#I feel like I'm not myself. or.. idk. not in my body. and I don't know who's piloting it. we're both tired and dead.

[splattered-ink]

I’ve read a lot of your stuff uh and I don’t know if you’ve done this one already

But what if you did— and this might be a little outta your ball park idk—

But like something with bed rotting and like “rotting”

Like take it to the most literal sense

[I was mostly thinking of the becoming one with nature again and rotting like a tree and growing mushrooms but you can take it however]

Idk I wanted to write about it but I’m not so “wordy”

Thought you might like it though

- 🎱

I'm sorry it took me so long, I was actually getting to quite a lot of "bed rotting" myself. But here's your piece!

Rotting.

Sometimes, I don't want to get up.

Sometimes I can't.

Sometimes, that “sometimes” becomes never rising again.

Could it really be so bad?

Lying still forever?

Nothing wrong with my bed.

Rotting, they call it.

But doesn't everything rot?

Doesn't everything return to what it once was?

Time passed quickly at first—

Minutes became hours,

Then days.

Weeks.

After that, I lost track of the time.

The months blended together.

I never moved.

It wasn't until many months had passed that I realized

I couldn't

Around my bed, grew vines of Ivy, climbing up and over me.

Along my body, grew mushrooms.

This, was rotting.

Fungus feeding on what was left of me

Ivy wrapping around my body, pulling me down closer to the earth.

Decomposing, rotting, it was all the same.

The soil wished to reclaim what was rightfully hers, and she would do just that.

With mushrooms around my body,

And paint chipping from my ceiling,

Earthworms and maggots burrowing through what remained of my flesh,

I can almost still feel my bedsheets below me.

Almost.

[deoidesign]

One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)

We all start somewhere!

[daz4i]

grumbling grumpily bc i unfortunately have to admit that i am indeed getting better >:( like i actually feel excitement again for example. smh. i look forward to going out and being with people??? i am way more agreeable to trying new things and i let myself approach them with an open mind so i often end up enjoying them??? this isn't me this isn't my heart .

[nobodybetterlookatme]

nah cuz I would pass away if someone asked me if I was into them 😭 but CONGRATS ON GETTING THE DATE!! I hate to say we told you so, but we definitely told you so 😌💅

Bro I literally short circuited lmaoooo like it was not cute and I almost died fr. But yeah, date secured ahskaksk y'all were right 😭 it still feels so surreal lmao I'm still vibrating about it

[talkorsomething]

I have Got to get more transgender

[owlbelly]

spectacularly bad idea today to try to finally go through / organize / "deal with" the crate in my closet where i've stored everything related to the ~10 years of my life i spent as a teacher

i only managed about 1/3 of it. turns out the process goes like this: in order to answer the question "do i want to keep this [art/letter/photo/journal] for sentimental or posterity reasons" i have to put one of my feet into a hole labeled THE PAST, & to answer the question "should i keep this [lesson plan/handout/resource] in case i want to use it again" i have to put the other foot into another hole called THE FUTURE

& both of these holes are bottomless pits of trauma, disability & COVID grief

[khihi]

hm. feeling annoying and embarrassing to be around today. dont like that.

[robinsnest2111]

maybe one day when I can get a hold of a therapist with expertise that fits my particular issues, I can finally address the crippling feelings of jealousy and worthlessness whenever people who's kindness I treasure deeply are nice to others 🤔

[gentlethorns]

you know what? i'm gonna say it. i miss being seventeen. not for the "glory days," bc they weren't, by a country mile lol. if i had glory days i'd say they were in 2020. but i miss the electricity, the constant undercurrent of euphoria and deep plunging black. i miss the fight i had. i was literally known for being scrappy. i was self-destructive and coping poorly, but goddamn if i didn't burn bright and long. it took me until my twenties to finally start to fizzle out. does the candle with its wax melted down to the base of its glass cage miss when the wick was lit?

[moe-broey]

Petition to Stop the Passage of Time.

[daz4i]

i literally can't think about life or the future for more than a few seconds without getting so distressed that i shut down. surely this is a good sign for things to come

[halogalopaghost]

I just found out that a tilt table test isn't like, getting tilted back and forth for a while, you lay there for thirty minutes and then they tilt you upright REAL QUICK, im gonna fail that test so hard lmao

[lachrymimosaa]

survived visiting my vain/hypercritical almond mom and only want to let myself be consumed by my dormant-but-always-lurking adolescent eating disorder a tiny bit after returning home

[dravidious]

You're super neat

Early sketch of my commission from @quonit! It's really cute, but I wanted something more like o.o

[viridian-house]

I wish AO3 had like.....not a blog type feature because I don't think I want another livejournal but man I want to update my readers & user subs so badly

vertigo is kicking my ass this month. lots of doc appts and unproductive days because my head is just spinning and making it so hard to focus on a computer screen. they have no clue what's wrong with me because everything is apparently just fine with the tests they've done, which is equal parts great and frustrating

also we have a fuckin wasp problem slowly building in our laundry room and it's insane the amount of mental energy that's taken from me. it is so incredibly stressful hhdjdjd and we're lucky they're staying in the one isolated room (for now) but good fucking god it's so worrying

anyway the next chap of Reify is about halfway done, and Histrionis is very slow going too for emotional reasons 😩 the sinful obisakumada thing I'm working on is also something I'm slowly chipping away at but it's hard to write the fun smutty stuff when you're nauseated every day

I'm also working on a gundam wing 1xr oneshot but I really really want to have my naruto stuff ready to go in the same timeframe. I strongly suspect none of my user subs are here for gw content lmao

anyway uh thank u all for your patience with my stuff as I try to slowly crank out stories with a quality I can be proud of ✌️

[ame-to-ame]

there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them