#i like keeping my face to myself sometimes

[hsunrry]

date night // one shot

harry styles x fem!reader

summary: based on this request.

|| masterlist ||

words: ~2k

warnings: smut18+, angst, praise, unprotected sex, creampie

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“you know how important this meeting was for me.” you said coldly from passenger seat. your arms were crossed over your chest. he sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair.

“i know, i know, i’m sorry, okay?” he apologised, his voice laced with frustration. “something came up, i couldn’t just drop this.”

“always the same, Harry.” you shook your head. his eyes narrowed slightly, his voice taking on defensive tone.

“and what’s that supposed to mean? that i can’t do anything right in your eyes?” he looked at you briefly before his eyes went back to the road.

“no, that’s there’s always an excuse.” you mumbled. your body language was closed off to him. “it’s just that i was reminding you about it for two months and you still were almost an hour late.”

“i heard you, okay?” his grip tightened on the steering wheel. “you reminded me every single day. but real life happens sometimes and i had to deal with something urgent. i promised i’d make it up to you.” he glanced over at you.

“what was that urgent then?” you asked. “what was that important?”

“my manager called, there was a…” he sighed. “problem with my upcoming tour schedule that only i could handle. it wasn’t something i could ignore or delegate.” he paused for a second. “look, i get that i messed up.” you bite inside of your cheek, looking out of the car window. his frustration boiled over when you gave him silent treatment. “you know what? you always do this.”

“do what?” you asked, not looking at him. he gestured broadly, his hand sweeping across the interior of the car.

“you always stay quiet. always keep everything bottle up inside. ant then you just… shut down. like a switch flipped and you’re no longer there.” his voice was low.

“because i’m frustrated, what am i supposed to do?” you asked coldly. his expression darkened.

“yell at me then! storm off! do something other than just sitting there looking pissed off!” he yelled, his knuckled white from gripping steering wheel so tightly.

“pull over.” without a word, he pulled over to the side of the road, putting the car in parking mode.

“what now?” he turned to face you fully, his eyes blazing with frustration. you unbuckled your seatbelt, getting out of the car and going into the direction of the house. he quickly got out of the car as well, following you. “where do you think you’re going?” he called after you, his voice laced with irritation. he quickened his pace to catch up to you.

“i’m going home myself.” you said, your arms crossed on your chest from anger and cold air. he grabbed your arm, stopping you.

“walking home yourself? it’s a 15-minute drive, you’re not going anywhere!” he shouted, his face red in anger. “get back in the car!” he demanded, trying to tug you back towards the vehicle.

“no!” you snapped, feeling his arms wrapping around your thighs, lifting you up and bending you over his shoulder. “Harry!”

“if you’re not going to act like an adult about this, then i’ll treat you like a child. now be quiet, before i spank your ass.” he carried you to the car, talking through gritted teeth.

“you wouldn’t dare.” you mumbled. he smirked, giving your bottom hard smack, the sound echoing through the night air. he opened backseat doors, tossing you inside. he quickly gets to the driver’s seat, starting the car. he glanced at you in rearview mirror only to see you pouting back there.

“now, are you going to behave yourself or do i need to come back there and remind you who’s in charge?” he was gripping the steering wheel, ready to drive.

“fuck off.” you mumbled, watching him turning off the engine and walking out of the car. he sat in the backseat, pulling you astride his lap. “what are you doing?”

“i’m giving you a timeout, little one.” he placed his hands on your thighs, going up and down gently, almost soothingly. “now, can we talk normally?” you shrugged at his words. his hands slid up higher on your thighs as he held your gaze intensively. “i miss you when you’re like this.” he admitted softly, one hand moving up to cup your cheek. “i miss hearing your voice, seeing your smile…” he traced his thumb across your bottom lip.

“what are you expecting when i’m mad at you?” you asked, looking into his eyes this whole time. he sighed.

“for you to talk to me, not ignore me or mumble under your breath.” he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. “for you to, i don’t know, yell at me, but not giving me silent treatment.”

“i’m just upset you were so late. you promised me you’ll be there no matter what. i was talking about this meeting for two months.” you said quietly. his expression softened with guilt.

“i know, love. i’m sorry i broke my promise.” he ran his hand through your hair. “this problem with schedule was last minute, but that’s not an excuse. i should have been there on time.” he leaned his forehead against yours. you closed your eyes, biting inside of your cheek. he knew it was a sign that you were very upset. he hated every second of it, he hated making you mad. “look at me, please.” he asked softly, his voice gentler with every word. when you opened your eyes to look at him, he noticed tears welling up in them and his heart sank at the sight. he gently wiped away the tears that escaped your eyes with his thumb. “baby…” he whispered, his voice breaking slightly. you sniffed. he held you tighter against his chest, one hand cradling the back of your head. “don’t cry, please. you know i hate seeing you cry…” he kissed the top of your head, running soothing circles on your back. “i know i fucked up, i’m so sorry…” you nuzzled your face into his neck. his arms tightened around you when he felt your warm breath against his neck. after few seconds his hands moved to cup both sides of your face, tilting it up to look at him. “listen to me, i’m so fucking sorry.” his thumbs brushed away the remaining tears. you nodded quietly. his voice was gentle, but serious. “i need to know you forgive me. i don’t like when we’re not talking. it drives me mad, knowing you’re disappointed in me.” he stroked your hair, waiting for your response.

“it’s not that i’m disappointed in you, i’m just sad that you promised me to be there.” you said quietly. his expression was soft, but intense.

“i know… and that makes it worse. your sadness hurts more than anything else could. i fucked up something special to you…” he paused, his hands still tenderly framing your face. “i’m so sorry lovie, really.” you nodded again. he sighed, pulling you closer and pressing his forehead to yours again. “tell me what to do to make this right.” his hands moved to your waist, holding you close.

“just be there next time.” you sighed quietly. he looked at you intently, his eyes searching yours for reassurance. he needed to know you were serious about giving him another chance to not mess up again.

“you can count on it. next time, i’ll be there early.” he nodded solemnly. you managed a quiet ‘okay’ in response. he watched you carefully, waiting for any sign that you were truly over this argument. he didn’t wanted to push his luck, but he also didn’t wanted you to be silently upset. he decided to test the waters a little. “you really not mad at me anymore?”

“i’m not.” you shook your head slightly. he raised his eyebrow sceptically, tilting his head to the side. he pulled you even closer.

“you sure? you’re not giving me the cold shoulder or anything?” he asked, searching your face for any hint of residual anger. you chuckled softly, shaking your head again. his face lit up with relief and joy as he heard your laugh. he pulled you into tight hug, burying his face in your neck. “i missed you.” he murmured, placing gentle kisses along your neck and jaw.

“mhm.” you hummed against his neck. he held you tightly, savouring the feeling. after a moment he pulled out slightly, to look at you.

“you know, i was thinking…” he started.

“about what?” he smiled softly at your question, his hands resting on your waist.

“about making it up to you.” he said, his eyes filled with determination. he leaned in closer, his lips hovering just inches from yours. “starting with this.”

“i’m reminding you that we’re in the car.” you chuckled softly. he grinned, his hands moving to either side of your face.

“and i’m reminding you that we’re very much alone right now, with tinted windows.” his thumb gently stroked your cheek. when you smiled, he closed the distance between you two, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to your lips. it was a sweet, tender kiss, filled with all the love and apology. “i’m sorry.” he whispered against your lips.

“mhm.” you hummed into his mouth, feeling his hands lifting your dress up, exposing your legs and ass. he deepened the kiss, his hands splayed out on your thighs. he broke the kiss to trial soft kisses on your neck. he unbuckled his belt with deft movements, his hands then moving to unzip his pants. he lifted his hips slightly to push it down along with his boxers, freeing himself. he looked up at you, his voice low and husky.

“come here, love.” you lifted your hips up, moving your panties to the side and lowering yourself at him. he let out a low groan, his hands gripping your hips tightly. he leaned back in the seat, his eyes never leaving yours as you started to move. “fuck, you feel amazing.” he breathed, his hands guiding your hips as you rode him slowly. he leaned forward, claiming your mouth in another passionate kiss. “right there.” he moaned when you started to move faster, his teeth nipping at your lower lip. “that’s perfect…” he broke the kiss to pant, his head falling back against the headrest. his hands roamed up your stomach to your waist, his touch gentle yet

firm. “faster.” he urged, his hips bucking up to meet yours. “look at me, baby.” and you did, moving faster. his eyes locked with yours, dark with desire and love. his breath became ragged as he watched you move on top of him, his hands back on your hips. “beautiful.” he whispered, leaning forward to capture your lips in another intense kiss. “i love you.”

