#I don’t want to pressure myself
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Testing out to see if having a writing schedule would be beneficial for me, given that I have multiple long projects I’m working on. Tentatively thinking that I could post the next chapter of End Up Here at the end of every month, and Dark Star in the middle of the month. Giving me two weeks each to work on them… We shall see…
#I don’t want to pressure myself#but I do a little bit for my own sake#it’s a little chaotic in my head and feels more overwhelming#than if I just gave myself a set posting date#dani admins#might not happen this month#aiming for next though
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Men are actually so insecure it’s an actual Shakespearean tragedy that I’m attracted to them ever
#They’re all so insecure and unlikable like it shouldn’t be that I’m not comfy talking ab myself w any man ever bc they’re#So insecure and all they do is project and compare and feel threatened LIKE who wants that#Imagining me in 10 yrs being some loser guy’s wife is like actually no#They’re all so unlikable#It’s becoming actual pressure to talk to them bc they’re so insecure omfg should I be single forever#But I feel like I go through a lot of single stretches between bad guy experiences#Should I DIE I don’t like any of them
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Yadda yadda yadda jinx is generally seen as a loose canon, does whatever she wants type of character, totally unpredictable. When in actuality, up until the last few episodes all of her choices and actions r motivated by wanting to please someone else. Hell. Even in the last couple episodes, the very Last thing we see her doing is ENTIRELY MOTIVATED by devotion and love and grief for silco, she’s taking out her frustration at herself and the world, and also honoring his wishes and dreams. By shooting a fucking bomb at piltover, she’s ensuring his life wasn’t in vain, she’s honoring him. In that moment
Her entire, self!!! is centered around love and loyalty. Is centered around other people, She’s motivated by an insatiable urge to prove herself, to be useful to those she loves, to show that she can help them and be there for them and be WORTHY of there love. That they haven’t made a mistake in loving her. To prove that she can be as pivotal to them as they r for her. She goes to the ends of the fucking earth to do this. And it ends. Terribly.
She puts the people she loves on pedestals and supplicates at there feet, she has no motivations most of the show outside of making the people she loves happy… she yearns for connection and love and safety. For a home that will never leave her behind, or crumble under her feet, (an indestructible home, That she can’t destroy just by being her…)
Which is why.. it’s so. Interesting and intriguing. How now, she has no one on that pedestal to worship, no one to drag sacrifices and offerings to the feet of, no one to spiral around and build herself off of. She is a person so *affected* by her relationships w others, but there is no relationship now, no one is stepping up to the plate to love her. She’s too much. For anyone. The one person who seemed to have unlimited patience for her is dead, because of her. and maybe vi could still love her.. but. She’s already soured that relationship. Already broken that one too. Broken all her favorite toys that made her so happy. That were there for her. And scared all the rest away. (There is a limit to what vi can support and forgive to reconnect w her sister. And I believe terrorism is crossing that limit ghgh)
And maybe, jinx is cutting that part of herself out on purpose. To be stronger, she’s realized she just. Isn’t made for love. That she ruins it all in the end. That it just makes everything worse. Messier. More complicated. She’s better off on her own, but for what PURPOSE! Who will she be now! What choices will she make!?! Almost all of her actions in the show were for others, what is driving her now, now that she has this gaping void at the center of her being. Where love used to be… what kind of person will she become, Without a guide to follow… a sun to orbit around. it’s sad honestly ghghg-!!! like yeah it’s not healthy that she is this way but there’s no THERAPY IN ARCANE. THIS IS THE WAY SHE IS! And now. She’s alone… it’s rough. But also intriguing…!! And I honestly have no clue how she’s gonna act in season 2,,, or what sorta shit she’s gonna get up to. but I’m excited.
