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htaesan · 2 months ago

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　ᅠ 🀦　ᅠ THIRTY DAYS OF LOVE　　────　ᅠ ( kim leehan )

𝓹recis ⠀ : ⠀donghyun’s world shatters when he learns that the love of his life, you, is running out of time. but when the unexpected happens𑁋and you begin pushing him away, he makes a choice he’ll never fail to make over and over again. to love you through all the sunsets, quietly, fiercely and eternally.

　　　ᅠ 김동현 ⠀⠀◜◡◝ ⠀⠀𝒇 reader ⠀wc 12k ⠀ genre angst fluff established relationship non idol au fiancé au ⠀ contains mentions of food blood death terminal sickness drugs (as medicine) crying skinship pet names ⠀ tagging @a-dream-bookmark ,@/k-labels , @k-nets , @k-films , @sgz-net , @onedoornet

　　　ᅠ note ᅠ from ᅠ 𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐈 ! ᅠ this is it guys my debut leehan fic is angst! and since this is my first time doing such a long angst fic i dedicate this to my lovely @miumura <3 i hope this is good enough for you babes! and my biggest thanks to rhin and sru for proofreading this for me ~ mwah ^3^

　　　ᅠ ＞︿　　please leave feedbacks 　　& 　　reblog

“SEE you tonight, angel,” Donghyun kisses your hair, pulling you into a hug. He doesn’t let go for a while, comfortable at how you’re perfectly snuggling against his chest.

Still in his hug, you look up at him. “Why are you still hugging me? You’re going to be late for the meeting,” you say, knowing that his office takes a longer time to reach than yours.

Donghyun smiles, placing his chin on your head. He pulls you into his embrace tighter, savouring every bit of the moment. “I don’t know, I just want to hug you a little longer.”

“Okay, you can hug me when you come home tonight,” you say, gently pushing him away. It’d be such an outrageous lie if you said you didn’t love your fiancé’s hugs, but you also know that if you didn’t push him out the door, he wouldn’t get to work on time.

You push Donghyun to the door, then go on the tip of your toes, kissing his cheek. “I’ll see you tonight, dear.”

Donghyun pouts, yet he opens the door. “I’m sorry I can’t come with you for your doctor’s appointment,” he says, pressing his lips together.

You’re going to work a bit later today, as you have your monthly check-up in the morning. It’s nothing serious, just a habit that you’ve gotten used to since a child—as your parents would always bring you in for a monthly check-up at the clinic. Better safe than sorry, they said.

Plus, you have been feeling quite distorted lately—swamped with fatigue and sleep disturbances. You thought it’s related to stress, but after talking to Donghyun about it, you’re a bit relieved that you’re getting it checked out, in case of anything serious.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” you say, giving him a smile. You feel a pang in your heart—it’s no lie that you’re a bit nervous, as this is the first time in years that you’d be going to the doctor’s without Donghyun by your side.

“You’ll be fine?”

You nod, chuckling. “I’ll be fine.”

“Okay then,” Donghyun says, sighing. He adjusts the man bun you’ve helped him tie, before stepping out of the apartment. “I’ll see you tonight—text me!”

You laugh, adoring how cute your handsome fiancé is. “I will, sweetheart. Get to work safely.”

“I will!” you hear him exclaim, waving before he takes a turn down the hallway. You take a deep breath before going back into your apartment to get ready for the day.

After getting ready, you take a cab over to the clinic, prepping yourself by saying that it’s nothing to be worried about—the fact that you’ve been feeling extra tired and coughing more often are caused by stress and that it’s nothing serious.

The worried look on your doctor’s face and the way that she orders additional scans and tests makes you think otherwise. Though, still, you brave yourself.

That is until the nurse comes back with your tests, a grim look on her face, and you can’t help but feel extremely scared.

“I’m sorry, Miss, but it looks like you have advanced lung cancer, and… the prognosis isn’t good.”

The world stops spinning, and everything goes silent. The weight of the world crashes down on you. Everything feels distant, like you’re underwater.

“From my observations, and the tests that we ran for you just now, the cancer looks like it’s beyond treatable. All we can do is give you some medications to help with the pain–”

“How much longer do I have?” you suddenly ask, your voice throaty. Tears begin to collect at the corners of your eyes, and all you can think of is Donghyun.

Your doctor widens her eyes in surprise, not expecting such a calm reaction. “I… estimate it to be around two months, at best.”

You nod absentmindedly, barely hearing the doctor explaining further help with medication, lifestyle and life expectancy. Your head is spinning, and all you’re able to think about is Donghyun. The happy life the two of you are planning.

“Would… you like to call someone?” the doctor asks, pulling you back to reality.

You blink back tears, immediately shaking your head. You force a smile. “No. I’ll be fine.”

You clutch the test results in your hand tightly as you leave the clinic in a daze. You glance at the people around you—some are happily calling or texting someone through their phones, some are enjoying their food with their partners, some are even rushing to work. You watch everyone go with their life, tears in your eyes. Suddenly, all the little things mean so much more to you.

You glance at the time on your phone—if you catch the train now, you’d be able to reach work and catch up on some pending tasks. You plod through the path, slowly making your way down the subway. When you reach down the stairs, your phone vibrates with messages from none other than your beloved, Kim Donghyun.

Swallowing thickly, you read the texts from your notifications.

hi angel! i hope everything’s going well

this meeting is boring

i’d rather bring u to the aquarium for a date ^_^

anyways text me back when u can, ok?

i love u sm!

Once again, your eyes overfill with tears, causing them to fall down your cheeks. You place a hand on your chest. Your hand forms a fist, crumpling the test results. A part of you is aching to call him and cry your heart out about this new calamity that hit you—yet, another bigger part of you knows that you shouldn’t.

Donghyun had recently got promoted at his workplace, getting a higher pay raise. He’s also collecting money to open his own fish shop. He’s been talking to you about it for ages, and he even has a pinterest board saved. His dreams are slowly coming true, and you’re not ruining that for him—you know that he’ll instantly drop everything once you break the truth to him.

You force yourself to look up, swatting your tears away with the edge of your sleeve. You blink back the remaining tears, reaching a resolute decision in your mind.

Instead of telling Donghyun, you’re going to make him fall out of love with you.

You smile sadly.

It’s for the best. You love him too much to want him to give up on his dreams just to take care of you. You love him too dearly to see him heartbroken over your state. You love him so much that you’re willing to die alone.

You love him, more than you ever could describe, that you’re willing to pull away to prevent him from sacrificing his future for you.

You switch your phone off, taking a deep breath. As you step into the train, heading for work, you decide that you’re going to give yourself thirty days to accomplish your mission.

Thirty final days with him, then that’s it.

THAT night, you can’t sleep. The reality that you’re living in seems so real yet so distant, and it keeps you awake. You’re in Donghyun’s arms, staring at the ceiling blankly. The gentle rhythm of his chest heaving up and down, the warmth of his breath against your forehead comforts you—yet it washes you through a wave of realisation—that this will be one of your final nights with him.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

You snuggle closer to him, blinking to force tears back in. You brave yourself, shifting your gaze upon your fiancé’s face—his peaceful sleeping face that looks so cute and adorable. You’ve cried too much today, yet you can’t stop the tears from dripping down your face again.

It’s so unfair. You were finally happy–why did it have to be robbed right from you when you were just getting comfortable?

The urge to wake him up and tell him everything is overwhelming, but you clench your fists and swallow the words. You take a deep breath, repeating to yourself the mission that you’re putting yourself to.

Thirty days to make Donghyun leave me.

You shift your gaze back towards the ceiling, mentally making a list of what you have to do for the next four weeks.

DAY 1.

In the morning, you’re up earlier than Donghyun is—that’s usually how it is, but this time, you had to make sure you’re awake before he is, to avoid any slip-ups from you.

You’ve already showered—you’re now in your bathrobes, and done your whole morning routine. You walk over to your shared bed, smiling softly at finding Donghyun still soundly sleeping. You kneel on the bed, forcing yourself to maintain a stoic face as you shake him awake.

“Good morning, love,” he mumbles, stretching his arms wide before pulling you in for a hug. You bite the bottom of your lip, holding back a smile. Usually, you’d giggle and kiss him good morning, but this time, you don’t. You stay silent, not reciprocating both his greeting and his hug. It pains you, but the pain that’s in your lungs every time you take a deep breath reminds you of the harsh future you’re facing.

After a few minutes, Donghyun notices the change in your behaviour. He opens his eyes, pulling away slightly so he can look you straight in the eye. “Are you okay?”

You press your lips into a thin line. “I’m fine,” you reply, giving him a half-hearted smile.

Donghyun holds the gaze longer than you wish he did, pursing his lips as he analyses any emotion that you might be displaying on your face.

Before he could say anything that will definitely make you break character, you push yourself out of his embrace, walking to the vanity. The weight of your lie begins to sink in your chest, marking the beginning of your plan.

You know that Donghyun, as dense as he can be sometimes (read as most of the time), is quick to pick up on things—especially if it’s about things and people he loves. You notice him lingering around you, standing behind you, longer than he usually does, with a puzzled look on his face as you go through your usual morning routine.

Except that you don’t pack a lunch for him, pretending that you’re occupied with some other house chore. Except that you don’t smile sweetly, saying that you love him while you give him a kiss on the cheek as the two of you part ways for the day.

Donghyun notices, and you know that as soon as you receive a text message from him right after you’ve arrived at your office.

angel

you okay?

did i do smth wrong? i don’t have lunch today :<

You open the message and give him a simple and dry response: “no”. You grit your teeth, already hating the weight that’s pushing you down every single time you lie to him.

The rest of the week goes by the same way—you try your absolute best to create distance between you and Donghyun: talking to him in an uninterested tone, not hugging back whenever he does, pretending to not remember to kiss him goodnight and goodmorning, not updating him about your day to let him smile as he listen to you like how it usually is.

You’ve, too, lost count the amount of times Donghyun has come up to you and asked if you were okay.

“I’m fine,” you grunt, scooting away. You adjust your posture before forcing yourself to focus on the show you’re watching. It’s not even that interesting, but you need to do everything humanly possible to ignore the handsome ball of fluff sitting next to you, begging you to tell him what’s wrong with those super cute boba eyes of his.

You hear Donghyun quietly sighing before walking away to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge to find some snacks to offer you.

“Here,” he says after a while. You glance at him, gulping at the sight of the honey butter chips Donghyun is stretching out to you.

“I’m not… hungry,” you force yourself to say, in a plain tone.

Donghyun tilts his head. “But you like honey butter chips,” he says, already slightly pouting.

“Kim Donghyun, I’m not hungry,” you hiss, eyes glued to the television.

“Okay…” you hear him murmur, shoving the chip that he originally wanted to feed you into his own mouth. From the corner of your eyes, you see Donghyun folding the bottom of the bag so that it can stand by itself, carefully so that the chips won’t spill, before placing it next to you. He then gets up and walks away to the kitchen to cook some food, intending to give you space.

Actually, Donghyun can’t exactly cook, but he’s just standing there, at the sink, washing some fruits that he wants to cut up for you. The past few days, he’s noticed a very drastic change in your behaviour. You’re no longer smiling at him, you’re no longer talking to him about anything that comes to your mind, you’re no longer reciprocating the hugs and cuddles he’s giving. You’ve brushed off every single attempt he’s made to ask you if anything was wrong, or if he did anything that upset you.

Donghyun sighs, tying his hair up before beginning to peel some oranges.

DAY 6.

The next step of your plan begins: picking fights at the most irrelevant things, hoping that Donghyun would lose his patience.

“Can you not hug me like that?” you snark, swatting his hands away from your waist.

Donghyun widens his eyes, shocked at your sudden outburst. Normally, you wouldn’t ever decline his hugs—preferring to let him snake his arms around you as you get ready for the day, or cooking something up.

You glare at your fiancé, fiercely dabbing your makeup onto your face. It pains you to see the confused and shocked look on his face, but you have to continue. “It’s so annoying, your breaths are so sticky and it makes my neck feel hot.”

Donghyun puts his arms to his side, taking a deep breath. “Okay, angel, I’m sorry,” he says, his voice gentle. He extends his hand, patting your hair. “I’ll be showering,” he informs you before disappearing to the bathroom.

You watch him with widened eyes, taken aback by his reply.

That wasn’t supposed to happen. Donghyun was supposed to be offended by your actions, not be completely calm and okay about it.

You turn around, eager to find another opportunity to piss him off.

A few moments after that, you find yourself in the kitchen with Donghyun, who’s watching you prepare breakfast. You glance at him, who’s peacefully trying to sip his morning coffee.

This is perfect timing.

Ignoring the heavy guilt weighing down on you, you slam the kitchen drawer a little harder than necessary, the sharp sound cutting through the tranquil morning.

Donghyun’s head shoots up, and his eyes immediately find you. He sets his coffee down, fingers lingering around the mug. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you mutter, shoving the dirty spoon in your hands into the sink with a loud clatter.

He frowns, taking one step closer. “You seem upset.”

“I said I’m fine,” you snap, sharply turning around to face Donghyun. Pushing down the remorse you feel upon seeing his expression—a mixture of shock and worry—you continue. “Can’t I be in a bad mood without you questioning me?”

Silence.

You expect him to bite back, finally telling you that you’re being unreasonable. You know Donghyun isn’t the type to be confrontational, but considering the amount of discourtesy you’ve done to him this past week, you even expect him to get angry.

That would make it easier.

Instead, much to your surprise, Donghyun simply sighs. “Of course you can, my love,” he says softly, eyes not budging away from you.

You inhale sharply, turning your back to him before he can see the tremble in your hands.

As the week goes by with a blur of similar attempts, you begin to grow a little frustrated. A part of you just wants to tell Donghyun everything—where it hurts, how sad you feel, how you feel so worthless and in pain all the time.

Every time you glance at him, you just feel like jumping into his embrace. Every time you see a notification from him, your fingers itch to press call, to release the tension in your shoulders and the heavy guilt in your chest, to whisper the truth to him. I’m sick. I’m dying.

You’re taking the bus back home, Donghyun’s message opened but left unreplied. You stare at the message: “get home safely, my love” with a vision that blurs more and more with tears every time you blink.

The message bubble pops up again.

Donghyun’s typing.

are you okay?

you’re leaving me on read

You shut your eyes, clicking the off button on your phone. You can’t do this right now. If you let yourself answer his texts, your whole plan will crumble along with his future.

Donghyun doesn’t deserve this.

You clench your fists, fingernails digging into your palms. You force yourself to stay quiet, to freeze and not do anything.

A tear escapes down your cheek, and you let it fall.

It hurts.

But you don’t know what else to do.

DAY 13.

“I’m home,” Donghyun calls out as he closes the door behind him. The apartment is quiet, and he can only hear the air purifier working in the background.

It feels weird.

He glances at the shoe rack, spotting the pair of shoes that you chose to wear to work today already there. He bites the bottom of his lips, bending down to fix the position of your shoes. Then, quietly, he opens his own and sets them neatly next to yours.

As he makes his way to the bedroom, a million thoughts race through his head. What did he do wrong? Where did he mess up—for you to be acting so differently? He knows he isn’t the best at confrontational communication, but you’ve shrugged off all of his attempts to try.

Donghyun walks silently to your shared bedroom, and he sees you bundled up on the bed, soundly sleeping. There’s something about you, so ethereal and beautiful, even when you’re deep in slumber. Donghyun takes quiet steps towards you, coming into a halt when he’s standing right in front of you.

