#I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling this way

[gyubakeries]

HIIII it’s renee! anyway what about cough. domestic fluff with mingyu. just a typical day at home, doing chores and cooking and watching something together 😞😞😞 i love sweet gyu

𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 | k.mg

a/n: IT TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG TO GET TO THIS but thank u for requesting this renee 💗 this has made me want mingyu EVEN MORE 🫡 hope u like this one! sorry for the wait </3

word count: 1.5k contents: mingyu x afab!reader , established relationship , non idol!au , sickeningly sweet , domestic fluff , just a couple of down bad lovers , binge watching stranger things , THERES A SPOILER , cuddling , FLUFFFFF

when you wake up, you're alone. you know this for sure, because your boyfriend's heavy arm isn't laid across your stomach, and the heat radiating from his bare skin isn't there to warm you either.

you sit up in bed, rubbing your eyes as they slowly open and take in the sight of the empty bedroom. and then, you smell coffee. you quickly get out of bed and set off to find your boyfriend.

you make your way out of the bedroom and head to the kitchen, eyes still half-shut with sleep. in the kitchen, you find mingyu pouring fresh, warm coffee into your favorite mug, humming a random tune to himself.

you quietly slip behind him, snaking your arms around warm, sun-kissed skin and nuzzling your cold nose into his back.

"hi lovie, good morning," mingyu's raspy voice greets you, and you press a loud smooch to his back as a reply.

"morning," you croak out, still groggy with sleep. "you made me coffee?" you ask, tiptoeing to peek over mingyu's shoulder.

"yep, gonna get started on breakfast now," mingyu hums, turning around to face you. he doesn't hold back a laugh when he sees your hair sitting atop your head in a mess.

"baby, i told you not to sleep with your hair open," he tsks, like your mother, and starts brushing his fingers through your hair to detangle the knots.

"but it's too much work to put it in a braid," you sigh, closing your eyes and letting mingyu manage your hair. the way his hands gently run through your hair and scratch against your scalp is enough to make you feel drowsy.

soon, the relaxing movements are stopped, and mingyu turns you around to take a picture of your hair from the back to show you.

"mingyu, you're literally barbie," you gasp. somehow he's managed to tame your hair into a beautiful braid that looks better than any you've made your entire life. "you're good at everything."

"you know what i'm the best at doing, though?" mingyu smirks. "you."

"ugh, that wasn't even funny," you groan. "i guess being the least funny person on this planet is your one flaw."

"whatever, you still laugh at my jokes," mingyu sticks his tongue out at you.

"only because i don't want your feelings to get hurt," you tease, and mingyu gasps dramatically.

"you know what? no strawberries for your waffles anymore," mingyu declares, and you immediately put your hands together, begging for his forgiveness.

"we're having waffles for breakfast? gyu, don't take away my strawberries. pleaaaaase?" you plead, and mingyu does a bad job of ignoring you, the barely concealed smile tugging at his lips.

"fine, i'll forgive you. but you need to watch these waffles and make sure they don't burn," mingyu instructs, and you nod resolutely.

mingyu busies himself with washing up the dishes he used, and you busy yourself with..... staring at mingyu.

your boyfriend looks hot, you won't ever deny it. it's impossible for that statement to be untrue, especially with the way the morning sun makes his golden skin glow, the way his messy, soft hair falls over his eyes perfectly, the way his muscles shift as he dries the last bowl-

"y/n!" he yelps, alarmed, and you faintly register the smell of something burning when you turn around and see that the waffles had burnt to a crisp.

"shit shit shit," you mutter, rushing to switch the machine off and carefully opening up the waffle maker to see that the waffles inside definitely looked like they'd seen better days.

"this is, like, the hundredth time you've burnt waffles," mingyu sighs, letting the machine cool before he can scrape the burnt mess out of it. "how do you never learn?"

"it's not my fault!" you pout. "it's your fault for being so distracting. i only forgot about the waffles because i was staring at you."

mingyu's cheeks turn into a bright shade of pink at your blunt comment, and you find it endearing.

unable to stay mad at you, mingyu just feigns annoyance and fetches another pan. "we're having pancakes for breakfast, then."

"with strawberries?" you ask, a hopeful smile plastered on your face.

"with strawberries," mingyu gives in, and nothing makes him happier than the feeling of you hugging him tightly and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips.

breakfast is a simple ordeal; you sip on your black coffee and finish up all the strawberries on the plate, while mingyu drinks his coffee with loads of milk and sugar, eating up the last pancake before you can.

"gyu, i wanna binge-watch something today," you tell him as you wash your plates. "any ideas?"

"what about stranger things?" he offers, and your eyes light up with excitement.

"oh my god, yes!" you nod. the show was one of your favorites, starting from the plot, to the suspense, and your not-so-subtle crush on steve harrington. "this is why i love you. you're the best."

"so you only love me when i give you good ideas?" mingyu raises an eyebrow, and you nod jokingly. when he starts pouting like a kicked puppy, you apologize and kiss him as compensation.

mingyu can't really complain after that.

—

after you both showered, you find yourself sprawled across mingyu's lap as he loads up netflix on the TV. he's already prepared snacks and ordered pizza for lunch while you took your own sweet time in the shower earlier.

"i don't think i'm ready to see bob die again," you whisper out loud, as the first episode starts playing.

mingyu looks at you at that, taking your hand in his. "i'll hug you through it, don't worry."

"thank you, gyu," you smile. he puckers his lips in an exaggerated pout and you chuckle affectionately before leaning in to kiss him with a loud smooch.

"there, now we can start binge-watching," he nods, satisfied, and you nuzzle into his shoulder.

true to his word, mingyu holds your hand throughout the first three seasons of the show, saving the fourth one for another day. you only take breaks to go to the bathroom or order food, and you skip past some of the less exciting scenes to speed up the process.

both mingyu and you cry when bob is killed, hugging each other tightly as consolation. you're both at the edge of your seats by the time the last scene plays, and then the screen goes black.

while the credits are rolling, you and mingyu lean back on the couch, processing the entire show.

"it's almost 6 a.m.," comes mingyu's shocked voice, and you turn to see the first rays of sunlight filtering in through the living room windows.

"we've been here for, like, 20 hours?" you gasp. you finally register the burning in your eyes and how much your back aches from sitting on the couch for so long.