#arcane#jinx#arcane jinx#jinx arcane#pepper words#sorry for waxing philosophical about jinx’s mental state I just. WANTED TO#she is so tragic to me…#and I see a lot of myself in her. albeit. like. since there’s no therapy she’s just deteriorated#but. idk. seeing a character like hers portrayed in fiction. and so accurately and like.. painfully#it’s cathartic#??? and I wanted to talk about her lol. leave me alone#ok now I gotta get ready for work lol#sOMEBODY GET THIS GIRL SOME THERAPY#but also DONT. cuz it’s cathartic to see the worst thoughts tendencies and feelings of myself come to life so unapologetically in her#like… it’s. nice to see somebody go apeshit like this. when ur own brain and desire to live a normal happy life prevents u from going#apeshit urself.. jinx is raw and unfiltered pain and misery being taken out on the world and I love that about her… but#I also want her to be happy.. and. I don’t. actually think going apeshit will make her happy… in the end ghghg-#but I will still always support her going apeshit regardless. like u go girl! this might end up fucking u up worse then u already were#but if u wanna do something fucking do it girl! don’t let shit like laws or morals hold u back..#edit: I WANT to edit the bit about supplicatting cuz it was mostly jus me trying to be wordy but.#so I realized I was projecting too hard lol. jinx is willing to snap and go against and put pressure on her fav ppl#mostly for possessive reasons ghgg- but! yeah that parts kinda innacurate for her#other bits of this might be innacurate too! this is just me thinking out loud lol I don’t claim to be a jinx expert.#merely a jinx appreciator…
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Sorry I’m not replying to messages. I do see them. I’m answering some asks and posting a bit of random thought stuff on twitter but I’m feeling kind of like I’m retreating to my old hermit state of internet usage.
These past few weeks I haven’t had energy to do a lot of stuff. It currently takes a lot out of me to reply individually because I’m trying to secure a job for myself again. So a lot of my energy is put there and worrying about my finances and future…
Thank you for the support as always and I’ll try to respond as soon as I feel I can give a decent response to DMs.
As for art stuff, I thought about starting to post again but due to the recent AI stuff that was released about sketches being converted to lineart easily, I got a bit paranoid again so it might take a while. I’m reading comics between breaks and rediscovering my love for stories so that’s good
#you can say I’m regular guy larping on twitter. and by regular guy larping I mean just being myself without the pressure to put out any art#you know I used to operate in the mental system of oh it’s been 2 days. better go pump something out. I broke the cycle guys…#I’m just like some of you guys… straight up chilling and reading. playing video games.#I don’t really know if I should’ve posted this..? I don’t know if it was necessary to clarify where I am or what I’m doing.. but I realized#there were some messages my scrambled brain forgot to get back to and didn’t want people feeling like I’m ignoring them…#feel free to throw tomatoes at me mentally if I haven’t replied v_v
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I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link
my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.
So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.
I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.
Thanks.
#Idk what to tag this#i’m just so tired.#i’m just tired of my parents putting so much pressure on me#like 1) I did the chores they asked of me#2) The only one i didn’t do was because it was literally an overwhelming amount of clothes. The entire fucking laundry room is filled to the#brim with clothes. Literally you cannot walk in there without strpping on some#that’s 6 people’s clothes. Not even most of mine because I actually do my own laundry. other than the ones that get mixed in with the others#and they wanted me sort them. by myself.#I’m autistic and a massiver germaphobe and they wanted me to sort their grimey fucking clothes.#And when I don’t do it? call me useless and lazy#and then i fel insane because maybe i am just lazy and i should do more because they let me live here for free#sometimes i feel in the wrong. maybe i am in the wrong. maybe i should just suck it up and deal with it instead of complaining#I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m so scared#I don’t have anything to fall back on. I don’t have my own car. I have nothing.
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oh i accidentally agreed to go on a date tomorrow 😭
#— ai rambles#I FELT PRESSURED + he brought up anime and not just any anime but haikyuu 😔😔😔😔😔 what was i supposed to do#this is not the lawyer guy but a different one btw#+ he fucking CALLED me and he was like — are you in the office today? (he’s a client) and i was like no it’s saturday we don’t work#and then he admitted that this was just an excuse to call me 🙄 and then he lured me into a date tomorrow with all the hq talk 😔#and i found myself agreeing 😔 like girl why 😔#i don’t want to go i think 🥹 but im also curious 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 like im so conflicted and i already said yes ill kms 😭
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Hey!! So turns out a video I made between a certain “well beloved but highly sensitive/emotionally reactive T.V” and an “orange haired inkling-turned-human” has managed to sweep my YouTube channel and accumulate 100k VIEWS!! THAT’S A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY?? My most widely viewed video EVER to exist in this moment in time?? AAAAA?? Not even mentioning the various comments and staggering increase in subs! It’s so much more then what I expected or even prepared for—might even be the most impactful thing to happen for me this year <3
…aside from graduating high school + the social connections I’ve been fortunate to make lol
BUT THE POINT IS I’d been closely monitoring the YouTube growth through the entirety of October. It’s make me smile like a dork, gawk in astonishment, dance frantically in my room from the energy boosts, and grow courage to stop being so selective/self-conscious with what I wish to share with the world! It’s kept my ambitions going!
