#Should I DIE I don’t like any of them
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Men are actually so insecure it’s an actual Shakespearean tragedy that I’m attracted to them ever
#They’re all so insecure and unlikable like it shouldn’t be that I’m not comfy talking ab myself w any man ever bc they’re#So insecure and all they do is project and compare and feel threatened LIKE who wants that#Imagining me in 10 yrs being some loser guy’s wife is like actually no#They’re all so unlikable#It’s becoming actual pressure to talk to them bc they’re so insecure omfg should I be single forever#But I feel like I go through a lot of single stretches between bad guy experiences#Should I DIE I don’t like any of them
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I hope Jorge keeps the streams up until the next live stream like he did with the last Saga.
I had trouble getting into Epic: The Musical without the visual aid of the animatics as visuals help me absorb the material. I kinda wish he would upload each song with the lyrics and animatics in them instead of just the animatics by themselves without the full song, but maybe that’s just me. I’m an audio and visual gal otherwise I have trouble absorbing information. Besides the streams there’s no current way to watch the musical seamlessly with actual visuals and yet it is called a musical. A medium I’ve kinda expected to have visuals by this point, that was my one big criticism going into this series was “so it’s just songs? And I have to watch the script as I listen to know what’s happening? That’s hard to keep up with.”
Though if this is a consistent change going forward of having the full musical with visuals until the next iteration premiers, then great & honestly my only criticisms are a lack of trans voice actors (seemingly but I could be wrong) and a lack of fat characters in the animatics because Aphrodite was fat in her depictions throughout history in the very least. Which I’m not even sure if this counts as a criticism so much as an observation and something that gives me a bit of pause? Again, not series ruining, but just more an observation I guess?
That being said, I’m super excited for the Vengeance Saga tonight! Probably gonna stay up just to watch it! Sleep be damned I wanna see it as it comes out! 💜
Edit: Okay actually not risking tummy issues by napping and can’t stay awake any longer. If I have tummy issues I couldn’t even watch it as it premieres anyway because I’d be fighting for my life in the bathroom. ANYWAY DON’T GO ATTACKING ANYONE INVOLVED WITH THE PROJECT, I WAS JUST MAKING AN OBSERVATION.
#i haven’t looked into any of the voice actors so my bad if I’m wrong about a lack of trans VAs#I’ll edit the post to reflect that if I am#the lack of fat representation is hopefully just the artists not knowing how to draw fat bodies; hope they learn how#you can enjoy a series and still be critical of it like how we don’t endorse Odysseus’ war crimes but he also shouldn’t yknow stay on#calypso’s island left to die all isolated because that’s messed up so we cheer for him to have a way out#‘oh you’re just trying to find things wrong with-‘ I critically engage with bigger fandoms than this stfu please don’t be annoying#go watch the vengeance saga as it premieres if you can lmao hopefully ai moderation doesn’t nuke the stream this time#we’ll see if I can actually stay awake that long; I’m gonna be SCREWED up on sleep though idk we’ll see#yes I know music and theater are two different things but I’ve come to associate musicals with visuals through the cultural concept of them#so I just think personally the visual performance even if it’s a drawing should be more available like it has with this latest live stream#I’m not as good with details in audio only stuff; magnus pod has been one thing where I’ve been okay with it#but you actually miss important stuff if you don’t have the lyrics and script in front of you with this one#or I miss details anyway; idk different series easier to absorb than others and different formats#anyway I’m more tired than I’d like so guess my thoughts end there#mine#op#epic vengeance saga#epic the musical#epic: the musical#epic: vengeance saga
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not to be bitter about the Durins again but it will never stop pissing me off to a burning degree that in the movies Kíli dies off in a little corner with no one but one elf he met two days ago around, and she’s nerfed to the point she’s utterly helpless until RIGHT AFTER he’s killed. It feels so bullshit and unfulfilling. I remember me and a friend were huge fans of the Durins (her even more than me) as well as the little Kíli and Tauriel side story back when the movies came out, and we watched it in theatres and she literally said she would never watch that scene again bc it disappointed her so badly. She skips it to this day. Bc why the fuck did they have Kíli die for an elf he barely knew (I like Tauriel but it is true— they’ve known each other for maybe two or three days total) over the family he ran out into battle to defend, the family he set out on the quest with and the family that he was so proud of. Why was he not with his brother, or trying to defend his uncle who was still very much alive and in danger? Tauriel literally just serves to get Kíli killed in that scene, bc they nerf her (CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD. Even against a tough orc she should be holding her own) but have Legolas out there holding his own, and it is nowhere NEAR as emotionally devestating as the single sentence we’re given in the book of how Kíli and Fíli went down defending their uncle. I can almost excuse the change in how Fíli dies bc it does hold emotional weight, but Kíli’s death going from the devotion of family even to his own doom into dying for an elf he has puppy love for while being totally cut off from the other dwarves fucking killed the scene for me. And there isn’t really even a good payoff for Tauriel afterward either. We just leave her there regretting she ever loved him. It hurts me so damn much, and not least of which is because for every video someone does as a tribute to Thorin and his nephews, it always takes a sharp left turn into Tauriel watching Kíli die all by himself and it doesn’t even feel related to the other’s deaths. I think it would have felt much more like the best of both if they’d kept Kíli dying defending his family, and then have Tauriel come to him as he’s dying. But that’s not what happened. It fucking sucks. I promise I do like the movies but I will stand hard by saying that it’s weakest writing is the latter half of the second and the former half of the third movie. It only really picks up to consistently good scenes at Thorin’s battle with Azog in my opinion. Sorry for another brief hater moment but man. Man.