“i love you too.” you gasped into the kiss. he pulled you closer, his arms wrapping around you tightly as he thrust up into you, the car rocking slightly with the motion. he swallowed your moans with his mouth, his heart racing in his chest. he felt himself getting close, his body tensing.

“i’m so close, baby.” he gasped into the kiss.

“me too.” you responded. he felt your body tense around him. he tightened his hold on you, one hand moving to tangle in your hair as he thrusts deeper. “you can’t come inside me, we don’t have anything to clean me up, i’ll suck you off.” his eyes darkened at your suggestion.

“no fucking way, baby, i’m filling this pussy up.” his cock twitched inside you. “i’ll clean you up with my mouth.” he grunted when you started moving faster, moaning at his words. his hips were moving erratically as he chased his release. he felt his orgasm building, his balls tightening. you cried out, clenching around him when you finished. “fuck, i’m coming!” he moaned, burying his face in your neck as he came hard, filling you with his hot seeds. he panted heavily, his body shaking with aftershocks. he pulled back to look at you, a lazy smile on his face. “i love you.”

[hwonnrinji]

hiii sooo can i req yoonchae x f!reader where katseye goes on their asia tour and while they’re in korea the girls find out that yoonchae has a gf and interrogate reader bc yoonchae is basically their daughter and they wanna make sure she’s in good hands!!

funny cuz yoonchae's literally my gf

"WHO ARE YOU?"

jeong yoonchae x fem!reader

{ synopsis } : while in korea for one their asia promo trip, yoonchae randomly goes out, coming up with random excuses as to why she is. the kats gets suspicious but ultimately concluded it was messing around with friends. until one night, they see her with a random girl in front of a convenience store.

{ tags/extra } : fluff, secret relationship, established relationship, yoonchae is a flirt, reader is korean for the plot, pacing is iffy i apologize

{ a/n } : yall alr know this is sooo rushed cuz i delayed the publishing of this by a lot 😭 plus tumblr didn't save it 😒

now playing : pink by wave to earth

@lararajjj @ohmyhaely @ninguitar

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"SHE'S BEEN ACTING WEIRD LATELY," megan says out of the blue, confusing the members for a moment. manon glances at the television, seeing nothing playing on the screen, then looked around at the rest of the girls.

"who?" she questions. she has an idea of who, but she won't admit it until everybody else brings it up. how is she so confident in this person? well, maybe it's because the person in question isn't even there with them. the youngest has been a bit distant lately, always having excuses about going out early in the morning and not coming back until late at night, sometimes even coming back the next day.

"you know who."

nobody dared to say anything else but it was hard to ignore the elephant in the room. sophia finally spoke first, the perks of being the closest to yoonchae finally being useful. "it's been a long while since she's back in korea. she told me she's hanging out with friends."

"i don't think friends keep each other out for the long," lara lazily voiced her opinion, not sparing any of them a glance as she's busy playing block blast. daniela clicked her tongue before reaching out and turning off lara's phone, which resulted in the younger letting out a loud 'hey!'

"uh, yes, they do. you should know since you're always dragging me to go out." megan rebutted. lara rolled her eyes and turned her phone back on, backing out of the conversation. daniela pondered some more, trying to figure out what to say before deciding to test the waters. she wanted to see how the girls would react to what she has to say.

"what if yoonchae's seeing someone?" she asks.

sophia immediately snapped her head to daniela, a mix of disbelief and annoyance on her face. "if yoonchae says she's out with friends, then she's out with friends. don't jump to conclusions." even so, there's a small part of her that is convinced the youngest might have a partner that neither her or the others know about. "plus, yoonchae never lies."

"right.. okay."

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yoonchae does, in fact, lie. she keeps secrets about a lot of things. like this, for example:

"hi, beautiful," she greets in korean as soon as you opened the door, leaning down to kiss the lips that she missed oh so dearly. "god, i missed seeing this eleven outta ten face."

"stop lying, you didn't miss me that much." as you hit her arm lightly, your scolding demeanor changed into one of giddy highschooler. yoonchae only chuckled before holding your waist to pull you closer, her fingers resting on the small of your back. your hands cradled her face, your thumb grazing the curve of her jaw.

"i'm telling the truth," she confessed. "i'd kill myself if i ever said i didn't miss my gorgeous girl."

"flattery sure gets you anywhere." you rolled your eyes, tiptoeing up to give her cheek a gentle peck. yoonchae swerved her head to the side, just enough to capture your lips in a slow, longing kiss. you swore you felt her fingers practically digging into your hips like she never wants to let go.

"i-" a kiss on your lips, "missed-" a kiss on your forehead, "you-" a kiss on your nose, "so-" a kiss on your left cheek, "much." and finally, a kiss on your right cheek. "like, a lot."

"oh shut up." you fully wrapped your arms around her shoulders to bury your red, flustered face into the crook of her neck. to say you also missed her was an understatement. you longed for the days you two would finally be physically together again instead of on facetime calls that get cut short because she has a busy schedule. and now that it's happening, you just wanna pinch yourself, convinced it's a dream.

after a few moments of comfortable silence that yoonchae let you have to collect your thoughts, she finally spoke up. "snack run?"

"of course."

it takes a while to get to the 7/11 despite it being only a three minute walk from your apartment. yoonchae was just so warm for the cool evening that you didn't want to pull away from the hug. but unfortunately, all good things must come to an end.

~

"pringles or kimbap?" yoonchae asked, holding up the two options in your face. you already know she wants the kimbap, but you also know that there's a small part of her that wants the pringles.

"how about both? you want both of them right?"

"yeah... but–" you cut her off by taking both of the items and putting it into the basket with a proud smile on your face. you didn't give her time to protest, already making your way to the checkout. "y/n.."

"it's no big deal, baby. you can get whatever you want." you handed the cashier the money. "even if it's just snacks." yoonchae subtly pouted and wrapped her arms around your waist from the side, resting her head on your shoulder.

"you're so sweet," she mumbled. "i love you so much."

"mm, i love you more." you thanked the chasier as he handed you the change, stuffing it in your hoodie pocket. well, it wasn't yours, but nobody really cares. you held yoonchae's hand to go to tables outside, but she quickly stopped upon seeing the girls. she let go of your hand while you set some space between you two, making it seem like it was just a friendly snack run. "wait, your hoodie–"

"just keep it," she whispered.

soon enough, they all spotted yoonchae nervously standing next to you. sophia rushed over to yoonchae, asking why she's out so late before looking your way. you turned around and pretended you had no idea who they were. "do you know her?"

"uh, yeah. this is my friend, y/n." she nudged you with her elbow. "say hi to them."

"it's so awkward, yoon... i'm literally your girlfriend."

"yeah, but they don't know that." she gave a smug smile, grabbing your forearm and pulling you closer. "y/n is my really close friend. i've known her since elementary." her hand slipped from your arm and around your waist, squeezing your hips as a way of comforting you in this stressful situation.

"are you trying to make us public?" you jabbed her side, twisting your hand to make it extra painful.

"baby, if i had five seconds to say anything to the whole world, i'd most definitely shout that you're my girlfriend." she winked– which was horribly cute. you clicked your tongue in annoyance, ignoring the blush creeping up to your face. the girls watched the interaction with partially stunned looks. you two looked awfully a lot like a couple and it was concerning.

yoonchae sat you down on one of the chairs and began walking back to the store, claiming she's going to buy more snacks. you rushed to get up and follow her but lara got in front of you, her hands clasped together with a sickeningly sweet smile. "let's talk."

~

"when did you two start dating?" lara was the first to ask after moments of silence at the table. everybody was either too busy staring at you– ahem, sophia –or too busy eating the snacks you and yoonchae bought.

"better question, are you two dating?" sophia intervened. at least she was decent enough to ask. words bubbled in a throat but it refused to escape your mouth, so you only gave a weak nod. sophia nodded as well, more in understanding than anything else. lara and daniela high-fived each other while manon and megan groaned

"so.. can you answer my question then?" lara questioned. "with some background too?"

"we started dating in our second year of middle school," you began. "honestly, we had no idea what we were doing, but, y'know, she was soo in love with me." you chuckled at the last part, remembering how head over heels yoonchae was.

("wait, what's second year of middle school in korea?" megan whispered to manon, in which the older replied, "eighth grade")

"so you're saying yoonchae, possibly one of the most logical people ever, had no idea what she was doing?" sophia raised a seemingly interested eyebrow. before you answered, you took the pringles and kimbap, putting it on your lap for yoonchae to eat when she comes back.