I needed to find some way to celebrate the occasion and express my thanks—because I can’t NOT acknowledge this milestone jksjskp. Typically I try to avoid getting tunnel visioned focusing on the metrics/numbers. Mr. Puzzles had already demonstrated how much those things can mess with the minds of creatives. Caring too much about chasing views or placing your artistic value in attention seeking gets damaging. But at same time…it’s hard to deny the sense of pride the 100k achievement has filled me with. I understand that reaching 100k views doesn’t immediately make me any “better” or “worse” then I was before. I’m still just me! It only helps me feel seen by others—and that’s all I really needed. To hear some nice words & receive reminders that my ideas are cared about. So thank you SMG4 fandom for that, seriously thank you.
Please accept this Mr. Puzzle drawing as a way of sharing the happiness around. He’s so entertaining. Love him for simply existing. So glad we can all collectively be super attached to him (and the rest of the SMG4 cast of course). Can’t wait to see more incredible artworks from the fandom :)
Just incase anyone is confused by my vague description over which “animated video” I’m referring to here—hopefully this photo will help clarify lol. It’s this one!! Sorry about not outright stating the title at the start, I got carried away with writing!!
I’ve been in an odd place mentally when thinking about it. Wondering to myself if any of the attention is deserved considering it’s not even fully colored and could be dismissed as “low effort” content (despite taking several days making it). It’s easy to get into a trap of comparing yourself to others and questioning how much of the videos success is based on your skills, sheer algorithm luck, or only because you used popular characters and catered to a specific fandom. And then judging yourself by looking at other peoples videos. I’ve seen several artists post higher quality works then my own but it somehow gets less views. So why did mine succeed when others (who should have gotten just as much attention if not more) didn’t? Sometimes you feel like you’ve unfairly robbed them of that chance to be seen. However I’ve realized that I can’t ever expect views to be consistent—and comparing is pointless. So why worry about it or feel inadequate? I mean it’s pretty common for funny cat videos to go viral, so who am I to question the system lol. “Popular” YouTube videos can range from a passion project which took 7+ artists…to a clip of Toad singing Chandelier or a nonsensical Vine sketch. Anything can happen when it’s the internet! And just-so-happened my video was chosen. I should stay glad about that and get rid of all the overanalyzing. So that’s what I’ve chosen to do :)
#OKAY SO SO SO actually started doodling this once the video was around 98k this morning#it wasn’t even meant to be art specifically designed to celebrate the milestone at first#I just wanted to draw the funky fella who makes me laugh#but as you can see that changed up fast jksjksp#I was under the impression that my video wouldn’t reach near 100k until December UH?? WHAT HAPPENED MY PREDICTION THWARTED??#seems I’ve severally underestimated how long the traction would continue for geez wow uh#people sure do enjoy comedy gotta love ‘em laughs and giggles#I CAN’T BELIEVE WE REACHED IT THO. THAT’S INSANE TO ME—ALL THE SUPPORT AND COMMENTS AND SUBS#thank you SMG4 fandom I would’ve never fathomed the algorithm to carry it so far like this#you wanna know the real kicker?#things would have gone so differently for the channel if I didn’t wrestle with my anxiety & post there#because there was a point during that day where I fullheartedly figured it would cause me to loose subs#I was kinda terrified ngl#this goes to show that you should never hold yourself back from sharing different aspects of your interests#you don’t need to confine yourself to just one thing#or to strive only to make the most high quality videos ever (I put that pressure on myself a bit too much nowadays)#sometimes it’s the simple ideas that manage to charm people#and those who see the effort will stick around to support you. You just need to trust yourself during the process and take that chance :)#EWWWW MUSHY GUSHY SENTIMENTALITY CLOGGING UP THE ATTENTION HERE#whatever happened to keeping the focus on ��the star✨ who made it all possible to begin with huuuu??#show a bit more gratitude to the charming TV who boosted the viewership in the first place…don’t be so self absorbed with morals lonesome 😒#what is this some sort of My Little Pony episode oh pleaseeeeee 🙄#<- all of that was a simulation of Puzzles interjecting and nagging a bit lol. I’d imagine he’s tried of my nonstop nonsense#….yea the Puzzle brainrot is reaching maximum severities. So there’s high chance I’ll be animating him more down the line :3#stick around to find out!!#hplonesome art
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Hi 👋🏽 I’ll be going on an indefinite break that may (or may not) be for good.