#lotr#the hobbit#sons of durin#thorin oakenshield#kili#fili#kili and fili#(their last name isn’t Durin but I’m tempted to tag it as such since I see a lot of people use that.#though to be fair what other character is named Kíli or Fíli out there lmao)#I fucking LIKE TAURIEL. but she is not more important than his family. like she is a crush he has but UR BROTHER JUST DIED MAN.#UR UNCLE IS ABOUT TO. IM SORRY BUT TAURIEL SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE HERSELF AGAINST A SINGLE GODDAMN ORC.#ISNT SHE A GENERAL??#PLEASE. it hurts so bad. and they have the GALL to remind us abt Dís w the stone afterward. like family was at all involved#in how Kíli died beyond what sent him up the stairs. I don’t even think his last thoughts were portrayed as his family in the movie.#it looks like all he’s thinking about is Tauriel. not the fact that his mother will never see him again. not that he failed his uncle.#not even that he didn’t get to avenge his brother.#then Thranduil comes in and it feels awful bc she doesn’t seem to get any payoff for her character.#and this is a personal nitpick but the dialogue there just. it doesn’t end satisfyingly.#the ‘because it was real’ like never felt impactful to me. it actually felt kind of cheesy?? Tauriel’s lines actually have weight to them#and then Legolas movie bombs that scene too and we just. forget about Tauriel over there VERY LIKELY dying from elven grief#’go talk to the 12 year old in the north. for some reason he’s already called Strider’#and Kíli’s body is RIGHT THERE. they’re doing nostalgia bait and MCU level ‘ohh this guy’ shit RIGHT AFTER THE DURIN’S DIE
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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I love bullying my friends ❤️
#I love telling them they suck and should go die#I mean it in all good fun bc I’m mentally ill /j /j /j#they are such good people and I don’t wanna do something that’ll#backfire and do something bad like I don’t want any guilt so please remember I’m only joking ❤️
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I’ve destroyed it all. The circumstances are not my fault; nevertheless, I am the straw that broke the camel’s back. I am the thousandth paper cut needed to end a life. I am innocent on my own; but with everything behind me I will be the one to bring destruction. I don’t want to be the cause. I never wanted this. I saw it coming miles away and I did it anyway; the worst part is that I see exactly where it’s going. Please let my intuition be wrong for once. This doesn’t feel real.
#I’m going to be fine. I’m about the only person who’s going to be fine.#We were born of the fire and now we shall die in the fire#exjw#pomo#Yes; POMO. But at what cost?#If it weren’t for the cult; we wouldn’t be together#If it weren’t for the cult; we’d still be together#I know I bitch and snark a lot but I don’t hate them. I love them. I think they’re good people and I like them. Genuinely.#I don’t blame them for everything. I can’t blame them for everything just like I can’t blame myself for everything#None of us are breaking us apart; a concept is. A concept that has more power than the bond between parent and child#ex cult#vent tw#I hate this I want it to end.#I want for none of us to be hurting or afraid anymore. I want us to be free to be with one another and be ourselves#I want us to love each other regardless of who we love#I’ve made it clear that I will not cut them off. If there is ever any restriction of communication between us; it will not be on my end#It’s such a silly thing too. I haven’t killed anyone. I haven’t done anything unspeakable. I’m an upstanding member of society#I just want to exist as I am. That is all.#What makes a cult isn’t just not being allowed to make your own decisions#it is also when the rules of the religion punish you unnecessarily for making normal decisions that should not cause turmoil
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incredibly interesting how “leftists” on the internet decided that, now that autism is cool and trendy, making fuck of schizophrenic people is 100% completely fine and in fact, the new go to group of people to insult
#y’all fucking hate disabled people!!!!#if you have ever said ‘schizoposting’ i hate you!!!!!!#fr like please die!!! you have less worth to me than any schizophrenic person with any off the wall beliefs. i am so serious. yes including#schizophrenic people who have been exploited and lied to by the fascist alt right#we are forgetting that these people are victims who can’t easily distinguish fact from fiction and reality from delusion#we should be beheading those who make up these dumb ass conspiracies and helping the mentally i’ll but half of y’all don’t even actually#even actually care about any of ts and instead wish to beat on people the world has deemed deserving of it#like we could be doxxing billionaires and instead you are bullying the disabled on the internet#because those millionaires took advantage of the symptoms of said disability to make them complacent in their own and other oppression#how do you guys not see the issue here#excuse typos i am not fixing this lmao
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lgbt people who exclude other lgbt people because they’re “cringe” or an “embarrassment/mockery” need to look in the mirror
I swear to god
#I hate YouTube shorts…again#it showed me how f-cking disgusting people are#as if Pinterest doesn’t show me that enough#like y’all are so f-cking embarrassing comin in here like#oh I’m lgbt and I think using(cute pronouns)is cringe and all of em should die#like do y’all realize how homophobic/transphobic#that is#cause I don’t think you do#you’re hating against people who have and are still being repressed jsut like you#and you have the gall to exclude them#you are no better then any of the ones who want us dead#and until you realize that imma call you what you are#a homophobe and a transphobe#and maybe just a f-cking idiot#myrants❤️🔥#I hate YouTube shorts#and I hate people#humanity hate#f-ck lgbt exclusionists#they can all rot for all I care
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irl-related vitriol in tags, beware
#i have literally put up with so much cg bullshit in the last few months#god forbid i a vet and senior member get any respect#the captains are awful just awful really terrible#SO CONDESCENDING#legit unless i specifically am doing something deeply wrong then keep out of my fucking business#equipment manager making everyone sit down to learn how to tape a fucking flag#HELLO? BITCH YOUR FLAG IS CLANKY AND THE EXAMPLE YOU’RE USING HAS A GAP BETWEEN SILK AND POLE#fucking hell i’m actually about to ally with the pariah of the team and her new frosh friend#my reputation will go down the shitter but i’ll never lie to a newbie again#this sport is such a joke bc why do we even pretend that this team is a family#like hey coach. it’s not like i’m a subordinate to you or the captains or anything. but yeah you’re like my aunt omg 🥺#fucking get real#cg has ruined my life and it’s degenerated especially this year#i’m not getting enough sleep and i’m swearing too much and i get antsy and literally bite myself#the newbies are such dopes i feel bad for even trying to instill rules in them bc i’m no different from the bitch captains#always snapping snapping snapping at us for not being EARLY to the call time TWENTY FIVE MINUTES EARLIER than the band’s#i don’t even have a friend anymore she’s just My Captain who i have to Obey and Respect#anyway fuck co-captain specifically#whatever. i have work tomorrow#i should just sleep and die and defame the team to everyone who lends me an ear#god i hope my coach explodes the next time she sits us down for a twenty minute spiel about ‘expectations’#bc expect me to quit or be outwardly miserable all year long <333#tw rant#tw vent
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Going on record to say I can’t stand scoutandcompany *bracing for impact*
#I’m WAITING for someone to see this and try and dogpile me#idk what it is abt scout and their followers but they SCOUR for ‘hate’#anyway. stop talking about animal care you have no experience or knowledge abt and making blanket statements#when you know full well your influence and the way ppl hang on ur every word#‘the rabbit people’ are actual farmers that deal with livestock as more than just a hobby. sometimes it’s ugly work dude.#if you can’t handle it just fuckin say so but that doesn’t mean you side eye the people who CAN#*cough* instead of letting upwards of 20 sale barn calves die in ur arms bc you couldn’t cull them when they got too far*cough*#that’s all I’m gonna say bc I know some keyboard warrior is gonna swoop in and try a ‘gotcha’ or some shit#but I really. don’t think scout should be talking w any kind of authority considering their situation#I don’t think they’re a bad person. I do think they’re full of themselves and on a power trip though#you can’t be a bleeding heart and be a farmer. you can’t do it. in order to keep livestock you have to get used to death#that doesn’t mean you can’t be SAD abt it but like. it has to be done and it’s not always bc of being a runt or whatever#and like ppl have said I 100% get not wanting to do so for calves when birth is such an ordeal for cows and they only have one or two#but that means you don’t have any authority to speak on nestbox culling in general so like. don’t lol
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Hii!! I saw lots of posts about Harry renewing with Columbia and getting or buying a really expensive car. But I don't understand what I'm missing....if he is renewing with Columbia is that bad? Or good?....and why?.....also do you think harry is only doing it for the money? Because money being Harry's drive doesn't seem like him (of course I don't know him, but I just mean that him singing to Columbia again might be for a bigger purpose :)
we don’t know if harry signed again with columbia, but people are speculating and are saying he would get a 150M deal based on adele’s contract, they also think he got the ferrari for a “signing gift” for himself so to speak
#answering in tags because 😐#i just think i have a different view on life#work and money compared to harry (or louis)#i mean it’s pretty obvious to me that they want the money instead of being out#or themselves#because i honestly think they could have that and more if they would just take the leap#like if louis wants a fake kid for the rest of his life fine#you’ll just be miserable#i also just don’t understand millionaires in general#because you will never NEVER need that much money for your life on this planet#especially how they don’t even use it like normal people would on like travel and etc#they just tour all the time#you can’t take any of it when you die either#so idk#i think they should be happy at the end of the day#do i think signing 150M deals make them happy? no#idk you said signing for a bigger purpose (the maybe saving enough now to last them theory?)#that just doesn’t make sense to me anymore base on how things are going right now#idk if this makes sense or answered your ? but this acc is basically a huge rant
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worst comes to worst, have a backup plan friend who’s cool with you eating like their arm or something. like obviously absolutely last option just too keep you from keeling over until you can get your next meal, but it’s only like an arm and they consent
Posts that be like “If I were a monster that had to eat people, i would just eat horrible people~” are so absurd to me. How often do you see Known Criminals on the street? Billionaires out for a nightly stroll around town? Effectively fucking never. If I have to drag myself to the grocery store, you think it’s gonna be any easier for me to hunt Bezos and Co. every time my stomach growls? I can’t bother to plan meals more than a day in advance, how am i gonna perform whole ass detective work to confirm someone’s a serial killer before i eat them? Ya’ll got that much time on your hands? Planning 5 course meals every night of the week? Don’t make me laugh. Eat a pedestrian and tragically wrestle with guilt like the rest of us, idiot.
#consensual cannibalism#cannibalism#i’ve thought about this sort of thing extensively#consensual/righteous eating of people#the reason i’ve thought about this is because of jonathan sims#like if bro just found people who knew what they were getting into and allowed him to eat their trauma then everything would’ve been okay#and if everyone else wasn’t as convinced of his less than dog status#basira literally said that she’d ’put him down’ if he did anything#as if he was a fucking dog that bit a child#nah nah nah#i don’t fuck with that shit#idk if literally everyone in that office thought he was such a monster#he deserves to be able to eat#just because his diet is different then yours doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to make it work#you literally eat meat#how can you have any moral standing when you eat meat and he eats nightmares#do you know how much damage the meat industry causes the ecosystem?#you raise animals to die (sometimes not even raising them)#then you feed them enough food that could feed a family#then you give them land that could be used for other food sources#then they drink water that could’ve been giving to a person#im not saying you should be a vegetarian im saying your a fuckin hypocrite#like i eat meat and i like eating meat and i would find some way to make this work#even if it’s just getting myself into supernatural situation so he can feed off me#at least i know i won’t be alone in my nightmares#at least i have someone watching over me#at least i know i helped a fucking friend#a fucking person#a fucking human being#sorry this was just me posting about how much i hated how people treated jon
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Hey real quick PSA: If you have food allergies TELL RESTAURANTS. I know it’s inconvenient and sometimes people are shitty but for real, please, tell waitstaff it’s allergy specific, don’t just order it without the allergy ingredient.
This was brought up in my mind again since my step-MIL would get furious if someone presented her with a food she couldn’t eat with her Crohn’s but she’d never told them in the first place what she couldn’t have or how severe her reactions were.
When I worked at the pizza place a ton of people would order pizzas without cheese for a variety of reasons, but only occasionally would they say it was because of an allergy.
This one day a white lady came in and ordered three pizzas with no cheese. I have no explanation for why I followed up, especially because she was extremely moody and snippy. But I asked, “Is this because of an allergy?”
“Yes,” she snapped.
“If it’s for an allergy you should know we do use a small amount of cheese in the red sauce as well. Is the allergy severe?”
“What? Yes, he’ll literally die, his throat closes up and stuff.”
I stared at her. Someone she was serving pizza to would die on contact with cheese? And she didn’t even bother to tell us that?!!?? Why in gods name was she even in a pizza place???
“Don’t you have anything without cheese?” She demanded.
I ended up doing a garlic rubbed crust with toppings.
I had to scrub down all the counters and surfaces and grab fresh bins for all the toppings to try to avoid any cross contamination and the extra time made her roll her eyes in exasperation. Like I’m sorry safety protocols are inconvenient but I hope this person you’re trying to murder leaves your life.
But anyway. Please be safe. Disclose your allergies.
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They should create a version of doing poorly mentally that you can tell your friends about without stressing them out
#like my friends are all already so stressed and busy that the idea of going to any of them and being like#‘hey just so you know - I am having to dedicate most of my mental energy these days into not breaking down into deep sobs’#‘like it’s fine I’m not going to die or anything - I just feel like my life is deeply stagnant and that I should just run away’#‘and it wouldn’t impact anyone except my job because I’m deeply deeply isolated and don’t know how to solve that anymore’#like!!! I hate being a burden on them!!! I know the last thing anyone needs is to hear whatever sadness is living inside me!!!#i just. i don’t know what to do. besides what I always do. which is just keep going and push it all down.#which to be fair has been relatively effective so far in terms of ‘keeping me alive and productive’ because eventually things get better#but man. sick of it always being eventually better. what about right now. can I have a good right now.#brain thoughts#to probably delete later
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*is literally fighting it’s body tooth and nail to stop it from going to sleep*
#I’m already tired and I just. im fucking terrified at what I’ll see#I see things in my nightmares that are impossible to describe in any human language#if I could draw then I’d make art of them#but when I see these things it’s truly like I’ve been dropped into the deepest pits of hell#and the deepest darkest voids of time itself#there’s shit I’ve seen that I wouldn’t even dare to talk about it irl or on here#bc they’d threaten to find me irl and influence circumstances to cause my death and the death of my loved ones#and for the entire day after I wake up from one of these nightmares#the things I saw almost seem to ‘contact’ me during the day#like I’ll see a weird shadow in the shape of said thing#or someone will say a phrase that makes me feel like something ominous is about to happen#like they’re secretly warning me about the things I saw trying to kill me#and signaling secretly what I should do to avoid death#I hear random stuff too. just random voices. most of the time they don’t say anything resembling any language#it’s high pitched ringing or screaming or just gibberish#but the paranoia persists for days afterward#and this happens every. single. night. when I have a nightmare#bc there’s no ‘mild’ nightmares for me. they’re all deeply unsettling and stay with me#and they’ll tell me to do stuff like keep two bottles of water in both my room and mom’s#at all times otherwise I’ll die. like it feeds into my ocd compulsions#yes im always in mental hell but u just learn to deal with it
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Fever
(Task force 141 x F!reader)
Summary: While out on a mission you are injected with a substance that might lead to a shift in the dynamics between the 141.
Warnings: SMUT 18+, sex pollen, fingering, dub-con/non-con (under the influence of sex pollen), choking, nasty Simon, Gaz has morals
Word Count: ~ 4.2k
(Reader's callsign is Pepper)
I don't own MW2, the characters, or the gif above.
“What the fuck was that?” You shouted as you felt a sharp pricking sensation on your left ass cheek. You reached behind you to feel what was causing the sensation and groaned as you felt a syringe protruding from your behind. You looked down and noted that you had stepped on a pressure plate of some kind and triggered the laboratory’s defense mechanism.
“Oh fuck, lass.” Johnny mumbled.
“Shit, Pepper.” Gaz exclaimed in disbelief.
“No fucking way. Why does this shit always happen to me?” You yanked the dart-like needle from your behind and examined the leftover contents. The remaining contents appeared to be a blue syrup-like fluid. You sighed and pocketed the syringe hoping you could take it back to base to have it examined by the scientists at the lab.
“Pepper, what was that?” Price called over the comms hearing the distress in everyone’s voices. Your thoughts ran at a mile a minute as you tried to figure out if you should tell your captain, that you probably had a mild crush on and always wanted to impress, that you just stepped on a trap. Or if you should lie. You hated lying to Price. It felt like you were letting him down and any time you did, you found yourself immediately retracting your statement and telling him the truth hoping he’d forgive your indiscretion. You readied your mouth to let out some kind of answer but snapped your mouth shut as you heard Gaz from your right side, “Looks like they tranqed Pepper or something. We were sweeping the lab and she was the first one in.” You turned your head toward Gaz and offered him a look that was a mix of thankfulness and regret.
“Shite. You're still standing, lieutenant?” Price probed in a tone that, only those close to him could tell, was full of doubt and concern.
“Yes sir.” You pushed further into the lab taking extra care where your steps landed. The lab had been recently abandoned by russian terrorists working on some kind of bioweapon. You could only hope that you didn’t just get dosed with whatever they were concocting. As the three of you pressed further into the dingy lab you felt like the mass of your body was slowly doubling.
“Soap. Gaz. If I drop, I need two to keep moving. We need to get this intel out of here as soon as we find it.” You could faintly hear the heavy footsteps of the terrorists behind you.
“No way in hell we’re leaving you behind.” Gaz contended.
“Listen I-”
You were quickly interrupted by Laswell’s voice in your ear, “Pepper. Evac will get to you and the boys in 11 minutes. It’ll be 2 clicks north of your current location. We’ll get you to the safe house from there.”
“Copy.” You replied as Soap took a step closer and fixed his mouth to ready a response to your order.
“Lass I don-”
“Listen. We don't have time for this. I don’t know what I got hit with but I know that at the moment we have a job to do. Let’s keep moving while I can and clear the files we came for. You will keep moving if I drop and that’s final. This mission can't be a waste of time.” You were met with an apprehensive “Yes Ma’am” and a “got it LT” and you snapped your head around to continue sweeping the lab.
You knew you were being harsh but if you gave them room to argue you’d be stuck here going back and forth with them about it. Truthfully it was a ruse to make it look like you weren’t basically shitting bricks. You couldn’t stop the thoughts that flew through your mind. I’m going to die today. Holy fuck I’m not making it out of this. I don’t know what I got hit with. How long do I have? You didn’t have much going on in your home life so the thought of a family didn’t even cross your mind until you thought about who around you did have one. Soap had his sisters back in Scotland that loved to “force” him to watch those really crappy rom-coms that he claimed he hated so much but then recommended for team bonding nights. Then you had Gaz who had his mom waiting at home for him. She always sent him care packages with little hand written notes that gave him updates on the status of his neighbors’ cat who had slowly been making itself comfortable on their property back in London. She even sent him photos of the cheeky little tuxedo cat. Your mind shifted from thoughts about yourself to thoughts about them. I have to get these boys out of here. They have so much going for them. They really are some of the best we have to offer. I can’t let them down. If I can't get out of here at least they can.
Gaz went to the computer and plugged in a decryption device and began to sift through the scientist's digital files while Soap went through some of the scattered papers left in the room.
“They were in such a rush to get out of here they weren’t even effective at scrubbing their drives. Pep, I think I might have something.” You walked to the computer Gaz was stationed at and noticed a folder titled “Project Vitality”.
“Good job, Gaz get it and we go. Soap anything?”
“A couple of poorly redacted files with the same name.” Soap chipped from your left. You made your way to him and patted his shoulder in praise.
“Alright we gotta move.” You heard the footsteps boom as the incoming enemies approached. You felt yourself slowly start to stall and noticed you had a difficult time focusing your eyes. It was like you were wearing a pair of glasses that weren’t meant for you and you couldn’t take them off. You willed your eyes to focus but it was becoming a hassle. Fuck me. You turned your head to Soap on your left and said, “Soap I need you to take point on the way out. I'll watch our backs as we exit.”
“Are you-” he started then pressed out a short, “Will do.” The look on his face was filled with so much concern, that for his sake, you almost wanted him to ask you if you were okay. He turned and rushed out of the room followed by Gaz and you at the back. The three of you navigated the winding corridors of the combatant base and made your way back, passing the rooms you had previously cleared.
“Pepper. How we doing?” Price questioned over comms.
“Got the documents and drives, sir.”
“I know you did. That’s not what I’m asking about.”
“What kind of answer do you want, Cap?
“You know what I want to hear.” You knew Price wanted the truth but you couldn't let him know the fact that you might be starting to lose motor function and that the mass of your body felt like it had doubled. There was a large part of you that wanted to make him proud and craved his approval so the thought of disappointing him always stirred something deep inside you. But then there was Gaz and Soap. They were your sergeants and they often looked to you for guidance. The image they had of you rarely faltered from confidence and strength. They were right by your side and were clearly worried for you. If you told the truth to them they probably want to stop and question your status or maybe even try to do some kind of makeshift field evaluation on you and you’d definitely lose out on valuable time.
A shaky, “I’m doing just fine, sir.” fell from your lips then silence. A sigh from Price that was then followed by a gruff, “Bring it in safe. I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Of course sir.” You acknowledged. He knew you were lying. The slight tremor in your voice told him exactly what he needed to know.
Soap led the three of you out of the compound but not without running into a couple of the remaining terrorists that missed your group upon arrival. You, although struggling to see and move, caught the slight movement as you three made your way to the entrance of the compound. A brown jacket sleeve that moved just a bit too slow was all you needed to gather that the combatants had reached your location. Years of intense practice and strenuous training had you firing your weapon with a practiced precision that was barely impacted by your declining physical state.
As soon as you exited the compound you were met with a glaring brightness from the snow of the siberian tundra. The almost blinding whiteness was a massive contrast to the dimly lit compound so the massive shift in intensity had your head spinning. Gaz noticed you stumbling but only met you with a face of concern and a hand on your shoulder as he watched you struggle to get your bearings.
Trekking through the Siberian tundra in your worsening condition was one of the hardest things you'd had to do in your career. The whirling of the wind was so intense that it felt like someone was screaming directly next to your ear and the pressure of it was enough to make your head pound. The snow was coming down so hard that each snowflake that hit your face felt like a tiny pin prick over and over again. Your feet were so deep in the snow that it felt like you were gaining an extra 20 pounds of weight with the effects of the drug starting to control your movements. You tried to pull yourself together. It was undeniable at this point that you would not be winning the battle against whatever medication they injected you with.
“2 minutes till evac” Ghost chimed in your earpiece. Your hearing was so sensitive that you could almost feel the loud mechanical static and the whirl of the helicopter in the background of his response.
“Oh my days. Ghost is the one flying us out? I don’t want to end up out the bloody chopper again” Gaz groaned. Oh. I wasn’t the only one to hear the helicopter then.
“It was either me or you freeze out there, Sergeant.”
“LT, if you fly that thing the way you drive, Gaz might be better staying down here. Less chance of him getting thrown from the bloody thing.” Soap chirped.
The world slowly started to look like a mass of colors and shapes with no definite beginning or end. The only thing you could do at this point was push and pray that you were gonna have enough strength to make it to the evac point. Everything was so intense that overwhelming wasn't even the right word to describe the feeling. You struggled to pick up your head as you began to hear another distinct whooshing sound that could only belong to that of a Puma HC2.
“I’m here aren’t I?” Soap and Gaz stopped moving as Ghost put the helicopter on the ground.
“I’m glad you are sir. Good to see you, Ghost.” Soapsaid as he flung the door open and made his way on the aircraft.
“Always good to see that ugly mug of yours, Johnny.” Ghost turned his head to get a good look at everyone. “ Pepper, you don't look too hot.” Ghost concluded as you dragged yourself into the seat next to what you could have only imagined was Gaz. The words that came out of your mouth were something along the lines of “Not” and “Good” but no one really understood you with how slurred your response was. They did however understand that something was really wrong when your body slumped backward and went limp next to Gaz. You could vaguely hear the commotion of Gaz, Soap, and Simon, around you as they shouted your name and desperately tried to keep you from slipping out of consciousness. The last thing you heard was Price pressing to be informed on your state and him telling Ghost to get all of you to the safe house.
---
“A neurotoxin that sends the body into overdrive. Increases nervous sensitivity and impulsivity, and impairs functionality of the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus.” Price read from the lab report with a stubby cigar in hand.
“Why the hell would they want to make something like that?” Gaz questions.
“Apparently in small doses it can be used as an aphrodisiac that it increases blood flow throughout the body, promotes sexual stamina, and increases pleasure outcomes? They must’ve been trying to develop something to sell on the streets.” Price continues.
“Right so they dosed her with super viagra?” Soap questioned.
“That's what it sounds like?” Gaz said.
“I thought that stuff didn't work on women?” Simon interjected.
“It looks like they’ve altered it so it impacts both sexes but they haven’t been able to work out the less desirable symptoms. Tachycardia, fever, headache, dizziness, loss of consciousness, heart failure, and death.” Price paced as he read the outcomes.
“Oh shit.”
“Heart failure? Death? How do we make sure that that doesn’t happen?” Gaz frantically questioned.
“The only way the toxin can be expelled from the body is through coitus…” Price trailed off as he dropped his cigar into a bowl. That can’t be right. He read it three times just to be sure and the words on the page didn’t change.
“Steamin’ Jesus.” Soap deadpanned.
“No blood way.” Gaz stood with an open mouth.
“Someone has to fuck her.” Simon said.
---
When you awoke, you noticed you were lying on a firm mattress and were surrounded by the smell of smoke laced with a heavy sweetness that only came from Price’s cigars. You felt undeniably cold and couldn’t help but to shiver. You rubbed your fingers across your palms and felt them drenched in sweat. As you slowly began to turn to your side, you were overwhelmed with the feeling of the rough sheet that laid under you.
“What the fuck?” You noticed that you had been stripped out of your vest and snow gear and were left in your black polyester thermals. You could feel every inch of fabric that you wore and immediately moved to take off the thermals. You were left in your sports bra and underwear. Why am I taking off my clothes? I’m freezing? You ran your hands up and down your body trying to get a semblance of warmth but then decided that putting thermals back on would be too much for your unusually sensitive skin. As you dragged your hand down the sides of your thighs you couldn't help but notice how good it felt to touch yourself. You moved your hands to your inner thighs and couldn’t contain the moan that slipped from your mouth. You brushed your hand over the gusset of your panties and whined at the feel of your hand gliding over your already sensitive clit.
“Pepper?” rushed out of Gaz’s mouth as he entered the room. He looked over to the pile of thermals on the end of the bed. “How are you feeling?” he probed. When did Gaz get so attractive? He wore a red henley that hugged his arms perfectly and his soft curls made an appearance without the presence of his well worn UK hat. He made his way over to you and touched your forehead. “You’re burning up. Damn. The fever’s started.” The feeling of his hand on you was almost indescribable. He was warm and firm and exactly what you felt you needed at that moment.
You felt yourself acting on purely impulse as you grabbed his hand and dragged it down to your mouth. You started to kiss his palm and moved your attention to his thumb. You placed it firmly between your lips and began to suck. “Oh fuck.” Gaz exhaled as he watched you with wide eyes. You continued your ministrations and moved from his thumb to his index and middle fingers. You began to lick around his digits before you engulfed them in your mouth with a guttural moan. You could taste the salt and gunpowder from the mission and it only made you crave him more. You lifted your gaze to him and willed your eyes to meet his. The groan that fell from his lips was divine. You removed his fingers from your mouth and helped his hand descend to where you really needed him. “Fuck. No. I can't do that princess. Not when you're like this.”
“But I really really want you to. Come on, Kyle. It’ll help me feel so much better.” You purred. Gaz let out a shaky breath, pulled his hand from you, and walked out the room but not without you noticing him readjusting himself in his pants. Fine, I'll do it myself. You sighed and pulled your panties down your legs till they rested at your ankles. You slid your fingers between your legs and gasped at how wet you were. You slowly started to trail your finger through your folds, collecting some of the wetness that had dripped from you and began to rub your clit. As soon as your finger pressed against your reactive little nub you were in heaven. You started in small circular motions and rubbed until you felt you needed more. You moved your other hand to your breast and tugged at your nipple. You kneaded and grabbed your breast like it was the key to your survival. You’ve never felt like this before. It's like you can feel everything, everywhere, all at the same time. You felt the rough fabric of the sheets, the scratchy wool of the pillow behind your head and you felt the soft cotton that was resting around your ankles. You were still shivering from the fever but you felt like you could feel the stimulation of your clit in your toes. You needed more.
You moved your hand from your plush breast to rest right at your soaked opening. You circled your middle finger a few times just to get it wet, and sank right into your leaking entrance. “Oh fuuuuuck”. You could feel the pressure of the finger at your walls as you started to curve your finger inside of yourself searching for your g-spot. You continued rubbing your clit and curling your finger inside of you hoping to seek your elease. It felt so good but it just wasn't enough. You slipped in another finger and moaned at the intrusion. You started to pant and whine with how good you were feeling, but you felt yourself needing more. You continued the calculated movements and felt your orgasm approaching. You just needed a little more. One more push to get you there. One curl of your finger turned to two, then to three, then the pleasure turned into frustration. “Fuuuuuuck.” You groaned as you pulled your fingers from your body and layed on the mattress in a heap of sweat and frustration. You felt yourself slowly drift back into the unconscious void even as you worked to steady your breaths.
---
“She sucked my fingers. Wanted me to fuck her. With my fingers. Uh she begged me to. And she was down to her knickers” Gaz confessed as he dropped his eyes to his combat boots, too unsure to look at his team.
“Did you lad?” Price probed.
“No, I couldn't do it. I really thought about it and I- I don't know. She definitely has a fever though.”
“Hm.” Was all that left Price's mouth.
“We're gonna have to check up on her. Make sure her heart isn't working too hard and see how to keep her satiated. For her sake.” Simon stated matter of factly.
“Does it say it has to be expelled through “sexual intercourse” or can she just, ya know, uh.. “Get there”, and work it out her system.” Soap questioned, looking toward Price and seeking the answers he normally has.
“Johnny. It says coitus.” Simon replied.
“No one’s gonna fuck her like this. It’s not right.” Gaz stated.
“What if we have to?” Soap doubted.
“Maybe we should see if an orgasm is the solution. If that doesn't work then last resort, someone will do what needs to be done.” Price said with a sense of finality.
---
You felt the press of two fingers at your carotid artery and shivered at the warmth they offered. You fluttered your eyes open and nearly jumped out of your skin when they met dark brown ones behind a human skull mask. You’d seen Simon before and regularly worked with him but you'd never woken to him standing over you like the grim reaper.
“Jesus, Simon.”
“‘Just checking your heart rate.” He confirmed. Simon almost always has his gloves on. To feel his fingers at your neck had you craving more of his touch. You grabbed his hand that was at your neck and splayed it across your jugular. You looked up at him with full, pleading eyes and felt him squeeze a bit. A light moan left your lips as you begged him to squeeze harder. The groan that left his mouth would surely implant itself in the depths of your mind for years to come. The sound coming from him went straight to your core and you felt yourself clenching your thighs.
“Simon, please.”
“Fuckin’ hell. Don’t look at me like that. Not while you've got your knickers round your ankles.”
“Please. Si. I need you. I’m so fucking horny. I can feel everything Simon. Please just help me feel good. I promise I’ll be good. You can use me however you want. However you need to. Please.”
“Don't say that y/n.” He turned his gaze away from your face.
“I mean it. Please help me.”
“Just my fingers darling.”
“Yes. Yes, thank you so much.” You nodded your head eagerly and bit down on your lip. If your fingers weren't working to get you there, maybe his would. You parted your legs for him and he hung his head and rolled his shoulders while he let out a deep “Fuck”. His grip on your neck tightened and you felt your head go light. “Oh fuck yes.” His other hand made its way between your plush legs and ran between your folds. Simon’s eyes were locked onto your pussy and he was in awe of how wet you were. He knew what the toxins effects on you were but to see them in person had him stiff as a board in his pants. Fuck this was so wrong of him. He knew he wanted to help you but part of him was living out his sick and twisted fantasies. To have you, a stunning woman, dripping wet and begging for him to fuck you, he’d be insane to not feel at least a bit aroused. He dragged a finger around your clit and almost purred at the whine that left your lips. He continued to make slow and tedious circles around your clit.
“Simon, please I need more. Can you - mmm fuck- can you fuck me?” How could he deny you when you’ve asked him so nicely.
“Only with my fingers, darling.” He slipped in two fingers and groaned at how tight you were. Your back arched so deeply and he wondered to himself what it would be like to be behind you when you arched like that. Simon began to work his fingers inside of you. He started with slow but deep pumping motions and moved onto scissoring his fingers inside of you searching for that special spot that he knows will make you tick. Your breath hitched in your throat and you let out a long high pitched squeal.
“Is that it, darling? Right there? Hm?” He beamed with a sense of condescension that made your pussy tighten on his fingers.
“Oh fuck Simon. Please, please let me cum.” His fingers were hitting all of the right parts of you and you felt your orgasm nearing.
“Of course you can come, darling. Fucking soak my fingers. I know you need it. Come on, darling.”
You slid your hand down to your clit and rubbed it in furious circles. His grip tightened on your neck and you felt fuzzy everywhere. “Cum all over my fingers. Make a mess, why don't you.” And at that final comment from Simon, you felt the band within you snap as you had one of the most intense orgasms of your life. Your toes curled and your back was nearly curved into a C shape. Your pussy clenched and unclenched as Simon continued his assault. You felt your ears ringing from the intensity of the orgasm and felt like you lost hearing for a little moment. As you panted and tried to recover from your climax, Simon removed his drenched fingers from you, lifted his mask to just below his nose, and brought his hand up to his mouth. He locked eyes with you and you watched him in amazement as he cleaned you from his fingers. Your eyes flutter at how intense the sight was. His strong jaw, scarred but pink lips, and traces of stubble left you wanting more. He moved the hand that was on your neck back to your pulse point to check your heart rate.
“It’s slowed a bit. Get some rest," and with that he left the room and you felt yourself slip from consciousness.
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