#I felt the need to write an actual scene so now yall have this

[lets-try-some-writing]

Hey so I read your Optronix & Orion twin AU where Orion killed his twin and took his place, idk if you have done a Part 2 or not but could you? I really enjoyed it, maybe Orion tells them(The team and probably the Humans too) exactly what he did and why, maybe Megatron also finds too because I really wanna see his reaction.

Also Big Fan of the Optimus son of Unicron stories, please tag me if you do start the fic.

Glad you like my writing! I will most certainly tag you if/when I start the fic. Although I would like to finish my current fic before I start another one *looking away from the two WIP's that have sat dormant in my Ao3 works*

Anyway, I tried a new format for this little bit, so tell me if you like it I guess.

Truth

The team had always thought that they had been serving under a reformed Optronix, the tyrant that once ravaged Cybertron. Ratchet was still bitter over Optronix's past actions, but the rest of the team loved their leader. Arcee accepted Optimus even with his 'past'. She understood that mecha could change and was just glad that he was a better mecha now that he was the Prime. Bulkhead was in a similar boat in that he did not care much for what Optronix had done in light of all the good and the sacrifices Optimus had made for the Autobots. Bumblebee was not even aware of the horrors of Optronix's reign beyond simple stories of cruelty and the pain others suffered under him. He could never hate his father, especially after Optimus had fought so hard and so valiantly for the Autobots.

The human children had known that Optimus had some sort of dark past based on the snarky remarks Ratchet threw at him every other day. But beyond that they were completely unaware of the truth of the matter or what Optronix did before he became Prime.

Not a spark knew that Optronix was dead or that Orion had taken his place, and that was just the way Optimus liked it. It hurt him to hide the truth from his old friend and to take on the many sins of his brother, but it was for the greater good. He bore the weight with stoic resolve and never faltered even on days where Ratchet threw things at him and would only follow orders if they were given by some other member of the team. He never allowed himself to cry or show weakness, not when his team needed him. He accepted every hit and insult from his old friend without flinching. It was the least he could do after everything Ratchet had suffered.

He was prepared to be assassinated once the war came to an end. In fact he would have gladly allowed Ratchet the final blow once he could be sure his family was safe and that Cybertron was on its way to recovery. He never expected his identity to be revealed until long after his death, if at all. He should have expected it... he should have known.

----

As Optimus sat up, his frame still aching and his processor pounding from the poison despite it having been drained, he gazed at his team with a frown. He reached up to touch his mask only to not find it present, causing his optics to blow wide in fear as he hurried to reach for it where it was placed on the edge of the berth.

However before he could his servo was grasped by the shaky ones of his medic and oldest friend. Looking up he could see Ratchet shaking, his plating flaring and relaxing in short succession in response to his emotional instability. His optics were wide and watery with unsplit coolant and his voice shifted in and and out static as he struggled to speak.

"Orion... its really you. Tell me its really you" The medic pleaded, his voice dipping and cracking as he choked out the words in shattered glyphs. From the corner of his optic, Optimus could see the rest of the team were in similar states of shock and confusion. Arcee and Bulkhead looked lost and conflicted and Bumblebee looked straight up confused. The human children leaned over their balcony railing to watch with interest as the scene played out.

"I am here old friend... I always have been" Optimus at last answered, his tone laced with grief, remorse, and relief all at once. The coolant in Ratchet's optics finally fell and dripped down his face as the medic charged into Optimus's arms, holding him tight.

"I thought you were dead Orion!" Ratchet sobbed against Optimus's chassis, and despite his weakness, Optimus could not find it in himself to pull away. It had been so long since anyone aside from Bumblebee had shown him so much affection. His spark sang at the contact, but the long ingrained instincts that pressured him to put back on his mask and put back up his persona were strong.

"Why?" After several long minutes of crying on Ratchet's part, the question the whole team wanted the answer to was finally uttered by the medic. Optimus considered the question with a sigh. There was no point hiding the truth now...

"Optronix needed to be stopped and the Autobots could not wait any longer for me to find a peaceful way to remove him from power" Optimus took a shuddering vent as he continued, his gaze firmly focused on the far wall of the base so he needn't meet anyone's optics.

"I killed him that cycle in front of Primus's core... after which Primus saw fit to make me the next Prime" Hushed gasps came from the team as Optimus continued. Bumblebee only knew a little of the details in regards to Optimus's rise to Prime, but he knew enough to know that the confession was great.

"It was a rash decision, one I hadn't fully thought through. I just knew he needed to die if we were to survive. But when all was said and done, the reality of my actions hit me and I realized that Optronix, while cruel, was vital to the war" Ratchet's gaze practically bore holes into Optimus with its intensity, but Optimus refused to look at him as he continued, now too far into his explanation to stop.

"If I had come out as Prime, there would have been civil war among the Autobots, and the Decepticons would have annihilated us even with my presence... So I took up Optronix's name and mantle and I did what needed to be done to keep our people unified" Optimus shuttered his optics as he finished, fearful of the response from the team. And as he expected, a harsh slap rang out in the base as Ratchet took a swing at Optimus's face, an act he did not fight against.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME! I WOULD HAVE SUPPORTED YOU!" Ratchet screamed, his relief having made way for grief and anger. The team took a few steps forward as if to stop the medic, but seeing as Optimus did nothing, they hesitated.

"Why Orion?! Did you not trust me?! Did you not believe I had the right to know?!" Ratchet's rant went on as he grabbed Optimus by his chassis plating and forced him to look him in the optics. Coolant ran freely down the medic's face as his frame heated and desperately tried to cool itself in response to Ratchet's emotional outburst.

Optimus could not answer.

"For millennia I believed you dead! I mourned for you! I-I spent countless recharge cycles awake trying to find a way to avenge you!" Optimus kept his expression controlled as Ratchet shook him, leaving dents in his chassis plating.

"I hurt you... and I didn't even know it was you" Exhausted, Ratchet pulled away and leaned on his console for support as he quietly cried. Optimus did not move from his place on the edge of the medical berth and focused on the string of his dented face and chassis plating.

He wished he had done better. He wished they had never found out. Maybe then Ratchet would have been spared such pain.

----

Arcee and Bulkhead did not change their behavior around Optimus much in response to the reveal. He was still their Prime, albeit without the sins they had associated with him previously. If anything they treated him with more respect than before. He had taken on and done everything in his power to rectify the damage his twin had done, and that put him in an even higher place of respect in their optics. Ratchet however locked himself up in his berthroom, drowning in mixed anger at Optimus and self-loathing for all the times he had hurt him over the vorns. Optimus could not bring himself to speak with him. He had forgotten how to.

The children and Bumblebee did not understand what was going on. They did not understand why the reveal was so important or what it entailed. And this in turn led Optimus to sit down with them a few days later once he was fully recovered to explain.

----

"I was forged with a spark-twin named Optronix. He was once a good mech, excellent with words and filled with conviction. We worked together to better Cybertron long before the war" Bumblebee leaned against Optimus's side like a sparkling as Optimus told his tale. The children rested on his shoulder plating and looked to him silently as he spoke.

"But as he began to receive recognition, the power got to his helm and corrupted his spark. He began abusing his authority to do as he wished, eventually selling out mine and Megatronus's revolution in order to make a deal with the council" Optimus gently rested a servo on Bumblebee's helm as he continued his tragic story. The action grounded him, it kept him from spiraling.

"I did everything to bring him back. Even when he hurt me and so many others with the power the council gave him. Even when he threw our planet into war... I still gave my very spark to attempt to show him the light" The children gently touched Optimus's face in a comforting manner as he shuttered his optics for a long moment in an attempt to compose himself. He appreciated the gesture.

"But he was a tyrant, one who regularly hurt me and our people. And eventually there was no other choice but to end him... even if it tore me apart to do so" Bumblebee made a noise of concern as Optimus wiped at his optics, stopping any coolant from leaking before it could even begin to well up in his optics.

"I gave away my name, my identity, and every connection I every had to take on Optronix's sins in order to keep the Autobots united under one banner" Another long pause followed Optimus's words. He had never spoken to anyone about his grievances, not since he took up the mantle. And now that he was finally doing so, it hurt more than he thought.

"You allowed yourself to suffer to fight for the freedom of Cybertron? That must have been very difficult" Rafael piped up after a moment, his expression the embodiment of pity and concern. Optimus didn't want to be pitied, but he did not reject the human child's kind touches.

<You did what you needed to do Optimus. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise> Bumblebee added in binary as he leaned further into Optimus's side and gave him a slightly awkward hug. Miko and Jack made similar comments, but by that point Optimus was hardly listening. He had feared that he would be hated, and it came as a bit of a shock to see that he was instead loved.

He didn't want it to end. He didn't want to be alone again.

----

Bumblebee and the children understood and did not begrudge Optimus anything once he had told them his story. How could they? He had given absolutely everything to the cause. And the longer Bumblebee thought on it, the more he respected his Sire.

He remembered many times when he was young when Optimus would spit up poison or calmly walk to the medical bay holding an injury after attempted assassinations. He recalled countless times when Optimus was called all sorts of slurs and thrown an infinite number of insults the moment his back was turned. Bumblebee remembered all this and how when he was young, he never understood why his Sire was hated by so many. But now he knew and he respected his Sire all the more for taking the abuse with silent grace and humility despite the sins not belonging to him.

He could only think that it took a special kind of spark to endure such torment for so long, especially when it came from old friends and comrades.

Of course with the truth out, Optimus struggled with himself. Once Ratchet came out of his solitude, he begged for forgiveness for his cruelty, something Optimus freely gave. From that point onward he did everything in his power to fix the mental wounds which Optimus kept so deeply buried. And that started by taking away his mask and having Optimus move around base and on the field without it.

This in turn meant that eventually the Decepticons figured things out as well.

----

"What foul trick is this Optronix?!" Megatron reared back in anger as Optimus met his last attack, his face on full display. The warlord was fuming, his plating flared and his optics blazing in fury. Optimus did not answer, he couldn't find it in himself to.

"You kill my brother and now you wear his face like a prize! I should tear your helm from your shoulders!" Megatron roared in outrage, his attacks becoming more erratic as he rage bubbled to the surface and overtook any logic or reason that he might have had. Optimus held his ground and met each attack with one of his own. He hated fighting against the mech he once saw as a brother. He hated this slagging war. But he had grown used to it.

"DIE FALSE PRIME!" Megatron launched one final attack before Optimus called the retreat, ordering his Autobots back in time to escape from the raging warlord.

----

Megatron raised hell on the nemesis and the battlefield for weeks afterwards, refusing to believe what he had seen. Others like Soundwave were unsure what to think, but without more information, they continued running on the assumption that it was a cruel trick on the Autobots part.

[good-griief]

losing game pt. 1

HEYYYY i'm actually back with a lil smutty angsty ellie fic bc i needed to write for this woman... anyway here's part one its only a lil angsty i just wanted an excuse to write rly gay smut so enjoy and p2 tmrw!!

as most of yall know any reader i write (as a poc writer) has no race, i just wanted to use a picture of taylor momsen bc i love tpr and that's definitely the vibe of the music in this fic

part two part three

read me click me

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Being in the rock scene was your dream. You started with small gigs, then small venues and festivals, and now you had a band to go along with your music. Your career was kicking off and it felt like heaven; every performance, every song, all the adrenaline made for some of the best nights of your life. 

When you picked your band, you hand-selected each member, and to say you picked your guitarist for any reason other than how pretty she was would be a lie. Yes, she was amazing, but you also couldn’t speak when she walked in for her interview. She just smiled, laughing at the way you stared at her before your manager started talking for you. He often did, she came to realize. 

She still accepted the moment you offered her the position, but she made it clear that she didn’t like your manager. She accepted for you; to be with you.

And she slowly became your favorite part of performing. You had this way of connecting with each other — of course, you were close with all of your band members, but she was different. You’d spend time together one-on-one, smoking a joint and talking about nothing until one of you had to force yourself to go. You’d get coffee together, have dinners, and even spend the night at each other’s apartments. Whenever someone asked about you two, you said you were best friends. Even when she was waiting for you at the end of the carpet, and you both laughed at your answer like it was some kind of inside joke. 

Even when you were onstage, on your knees, singing your most sensual song to her as she melted to your level, smirking as her hips thrust against the electric guitar. Sometimes, she even sang with you. You’d hold her face, or thread your fingers through her hair as you held eye contact or rested your forehead against hers with shut eyes, and if there was a break in the song you’d kiss her hard — a stage kiss that the crowd would erupt in cheers over. But they happened offstage, too… after a shared joint or during a party. Nothing more.

She’d let you place your fingers on the strings of her guitar to find the chords as you stood behind her, her head leaning back on your shoulder in a way that showed the muscles on her neck as she breathed in heavy, hot breaths. She let you wrap your hand around her throat, groaning in your ear as fans caught pictures of you dragging your tongue over her sweat-ridden jaw or biting her shoulder as she grinned. 

There was one night you let her take over the mic as you danced along. She played her guitar, singing and watching you until you sang with her. Your hands drifted down her thighs as you kneeled behind her, the crowd screaming as you lifted her shirt and came around to kiss the line of hair below her belly button. She smirked, stopping her playing and fisting your hair to pull your head back as you laughed. 

Nights when you’d take off your shirt, tossing it into the audience and pouring your water on yourself before she came to lick it up, tongue dragging over top of your breasts as you sang breathlessly. There were times she had to wrap her arm around your back to keep you standing when she did that, the action so intimate, so arousing, that it was hard to remember why you were on stage and not in your dressing room, alone with her. Some nights she’d take her shirt off and give it to you if she didn’t want anyone else to see you, smiling at you with her shirt on before you came over to kiss her cheek. 

There were moments with other band members, but none of them were like her. They didn’t make you feel the same — none of them were her. 

So, when the end of her contract came up and she talked to you about leaving to pursue other things, you were devastated. You didn’t think she’d leave, but after a talk with your manager, her decision was set. 

“I think you should,” you told her anyway. “Whatever makes you happy, Els, seriously. I’ll support whatever you do.” She smiled, taking your hand to kiss. On the inside of her fingers, and yours, you could see the matching tattoos you got months ago, threading your fingers together so they match up. 

You dedicated your last show with her to her. It was a surprise, and she cried when you said it in the beginning, but she just turned away to shake it off quickly. At least, she did until you started crying during a song you wrote for her — it was another surprise from you and the rest of the band, but the minute she saw you crying she couldn’t keep it together. She came over to hug you, kissing the top of your head as she let you hide your face in her chest. The crowd awed, but Ellie took the mic to say you’d be back. She set it down and lifted your head to make you look at her. “I love you, pretty girl,” she said, away from the microphone so no one heard her, but they could sound it out if they wanted to. “Please don’t cry.” She wiped beneath your eyes, ignoring the camera flashes and screams from the crowd. “I hate that I can’t do anything about it right now.”

You smiled. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” 

She laughed at you. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere.” She nodded to the microphone. “Finish my song, I wanna hear the rest.”

“You’re an idiot,” you said, now standing at the mic and making the audience laugh. 

You were such an idiot. 

She never told you what other things she wanted to pursue, but you should’ve known. 

Of-fucking-course she was pursuing her own music. Of-fucking-course she was starting her own band. With yours. Of-fucking-course all of their contracts ending over the course of a few months would amount to this. Of-fucking-course each last show you dedicated to them meant nothing. 

You couldn’t even be mad. It was smart. But you were beyond hurt. 

And she still dedicated her first show to you. She texted you herself, asking you to come. 

When would you learn your lesson?

“I just want to thank you guys for coming,” she said to an audience of mostly your fans. “You might know me — us — from a backup band, but we got a little tired of being backup, didn’t we?” The band laughed. “So, uh, my name’s Ellie if you don’t know… probably don’t,” she laughed as if you’d never thanked or introduced your band before. “And I just want to dedicate this show to the previous artist I worked with. I wouldn’t be here without her, so she means… a lot,” she said it so fucking snarky, “to me, and… I have a few songs for her… if you all wanna guess which ones they are.”

And her first song was the biggest Fuck You song you’d ever heard. 

Still, she texted you after the show. 

She didn’t ask you to come to another show, and maybe that was because you announced a break from music, or because she was getting so much attention that she didn’t care. You saw her at award shows sometimes, and she would cheer when you won. Of course, you’d cheer for her too, but it never went beyond that. Almost like it was an unspoken rule that you weren’t on speaking terms. 

But the minute you came back to the scene, almost a year later, she texted you for the first time since her first show. 

You didn’t reply at first. You hadn’t kept up with her at all during your break, your manager telling you to stay away from any of her and her band's promotions and interviews. He had you block all of them and their numbers, but you couldn’t bring yourself to block Ellie’s. And you were glad you didn’t. Usually, you didn’t have your phone on you until late at night, your manager having your assistant handle your messages and social media, but you were about to fall asleep when she texted. As if she remembered your schedule. 

And it prompted you to look her up. Then her and you, and you could see countless videos. 

every time ellie has mentioned “her” compilation was what you decided to click on. It was made by an account that was clearly a big fan of hers, so you readied yourself for any hate that’d be thrown your way. 