He exhales heavily, absorbing the view of you.

Donghyun misses you.

He misses spending hours giggling with you, talking about all the things that the two of you found interesting in this world. He misses holding you in his arms. He misses kissing you, smothering you in his affection. He misses letting you braid and play with his hair whenever you want to. He misses having you drag him around doing errands—shopping for groceries and household items, occasionally distracted by the cute blind boxes at the cash register. He misses enjoying aquarium dates with you—seeing you look at him with lovesick eyes, even though you have been to the same aquarium so many times.

He misses you, and he wonders what he’s done wrong for you to obviously avoid him like this.

Donghyun pauses, wondering if he should do it. He sighs, then leans down to give you a peck on the forehead. It’s gentle, barely there—but it’s enough for him to sustain himself through another week.

As he straightened his posture, he recalls the events that happened recently. Just this morning, when Donghyun was watching you get ready for the day, you suddenly mentioned Sanghyeok—a man who you used to be interested in, back in high school.

“I wonder what Sanghyeok is doing now,” you said. Your voice is loud—waiting for Donghyun to respond.

Donghyun buttoned his shirt, staring right at you. He remained silent, not knowing exactly what to expect out of this.

“I bet he looks even more handsome now,” you tried again, emphasizing the ‘handsome’ in your tone. You sneaked a glance at your fiancé through the vanity mirror, disappointed to see him remaining unfazed.

“Obviously,” he replied after a while. He approached you and grabbed the hair comb next to you. He continued, in a matter-of-factly tone. “Everyone gets more handsome or beautiful as they mature.”

Donghyun smiled quietly as he watched your face morph into an annoyed expression, huffily turning away.

This must be some kind of way for her to get back at me, he thought. Maybe I should try harder to get her heart back, for whatever reason she pulled away.

You stir, fingers instinctively reaching for the pillow next to you—bringing Donghyun back into the present.

Donghyun sighs, massaging his temples. He looks at you, taking in your beauty for a while, before walking away to get unready for the day—already thinking of what to order for dinner.

DAY 17.

Tomorrow is the day where you’ll accompany Donghyun to find his wedding suit, and you know he’s been aching to ask you why you’re not excitedly talking to him about it yet. He’s been hovering around you—not quite standing or sitting next to you, but rather, he’s around you—the corner of his mouth twitching as he bites back his words.

You’ve been quite excited, actually. You’ve been saving a lot of photos, trying to get an idea of what would make your fiancé look flattering on your wedding day. You were dying to talk to him about, endlessly rambling to him about the countless designs out there—but you’re reminded of your condition, the fact that you’re sick and dying, every time you glance at him and imagine him in a wedding suit.

That’s the only reason that’s keeping you together, holding you back from unleashing your true feelings.

Donghyun found his courage to ask you when the two of you are sitting at the dining table, eating some take-out ramen that he ordered for dinner.

“About tomorrow…” Donghyun begins, slowly chewing the contents of his mouth. “We’ll be going… right? Together?”

You take a deep breath, putting on your act. You look up from your food, eyes bored. “Do you not want to?”

“No– no, it’s not like that, angel,” Donghyun stammers, almost choking on his food. “I’m just wondering… because you haven’t talked about it all week. You…”

He pauses, and he holds his gaze for a few moments.

“You usually get excited about these things,” he continues softly.

“About what?” you ask sharply, heart sinking at the way you’re treating him.

Donghyun shrugs. The look in his eyes is cracking your heart into pieces, but you brave yourself to keep the glare on. “You know, about doing things together. With me.”

“Whatever,” you grumble, breaking the gaze Donghyun is holding. You turn to your food, holding back your tears by aggressively poking holes in your fishcakes.

“Angel,” he calls, and you hate how you instantly perk up at the nickname. Your eyes slightly widen at how he’s smiling so adorably, his boba eyes sparkling against the reflection of the lamps. “Do you remember? Our first date.”

The memory of one of the happiest days of your life, dated seven years ago, tugs hard against your chest, some kind of heavy feeling going up to your throat. “Yes,” you croak, avoiding his gaze.

“I still remember how nervous I was, waiting for you in front of your parents’ house with flowers in my hands. It was really awesome—the feeling of waiting for you outside, knowing that I’ll be spending the entire day with you,” Donghyun pauses as he laughs, the corner of his eyes crinkling with happiness.

You swallow thickly, forcing yourself to stay stoic.

“I was eighteen—we were eighteen—still young and dumb, but I knew, the moment you stepped out the door looking so beautiful in your light pink dress, that you’re the person I want to be with for the rest of my life.”

You shut your eyes, lowering down your head. As tears begin to collect at the edges of your eyes and Donghyun’s voice begins to blur in the background, you curse yourself and your fate.

Why did it have to be like this?

What did you ever do wrong to be given such a cruel future?

Why did it have to be you?

DAY 21.

You’re sure that you heard the doctor right the last time—that you had around three months to live. But now, with every single day that passes, you feel like your body is physically getting ripped away from you, little by little. Your appetite decreases with every passing day, your energy and mood swings vary by a significant manner.

Every time you notice this, the more adamant you are in your plan. You have to make Donghyun leave, even if it breaks you in the process.

You have 9 days left of your plan.

You’ve been more consistent and put more effort into your scheme, despite Donghyun being calm and still loving through it all.

You sigh deeply, standing at the sink as you wash out your mug after drinking honey lemon water. You’re coughing very often now, and you often find yourself out of breath yet in pain multiple times. You feel Donghyun’s presence behind you, and it’s feeling heavier than usual. You’re done washing your mug, but you rinse it a couple more times to pretend that everything’s fine.

As soon as you close the water tap, Donghyun opens his mouth.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

His voice is calm—way too calm.

You glance at him, setting your mug down, your body still turned away from him. It’s a bit weird that Donghyun is confronting you now, but given the duration that your plan has been going on, you figure that he’s reached the peak of his patience.

“I’ve been busy, that’s all.”

A quick moment of silence goes by. Then, “You’re lying.”

You inhale sharply, momentarily shutting your eyes close. But you don’t turn to face him.

The sharp sound of a chair scraping against the tiled floor startles you. You quickly turn around and it’s Donghyun, pulling a chair out—but he doesn’t sit. Instead, he rests against it, his hand gripping tightly on its backrest.

“What is it?” he asks, his voice quieter. “What are you not telling me?”

You avert your gaze, swallowing densely. Say it. Make him hate you once and for all.

“I…” you clear your throat, trying your best to sound indifferent. “I’m done, Donghyun. I don’t think I love you anymore.”

Silence.

For a moment, you’re hoping—silently praying, even—that he would just walk away. That he would accept your words and take his leave.

Then, in a voice so quiet it’s almost a whisper, Donghyun says, “say it again.”

You widen your eyes, turning to him. Startled, you blurt out, “what?”

The guilt that’s pushing down your chest doubles even more as Donghyun is staring at you. His jaw clenched, and his eyes dark with something that you’ve never seen in him before—hurt, anger, and utter disbelief.

“Say it again.”

Your lips part, but you can’t force anything out.

“You’re lying,” Donghyun says, with no softness in his voice this time. “But let’s pretend you’re not.”

He takes a step forward, and suddenly you’re trapped between him and the kitchen counters. “Say it again, Y/N,” he whispers, almost begging, “look at me this time.”

Shakily, you force yourself with all your might to meet his gaze, tears beginning to form.

Say it, Y/N. Make him hate you.

Make him leave.

“I–” your voice cracks.

Donghyun stands in front of you, still like a stone. He doesn’t blink, nor does he say anything. He stands there, waiting, patient like he always is.

Your hands begin to tremble at your side, and with one deep breath, you let it out before you can’t anymore.

“I don’t love you anymore,” you whisper, forcing your shaky gaze to connect to Donghyun. The fact that it’s a lie pains you ten times more than it should have—you exhale, biting your lips to cover how terribly you’re trembling.

Donghyun exhales deeply. For a moment, you think he’s about to laugh. But instead, he looks away, shaking his head.

“Okay, fine,” he nods, his voice too steady. “Then tell me, why are you still wearing the ring?”

Your blood turns to ice.

“If you don’t love me anymore,” Donghyun repeats, and one by one, his words sting your heart. “Tell me why you’re still wearing the ring.”

Your hand flies to the hand with the engagement ring, trying to hide it, but you’re too slow. He’s already seen it.

Donghyun laughs, short and humourless. “You can’t even take it off, can you?”

Feeling harshly attacked, you look away.

Donghyun runs a hand over his face, slowly sighing. “I don’t know what’s going on,” he says, his voice lower now, and it’s clear that he’s exhausted. “But if what you’re doing is to protect me from whatever, it’s not working.”

His words cause a pang to your heart.

“It’s not like that—” You grit your teeth, starting to internally panic. “You don’t understand–”

“Then make me understand!”

Your breath hitches.

Donghyun didn’t yell—not really—but for a man who never raises his voice, and would try his best to solve things calmly without conflict— his outburst might as well be a scream.

The rawness in his voice makes your heart ache even more.

But the sharp pain in your lungs reminds you of everything—you can’t let him in.

You turn quickly, to hide the sudden stream of tears flowing down your cheeks. “There’s nothing to understand,” you quietly say, biting your quivering lips.

A long silence, accompanied by palpable tension, stretches between the two of you.

When Donghyun finally speaks, his voice is quieter than before. “Okay.”

You force your eyes shut, biting back sobs as you hear him walk away, the sound of the door closing echoing in the apartment.

And when the sound of his footsteps disappeared, you let yourself sink to the floor in heavy sobs, your body trembling like crazy.

THE next few days go by like usual—Donghyun acts like nothing happened—but the only difference is you can clearly see the hurt in his eyes. He’s still loving: he brings back home your favourite food, opens the door for you, and makes sure you’re always comfortable.

You’re still trying your best to carry out your plan.

“Stop, Donghyun,” you say, albeit your voice is shaky. Donghyun, who’s silently peeling out shrimp skin from its flesh for you, pauses. He looks up—though he doesn’t say anything.

“We’re too different. You shouldn’t be with me.”

Donghyun takes a deep breath, and a few seconds later, he replies. “What’s so different about us, angel?”

Angel.

The nickname stings like lemon juice on a fresh paper cut.

“I…” you force a laugh, but it cracks at the edges. “Isn’t it obvious? We’re too different, Donghyun. We have always been—you like quiet nights in, I like going out,”

Lie. You never really minded the difference: you and Donghyun completed each other like you’re each other’s missing piece.

“You like stability, but I’m too restless for you. We… we’re just too different,” you gesture vaguely, trying not to let Donghyun hear the tremble in your voice. “Maybe we just… got carried away with the idea of us.”

Donghyun puts aside the shrimp he’s deskinning, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. His voice maddeningly tranquil, he says, “you don’t mean that.”

Your throat burns with the trace of your words.

He’s making this hard. Too hard than what it’s supposed to be.

“I do,” you lie.

Donghyun closes his mouth, studying you with an unreadable expression on his face. Then he exhales slowly. “I’m not going anywhere, Y/N.”

Your breath catches.

“No–”

“You can push me all you want, as hard as you want,” Donghyun continues, his voice softer than before, “but I’m staying, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere.”

The walls you carefully constructed around your heart begin to crack and crumble. Desperation claws frantically against your chest.

Why can’t he just let go?

You repeatedly shake your head, turning away, blinking rapidly as your vision begins to blur with tears. “You should,” you whisper, though it’s more to yourself. “You really should.”

Donghyun stays silent for quite some time, before leaning forward to gently caress your hair. You pull away, knowing that he isn’t leaving. Not now. Not ever.

DAY 27.

Donghyun stirs, blinking rapidly as the surroundings become clearer to him. He stretches his arms, tensing as he comes into contact with your sleeping figure. He sits up, and shifts his gaze towards you, your form accentuated by the dim glow of the bedside lamp.

There’s something wrong.

Donghyun knows—he just doesn’t exactly get what it is.

You’ve been so off—too distant—this past month, and knowing you for almost a decade, Donghyun realises that whatever is causing your behaviour change is serious.

He knows that it’s either him or something else.

But what did he do?

Donghyun quietly jumps off the bed, tiptoeing out of the room to get some water to drink. His mind is clouded with worry for you these days, he can barely sleep at night—with no one to share his warmth with, no one to talk to until one of you snoozes off, no one to braid his hair until one of you falls asleep.

He walks to the kitchen, his attempt at being quiet largely failing due to him yelping after stubbing his toes into the dining table. He switches a few of the lights on, still quiet, then he walks over to the kitchen to grab himself some water.

Everything was ordinary, except a few things laid out messily on the kitchen island.

Packets of medicine he’s never seen before, and a thin stack of papers scattered around the top of the island.

Curious, Donghyun peeks at the words printed on the label of the plastic packets, bringing the glass of water he’s holding to his lips.

Y/N L/N.

Aspirin.

Antidepressants.

Anti-seizure.

Steroids.

Morphine tablets.

His heart begins to beat loudly against his chest, blood rushing to his head. He quickly turns to the stack of papers, after checking through the packets of medicine.

Y/N L/N. Lung Cancer. Stage 4 (Severe).

Donghyun freezes, and the glass cup he’s holding slips through his fingers without notice.

His mind swirls with a million different emotions—he’s confused, in shock and fear, as well as a touch of deep betrayal.

His eyes read through the words on the papers again. A storm of emotions rain on him—he can’t believe it. It can’t be.

All of the memories he shared with you—both happy and sad—replays in his mind. From the moment he first laid his eyes on you, donkey years ago; your numerous dates together, hours spent with love and giggles; him proposing to you, and moving in together—planning and envisioning your life together. Then, a sudden flood of memories flush through, replaying the moments and conversations from the past month where you tried to push him away.

Now, everything clicks together in the right place.

Now, Donghyun understands why.

You were trying to make him leave for the future he deserved, for a better future without the burden of loving someone who was dying.

Donghyun feels his shoulders trembling ever so slightly, his vision beginning to blur with tears. He notices the broken glass cup on the floor, but his head is spinning too fast for him to comprehend it all.

Donghyun feels his heart pounding in his chest, creating a heavy rhythm that drowned out everything else around him. You’d tried to push him away—tried to make him fall out of love with you, to untangle him from a future with you, all in an anguished attempt to protect him from the unavoidable pain that is now coming for them. Donghyun feels like him not seeing this coming should have relieved him in some twisted way.

However, the reality coming from the document in front of him hits like a tidal wave. Anger begins to flare within him—he’s mad at you for trying to shield him from this, irritated for the way you drown him in doubt, distance, and wondering whether he was truly losing you even before he knew the reason behind it all, for the past month.

Yet, the anger and hurt begins to wash away as his eyes, still blurred from his tears that couldn’t yet fall, lands on a framed picture of the two of you on the wall.

You were glowing—the sparkle of the starry night sky glittering in your eyes, a loving smile on your face. Next to you was Donghyun, kissing the top of your hair, his heart swelling with love and gratitude.

It was the night of his proposal. The night you said yes.

Yes to a future together. Yes to loving each other through all the highs and lows.

A tear drops down Donghyun’s face, tracing the curve of his features in a silent surrender.

He understands.

How could he not?