Writing fanfiction was an escape for me these past 2 years. It was a way to express my love for the tannies in how I wrote them as comfort characters, and it was a way for me to make sense of my own experiences and emotions. These fics have always been very personal, with a bit of me in every OC, my pains reflected in their stories, and words I wish someone told me growing up expressed in the dialogues. And I’ll always be so thankful that many of you related with them, found meaning in them, and found comfort in them. That will always be my favorite part 💜💜 stories are so powerful! They’ve allowed me to connect with so many people and make memories in this (mostly) lovely part of the site.
But the process of writing has also been draining, not as cathartic as it used to be, and not as fulfilling. So much as I find myself going back and forth with the numerous stories in my drafts, I can’t bring myself to continue with them. Not anytime soon, at least. Maybe one day the itch to write will be so intense, or JJK1/KTH1 drops and I’ll lose my shit (Untitled and Belong were born out of Indigo and D-day after all), or after rereading my stories, I’ll miss writing so much. The thing is, I’ve never loved BTS as much as I do right now; perhaps I’m content with screaming about that love to myself in the meantime.
I’ll be lurking around here, maybe pop in every once in a while (so plagiarists, keep off my work, pls). My stories will remain here as your comfort 😌 and I’ll do my best to put out the PLM drabbles I promised! Other than that, all the stories are complete for you to enjoy (sorry to those waiting on TLA 😔 I hate that I’m unable to continue). I also have Twitter (jmimi_mi). I’m also just a lurker but say hi if you want! 😊 we can talk bts and fics and whatnot over there (I’ll try, I promise).
Please give love to the authors who are still lovingly putting out work for the community! 🥰
#tl;dr I’ll be on an indefinite break bc the writing just isn’t working for now!#and I love BTS#and thank you so much for appreciating the stories!#PLM drabble will still come some day!#++ I know I’ve had multiple breaks but srsly now my brain is too fried to write like#I have so many ideas that stay in my head and it’s so frustrating that I feel like unless I say I’m taking a break from writing#for a longer period this time then I’ll just keep pressuring myself to write something and it’s winter break and I don’t want pressure#especislly if it’s coming from me! lol also all the stories in my drafts are meant to be LONG and I might not have the energy to finish it#and you guys know I don’t put out anything unfinished so yeah 😔#it also sucks that I haven’t read in SO LONG so yes tumblr u are losing me I’m sry 😢#i also just wanted to say all this if this is for good so yes THANK U and UR ALL WONDERFUL#mimi things#mimi rambles
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I’m feeling quite sad about how much the active bts fandom on tumblr has shrunk and/ or how selective the community has become regarding content interaction. I’ve heard people pointing out a clique-building here lately, and while I’m well aware of closer mutual circles existing – and I can only speak on behalf of my friend group here – these pretty much develop naturally when there’s just no one else who reacts, reblogs from and talks to you anymore except for these handful of people. I don’t like that some people perceive these “cliques” as “exclusive”, for example to content creators only. that’s bullshit; it’s certainly not great to have only other cc’s support your work because they personally know how much time and effort it takes. also, knowing how lovely most of these people are, you’d get immediately followed back and showered with love too as soon as you’d even show a speckle of kindness on a regular basis, regardless of whether you make gifs yourself or not. ccs dedicating sets to each other isn’t a sign of exclusivity, but rather us holding onto and appreciating people who still give us at least some motivation to create and post in the first place anymore, because there’s quite literally no one else left by now.
