#i like keeping my face to myself sometimes

[noreasontobebland]

Sylus x Black Female Reader

You and Sylus Answer Sex Questions Based on Your Relationship (Questions 1-4)

“I’m going to bed.”

“Sylus!”

It’s not often you and him have time alone like this. He’s always managed to make time for you regardless, but you can’t help to feel like you’re a burden when you do so(he’s also established he genuinely loves being with you but I digress)

So when you spent the evening in his bedroom on the laptop and seen a questionnaire on tumblr you of course clicked on it.

And of course Sylus being Sylus he was so about to couldn’t indulge in your silly antics with him again.

“C’mon pleaseeee…I wanna know what you think—-“

“Think about what? How I make love to you? I think it’s one of the best and intoxicating experiences of my life and I cherish every sound, scream, and move you make when you’re under me. Goodnight.”

Oh you hated when he did that.

You peaked over his broad back facing you and began to teasing your finger on his bare chest. “Please.”

Sylus knows that will always co-sign on any idea you give him to partake on, it’s just you still seem to believe him when he teases you about it. It’s a fun game for him to see you beg sometimes.

“What do I get in return if I play this game?”

“I’ll suck your dick.”

“That sounds like a win win situation for us both instead of just me winning.”

Huffing at the fact that it’s true…you do enjoy giving him head, “Whatever you want. Please.”

“Let’s make it more interesting; with every 2 questions I answer, you owe me one favor. Deal?”

“There’s 20 questions.”

“Then I guess you’ll be owing me 10 fold.”

“Oh you are so—“

“Question 1.” He takes your laptop into his lap, pulling you by his side with a curled smirk, “How satisfied are you with your partner in bed? Scale 1-10.”

“….”

Sylus tilts his head at you, “Ladies first.”

“….very.”

“Oh don’t be shy now, sweetie you brought this up….give me a full sentence…”

“I am extremely…satisfied with our sex life. And to scale it…12/10.”

Sylus looks back at the laptop with a deadpanned look, “Just 12? I was going to give you a better score than that…seems I’m not doing enough to exceed your expectations.”

“No! No you are! You’re amazing in bed! Remember? Last night? I practically shouted about how much I love—-“

You begin to realize form the amused smile in his face he was just clearly fucking with you once again. And you pout, “You ass.”

“You are well above any lover I could ever have. You’re extremely attentive to what I want from you and to scale it…it’d be broken.”

It’s honestly astonishing to you how honest Sylus can be with you, you should be used to it by now, but he always seems to keep you on your toes with his words of affirmations.

“Question 2…What is something you never told your partner, but always wanted to do with them?…oh.”

“Is your fantasy that bad—?”

“No! I just….i don’t know I never really had any fantasies. You introduced me to everything….and I’m still learning from you new things so…”

You finally began to see a hint of blush flood his ears and cheek, despite having his famous poker face at you, you weren’t wrong he took all your first, and practically taught you what you knew now, and he still had a lot more he wanted to teach you. He leans back on the leather headboard and pretends to think, “I do have a fantasy myself, but I’ll save it for one of our IOU’s.”

“Heeeyy no fair!”

He hums before turning back to the laptop, “Question 3…What is something you won’t do even if your partner asked.”

“Interesting…well since you’re not that experienced—“

“Hey!”

“As long as it’s nothing that puts you in complete pain then I really won’t say no to anything.”

“What about pegging?”

He just stares at you with an unreadable look, “How do you—-?”

“I probably wouldn’t say no to you either. I trust you wouldn’t wanna do anything too bad…”

“Anal plug?”

“….moving on.”

“Question 4…What is something your partner does in bed you love?”

“Hm…its a lot but…well…maybe how you reach your arms out to me to kiss you while you’re cumming…you’re so cute—“

“OKAAYYUHHHH!”

“What?” He chuckles, “Don’t you love my honesty?”

“Thank you, Sylus….” You sigh trying to think, “I love how you…talk to me during. Y’know telling me in my ear how well I’m doing and if I’m alright. You sound…hot.”

You look up at him seeing his sly smirk, he kisses your temple before whispering, “Your comfort while I fuck you is hot to me as well.”

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Stuck Here Like Me

Michael “Robby” Robinavitch x F!Doctor!Reader

Summary: in the wake of the chaos, you’re there to pick up his broken pieces. Takes place during 1x13 so spoilers if you haven’t seen it yet

Warnings: depiction of explicit themes, death, grief, panic attacks, blood, hospital stuff, ptsd, age gap (reader is 35, Robby is 50) (no smut but yall better love it)

WC: 4.3k Drabble who?

A/N: omg no smutties??? Who possessed me??? Okay well there is smutties, this just isn’t it. I mentioned before that I started writing smutties based on ep 12 but when 13 came out I just had to write a comfort fic. God this man needs to be held and loved so I couldn’t help myself. The smutties based on ep 12 is still on the works. So think of it as an alternative ending to this one. I started writing this last night after I finished ep13 and i cant believe I finished it so fast. Hope you enjoy being traumatized give Noah his Emmy btw

Staying away from the chaos of the ER was the plan for today. As far away as you possibly could. You did this on purpose. Neither of you had worked on this day in years. You didn’t mind that Robby had made other plans. You were even happy that he was keeping his mind occupied with Jake. You would happily stay home and catch up on some well deserved sleep. Ever since you convinced Gloria to give you that pediatric emergency medicine fellowship, you had been doing overtime almost every single shift. You left at the same time as Robby every night, and that was saying a lot.

So when you felt movement beside you, your husband shifting as quietly as possible, you were very suspicious. You stirred and grumbled almost immediately. Much to his attempt of getting out of bed without waking you.

“Michael.” You muttered into your pillow, blindly reaching for your phone beside you. He gritted his teeth, turning his head to find you squinting at your phone. “Why are you getting up at six on your day off?”

“Ah, busted.” You felt his weight sink into the bed as he leaned over you to leave a kiss to your hair. “They’re down an attending this morning. And you know we’re short staffed so.”