Somehow, he knows that fear must have gotten the best of you, driving you to make such a selfish decision. He knows that you’re terrified—terrified to watch him suffer, to drag him into a future filled with nothing but grief and pain that no one should ever have to endure.

Donghyun knows that you’re trying to protect him—making the hardest decision to leave him with the hollow ache of your absence, hoping that he’d move on long before you had to physically leave this world.

His chest tightens with the realisation and the weight of his beloved’s sacrifice.

Donghyun glances, again, at the document stating your diagnosis on the kitchen counter.

It’s hard to come to terms with this new reality, shoved to his face like a rejection he doesn’t even have time to process.

It’s hard, but Donghyun’s love is undeniable. He feels it burning through the tangles of hurt, confusion and anger in his heart, leaving him with one overwhelming truth: he won’t leave. Not now. Not ever.

The vision of you smiling brightly appears in front of his eyes, the melody of your laughter ringing in his ears.

His heart begins to beat in a steady manner, and he’s never felt as sure before—the only other time being the moment, after taking you out for the first time, that he’s sure of a future with you.

I’m not going anywhere. I choose you, Y/N.

I’ll always choose you.

I choose us, even in this.

A wave of urgency suddenly washes through him—and it’s almost a frantic need to reassure you. Donghyun clutches his chest. He can’t let you believe, even for a second longer, that you’ll watch him walk away, leaving you to face this battle alone. He’s not going to abandon you—not when you need him the most.

The slightest, faintest shiver moves through him, betraying the calm he’s trying to maintain for so long. No sound escapes his lips, just a quiet sob.

And so, as the reality of his fiancée’s diagnosis begins to settle into the deepest marrows of his bones, he realises that the future that the two of you had once planned is no longer a guarantee. It’s fragile now, but a future with you is still one. The future still belongs to you and Donghyun, hand in hand. And he would fight to hold on to it, even if it meant facing the darkness together.

DAY 28.

“Y/N, I’m home,” Donghyun calls out, mentally preparing himself for another ‘mood swing’ of yours. However, when he swings the door to your shared apartment open, he finds himself in shock at the way it’s dark.

Panic begins to kick in. Donghyun looks around—your shoes are here, your coat is hanging, still damp from the year’s first snow.

“Angel?” Donghyun calls again, the tremble in his voice beginning to rise.

He kicks his shoes off and scrambles to every corner of the house, trying to find you. He looks for you in every nook and cranny—sharply turning when he spots light coming from the bottom of the bathroom door. He rushes there, but comes into a halt when he hears a sob.

You press your forehead against the bathroom mirror, your hot breath creating a cloud of fog on its surface. Gripping the edge of the sink as tight as you possibly could, you try to push in the panic that’s resurfacing, after keeping on a facade for the entire day.

At first, it was just a tiny tremor, a quiver barely noticeable in your chest as you try to keep your breathing calm amidst all the physical pain. Your eyes are glassy and distant, staring at nothing in particular. The tears are heavy, clinging to your eyelashes, refusing to fall. But with every blink, with every pained heave, a new wave erupts through you, and the tears threaten to fall. You press your lips tightly together, your fingers tightening their grip on the edge of the sink, trying to fiercely silence the sobs that will likely escape, but the quiet, desperate hitch in your breath betrays you.

The tears flow down your cheeks like a river carving its way through thick solid rock, free, warm and unwelcome. You press your forehead harder against the stinging cold mirror, as though you’re trying to push the tears back in. Your throat tightens, a soft sob jerking at the bottom of your chest. You bite the bottom of your lip so hard it might rip apart, your entire body stiffening in an attempt to halt a flood that’s quickly becoming too impossible to stop.

But it slips out of you anyway—a quiet, pained sob that escaped before you could even stop it, followed by another, and another, and then a louder, desperate gasp for air. Your shoulders begin to rise up and down in an effort to stifle the sound, but each aching breath makes it harder. Your chest begins to heave, your hands trembling against the freezing surface of the sink, unable to stop the heavy storm of tears raining from your eyes.

Your attempts to remain composed are long gone now, swallowed up by the weight of it all. And though you still tried to suppress it, your anguish cries fills the apartment with a rawness that she can’t deny, can’t conceal, no matter how hard you fight it.

“Angel?”

No.

You shake your head, tears mercilessly streaming down your cheeks.

I need to stop crying.

You harshly wipe the tears on your cheeks with the back of your hand, exhaling shakily.

A soft knock comes from the door.

“Y/N?”

You close your eyes shut. Not now. Please.

You hear the doorknob turn, and tears begin to well up again.

“I’m coming in.”

Before you could turn and stop in, Donghyun is already inside the bathroom, standing in front of you. His eyes immediately find you, locking to the sight of your tear-streaked face and trembling hands.

His expression softens. “Hey,” he says, “talk to me.”

You shake your head. “Donghyun, please,” you say, your voice croaky. “Just go.”

Donghyun steps closer, determination masking the hurt in his eyes. His warmth begins to blanket around you.

“No.”

You suck in a sharp breath, wincing at the pain. “You have to.”

“Why?”

Donghyun frowns, his hand already halfway there, his first instinct is to hold you as soon as he sees you in pain.

You turn to face him, the walls of your plan that you’ve constructed crumbling down the moment your eyes meet his. For the first time, you let him see it all—the overwhelming pain. The fear. The exhaustion. The unbearable weight of what’s to come.

“Y/N–” he says, his own voice cracking.

“No,” you whisper, shaking your head slowly. You want to give up. You want to run into his arms. You want to tell him everything. You want to cry your heart out to someone you love so dearly with your heart, someone who you know will never judge you for anything at all.

But a part of you still refuses to force upon him a painful future.

“You deserve someone who has a future.”

“Love, what are you talking about–?”

“I’m dying, Donghyun,” you exclaim, choking on your tears. You can’t hold it in any longer, the truth slipping out without realisation. “I’m dying.”

Your words hang in the air, heavy and sharp like shattered glass.

Donghyun stands there, not saying anything.

For a long time, neither of you moves. Neither of you says anything. Just holding each other’s gaze, a storm of emotions swirling behind each of your eyes.

Then, quietly, Donghyun reaches out, pulling you into his embrace. You could feel his body trembling as he hugs you tight, his touch gentle, but at the same time, it feels desperate. It’s like you’d disappear if he let go.

He pulls away slightly after, cupping your face tenderly. “You’re not in this alone,” he says, his voice steady, contrasting the evident quiver of his hands.

Again, tears slip down your cheeks. “You should hate me.”

Your mind flips through the book of everything that you’ve done to him this month. It broke your heart, over and over again, doing each and every detail of your plan, but you know that it broke your fiancé even more.

“I love you,” Donghyun murmurs. “And I’m staying. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Your shoulders tremble as your hands find their grip on Donghyun’s arms, burying your face in his chest. His arms immediately find their way around you, pulling you closer. His heartbeat steady against yours, you let yourself cry in his arms for the first since the diagnosis.

DAY 30.

You spent the entire day, after confessing the partial truth to Donghyun, sleeping and resting. You feel so fatigued, not even having the mood to text your boss that you’d be taking an off day. You opened your eyes only to shut your alarm off, and woke up around midday, finding out that your lovely fiancé emailed your boss for you, applying for two days off. He took two days off, too, claiming that he wants to spend all his hours with you.

It’s the next day, and you wake up to Donghyun scrolling through something in his laptop, a serious frown on his face. It’s still partially dark in the apartment, the only source of light being your bedside lamp and Donghyun’s laptop.

“Donghyun,” you say, immediately clearing your throat after that, feeling dry.

Donghyun perks up, turning to you. He smiles, softly pressing his lips against your forehead. He adjusts the position of his bluelight glasses on his nose. “Good morning, angel. Why are you up so early? It’s only 6 in the morning.”

You glare at him. “Why are you up so early?”

Donghyun giggles, and it makes your stomach erupt in butterflies despite you trying to maintain the glare on your face. He puts an arm around your shoulder, letting you scoot closer to him, resting your head on his chest.

“Look, I’ve been researching… and I think we should move to the countryside. I saw a really good house in Boseong-gun,” he says, and his words drop like a bomb.

Your eyes bulge almost immediately. “What? Kim Donghyun,” you gasp. “What are you thinking? Where do we get the money?”

Donghyun continues, his eyes to the screen. “I’m thinking of selling this apartment,” he says with a serious expression, telling you that he’s not joking at all.

Your heart almost jumps out of your chest. You gasp, hitting his arm. “Kim Donghyun! What the hell—what were you thinking? Why?”

Donghyun purses his lips. “I… think it’s for the best. You need fresh air—you need something way better than,” he gestures with his hands, “all this city garbage. It’s quiet there, and I think we’ll both like it.”

You’re too shocked to reply. You adjust your position to be sitting properly, locking eyes with your fiancé. He looks at you, his gaze strong and unwavering, and that is enough for you to know that he’s already made up his mind. He’s not playing around.

“I don’t know,” you sigh. “Is it okay, though? You work here, and Boseong-gun is almost four hours away.”

“I have my resignation letter ready to be sent in,” Donghyun replies like it’s the easiest thing in the world for him.

You look away, not knowing what to say. His suggestion hangs in the air, and you’re swamped in confusion and disbelief. It seems too sudden and out of place—like a happy ending Donghyun is trying to harshly paint over your doomed future.

The silence between you and Donghyun stretches long and thick as you process the weight of the words he just uttered.

Four hours.

Four hours away from everything you’ve known—the life you’ve built together with Donghyun, for so many years, in the city.

You throw your gaze out the window, the colourful glistening of the city lights suddenly seeming so wistful. The sweeping view of the city skyline reminds you of the dreams you’ve conceived together, the shared moments of heartfelt laughter and quiet mornings—it was once a symbol of your guaranteed future, happy and secure with Donghyun, of success, ambition and togetherness.

The thought of suddenly leaving all this behind makes your stomach turn.

You turn back to him, and the look on his face is hopeful, almost eager. You feel like moving to the countryside is like an escape—a way to try and shield yourself from your illness and the misfortune that comes with it. You hope you could run away from it, you wish you could outrun it—but the entire idea feels like a paradox that’s laughing at your face: a desperate, unwise attempt to outrun your cruel fate.

Life in the countryside sounds ideally peaceful, but would you even find peace there?

You widen your eyes, realising.

You wait for him to say something following that, but he stays silent, waiting for your reply.

Does he know?

The words hang in the air, slowly settling down between the two of you.

You bite the bottom of your lips to hide the slight tremble in them.

You want to fight back. Want to push him away again, knowing that he’s undeserving of such short-lived happiness just to be with you.

But you’re exhausted, and you know Donghyun won’t take no for an answer, no matter how gentle he’d be with it.

“Okay,” you nod, and the look of silent gratitude on Donghyun’s face tells you the truth.

He probably knows.

EVERYTHING felt like a blur, and it’s comfortingly quick. Donghyun made sure to arrange everything well, and fortunately, nothing went wrong. The two of you had around two weeks to pack all of your things, say goodbye to family and friends, and send in your resignation letters to your respective workplaces. On the last day the two of you were in Seoul, Donghyun had brought you around to all your favourite places in the city—the cat cafe you frequented whenever you had the chance, the Seoul Forest, the river, and parks that you and Donghyun often went on picnics at.

You laughed a lot—reminiscing on the memories made at each place. You’re with Donghyun now, just like you were in the memories you cherish, but the two of you have grown along with your feelings. Your love for each other has grown bigger and bigger each day, and you’d do anything for Donghyun.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the cherry blossoms,” Donghyun says, his voice soft. You buckle your seatbelt, perking an eyebrow at him.

“What are you talking about?”

Donghyun starts the car, sighing. “You love seeing the cherry blossoms at Seokchon Lake,” he says. “But you won’t be able to see them this year…”

The reality that you’re moving away from the city you’ve known as your home for the longest time hits you. The reality that you’re never coming back in the future hits you, too.

Nevertheless, you smile.

“It’s okay,” you reply, surprised by your own positivity. “Maybe we’ll get to see the ones at our new place? They must be beautiful.”

Donghyun kisses your temples, smiling softly.

“Let’s go?”

You look at him for a while before nodding, feeling a rush of goosebumps as you’re turning to a new leaf in your life.

The days at your new house, overlooking a beautiful meadow of green tea fields and an orchard, are more delightful than you thought it’d be. You spent your first few days decorating your newly bought house. Despite feeling a little out of place, the change of scenery and air makes you feel weirdly healthier and happier.

You decide that you’re going to be painting the house to your liking. You brought up the idea to Donghyun two days ago, and he had happily agreed—bringing you to the town’s paintshop to hunt for some paint that you’d like.

Today, you decide that you’re going to be painting your shared bedroom walls with a personal touch—a baby blue base shade filled with little paintings of stars, flowers, and significant objects from memories you shared with Donghyun, capturing details in cute colours.

Donghyun helps you with everything and anything that he can help with. After bringing up the set of paintbrushes you ask for, he quietly reaches for a paint brush for himself and starts painting, even though it’s quite evident that he’s not too good at it.

Being the ever silent observer, Donghyun didn’t tell you that he was going to help painting, and you too don’t notice him until you turn around and see him painting what you think might be a gummy bear. Though, you’re not too sure if it’s a gummy bear or a group of red blobs that kind of look like mushy tomatoes.

“Donghyun,” you say, already snorting. “What’s that supposed to be, sweetheart?”

He turns, seriously explaining his work of art to you. “It’s a gummy bear! Remember the first time we sat together at lunch, during our sophomore year of high school? You looked like you were about to cry from that Biology test, so I gave you one–” he pauses, narrowing his eyes as laughter begins to crack your demeanor. “Why are you laughing?”

“It looks like tomatoes,” you giggle, and Donghyun’s eyes widen.

“It’s not!” he huffs. “It’s clearly a gummy bear, Y/N–look, here’s the ears.”

You just can’t stop giggling—he’s too cute and his ‘paintings’ are too hilarious for you to hold yourself back, despite the stinging pain in your lungs.

Swiftly, Donghyun dabs a streak of baby blue paint across your nose.

“What the–hey!”

“Oops.”

You look around, immediately retaliating by smearing a yellow streak of paint across his cheek, and soon, the two of you are deep in laughter, tickling and smearing paint on each other, covered in messy colours.

For a moment, you’re not thinking of the looming future.

For a moment, you’re laughing to your heart’s content, happy in Donghyun’s presence.

ONE night, Donghyun suddenly suggests that the two of you should have supper on the rooftop while watching the stars. Winter is about to reach its peak, and you know how cold it’d be—but you know you can’t resist spending time with your beloved fiancé.

“I’ll be right back,” he says to you after handing you a basket filled with midnight snacks, running back into the house.

Donghyun then reappears, carrying a few thick blankets and pillows. After setting everything up, he pulls you into his arms, and you’re immediately bundled up in the warmth of your coat, the blankets, and your fiancé’s embrace.

He wraps you in his arms as the two of you lie together underneath the breathtaking night sky.

“It’s really pretty here!” you say, smiling excitedly. “You can see the stars even more clearly compared to the city.”

“Yeah,” Donghyun nods, his breath tickling warmly against your skin.

You smile fondly, your heart blossoming with the most pleasant feelings as you gaze at the vast sky, a canvas filled with shimmering stars, each with their own story. And the two of you are sharing a moment, quiet with no rush—just the two of you, enjoying snacks and each other’s presence.

The quiet hum of the world fades around the two of you, and it’s just you and Donghyun and the occasional crunch of a snack.

