#and by gods do i wish it would but i wont | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thelien-art · 4 months ago

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Feel free to ignore, I just have the need to yell my frustration :

I dropped out. Anyway, thankfully, I can start a 19-hour schedule in start/mid January, so I´m very happy about that, but I'm still extremely disappointed in myself and my "health."

#no art just talk #some teachers even came up and asked why as im apparently doing good in their hours #like idk maybe because my absence is over fifty and i keep getting sick??#im just so tired of having to explain myself #and theres always those that are like but you did all this and then its like four things in a week...#like sometimes can do those few things that make me feel better that i cant even do half of the time i can suddenly do everything??#trust me im disappointed in myself too #and i have gotten permission to stay and all with as much absence i want and everyone keeps rubbing it in my face #not everyone but theres still some and its so frustrating its as if they think it will solve everything #and by gods do i wish it would but i wont

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xxplastic-cubexx · 4 months ago

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friend notoriously bad at videogames said shed play marvel rivals with me tomorrow chat if i never post after tomorrow night its because a blood vessel bursted

#marvel rivals #snap chats #AT LEAST WE’LL HAVE OUR OTHER FRIEND THERE BUT god.#she funny as hell she just suddenly called me and was like ‘i saw your twitter. do you wanna play marvel rivals tomorrow’#and then she proceeds to be like ‘wait so who do you main. other than magneto’ Motherfucker with a capital M #NO I SWEAR IM NOT A ONE TRICK i really like wanda hawkeye and jeff….#NO SHE SAID ONE MORE THING SHE WAS LIKE ‘wait are charles and magneto the same guy’ and she tries to Just Kidding her wait outta it #Note whenever she says Just Kidding she’s trying to cover her ass I PROMISE I WAS LIKE /KAYLA. BE SERIOUS./#and then she was like ‘who’s the friendlier one of the two’#and then i had to hit her with the Technically People Think Theyre Both Varying Degrees Of Asshole. however charles probably wont bite you #and THEN SHE WAS LIKE ‘ok well you should draw magneto surprising charles with jollibees’ AND I. NO SHE THINKS MY EXISTENCE SURROUNDS JB #AND THIS GAL HAD THE GAUL TO BE LIKE ‘oh do you know how to make it since its a big part of your culture’#i was flabbergasted frankly. ‘oh you guys really like jollibees so you know how to make it right’ i screamed #LIKE ????ISJAJSJSJSJ i cant stress the anomaly this girl is i wish you all could meet her so you understand me #AND LIKE SURE I LOVE JBS but she only ever mentions puto and jollibees to me like kayla. there is more to PH culture than that sjKakss #its really funny with the ??? shit she says i cant lie #she was all ‘oh is the winter soldier in the game ? you should play him hes cool :) and from jersey :) ok well his actor is but—‘ LIKE DKSKS #‘snap arent you being a little mean’ no trust and believe AND I HAVE WITNESSES #i have stupid amounts of stories with her. like she tried to excuse being dumb by sayin shes a capricorn #we’re literally both capricorns and she was born two days before me I Cannot. Do You Understand Me.#anyways. she said i should stream me playing rivals would anyone care about that #i kinda wanted to …. i think it’d be fun…. plus i miss streaming :(#ok byebye for now my bros almost home and i said id let him play so i could work on comms #i mean thats assuming he wants to play. if not uhhhhhhh #anyways BYE. ill tell yall how the game goes tomorrow night if i dont die of a stroke #again at least our other friend’ll be there so someone can laugh at my pain

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monarchamos · 1 year ago

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Fem Soukoku more like me and who

outfit refs under cut!

#god i wish dazai was me #technically dazai's fit was originally also red not blue but like cmon what is soukoku if not the red and blue gays #also yes i did give my femzai design a haircut i think a bob would suit her better than just plain long hair #maybe mafia!femzai will have the long hair. a little character development as a treat #fun fact i finished half of this while cramming for school #and the other half was made while i was in a christmas party that i didnt know anyone at so i sat in the corner eating lecheflan and drawin #soukoku #skk #fem soukoku #fem skk #MonarchArt #bungo gay dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #chuuya nakahara #bsd #osamu dazai #fem chuuya #fem dazai #dachuu #chuuzai #bsd fanart #soukoku fanart #okay now that all of that big block of tags is done and most people wont read this #lowkey upset w/ myself that i didnt finish this in november bc now i broke my new years resolution to draw 1 piece each month #and i was so close to doing it too man

