’d like to meet your date face to face then take the door on the left, if not then come out the way you came. Ashton and Y/N’s nerves heightened, would the other walk through the left door or leave?

She followed the waiter to the left, hoping Ashton did the same. They had nametags on so it would be easy to find your date if you chose to meet them afterwards. She blinked a few times when the light from the streetlamps met her eyes and standing below a hanging flower basket filled with orange flowers was Ashton.

He smiled at her as she approached, her arms crossed over her chest as a slight breeze drifted through the street.

“Nice to put a face to the name,” he said.

Attraction was immediate and after a few minutes of chatting he asked if she’d like to get a coffee down the block. She accepted and told her friend she’d see her later. Her friend was going to a movie with the girl she had dinner with, and they were already holding hands. Y/N smiled that they hit it off right away.

Ashton and Y/N stayed at the coffee shop until it closed, neither of them wanted the night to end so he invited her back to his place. Normally she would never do that on a first date, but the way she and Ashton connected was unlike any other first date.

He gave her a tour of his house then turned on some music that floated outside onto the patio where he flicked on the small bulbed lights. He noticed she kept shivering and made a fire in his small pit, thankfully it was gas so it would warm up quickly.

“Thank you,” she smiled leaning closer to the flames.

Conversation was so easy between them, they discussed the universe, books, music, everything under the sun that helped define a person. When Lord Huron’s song ‘The Night we Met’ started she gasped.

“I love this song! I know the lyrics are sad, but it makes me feel like it’s a happy nostalgic song, you know?” she said.

Ashton stood up holding out his hand. “Care to dance?”

She stared up at him in shock, excitement and nervousness flowed through her, but a small burst of confidence had her hand fitting into his. He pulled her from her chair then held her close as he shifted from side to side. As the song continued the electricity between them accelerated.

The song stopped and crickets filled the silence.

“Can you keep playing that song?” she asked quietly.

Ashton nodded taking his phone from his pocket and clicked on the song again, making sure that it would be on repeat. He pocketed his phone then took her hand back in his picking up where they left off on their dance. They inch closer, their interlocked hands cradled between their chests. The yearning song mirrored their actions as his forehead pressed to hers.

On the third round of the song he found his own courage by pressing his lips to hers, soft, warm, and perfect. He felt her nerves slip away with his as the first kiss delved into a kiss that felt like a lifetime. It was new but felt so familiar that transcended time.

In that moment he decided that this was the girl he’s going to marry, start a family with, and dance to music under twinkling lights when they’re seventy-five years old. This blind date opened his eyes to a world of possibilities with her and he wanted them all.

The next day the state of California issued a statewide lockdown and their journey began.

“When we were dancing on the patio and we kissed for the first time,” Ashton says coming back to the present, “I knew then that I was going to marry you.” He leans down and kisses the highest point of her belly before taking her hand.

“Y-you did?”

“I know we haven’t talked about marriage, but…with this little one on the way soon I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

“We can talk about it,” she nods.

“What are your thoughts on it, angel? I’m feeling some hesitation,” he smiles but it doesn’t meet his eyes. He concentrates on their hands folded together over their baby.

“No, no! Hey,” she turns his head, so he looks at her. “I want to marry you; I’d go right now and waddle down the aisle, but I just don’t think it’s the best time right now. With the baby coming soon we’re going to be really crazy getting a schedule down and we’re going to be extremely tired…”

“You’re right. I don’t want to rush things. But you do want to marry me?” his hazel eyes widen a little.

“Of course, I want to marry you,” she smiles pecking his lips quickly. “I probably would have married you the night we met to be honest.”

“Yeah?” he grins.

“Yes, crazy boy.”

**

“Come on, why won’t you tell us what you’re having!” Luke whines adjusting his pacifier necklace. It’s their baby shower and one of the games includes wearing a necklace of pacifiers, if you hear someone say the name ‘baby’ you got to take their pacifier. The one with the most won a prize.

Ashton and Y/N had the envelope of the sex of their baby at her four-month ultrasound. Neither of them were really desperate to know so the envelope stayed on their nightstand. Each night they bounced back names and settled on two for either a boy or a girl which they also haven’t shared with friends or family. It’s not that they were scared someone would steal their names, but they liked having it just be known to them.

On the morning of their baby shower she found Ashton eyeing up the envelope after his shower.

“I’ve been thinking about opening it, too,” she smiled picking up the white envelope. Scrawled on the front were the words ‘Baby Irwin’.

“Do you want to?”

They opened it together, tears filling their eyes as they read the one syllable word underneath ‘you’re having a…’ they hugged and kissed in excitement then Ashton kissed her belly.

“Hello baby love,” he murmurs. “We’re having a party for you today, where you’ll be getting lots of clothes and toys. You’re already such a joy, your mama and I love you so much.”

“We’ll tell you,” she nods.

“As soon as Y/N gives birth we’ll let you all know,” Ashton finishes.

Luke was the only one affronted by not knowing, he wants to know the name and everything.

“But that won’t be until the middle of June!”

“Luke, relax. We promise you’ll be the first to know,” Ashton rolls his eyes as he hands Y/N another gift.

They’re all sat by the flower oasis; the fish splash every now and then almost is if they want to know what the gender of the baby is as well. She’s been spending a lot more time in the flower garden, talking to the baby and imagining sitting out here on the swing watching the fish swim.

The nursery is finished, one wall is painted in orange flowers growing up to the ceiling. A green plant sits in the corner next to the teal armchair. Ashton’s circular crib is all set up along with the other furniture in the room and some toys are scattered around. The room is absolutely perfect.

Y/N’s become a bit more emotional now as her due date draws closer. When opening presents are finished and they’re all eating cake (Luke was disappointed there wasn’t blue or pink frosting hiding inside) she teared up.

“Hey, are you all right? Does something hurt?” Ashton asks swiping away a tear from her cheek.

“No, I’m just so happy,” she cries dabbing at her eyes with the peach napkin. “All of our friends and family are here because they already love our baby so much.”

“Oh, angel,” he smiles as she hides her face in his chest. He rubs her back affectionately and kisses the top of her head. “They love you, too.”

As the party dwindled down, she went upstairs to lay down, her feet swell a lot more these days. Ashton helps clean up and brings the gifts inside the nursery. When the last guest leaves he’s exhausted as well and heads upstairs.

She’s sprawled across the bed her pregnancy pillow enveloped around her. That thing was a God send; it was the only way she could sleep through the night without any pain. Ashton was glad it helped her sleep; the only downside was that it was much harder for him to cuddle her close.

He removes his blue silk pants and tugs off his light pink shirt (an outfit choice he wore to mess with Luke) and joins her on the bed. He kisses her forehead, brushing his fingers through her hair then holds his hand on her belly. He feels a slight kick from the baby, and he smiles.

“Don’t wake mama up, baby love,” he smiles, “she’s had a long day on her feet. Take a nap with us.”

Ashton rests his head on the pillow then begins to hum a song until the baby’s kicking ceases and the family of three snooze together until dinner time.

**

Ashton is about to pull his hair out. It’s been two weeks past Y/N’s due date and she’s miserable. They’ve been trying everything their doctor has recommended to induce labor, spicy foods (after it made her cry she tossed that idea out the window), eating bananas, using the exercise ball and walking. But to no avail, their little baby was as stubborn as Y/N and Ashton.

She’s not sleeping well; she gets nearly six headaches a day and can’t stand for longer than ten minutes without her back hurting. Ashton has suggested trying to have sex as that’s the number one trial to induce labor, but she shot that down quick too.

“Ash, listen, I love you and you know I think you’re sexy, but sex is the furthest thing on my mind right now. I feel like a whale and I’m so hot and uncomfortable…”

When tears sprung in her eyes he never brought it up again but still, he wants their baby to arrive now so she’s not in this state anymore. She’s sitting on the couch with her feet propped up on the coffee table, a fan blasting on high directed right at her.

“Do you want anything to eat or drink?” he asks leaning over the back of the couch.

“No,” she grumbles rubbing her stomach. “Can we try walking again?”

“Around the block?”

“No, just the backyard,” she sighs trying to sit up. Ashton helps her stand then holds her elbow with one hand resting on her back. “My womb can’t be that comfortable.”

Ashton smiles but doesn’t say anything. He learned two weeks ago that any form of compliment towards her womb accommodations made her angry. She sighs when her feet touch the warm patio then into the soft grass.

They start from the opposite end of the flower oasis where now a small well resides with vines growing up. Ashton holds her hand as they walk through the garden, each section resembling a chapter in this part of their life. It’s filled with color and vibrance and was made from love. When they reach the koi pond, Felix, Oscar and Patricia are gathered together near the edge.

“Can you hand me the food?” she asks.

Ashton removes his hand to grab the fish food and hands it to her. She pops it open then sprinkles the food into the water.

“Do you think they know I’m pregnant?” she asks.

“Maybe…are they like dogs in how they can sense it?” Ashton asks.

“I don’t know. I like to think they know. All right,” she sighs heavily, “lets’ head back inside.”

As soon as she crosses the threshold, she hears a small pop then something trickling down her legs. She gasps and looks down at her feet to see water covering her orange colored toes (courtesy of Ashton painting them since she can’t see her feet). Her water broke. It’s time.

“Um, Ash?” she reaches towards a chair and holds onto it.

“What’s up, angel?”

“My water just broke.”

“In the pond? How? Wait—what?!” he spins from the fridge and stands in front of her. His eyes widen. “Okay, stay right here, let me get you some new pants and we’ll go to the center.”

**

After twelve hours of labor, their baby girl was born on July 1. They both cried tears of joy at the sight of her, her face was a perfect circle with long lashes and an already apparent pair of dimples on her round cheeks. Ashton couldn’t stop staring at her as Y/N held her in her arms, he strokes his finger over her forehead gently. The peach fuzz of her skin is warm and already familiar.

“Here’s our superbloom,” she smiles to Ashton.

He meets her gaze, eyes filled with love and admiration that she carried their baby girl for this amount of time. He kisses her and rests his forehead against hers.

“Our darling Clementine.”

•••••

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[jazminetoad]

In My Reality | Prologue

Hey, I was bored so I decided to start a fanfic series of the Tatsumi Brothers from Juuni Taisen. Yay

It’s a “Tatsumi Brother x Reader” story about how the Tatsumi Brothers enter the reader’s reality which kinda flips her world upside down.

So I just finished the prologue. If you guys like it or if I’m bored again, I’ll make the first chapter. (Click “Keep Reading” to read the story)

"[Name] get out of bed; It's 3 in the afternoon," my mom told me as she came into my room with fresh, clean clothes. I didn't have to look over to know.

Groaning, I removed my mask from my eyes then rolled over to face up at the white ceiling. The sunlight seeping in from the blinds caused my sight to cringe before it finally adjected to the light and I could see the grey walls lurking in the corner of my eyes. Arising from my queen-sized bed a yawn escaped from my mouth. My form reached over and placed my sleep mask on the nightstand, next to my water mug.

"Morning mom," I greeted her as she sorted out the pile of clothes on my dresser. Looks like she did a colour load, which means no pants to put away.

"Morning sweetheart. Can you put your clothes away before you come downstairs?"

"Sure," I simply answered as I slipped out of the cozy sheets I once was tangled in.

"Thank you. I'll see you when you come down," she stated, placing the last of my t-shirts neatly on the others. Afterwards, she wrapped her arms around the remaining clean, clothes that weren't mine, carefully balancing them as she left my room and closed the door behind.

The click of the doorknob echoed into my ears when my feet landed on the fuzzy rug. My eyes drifted their gaze to the plain black bodypillow wrapped in [f/c] blankets, reminding me of a burrito. It just had the colour for the case, no special Anime character on it. I wish there were one though; it'd make the nights seem less lonely to see my favourite character's face on it. However, a pillow is a pillow. Despite me using it as an illusion for myself it doesn't change the reality that when I hug it in my sleep or when I'm awake no arms will return my embrace.

A sigh falls out of my breath, my eyelids dropping in sync. I turned my head away from the lying pillow and dragged myself to the other side of my bed, towards the dresser that patiently held the clean clothes my mom put there. I opened a drawer, putting my undergarments away first then my socks. Once those were put away, I moved to retrieve hangers from my closet, passing by my desk and shelves as I did.

If you were wondering why I slept so late into the afternoon, well, it's currently winter break, so that means I can stay up late and sleep in late past noon. Sadly enough, it's January which means the break almost over, and that means school is standing around the corner, menacingly. Just the thought of it disturbs my mind as that reality tries to infect my thoughts.

I hate reality. I know not all of it is shit, but there's enough of it that makes me want to drown myself in the world of fiction. Whenever it's the weekend or breaks from school, I binge Anime, tv shows, YouTube, and movies, so that's the only thing on my mind. I then write or read fanfiction, there is the rare occasion I sketch something but I'm not good at art since I don't practice enough. By the time I return to reality after having my head stuck in my imagination for so long, I can barely focus without going back to daydreaming. Eventually, that wears off, and then reality is what floods my brain; I despise it but I know I can't be stuck in my fantasies forever. Luckily my friends provide that nice spot in-between for me, helping me stay in the real world but also let me discuss the fictional. Then there's also my bro.

"Yo sis," my brother's voice called from the other side of the door after his fist knocked on it. "You wanna continue Code Geass?"

My bro is the best. Unlike most siblings I know, we actually get along. He's also a big help in my life, one of the reasons why I haven't lost my mind. He makes sure I don't overwork & stress myself and reminds me to have fun and chillax. I love him for it, and he's practically my best friend. We aren't the exact same age but we were born in the same year, just a few months apart so we get to be in the same grade. He's the older one. He's also taller which means he can t-pose over me, and we reenact the meme; it's great.

"Yeah," I answered. "Just let me get ready."

"Alright," he replied before I felt the vibration of his footsteps grow distant from my room.

'Heh, if I had Takeyasu's ability, I'd be able to sense his movement better.'

I chuckle to myself at the thought floating in my mind as I put the final shirt away. My two favourite characters that I desired to be real was the Tatsumi Brothers, Nagayuki and Takeyasu. I love those two. Whenever I watched their episodes from Juuni Taisen, I always smile. They make my heart feel something that I never felt for any character before. I don't want to be cliche and say true love, but to me, that's what it feels like. I know they're fictional characters, so I won't get much out of it, but strangely enough, I'm okay with that. I can't imagine my heart belonging to anyone else. I do wish they were real, though. I even used my wish on the bracelet my friend, Meri-chan, got for my birthday one year, that they'd become real.

The bracelet was some urban legend. It was lime green and had a few beads on it. The legend goes that you make a wish and when the bracelet breaks, your wish has come true. 'Course, it's most likely a bunch of baloney but that didn't stop me from wishing that the Tatsumi Brothers would become real. I currently just wear the bracelet as an accessory since the wish probably won't happen, it's not like the thing is going to break anytime soon.

Grabbing my towel, my other hand opened my door. I slipped down the hallway and slid into the bathroom, my foot pushing the door closed as I put the towel on the towel rack. Hopefully, I don't take too long because we were left on edge on the last episode of Code Geass we watched. Well, I'll finish sooner than my wish coming true that's for sure, heh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay bro but if you think about it, Lelouch-"

"[Name], I washed your school uniforms. Can you put them away while I start on tacos?" Mom requested from the kitchen, interrupting the Anime, my commentary, and reminding me that school is coming soon. "You too, [b/n]."

"Yes, mom," we both respond.

My brother picked up the remote and hit the pause button so we wouldn't miss anything. I pulled myself up from the plush couch, disappointment growing on me since I had hoped not to be interrupted until dinner was ready. Well, I guess I could let the disappointment wither away since it's Taco Tuesday, my favourite. I chuckled to myself as my feet reached the next level above the main floor and headed down the open hallway to my room.

My laughter died out upon seeing my seven school uniforms, five that were the regular female uniform and two that were gym uniforms. Unlike most students, I didn't like the idea of having to wash my uniform every day, so to make things simpler, I paid for six more with my own money. It was a bit irritating, using the money I earned from my summer job for this instead of getting something else. Still, my practical choice, so I didn't necessarily have to worry about my mom washing my uniform every night.

"Hhhhhh, why does school have to come back so soon?" I asked myself as I picked up one of the uniforms.

The uniform wasn't too special, a simple white blouse, a blue skirt, a blue jacket, and a blue & black striped tie. Students could decide if we wanted to wear tights, leggings, or shorts underneath the skirt as long as it was black or white. I wore leggings unless it was summer which I then wear shorts and knee-high socks. There are those girls that only wear thigh-high socks and panties under their skirt to which my nerd brain questions why. 'Course that's their choice, have fun with your ass cold.

A Discord ringtone made me resurface from my pond of inner thoughts. Becoming aware of my surroundings, I realized my friends Meri-chan and Kamida were calling on the Discord group chat we had. I could tell by the laptop I had open on my desk. I quickly put the uniform I had in hand on the rack with the others before sliding over and clicking the answer button that popped up.

"Yo, what's up nerds."

"Hey I'm not a nerd," Meri-chan protested. "I'm a cool kid."

"Meri-chan, we're all nerds here," Kamida stated before greeting me. "Hey [n/n], how you doing?"

"Eh, good I suppose but I could be doing better, Kami," I answered simply. "How's life?"

"Pretty chill but I got bored, so I decided to call you guys."

"Well, I'm just putting my uniforms away," I informed them and went to put the last uniform away.

