#I dont even know how to tag this! this is so new to me
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the accolade ( the...the cat-olade...)
#mine#original#i cannot even begin to explain the anguish. the torment. this drawing has brought me#and i STILL dont like it. i simply cant work on it any longer i cant i cant. i must be rid of it#eating drywall as we speak#you want to know how many weeks ive worked on this. THREE. ALMOST.#you want to know how long my other cat drawings take me ?? 3 days absolute MAX#anyway. begon foul creature etc#i havent left extremely long tags for a long while hello everyone good lord there are many of you#we are going stratford this weekend very exciting#its going to be a little chilly and i want to take my new coat with me but issue its not chilly right now so i cant wear it onto the train#i do not think. i can. stuff it into my suitcase i dont think that will happen#i am sure i will figure it out#also. no longer vegan . eggs have won me over. egg egg egg.#im having to restrain myself SO hard from buying more wool i want a shawl i want a shawl#i want more cute DRESSES why are nice comfy dresses 10000£#i look on vinted and its like dresses for popping your pussy in like not. the vibe im going for thank u#anyway. im going to eat crackers now
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"it must be the caffiene."
"...? we didn't have anything caffinated?"
//
CHILAIOS WEEK DAY 2 : Changeling
HI THIS IS SUPER LATE BUT ART HAS BEEN. HARD. AND YES I SKIPPED ONE DAY THAT ONE IS GONNA GO LAST BECAUSE ITS TAKING SO LONG TO MAKE.... ill get to the others when i find the time.
Bonus :
#its been soooo long since ive made a finished artwork... or at least it FEELS like so long#i just keep starting new things and dropping them that i cant remember the last time i did something finished even if its recent#anyways. deadlines always make me stressed so i had to give myself/get 5093839 peptalks to finish this#ANYWAYS ANYWAYS.#look at these disasters#the 'half-foots can hear heartbeats' headcanon is one of my favourites of all time#i think about it alot....#also by the way. yes they imagine themselves here as normal but with the other's clothes.#i dont know how to explain my thoughts on it so just take it as you will#GRRGHHKKK IM OBSSESSED WITH THEM#chilaios week#chilaios#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#laios#laios touden#aaaand im not tagging anything else out of embarassment
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everything about Gavriil feels suffocating.
how his presence alone can be almost overwhelming, how his massive body cages you everytime without a chance to escape. you wouldn't dare to try anyway, knowing that you don't even have a say against a creature of his caliber. he will find you. in your dreams, in your nightmares. in your room.
how he will be intense and vague about everything just for the sake of it; to confuse you further, to see the conflict of emotions in your eyes merge with arousal. eventually your hesitance turns into acceptance, a desperate need to feel his hands all over you. and he will be oh so grateful to fulfill that desire.
how his thick tongue pushes past your lips and into your mouth, reaching almost the back of your throat, relishing in the muffled little sounds you make. your drool mixed with his saliva drips down your chin, and your hazy eyes look up at him when he finally pulls away, giving you a second to breathe.
how his hips are slamming into you relentlessly, your wetness and lack of resistance allowing him to move almost effortlessly. forced to hold onto him for dear life instead of pushing away. all of your morals and principles are being tossed out of the window every single time he comes to you. he has you where he wants you, and will not stop until he feels like you can't take it anymore.
and how in the morning he vanishes away, leaving you guessing: was it just another wet dream? but the cold stickiness between your legs tells you more than you need to know.
#yes bringing this back bc at the time i didn't tag it properly#okay im gonna complain in here now.#need... to... draw... something... but i dont... have the strength..#drawing on my phone is so exhausting but i have no other option#bc i think my traditional art is not very polishedddd and i dont want to answer asks with ittttt#but maybe i will#bc i think i'm really getting to that burnout#and giving how my bday is getting closer and closer....#i dread it. but hey. cake. money. i'll get a new piercing#i WILL cry ofc but hey. maybe someone will buy me tea as a gift. who knows.#i just want to spend some time with someone yknow:(#just... talk. about anything. sit beside eachother and stare off into the waters#i hope the snow will melt soon because i want to go out more even if by myself#gonna find a job when summer comes... maybe talking to colleagues and all that will help... everythings gonna be fine.. i hope#i just need friends. god.#microtya's kids#microtya: gavriil#monsterfucker#monster fucker#monster x human#monster boyfriend#monster lover#teratophillia#god x human#monster smut
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This still doesn't seem real.