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minophus · 10 months ago

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lust :(

#the tragedy of it all. if lust gets revamped or touched up i .would love more like..insight or little tidbits into the daily life #probably wont get it and ill just have to Fucking Starve. but i can dream #the curtains in the windows..the skeleton (how im seeing it) locked behind that door stuck Praying. Its probably the only thing they knew #how to do #Seeing these people in their final moments and seeing that they werent so unholy as heaven says.#Truly their only sin was loving one another #gooptalks #The idea of people being devoted to god but heavens overly strict rule damning otherwise 'holy' people is somethig i think of often #I probably sound crazy. I wish we had more lust and greed journals or something

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spaciebabie · 1 year ago

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does any other demiromantic (or arosepc doesnt rlly matter) feel like. extremely awful when they experience romantic attraction or is that just me.

#spacie spoinks #bruh #like. while im experiencing it i wish so badly that i wasnt 😭#i feel disgusted. is this what romantic repulsion is???#cuz like ill be experiencing all the lovey dovey stuff yk #''ooohb i wanna kiss dem oooh what if we help hands'' romantic crap but its like. anxiety inducing #like it feels awful??? is this normally how it feels?? i dont like it.#it like. doesnt feel right or natural and im assuming its b/c i just like?? barely feel it ever?? and thats why???#strange as hell.#i recently felt romantic attraction 2 someone (it has been 2 or 3 years since i last felt it) and it came on really strong for like #a week and that was like the worst week of my life #i couldnt think abt anything else but them like it wasnt even like. fantasies or anything just like.#the concept of them. my brain would just be like ''hey remember this guy''#I LIKE COULDNT SLEEP #HOW DO YOU PPL ENJOY THIS????#me; clutching my head for ~a week: AUUUGH!! THE PERSON!!! THE PERSON!!!!!#im so serious this is how it feels w/springtrap. hes like a blight on my psyche #the feelings have faded mostly i think. i think im normal abt them again (thank god)#its so strange. i think a romantic relationship would be fun but then i start feeling the feelings and its. awful.#so horrid #also like. im considering that maybe the relationship i would like some day isnt romantic but a qpr #idk. ive never been in any kind of serious relationship (never wanted 2 and have never been approached for it)#sometjing 2 think abt i guess?#anybeans. i tire.#hope i never experience that again #ik that like in 2-3 years ill be like: ''man. idk what past spacie was talking abt. would be nice 2 feel romantic attraction again''#NO SPACIE IT WONT!!! REMEMBER!!!!!! REMEMBER WHAT YOU WENT THRU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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dzozef · 2 months ago

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ive decided that my newest hobby is mixology this is who i am now

#i just made such a good shaken passionfruit daiquiri i can not stress enough how good this is #i would make another one but i forgot to make ice before i started so i barely had enough for the first one rip #winter came n i switched from ice coffees to hot ones and forgot to make ice for god knows how long apparently #yapping #anyway im tired of having to drink beer when ppl come over n we all drink i dont even like beer #i like my silly little cocktails and now i dont have to pay a fortune to have them YIPPEEE #i love how im acting as if ive never made cocktails before when i used to work as a literal bartender for like half a year AHHAHAHA #i dont drink a lot to be clear sometimes i wont touch alcohol for over a month it rly depends on the vibes of the functions i guess #also not a big fan of drinking by myself ngl #but i think sharing cocktails with dani and shady would be so fun actually #were thinking of having a jojo part 6 watch party with cocktails with the three of us yay !!!!#in the time ive sat here going “aw i dont have any ice :^(” my freezer would have made new ice by now #but yeah im still learning what i like taste wise i guess! but so far im sticking to what i know i like #so... mojito. pina colada. daiquiri... those vibes #i like cosmopolitans as well but i didnt buy shit to make those (i do have to be mindful of having a budget i guess.. maybe next month)#im talking too much rn but. point is. this is fun and cute and i like it #wish i had more than one cocktail glass i guess #but danis a 192cm clumsy man who keeps breaking any fragile glasses i own when he washes the dishes #but i refuse to wash the dishes myself so ill just buy new ones #he cant even fit his hand in my champagne glasses and i still insist on him washing them.. maybe i am the problem actually 😐

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scalproie · 1 year ago

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Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it