"I sometimes forget that you have more than one," Meri-chan commented before I heard her gasp. "Hey, how 'bout we hang out tomorrow, we only have so many days before we have to go back to school."

"Oh, don't remind me," I groaned, hanging my head, then went back to putting the uniform on the hanger and walking over to the closet, hanging it up with the rest.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea Meri-chan, we could hang out tomorrow," Kamida suggested.

"I'm down," Meri-chan quickly responded.

"Welllllll..." I hesitated, sitting down in the [f/c] spinning chair in front of the desk.

"[Name]."

"You see, I kinda want to stay inside my last few days..."

"[n/nnnnn]!" Meri-chan whined.

"Come on [Name], you know you can't stay cooped up inside forever," Kamida reminded me.

"I know," I grumbled, leaning back in my seat. "Fine, I'll come out tomorrow, but it's going to be after 2."

"2 am, geez [n/n] I didn't know you'd be willing to come out that early," Kamida joked.

"I meant 2 pm," I corrected.

"Okay," he chuckled as Meri-chan pipped in.

"But if you're late again, you're buying lunch this time."

"Okay, bet, but what if I'm not?" I inquired, my fingers tapping on my desk.

"Mmmmmmm," she hummed, seemingly to be thinking.

"It's fine I'll pay for lunch tomorrow."

"Alright, but don't use it as an excuse to be late."

"I won't," I reassured her. "Anyway, I'm gonna go watch a few more episodes of Code Geass with my bro-"

"You still need to watch Dragon Ball Z," Kamida interrupted.

"And you need to watch Juuni Taisen," I countered, emphasizing the "you".

"Yeah, yeah," he brushed it off. "Anyway, go have fun with your bro. We'll call again later on tonight."

"Alright, bye guys." I left the call and closed out of discord then proceeded to shut my laptop.

Kamida and Meri-chan were my two friends from school; we've known each other since childhood. 'Course Meri-chan isn't Meri-chan's real name, that's just a nickname Kamida and I gave her. Occasionally, they called me [n/n]-chan but not too often. Then there are times where we call Kamida, Kami-kun, but mainly Meri-chan does it out of spite since Kamida doesn't like it. Especially when Meri-chan does it in her kawaii voice. Those two are the only ones outside of family that have the same vibe I do, that's probably why we've been friends for so long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, you guys ever wish fictional characters could become real?" I randomly asked out of the blue, staring up at the white ceiling as I waited for my friends over the call to answer my question.

"All the time," Meri-chan answered.

"We know simp," Kamida smugly commented.

"Nuuu!" Meri-chan pouted while Kamida and I laughed. "Hey, if anything [n/n] is the simp over here, she's the one actual crushing on the characters."

"Hey don't call me out like that."

"Ha! She doesn't deny it," Kamida jeered.

"Okay, what about you and Android 21?"

"Ack-" Kamida blurted before muting himself, causing me and Meri-chan to giggle. A few seconds pass by before he unmuted himself. "Why are you asking this question [n/n]?"

"No reason in particular-"

"Are you sure it's not you wanting to talk about Juuni Taisen?"

"No- it's not just that. I just think fictional characters would make reality interesting."

"Right..."

"Meri-chan if you could bring someone from Juuni Taisen to-"

"My boy Uuma! You should know this by now."

"Bruh-"

"Well, it's either that or Usagi, and I rather be alive thank you."

"Who's Uuma again?" Kamida inquired, not knowing who was who quite yet since he hasn't watched the Anime.

"Uuma is the warrior of the horse," I informed him.

"Right," Kamida mumbled before letting out a yawn.

"You sound tired, go to sleep!" Meri-chan told Kamida.

"No, you go to sleep."

"Guys, we're all on the same timezone. If one of us goes to sleep then we all do," I stated. "It makes sense since we're all planning on meeting up tomorrow."

"I guess we go to sleep," Meri-chan said bluntly.

"Yeah, alright, goodnight guys," Kamida yawned.

"Night."

"Night guys."

With that, we each left the call. I, however, didn't fall asleep right away. I woke up late and the night was still pretty early, so I opened up the Funimation app on my phone. Scrolling through the list of saved Anime, most of which were halfway through since my brother and I are watching them together, I came across Juuni Taisen.

"Why not..." I muttered to myself as my finger tapped on the Anime and went right to click on episode 7, In Like a Dragon, Out Like a Snake (Part 1).

By the time I finished episodes 7 and 8, it was 2 am when my eyes glanced at the clock in the top corner of my phone. Sighing to myself, I leaned over and snatched my charger off the nightstand, plugging it in the wall before connecting the other end to my phone. Turning off my phone, I placed it on the nightstand and snagged my sleep mask, putting that on my head.

As I laid there on my bed, silence flooded the room, not a sound to be heard but my own breathing. Vines of sorrow began to grow on me as the feeling of loneliness came over me. I tried to pull myself out of the emotion, turning over and wrapping my arms around the plain bodypillow in an attempt to comfort myself. In the end, it only helped slightly. It didn't erase the pain because I knew there were no arms that would hug me back. A tear escaped my eyes before I pulled my mask over them, and a final thought appeared in my mind before I entered the dream realm.

'I wish I wasn't alone...'

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Congratulations, Tatsumi {Ani|Otouto}, warrior of the {dragon|snake}!" Duodecuple exclaimed. "You are the winner of the 12th Juuni Taisen, everyone give yourself a hand!" The man started to applaud but soon stopped. "The antidote has settled in by now. You'll be fine."

{"Tch|Alright"} the Tatsumi brother simply responded.

"Now that you've won the Juuni Taisen, you can make one wish of your choice. Would you like to make your wish now, or would you like for it to be granted later?"

"In all honesty, when I arrived at the Juuni Taisen I wished for {nothing|money}, I didn't need anything else really but now that {I'm here|I had time to think about} I don't want to wish for {nothing|money}."

"Oh, do you have another wish in mind?" Duodecuple inquired the Tatsumi brother sitting in front of him, alone.

"Yeah... I wish me and my brother were never apart of the Juuni Taisen."

[erilynnbrun]

Bobby

By: erilynnbrun

It was a Friday morning in early April. My family and our close friends, the Parker family, had taken a week long trip out to our cabin. We went every year. Mr. Parker and my husband had been childhood friends and had bought the land with some gambling winnings when they were young. The cabin that sat on the land now was big enough for both families to share comfortably.

My three sons, Caleb, 15y/o, Thomas, 12 y/o, and my little Bobby 4y/o, were out on the dock with the Parker’s twin sons, Edgar and Nickolas, who were 13. Mrs. Parker and her daughter Rebecca had gone into town to do some shopping, and our husbands had been called into work on an emergency. It was just me and the five boys for the day.

“Ma! Can we take the boys down the lane to the pond?” Caleb asked, as he came stomping in the back door.

“Of course dear. Just be sure to keep an eye on little Bobby, he can’t swim yet.” I replied trying not to see how much mud he’d tracked in with him.

“Will do!” Caleb called back as he took the deck stairs two at a time.

He was met with cheers from the other boys as he landed in the yard. I could hear Bobby blowing relentlessly on the whistle he had won at the county fair last weekend as they made their way down the lane. We’d had to make a ‘no more whistles in the house’ rule less than five minutes after getting home. He’d been giving the local birds a run for their money ever since.

I spent the rest of the afternoon tidying the cabin, doing some light reading while the boys were out, and preparing dinner for both families around the early evening.

“Hey, Ma! Somethin’ smells good! What’s for dinner?” Thomas said, first through the door as always.

“You’ll find out after you get cleaned up, and don’t you dare bring those muddy shoes into this cabin!” I said and turned around. “Wait, Caleb, where’s Bobby?”

“What do you mean? He’s right- well, he was right here! Maybe he’s outside taking off his shoes.” Caleb said as he poked his head out the back door.

When he stepped outside calling Bobby’s name I could feel the panic settling in my chest. A moment later Caleb came rushing back inside and grabbed his coat and a flashlight.

“He’s not here, Ma! He was with us when we left the pond. I swear he was right behind us a minute ago! I’ll retrace our steps and find him. He’s probably just messing with us since we teased him on the way home.” Caleb said as he dragged Thomas out the door with him.

After my two boys left, I asked the Parker twins to tell me everything that happened since they’d left the cabin earlier. From what I could gather, the boys' afternoon went as follows.

All five boys left together down the lane that leads to the small pond in the woods. The boys spent some time skipping rocks and poking at the fish with sticks. Then a few of them went swimming while Bobby sat on the small dock by the edge of the water. After their swim, Caleb decided it was time to come home and gathered up the four younger boys and headed back. A few minutes down the lane, Bobby stopped to tell them he thought there was something in the woods following them. Caleb and Thomas laughed at Bobby for his overactive imagination, but Bobby insisted. The four older boys told Bobby he was just being silly and kept walking. Bobby followed, but didn’t say anything else. Nicolas said he remembered turning to check on Bobby by the fork in the road about five minutes from the cabin to make sure he was going the right way. After that he wasn’t sure if he saw Bobby again.

“Clara! Clara!” My husband’s frantic voice drifted in from the driveway. I ran out the back door and met him halfway. He grabbed my both shoulders and asked, “Where is Bobby? What happened?”

“Nicolas says the last time he saw Bobby was by the fork road on their way back from the pond. Bobby had told them he thought someone was following them back, that there was someone in the woods.” I told him, shaking.

“Not someone, something.” Edgar muttered.

“What? What does that mean?” His father asked him.

“Bobby said something was following us. When we told him he was being silly, he told us he thought it was some kind of animal.” Edgar explained.

My heart sank. Was Bobby picked off by some animal? He was the smallest of the group, only four years old. He would make easy prey for a wild cat, or any other predator in those woods. Mr. Parker and my husband were already running for the cabin. They came back out a moment later, each holding a hunting rifle and flashlight, as well as a rifle for Caleb.

“Clara, call the police in town and explain the situation. Oh, and the Jacobson’s. Tell them to bring their hunting rifles, too. We’ll find him.” My husband was frantic.

With that both fathers and my eldest son began striding down the lane toward the pond. After calling the Sheriff and the Jacobsons, I urged the three remaining boys to get washed up. Not knowing what else to do, I began setting the table for dinner. Mrs. Parker and Rebecca came through the door just as I finished getting the meal ready. I explained what was happening as I served the three boys. The two of them made me sit down while they set me a plate and began cleaning up the kitchen.

My husband and Mr. Parker returned hours later, telling me that it had gotten too dark to continue searching. They’d eat, get their rest, and begin again at dawn.

I couldn’t sleep.

The whole night I kept hearing what I thought was crying and whimpering, and at one point some odd crunching. I told myself it was the family of racoons that raided our waste bins at night.

I wasn’t convinced.

When dawn finally broke, I went down stairs bleary eyed and exhausted. I began putting together a lunch box with some light snacks and lunch for Mr. Parker, my husband, and Caleb to take with them on their search. A small knock on the door interrupted my work. Thinking it was the Jacobsons arriving early, I walked over, opened the door and walked back without even looking outside.

“Come on in, Mr. Jacobson, I’m sure the boys will down any minute.”

I got no response.

I turned around to see who had been at the door and saw my little Bobby. He was standing just outside the door on the deck, covered head to toe in dirt, with dark stains scattered across his ripped and partially shredded overalls.

“Bobby?” I said quietly. I watched as he smiled at me and nodded. “Bobby!” I ran to him and hugged as tightly to my chest as I could. By the time my husband had made it downstairs I was sobbing uncontrollably and rocking my baby on my lap. My Bobby had come home! He was safe. My baby was safe. The whole family and the Parkers were just as relieved and took turns hugging Bobby.

We called the police to explain Bobby had come home. They showed up a bit later and tried to question Bobby about what had happened.

They got no response.

He wouldn’t say a word. He’d nod or shake his head if they asked a yes or no question. But if they asked him something that required a response he’d just sit there and smile at them quietly.

It was unsettling.

My Bobby was only four. He was curious, excitable, and loved telling stories. He never sat quietly. The police tried to assure me he was just in shock, that he’d be back to normal in a few days. I hoped they were right and went about getting Bobby cleaned up and in fresh clothes. By the time we put Bobby to bed after dinner I was sure there was something wrong with him. He wasn’t injured, he hadn’t had a fever, and he ate enthusiastically at lunch and dinner, but something just wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I went to bed that night thinking about all the things my Bobby usually did.

I woke up in the early hours of the morning, before sunrise, to the sound of the back door swinging shut. No one should’ve been awake or out of bed at this hour. Not even my husband. I pulled on a sweater and went to check on all the kids. Both Parker twins were sound asleep, as was their sister. I could hear Thomas snoring from the hall, and could see Caleb was still out cold when I cracked the door, but my heart stopped as I walked further into the room and found that Bobby’s bed was empty. I turned and flew down the stairs and out the back door and saw little footprints leading away from the deck and into the woods beyond the driveway.

I did my best to follow the footprints in the dark, but the sun was not rising fast enough to make out a trail. Instead, I followed the only sounds I could hear - the occasional twig snap or branch rustling leading in the direction of the pond. I was stumbling along, almost completely blind, as the sun slowly began rising. I came out into a small clearing and tripped over something. I landed on my hands and knees before a small round object just barely visible in the dark. I picked it up and turned it over and realized it was a small skull.

A small, human skull.

I reared back, scrambled up, and ran back to the cabin.

I ran inside and looked around for the flashlights from the night before. I had just picked one up when I heard a small creak from behind me. I turned around to see Bobby standing in the doorway.

“Bobby! What are you doing out of bed?” I whispered, unable to find my voice.

I got no response, other than a smile.

A chill ran down my spine.

“Bobby, answer me!” I said a little louder. He shook his head, still smiling.

He stared at me for a moment and then walked quietly upstairs. I didn’t move until I heard the faint click of his door closing behind him.

I couldn’t understand why I was so afraid. It was my Bobby. His eyes, his hair, his smile with one missing front tooth. It was Bobby. But something was…wrong.

Flashlight in hand, I headed back outside to try and find that clearing again. After doing my best to retrace my steps I finally found my way back to where I had found the small skull this morning.

It was horrifying.

It had been too dark to see before. The entire clearing was stained with dried blood. There were small bones scattered everywhere.

Human looking bones.

Child sized bones.

And right in the middle of the blood bath, was a small, silver whistle. Bobby’s prize whistle.

I sank to the ground as the realization hit me. Whatever had walked into the cabin yesterday had done this. And whatever that thing was, I was sure of only one thing...

It. Wasn’t. Bobby.

This story was inspired by true events, but is fiction.

[miss-lady-uhane]

Off My Chest Pt.1

I don't see what's so hard about being in a relationship. You are born in to a group of relationships. Your parents, maybe siblings, aunts, uncles, or cousins?

Then immediately you're expected to create more relationships and this time it's with strangers. You're told at a you age to treat others how you want to be treated but who's to say that others will treat you the way you treat them. It's totally uncertain how a person will react to you since not everyone gets along even for the most simple of reasons.

When I was in elementary school I always had the weirdest time making friends and I think it's because no one else was going through what I was going through. At that time I was too young to connect those dots because I didn't even really know what I was going through. I always hung out with my cousin patsy when we weren't in school, mostly because my dad was working and she was also my only cousin who was my age. I think we got along well but we just had different views about things. We both grew up in a Jehovah Witness family, and by that I mean my grandparents were both heavily religious and had 13 kids where majority of them were also heavy in to the JW beliefs. The difference between us was that her dad didn't care about going to church and never let the rest of the family pressure him. My dad was always in the church as a young man but was also a troublemaker and actually was disfellowshiped which means no one in the JW congregation could talk to you because you've basically been banned and the only way to get that back is to do everything you're supposed to do in regards to being a good follower.

I don't exactly know how his obligations transferred to me but we always had to go to church until I was maybe 6-8? And I had to go alone. My older cousins would take me to bible study or come over and study the watch tower. At a young age I started to actually realize how hypocritical that was, why do I have to get dressed up and memorize the Bible when my dad just stays home every night? Boom. All at once I was a bad person even though I never did anything wrong.

As a kid I spent a lot of time with my dad who was really strict. My grandma got me a phone because he would refuse to answer her calls and that was both the best and worst gift. I could have some kind of social life and hang out with my friends but my dad would literally call me every 20 minutes and I'm not exaggerating. It got to the point where I would just turn my phone off even if I knew I would get in trouble.

The constant calling and over-protection along with my dad always being gone for work coupled with moving in to smaller and smaller housing situations started to change me inside. I started realizing that not everything was peachy-keen. My dads best friends who I would go over and hang out with their kids no longer wanted him around which meant I had less and less friends. I started to wonder why my dad was always so frantic and why these people he's known his whole life started to drift away from him. The final time we moved to Pa'anau village which was basically Kauai's section 8 housing changed everything. After a lot of drama and overhearing arguments I realized that we were poor. I was still to young to understand why that was but I wasn't really bothered by it because I still wore the same school uniform, I still saw my friends from school, I still went to the beach every day. The only thing that was different now was that my dad was unemployed because the union does massive layoffs all the time.

I was still in middle school at this time and things started to change a little, people wanted to come to my neck of the woods all the sudden and I could never think of an excuse to tell them why they couldn't. Because my dad is a hoarder? Because I live in the ghetto? Or what else? Because my dad refused to pick me up or drop me off because he was always asleep? I never questioned why my dad was the way he was. I always just thought he was sad and missed my mom. He would cry a lot and have nightmares where he would yell for her and I would go in and wake him up and he would just cry.

