#I don’t want to be in an afterlife
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// personal, vent
Life has felt very, very lonely lately. I’m grateful to my friends, but the deep and chronic stress I’m experiencing is taking a serious toll on my physical and mental health.
I wish I knew how best to get relief.
#;;#I’ve wondered if it’s better to just …#stop existing#if existing hurts so bad#should I just#stop?#but then the afterlife is a whole problem#I don’t want to be in an afterlife#I don’t want to be here either half the time#is there a secret third place?#please advise#sigh#personal#vent#tw mental health#tw health#tw sui implied
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I’m sure that this is not a hot take and that a lot of people feel the same way but like…
The question “does it have spice?!🌶️🔥” makes me want to jump off a cliff. I’m out here looking for gothic book recommendations on Reddit, tumblr, and goodreads and WHY is this the first question so many people ask 😭
Look, I love erotica as much as the next person but come on. There have got to be other things that matter when recommending books or choosing to pick one up, my GOD.
#am I just old?#like am I being unreasonable?#I don’t want to blame booktok for this but I’m dying over here#and romance and spice are two different things#a lot of these spicy books are just straight up trash but people tout them as amazing romances#like excuse me?#if they’re having nasty sex within 50 pages it’s not romance#it’s not love at first sight either#it’s lust#Christ I just wanted a gothic book for fall and after I’ve been in a reading slump after finishing the shepherd king duology#don’t fucking recommend me haunting Adeline good GOD#anyway#if someone has a solid gothic recommendation pls send it my way#otherwise I’ll be forced to read Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights and I am more of an Austen girlie than a Brontë girlie#sorry grandma pls don’t haunt me from the afterlife for that#booktok cringe#anti booktok#I don’t even know how to tag this bc I’m not even anti booktok#book recommendations#book recs#someone help me#personal#rant#half the time the spice isn’t even good#I get better smut from fanfiction#I need to clarify that I don’t care if you like spicy books#go off girly pop#but I am BEGGING for a modicum of self reflection#spice should not be the only reason you’re reading a book 100% of the time holy fuck
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I’ll never get over how funny it is that the reason Teraeth reincarnated as one of the hellwarriors was because Atrin saw the man he was in love with (has literally never spoken to him ever in 500 years) and the woman he was in love with (he’s convinced she hates his guts) (knows they have some kind of affection for each other but is unclear on the details) volunteer one after the other and went ‘oh I cannot let them reincarnate together without me’ like yes he was emperor for five hundred years and undeniably changed the world yes he was an incredible warrior and strategist in his own right. Yes he volunteered to save the world because his crushes did it first and he didn’t want to be left out. Funniest guy ever.
#a chorus of dragons#it’s SOOO funny. granted elana basically did the same thing but still.#i’ve been thinking about elana a lot today i really want to know more about her. it seems like. hmm#so we don’t know much about her pre or post memory dump by xaltorath but the state she was in and how she immediately went to s’arric in th#middle of the blight kinda makes me think that c’indrol’s memories were almost. overwhelming. and like some of that was obviously how recen#getting the memories was but she still cares for s’arric enough to stay with him for all that time in the afterlife and then reincarnate#with him. and of course there’s here donating the journal with all of c’indrol’s notes to the (eventual) library on devors. so what i’m#really wondering is how much she changed after the memory dump and how she’d define herself#if she considers herself more c’indrol or still elana. bc we see all three of them actively choosing to be their own people in the books bu#i really wonder if elana made the same choice or if that was even a choice she was capable of making. idk fascinated by her
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The dream? To die and become a chaotic trickster spirit that people can summon to do their vigilante work
#I don’t want a peaceful afterlife I wanna be an omen#mine#get paid in cigarettes or something stupid
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Friendly reminder that Kratos BROKE THE AFTERLIFE for Mimir
#god of war valhalla#gowr#gow#kratos#mimir#he broke the entire afterlife dawg if my friendships ain’t like that I don’t want em#not mil#they are beyond besties dude#they are BROTHERS
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no im sorry but now that i know one of the redacted wips is one of the bad batch as a dad I MUST know at least which one it is 😭
Hahaha no I get it, I know it’s kind of a tease to put it on the list if I’m going to be cagey about it. Mostly it’s because idk how it’ll be received and I don’t want people being snide in my inbox about the choice of character/topic
Anyway it’s Tech lol
#Q&A#hounds speaks#Again it was mostly just me wanting to write Tech more realistically and this happened to be the scenario I thought would force his#character to contend with the most challenges/changes/conflict#both internal and external#Because what do you do when you exist with with the express purpose of being a soldier and suddenly you have to contend with a life change#you may not have even thought you’d live long enough to see?#What happens when suddenly you can’t Logic your way through or out of every problem and you’re forced to deal with messy feelings?#Ones that don’t have an easy answer or solution?#What happens when the guy who always has answers or knows how to FIND answers#is suddenly dealing with something entirely out of his wheelhouse or control#And how long does it take for his façade of collected calm to snap?#Anyway#I just really enjoy the stoic scientist characters suddenly dealing with emotional conflicts#And I really REALLY like when it’s family dynamics or them becoming a dad#The Ghostbusters: Afterlife scene where Callie finds all of Egon’s careful notes and personal effects pertaining to her#just GETS to me#And out of the five of the 99 crew Tech is the least likely you think of being a dad#Especially being the first before the rest of them#ok I’m done for real this time
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/406a9585a1d850c42fe656a055fc5725/8d52d5badb5dae6e-47/s640x960/4e83faf6f4a3e9ea1c64d1f863ef9a5556d2b940.jpg)
Unfortunately just a doodle today. Lots of stuff to do and am very tired lol.