#like I dont think he would REALLY miss the rich ceo lifestyle bc i dont see it as smth he ASPIRES to but as a means to give himself power #if you (jun) somehow manage to convince him that he does not actually NEED power then i think hes adaptable enough to ajust to a humble life #and the whole being rich thing fed into his worst traits #but I think being close to jun all the time would be torture for him bc he would CONSTANTLY be confronted to his own faulty morality #he cant help feeling above other common people bc he endured much more pain and hardships at 5yo than them in a lifestyle-#but he cannot act on his superiority complex about them bc Its Not The Right Thing To Do #he looks at his newborn son and feel *nothing* before feeling frustration and irritation toward *himself*#bc hes smart enough to know he SHOULD be feeling smth #and if he relunctantly admit this to jun she would tell him that if the best he can do (for now) is to not wish or do any harm on jin-#then it is good enough and he should not beat himself up about it (which he doesnt. but he does)#and even jun. she is another person he could lose and he knows deep down he would be happier without her #but being near her bring back to life smth that died years ago at the bottom of that cliff #and he wont admit it but hes scared to lose it again. even if right now its brings him nothing but discomfort and pain #hes not even sure if he *loves* her. and when he asks her whats in it for her. why she stays with him #(not out of self-consciousness but genuine confusion) she just smiles at him because he IS considering the feelings of someone else #like she is so understanding and he genuinely does try and its a really slow healing process #hes still gonna stay a little bit of a prick smug at times but at least he will be immensely more chill out #and even maybe fall in love with jun *jun* down the line. characters that fall in love with each other years into the relationship👍#and his whole exploration of fatherhood with jin. him vaguely recalling smth nice jinpachi (or god forbid. HEIHACHI pre-cliff) did to him #and doing the same to jin out of the blue for the sake of experimentation #and jin's positive reaction making him FINALLY AT LAST feel some tiny tiny thing for his son.#also for all her tree-hugger talk. jun is right meditating in the forest DOES help kaz a lot #anyway. yeah👍#tagging later #tekken

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connormoving · 4 months ago

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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms

#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww #i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces #but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this #video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one #supposes the point of all of this but idk #its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no #anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when #the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein #like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale #i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to #me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to #refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i #was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing #game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking #regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have #shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i #come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking #to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond #which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the #i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed #with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this #and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have #like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i #dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti #off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 5 months ago

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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.

I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.

Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.

I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.

#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT #thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because #this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message #so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment #because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit #and because it was right before work i had to pack that away #because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me #but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself #that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life #im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything #'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works #what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman #i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care #at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems #and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female #god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously #would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont #being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill #the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications #theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks #dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it

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natsmagi · 1 year ago

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manifesting switch group hug for the climax 5* unbloomed 🙏🙏

ME TOOOOOOOOOOOO!! at LEAST give us a super cute cameo please its all i ask...............

i was 100% prepared to go for 5 copies of the 5* but seeing it was the usual valentines day recolor of the unit outfits im a little less sure, even though i do think the little add-ons and gradients are adorable.......... but if it has an even MORE adorable unbloomed its a sealed deal

#ill probably still go for 5 copies tbh #the fairy wings and frosting freckles got me #theyre currently the selling point in my eyes #cutest thing ive ever seen #I JUST WISH IT WASNT FOR THE CLIMAX ITS SUPPOSED TO BE SOMETHING SPECIAL AND SIGNIFICANT ANwhatever #im coping so hard guys #this mv better be the most fire thing ive ever seen matched with an AT LEAST decent story or i wont know what to do with myself #it looks to have an amusement park themed stage and im just gonna say #if theyre just performing outside with nothing major to distinguish it from swee2wink and primavera ill be entering my joker arc #ask #BUT LIKE SURELY IT WILL BE DIFFERENT ??? THE SKY IS PINK????????#AND THE SET DESIGN LOOKS MASSIVE. LIKE IT LOOKS LIKE THEYRE IN A CANDY WONDERLAND AND I REALLY REALLY HOPE THATS THE CASE #WOULD EASILY TURN THIS EVENT INTO THE BEST THING EVER IF THEYRE IN A CANDY WONDERLAND #god the background is so adorable w the fireworks and sparkles. praying to god the mv lives up to it #i should stop talking so i dont get disappointed

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watery-melon-baller · 6 months ago

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