"imagine if we decided to watch season 4 too," mingyu laughs, and you rub your eyes to stop the burning sensation.

"we're never binge-watching like this again," you tell him, groaning as you stand up from the couch to stretch your limbs.

"you say that, yet we end up doing this once a year," mingyu points out, and you just shoot him a glare.

"you're no better," you say defensively. "you always agree!"

mingyu smiles and gets up from the couch to stand next to you and pull you into a hug. the tension in your muscles seeps out instantly, and you melt in his arms. "i'd be a bad boyfriend if i said no to something that you like."

he feels your lips quirk up into a smile against his chest, and he just squeezes you tighter.

"what would you do if i said you're being a bad boyfriend by not carrying me into the bedroom so we can sleep till afternoon?" you look up at him with a mischievous grin.

"well, then i'd have to correct that," he shrugs, playing along with your teasing. one moment, your feet are on the ground, and the next, you're being hauled up into the air, mingyu's strong arms cradling you close to his chest.

he carries you into the bedroom, bridal style, and the both of you flop down on the bed together, not leaving an inch of space between your bodies. mingyu somehow manages to cover you both with the comforter, because he knows how cold you get without a blanket.

"we should binge-watch harry potter next," you mumble, wrapping your arms around mingyu's torso to cuddle up with him, letting his warmth envelop you.

"okay baby, we'll do it," mingyu chuckles, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "for now, let's get some rest, yeah?"

"yeah," you whisper. "goodnight, gyu."

"goodnight, love," he replies, and you raise your head to press another kiss to his lips.

mingyu smiles widely at that, his canines showing through his lips. he retaliates by kissing the tip of your nose, and you giggle.

you fall asleep in his arms by the time the sun is halfway up in the sky. he takes a little more time, just so he can watch the soft sunlight light up your face as you sleep peacefully.

his last thought before he closes his eyes is: twenty hours of netflix, or the rest of his life; mingyu would love to spend it all by your side.

- fin.

taglist: @lecheugo @min-imum @sousydive @livelaughloveseventeen

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@hearts4hee @t-102 @gyuguys @grapejuicelh

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[himasgod]

Wanderer x Cheerful! Reader Headcanons

Where you are traveling companions, and he is gentle with you while you are hyperactive and cheerful.

A series of headcanons based on the relationship you would have with Wanderer if you were a bit clumsy, but very happy and hyperactive. It contains a NSFW section and each headcanon section has sample dialogue.

While you talk non-stop about seemingly trivial things, the Wanderer stays silent, listening to you with a mix of exasperation and fascination. Although he pretends not to pay attention, he can remember every detail of your stories.

"And then the cat jumped off the roof and landed right in my arms! Isn't that amazing?" "More amazing would be if you stopped risking your life for stray animals." "I wasn't risking my life! I just wanted to help him." "Of course, because you're the heroine of all the cats in trouble."

He acts like he’s annoyed by it, always having sarcastic comments ready to respond to your quips, but he actually loves seeing you cheer up. Your laughter is a sound he’s learned to value.

"Look! I bought this ribbon for my hair. Don't you think it looks pretty?" "I don't know what's worse, the ribbon or the amount of time you spent picking it out." "You're so insensitive! I'm not asking you anything again." "It suits you, by the way."

Your energy often brings him out of his state of alienation. Although he finds it hard to admit it, being with you makes him feel more connected to the world.

At first, the Wanderer finds it difficult to fully trust you. His fear of being betrayed makes him keep an emotional distance, but your warmth and patience manage to break down his barriers little by little.

"Why do you always act like you're waiting for me to betray you?" "Because betrayal is the only constant thing I've ever known." "I'm not like everyone else." "That's what everyone says."

When he feels overwhelmed by his past or his internal struggles, it is with you that he finally allows himself to be vulnerable.

"Do you want to talk about it?" "No. Just… stay here." "I'm always here." "I don't know why you trust me so much, but… thank you."

Sometimes you stay silent, resting your head on his shoulder as he closes his eyes and strokes your hair gently.

He loves to make you blush, Wanderer enjoys seeing you embarrassed too much. It can be as simple as getting too close to you or murmuring something in your ear with his low, soft voice.

"Did you know that you look cute when you're focused?" "What are you saying?! Don't just say things like that all of a sudden." "What's wrong? Can't you handle a simple compliment?"

Your reactions are his weakness, even though he constantly annoys you, if someone else tries to make you uncomfortable, his protective side comes out. No one can bother you except him.

"What's someone like you doing traveling with him? You're probably more of a bother than a help." "Say it again and make sure you have somewhere to hide afterward." "Wanderer! It's not that big of a deal…" "I don't care what they think of me, but no one has the right to talk to you like that."

Although he is not the type to openly express affection, his subtle gestures speak for themselves. He places his large hat on your head when the sun is shining hard. He makes sure you always have enough water or food during your travels. If you're hurt or tired, he stops immediately, even if he pretends it's for practical reasons.

"It's so hot here! The sun is burning my head!" "I'll give you my hat. Stop complaining and keep walking." "Thanks… but you could say it nicer, you know?" "That would be unrealistic."

His touches are slow and deliberate, as if he's afraid of breaking something fragile. He prefers quiet moments where he can hold your hand or play with a lock of your hair while you talk.

"Why do you always look at me like that when I'm talking?" "Because you make those weird hand gestures. It's… entertaining." "I don't make them weird!" "Of course not."

Your joy brightens his darkness, your optimism helps him see the world from a more positive perspective. Although he doesn't say it out loud, he realizes that you're a constant light in his life.

"Isn't the sunset beautiful? It's like the sky was hand-painted." "It's just light refracted off water particles." "You're so boring! Just admit it, you like it too." "Maybe a little."

His calmness balances your energy, when you're too excited or anxious, his soft voice and serene presence help to reassure you. Sometimes it's enough for him to take your hand and say, “Breathe. I'm here.”

"Let's go explore that forest! What could go wrong?" "A lot of things. Starting with your tendency to run without thinking." "But you would protect me, wouldn't you?" "That doesn't mean you should purposely put yourself in danger."

Although you're opposites in many ways, you both find something unique in each other that makes you feel complete. To you, he's a safe haven; to him, you're the spark that keeps his soul moving.

Sometimes you argue over silly things, like who's right about a road or how to cook something. It always ends with him winning with his logic and you throwing a pillow or an indignant look at him.