I learned a lot about growing up once we moved to pa'anau. I had to clean our apartment all the time or it would be a mess, I did my own laundry. I definitely got in a lot of trouble because of who I was hanging out with in the environment. Living there and going to school in the city really changed who I was as a person.

I never saw myself as a "hot girl" or let alone a "pretty island girl". When I was in chief was I remember being like wow I thought I was a tomboy before and now I don't even own a pair of short hollister jean shorts. Either way I made my own path, I had the typical "text" boyfriend that I never saw in my life. We'd look at each other after our friends would go tell them something we each sent them on a mission to relay. Never really cared for any of that because in reality I was still shooting my guy friends with airsoft guns on the weekends.

After a while I realized that I couldn't just hang out with my two guy friends (Curtis & Treydon) because they too were finding themselves in a whole new world. I started hanging out with girls.. I just always felt like I never fit in. Girls as a whole are hard to get close with because there is ALWAYS drama. I still managed to have a group of friends wether I was unsure of if they really liked me or not we all ate lunch and we all hung out every lunch and found each other in class.

In the 8th grade things started to go for a wild turn. I got in a lot of trouble since my after school friends were those in my neighborhood and most of the people who lived in Pa'anau Village have drug using parents or drug dealing parents. I ended up getting arrested for the first time when I was 11 years old. We were eating ice cream I. Old Koloa Town when one of our friends said hey that couple left their bag should we take it? I remember everyone being scared and not wanting to but before I knew it she grabbed it and everyone just started running so of course I ran. She started opening the bag once we got to a bush covered pond near by and I realized we fucked up. The bag had her cell phone, her engagement ring, wedding band, Movado watch, everything. When they caught us I didn't have anything in my possession but the only thing that linked me was a phone call to my cell phone from the stolen phone. That call was made by a friends boyfriend who thought it was funny.

I'm now an 11 year old on probation. Grounded for life, can't affiliate with those friends, not to mention that we all had a different version of what happened. After this I found out that not only those friends but also our mutual school friends also had it out for me. As some kind of joke while we were banned from seeing each other they made a fake MySpace page where they started flirting with all kinds of guys including my last friend left in the groups boyfriend.

At this point I pretty much gave up on everyone I knew. I didn't want to hang out with them and I knew that I could find better people to be with. 8th grade summer my cousin Levi who was for some reason two years older than me in the same grade invited me to hang out with his friends. They were all way older and looked at me crazy!

A 13 year old? Who brought her here. But I was a balmores and they knew my older cousins really well. This group wasn't easy to get in to but once again I found my way and stuck around.

This all leads me to what I wanna figure out. Why, do I consistently get shafted? My 9th grade year I met a boy, he was quiet and literally said nothing to me. We would pass at school and for the first time ever I was like wow who is that. Fast forward, I find out he's friends with my new older friends because he was a senior which would make sense why I never saw him before. We eventually had small interactions and then one day at a party we hooked up. Go figure. We danced and kissed and I was like holy shit I'm gonna get in so much trouble. After that he literally said nothing to me until months went by and it happened again and this time it went all the way. First of all as I'm writing this why the fuck would he be the one to choose? Fuckin guy didn't do anything. Anyway.

I'm 14 and I've lost my virginity to a senior who also lost his virginity to me. Everyone we knew found out and made fun of him for hooking up with such a young girl. Everyone was so mean to me and he never talked to me again not a single word. Later I find out he was too embarrassed, what a pussy.

Instead of being sad I got really mad and started partying more and being kind of a tease because I thought it was funny that guys would try to hook up with me and I could say no but a girl they knew for years would be trying to hook up with them and the guy wouldn't want to. My way of killing two birds with one stone, getting over a guy and pissing off girls who were being mean to me.

Eventually I had my first legit boyfriend and that was.. a first. Typical I threw away my whole world for him but it wasn't hard since we were in the same group, things continued pretty much as normal minus the fact that I always had a ride now.

A lot of things happened that would need an entire book to fill in order for me to explain my self enstated independence from my dad, moving in with a friend, moving in with my coupons, then ending up in Washington.

I spent the entire time in Washington flying back and forth to California partially to see my boyfriend and partially to stay with friends and party.

My boyfriend and I ended pretty bad. He had developed depression and became a legitimate alcoholic, was cheating on me with multiple girls who I was suspicious of, then finally he was a complete drunk monster and that was the end of that.

Once again I found my way. I stayed in Washington and completed high school where I also met a whole squad of female demons. But yet again I started dating someone I met at a party. I didn't know him at all just what I knew from parties and social media. I figured we would be good friends and have fun and it was one of those things where he just called me his girlfriend one day. This was the biggest mistake I could've ever made. This guy was abusive, mentally and physically. I've never dealt with anyone like that and found myself at my weakest point. He spat in my face, threw my belongings all over the place, cheated on me physically, cheated on me on social media, fought with me publicly and on social media. Ultimately he ended up hacking any kind of internet profile I owned and was trying to ruin my life and I had to go to his house get my stuff and tell his parents and threaten legal action. Worst person ever.

Then right before I move to college a friend of mine was really in to setting me up with someone and I told her sure but nothing official. I hung out with this guy and her a few times and started to like him just because he was a normal guy. Pretty basic, friends, family, a dog. Most of all worshipped the ground I walk on. Everything was pretty easy going he asked me to be his girlfriend and I didn't see why not so I said yes, we dated in Washington for 3 months. I moved to California and we were still together even though that wasn't the plan. While I was there the day before my first ever jiu jitsu tournament I get a call "Keanna I'm so sorry I should've never done that I feel so terrible" the voice was a girl but the number wasn't recognized. It was a friend of my boyfriend, she told me that they went to lunch and after went back to his place. I didn't care much about him hanging out with girls because he had a lot of girl friends and it just wasn't an issue. She said that she wanted to break up with her crazy boyfriend and she saw an opportunity (to cheat) and took it. They went back to his house after having a long talk about how they used to have feelings for each other. The stories after this don't really add up but what I gather is that they went up to his room to have sex or something and she started feeling guilty, because we were "friends" and told him she changed her mind to which he responded "can I touch your ass at least" and she pulled her pants down and he touched her ass. Doesn't make sense yeah? So anyway I'm not really trying to deal with this and I should've broken up with him but instead I call him and I said "what did you do?" He sounds confused so I ask again but this time louder. He panicks and says I don't know I don't know. He ended up telling me and flew down the weekend after because wanted to talk. While he was there I looked through his phone and saw some other conversations he was having and also saw that when we first were hanging out he had another option if I didn't go through. Another option who apparently was in his bed when they were making out and she got her period and bled on him she felt so inclined to apologize. After this I lost my shit and didn't trust him at all and I just wanted him to leave. He begged me to forgive him and promised nothing would ever happen again and like me, I go with it. We end up dating for a total of two years. After he said he wouldn't do anything he really didn't. I still let him do whatever he wanted if he wanted to go to Vegas with his friends or party or go to lunch with girls. I just didn't really care I guess, my friend told me "do what you want to do so I know what you'd rather do" so I kept that. Eventually I was tired of how dependent he was. I had to do everything for him aside from basic chores. I had to file papers for him (e.g work, school, gym) I felt like I was teaching him how to do things and I just got tired of it. I felt like everything was almost too good and too plain because I was carrying the relationship. I was better than him at everything. We broke up and he moved out which was a long process.

During that process I was working my first full time job, had a recently found new best friend, and was spending most of my time with someone from high school who didn't like me but we ended up liking our adult selfs. This person suggested that I start hanging out with a teammate, a guy I knew since the 6th grade, or at least knew who he was. She said she thought we would be cute together and people always made fun of us for being so close. Never in my mind did I think I would date him. I just didn't see him like that. We started hanging out and realized we have a lot more in common than we thought. Everything happened pretty fast and things were so different. For once I was open to the idea of having a "friends with benefits" because I knew this person for a while and knew he wasn't exactly the relationship type. I told him that this could work out as long as he didn't keep me in the dark and was honest with me. After 4 months of us being kind of exclusive kind of not he told me that he loved me more than anyone else and I felt the same way. We were officially official. I felt so close to him in ways I never felt with anyone else. Eventually we had our first issue. I had found out that he had been chatting with our old classmate who lived in a city near by, he was telling her all kinds of false nothings and she asked "aren't you dating Keanna?" To which he replied "ugh". I found out because we were sitting with each other that night and she messaged him, I said ew why are you talking to that girl? And he said they were talking because she lived near by. I messaged her "hey girl. Bryson told me you live in LA we should hang sometime" to which she responded something like "Keanna I'm so sorry I shouldn't have been talking to him I'm so sorry I did this to you" followed with screenshots of their conversation. I was hurt. I freaked out, he left, he came back and squeezed me tight after hours of us fighting and said he was sorry and it would never happen again. A few months go by and we're sort of living together mostly because I didn't want to hang out at his house anymore and my place was cuter. Every morning before he went to work he spent a huge amount of time in the bathroom and I was always kind of like wtf and I don't remember how I found this out but I found out that he was flirting with girls during those hours because some how one of the girls told me and sent me screenshots of their conversations. Once again I got mad and forgave him and months went by. I go away for thanksgiving break leaving him at our place/my place. I come back to beautiful flowers and more attention than I had before. He told me shortly after that break that he wasn't going to be hanging with his old friends because they were bad news and I was pretty surprised. I kind of agreed but I also think.. idk my friends are wild too. Either way things were good. One day he gets a FaceTime call and didn't want to answer it, I copied the number in to google and found a name of a girl I recognized from a while ago at my birthday. I was drunk and he let me send a Snapchat to a bunch of girls I told them "I will ruin your life" the only one who responded was this girl who said "I didn't even do anything" and I thought it was funny. I find out that while I was gone for thanksgiving he and his friend picked this girl up and her friend and brought them to my apartment and they stayed the night. They made a vlog about how they picked them up in my car and how they hung out at my place and slept so long that they missed their flight. The next morning there were videos of my boyfriend driving them back in my car. My heart stopped.

I've never felt so blind sided in my life. I hated him and I didn't want to see him again but somehow he convinced me that it was all a mistake and he already cut all these toxic people out of his life.

He suggested that we delete social media and I remember the exactly message "if you love me you'll do the same thing" and I was like wow, yeah let's do it. That was probably the most interesting time of my life. For once I didn't have social media and I had to answer to everyone as to why and tell them that I am okay and that I'm just taking time off. We ended up moving to LA to be closer to school. His friend moved in from Kauai and stayed only 6 months. Living in LA was an interesting change. We got to eat a lot and experience a different kind of the city.

Lots of little things happened while we were here, we fought a lot about social media. He would reactivate his Instagram without telling me which I felt like was kind of shady since we were doing this together and I didn't know there was that option on the table but I felt like life was better without it anyway. At one point I saw a call on his phone made from Snapchat to a random girl. I asked about it and it got no where but I became very suspicious. At this point my trust level was low as could be but I just thought that the goods were good and that bads were so stupid and avoidable. One day I just decided to look through his Venmo and the first name said "queenturtlee" I was like wtf kind of name is that so I look it up on google and see that it's connected to a Twitter account of a girl asking people to send her money. I reach out to her and ask why she's friends with my boyfriend to which she sends me screenshots of their conversations and once again I am frantic. I screenshot all of it and send it to him, we go through the apologies again. And yet again I believe that he was going to delete it. Half way through living in Palos Verdes, life at this point is a fucking rollercoaster. I haven't told anyone about anything thats happened I haven't opened up or really understand how I feel about it we just keep moving. One night after he was out with friends he was getting texts and calls from a Hawaii phone number which I thought was strange, I look it up on a google and I recognize the name. I start questioning it but I get deflected, it's nothing it's nothing. Once again we move on.

A few months go by and we're hit with an actual pandemic. We leave LA all together to go to Washington temporarily and it turned in to permanently after realizing that life in California just wasn't going to be sustainable. I graduated college virtually, we were living in my grandmas house for 3-4 months. Things were weird. We were managing to stay positive by doing all the things we possibly could to stay active and have a good summer.

Eventually we got our own place, moved all our belongings up, and got a puppy! Things were still locked down but at least we had all of our things and more importantly we had this little fluffy bear.

I've always struggled with birth control because I would get the worst symptoms so a friend told me about tracking ovulation and taking my basal body temperature in place of taking birth control. This method was risky but I felt like it was okay because she does it. One day I felt really sick and realized I didn't get my period, I took 5 pregnancy tests all faded positive negative. This led to me having to take a bunch of blood tests and ultrasounds to find out that I was exactly 3 weeks pregnant.

I wasn't ready and had no intention on having the baby but I had to wait until a fetus was visible to do anything about it. While I'm in this process I get a random message from a classmate I haven't talked to in years. They say "hey girl sorry to message you about this but I was at a family party and there were some girls talking about your boyfriend subscribing to her only fans" I immediately felt my heart drop lower than ever. The girl who was at the party messaged me, she told the girl with the only fans to message me and she did. She sent me everything and I remembered a time recently when I walked out late at night and saw him on Snapchat which is where the messages she showed me came from. So once again I confront him but this time it's different. I'm going through something that I never thought. I'm waiting weeks knowing I'm pregnant feeling nauseas, anxious, and scared. What am I supposed to do now.

After a huge fight, the solution was that he would delete it again and give me his password.

This was probably the worst it ever was. A couple nights I unlocked his phone and then got nervous and locked it again. I wanted to look but I was scared of what I would find. I couldn't sleep every night, I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know if I could trust him anymore. Everything was so good how was I going to deal with a breakup, a puppy separation, all after moving to a new state. I thought to myself, if I don't look now I'll never know. So I do. I find messages that date back to a year. I find all the extra messages that no one sent me, I find money trails sent to females for nudes or sexual messages. Worst of all I find the girl that I saw calling him a year before when he came home late that one night. He had been talking to this girl the entire time, telling her stories about things we were doing. Worst of all is that he wrote the words "I love you".

I completely lost my shit. I woke him up in a rage showing him all the things I saw asking him how he could do this to me.

I never wanted to see him again I felt like I was going to throw up. I was crying so much I felt like the world knew.

He went to his moms house and I tried to stay out or away as much as possible without telling my family anything. At this point it hurt so much. I love him so much, everything outside of social media is a dream so why would he risk that? I felt insecure. A few days before my surgery he told me that he wanted to be there for me and that he was a changed person and realized how fucked up he was but he didn't want me to go through it alone. I didn't want to go through it alone either, I couldn't stop thinking about what I saw and all the names I read. I felt alone and like I was looking at a stranger.

He came back and we slowly tried to figure out how to be normal again. Since then we've moved on far but I think he moves much faster or at least it seems like it. He is my best friend and someone I care about differently than I've ever before. We make a great team, we support each other and know each other on a deep level. We can be our selves with each other. We know each other more than I've ever known any of my friends.

Today, we are still together. He is still my best friend. Our little fluffy bear is now a semi-huge German shepherd who is the cutest and most well behaved 9 month old ever. We've established ourselves in Washington and he actually got a really good job doing what he went to school for. In regards to loyalty things have been going well so far. It's taken me a lot to get to where I am now, I feel like I lost myself for a long time. I'm trying to work on myself lately and trying to stay focused on things that really matter. Our life is pretty much picture perfect but we're still growing up.

Our most constant argument is always social media, but now it's all over the place. It's me being crazy, it's him being careless. A constant circle of misunderstanding each other and breaking each other down emotionally. Sometimes I wish there was a way to forget everything. I wish social media was as it were before, simple. I wish communication wasn't so aggressive and that there was an easier way to mediate instead of getting a therapist. I don't know I wish there was a way to make the pain go away. To not think about what's made me who I am today.

I think it's hard being in your 20s. Everyone is at different stages of life. They have different priorities. People who you grew up with are now spread across the world and you may go years without seeing someone you consider your close friend.

One thing that's hard for me now is not knowing what's next. I feel as if I've given all of the emotional gas I have and if anything else makes my heart drop I think I'll completely give up.

I wish it was easier to get over a fear but some people including myself need extra support. Unfortunately for my boyfriend, not only does he get to deal with what we've been through but he has to deal with all that I've been through.

I always feel like no one I know actually knew what I went through growing up. Boyfriends or best friends are usually the ones who get to know you best and so far only one person who's not my family knows so much about me. Life has shown me how easy it's been for people to leave me or treat me badly. I know that I am not a perfect person but I do know that I don't deserve half the things I experienced. I blame myself for being too forgiving, I blame the church for teaching me that trait, I blame my dad for making me go and making me think life was different than it was.

At this point I have no one to blame but myself for how things have gone. All I can hope is that all that I have now stays afloat and keeps growing in the positive direction that it has. I can't control everything even though I want to.

[twonewkidsonesouthpark]

Birthday fic for Buttlord

So, day late, dollar short, but cut me some slack I have TWO birthdays to celebrate the 28th and I’ve been out for the past 12 hours doing so XD

Happy birthday @justcallmebuttlord​, have some cute twin bday fic ^^

“Happy birthday to you,”

“Happy birthday to you,”

“Happy birthday dear Lynnie,”/“Happy birthday dear Lyssie,”

“Happy birthday to us.”

--

Alyssa and Lynnea Ostenmeyer could be forgiven for being confused when they walked downstairs to a veritable feast waiting for them for breakfast. They glanced at each other, identical confusion in their eyes. Finally, Alyssa shrugged, making for the table to sit down. This was hardly the weirdest thing that had happened since the ill-fated ‘hero’ game. With their father having taken up cooking instead of pot brownies, they had a lot better meals (with a lot less drugs slipped into their meatloaf).