#this is rather general so I’m putting more personal thoughts in the tags here#I really don’t feel like creating anymore :(#like I genuinely only post for birthdays or gifts cause I see no point in anything else anymore#at least that one person will care you know#I don’t post that much anymore but when I do I put so much love and effort into it#and it never feels good to click that post button anymore#also.#man it fucking stings to realise that people who follow you definitely scrolled past your own post#cause they reblogged sth from you that you posted before your self reblog#it makes me so so anxious and insecure#I’ve been pressuring myself to post so much only to be met with dismissiveness when I do#that doesn’t feel great in the slightest#I said a while ago that I don’t want to take a break and that I want to keep creating#but the disappointment lately was pretty drastic#I’ve been at this point several times before so it’ll probably pass again#but it’ll never not suck to see your days of work and creativity be ignored#it feels once again pointless to try to make original things#should just stick to 10 gifs of the same clip#or shirtless tannie gifs#it’ll get me the exact same recognition if not three to five times more#and takes so much less time
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every time I see a “it’s actually totally fine and nbd to have sex you don’t enjoy and are uncomfortable with because your partner wants it and you want them to be happy, as long as you’re giving uncoerced consent!” post I lose a month off my lifespan
#can /some people/ do this and have it be healthy for them? sure#but this is the overwhelming pressure both in a relationship and from society#and ime at least it has fucked me up a lot#to have sex i technically gave uncoerced consent to#where i was uncomfortable and unhappy and doing it to try and make my partner happy#bonus points for ‘it’s just like any other activity! just like you can watch a movie you don’t like for the sake of your partner#you can take a few hours to have sex you don’t like for them’#like come on now.#sex is not in fact psychologically identical to movies for most people#when i was a kid my school often made me watch movies I didn’t like or want to watch#you can say this isn’t ideal but#surely you can see. how this is different. than if they had made me have sex i didn’t want.#whatever WHATEVERRRRRR i know the sentiment is helpful for a lot of ppl#and i probably go too hard in the opposite direction#but im not framing myself as a wise advice giver im just rambling in tumblr tags abt my issues#if i were giving advice. well personally i would try to be more nuanced#than ‘don’t worry about it! it’s fine and normal to have sex you’re uncomfortable with and if you disagree you’re acephobic’#but that’s just me.#therapists dni#oh also I agree that people shouldn’t have to fake ‘normal reactions’ to sex#or to try and have orgasms if that’s unrewarding for them etc#im stone! its complicated! i get it!#but you gotta be careful to give the message ‘it’s complicated’#and not just. encouraging ppl to do things they’re genuinely uncomfortable with to make their partner happy.
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PSA: If you are among the individuals spreading hate toward Pollsnatural over Supernatural (2005) polls, you are 1) a little bitch and 2) not welcome on my blog. Grow the fuck up you insufferable little tantrum-throwing brats.
#i don’t know pollsnatural at all but my blood pressure is rising I want to CHOMP#when I'm in a victimizing myself contest and my opponents are hardcore samgirls and bronlies
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hello friendz !! i am packing my bags and moving to @tetzoro !!! please come join me if ya want ^_^
back to navi.
#i’ve been so annoying about this all week to my buddies but i have made the decision to archive this blog !#i’ve had so many good memories here and have met so many amazing people that i get to call my friends 🥹#i’ll forever be thankful for this blog for giving me a safe space to be myself and fully indulge (aka go delulu) in anime men#a large part of me does not want to make the move but tbh it comes down to organization#when i made this blog i never thought i’d meet mutuals and find a community here#if i knew then what i knew now i would’ve just made a new blog from the start#but managing a main blog and side blog sucks !!! (for me) bc i view this as my main blog#and tbh a fresh start sounds really nice#so !! if u read all this im giving you a pat on the head and a freshly baked cookie#i hope to see u guys at my new blog !!!#i am going to try to follow a lot of u from it but also !!!#no pressure to become moots again if ya don’t wanna <33#love y’all sm#ALSO ! i will be keeping this blog up#forever my shrine to kuroo tetsuro#(my new blog is still v kuroo - centric .. don’t get me wrong. he is still the man™️)#okay im nervous !! laterz !!! <3#⁺. ʚ aims lore ɞ ⋆˙
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just a head's up: while I hesitate to call hiatus of any kind bc I want to give myself the freedom to write when I have the energy/focus/etc., I will just note that I'm gonna be even slower than usual around here for... idk, probably for a bit. I'm in the worst state mentally that I think I've ever actually been in and it's uhhhh. it's not great lmao. writing is my main escape & distraction so I don't want to step away from it but doing anything is hard as fuck rn so I'm really not interested in pressuring myself to get shit done when it comes to the hobby I'm supposed to be having fun with. I'll be slow, I'll be selective, and it's possible I'll be dropping a lot of drafts?? maybe?? OR at least like. temporarily removing a bunch from my drafts (to be added back later) just so the number is less big & overwhelming lmao.