"I told you this was the right path." "And I told you maps don't lie." “Then the map is wrong!” “Or your sense of direction sucks.”

He likes to give you nicknames that annoy you but that you find strangely cute.

“That silly smile again? I should call you ‘Little Sunshine.’” “That's not a nickname! And I don't have a silly smile.”

Even though it's rare, there are times when your clumsiness or your witticisms make him genuinely laugh. When you listen to him, you can't help but stay silent, admiring how beautiful his laugh is.

“I’m fine, don’t worry!” “You’re a walking disaster.” “Are you laughing at me?! It’s so weird to see you laugh!” “Don’t get used to it.”

NSFW.

You notice that something strange is happening when you're talking about anything stupid nonstop and his gaze has a different kind of shine, one that's not curiosity. When you notice that predatory shine and something dark in his eyes, while his pupils descend towards your lips wet from talking so much, you know what he's thinking about instead of paying attention to you.

And so, at the moment when you continue talking, distracted by seeing his eyes like that, you get stuck while speaking and a small smirk covers his lips as he asks you, please, to keep talking.

So, while you are both distracted and trying to continue talking about anything, you notice how his hand absentmindedly travels to your thigh to give it a squeeze.

You're cooked. When Wanderer wants something, he gets it, greetings.

He teases you, whispering in your ear that you dare not continue talking as he begins to lower his lips to your neck.

Likewise, as he fucks you, he murmurs that he would love to see your hyperactive smile that you hide while you bite your lips desperately trying not to moan his name so as not to give him more reasons to tease you.

In truth, he is much softer with you, so those moments are something special. Protect him, he loves you very much, do not hurt him.

Here is my masterlist, in case you are interested in any more of my work or want to send me a request <3

[angelltheninth]

Minotaur Chases and Breeds You in the Maze

Pairing: Male!Minotaur x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, slight cnc, primal play, chase, size difference, rough sex, being manhandled, fear play, creampie, breeding kink

Ko-Fi | Rules | Fandoms and Characters

A/N: Writing this because my next book also has a minotaur in it and I feel inspired.

The game of chase you play isn't malicious in any way, you're not his sacrifice, you're his girlfriend, his lover

Still you give it your all to try to get away from him and out of the ever changing maze

Only he knows the real way out of there and he almost never chases you towards it all the time

It makes the game last longer

Deliberately waits for you behind corners and pulls you into a rough kiss every time, making your legs just a bit weaker, making you just a bit slower and a lot wetter

"I think you enjoy this chase, little human. That isn't just fear I see on your face, it's not fear that has your legs shaking like that. Keep running, that's right. While you still can."

Occasionally his big, rough fingers will run under your clothes and give your clit a little flick

Gets a little difficult for him to chase you with his cock raging hard between his loincloth

When he's finally had enough pins you to the ground, enjoying the way you buckle and trash under his grip and his body, as if you, a human woman, could ever fight him off

It's fun that you try

But nothing will stop him from pulling your dress of your body with one hand while holding you down with the other

"What's with that scream huh? It's not like anyone can hear you in my maze, other than me. I like it that way. Every sound you make is just for me, because of me. What other sounds can I get from you I wonder?"

Two of his fingers are too much for you at once so he starts you off with just one, thick and rough and like three of your own but still not as thick as his cock

Has to throw your legs over his shoulders so that him slicing his cock in isn't too painful for you

Forces your mouth open when you try to rob him of hearing you moan every time he gives a rough, heavy, deep thrust into your pussy

Constantly keeps one hand on your hip, softly caressing you

Grins as he sees your puffy pussy gripping his cock harder every time he pulls back

"See, I knew your body couldn't lie to me, no matter if your mouth tries to. I know your kind well by now. You're all the same type of whore. Don't be shy, don't be shy, let it all out for me. Or I'll make you. I'll make you come over and over until you learn to let go and give yourself to me like you were meant to."

Tilts your hips upwards so that when he comes his seed flows down your stomach, not just drips down from your already full pussy

Keeps you on his cock as you come, he wants to feel every ripple, every flutter, every little spasm your inner walls give as your whole body shakes against his

Puts his hand against your stomach and gives it a gentle pat as he puffs and squares his shoulders in pure pride and adoration that you managed to handle all of that

Waits for your eyes to clear up and for you to smile up at him before he leans down to kiss you

Holds you against him as he carries you, exhausted and spent, back to the big bed he made just for you

"You did so good for me tonight, my beloved, my wife. I enjoyed myself with you every much. Lets not put any more strain on you tonight, we need to wait and see if my seed will take. If not we can always do this again."

[slimybeth69]

"i'll be here."

rating: explicit- for drinking and joel's dirty thoughts. This is pure fluff NO SMUT and it's probably kinda corny but I DON'T CARE.

summary: Joel wants to make sure your New Years Eve isn't lonely.

tags: jackson!joel, Joel's POV, no use of y/n, no physical description (just an outfit) fluff, so much fluff, pining, age gap, him being handsome and perfect, mentions of food, drinking, being intoxicated so maybe dub-con (but not really)

w/c: ~3.6k

a/n: the holiday was hard as hell this year and it really didn't feel like christmas at all, so i wrote this for myself because i was sad. i hope any of you all that needed Joel to come and sing you songs and play gui-tar find some comfort in this.

thanks for @creepycorbeaux for reading this over. thanks to @thelastofgala for those beautiful gifs and thanks to @saradika-graphics for the dividers.

Joel wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing walking to your house with a bottle of whiskey in one hand, and his guitar in the other, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what you had said last night on patrol. 

“Whaddya end up doin’ f’Christmas?” 

The face you make when you look over at him almost makes Joel smirk for a split second. The way your nose scrunches and the corners of your mouth turn down slightly. Like you’re confused and upset with him ,and all he did was ask you a simple question.

Then you respond, “Whachya mean?” 

Joel doesn’t know how to answer that because… what do you mean? Your eyes are still squinted— like there is some sort of distrust in your soul. Like Joel is playing a joke on you right now.

“Uh, well… Ellie and I went to Tommy and Maria’s...” Joel is uncomfortable suddenly; he forgets that not everyone is as lucky as he is to have family here in Jackson. He doesn’t know you nearly well enough, so now he feels like an ass. He shouldn’t be asking you anything like that.