“Good morning girls!” Kelly sing-songed, coming into the kitchen.

“Morning mom,” Lynn replied, glancing at Alyssa, Did we slip into an alternate timeline in our sleep or something?

Alyssa shrugged, face clearly as confused as Lynnea felt. Both of them were distracted as two piled high stacks of pancakes were set down in front of them.

“We forgot to tell you, we’re having the house cleaned today, so you’ll have to spend the day out,” Chris said from the counter, cracking a couple of eggs into a bowl of batter, “Hope you don’t mind!”

So, same thing we do every weekend, then? Alyssa took a bite of bacon.

Kelly and Chris shared an indecipherable glance over their heads, “Well, once you’re done with breakfast, get dressed and head out. We’ll message the two of you when it’s all done, okay?”

-

“That was weird, right?” Lynnea asked as they stepped down off their front porch steps, “Like, that wasn’t just me?”

Alyssa shook her head. No, definitely weird. Mom and dad are up to something.

“...you don’t think we have to move again, do you?” Lynnea asked, voice suddenly taking on a panicked edge, “I thought we’d been taking care of the government guys so they wouldn’t notice.”

No, I don’t think so at least, Alyssa cocked her head to the side. It was enough to get Lynn to relax as they headed down the street.

“Wanna see if the guys are busy?” Lynn asked, not waiting before heading across the front yard to Butters’ house and knocking on the door.

Both twins were grateful that it was Mrs. Stotch who opened the door, “Oh! Hello there you two,” she greeted, “I’m afraid Butters is --” Please don’t say grounded, “--n’t home right now.”

“Oh, that’s alright,” Lynn said, hopping down the steps, “He’s probably at Cartman’s if he’s not here.”

Alyssa nodded, leading the trudge through the snow this time to the next house down, “Hello Dee, Lynnea. I’m sorry, but Eric’s gone out already.”

Curiouser and curiouser, Alyssa thought, nodding and going back down the driveway to meet Lynn.

“Cartman too?” She asked, surprised. Alyssa nodded, “Kyle and Stan’s, maybe?”

Alyssa frowned slightly, but nodded, following her sister down the street.

“Okay, what the fuck,” Lynnea asked emphatically as Mrs. McCormick shut the door, “Is going on today? Butters, Cartman, Kyle, Stan, AND Kenny are all out?”

Can’t get ahold of Clyde’s gang either, Alyssa turned her phone screen toward Lynnea, showing unanswered messages to Clyde, Token, Tweek, and Craig.

“Tricia, Karen, and Ike aren’t answering me, either,” Lynn said, frowning at her phone, “Well… alright, fuck the boys too, they can do whatever it is they’re doing without us. Feel like hanging out with Wendy?”

Wendy’s always cool, Alyssa nodded, watching as her twin’s fingers flew over her phone keyboard, then pause.

“Wendy’s busy too,” she said, “And she went offline after I messaged, what the heck? Since when does Wendy Testaburger go radio silent?”

Ooookay this is officially donkey balls levels of weird, Alyssa frowned, looking at her friends list. Their usual gang of miscreants was all offline… or invisible, she wasn’t sure which.

“This blows,” Lynn muttered. They had relocated to the park, with Lynn peeking into the girls room to see if there’d been a meeting today she didn’t know about in the Sunshine Sparkle Club, but they’d found it empty. So now, they sat on the swings in sullen, confused silence.

Fuck ‘em, Alyssa reached over to squeeze Lynn’s hand, Not the first time we’ve gotten by alone. We don’t need those cock guzzling taint munchers anyway.

Lynn squeezed back, her grip noticeably weaker, as she continued to scroll through her phone. Alyssa rolled her eyes, and grabbed the phone with her free hand, “Hey!”

No more phone for you, you’re just getting upset.

“At least give it back so I can play something while we wait,” Lynn pouted. Alyssa gave her a flat, disbelieving look, “I won’t even open facebook or instagram, okay?”

Uh huh, Alyssa didn’t believe THAT line for a second, but she handed Lynn her phone back. Probably a wise choice, given that it was nearly another two hours before their phones simultaneously ‘pinged’ with messages from either parent that it was time to come home now.

“I’m half tempted not to,” Lynn admitted, skipping a rock across the top of the pond, “But they’d probably just come looking for us like the time we got lost in the forest.”

Given that they discovered that the forest was full of non-linear paths, satanic fauna, and aggressive wolves. Alyssa wasn’t necessarily complaining about THAT particular rescue. But the two of them threw the last of their gathered pebbles skittering across the top of the water’s half-frozen surface before heading back to their street, and past the bus stop back to their home.

Lynnea got to the door first, skipping over all the icy bits of the walkway up the stairs, and stomping her boots free of dirty snow on the mat before shoving the door open and --

“SURPRISE!”

Alyssa isn’t sure which of them react first -- either way, they both had the SAME reaction; time freezes, suspended with the smell that could burn hair off anyone too close by. It was probably a good thing that they were both immune -- sort of -- by now to their particular brand of… superpower.

“Wha -- oh my god,” Lynnea said, as they surveyed the scene that they had just ripped one on, “Oh my god. It’s our birthday.”

...fuck me running, it is, Alyssa realized, looking around the living room.A banner hung above the kitchen doorway reading HAPPY BIRTHDAY in vibrant letters, a veritable mountain of presents below it on the table. It looked like EVERY kid their parents had ever seen them so much as look at for more than a few seconds was in there.

There was a sniffle from beside her, and Alyssa looked over to see Lynn tearing up, “Wh -- whoa, hey, what’s with the waterworks?” she asked, safe to speak with no one to hear her but her twin.

“We -- we’ve never celebrated it before,” Lynn hiccuped, wiping at her eyes.

Alyssa didn’t have time to say much else -- she could feel the air straining around them, like a rubber band about to snap. It was always disconcerting to snap back into place as time began to flow forward again, even if she hadn’t really moved all that much.

“Aw, dude, c’mon!” Stan said, waving a hand over his nose as, with time unfreezing, the smell of using their powers hit the rest of the party as well. Alyssa shrugged at him, scooting around the gaggle of girls that had surrounded Lynnea the moment they’d noticed the burgeoning waterworks, Motherfucker you all should know what happens when you surprise us, you’re lucky you didn’t get hit and we were still out on the step. Now one of you want to explain the fresh FUCK is happening here?

“Your parents invited all of us over,” Kyle expounded without much more prompting than her raised eyebrow.

“Why didn’t you two ever tell us when your birthday is?” Stan asks, which gets him a look, “Okay, why didn’t LYNN tell us when your birthday is, wise ass?”

Alyssa shrugged, You never asked.

“Lame excuse man,” Kenny said, “Wendy had to dig this shit up and suggest the party to your parents.”

And depending on how this goes, I owe that girl SO many cookies, or a punch in the face, Alyssa glanced over the boys’ heads, at the gaggle of girls surrounding her sister, who looked a lot less wet-eyed now, laughing and accepting gentle scoldings for likely the same thing the boys were digging at her about. Wendy caught her looking and grinned unapologetically, ...maybe cookies AND a punch in the face, she amended privately.

“Whatever, not like it’s a big deal anyway,” Cartman grumped, distracting her from Wendy and her smug ass grinning, “No kewl party has girls at it.”

“Dude. They’re twins. And Lynn’s a girl,” Craig deadpanned.

“Y-yeah, it’s b-both their parties, of c-course the girls are gonna be here,” Tweek said.

Cartman huffed, “Whatever. I’m gonna be over HERE, NOT getting cooties,” he said, shuffling off to the other side of the room.

“Ignore him,” Kyle said, rolling his eyes, “He’s just bitter that you two get more presents.”

“And that people actually want to give you presents that aren’t off an itemized list,” Kenny snickered.

Alyssa raised a brow, Okay, gonna have to fill me in on that one --

“Who wants to break the pinata?” Chris called from the direction of the backdoor.

--after I beat a paper mache donkey to death, move it assholes.

[redrobinhoods]

Sticks and Stones | Chapter 6, trial by fire

AO3 Link | 2,500 words | Chapter 1, Chapter 5, /end | no choir

CW: Character death

A/N:  I would just like to apologize, I had to keep to my own canon for this series. This ending was set in no choir, chronologically the follow up in this series.

Chapter Summary: In the days following the Battle of Coruscant, Fox, Stone, and Thire reconnect and prepare for the trials ahead.

“I don’t want them on my planet.”

“General Skywalker just saved the Chancellor, Fox.”

“I don’t care, I want them gone. They’re going to cause a ruckus.”

“Just don’t shoot any more of them and you’ll be fine.” Thire broke into Stone and Fox’s argument from his bed, where he lay with a bacta patch across his neck. The abrasions were nearly healed, but the medics had suggested he continue the treatment until all soreness was gone.

“Don’t test me, I’ll wring your neck like a pair of greys.” But the growl was soft, with no menace behind it.

“Mm. Well,” Thire picked up the bacta patch and swung his legs over the edge of his bed, “while you two bicker, I’m going to enjoy a hot shower before I’m wrung out.”

“A shower sounds nice.” Stone agreed. After Thire’s collapse, Stone hadn’t let him enjoy the showers alone, much to Thire’s annoyance. “Will you be joining us, Fox?”

Thire’s look of irritation sunk deeper into his features.

“I don’t see why not.” Fox shrugged before moving to strip off his armor.

Stone turned his face so that Fox couldn’t see his look of satisfaction. Of all the mundane things in life, he hadn’t realized until recently how much he missed his old routine with Thorn and Fox. Even the fear for his life as Fox and Thorn argued as the latter shaved Stone’s head was missed, though admittedly less than the other things. Far less than the designs that Stone would then shave into Thorn’s hair. He could still remember tracing them for the last time, sitting beside Thorn’s body and running his fingers through his hair as he allowed himself a few minutes of grief. A few minutes, then no more. He’d had to stay strong for Fox and Thire. Watching them now, he didn’t regret his decision. He could grieve more when the war was over; Ponds, Thorn, Bravo, all the men who had died under his command. He could give them the mourning that they deserved. But not now. Now, he needed to be with the living.

“You’ve been healing well.” Stone remarked to Fox once the three of them had settled under a stream of warm to hot water.

“All Riyo.” Fox smiled absentmindedly. “She’s got me using that cream more often than I ever would on my own.”

“I’m happy for you two. Really, Fox, I am. It’s good to see how happy you are with her.”

“Thank you, Stone.” Fox’s murmur was almost lost to the sound of water around them, but Stone could still read his lips across the small room, despite the steam starting to fill the space. “Are you going to boil yourself alive, Thire?”

“It feels nice.”

“That’s your blood pressure dropping to zero, look at how red your skin is!”

Thire shrugged. “Feels nice. Besides, the knob can turn further.”

“Thire!”

Soon after, Fox was the first to step out of the shower, and Stone was convinced that by the time he and Thire joined him that he would be gone, already on his way to Senator Chuchi’s apartment. But to his shock, Fox was still in their room when they were done, sitting on the edge of his bed with his comm in hand.

“Is something wrong?” Thire asked.

Fox looked up at them and smiled. “No, nothing’s wrong. Just figured I’d stay here tonight. Riyo’s working on a proposal anyways, she doesn’t need me there distracting her.” Fox set the comm down. “So what are we going to do tonight?”

“Go to sleep.” Stone scoffed as he pulled on a clean pair of blacks. “I don’t know, Fox.”

“We could watch a holo.” Thire suggested. “My squad used to try to watch one every weekend after our shifts. It was fun.”

“A comedy?” Fox suggested. “I personally don’t want any war holos.”

“Oh, me either.” Stone agreed, kicking his feet up onto his bed and pulling out his datapad. He was joined a few seconds later by Fox laying down at his side, then they were joined a few seconds after that by Thire, who clambered over both of them to lay on Stone’s other side.

A few minutes and a little bickering later, they had a holo going, with Stone holding up the datapad in his lap for them to see. When Thire’s eyes began to flutter shut towards the end, Stone wiggled his shoulder, causing Thire’s head to bob up and down and bringing him back to wakefulness. Only once it was over and the datapad was turned off did Stone allow Thire to close his eyes and curl up against his side. As if sensing a weakness, Fox did the same, shoving Stone over so that he had more room to lay down fully.

“Fox!” Stone protested as he was squished between his two brothers.

“C’mon, Stone.” Fox teased, laying his head to rest on Stone’s other shoulder.

Stone sighed and consigned himself to his fate. But, despite his protests and outward disgruntlement, he felt safe. He had not slept in the same bed as Fox since the first nights after Thorn had died, when they had slept back to back for comfort, not knowing how to deal with their loss. Since then, he had either slept alone or beside Thire, to ease him from his nightmares. But now, he was surrounded by the two men he loved most in the galaxy, and he allowed himself to close his eyes and fall into sleep amongst them.

---

The next day found Stone and Thire kicking back with their feet up on Stone’s desk as they sorted through the lingering reports from the Battle of Coruscant, as it was already coming to be known. Fox had stepped out a few minutes ago to speak to Riyo, and Stone could imagine that the two were curled up together on Riyo’s couch in the dying light of the sunset. The perfect scene. Or at least, it would have been, until his comm chimed.

“The Chancellor.”

“Calling you?” Thire said incredulously.

“Hey!” Stone was about to protest when Thire’s comm chimed as well.

“The Chancellor.” Thire confirmed, shooting Stone a concerned look.

“Let’s go.”

All the chattering in the office stopped the moment the two commanders entered, as if the men could sense their unease. Perhaps they could. Both had donned their helmets and whisked through the room without a word. In the emptying halls of the Senate, senators moved out of their path as they made their way to the Chancellor’s office, where they found Fox, a broken window, and a shriveled old man.

“Commander Stone. Commander Thire. Good.” The old man greeted with an all too familiar voice, leaving Stone grateful for his helmet as his face contorted into horror.

“Sir, what happened?” Thire asked, striding over to the man’s side.

“A Jedi.” The not-Chancellor replied. “He tried to kill me. They have betrayed the Republic.”

“What would you have us do?” Fox said, his voice unnaturally smooth. Stone knew that he was just as revolted behind his helmet.

“Commander Fox, I would ask you to remain here in the Senate and oversee our men through this trying time. The same for you, Commander Thire. I would like you to stay by my side these next few hours.” His head turned back to Stone. “Commander Stone. I have already deployed the five hundred and first legion to the Jedi Temple. I would like you to secure the area surrounding the building. We must protect the citizens of Coruscant.”

“We serve the Republic.” Stone answered for all of them.

“Allow me to assemble my best men, sir.” Thire requested. “I will be back at your side in a matter of minutes.”

“Do what you must, Commander Thire, Commander Stone. I am sure that Commander Fox will keep me safe while you prepare.” The Chancellor gave them a wave of dismissal, and Stone found his feet carrying him back into the Senate hallways, leaving Fox behind with the Chancellor.

He and Thire walked the hallways far slower than they had before, silent until Stone found the words to speak. “You know I’m proud of you, right?”

“Of course, I do.” Thire said quickly.

“No, Thire. I am so proud of you and the man I have watched you become.” Stone stopped in a section of empty hallway and took off his helmet. “I’ve watched you grow from a lieutenant nervous with authority to an ARC trained commander who tells Fox off. I am proud to have fought beside you these years, and I feel safe leaving the Guard in your hands.”

Thire’s eyes slowly widened as he took in Stone’s words. “Don’t say this like it’s a goodbye.”

Stone set a hand on the back of Thire’s neck and leaned over to press a kiss to his forehead. “It’s Jedi, Thire.” He said as he pulled away. “Take Jek and Rys with you to guard the Chancellor.”

Pain came over Thire’s features as he shook his head. “I will not stop them from fulfilling their duty, Stone.”

Stone nodded in acceptance. He would not argue with Thire, not now. “I will do everything in my power to bring them back to you.” He rested his hand on the side of Thire’s shoulder and gently led him back into the middle of the hallway as it began to fill once more with bustling senators and aids.

Thire waited until the hall was empty again to speak. “Why didn’t you pull Fox aside?”

“Fox doesn’t know how to let go. I think you’ve realized that by now. He would have never allowed that conversation to occur.”

When they reached the door to the Guard offices, Thire froze before entering and turned to Stone. “Thank you, Stone. For everything.”

“It’s been my honor, Commander Thire.”

When Thire lunged forward to wrap his arms around Stone, Stone didn’t hesitate to return the embrace and hold Thire tight to his chest one last time.

---

Stone’s grip on his shield tightened as another lightsaber came into sight. The walls of Coruscant citizens that had minutes ago been battering against them had fallen back when the first Jedi had descended, cutting down clones in their wake. Then, they had had the numbers to fell them. But as more Jedi had fled, more men had fallen, and it was becoming harder and harder to counter them. The only advantage that he and his men had was in their number. Fox had been radioed to provide backup, but Stone feared that they would arrive too late.

Stone threw up his shield as he flung himself between Rys and the Jedi, adrenaline pounding in his ears at the sight of the blade before his eyes. Then his men opened fire, and the Jedi fell before him. Stone thought that the sight would have made him sick, but that was before lightsabers had cut through his men’s bodies as if they were butter. Any hesitation he had had towards killing the Jedi had been cut away with the first wounds in his brothers’ bodies.