#going to write in the tags#i didnt think this would hit me this hard#i adore one direction with my whole heart#but i wasn't a big Liam fan#i got in to the boys after 1D and his solo stuff is not really my thing#ive cried for almost 24 hours now#and i dont know how to move past it right now#this has hit me so hard#i was clowning about new harry music on tuesday#And now i cant even think about that#i cant even begin to comprehend what the family and the boys are going through#i just keep crying#i think its stopped and then it just all floods back
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Shadow the hedgehog but as a bunny for a friend. Shadow the bunny
#clemart#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#how do you even tag sonic as a fandom. i dont know. thats it. thats all youre getting.#i havent seen any of the sonic movies but my buddy cathy just saw the new one and wanted to see shadow with bunny ears#and i was like yes cathy yes . and so here it is. hi cathy if you see this#dontfollow me for sonic youll be very disappointed#i like sonic but my heart lies elsewhere#and also im so behind on literally everything. my flaw is that i hardly keep up with new things in medias i like.#i forgot where i was in the idw comics..i need to find out. i need my beuatiufl orb and cube or i hurt people#toons and mobians are very similar though. both fighting against invasive robots who want to destory their home. both animals/anthros.#the muzzles. you get what im saying.
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I do think its really important to remember that SY was suppose to be the villain character but its only because of his kindness and newly gained life that he didn’t end as one. In the very beginning of the story we learn that Peerless Cucumber Bro often left comments on how SJ didn’t get his dues and needed to be punished more, and only after he transmigrated did he acknowledge how awful of a death SJ had. He also made point to explain that he only read the book for LBH, which he noted to enjoy his decisive actions and deft ability to kill. Markedly, he liked his brutality and personality over the erotica that the majority of PIDW fans enjoyed. Peerless Cucumber Bro is someone who loves action and the ability to cut right to the chase, something that he does not do and most likely has difficulty with in his world.
Speaking of, it is something to note that Peerless Cucumber bro is rich. He had head chefs, he could pay for a 6k+ chapter book of erotica in 20 days, he noted that he could not understand SJs envy and ambition for power since he lives well, and he even noted to himself that his family was well off. He is incredibly wealthy, and it shows. Which is important to note because he, not once, showed any guilt or remorse on dying and leaving his family behind. Yes, he sometimes refers to people as being similar to his family but he never showed any pain for losing that life like he did when he lost LBH. This is important because I genuinely think SY was depressed and self destructive to himself, which goes against popular HC that he was chronically/terminally ill (I do like this HC and like how its portrayed in fanfiction). It would explain how he ended up dying all alone by himself, and how blase he was to his own life and death.
SQQ is a self destructive force who ended up dying three times, and didn’t feel anything about death itself. He was worried about others and the effect it had on them, but for himself it was up and on again like it never happened. He does not care for his health, had self isolated as SY to the point he died alone, and has a horrible self esteem to the point that he continuously agrees when other people put him down and often calls himself the villain. Even though we have seen the evidence of someone who is always being thrust into new situations and awful plots, he calls himself lazy and easy going. He hides his thoughts and feelings behind his fan and has a remarkably thin face. At the very base of his actions and his thoughts, he is self destructive, powerful, and smart. This is the set up for a villain.
However, when shown the actual people in front of him and forced to act as SJ did towards LBH and his disciples, he flinches from it. He notes that it happening in front of him was different. His entire self soothing comedy monologue went quiet when he had to enforce the Endless Abyss scene, and grieved for the childish innocence he killed from one of his favourite people. SY was set up to be the villain and obviously thinks of himself as one, but can not act as one. If he had the choice LBH would have been his sticky sweet white lotus disciple for as long as LBH wished to be.
His kindness, as seen in the book, is what turned him from being “the scumbag villain” to the protagonist we see in the novels. Which, yes, he is a protagonist! He even has the protag halo that LBH has and its very funny in the meta way for SQQ not to realize this, but thats for another post. But he loves his disciples, he loves his peak lord siblings, he loves his Binghe, he loves his new life, and he is kind. That is what kept him from being the villain he sees himself as, his kindness and love for others. Whether that be romantic, platonic, or familial, he loves the people he has met and he treats them kindly. That is why it is important to remember that he was set up as the villain by everything in the story we do not see, but what we do see is him continuously changing the story to fit a new genre that lets as many people as he can save live. Sorry sorry, I just think about SY being set up as a villain so much. It changes a lot of views I have on the series when I remember the duality of SYs story and character development.