Or anything at all not pertaining to patrol. 

You don’t say anything for a while, you just hold onto the strap of your rifle over your shoulder, and then adjust your grasp on the reins with your other hand. “I just stayed home,” you answer him quietly, almost like you don’t really want him to hear you. “Made myself a nice dinner, read a book and went to bed.” 

That ‘put your foot in your mouth’ feeling creeps into Joel’s stomach and he wants to ask if you’d like to give him a nice rocket to his left jaw. He doesn’t stay quiet for too long, he doesn’t want you sitting in this awkward smog he’s created. “That doesn’t sound t’bad, honestly. Whaddya make?” 

Joel watches you out of the corner of his eye as you once again adjust the reins in your hand, waiting for you to either respond to his question or tell him to shut the fuck up. 

He wishes you would tell him to screw off because he never tries to make small talk, and this is why! He always regrets it!

“Just a venison roast with veggies from the greenhouse.” You finally tell him with a little more life in your voice this time, like you were actually proud of what you cooked yourself. “What did you and Ellie do at Tommy and Maria’s?” 

“Had a few drinks, ate some food. Nothin’ crazy.”

Joel didn’t have the heart to tell you that Tommy and him spent most of the day drinking and reminiscing, laughing about being young, stupid kids. Or that Ellie and Maria baked all day, listening to Christmas music someone had found a while ago. He didn’t wanna subject you to all that, knowing now you were home alone.

Since that night on patrol, Joel can’t get the image of you sitting at home on a holiday all by yourself. 

Probably being sad. 

There isn’t any particular reason why he feels so compelled to come knock on your door, there are plenty of other lonely souls that spend every holiday with no one else around. 

There was just a pull. Something inside of him that said go go go. 

Go to her.

He doesn’t really even know what he’s going to say to you if you decide to open the door for him. Hell, he’s not sure you’re even going to let him in! You’ve only ever gone on two patrols together. Y’all never really talk outside of that, but that’s mostly because he doesn’t see you around.

Not like he’s looking for you, or anything. 

When he knocks, it’s like his heart might hammer right out of his chest. Why is he so nervous? He’s just here to offer you a couple drinks so you don’t have to ring in the new year all alone. 

Ellie was with Dina and the rest of her friends, Tommy and Maria wanted to call it an early night because of the baby, and so Joel had two options: the bar, or sitting at home alone. 

It’s not that Joel didn’t like being alone. He had been alone since Tess, and that was still something he didn’t like to think about too much.

Too much loss for not enough of — whatever they had been. Losing her had almost been the final nail in the coffin, and if it hadn’t been for Ellie -

Don’t think about it.

Now Joel finds himself on your front porch, holding the screen door open with his large frame, and knocking lightly with the ass end of the bottle of whiskey.

From inside he can hear you moving around. His breath hitches in his throat when you finally open up for him. Joel watches your eyes scan him very quickly, taking in the picture in front of you. Your eyes go wide for a second like you don’t understand why he’s here.

Joel Miller on your front porch with a bottle of whiskey and his guitar. 

“Whaddya doin’ here?” 

Joel holds the bottle up for you to inspect closer as you wrap your arms around yourself like you’re trying to hide from him. 

Joel’s never seen you without your winter jacket, hat and gloves. Right now in your house, you have on a blue sweater, a pair of tight elastic tights that Joel wishes he could see you in more often, and the warmest looking socks he has ever seen.

His eyes scan the length of your body again involuntarily. His gaze lingers on your pants once again– so tight and they hug your curves (that Joel didn’t even know you had) in all the right ways.  

“Well, I reckon I came over here hopin’ you had cooked another roast, since it sounded so damn good when you told me ‘bout it on patrol–”

Joel continues his bullshit rambles about why he came over here as you start to smirk, and take a step back so the door can swing open a little wider and he can make his way in.

“The guitar?” You ask as Joel toes off his boots so he doesn’t track snow through your house. He hands you the bottle of whiskey, shifting the guitar between his hands as he takes off his jacket. 

“Figur’d if you wanted to share any of the food you made– I could share the whiskey… maybe play a lil gui-tar for ya.”

The last time he played the guitar for anyone besides Ellie– Sarah was still alive. 

Who is this man?

There was just something about the way you said ‘I just stayed home’. Joel was thinkin’ maybe you didn’t read a book and go to bed. 

Maybe you cried a little, missing whatever you remember from home. 

Joel knows all about that, all about the sleepless nights when you just can’t turn your brain off. You can’t stop thinking about the people that are no more, about how different things are now and how you’d give anything for them to go back to the way they used to be. 

Joel has Ellie and Tommy. Who do you have?

“You’re in luck because I did cook tonight,” you’re smiling at him and he thinks this is the first time he’s ever seen you smile, too. 

So many firsts for Joel, he feels like a teenager as you lead him further into your house - which is clean and smells phenomenally good - and into the kitchen. 

Joel hadn’t expected you to actually offer him food, he didn’t know if you cooked dinners like that for yourself all the time, or only on special occasions. 

You take the guitar from him and pull out a chair at your kitchen table. For a moment he feels like his brain malfunctions and he’s not sure how to react. 

“You can sit,” You’re already in your living room. “I’m just gonna…” Then you trail off. 

When Joel peers around the corner to check on you, you’re very carefully leaning the guitar against the wall, holding your hands out to catch it in case it leans too far one way or the other.

Joel feels heat creeping up his chest and neck as he watches you, slightly bent at the waist. The tightness of your pants— 

Nope.

Once you’re satisfied that the guitar won’t fall, you turn around and smile at him, even though he’s just standing there watching you like an idiot– blushing!

Blushing?

Part of him thinks this was the worst idea he ever had. How could you be doing this to him and you’ve done absolutely nothing? 

He should go home. 

“Sit!” You urge him to take a seat at the table while you basically prance into the kitchen to start serving him a plate. Everything is still sitting on the stove in the pots you cooked in.

You explain that you already ate because you weren’t expecting company. 

Joel almost tells you not to worry about the food, but then what would he do? Play guitar for three hours? Getting drunk and talking all night seems like a terrible idea. 

What the fuck was he thinking? This was the dumbest thing he’s ever done, it really was. 

He shuts his mouth though when you set down a plate of steaming food in front of him. 

“Dig in! I have more than enough if you want a second plate.” 