#art#x’s art#traditional art#hermitaday#tfc#tinfoilchef#tinfoilchef fanart#tfc fanart#This just showcases how much I don’t know how to draw animals#I wanted to draw bishop but like I said not much time#I started watching hermitcraft in July of 22 so unfortunately I never really got much time with tfc when he was around#His passing did hit me a little more than expected though#With the recent passing of techno and my grandfather being sick a lot I was getting worried as to what might happen to my grandfather#He passed a little over a year ago now but I like to think that my grandfather and tfc met somehow#Maybe He’s seen jellie and bishop#Idk lol#the afterlife is a very confusing topic for me. I know it’s probably real or whatever there’s plenty of evidence to say that it is#But it’s hard to think about#I’m getting off track
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I want to make Riot listen to Welly Boots by The Amazing Devil just to see what it would to her.
#I’m aware it’s cruel but I don’t care#Also I want to know whether is makes her think of her mom or Walt#I guess that depends on where in canon you are#But also it’s sung from the perspective of a father watching after his daughter from the afterlife#So like-#hello from the hallowoods#riot maidstone#the amazing devil#welly boots
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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how can i get both twelveclara afterlife endgame and clara never returning to trap street…
#i’m a twelveclara after life endgame truther#i’m also a clara never returning to trap street truther#apologies for the twitter lingo.#how does twelveclara afterlife endgame work you may ask? i have no idea.#the thought of them never seeing each other again just makes me want to sob violently#and i don’t care if that’s the point…#they’re kindred spirits <3#the real reason we didn’t see twelve in regenerations limbo - that and peter capaldi never returning.#but also clara didn’t die…#because i don’t want her to.#i really REALLY don’t want her to.#twelveclara#whouffaldi#clara oswald#twelfth doctor
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i wish i believed in an afterlife. i wish i believed i’ll see my first dog again. i could take so much comfort in that.
#but i don’t believe in things just bc i want them#and i don’t mean in any Type Of Way. it’s truly so passive#i just don’t operate with blind faith. not a part of who i am i guess#i envy people with something to believe in like that.#and i admire and respect it. and also kind of look down on it. i have issues. im working on it#but truly i think the one thing i want more than anything else. the thing that created a bottomless pit of yearning inside me#is for death and the afterlife to work like they do at the end of the good place. i can imagine nothing more perfect#than getting infinite magical access to literally anything i could ever want and then having the ability to permanently leave when i feel#fulfilled#and it makes me kind of sad that in real life i believe that death is it. that once the electric impulses die in your brain you’re just gone#that’s a bummer. but ultimately it is what i believe to be the reality of existence and to say otherwise would be lying to myself
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Not in a Reddit atheist way because that’s reactionary but sometimes I really do hate religion
#magical thinking I guess#heard a story where a trans guy felt guilty because his boyfriend wasn’t comfortable with him transitioning died#so he was finally able to transition#but he felt guilty because of the thought his boyfriend wouldn’t want him in the afterlife#I just feel nauseous at the thought#blame it on the Bible or whatever#Do you want religion controlling your life?#I don’t know#I grew up on that edgy internet atheist space very early on#now I can never shake the feeling it’s all manipulation#I know there are people in my life who are religious and happy#but outside of a culture it feels more like a crutch to avoid growth and perpetuate abuse#I don’t hate religious people personally or anything
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🔮👻✨️💀 for the practice asks
🔮 What's your favorite form of divination? What's your least favorite?