The first clip was an interview, asking her why she split from your team. “You know, I really loved her and her team,” she said, “still really love her. It’s just hard being reminded, constantly, that you're a stepping stone and your time is running low, you know? We might’ve held her back if we stayed, and she was moving on to better things,” it sounded like she was quoting someone else. “—I mean, she always wanted us to shine, and I’m so grateful for her. I really miss being on stage with her, but I don’t miss anything else besides her and I think that says a lot.” 

Another was on her way into a hotel, a reporter asking if you congratulated her on an award. You could remember seeing her at the show before your manager called you over just as she was walking your way. She laughed, “haven’t talked to her in months.” 

Another of a sit-down interview with the whole band, your name being brought up and Ellie snapping at them, “You know I really wish people would stop asking me about her.” She got choked up as the others answered, nose reddening when the question finally circled back to her. “We’re not friends, we don’t talk, she doesn’t want anything to do with us, so...” She shrugged, pissed off. 

The next was another interview. It seemed she was just having to get used to being asked about you. “I’ve tried to reach out,” she said, “maybe she changed her number.” 

Another. “She was my best friend, I miss her a lot. I hope she’s doing okay.” 

And another, asking about her songs. “Yeah, I wrote a lot about her — No, I don’t regret it. I feel like it reflects a moment in time, you know? It was a really nice moment — I mean, I still have our matching tattoos,” she laughed, showing the tattoos on the insides of her fingers. 

Another, after a show. She was always emotional after shows, and it made it harder to watch as she wiped her eyes when the interviewer asked what your relationship really was. “I don’t fucking know,” was her answer before she walked away. 

Some of them were sweet, memories you shared that made you laugh. Others made you sick with guilt, like when she mentioned your lack of response or you blocking the band. Some just made you sad. And you felt like an idiot for doing this, but after reading the comments, some defending you for not running your socials or phone, or angry with you for the same reason, you played a compilation of the two of you together from the same account. 

Then you called Ellie. 

It rang once before sending you to voicemail and you just hung up. You kept your attention on the video to distract yourself from how much that stung. 

But she called right back. 

You stared at the phone for a moment, seeing the contact poster of the two of you at her last show with you lighting up your screen and feeling your words get caught in your throat as your eyes stung. You grabbed the phone, answering quickly. “Ellie?” It was silent, “Ellie, I just wanted to say, I had no idea… I understand if you never want to talk to me again, but I—“ You cleared your throat, trying not to sound like you were about to cry. “I’m really sorry.”

“I thought — I didn’t think you were going to — It feels so good to hear your voice,” was what she settled on after stammering through a few sentences. “You have no idea how much I’ve, just, wanted to talk to you…”

You bit down on your lip as you listened to her. She didn’t sound angry, but she clearly had so much to say to you. Her voice was filled with feeling as she went on, trying to get everything out as if she thought you’d hang up the phone at any minute. You just listened, shutting your eyes and bringing your hand over your face as hot tears spilled down your cheeks. You couldn’t bring yourself to understand why you were so emotional, maybe it was the fact that you misunderstood her so easily, or that your manager had ruined your relationship with her, or maybe it was even that you were just getting to hear her talk after so long, but she paused the moment she heard you trying to calm your breathing. 

“Please don’t cry.” She already knew. “I hate it when you cry and I can’t do anything about it.”

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled. “Keep talking. What were you saying?” You looked at your computer, auto-playing something else of the two of you. It was clips of you on stage and during interviews, heads on each other's shoulders, hugging, kissing each other’s cheeks, singing together. You pursed your lips, tears coming quicker as you slammed your laptop closed. “Ellie,” you cut her off, biting at your lip as you looked at the empty spot on your bed she used to take some nights, “what are you doing right now?” 

“I’m on my way,” she said quietly, and you could hear her shuffling on the other line. She was probably getting ready to go to sleep, and wake up to no response just like every other time she messaged you. And you would have woken up with no idea she even texted you. “Do you want me to stay on the phone?”

“If you’re already headed to sleep—“

“I’m coming over,” she said. “I’m already in the car, I’ll be there in ten, okay?”

“Okay…” Now you felt bad for making her leave her house, looking outside at the snowfall and sniffling as you tried to wipe your eyes. “I’ll see you soon.” You hung up the phone and groaned at yourself, shoving your head in your pillow. 

You opened your laptop, typing in the song names people speculated she wrote for you and queuing them all. Not one was the one you heard during her first show, and it made you feel even worse by the time the doorbell rang. You moved off of your bed, wiping your eyes and going to the door to buzz her up to your apartment. 

You waited by the door, balls of your feet kicking at the floor as you crossed your arms and waited for her to knock. It was the same rhythm she used to knock in, and where it usually made you smile, it made you cry more. God, you missed her, and you didn’t even realize how much until now. You took too long to open the door and you heard the lock click. She still had her set of keys, and that made you feel worse, too. She’d probably texted you about returning them, and you never got to see it. Nothing was making you feel better as she opened the door, and seeing her face just made it worse. 

“God,” she muttered, immediately bringing her arms around your waist. She tucked her head into your shoulder, shutting her eyes as your arms went around her shoulders. Her hands held you like you’d disappear the minute she let go, thumbs running soothingly back and forth over your shirt. “I missed you so much,” she said. “They all wanted me to get over it, but I knew there was no way — I knew we had something more than just — fuck, I know you better than they do. I know I do.” Her lips brushed your skin with every word. “I missed you so fucking much,” she repeated, hugging you tighter. 

Just her touch made your tears slow to a stop, relaxing into her hold and hugging her so tight, but she didn’t care. She was happy to be back in your arms. Your hand drifted to her hair, cradling her head to your shoulder. You could remember the nights you spent playing with her hair until you fell asleep and the thought made you run your fingers through it. She sighed, pulling her head back but refusing to let you go. 

There was a silence as you moved her hair out of her face, tucking the strands behind her ear. Slowly, your hand cupped her cold, flushed cheek. She leaned into your touch, eyes falling to your lips as your thumb stroked her cheek. 

“Ellie,” you muttered and she hummed, turning her head to kiss the inside of your palm. “I missed you, too,” was all you chose to say despite the wanting in the way you said her name. Her hand took yours as she kissed the inside of your wrist. “So much…” Her kisses trailed up your arm, with more of a meaning behind them than any of the kisses you’d given each other before. 

You moved your hand back to her face, turning her head toward you. She met your eyes, hers shining in the low light. They fell to your lips again and she leaned in, kissing your cheek. She kissed away every tear stain, still wet and warm. She moved closer and closer to your mouth, but never kissed you, kissing away the stains on your other cheek instead. 

Then you turned your head, catching her lips for a brief moment before she pulled back. There was a moment of hesitation, neither of you able to speak before she pressed her lips to yours. They were still cold from being out in the snow, but they warmed as you kissed her back, pressing your body impossibly closer to hers as she sighed into your mouth. She couldn’t tell you how long she had wanted this, but she knew it was long enough that her waiting for you was pathetic.

[deathbyathousandspiders]

IN WHICH stark!reader witnesses her father’s final breath after he saves the world.

writing this specifically for @inkedeye2345 because tbh it takes a comment to realize people actually want to see second parts to the posts i make :,)

i forget that people actually enjoy my writing and i’m not making it up—

read part one here if you want!

disclaimer: heavy angst, this is the saddest thing i have written to date.

you cannot charge me for your therapy bills.

i love yall 3000 🫶🫶

thank you for supporting me :,)

✨masterlist✨.

1.1k.

The battlefield was soaked with soot and blood, overlapping and mixing with each other. Mixing between your foes and your teammates. It was an overwhelming sight to see, an overwhelming scene to be a part of. Nothing you ever anticipated witnessing, and nothing you ever wanted to witness again. 

Rages and cries and striking weaponry sang symphonies as they clashed with one another. Blistered feet and Chuck Taylor’s carried you across the rubble of the compound as fast as they could, your hammering heart drowning out the sound of the war around you as you ran for your life. Ran towards your father. 

From where you were, even as the distance shortened, it was hard to tell what was happening. Six different colors shimmered their way up Tony’s right arm, resting on each knuckle with a shine that stars themselves envied. You shielded yourself from the blinding light, only for a second. That second was long enough to know that whatever your dad was doing, it weakened him. You wanted to stop it. 

You needed to stop it. 

Perhaps forty or so feet remained between you and your dad before he snapped his fingers, and you froze. Against your will, you froze. Deep down, in the stillness of the air, in the bright light emitting from his right hand of color, you knew what was happening. You knew what he was doing. 

“Dad..” It slipped from your lips before you could stop it, before the tears could sting your eyes. You stepped, paced, walked, jogged– ran. Your feet could not carry you quick enough, far enough, soon enough. Heart plummeting, breath shallowing, you didn’t pay enough attention to hear the dying war cries, the dying battle. Your eyes remained on your father. 

He slumped where he was, half of his body, his face, turning to something resembling the soot beneath you. And still, pushing past the pain of sacrifice, the pain of the losses he didn’t have the time to count, he met your eyes. Some pained, relieved, fatherly smile spread across his face. You both shed tears at the notion. 

You both knew it would be the last grin he had in him. 

You fell to your knees to meet him, tripping on a rock and still catching your tumble with grace. Sliding straight for him, all you could manage was to outstretch your arms and wrap them around him. A sob crawled out from you, at the fact that this would be your last hug or the fact that Tony did not even have the strength to return it, you couldn’t tell. 

Violent cries shook your entire body as you held him, but you needed to force yourself out of the anguished state. Tony saved the world from sorrow bigger than your comprehension, and you couldn’t let his last few moments be filled with sadness. You couldn’t let his dying breath be used to comfort your grief. 

One deep breath was all you needed to compose yourself. You swallowed the sobs as they came up, pulling back from the hug and leaning your dad back on a rock. You felt the eyes of each of your teammates slowly find some way to the two of you, but you knew that making eye contact with any of them would break your composure. 

You needed to be strong right now. 

A sniffle, and you forced a grin to mirror his, tears slipping through the seems of the dam you failed to build. “You did it, Dad.” Another sniffle, a squeeze of his shoulder, a solid hold on his hand. His hand that was too weak to tremble, a hand that felt cold as ice in your grasp. You mustered a breath, playing off a sob like a choke of air. A cough, perhaps. “I’m so proud of you.” The words left your lips with a tremor, a break in the cracks. You weren’t going to last. And neither would he.

Your father taught you well to hide your vulnerability, to mask your struggle. “Though I wish you’d let me beat you to it.” Something sad of a laugh broke through, tripping on the hollowing coating your mouth and the lump forming in your throat. That weakened squeeze within your fingers told you that Tony was glad he had beaten you to it, beaten you to the one thing he did not want you to do. 

As much as you, too, did not want to do this, be the one to sacrifice, you would have done anything to keep him there. To keep your father alive, to keep your best friend living. Yet, you failed to do so.

Peter’s presence beside you felt like a beacon of solitude. The last space of comfort you had left. Your right temple met his left shoulder, though you did not dare tear your watering eyes from Tony’s. His slow blinks and wheezing breaths would not last more than a moment longer, and you tried to memorize the feeling of his warmth while you could. The warmth of your father. 

He grabbed Tony’s left hand, his right hand grabbing yours as tight as he could. “We won, Mister Stark.” The shaken voice Peter spoke in told you he was breaking just as much as you were at the sight of Tony so tattered. It both broke you and brought you reassurance. 

“I’ll take care of her, Tony..” Peter’s whispered words shattered every guard you bore to keep yourself composed. It tore you to pieces, and how could it not? How fucked up did you have to be to try and push away the pain of losing your father? Your shoulders shook at the weight of the despair, the unbelievable pain that could not be bandaged. “It’s okay.” You could not tell whether Peter lulled the words to you or your father, but the two words were all Tony needed to hear before he, too, tore down his guards. 

The light fled his eyes the same moment the arc reactor shut off. The moment he died.

A gasp joined the mixture of your shallow breathing, your shaken sobbing, at the weight of Tony’s hand going limp in yours. He was lifeless, dead. Gone. Your father was gone. 

You pressed a tearful kiss to his fingers one last time before laying the hand at his side, leaning forward to shut Tony’s eyes to sleep forever. The second you leaned back, Peter wrapped you in his arms, allowing you to release the feeling and trauma of enduring the scene you knew would haunt you forever. 

The cost of his life for yours was a debt you would never be able to repay. A life–for–a–life kind of payback you knew you’d always fall short of. You just hoped he was right to keep you from making the sacrifice he was destined for. 

You just hoped you would be worth it. 

[zerobaselove]

like a phantom | shen ricky

pairing: ricky x reader

genre: suggestive MINORS DNI

word count: 1111

warnings: no actual smut it just gets suggestive ! lowercase intended, not proofread.

notes: for my fave ricky stan ! also can yall tell i am also a wayv ult LMAO anyways this was a huge war in my mind between ricky and hao but here we are,,, maybe i will write smth similar for hao too idk

being the partner of a world famous idol definitely had it's struggles, but that's not to say it didn't have it's perks too. like how you found yourself sitting backstage to one of the most anticipated concerts of the year, the first stop of the zerobaseone tour.

though the behind the scenes of a big event like this was hectic, you and ricky still managed to find a few moments to spend in each others presence, even if it was just helping him with the finishing details of his outfit. with nine members, the few stylists on hand were thankful for your helping hand, it was one less person they had to worry too much about. not to mention, you enjoyed the few minutes together before he had to go on stage, and ricky swore it made him perform better. did he ever perform badly though? you smiled to yourself, thinking of how proud you were to call him yours.

"y/n" his voice was barely audible over the shuffling clothes around you, "can you tighten this up for me?" he pointed to the garment around his waist, and your eyes nearly popped out of your head. a black satin corset hung loosely on his waist, the strings hanging off the back, waiting for you to tug them tight.

curse your mind and the places it could go, you thought to yourself as your jaw hung slack in front of your boyfriend. you couldn't even begin to process the rest of his outfit or the makeup that complimented his features so perfectly before he was turned around in front of you, awaiting your helping hands.

"you okay?" ricky's voice pulled you from your thoughts, shaking your head slightly before giving a curt reply, bringing your hands to tightly grip the ribbons attached to the corset.

you twisted the ribbon around each of your hands, tugging them in opposite directions. which, to your dismay, pushed a whiny gasp out of the boy's mouth from the sudden movement. you were going to pass out.

"sorry rik," you hummed, gently tightening the strings until the boning perfectly contoured to his waist before tying it all into a pretty bow at the small of his back.

you didn't realize the way you had been staring until ricky cleared his throat, looking up to find him now turned to face you with a smirk on his face. "i would say wish me luck, but it looks like you might need it more than me right now." he chuckled lowly, causing you to swallow the breathe you had been holding, hoping to push down the wandering thoughts with it.

your conversation was cut short by the call to get to the stage, so with a small kiss on your temple, ricky was off to the stage.

as you watched from the sidelines, you realized you didn't actually know what they were about to perform. you racked your brain to think of any zb1 songs that would require an outfit like that, but before you could settle on a song, a familiar tune started playing. phantom by wayv.

suddenly the outfits made sense as you thought back to what you could remember from the music video that you had seen once or twice.

to say the song choice was perfect for ricky would be a severe understatement in your humble opinion. the concept felt right up his alley, and was one you had rarely gotten to see on him. the closest had been over me, and even that seemed to pale in comparison to the performance before your eyes.

the rest of the concert continued on, stealing a few minutes for yourselves between outfit changes and vcr clips. but your mind kept coming back to your boyfriend in that black corset, like a moth drawn to a flame.

you found yourself counting down the minutes until you would have the boy to yourself for more than a few moments, and it was driving you crazy. but soon enough the boys were home at their dorm, and you had joined them for the night to celebrate.

you spent an hour or so with everyone, laughing and joking with all of them together before ricky leaned down until his lips nearly grazed your ear, "come back to bed with me?" he whispered, his hot breath on your skin causing a shiver to run down your spine before quickly nodding.

"i think we are gonna head to bed," ricky smiled innocently, grabbing your hand, "it's getting late." you let out a yawn to only further convince them of his excuse, saying your goodnight's and heading back to ricky's room.

alone at last.

you plopped your body onto your boyfriend's bed, not realizing how much you missed it. despite only being gone for the day. you closed your eyes for a moment, taking in the scent of his cologne that encapsulated the room until you felt the mattress dip beside you.

"so you're just gonna pretend that we both don't know you've been waiting to get your hands on me since phantom?" he chuckled, his hand resting on your thigh as he looked at you expectantly.

"listen," you mumbled, sitting up to look at the boy, taking a moment to notice the slightly faded lipstick adorning his lips and the way the small lamp on his desk perfectly illuminated his skin with a certain warmth that the stage lights could never replicate. "how am i supposed to stay sane when you looked like that," your voice trailed off, a mere whisper now, "or like this." your eyes flickered between his lips and his eyes, trying to commit every detail to memory.

he only smiled as he inched closed to you, leaning back in towards your ear just as he had done a few minutes ago, "well you have me now, what's stopping you?"

any words you had thought of speaking aloud had gotten trapped in your throat, being quickly replaced by your rather obnoxiously loud heartbeat.