“Thank you, Stone.” Rys said as Stone pulled him to his feet.

“Stay alive.” Stone ordered him, turning back towards the steps to the Temple, where another young Jedi was now attempting to flee. He braced himself to intercept her, allowing Rys to scramble for a fallen shield. In the reflections on his shield, he could see an approaching patrol transport with a familiar red helmet amongst the white and red. Stone felt a rise of hope for what was left of his men as he prepared to meet the Jedi’s blade with his shield.

But then his shield was gone, flying away to skip across the steps behind him.

The Jedi’s blade flashed before him.

Stone had been shot before, buried in rubble, burned in explosions, sliced by blades and shrapnel, but never cut by a lightsaber. This was a new agony. Then the Jedi moved her blade, carving through his body, and the pain began to fuzz away.

Stone didn’t know how long he had stood there for when she pulled her blade back to deflect a burst of blasterfire and he fell.

He was vaguely aware of someone kneeling over him, holding up a shield over his body, but the world around him was unfocused and he was becoming tired, so he closed his eyes. He could taste the ozone of the lightsaber in the back of his throat, mixed with that of his own burned flesh and he resigned himself to this exhaustion, lying still and listening to his brothers fall.

There was the sound of the lightsaber swinging through the air, blasterfire, a cry of pain from one of his brothers, all blurred together until he felt a hand slip under his shoulder blades. When he felt the cold air of Coruscant on his face, he opened his eyes to find himself in Fox’s embrace.

“Don’t look down.” Fox warned as he applied a bottle of bacta to Stone’s chest. A new wound seared across his lips, the delicate skin beading blood.

“Fox. You should know better.” Stone’s voice came out far weaker than he had intended it to. “I’m guessing severe internal trauma and spinal damage leading to organ failure.”

“You’re going to be fine, Stone.” Fox’s voice shook, he was far from the collected man that Stone had been with in the Chancellor’s office earlier.

Stone wondered how close his prediction was to the truth. “Fox.”

“You’re going to be fine.” Fox said as if he could will it into existence.

Stone brought a hand up to dip it into the slick of bacta across his chest and brought it to Fox’s lip, tenderly spreading it across the ruined skin. “Take care of my men, Fox.”

“You’ll be there to take care of them yourself.” But Fox had brought his hand from Stone’s chest to cup his face.

Stone smiled weakly up at him. This was the conversation that Fox would have never allowed under any other circumstances. “It’s been an honor to serve with you, Fox. Since Geonosis-.”

“Save your strength.” Fox begged.

“-you and Thorn and Thire have been a family to me. I couldn’t have asked for better brothers to love.” The exhaustion was coming back. Stone gave in to the gnaw and closed his eyes.

“No. Stay with me. Stay with me!” He could still hear Fox, but his voice was becoming more and more muffled with every word. Fox’s hand gently cupped the back of his head as he brought Stone to his chest, tucking his head under his chin. “Stone, please. Stay with me. Stone....”

Fox’s voice was the last thing that Stone heard as he succumbed to his injuries, knowing that he was safe in Fox’s embrace.

---

When Thire returned to the barracks days later with melted boots, Fox found him curled up in his bed, clutching a helmet in his arms.

[trying-write-fanfics]

OverhaulXreader part 23

Time went on. Gramps got a granddaughter. He stayed away though due to the strained relationship. He still had Kai. Y/n would come over here and there, and even cooked for gramps sometimes.

The add-on bakery was stressful to say the least. Y/n was working double time for the restaurant and starting the bakery. Menu, ingredients, advertising, permits, inspections, and management were all struggling. Those were the problems Y/n was trying to control. Then there was villain activity which was also stressing her out. They were just people using their quirks and destroying buildings and stealing. Organized crime was a lot less annoying, they didn’t involve civilians like Y/n. Sometimes she had to take a different route home or wait for subways to get repaired. Witness reports also took up her time.

Though her least favorite was the hostage situation. Mainly because all she wanted to do was cash a check out to have a fun weekend with friends on a holiday. Some villain who has never robbed a back shot the ceiling and told everyone to get down.

“I need a hostage-you” the villain pointed at her.

He grabbed her by the wrist and held the gun to her throat. She had mixed feelings, one being scared, the other being done with life. There was no easy day and she was a little done with life.

“C'mon this way.” The man said.

How did these situations happen? Sometimes she wishes she was a zombie detective or at least had a cool quirk to defend herself. Her mind was nowhere near where her actual body was.

“Maybe after this you and I could go on a date, I got money.” The man said.

“Yeah, we’re gonna tell our grandkids that grandpa went to jail for shooting grandma at the bank?” She sassily said.

“You didn’t have to be such a-“

A police officer took them out like an American football player. Her shoulder popped when the three hit the floor.

Luckily Y/n was going to a hot spring resort with some girl friends. They were from the choir group, but the ones they were around her age. She however bought her own separate room. They gossiped, laughed, and truly relaxed in the communal spring. It was all nice and she felt the stress melting away. In a robe she went to her hotel bed and just laid on it. She let her legs hang off the side. The phone rang and it was her non labeled love.

“Saw you were on the news.” Kai said on the other side without a hello.

“I can’t even cash a check without someone rubbing their damn quirks or guns in my face.” She groaned .

“Come over tonight. I got you a bottle of wine.”

“Sorry handsome, I’m at a resort this weekend.”

“You’re what?”

“Girls from my choir group thought it would be fun to sit in a hot spring together.”

“Did you get naked with those old ladies?”

“No younger girls joined my group awhile back.”

“You know you’re sitting in your own filth in those baths.”

“Good thing I couldn’t come over this weekend.” She told him.

“You could shower in my shower.” He offered.

“Is that your attempt at foreplay?”

“I can try can’t I?”

“I do miss you.” She told him, making sure the air was clear.

“What day are you coming back?”

“Why, you miss me?”

“I haven’t seen you since your period incident.” He told her.

“Work has been hard. Sometimes I wish I was just a housewife without any kids. Like maybe I have hobbies like I garden and I smile and wave at people and it’s enough contribution to society.” She rambled.

“You know-“

“I don’t mean it Kai. I’d be so bored. I’d have to have like a small army of kids to be the same amount of work as this bakery.”

“So when can I see you again?”

“I’ll let you know after the trip. I've been working overtime last month.” She whined.

“I’ll be waiting for you. Are you fine with the whole hostage situation that happened?”

It was weird hearing Kai being emotionally worried.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams angel.”

Y/n had a nice time and the weekend ended. Some of her choir friends joined her to clean the new

Bakery. They bought the building, and now they had to clean it.

“So, you seeing anyone Y/n? My brother was kinda interested at the last concert.”

“Uh-yeah I am.”

“Ooh a boyfriend?”

“No...he’s uh.”

“So you’re not seeing anyone or you’re talking about….” her friend trailed off.

“Is he a lame ass no labels type of guy? Y/n you’re so hard working you deserve someone who wants to give it their all!” Her other friend said.

“It’s not like that, we just haven’t talked about that.” She tried to explain.

“Wait are you like that? I never took you for someone so casual, Y/n.”

“It’s not like that.”

The subject died down, but Y/n couldn’t stop thinking about what her and Kai were. He called her his angel, but never his girlfriend. After the hard work, the girls started drinking, and not thinking, Y/n took the subway to the main compound. She was looking for Kai. She knocked the door over a million times and Pops answered.

“Y/n, what are you doing here, it’s the middle of the night?”

“Oh my god, I’m looking for Kai and looking back at it I should have just texted or called or, something instead of showing up, but I really wanna talk to him, is he here? I saw a dead rat on the subway.” She drunkly rambled.

“Kai should be home soon, why not wait with me.”

“Okay.” She started crying because that’s just how drunk she was.

The two sat at couches as they tried to play shogi. Instead Pops let her pretend to know what she was doing as she talked.

“I just don’t know Pops, what are Kai and I? He’s so cute and he’s so nice to me, but he doesn’t even want me talking to his crew. God every time I talk about him I make him sound like a hip hop rapper.” She sobbed.

“Well when he gets here you can ask him, but I promise you, Kai likes you very much.” Pops promised.

“Yeah? When he gets old is he gonna own a koi pond and just feed the fish all day?” Y/n asked.

“I’m not sure.”

“I’m in a choir group to make friends and there’s a bunch of old ladies, maybe you might want to meet them if you’re not seeing anyone. I know you lost your wife to cancer.” She was still sobbing but Pops wasn’t judging. “And I told them that if they don’t find anyone at the retirement home I’ll take them clubbing and I’m not ready for clubbing with anyone.”

“Kai won’t make you go clubbing.”

“He’s such a prince, you raised him right.”

The front door unlocked and the awkward situation for Pops to be over. It was not the man of the hour, but instead Chrono.

“Oh my god, it’s you, the guy who bought a gun from my mom.” She was still sobbing.

“You don’t remember my name?” Chrono asked.

“No, I’m drunk and conflicted about so many things.”

“Chrono why not keep Y/n company, I’m old and tired”.

“Goodnight pops.” Y/n said like a person.

“This situation keeps happening. You drunk, me sober.”

“Oh my god, where is Kai?”

“He is taking care of some final things, I thought I would leave some paper work here.”

“Does he talk about me?”

“No because he told us not to talk about you, remember that?”

“I don’t even remember your name, and want me to remember things. Does he even like me?”

“Yes. That is an easy one.”

“You think he thinks I’m cute.”

“I would bet money on that.”

“I saw a dead rat on the subway and I thought that was an omen for my death and Kai showing up to my funeral saying he’s my friend and my mom is gonna be like damn wish he would have said more because she knows on the down low him and I are you know…”

“Wait you think Kai is gonna speak at your funeral.”

“He’s gotta be a leader. He’d be like Y/n was sufficient at cooking and she made people smile, her only downfall was having periods.”

“I’m sure he knows that periods are inevitable.”

“You were friends with him after I left, you there when school gave him the puberty talk? We’re they honest?” Y/n asked.

“Let’s call him to make sure he knows the truth about periods.”

“No, I’m too drunk to make phone calls.”

“But not too drunk to go to someone’s house?”

“I just feel like if I explained my system, you wouldn’t understand.”

“I would travel with you.”

“Girls trip!” She sang. “But on the real real, I don’t know if you could handle my thunder I love hotel rooms and pools.”

“Is that a-“

“Oh my god, that wasn’t sexual.”

Kai came through the door, he was stressed that the meeting took longer than intended and he didn’t understand why they had as many questions as they did, unless they were undercover cops. He found Y/n and Chrono sitting in the front room. She looked a little disheveled.

[this-lioness]

Weekend Update, Admittedly a Bit Late

I am in a mood today, so forgive me for just brain dumping.  Hoping it will improve my outlook.

Well, we put off both sushi-making and counter-refinishing this weekend because Saturday was going to be (and was) so, so nice.  We did get sushi from Q-Mart, which satisifed me just fine.

We were on a hunt for dwarf cherry trees, but the overall pickings for fruit trees of any kind are pathetic right now. I suspect everyone is gussying up their back yards right now, hence the shortage.  Failing that, I’ve since ordered something called a “columnar apple tree”, which we should be able to grow in pots in the back.  We ordered one so far, and will get another -- of a slightly different variety -- once they’re back in stock, so they’ll be able to cross-pollinate.

Picked up some additional goodies for the garden, and filled up those five garden bags I got off Amazon.  Really liking those, I think next year I’ll get more of those instead of the buckets.

So right now we’re growing the following: Regular tomatoes (x2) Candyland tomatoes Red bell peppers (x2) Eggplant (x3) Zucchini Cucumber Pinto beans Corn Jalapenos Tobasco peppers Watermelon Acorn squash Onions (still not sure what kind, but I guess we’ll find out!) Parsley, Oregano, Basil and Catnip Sweet mint and chocolate mint Lavender Citronella Strawberries Plus the resident blackberries, raspberries and blueberries.

We still have the fig tree, and it still appears to be alive, but it’s in an extended dormancy.  It would be nice if it leafed out and sprang back, but we really don’t know what’s up with it.

The new garden bench arrived as well, so while Marc was assembling it I scrubbed the old one back to a nice bright white and we brought it over to my Mom’s, along with a big hanging flower basket for the front.  This weekend we’re going to go over and install some white lattice around the front porch, and I’m going to power-wash the siding. You can see a certain pride of home ownership in them now, which feels nice.  Jim wanted more flower baskets because a neighbor across the street had some out, and he needed to show them up.  Her veggies and herbs appear to be doing pretty well, too.

Their freezer came in yesterday!  We brought it over and got it all set up, so some time this week I’ll probably take my Mom to BJs to stock up on Stouffer’s meals, which she is already excited about.  She’s really keen to use it, which makes me happy.  She’s also going to go through all her Christmas ornaments and sort out a smaller quantity to keep so that we can sell the rest.  I actually plan on doing the same with ours tonight.  More room in the attic, less to fuss with at Christmas.

Jim is not walking very well, in part because he’s 86 and in part because he absolutely refuses to do any kind of exercises or physical therapy that would actually help him regain some mobility.  He’s finally conceded to a transport chair, so I spent quite a bit of time researching and pricing them.  They sell basic ones at Walmart for like $150, but he’s 6′2″ and with long legs, so most anything “regular” doesn’t fit him.  It also has to be collapsible and light enough for a 5′1″ woman (that’s me) to get it into and out of her trunk without too much hassle.

  I (think I) finally found one that will fit him comfortably, however, and now it’s on order.

With any luck he’ll like it more than he hates it, and we’ll be able to take him to the lake and for little outings.  At the worst he’ll despite it but he’ll suck it up for short trips to the doctor.

The greenhouse arrived today as well, and Marc has snuck off to start the assembly ahead of some expected wind and rain.  We’re also waiting on the delivery of a small fountain / water spout for the front pond, as the original is really at the end of its lifespan.

Oh, that’s the other thing!  While we were out looking for cherry trees we found a “bird feeding station” at one of the nurseries.  They’re normally between $400 - $500 online, but this one was just $220, and I talked them down to $200.

Basically it’s an iron arbor with some miscellaneous bits and pieces to hold bird feeders.  Instead we installed it in the back, straddling two of the blackberry beds, and are using it to hang any veggies that we don’t have room for on the ground (as well as the catnip, to keep it from getting loved to death.)

The berries are coming along nicely, in a bit of a bid for who wants to ripen first.  Marc helped me assemble some home-made bird scares out of CDs, tin-foil and laminated brightly-colored paper with drawn-on eyes.  I hope it works, although once things start ripening I may need to keep a closer eye on things.  I am highly suspicious of birds.

Just the same, I cleaned out two of our old feeders, bought two more, and we filled them and hung them out front for the birds to enjoy.  Maybe if we keep them fat on seed they won’t fuss around in the back (although I suspect Fidget has a lot to do with that as well.)

It’s been really nice to see the garden growing... little plants I had doubts about are getting tall and plucky.  They love to grow.  Sometimes we just like to walk around and check on everything, identifying the new bugs that are showing up to pollinate or just live in this tiny ecosystem we made.  My cityboy husband marvels on the regular how much he’s learned, and how much he loves the garden, its maintenance and care.

I have been having some... health frustrations for the past year and change.  They’re not serious, that I know of, but they have been greatly affecting my sense of self and well-being, and as time goes on and they don’t resolve it’s just getting more and more stressed out.  The only medical solution may be worse than the problem itself, so I’ve spent a lot of time today trying to get hold of a doctor or counselor or someone who can point me in the right direction, and won’t just keep giving the same trite advice without actually running tests on me. I almost bit the bullet and took the damn pill they were recommending, but upon calling the pharmacy discovered it’s almost $120 a month.  For something that 1) May not work and 2) May actually make me feel worse. Yay. 

So no.

I have a virtual visit with an endocrinologist on the 22nd, so we’ll see how that goes.  I’m tired of feeling like I’m living in someone else’s body, and that everyone’s response is basically to shrug and say, “Oh well, guess you should just suck it up forever.”

Today I made some banana applesauce muffins, and they were good.

Other than that, everything seems to be well.  Cats are fat and obnoxious and happy.  So are we, I suppose!

[koala-soap]

Content In Your Presence

Chapter Two

Pairing Foreign Reader X Japanese Shouto Todoroki

Summary Moving to Japan seemed like the only option left open to you, to escape your rapidly increasing problems that latched themselves onto your life back in Australia. As if to cut it off, wipe everything off the table, and have some sort of a new start for yourself, despite the guilt that stuck to you like rust.

Through getting lost at airports, loosing luggage and being surrounded by a foreign language, moving to Japan managed to weasel it’s way into being the best decision of your life, thanks to someone you met on the balcony next to you: a sweetheart called Shouto Todoroki.

A lovely story about a foreigner falling in love with a Japanese sweet heart, and all your adventures and mishaps together.

。。。。

For the first few seconds after opening your mucky eyes against the sun, you had expected to see a different sight. The sight of a cup of water your mother had placed on your wooden side table that was worn with age, the ceiling fan busy whirring away above your head, photo frames with smiling faces behind the glass, or even just your own quilt and cookie crumb stained pillow. Instead you are met with an empty room sealed in with bleach white walls, and a shiny wooden floor covered in the very few amount of belongings you had. The mattress you had layed awake staring at the roof at on and the thin sheet had shifted in your horrible sleep.

Those first few seconds of feeling at peace in your own bed were heaven, but were quickly obliterated to pieces. Sticky sweat that had sunk into your skin made you groan when you sat upwards, eyelids still reluctant to open up to your new life. Through the blurry slits, there was your digital clock reading the time with its horrendously dim light. "Holy hell... Ten?"