You scrunched up your face, huffing softly as you shifted on your back. You gave him a look of apprehension and he leaned down to kiss the expression lines on your forehead.

“Today? Really?” The sleep lingered on your voice as you rubbed your eyes softly. He clicked his tongue but said nothing. You weren’t shy about it. You were an R2 when the pandemic broke out. How you managed to start, and maintain a functioning relationship was still beyond you. Though you guessed you understood each other’s he trauma. And your marriage has been without issues so far, so you guessed it worked out. Still, you weren’t beneath bringing it up, even if he didn’t quite enjoy it. “Michael I really don’t think—“

“It’s fine. I’m fine, really.” He was firm with his words, loving, but firm, like he didn’t want to press the matter further. A sigh of resignation left your chest and you shrugged, shaking your head at him.

“Mkay. Want me to come in with you?” You sighed, stretching out your arms with exhaustion. Robby narrowed his eyes at you and shook his head.

“Nope. You’ve been working what? Thirteen? Fourteen hours straight? Absolutely not. Sleep while you can. You’re going to burn yourself out.” You hated when he lectured you, the age gap between you sometimes becoming painfully obvious. You groaned with annoyance and squeezed your eyes shut. You hated when he was right.

“Fine, whatever.” You pretended to pout, which he found quite amusing. With a soft chuckle he leaned down to press a kiss to your pouty lips. You couldn’t help but giggle. “I swear Gloria is still punishing me for hexing you with my charms. She couldn’t get rid of me so she’s making me suffer.”

“Aren’t you doing overtime willingly?” He tisked at you as he peeled himself from you to finish putting on his scrubs. He knew that if he didn’t leave your side soon he would forget he has actual responsibilities to attend to.

You scoffed at him, shifting to your side again, “I’m being coerced. She insists that my fellowship is an unnecessary expense and that if it hadn’t been for your favoritism I would’ve had to transfer hospitals.”

“It wasn’t favoritism. I was completely objective and unbiased. You really are one of my best doctors.” He reminded you and you laughed into your pillow.

“She doesn’t seem to agree. She makes sure to remind me every time she sees me.” You rolled your eyes, disdain lacing your tongue. Robby found it almost amusing how you didn’t even try to hide your opinions. He always had to hold back a laugh whenever you gave Gloria side eyes when she came strolling down to the ER to get on his case about one thing or another.

“Yeah, well, she’s a pain in my ass too. Don’t take it too personally.”

“I’ll make you coffee and something to eat, hm?” You suggested, figuring you would spend as much time with him as you could before you didn’t see him for the next twelve-plus hours. He shot you an apprehensive glance, eyes narrowed but you were already throwing the blankets off you. “I’m already up. I’ll take a nap when you leave.”

Robby chewed on the inside of his cheek, clicking his tongue as his eyes followed you out of bed. His eyes never left you, more than happy to be reminded that you were parading around in nothing but an old tee and panties. He followed you out of the bedroom with eagerness, more than happy to follow you around until he left.

“Shit, my sweet and amazing wife is making me coffee this morning? And she’s making sure I eat? Aren’t I lucky.” He chuckled, following you to the kitchen. Your giggles filled the air and he was so in love with the sound it made his head spin.

“Don’t forget hot and young too.” You looked over your shoulder and shot him a wink, snorting at the groan he let out at your teasing words. If you had to be reminded that he was older, he had to be reminded that you were younger, too.

“God, I hope you don’t say that shit to other people. Makes me sound like such a creep.” He sighed out, his freckled cheeks dusting red with embarrassment. You loved to tease him about it. Even though you were already thirty when you started dating. You found it amusing how worked up he got about the logistics. You knew it fucked him up for months when you first slept together.

“If it makes you feel better, I tell people I wanted to fuck my attending.” You managed to hold in your laughter until after your words sunk in, you had your back to him as you made him his coffee, but when you heard him mutter ‘Jesus fucking Christ’ behind you, you bursted into giggles. “You love me. Oh! Can you get me the strawberries and blueberries from the fridge? And the Greek yogurt.”

“Yes I do, unfortunately.” He sighed out a long exaggerated breath as he searched around the fridge. You shoot him a glare, which he took with a chuckle.

“Okay, well, you can starve then. I’m not making you shit.” You clicked your tongue, huffing as you crossed your arms over your chest. Robby pouted, trying to stifle a laugh at the matching pout on your lips.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” He said in between laughs as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you to him and he left kisses on your cheek, on your nose, until you broke a smile and giggles left your lips. “You have such a shitty poker face.”

“I do. I can’t resist your old man charms.” You teased, throwing your arms around his neck. He rolled his eyes at you, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips, successfully shutting you right up. You didn’t protest, you were in fact, very pleased with this exchange. God, you wished he would stay home with you. You didn’t want him to go. You were tempted to jump him right then and there. If you pushed him enough he really couldn’t say no to you even if he tried. But you also knew better. So against your better judgement you relented.

“I really have to go hun.” His words left his chest with an edge, his fingers slightly digging into your hips. You slightly threw your head back, grabbing his face as you whined. “Cmon, don’t do that.”

“I really can’t convince you to stay, hm? You’ll have me all to yourself today.” Your words left your lips softly, quietly. You could almost hear the gears turning in his head, his jaw ticking with each string you pulled.

“I’m gonna think with my head and regrettably say no.” An uneven breath left him, much to his dismay. Your offer was so fucking tempting. But he knew better, he definitely wouldn’t hear the end of it if he ended up not showing up.

“Ugh, I like your other head better.” You gave him one last jab to his sanity before you pulled yourself away to resume your previous task. You heard him groan loudly as he reached for his freshly brewed coffee.

“God, you're going to give me a heart attack one of these days.”

Though there was a smile on his face, those soft brown eyes filled with warmth, you knew him well, too well, and you knew there was more hiding behind those eyes, behind the same facade he put up every year. And that sat with you, you carried that worry like a burden, because you didn’t know what truly was going on in his head, what he was thinking. And it made you wish you could just lock him up until the day had passed. But alas, he wasn’t the type of man to hide. Exchanging I love you’s as he walked out the door left you with unease, with anxiety. And you couldn’t shake that feeling.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey love. Lemme guess, you’re staying late?” Your teasing words were laced with humor when you picked up the phone. You had managed to get through your day, though you definitely missed your husband. It was around six when he called.