"or do you need me to help you now?" he smirked, letting his lips graze your ear, finding the sweet spot on your neck and placing delicate kisses on the sensitive skin as he awaited your response. you could only manage an eager hum, not quite trusting your voice in this position.

his lips ventured from your neck to your collarbone, eventually finding their way back to your own lips before pulling away slightly, his hand lightly pushing on your shoulder until you hit the pillows behind you.

"don't worry baby," he positioned himself above you, caging you between his arms, "i'd be happy to help."

[mybiasisexo]

may i request 50 for the drabble game please? feel free to make it a pt 2 of personal trainer yeol 😂 but up to your creative flow! thank you 🩵

Distracted pt. 2 -- Cardio 🏃🏻‍♂️

Part 1 Genre: smut | personal trainer!au Pairing: Chanyeol x f.Reader Length: 2.4k Warnings: language | explicit sexual scenes

a/n: i feel like you dont have to read pt 1 if you dont want to, but it does add some context 😇. imma be honest...this was hard asf 😭. im not v confident in writing smut lol i get so nervous 😂 im just a girl ok?!??!! but yeaaah i hope it quenches yall thirsts cause youre obv THIRSTYYYY 💦😂 and if its bad just lie and tell me i did good lmfaoo

DRABBLE GAME | MASTERLIST

Two days passed before you’re back at the gym. When you found Chanyeol, he informed you it was a cardio day and left you to it.

Your anxiety soared while you struggled to climb the stair master. He told you to do forty minutes, so he must hate you. You were going to have to get a new trainer, huh? Hell, at this rate, a whole new gym! If you’d known this was how your relationship with Chanyeol would be after taking his offer, you would’ve declined it. Better yet, he should’ve never offered in the first place!

Personally, you didn’t regret what happened. It felt like the shaken bottle of your shared desire finally exploded. Actually, you did have one regret, and that was the fact you’d had only a taste—literally for Chanyeol—of that desire.

Still, you understood if Chanyeol had any qualms about the situation. He was your trainer after all. Eating your client out on company time probably wasn’t the best move. The distance he was currently giving you was telling. He rarely made you do cardio, and when you did it was for warm up. Was this his way of telling you that was a one-off thing? Was he silently hoping you wouldn’t show up? Despite the burning in your thighs, you pressed on even harder, needing a distraction from your racing thoughts.

“Too much?” The deep voice caused your lower abdomen to burn. Checking behind you, you saw Chanyeol moseying in your direction. Your forty minutes was up and you were now dragging your stiff legs to the locker room.

“I’ve never been on that thing longer than five minutes,” you whined. “And I might’ve pushed myself too hard. My thighs feel like they’re about to pop.”

He winced and followed you into the room. You plopped onto a bench with a sigh, closing your eyes and tilting your head back as you relished in your relief.

Your body tensed back up at the sensation of hands on your calf. You whipped your head forward, eyes sprang open to the vision of Chanyeol kneeling in front of you.

“What are—oh!” Your question turned into a moan as his thick fingers started messaging your sore muscles.

“We don’t want them to get too sore, now do we?” He murmured, focused entirely on your legs.

You melted under his hands and fought the little sensual sounds his innocent touch elicited from you. He worked on your calves first, slowly venturing higher to your painfully tight thighs. You knew he had to feel the goosebumps prickling your skin in answer to his ministrations, but he remained silent as he worked, and you wondered if this was his attempt at an apology. Well, you’d take it. It felt way too good not to.

“I’ve never done a day of straight cardio,” you said, breeching the topic of your concern.

Chanyeol sighed heavily. “I thought it would be best for today….”

“So that you could leave me alone?” You questioned.

“Yes,” he admitted. “But not for the reason you’re thinking.”

“How do you know what I’m thinking?”

He finally lifted his head and your breath caught at the sight. Chanyeol looking up at you from between your legs had your last shared memory come to mind, where he was in a very similar position.

A grin lifted a corner of his mouth, as if he knew where your mind had gone, and it only proved the point he was about to make.

“If your pouting throughout your workout was any indicator, I imagine you think I regret what happened between us.”

A thrill shot through you at the word: us. You tried your best to hide your pleasure before the man in front of you could notice.

“You don’t?” You asked. “Because I understand if you do. I don’t want you to get in trouble. I can get a new trainer or even go to a diff—ow!”

He’d put too much pressure on a particularly sore spot. He threw you a deceptively innocent look. “There was a knot.”

You scoffed. He ignored you, answering your question instead. “As much as I appreciate the sentiment, there’s no need to do that. Just because I licked your pussy doesn’t mean I can’t be professional.”

Your fingers curled around the bench as a wave of arousal swept over you. You let out a breathless laugh. “That’s a very professional thing to say.”

He shrugged. “If you want a different trainer, I won’t stop you. I did cross a line.”

He switched thighs. “But I’m hoping you don’t.”

That shocked you. He was avoiding your stare, concentrating on the thigh he was rubbing. You could sense the sincerity of his words, his vulnerability. You knew you weren’t going to trade trainers. It was only the doubt on his end that spurred the suggestion in the first place.

“Why?”

He peeked up at you, his fingers dangerously close to your now throbbing apex.

“Because I like you.”

You blanched. “You do?!”

He laughed at you. “How can I not? You’re silly—”

“I beg your pardon?”

“—And pretty, and mean—”

“When have I ever been mean to you?” You asked skeptically.

“You haven’t heard the way you talk to me at the end of core day. Plus, you have a glare that could scare the devil.”

That made your back straighten with pride. “Damn right I do.”

“It’s sexy,” he assured. “Everything about you is sexy, it’s unfair. And the most unfair thing of all?”

He bent his head down and pressed his lips to your knee. The tender action trapped your breath in your lungs. He peeked up at you from under his lashes. “You taste just like honey.”

“I do?” You choked out.

He nodded, pressing another kiss above his last. “It’s all I can think about. That’s the reason I sent you off to cardio. I feared I wouldn’t be able to control myself from begging you for another taste.”

He bit the fat of your thigh, dragging his teeth over the tender flesh. The sharp sting of his teeth had you gasping, your hips rolling slightly.

“I knew I’d end up here,” he groaned to himself. He stared up at you with pleading eyes. “So, can I? Taste you again? Let me make up for torturing you today, hmm?”

He kissed up your thigh. When he reached the joint of your hip, you shoved him hard enough for him to fall backwards. He caught himself from sprawling on the floor and looked at you in bewilderment. For a brief moment, you acknowledged that your workouts with him had been paying off if you could knock him over now.

“No.”

“No?” He repeated as if he’d misheard you.

Smirking, you crossed a leg over the other. “I think I deserve a bigger reward. For all my efforts today.”

He didn’t comprehend at first, but then understanding flashed on his face. Still, he remained silent, reluctant to answer in case he was wrong.

“What do you think?” You urged. Your gaze flickered to his crotch and a low grumble rumbled from within his chest.

“If you think that’s what you deserve….”

“I do.”

“Then it’s yours.”

You bit your lip in excitement as he stood up. He hovered over you, reaffirming just how big he was. You’d have to tilt your head allllll the way back to look into his eyes. You wouldn’t know though, because you were too busy reaching for the band of his shorts, thankful that all you had to do was pull them down.

He grabbed your hands before you could yank the offensive barrier off.

“So eager,” he chuckled. You quickly swallowed the whine you were about to let out, refusing to prove another of his points. You decided a glare would send a better message.

“Scary.” He pretended to quake in fear before cupping your chin, tilting your head up as he bent down to bring your lips together for a passionate kiss. It’s wet and all tongue, as if he was settling on these lips to satiate his yearning.   

You made out for a while, until you grew impatient. You wanted to return the favor for last time. You’d tried, after he tore an intense orgasm from you, you’d reached for his shorts just as you had now, and he’d stopped you then as well. He’d promised that eating you out was enough, but it’d left you longing for him.

With him distracted by your mouth, you slithered your hands back to the band of his shorts and slowly dragged them to his mid-thigh. The action made him pull away so that he could narrow his eyes at you accusingly. It made you laugh, but the sight of his dick took away your humor. There was nothing funny about that. You grew intimidated by the size as it bounced in front of your face.

“What?” he asked, sounding rather smug. “Having second thoughts, Sweetie?”

“Absolutely not.” You wasted no more time putting Chanyeol into your mouth the best you could. Your determination made him chuckle, but the feeling of your tongue swiping across his sensitive skin left him groaning. Tears blurred your vision from your effort, but it didn’t deter you. Chanyeol soon took the reins, holding himself up with one hand against the lockers behind you, his other hand holding the back of your head to keep it steady so that he could fuck himself into your mouth.

“That’s it, pretty girl,” he huffed. He decided to test your limits by shoving himself in until your nose pressed against his pelvis. Immediately, you’re gagging around him and his head fell back. “I knew you could take all of me. So good. You feel so good. Shit.”

You couldn’t help but moan from his praises, fighting the urge to play with yourself. The sound vibrated around him, causing his hips to jerk, sinking deeper into you.

He dragged himself out. “Shit. I need to be in you.”

“Fucking finally,” you coughed.

He barked a laugh. “Hey, you’re the one who wanted to suck me off.”

“True.” You sighed dreamily. He shook his head and started undressing. You followed suite, eager to get to the main event.

When you’re standing in front of him completely naked, he took a few steps back to get a good look. “Fuck, you are so beautiful.”

The compliment made you light up. It was so genuine and sweet, it made you want to please him even more. “Then touch me.”

He obliged you straightaway. Large hands roamed your body, lips wandered the expanse of your neck and chest before settling on your lips.

Without breaking the kiss, Chanyeol lifted you up to lay you gently on the bench. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but it would have to do. He slid you towards the edge where he stood and practically squatted to line himself up to you.

“Are you sure you want this?” He asked. He rubbed his cock against your soaked pussy distractedly as he awaited your consent.

You nodded quickly. “Yes. Dear god, yes, Chanyeol! I want this. I want you.”

“You want me?” You asked, teasingly.

“So bad,” you babbled. “Please. Please fuck me. Fuck me, Chanyeol. Now. Shit.”

His smile was so large, you swore you could see all of his teeth. “If you insist.”

Then he’s pushing into you. The stretch had your jaw dropping, had you holding onto the bench for dear life as he found a steady rhythm. His dick had you feeling crazy. Every thrust pushed a moan out your throat, as your head snapped from one side to the other, and words unintelligently left your swollen lips. All you could register in your lust ridden mind was him and the intense pleasure he selflessly gave. You’d never experienced anything like it. Chanyeol reached into your fucking soul, leaving you quaking from overstimulation. You wanted him to stop, needed a moment to gather yourself, but he wasn’t allowing you a moment of rest. You were too far gone to voice it anyway.

Little did you know, you were also too much for him. Too wet. Too warm. He’d imagined fucking you plenty of times, but the real thing was indescribable. Unlike anything he could’ve conjured up. You were beyond anything he could’ve conjured. “So perfect. You’re so perfect for me, Angel.”

He gathered you into his embrace, holding your damp body tightly against his own. Lifting you slightly off the bench, he picked up his pace. Your tortured sounds were now directly in his ear, tantalizing him. His strokes grew messy, fueled by a desperation that bridged onto the animalistic.

“I’m gonna come,” you urgently warned, but it wasn’t enough time. You were violently cumming as soon as you finished speaking. Your mouth fell open in a silent scream as you stiffened in Chanyeol’s arms. Toes and fingers curled as your head fell back, eyes rolling. You started squeezing him so damn tight he could barely move inside you.

“Oh fuck,” he muttered, barely having enough time to pull out. He came on your lower stomach in intense spurts that had his hips jerking hard.

Depleted, he fell to his knees, unable to hold himself up any longer. His head rested against your thigh as he fought to catch his breath.

“Holy hell,” he groaned. “You’re fucking amazing.”

You’d been staring unseeingly at the ceiling since he pulled out, but his words brought you back to reality. “I think you killed me.”

He chuckled and spanked your thigh playfully. “Hurry up and shower. I owe you dinner.”

You struggled into a sitting position so that you could see him. He had a content lazy grin on his face, eyes nearly closed as he leaned against you looking so cute your heart started to ache. Feeling sentimental, you started combing your fingers through his sweaty hair. “Like a date?”

He became thoughtful, lifting a finger to play with his cum dripping down your belly. His touch reignited your desire instantly, but you brushed it off.

“I would like it to be, yes.”

You’re absolutely beaming. “Okay. I’ll hurry.”

He backed away so that you could get up to head to the showers. Right before you entered, you turned to him. “Aren’t you going to join me?”

He jumped off the floor, trailing after you with a mischievous grin. “And here I thought you hated cardio.”

[justauthoring]

Shadow of Yourself [15/18]

Prompt: “You’ve changed, Eli. I barely even know who you are right now.”

A/N: final part of season five! i can't believe i finally finished season five yall because i procrastinated on it for sooooo long but it actually ended up being one of my favourite to write!

Based off of: Cobra Kai 05x08, 05x09, and 05x10 Warnings: some swear words (because tumblr apparently doesn’t like that), poorly written fight scenes (i swear, i struggle so much) ALSO! this chapter deals with some heavier topics - self-doubt and deprication, as well as the reader blames herself for the deaths of her family (but don't worry, eli makes it better <3) ! overall, there's some heavier things discussed so just be warned. Pairing: Eli Moskowitz x F!Reader

Tag List: @moonydrafts - @ashwhowrites - @traveleraroundsworld - @truly-abysmal - @likecherriesinthespring - @hollxe1 - @asonofpeter - @scarlett-verse - @musically-ambiguous - @kayda1 - @moon-zoons - @dwcode - @day-dreamsinthedark - @leilani788 - @silvermagnolias - @hawkinsavclub - @animewolflover278 - @gruffle1 - @b-tchymoon - @maggiecc - @beetea38 - @hawkinsavclub1983 - @crpytids - @embersparklz - @kimilight - @httpjiikook - @marauderssmut - @fyckcore - @multinci - @lqveabby - @oh-well-whatever-nevermind - @redskull199987 - @silvermagnolias - @shortneko - @okjaeminn - @thecyclonetragedy - @vamproq - @siriusfahey - @cobrakaigirlie - @kaylinfayezink - @oursuh - @aphroditelxver - @minl0u - @cherrywinepoison - @bath1lda - @fixalice - @fallsofserinity - @maisieibae - @ssrcsm​ - @notplutos - @kaitieskidmore1​ - @httpvomitello - @nichmeddar - @rafaelajonerr - @lazyneonrabbitt - @belleoftheball28 - @httpvomitello - @nichmeddar - @rafaeljonerr - @lazyneonrabbitt - @harrysnovia - @dopepersonacloudllama - @fluffybunnyu - @lovesanimals0000

THE GANG'S BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.

Training had ramped up for the Sekai Tekai, even more when you found out that there would need to be a male and female champion that would go against Cobra Kai to represent Miyagi-do as a whole and therefore, finalize whether Miyagi-do would even be participating in the Sekai Tekai or not.

Needless to say, you’d willingly allowed Sam to be the female champion. Of course, out of respect, Mr. Larusso and Sam had spoken to you and asked but you’d simply just assured them both you were more than happy to let Sam have the spot if she wanted it. You’d known that she was trying to focus on herself more, outside of karate, but the impression you’d gotten was despite her hesitance, it was still something she felt was important to her.

Even more when everyone clearly knew that Tory would be Cobra Kai’s chosen champion. The tension between the both of them was still abundantly clear and you didn’t want to get in the way of anything Sam felt she had to prove.

You didn’t want to take that away from her.

“You’re sure?” Sam asks, eyes pinched with concern.

“I don’t want you to think we don’t consider you an option, Y/N,” Daniel explains, standing next to his daughter in a similar fashion of worry. “You’re a formidable fighter yourself.”

You just wave them off, nodding at Daniel. “I promise you it’s okay,” then, you send Sam a bright smile and a thumbs up. “You’ll kick ass, I know it.”

Sam flushes faintly at that, leaning forward to give you a hug which you return with ease, squeezing her with a laugh.

And that had settled that. 

The boys champion, however, was still up for debate. You knew Johnny had pulled Miguel, Robby and Eli aside to speak to them about it and you couldn’t enjoy the pizza party until you knew. Obviously, you wouldn’t wish ill on Robby or Miguel and you knew they were also incredibly skilled at karate, but you knew, even if he wouldn’t admit it, that Eli really wanted to be chosen.

And obviously you hoped he would be too.

“Hey.”

Gasping, you spin, face brightening with anticipation and hope as you see Eli making his way over to you. You quickly make your way over to him, slipping your hand into his own as you wait for him to tell you.

“What’re you doing out here alone?”

Huffing, purposefully dramatic, you shake your head. “Waiting for you,” you explain with a rush. “So?” You press without a second more of hesitation, eyes twinkling. Eli doesn’t look upset, not that you think he’d be overly disappointed if Miguel was chosen and not even Robby anymore now that they’d gotten past their differences. Really, though, Eli was giving nothing away and it was frustrating. “Who’s the boys champion?”

Eli laughs at your insistence, shaking his head. “Well, after a long and oddly careful conversation from Johnny about how he and the other sensei’s wanted to do this fairly, we came to a decision.”