The way you talk so casually, like you’ve known Joel your whole life while you walk back into the kitchen makes him jealous. 

How are you so nice? Sweet? 

You haven’t even been here for four months and this is the first time either of you have said more than ten words to each other that didn’t have to do with patrol. 

It’s the way your body moves when you walk without all your winter gear on. You sway… almost like you’re floating.

Knock it off, old man. She’s half your age. 

Joel has to squeeze his eyes shut for two seconds until he hears your feet padding back to the table. When he opens them, you’re pushing one of the glasses in his direction.

“You brought the booze, so you have to pour it.” 

The smile on your face makes Joel feel a mix of pride and guilt. 

What are you expecting of him? He can’t give you more than just tonight. He knows that, he hopes you know that too.

Joel opens the bottle and pours each of you a decent, sippable glass.He should have poured himself less. 

Probably should have poured you less.

The food tastes better than Joel’s had in years. He even finds himself asking for seconds, something he rarely does.

You’re making small talk as he eats, asking about his travels and how long he’s been in Jackson. If he likes it here, how old is his daughter.

Joel decides not to tell you that Ellie isn’t really his daughter, because biologically she isn’t, but it hasn’t felt that way in a long time.

As he eats, and you chat, Joel starts to relax a little. Your presence is calming, and he finds himself enjoying your company more than he thought he would. He pours both of you another drink, his regrets of pouring less last time completely forgotten.

The food is gone and you’ve cleared his plate. But the two of you are still sitting at the kitchen table. He’s not sure if it’s the fact that this is another first— seeing you up close like this. In the light of your kitchen Joel can really take in your features; your cheeks when you smile, and the way your eyes light up when you laugh at some dumb joke he tells.

You ask him about his life before the outbreak, and Joel hesitates before giving a very brief summary of his past. He doesn’t like talking about it all, and he avoids bringing Sarah up completely.

Not tonight. Probably not ever.

You listen attentively and ask Joel questions that show you’re actually interested in what he’s saying.

Joel continues to pour the two of your drinks each time your glasses are empty and you never tell him to stop. You suggest moving to the living room where it’s more comfortable, and Joel agrees without hesitation.

Go home. This is going to end badly.

There is a fire going in your fireplace, and Joel can’t sit down until he puts another log or two on, and he has to move some things around to get it going again.

“I can do it myself,” you say from directly behind him, sounding a little offended.

Joel doesn't even look at you when he responds, "I know you can. Just helpin'."

When he finally turns around, you quickly look away. Joel can’t help but smirk and feel that familiar in his lower belly.

Had you been staring at him?

Joel watches as you sink down into the brown leather couch, curling up with your feet underneath you. He settles beside you with just enough distance to be polite.

“What songs do ya’ know?” Your voice is soft and your words are slightly slurred. The alcohol has definitely started to affect you, but Joel doesn’t think you’re that drunk yet.

Joel looks at the clock on your wall and it reads 10:45 PM. He can do this. An hour and fifteen minutes left, then Joel can escape.

Not that he wants to. He has to or something bad is going to happen. Something he regrets. 

Something you might regret. 

But when you ask him about songs, he can’t help but smile. The alcohol is going down too easily, way too easy for both of you.

Joel clears his throat. "Whaddya wanna hear?"

You shrug, your cute blue sweater sliding off one shoulder. Joel has to fight himself to keep his eyes on your face as you mindlessly tug the sweater up. It’s like you didn’t even realize it happened. You kept your eyes on him the entire time.

"Somethin' that makes you happy."

The fact that you’re moving your feet to tuck your toes underneath Joel’s right thigh is sending electric shocks to his brain. He leans and grabs the guitar off the wall– careful to not move too much so he can keep the contact between the two of you. 

Shit. What is he getting himself into?

Joel holds the guitar, fingers tracing the old wooden curves. It's been a while since he's played at all. The strings feel ice cold under his calloused hands.

Joel strum a couple cords, “Know a few songs,” he says, clearing his throat. “Might be a lil rusty though,” he smirks at you and gives you a sideways glance. 

You smile from behind your whiskey glass and Joel feels something shift inside him. Something he hasn't felt in a long time. 

Something dangerous.

Your eyes are glittering in the firelight— different than they had looked in the artificial light of your kitchen. It casts a warm glow across your face, softening the edges that Joel has only ever seen sharp and alert on patrol.

He clears his throat once again and continues to move his fingers along the frets. The first few notes come out slightly off-key, but Joel quickly finds his rhythm. He starts with a Garth Brooks song.

Joel knows he’s not the best at the guitar and he doesn’t play it nearly as often now that Ellie is so busy with her own life. 

You don’t seem to mind, and sometimes Joel misses a chord or messes up completely because he can’t stop glancing over to watch you watching him.

He starts to sing, his voice low and gravelly. It's not a perfect voice - never was - but there's something raw and honest in the way the words tumble out.

… Blame it all on my roots, I showed up in boots And ruined your black tie affair The last one to know, the last one to show I was the last one you thought you'd see there

You shift slightly, your toes still tucked under his thigh, and Joel catches you watching his hands. Even as he continues to sing. You never take your eyes off of him. Not once.

… 'Cause I've got friends in low places Where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my blues away And I'll be OK Yeah, I'm not big on social graces Think I'll slip on down to the oasis Oh, I've got friends in low places

Joel's voice falters for a moment when he notices the concentration of your gaze. His fingers momentarily stagger on the guitar strings, creating a clashing note that lingers in the air for a moment before he continues.

You don't seem to notice, or care. Your eyes are locked on his hands, watching how they move across the guitar with a kind of reverence that makes Joel's breath catch. 

Joel finishes the song, letting the last chord ring out softly in the quiet room. For a moment, neither of you moves. You're still watching him, your eyes heavy-lidded from the whiskey, but there's something else there too.

Joel’s eyes fall on the clock on your wall and it’s only 11.

He’s completely fucked.

Joel becomes acutely aware of how close you are.

Your toes are still tucked under his leg, and the warmth of your body seeps through the denim of his jeans. Joel swallows hard, trying to ignore the way his heart is racing.

"Another song?" you ask, your voice soft and slightly husky from the whiskey.

Joel clears his throat. "Sure," he manages, repositioning the guitar.