"she was thinking with her heart, if i'm gonna be honest." you nervously laughed, rubbing the back of your neck. "her whole head was empty like her brain took a vacation."

"that has to be so funny," daniela sneered. "imagine yoonchae walking into a pole because she was too busy thinking of how pretty y/n is."

"what if that's why she did that when we were in new york," sophia commented, her stern demeanor finally cracking. yoonchae finally came back after an eternity with two full bags of snacks. she sets down a bag in front of you after giving the girls the other, plopping down on the seat next to you.

"you said you like pepero right?" after a full conversation in english, you were grateful yoonchae was here to switch back to korean. yoonchae rummaged through the bag, quickly finding the box of chocolate sticks and gave it to you.

"mhm. the chocolate one?"

"they just restocked on it."

"y'all are so cute." lara appeared between you both, the smile from earlier back on her face. you audibly gulped when she looked at you, your body sinking into the chair. "say, how much do you love yoonchae?"

"..." you stayed quiet for a minute which made yoonchae a little nervous. though, she has no reason to be. it was evident on how much you love her. "i think i'd go insane if she's more than five minutes away."

"that's such a basic answer." manon teased. sophia was looking at you expectantly. she wants to know if you're good enough for yoonchae (despite the fact you two have been dating possibly three years).

"she's the girl of my dreams. she fell first, but as always, i fell harder. every time i look at her i just get reminded of how lucky i am to have such an amazing girlfriend like her." your hand found its way to yoonchae, intertwining your fingers and pulling it up to your lips, leaving a soft kiss on her knuckles. "i'd choose her over my own life."

through a series of 'aw's and 'how cute', all you were focused on was yoonchae and how her eyes gazed into yours, how her hand squeezed yours just a little tighter. most importantly, how pretty she looked just right underneath a street light. "you're so gorgeous, baby."

yoonchae suddenly stood up from her seat, the action startling everyone. she got down on one knee, and holding a singular pepero in her hand, she said, "i wanna marry you. be mrs. jeong."

"what?!" the girls, including you, all exclaimed in shock.

[torturedlexdepartment]

Sorry

Rafe Cameron x reader

Author's note: again, I apologize 💀

Warnings: ANGST, breaking up

Summary: after a year of trying to force feelings, you decide to finally break it off with Rafe

I stared down at my phone as I sat at the foot of my bed. Seven missed calls and an unfeasible amount of text messages from Rafe. I knew it was a bad idea to have the “this isn’t working anymore” conversation through text, but I was a coward. I didn’t want to have to look him in the face and explain myself. And now that he was blowing me up, I just wanted to run and hide.

I was just about to shut my phone off when I heard the sound of a truck pulling up outside. My worst damn nightmare. I should have figured Rafe would show up at my house the second I started ignoring him. I had known the man my entire life, how did I not think of this? I watched him out my window as he climbed up my steps and pounded on my front door. My car was outside so there was no denying that I was home. I sighed deeply before meeting him at my door.

“What the fuck Y/N? You can’t send that text then ghost me.” He pushed past me and I closed the door. I stayed turned away from him, not wanting to see his eyes beaming on me but I could still feel them. “Are you going to explain to me what you meant?” Tears started to well in my eyes and he spun me around to face him. His whole demeanor softened and he brought his hands up to rest on my cheeks.

“I just don’t think we should be together anymore.”

“Why?” I could tell he was trying to stay calm and collected and it just made this whole situation more impossible for me to bare..

“I just think we are better as friends.” He huffed as he stared down at me.

“All of a sudden? Out of nowhere Y/N?” What he didn’t realize is that these feelings of mine were not all of a sudden. I had always kind of felt this way. We have been friends for years and when he confessed his feelings for me, I thought I owed this a real shot. I thought I could fall for him and lord knows I tried. But how could I love him when I couldn’t love myself?

“I’ve always felt this way, Rafe.” He took a step back from me. I knew my words stung.

“Y/N, we’ve been together for over a year.” I closed my eyes, not wanting to let the tears start trailing down my face.

“I know and I’m sorry, okay. I tried.”

“You tried? What does that even mean? You could have said something after a month or two Y/N.” He started pacing around my living room with his hands up in the air, sometimes running them through his hair. I hated that I was making him feel this way. I could feel his fear and anxiety and it made me feel one hundred times worse.

“I tried to give us a real shot. I’m so sorry, okay.” He barely let me finish before he questioned me.

“You don’t love me?” I felt frozen in place. I didn’t want to lie but there was no way to answer this question without hurting us both more.

“I care about you and you mean the world to me, Rafe.” I tried to walk up to him, to comfort him. I reached for him but he pushed my hands away.

“Answer the question Y/N, because you know I love you more than fucking anything.” I took a deep breath. I didn’t want this conversation to have to go down this path but it was the only way he was going to get it.

“Rafe, you don’t even know me.” He stopped pacing and snapped his head to look right at me. He looked at me like I was a crazy person and I’d be lying if I tried to say I didn’t start feeling like one.

“I’ve known you since we were kids so how exactly does that make sense?”

“You know what I want you to know.” I was running out of ways to try and explain myself. I wished he could have just accepted what I wanted and left me alone.

“What does that even mean Y/N?”

“You know the parts that I’ve allowed you to see, gotten as close as I’ve allowed you to. You don’t know everything okay. I’ve barely allowed you to scratch the surface. And if we keep going with this, I’m going to let you dig deeper and then you’ll see the real me, and I can’t let it happen.” I finally allowed myself to be vulnerable with someone and I hated the feeling.

“Y/N, you’re crazy if you think that after all this time that anything you say is going to scare me off. I already see you regardless of what lies you’re trying to tell yourself.” I was getting unbelievably frustrated. He wasn’t going to stop.

“Look, you deserve someone that doesn’t have to question how they feel, someone who knows what they want.” I didn’t realize that he was walking over to me until I stopped talking and looked up. He leaned down to kiss me and I pushed him away angrily. “Don’t do that!” He was trying to convince me and I refused to let him change my mind. It didn’t matter how much I cared about him or how much I wished this could work.

“Y/N will you just stop?” He pleaded.

“I don’t love you, Rafe. Not the same way. And I don’t think I ever can.” As I said the words, I could literally see the light leave his eyes. He looked down at the floor and held his tongue. He was fighting back tears that he didn’t want me to see. We both stood there silently for a few moments before he walked past me, right out the door. I found myself aching to say something, but there was nothing left to say.

I walked over to my window and watched him speed off out of my driveway and out of my life. The only relief I had was knowing that he was now free for someone else to love. And one day I’ll stop wishing that it could have been me.

[ghouljams]

how does one become free of insecurity? i’m already doing therapy but i feel i’ve only moved away from hating myself so much i want to d*e into just thinking everyone’s better than me

It's a long journey, but well worth it.

I don't think anyone is ever truly free of insecurity, but I think there's also a lot that is unpacked simply through the language we use to describe ourselves and the jokes we allow other people to make at our expense.

Therapy is great at helping you deal with the big feelings, but sometimes little things get caught in your head and it's hard to shake them. Here are some things that I do to keep myself feeling good, and also some things that I'm working on:

No suicide jokes. I make it a point never to joke about "oh I'll just kill myself" or anything like that because ultimately it just makes me feel worse and nobody finds it funny. It's also a good way to change your thinking and direct your solution brain away from "I'll just end things when shit gets hard." This one is a constant battle.

I compliment myself whenever I have the chance. I take every compliment someone gives me. I pretend to be vapid and self-absorbed. I make kissy faces at myself in the mirror. I tell other people how pretty I am, and I don't fucking care if they think I'm a stupid bimbo because I'm trying to love myself and that's more important.

Being kinder to my younger self. This one feels weird but I found myself being mean to little Ghoul when I was really sad. It feels easy to take out your anger on a kid that didn't know any better, and it doesn't guilt you because that's you that you're hating. But look. You were just a kid. You weren't stupid or ugly or unlovable or evil, you were a kid. I just caught myself calling my teenage self ugly the other day on my way to visit my mom and I had to stop and go "why am I saying this? I was just a kid." And it made me cry a li'l bit ngl, but if felt... idk it felt good in a way.

Don't let fucking anyone tell you, you're not worth it. Does your friend make jokes about how dumb you are? Or how you're so cringey? Or so embarrassing or bad at something or forgetful or WHATEVER? Yeah, fuck that noise. Tell them to stop doing that. Tell them it hurts your feelings and if they still don't stop they aren't your friend, they're your bully. I fucking hate bullies. Don't let anyone talk down to you, I don't care if it was a joke at first, it's not funny anymore. Fuck them.