“And?”

Eli purposefully baits you with silence, hesitating as you slap him lightly on the shoulder with a laugh and a scoff until finally Eli is submitting and he grins at you.

“Me.”

You brighten; “you?”

“Apparently Miguel and Robby decided they’d let me before,” Eli grins, nodding. “So, yes, me.”

“Yes!” You cheer, voice pitching in excitement as you throw your arms around Eli’s shoulders. He stumbles back in response, laughing as you squeeze him tightly against yourself, face beaming in absolute delight and excitement for Eli. “I’m so happy for you!”

Hands falling on your hips, Eli chuckles; “you’re more excited than I was.”

“Well, duh,” you laugh, pulling back, “this is so amazing! You get to represent Miyagi-do!”

Eli falters slightly at that, looking suddenly thoughtful; “it is a lot of pressure.”

“You’ll do great,” you say with no hesitance or doubt. “You’re an All Valley champ after all.” To add to your point, you poke his cheek with a faint giggle, missing the absolute adoring look on Eli’s face as he watches you celebrate him with a beaming grin on your face and words full of sincerity and love.

-

Eli thinks back on that day you stood up for him, all the way in middle school and remembers the way that from then on, you had become his whole world. He hadn’t understood it at the time, not completely, but no one had ever stood up for him like that.

Certainly never a girl for that matter either. And Eli had known how important that was to him and how important it still was.

You’d been so kind and cheerful, a blindingly bright spot in his otherwise dull life. He’d had Demetri who of course meant the world to him, but he knows that if he were to ask Demetri himself that his friend would agree too – you’d been the best thing in their lives, standing up for them and joining their small, nerdy and outcasted friend group. And yet, despite all that, you’d never once complained.

You’d signed yourself off that day, joining them, and you’d done so with grace and a toothy grin.

And after all he’d done, how much of a douche he’d been, Eli can’t believe you’re still here with him.

He thinks he’s the luckiest guy in the world.

“Thanks,” Eli settles with, even though there’s so much he wants and could say. He doesn’t know how to put it in words though, he never has. Before he’d become “Hawk”, Eli had never been good with words – hence why Demetri dubbed him as “man of few words” – and now, even as “Hawk” or something past that, Eli finds he still can’t conjure up the right things to say. 

He’s stupid and irrational and makes a lot of mistakes, but he hopes you know how much your encouragement and support really does mean the world to him.

“It’s a big honour,” he continues, “but I'm prepared to face the challenge.”

Your eyes spark, sending him an ear-to-ear winning smile as you nod; “I know you are.”

Flushed, Eli lets his eyes wander, turning in the direction he’d found you staring and frowns when he sees Sam training with Daniel and Chozen.

“They just chose Sam?” Eli asks, baffled as he turns back to you, squeezing your hips. All excitement at having been chosen himself suddenly doesn’t matter when Eli thinks you’ve been unfairly casted aside. “Without even giving you a chance?”

You look confused, just briefly, following his gaze before your face parts in realization and your lips part. “Oh, no, Eli,” you laugh, setting your hand against his chest in reassurance. “I let Sam be the girl’s champion.”

Eli pauses, confused; “what, why?”

“Because,” you laugh, like the answer is obvious. It bothers Eli. “Sam is way more skilled than me.”

“That is not true,” Eli instantly argues, shocked that you’d talk so low of yourself. “You’re an amazing fighter, just like she is.”

“Eli, she made it to the final round in the All Valley… I got beat out by Tory,” you remind and Eli watches as you shake your head, ever so nonchalant as you pass yourself off like it’s the easiest thing you’ve ever done. “And we both know Cobra Kai will choose her as their champion. Sam is logically the best option.”

Once again Eli thinks about you standing up for him. How fierce you’d been, how determined – you’d talked down a boy twice your size and older than you without hesitation or an ounce of fear. You’d done it with such bravery that Eli still thinks you’re the bravest girl he knows.

Then he thinks about Yasmine and how cruel she’d been to you. He thinks about the way she’d bullied you, made you feel lesser than yourself, made you feel ashamed.

He thinks of Kyler that day making crude and disgusting comments about you – being easy, being—

Eli thinks about how not once did he ever stand up for you like you had for him.

And he stares at you now, selling yourself short and not even questioning it and he’s filled with such guilt and hurt that Eli doesn’t know what to say.

“Eli?” You call, voice soft, pulling him from his thoughts as you glance up at him curiously. Eli blinks before focusing on you and you just smile. “It’s seriously no big deal. Now, come on, we’re missing the pizza party.”

You’re slipping your hand into his and pulling him along, reaching the kitchen where everyone’s stood and instantly bounding over to Miguel and Robby with a grin and a laugh. Eli can’t focus, not at first, not on the conversation or anyone else.

All he can think about is how he needs to make you see your worth like you’ve always made him see his.

-

You watch with a nervous expression, eyes never leaving Eli as he starts his fight.

You’re already apprehensive, especially with the fights taking place in Cobra Kai’s new big fancy dojo, but when you see how Kenny steals the first point, you’re reminded of why Cobra Kai is so dangerous. Kenny, despite being newer to karate and younger, is ruthless; he fights with the aggressiveness and anger you used to see Eli fight with and it makes your stomach tense with nerves.

Which only builds when the ref, unfairly, declares Eli’s following point against Kenny as out of bounds.

It definitely wasn’t out of bounds.

Eli is a good fighter. You know he’s a good fighter. 

But Cobra Kai is fighting unfairly and that makes you scared.

The next round starts and Kenny starts the same, quick, ruthless and all aggression. Eli is able to keep up, blocking Kenny’s never-ending hits and then shifts, lifting his leg to strike at Kenny but the kid grabs him, doing an illegal strike right onto the bend of Eli’s leg. A cry of pain leaves Eli’s lips as he’s forced to bend, falling to his knee and slumping forward.

You jump, a gasp leaving your lips as you turn to your sensei’s.

“Illegal strike,” the referee shouts, “that’s a warning.”

Your gaze falls to Daniel, panicked; “sensei!”

Daniel meets your eye, shaking his head; “warning?” He scoffs at the ref. “He should be disqualified.”

Grunting, Eli limps over to Johnny and Daniel. “No, it’s fine,” he breathes, lowering his leg. “He… He just caught me off guard.”

“Are you sure, Eli?” Daniel asks, apprehensive.

You’re standing right next to the both of them, looking worriedly at Eli who glances at you, briefly, before nodding over at them. “No more Eli,” he says, voice sharp. “It’s time to uncage the ‘Hawk’.” 

Reaching up, he brushes both of his palms against his mohawk, meeting your gaze one last time with a reassuring smirk before turning back to Kenny.

It gives you a little bit of confidence, and you want to believe in Eli but the way he limps back doesn’t reassure you at all and fizzles out any that you’d had left.

Your worry is justified. The second the referee calls the start to the next round, both Kenny and Eli in starting position, Kenny is instantly jutting his hand forward, lunging, and hitting Eli square in the chest. He lets out a loud groan and you flinch, worried, watching as he instantly falls to his knees, curling in on himself. 

“Eli!” You call, ignoring all the rules and rushing onto the mat just as Miguel calls out for him at the same time and Johnny comes running forward too.

Your eyes widen, heart falling to the pit of your stomach when you see Eli holding his stomach, flinching in the spot. You don’t know what to do, terrified, so you turn to Johnny and then to Daniel who is now crouching over Eli as well.

“Hawk,” Johnny calls gently, “what’s wrong?”

He gasps at first, heaving, before his voice comes out faint and wheezed; “I can’t… Can’t… Can’t breathe.”

Oh my god. Your heart sinks, seizing with panic and confusion as your hands hover helplessly in front of you — you want to help, you desperately do, but you have no idea how to.

“Eli,” you whisper, pressing your hand to his arm.

The referee just sighs; “can you continue?”

You want to tell Eli he shouldn’t, but you know how important this is so you hold your tongue. Instead, you lean back, giving him space as Eli slowly presses his palms to the ground and tries to push himself up, breathing shakily.

He crashes back to the ground in a second.

“Eli!”

“Where the medic?” Johnny bellows.

The next second the medic comes running forward, a hand out towards you to push you back gently.

“That’s a forfeit,” the ref calls, pulling your attention on him in stunned disbelief. “Winner, Payne.”

“But he attacked Eli!” You cry out, forgetting yourself as you gesture towards Kenny. Daniel and Johnny turn to you in surprise but you ignore them, catching sight of Silver’s smirk and your anger builds. You’re seeing red, blinded by your worry and anger and frustration which makes you act without thinking.

You’ve always acted without thinking when it comes to defending Eli.

“That’s not fair,” you huff. “If Eli can’t fight… th-then… someone else should be able to step in and take Eli’s place!”

“Sorry, miss,” the referee shakes his head. “That’s the rules.”

“Rules, my ass,” you argue, pushing yourself to your feet. In that moment every other person fades from your mind – all there is you and Eli, hurt, and that’s enough to make you continue.  “That’s not—”

“Y/N! Y/N!” 

You blink, turning to Daniel who’s calling for you, then register the hand on your shoulder keeping you back and turn to see Robby shaking his head at you, silently telling you to back down. You stand there, stunned, seeing the way both Johnny and Daniel are looking at you in the exact same way. You feel a sinking feeling, realizing how much of an embarrassment you’d just made of yourself – not to mention, your outburst hadn’t done anything to help Miyagi-do’s image.

Seeing the Sekai Tekai representatives at the far wall and the way they’re looking at you, you frown. A glance down at your hand tells you you’re shaking, and you move to turn back to Eli, but then you catch sight of Kenny and the wide and cruel grin on his face and that fire alights in you once more.

Just faintly, a last pathetic sizzle as you shake your head and your lips part. “But—”

“It’s okay,” Daniel calls, gently, shaking his head at you, “what’s important is if Eli’s okay.”

You know he’s right.

Slowly, your eyes fall down, Robby’s hand leaving your shoulder as you see Eli still hunched in on himself, but some of the colour has come back to his cheeks. 

“I think he’s okay,” the medic assures. “Just got the wind knocked out of him.”

Face falling, you crouch back down, staring at Eli with anxiety.

But the second you calm down, footsteps follow.

“Looks like you got a new name,” Kenny calls, stepping forward with a taunting grin as he laughs. His gaze is focused on Eli, taunting and gleaming with the adrenaline of his unfair win. “Faux-Hawk.”

You’re lunging forward before you even realize it, but you don’t make it far as Robby and Miguel grab you, as if having expected you to, and pull you back. You continue to glare at Kenny as he simply laughs your way, eyes narrowed dangerously.

“Y/N,” Miguel calls, “it’s okay.”

“It’s not,” you huff, “they cheated.”

“We still have Sam and Tory’s fight,” Robby reminds, nodding at you. There’s something understanding in his gaze and he makes sure to meet your eyes head-on. “Besides, I think you should go with Eli.”

Glancing down, you see the medic helping Eli up.

You know they’re both right. With a huff, you nod and they step back, you moving forward to help Eli up as Johnny wraps his arm around his shoulder. The two of you help him to the stairs by the further back wall, and the second he’s sat, Johnny glances at you briefly before nodding and stepping forward to let you sit next to Eli.

Sitting next to him, you wrap an arm around his back and use the other to grab his hand, squeezing.

“Are you okay?” You ask softly, whispering it so only he hears.

Meeting your eye briefly, Eli nods; “yeah.”

“Here,” you look up as Johnny comes back, a bottle of water in hand. You take it from him with a soft smile, and then Johnny turns back around, still nearby but giving space, before you hand the water bottle to Eli.

He takes it gratefully, instantly tipping it back to take a sip. You just rub his back as he does, quiet and ignoring the commotion that builds around you—something about Tory not being there for her fight—and focus on Eli in front of you.

“Y/N,” Eli rasps after he finishes swallowing another mouthful of water. He turns to look at you, slowly, face still pale and something painful in his eyes. You frown at the sight, knowing he’s cursing himself for getting hurt and in his mind, failing Miyagi-do. 

But you also see the other meaning hidden in his gaze.

“I know,” you sigh, shoulders falling. “I’m sorry. I just got angry… they clearly cheated.”

Eli doesn’t say anything more. He’s quiet, watching you for a moment longer before turning his gaze back ahead of himself. You think he's mad, maybe upset, and your heart falls, but he’s leaning into your touch and that reassures you.

You let that be enough.

-

i’m on my way

You walk quickly, fingers rushing to let Eli know where you are given that you knew you were running late. Extremely late.

two minutes!

Biting your lip, you look up as you reach the crosswalk, making sure there are no cars coming before making your way across. You rush across the street, feeling a slight shiver when a breeze of wind hits you, before coming to the other side and glancing back down at your phone at the buzz in your hand.

okay :) 

Just then, another text pops up; 

everything okay?

Biting your lip, you fight the smile growing on your lips.

yup! just my mom

oh… what’d she want?

the usual, all good!

Then, looking up at the growingly increasing music, you grin.

just outside, be in a minute!

You put your phone in your purse, not waiting for a response, taking a deep breath as you take one last glance down at yourself. Truthfully, you weren’t just late because of your mom – she had called you, letting you know she’d been gone another week—as usual—but then you’d taken a bit longer to get ready then you had expected. The first outfit you’d chosen you didn’t like as much as you did when it was laid out in front of you, then the second outfit was worse, until you finally settled on a cute sundress. But then you’d felt like you needed to do something with your hair so that had taken more time, until finally you were slipping on shoes and rushing out the door an hour late.

Eli didn’t need to know that though.

Still, you wanted to dress up. It was a celebration, yes, and you were more than happy that despite everything, Miyagi-do was able to qualify for the Sekai Tekai as well. Unfortunately, so had Cobra Kai, but it was a win regardless.

And, if you were being honest with yourself, you liked that little blush that crawled on Eli’s cheeks when you dressed up and the way he’d look at you like you were the only thing that mattered. It made you feel seen, made you feel wanted and made you feel pretty – which was an added bonus when it was Eli that made you feel that way.

Speaking off, a door opening catches your attention, a smile beaming across your lips when you see it’s Eli.

“Hey,” you greet, rushing up the short distance over to him, setting your hands on his shoulders the second you’re close enough before pressing your lips against his own. He returns the kiss with ease, and a moment later he’s pulling away, hands settling on your waist as you smile up at him. “You’re feeling okay?”

Everyone had all left pretty quickly after you’d all found out you were going to the Sekai Tekai, and you hadn’t had the chance to make sure Eli was feeling okay after Kenny delivered that cheap shot against him. You were both asking because you were concerned for him physically but also because you knew the loss had hit him hard.

“Great,” he assures with ease, your body relaxing with relief. “I’m completely fine, promise.”

You nod, pleased that he’s okay, before your eyes drift upwards and pause. “You changed your hair. It’s not green anymore.”

“Oh,” he mumbles, reaching with his hand and touching the mohawk faintly. “Yeah. I was tired of the green. Didn’t feel like it was ‘me’ anymore.”

“I liked it,” you comment lightly, shrugging. “But I'm sure the next colour will be awesome too,” you laugh, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

Eli blushes faintly, rolling his eyes affectionately at your compliment, before he blinks, as if remembering. “You okay?”

You pause at his question, not having expected it. “Yeah, like I said it was just the usual stuff with my mom—”

“No,” he cuts in, shaking his head. “I meant… with what happened. You know… with the fight and everything.”

Oh, you think, not having expected him to bring that back up. He’d seemed troubled by your actions before but after everything and the way it ended, you figured he’d forgotten about. And it wasn’t that you were embarrassed by your actions, you did not regret standing up for Eli like that and you never would – but you didn’t like the way Eli looked at you when he talked about it. It wasn’t judgemental, but there was a certain concerned edge to it that made you feel a little uncertain and uncomfortable.

“Fine,” you say, somewhat defensively. “I just didn’t think it was fair how they were treating you.”

“Y/N,” Eli calls, voice soft and gentle with concern. He squeezes your hips and pulls your gaze on him with a blink. “I don’t mind that you stood up for me,” he grins, eyes twinkling. “Honestly, it was kind of hot.”

Eyes widening, your cheeks warm as you laugh nervously; “sh-shut up.”

“What?” He chuckles, “it’s true! It was hot.”

Shaking your head, you just smile back at him, flushed and embarrassed but you’d be lying if you said his words didn’t flatter you.

“Seriously, though. It’s not that that bothered me.”

Smile falling somewhat, you frown; “then what?”

Eli hesitates, as if debating his words, watching you carefully before he just sighs. “I wish that you would—”

“Fight!”

Whatever Eli had been about to say gets forgotten the second the two of you hear a crowd of people yelling. You turn to Eli, confused, and he mimics your expression as the both of you instantly rush in the direction of the noise. You both know that those words can mean nothing good, not in your circumstances, and make your way through the house to get to the back, where the crowd has formed. You’re a few seconds late to the commotion it seems by the huge crowd that has gathered as you both shove your way through.

But any confusion you’d had is instantly answered when you see Sam and Tory.

“My entire family has suffered because of you!”

It’s Sam who bellows it, face red with anger as she takes a lunging step towards Tory, fist flinching back to hit Tory.