Joel starts strumming again, this time a slower, more mournful tune. His fingers find the familiar chords of an old country ballad, something he used to play for Sarah when she was real little. Before the weight of being a single dad started to apply pressure.

The memories threaten to overtake him, but he forces them down, focusing instead on the way the light flickers across your face. He can feel the heat of your body against his leg, the whiskey making everything feel soft and blurry around the edges. His voice is lower now, almost a whisper, like he's singing just for you.

Joel sings a couple more songs, a few at your request.

"That was really good," you say softly, your eyes meeting his. There's something in your gaze that makes Joel shiver - it’s a weakness, a longing that mirrors something deep inside himself.

When he looks at the clock again it’s 12:30.

“We completely missed new years,” Joel points to the clock and chuckles. He had completely forgotten that’s why he came over here originally. Once the music started, everything else kind of faded away. 

It was just the two of you while the rest of Jackson, and possibly the rest of the world stopped existing in that short time. 

“I was havin’ a good time,” you’re still smiling at him and now he can see how glassy they are from the whiskey. 

“Y’look like y’were havin’ a good time, darlin’.” Joel smiles and starts to stand up from the couch. It’s not until he’s standing directly in front of you realize what’s happening, Joel watches your eyes shift and change. 

Are you panicking?

“Are… were–” you cut yourself off and shake your head, waving a hand at Joel dismissively. “Nevermind. Thank you for coming over.” When you turn to look at him, your eyes are rimmed with a glossy sheen. The whites of your eyes had turned a hazy shade of red.

“S’wrong?” 

You shrug your shoulders, your sweater falling off your shoulder again. You don’t notice and twirl your whiskey glass in your hand slowly. “Nothin’. I had a good time… just sad you gotta go.” 

Joel knows he shouldn’t, but he gently replaces your sweater, his fingers lingering on the warm skin of your collarbone for a moment before he pulls away. “I’m all outta songs, sweetheart.” 

“You don’t wanna stay?”

Joel swallows hard and then cuts you off, “For what?” Joel whispers it and you snap your head up to look at him, almost as astonished as he is. Joel knows that the liquor and the way you had been looking at him all night is a recipe for disaster. 

Make me leave, please. Kick me out. Don’t ask me to stay again because I won’t be able to say no.

You finish the last of your whiskey before setting your glass down on the coffee table in front of your couch. 

“You know what.” 

“I do… but we’ve been drinkin’... ‘n I don’t want ya’ regretti–”

“What is there to regret?” you whisper. Your hand snakes into his and Joel doesn’t pull his away or nothing. “You gotta know more songs.”

Joel sits down beside you again, sighing loudly like this is a giant inconvenience to him, but a part of him knows that this isn’t going to end–

Not at all. 

Once he takes you upstairs, it’s over for the both of you. It’s like he can taste it in the air. 

“One more,” Joel nods his head at you. “Then I’m leavin’.” 

He and you both know that’s not true. 

His fingers find their holds on the neck of the guitar and he looks over at you before he strums the first note. 

You shy away from him, tucking your toes back under his thigh. Joel lifts his leg slightly so you can slip them deeper under his leg. 

There's no stronger wind than the one that blows Down a lonesome railroad line No prettier sight than looking back On a town you left behind There is nothin' that's as real As your face that's on my mind

Joel changes the lyrics just a little, and he doesn’t know if you notice, or even if you know this song. He's not ready to sing about love, not at all.

He confidently sings you the next part though.

Close your eyes I'll be here in the morning Close your eyes I'll be here for a while

hopefully y'all had a better time than I did.

love you all so so much

[st4rrzynight]

𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐈’𝐌 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘 — 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 — 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐛𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭– 𝐧𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐧𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐫

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳˢ ᵖᵒᵛ

𝟏𝟎:𝟓𝟑 𝐏𝐌. i anxiously stared at the time on my phone. it has almost been an hour and paige still hasn't shown up. tonight is my birthday, she promised she'd show up after she washed up from tonights game.

i'm looking around as my friends converse around me in my apartment. my roommates have already questioned me on the absence of my girlfriend. i wish i knew why she wasn't here either.

i enter the passcode to my phone in a hurry as i pull up her contact and type out a message.

Paige 💜🫶

hey, where are you? everyone’s asking about you... are you on your way?

i'm so sorry, babe. i can’t make it.

what?

i know, i know. I feel awful about it, but something came up the team wanted me to come celebrate tonights win with them

its my birthday paige you promised you would be here. going out with the team is suddenly more important than your girlfriends birthday?

it's not just "going out". it's to celebrate tonights win, and it's kind of a big deal. if i don't show up, it could look bad. i don't want to let them down, you have to understand.

no paige, i don’t understand. I’m standing here, surrounded by my friends, and i have to keep making excuses as to why you’re not here. do you know how embarrassing that is? to not have my own girlfriend show up to celebrate my birthday??

i'm sorry, okay? i’ll make it up to you. i’ll take you out somewhere nice tomorrow just the two of us, yeah?

no paige it’s not about “making it up.” it’s about showing up when you say you will. but you NEVER do.

that’s not fair. you know how much pressure i’m under i just want to celebrate the win, look i'll make it up to you tomorrow i promise.

paige i am so tired of this. seriously, you keep making empty promises, you get my hopes up only for you to tell me a half assed excuse that you pulled straight out of your ass last minute.

please don’t do this right now. i’ll call you after i leave.

don’t bother, we're done.

what??

read 10:56

what do you mean were done??

read 10:58

y/n answer me please baby

read 10:59

please ill do anything ill make it up to you i promise please answer my message baby

⚠︎︎ not delivered

꥟

ᵖᵃⁱᵍᵉˢ ᵖᵒᵛ

two years. 730 days. i lost her two years ago today, i lost it all. i know it was my fault, i put everything above her and i deeply regret it. now i have to live life in regret watching from the sidelines as she celebrates her birthday once again. this time, with her girlfriend.

her laugh filling the air knowing i used to be the cause of that laughter. admiring her from across the bar, sitting in between my teammates as they make conversation yet i can't bring myself to take my eyes off of her.

i scan ever inch of her body my eyes stopped on her wrist, then her fingers, then her neck. every single piece of jewelry i got her, gone. none of it in sight as if it never existed.

a hand on her thigh from a woman who was a copy of me. blonde, blue eyes, tall, and she plays soccer. but its not me. it will never be me again.