“Yeah, something like that. Uh, fuck. I’m sorry to ask, but could you come in?” He rushed out his words, a sense of urgency edging through his tone even over the phone. The smile on your face quickly fell and you stilled, stammering over your words. “There’s an active shooter at PittFest and I’m down two residents. Please, you know I wouldn’t call if I didn’t have to.”

You were running to your bedroom for the first pair of scrubs you could grab before he was done talking. Your mind was racing with a million questions, but you didn’t have time to ask any of them.

“Fuck me. You really couldn’t stay home today, huh?” You blew out a breath of exasperation as you threw on pieces of clothing like a maniac. You were thankful you had decided to take a shower before getting started on dinner. Guess you would have to settle for takeout tonight, if you even left the hospital at all.

“I wish I had. Look on the bright side though, I missed you so much I had to find a way to get you here with me.” Though his words were playful, nothing about his tone was humorous in the slightest, there was so much edge to his voice it made your heart sink. As if he needed another thing to make today miserable. Today, out of all days, too.

“You could’ve just asked.”

You were on autopilot, walking to the hospital wasn’t even a conscious thought. You and Robby walked there every shift, it was just automatic. Though you were sure your feet walked just a bit faster than usual because you were walking through those doors and rushing downstairs before your brain could even process where your feet had taken you. You were met with the sight of just about the entire ER staff, day and night shift. Your heart pounded against your chest louder and louder by the second. You spotted Robby talking to Dr. Abbott. His eyes trailed in your direction and he could almost feel a sense of relief wash over him when he spotted you. It was automatic, his feet were taking you to him. He met you in the middle and he pulled you into his chest without hesitation.

“Michael.” You offered quietly, pressing the side of your face against his chest, happily accepting his embrace. You felt him press the cheek against the side of his head, a long sigh of relief leaving him.

“I really needed you. Thank you.” He muttered softly, only for your ears to hear. You nodded.

“You should’ve called me sooner. You’re down two residents?” You asked quietly, feeling the way he tensed under your touch at the question. He half nodded, another exasperated sigh leaving his heavy chest.

“Yeah. Collins wasn’t feeling well, so I sent her home, and I had to send Langdon home, too.” You could hear the slightest bit of edge in his voice at that last part. You frowned, pulling back to look at him with confusion.

“Why? What did he do?” You asked with a frown, having the feeling the reason had nothing to do with illness. His jaw tightened, his eyes drifting away from your gaze.

“You don’t want to know.” He shook his head dismissively, but his tone was anything but reassuring. You narrowed your eyes at him, not convinced by his answer. But he didn’t give you more than that. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

You didn’t want to push it, not right now at least, he had enough on his mind. You simply nodded at him, offering him a half smile as he walked you back to where everyone had gathered. You were met with some confused faces, but also welcoming glances of the familiar ones. You figured they were medical students or interns, since you didn’t recognize the new faces. What a day to be your first day, you thought.

“Okay, this is all hands on deck. That’s why I called for some help. For those of you who don’t know, this is one of our best doctors,” Robby looked at you as he introduced you. You felt almost embarrassed, faint heat rushing to your cheeks but you said nothing. “She’s our emergency pedes fellow, so if you need an attending and you can’t find me or Abbott, find her.”

You felt a bit awkward as Robby continued, now explaining the bracelet system and the colors for each area. You could still feel some confused and puzzled eyes on you every once in a while, but you otherwise ignored it. You figured there would be time for proper introductions later.

Robby and Abbott were done saying their final pieces before everyone dispersed in their own directions. You offered Robby a smile as he left to check on triage. This feeling of unease at the imminent doom that awaited you was making you sick, but you knew this is what you had to do. You eventually found Dana, and you were very distraught by the very evident brushing on her face.

“You didn’t have that last night. What happened to you?” You asked her, your tone alarmed, but you managed to keep your voice down. She sighed, like it was a long story that she had no desire to get into at this time.

“An unhappy patient decided to express how displeased he was with our care.” She states, her tone tired. Your eyes widened, your mouth falling open.

“A patient punched you? Are you fucking kidding?” You scoffed in disbelief and she simply nodded, too tired and burned out to do much more. You shook your head. “Maybe Gloria should fire me. Maybe she can hire better security with my salary.”

“Doubt it. She would find a way to claim we still don’t have the budget for it.” She blew out a humorless laugh, also shaking her head.