She doesn’t get the chance to. Miguel and Robby are rushing forward, Robby stepping in front of Tory while Miguel grabs Sam to push her back; “no! Sam, that’s enough!”

“She’s been working with Kreese this whole time,” Sam explains, turning to Miguel in disbelief that he stopped her.

You turn to Tory. So does everyone else.

“What?” Robby asks, stunned.

“Why did you only come forward now?” Sam turns her aggression back to Tory, “huh? Because you’re a coward.”

No one says anything. You want to, but you don’t know what – you turn to look at Tory, taking in the distress on her face. She looks near tears, face pinched with hurt, but you’ve never spoken to Tory. Not really. And if she has been working with Kreese, well, you wouldn’t deny that that is problematic.

But still, you can’t find it in your heart to blame her when she looks so genuinely upset.

“Screw you, Larusso,” Tory breathes, embarrassed and clearly feeling isolated. “I knew this was a mistake.”

She glances at Robby one last time before walking off.

“Tory,” Robby calls after her.

A second later, Sam follows suit, the other way.

Miguel watches her, sighing; “Sam!”

Both girls leave without another glance back. You turn to Eli, worried.

“Did you know about any of this?” Miguel asks Robby.

“No,” Robby huffs, “I had no idea.”

“What the…”

-

“W-W-Wait. Okay, so Sensei Targaryen paid off the ref at the All Valley and framed Kreese for a crime he didn’t commit?”

Pausing briefly, you nod at Demetri.

He turns to you and Eli; “never let me miss a house party again.”

With a light smile, you pat Demetri on the shoulder, nodding.

“We need to tell the sensei’s,” Miguel says, shrugging.

Sam just scoffs; “what are they gonna do? We all saw what happened to my dad when he confronted Silver.” At that, Miguel sighs. “I don’t want him getting hurt again.”

“Yeah,” Demetri nods, “besides… if this ref and Stingray are on Silver’s payroll, they’ll never admit to anything.”

Face falling, you shake your head; “I don’t even blame them,” you sigh. “Silver is terrifying.”

“I’m not so sure about that…”

Baffled, you turn to Bert.

“Not about Silver,” he explains, shaking his head at you. “He is terrifying. But… I know he’s in Cobra Kai and I’m in Eagle Fang, but Stingray’s still my friend. He wouldn’t lie to me. A-At least, I hope he won't.”

“Do you think you can get him to talk?” Eli asks.

Bert nods.

“Find out where he lives,” Sam says.

Bert nods again, then Eli is stepping forward grabbing your hand and nodding at Demetri to follow. 

-

After a somewhat failed attempt at getting Stingray to admit to Silver paying him off, everyone’s moods are a little soured and defeated. Sam had stormed out minutes prior, with Miguel quickly chasing after her; you and the rest tried to stick around but it was becoming abundantly clear that you weren’t going to get quite the information you all wanted.

At least not from Stingray.

So you decided to leave, tired of listening to Stingray dance around the truth and act like a coward. You’d gone to say bye to Eli, but then he offered to walk you home, so you’d just smiled at the offer and nodded. And then Demetri had asked to come along. It wasn’t that you minded Demetri tagging along, because you definitely didn’t, but there was something slightly odd about the way he had. He’d looked panicked, almost, when he saw you and Eli leaving, and though it was clear they were trying to be subtle, both Eli and Demetri were sending each other looks.

Constantly.

The entire walk so far had been eerily quiet. Neither of them were saying anything although it was very clear that they wanted to.

And you, stuck in between them, were feeling particularly uncomfortable. You’ve known them for a long time and because of that, it wasn’t hard for you to notice the signs and tells that something was on their mind and that it had to do with you but they weren’t sure how to approach it.

“You both didn’t have to walk me home,” you comment lightly, trying to dissipate this awkward silence lingering around the three of you. 

Eli and Demetri just glance at each other.

Biting your lip, you glance at your feet; “so… was there something you guys wanted to talk about or…?”

You’re starting to get nervous, you realize. All of this awkward silence and tension is making you feel uncomfortable and oddly very aware of yourself. Had you done something to upset them? Were they fighting again?

You chance another quick glance at the both of them. They didn’t seem to be arguing or upset with each other. Sure, they were being weird but you don’t think they’d be able to walk together like this if they were fighting like they had been before; they hadn’t been able to be near each other without a fight breaking out. So it’s probably not that. 

…And it definitely has to do with you…

So maybe you had done something.

When they still don’t answer you, you halt to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk, pulling your hand from Eli’s so you can turn to face the both of them. They freeze in response, wide eyes falling on you as you stare up at them nervously. “Have I done something to upset you guys?” You ask, unable to avoid the way your voice dips into worry, face scrunching up with distress. “You’re both being very weird right now.”

You figure you should just be out and open about it – rather than teetering around the subject. If you had done something, you’d rather just know… so you can fix it.

“No!” Eli rushes out, face falling at your words. “No, definitely not.”

You stare at him, somewhat eased, before turning to Demetri for extra reassurance.

He nods.

You let out a breath of relief.

“Okay,” you start, slowly, a little less tensed. “Then… what’s the matter?” 

“There’s something i’ve been wanting to talk to you about,” Eli starts, finally answering your question. “For a while, actually. B-But…—” 

“But,” Demetri cuts in for him. “He wasn’t sure how to approach it so he came to me—”

“I also thought he should know,” Eli adds, rushed. “Since he’s your best friend too.”

Demetri smiles, albeit nervously. “E-Exactly,” he agrees, “so, you know…. He approached me and it was funny because I’ve actually kind of been noticing the same thing. And we thought we should talk to you about it.”

Demetri turns to Eli, looking for backup. Eli nods, quickly.

“But we didn’t know when…” Eli trails, frowning. “Though, I—or-or we guess now’s as good as any,”

They stop then, moving back to just staring at you. You stare back at them, eyes flickering from your boyfriend to your best friend, back and forth, absolutely stunned by what had just happened. Their complete ramble had done nothing to reassure you or even tell you what it exactly was they wanted to talk about – all it had done was make you more confused and nervous.

“So,” you press, shaking your head. “What is it?”

They look at each other, again, and then Demetri’s avoiding your gaze so you zero-in on Eli who is nervously wringing his hands together.

“Eli.”

He jumps slightly at your tone, before meeting your eyes and sighing. “It’s just something I’ve been noticing recently. Maybe it was always there but… but Y/N… why don’t you ever stand up for yourself?”

That definitely isn’t what you’d been expecting.

Blinking, you frown; “...what?”

“You’ve done it since middle school,” Demetri explains, always logical. “You used to stand up to bullies when they picked on me or Eli… but you never did it for yourself. I always kind of thought you were amazing, standing up to Kyler or Brucks or any of them…”

“Yet you’d get so quiet if they said anything about you,” Eli finishes, voice soft with concern and a certain tentativeness. He doesn’t want to upset you or make you feel like you’re being interrogated. “And now, even with karate, you have no confidence in yourself. You always expect the best out of us but the worst for yourself. I mean, you nearly attacked that Kenny kid when I got hurt but then you let Sam be Miyagi-do’s champion without a second thought.”

You shrink into yourself, feeling overwhelmed by everything. You know neither Eli or Demetri mean any harm by what they’re saying and it’s stemming purely for their concern and care for you but it’s a lot to take in all at once. 

You’d always sort of thought that no one really noticed that part of you – that intense, terrifying and self-deprecating part of you that had no faith or confidence in yourself. Moon had tried, and you figured you’d gotten a bit better at being a little more confident in yourself, at least when it came to your looks or body, but it was harder to tackle your mentality. It was natural for you to shrink away when it came to yourself just like the way it was natural for you to stand up for your friends if they were being hurt.

Mainly because you didn’t think you deserved it. Why would you? You were never strong enough when it actually mattered – you couldn’t do anything to help your dad when he got into drugs and alcohol and ruined his life, inevitably leading to his death. Part of you even thought you were the reason, because you were such a disappointment of a child. When your uncle got sick, you hadn’t been able to make him better and because of that, he died. And even your own mother couldn’t stand to be home with you for longer than a couple of days.

You had your friends. You liked to think they chose you, or at least you hoped… but you couldn’t stop the irrational fear that it was just because they felt bad.

Swallowing thickly, you hug yourself, feeling entirely too vulnerable in that moment. You step away, without even noticing, and Eli is quick to step towards you. 

“Y/N?”

“Sorry,” you rush out, panicking. “I just… I just don’t know what to say.”

Eli turns to Demetri, who sighs; “we’re just concerned for you.”

“I didn’t think anyone really noticed,” you shrug, still avoiding their gazes. “It’s just something I’ve always done. And it’s not really as big of a deal as you guys are making it… it’s what… makes sense.”

“You really think that?” Eli whispers.

You turn to him at that, surprised by his question and your heart breaks when you see the genuine hurt on his face. He looks so… upset at what you’ve said. And when you turn to Demetri, his expression is similar.

Was it really that wrong?

Squeezing yourself, you shrug; “I guess… yeah.”

Eli and Demetri look discouraged, a little at a loss on what to do, but it’s a passing expression. Eli glances back at Demetri and suddenly their expressions harden, turn sure and confident, and then they’re even smiling, a gentle, kind smile, which throws you for such a loop.

“Well then,” Demetri grins, “we’ll just have to make you see differently then, won’t we?”

Your lips part, surprised.

“Yeah,” Eli nods. “We’ll make you see how special you are. Because you are.”

You don’t respond. Not right away. You let yourself take a moment, staring at the determination in both of their eyes and then, before you even realize it, your vision is blurring as your eyes well with tears.

“Y/N?!”

Neither of them could truly understand what that meant to you at that moment. What hearing those words felt like. It was the first time anyone had ever said something so kind and it meant even more hearing it from them. It doesn’t solve everything but it heals something, you’re not sure – something small, but still, something.

In the next second you’re lunging forward, wrapping both of your arms around each of them and pulling them in for a hug. Demetri lets out a sputter while Eli stumbles towards you but you just squeeze them tighter, eyes falling shut as you grin.

“I love you guys.”

The words are whispered but they hear it all the same, and it brings a smile on both of their lips. Demetri glances at Eli from over your head, and with a knowing look, Eli leans into your embrace.

“Yeah,” Eli says honestly, “love you too.” He says it openly, and of course he loves Demetri, his longest friend, but the words are whispered while he looks at you, eyes full of love and care.

Demetri snorts; “I guess if you two are my only choice—”

You silence him with a light jab to the side with your elbow, Demetri just chuckles.

“Then,” he continues with a smirk, “I'd say I love you guys too.”

-

“So, uh, what’s the emergency? Why’d you have me bring all my gear?”

Turning to Robby and Miguel, you nod. You, Demetri and Eli had just been about to reach your house when you’d all gotten a text from Sam telling you guys to all head to Miguel’s apartment complex. The text itself had been very vague on the reasoning why, with only Demetri’s being slightly different as it had the request for him to grab his gear from work.

“You guys know as much as we do,” Miguel shrugs, “Sam told us to meet here.”

“Sam?” You raise a brow, frowning.

Miguel nods.

“At least she’s talking to you,” Robby sighs, arms crossed over his chest as he shakes his head. “I can’t even get a response from—”

“Tory?”

You turn in surprise at Eli’s voice, glancing to your left only to see, like he said, Tory making her way over to you all. Only, she’s with Sam.

“And Sam?” You question, baffled, as you meet Robby’s gaze briefly.

“What’s, uh…” Miguel trails, confused. “What’s up? Hi.”

They come to a stop before the five of you.

Robby shifts next to you, arms falling to his side as he frowns at Tory in concern; “what happened to your hand?”

Following his gaze, your lips part when you see what he has – her hand is wrapped up but you can see the tops of her knuckles and fingers are bruised and cut, her skin an angry red.

“Uh,” she stammers, glancing at her hand. “Training accident. I’m okay.”

“You’re sure?” You cut in, taking a step towards Tory as you glance at her in what you hope she thinks is genuine concern – it is, but you also know you’ve never really spoken to Tory and she thinks of you as a threat. “It looks painful.”

“O-Oh,” she stammers, somewhat confused but you’re thankful she doesn’t look insulted. She almost looks shocked at the fact that you care. “Yeah, I’m okay.” Then, after a moment, she adds; “thanks.”

You smile, relieved and Tory blinks at you.

“We think we have a way to prove Silver assaulted Stingray,” Sam cuts in, nodding at Miguel.

Tory nods; “if the attack happened at the old dojo, then it would’ve been after Silver installed security cameras.”

“So maybe it’s all on tape,” Miguel says.

Robby shakes his head; “but that place was cleaned out.”

“That might not matter,” Demetri speaks up, pulling your eyes on him. “I mean, the systems that we sell at TechTown all save the footage to a central server. Silver probably took the whole server with him.”

“I think he did,” Tory assures. “There is a server in his office at the flagship dojo.”

Eli grins from beside you; “if we can get access to it,” he gestures to him, Demetri and you. “We can find that footage. We could even post that sStingray clip to their YouTube channel.”

“Get a hold of everyone else,” Sam says, nodding. “Let them know that we’re taking down Cobra Kai… tonight.”

-

“Guys,” you call, rushing back into Silver’s office. “It’s not good out there. We need to hurry. How much longer?”

You say it with a tinge of panic – mainly because your friends were in an all out karate war with Cobra Kai right now and it was all because they were waiting for you three to find and upload the footage needed to take down Silver.

Eli, hushed over the desk next to Demetri, shakes his head at you, turning to Demetri.

“I-I’m almost done,” Demetri rushes, looking up from the iPad to glance at you. “Just a few more minutes.” panicked, he turns back to the screen, fingers working quick to type; “I need to log into their YouTube channel and upload the clip.”

Your lips part to say something, but then; “yo, check upstairs.”

“Oh, shit,” Eli calls, moving to make his way around the desk and fall next to you. “They’re coming,” he turns to Demetri, “be ready to go mobile.”

“Okay, screw it,” Demetri shakes his head; “we’re gonna have to upload it and publish via Wi-Fi.”

In the next second, Kyler and a few of his goonies come rushing around the corner. The second their eyes fall on you three, they’re all laughing, Kyler the loudest as he slows to a stop. “Yo, man,” Kyler snorts. “It’s just Lip, Yasmine’s bitch and…” His eyes squint at you for a moment, “aren’t you the girl who gives great blowjobs? You still hanging with these two losers?”

He says it with a mocking laugh, and freezing, you glance at your feet. You feel Eli’s eyes fall on you and you inhale sharply, swallowing thickly.

“You heard Kenny when he dropped your ass,” Kyler continues, turning back to Eli. “Just a Faux-Hawk now.”

“You know what? That’s life,” Eli shrugs, “you win some, you lose some, but you gotta move on.” Blinking, you slowly glance up at Eli’s words, eyes widening when you see him standing up to Kyler and not shrinking into himself like he used to. There’s the confidence he’d gained with karate but the distinct lack of any cruelty in it; it… it’s a good look on him. “You never did. You’re still pulling the same old bully act. Even though everyone you bullied has kicked your ass.”

“I haven't,” Demetri sighs from behind the desk.

“You’ll get your turn,” Eli assures, “Kyler’s too stupid to ever learn his lesson.”

Kyler’s face burns red with anger and then he’s reeling back, moving to punch Eli, but he blocks the hit with ease, shifting Kyler to knee him right in the gut and sending him crashing to the ground. You flinch as Kyler comes crashing toward you, just as Eli smirks down at him; “and that’s for being an ass to my girlfriend.” 

Turning to Eli, you flush when he sends you a wink, feeling a burst of adrenaline at him standing up for you, before Eli turns to kick one of Kyler’s goonies. Once he’s done with that one he finishes off the last. Sending all three of them to the ground.

Kyler is pushing himself up to his feet but before he can, you lunge forward, almost on instinct, spinning as you send the heel of your foot right into his cheek. He falls back with a loud groan, face scrunching in pain.

Smirking down at Kyler, you snort; “who’s the one sucking it now.”

You hear Eli let out a laugh, grinning at you as he and Demetri swap, Eli moving behind the desk as Demetri rushing forward to kick down the other two Cobra Kai’s with practiced ease.

Demetri sends one of them flying towards you, and you quickly block a hit from him, not noticing the way Kyler gets up – again – and heads straight for Demetri. It isn’t until you’ve knocked out the dude attacking you and see Demetri send another kick right into Kyler’s face (making that the third one you realize with a smirk) and officially sending him down do you realize.

Instantly, you grin.

“Man, that felt good,” Demetri yells, full of adrenaline. “Bitch!”

“Nice, Demetri,” you cheer, grinning at him.

Just then, a beep echoes from the iPad;

“We got it,” Eli assures, closing the portable keyboard and pocketing it. “All right. It’s uploading to Cobra Kai’s channel.” Grabbing the iPad, he slides over the desk, falling in between you and Demetri. “Let’s get the hell outta here.”

Before you can make your way out, three more Cobra Kai’s rush in.

You, Eli and Demetri all glance at each other and then, nodding, you lunge forward.

You take the one to the right, ducking from the boy’s punch before sweeping your leg underneath you to send him backwards. When you turn, standing up, you are right behind Eli, pressing your back against his before you jut your leg in front of you, hitting the guy square in the chest.