i can't even blame her, thats why i hate it. i hate that i can't hate her no matter how hard i try because in the end i will always love her and it will always be her.

even if i'm not her happy ever after. i distract myself trying to find someone new but it never ends well. i always find similarities between the girls i've gone on dates with and her. thats what attracts me to them, the fact that they slightly even look like her. but they will never compare to her full look, no one will.

so for the rest of time ill find myself watching from the sidelines seeing her take on life with someone who isn't me by her side, someone who looks like me but is not entirely me.

it will always kill me, it's going to eat me alive till i die. knowing that i'm not hers anymore, i won't be looking for her in the student section knowing shes there. instead ill be looking for her in the student section in hopes she decided to show up, but i know she didn't. she's going to be in the student section of the soccer games watching and cheering on her.

i won't be able to buy her flowers anymore, instead i watch as she gets gifted flowers by another woman. except those aren't her favorite. they're the wrong flowers.

i wont be able to buy her the perfume she always wears when it runs out, her signature scent that i always loved. instead i watch as she gets gifted perfume by another woman. she sprays it into the air and by the time it reaches where i sit i know its not the one she loves. its the wrong perfume.

i won't be making late night sephora trips, picking out her favorite makeup products when shes running low. instead i watch as she gets gifted makeup by another woman. its the wrong brand.

because of my mistakes, ones that i regret so deeply, i now live with the gnawing feeling knowing that she now loves a woman who doesn't pay attention to small details and gifts her all the wrong things, on her birthday of all days, but she showed up. i didn't.

clearly i lacked attention to detail as well if i couldn't see how much i truly disappointed and hurt her and didn't even show up. i wish it went down differently.

every shooting star, every coin toss into a fountain, every time the clock hits 11:11, every fallen eyelash, every dandelion, my last two birthdays, my only wish was to have her back.

but i cant.

not anymore.

and it hurts.

i open up my phone clicking on her contact, i type out one last message, even if i know she won't ever get it. i type it out and send it as some type of closure.

𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲.

⚠︎︎ not delivered

𝐚/𝐧 — 𝐧𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐟 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐍𝐎 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲, 𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫

𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝, 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 —

@uwupaige @jadasogay @sweetluna20

[voikiraz]

— ꒰ ∗ ִ ⍺lways ᧉven ᥒow ⠀ ꒱ [ k.dh ]

Lovers . donghyun x fem!reader ⠀𝑤. angst, breaking up w donghyun should be the biggest warning, hurt no comfort lolsies step ? #843 M.recordings [ lol, merry Christmas pookies ( for those who celebrate )]

syn. maybe it was just a story that was meant to end one way or another.

His heart squeezed tightly as he stared at the only light source in his dark room, his phone displaying a few words he didn't want to make sense of, he took a few seconds of heavy breathing until his fingers slid across the screen.

He can't run from this forever.

“Can you please call me when you have the time? We can't keep pushing this talk back donghyun”

A few taps on his phone and the ringing tone was making it’s way into his ears, making those few seconds take a much longer toll on him.

“Hey,” he heard your voice call out and his breath hitched.

He can't lie and say this was fully unexpected, he knew something was up. 

The way he was starting to forget the warmth of your touch, your gleaming smile that was only reserved for him, your soft voice that lulled him to places and feelings he could only ever dream of. 

It wasn't the same anymore and he knew that, your touch still lingers against his skin, but empty of any warmth that once used to soften his heart, your smile is pettyfull, reminiscing what could've been, your voice is firm and full of what ifs that were failing to leave your lips.

“Hi” his voice cracked, and you barely even heard him.

“Listen, i know you were expecting this and i know its so wrong of me, this isnt easy for me to say, i need you to know that you mean so much to me hannie and ill always care about you and ill love you no matter what, but you can feel it too leehan-” you sucked in a breath, trying not to let your emotions get the best of you. “We're moving in different directions and growing apart, and its not your fault, i'm not trying to play the blame game here you know that, but i think we both deserve to be with someone moving along with us, and growing with us and its eating me alive that i can't be that person for you anymore.”

He leaned against the table, feeling like if he kept pacing around the room his knees wouldn't hold up, your words echoing one by one through his mind and piercing through the air like sharp knives.

“I hope you know I'm doing this because you and I both know that it's what's right for us, maybe we won't understand that now but it's true.” You sounded composed but the soft sobs that were falling from your lips didn't fall on deaf ears, and leehan shut his eyes as tight as he could, thinking maybe it'll be over quicker that way. Maybe

Deep down he knew that it wasn't really anyone's fault, it was just life, but he never heard you sound this hopeless before, broken, and he just wanted to hold you, caress your hair and tell you that it's okay, he's there for you and nothing will ever make him leave your side. 

“I love you, i dont think I'll stop loving you any time soon, but for now, we can't be together donghyun.” You inhaled deeply, silence stretching for a few seconds before you hung up, you knew he wouldn't say anything, you could practically feel everything he wanted to say radiating to you from the end of the line.

You gripped your phone tightly as you just stared at the wall, too exhausted to move, blaming life for destroying what you could call a perfect life, you cried, and cried and you couldn't do anything but look down and let your mind wander.

Until you drifted off to a place where everything felt less heavy.

11:48 pm.

You got a message from ‘my hyunnie’ 

“you have no idea how much i love you and how much i care about you, i would do anything for you y/n, i've been trying to find the right words for hours, but i don't think any words can capture my feelings for you.

I dont want to let you go, i cant, i dont even know how to do that, i keep telling myself that it'll be okay but i cant help feeling like I'm losing a part of myself with you, maybe its selfish but you're my everything y/n and i’ll never let go of what we had even if it kills me, i keep wishing we would've found a way to make it work but i don't think this is our story anymore.

But i want you to know that even though things are changing, my love for you will never change, you were my whole world for so long, and i'll always remember that, i understand that we're moving apart and even though that's so hard to accept, i want you to be happy even if it means you won't be by my side, just know that i'll always carry you with me wherever i go, always.

Take care of yourself my love, i'll never stop loving you”

Kim donghyun

© voikiraz 2O24

[kayharrisons]

No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her [Bjorn x fem!reader] [2 of?] [18+]

Chapter summary: you eagerly await your boyfriend's arrival back in 12.

A/N: HI GUYS been a minute since I posted for this one ahaha, we're switching to Reader's pov for this one!!! I'll be going back and forth between their POVs, it's very fun for me >:3 MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!!!