You opened your mouth to reply but stopped when you heard a string of voices speaking all at once, you knew it was time for the madness. And you had no idea just how much.

~~~~~~~~~~

You don’t know where your head was anymore. You were jumping from patient to patient like it was a marathon. You had managed to tune out most of the noise, focus on where your hands were. You were helping Langdon when you spotted Robby wheeling in a girl and your heart nearly stopped when you saw Jake following him. Robby hadn’t heard from him or his girlfriend since the shooting started and he was frantic, looking for him every time a new patient was wheeled in. He didn’t show it, but you could tell.

“You good here?” You asked Langdon, his panicked expression matching your own when he spotted Jake. He nodded, ushering you to go. You nearly ran across the other side to find Robby doing chest compression on a girl, and Jake was standing there, refusing to leave her side.

“Jake, hey, are you okay?” You asked him, checking him for any severe wounds, but he didn’t seem to be hurt, despite being covered in blood. He didn’t acknowledge you at first, his eyes glued to the girl on the gurney, you assumed this was the girlfriend Robby had told you took his ticket.

“Y-Yeah, I’m okay, just my leg I think. But Leah is really hurt. Is she going to be okay?” He still wasn’t looking at you, not moving either. You gently grabbed his arm as you made eye contact with Robby. You knew that look. You half nodded, trying to usher Jake back. You hadn’t known him super long, his mom and Robby had already been split for a while by the time you came into the picture. But he thought you were cool and you found his relationship with Robby endearing.

“Robby is helping her right now, but you can’t be in here. You need to get that leg checked. I promise I’ll come find you.” You slowly pulled him back as you called for a wheelchair, he wasn’t budging, understandably not wanting to leave his girlfriend. “Jake, please. Robby’s got her but you need to get checked out.”

You managed to join Robby, and it did not look good. You made eye contact with Dana, and you did not like the look she gave you. You took in a deep breath, clearing your throat as you tried to find your voice.

“Where do you want me?”

“Switch with me.” Robby panted, quickly switching places with you. You resumed chest compressions, despite knowing where this would end. You couldn’t stop the bleeding, and you couldn’t transfuse blood fast enough. But you would keep going until he told you to stop. “Stop compressions. Check for carotid.”

You swallowed, pressing your fingers to her neck. You held your breath, perhaps holding yours would allow you to feel even the faintest beat. There was nothing. You sniffled softly and shook your head.

“I can’t feel the carotid.”

“No femoral either.”

You stopped keeping track of how long you were at it. You were at three bags of blood when you stopped compressions, and again you couldn’t feel anything. Robby shook his head.

“Robby.” You protested, knowing this was it. There was nothing else you could possibly do. There just wasn’t enough time. He shook his head again, the denial evident on his face. You exchanged knowing looks with Dana as Abbott spoke, but he couldn’t get through Robby either.

“Push one more bag of O neg, resume compressions.” He insisted, his voice breaking the slightest bit. A shaky breath left your lips and you hesitated for just a second, but you complied nonetheless.

“Abbott is right. The bullet probably tore right through the aorta. I still can’t get a pulse and we can’t give her another bag.” Your own voice was breaking, sweat starting to fall down your forehead and soak your hair. He shook his head at you, checking his own pulse to make sure the machine worked. “Michael—“

“I know, I know. Fuck, just, let me try this. Please. Hold compressions.” His voice was shaky, on the verge of breaking as he avoided your gaze. You breathed out shakily as you stopped and waited. You could hear abnormal beats, coming and going. And then nothing. There was nothing. Robby kept trying, his jaw tight and he squeezed his eyes shut as he desperately tried to find a pulse. Anything. There was nothing. Your eyes found Dana’s and she shook her head at you. Your eyes filled with tears when Robby shook his head. “We’re done.”

Your breath got caught in your chest as you held it, your own eyes fluttering shut as the realization finally dawned on you. When you opened them again your eyes landed on Robby and your heart sank. You swallowed, inhaling sharply before you spoke.

“Do you want me to come with you?” You asked quietly and he quickly shook his head, sniffling softly.

“No. I’ll go. Just.. Can you take her?” He looked at Dana. She nodded. You opened your mouth to speak again but he gave you no time. He was rushing down the hall as you were left with your mouth open, speechless and distraught. Seeing him like this, it reminded you of what today was. And that feeling made you so uneasy it made you nauseous.

You didn’t know how much time had passed. You got pulled from patient to patient until your head started to spin. You didn’t even have time to notice Robby was gone. And nobody could find him. Those words made your stomach drop. You rushed to where Jake was, you found him still on his gurney, crying. You figured he knew.

“Jake…” You said softly, and he didn’t even bother to look at you. “Jake, I'm so sorry. We tried. We really did. But I need you to tell me where Robby is.”

Jake stayed silent for a long while, sniffling quietly, still not looking at you, “I dunno. He took me to see Leah then he kicked me out. He started, like crying and didn’t come back out.”

Your eyes widened, your breath picking up and your chest started to pound. “I promise I will come check on you but please, try to call your mom. She must be really worried.” You offered him a half smile, your lip quivering the slightest bit before you rushed to the pedes room. God this fucking room was cursed.

Your heart was not ready for the sight you would find. You were frantic as you opened the door and you found your loving husband, the love of your life, in a corner with his hands behind his head, shaking. You choked on your own breath as you grabbed the curtain and covered the door before you dropped to your knees in front of your husband. Your own eyes filled with tears at the sight of him like this. It was like he didn’t even process that you were here, he was hyperventilating, choking back sobs into his arms.

“Hey, Michael. It’s okay, baby. You’re okay.” You held back your own tears as you reached to grab his face. He wouldn’t stop, he was sobbing and crying like you had never seen him do. You didn’t know what to do, you had never seen him break down like this. Your own tears had started to fall without even knowing. But you kept talking to him, you grabbed his face, “Michael, hey, you’re okay. I’m here with you. I’m here baby.”

“Did… Did I ever tell you you have the prettiest freckles? They go so well with your eyes. You have the kindest, softest eyes. I’ve been in love with them ever since I met you. I knew that you were it, I knew I wanted to be with you, all the time.” You didn’t know what you were saying, or when you started to cry, too, but you continued, “I’m right here with you, okay? At your lowest, remember, like in our vows? I got you, I promise.”