The tired legs that struggled to pick you up out of bed were now carelessly stumbling into crinkled jeans, and the sweaty top you woke up in was now forgotten in the corner of the room, balled up and lonely. A few small jumps were able to get the tight pants fully over your waist, and you swiftly grabbed the sheer yellow top you had seen laying on the floor to fling it over your head. The messy head of hair that decided to get all fluffy in your sleep was none of your concern as of now, and instead just the painful growl that cried from your guts.

Now thinking of it, the last time you'd eaten was on the plane ride, over twenty hours ago.

Your feet barely lift off the ground when you tiredly trudge down the hallway, and stop in front of the pantry. It creaks when it's opened, revealing absolutely nothing to you since you hadn't gone shopping yet. Just a lonesome, half eaten bag of stale chips laid in the bin, greasy finger prints still all over it from the Japan airport. It read ' しお ばくだん！[ Salt Bomb ! ] ' in huge bold letters from where it poked out the trash can.

Having that less that appetizing option the only thing left to eat in the house, you decided that maybe it was time you left the apartment to get some fresh air in your lungs, and not just Luke-warm air produced by your teeny plastic fan.

You had realized the small bakery was much more cuter in person than the pictures on your phone when you finally finished walking there, and you stood in front of it, one hand gripped onto your backpack's strap. Around you were a significant amount of people casually walking by, each minding their own business in the huge city of Tokyo. There were small cars that smoothly zoomed across the clean roads, and tall buildings that sat against the footpaths lined with bright plants and trees. When you first stepped out into the street without your four suitcases and a bunch of fatigue, you took it in properly and realized it really was beautiful.

" すみません。。[ Excuse me.. ] " The polite voice of a young woman fiddling with her apron's strings caused you to flinch your eyes to your side, and she smiled and shifted past you before you had the chance to speak. So far, even the people were different to the ones back home in Australia. Quiet and extremely polite: both things you hadn't seen out of someone in a long-ass time.

The lady managed to tie her apron's ropes behind her back and swiftly swung around the bakery's long counter with glass cases full of adorable baked goods and sweets. Some of the rolls were shaped like a small bear, matching their small, cheery mascot cartoon on the signs hung up around the place.

When you walked inside, the smell of sugar and custard got even stronger. " おはよ。。。あ、その クロワッサン、 ください。 [ Morning.. Uh, that croissant, please .] "

Another woman appeared from behind the small door guarding the kitchen, flour prints all over her apron. She nodded at your friendly smile, as you watch her gently pick one up with tongs and hoped you didn't sound rude with your curt sentence. While you knew quite a little bit of Japanese, nerves where still present since you were surrounded by native speakers.

" ここ に！ ぜんぶです か？ [ Here! Is that all? ] " A brown paper bag with a cheerful bear printed onto it was handed to you, and taking it, you nodded.

" うん、ありがとうございます。[ Mhm, thank you . ] "

The detailed metal chair sat coldly under your butt, and clanged against the concrete when you scooted yourself into the glass table. You had chosen a seat outside the bakery, to get a look at the bright blue sky and have the sun hug your skin for once, and to be frank, the breeze was just perfect. So was the croissant that you got, and it was borderline divine. For a good two minutes, you sat marveling in the breakfast in your hands, and the wonderful city around you. It really was surreal sitting in the middle of the bustling streets of Japan, like a tiny fish in a big, big pond.

Once the treat was reduced to crumbs and it sat comfortably in your full belly, you scrunched your paper bag up and placed it in the bakery's bin.

Behind the windows, there was an elderly woman with jet black hair pulled into an un-bothered bun, creased hands reaching up over the pin board hung to the wall. Once her piece of paper was successfully pinned to the board, her arms sunk back down and shakily picked up a mug set on a nearby table. Absentmindedly wiping your greasy hands against the shirt on your torso, your eyes caught the friendly nod and smile that she cast up at you, hobbling out with a pikachu mug in her hand full of bird seed.

Once the curiosity took over, you wandered over to the piece of paper, and let it slide between your hands.

' ていき-てきな しょくぶつ の きゅうすい-き を さがしています！

わたし は りょこう に いきますが、 わたし の しょくぶつ に みず を やる ひと が ひつようです 。 1-にち 20-どる を ていきょう する ひと に しはらいます。

いんたあねtと が きらいなので、-し を つかっています 👍 でんわ して ください！'

[ Looking for a regular person to water my plants !

I'm going on a trip, so I need someone to water my plants. I will pay whoever offers 20 dollars each day.

I hate the internet so I'm using paper 👍 Please call ! ]

。。。。

Once again the sun shone it's last minutes of golden orange rays over the city, until the sky darkened and the moon covered it in black ink. The air had a certain warmness drifting throughout that massaged Shouto's skin and he melted further into his outdoor couch's bouncy cushions. The usual mug of steaming tea sat loosely in his hands, eyes swaying between the sky's beautiful shining stars in countless intricate patterns. Soon enough, the smooth silence was interrupted by the sound of a glass door sliding open, and shoes shuffling down onto the paving. His head softly turned, an old lady sighing and stretching past the two lines of balcony railings.

She's greeted by the young man, bends over with her pikachu cup, one hand supporting her on a wrinkly knee. " ばけつ を すすりなき はじめた かた が いい よ！りょこう に いきます。 [ You'd better start crying buckets, my boy ! I'm going on a trip. ] "

" りょこう ? [ Trip ? ] "

" うん。 まご お ほうもん する ひつよう が あります。[ Yeah, I need to go visit my grandson . ] " Bird seed fell from the bright mug, and clinked against the bottom of the old metal bird feeder.

"ああ、どれくらい いく の？ [ Oh, I see. How long are you gonna be gone for ? ] "

" お、ただ の しゅうまつ。だれか に しょくぶつ の みずやり お して もらいました。[ Oh, just a weekend. I got someone to water my plants ] "

。。。。

Somewhere a few streets away, artificial light was cast out from your phone and lit up the bottom half of your already glowing face. A quaint smile greeted your phone that was held tightly in excited hands, mind buzzing like that of a puppy's when the new message popped up below the others. A message from the sweet old woman you talked to stared back at you, telling you that you now had a temporary job to busy yourself with.

[askcarlyle]

[A contribution (in conjunction with @askbarnum and @askbennett) to FanFicFeb on @theothersidediscord for Prompts #10 (Facing your fear), 18 (Children), and 19 (Ambition) and . Edited from the live version, which concluded on server yesterday.]

Carlyle

A new day brings with it the sounds of birdsong, the gentle lapping of water along the shore of the lake, and the deep rumbling snore of the newly adopted bear, with Barnum's only slightly less sonorous snore delivered in perfect counterpoint.

Mmmppphh... BT dammit, my face is not a cushion...

mumbles and bats irritably at the mass of fur only to start awake upon realizing it is attached to a much larger creature. Blinks blearily at their sleep pile, including the bear currently shoving a shaggy elbow into his chin

Right. Good morning to you, too.

Barnum

Mmm it's not morning yet Helen go back to sleep sweetheart.

Tugs the blanket over his head for a few minutes before groggily coming into consciousness

Oh...good morning.

Sits up and stretches out his arms before leaning into the bears large warm body. Glances at Phillip, lips twitching into a grin

You suit the ruffled unwashed look. Its rugged.

Carlyle

runs hand through hair, giving up after a few tries when it refuses to do anything but pop back up at odd angles

Rugged? That's a generous estimation. We've been stumbling through mud and bracken for two days, I feel like something Ellie dragged in from the sewers.

peers at Barnum in puzzlement

How did you manage to sprout that much facial hair in the course of a weekend, anyway? That's practically a full beard. It's like it spontaneously regenerates overnight if you don't shave.

shakes head and pulls off shirt, heading down to the water's edge

Might as well take advantage of the surroundings. You could use a wash, too. 

Barnum 

Gives his beard a rub and chuckles

That is generally quite normal for men. You just seem to grow hair slower than most. You are sporting a rather good beginning to a moustache there though.

Scratches behind Grylls ears before standing up too, unbuttoning his pants and removing his underwear before joining Phillip

Could be a bit more subtle about telling me I smell.

Gets to the waters edge and wades in until he is covered to his waist, then without hesitation dunks his head under, splashing Phil when he comes back up for air.

Mm the natural cologne of pond water. I feel cleaner already.

Carlyle 

wipes water out of eyes with studied indifference and rubs face clean with another scoop of water

This rather reminds me of when the girls "camp" in the tent when they visit. Making the blanket tent in the middle of the rings, roasting sausages over a small fire, the way they jump off the dock in the morning in lieu of a bath, trying to soak as many people with their splashes as possible.

ducks another wave of water while trying to scrub mud out of hair

You taught them that, didn't you? I can't imagine Charity performing a flying cannonball, somehow. 

Barnum 

You'd be surprised. Charity could out splash me any day. She also does incredible dolphin impressions.

gives his hair and chest a light scrub with his hands before allowing himself to float on the surface of the water, glancing at the clouds

They'd love it here. The outdoors and building your own shelters. Hunting for food. And they'd love Grylls. I wonder if they're worried about us.

Carlyle

gives up and dunks head in water, raking hair back into a somewhat acceptable configuration

They must have notified the authorities by now. We never showed up at the ball or anywhere after. There's a chance the horses made it home by now.

stands in the shallow water, watching Barnum float by

That looks like fun. Maybe we could have swimming lessons someday, when we are in a slightly less remote location? Or perhaps I should be asking Charity? 

Barnum 

Hey, she might be better at the cannonball but I can easily beat her in a race. I have had many more years of swimming practise than she has. Here.

Shifts back under the water and paddles over, standing next to Phillip in the shallows and holding out his arms

Lay on your front, I'll hold you up. Once you learn to not panic and how to move your arms and legs you'll be fine. Swimming is like riding a bicycle.

Carlyle

looks down at the water uncertainly, caught offguard by the sudden offer

Now?

glances back towards the shore, then seems to realize they have absolutely no schedule to follow, a nearly unheard of luxury. shrugs and flops forward, nearly sending Barnum toppling

Barnum 

Oof ...Alright first thing, stop being so tense. You're like a rock. Let your shoulders go loose, there we go.

Holds him near the surface of the water, ducking a little to let himself sink under a bit too.

Now all the power to keep yourself up comes from your legs, moving your arms is for steadying and direction. You wanna kick your legs like you're running, then when you feel steady, get your arms going too. One over one under, like you've seen me do.

Carlyle 

holds head above water and gives a few experimental kicks, flailing a little with arms as he sinks lower in the water

Bicycles don't drown you if you fall, you know.

Barnum 

You're not going to drown either, I am holding you up. Relax, you are going stiff again.

Leans slightly to press a kiss against the others soaked hair

I won't let go, kick harder. A mans body naturally floats unless you will it otherwise. Hard kicks, try moving your arms as if they are a pair of dolphins leaping in and out of the water. Big arches. No not at the same time, one after the other. You're doing great, still need to kick harder but we are moving.

Carlyle 

follows instructions as best as possible, pushing away fears and grounding self in the feeling of strong, capable hands steadying his somewhat halting progress

feels, for the first time, the water actually buoying him up rather than pushing down from all sides. As if stepping out of a smokey tent into the clear night air, something finally clicks and the last dragging chains of memories past are shed

Barnum

Chuckles with an overjoyed grin

You're doing it! You're swimming, Phil! I am still ready to catch you but I'm moving my hands away alright. Just keep going, don’t panic. I will put them right back if I think you need them. Stead- AGH

Feels something sink its teeth into his leg and yelps, slipping back in the wet river mud and splashing around to regain his balance. About to resume steadying Phillip he feels another set of sharp teeth sink into his rear and nearly jumps out of the water.

LeSsOn OvEr! Ack! Oww Back to land, don't put your feet down there’s something- ack!! 

Carlyle

shoots forward in the water as Barnum lets go, then promptly starts flailing when he realizes the training wheels have come off

"Something"?! What

splutter

constitutes

splash

"something"?

yelps as foot touches something fast and slimy when he tries to feel the lakebed with his feet

half dashes and half dogpaddles until finally able to run the rest of the way to shore

Barnum 

Flails for a few moments as he uses one hand to protect his unmentionables and the other to try to keep himself balanced in the water. Scrambling back towards the shore in a fit of yelps as he slips and slides on the muddy pond edge, noticing a nasty looking trout with its teeth still stuck in his thigh and slipping straight over into the mud in shock. Which thankfully prompts the creature to let go and slip back into the water.

Well on the bright side, I think you may have set a new world record for fastest dogpaddle swimming, and only minutes after your first lesson.

Attention is suddenly torn away by the bear as she casually plods forward into the water and returns moments later with the same hefty trout in her mouth, proudly bringing it back to the shore and dumping it on the ground near them before returning to find another.

Carlyle 

plods over to stare at the monstrous trout, soggy and still panting

Huh. Well. That happened.

gives Barnum a quick visual examination and, upon noting the bites are superficial, skewers the fish, perhaps a bit vengefully, with a nearby stick and heads back to camp

Breakfast will be ready in half an hour. 

Barnum

After an hour of drying off by the fire and finishing up their fish breakfast, they begin heading once again in the direction of the road. The blanket tied around his shoulders to keep his muddy bare torso from freezing, one arm scritching the bears ears as they walk.

The first thing I'm going to do when we get back home is have a bath. You forget the luxury it is to have clean warm water. Then I'm going to eat warm toast with jam and never take it for granted again.

Climbs over a large log and holds out a hand to steady Phil as he does so too

And shave. I'm not sure a beard suits me. However, you have a moustache coming through and it's rather charming. 

Carlyle 

scrunches nose and mouth experimentally

It's itchy. But I think the beard makes you look rather dashing in a roguish way.

clambers over log and pushes through some more undergrowth

Coffee. I miss coffee. Had even considered roasting some plant roots to attempt a substitute this morning.

Barnum 

Runs a hand through his hair and breaths out a sigh

Hm yes. The lack of caffeine is giving me headaches. A comfortable bed would be nice too. I'm so stiff I feel like an old man. The thought of living in the wilderness with you freely for the rest of my days was appealing until I noticed the only surface we would have available is the compacted rocky dirt. My back is too sore to spend any sort of pleasurable night this way.

Carlyle 

pats Grylls on one fluffy haunch

Luckily we had a soft pillow at least. Do you suppose she would let you ride her? If you're really that sore. You shouldn't strain your back.

Barnum

Good question.

Pauses and gives the bear a friendly pat on the side, when she pauses he vaults himself atop of her, settling comfortably against her fur as she pauses for a moment then keeps walking

...I think I have found my new show entrance. Care to join me?

Carlyle

shakes head and gives the bear an affectionate ear scratch

No thanks, don't want to strain her too much. This does open up a host of new performance possibilities, though.

Barnum 

Do you think she would be open to us dressing her in a tutu? She has some elegance in her gait. I think she could be taught ballet. Or perhaps she could ride a unicycle across the tightrope. Can you imagine the possibilities?

Carlyle 

She is one of the brightest animals I've met. We could give her the option and see if she likes it after she gets better. Caroline would love creating a routine for her.

stops and puts a hand on Gryll's neck to halt her

Did you hear something? I think those were carriage wheels.

Barnum 

Leans forwards as he squints to listen closely

....Those are carriage wheels!

Gives Grylls a gentle nudge with his foot to send her running in the direction of the sound, gesturing for Phil to follow

STOP! STOP! WAIT! HELP!

Carlyle 

They burst through the last stand of trees and onto the dirt road, muddied, grizzled, and partially clothed, with Barnum astride a large black bear wielding a sharpened stick. The carriage pulls to a halt several yards ahead of them.

Bennett 

Opens carriage door slowly and steps out to observe the scene with an expression of pure incredulity.

Mr. Carlyle. You have been gone for barely over two days. And yet, in that time, you seem to have forgotten all sense of decorum, and acquired, not one, but two bears.

Barnum 

Glances from Bennett to the carriage in utter bewilderment, slowly sliding off of the bear

Confusion slowly melts into delight and he chuckles incredulously, throwing his arms around Bennett before he can protest

I never thought I'd say this, but I am so happy to see you, Mr Bennett.

Carlyle 

Indeed. You are not the hero we were expecting, but you are our savior all the same.

glances down at disheveled state

We did end up having a few more difficulties in our travels than expected. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Bennett 

Endeavours to extricate himself from Barnum’s enthusiastic embrace.

Desperate measures including removing half of your clothing, and adopting a large furry carnivore as your steed? How did you even...actually, never mind. Just get in the carriage.

Barnum 

We owe you our lives. I thought we may be stuck out here for weeks.

Releases him after a few moments, dumping his sharpened branch spear at the edge of the road.

You don't mind if Grylls rides on the roof do you? I am sure she'll fi-

As if on cue, the bear rises to stand on two feet and snarls at Bennett, towering over them and lashing out with a huge paw. Barnum stepping in front protectively and ending up with a matching gash on his other shoulder, cursing under his breath

Hey! No attacking. Get up on there right now.

The bear, almost as if understanding, growls at them before climbing up on top of the carriage, scraping off the nice paintwork with her claws and denting the roof as she does so.

Good girl.

Hops up inside of the carriage

Will you drop us off at the Circus? I need to find a pen for her before we head home. I doubt she will fit in the town house comfortably.