#SVSSS#scumbag self saving system#Shen Yuan#shen jiu#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#Meta#I think?? Haha I dont usually do metas but I dont know how to write fanfic for this series#so Im just writing down my thoughts on the characters#Like how if we see this from the PIDW characters POV SY is truly a villain#Its just something that makes me laugh because he is a villain just as much as he isnt!#what a wonderful complex character to write for. This type of story.#I wonder if Peerless Cucumber Bro would forgive me for writing meta about him?? I think he would be kind of happy but utterly disgusted#ew fans that actually think im complex even though Im a really simple person with no hidden motives -SQQ probably#I love this fucking idiot so much I relate to him on a spirtual level and think he was probably depress to the point of having A Plan.#if you know what I mean#because I still think him reading PIDW entirely in 20 days marks a special occasion for something and if its not for the final chapter...#Anyway#I love this stupid sweet potato of a character#Oh! New tag!#Sweet Potato SQQ#for archiving puproses on meta for him#Probably not good meta I didnt even add quotes or page numbers Im just talking out my ass from what I remember#Watch me write an essay on this lmao
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horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)
horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)
#something something all three of them have their fates determined by an outside force#ermmmm but horror doesn't- yeah he does. what aliza does decides EVERYTHING for horror and horrortale#just because its not direct like dust or killer doesn't mean theyre all subject to the same community x3#PARALLELS MTT PARALLELS FOR THE 500TH TIME THEY HAVE SOOOO MANY PARALLELS OHHH MY GOOOOOODDDDDD#mtt going to visit horrortale would just be dust eying aliza (out of paranoia. he knows shes a good kid)#and then killer knowing in his head that the poor kid aliza that horror weirdly seems to like doesn't have control over her actions#she doesn't know horror doesn't know nobody knows except killer. is that a bit sad?#theyre all living in the dark unaware of the reality of their world. i mean thats how its meant to be after all thats what the players want#but....... it would be tempting to tell horror...... hehehehehe- and then he's interrupted by horror and dust#(theyre trying to get killer to eat papyrus's spaghetti in their place. he's the only one that can stomach it even though there's no human)#mtt i love thee SOOOOO much. theyre back in horrortale for the holidays ✨✨ coming back to visit the family ✨✨ WHAT horror's visiting.......#not dust or killer of course. this isnt their world noooope thats not papyrus. but that doesn't stop dust from having everyone like him#its just like the good old days :333 except now there's three sanses and triple the insanity :333 almost like nothing's changed!!!!!#oh killer??? yeah he's there. probably won't try taking up the sansish type of role horror and dust do but he'll find a way to get used 2 i#after all the point of this is whatever he wants it to be now ;33333 were these tags all just a reference to my mtt fic. yes. yes they were#LMAOOOO i forgot that aliza didn't fall into horrortale yet in my fic. still a fun thing to imagine tho!!!#i think it would be fun having aliza be the first of humans for horrortale to deal with that they won't instantly kill#itll be hard but really rewarding for all of them........ especially horror i believe!!! man he didnt even go through therapy but#just being away from horrortale and out doing new and FUN and NOT MURDEROUS things has done wonders for him :3#i need to get to writing smh..... winter break is the day after tomorrow (TECHNICALLY AT 2:32 PM SINCE THSYS WHEN SCHOOL ENDS SO HAHAHA)#so ill probably work on it more over break since i'll have nothing to do hehe.......#today was an amazing day for me ✨ TWO mtt angst death related hcs..... some work on my latest chapter i've yet to post..... SWAPINVERSE FAN#ARE YOU KIDDING ME MORR SWAPINVERSE ART THIS IS SOOOO AMAZING THABK YOU UNTITLED29876011111 I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY YOU DO THIS!!!!!#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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just thought of a jegulus they both die at the end au and suddenly I'm thirteen again
#that fucking book was my everything at thirteen im sorry#but also i thought of james climbing into regulus' grave with him#because reg was terrified of dying and doing anything to make it happen faster than it was already happening#and then#AND THEN#it would be sad james too#and he'd spend the whole day being okay with it you know#but then by the end of the night when he knows his death is coming he realizing how badly he wants to live#but it's too late by then#like MAN#i love that shit#like it's absolutely horrible and awful#it's a tragedy but something about james finding a reason to Want to live is everything to me#anyway#i cant have a new wip#but i could write a tbdate au that's so fucking good#i dont even like the book anymore#but damn#anyways#i shouldn't have put this all in the tags#jegulus
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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im actually really good at admitting when i dont know things its just that people keep talking to me about things that i know a lot about and am objectively correct on