You didn’t know what clicked in his head, or what wall fell down in his fragmented mind, but he reached for you, a broken sob leaving him as he found refuge in the comfort of your arms. He sobbed into your shoulder and you held him, cradling his head as you shushed him softly, choking back your own tears.

“It’s okay to cry, you know? You can cry. It’s okay. Just breathe with me.” You spoke quietly into his ear, pressing a kiss to his hair. He held you tighter.

“I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save any of them.” He sniffled into your shoulder, his voice hoarse from emotion. It shattered your heart to hear him like this. You would give absolutely anything to make sure he never felt like this.

“I know.. I know. And I can’t make it hurt less, I wish I could. But it’s okay to grieve and feel like this. Sometimes we need to feel it.” You said softly, breathing softly, each breath you took was slow and steady until his own breath matched yours. You held him there, you let him cry until he couldn’t anymore. You couldn’t even begin to imagine how long he had been holding this in. Years of grief bottled up until he couldn’t take it anymore. “You have saved so many lives. So many people look up to you. I look up to you. And I know you have lost a lot, and that feeling will never go away. But the good you have done doesn’t go away either.”

You lost track of how long you stayed like this. But you didn’t care how long it took. You held him for as long as he needed. You said nothing more as he cried quietly into your shoulder, until he stopped and all that was there was his tight grip on you and his steady breaths in your ear. When he was ready you gently grabbed his face and offered him a sad smile. He closed his eyes as he leaned into your touch, a shaky breath leaving his lips as you gently wiped his cheeks. He opened his eyes to find yours. And as he looked at you, you felt so much sadness seeing the eyes you were so in love with so full of pain. You held his face, your cold rings against his hot skin grounded him. You leaned your forehead against his and stayed just like that. You said nothing. He said nothing. You had nothing to say. You needed this silence. Words weren’t necessary, only grief and sadness was present and that was okay. You would be here to pick up his broken pieces when he was ready.

[mintmatcha]

The shoe takes longer to drop that you anticipate. The next week at work is normal; Shouto acts just as he always does (calm, yet slightly awkward) and you just act like yourself. Shifts past, villains fight, the city keeps turning.

It's about two weeks and three guys later when Shouto finds up on the rooftop on the agency, stitching up your own hand. The smattering of medical supplies rolls a bit on the evening wind, threatening to spill over the edge of the building.

Shouto is freshly showered. hair clean with the scent of eucalyptus.

"You're hurt."

Carefully, you set the needle down and reach for the bandaging. Damaged skin throbs with pain, the muscles kicking involuntarily. You're clumsy with your nondominant hand, but the motion is practiced enough. With your teeth, you tug the bandage tight enough that your vision goes blurry for a moment, but you manage to bite back any noise.

"Nice observation," you reply.

"Did I do that?"

"Nah- got myself." You flex your fingers stiffly. "It'll heal up fine. You did get a fuck ton of soot in my hair though."

Shouto stands a couple feet behind you, hand by his side, the dipping sun caught in his hair. His expression is serious-- it catches your heart in your throat.

"Shouldn't be so wreckless," he says. "You'll hurt yourself."

There's a long pause. "Or somebody else."

There it is. A rush of guilt catches in your throat as you turn around and face him fully. The metaphorical shadow is looming above you and you brace for impact, waiting for the confrontation.

But then, Shouto decides to sit next to you. His legs are tucked into his chest and his attention is stuck on the skyline. You test your hand again. The pain is hot, radiating up your wrist, but you do it again, then again.

"You dated one of my friends last year." Shouto breaks the silence between you. "Sato."

You pop your lips together in thought, even though his face pips into your mind automatically. Sato. He was a good guy, a patient guy, a sweet guy. Not traditionally attractive and quiet, he wasn't your usual type, but he seemed to realize that. That's why he was so desperate for your attention, so malleable to the things you demanded.

"Oh, him? Nice guy," you say as dismissively as you can muster.

"Yeah. He is." Shouto shifts in his seat. His gaze is locked on the skyline, on the dipping sun. "Do you... even remember what you did to him?"

Of course you do. Whether you have empathy is a different question.

"You used him. You really hurt him. And you didn't seem to care."

The worst part is that you did genuinely like Sato. The type of like that made you think of summers and sweet air, the type that made you fat and sleepy. If you were a completely different person, one untouched by hurt and harm and whatever black sludge exists in your soul, one that didn't shoot herself in the foot, you two might have been happy.

But you aren't different. And Sato still looks at your Instagram stories.

"Is that what this is? You think fucking me is some sort of retribution for your friend?"

"No."

"Then what?" You lean back on to your hands and throw your head back to soak in the last bits of sunlight. "You let me fuck you just for the game?"

(That's happened before. Friends of the men you let touch you covet what they can't have, hoard the girl that their friend lost. Shouto isn't like that; he's not aware of social hierarchy to that level.)

Your boss sighs with a weight that surprises you. "People are really nice to me."

"Yeah. You're the number two hero."

"Sometimes I don't want them to be." The wind catches you again and you get a mouthful of his bodywash again. Eucalyptus. "The way things went down with Sato. The way you dragged him around, the way you hurt him-"

Despite everything, you don't want to revel in your pain. "Spit it out."

But Shouto doesn't rush. He chews on his lip is a sincere contemplation. The scarred eye doesn't have eyelashes, you realize as you watch him. No eyebrow either.

"It made me realize that I wanted to be hurt too," Shouto says. "I want to be used."

You scoff and laugh.

"Is that funny?"

It's not. "I just don't usually hear that from guys. It's usually girls with daddy issues."

Shouto's eyes roll over themselves to look at you.

"Well. Men can have daddy issues too, I guess," he insists. "And mommy. And brother."

Understanding rings through you like a bell. Yes, we carry to issues our families hand us, like an anchor around our necks. You pull your pack of cigarettes out of your bra with your bad hand, flicking the box open.

"You want a cig?" It's an empty offer, but Shouto takes one anyway. It rests between his lips and he looks at you, expectantly. It takes five flicks of your weakened thumb to get your lighter to catch.

"Suck in," you order, and he does. The cherry flares bright, then Shouto goes red; you barely pull away before he's sputtering, hacking and coughing so hard that both of his eyes go wet.

"Holy fuck," he wheezes, pulling the cigarette from his mouth and passing it back to you. "How do you smoke these?"

"Addiction, mostly," you say, pulling deep from the the cigarette. "You'll get there."

He coughs again, no power behind his lungs. How funny would it be if anyone saw you right now: top hero Shouto and his lovely sidekick, smoking together. It'd be a scandal; you'd both have to beg for public forgiveness and ignore the rumors of a sexual relationship.