Your eyes lay upon the sparkling constellations, quietly recalling some of their names that you still remembered from high school.

“Remember when we used to talk about space?” you murmur, shifting to make yourself more comfortable in Donghyun’s arms.

“Is this when we were both obsessed with stars, back when we learnt about them in high school?” Donghyun chuckles.

You nod.

“You really wanted to become an astronaut, to see the stars more clearly,” he recalls.

“Yeah,” you say, suddenly feeling a little sad. “Guess that didn’t work out.”

“Hey, you can still go,” Donghyun kisses the top of your head. He points to the sky. “Just not in the way you imagined.”

You nudge him. “That’s depressing.”

“What? We’ll all die one day—”

You smack his chest. “Shut up, Donghyun.”

He chuckles, and then, the two of you fall into a comfortable silence, going back to watching the stars twinkle.

“You know… I think I’m okay with all this,” you whisper, grabbing his hand. Donghyun interlaces your fingers together, his thumb caressing the back of your hand gently. “If the rest of my life is spent like this… with you.”

Donghyun squeezes your hand. “Me too, angel.”

YOU’RE sitting in the living room, sipping on hot chocolate by the window. You gulp, feeling odd. You’re sick, you know that, but it feels weird to feel your body getting progressively weaker and weaker with every passing day. After swallowing all the needed medication, you felt too tired to be doing anything around the house. You asked Donghyun for a hot chocolate, feeling a little weird as a simple task like making yourself a hot chocolate feels so draining now. And then, here you are, watching the snow fall onto earth outside your window.

Suddenly, you feel like playing in the snow. The cold snow stinging against your skin, making your ears and nose red feels strangely comforting. You take a final sip of your drink before walking towards the coat rack, sliding your arms into a thick winter coat. Albeit slow, you still push yourself to make your way to the coat rack, even though you’re moving more slowly than you used to.

Donghyun, who is in the kitchen trying to figure out how to cook chicken soup, sees you wearing your winter boots. His eyes widen, and he leaves his station, immediately rushing to you.

“Where are you going, love?” he asks, hands gently holding your arms.

You bring your hair out of your coat. “Outside?”

“You’ll get sick,” he says, pouting.

You give him a mischievous smile, already reaching for the door. “Too late for that.”

Donghyun lets go of you, though he’s walking behind you, following your steps. He watches as you amble out to the front lawn of your house, looking so in awe of the snow. You unknowingly smile, loving the feeling of snowflakes decorating your hair. You slowly crouch down, and as your hands touch the fresh snow, you feel like you’re not doomed to death in the near future. It’s like a refreshing break, and you don’t have to think about your future.

It’s just you, Donghyun, and the things you love.

Busy rolling mini snowballs to make miniature snowmen, you feel a scarf wrapped around your neck. You look up, and see Donghyun softly smiling at you, snowflakes adoring his dark brown hair. He hands you a pair of knitted gloves.

“Aren’t you cold?” he asks.

You glance at your fingers, numbly red. “Kind of. But this feels good.”

Donghyun shakes his head, the smile on his face betraying his disapproval. He grabs your hand and gently puts the gloves on. “There, much better.”

You laugh at the way he’s so stubborn sometimes, and it’s the happiest sound Donghyun has ever heard. His eyes widen slightly, and his throat suddenly feels dry.

He crouches next to you, pulling you close to him. He turns to the army of mini snowmen you made, chuckling. “They are so cute.”

You simply giggle, already making another one. Donghyun turns his head to look at you, the snowflakes falling gently around you, each one landing on your hair, your lashes dusted with white. As he’s watching you hum happily to yourself, shaping the snow in your hands, he’s completely captivated by the way snow settles around you. The wind has a gentle bite to it, making your nose red against the cold. But you seem unfazed, eyes sparkling as you place another ball of snow on the snowman’s body.

Donghyun smiles.

You’re so beautiful, even when the world is blanketed in white, even when it’s so freezing cold outside.

I’m the luckiest person in the world.

YOU grunt, hating how getting out of bed feels so hard to do now. You’ve slept for almost twelve hours, but you can’t seem to get enough rest. Your breaths are evidently more shallow and laboured now, but you try your best everyday—pulling yourself out of bed to see Donghyun.

God knows when it’ll be the last time you see him.

It’s already noon, and you’re walking downstairs, in Donghyun’s hoodie, groggy and ridiculously out of energy. You find Donghyun in the kitchen, looking somehow stressed that half his pancakes are burnt.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” you say, throwing your arms around Donghyun’s waist, burying your face into his back.

You feel his tense posture relax slightly. “Good morning, love. Are you hungry?”

“A bit..” you answer. “But I don’t feel like eating.”

“You should eat,” Donghyun says, turning around as he swiftly presses a kiss to your forehead. “Do you want pancakes?”

You press your lips into a thin line, contemplating. Your appetite has decreased significantly, and heartbreakingly, you don’t find yourself enjoying the foods you used to love as much anymore.

You shake your head. You don’t think you can swallow pancakes down anymore.

Donghyun tilts his head. He hums. “Do you wanna cook something together? Maybe mac-and-cheese?”

You nod.

“That sounds good,” you say, albeit feeling like your appetite might decline like all the other meals that you’ve tried before.

The two of you then begin to cook—Donghyun insists on being the one mostly doing all the technical stuff, letting you instruct him around. He’s not too great with the kitchen, and with the better cook in your relationship supervising, disaster still strikes.

“Did you just put the sugar instead of salt?” you ask, horrified.

Donghyun gasps, stammering. “Oh my god. I did.”

He stares, not blinking, at the mac-and-cheese simmering on the stove, its taste completely ruined. You stare at him. Then the two of you burst into laughter.

“I think we should stick to you being the chef,” Donghyun says, wiping his eyes.

“Agreed,” you laugh.

The two of you end up redoing the entire recipe again, this time with more care which causes you to eat lunch in the late afternoon, but neither of you mind.

YOU find yourself slowly stepping down the stairs, loving the smell of coffee going around, accompanied by the chirp of birds outside. You make your way into the kitchen, trying you best to steady your breath. You watch as Donghyun hums softly as he puts together a bowl of greek yogurt and berries, completely at ease.

You take a mental picture—this moment, this warmth, this love.

“Good morning, my love,” Donghyun smiles at you when he finally notices you staring at him from the dining table. “What’s up?”

You shake your head with a smile. “Nothing. Just… I love you, Donghyun. I… thank you for everything.”

Donghyun walks over to you and sets down the mugs of coffee he’s holding, pressing a kiss to your nose. “I love you too, angel, so much.”

And for a little while, everything feels normal.

BUT it’s not. Nothing is normal.

Donghyun noticed everything. The way your laughter lingers around for much longer each time it escapes you. The way you’re speaking less, like it costs you so much pain to be voicing your thoughts out. The way your every movement is much slower, more deliberate, and he can clearly see the toll that each action is taking on you. The way that your face gets paler every passing day, the way that your eyes are sometimes empty and distant, reflecting the battle you’re going through inside. The way that there’s an almost palpable sadness in your gaze—no matter how hard you try to mask it—as if you’re mourning everything that’s being taken away from you, but you’re trying to still hold to whatever’s left of your energy to make the best of things and people you love, for a final conversation, a last connection.

At first, Donghyun tries his best to convince himself that it’s nothing. That you’re going to heal. That you’re going to make it, that you’re going to grow old with him.

But deep down, he knows.

He notices the way your voice, once steady and confident, now weakens. He knows that, in every moment you’re awake and aware, you might be sharing a few words and smiles, but it’s evident that you’re slipping away, little by little.

The space around you becomes quieter without your giggles, you’re less active and you get more tired easily, resting longer than usual.

Donghyun is in agony, but he knows whatever pain he’s feeling is so small compared to yours. It’s a painful, gradual process that he knows will leave him feeling helpless, watching someone he so deeply cares about wither in ways he can’t control.

After a day of gardening and giggling together in your orchard, Donghyun notices you faltering more rapidly than normal. The two of you are eating dinner together, when suddenly, your breath hitches sharply. You cough—once, twice. Then, it doesn’t stop.

Donghyun immediately gets off his chair and rushes to your side, rubbing comforting circles on your back. But then, he sees it. Blood. On your lips. On your sleeve.

Your smile disappears.

“Y/N–” Donghyun tries to say, but his voice comes out in a whisper, cracked and vulnerable.

“I’m fine,” you say too quickly, wiping at your mouth like it’s nothing. Like you’re not falling apart right in front of him, right in his arms.

But Donghyun catches the immediate fear in your eyes.

The next day, it happens again. After an evening of cosy stargazing and laying in each other’s embrace, you get up too quickly, and the next thing Donghyun knows—you’re on the ground.

For a second, Donghyun freezes.

“Y/N?”

You blink up at him, dazed. Then, you offer him a weak laugh. “I’m okay, I’m fine. Just… got dizzy.”

But when he helps you up, he can’t help but notice how your weight is heavier than before. And he feels it—just how fragile you’ve become.

He grips you tighter as he leads you to the bedroom.

Later that night, Donghyun can’t fall asleep. Instead, he quietly sits down, his hand still intertwined with yours. He watches you sleep, the reality of your future sinking harshly into him.

The warmth of the happy memories he’s made with you, from the first time he knew you, still lingers, but there’s something else now—a quiet, suffocating dread.

You’re slipping away.

And no matter how many memories he’s going to make with you, it won’t change the inevitable. It won’t change anything.

For the first time since this started—Donghyun feels something rise up his throat. Anger.

At fate, at the universe. At you, for thinking that you could hide this from him.

He clenches his jaw, tears threatening to fall.

How could he ever let you go?

DAY 62.

The next morning, when the sun is just about to peek from the horizon, Donghyun is woken up by the sound of you gasping in pain. He immediately is awake, shocked to find you coughing out blood and panting for breath.

He jumps off the bed, frantically trying to switch on the bedside lamp to see you better. You’re gasping for breath, each inhale weaker than the last. Donghyun kneels beside the bed, his trembling hands gripping yours tightly.

“S-stay with me,” he pleads, his voice shaking. “Just a little longer.”

Your lips tremble into a small smile. You shake your head slowly. “I’m… sorry… sweetheart.”

“No, you can. You always could,” his hands tighten around yours, as if he’s trying to physically hold your soul down. As if he can physically keep you here by sheer will alone. “Just hold on, Y/N. Please. I’ll-I’ll go get your medicine, I’ll get the doctor—just stay. Hold on for me.”

You reach up, brushing your trembling fingers against his cheek. “Donghyun…”

He leans into your touch, his eyes burning with unshed tears.

“I—” you swallow painfully. It’s time to admit it all. “I thought… I could make you hate me. I tried.”

His lips part, a dry, humourless laugh escaping. “I know.”

“I didn’t want you to suffer.”

“I don’t care,” he whispers fiercely as tears begin to force their way down his cheeks. “I love you. And I will always choose you, over and over again.”

Your eyes begin to glisten, and your hand falls back to your side. “You’re always stubborn.”

“And you were always reckless,” he murmurs, his voice breaking.

You exhale softly, letting your body relax into the pillow. “Donghyun?”

“Yeah?” his voice cracks, his face wet with tears.

“Don’t… forget me.”

A choked sob escapes Donghyun and he presses his forehead against yours. Salty tears fall from his eyes, dripping onto your face. “Never, angel, never.”

“I love you, Donghyun,” you whisper with all your might.

“I love you too, my love,” Donghyun whispers back, pressing a very soft kiss onto your nose.

You smile, letting out one last, slow breath.

And then, silence.

Donghyun stays there, holding onto you as if letting go would mean accepting the truth.

A few days after your funeral, Donghyun forces himself to get out of bed. You wouldn’t want him to live on with such sadness, he knew. He began distracting himself by doing everything he could, cleaning up the house while trying to preserve anything and everything that you left behind.

He leaves the couch you loved to lounge on as it is; the mugs and extra pair of utensils you used kept neatly in the pantry; your clothes aptly folded away in your part of the closet. He made sure to keep all of your pictures framed and hung on any empty space the walls held. He made sure your favourite flowers are always in abundance, both in the house’s vases and the garden.

In the drawer of your vanity, Donghyun finds a letter—one that you wrote with him during your ‘letter to future self’ session, a few weeks back.

He slowly sits down on the edge of the bed, hands trembling as he unfolds the letter open.

“Dear Donghyun, my love, my one and only, my fiancé.

If you’re reading this, it means I’m gone. And if you’re crying, I swear I’ll haunt you (lovingly, of course).

I don’t want you to be sad forever. I don’t want you to stop smiling. You have such a beautiful smile, and it would be a waste if the world never saw it again.

Live, Donghyun. Live enough for the both of us.

You’re strong, sweetheart. Keep on living, keep on smiling. Be happy, dear.

And if you ever miss me too much… just look up. I’ll be there. I’ll be the star that shines the most for you.”

A wretched sob escapes his chest, and Donghyun begins to cry.

He misses you. Too much.

Tears begin to flood his vision as he holds the letter to his chest.

DAY 3715.

It’s been 10 years.

And you’re still here—fresh in Donghyun’s mind.

The evening air is crisp as Donghyun makes his way up the familiar hill. The grass beneath his feet sways gently, kissed by the soft autumn breeze. In his hands, he carries a small bouquet of white lilies and baby breaths—your favourite flowers.

He kneels by the gravestone, running his fingers over the engraved letters of your name.

“Hey, Y/N,” his voice is soft, almost hesitant, like he’s afraid to disturb the peaceful silence around you. “I’m here, angel.”

He places the flowers down carefully and settles himself next to you, stretching his legs out. Before him, the sun begins to dip below the horizon, leaving behind a painting that covers the sky in hues of gold, pink and violet.

“The sunset is beautiful, my love, just like you,” he murmurs.

The wind answers in a gentle hush.

Donghyun puts his head down to let out a quiet chuckle. “It’s been ten years, and I still find myself talking to you like this. You’d probably laugh at me, huh?”

Donghyun crosses his arms, leaning to your gravestone, gazing at the sky. It was the kind of sunset that you loved the most—one where the colours blended seamlessly into each other, radiating a soft and comforting energy, gently like a touch of a lover’s embrace.

“I hope the sunset is just as beautiful where you are.”

The breeze picks up, rustling through the golden trees, carrying with it the scent of browning autumn leaves. A single petal from the bouquet of lilies lifts into the air, swirling before settling gently on the ground in front of Donghyun.

Donghyun exhales shakily. He lowers his head, his fingers caressing the cool stone.

“I hope I meet you again soon, angel,” he whispers.

The world around him feels still. And for a moment—delicate and fleeting—it almost feels as if someone was there, standing beside him, fingers against his own.

Then, the wind sighs, and the feeling disappears with the sun.

THE countryside house, cosy and just enough, was just as it had been when you first moved in with Donghyun. The wooden walls hold stories in their creaks, and the windows frame the endless beautiful sky, one that you loved so much no matter what the occasion was. Donghyun stands in the garden, tending to the garden filled with your favourite flowers. They had grown very well over the years, thriving in the soil that you had once tended with Donghyun.

He straightens his posture, brushing the dirt from his hands. Lifting his head, he watches the sky shift from afternoon blue to the warm, comforting glow of evening.

“The sunset is beautiful again today,” he says, as if you’re still there, standing next to him.