#this is a cartoony exaduration of a very real sentiment#whoch is that im often told that i come off like i 'need to be right about everything'#but i have achived a place in my life where i recognize when i dont have all the info or perspective nessesary need to Listen#and that i dont have to have a strong opinon abt everything#and that admitting that i lack knowledge or opinion rather than masking that with false confidence is better in the long run#bc it dosent put you on defense - makes you more receptive to new information + perspectives + corrections#its just that people will try to tell me their opinions about lawn mowers and im not going to pretend like i dont know more than them#when i do. which happens to be all the time#never met a person whos done as much reaserch on lawns + lawn care industry and related issues such as sore machines#(small off road engines)#i know theyre out there but the chances of me finding them is small and i have yet to do so#and then people try and give me their opinions abt this subject and if THEY dont shut up and listen i go rabid#like i know when its my turn to shut up and listen but sometimes im right and OTHER people need to be shutting up and listening#but also even outside of that i tend to come off as harsh/agressive/judgmental even when relaying info that im not obsessive abt like lawns#its the autism. i just word things blunt and talk with flat affect and dont know how to soften the blow well when correcting people#or even just adding my own perspective + ideas to convo without intent of 'correcting' anyone#such is life i suppose#just so long as nobody tries to tell me lawns are ethical ill be fine#<- remembers when i made a post that accidently got attention abt this subject and melted down#bc the strangers on the internet dont understand that this is my WHOLE THINF#if you knew me in real life youd understand. its my passion#text#im putting this is the lawn tag actually#lawn posting
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I will forever and always be a "Dave has acne problems" truther. This is one immutable fact about me
[ID in alt]
#sorry this comic is nearly non decipherable its all sketchbook doodles#also left the bonus karkat doodle in the corner on one of these because he's genuinely one ıf my favorite characters to draw#from like. anything ever. theres so many random grumpy karkats in my sketchbook you dont even know#dave strider#karkat vantas#davekat#dave strider fanart#karkat vantas fanart#homestuck fanart#rose lalonde#Also! I am still new to IDs so pleaseee let me know if i made mistakes and how I can improve!!!#tea art tag
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i genuinely forgot i can post things on tumblr. oopsie! anyways i just came to this realisation right now so heres stuff
last 3 images are aus for my au / headcanon thing idk what to call that abomination anymore and 1st image is just doodles
i feel bad for the people who followed me for my non tgs stuff and are now being drowned by twinks im so so sorry but im stuck in the deep end i cant escape this hell of my own design [joke]
anyways ignore that follow me for more banger content very very good good job me good job clap clap clap clap SHRIMP ATTACK 💥💥🦐🦐💥🦐💥💥💥💥
i need to stop rambling in my posts
#the glass scientists#tgs#please ignore the swearing in the images im too lazy to remove it#i would tag this with a ship name but they literally dont have names so how do i even do that#goddam. 3 people group#thats the new ship name#congratuylate me#im very good at this#uh hold on i actually have to tag this lol#tgs hyde#tgs jekyll#tgs lanyon#kinda#i mean it is him but not him#close enough#tgs au#my art#my tgs headcanon world#hoping im not forgetting anything important#but knowing me#i probably have#tgs random chick with no name and the beard guy#double d art
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not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEE😭😭😭#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinder☺️)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quick— i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinder😊#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
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i'm thiiiiis close to just blocking the whole j/v tag and/or the individual tags for both characters :)))
#and like. i do like them actually. i would have been happy to see them get together#(honestly if we get right down to it im a 'j has two hands' truther but thats besides the point)#but theyre doing that thing again where its Fucking Everywhere drowning out content i actually want to see. im irritated#i cant open the main tag anymore without seeing those two and almost nothing else and its been Months#'ummm this is the gayest thing ive EVER seen!' you just watched two women fuck on screen.#'c/v are TOXIC and so you CANT ship them' 1. wrong#2. whoooo gives a fuck. i dont care and i know you dont either#3. theyre the only canon couple who never literally tried to kill each other#'ohh theyre just Better Written!' not a new argument and not a good one either. convenient how men are always just better huh#levi.txt#yes this IS brought on by that 'i hope jakey dies' post but also its been sitting in my drafts for a month. this has Been on my mind#tldr i really just think the whole thing is a great microcosm of fan misogyny/lesbophobia#no matter what lesbians/wlw do were always going to have this impossibly high bar of moral purity/quality to reach in comparison#gotta be on screen/not queerbait but not explicit. not boring but not toxic. etc etc#and even when smth gets close its STILL never ever going to appeal as much as the possibility of men and The Implications#this is one thing im not gonna be nice abt anymore sorry. im normally pretty patient but yall get mean levi for one post#im so beyond tired of this shit in damn near every fucking fandom i join its been over 10yrs and nothing has changed#i feel alienated in just abt every popular fandom bc nobody will ever shut the fuck up abt white boy of the month no 579#it happens every time i get into smth that doesnt primarily have a fanbase of other wlw#and even then its not guaranteed that it wont eventually turn into that!#and im INCREDIBLY tired of people acting like wlw are all crazy bitches ruining everyones fun for pointing it out#anyway i might delete this later ive just been having a lot of feelings abt it#dont argue w me you cant change my mind. if you disagree simply do not interact w this post for both our sakes
