#I don't know if it'll go anywhere

[burinazar]

Oh, wait, wait, ok, I can tell tumblr my news now.

I was accepted into the JET Program and will be moving to Japan for one year starting in late summer to teach English. : )

I don't know how many other applicants have ever had either of my specific application 'angles'. I think they were both pretty weird, but also very, very me, and I'm pleasantly surprised that they seemed to have worked, going off both by the acceptance and the very positive and warm reactions I got during the interview I had. These were:

Science/scicomm/museum background + implying mutual interest in and love of like insects and sea life could be an avenue of intercultural connection and exchange

India and Japan have always struck me as weirdly similar in ways nobody seems to discuss, especially in both being simultaneously hurtling into modernity and deeply traditional/conservative in many ways and places

So. Is this a silly idea considering most people in this program are fresh college grads, and people my age are expected to maybe be getting more settled rather than hopping continents? Is this a scary idea, considering I'll have to uproot all my shit and go exist in a foreign country whose language I really don't know beyond miniscule smatterings? I mean, hmm, yes on both counts, but I'm very excited. On count one, I'd only get older in the future and demonstrably *don't* already have a settled life and career here to disrupt (lol), and on count two...guys, I'm so so tired of letting fear and inertia make my life decisions.

Time to pack up and store most of my shit and end my lease and. Yeah. Also I haven't actually been to India in five years and will probably try to visit my relatives there in the coming months since idk if i'd had an opportunity for a prolonged visit in the future during the one year (at least) in jp. I'll also be probably selling, trading, or giving away a lot more of my hobby shit (that was sort of an ongoing project already but since I'll be unable to use most of it for a year plus it's another reason to do so), so uh, if you've ever wished I would sell any of my dolls now might be time to commit BJD Hobby Taboo and ask me lol. And, obviously, I'll be studying more Japanese, because mine is incredibly へたくそ at the moment. So much to do. But I'm really excited. And thank you to all of y'all that have been encouraging to me about anything related to this matter <3

[theoogtree]

oki same team for Clement except now they're all level 37 and I gave Chomper the eviolite to boost up his defense a little bit since he's still baby

I am kind of worried because I don't have any coverage for electric types like I have no ground moves at all lmfao but like it'll be fine

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

my mum supports me in getting accessibility aids when i break down about it but the moment i'm not upset or in tears then it's what if people don't want to talk to you because you're in a wheelchair and what if they think you're fragile and i want you to make friends but this might not help and-

[40steps]

hey i’m a mutual who dropped out in 7th grade and i just want u to know that things will be ok. i’m going back to school this year and like you can just stop either temporarily or permanently. i promise u it will be ok

:((( thank u so much this means a lot to hear . my plan has been to drop out for like two years at this point but i never really expected it to feel this much like a huge change even though it was always going to be. and my mother asked me if i just wanted to drop out when i told her i didn't want to go in today and it's sent me on a downward spiral. sorry for putting this on your dash board whoever is online and whoever saw it.

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Okay I take it back, AU Bobby is pretty compelling actually. I WISH. I WISH SO HARD. That his storyline wasn't tainted with having a romance arc with Mary instead of a FRIENDSHIP arc. It just makes things uncomfortable and weird. It feels like she's being forced yet again into a caretaker role.

But like him directly saying "Hunting is effectively another way of killing myself" is interesting for the series. Underlining what Sam is pushing hard on the other AU guys, which resulted in one of them almost being killed because she went out alone and then apologising when she was rescued. Plus, Mary bringing up a reminder of John.

[loregoddess]

2, 3, 8, and 19 for the fandom game, for any fandom(s) you feel like talking about :)

(for 3, fic and/or meta posts, can't actually remember if you've posted straight up fic before haha)

2. My favorite fic from the fandom that I’ve read

I haven't read a ton of fic sadly (although I haven't read a lot in general the last few years due to college making me read So Many academic papers and books that I got burnt out and haven't quite recovered my love of reading. Yet). Although, my friend @lookerdewitt has written literally some of the best fic I have ever read, so I would probably say one of their fics.

3. My favorite fic from the fandom that I’ve written myself

I have actually sort of written fanfic (both legit fanfic, and also a few "thinly veiled technically fanfic if you changed the names" for a fiction writing class that I had to write several stories for and wanted to see if I could get away with it), but I haven't actually. Shared those fics with anyone? Partly bc I have historically almost never finished any fiction writing project that I have started, ever, and partly bc I'm just shy about sharing my writing in general.