The wind begins to stir, carrying the scent of flowers through the air. Donghyun closes his eyes, feeling it wrap around him.

And for the first time in a very long time, he smiles.

“I’ll see you again, Y/N.”

― © htaesan, 2025.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀want more like this? check out the 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

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jigeuminunbich · 4 months ago

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more than a little bit | kim donghyun (leehan)

synopsis — you’re not exactly sure what love is supposed to feel like, seeing as you’ve never experienced it and leehan is your first ever relationship. but after scolding him for contemplating a haircut, you realize that you might just be familiar with the sensation.

genre — nonidol!au, fem!reader, established relationship, and straight fluff

content — leehan wants to cut his hair (reader is strongly against that) and cheesy i love you’s

word count — 1k

author’s note — the fact this is my second (2nd) time writing abt being against an idol cutting their hair ijbol

“Woah,” Leehan pauses in the mirror right beside his bed, ruffling a hand through his unruly brown locs. “I need a haircut.” he comments, it’s quiet— intended to be taken as something lighthearted as he punctuates with a short laugh.

But you pull your head from your device at it nonetheless, eyes piercing into the back of your boyfriend’s head, “No, you don’t.”

“___, are you joking? Look at me,” he shakes his head, his long tresses following suit. Okay, yeah, his hair had gotten exponentially longer in the time you’ve been together. There was always the occasional comment from him or his friends that he was seriously overgrowing it but you happened to like his long hair— Leehan knew this well.

“I am looking at you… and you look fine.” You state slowly, almost as if you’re confused.

Leehan snorts, looking over his shoulder to glare at you through slitted eyelids, “You just don’t want me to cut it.”

“Maybe, maybe not. I still think it looks good.”

Not even a moment later does your boyfriend eject from his spot next to you to stand, “Well if that’s the case, then I’m cutting it—“

“No!” Panicked, you reach out to grab ahold of his arm. Leehan looks between where you grip him and the alarmed look in your eyes.

“You were saying?” He laughs as you recede with a sheepish attitude.

You sit on the back of your calves, reaching that same hand up to twist a finger in one of his curly strands, “It’s not even that bad, ‘Hannie. You’re being dramatic…”

Leehan soaks in the adorable pout that finds the plush of your lips before finding your gaze, “I’m the dramatic one here?”

That same pout deepens, almost teetering on a frown as you fully pull away from the boy. He watches you as you crawl back to your designated place on his bed. “Okay, fine, do whatever you want.”

Leehan’s eyebrows disappear into his mane, though an amused smile still plays on his mouth, “You don’t care?”

“Nope.” You answer, returning to the depths of your phone.

“Hmm. So if I leave out right now, you won’t stop me?” Your boyfriend continues to probe you, earning an eye roll from you.

Slow, he takes a few steps away from the side of his bed, walking in the direction of his closet, “Fine… I’m gonna get ready now…”

You nod, “Okay.”

The door to his wardrobe creaks open when Leehan leisurely twists the knob, “And I’m going to leave out to cut my hair…”

“Have fun.” You deliver him an uninterested wave which seems to be his last straw. The door closes as Leehan draws back to join you on his bed. You try to continue your stoic act but it’s hard when his body familiarly slots between your legs. His presence forces your eyes up from the meaningless content in your hands and to his gaze. It makes you giggle that he struggles to retain it without running the chance of a strand poking him in the eye.

“You suck at acting like you don’t care about me, y’know that?” Your hands reach up to push his tresses back into place as well as you could, completely abandoning your phone to the side.

“Fine. I don’t want you to cut your hair, is that so wrong?” You bat your lashes innocently.

Leehan bites back a smile, fighting just how effective the soft touch of your hands on his face and the flutter of your lashes is, “Is it wrong that you’re okay with your boyfriend walking around looking god awful? Well yes.”

This seems to personally offend you, an actual frown finding your features, “You don’t look awful! And who cares…” your hands travel to the sides of your boyfriend’s neck, pulling his body fully atop of yours.

“—you don’t even have to go outside, you can stay with me.” It’s muffled into the fabric into his t-shirt but Leehan still reacts with a deep laugh, you can feel his chest vibrate with amusement.

“Oh you’re crazy,” he determines, though it’s still lighthearted in nature. “Okay, I can endure one more week. Just for you.”

You shutter when he punctuates his declaration with a brisk kiss to the side of your face, and you try to ignore how fuzzy the gesture makes you feel.

“Awe, you love me that much?” You exaggeratedly ask, your tone is playful as you hope to tease your boyfriend since you’ve successfully persuaded him from touching his hair (for now).

Leehan laughs, shuffling from your tight grasp to hover over you just a bit, “Heh. I love you more than that.” His tone is light as well but his words leave a deep feeling to tugging in your stomach.

“… you love me for real?” The question tumbles out from your lips before you can even catch it, you hope Leehan doesn’t pick up on your split second of panic but of course, being the person he is, he does.

His merriment depletes for a moment as he adjusts to your evident shock, “I— yeah, I do. Of course I do.”

That pit in your stomach begins to swell with the flutter of butterflies, the giddiness that Leehan’s confession brings you shows up on your face as you beam a wide smile up towards him. “I think I love you too.”

Leehan quirks an eyebrow before he tilts his head, “You think?”

You swallow, slight panic running through you, “I’m not sure what it's meant to feel like but… it feels right—“

Your quick explanation is cut short at the melodic sound of Leehan giggling and half-hearted annoyance takes over your feeling of distress.

“I’m just teasing you, love. If you aren’t sure—“ Leehan begins to clarify.

It’s your turn to interrupt him, shaking your head with a content grin permanently painted on your face, “No, no. I am. I love you too, Leehan.”

Your reiteration of your love for Leehan leaves him silent for a moment, he leans down quick enough so you can’t catch the spreading flush taking over the expanse of his cheeks. You gladly return his intention to kiss you, giggling softly against his lips.

Leehan pulls away, opting to completely lay his body on top of yours. Your hands immediately find his scalp to play in his hair.

“Mm. To think this all happened ‘cause I threatened a haircut. I should do that more often.” He murmurs, a wicked snicker leaving him when you stall all movements on top of his head.

“You’re evil.”

“You love me.”

And that you definitely did.

#જ⁀➴ mads’ writes to:#kim leehan x reader #boynextdoor fanfic #leehan x reader #kim donghyun x reader #boynextdoor fic #boynextdoor x reader #leehan x you #leehan x y/n

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hangup119 · 8 months ago

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when pigs fly 08. pretty privilege at its finest

prev | masterlist | next (erm for some reason the link won’t work so plzzz check the masterlist for ch. 9 instead >< ty!)

you will only admit that you actually like kim leehan when pigs start to fly. for now, though, everyone else will just have to suffer the push-and-pull that happens whenever the two of you are near each other's vicinity.

taglist. @shoberi @lionhanie @molensworld @antlix @winuvs @icewons @leehanascent @taroddori @astrae4 @ktyun1 @cherrytaesan @saintriots @noodlesfeet @nujeskz @fae-renjun @tocupid @onlyhyunjin @otblous @haoahae @soobiverse @cyjzzl @hyukarina @renjunsversion @naviiy @sngj08 @etherealiitty @lailols @lunaavity @i05wook @idksomecreativename @wonpoem @injunnie-lemon @xcosmi @7thgyu @i1uvc4ke @selleprotection @papichulomacy @haechology @kage-yaa @dimplewonie @hanbinniesmango @horijiro @tkooooop @luvvhaerin @p-d1ddy @darlingz99 @the-swageyama-tobiyolo

reblogs appreciated!

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quinnynation · 2 months ago

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dates with leehan look like ,,, ᯓᡣ𐭩

seasonal membership to the seoul aquarium ,, quiet glances while the other isn't looking ,, loud laughs between the two of you ,, leehan infodumping and you looking at him with heart eyes ,, "i like that autistic man..." type beat ,, watching how the stress of idol life visibly washes away the longer he's with you ,, getting texts from woonhak begging you to let him come next time ,, playing with his slender fingers while waiting in line ,, lots of quick pecks ,, leehan leaning on you on the car ride back home - not quite ready for your time together to be over ,, etc etc <3

~ quinny .

#quinnynation ・₊✧#leehan x reader #leehan #leehan boynextdoor #leehan imagines #bnd #bnd x reader #bnd imagines #leehan x you #leehan x y/n #boynextdoor x reader #boynextdoor imagines #boynextdoor fluff #boynextdoor scenarios #kim donghyun #donghyun x reader #boynextdoor donghyun #donghyun fluff

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xzinbdg · 2 months ago

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｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ﾟ。 soft launch with leehan!

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

boynextdoor masterlist ᢉ𐭩 main masterlist

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

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ihansainz · 1 month ago

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𝘊𝘏𝘌𝘙𝘙𝘠 𝘙𝘌𝘋 𝘚𝘛𝘈𝘐𝘕𝘚 : kim dong𝒽𝓎𝓊𝓃

&&보네도이한 x 𝓕｡reader 576 ──── dyeing hair with bf leehan drabble,fluff ( ˶°ㅁ°) tw? yesno 𝘓𝘐𝘉𝘙𝘈𝘙𝘠.

You stood staring at yourself in the mirror, forehead stained with the residual cherry red hair dye you’d manically decided to buy weeks back—not using it until now. You’d gotten bored waiting for your superstar boyfriend to come home from practice, opting to entertain yourself by changing your appearance. Maybe it’d keep Leehan on his toes, a funny (semi-permanent) prank, you reasoned.

Just as you were finishing your eyebrows, trying your best to avoid the skin and only follow the shape—but, like your forehead (which has an arguably easier line to follow), it was beginning to look like a kindergarten’s coloring book—you hadn’t realized the door was now open. Maybe it was because you were hyper-fixated on perfecting the job, or the music that was blaring through your apartment; even, you were surprised nobody had knocked… not that you’d hear it either way.

You jumped, startled by the confused, yet content look on your boyfriend's face. You’d caught a glimpse of him leaned on the doorframe through the mirror, as you were practically seated in the sink, legs pressed to your torso. He was observing, slightly taken aback by your choices, however, he’d never dictate your life, as it was yours in the first place. He respected you too much to be controlling.

“Oh!” You watched as his arms uncrossed, ready to catch you as you leaned back just a bit too far. Your body jolted forward and you almost left eyebrow marks comedically behind on the glass. “Hey, baby!”

He huffed out a laugh, and reached for your phone to turn the music down manually, since he doubted that even Alexa could hear him.

“You chose red?” His head cocked as the words came out.

“Do you hate it? I thought that maybe it should’ve been darker but, I think it’ll still be cute—maybe. I thought it’d be like when you had your red hair for point two seconds, literally one night, that was so hot.” He further approached, resting his arms around your waist and squishing them in between where your stomach was meeting the tops of your thighs. “Not that I don’t think you’re hot right now as a blonde, but… there was something about the red. I’m just a sucker for it—do you think it’ll look as good on me as it does you? You should really do it again.”

He listened to your rant adamantly, convinced that you were the reincarnation of an angel, a past-soulmate, his other half. He found you so incredibly enticing. He was convinced that if he ever lost the feeling, nobody would be able to reinstate it. Because you were it, you were all he’s ever wanted—all he’s ever needed in life—cherry red stains and all.

“It’ll fade to the shade you want, trust me.” He left a kiss on your shoulder, “But, I think you look perfect with whatever hair color, whatever clothes, whatever makeup, whatever anything that you decide to do.”

Your face lit-up through the mirror, ignoring the gentle confessions of your boyfriend. Opposites attract though, right? You clocked the light shade of hair he had at the moment, freshly bleached (a couple days ago) and toned nicely. “Do you want to do it too?” He laughed in response, neither agreeing with nor denying your suggestion, “I still have some left! We could match, you know, couple-things.”

But, oh God, did he love the little cherry red stain you left on his heart.

mae’s note─────❛ ihansainz ♡ྀི my alter ego.

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serejae · 6 months ago

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YOU KNOW I GOT A SOFT SPOT | BND

in which bnd has a soft spot for you

bnd x reader

genre ; fluff | @onedoornet (i mised u)

w.c : 302

sungho always manages to complain somehow when the other members take his photo. he always claims it toos blurry, too low, or just bad. but with you, he keeps his mouth shut.he doesnt say anything even when you take the worst photo of him because to him, anything you do is amazing

riwoo is always getting begged by the members for him to make jewelry for them, and in response they always get the same answer. “im busy”, but for you? he always manages to make you a extra matching piece of jewelry that compliments his homemade jewelry because youll always be apart of him

jaehyun is always putting on a persona of being the “sunshine” friend. but he admits hat it gets tiring, despite that he keeps going to keep the people around him happy, like he owes them something. with you?, he knows he can relax, not because hes not excited or happy around you but rather because he feels safe

taesan hated one thing in the entire world, he hated when people barged into his studio without permission. whenever the members walk in he groans and tells them to get out. often they joke that its his home since hes so protective over it. he let no one come into his “home” besides you. whenever you come in he turns his chair and opens his arms for a hug, because you are his home. over any studio

leehan has a pet peeve of people messing with his hair especially when he already styled it. his hand is like autopiloted to swat hands away when the members or anyone try to play with his hair. anyone but you, he leans into your touch in fact. he can never feel like youre gonna ruin his hair, because you never ruin anything.

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milkistar · 2 months ago

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𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄, 𝐌𝐀𝐘𝐁𝐄 𝐔𝐒...

you and leehan have been inseparable since childhood, but when your feelings start to shift, every glance, every touch, every silence becomes unbearable. afraid of ruining everything, you bury your emotions—until one unexpected confession changes everything. in another universe, you and him might already be together. but what about this one?"

★:: leehan (boynextdoor) x reader.

tags:: fluff, gn reader, best friends to lovers, mentions of food, kinda cliché.

you didn't remember when you had fallen in love with leehan, nor why. it had happened slowly, gradually, consuming your heart like a flame.

he had never changed—his attitude toward you always remained the same, the afternoons spent together always followed the same routine. but the lenses through which you saw him had changed drastically, making you almost feel like a different person stood before you at times. but in reality, it was you who felt different.

and now? now, just looking at him made your stomach twist, and that made you feel so bad that you wanted to cry. "it'll pass with time," you kept telling yourself. but the more time passed, the less friendly and more romantic your feelings for him became. it was exhausting.

you had been friends since childhood, seatmates from elementary school all the way to high school. together, you skipped several school events to eat ice cream and watch b-horror movies, got your driver's licenses at the same time, and even went on your first out-of-town trip together.

you kicked your bedroom door open, your hands full with two cans of energy drink and an extra-large bag of chips. leehan was exactly where you had left him—lying on your bed, phone in hand.

he had arrived at your house about half an hour ago, using the excuse that he was bored to death and that talking to his fish wasn’t giving him much satisfaction. then, without even asking for permission, he had made his way to your room and thrown himself onto your bed without ceremony.

you had lost count of how many times leehan had gone from being bored at his house to being bored at yours.

"come help me, idiot," you said, motioning to your full hands.

he looked at you with a raised eyebrow, then smiled and returned to staring at his phone screen. "no." you expected that.

you placed the things on the bed, then grabbed one of the cans and threw it at him. just because you expected it didn’t mean he should go unpunished.

"ouch," he complained, rubbing his side where the can had hit him. "you're cruel."