This is something I'm working on, but when you start fixing one insecurity another will probably pop up. I've been working for a long time on liking how I look, and it's gone really well. But now I'm insecure about my intelligence. So I have to stop myself from calling myself stupid or not answering questions. I just fucking rocked my work trivia party, and Mr. Ghoul thinks I'm smart, so I just gotta keep track of my wins. Sometimes you realize that making yourself secure in one thing makes you insecure about another, but that's ok! There's a learning curve to all of this.

Everyone thinks everyone else is better than them. You don't have to be the best at everything, you don't even have to be the best at one thing! What's important is that you're doing your best. People notice when you're working hard, even if you're not churning out the best product because it means you care about it. Which brings me to

Done is better than perfect. Sure it would be great if you were God's most specialist soldier, but think about how much work that would be! Ok so you're not the world's best knitter, but the scarf you made your friend is their favorite scarf anyway because you made it. So you're not a world class writer, but you had a story in your head and you wrote it down. That's better than it never being written at all. Also just because you think it's bad doesn't mean other people won't think it's a masterpiece. Hell, half of the fics I wrote when I first started this blog I could write better now but that doesn't make them bad, it just means I've gotten better.

We as humans are constantly improving and evolving. Don't let who you are no stop you from striving towards who you'll be in the future. Taking one step down the path towards loving yourself is better than giving up and hating yourself forever. It's slow going, but man I've been doing this shit for a decade and I'm so much happier than I was at 18.

You might think that the more you improve the harder and faller you'll fall back to the bottom, but the lows don't get that low again. You're doing great. I'm proud of you.

[eseongsubs]

PDA | Lee Heeseung

word count: 1,078

format: drabble

a/n: I gave into those ugly fanfiction tumblr headers you guys…i’m so sorry to be assaulting your eyes with this basicness. I will be learning how to make headers for my series’ and plotted stories so you don’t have to stare at these nuisances. Anyway, I decided to start writing when I had an idea rather than when I want because I have the goal of being a more productive writer. I didn’t even want to write this, but I forced myself to because I know that sub!idol tumbler is sorrowfully dry, so. Enjoy. If you’ve got any requests or thirsts i will answer them. Like i said. I’m “Inspired.”

note: reader’s gender is not stated, implicitly or explicitly.

warnings: explicit cumshot, public blowjob…, sub!heeseung, dom!reader, uhmm thats it honestly.

Heeseung is not a “bad boy” by any means. Specifically, blowjobs in public have never been Lee's forte. He paints his nails black, sometimes, and he likes to wear a dark graphic tee with a silver chain every now and then, but, thats because it looks cool. And you always teased him for his sense of grandeur. No, Heeseung was a thoughtful man with a particular kindness and generosity that one can only learn. He doesn't have the guts, really, to be a “bad boy,” do the things "bad boys" do, only the foresight to be a well behaved one. He likes rewards, he likes praise, and he enjoys positive reinforcement. Negative talk makes him respond negatively, like a sorrowful golden pothos house plant. He needs sweet talk to keep him green and flourishing.

With that being said, today was an interesting mix of occurences that lead to your contemporary circumstances. 

You like the way that Heeseung’s long dancer legs tremble under your palms as you steady him, keeping him afloat amid the rolling waves of pleasure threatening him to collapse to the tiled restroom floor. His black skinny jeans slide down toward mid thigh, in a way that forces Hee to rear his butt off the bathroom wall, his dick in your awaiting mouth. It wasn’t tireless work, but rather a spur-of-the-moment decision you made out of your own curious lust. An inquisitive test to see just how much your boyfriend would let you get away with. 

“Ooh…” A curling pout expresses your heeseung’s pleasure across his face, as wobbly in stature as his thighs are, trying to hold his composure steady for you, not alert any outside passersby as to what was occurring inside this little single-person family bathroom. “Feels…feels really good” Heeseung concedes, his pink nose from the cold winter temperatures sniveling, his beanie slipping off toward the left direction of his head – your right – revealing the fluffy and mussed black shimmer of his hair. His praise is unprompted, so you smile, pulling off of his shaft and stroking it with an entire glove-clad palm. Hee’s hips twitch upward. 

“Why thank you, sweetheart. That’s so nice.” The ennuncuiation of your last two words was devastatingly intentional. Heeseung’s whole body shudders. He loves to feel like a sweet man for you. The praise sinks in deep to his skin, like a needle. You lave your tongue over his tip again, not taking him fully into your mouth this time just to watch him squirm, build up the peak in his balls already beginning to squeeze to completion. 

Like you said, Heeseung wasn’t one for public…service. He was too respectful, and a bit too believing in the rhetoric of “obedience in advance.” Conform to the wants of others, or any institution, and you will escape punishment, if you’re good enough. Unfortunately, that logic wasn’t real. Not with you, when you punish Heeseung for your own enjoyment, twisting his actions and behaviours into an excuse to watch him squirm under your cruelty, and not with the law either. But today, your boyfriend had been a bit too caught up in your lips, and pathetically eager to please. He followed your word like Mogli under the trance of that snake, in Jungle Book. Yes master, no master, I’ll do anything you say, master. Quite the perfect storm. 

“Oh– ngh…Oh! N-no, no…” you ignored Heeseung’s mutterings to himself. His head, shifting back-and-forth, pushing his hat further off of his head. His obedient heads, attempting with fail to grip onto the tile walls, squeezing into defeated fists. Your lips wrap about his tip, finally, sucking with little force, before sliding down his cock further and driving gratified whimpers from your Hee’s mouth. Whimpers that interrupt the low mewls he has already been unable to cage away. You push-and-pull your tongue on the underside of his cock with each stroke. One of Heeseung’s hands tug at the fingers of your right arm, interlacing yours with his as a surprised moan slips from you, replaced with a satisfied hum. Not a “bad boy” bone in his polite body. 

Another surprise sneaks up on you as Heeseung whispers, trying his absolute best not to shout. “I’m cumming!” Hee weeps, grabbing your hair with his second unoccupied hand as his pleasure converges into a delightful sight, yanking you off of his dick. First, his stomach tenses, then his balls, then the abused tip of his cock throbs as he releases string after string across the bathroom floor, your hair, cheeks, nose, and lips. Some even lands on your eyelashes, as his grippable hips surge forward in a euphoric blaze. Heeseung’s eyes don’t squeeze shut all the way, just into pretty little crescents, so he can watch with effort as he showers you in his release. You, on your knees, before him. “Oh god, I’m cumming…” he pules weakly again, his final droplets of spunk dripping from his defiled tip. You grin again. 

“Couldn’t wait?” you inquire, Heeseung’s head fallen completely forward as his muscles spasm, still swimming in pleasure and the aftermath of it. His beanie makes the quietest, softest plat as it hits the ground, like a sewing needle hitting the floor makes a soft clang. 

“I’m so sorry” Heeseung’s hand holding yours shakes in your embrace, his other hand relenting its hold on your hair. “I didn’t…I didn’t want to cum in your mouth without permission.”

You ignore, of course, that he could have subsided from cumming at all without permission. But, Heeseung didn’t like to cum in public, so, you decided it could be his reward. 

“Don’t be sorry, baby. You did a really good job.” Your lips meet Hee’s knee with a smooch, patting your mark with a frsiky grin. “Now lets get me cleaned up.” 

[myokk]

HOLA! ❤️ First of all, dropping some kudos because I love you and your art so much (basically my blog can be your side blog too at this point!) ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Second, from the character ask, I'd like to know about 3,4 and 20 for both Eloise and Leo 😁

Hope you have a wonderful day/night!

HOLA MI ITALIANA FAVORITA💓​ I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR ALL OF THE YAPPING I'M ABOUT TO DO🤭​ will this get you to finally visit me🥺​

I'm going to answer these for Eloise SINCE I already did 3 for Leo & I have someone asking me about 4 for Leo as well🥺💓

3) What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

This is a tricky answer…just bc my evil gremlin mc in the game has NOTHING to do with Eloise in my writing. I guess I would say her name? I was just thinking of what would be the most British sounding name I could think of when I started playing in December🙂‍↕️

But then my imagination took hold of me…I started thinking about Eloise’s backstory…and when I thought of how all of her family dynamics/how she grew up would influence her personality I started to be really dissatisfied with the game and the lack of choice we have while playing. SO I gave up on the game completely after the restricted section quest and started to use my free time to write my fic in January🥹🫶 but her backstory, personality, and role in my story are definitely the most interesting things about her to me!!