I have been working on a LoZ fancomic idea for the past uhhhh four or five years (technically last decade since I first came up with the idea in late high school and then had it sit in the back of my head for several years bc all I had was a setting and a handful of characters), and I have never in my life stuck with a project this long, so I guess that would be my favorite from my personal works bc it's apparently something I care about enough to not abandon entirely. I've actually made a decent amount of progress on my "detailed outline" recently, so here's hoping I can stick it out and actually get to the script and then to drawing pages one day.

For meta posts I think my favorite is actually my analysis of the Octopath 1 cast and how the major antagonists in each of their stories acts as a mirror and foil to each character. I really enjoy analyzing stories in general, but I so rarely write it out, so I was happy to actually do so for once. Gave me a lot of confidence for all the other meta and headcanon posts that I wrote afterwards.

There's also a Legend of Dragoon meta post sitting partly-finished in my drafts where I analyze themes surrounding each dragoon spirit and its wielders, which I haven't finished bc I only remember to work on it when I'm doing my yearly replay of LoD, and also bc it started looking like it might need to be a series of posts due to uh....length. Like I make a lot of lengthy posts, but each dragoon spirit's analysis was about a short essay's worth of words, and there are eight spirits soooo....hopefully I'll finish that one day, bc it's an analysis I've spent years thinking about.

8. Is there anything I wish people would write more about in fics? (A dynamic, an exploration of an arc, just a character that doesn’t get much screentime, etc)

I'm always a sucker for post-canon healing/recovery/rebuilding arcs. Can't get enough of them honestly (when I have the motivation to read). There's something so fascinating about looking at a character who Went Through Some Stuff, but the main narrative didn't look at the effects of that, and so a dedicated writer took up the challenge of trying to explore what comes after.

Most of my favorite characters are weird side characters who don't get a lot of love from the writers of canon or fans, so I'm always glad to see stuff for them as well.

19. Favorite headcanon

Oh hmmm, there's a lot and it depends on which media we're talking about, so if you're curious about a specific game let me know. Off the top of my head though hmm...

Okay I have this headcanon that Milo TriStrat snorts when she laughs genuinely. Like sure she's got the ladylike proper, cute laugh that's part of her spy job and totally fake, but when she is being fully honest and laughing for real, she snorts.

[ailinu]

oh this is. uh. heavily indebted to cornelia funke's the thief lord (2000), huh.

[metanoianmayhem]

You Never Let Anything Go, Ever

Apparently, midway thru an acid trip was an appropriate time for my (then) nearest and dearest to tell me this.

I won't lie - I struggle to let things be bygones - to not remember them or try to remember.

Because on the other hand if I am wary of a repeated behavior, or I can't remember this thing that happened with enough detail, I get brushed off.

Sort of damned if I do, damned if I don't. "Oh you made that up" versus "you never let it go"

I'm not wild about ultimatums - but they do apply sometimes to life. I have a partner who hates them, and who's first response to them is "Fuck you."

We're nonmonogamous. Or, in theory are. In practice, it's more like "I see other people sporadically, he freaks out, but also has a girlfriend. But wait! That girlfriend isn't that into sex, so like, it's not the same thing, esp since by the numbers I've had more people!"

...yeah. You could say I'm a little over that part of the relationship. Don't get me wrong, there's a great deal of other things I love about him. We meet each other halfway on important stuff, share a lot of ideologies, we take good care of each other, make each other laugh until we snort.

Not small potatos either. I've never wanted to spend this long with someone full time before.

But I am running out of patience for the nonmonogamy hypocrisy dance.

Last minute birthday overnight with the other person that I get to find out? We're going on a trip for the next few days, so it was the only time he'd spend with her. That's fair.

Except.

If I did that? He'd blow a damn gasket.

Can I have preexisting partners? No, he freaks out. Share a partner? No, he freaks out. Date safe friends? No, he freaks out (or at least doesn't chill out until the concessions I have made for his comfort have eroded the other relationship/taught them this is the standard) Date friends of mine? No, he freaks out. Even if he gets time to get to know them. Date people from the internet? No, he freaks out.

Oh, unless I fucked them once two years ago and have a (sort of) defined relationship with them.

Or if I'm lukewarm about them.

The last time I dated someone else locally long term, was almost two years ago. He's adjusted (some) to some things. Eventually adjusted to preexisting partners. Eventually adjusted (somewhat) to me investigating dating apps (although I suspect some of that is because it doesn't go anywhere) Yes, we are in couples counseling. Yes, this is the current topic, so it is heavily on my mind. But I am running out of patience, i am annoyed as fuck, and so, I am venting here on the internet, in the space where I have always vented.

Feels bad that I only write when I have something negative to say, but I am also extremely frustrated.

We have things to unpack. I don't know how to keep doing this, especially the pattern of I ask, and ask, and ask for specific social things, kink things, life things and oh maybe yeah at some point.