"and you're lazy," you replied, walking over to close the door again.

you sat on the bed, close enough to him not to raise suspicion, but far enough to keep your heart from short-circuiting.

you grabbed the remaining can and opened it to take a sip. leehan, after finishing his dramatic act of pretending he had taken a fatal blow, sat up as well and did the same.

you both stayed silent for a few minutes. it wasn’t strange—your friendship had reached the point where such silences weren’t awkward and happened often. then, he broke the quiet.

"you know, y/n, i was thinking about something yesterday," he said, running a hand through his long hair. "do you think, in another universe, the two of us are together?"

needless to say, you choked on your drink. "excuse me?"

you turned red. bad. very bad sign.

"i was reading a post about soulmates the other night, and the author wrote that in different dimensions, soulmates can be both best friends and lovers. and, well, you're my best friend," he explained casually, fiddling with his phone to find the post he was talking about.

your chest ached. of course, you were his best friend. maybe you were just born in the wrong dimension.

you skimmed through the post he showed you, taking another sip from your can before nodding. "yeah, probably in another universe we are, but fortunately, in this one, we're not." you laughed after saying it. you had to avoid any hint of suspicion forming in his mind.

there was another stretch of silence, then, once again, he broke it

"why?" he asked.

you looked at him, confused. you actually understood, but you didn't want to make it seem like you were thinking about it too. "why what?"

"why is it fortunate that we're not together in this one?" he looked into your eyes and spoke again before you could even come up with an excuse. "i’d like it."

you blushed again, and before you could regain your ability to speak, he kissed you. no warning, so fast that you weren’t even sure if it had really happened.

you did the same, and without thinking, you spoke. "no." you hesitantly placed a hand on his arm, your fingers trembling. "i… i was joking earlier." you forced yourself to look into his eyes and hold his gaze. "i’d like it too."

"sorry, i shouldn’t have," he said, suddenly jumping up from the bed.

he smiled and then kissed you again, this time slowly, allowing you to savor his long-desired lips. and that was only the first kiss of many.

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hancorys · 1 month ago

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k.lh — things that your bf does that just make sense

genre: FLUFFFFF, self-indulged, i miss my crunch crunch cutieful patootie munchkin boop boop poopoo bear star *sobs* pairing: bf!leehan x afab!reader wc: 1152 warning: NONE, i jus love donghyun sm you won’t understand, i feel like crashing out last night *cries* listen: my love — paul mccartney

loving leehan feels like warmth-like quiet gestures, soft smiles, and the little things he does without thinking. he doesn’t just say he loves you; he shows it, in all the ways that matter.

— always makes sure you're warm

it’s late at night, and you’re curled up on the couch, scrolling through your phone. you don’t even realize that the blanket has slipped off your shoulders until you feel the familiar warmth of it being draped back over you. leehan doesn’t say a word, just tucks the fabric around you carefully, making sure it covers your feet too.

he sits beside you, letting his arm rest behind you on the couch, fingers lightly tracing patterns along your back. “you always forget,” he murmurs, amusement laced in his voice.

you glance up at him, already feeling sleepier under the newfound warmth. “that’s why i have you,” you mumble, leaning into his side.

he smiles, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. “always.”

— listens to you even when you think he’s not

weeks ago, you had offhandedly mentioned a bakery you wanted to visit. you never brought it up again, not even thinking leehan would remember. but now, you’re standing right in front of it, your fingers intertwined with his as he grins down at you.

“surprise,” he says, nudging you toward the entrance.

you blink, a little stunned. “wait… you remembered?”

he squeezes your hand like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “of course. you looked so excited talking about it. figured we had to come.”

your heart swells, and before you can stop yourself, you throw your arms around him, hugging him tight. he chuckles, easily wrapping his arms around your waist. “thank you,” you whisper into his shoulder.

he tilts his head, lips brushing against your ear. “anything for you.”

— gives you the last bite

you’re both sharing a slice of cake, forks clinking softly against the plate. it’s your favorite kind, and leehan loves it too, which is why you’re extra aware when there’s only one bite left. you glance at him, ready to offer it, but before you can say anything, he pushes the last bite toward you with a small smile.

“you have it,” he says, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

you frown. “but you like this.”

he shrugs, leaning his chin on his palm as he watches you. “yeah, but i like you more.”

your face heats up, and he just laughs, nudging your fork closer to your lips. “eat, love.” and you do—because how could you ever say no to him?

— knows when you're about to cry before you do

you’re staring at your laptop, blinking rapidly, willing yourself not to cry. the weight of the day is pressing down on you, frustration knotting in your chest. you don’t say anything, don’t even make a sound—but leehan notices. he always does.

he doesn’t ask what’s wrong. instead, he silently pulls you into his arms, his warmth wrapping around you like a shield. his hand finds your back, rubbing slow, comforting circles, and it’s all it takes for the dam to break.

“i got you,” he murmurs against your hair, his voice soft, steady.

you clutch onto him, letting the tears fall, and he just holds you—no questions, no rush. just him, just this, just the quiet understanding that he’ll always be there.

— waits for you to text that you got home safe

you say goodnight, part ways, but you know he’s not going to sleep until he gets your message. and true enough, the second you step inside your home, you send a quick, just got home!

his reply comes instantly. good. sleep well, love.

sometimes, when it’s late, he adds, call me before you sleep? just wanna hear your voice. and even though you’re tired, even though the day has drained you, you always call. because his voice feels like home, and there’s nothing more comforting than hearing him say, “rest well, baby. sweet dreams.”

— ties your shoelaces for you

you groan as you bend down to tie your sneaker, only for your fingers to fumble with the laces. before you can get frustrated, leehan is already crouching in front of you, hands gently pushing yours away.

“let me,” he says, his voice soft.

you watch as he carefully loops the laces into a neat bow, his brows furrowing in concentration. when he’s done, he looks up at you with a small smile. “all set.”

you shake your head, amusement flickering in your eyes. “you know i could’ve done that myself, right?”

he stands up, dusting off his jeans before reaching to brush your hair back. “i know. but i like taking care of you.”

your chest tightens in the best way, and all you can do is cup his face, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “you’re too sweet.”

he grins. “only for you.”

— carries your things without you having to ask

shopping bags, books, your water bottle—whatever it is, leehan always takes it from your hands before you even realize you need help.

“it’s heavy,” you protest when he swings your bag over his shoulder like it weighs nothing.

he just shrugs, looking completely unbothered. “not for me.”

you pout, reaching to take it back, but he smoothly dodges you, a teasing glint in his eyes. “nice try.”

you huff, but secretly, you love it. especially when he casually holds your things in one hand and your hand in the other, as if both are equally precious to him.

— remembers your coffee order

you drag yourself out of bed, still groggy, only to be greeted by leehan standing in the kitchen, holding out your exact coffee order.

“for you,” he says, placing it in your hands.

you blink, wrapping your fingers around the warm cup. “how’d you—”

he tilts his head, lips curving into a soft smile. “you always get this when you’re tired. figured i’d save you the trouble.”

your heart does a little flip. you take a sip, warmth spreading through you—not just from the coffee, but from him.

— tucks your hair behind your ear

whenever the wind blows your hair into your face, leehan’s hand is already there, gently tucking the strands behind your ear. it’s an automatic gesture, something he does without even thinking.

sometimes, his fingers linger, brushing against your skin as he looks at you, his eyes soft, unreadable. “pretty,” he murmurs, almost to himself.

and you? you melt. every single time.

— loves you in ways you don't even realize

it’s in the way he always walks on the side closest to the road. in how he instinctively reaches for your hand in a crowded place. in how he watches you with quiet admiration, even when you’re rambling about something completely random.

it’s in the way he loves you—not loudly, not in grand gestures, but in a million quiet, thoughtful ways that remind you, over and over again, that he’s yours.

it’s just leehan. your leehan. the bestest boy ever.

367 notes · View notes

blue-jisungs · 4 months ago

Text

ancient runes and sea creatures

summary. leehan ends up in his worst nightmare - getting the perfect student into trouble

au. hogwarts!!!! ravenclaw!reader x hufflepuff!leehan

word count. 4722 (got a lil too carried away... )

warnings , extras. leehan is intimidated by reader ?? but in a like. impressed way?? also reader is a head girl prefect!!. a slightly suggestive implication at one point but like, its misinterpreted ++ a bunch of hogwart lingo and lore (?). use od leehans real name. mention of a creature that eats humans

author's note. a biiig thank u to @slytherinshua and @gluion for pushing me out of my writers block w this one!!! and esp moni, who tbh came up w this plot!!! i hhope u like it!!! it kinda took a self-indulent route for me (ancient runes as chinese characters haha... haha... and leehan being a mid student w niche hobbies vs the perfect student yn who! shocker! likes! studying... hahah....ha.....) ANYWHO. also love u to death @l3visbby for proofreading!! where would i be w/o u atp....

also i wanted to post one last thing in 2024!!! so i hope u enjoy it and get ready bc ive been cooking <3

leehan fixed his glasses, fingers brushing against the coarse pages of his favorite book. then, he glanced at his notebook. filled from top to bottom with neat, medium sized, handwritten text. here and there were loose sketches and photographs attached with fish shaped paper clips.

the hufflepuff boy looked up at his gryffindor friends - jaehyun and woonhak. they were chatting about something loudly, the sound of their voices blending in with the noise in the corridor.

sunlight peeked from behind the windows leehan was leaning against, making him feel even more indulged in his own world.

“we’ll keep going. don’t wanna be late for potions!” jaehyun suddenly announced in his ear and ruffled his hair “see you, donghyun!”

he just smiled in return, woonhak having goodbye.

before returning to his book, he let out a small sigh and started looking at the students passing him by. a lot of friends giggling and talking, some people studying or snacking on colorful candy.

then, as if a lightning struck him, he tensed upon noticing you.

you were walking with fast pace yet not hurried one. the navy and grey colored tie rustled on the wind, your hair waving gently. a small frown was painting on your graceful features.

“what do you mean sungho is not showing up? i need everyone there” you asked, glancing at your ravenclaw friend for explanation. however, they did not have any.

“no idea, y/n! he just told me to tell you and wandered off… you have to–” they started.

“i don’t have to do anything. we have to cooperate if we want everything work out” with a scoff, you turned your gaze away and locked eyes with leehan for a mere moment.

he felt blood rushing to his cheeks, quickly glancing down at his book. you looked scary. no, intimidating.

“this thing isn’t here by accident” you gently tapped your head girl badge with pride. “let’s go to class now. i’ll catch sungho later”

leehan didn’t even realize he was holding in a breath - only when the sound of your voice faded away, he released it.

he tilted his head and smiled softly, flipped through the pages. he only stopped when he saw a detailed print of a basilisk. quite terrifying yet devilishly smart creature.

leehan closed the book and packed his belongings, slowly going towards his classroom.

“oh come on, don’t be such a loner!” riwoo’s whines reached nearby standing student’s ears, causing them to look over at the hufflepuffs. leehan cleared his throat and let out a sigh of defeat.

“fine. who else is going? you know i don’t enjoy crowded places in particular…” he started but his friend already started pushing him towards the exit.

“well you, me, jaehyun, woonhak… and, drumroll please! yes, you guessed it! two infamous slytherins, park sungho and han taesan!” riwoo grinned. leehan nodded, satisfied. that’s a perfect amount of people. “and hanbin”

“just hanbin?” leehan frowned, suspicious. riwoo smiled awkwardly, forcing his friend to move faster.

“and sohee!” riwoo hesitated.

“and…?” leehan grunted, halting in place.

“that’s all! i promise!” sanghyeok put his hand over his heart “hufflepuff’s honor!”

leehan just scoffed and followed his friend to three broomsticks. it was weekend, after all. going out with more than two people once in a while won’t hurt him, surely.

it was warm inside, the smell of delicious food hitting his nostrils. donghyun was quick to spot his friends (and their friends). lately jaehyun was detachable from sohee and hanbin.

eight butterbeers were already waiting on the table, sticking to the wood.

“you made it, woah! you have my respect!” woonhak, the youngest, joked. sungho patted the seat next to him and leehan sat down, smiling awkwardly.

“and you? shouldn’t you be on the prefect meeting or whatever?” taesan asked suddenly, sungho rolling his eyes.

“i should. but if i skip one, nothing will happen” he shrugged, reaching for his butterbeer.

“y/n seemed pretty upset about it” the words slipped out of leehan’s lips before he could realize it. everyone looked at him, a bit shocked, so he quickly added: “i heard it when she was passing me by. nothing crazy, it’s not like i talk to her or something”

the mere thought of standing near you terrified him, not to mention talking. donghyun didn’t know how sungho – or anyone, really – was doing that.

“she’s being dramatic. miss perfect… she decided to be in charge of organizing almost everything this year, at least it feels like it” sungho mumbled.

“yeah, it’s crazy how she manages to do it all. well, let’s just hope she won’t cast melfors jinx on you” jaehyun teased

“his head is as big as a pumpkin already, though” taesan snickered and was met with sungho’s fist on his shoulder.

you were sitting on the grass, crossing out the ideas that seemed foolish. the weather was cold, yet snow hasn’t fallen yet. even though it was november, you were in charge of organising events for students that are going to stay at hogwarts during christmas. you being one of them.

well, it wasn’t fully your responsibility - other prefects were supposed to help.

“stupid sungho…” you mumbled, wrapping your scarf tighter around your neck.

you looked up and adored the view in front of you. the last of leaves falling off trees, being swept by wind. here and there you could see some students but during this cold season, majority preferred to stay inside. then, you noticed a particular silhouette.

someone was squatting dangerously close to the lake.

you stood up, packing your belongings in a rush.

as you approached the reckless student, you noticed the yellow and black colors of hufflepuff. of course. you opened your mouth to scold their behavior but you heard a quiet murmur.

“hm? how did you get here, little one? you belong to the island. you couldn’t have possibly swam over here”

you leaned a bit forward and peeked over the hufflepuff student’s shoulder. he was gently reaching his pointer finger out to a bowtruckle.

the small, green creature was staring at the stranger, big brown eyes blinking slowly. it slowly meet half-way with the person’s finger.

“you’re not as shy as you friends” a low chuckle made you smile “i should get you back there… but how?”

the person rose their head up and looked around. the bowtruckle pointed at you.

“oh?” the student tilted their head and looked through their shoulder, meeting your curious gaze. you gasped, getting caught.

the guy’s eyes widened, lips tightening.

“oh” he mumbled. you frowned, his features looking somehow similar.

the hufflepuff boy stood up, acting as if he did not just hid the small creature in his pocket. he tried to walk away but you stopped him.

“hey! it’s dangerous to be out here” you cleared your throat. the guy stopped in his tracks, back facing you “do you have an idea what kind of beasts are there?”

a soft smile cracked on his lips, eyes trained on the ground.

“kelpies, grindylows, selkies… and oh, the giant squid. man, they are so…” he whispered and you were certain he thought his words didn’t reach you. yet, they did. you smiled, realizing he was probably another creature-obsessed student.

“anyway, i do appreciate your care towards this little fella. however, it would be better if hagrid took care of him” you looked at him with a straight face. the hufflepuff boy kept avoiding eye contact and failed to notice the silly bowtruckle escaping from his pocket.

the green creature ran down his pants and started making circles around you.

“i, uh… i don’t know how to hold him” you scoffed, trying to catch it.

“like this. make sure not to tug the leaf on its head…” he breathed out and caught the bowtruckle, holding it in two hands.

awkward silence fell between you two, the boy stubbornly keeping his head low.