Bonus: my first ever drawings of her in January!!! Bad quality bc it’s an insta story screenshot😆💓 (I redid one for my fic🤭)

4) And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

Hmmmmm😭😭 I think her personality is what I struggled with the most and continue to struggle with as I write!!!! I always want her to feel like a *real* person with flaws, but ALSO convey to the reader why they should love her as much as I do. I think I’m successful bc I get comments/messages a lot from people telling me how much she resonates with them (and she’s some people’s favorite???😳💘) but I STILL CANT HELP BUT FEEL INSECURE ABOUT IT !!! It’s so hard sometimes keeping in mind how she is and how she thinks, and I never want her to be wishy-washy or doing things out of character for her. It’s a fun challenge but a challenge😭💓 (also her appearance changes like crazy in my art but whatever I’m learning😆)

20) bonus: share any additional thoughts, art, favorite scenes, anything you’ve been waiting for a chance to ramble about.

DES YOU REALLY WANTED ME TO YAP WHEN YOU SENT THIS MESSAGE😆😆😆😆😆

I really, REALLY want to yap about the foreshadowing and scenes I’m working towards in my fic BUT IVE ONLY TALKED TO LIKE ONE OR TWO PEOPLR ABOUT MY PLANS ( @choccy-milky & @kay9leo 🤭🤭) AND I DONT WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING EVEN THOUGH I DONT HAVE MANY READERS😆😆😆😆😆😆😆 maybe in the future…

This is me redrawing the chess scene from my fic bc I’m really dissatisfied with how Seb looks in the original (he’s probably my LEAST FAVORITE TO DRAW BC IT’S IMPOSSIBLE !!!!!!!)

And ummmm….hmmm Eloise is DEFINITELY not a self-insert character to me, but I DID give her aspects of myself. Things like…we have the same birthday (January 31) and eye color (dark green), and I tend to overthink a lot and can be in my own head maybe too much, but I’m ALSO a lot more assertive and gremlin than she is😆😆😆😆 I love the fact that she’s so soft and sweet💓💓💓 & I just want to wrap her up in a big hug and never let go of her🥺🤲

(Imelda is my self-insert tbh…and this moment in my fic was ME😤:

At the sight of Imelda's worried face her throat contracted - Eloise found she couldn't speak - and she burst into tears again. They were rolling, hot and salty, down her cheeks and she hid her crumpled face back into the crooks of her arms. Imelda immediately wrapped her arms around Eloise, and she melted into her friend's embrace. Hands gently stroking her hair as she cried and cried and cried, murmurs whispered in soft Spanish to the top of her head.

She was overwhelmed, desolate, lonely.

I feel really bad for Eloise at this point in her story, but I also find it really interesting to keep poking her to see when she finally snaps and decides that she NEEDS to stand up for herself and what she wants. She hasn’t quite realized that she’s the only one who’s ultimately in charge of her life & I’m really really enjoying watching her become the person she’s meant to be🥹🫶🥹🫶

[ultravioxence]

Clingy..

In the heart of UA High, where heroes were trained and friendships flourished, Bakugo Katsuki was known for his explosive personality. His intensity, both in battles and emotions, often left those around him bewildered. But beneath his brash exterior and the loud explosions of his Quirk lay a softer side—one that emerged when it came to you.

It started on a seemingly ordinary day. The sun hung high in the sky, casting playful shadows across the training grounds. You and Bakugo had just finished a grueling session of combat training, and while most students dispersed to socialize or head home, Bakugo lingered.

“Why are you still here?” he grunted, arms crossed, a frown etched on his face.

“I just wanted to cool down a bit before heading back,” you replied, wiping sweat from your brow. Bakugo rolled his eyes, but his gaze softened as he watched you. There was something about your calm demeanor that always drew him in.

As the days turned into weeks, you began to notice the subtle changes in Bakugo’s behavior. He would often wait for you after class, shooting glares at anyone who dared approach you. At first, you thought nothing of it—just classic Bakugo being overprotective. But as time went on, you realized that his clinginess was more pronounced than ever.

One afternoon, you decided to join your friends at a local café, excited to unwind after a challenging week. As you settled into a cozy corner with a cup of steaming coffee, Bakugo stormed in, his eyes scanning the room like a hawk. The moment his gaze landed on you, his expression darkened.

“What are you doing here?” he snapped, striding toward you with purpose.

“Just hanging out with friends,” you replied, motioning to the group. “Want to join us?”

The tension in the air thickened. Bakugo’s jaw clenched, and you could see the internal struggle brewing beneath the surface. “I don’t want to sit with them,” he grumbled, crossing his arms defiantly.

You raised an eyebrow. “And why not?”

“Because… because I don’t trust them!” he finally exclaimed, his voice raised slightly, causing a few nearby customers to glance over. “You don’t need them. You’ve got me.”

A soft smile crept onto your lips. His protectiveness, while overwhelming at times, was endearing. “I appreciate that, Bakugo, but I can handle myself. You know that.”

“Yeah, well…” His stubbornness flared to life, and he dropped into the seat next to you, keeping his glare focused ahead as if daring anyone to approach. The rest of your friends exchanged amused glances, clearly entertained by this unexpected display of possessiveness.

As the conversation flowed, Bakugo remained mostly silent, his presence like a storm cloud hovering over you, protective yet sulky. Noticing his attitude, you leaned closer, nudging him playfully. “You know it’s okay to let me have my space sometimes, right?”

He sighed, shoulders relaxing slightly. “I just… don’t want anyone else getting too close.” The admission hung in the air, and you felt a warmth rise within your chest. Underneath the tough exterior was a boy who cared deeply.

Days turned into weeks, and Bakugo’s clinginess became a familiar rhythm in your life. Whether it was walking you to class, insisting on sparring sessions even when you were tired, or simply waiting for you outside the dorms, his actions spoke volumes. He needed you close, and it was becoming harder to deny how much you cherished that.

One evening, as you both sat atop the roof of the dorms, the stars twinkling above, you initiated the conversation. “Bakugo, why do you feel the need to be so… clingy?”

He shifted slightly, his eyes on the horizon. “It’s not clingy. I just want to make sure you’re safe. You mean a lot to me, alright?” His honesty took you by surprise, and your heart raced at his words.

“Do you think I can’t take care of myself?” you asked gently.

“It’s not that,” he replied, glancing at you, his expression softening. “I know you can. I just… I just don’t want to lose you. I get worried.”

In that moment, everything clicked into place. Bakugo’s clinginess wasn’t merely possessiveness; it was born from a genuine fear of losing someone he deeply cared about. You reached out, resting a hand on his arm, grounding him. “You won’t lose me, Katsuki. I’m not going anywhere.”

He looked at you, vulnerability flickering in his eyes. “Promise?”

“Promise,” you assured him.

[lovelyoliviasblog]

Hey.

I'm not used to doing this, but why do you always have to be depressed or want to die at the slightest misfortune?

I just don't see the logic, I would understand if it were due to a psychological diagnosis or some difficult situation, but I have only seen you want to die for things that have a solution.

It's exhausting that people always have to comfort you because later you say you want to hurt yourself.

I don't see the need to do that, I say this from experience. That only leads to more misfortune.

Sometimes it's like you won't try to move on. I don't want to sound rude, but that's what I see for myself.

You can't live suffering from everything. You will not achieve anything, that is a reality that you cannot escape, only face.

But hey, if you want to die, unfortunately I can't do anything other than tell you not to do it, but if you decide to do it, keep in mind that you will harm the people who love you and care about you. And it would be sad to see someone with potential waste it all.

I just needed to let this go. Take care.

.....

I'm sorry I won't vent ever again.....

Sorry if your upset.....

I don't know how to move on because the suffering is all I think about.....

This is my fault.....

I have been through so much to the point where when people raise their voice at the slightest I flinch.....

I'm sorry.....

I feel bad now......

I don't ask for comforting I really don't so maybe I can just tell people that I don't want it then maybe they will stop caring......

It's my life no one should care about my life.....

So don't comfort me anymore.....

This is too everyone......

[alicemitch09writes]

[are you happy now?]

prompt is heavily inspired after listening to “good luck babe!” on repeat. also, for aventurine’s part i had “number one girl” on repeat, too. man, i love angst songs :3 I'm unable to write a proper fic for this, as my life is already enough of a mess and I bury myself into games to keep myself sane.

Ratio and Aventurine have been secretly sleeping with each other for a while. At first, it was for release - both leading stressful lives. Eventually, it became reoccurring thing.

However, Ratio made it abundantly clear: this was just a convenient sexual agreement between them, nothing more.

Unfortunately, Aventurine had long fallen for the doctor. Ever since they first met, to the countless times they’ve been paired for projects, his teasings couldn’t be any more obvious.