Meeting Eli’s gaze, you nod, letting him grab you by the arm and swinging you around, to gain momentum, doing a twist and sending your fist right into the guy's cheek, effectively knocking him out.

Eli’s turning back to his guy just as Demetri’s opponent comes stumbling towards you; catching him by the shoulders, you send him back towards Demetri who grins at you, kicking the guy around the head.

When you turn, Eli’s opponent is on the ground too.

You grin at the two of them.

“That was badass,” Demetri breathes, mimicking your grin.

“Hell yeah,” Eli nods.

-

“Here.”

You glance up as something warm is wrapped around your shoulders, smiling when you realize it’s Eli wrapping a blanket around you. He moves to sit next to you at the back of the ambulance, having just finished being checked out by a doctor himself before he saw you sitting by yourself and rushed over to you.

“Thanks,” you whisper, pulling the blanket closer around yourself and snuggling into the warmth.

“You looked cold,” he grins, bumping into your shoulder gently.

You just laugh lightly, shaking your head before letting your gaze fall before you again. You take in all your friends scattered around, noticing Demetri out of the corner of your eye being pampered by Yasmine who looks concerned and angry at the same time for her boyfriend. You also see Sam and Miguel and Robby and Tory which makes you smile.

“That was crazy,” you comment after a moment. “Sensei Larusso was amazing too, beating Silver like that.”

“Yeah,” Eli shrugs, “but I thought you were pretty badass too.”

Turning to Eli, you flush at the grin he sends you. “Shut up,” you laugh, brushing off his compliment.

“I mean it,” he says, tone serious as he nods at you. “You kicked some serious ass.”

You shake your head, slipping your hand into his; “we all did,” you remind. “Demetri finally got to beat Kyler. That must’ve felt good.”

“So did you,” Eli reminds, quirking a brow.

You just smile up at him.

Leaning forward, you press a kiss to his lips; “yeah,” you whisper. “That definitely felt good.”

Eli chuckles.

Then, biting your lip, you squeeze his hand, pulling his eyes back on you. “Thanks for standing up for me, Eli,” you say, voice sincere and full of adoration. “It meant a lot.”

Eli uses his free hand to brush back your hair, tucking it behind your ear. “Well, it’s only fair. You’ve stood up for me more times than I can count.” There’s something sad on his face as he says it, as if full of regret. “It was about time I did it for you.”

Leaning back slightly, you shake your head; “Eli.” You call softly. “You know I never expected that out of you right?”

Eli just sighs. “I should’ve, though,” he huffs. “I mean… you did it for me so many times and I always just cowered away. Then, when I joined karate, I told you I’d finally be able to protect you like you always did me and then I just became a huge jerk.”

You frown, face falling. You had no idea that Eli had been so upset by all of that or that it had been impacting him that much either, carrying that guilt around with him constantly. You remember the day he speaks of, it was the last time Kyler had made a cruel and crude joke about you; that was before everything changed. Before he’d joined Cobra Kai and turned into the ‘Hawk’ and he’d promised you that he would get strong and brave enough to stand up for you.

Like he always wanted to.

Swallowing thickly, you shift towards Eli, pressing yourself against him as you squeeze his hand, holding it close and pressing your lips to his cheek. “I didn’t need you to stand up for me,” you reassure. “Because just having you near was enough. That’s all I want.”

Eli meets your eyes, surprised.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” you nod, smiling. “You’re all I need. Always.”

Glancing down at your entwined hands, Eli hesitates a moment; “I wish you could see how amazing you are.”

His voice is soft and the words are sincere. You feel your heart swell.

“I’ve spent a lot of my life blaming myself for things that… aren’t my fault.” It’s hard to say, hard to admit, when you’ve spent so much of your life punishing yourself and thinking otherwise. But what Eli and Demetri had said before and their genuine concern made you think, made you realize and see things in a way you never had before. “I don’t want to think that way anymore.”

Eli cups your cheek; “I don’t want you to either.”

“Okay,” you nod, voice a whisper as you smile, eyes watering. “Then help me see, Eli.”

“I will,” he says without hesitation, “I promise I will.”

He’s pressing his lips against your own in the next second and you lean into the affection, letting your eyes flutter shut as you curl into his grasp. You’re reassured by his words and it’s almost as if a weight is lifted off your shoulders at his promise.

It’s the lightest you’ve felt in years.

And it’s all thanks to Eli.

[kalechipswithasideofkale]

my adrenaline has gone down finally so i feel i can give my thoughts on this season

no more faks! no more! please!

i think the series is taking inspiration from different art movements and genres. season one - surrealism?, season two - modernism?, season three - baroque? im not well versed on this stuff but i definitely noticed they use different forms of art to make the seasons feel different from one another

piggybacking off the earlier bulletin; i think thats also why this season feels like all flash and no substance. whatever movement or era they decided to do with season three is very ou la la oui oui i zam an artist bonjour /nm its very different from the movements they went with in the past seasons. this one feels serious and fancy smancy

i still think they’re going to go through with sydcarmy and this season just solidifies it. syd and carmy are severly mentally ill with issues they need to work out. they dont handle stress and expectations well if at all.

i think some of the things being said by the characters are being taken at face value specifically carmy calling claire peace. i dont think the writers are writing claire to be a source of peace for carmy; hes just so in denial and confused about his emotions he knows he supposed to feel peace from claire but cant figure out why he doesnt

i missed marcus sweeps and tina in this season so much. and syd! i was excited for sweeps to go to wine school only for it to be a one off thing. the tina episode was good but thats the only thing i can think of from the top of my head that she stood out in. marcus’ mom died? but it feels like she didnt die at all? like the weight of his moms death isnt being felt in his character and that made me really sad. i wanted a little more with syd and marcus with their moms :/

im not angry at carmy somehow? i just feel this deep sadness because he is so unlike himself. my initial frustrations with the season made it hard for me to look at his character. now that ive calmed down, he just makes me sad. like thinking about him makes me feel like a wet sausage dude he needs serious help and im scared he’s gonna do something very bad in this next season/part

i was really hoping there would be more parallels between new york carmy and current syd. they might explore it in season 4 and i really hope they do!

where tf was everyone else in the emergency room and why was it the two faks. there is no dissection in the world that will make me okay with those losers being there im sawry

syd being the first person sugar called and claire being the last mhm yup 🙂‍↕️

a good chunk of claire and carmys scenes being muted or cool colors once again!

RICHIE AND HIS DAUGHTER AA!! i wish they had an entire episode dedicated to them theyre so cute!

theres something to be said about loneliness and isolation this season? again i would need to rewatch the season. something something carmy pushing syd away something something nat fearing giving birth because of her mom something something syd having a breakdown and isolating herself from the rest of the fam something something

pete ❤️

chris you have reached ur limit on white male characters enough is enough theres NO MORE ROOM

ngl i actually liked seeing john cena on my screen yall pls

why are we so close to everyones face i zont like zat at all

i thought they were going to bring louis back and got so excited!!! BRING BACK LOUIS

they wrap up the claire storyline by season 4 or part three?? whatever theyre doing idk

LUCA!!!!!!

as much one sided beef i have with jlc she delivered i crode very hard

backseating the characters of color is very lame and bogus! i hated it! what happened to tinas friends she met at school? does ebra not have family? syd and her dad? marcus and his roommate? so many characters they could introduce from sydney marcus tina ebra fuck even angel and manny but they insist on introducing characters that have ties to the berzattos. i hate it! i really do!

syds apartment? where did you go fren….

i wish they were more artsy fartsy with carmys internal struggles give me cringe film student vibes please ill take anything

FUCK CICERO he didnt do anything but PISS ME OFF >:(

why didnt they have syd work out the economics (or whatever tf that computer dude did do). didnt she do something like that in season one? i guess since cicero called him it makes sense

richie and nat are so adorable i love them!!!!

overall pretty mediocre season. it was okay for a show like the bear. i don’t agree with having an entire season dedicated to build up! or atleast in the way they’ve done it in season 3. season 1 was a prologue for the entire show yet it still felt like a complete season. alot of the things that went down in season three either could’ve been compressed into a shorter span of time or they could’ve gotten more episodes (as if its that easy lol but the pacing wouldn’t have suffered as much if the season was longer). um decent season? i dont hate it! i dont love it either. like i said it feels soulless and maybe thats the intention? idk man 😔

i will most definitely be seated for season four TRUST

[66sharkteeth]

Weekly thoughts, ep 177-

And do I have thoughts this week! As well as things to point out.

I was pretty excited about this episode and it's kind of something I've been building up to for a while. I've talked in the past about Claude's development being some of my favorite in the series, and this ep is kind of what these past few eps have been building up to. I know the last few eps haven't been the most thrilling- Which is normal, to have some calm eps after a huge events, and I have been sprinkling important scenes in there (I mean, Rex got The Memory™), but another big thing drawing these past few eps out were getting Claude to this moment. I think in the original outline, this scene actually came a lot sooner, and it just felt...far too sudden to me. It needed those scenes we've seen the past few eps of Jericho confiding in Claude and him realizing Jericho is too far gone.

Which honestly, I think is kind of sad in a way nobody's really pointed out- Jericho revealing all his plans to Claude because he's the one person he thinks he can trust, and then Claude going behind his back with the information. But like Claude said in the episode, he does this all with the best intention for Jericho- He realizes he's gone too far now and he's trying to put out the fire Jericho set before the bridge is entirely burned.

Now as for his actual plan and if he'll get away with it... Haha, well, I even said last week these panels were important information that I knew people were gonna gloss over and sure enough...

Maybe it would have been more obvious if I put him in...literally pants lol. but yeah, dude was under a blanket the whole episode and it wasn't because he was cold:

That said, I do think the majority connected all the dots, but there were definitely a few people who didn't quite catch onto Claude's plan.

Now I DO think a more valid question is if Jericho could feel what Claude was writing. Which honestly, I just... Didn't really even think about until people started asking, but...

Maybe he just wrote on his human leg

I actually don't think the blank space can feel anything? I mean, we saw Jericho getting ripped and torn apart by scientists and he talks about how it didn't actually hurt.

After people pointed it out, I got curious and tried to write the note on my own leg and... honestly I dont think I would have ever known what someone was writing. I think I would have just thought it was a grocery list. So I think even if Jericho COULD feel it...he still wouldn't assume it was anything but a list of medicine and maybe some other things he needed.

That said... I think everyone is very valid to see a giant death flag over Claude now LOL. You'll just have to keep reading in regards to that.

Hm... I feel like I'm forgetting something. I think the only last thing I had some thoughts on were the small percent of people who still hate Claude and don't see this as any kind of redemption. To which... damn, yall are harsh LOL, but okay. I do kind of think those people are missing...a lot... in regards to Claude's development and his struggles but... w/e he's a fictional character and the enabler of the guy who has killed two protagonists now, so I get it more than like... Lyss. Who just made made wrong choices with the best intentions.

[bl00dlight]

Question for the Culture...

Some thoughts on s2, Aemond needing mothers milk, alicole pussy rubbing, the Greens writing & characterisation.

After some consideration, I think the reason way the brothel scene is so jarring is because we've spent so little time with Aemond as a character, and S1 purposefully set up this very real mystique around him - espeically regarding duty, having disdain for Aegon's depravity (and literally being above it himself?) Etc, that we didn't get to see the process of what actually led Aemond there as a character. I actually do think it's because we are getting so few episodes that they are bypassing the very needed character progression that Aemond 10000% needs. It feels out of character because the show has set up a character which was exceedingly adverse to that behaviour. And you can feel the shift in his character, this season. To me he feels completely different, which shouldn't be the case just yet since like... Luke supposedly died only two weeks prior to the start of the season. We didn't get to see his progression into going from Alicent's #1 ride or die, to being her biggest hater? Nor did we see his progression into why he was even at the brothel? The leaks spoke about Aegon taking him to Cock Inn during B&C and well, we know that was the case because the Madam mentioned that. But? Why would they not show us that? Why would they not show us Aemond's progression into making that decision in the first place and the after effects leading him to returning back there? I think the scene was within his characterisation but like... not out of the blue. It felt like something we needed to see unfold. Because also, now all of his mystique is shattered. Like those are such STRONG choices to make him a milk drinking, fetal position, mummy's milkers ass bitch straight off the bat. Like??? Considering that two weeks ago he was like "Bro I am so much better than Aegon. I don't do that depravity shit. I'm dutiful, I should be King cause my brother is fucken gross and weak." Well? Okay... now Aemond is objectively grosser and weaker. Which was likely always the case, but it's something that should have been developed and revealed with time? They inadvertently destroyed the idea of his "mask" and his character being a massive antagonistic force that parallels Daemon. Because we've spent 10x more screen time with Daemon and we know underneath he is also fragile and vulnerable. We know that his dependence on Rhaneyra is significantly more complicated than it being about ambition. But it's not shown yet, he still actively is maintaining this incredibly antagonistic mask that makes him more elusive to the audience. We don't truly know his true intentions, his true vulnerabilities yet. So his actions come across as significantly more threatening, for all we know he could truly just be that malevolent while at the same time - we have seen glimpses which prove otherwise, that he is vulnerable and does desire love, comfort etc. But we don't quite know what that vulnerability truly is yet.

But with Aemond it's fucking beyond on the nose having him laying in an older woman's lap, drinking MILK and having his head patted while being cooed upon. Like okay so now we know exactly what the fuck is wrong with him. And he loses all complexity (currently) because we've not been shown the progression of this drastically opposing character choice. We've gone from a dude who was licking his lips at the sight of Daemon slicing and dicing Vaemond, who was posting up to his kid nephews and literally denouncing Aegon for his sexual depravity - to homeboy needing mummy's milk straight off the back, no inner conflict shown. It would've been nice to SEE him actually struggle with this level of vulnerability. It would've been nice to see his character unravel to the point where that scene didn't feel like I've just skipped several episodes of characterisation. And yall can say what you want, but I am right on this. It would've been far more compelling for them to keep his mystique for longer, to keep that vulnerability of his hidden and watch him struggle with it. Because now I know exactly what the fuck he is thinking, exactly what is wrong with him. There is no ambiguity left in his motivations nor whether or not his whole black leather edgy boy thing is a mask. Because now we know it's a mask, so all of his choices don't feel as.... threatening? They feel more like an angry teenage boy who needs a hug. Which is totally fine, but it's more intriguing if it weren't so explicitly shown to us that's what he is. I'd rather that be woven into his character and his of mask edgelord666 not be so suddenly stripped from him? Because now I know he isn't a raging psychopath, now I he isn't driven by his chaos. With Daemon, he still gives the impression he genuinely might be unredeemable. And that should be the case with Aemond.

And while we are here, I fucken hated the line of the brothel Madame reminding him of the smallfolk.

1) What authority does she hold over him to essential give him council or reprimand him on his behaviour. Why does she have the confidence to council him in the first place given she is in a position of vulnerability. That's the paradox, he could absolutely have her killed or hurt her and face zero consequences. So what gives her the security in knowing he wouldn't respond negatively to being counciled on the political repercussions of his behaviour? Why have they not SHOWED US their dynamic? Because I'm going into this knowing Aemond is about to commit mass genocide against the smallfolk? So unless that comment was just a throwaway liner to set that up, why would she feel compelled to be direct in that way? Why would Aemond a man who actively does not give a SHITTTTT about the lives of those below him, let a brothel Madame get away with saying that? And since he did let it slide, WHY???? Show us WHYYYY he would accept that advice?

2) If that line was used as a recalling to Aemond potentially feeling regret for the choices he is about to make, then just cut the cameras. Cause I think that would be an absolute waste of his characterisation. Everyone already feels bad about the smallfolk. They are really hammering it home. Even Otto gives a shit about them. The last person I want to see care is Aemond. Because it just doesn't make sense, why the fuck would he care? He has no reason to care given the role he plays in the war.

I want to use Cersei Lannister as a point that you don't need to implement a sense of societal empathy for your antagonist to have softness within them. Cersei is like number 1 bad bitch, doesn't give a fuck, is a number 1 hater and will straight up blow a bitch UP. But we see glimmers of softness with her children, with Jamie and even Margaery. And I think that just makes her so much more intriguing because we know something else resides within her other than malevolence but we the audience have to watch her go through the motions of it.

So far I've seen Aemond go through ZERO motions and I've seen the writers play their cards already. I hope I'm wrong. But we have 6 episodes left of s2. And so far, I've learnt so little about him as a character, while also knowing exactly what his core wound is.

I'm a tad worried for s2, and I'm a tad worried that the short season lengths are forcing the writers to speed up the way they allowed these characters to develop. There have been some incredibly strong ass moments, like Otto being THAT bitch and telling Aegon what's good. That was unbelievably incredible. Literally the entire scene between Daemon and Rhaneyra. IMPECCABLE character work, IMPECCABLE acting 10/10. Oh and everything Helaena at the moment is also beyond perfect. That funeral scene was harrowing.