thank u guys for ur patience w me & for writing w my glittery lil creature, I appreciate u all sm 💜
#so sick of this dude I want to feel my normal kind of bad. this new kind of bad is so hard to calm down & relax & not think with adjgksh#I am constantly antsy & feeling this awful existential dread & I haven't been able to be alone without spiralling#it's terrible. that brief period of feeling lighter yesterday did not last as long as I would have liked lmaodhfjsh#anyway. just wanted to make a note. I'll probably add smth about it to my pinned whenever I can crawl onto my laptop too tbh#but yeah. think it's gonna be rough for quite a while so idk idk I just want to feel a little more free#to do whatever I'm feeling the most around here (which should always be the case I know but I pressure myself ok I can't help it)#I need to stop typing bc I'll just keep rambling... brain won't shut up adjgksh#love u guys ok ty 💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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if i could be a real cunt for a moment about instagram interior designers: i do not understand “dopamine decor”. putting things you like in your house without regard for the public’s opinion??? that’s what you’re supposed to do anyway??? it’s your house not the public’s house???
#evil lair llc#also god gives his most gorgeous wormy chestnut pieces to his most fucked up flippers but that’s neither here nor there#looking at flippers is bad for my blood pressure but that’s what insta thinks i want. no. show me not that#i do think flippers are an important part of keeping shit out of the landfill and i don’t think they’re actually making their prices most#of the time. but by god are most of them very bad at actually fixing up pieces and making them functional again#and like you can un-paint a piece. clearly. it happens a lot of the time. it’s just very hard to watch someone blow through veneer that#can’t be legally harvested any more#although i did watch a professional restorer steam out some dents in the exact same zebrawood desk i own and now i feel way more confident#about doing that myself#the trouble with me is that my whole house is based on things that were available at the time i was looking for a couch or a coffee table#or a kitchen set#like i would have never envisioned my couch or my coffee table or my kitchen set if you had asked me what i wanted before hand#but i DID know that i really wanted them when i saw them.#none of these tags are related im just tired and rambling
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I’m back!!
#I have returned!#not dead!#sorry folks I was in the wilderness for a few weeks#gotta become human again#might take a little break from dragon age posting but never fear the dragon age brain rot never truly leaves#being disconnected from the internet for a while made me think about my life lmao#might make some art of some personal projects I turn around in my head#or something else entirely idk#probably will be a minute before I start posting again#I never really intended to post consistently on this place and it felt good to get rid of that pressure I was placing on myself#I also don’t want to put myself in a position where people only expect one thing from me#these are all problems I made up though nobody has ever made me feel like I have to do something#people have been nothing but kind to me here and it makes me 💖💗💞🩷#I just wanna make art about other things I guess#do not worry though I will be making lots of dragon age content it just might be awhile#I just need to feel real again#all of this could be a lie and I’ll come back in like three days with more art who knows#sending my love to my beautiful mutuals#💕💞💖💗#and of course all my love to the people who support my art yall are the best I reread the tags you leave all the time#ramble over
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Hey everyone
It’s like 5 A.M as of me writing this, and I’m just… so tired.
I know I haven’t posted in a while. I just don’t know what to do with this blog, but that’s not important right now.
What is important is this: after the whole situation with Chuggaccnory over the past few days… I need help. Serious help.
I can’t handle being betrayed like this. I’ve been a fan of Chugga since 2018, but a few years before that, I enjoyed his content until I was like… 10 or so. I got back into TheRunawayGuys and his content as a whole when I was 16, and I’ve been a fan ever since.
Well, if you know what he’s been accused of over the past few days… yeah.
My childhood. My teenagehood. My adulthood. All three of these have been ruined by this drama and the allegations.
I just… I need help. And yes, I’m being serious.
Who do I turn to now? How am I supposed to cope with all of this? How do I stop myself from wanting to commit suicide?
I think I need to contact a crisis helpline, this is just too much for me to handle…
I doubt anyone will see this or care, but if you do… I hope you will be able to provide some help. I desperately need it.
#tw// suicide mention#chuggaaconroy#this fucking sucks man#I wanted to believe Emile when he said he was going to change and be better but I don’t think he will#I’m tired of crying over this. I’m tired of feeling guilty.#I just… want all of this to be over. But I’m worried that I’ll accomplish that by killing myself.#And I don’t want to do that.#If you are reading this… don’t feel pressured to help. I’m not demanding for assistance with coping with this.#But… I hope you can help. I’m really scared that this will be the end of my life.
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