Sometime later, Ratio found out and was disgusted. Not only did he harshly reject the man, but he shut down Aventurine since then, even going so far as sending a letter to Diamond not to pair them again.

Eventually, he proposed to Ruan Mei, to send a message to Aventurine.

Having already foreseen this coming, Aventurine could only smile, hand behind his back - shaking so hard he had to puncture his thumb through to stop it, hard enough for his nail to cut through his gloves and into his skin.

It was basic courtesy for the IPC to come in attendance for Ratio’s wedding, another attempt to remind Aventurine. 

For all 8 of his doctorates and the years they’ve worked together, Ratio still failed to understand that Aventurine was no fool. He may be on the path to cure ignorance, yet was unaware of his own. Ironic, really.

At this point, Aventurine was numb and just went with it, even if it felt like salt to his open wound.

The wedding was extravagant, as expected of the famed scientist and doctor. So, Aventurine was told, having decided he couldn’t bring himself to attend. Not that Ratio would even want him there anyway.

“I already saw this coming doctor, no need to send me an invite,” he murmured, lying on his tub. Tears streamed down his face, not that he’d care.

Aventurine then drowns himself in work, going as far as requesting Diamond to send him as far away as possible - away from the reaches of the Intelligentsia Guild or the Genius Society, which was honestly impossible. But as someone blessed with immense luck, he got what he wanted.

Despite their existence being linked to a particular woman and a certain doctor, the catcakes have been nothing but great companions for his already broken heart. He understands now Topaz’s bond with Numby.

As he boards his ship, he thinks of the last encounter with Ratio, the man’s look of disgust and his hurtful words. Then he thinks of the last time he saw him, the good doctor hadn’t notice him, busily chatting with his colleagues. He was as handsome as ever, probably the most handsome man in Kakavasha’s whole existence. 

Probably the only man he’ll ever love in his lifetime.

Smiling bitterly, he boards his ship and flies off.

-

Many, many years have passed.

Ratio and Ruan Mei have long married and collaborated on a few projects, ground breaking in every way. The renowned couple garnering accolades left and right.

The marriage was nothing but a transactional ordeal, to benefit both parties. That much was obvious.

One night, Ratio found himself awake in the middle of the night. For some reason, he couldn’t fall back asleep.

Sitting up, his eyes takes in his room. Shifting slightly, he watches the gentle rise and fall of his wife. Wife.

Turning aside, feet planted on the ground, knees against his knees, he found himself with his head on his hands.

Wife.

That’s what he wanted, right? To marry and have a wife?

Suddenly, his thoughts run to a familiar blond, small, cheeky. Hands slip past his face to the back of his head, grabbing fistful of hair.

Letting out a shaky exhale, the ring on his finger felt heavy and his heart twisted painfully.

He was supposed to be happy, happy. But why wasn’t he?

And Aventurine…

It’s been so, so, so long.

Loathe he was to admit it— who was he kidding?

He missed him.

He missed him so much.

Since that day, he’s all but purged him away from his life. All the gifts he bought, flaunting the wealth he was given some a few penchants he knew Ratio would find interesting - he’s thrown away. As though purging Aventurine’s entire existence out of his life.

And now, he’s left with nothing to remember him by. 

All that remains are the memories he has of him.

This is what he wanted, right?

-

Later that day, while finalizing probably the biggest work with his wife, he felt it - Nous looking his way.

Finally, after all this time.

Everything he’s worked hard for, clinging on to desperation at some point of his life, even giving up when he burnt out from years and years of proving himself, it was all for this one moment.

And yet, why did it feel so hollow?

After years of pouring himself to be noticed, to work for a noble cause to rid of ignorance, why wasn’t he brimming with pride?

Oh.

Right.

Glancing down on his hand, ruby red hues land on a certain ring - specifically, his wedding ring.

Nous was never one to choose just about anyone, regardless of your gender, race, intellect or how noble your cause. Had that been the case, half of the universe would have been blessed by them. But, no. For them, you’d have to at least sacrifice a little bit of something in the name of knowledge.

It could be anything really - a piece of your sanity, a piece of you, some parts of your civilization, anything. 

And what did it cost Veritas Ratio?

Everything.

tip me if you like it :3

[sadceline]

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 22

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

INDEX (Chapters order)

It must be strange for her, given the new terms of her contract, but I am surprised to see her in the kitchen at all.

I heard from our manager that Amanda had an appointment with a Hybe doctor today, that there was no need to accompany her as he would take care of it. I think even he would eventually fall in love with her and, realising how impossible it is not to, he would make our host change.

That would sort of fix everything, but what would happen to Amanda?

I sigh and turn off the last burner. I don't look at her directly, I feel uncomfortable. I said some crazy things the last time we were alone, I don't want to deny it but there's a part of me that still believes them.

"How are you?" She sits up and stares at me blankly. "Fine." "You don't look like you got much sleep." I say, getting the dishes ready for the boys, because if I don't think about it, they'll end up eating junk, or worse, not eating at all. "We just slept." She says, but sounds lifeless. "You don't have to explain, I don't care."

I say as I walk over to the table with her plate and place it in front of her, but she keeps looking at me. Why is she staring at me? Why do I feel uncomfortable?

"You know about the video, right?" She asks.

I swallow in annoyance, put down the plate and go back behind the cooker to tidy up. "You have your first appointment today, with the gynaecologist, I think. - I abruptly change the subject. - Would you like to go with Ester?" "C-can I do that?" She asks, as if she had forgotten her first question, so enthusiastic is about the proposal.

I swallow and lower my eyes. Damn, she's so cute when she makes expressions like that…

"I think you would feel more comfortable than with our manager." "R-Really… I… I'd be happy with that, b-but-" "I know about the video. Don't worry." I sigh annoyed, but really I'm just uncomfortable. "Do you… do you think I could talk to Jungwon? D-Do you think he'd be angry?" "It depends. To what?" Jake asks as he walks into the kitchen.

His hair is down today, now that I notice it's gotten really long, it falls elegantly over his face, he has a stern look on his face, but that's probably just because he's just woken up and is in a bad mood. But he took his plate and sat down next to her, even though neither of them had answered.

"It doesn't matter." Amanda says under her breath. "If these guys blackmail you, let me know. - Jaeyun says, although his tone is friendly he doesn't seem to be joking, I know him. - I'll talk some sense into them."

I purse my lips, and although she doesn't seem to notice, Jaeyun gives me a dirty look. He's probably heard more than is letting on, now he's definitely in a bad mood.

"What are you doing today?" I ask him, pouring myself some water and leaning against the kitchen counter as I look at him quietly. "I've got a photoshoot and then I'm making a video for YouTube with Sunoo. - I nod interestedly, but I already knew that, I just wanted to change the subject. - And you?" "I'm taking Amanda to the doctor." The girl turns to me in surprise, but it's Jake who answers before she can open her mouth. "Why you?" "She's going with Ester… I'm taking the opportunity to see her." I smile. "It's crazy that you're the one doing these things. - Jake laughs instead. - You know you make a mess when they see you? There are MAMAs in a couple of months." "The visit is in Hybe. It's safe." I reply, no longer smiling, but annoyed that although it really is safe, it would actually be safer not to go.

The Hybe is like a jungle and every step you take could be a landmine, ready to explode at any moment. I know, I'm annoyed to be reminded of this, but I can't say anything else.

"Then be careful." Jaeyun snorts and starts to eat. "I will."

Also entering the room is Riki, who is just thrilled to see Amanda at the table and literally wastes no time in taking a seat next to her.

"Good morning noona. Are you awake because you slept all night? Sunghoon hyung wasn't much, was he?"

He asks amusedly, continuing to invade her personal space, leaning and rubbing against her like a cat, but shaking her so much that he also moves Jake, who seems even more nervous.

Could this really have happened? Did Sunghoon not have the strength to do it alone one last time? Or could it even have been her who rejected him? Both possibilities seem unlikely to me.

"Won't you bring my plate?" Riki asks after a while when he notices that it doesn't come. God, how spoiled he is. "Don't you have hands? Or legs?" I answer, approaching the coffee machine. The maknae mumbles as he stands up, Amanda looks at me. "Have you eaten?" I look away quickly, not wanting to make eye contact with her for too long or I'll feel weird. "I don't eat in the morning." "You cook for everyone, but you don't eat?" She asks me meekly… looking… worried.

I don't have time to answer because a freshly reared Heeseung specimen joins us in the kitchen.

Although on his days off he doesn't wake up before ten o'clock, or worse, this morning he appears out of nowhere in the kitchen, leaving everyone quite surprised, but seeing what a pissed off face he has, no one comments.