"Rumors" as if it isn't true.

"My dad was shitty too," you say. "Just so you know."

"Yeah," Shouto says. "I can tell."

The insult makes you bark out a laugh. "You're such a bitch."

"Takes one to know one."

This time. you both laugh, sharing secret giggles until night finally wins and the only light is from the street level. Your eyes struggle to adjust, to make out his face.

"Do you really want to be hurt?" you ask, once silence consumes the mood again.

There's a slight shift in the way Shouto breathes. You can feel him watching you, processing what to say, but you wait for him, letting the silence pull the truth from him.

"I hate when my body feels like my own."

You wait a moment, let the moment and the tension sizzle, then you move towards him, on your hands and knees. Shouto turns to you, those eyes wide and hopeful again, malleable against your movements.

"Hey," You catch him by the shoulder. "I'm going to hold you down."

It only takes a small force to guide him down, on to his back. Shifting your weight over him, you pin him there, to the dirty roof, dust caught in his clean hair.

"I'm going to ride you." Your bad hand struggles with his pants' button, but he waits patiently, hands frozen by his side. "I'm going to use you. I'm going to hurt you."

Finally, you manage to pop the fly open.

"And then you're gonna thank me for it."

When your hand slips into his pants and grasps his half hard cock, Shouto's body quivers with an exhale.

"Thank you," he breathes. His eyes are screwed closed, his body is heaving with relaxation and tension- "Thank you."

[wigglesdtuff]

Your post about interaction on tumblr really hit the nail in the head. I feel like the problem here is that there isn't really any opportunity for an actual conversation due to the nature of reblogs. I also feel like the ask function tends to be difficult to interact with because it kind of puts you in the spotlight, so a lot of people (including myself most of the time because i get shy lol) tend to send questions anonymously.

That being said, I love love love seeing people yap about their favorite characters! I obviously adore Robin, I think she's so cool and I cried like a loser over her in ennies lobby, but everybody gets weirdly attached to a certain character, and she never made it into being my favorite, so seeing someone who is as obsessed with her is so so cool because it has presented me with so many different and interesting perspectives on her character. Part of being a one piece fan is becoming so extremely attached to a character that they consume your entire being, which is why it's necessary to have a balance of people's favorite characters, so that we are able to have an in depth analysis of everyone haha

For me, what was originally most compelling about Robin was the fact that she was the first, and for a while the only, adult on a crew full of teenagers. If one piece has proved anything, it's that variety in age amongst the main cast is very important. It creates fun dynamics, and it makes for such better story telling. It also kills me that the first time Robin was shown unconditional love and kindness since she was eight years old was from a bunch of naive, ambitious weirdos who literally tried to fight an admiral for her. Which also brings me to one of my favorite scenes in one piece.

LIKE SHUT UPPPP rereading the manga and coming across this post ennies lobby almost sent me into a coma I'm not even kidding. I think this is genuinely one of my favorite moments in the entire story, especially with context. Utjghrkoaj they love her so much, and she loves them so much it makes me sickk. Imagine being forced to face the past you tried so hard to forget only to be defrosted in a bathtub by a bunch of teens who fought one of the strongest people in the entire world for your honor. And it's genuinely amazing how much emotion is conveyed in this panel when there's not even a single word and Robin is just staring blankly at the ceiling. One piece really does have incredible emotional storytelling and I feel its character focused moments are incredible, especially when it comes to Robin.

I love Nico Robin, and I love talking about her and seeing people who love her too. She's so special and you're so awesome. Sometimes I have to pace around my apartment after seeing your art because it's so cool, the colors remind me of those pop rocks that you dip your lollipop into and it explodes in your mouth, it's so beautiful. This one in particular scratched a nice place in my brain.

Hehe yessss. So pretty. This is so long but I got carried away. Have a good day!

I keep wanting to thoughtfully respond to this one, but I couldn't have explained that moment better myself. It's such a beautiful parallel to Nami waking up to the crew fretting over her while she's sick. Oda's character writing is just something else, and there's something for everybody! I think Robin has just latched onto my brain forever now.

Thank you so so so much for the kind words and especially about my art! That's such a fun description that I'll so super keep in mind. And :3 thank you that's one of my favorites I did this year so far!!

[askgrantcurly]

Let's try this again...

Journal 2: 3/30/2025

Me and Jimmy had a really good day today. He drank a little in the morning but for the most part he stopped. I let him smoke a little weed to take the edge off and from that point out he seemed lighter.

I hate that he relies on alcohol... even more that he relies on other substances when he's not drinking, but I suppose things could be worse.

I almost forgot that he was still pregnant for a moment, which was peaceful because I didn't have to mourn for a few hours, but the thoughts came back and I'm grappling with how to deal with them yet again. Am I a bad person because I kind of hope he changes his mind? I know that he won't, but the thought is nice.

I imagine a life with Jimmy that would never pan out. Like, cooking in the kitchen together, a toddler running around with the dogs in the living room, late night bedtime stories, things that would be nice if Jimmy wasn't... Jimmy.

That makes me feel guilty.

I asked him how he was feeling about the situation and he opened up a bit more. He said that he feels like his body has been invaded. It hurt my feelings to think that what I see as a gift, he sees as a parasite. I'm sure that is more blunt than even he might put it, but it's the most accurate word to describe it, I think.

Knowing that the abortion is for the better is a thought that comforts me sometimes and upsets me others. Jimmy has clearly been careful with his words now that he knows how I feel. I'm not sure why that makes it worse for me.

Last night we slept in the same bed and I couldn't wrap my arms around him because I was too scared I'd cradle him, touch his stomach or make him uncomfortable in some way. He ended up complaining about it so I relented. I put both hands on his belly and burrowed my face into the back of his neck. I think he let me do it because I needed it. It didn't offer me any solace.

One thing I think people don't talk about enough when it comes to abortion is how emotionally draining it is- for both parties.

Agreeing on the decision isn't even half the battle. The waiting is torturous, and being stuck for another week and a half is agony. Jimmy wants it to be over because he wants his body back, I want it to be over because those nagging 'what ifs' keep manifesting into different crevices in my brain.