“i’ll keep going” he mumbled and wandered off to hagrid’s hut, leaving you puzzled and somehow intrigued.

“hey, chill out” sungho nudged your shoulder, casing your fountain pen to jerk and leave a crooked line. you glared at him.

“i would if someone helped me. i still have to come up with ideas for the three last days and i need to turn them in to mcgonagall by friday” you huffed and tossed your notebook aside.

sungho puffed his cheeks and looked over at taesan for help. he just shrugged, carelessly tucking his hands into his pockets.

“don’t look at me. i’m not even a prefect” his cat-alike smirk made you even more frustrated.

“okay, well… maybe try asking some students what would they want to do?” sungho proposed, scanning your face to gauge your reaction. you let out a small huff.

“see, here we go. thanks. now i just have to ask around who’s staying…” you groaned and noted down the idea, closing your notebook. “but i’ll do that later. now i’ll go, i promised professor snape to help him clean the classroom. a reckless student just… caused a mess, so to say”

the exchanged amused looks and you raised your eyebrows.

“what?”

“nothing. have fun” sungho snorted. his gaze suddenly snapped up to someone else and he waved. you noticed three people walking up.

one of them looking similar.

“hey, myungjae, do you happen to know someone who’s staying at hogwarts during christmas?” sungho asked, leaning on the table. your fingers twitched at the sight of him almost spilling a cup of juice with his elbow.

“well, uh… our leehan and ricky, i think. and zhanghao. and hanbin, he promised to stay with them so they wouldn’t feel lonely” a boy in gryffindor uniform answered and looked at you, a wide smile painting on his lips.

“you’re staying?” taesan asked. you looked at the only hufflepuff boy in the group. so that was leehan?

“yeah” he answered shortly, purposefully averting his gaze from you.

“why–?” taesan kept asking and you just sighed.

“is there anything you would like to do? during the break. i need to organize events for students so i figured it would be the best idea to ask them personally” you crossed your arms.

everyone looked at the guy, his head tilted down and eyes glued to his shoes.

“what’s up with him?” the other gryffindor student whispered.

you waited for a moment before shaking your head. that seemed to work on the boy - he finally looked at you, shyly.

“it’s a hard question, i know. just… hit me up once you figure it out” you sent him a soft smile and went your way.

“what’s up with you? is the potion blowing up in your face still on your mind?” jaehyun laughed and nudged leehan’s shoulder.

“so that was him after all” taesan snickered.

“chill out, donghyun. y/n is really cool, don’t need to be all tensed up around her” sungho teased. leehan looked around, scanning the great hall. some people were looking their way - but that was probably nothing serious, right? just a bunch of losers, a prefect and the head girl prefect that’s an all a student.

“earth to leehan! why are you staying here?” jaehyun asked, waving his hand before the hufflepuff boy’s eyes.

a playful smile painted on leehan’s lips before he explained his reasons to his friends.

rushing through the dark hallway, you pressed your textbook closer to your chest. it was way past the curfew and you hoped flich was done with his late patrols on this side of the castle. you just happened to get too focused on ancient runes and–

“oof-!”

you felt the impact of bumping into something and almost landed on the ground when a strong hand prevented you from falling. you squeezed your eyes, the darkness not allowing you fully to recognize the stranger.

“y/n…?” his soft voice rang familiar and you glanced at his uniform. the yellow badge with a proud badger adorned his chest.

“leehan, right?” you scoffed and he helped you regain balance, taking a step back. that way, the moonlight sneaking through the windows fell on his face, highlighting his features.

he fixed his glasses, brows slightly furrowed.

“what are you doing here?” you whispered, blinking slowly. even though your prefect instincts kicked in, you were genuinely curious.

this boy had just a mysterious aura to him. always so aloof, almost distant. nowadays, you caught yourself noticing him, usually alone reading a book or doing something. something, indeed. just like when you saw him near the lake. he always seemed to be looking for some kind of creatures. you couldn’t help but wonder what he was up to.

“i… uh, i was researching” he smiled gently. his gaze was fixed on you - unlike other times. maybe he didn’t feel so shy now that the midnight darkness was surrounding you two. you thought it was cute. “and, uh… you?”

“ancient runes. they are quite relaxing to me, it’s just… i write them all over to remember how they look. once i nail that i feel like i can read them properly. but just the writing itself… is, yeah. time consuming but fun” you smiled and nudged his arm gently “let’s go together, our dorms are in the same direction”

he nodded and followed you, the quiet sound of footsteps echoing through the corridor.

“did you think about the question? it’s okay if you haven’t, i was just curious” you asked, glancing at him.

“personally, strolling around hogwarts at such hour is nice. i wouldn’t mind it if i was able to do it without the possibility of getting in trouble” he answered. you agreed.

“i haven’t thought about that. hm. maybe it’ll be possible since there’s gonna be less students. i’ll talk to mcgonagall about it” you hummed “thanks”

“and, uh, did you get it all done? like, the events” his voice was quiet. he wasn’t shy but more so, he was cautiously picking his words.

“yes but there’s not going to be much. people i asked didn’t seem interested” you sighed.

“it’s a shame, you’ve been working hard to come up with anything” leehan sent you a reassuring smile. a strange glint sparkled in his eye, some kind of sadness.

“what can i do? i guess they want to be alone, apparently” you scoffed.

“meow”

you two froze, feet glued to the floor. leehan looked at you, wide eyed.

before you could realize, he was pulling you to hide behind a column. with your head squished against his chest, you could hear his heart pounding as if it was about to rip out of his ribcage.

his hand naturally rested on your head, the soft fanning of his breath against your hair.

the sound of footsteps was coming closer and closer as you tried to think of something.

a sudden beam of light caused leehan to squint his eyes, pulling you slightly closer.

“what an absurd! not only it is after curfew, you are also… doing things that should be kept private! this place is coming to an end! who would have thought, students… of opposite-!”

“what? no! it’t not like that!” you choked out, turning around on your heel.

“mrs l/n?!” filch gasped, and mrs norris’ loud meow was almost soul ripping “out of all people! you?”

“no, it’s not like that! we just…” leehan’s voice was quiet, almost stuttering.

“yes? explain your red faces then! someone who was caught wouldn’t be such a blushing mess! dear merlin, what is going on with those youngsters nowadays!” the caretaker whined.

“we weren’t doing anything, mr filch! we just- we tried to hide! from you, it is. not from you as in… we didn’t-” you tried to explain. when you turned around to check up on the ravenclaw boy, he was indeed as red as the gryffindor representative color. his eyes were glued to the ground and you could swear you saw sweat dripping down his temple.

“detention!”

his eyes snapped up, wide as two prophecy orbs. panic written all over his face, fingers fiddling.

“it’s my fault. let’s not bring y/n into this” he spoke up, swallowing hard.

“how so? i see you two. not just you, boy” mr filch said with an attitude, picking up mrs norris. “i’m not repeating myself. detention. madam pince needs help in the library, so it’s just perfect”

“but-” leehan tried to cut in but the cat interrupted him with an aggressive hiss.

“now go! before i take points from your houses!” the caretaker tsked and you ran off, grabbing his hand. you could only hear distant murmurs “the head girl… youngsters are getting worse and worse each year…”

once out of his reach, almost at the ravenclaw dormitory, you realized you’re still holding his hand. leehan halted, gasping.

“i’m so sorry, y/n! i don’t know what’s gotten into him but i’ll do it myself. please, don’t bother–” the hufflepuff boy started rambling, avoiding your gaze. was he scared you’re angry at him?

you gently put your hand on his arm.

“hey”

leehan slowly looked into your eyes; however, just for a split second. his breath was heavy in the silence.

“it’s alright. i can handle one detention. in the library? it sounds like a pleasure to me” you huffed, trying to cheer him up. poor boy, he must’ve really felt guilty. “he got so pissed because he has never felt the touch of a woman. mr filch got jealous, that’s all”

you chuckled but leehan remained quiet. well, maybe that was a failed attempt at trying to cheer him up.

“i, uh. anyway, i’m sorry too. don’t beat yourself about it, okay?” you whispered, patting his arm. leehan’s small nod made you content. “sleep well, leehan”

he felt your hand slip off his shoulder.

maybe if he wasn’t too ashamed to look up, he would’ve noticed the way you looked back at him before entering the dormitory.

leehan was standing between the bookshelves, enjoying the smell of books. the library was quiet, thanks to the majority of students having left already. even madam pince wandered off to somewhere.

“hi”

he turned his head to the side and was shocked to see you. out of your ravenclaw uniform, at that.

“hi” he whispered and quickly returned his gaze to the book he was holding. he gulped nervously, his adam’s apple bobbing.

it was his worst nightmare, actually. bringing the all-star student into detention with him. even though the fault was technically on both sides, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. you should be resting and not…

“how’s it going?” you asked quietly, standing next to him. your back faced the bookshelf he was facing, side profiles matching.

“it’s quite pleasant, to be frank” he mumbled in response “you didn’t have to come here”

you scoffed and scanned all the books, laying in messy piles. they really needed reorganizing.

“would i really be able to call myself a student without getting in trouble even once?” you snickered, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. “i told you not to worry about it, leehan”

silence fell between you two, only the sound of him flipping the pages bringing warm comfort.

“it’s donghyun, actually” he said softly with a twinge of happiness. you cocked your head and glanced at him, grabbing a random book. “leehan is a nickname that just… stayed. donghyun is my real name”

“it’s pretty” it slipped out of your lips before you could realize, so you just hung your head low and decided to think of a strategy on how to resort the books. leehan smirked and put the book he was holding on one of the shelves. to break the awkward tension you accidentally created, you cleared your throat “uh, did you take care of that bowtruckle back then?”

“bowtruckles aren’t really my thing so i took it to hagrid. he promised me to get it back to its home tree” he hummed, reaching for another book. he ran his fingers over the navy colored cover, the remaining letters of a handwritten title barely there anymore.

“so what is, then?” you asked.

even though you didn’t have to be quiet, you two kept talking softly. you couldn’t put your finger on it but maybe it was the overall atmosphere of the library. alas, you wouldn’t say you minded. it was comforting.

“sea creatures” donghyun answered with a soft sigh. did you irritate him?

“sorry. you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. i’m just curious about you” you mumbled.

your shoulders were touching and you felt his arm move now and then whenever he reached out to put away a book.

leehan hummed in deep thought, far away with his thoughts - hence, he didn’t hear you.

he never would have thought that he would be conversing with you. you were just so out of his league and intimidated him. good grades, friends with everyone… but deep down it was your organization skills. you just had it all together. despite all those side things you took care of, you still managed to find time to study. heck, you even liked it? he recalled your conversation from the hallway. what did you say about ancient runes…?

“they are quite relaxing to me, it’s just… i write them all over to remember how they look. once i nail that i feel like i can read them properly. but just the writing itself… is, yeah. time consuming but fun.”

how can one find thousands of new icons to learn, memorise and remember… relaxing. he was a bit jealous that you did it so effortlessly.

and sure, he heard you complaining about tests and exams. but you still passed with ease. unlike him, who no matter how much he studied, still barely passed.

“ouch!”

a soft thump of a book falling brought him back to life.

he leaned down to pick it up but only bumped against your forehead.

blood rushed to his cheeks out of embarrassment. but you just giggled and took the book, putting it back.

he must have been zoned out for a while because he noticed you did one of the shelves already.

you grabbed another book. it had a black cover and no title whatsoever. you started flipping pages to check what even it’s about. leehan, who was peeking through your shoulder, saw a glimpse of an interesting drawing.

“the giant squid” he placed his finger before you closed the book. you were startled a bit and looked around to meet his face quite close to yours.

yet, his brown eyes were fixated on the creature.

“do you know it’s semi-domesticated? on the chocolate frog cards its described as “the bane” of hogwarts’ students who wanted to go for a “dip in the lake”. it’s so dumb. first of all, it lives very deep in the lake, so even a small dip wouldn’t hurt. and secondly, it’s harmless. it…” he hesitated and a shy smile formed on his lips. you couldn't help but smile as well “it even allows students to feed it bread”

“really?” you asked in disbelief, turning your gaze to look at the drawing of a giant squid. donghyun’s low hum of confirmation made shivers ran down your spine.

“toast to be specific” he added and you felt a movement.

leehan stepped closer and you could feel his body almost pressing against yours, his breath softly fanning over your cheek. the hufflepuff leaned closer to read the information. right, of course.

“but you know, it must be because its magical. true giant squids, architeuthis i think, wouldn’t be able to stand our lake’s lack of salinity. and normally, it wouldn’t digest food” donghyun shrugged. you didn’t know what was happening to you - you couldn’t prevent your smile from growing. listening to him rambling about his niche sea creature interest really warmed your heart.

oh, this boy got you whipped.

“i think it’s a subspecies. like kneazles and mundane cats” leehan added, his finger tracing the black inked illustration of the squid’s tentacles.

your breath hitched. you wanted to reply, to throw a comment. but you realized you had no knowledge in this discipline, making you even more intrigued with donghyun.

“i really want to see it one day. maybe in summer. sometimes it plays with students, you know? lays out its tentacles out of the lake and just… lets the students mess with it” he tsked “hopefully…”

“i’d like to see that” you giggled. you heard a faint gasp and glanced at him. his eyes snapped back at you, as if he just realized he’s been rambling.

“i’ll take you with me, then. i planned on going at the end of the year, just before leaving for summer break” he shot you a soft smile, small crinkles forming around his eyes (and you swore your knees just went weak).

“i’m in” you grinned and gently moved his finger out of the book. then, you closed it and stood on your tiptoes to put it on the higher shelf.

however, you couldn’t reach.

“let me help you” donghyun’s tender voice once again rang from behind you.

soon enough, you felt his warm hand on your hip as he took the book from your hand and placed it for you. for a mere moment you could feel his chest pressing against your back, the smell of his cologne invading your senses like a swarm of butterflies whirling around you.

you didn't even realize when the hufflepuff boy was back in his position, putting back the rest of the books. and further on ramling about sea creatures.

“there was also a case of the giant squid helping a student that had fallen into the lake…”

sitting on a nearby bench, you were writing the ancient runes to form a sentence. actually, you were writing in your journal about today’s date with donghyun. his own notebook was laying next to you - he was afraid to get it wet.

“ah, y/n, quick! a grindylow!” he yelped and you shot to your feet, dropping your journal onto the bench. with snow crunching underneath your feet, you sprinted towards the hufflepuff boy. he had his scarf and hat on, pink nose peeking from the layers.

“how did it come here?” you asked curiously, quickly joining his side.

leehan's gloved hand grabbed yours and pointed at the quickly swimming creature. it was barely visible due to its dark color blending with the green shade of the lake but you could see its outline.

“my bet is looking for food. they like fish. or maybe it was bored. or…” donghyun hesitated, looking over at you. you shifted your gaze at him, looking at his big brown eyes hidden behind his glasses. “or… it came here for its prey!”

donghyun suddenly wrapped his arms around you, lifting you off the ground and spinning around. you squealed, taken by a surprise.

“they don’t eat humans!” you whined when he put you down.

“uh… sure…” he chuckled and reached to the pocket of his puffy jacket. he grabbed some dried algae and threw it into the water. you moved closer to him, suddenly scared. interlocking arms with his, you snuggled onto his side.