Chapter Warnings: PTSD, mentioned character death, Capital being Weird to minors, general Hunger Games themes

The train isn't late, but it certainly feels like it, as you stand on the platform waiting for your boyfriend to return home, to return to you.

You'd had faith in him this whole time, known he'd come back to you.

The only time you'd had even a little bit of doubt was when Navarro had died.

You'd been damn near catatonic as you watched her die right before your eyes. As you watched Bjorn have to watch his sister die in front of him.

You'd been afraid he was going to join her, for a little bit.

Losing Tyler and Kay last year had made him angry, bitter at the world outside of you and Navarro.

Losing her may just break him entirely.

The platform is mostly empty, people had wanted to stop by, to cheer Bjorn as their first proper winner. But missing work would result in lashings, and so it was you and a handful of peacekeepers.

Bjorn had no family left to greet him. His mother having died in a mining collapse earlier this year, and his father...

He'd been caught stealing supplies from the sickbay, for Bjorn who had been dreadfully sick one year. He'd been hanged for it.

Bjorn had been nine.

You can still remember the sight of Mr Henriksen's body swaying to and fro from the Hanging Tree, before your mother had pulled you away, before he'd been cut down.

It's not a sight you forget.

You shiver at the memory, rubbing your arms as you anxiously bounce on the balls of your feet.

It isn't long before the train arrives, before it squeaks to a halt. The Peacekeepers flank the door, security for the Victor inside.

Bjorn steps off of the train shortly after.

His hair is closely cropped at the sides of his head, his mop of hair trimmed neatly to just above his brows. He's clad in a dark coat with matching pants, Capital's finest wool by the looks of it, warm, cosy. His shoes are polished to perfection, gleaming in the dimming light.

His eyes are hollow, though, when you meet them. Hollow and full of agony, of grief, of longing for-

You crash into one another in an instant, the pair of you collapsing to your knees as sobs overtake you both.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

His home in Victor's Village is barren, to be honest.

Bjorn hadn't had a lot of possessions beyond his clothes and the furniture in his and Navarro's home.

Her things have been left in a guest bedroom, untouched. You imagine it'll be that way for quite some time.

For now, though, you lock the door, you stoke the fire, and you sit beside Bjorn as he stares into the flames.

"Where's she buried?" he asks, voice hoarse, the first words he's spoken to you all day.

You suck in a breath, ducking your head down briefly. You'd been a wreck the day they'd delivered Navarro's coffin back to District 12, incoherent with tears as you tried to picture where Bjorn would want his sister to be laid to rest.

"Top of the hill," you answer quietly, fidgeting with a button on your dress. "She'll always get the sun up there and... it's close to your mom, I thought she'd like that."

Bjorn nods, throat bobbing hard as swallows. "She would." he agrees, gruff, just as quiet as you.

Silence, for a few minutes, save for the crackling of the fire.

"Bjorn-" you begin, ever so gently. He abruptly stands, shrugging off his thick coat.

"Need a drink." he grunts, moving from the living room and to the kitchen, door swinging shut in his wake. Your brow furrows, worry curling at your belly, clawing up your throat.

You don't follow after him. You know when he needs his space, can tell when he needs to be left alone.

So you leave him be, for now.

You'll give him today, let him cope how he needs to. You'll remain here, by his side, even if it's in separate rooms, just in case he turns to you for comfort.

You know him better than anyone. You know it won't be happening today.

He'll shut himself up in one of the many bedrooms of this house, will drink himself to sleep, will sob and scream through his grief and though it pains you, you will leave him be.

Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow you will open the door for him, will be there waiting with open arms.

Tomorrow, you hope, will be kinder to him.

[body-to-flame]

I want to watch the sun sink behind the heavens with you. Anything. I just want anything from you.

[owlheartt]

Something I really like about timebomb is that Ekko actually knows what he's getting into.

I'm not really seeing it get talked about but in season 1 they mention that Ekko and the firelights help people addicted to shimmer get off it and lead more fulfilling lives within the community. I should probably rewatch the scene for the exact wording (might be misremembering tbh) but that comment implies A LOT.

First: Ekko's mission is helping people where he can, he would probably try and help Jinx even if he wasn't in love with her

Second: He has experience dealing with severe mental illness as that often goes hand in hand with drug abuse, namely depression/suicidal ideation like what Jinx was exhibiting

Third: He's probably mapped out best course of action FOR dealing with this and has already figured out his own limits/boundaries. Meaning he knew what he was getting into trying to talk Jinx out of suicide, and was thus more equipped to deal with the aftermath

Fourth: He's probably helped ex members of Silco's gang. The firelights seem to have a theme of healing and repairing and recovering, so they've probably also learned to forgive. If they're mission is to rebuild the lanes into a safe space, they can't exclude people they don't like, they have to make room for them. I think they fought Silco out of necessity, and I doubt Jinx would be the first person they help who's killed one of them.

These all might be a bit of a stretch but I think it really fits. Beyond that, it shows that Ekko can ACTUALLY help Jinx. As much as unconditional love can do, Ekko has the tools for Jinx's recovery and a path ready for her. He also probably knows that her "healthy" will look different from AU Powder's "healthy." On top of that, I expect he knows how to respect her even in the middle of psychotic breaks and won't agitate her already frail mental state

[front-facing-pokemon]

[angelsdean]

ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.

[technovillain]

Came up with the plot of a novel with lots of intertwined stories and several time periods that is told semi-out of order and did an outline in just 2 days. Everyone clap for me immediately.

[suddencolds]

. not snz

on healing and on fear (tags)

[walking-loather]

When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.

TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.

If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.

If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.

If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.

If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.

If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.

If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.

If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.

If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.

If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.

If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.

If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.

If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.

If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.

I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.

If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.

If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.

If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.

These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.

And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.

If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.

[dazzelmethat]

Long time no Bud. Wow the last time I made her a ref was 2018. I experimented some with her pallet. Unsure if I like the profile head but oh well, open mouthed anime inspired profile faces are notoriously hard for a reason.

Sigh. What am I going to do with her.. my writing conundrum workshopping in tags. My tag rant mentions plot related suicide and ableism (in relation to the zombie trope).

[sskk-manifesto]

Finally got around to watching ep 11 (´；ω；｀)