But the downsides have been huge. To me, Aemond is drifting into a territory which is making me kinda not enjoy his character so much. Cause now I know what's good, he doesn't compell me right now. Knowing what lies beneath the surface isn't always a good thing, espeically given he has had like maybe 40 minutes of screen time overall in the series. And Alicole suffers the same fate. It was implied in season 1, 100000%, but uhhhhh its jarring because we never got to see HOW it unfolded. The process that lead alicent and criston into this very complex reltionship. It feels like they've been fucking for years, yet it's been like two weeks on canonically? Oh and having the green siblings not interact after B&C is diabolical. That is fucking lazy writing. Sorry. Because they haven't mentioned the fact Helaena has had neither Aegon nor Aemond acknowledge her. Which again, feels so fucking out of blue? It doesn't even have to be a whole process, it could've been one scene where one of them attempt to comfort her and fail because they fundamentally don't know how to display that level of kindness towards one another. It's that easy. Oh and Daeron? Fuck off. That was an ABYSMAL way to introduce him. Why does Otto need to remind Alicent that she has another son? What grandfather says "remember that third son you've always had and have forgotten about for the past 6 years? *wink, wink*" Like fuck off.

I think they are suffering from too many ideas all at one. And trying to rush major character arcs in order to get to the dance. But what makes GRRM writing and works so interesting and what made GOT (early seasons) so good was the fact they took time to develop the characters and show those lengthy discussions/character interactions. It's ABSOLUTELY insane we haven't seen the green siblings interact properly and may not at all. There is no reason for that, you can't put it down to "dysfunctional family dynamics" if you don't SHOW us the dysfunctional family dynamic and the siblings failing at communicating. B&C would've been the perfect time to show the audience WHY they can't comfort each other and HOW their family system has failed them. It's so deeply unbelievable to me and getting the actors justify it as it being a poor family dynamic is LAZY. Show the audience. Don't have your actors tell us.

[wingsofhcpe]

yeah now I see why everyone's saying Netflix ruined the Witcher story in s3 and why Henry Cavill hightailed it the fuck out of there.

They ruined Dijkstra by making him a coward and a drunken fool by the end. They ruined Philippa by making her a "sexy dominatrix" cardboard cutout instead of the calm and collected mastermind powerhouse she's in the books AND it seems they'll give her secret magic meetings orchestrator role to Yennefer because fuck any female character who isn't her or Ciri, I guess. They changed Cahir's story for.... God knows why, actually. They FUCKED UP Fringilla and Fransesca and the emergence of the Dol Blathana kingdom, seriously I don't even know where to begin when it comes to these two.

And worst of all, the one thing I will absolutely never forgive them for: Tissaia.

My brave, strong, arrogant Tissaia, brought so low for a man. Making mistakes not because of her arrogance or her immense power and her belief that she was protecting what she treasured, but for a fucking love interest. Oh, but he turned her soft, she finally trusted, she was finally happy, she's better for it per Yen's literal words. And she gambled and lost not because of her unwavering beliefs, but because she was shagging Vilgefortz and he manipulated her.

The lightning scene and her hair turning white? Yeah, that was fucking badass. But since they went through all that trouble to keep her around longer/have her do more things, I don't understand why they had to kill her in the same way as the books in the end. With the path they chose for her, she should have died during the lightning spell. That would have been okay. But no, they had to do that part like the books, I imagine for shock value. And somehow, that made everything even worse.

CW for self-harm and suicide under the cut.

In the books, Tissaia taking her own life was not a dramatic, prolonged scene. It wasn't an emotional decision she took by smoking drugs and writing farewell letters. She made a mistake because of her own arrogance: not because of men or love but because she truly believed herself to be powerful and infallible and trusted herself to protect Aretuza. And so when she gambled and lost, taking her own life felt like her acknowledging her colossal mistake and not cowering at the face of consequences, but instead delivering those consequences herself, which only strengthened her image as a powerful, self-sufficient mage; she didn't even need someone else to point out her failures and deliver punishment, she did it herself. And to be clear here, I am not glorifying her act; suicide is no "proper punishment", nor should it be regarded as something admirable. All I'm saying is that it was very much in line with Tissaia's character and thematically fitting. This is fiction, not reality. Let us not confuse the two.

In the show, however? They dragged it out, they had Philippa rubbing her mistakes at her face, humiliating her in front of the other sorcerers. And the last straw for me was her conversation with Yennefer, because it really came off as Tissaia accepting that her living and staying strong and leading them would be the proper way to atone for what she did. It came off as Tissaia accepting responsibility, recognising the truth in Yennefer's words, and actually trusting in them. Then, the moment Yennefer looked away, she got high, made a callback to season 1 for... some reason with the rock and flower trick, and killed herself.

In the books, death felt like her righteous punishment that she accepted for her mistakes. Here, it felt like running away, choosing the easy way out and, ultimately, doing it all because of Vilgefortz.

And I am never, ever forgiving the show writers for that. Tissaia was my favourite character in the books, and they absolutely destroyed and humiliated her, and for what? For shock value and to prop up Yennefer. Because God forbid this show has more than one badass woman character in the lead. If yall wanted to change Tissaia's character you could have done that by keeping her alive, having her stand by Yennefer, maybe having lost her powers after thar spell but still being there to guide the new generation of sorcerers as they rebuilt their home- that would have been what book!Tissaia would have done as an alternative to dying. But no. You just had to make her a pathetic little coward whose actions were mostly because of her relationship to Vilgefortz. Taking away her strength and agency in every possible way.

I'm glad Cavill left this shitty-ass production and I honestly hope s4 flops SO bad you'll have to cancel s5 even if it's already renewed. Fuck this shit.

[not-handsome-enough]

DICK KNUBBLER MAYE STILL BE ALIVE

Kinda

Alright before I do anything take this with a grain of salt, cause it’s probably a continuity error / can be easily explained away BUT if you all would like to hold onto some hope please just hear me out. And also it offers a question for yall.

Alright! So!

On twitter someone had asked Brendon and Gene about Murmaider III and its placement on Dethalbum IV ( which btw shoutout to Gene’s wife that was brilliant ) and Brendon had mentioned that what sets 3 apart from the other two was that it was more dreamlike, and that it was made AFTER Army of the Doomstar. Now since Brendon and Gene weren’t the ones to make the order on the Album we can’t set a timeline for the songs ( though they are set in Brutal to Dreamlike order once again shoutout to Genes wife you goddess ) we can at least say that some songs were made post Army. In fact we could also make some assumptions about what songs were made DURING army. So I’ll separate that list here.

NOTE : YALL DONT NEED TO READ THIS PART THIS IS JUST ME RUNNING WITH “ some songs were made post AOTD which ones could they be teehee “ JUST KNOW MURMAIDER AND SOS WERE AFTER KUBBLER DIED OK SORRy I’m not deleting that whole thing I like it

Songs with “ * “ are canon, the rest are personal interpretation.

DURING ARMY OF THE DOOMSTAR:

* Aortic Desecration ( the first song of salvation but obviously not )

* SOS ( song of salvation )

Gardener of Vengeance ( Nathan directly references this during the scene where he confides in the band and Knubbler that he doesn’t write songs about hope and he’s just doing what he knows. I believe he wrote and recorded this but felt it wasn’t good enough to be the song of salvation and moved on. HOWEVER the language he used could place this as post AOTD because it sounds more like a thrown out there example kinda like how he figured out SOS in the cave )

Poisoned By Food ( Again I think this is a scrapped song of salvation since besides the actual poisoning of food a lot of the imagery feels like the what the metalocalypse was described like )

BLOODBATH ( guess what another scrapped song of salvation. This one feels like a ‘you don’t scare me I’m going to confidently stop you because if I go down you go down with me’ song. Also it could be Nathan trying to reach out to Magnus since he was one of the people on his list. Also quick note I’m going song by song so I don’t know if I’ll notice if any other songs would reflect the list I just got out of work so I’m not gonna catch it all rn )

Horse of Fire ( this is tricky because lyrics like star still blazing allude to this being written before aortic desecration but also Nathan didn’t have the talk with the whale until the deadline came up in which he had to go with aortic desecration <he wouldn’t have had time to write about the fist or the hand.> But the lyrics don’t have the <we should reach out to the fans> revelation that SOS has. Maybe this was a draft for SOS but I think once Nathan figured out what SOS was meant to be it just came to him naturally. I’m not sure. HOWEVER since the doomstar is referred to as a star that is still blazing and not a portal that’s been destroyed it’s safe to say this is not post AOTD. Either way this is an important song to keep in mind if you look at this speculating )

POST ARMY OF THE DOOMSTAR:

* Murmaider III ( stated by Brendon Small in the interview. He said he feels that the boys would have written this after AOTD and based off of interviews he’s had in the past about his songwriting process it’s hard to not take this as canon so. )

DEADFACE ( I think this is post because while the song plays during the movie only Skwisgaar knew about the possession so the lyrics wouldn’t quite make sense yet. It’s a tricky placement but I can see Skwisgaar playing around with it since he does play the notes during the movie )

Mutilation on a Saturday Night ( this feels so much like a we survived so now we’re gonna party song I can’t see Nathan Skwisgaar or Pickles make an argument for this being a Song of Salvation. Also all the fucked up shit they talk about references what happened during the metalocalypse but it’s spoken in past tense like a ‘hey we fucked shit up but we fixed it so now we’re just gonna keep fucking around haha’)

I am The Beast ( simply cause I don’t see this as something Nathan would write during AOTD but the ‘ I am a beast this is my domain and when I speak you scream my name ‘ could work as a salvation line but it feels too much like a Mutilation Saturday Night ‘I can write whatever I want cause I lived and I’m not gonna hold back’ vibe )

Satellite Bleeding ( this feels like the first song they would have written and recorded after the doomstar died. Kinda like watching the sky clear up after a storm. )

Now despite me rambling on about this I would like to draw attention to what’s canon. Specifically SOS and Murmaider III. These songs came out after Knubbler died. Yet Dethalbum IV credits Knubbler for production.

Drawing your attention to how crediting in the Dethalbum works, each album has a little section for Dethklok to get musical credits and thank whoever and whatever. There’s also production credit and location credit. On ALL of the Dethalbums Knubbler is credited as producer. Cause he’s the producer makes sense yeayeyaeyah. But whenever there’s a change in location or production, there’s additional credits.

ANOTHER NOTE: I DONT HAVE THE KLOK OPERA CD I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE CREDITING SYSTEM LOOKS LIKE ON THERE but if someone happens to be selling that cd outside of eBay please let me know

Let’s look at them.

Dethalbum I ^

Shit ton of credits right, and on the other page which I didn’t take a picture of and can’t because I’m not home at the moment there’s credit to Snakes N Barrels for “Kill You” with each member listed. Take note that songs that are considered exceptions are credited differently and locations not at Mordhaus are credited.

I lied I have the other page. For those without the dethalbum cds the actual credits are usually on another page and “Kill You” got mixed in with it

Anyways

Dethalbum II

Hey Knubbies gets to thank someone this time! Anyways once again Knubbler is credited for production, but also Dethklok. Keep this in mind. Also the fact that different location credited for Murmaider II but it’s recorded at Mordhaus

Dethalbum III

Knubbler credit AND Abigail credit along with Dethklok AND once again location credit is Mordhaus and another fuckass place. Only thing that’s not really credited is Magnus with The Hammer but idk if he was like Toki and William where they play the songs but don’t really write or if he actually wrote The Hammer. I’m not a HammerHead, I’ve seen people interpret him as both, but at the end of the day idrk.

So what about Dethalbum IV

Knubbler is credited. At Deus Keep. Only Knubbler. Only at Deus Keep. “But he’s not credited as a Producer” True! If the album was released in universe it would probably be a producer credit. Especially since Brendon and Ulrich have Producer credit on the page prior. Maybe it’s because Knubbler didn’t make it to the final production stage. Or maybe he’s staying hidden undercover..

Remember earlier. He canonically was not around for two of these songs on this album. He could not have recorded OR mixed SOS or Murmaider III. Even if you don’t fully think that Murmaider III was made Post AOTD, SOS was done post Knubbler death. Hell, the song was dedicated to him by William! But there’s no separate credit for SOS.

If we went on the same basis as previous albums SOS would have been credited to that part of Norway where they traveled to that I forgot the name of and I’m not gonna look up but you get the point. Or even Dethklok would have been credited as production. I could also say something about how Murmaider III wasn’t recorded in the Mariana Trench and how the whale isn’t calling to Nathan anymore but that’s for another day. Right now though, it’s just Knubbler. Just Knubbler and Deus Keep.

Which leads to 3 possibilities.

Knubbler Lives: Knubbler survived ( the flashing things on the ground were teleporters ) and Deus Keep is rebuilt. To celebrate their survival they make Dethalbum IV but don’t release it

Knubbler Died: The band recorded the last few songs on the album at the remains of Deus Keep. Knubblers presets aren’t changed so credit remains to him. Once again not releasing it.

It’s not an album: Dethalbum IV doesn’t exist in universe. That’s why there’s no producer credit. That’s why Nathan doesn’t thank the klokateers ( he thanks the army of the doomstar which is just him thanking fans ). Dethklok recording it post AOTD is more to do with how Brendon records dethalbums than in universe writing.

I like to think that this is just an unreleased album in universe since the record label is more than likely destroyed, but it has the possibility of releasing one day if society is rebuilt to what it once was. But it really depends on if you think the album is canon to the universe. Cause there’s no Mordhaus credit on Dethalbum IV and there’s no way for SOS to have been recorded at Deus Keep and blablabla

something fun to think about tho yk?

TLDR: two songs on dethalbum IV were made after Knubbler death yet the credit doesn’t change for him in the dethalbum so there’s a chance that he recorded and mixed those songs cause he is alive and well horray

[ashleyfanfic]

I have finished part 1 of season 3 of Bridgerton. Thoughts under the cut

So, I hesitate to really try to talk about everything that happened, so I’m just gonna concentrate on the Polin of it all.

First, let me say that Nicola and Luke should be fucking proud cause they killed it with Colin and Penelope. Especially Nicola able to convey so much heartbreak on her face. But then toss in Luke and the longing looks, the complete denial he found himself in, was just perfect. He did such a great job.

Second, Colin’s vehement hatred for Whistledown is gonna bite them in the ass. I mean, I get they had to change the reveal from how it happened in the books, but also… WHY!? Him finding her at St Bride’s church and confronting her and then the carriage ride all went together. Not that I didn’t love the carriage ride. I mean, I’ll get to that in a moment, but I did so love the reveal in the book. But also, Eloise knowing before Colin is gonna be a big fucking problem, it seems.

Third, we get it. Colin is a manwhore making his way through the brothels of England, and also a bit of a vouyuer if he pays. Lordy Jesus what is he gonna ask to watch Pen do??🥰🥰 dirty boy. But in all seriousness, between Benedict Anthony and Colin, those brothels are being kept up. Also, yall stay the fuck away from Gregory and don’t ruin that sweet little boy.

Fourth, Pen flirting with others in the ton was actually painful to watch. I have terrible second hand embarrassment. Actually sitting through it was nearly impossible. I had to up the timing on it so I could make it through. Kudos for Nicola for making that the most awkward shit I’ve seen in a long fucking time.

Fifth, Sir, that coat and open neck are sinful. But I approve. Carry on!

Sixth, that first kiss. Let’s talk about it. First, Colin bribed her maid to speak with her alone. Clever. The hopelessness that Penelope feels was so palpable. He felt wretched for her and I do think he feels a sense of responsibility for her, but also the need to try to rescue someone. And I think that’s what he sought out to do when she asked him to kiss her. However, it made him reevaluate EVERYTHING. He became awkward with her because of how it made him feel. She was embarrassed for asking, he was embarrassed because he liked it so much and it rocked his fucking world. It was really beautiful that it started out so tentative, but then the romance of it all caught up to them. And she, unbeknownst to her, left him wanting.

Seventh, dreaming about your friend now? Naughty dreams that were tamer than whatever you were doing in that brothel, but knocked you so completely in your ass Mister Bridgerton? Hmmm?

Eighth, the apology he gave her was actually really beautiful. Because it was honest and sincere. He hated he hurt her, he does value her, and she is his friend. Also, we see you with those fluttering lashes when you thought about Colin whispering in your ear at every ball. Well played. But honestly, after how hurt she was by what he said, it did take him off the pedestal she’d had him on. They were finally on even ground and not her looking up at him, theoretically speaking. She will have to give an equally compelling one when it’s revealed to him that she’s Lady Whistledown, especially since he proposed without knowing the truth. I only wish she hadn’t accepted without telling him first. My only really qualm with their love story.

Ninth, friends to lovers is a hard trope to pull off once one of the friends is in the friendzone. As they said, it’s hard to get off the wall once you’re on it. But I think they did a great job.

Tenth, Penelope reading Colin’s journal made it in and I’m so glad. She needed to see his temper a little. Part of him coming down from the pedestal is realizing that he’s not perfect and genteel all the time. Him cutting his hand and her tending to it, while also commenting on his writing was really a lovely scene. As was the moments before it.