Carlyle 

fade to black

finis

[whatatime30]

Torture, or reflection, or the savoring of loneliness

This is the “sequel” to my fic Green Eyes (https://archiveofourown.org/works/15799641), though they are standalone, hence my publishing them independently. Thanks to @renecdote​ and @themerrywriter​ for helping me title it. I’d been stuck on the title for like the past week and a half now. 

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17309219

Summary: A tortured artist this poor, green-eyed boy was.

WC: 6311

Info on it

Rating:

General Audiences

Archive Warning

Major Character Death

Category:

Gen

Fandoms:

Batman - All Media Types

Son of Batman (2014)

Robin: Son of Batman (Comics)

Batman (Comics)

Relationships:

Damian Wayne & Everyone

Damian Wayne & Bruce Wayne

Damian Wayne & Dick Grayson

Damian Wayne & Tim Drake

Damian Wayne & Jason Todd

Cassandra Cain & Damian Wayne

Alfred Pennyworth & Damian Wayne

Talia al Ghul & Damian Wayne

Ra's al Ghul & Damian Wayne

Characters:

Damian Wayne

Bruce Wayne

Dick Grayson

Tim Drake

Jason Todd

Alfred Pennyworth

Cassandra Cain

Alfred the Cat (DCU)

Ra's al Ghul

Additional Tags:

MCD is Talia

Mother-Son Relationship

Father-Son Relationship

Brotherly Angst

Damian Wayne Feels

Damian Wayne-centric

Damian Wayne is Robin

Damian Wayne Needs a Hug

Bat Family

Bat Brothers

Batfamily Feels

Insecurity

Angst

Hurt

Art

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Damian Wayne is an Artist

He likes art a lot

Painting

Green Eyes

Blue Eyes

Eyes

Loneliness

Language: English

Blue.

Damian blinked at himself in the mirror. Everything looked the same.

Except that his eyes were now blue. The same shade of  blue his father and brother’s wore.

He smiled.

Damian knew he’d have to take them off before leaving his bathroom. They could never know (would never know). But he was so happy to look normal, feel normal, feel like he was a part of something.

He hated his acid green eyes. He only shared them with Ra’s. He wanted to share something with his paternal side. Now, he could (only when he was in the bathroom, of course, but anything was better than nothing).

He waited another minute before taking the contacts out. He blinked a few times, his face drooping slightly at the sight of his actual eye color. He sighed, leaving the bathroom.

[Keep reading under the cut, or go on AO3]

…

“Robin, focus,” Bruce whispered into the comm.

“I am focused,” Damian said back, equally quiet.

“No you’re not.”

“I don’t believe this is the setting. Do you?”

“On my count.”

Damian prepared himself.

Bruce counted down.

Then the fell to the floor.

Damian never did well thinking in action. He’d learned from his formative years that fighting was more brute force and instinct than planning and calculating. Sure, he could do it, but it never served him any better than just jumping in.

He suspected that this was the reason he and his father never worked well together. The family constantly said he was too rash, too fast to act, that he needed to wait. He wished they’d stop.

It was just rubbing in the fact that he was too different to belong.

He wished his mother were still alive. He used to belong at her side.

(“My Alexander.”)

…

Maya’s eyes were green. Damian’s kind of green too. He liked them.

He had more in common with Maya than his father’s family. Maya was most his family (she and Goliath).

“When you called…” Maya trailed off as she gave him a hug. “It’s been too long.”

Damian rolled his eyes (they didn’t talk enough).

“I missed you.”

“And I you.” His voice was half a grumble.

“How’s Mr. Batman?” The sarcasm was obvious. She was heavy handed in that manner, something he didn’t share but admired.

“They’re children.”

“The lot of them? Man, kids these days, am I right ?”

He felt the corners of his mouth curve upwards.

“Where’re we going?”

Damian hadn’t thought of a place. They could wander. “Out.”

“Look, I get you like this brooding thing and being all ‘Son of Batman-y,’ but tell me where you want to go, or we’re going to Bat Burgers.”

“Batburgers it is.”

Maya’s eyes were green.

…

“You got the eyes wrong.”

Damian turned to his father. He hadn’t even heard the man come in. He didn’t like to paint around anyone. It made his stomach do loops like those rollercoasters Dick took him to for his birthday last year.

“What do you mean?” Damian asked.

“Selina’s eyes are blue.”

“No, they’re not. They’re green.”

The man grunted. “You sure?”

Damian was mostly sure. He hadn’t thought of them any other way.

They fact that Selina’s eyes were green bothered him enough. It’d be a small mercy for God to make them blue. After all, his mother had brown ones. If he couldn’t share eyes with her, he’d rather not share them with his father’s lover either.

“They’re prettier blue.”

Damian couldn’t help but grimace.

After a shrug, his father left.

Damian smudged the eye, ruining the painting.

But what did it matter if it wasn’t pretty anymore?

…

Damian found photography was enjoyable.

He didn’t need as many materials.

He could do it anywhere.

It didn’t require as much time as painting, but the attention to detail was of the same caliber.

So, he took lots of pictures.

When he was in the mood, Damian would climb to the tops of Wayne Tower or some other desolate rooftop to capture pictures.

His current venture?

Eyes.

People had all different colors.

He found himself printing out pictures of them all, arranging them by levels of beauty and depth.

Ra’s always said a man’s eyes were his soul.

What did that mean of this woman? Her eyes were a placid blue like a duck pond in a children’s cartoon. Was she calm? At peace? Her dress didn’t suggest such. She’d worn a tight-fitting business suit and heels that clicked. If one had seen her eyebrows, they’d see the steeliness behind those calm blue ponds.

“What the…”

Damian sighed. Of course Jason would be the one to interrupt his studies. It seemed the man had been coming around the manner more as of late. He’d come to Damian and ask after his father.

“What’s this about, squirt?”

“Art project,” Damian answers curtly.

“For school?”

“No.”

“Then what for?”

“Recreational purposes.” If Jason was entitled to his Shakespeare, wasn’t Damian to his art?

“Why’re all the blue-eyed ones over there and the others in another pile. Something against blue-eyed people?”

“Something against aryans, Anti-Führer?”

“Father is in his study. Now leave me be, Todd.”

“No, I’m intrigued now.” Jason took a seat by Damian, brushing against the younger’s leg. “So, what’re we doing?”

Damian sighed. “Nothing.” He threw the placid blue pond to his right, starting a pile of its own.

“Are these randos from the street?”

“I suppose you could call them that.”

“Pretty good quality.”

“I-- thank you.”

Jason chuckled. “You’re welcome.”

Over the years, Damian had learned that Jason wasn’t as insufferable as he first thought the Red Hood to be. Depending on the activity, he was even the best possible company (if Dick wasn’t available, of course). They had similar histories, a common friend and foe. It made sense.

“Ever finish that portrait of Selina for her birthday?”

“I drew her cats instead.”

“Why? It was looking pretty nice.”

“I lost interest.”

“That sucks.” Jason flitted through a stack of photos he’d collected.

Damian shrugged.

“Dick been around lately?”

“Not since the Sunday before last.”

“Has he called?”

“Are you looking for him?” Damian asked.

“No… just wondering.’

“Why?”

“I dunno, kid. Can’t I wonder?” Jason made eye contact, a grin forming on his lips.

Damian couldn’t help but smile back (even if the sheer blueness of Jason’s eyes made his tongue dry up and shrivel like that of the silent soldiers of the pit).

…

He wore them again.

Damian found himself locking the bathroom door and putting the contacts in daily now.

He liked things better this way.

He wanted to gouge his slimy emeralds out. Glass water droplets would make for a better existence.

Blue was art, after all. The pretty kind.

…

Dick gazed sadly upon his youngest brother.

Damian was paler, duller (the rest of his health being intact was mercy enough).

Did no one notice? The His kid was spending a drizzling afternoon sketching ponds.

No less alert though. He saw Damian eyeing him from the garden, most likely waiting for Dick to leave the car before accepting their usual embrace. Dick sighed as he left the car.

Damian hurriedly left his spot on a jagged rock by the duck pond that’d been around since Bruce had been a boy.

“Hey, D,” he said easily, hugging the boy.

“Grayson.”

“What’re you up to?”

“Drawing.”

“Sounds fun.”

“I suppose.”

Dick punctuated the hug with a peck on Damian’s cheek.

The boy blushed. “How long will you be here?”

“All weekend. B needs me for something.”

Damian nodded.

“Is that paint or blood?”

“Hm?”

“Your hand.”

There was a red stream down Damian’s palm.

“Shouldn’t be touching sharp rocks, kiddo.”

“Better perspective.”

“Uh-huh.” Dick dragged Damian inside to clean the wound up.

(his kid)

…

Dick came back.

Damian liked Dick.

Dick was his first relationship in Gotham. The thing that tethered him here when his father died. Had Dick not kept him here, he would’ve went back to the League (which didn’t seem like a bad idea often), but now he was stuck here.

Stuck in Gotham with a family that was nothing like him and only half loved him (except for Dick, of course). He was Dick’s son in all but name.

Dick came back, helped Damian clean off his hand when he cut it on the rock. He hadn’t meant to cut it though. Firstly, because it hurt. Secondly, because red hadn’t been pretty in years.

…

“My eyes work fine,” Damian whispered.

Dick didn’t know what even brought on the statement. Maybe it was Bruce claiming Damian didn’t see the gunmen on patrol earlier, which in Bruce’s defense, had earned Damian a bullet wound in the left arm. “What’d you mean?”

Damian’s eyes were trained on the soft light that was the television screen, but the glass lid over them signed tears threatening to spill over. “I saw them, but the risk…if that boy’s idiot father hadn’t-- who brings children to drug deals anyway? No parent of any value. I saw them…” He trailed off, and a tear fell.

It was probably the meds. Alfred had given Damian pain meds and a sedative. The boy was merely tired. He was fine, nothing to worry about.

“S’okay, D.” Dick wrapped an arm around the boy, pulling him close. “He just gets scared. You know what happened to Jay…” And you.

Damian let out a small whine and pulled away.

Dick shushed him. “You did well, kiddo. I promise.”

Soft, emerald green’s glanced at Dick for a second before being obscured from view by the boy’s lids. Damian sniffled. “I see fine.” Hot tears wet Dick’s shirt.

“I know.” Dick rubbed circles into Damian’s back. “Bruce does too. He was just upset, okay?”

Damian sniffled again.

“Go to sleep. You’re tired.”

“M’not a baby, Richard.” Damian’s voice was muffled as he nuzzled Dick’s shoulder.

“I know.”

Damian’s breathing evened out a few minutes later, soft snores coming from the boy.

He was tired. That was all.

…

The prettiest thing he’d seen in his life.

Damian’d found an eye in his photography ventures. He just knew painting it would make it prettier (and it had).

Blueberry blue with azure hints. A beautiful, clean ocean of paint.

“The wall?” an incredulous voice asked from behind him.

Damian turned to see Tim. “Problem, Drake?”

“Why the wall?”

“It’s gorgeous, is it not?” Damian admired the picture.

“But… the wall? Alfred’s not--”

“It’s my room to do with what I wish. Father said so.”

“I think he meant you could get curtains, not deface a whole wall.”

Damian clenched his paintbrush. Hadn’t Dick said that if one had nothing kind to say, nothing should be said at all? Surely Tim Drake, a supposed cultured individual would know the rule. “That’s not kind, Drake.” He hadn’t meant to make his voice soft.

The expression in the teen’s face changed as fast as a bullet in a chamber, from eased indifference to a smirk. “I was joking.”

“It wasn’t funny.”

“Sorry.”

Damian nodded, sniffing as he looked back to continue detailing his art.

Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.

…

Music was an art as well.

Damian’d explored it as much as any boy forced to learn the classics had. After all, there was nothing visual about music. He couldn’t see it. He couldn’t touch it, so why would it interest him?

There was one person, though, that liked music.

Cassandra Cain was a particular enthusiast.

Whenever she came over, she’d always drag Damian over to the music room. They’d duet on the ivory piano keys or speak in morse code on the drums. Music was a language for her the way drawing and painting was for him.

He wouldn’t dare take it away.

“What’s with the eye?” Cass asked, inspecting the back wall of Damian’s art room. “Is it wet?”

“No.”

She brought her thin fingertips across it, smile resting on her face. “Pretty.”

“Thank you.”

…

A rose by any other name supposedly smelled just as sweet.

Damian wasn’t sure that he believed that.

…

“Hafid.”

“Talia.” Damian ducked a slap from his mother. He smiled.

She did as well. “Your absence has been noted.” I missed you.

“As has yours.” I missed you too.

“I was on business,” she defended.

“Of course.”

“Would you credit me… an embrace?” I love you.

“I suppose.” The feeling is mutual.

They hugged. It was a real one. The kind they only did every few years.

“You’re taller,” she noted.

“I am,” he agreed.

They parted.

Her hand tugged his chin (why was it still so smooth?), and their eyes met. Hers were like lukewarm cups of coffee. “Grayson emailed me your marks in school. Ra’s was pleased.”

Damian nodded.

She sighed, releasing him. “Where is your father? I must speak to him.” There she went, screaming ‘Habibi’ down the hall.

Then he woke, as he always did: Gasping for air, face wet with tears, shirt soaked in sweat, alone.

…

Damian gifted Jason a blue hoodie for his birthday. It suited the young man much better.

Though the family mostly made a joke of it, he stood by his decision, happy it brought a smile at least.

“Did you hear about the Blue Hood?” Dick asked, checking the grapples from his corner.

Tim grinned from behind his laptop, still typing away. “The Blue Hood?”

“Yeah.”

“What about him?”

“Dastardly, I hear. Right, D?” Dick glanced at Damian.

Damian rolled his eyes, not dignifying the answer with a response.

“Just dastardly. Saw him helping some lady across the street with her groceries.”

“That’s Damian.”

“What?”

“I have feed of him helping some old lady.”

“Show me.”

Damian looked up from his book now. “You’re stalking me now?”

“Yeah, I was scared you’d spray paint a wall blue.”

Dick chuckled while Tim came over to show Dick.

Damian rolled his eyes once again. Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.

…

He wondered if he should save Tim.

Damian watched a bloodied and drugged Red Robin from the rafters of a warehouse.

The Joker hummed from the side.

Damian didn't like the Joker, but did he dislike Drake more?

With a swish, the Joker was on the floor, blood pooling around him.

Damian sighed as he helped up Tim. “Red, you with me?”

Tim didn’t answer.

He pressed his comm. “Batman, I have Red Robin. We’re in the Diamond District.”

“You didn’t think to call before leaving? We were looking for you.” There was a tinge of worry in his father’s tone.

“I apologize. Heading back now.”

“I’ll come pick you up.”

“I have the--”

“Is the Joker incapacitated?”

“Yes, but I--”

“Wait there.”

Damian humphed but sat down, pulling Tim to his side.

Tim giggled. “Gonna paint him blue?”

If fratricide were an option…

…

Damian didn’t like Tim.

He didn’t hate Tim, but Tim was his least favorite brother and sibling.

He seemed to only say things to upset Damian, and Daman never knew a response to upset Tim back.

“He paints everything blue, Bruce,” Tim said with a slur, leaning tiredly against their father as Alfred sewed up wounds.

“He can paint whatever color he wants,” his father said with a smirk.

“Blue’s boring.”

“Why?”

“It’s a sad color. Everything that is blue is sad. When someone’s sad, they’re blue. Tears are blue on TV. Water’s blue.”

“Mmhm.”

“My mom’s eyes were blue too.” Tim sniffled. “She had a blue clutch that matched ‘em-- were your mom’s eyes blue?”

“Yes.”

“Where’s Damian?”

“At the computer.”

“What’s he doing?”

“Probably listening to you talk.”

Tim hummed quietly.

“Damian,” his father called, amusement evident in his voice.

Damian slunk over to his (hypothetical) family. “Father,” he said with clear displeasure.

Tim yanked Damian closer, nearly knocking Alfred out in the process. “Sit down.”

Damian obeyed.

Tim delivered a wet kiss on Damian’s nose. “I love you.”

Damian scrunched his nose. Maybe he didn’t totally dislike Tim.

…

“Damian, I have to go out. Can Tim stay with you?” Bruce asked. Alfred had enough to worry about without putting  the teen into his schedule.

“I’ll be painting.” Damian was in the process of playing in his breakfast, which had become some sort of a pastime in the mornings.

“He won’t bother you.”

Dick had told Bruce that Damian’s art room was one no one should enter without permission. Even Alfred left the maintenance of the room to the boy. Most of the family, rather than purchasing entrance, hovered in the doorway whenever they wanted to speak to him or see the newest artwork.

Tim, Bruce knew, had never been inside the room. He wasn't’ sure if it was Tim’s choice or Damian’s though.

Damian pushed his plate forward. “I suppose.” His chair scraped the floor as he stood. Damian approached a resting Tim on the other side of the table. He tapped him once. “Come, Drake.”

Tim cracked an eye open. “Hm?”

“Come.” Damian took him by the hand and led him out of the room.

Bruce sighed. His kids.

…

It was hard to paint with a lump in one’s lap, so Damian took to drawing.

Why he had to spend his day off school with Tim Drake was beyond him, but he did his best to make the most of it, as Dick would’ve told him to do such.

“Why do you make everything blue?” Tim asked quietly, staring out the window.

“I don’t,” Damian answered.

“You do.”

“I’m drawing a flower right now. Is it’s stem not green?”