What if I can't look at him the same afterward?

I'm not naive. I know things will never be like they were before, but I'm trying to convince myself that it could be a good thing. Maybe this will make us stronger in some... weird way. I can only hope that's true.

God, I feel like I've been awake for days. It's 3:30 in the morning and instead of getting in bed with Jimmy I'm parsing through my feelings in front of strangers on the internet.

I'm not sure where my head is right now. Maybe tomorrow will be better, or maybe it won't.

That's all I really have to say.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Maybe this is such a weird thing to complain about and I'm definitely wording this in the worst way possible but I'm so tired of hearing about t4t. Obviously I've got no problem with it, even tried it myself, but it seems like the vast majority of people who are strictly t4t preach it like it's some sort of fix-all for every single problem a trans person can and will ever face.

Unfortunately I've been cursed with a genital preference, and I'm strictly gay, so cis men are really my only option (yeah, yeah, post-op trans men too, that's not the point). I'm just tired of the rise in t4t coming with a ton of "down with the cissies"/"ew cissies" and the like. It gives the same vibe as "kill all men." Like why are we generalizing and hating an entire group of people based on something they can't choose?? And why are we acting like anyone outside that group is incapable of harm??

The amount of times I've told other trans people I date cis men and been met with "I'm so sorry" or "t4t is better" or "just date trans people" or even "just date women/trans women" (even though I'm gay???)...like??? I won't even be complaining about the dating scene, I'll just mention dating cis men in passing bc it's relevant for whatever reason (sometimes even sharing a positive story!) and a ton of t4t people dogpile me. Like I'm happy y'all found something that works for y'all but you (generalized, not you specifically Lilith) sound like a Christian preacher.

It's just. Fucking annoying. I'm tired of t4t be treated like gospel and like dating cis people is the equivalent of willingly contracting and spreading the bubonic plague. Do people forget we NEED cis allies?? Never has a minority group secured their rights or safety without help from allies in the majority.

Idk where I'm going with this. I'm just angry and annoyed. There's bad apples in EVERY group and I'm tired of being treated like I'm gross or wrong or diseased or impaired for liking (and LIKING that I like) cis men.

(On another note, I keep getting trans fems hitting me up despite saying I'm strictly gay and when I tell them I only like men, I keep getting hit with "I have a penis though." Like?? Okay?? Still not a man?? Why are you misgendering yourself?? It's like a recent rise in this too, idk what's going on. Also just makes me feel like... icky. Like I just told you I like men and now you're insisting upon women bc you have a dick??)

Unfortunately I've been cursed with a genital preference, and I'm strictly gay, so cis men are really my only option (yeah, yeah, post-op trans men too, that's not the point).

I mean, it certainly does seem relevant. You're gay, and only like dick. But yet you won't date a transmasc/man who got phallo? That hits both your criteria my dude. Or, is phallo dick not "real" enough for you?

It most certainly is part of the point, because your whole basis for not wanting to date a trans man/masc is because you like dick... and transmascs/men who got phallo have the type of dick you want.

[epilvgue]

「𝔟𝔞𝔫𝔤 𝔟𝔞𝔫𝔤!」- His knuckles were creaking. He could feel blood pooling slightly around his nails. Vash's lips moved but nothing came out, but those blue eyes were sharp, aching - furious? Anguished?

Seeing others get hurt because of his mess, dragging in humans who were just trying to survive - It made his heart seize up slightly. Did he... actually look down on them? He knew that he owed some explanation sometimes, but dragging people in who didn't need to be dragged in to his messes - He knew that things didn't always work out when he left a place. He knew that whatever he prevented or said or established wasn't a permanent solution but...

"When did I ever say that I think I've got all the answers to anything?! Of course people should be allowed to defend themselves and what matters to them, but it doesn't all have to end in bloodshed all the time! People don't have to die!" He was the only one shouting now. "Do you really think I'm able to just go around and not get annoyed or bothered?! You think that I forgive everyone I come across?! You think it doesn't take everything in me to tolerate humans sometimes?! Humans frustrate me every single day! Just like they frustrate you! Just like they frustrated Knives! Watching them make the same mistakes for years, you think that I don't - They bother each other too, but - Humans... are also trying really hard every single day... trying to make up for mistakes, for themselves or other people... They just - They take time to change... I know it's not fair and its disgusting, but... they have to make mistakes and face the consequences to learn from them..." He was trembling, his voice caught in his throat even as everything came spilling out: "Aren't you doing the same thing right now, Legato?! Trying to be better?! Trying to not become exactly what you've been told you'll be?! You want to separate yourself from humans but you can't! I can't! Knives couldn't!"

The way they'd been forced to live on No Man's Land wasn't their fault. It wasn't their fault that they had to use the Plants, it wasn't their fault that they had all stooped to what they did in the end - sure, if they'd actually managed to complete the journey as intended it probably wouldn't have been utopia either, but regardless...

If he didn't believe that they could change, if he hadn't seen that capacity for change, even if it took hundreds of years to achieve, then he'd definitely -

He seemed to calm slightly, although the feathers that continued to spiral and grow said otherwise. He was bubbling and burning from the inside out.

"Sorry if it feels like you're the only person I won't reach out to... but you did a whole lot to make sure of that where I'm from. You want to know why I have such a hard time with you? ...After I went to talk with Knives... he had you restrain me and keep me still. Any time I got the upper hand you'd twist my body around 'till I passed back out and all we had was staring at each other and talking. That lasted for seven months, Legato. Just you and me and sometimes Knives would come around while he was collecting our sisters. You told me about what happened to you and... it made me feel horrible... but you think that sort of torture doesn't make it a little more difficult to make amends? You killed a couple of your subordinates in front of me and Meryl and Wolfwood. Hoppard and Midvalley. I buried them after I got control of myself again and that woman with the nails left with you. ...You nearly beat me the last time we fought, too... I only shot you because you were threatening to kill people... Livio was almost dead..." His lips trembled slight at the thought. It made his chest ache even if Wolfwood was here now. "I think you're probably the strongest and scariest person I've ever met..."

His eyes grew cold once more. Ever so resembling his twin.