"Good morning, bitches, and Amanda." "Over to you, hyung." Raises his glass of juice, Riki, who seems completely amused by the chaotic situation we're in.

She lowers her head, not quite able to withstand Heeseung's gaze. I wonder if it's because she's afraid of him or because she has feelings for him, either way I shouldn't care, but either way it bothers me.

"So - Heeseung begins to speak, approaching the counter and taking his plate - today we define the terms of the contract? The boundaries?" He asks, sitting at the head of the table so he can look at both Amanda and me.

"I don't know, it's the doctor's appointment today. Maybe you'd rather relax - I say with a disinterested air - and then she can discuss the terms with me alone." Heeseung laughs in annoyance. "Yeah? Just you? And who exactly are you?" What a friendly tone, but I smile, nervous but smiling. "Someone more trustworthy than you." The elder man laughs again and bites into his eggs. "All right, let's pretend. And where is this examination? Who is she going with?"

Jungwon arrives in the kitchen, followed by Sunoo. He's smiling even at this late hour. I immediately notice that the first person he looks at with his eyes, which would normally be me, is Amanda instead.

Her hair is dishevelled, she is made-up, her eyes are tired, and yet she remains so beautiful. She is wearing one of Sunghoon's few sweatshirts, as he is not used to wearing them, and even without doing anything in particular, she manages to be irresistible.

Perhaps the fact that she is the only girl in the dormitory makes us particularly vulnerable.

"Let's go together, me and Jay hyung." Jungwon says, taking his plate and sitting down opposite Amanda, then with his back to me. "Why should you go? I'm free too." "I see Ester - I explain - Jungwon is doing his job as a leader. You know it's not a good idea send her with Yuki."

We've been calling him that for so long, our manager, that I'm sure Riki can't even remember his real name. Maybe his surname.

Heeseung laughs again. "It's fine, it seems absolutely safe for you two to go out with two girls, sure. After all, you're not idols, you're not even part of a group named Enhypen". "The visit is in Hybe - explained Jungwon, who I spoke to by text this morning. - Everything will be fine, but thank you for your concern! It's good to know that you care about us."

This time the elder does not answer as Sunoo starts to laugh while sitting next to the leader. I smile too as I drink my coffee, silent and smug.

"Is he a male gynaecologist?" Heeseung asks. I shake my head. "I don't know. Anyway, Ester goes with her, so…" "We all know why Hybe has a gynaecologist, don't we?" Jaeyun asks, who hasn't finished his breakfast yet, but definitely eaten. "For abortions?" Riki asks spontaneously. Jungwon chokes and starts to cough, Sunoo laughs but hands him some water and taps him on the back. "Come on, come on. It's not the time to die, at least wait until you're 27 so you'll stay in history… Anyway, I think there's sumbae Taehyung in Hybe today".

He says it like it's nothing, but he's literally just dropped a bomb. The first thing that comes to mind is: is Bangtan going to have a host? And immediately after that: why him? I mean, even Jungkook would be fine (because he's such a snob), but Taehyung… he's really particular, I don't want him to meet Amanda… or Ester.

"Isn't it dangerous to go to Hybe? There are always fans lurking around the headquarters." Riki asks, having finished eating, oddly enough everything.

Amanda just pinched her food, still looking down, and even the news about Taehyung didn't cheer her up. Why am I so sorry? I shouldn't be.

Actually the area is safe, they have their people who keep an eye on everything and then we enter through the underground car park. As for Taehyung sumbae…. I don't think we'll meet him. - Jungwon laughs. - We are nobodies to him." "Actually, he doesn't notice you, he notices them." Remember Heeseung looking at me, though, clearly expecting something, from me, and I'm pretty sure it's keeping Taehyung away from Amanda. "The medical department is secluded, hardly a chance to say hello to the sumbae." I say, trying to put an end to this conversation that is starting to get on my nerves.

Sunghoon also arrives in the kitchen, his face looking worse than it has for months. The first thing he does is stare at Amanda, who notices and lowers her eyes.

"Medical department? Say hello to who?" He asks. I look at him for a few seconds without answering, then sigh. "Amanda is going to see the Doctor. Her friend Ester is going with her, so I'm going with Jungwon too. Taehyung sumbae will be at headquarters." "I'll come too." He says without thinking. Jungwon snorts. "No."

I don't know what to say at the moment. It's not like him to forget that he has work commitments, is he so… shaken by the whole thing that he would make such a mistake? He doesn't seem like himself.

"You have a commercial today, don't you remember?" I ask him curiously. Sunghoon looks at me in surprise. "Ah… that's right, I haven't checked my phone yet." "You remember what he does but not what I have to do?" Jaeyun asks me with a chuckle.

Amanda lifts her eyes to Sunghoon, confused, probably softened. She must have noticed that Sunghoon left the room as soon as he dont saw her. Heeseung witnesses the whole scene, then puts his chopsticks on the plate, noisy, annoyed, Amanda lowers her gaze, almost intimidated.

What a guy, Lee Heeseung.

It's useless anyway. - Try to calm the situation, Jungwon, with great nonchalance. - I'll go, i'm the leader. Amanda would like the company of a friend, Jay hyung's chick". "Does Hanni know?" Sunghoon asks annoyed. "What? That I, as leader, have to supervise the medical examination of our host? - He pauses briefly. - No, I missed it. Does Wonyoung know?"

Sunghoon doesn't answer, but by now he's not even angry, obviously Wonyoung's affairs can no longer be used against him. He comes over to the counter where the coffee machine is. I make breakfast for him too, but he often skips it, like now, when he makes himself an american coffee instead.

"When are you leaving? - Heeseung asks, getting everyone's attention. - When are you coming back?" "When are we going, hyung?" Jungwon asks. "Around ten." I answer. "When are we coming back?" He asks again. I laugh, it's unbearable when he does that, but his sense of humour kills me. "We'll see." "Good answer!" "They're stupid, but you acts like tyrant." Sunoo comments, eating very quietly and enjoying the show, though I wonder how he feels lately. "I'm the cutest tyrant in the world though, right noona?" Jungwon asks, waving at her, and she actually raises her eyes, paralysed by the young leader's expression.

Fuck… she's practically blushing in front of him and now looks around nervously. How is she older than me? She's so damn pretty. I approach Jungwon and slap him politely on the back of the head.

" Yah! Why?" "Stop being a tyrant. - I pretend to scold him, then sigh. - Look, I'm not letting you get up until you've finished eating."

At first she does not seem to understand, but when she does, she stares at me with that strange look she always gives me. I don't know what it means, but she looks sad.

I want to be part of the tyrant too!' - Riki says and raises his hand. - Besides, I've got nothing to do. Come on, you should take me with you." "No." Heeseung replies, crossing his arms over his chest, he hasn't touched his food yet, this isn't like him at all. "You can't tell me what to do." Niki mumbles, though not as proudly as usual, moving some leftovers around the plate with a chopstick, this boy with no manners… "Yah, don't play with your food. You'll find the same breakfast until you eat it." "I'm not playing - he whines like a wayward child - come on, let me come with you!" "No, go and join Heeseung." I snort, amused. "I don't want to, I don't want to!"

I see Amanda smiling because of Riki's funny and childish tone, who doesn't usually act like that, or rather… he used to act like that a lot… but now he's changed. There are many reasons why he did that, but we were also suffering and someone realised it too late.

He used to be a funny guy, a bit weird, but always happy - like Jungwon, but without his malice. Now he has the malice and he has gone dark with all of us, maybe because of the problems he had with Jaeyun, whatever they may be.

I nod amusedly. "Try tidying up the house, there are so many things you could do on your day off." Heeseung is very stiff, I can see and feel it. "Stay home, we'll spend some quality time together." This sounds like a veiled threat. "Since you left before I woke up - Sunghoon sighs, looking sad and a little tired - I put my number on your phone." He tells her. I look at him, annoyed. "How did you do that? Do you know her code?" "I found out the first day." He says, sipping his coffee. Amanda laughs, not in delight, but in obvious disbelief, her eyebrows raised in surprise. "You lied. Did you read my chats?" "I don't understand… English that well - in fact, he doesn't even understand it that badly - and anyway, I have dignity, I don't give a damn about your chats." Sunghoon replies, always very polite. "Should Amanda noona teach you?" Sunoo suggests, laughing. "I know some english too." Jaeyun replies. "Did your phone come back?" Heeseung asks, looking at our host who nods weakly.

It's strange, it's the first time in a long time that we're all in the kitchen, should I be happy about it? Actually, the correct emotion is concern - most of them are just here to check on Amanda.