“It’s a cornflower.”

“I don’t make everything blue.”

“Are you blue?”

“No.” What kind of question was that? Damian’s skin was tan like his mother’s.

“I mean in the metaphorical sense.”

“Elaborate,” Damian demanded.

“Sad.”

“No, I’m not sad.”

…

Some nights, Damian had heard, were made for torture, or reflection, or the savoring of loneliness.

He spent many of his nights doing all three, though it was hard to do the latter when his father insisted upon reading in his art room. A tortured artist this poor, green-eyed boy was.

He knew this as he painted an eye-- his eye.

A family portrait was in order with Alfred’s birthday coming up. His father requested a small portrait, something he could frame and wrap for the butler from the whole family.

He liked most of the picture. Dick’s icy blues and Jason’s white streak. It all went together beautifully (ignoring one factor).

Damian payed attention to every detail, sans the blemishes. It was necessary. The picture had to be perfect.

He heard footsteps behind him. Then Duke was at his side. “Hey,” the teen said, his warm breath on Damian’s neck.

“Thomas, what do you require?”

“I just came to see it.”

“Did you?” Damian asked absentmindedly.

“Yeah, and I came to see if you want to join me and Tim for a Star Wars marathon. We ordered a pizza.”

“No.” Damian finished the red curtain behind the family with a blot. “Thank you for offering.” He struggled with common social phrasings still. He never learned them when he was younger. It was harder than people made it out to be. A second language he wasn’t quite used to.

“He’s coming,” his father said from his chair.

“I’m not hungry,” Damian argued.

“You haven’t eaten since lunch. Patrol’s soon.”

“Pennyworth's absence does not mean I’m not capable of finding my own nourishment.”

“Go.”

Damian humphed but set the painting down.

“It’s done?” his father asked.

“A few finishing details,” Damian said.

With a nod and a grunt, his father returned to his book,

Duke smiled. “Bye, B.”

“Duke.”

Then they were gone.

…

Tim wasn’t sure about Damian.

Well, he knew the kid was a certified sociopath, but he could tell Damian tried. Tried to fight his instincts, his raising. And the kid did a good job most of the time.

He did wonder about what Damian did with his free time.

Damian went to school. Then Damian disappeared until dinner. Then he disappeared until patrol. Then he was dead to the world until breakfast the next day.

He never saw Damian on weekends though. Alfred would note the absence to Bruce, but the man never did anything about it. Alfred would probably have to knock Bruce in the head to make him get it.

He supposedly ate, considering Damian retained his muscle and wasn’t getting skinnier. It didn’t seem like Damian slept. The bags under his eyes had bags. They were omnipresent, became accepted as Damian’s appearance a few months ago.

Of course, one could usually find him in the art room, except when the door was closed (Alfred would open it whenever he came by).

He didn’t want to say anything. Only God knew how Damian would take it.

Even now, Damian sat dejectedly in the corner of the sofa, staring at the curtained window with his head propped up on his arm. He looked half asleep.

“How’s school?” Tim asked, feeling more like parent than a brother (but someone had to be).

“Fine,” Damian answered.

“Do you like the movie?” Duke tried.

“No.”

Tim wrapped an arm around Damian. To his surprise, the boy didn’t pull away.

…

You are your mother's child, but you won’t learn. No one can protect you. Not your aunt. Not your mother. Not your father...Your world holds but one truth, boy...You continue to exist at my sufferance.

An echo.

Cold, tight chains released themselves from his side, clinking to the floor. His arms and legs could finally breathe. Pain radiated from everywhere. He kept his eyes closed. Damian took a breath from the floor before trying to stand. His legs were noodles. He swayed until a gloved hand steadied him.

“Damian.” His father’s gloved hand apparently.

“Batman,” he scratched.

“Don’t talk.” He lifted Damian into his arms.

Damian allowed his head to fall, chilled kevlar kissing his cheek. His nose became aware of the intermingling aromas of burnt flesh and blood confluenced with sweat.

The jostling was kept to a minimum in transporting him to the Batwing.

Damian heard shuffling as the plane took off.

He woke up to hushed voices, felt hands pulling at his blood-stained clothing and bandaging him before everything darkened to a haze once again.

…

“Touch me and die,” Damian said quietly, not in the mood for interruptions (he’d had enough in the past two days) and willing to stop them even if it meant paining his nose. He again on his way to perfecting a portrait, one of Alfred this time. His ribs pained him as he bent over the small canvas. The pain like a small searing, reaching throughout his middle. He couldn’t do detail without gazing closely though.

“How’d you know I was there?” Jason asked, coming from behind Damian with a tray.

“You’re an imbecile.”

“I brought you lunch.”

Damian rolled his eyes. “No, thank you. Leave me now.”

Jason’s silence filled the room for a solid minute. “Doing okay? Heard your Grandpappy knocked you around.”

Damian couldn’t help but smile. “Not before he coughed blood.”

A chuckle. “Good for you, kid,” Jason said. “Whatcha painting?”

“Nothing you need to pay any mind.”

“The cat, huh?” He took a seat on the floor beside Damian. “Should you be bent over like that? Has to hurt.”

“I am fine.”

“Wanna go to Batburgers?”

“No.”

“The library?”

“No.”

“Outside.”

“No.” He was fine where he was.

“Babybird told me--”

“Must you use asinine nicknames everytime you speak? It’s a childish endeavor you’re much too old and educated to pursue, don’t you think?”

“Ouch.”

It was quiet once again.

Damian leaned further forward, biting his lip as the pain increased. It felt good in it’s own way. He moved to dot a splotch of fur white when Jason punched him in the arm. A long line of white littered with gray marred the picture.

His jaw dropped as he turned to Jason.

The young man merely shrugged. “Sorry,” he said. “But hey… the eyes were all wrong anyway.”

Damian didn’t know why, but that hurt more than the searing pain in his chest and the tears pricking at his eyes. He jumped at Jason with a punch.

Jason grabbed his wrist.

Damian tried with his other one. This time nailing Jason in the cheek. He then kicked Jason in the back of the knee, causing the young man to topple over into a table.

The circus-themed vase Damian’d made in art class the previous week shattered.

“Get out.”

“Kid…”

“Get out! Get out! Get out!” Damian demanded, tears now cascading down his cheeks.

And for once, Jason did.

…

Bruce wondered what had caused his youngest to flee to the coat closet. He’d been about to go out to ‘enjoy nature.’ Alfred was cleaning the computer and he had nowhere to go. He hadn’t expected to find Damian curled up in the corner, face scrunched in what he read to be displeasure, possibly pain. Dried tear streaks were on the boy’s cheeks.

He lifted the boy up carefully. Damian, though technically a teenager, was still so small. Why was he so small? Would he grow up to be as big as Jason or Bruce? By Bruce’s estimations, Damian would inherit his mother’s slender figure as he had her soft skin and devious smirk.

Damian huffed at the jostling, his eyes forming slits to glance at Bruce as he sleepily rested his cheek on the man’s shoulder (beautiful basil eyes). “Todd broke my vase.”

“Did he apologize?” Bruce headed in the direction of the boy’s bedroom. He sat down on the bed, relishing any time he was able to hold his son, as the action was rarely permitted.

Damian humphed. “It was to be gifted to Grayson upon his return this weekend.”

“I’m sure we can find something else to give him.”

“Matched his parents’ costumes.”

“I’ll see what Alfred can do.”

Damian’s eyes closed again.

Bruce took the neon orange pill bottle from Damian’s nightstand and popped a pill out. “Here.”

Damian’s hand slowly found its way to Bruce’s, and the medication was consumed.

Bruce then laid his son on the bed, tucking him in as any good father would.

The boy didn’t protest the impromptu nap (most likely because he’d been napping already), taking another last look at Bruce.

Beautiful basil eyes.

…

“You’re sketching me?” Maya asked Damian, her emerald greens piercing him with amusement.

Damian snorted. “Of course, chica.”

“I’m prettier than over half the things you draw.”

He smiled. “Maybe.”

“Is it done yet?”

“Everything but the eyes.” The eyes were the only white thing left on the page. He sniffed the pleasant aroma of graphite and wax. The searing in his middle had regressed to a dull soreness.

“You always save the eyes for last,” she sighed, grinning. “Why is that?”

“They deserve the most care and attention.”

“Why?”

Damian sighed. “I don’t know.”

…

Tim was walking through the hallways of the manor towards his bedroom when he heard talking in the kitchen. He entered the room to see Damian and Bruce of all people not cooking, but gluing together what looked to be a vase.

Damian’s arms crossed themselves as the boy frowned. He was seated by the stove, wrapped in a blanket. It could be classified as cute, if not for the purple and blue bruise surrounding the boy’s broken nose and Damian’s split lip. “You’re not doing it right. Let me.”

“Alfred would never forgive me if you cut yourself,” Bruce said, hunched over the island with glue and tweezers.

Damian turned to Tim. “Can’t Tim do it then?”

Tim’s brows raised at the use of his actual name.

Damian seemed to catch it too.  “I’m sure no one will care if he is cut.”

Tim grinned. “Hey, B.”

“Tim,” Bruce returned.

“What’re you guys--”

“Jason knocked the table over and broke Damian’s vase for Dick.”

“And you’re fixing it?” Tim surmised.

“It’s all wrong,” Damian said before Bruce could respond. “Father, you’re--”

“Like a try, Tim,” Bruce interrupted, stepping back and holding out the materials to the teen, now revealing his own scowl and furrowed brows.

Tim chuckled. “Sure.” Those two were too alike.

…

“Todd broke it, but Drake fixed it,” Damian said quickly.

Dick examined the vase carefully. “It’s beautiful, Lil’ D. Thank you.”

Damian wasn’t sure what to say at that point, his face flushed. He slackened, releasing some tension on the pulling bandages under his shirt. He was proud to say the least. He’d known Dick would love it from the moment the idea sprouted. The moment now was mere proof.

Dick’s eyes glazed over with tears. He blinked them away. “Guess I’m gonna have to start keeping flowers now, huh?”

“I suppose you will.”

…

“I meant to visit you on your birthday but Ra’s…” Damian trailed off as he played with the dew-filled grass. It was early morning. No one was up but him, which made sense considering they’d just arrived back from patrol two hours ago. Damian hadn’t slept either. He couldn’t.

“I…” He sighed. “You are missed.” He missed her. Every single part of her he missed, from her whacks during sparring to her petty threats. “Why won’t he bring you back?” He used to always bring her back. “I wish he’d bring you back.”

Damian wiped warm tears from both his cheeks and sniffled.  You are-- and will always be-- an assassin at heart, my lovely boy. Your mother's child. “My mother’s child.” The boy’s voice was a rasp, filled with anguish.

A sad smile. “Even in death, you haunt me. A ghoul you truly are, Mother.”

There is no Hell. No Heaven. Only what we make for ourselves.

…

Blue came in seven distinct shades, each with its own name: azure, prussian, cobalt, cerulean, sapphire, indigo, and lapis. Damian loved them all.

Yet, none of them could be found in Ra’s’ compound. The buildings were tan. The shades were lined with mahogany. The uniforms were charcoal. The katanas were silver. Nothing was blue except the sky above him.

Damian liked it that way.

…

Gone. He was just gone. No notes no trace.

Damian disappeared like smoke in the air.

Where had he gone, Dick wondered.

…

“You came back?” Maya asked. “Then what was the point in leaving?���

“It’s better here,” Damian said, voice a trained low volume he’d learned when he was younger and never forgotten. He stretched his hand to test the pain, having cut it earlier when sparring with Ra’s earlier. It was worse if anything, and looked infected, but he was ignoring it for the time being.

“How?”

“My father… he-- It just is. The rules are clear. Easier to follow.”

“My father wasn’t the easiest guy either.” She took a seat on his rug and crossed her legs. “He made us ghosts.”

“And I’m not one?” He could tell she was searching him, sifting through what she knew, what she surmised, conjuring an answer that was appropriate, correct.

“You want to be?” she asked, her voice cracking.

Tears fighting their way out behind his eyes made them burn. It’s better than the torture being someone puts me through , he wanted to say, but he didn’t. He said, “Yes,” for that was all that mattered to the question.

A small wet stream ran down her right cheek. A glass film over emerald jewels. She leaned forward, wrapping her lean arms around him.

He knew the embrace was meant to be some form of solace, but it did nothing for him. He wanted to ask her to release him, to let him feel the pain, to let him fade into the black and through the wall like any good ghost could. Why wouldn’t she let him?

She stayed until he was nearly asleep.

He used her lap as a pillow, eyes having long given way to the heaviness.

She hugged him once more before laying him on the rug. It wasn’t rough, but it wasn’t a soft cotton either.

He let out a small whine of complaint, mumbled her name.

“Right here, but I have to go,” she whispered. Maya pressed a kiss to his forehead.

He allowed her last words to escape him as he drifted off.

…

“Where is he, Ra’s?” Bruce growled.

“I assume you’ve scoured my compound for him then?” Ra’s smiled. Damian swore that was the face of the Devil sans the cherry skin and raisin horns.

“He’s my son.”

“He is his mother’s as well, Detective.”

“She’s dead.”

“I’m well aware.”

Damian watched the scene from above in a blindspot even the Batman wasn’t aware of. He came back to Ra’s for two reasons. One, it was easier than living in Gotham. Two, Ra’s would burn Gotham if he didn’t.

And he knew Gotham was his father’s true love and mistress. The thing that let the broken boy with wet cheeks who became a man whose had dried out. The motivation to live, he even guessed. He’d rather be under Ra’s than take that away, than be the cause of the fall of the Bat and his cohorts. He’d rather die than do that.

So, he came back, enjoyed the blue-less world of the League of Assassins, visited his mother’s quarters occasionally. He minded it the first day, and he still missed a stray Gothamite or four, but other than that, he was fine.

He was trained to be fine, after all. How could he not be what he was created to be? It made no sense, so he didn’t let it happen.

The pain was duller here anyway,

And dulled pain was the best kind.

…

There was one part of being with his grandfather again that Damian didn’t like.

He hated having to slash throats and impale hearts.

It wasn’t that he now found murdering abhorrent either. It was the voice Dick Grayson implanted in him at the age of ten that told him it was wrong. Everytime he even came close to ending a life the voice rang in his head. It hurt.

This was why Ra’s sent Damian to kill a whole family. The psychology behind it was infallible. It would prove that he wasn’t soft, that he’d earned his place long ago and hadn’t given it up on his departure, which was why Ra’s called in the comm for him to stop before the action. The man wasn’t as cold as he advertised himself to be. He wanted loyalty more than blood any day.

So, having proven such and still possessing free hours, Damian slunk across the street of a nearby diner. He hadn’t come to eat but to watch. He loved to watch people still. That want had not waned. He’d even smuggled a camera on the off-chance he would see something truly photogenic.

Contrary to his intruder coming from behind, he did feel the footsteps. He hadn’t stopped feeling the things behind him since the day his uncle was shot in the head. A memory he held quite close to the day he first met his father.

“Red Robin,” Damian said.

“Dames. What’re you doing here?” Tim asked, crouching beside Damian.

“I’m sure you’re intelligent enough to figure it out. I don’t take you for as much as an imbecile as you advertise yourself to be.”

A snort. “B came for you.”

Damian made a noncommittal noise. It seemed Tim Drake would always interrupt his art.

“You could call.”

Damian plopped himself on the ledge and extricated a bagged sandwich from a pocket he should’ve been keeping a pistol in (still couldn’t break that habit).

“Ziplock?”

“The League isn’t that old.” Damian pulled his face mask down and set the camera beside himself.

Tim did the same. “Didn’t take you for one to eat on a profiling.”

“I’m not going to hurt them.” Damian sighed, watching his smoky breath dissipate. “Any of them,” he added. An assassin’s past times weren’t limited to killing, after all. Even Ra’s liked books and reading. He took another bite of his sandwich, sweet honey ham and American cheese.

“Okay.” Tim didn’t sound like he believed Damian, but he didn’t care about Tim’s thoughts of him anymore.

“What do you want?”

“Took me awhile to get a lead on you.”

“If you count Maya as a lead.”

“She told me ‘cause she cares.”

“I hold nothing against her.”

“Nightwing misses you,” Tim said.

Damian inserted himself into a scene before him. A young woman with blue eyes and blonde hair in a waitress uniform sat across from a young man and baby with the exact same features. A family, he figured. Both women were hunched over the table while the baby-- a girl-- babbled to herself and stuck a fist in her mouth. An interesting sight. He wondered if his parents could’ve ever created a seen like that had his father known of him when he was a baby. It was a pretty thought.

“--mian.” Tim laid a hand on Damian’s shoulder.

He turned to meet the gorgeous blue eyes that were Tim’s.

“You okay?”

“Fine.” Damian repacked his sandwich and stood. “I have to get back.”

“You’re not due ‘till four. It’s two thirty.”

“I have to go.”

Tim took his wrist. “One day he’s gonna actually make you do it, you know.”

Damian blinked. “What?”

“Kill somebody. Maybe a family. Maybe a couple. Maybe a person. But he will.”

“I live with myself just fine.”

The whites of Tim’s domino squinted before returning to their previous state. “Don’t die. Maybe send a text once a while, so we know you’re still succeeding in that venture. And call Dick ‘cause you know how he blames himself.” Even when it’s not his fault, Tim didn’t say. Because that would also imply it was Damian’s.

Damian nodded.

Tim released him.

The robin flew away, and the ghost became translucent once again.