#I guess there are spoilers

[hyperions-light]

alright (more) serious version of the shitpost I made a few days ago

So like IF the Lighthouse turned into a huge confusing polycule, how would it happen

I feel like if you had a very flirtatious Rook they could definitely end up in some kind of situationship with everyone bc everyone is kind of in love with them… like even if you don’t flirt, those outings are all date-coded!! Taking a walk in the Necropolis gardens is literally what Emmrich tells Harding he would do on a date ! Taash is like repeatedly introducing you to their family!! These are dates

And then there’s Taash/Harding and Neve/Lucanis already… and I feel like Neve/Bellara is riiight there, just a little to the left of canon. Think we could get Lucanis/Davrin from drunk partying/suppressed aggression, and then just like… they keep going and don’t talk about it. Whatever! It’s fine! Feelings are for nerds!

I can actually see Davrin/Neve so easily too, like they play off each other so well, they can both be very funny/cynical, and Neve melts like butter when people are nice to her and Davrin is sooo nice. Also Neve loves Assan so he automatically gives her a trillion approval

Starts casual (stays casual?) Davrin/Taash. they’re blowing off steam ;)

Everybody loves Harding, yes? Did you see that coffee scene with her and Luca? Easy.

How are we involving Emmrich hmmmm… well I mean there’s also Emmrich/Strife to consider. He can just have more partners than everyone else, grandpa can get it

I think we get Davrin/Emmrich from single dad bonding, Emmrich/Bellara from nerd bonding and Emmrich/Lucanis from Spite really likes and trusts Emmrich actually

Also the number of times Taash says Neve is pretty… I think they could get there, I really do

And everyone is with Rook too, so now it’s a mess!! And Taash is like

Woah that is a lot of smells what is happening

So Neve is on the case! Track down the suspects! Interview everyone ! Make a clue board !

And then you end up with one of those color coded shipping charts people make sometimes

Emmrich would want to Talk about it. Bellara would be worried. Davrin and Taash would be externally fine and then freak out later. Harding is nervous but willing to work on it. Lucanis… Lucanis needs another coffee. Neve doesn’t think this is going to work out tbh and she’s upset but she doesn’t want to discourage anyone

So team meeting

And then Rook’s just like hey! We’re saving the world, guys! There’s no rules! We’re the improv squad; we should get to be happy! ✨

And everyone goes 😍😍 Rook 💕💕💕❤️

So it’s fine. Like they still have to talk and reassure and stuff but everyone trusts Rook so it’ll be fine

( nobody imagine the end of the game it’s all fine )

[drizzledrawings]

Only you

[teem-boo]

had to get this out of my system. good game.

[azuneekun]

the dick must be insane

[wishfulsketching]

I hope they danced in the bar as young adults, not stressing over the revolution, just living it up

[triptrippy]

laios touden's breasts you will always be famous

[neo--queen--serenity]

the man with a plan

[lauralot89]

Actual things that happen in the 1897 Dracula novel, without context:

A character has ominous nightmares and attributes them to eating too much paprika

Dracula first appears wearing a fake beard

The person he was trying to fool with the fake beard immediately realizes Dracula and Beard Guy are the same man, due to both having really firm handshakes

We are told parrots are immortal unless fatally wounded

A Texan cowboy opens fire on a bat flitting around a window, and lodges a bullet in the wall of an occupied room

A woman is called a polyandrist for receiving blood transfusions from multiple men

An incorrectly addressed telegram leads to two deaths, multiple druggings, and several children being assaulted

Dracula, while trying to maintain a low profile, takes a lovely trip to the zoo and freaks out the animals so badly that he gets mentioned in a newspaper article

The one character who knows anything about vampires spends a good two-thirds of the book refusing to talk about vampires

Dracula went to Satan's Witchcraft Academy and somehow this is only brought up in two throwaway lines

A character gets stuck inside a circle of communion wafer crumbs

A major plot point of the book is Dracula (who was said to be a brilliant scholar and has the strength of twenty mortal men) realizing he can move boxes without human help

Someone is referred to as "manifestly a prig of the first water"

Two characters have a hobby of reading train schedules

A hospital lets a mental patient escape to see what will happen

A character starts vomiting up feathers from eating whole birds

A doctor refuses to give a medical diagnosis and instead makes a speech about growing corn

Dracula impersonates another character just by wearing the same clothes, despite being taller and visibly much older. This deception is successful.

A character "cleans" a room by eating all the insects in it

Suddenly: rats. Thousands of them.

The heroes progress in their efforts through "the wonderful power of money," i.e., bribery

Dracula has three other vampires in his castle. Their relation to him is never explained, nor are any of them named.

A character insists his salvation depends on having a pet cat

Dracula is thwarted by flowers on more than one occasion

A group of vampires stand in the hall outside a man's bedroom, talking loudly about their plans to eat him. When he comes to the door to confront them, they run away laughing

Dracula wears an unfashionable hat and gets roasted for it

A group of Romanians encounter a disheveled, shouting man and, "seeing from his violent demeanour that he was English, they [give] him a ticket for the furthest station on the way thither that the train reached."

A boat crashes due to Dracula having the munchies

A wolf is thrown through a window and immediately runs off, confused and covered in glass

Dracula makes a bed

[lillybean730]

[jeyneofpoole]

crazy face to make at one half of the couple you’re impromptu divorce lawyering for after you’ve just exposed seventy years worth of his lies including but not limited to aiding abetting and directing the death of two beautiful lesbians one of which was sort of his stepdaughter also btw this couple is comprised of nuclear warheads in the shape of beautiful men and you sort of had a thing with both of them that one time in the seventies when you thought you were going to get high and your dick sucked but instead got saw-trapped by a renegade botticelli angel with all mental illnesses in the dsm-5 and a couple others we haven’t categorized yet. daniel molloy you will live forever

[haarute]

[buggachat]

until the special comes out i'm just going to write it myself

[ukiyoebirds]

Dreadwing did not, in fact, understand the assignment.

Megatron is ringmaster of a clown circus and only Soundwave went to a professional clown college.

May need to click on the image for better resolution.

Joke workshopped with @krazycat6167

[counting-stars-gayly]

[noodles-stash]

TFA sentinel: SQUEEEE OMG IM FINALLY A PRIME and I hate that stupid scrapheap Optimus

TFONE sentinel: okay airachnid now hit the second tower

[zzazu]

Cant make good art today, decided to collect a few of my favorite panels/gags from dunmeshi instead: