#Should I DIE I don’t like any of them
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Men are actually so insecure it’s an actual Shakespearean tragedy that I’m attracted to them ever
#They’re all so insecure and unlikable like it shouldn’t be that I’m not comfy talking ab myself w any man ever bc they’re#So insecure and all they do is project and compare and feel threatened LIKE who wants that#Imagining me in 10 yrs being some loser guy’s wife is like actually no#They’re all so unlikable#It’s becoming actual pressure to talk to them bc they’re so insecure omfg should I be single forever#But I feel like I go through a lot of single stretches between bad guy experiences#Should I DIE I don’t like any of them
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I hope Jorge keeps the streams up until the next live stream like he did with the last Saga.
I had trouble getting into Epic: The Musical without the visual aid of the animatics as visuals help me absorb the material. I kinda wish he would upload each song with the lyrics and animatics in them instead of just the animatics by themselves without the full song, but maybe that’s just me. I’m an audio and visual gal otherwise I have trouble absorbing information. Besides the streams there’s no current way to watch the musical seamlessly with actual visuals and yet it is called a musical. A medium I’ve kinda expected to have visuals by this point, that was my one big criticism going into this series was “so it’s just songs? And I have to watch the script as I listen to know what’s happening? That’s hard to keep up with.”
Though if this is a consistent change going forward of having the full musical with visuals until the next iteration premiers, then great & honestly my only criticisms are a lack of trans voice actors (seemingly but I could be wrong) and a lack of fat characters in the animatics because Aphrodite was fat in her depictions throughout history in the very least. Which I’m not even sure if this counts as a criticism so much as an observation and something that gives me a bit of pause? Again, not series ruining, but just more an observation I guess?
That being said, I’m super excited for the Vengeance Saga tonight! Probably gonna stay up just to watch it! Sleep be damned I wanna see it as it comes out! 💜
Edit: Okay actually not risking tummy issues by napping and can’t stay awake any longer. If I have tummy issues I couldn’t even watch it as it premieres anyway because I’d be fighting for my life in the bathroom. ANYWAY DON’T GO ATTACKING ANYONE INVOLVED WITH THE PROJECT, I WAS JUST MAKING AN OBSERVATION.
#i haven’t looked into any of the voice actors so my bad if I’m wrong about a lack of trans VAs#I’ll edit the post to reflect that if I am#the lack of fat representation is hopefully just the artists not knowing how to draw fat bodies; hope they learn how#you can enjoy a series and still be critical of it like how we don’t endorse Odysseus’ war crimes but he also shouldn’t yknow stay on#calypso’s island left to die all isolated because that’s messed up so we cheer for him to have a way out#‘oh you’re just trying to find things wrong with-‘ I critically engage with bigger fandoms than this stfu please don’t be annoying#go watch the vengeance saga as it premieres if you can lmao hopefully ai moderation doesn’t nuke the stream this time#we’ll see if I can actually stay awake that long; I’m gonna be SCREWED up on sleep though idk we’ll see#yes I know music and theater are two different things but I’ve come to associate musicals with visuals through the cultural concept of them#so I just think personally the visual performance even if it’s a drawing should be more available like it has with this latest live stream#I’m not as good with details in audio only stuff; magnus pod has been one thing where I’ve been okay with it#but you actually miss important stuff if you don’t have the lyrics and script in front of you with this one#or I miss details anyway; idk different series easier to absorb than others and different formats#anyway I’m more tired than I’d like so guess my thoughts end there#mine#op#epic vengeance saga#epic the musical#epic: the musical#epic: vengeance saga
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not to be bitter about the Durins again but it will never stop pissing me off to a burning degree that in the movies Kíli dies off in a little corner with no one but one elf he met two days ago around, and she’s nerfed to the point she’s utterly helpless until RIGHT AFTER he’s killed. It feels so bullshit and unfulfilling. I remember me and a friend were huge fans of the Durins (her even more than me) as well as the little Kíli and Tauriel side story back when the movies came out, and we watched it in theatres and she literally said she would never watch that scene again bc it disappointed her so badly. She skips it to this day. Bc why the fuck did they have Kíli die for an elf he barely knew (I like Tauriel but it is true— they’ve known each other for maybe two or three days total) over the family he ran out into battle to defend, the family he set out on the quest with and the family that he was so proud of. Why was he not with his brother, or trying to defend his uncle who was still very much alive and in danger? Tauriel literally just serves to get Kíli killed in that scene, bc they nerf her (CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD. Even against a tough orc she should be holding her own) but have Legolas out there holding his own, and it is nowhere NEAR as emotionally devestating as the single sentence we’re given in the book of how Kíli and Fíli went down defending their uncle. I can almost excuse the change in how Fíli dies bc it does hold emotional weight, but Kíli’s death going from the devotion of family even to his own doom into dying for an elf he has puppy love for while being totally cut off from the other dwarves fucking killed the scene for me. And there isn’t really even a good payoff for Tauriel afterward either. We just leave her there regretting she ever loved him. It hurts me so damn much, and not least of which is because for every video someone does as a tribute to Thorin and his nephews, it always takes a sharp left turn into Tauriel watching Kíli die all by himself and it doesn’t even feel related to the other’s deaths. I think it would have felt much more like the best of both if they’d kept Kíli dying defending his family, and then have Tauriel come to him as he’s dying. But that’s not what happened. It fucking sucks. I promise I do like the movies but I will stand hard by saying that it’s weakest writing is the latter half of the second and the former half of the third movie. It only really picks up to consistently good scenes at Thorin’s battle with Azog in my opinion. Sorry for another brief hater moment but man. Man.
#lotr#the hobbit#sons of durin#thorin oakenshield#kili#fili#kili and fili#(their last name isn’t Durin but I’m tempted to tag it as such since I see a lot of people use that.#though to be fair what other character is named Kíli or Fíli out there lmao)#I fucking LIKE TAURIEL. but she is not more important than his family. like she is a crush he has but UR BROTHER JUST DIED MAN.#UR UNCLE IS ABOUT TO. IM SORRY BUT TAURIEL SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE HERSELF AGAINST A SINGLE GODDAMN ORC.#ISNT SHE A GENERAL??#PLEASE. it hurts so bad. and they have the GALL to remind us abt Dís w the stone afterward. like family was at all involved#in how Kíli died beyond what sent him up the stairs. I don’t even think his last thoughts were portrayed as his family in the movie.#it looks like all he’s thinking about is Tauriel. not the fact that his mother will never see him again. not that he failed his uncle.#not even that he didn’t get to avenge his brother.#then Thranduil comes in and it feels awful bc she doesn’t seem to get any payoff for her character.#and this is a personal nitpick but the dialogue there just. it doesn’t end satisfyingly.#the ‘because it was real’ like never felt impactful to me. it actually felt kind of cheesy?? Tauriel’s lines actually have weight to them#and then Legolas movie bombs that scene too and we just. forget about Tauriel over there VERY LIKELY dying from elven grief#’go talk to the 12 year old in the north. for some reason he’s already called Strider’#and Kíli’s body is RIGHT THERE. they’re doing nostalgia bait and MCU level ‘ohh this guy’ shit RIGHT AFTER THE DURIN’S DIE
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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I love bullying my friends ❤️
#I love telling them they suck and should go die#I mean it in all good fun bc I’m mentally ill /j /j /j#they are such good people and I don’t wanna do something that’ll#backfire and do something bad like I don’t want any guilt so please remember I’m only joking ❤️
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I’ve destroyed it all. The circumstances are not my fault; nevertheless, I am the straw that broke the camel’s back. I am the thousandth paper cut needed to end a life. I am innocent on my own; but with everything behind me I will be the one to bring destruction. I don’t want to be the cause. I never wanted this. I saw it coming miles away and I did it anyway; the worst part is that I see exactly where it’s going. Please let my intuition be wrong for once. This doesn’t feel real.
#I’m going to be fine. I’m about the only person who’s going to be fine.#We were born of the fire and now we shall die in the fire#exjw#pomo#Yes; POMO. But at what cost?#If it weren’t for the cult; we wouldn’t be together#If it weren’t for the cult; we’d still be together#I know I bitch and snark a lot but I don’t hate them. I love them. I think they’re good people and I like them. Genuinely.#I don’t blame them for everything. I can’t blame them for everything just like I can’t blame myself for everything#None of us are breaking us apart; a concept is. A concept that has more power than the bond between parent and child#ex cult#vent tw#I hate this I want it to end.#I want for none of us to be hurting or afraid anymore. I want us to be free to be with one another and be ourselves#I want us to love each other regardless of who we love#I’ve made it clear that I will not cut them off. If there is ever any restriction of communication between us; it will not be on my end#It’s such a silly thing too. I haven’t killed anyone. I haven’t done anything unspeakable. I’m an upstanding member of society#I just want to exist as I am. That is all.#What makes a cult isn’t just not being allowed to make your own decisions#it is also when the rules of the religion punish you unnecessarily for making normal decisions that should not cause turmoil
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incredibly interesting how “leftists” on the internet decided that, now that autism is cool and trendy, making fuck of schizophrenic people is 100% completely fine and in fact, the new go to group of people to insult
#y’all fucking hate disabled people!!!!#if you have ever said ‘schizoposting’ i hate you!!!!!!#fr like please die!!! you have less worth to me than any schizophrenic person with any off the wall beliefs. i am so serious. yes including#schizophrenic people who have been exploited and lied to by the fascist alt right#we are forgetting that these people are victims who can’t easily distinguish fact from fiction and reality from delusion#we should be beheading those who make up these dumb ass conspiracies and helping the mentally i’ll but half of y’all don’t even actually#even actually care about any of ts and instead wish to beat on people the world has deemed deserving of it#like we could be doxxing billionaires and instead you are bullying the disabled on the internet#because those millionaires took advantage of the symptoms of said disability to make them complacent in their own and other oppression#how do you guys not see the issue here#excuse typos i am not fixing this lmao
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lgbt people who exclude other lgbt people because they’re “cringe” or an “embarrassment/mockery” need to look in the mirror
I swear to god
#I hate YouTube shorts…again#it showed me how f-cking disgusting people are#as if Pinterest doesn’t show me that enough#like y’all are so f-cking embarrassing comin in here like#oh I’m lgbt and I think using(cute pronouns)is cringe and all of em should die#like do y’all realize how homophobic/transphobic#that is#cause I don’t think you do#you’re hating against people who have and are still being repressed jsut like you#and you have the gall to exclude them#you are no better then any of the ones who want us dead#and until you realize that imma call you what you are#a homophobe and a transphobe#and maybe just a f-cking idiot#myrants❤️🔥#I hate YouTube shorts#and I hate people#humanity hate#f-ck lgbt exclusionists#they can all rot for all I care
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Love that in the last five minutes, I have been, by someone my own age; A) told to shut the fuck go three times
B) been flipped off
C) told to go die in a fucking car
And got to respond with “oh! That’s very mature.” And “that’s the sort of thing we don’t say to togther people, becuase its not a nice and hurts their feelings”, because I don’t get to be mad about something
And that no one did a thing about it ✌️
#The worst I get to do back is talk like I’m taking to a three year old#Condescending. That’s the best I get to be when someone says I should die#You know what how dare you??? How dare you talk to me that way??? How dare you talk to anyone like that?#I would literally never in my life tell someone to go die#Even when I’m arguing I wouldn’t tell someone to shut the fuck up because it’s totally pointless and degrading#I would not dream of shoving my middle finger in someone’s face becuase I’m in middle school#I would never flip someone off period!#Notably I did not return the middle finger even in the presence of one right in my face#Because I don’t get to be upset#Hey you know my moms a nice person who tries to help people and be kind and perky and extroverted#And she also gets pissed all over and cussed out and also gets to respond in mature appropriate ways#Generational trauma!#You be a good person to everyone. Oh no they aren’t gonna be a good person to you. You have to be nice to them because it’s your job.#Once you stop being polite you’re a dumb bitch. You snap back and no one will ever listen to any of your opinions again#Stopped my mental health haitus soley to psot this becuase apperantly real life is worse for my mental health
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irl-related vitriol in tags, beware
#i have literally put up with so much cg bullshit in the last few months#god forbid i a vet and senior member get any respect#the captains are awful just awful really terrible#SO CONDESCENDING#legit unless i specifically am doing something deeply wrong then keep out of my fucking business#equipment manager making everyone sit down to learn how to tape a fucking flag#HELLO? BITCH YOUR FLAG IS CLANKY AND THE EXAMPLE YOU’RE USING HAS A GAP BETWEEN SILK AND POLE#fucking hell i’m actually about to ally with the pariah of the team and her new frosh friend#my reputation will go down the shitter but i’ll never lie to a newbie again#this sport is such a joke bc why do we even pretend that this team is a family#like hey coach. it’s not like i’m a subordinate to you or the captains or anything. but yeah you’re like my aunt omg 🥺#fucking get real#cg has ruined my life and it’s degenerated especially this year#i’m not getting enough sleep and i’m swearing too much and i get antsy and literally bite myself#the newbies are such dopes i feel bad for even trying to instill rules in them bc i’m no different from the bitch captains#always snapping snapping snapping at us for not being EARLY to the call time TWENTY FIVE MINUTES EARLIER than the band’s#i don’t even have a friend anymore she’s just My Captain who i have to Obey and Respect#anyway fuck co-captain specifically#whatever. i have work tomorrow#i should just sleep and die and defame the team to everyone who lends me an ear#god i hope my coach explodes the next time she sits us down for a twenty minute spiel about ‘expectations’#bc expect me to quit or be outwardly miserable all year long <333#tw rant#tw vent
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Going on record to say I can’t stand scoutandcompany *bracing for impact*
#I’m WAITING for someone to see this and try and dogpile me#idk what it is abt scout and their followers but they SCOUR for ‘hate’#anyway. stop talking about animal care you have no experience or knowledge abt and making blanket statements#when you know full well your influence and the way ppl hang on ur every word#‘the rabbit people’ are actual farmers that deal with livestock as more than just a hobby. sometimes it’s ugly work dude.#if you can’t handle it just fuckin say so but that doesn’t mean you side eye the people who CAN#*cough* instead of letting upwards of 20 sale barn calves die in ur arms bc you couldn’t cull them when they got too far*cough*#that’s all I’m gonna say bc I know some keyboard warrior is gonna swoop in and try a ‘gotcha’ or some shit#but I really. don’t think scout should be talking w any kind of authority considering their situation#I don’t think they’re a bad person. I do think they’re full of themselves and on a power trip though#you can’t be a bleeding heart and be a farmer. you can’t do it. in order to keep livestock you have to get used to death#that doesn’t mean you can’t be SAD abt it but like. it has to be done and it’s not always bc of being a runt or whatever#and like ppl have said I 100% get not wanting to do so for calves when birth is such an ordeal for cows and they only have one or two#but that means you don’t have any authority to speak on nestbox culling in general so like. don’t lol
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Hii!! I saw lots of posts about Harry renewing with Columbia and getting or buying a really expensive car. But I don't understand what I'm missing....if he is renewing with Columbia is that bad? Or good?....and why?.....also do you think harry is only doing it for the money? Because money being Harry's drive doesn't seem like him (of course I don't know him, but I just mean that him singing to Columbia again might be for a bigger purpose :)
we don’t know if harry signed again with columbia, but people are speculating and are saying he would get a 150M deal based on adele’s contract, they also think he got the ferrari for a “signing gift” for himself so to speak
#answering in tags because 😐#i just think i have a different view on life#work and money compared to harry (or louis)#i mean it’s pretty obvious to me that they want the money instead of being out#or themselves#because i honestly think they could have that and more if they would just take the leap#like if louis wants a fake kid for the rest of his life fine#you’ll just be miserable#i also just don’t understand millionaires in general#because you will never NEVER need that much money for your life on this planet#especially how they don’t even use it like normal people would on like travel and etc#they just tour all the time#you can’t take any of it when you die either#so idk#i think they should be happy at the end of the day#do i think signing 150M deals make them happy? no#idk you said signing for a bigger purpose (the maybe saving enough now to last them theory?)#that just doesn’t make sense to me anymore base on how things are going right now#idk if this makes sense or answered your ? but this acc is basically a huge rant
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worst comes to worst, have a backup plan friend who’s cool with you eating like their arm or something. like obviously absolutely last option just too keep you from keeling over until you can get your next meal, but it’s only like an arm and they consent
Posts that be like “If I were a monster that had to eat people, i would just eat horrible people~” are so absurd to me. How often do you see Known Criminals on the street? Billionaires out for a nightly stroll around town? Effectively fucking never. If I have to drag myself to the grocery store, you think it’s gonna be any easier for me to hunt Bezos and Co. every time my stomach growls? I can’t bother to plan meals more than a day in advance, how am i gonna perform whole ass detective work to confirm someone’s a serial killer before i eat them? Ya’ll got that much time on your hands? Planning 5 course meals every night of the week? Don’t make me laugh. Eat a pedestrian and tragically wrestle with guilt like the rest of us, idiot.
#consensual cannibalism#cannibalism#i’ve thought about this sort of thing extensively#consensual/righteous eating of people#the reason i’ve thought about this is because of jonathan sims#like if bro just found people who knew what they were getting into and allowed him to eat their trauma then everything would’ve been okay#and if everyone else wasn’t as convinced of his less than dog status#basira literally said that she’d ’put him down’ if he did anything#as if he was a fucking dog that bit a child#nah nah nah#i don’t fuck with that shit#idk if literally everyone in that office thought he was such a monster#he deserves to be able to eat#just because his diet is different then yours doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to make it work#you literally eat meat#how can you have any moral standing when you eat meat and he eats nightmares#do you know how much damage the meat industry causes the ecosystem?#you raise animals to die (sometimes not even raising them)#then you feed them enough food that could feed a family#then you give them land that could be used for other food sources#then they drink water that could’ve been giving to a person#im not saying you should be a vegetarian im saying your a fuckin hypocrite#like i eat meat and i like eating meat and i would find some way to make this work#even if it’s just getting myself into supernatural situation so he can feed off me#at least i know i won’t be alone in my nightmares#at least i have someone watching over me#at least i know i helped a fucking friend#a fucking person#a fucking human being#sorry this was just me posting about how much i hated how people treated jon
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Hey real quick PSA: If you have food allergies TELL RESTAURANTS. I know it’s inconvenient and sometimes people are shitty but for real, please, tell waitstaff it’s allergy specific, don’t just order it without the allergy ingredient.
This was brought up in my mind again since my step-MIL would get furious if someone presented her with a food she couldn’t eat with her Crohn’s but she’d never told them in the first place what she couldn’t have or how severe her reactions were.
When I worked at the pizza place a ton of people would order pizzas without cheese for a variety of reasons, but only occasionally would they say it was because of an allergy.
This one day a white lady came in and ordered three pizzas with no cheese. I have no explanation for why I followed up, especially because she was extremely moody and snippy. But I asked, “Is this because of an allergy?”
“Yes,” she snapped.
“If it’s for an allergy you should know we do use a small amount of cheese in the red sauce as well. Is the allergy severe?”
“What? Yes, he’ll literally die, his throat closes up and stuff.”
I stared at her. Someone she was serving pizza to would die on contact with cheese? And she didn’t even bother to tell us that?!!?? Why in gods name was she even in a pizza place???
“Don’t you have anything without cheese?” She demanded.
I ended up doing a garlic rubbed crust with toppings.
I had to scrub down all the counters and surfaces and grab fresh bins for all the toppings to try to avoid any cross contamination and the extra time made her roll her eyes in exasperation. Like I’m sorry safety protocols are inconvenient but I hope this person you’re trying to murder leaves your life.
But anyway. Please be safe. Disclose your allergies.
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They should create a version of doing poorly mentally that you can tell your friends about without stressing them out
#like my friends are all already so stressed and busy that the idea of going to any of them and being like#‘hey just so you know - I am having to dedicate most of my mental energy these days into not breaking down into deep sobs’#‘like it’s fine I’m not going to die or anything - I just feel like my life is deeply stagnant and that I should just run away’#‘and it wouldn’t impact anyone except my job because I’m deeply deeply isolated and don’t know how to solve that anymore’#like!!! I hate being a burden on them!!! I know the last thing anyone needs is to hear whatever sadness is living inside me!!!#i just. i don’t know what to do. besides what I always do. which is just keep going and push it all down.#which to be fair has been relatively effective so far in terms of ‘keeping me alive and productive’ because eventually things get better#but man. sick of it always being eventually better. what about right now. can I have a good right now.#brain thoughts#to probably delete later
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*is literally fighting it’s body tooth and nail to stop it from going to sleep*
#I’m already tired and I just. im fucking terrified at what I’ll see#I see things in my nightmares that are impossible to describe in any human language#if I could draw then I’d make art of them#but when I see these things it’s truly like I’ve been dropped into the deepest pits of hell#and the deepest darkest voids of time itself#there’s shit I’ve seen that I wouldn’t even dare to talk about it irl or on here#bc they’d threaten to find me irl and influence circumstances to cause my death and the death of my loved ones#and for the entire day after I wake up from one of these nightmares#the things I saw almost seem to ‘contact’ me during the day#like I’ll see a weird shadow in the shape of said thing#or someone will say a phrase that makes me feel like something ominous is about to happen#like they’re secretly warning me about the things I saw trying to kill me#and signaling secretly what I should do to avoid death#I hear random stuff too. just random voices. most of the time they don’t say anything resembling any language#it’s high pitched ringing or screaming or just gibberish#but the paranoia persists for days afterward#and this happens every. single. night. when I have a nightmare#bc there’s no ‘mild’ nightmares for me. they’re all deeply unsettling and stay with me#and they’ll tell me to do stuff like keep two bottles of water in both my room and mom’s#at all times otherwise I’ll die. like it feeds into my ocd compulsions#yes im always in mental hell but u just learn to deal with it
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