Eleventh, the balloon scene. Colin staring at her while she was eating a pastry is unhinged. Mouth open and everything. But also, him realizing what was happening with the balloon because he’d been staring at Pen. And the swashbuckler ran to stop anything from happening. Pen then getting caught up staring, same girl same, and when she tried to run she fell. I felt that on an emotional level. I once fell out of bed because I got my foot caught in the opposite leg of my pajamas. We all clumsy out here. I know my ass would have face planted if I tried to run. But I liked all of it.

Twelfth, their meeting under the tree was super cute. Both fumbling with their words because the kiss did mean something despite what Penelope said. TBH, I would have had my maid check me for bugs after cause trees like those have them. Her paid was the MVP, honestly, that woman stayed so fucking far behind them I don’t know if she can say she was actually with them.

Thirteenth, it struck me that the advice Colin gave Penelope didn’t work because that’s really not who either of them are. They’re both weird little nerds who like to talk about the things that interest them even if no one else is interested.

Fourteenth, Colin chasing after Penelope twice as she left two different balls. The first time just shattered my heart. She had been hurt by the revelation, as she should have been, and then to have it rubbed in her face later was horrific. The realization on her face when she realized what everyone was talking about hurt my heart for her. She truly got a taste of her own medicine when she had to write an article about her own scandal. God he’s really gonna be pissed when he finds out she did that to both of them.

Fifteenth, I keep coming back to I wish she’d told him already about Whistledown. I fucking hope she doesn’t marry him without telling him. That would be hard to support. From the preview, I imagine Eloise won’t let that happen.

Sixteenth, Penelope’s new dresses were very lovely.

Seventeenth, I think I’m ready to talk about the carriage scene. Colin ran after her carriage and made it stop along the road so he could get in. Penelope was embarrassed and ashamed that her once chance to marry had slipped away. And Colin was so fucking relieved when she told him she wasn’t engaged to Debling. Also, Colin, you out here causing a doozy of a scandal by interrupting their dance. Like my dude! Carry on! And he did. I love that most of his confession was on his knees in front of her, making them eye level but also displaying his sincerity. I think that’s what’s so powerful about the scene. Luke did such a wonderful job conveying his desperation to make her understand and that he was genuine. She already knew she loved him, but thinking that he loved her had never crossed her mind. And that it was Penelope who finally revealed herself and her feelings for Colin to spark them into the spiciness.

Last, the spiciness. Admittedly, the dream was rather tame considering all their talk of spicy. The carriage ride was more Bridgerton. Penelope touching his hair LIKE WE ALL WANT TO. The caresses, the kisses. And who knew that a Pitbull song could be romantic!? I love when the carriage stopped him asking if the carriage could just keep going! The laughs, two friends who are used to sharing giggles together who now have more fun pursuits. But then the determination on his face when he climbed out of the carriage. He knew before he moved he was going to ask her to marry him. The fact that Penelope didn’t immediately say yes, tells me she was probably still a little distracted by getting finger banged inside a carriage. Completely understandable. God, I hope her mother doesn’t give her the sex talk. The fact that her sisters had NO IDEA what sex was… well, I hoped she learned her lesson. Draw pictures for your daughters, ladies. Or ask Agatha, to do so. We learned in Queen Charlotte she’s not bad at drawing. But I did really love this scene and how intimate and sexy it was.

Last minute things I had on my mind about the others: as much as I wanted to hate Cressida and Eloise’s friendship, I kind of like it and that they’re comfortable enough to call one another out on their bullshit. GUYS, UNLESS MICHAEL STERLING IS GONNA BE PLAYED BY MICHAEL B. JORDAN IM HIGHLH PISSED THAT HE’S NOT GONNA COME WITH A SCOTTISH ACCENT AND LOOK LIKE RICHARD FUCKING MADDEN. I’m serious. I mean, should they have saved Rege for that role? I’m nervous. Is the only reason that Lady Danbury dislikes her bro is because he’s a rake? Another season of Benedict wandering aimlessly through life and diddling some lady. Honestly, I would have been happier if he’d ended up with Madam Delacroix. Is it possible her name is actually Sophie?

All in all, not a bad first half.

[autisticjoshrusso]

really struggling to formulate my thoughts on this episode here. i think a lot was done right and a lot was done kind of poorly.

i think it was a mistake to end tommy's plotline on the show in that same lukewarm place that it had been for the entire time. the narrative was simultaneously too kind and not kind enough to him at the end in a way that didn't match the energy it had been giving. im not normally one to advocate for something to be made more black and white, but i think this is one of those times that the plot would have benefited from it. they needed to lean harder into him being an asshole or being a good guy. if they wanted him to get a redemption arc and the breakup to be very sad etc like they were apparently going for here, they should have made him more likeable this whole time. it felt tonally disconnected to me. like if he's going to be this emotional guy who cares too much about potentially being heartbroken we should have been getting that the whole time and we just objectively weren't.

i'll get into the maddie, josh, and buck scene separately. that's gonna need its own post from me because you know thats my special guy and i gotta really get into it.

i'm definitely glad to see the relationship be over. i've stayed pretty middle ground this whole time because i loved the potential tommy could have had as a character, but that was just never delivered in canon, and ive said from the beginning that even at their respective bests, i don't think buck and tommy are right for each other. they both have very different needs and would both be better served finding different partners. i'll probably return to writing my joshtommy content once the ship war starts to blow over and i can sit in peace with the knowledge that im just having fun and not trying to propose that any of it will ever be canon.

the choice to make abby's ex be the same tommy was a brilliant one, and i feel like they almost... wasted it? when buck decided he should forgive tommy for leaving her the way he did (by which i mean josh convinced him he needed to feel a certain way, more on that later as i said), it was the perfect opportunity to have tommy go, um, actually, im the one who has a problem with it now, bye. that would have really cemented the sort of avoidant behavior and lack of close emotional attachment they'd been characterizing tommy with up until that point. so to have it come back around to the same sort of hang up with buck's inexperience instead was a bit strange.

that said, i DO love their decision to put buck in breakup green and ask tommy to move in. the way my stomach dropped in that moment because i knew it was over, they were breaking up, etc. because he was doing it again. once again he was unsure about the relationship and then immediately overcompensated by proposing a major step forward. i think it was a great choice to showcase this again because realizing he's bisexual didn't change the Behaviors. he's still on the hamster wheel. and of course the final name drop change from evan to buck was just soooo. chef's kiss. no notes.

anyway thats all ive got right this second i'll hit yall with a second post about the josh and buck of it all later on (potentially not even tonight depending on how smoothly writing it goes but hopefully sooner than later.) please try to be normal and not kill each other today folks <3 at the end of the day this is a fictional television procedural about first responders, and the real world has enough problems without inventing more things to be mad at.

[spiri-a]

Spiri’s A Tale Of Crowns Rant: Wait, Uh Oh, AITA??

Okay okay okay so for those who don’t know: yes sometimes I play dating sims (free indie ones I’m not that bad). They’re usually just one off stunts that make a weekend more interesting but I recently found one that has literally consumed my ENTIRE LIFE (LIKE, IT IS ALL I THINK ABOUT) and that sim is called A Tale of Crowns made by @ataleofcrowns

I LOVE A Tale of Crowns. The lore and writing is SO FREAKING AMAZING and the love interests are EVERYTHING and it is honestly SUCH a refreshing take on dating sims that I love with all my heart. I have been telling EVERYONE who can listen about AToC in hopes of being able to discuss it with someone. (AToC is a dating sim right?? I think so??)

But anyways, the reason I started writing this wasn’t JUST to gush. Admittedly this all started because of something weird happening to me and me needing to empty out all the complex feelings here. So um here it is:

So basically my very very first run of the game a couple weeks ago I decided that this run would be an honest, very personal run. That means no looking up the correct options, no going back and changing your mind (unless it was an honest mistake), and choosing what I personally think is the best option. No matter what kinds of catastrophic events occur, I just have to deal with it. I also made sure to avoid looking at any forums or posts indicating anything about how the game works.

In this run, I romanced Xelara, who I was honestly absolutely smitten with 😭 Anyways yall don’t need to know the details but basically I kissed the girl in Ch11 and was absolutely on cloud nine when afterwards I finally read all the forums and posts I had been avoiding before.

And then I learned that I actually got the low romance route ._.

For those that don’t know, this basically means I was umm…… actually not a very good person to Xelara. Like, everyone basically agrees the player is actually kind of terrible to her in this route.

And honestly the first thing I felt was really guilty. Like, heart crushing guilt. Horrible awful lingering guilt about how I treated a fictional character (though admittedly one I care about a lot). And then I found myself thinking: “Wait, am I a bad person??”

I moped around for the rest of the day trying to understand why I felt so icky and really just being half confused half guilty. Honestly I don’t really know what happened but my best guess is:

I invested several SEVERAL hours into this run (since it was my very first go), so I treasured it a lot

Not knowing the alternative route (or how the game worked), I assumed that my run seemed to be going really well (with bad stuff happening just being written in anyway) only to then discover it actually wasn’t

In this run, I was basically playing as me. I chose what I thought was the best options and what I genuinely thought was the best things to do or say to Xelara. Thats why when I found out that they were actually very much the wrong things to say, I felt like it was a reflection of me

Now keep in mind this has NEVER ONCE felt like an ATTACK OF ANY KIND. I don’t in any way feel like I am being called a bad person. I still love AToC with all my heart and this has not affected it in any way. This is just me ranting after catching complicated feelings, and I’m pretty sure this is just me taking the hurt feelings of a fictional character unreasonably seriously and spiraling downward into concerned self reflection with a hint of desire for self improvement.

To be honest, I don’t even remember a lot of the things I chose to say to Xelara, I just know that it all added up into being very wrong. What exactly happened, I’m not sure. Maybe I didn’t understand the difference between different options? Maybe I was just bad at figuring out the subtext behind Xelara’s scenes? Maybe I was just bad at reading Xelara in general? Maybe I genuinely need to think about some of the stuff I personally say and do? Regardless it’s something for me to think about.

Anyways, it’s just something that I’ve been stewing about recently and wanted to share for transparency’s sake. Because once again I want to clarify that NONE of these bad vibes are aimed anywhere NEAR AToC. I played several more runs after this happened and had the time of my life. This is 100% me just ranting to get the bad icky energy out of my system, but I’m kinda glad I did. Ranting on tumblr is a good outlet.

I’m probably gonna keep going with that first run once Ch12 comes out, but this is probably still gonna be a bit of a tender spot, and I’ll probably end up walking on eggshells in that run now.

But that’s fine. I’m really genuinely not too bothered anymore, I just wanted to share something that I was feeling a lot of stuff about a while ago, and also partly just in case any elusive fellow AToC fans can relate to this.

If you read this whole thing, first of all that’s very flattering that you put in all that effort and, if you don’t think I’m crazy based on this post, let’s talk about AToC together!

(Of course though, I am expecting absolutely no response to this post. I am but a single post in the vast sea of Tumblr and that’s alright too. Okay now I’m gonna go back to drawing one of my fan crowns like a nerd bye.)

[taste-thewaste]

guys. we're getting a sequel. if you'll now allow me a few years seconds to be sappy

i've been a fandom girly on and off since i was 16. it hasn't been constant--there have been years of gaps in between some fandoms--but for more than half my life, i've been fandom'ing. Writing fic, squealing with internet folks, buying merch, immersing myself so much in a piece of media that it becomes my personality for a time.

it has never felt anything like it's felt in this fandom.

in the five months i've been here, i've made an incredible amount of real connections with people, that i think will actually stand the test of time. i've grown incredibly as a writer and as a person. shit i've discovered weird shit about myself, pieces of me that i didn't know existed, parts of me that i really and truly love.

this movie, this book, this fandom has helped me say words to myself (and to some other people) that i've never been able to admit in 33 years: i'm queer.

and now we're getting even more content, and i'm so fucking excited.

i've never been part of a fandom at a time when new stuff was being actively made. every time i came to a fandom it was after the fact, after it was already made or airing or over. i wasn't here the first time, when RWRB was made. I've been a fan of the book since 2020, watched the movie in 2023, but came to the fandom in January.

and like my bestie @england-would-fall and I have talked about, I get to experience it all from the beginning. i get to see behind the scenes stuff, observe the process as the movie is actually being filmed, scream with yall when the trailer drops. WE GET A PROMO TOUR THIS TIME. and i get to do it with so many lovely people, who i deeply care about.

man i know this is sappy but this is what i needed. thank you for being here with me. thank you for helping me feel like i'm not alone. <3

[isa-ghost]

✨️ A (Witchy) AMFMN Update ✨️

Also I finally admit I'm famous at the end, war is over and yall won, come read my confession /hj

Spoke to Apollo about AMFMN struggles just now. I say struggles but that sounds scarier than it is, really I just mean grappling with motivation and the energy to write for long periods of time.

It boiled down to the fact that I won the battle against my grief with QSMP ending and no more ongoing Death Family content, but it cost me my motivation to write. That's not to say that the fic is dying or anything, basically I just need to find a new source of motivation, even if that motivation is myself.

But as long as I stay in-tune with myself and keep at writing because I WANT to rather than relying on something fueling me to keep going, I'll be good. Which is what I Have been doing, it's just not been easy. But that's to be expected.

He ended things off saying don't feel discouraged just because the process has gotten a little harder and slower. If I'm ever struggling with motivation or something else to do with the writing process, I can always come to him for guidance and encouragement.

Tbh I really needed to hear the last part even though I already kinda knew it. I'm not entirely sure how me being cheered on by him and him being SO INVESTED in Phil and AMFMN has looked from an outside pov, but Apollo genuinely has been such a devoted fanboy and a great mentor through baby's first huge creative endeavor in a fandom. I've always stuck to OC and original stuff, so fanfic has been a really interesting and different experience.

Also for shits n giggles I asked him if I'm actually "famous" like everyone's been insisting because I love enabling him to be silly with messages. A while back he actually told me AMFMN was gonna pop off and get popular and stuff like that but I never really felt like it had? And some of my other circle members had echoed this to me too, but I still never felt that moment of like "okay yeah, it's popular."

Surprisingly, the first of two tarot cards he just gave me about "being famous" is actually a legit answer. He was saying don't be afraid to indulge the ego sometimes, it's okay to do that if you're not being a dick about it. I did something cool and I deserve to enjoy the pride I have in the success of the fic. And my refusal/denial to do so is kind of rooted in my broader issue with self confidence and whatnot. So lowkey he's bonking me on the head for Indeed Being Just Like Phil, Who Can't Actually Take A Fucking Compliment Or Praise.

The second card he pulled about it was sillier, since that WAS the intention of me jokingly asking him if he did think I was "a famous author." And of all fucking cards to pull he pulled DEATH. Which is SO FUNNY because *gestures to Phil's ties with death* but ALSO THAT CARD IS GENERALLY SO ALARMING TO PULL?? The gist of what he was saying with it is that if I stop letting self image related bs cloud how I look at "my popularity" so to speak, it'd actually hugely boost my confidence and lead to even more success with the fic. And while he can't confirm it'd get me "noticed" by Phil (as some people have for Some Reason said it should, it's not my goal), however that would go down, that IS a possibility. He just kinda said "take the fucking compliments, idiot. If you stay humble without downplaying things, you COULD pop off to the degree some people are already saying you should.

Which tbh,, I DID have a Phil pegs member recently put in perspective that most fics don't pass 1k hits on AO3. I don't know how true that is bc I Didn't Go Here (fic writing) until I got the idea for the AMFMN, but the fact that it has over 8k hits is apparently a huge deal?? And I guess my newness and inexperience with the fanfic scene just has kept me unaware of that?? So statistically speaking, AMFMN *is* famous? Which I just still cannot fathom LOL.

Idk, it's weird to think about. I legit do feel like just some guy who's simply passionately vocal about This Cool Thing I'm Doing. But I will admit, even if I don't Feel "famous" and can't take praise to save my life, it's been genuinely really sweet to have people drowning me in compliments and stuff??

And if I'm being honest, it really does motivate me to keep going, because it's nice to know that people really really like the thing I'm doing. People theorizing and being invested in the story has been the #1 thing making AMFMN so fun. I LOVE watching people try to work out what's gonna happen, when I'm foreshadowing, and yelling at me when I nuke them with angst.

I guess that's a long-winded and self-reflective way of saying thank you to everyone who's been so ride or die about AMFMN so far. Like seriously. It's hard to actually Process all the love but it means the world to still receive it??

But yeah, uh. God says I'm famous guys. Guess I have to admit it now. /silly

Anyway, AMFMN may be slower to update (for now) but I do absolutely mean it when I say it's not gonna die. I am legit too excited about shit I have planned to let it happen.

I wanted to finish Chapter 7 by yesterday but Shit Happened and so I'm gonna try to aim for this weekend instead. If I remember correctly I don't have any plans Saturday so,,, PauseChamp

Also as a quick note, I was gonna say this in the tags but it should actually probably be seen by people: #AMFMN things is the tag I use to save my own posts related to the fic on my blog, BUT if anyone wants to, or is already making theories, art, shitposts, memes, or just generally posting about the fic, I DO check that tag sometimes to see if there's anything not from me. So uh. If you haven't used it already, definitely feel free to use that tag for your own stuff related to the fic too, I will be looking. I 1000% want to see anything and everything people might be saying or posting. It's by far the most rewarding part of writing the fic. :)