“it eats people?” you asked quietly as you saw the creature swimming closer to the food. its head poked out of the water surface, small, black, shiny eyes looking at you before taking a bite of the algae.

leehan snickered and grabbed your chin, eyes locking with you.

“only cuties like you” he grinned and moved his yellow and black scarf out of his face. then, he leaned closer and kissed you softly. even though his lips were cold, you felt warmth spreading through your body. you smiled into the kiss and pulled him even closer by the scarf.

who would have thought that two days after the detention you’d gain the courage to ask him out.

he pulled back slightly, first looking at your lips with a smirk and then back in your eyes.

“and humans. but only the grown grindylows and that one is still a baby” he grinned. and before you could even roll your eyes, he pulled your ravenclaw-colored hat down and covered half of your face. with a giggle, he pulled you closer.

masterlist <3

taglist. @slytherinshua ,, @weird-bookworm

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dolledtaesan · 3 months ago

Text

THE TEMPTATION

KIM DONGHYUN X READER

WC. 3.2k | WARNINGS: Stalker!Leehan, Sub kinda bratty! f!reader, Use of Leehan’s real name ( Donghyun ), takes notes of you and watches you through security cameras, leehan and reader are roommates, unprotected sex ( don’t do ! ) kinda mean leehan!, degrades reader a little!, teases reader , pussy eating!, orgasm denial!, after care and a little fluff at the end!

ageless blogs + minors DO NOT INTERACT

There were only two issues about Donghyun that bothered you, your growing feelings towards him and how secretive he is about his personal life, especially with the journal he carries around. He’s constantly writing little notes into his journal and slams it close when anyone comes anywhere remotely close to him while he’s writing and he gets very fidgety when someone touches his journal as well.

This particular morning, Donghyun was leaving in a rush to avoid getting another absence in his attendance. You, on the other hand, surprisingly had no plans that day. No classes, day off from work, no plans with friends due to them having work or classes, or both. An hour went by as you sat on the couch watching your favorite television show when your eye finally caught attention of Donghyun’s secret journal on the coffee table where you laid your feet. Your eyebrows raised in curiosity while you crossed your arms across your chest, forgetting about the show even existed for a minute as your mind wandered of the contents the journal could contain.

No. You couldn’t. Donghyun is not only your roommate but a good friend of yours , and your crush of course. You had to respect his wishes of not messing with his journal, but.. what if the journal happened to fall on the floor… leaving the journal open.. then it wouldn’t be your fault that it was opened and read, right ..? You sat there trying to convince yourself to push it off the coffee table and trying to justify your reason as if he was standing over you in the room. You could swear it was like he had his eyes on you, watching you. You felt a shiver down your spine and looked around for a moment before sighing. He’s not even here, he’s at school, why are you freaking out.

You bit your bottom lip anxiously as your heart raced, wanting more and more just to kick the journal off the coffee table just to see what’s inside. In swiftness, you looked away quickly and kicked it off the table. Hearing the plop on the floor, you instantly jumped to your feet and went around the coffee table to see the journal.

Only to find it still close on its back.

Fuck it.

As if your body had a mind of its own, You quickly went down and sat on your knees while you picked up the journal and flipped to a random page. Your stomach dropped as you read what was written but you couldn’t even stop yourself reading more and more.

May 30th, 2023

Today is Y/N’s birthday and of fucking course she went to school in the most beautiful outfit i’ve ever seen on any human ever. I couldn’t stand staying at home for even another minute thinking and imagining all the people that are going to stare at her, what they are gonna say, what they could possibly do, what they are even thinking when they see her walk by, the way men could just eye fuck her as they walk by . It’s gotten easier to follow her when she leaves out in public, distancing myself enough to not be weird and to still see them and anyone who could surround her from any angle. I told myself to wait in the cafe across from her classes but I couldn’t. I physically couldn’t pull myself away from her surroundings, I can’t and I hate being away from her all the time. I’m sitting in the back of her class pretending to be a student which was easy to do. What wasn’t easy to do was listening to this fucking guys talk about which one could “ bag her first and get her in bed first “ , I was shaking in anger and I had to hold myself back with everything in me to hurt them-

June 5th 2023

It’s midnight, around the time Y/N touches herself and she always tries to stay quiet for me. She’s so cute like that, even cuter when she can’t stay quiet and I can hear her whimpers and whines through the walls. Fuck. I can hear how wet she is. I bet she tastes so.. good. I don’t just need her, I crave her, all the time, everyday. I think about her making those noises for me, how beautiful she would look under me, squirming under my touch, how sensitive is, how tight her pussy is, how her lips would feel on my body, I need her like a drug-

June 15th, 2023

I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before, everyone always asks me why I’m angry at school on the day’s Y/N is at home and it’s because LIKE I SAID I CANNOT STAND BEHIND AWAY FROM HER LIKE THIS. She asked me last night why i was gone so late last night and it was the cutest thing ever, but it’s all for her, I had ran around town looking for security cameras for the apartment and-

If you weren’t already in shock from the pages you’ve been reading about yourself, your jaw had practically smacked the floor when you read the last line. You dropped the journal onto the floor subconsciously, quickly looking around the apartment for where the cameras could be when suddenly you heard the keys furiously opening the door followed by the door being slammed closed.

“ Y/N, we need to talk!” Donghyun’s voice echoed through the apartment as you scrambled to your feet, collecting yourself and sat on the couch again, pretending like nothing happened when he probably already saw you from said cameras.

“ U-Uhm, Yeah w-what’s up?” You responded back, looking at your phone, pretending to be texting while you continued to freak out, feeling your heartbeat race as his stomps grew closer to the living room.

You looked up from your phone to see Donghyun staring at you, his face flushed in a bright red, his tongue poking the inside of his mouth while he crossed his arms across his chest, his eyes, dark, digging into you. “ What were you doing ?”

“ I was watching netflix.. and making plans for late-“

“ cut the fucking bullshit, Y/N” He spat at you, your gaze immediately avoiding his, looking anywhere but him. Fidgeting with your hands not knowing what to do next, but somehow, this also excited you. You could gradually feel the heat rushing to your core, you rubbed your thighs together and bit your bottom lip. Donghyun scoffed, walking over to you, grabbing you by your hair as he forced you to look up at him. Before looking into his eyes you noticed the tent forming in his pants, making your face turn into a bright red when you looked into his eyes.

“ I just fucking caught you reading in my journal, and you’re turned on by this, aren’t you?” He spoke in a low tone, you looked away from him again for a second before he grabbed your face again.

“ answer me.” He groaned, you nodded your head immediately in embarrassment making him laugh.

His smile turned into an evil-like grin, “ you’re acting much cuter than I could have ever imagined..” He crouched down to your height, holding his weight with his hand on the couch behind you while he leaned in and took in a big sniff of your scent. You sat there as your body tensed up, he’s never been this close to your body before in such a way. The hair on your body standing as he smelled your body, he leaned in as he stuffed himself in the nook of your neck, taking in more of your scent. Slowly making his way down your body as he continued, his nose dragging down your breast and your stomach while moaning against your body. You closed your eyes gently, starting to breathe heavily with need. Watching Donghyun slowly lose himself on you, made you lose your absolute mind and made you crave him more than you ever have.

Donghyun lifted himself off of you with a big but soft moan that escaped his lips while tilting his head back. He looked back into your eyes as you sat with your hands in your lap, thighs rubbing against each other with your face in a bright color of pink and your chest rising and falling as you breathed heavily. “ Do you see what you do to me?” He said while grabbing your thighs firmly “ now you’re gonna see what bad girls get when they don’t listen to me”

Donghyun got up and grabbed you by your waist, picking you up and lifting you over his shoulder with ease. You whined and squirmed around, fighting against him as if you didn’t want this to happen but in reality, you’ve dreamed of nights like this. He striked your ass with a hard spank causing you to let out a loud, high pitched moan. You covered your mouth as he laid you down on the bed, embarrassed. Donghyun smiled as he hovered over your body, he kissed up along your body because even though this was a punishment, this was his first time doing something with you and still wanted you to feel his love through his touches, and you very much did feel that. Your heart fluttered as he kissed along your body, his hands slowly caressing your body as they made their way up, grabbing your wrist and holding them above your head. “don’t do that again.. I want to hear you..” He mumbled while he looked into your eyes, you stared into his eyes and melted, nodding your head in agreement.

He slowly inched down your body once again, and stopped at the waistband of your pajama shorts. He looked up at you with curious eyes “ Can I..?” He asked and you nodded yet again but that caused him to shake his head “ yes or no.” he asked firmly and you chuckled, nodding your head again “ yes, Donghyun..” you responded and he grinned. He grabbed at your shorts and tugged them off your legs and tossed them to the floor. Your hand went flying to cover yourself but Donghyun is always one step ahead. He grabbed your wrist in time and pinned them above your head “ don’t fucking move them again. I want to see you, all of you.” he spoke out before looking down and couldn’t fight off the smirk when he saw the wet patch that was forming on your underwear. “ all this.. for me?..” He asked as he ran his middle and ring finger down your pussy, causing you to tense up for a moment and let out a soft whimper “ y-yes..”

He bit his bottom lip as he watched his fingers glide on your underwear, spreading the slick more along your underwear and watching the wet patch grow. “ fuck..” he groaned lowly, You watched him with your mouth hung open as soft, little moans were spilling out your lips the more he teased your cunt. Donghyun finally brought his fingers to your clothed clit, rubbing in smooth, fast circles, he looked up at you watching as you let out a loud gasp. Watching while your hands gripped onto the bed sheets below you, your knuckles turning white the closer and closer he brought you to your orgasm, quickly feeling the knot form in your stomach. Taking notice of how wet you’ve become and how your body was reacting, he pulled your panties to the side as quickly laid down on his stomach bringing his face to your cunt as his tongue attacked your cunt like a wild animal.

Even with your fingers alone, you’ve never felt your orgasm on such a level like Donghyun did for you, your legs squeezed in his head as your hands flew to his hair, tangling your fingers into his locks. Until suddenly, you could feel the rush slowly leaving your body. You looked down quickly as you see Donghyun’s face covered in your slick, with a big fucking grin on his face. You threw your head back into the pillow and whined loudly “ why did you fucking do that” You pouted and he scoffed, hovering over your body as he leaned in close, kissing along your neck teasingly “ because, bad girls don’t get what they want so fucking easily. “

You looked up at him, sexually frustrated to have your orgasm stripped away from you. Eyebrows scrunched together while you pouted angrily which quickly faded away as you watched Donghyun grab the ends of his shirt and pull over his head onto the floor. Your hands subconsciously moved forward, running along his chest and abs before grabbing your wrist quickly “ what did I just fucking say, Y/N. You’re so dumb for me and my cock aren’t you? “ He spat before letting out a chuckle while he started to unbutton and slip off his pants revealing his big cock that was being restricted in his boxers that were stained in precum , your mouth watered as you imagined how full his cock would make you feel. You looked up at his eyes as his face was flushed yet again but he rolled his eyes trying to keep his act together.

He grabbed the end of your shirt and looked into your eyes for confirmation “ yes donghyun..” you reassured him, he leaned in and kissed your forehead before pulling the shirt off your body and onto the floor. You leaned in and grabbed the waistband of his boxers, looking up at him with puppy eyes, he laughed and looked away from you shyly, nodding his head “ yes, Y/N, jeez you make this hard you know?” He stated which made you giggle. You slowly pulled his boxers down, watching his hardened cock that was covered in precum, hit against his stomach, he groaned as the cold air hit his cock and as it hit his stomach. You looked up at him biting your lip before officially throwing his boxers off the bed.

In this moment it was as if you both had the same mind, you both leaned in, grabbing at each other, pulling each other in closer to your bodies, connecting them together as your lips clashed. You wrapped your legs around his waist and wrapped your arms around his neck, tangling your fingers again in his hair as he grabbed your body pulling you close to him and wrapping his arms around your body. His kiss was so messy, so needy with desire for more, his tongue exploring deeper into the kiss. The both of you moaning into each others mouth within the kiss, you felt your body heat up as you could feel his hard cock twitch against your wet cunt, begging for it to be inside already. He pulled away from the kiss, resting his head against your forehead as he grabbed your waist, positioning his cock at your entrance.

Due to what he had done before with your pussy, leaving it wet with arousal for him, made it easier for him to slip inside and bottom out. Your eyes widened as you felt all of him inside of you, looking up at him with your mouth hung open and he looked at you the exact same. The feeling of your warm pussy, suck him into your cunt, gripping around his cock so perfectly. “ fuck.. It’s like you were made for me.” He moaned out into your ear. He has very clear and obvious plans to punish you, but his desire for you and to make the both of you feel good were even stronger than those plans.

He grabbed at your thighs as he pulled out all the way until his tip was the only thing left inside of you before slamming himself back into you, thrusting into you at a rough, fast, rhythm and pace. Donghyun leaned into your neck, kissing, biting, licking leaving various marks along your neck while keep his exact same pace and rhythm, making you lose your mind. You felt as if you were in a different universe, your nails grabbing onto his shoulders and scratching down his back as pleasure was racing through your entire body, you would have to apologize later for the scratches but that’s a problem for later you. You finally felt that same feeling from earlier, your orgasm was approaching faster than before since he left you breathless the last time with no finish and you could tell he was quickly appearing his orgasm as well.

His thrust and rhythm were gradually becoming messy and uncoordinated unlike how they were a few minutes before. He threw his head back as he felt the walls of your pussy gripping him like crazy, throwing him closer to his orgasm. “ I-I need to pull out- f-fuck” He moaned out, furrowing his eyebrows as he concentrated on only pleasuring you and holding off so he could cum on you until-

“n-no! p-please- cum i-in me p-please donghyun- c-cum with me!” You moaned out loudly into his ear while tightening your legs around his waist which is what set him off. He threw himself quickly to your lips, messily connecting your lips again as you both chased your orgasm. Yours happily reached before he did, you pulled away from the kiss, with a string of spit between your lips as you screamed out his name in pleasure and grabbed his hair roughly. Coating his cock in your cum as he quickly followed, he leaned into your neck and moaned loudly against your skin, filling your pussy with his cum. He continued to thrust but at a slow pace into you to come down from both of your highs and finally stopped when your body jumped from overstimulation. You put your hand on his chest and he laughed breathlessly, slowly pulling out of your pussy with a soft moan and watched as some of his cum dripped out of you.

He looked up at you as you laid on your back against the mattress, completely and utterly fucked out, trying to catch your breath as your hair was a mess. He smiled softly at you and he was also catching his breath, admiring your body for its beauty. He kissed along your body and trailed up to your lips, kissing them softly. “ Stay right there, don't move..” He mumbled against your lips before getting up off the bed, leaving the room and coming back in a few seconds later with a towel and wet wipes. He leaned in and cleaned your body from sweat and cum from the both of you. After cleaning himself as well, he laid down next to you’d cover the both of your naked bodies with the blanket and looked over at you. You smiled softly, chuckling softly as you leaned in and messed with his hair “ so what happened to you punishing me, hm Donghyun?”

“ keep talking and you’ll see it happen, baby”

#bnd hard thoughts #bnd hard hours #boynextdoor hard thoughts #boynextdoor hard hours #bnd x reader #bnd smut #bnd imagines #leehan smut #leehan x reader #leehan x y/n #leehan x you #leehan hard hours #leehan hard thoughts #boynextdoor smut #smut

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