Although it seems obvious that she is the element that will divide us, I keep getting the impression that she is actually bringing us closer, albeit in a somewhat toxic way… not that she is to blame, of course.

"I'm meeting Intak hyung today." Sunoo says changing the subject. "Really? He didn't ask about me?" Riki asks. "Why would he?" The blonde asks again, sulking. "Why should he go out with you?" The maknae replies amused. I shrug my shoulders. "None of your business."

Eventually they all start to annoy Sunoo a bit, reminding him that he's a pretty shady guy and hangs out with guys who are a bit crazy, but knowing Sunoo, now, he's even more interested in hanging out with him, after all he's just a rebellious kid too.

"You eat too. - Heeseung sighs irritably and looks at Sunoo before getting up from the table. - And you, let me know when you get home." He speaks to Amanda. Sunghoon is visibly annoyed, probably because it would be strange to say the same thing now, and he wants to. "Let's have a group. I don't see the point of talking alone". "That's not a bad idea - Jaeyun says, putting down his chopsticks, he hasn't finished his breakfast either, but I know it's not because of the taste. - But you gave her your number, right?" Sunghoon looks at him boredly. "Everyone but you." "Then you haven't really seen her chats." He bursts out laughing.

The peer stares at him wordlessly, but then seems to think, I think he saw the chats, but hastily, because he was too proud. He probably didn't check the archived chats, what a newbie… ….

Heeseung looks up in irritation and then leaves the room, not even bothering to put his plate down. I grin irritably, I hate it when he remembers he's older, because there's no way I can compensate for that.

"Such manners." Sunghoon comments. I push him. "Shut up." "You shut up." He replies. "Noona, you really need to finish your breakfast." Says Jungwon, who hasn't been heard from for a while.

With his back to me, I didn't see his expression the whole time, but he was silent for a long time. He was probably studying the people around him to get a better idea of what they were thinking.

Amanda nods, awkwardly but charmingly filling his mouth, and I hear the leader chuckle.

"Go get settled, it takes an hour each time." "Right, we could meet Taehyung hyung. - He nods, gets up and takes the dishes of the others, too, to put them back into the dishwasher. - We have to hurry, Noona." "Speaking of which, you shouldn't wear anything flashy. Neither should your boyfriend." It sounds like advice, but it's more of a threat to Sunghoon as he turns to Amanda, who avoids his gaze. She does the same with him - could it be that she likes them both? "You have a lot of cloths to me - Jaeyun interrupts - change in my room." Amanda looks at me, not understanding, then turns and smiles weakly. "W-Well, thank you." "Don't thank him, he's not doing anything special." Sunghoon approaches her angrily. "Finish eating." I tell her again.

She gives me that adorable worried look and goes back to her breakfast like a child who has been scolded. Jungwon watches her for a few seconds, then smiles softly.

"Omo, noona. You look so pretty while you eat." He says. I snort and grab him by the shoulders and push him out of the kitchen. "I said dress!" "Jay, you have to be careful today." Sunghoon tells me when the leader has finally disappeared from the hallway. "I know." I sigh. "Have you talked to Ester? Did you tell her to dress inconspicuously?" He calls her by name? "Yes." I answer. Sunghoon's lips tighten, as if he's annoyed because there's nothing else to pick on me about. "She can't meet Taehyung." "She won't meet him." I snort. "Can I… can I move my schedule?" "You want to postpone the production of a commercial? - I look at him in silence, wishing he would see the absurdity of his suggestion for himself. - Don't talk shit. Pull yourself together."

The truth is that I've been thinking about this for a while. I didn't want to concretise my thoughts in order to get the hypothesis out of my head, but what worries me now is not that Taehyung notices Amanda.

But that Ester notices Taehyung.

The night we met she talked a lot about BTS, about being an army. Ester is just as beautiful as Amanda, and she fits the korean standard of beauty much better, with her milky skin, petite but graceful body, and her boobs, that no heterosexual man can ignore it, right?

Amanda will be scruffy, Ester probably not scruffy enough - I've warned her not to wear skimpy things, but I haven't told her to dress badly. Should I do it now? It feels wrong, though, because she might meet her idol.

But what if…

No, that's absurd. Taehyung probably won't even look at us, and we'll have to try and go unnoticed too, before some big head from Hybe questions the situation of the two of us together with two beautiful girls.

"Noona, would you like me to give you some tips on how to dress?" Riki suggests, catching everyone's attention. Amanda giggles, perhaps for the first time this morning. "Thanks… But I'm really good at dressing badly." "There, I'm getting bored already. - The brat sighs and gets up from the table. - I wonder if Heeseung hyung is in the mood to get his ass kicked at Play".

He leaves the room. I laugh but try to keep my composure, the fact is that even though Heeseung has been playing for years, Riki seems to get good at everything instantly, even games he doesn't even know.

Jaeyun takes Amanda by the shoulders as she finishes eating. "Let's go, come on." Amanda meekly lets herself be pulled along. "Alright…" Sunghoon watches them go, then mumbles. "Shit, is the doctor a man?" "I have no idea, but I…" "I don't want another man to see her naked." He interrupts me, quietly angry. I sigh, I can't take it any longer. "We've all seen her naked, practically." "It's not the same." He replies seriously. I narrow my eyes, annoyed by his concern. "Can we? Me, can I?" Sunghoon's face changes, I knew this would happen, but I answered anyway. "You've got your new girlfriend, right?" "We know it's no problem, right?" "Don't piss me off." "I'm just trying to reason with you. - I sigh again and pat him on the shoulder before leaving him alone in the kitchen. - Go and have a shower, you look like shit."

[dravidious]

You're super neat

Early sketch of my commission from @quonit! It's really cute, but I wanted something more like o.o

[hinamie]

sry i have chronic only draws megumi disorder the doctor said it's terminal :/

[lunarharp]

if i just told you i love you would this world change

[isatartdump]

ALSO LIKE A THING I NOTICED NOW BECAUSE I NEVER LOOK AT THESE I ONLY LOOK AT THE COMMENTS/TAGS BECAUSE I LIKE SEEING WHAT YOU GUYS SAY.

Why are there so many of you. I don't fit you all in my house. I don't even know how to thank you kMDLWQKNE

UHM?? You guys are cool thanks for giving me a place to ramble? And post my little sketches. That you seem to like

It means a lot to me

UHM UHM HERE !! HAVE- HAVE MORE OF MY SIFLOOP SKETCHES BECAUSE I TEND TO DO THEM ON MY FREE TIME

There's also a sifzaloop hidden in there

Haha.

[toytulini]

man the thing about beauty standards and being ugly and being pretty and being insecure is that ultimately you do just kinda have to Decide that youre pretty. like ultimately thats how you become pretty, or hot, or sexy. you have to just Decide that you Are. you have to recognize that its made up, its arbitrary, its subjective, and that people might disagree with you about it, and as much as you are able, you need to completely and utterly disregard their opinions on your appearance, and decide that youre pretty now. and THEN.

you need to find beauty in "ugly". you need to recognize that ugly is made up, that its arbitrary, that its subjective, and you need to be able to find the beauty in it all. and this means you cant bodyshame people. you cant body shame shitty celebs or politicians. you need to base your criticisms on the substance of their character and misdeeds and unhinged horrific opinions and not give a shit about what they look like. you cant go calling people ugly for being shitty. you cant go calling people ugly for looking A Way You Dont Like.

and then if you wanna really galaxy brain this shit you start using ugly as endearment. OBVIOUSLY do not fucking call other human beings ugly. that shit is far too loaded, its just Rude. Dont call specific features of people or even characters ugly cos thats also too loaded. as a term it has baggage. but you can see the ugly in tacky, loud, garish clothing, and it can be Good. you can see the ugly in a distinctive, horrible tiny car from the 90s, and it can be good. you can see the ugly in animals that have evolved to look the way they do, without a single thought of what humans find appealing. you can see the beauty and the freedom in "Ugliness". you can break out of this shit altogether and feel nothing but disdain for anyone who stoops to insulting your appearance if they disagree with you about shit. you can get completely out of the cave of these beauty standards. you can find it so freeing to revel.in letting yourself be ugly. in recognizing that the way you look and exist might be ugly to some people, and youre out of the cave enough to simply recognize. thats just your opinion and it doesnt matter. didnt ask.

you can look at ppl arguing about the correct amount of skincare products to use daily, the Correct Amount of makeup, and whether or not its radical to conform to beauty standards or defy them and argue about is it really conforming if visible makeup pisses men off, and you can say, well I dont care about any of that, I recognize the societal pressures of flawless skin and all that but you see,

I just want to look like a silly little clown :o3

[mer-se]

long day yesterday 💤