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need 2 find myself again in 2025 . tbhwu
#depression has hollowed me out in2 a shell of my former self#and i thmk i need 2 grit my teeth and just get over It whatever It is#recognizing its no easy task but also knowing i cant keep on like this#and allowing myself to spiral into misery thereby preventing any possible change or growth#sigh …. sogh .. i want 2 be a person again . picture friends circa 2008 outlining me in chalk. i want 2 know theres something there#how u ask (me asking myself)#idk but one way or anotjer . and not in that new yrs resolution fallacy way#anyways . anyways z . crazy how a week off from work will leave u feeling real again#i gotta get out of there . step 1😭🙏🙏#its especially hard when everyone arnd you is objectively doing better. partners finances purpose . >staring in2 the camera 1000 yd stare#u get thru the beast of being a teenager like thank god thats over and then b4 you even catch ur breath#your mid 20s are casting a shadow over u like some menacing thing and u have to gulp and say hes right behind me isnt he#i think people often like to give the advice that youll figure it out but it leaves me feeling so disquieted#bc its like sure im sure i will ive made it this far i can do what i need to get by when the moment matters#but it does nothing to assauge the immediate anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and lack of direction yk#goddmanit assuage i spelled it wrong everyone point and laugh#bc its like what if i dont and i mean that in a very like . existential & not material way . idk what im saying but i think thats the advice#i hate most . not sure if u have felt or do feel the same . -__- like yes oersonal experience sure whatever happens will happen and you will#simply adjust but will i ever feel like its something i want to experience/endure .#whatever anyways x2. im journalling i think that helps me the best rn . and its the one thing thats allowed me hope and i think#having that time to examine and mull over and deconstruct is rly helpful tbh. and i would like to think#over the long term i can repair my creativity and cultivate a new outlet that doesnt leave me feeling empty if i cant draw as i used to#yaar#i feel like i dont write for very long tho thats the one thing that kinda blows#two pages maybe and ive only addressed two maybe three points if im being generous lol i get so bored with the actual motion#when my mind moves 10x as fast . and idc for audio logs either ykwim.#ohh tumblr how i love u . tag system like no other
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I just rewatched moonknight and your audios are literally the only thing keeping me alive in that somewhat dead fandom THANK YOU 😭😭🙏
i do feel adrift making moon knight stuff still so thank you
#like even if season 2 does ever happen ive seen rumors that if it does marvel wants to tie it further into the mcu#like obvs it was already in the mcu but i mean ive heard they might put avengers characters in moon knight and#honestly im too tired of the mcu have been for too long#marvel ruined marvel for me#moon knight would honestly be the only mcu property id go and watch but i wont if it ends up with whoever the current avengers are in it#i dont want to go and do homework and watch all the mcu movies and shows ive missed just to watch moon knight season 2#and if they put loki series bullshit like the tva in there then i cant watch it at all#thats why i couldnt watch deadpool and wolverine even though i was initially excited for it#the loki series caused me as a trans person active in the loki fandom to get harassed so much i cant see anything#to do with that show without getting uncomfortable so if the tva is there i especially wont be watching moon knight#i dont know how marvel thinks they can sustain the mcu forever like surely if new people want to get into the mcu#or even like kids who like superheros they cant just to go the cinema and watch the newest movie#cos they wont understand anything unless they stay home and do homework by watching years of movies and tv shows first#having everything connected at first was run. watching avengers assemble in the cinema was fun.#but theres too much now and it hasnt been fun in a long time#i also remember hearing after phase 1 they got rid of the team that made sure all the movies by different writers and directors#still felt cohesive and had continuity with each other and i feel that shows more every year#wow didnt expect to be giving an mcu rant in the tags its just sad sometimes to think how long i loved marvel for#and now i really couldnt care less about it. though that started with endgame when they made fatphobic jokes about thor all movie#that was the last time i saw a marvel movie in cinemas. think it was the last time i watched any mcu movie.#watched a few shows after that but got too burned by the transphobia in the loki series. and then moon knight and then nothing.#im just sitting here forever clinging onto the main mcu timeline loki who died in infinity war and never got brought back to life#just me and them in my own corner where they can have nice genderfluid representation#the vampire answers
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