"Maybe there are a lot of humans who won't change or learn from their mistakes, but those who do can inspire more good and change than the ones who don't can undo. Don't assume that you know how all humans work when you gave up on them."

The dryer buzzed in the background. It didn't feel as though it had been fifty minutes - it felt so much longer than that.

「𝔟𝔞𝔫𝔤 𝔟𝔞𝔫𝔤!」- But... Everyone else in that city... Everyone who hadn't know - It wasn't as though he forgave the primary perpetrators (it never really was forgiveness for Vash... he actually very rarely truly forgave anyone for larger transgressions) and it wasn't as though he believed that they should be absolved of their wrongdoings or shouldn't suffer for them -

It wriggled at the back of his mind as Legato spoke.

Something dark that Vash didn’t want to acknowledge. A point that Legato had. A point that Knives had. That humankind was a disease to be endured. And it was in hearing of moments like that or witnessing them for himself... that Vash could understand Knives' hatred. Could even feel it bubbling beneath his own skin.

He understood that he was an idealistic fool, he wasn't naive to that for as much as he might appear it. But...

It was complicated. More complicated than any one man had a right to decide the course of action for. More complicated than just killing people and being done with it -

His lips drew into a thin line. Nails bit into the skin of his palm.

"Legato, it's complicated, you can't just go around slaughtering -"

The mention of Wolfwood and the Eye made Vash snap his attention to Legato fully. His head raised, eyes finally meeting Legato's.

It surged. Feathers sprouted and started to grow - along a cheek, warping the fabric of the shirt and his right arm. Fangs showed themselves.

Blue eyes were cold. He was bristling visibly now. "What do you know about how I forgive people? You think I forgive them? You think that I forgive the people who did that to you?"

Day in and day out humans infuriated him. The same way they did Knives. There had been plenty of times where he thought that they weren't worth it, where he slid back into how he'd felt after discovering Tesla - back into that same place that Knives remained so cocooned within. ...But... if he gave into that...

“You don't know anything about how I really feel." His voice was low.

[dravidious]

You're super neat

Early sketch of my commission from @quonit! It's really cute, but I wanted something more like o.o

[hinamie]

sry i have chronic only draws megumi disorder the doctor said it's terminal :/

[lunarharp]

if i just told you i love you would this world change

[isatartdump]

ALSO LIKE A THING I NOTICED NOW BECAUSE I NEVER LOOK AT THESE I ONLY LOOK AT THE COMMENTS/TAGS BECAUSE I LIKE SEEING WHAT YOU GUYS SAY.

Why are there so many of you. I don't fit you all in my house. I don't even know how to thank you kMDLWQKNE

UHM?? You guys are cool thanks for giving me a place to ramble? And post my little sketches. That you seem to like

It means a lot to me

UHM UHM HERE !! HAVE- HAVE MORE OF MY SIFLOOP SKETCHES BECAUSE I TEND TO DO THEM ON MY FREE TIME

There's also a sifzaloop hidden in there

Haha.

[thelien-art]

Feel free to ignore, I just have the need to yell my frustration :

I dropped out. Anyway, thankfully, I can start a 19-hour schedule in start/mid January, so I´m very happy about that, but I'm still extremely disappointed in myself and my "health."

[eternalergo]

.

[seventh-district]

.

[mer-se]

long day yesterday 💤

[sxfterhearts]

omg chat why is writing kinda hard???

ok so this is a bit of an aside (warning: this post is long) but @348kg and i talked about this and honestly writing fanfics is a way for us to express ourselves creatively while using our idols as inspo for our work. and it’s fun most of the time.. but like honestly, 70-80% of the time, writing is hard. it’s not easy, like… it’s actually quite hard work.

and i know everyone has seen posts of like “pls reblog instead of just silently reading” or “pls like at least to show your appreciation” etc etc etc and ur probs sick of hearing it but like, it’s so true???

writing is honestly hard. and for most of us fanfic writers.. im sure you know but we have lives outside of our blogs. we are students, or we work normal jobs, we have life responsibilities, we have problems to deal with, and yet somewhere in between our busy lives we manage to find the time to sit down and create these pieces of writing for you, the reader, to read.

and tbh, i don’t really know where im going with this? i just want to let you know this: a typical 1-2k words one-shot probably takes me around 2-3 hours to write (on average, on a good day - sometimes longer or shorter). but it takes you maybe 10-15 mins, at most 30 mins to read depending on your reading speed. isn’t the time gap a little wild 🫠 on a typical work day, i get home from work at about 6, i cook myself dinner and eat, i shower and clean up, and if i know im writing that night, i make sure to clear my schedule (ie no overtime, no phone calls to friends or parents etc) and i sit on my laptop and write from about 10ish to about midnight. then i pause and i edit, and set things up to get ready post (think: pictures, title, word count, writing the warnings, summary, doing the tags) and by the time i post, it’s probably 1am.

i breathe a sigh of relief because it feels good! it feels really good to release my labour of love (literally) out into the world. and honestly, you know who you are, but those of you who constantly read and reblog my work, i see u!! (Alexa play i see u by p1harmony) and those who leave comments or reviews in the tags, i also see u (that’s why i like to reblog and respond to your tags too)!! it honestly brings me so much joy when someone comes and talks to me about something i wrote and how it made them feel. or even when someone recommends a fic i wrote. all these things that are so little and take so little of your time actually mean so much to me and im sure other writers as well.

and so i guess what im trying to say to everyone is: if you are a fic reader, if you read any fics, i just want you to know that the fic you loved reading took the writer a lot of resources to write (brain power, creativity and importantly time). i hope this gives u an insight into the process of a writer/writing a fic because im hoping it might help with whether or not you decide to hit that like or reblog or comment button in the near future!!

(also, i think it’s a shame that as writers sometimes we have to compromise on what we actually want to write vs what to write to get more engagement, likes, rbs etc. personally i have been writing on tumblr since 2020 on and off so ive been on here for four years now and i have a good sense of what is a good formula for a “successful” fic - usually it’s smut, usually it’s for the most popular member in terms of fic reading, and usually it’s of a certain length posted around a certain time etc etc. but i guess i don’t rly care anymore bc im a kinda old tumblr writer who isn’t bothered about the notes as much as i am just grateful for the little comments people send me saying that what i wrote made them feel seen or resonated with them. cos i think that is priceless 🥹)

PS. in no way am i complaining about the engagement or lack thereof that i personally get, nor am i complaining about the mere fact that writing is hard bc yes i am aware that i wanted to write in the first place and so it was my decision haha