A friend or his other partner asks? It happens! Why, he does things less regularly with them because of all the time he spends with me.

The only solutions I seem to be coming to are "Spend less time with each other", "Suck it up and stop asking for these things from him.", "Idk, I guess silently seethe about it."

More likely, I'll bring it up in couples counseling.

But I am very cranky. and very tired of this. and it makes me very unaffectionate and it shows. I never was any good at having a poker face.

But hey, you know me. I never let anything go, ever.

After all. There's no reasons for that.

[crossdressingdeath]

I'm going to rewrite the nightmare sequence for the post-coronation fic. Might also try to track down all the nightmares in BG1 and 2 to get a better handle on how Bhaal behaves with his children, but for now: this. It will I'm sure shock you to learn that that's not actually Astarion.

(...Also because I'm realizing looking back at this it seems a little questionable: nothing sexual was going on in the preceding part of this scene. Just some good old-fashioned family-friendly impromptu tracheostomy via Big Knife.)

[fazcinatingblog]

Had a really nice sleep, it was like 30 minutes sleep dreaming that I was going to the grand final, wake up, check bank balance hmm no I'm not, sleep for 30 minutes dreaming I got a ticket, wake up check bank balance yeah no sorry, sleep for 30 minutes RINSE AND REPEAT THE ENTIRE NIGHT

[visdiefje]

lays down. why am I like this

[grinchwrapsupreme]

life is a constant cycle of "if i do my physio will i have time to shower?" "if i shower will i have time to cook food?" "if i cook food will i have time to wash dishes?" "if i wash dishes will i have time to do laundry?" "if i do laundry will i have time to clean my house?" "if i clean my house will i have time to eat?" "if i do the things necessary for living will i have time to do my hobbies?" and between it all is Working A Job and having to replace things as they break without being able to buy anything you actually want

[sinnershavesoulstoo]

is there just a way to jump start getting your shit together

i'm going to be 30 in 3 months and i'm just....not having a good time. lets start with the fact that i'm basically living rapunzel's life from tangled and my mother is literally mother gothel. i'm tired and i want out. i need money to get a car, i need someone to teach me how to drive a car, i need my mother to chill and let me out of the house long enough with someone that isn't her so that i can get someone to teach me how to drive a car. do you see the cycle here? it's bad. it's very bad. i don't want to end up dying and feel like i never go to live to my potential because of my mother but i'm very scared that that's how it's going to go. she claims it's because she has anxiety - but damn girl, me too. and if i'm willing to chill and try to learn how to drive, you can chill long enough to let me learn. just because i learn how to drive doesn't automatically mean i'm going to stop living with you. i'm too poor. this is literally tangled - except instead of me begging her to let eugene live and i'll stay with her, i'm begging her to let me buy a car and drive and have a normal life.

fuck. my life truly just sucks.

as an aside - my psychiatrist told me that crying all the time and being sad isn't part of the human condition unless my life is truly that bad. and i told him it was and he didn't believe me. he chalked it up as me being paranoid about how my mom treats me because i couldn't specifically explain her behavior and why she would treat me like that.

[supercool-here]

Ok my sins are keeping me up late at night so of course I'm going to post about ysblf. I am not a fic writer, actually I'm not a writer of any kind other than bad, but I really wish I could come up with a storyline in which Armando and Betty develop a somewhat healthy relationship, or at least one in which they get together without having gone through the ordeal of seducing/getting used. I will love reading your ideas, even fanfic recs if you know any. My own theory will be in the tags

[memepocalypse]

Gentle Care

Taking care of them...

"Hey, it's okay. Show me?"

"What did they do to you?"

"Don't cry - I've got you."

"That's okay - get it all out."

"Deep breath, I have you."

"Sh, sh, I'm going to patch you up."

"I've got a bandage for you."

"This is going to sting, but we have to clean this."

"Oh - okay - we're hugging about this, okay."

"It'll all feel better in the morning."

"I can't believe someone would do this to you..."

"I'm going to protect you."

"Get some rest. I'm not going anywhere."

"You're safe now."

"I'm just going to wipe your face."

"When's the last time you cried like this?"

"There's nothing wrong with you, I promise."

"One day, you'll be okay. For now? It's okay to hurt."

"You want a hug?"

"I've got a blanket for you."

"Nice and cosy..."

"It's okay if you fall asleep."

"Just get some rest. You need it."

"Hey, I made you food."

"I know it's easy to forget to eat when you feel like this."

"You don't need to feel guilty."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Do you want a hot chocolate?"

"There's nothing better than a toasted marshmallow."

"Just hold onto me. There we go."