UMMMMM i reeeeeeeally like cards but runes are probably my favorite? just bc they have so much significance to my practice; they’re how I communicate w/ the Allfather (hence why I don’t offer rune readings to anyone— too personal)
👻 Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Have you ever had an experience? Describe it, if comfortable.
ye in the sense of like. i believe part of the soul stays on earth + that’s why it’s important to venerate ancestral spirits. (if they were good to you, ofc. if they were abusive, fuck em)
I don’t actually do a lot of direct ancestor veneration tho, bc the ppl I would venerate were Christian? and idk that’s one of those things that feels a little weird ig— I don’t want to disrespect their beliefs (I venerate what I’ve seen referred to as “ancestors of spirit/soul,” so those who at one point walked the same path as me; other ulfheðnar)
✨️ In relation to your practice, is there anything that you're excited about? (Such as an upcoming event, new field of study, a project, etc.)
AGH I signed up for a scholarly article service and I have SO many papers to catch up on snfjjdjf this is a good reminder— but honestly any new archaeological finds are so exciting, bc soooooooo much of this faith was lost or obscured/erased by Christians :/
💀 What are your thoughts on the concept of the afterlife?
YAYYYYY we have so many afterlives and none of them are bad dndjsjjf
I mainly venerate Þorr and Óðinn, so the parts of my soul that move on will go to Valhǫll or Bilskirnir
most folk would go to Hel, which is just a neutral place of rest; Nástrǫnd is bullshit (thanks, Snorri)— I know some Norse pagans/heathens believe in Nástrǫnd but it’s just so.. counterintuitive to my understanding/interpretation of the faith and its faaaaaaaaar too close to the Christian hell for it to make any sense to me. like, it’s just too.. idk it feels too convenient to have a place where bad souls are punished forever bc it implies that “badness” is inherent and unchangeable and also like. the whole point is our gods are fallible and mess up and are NOT omnipotent/all powerful, so we very much do need to take matters into our own hands and make things right in the living world instead of waiting for the Evil Punishment Afterlife to deal with sinners. :/
Valhǫll is most famous for taking the Allfather’s warriors, but he’s also the god of knowledge and skalds, so as a scholar and writer (I hesitate to call myself a poet, but I do dabble) I hold his chosen skalds would go to Valhǫll as well. The other half of the battle-slain go to Freyja’s hall, Fólkvangr (fun fact, Grímnismál implies Freyja gets first pick)
Rán gets those who drown at sea, but I’m not able to find a specific name for her and Ægir’s halls
There are some surviving sources that attest to rebirth, but I think it’s less of a literal “this same soul has come back” but “we carry forward everyone who came before us,” bc we have things like the hamingja which are parts of the soul passed down along a family line + what attestations we DO have for “rebirth” are more like. someone was named after an ancestor or have a birthmark that matches a wound their ancestor received
#Nástrǫnd my worstie…….#like if even our own GODS fuck up why would we. have a punishment afterlife. Christian ass invention. fucking SNORRI#if YOU fuck up then make amends or prepare for the consequences. it’s not that hard#if there’s no evil sinner afterlife than the only way you learn your lesson is in life. which is as it should be!!!!!!#I don’t want to stress about the judgement of my soul!! I just want to rest with my gods!!
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5 chapters left hmm…
#i don’t think a rushed ending is what jjk deserves but i’m assuming gege is just tired/overworked rn#i also think whatever ending he has planned is something that he probably planned for a while… it’s just SO many loose ends rn#i don’t think 5 chapters can do it justice#like… at ALL#i’m assuming it’ll leave yuji alive while everyone is dead#or yuji will die and he’ll see everyone he saved in the afterlife/him and sukuna will be alone together in the afterlife idk#i just wish we got more info about satoru… and HIS whereabouts too#like he got off-screened and then was v blasé about his own death#kenjaku and yuuta… ig that was it#hakari & uraume aren’t important enough i think to have as the part of the last few chapters 😭#and then itafushi… idk what’s gonna happen there…#sigh. LOUD SIGH but alas…#i love jjk i don’t want it to end 😭#but if it does end i wanted it to be a proper ending#regardless of what happens i think gege should be proud that his first serialized manga was is and will remain v popular & v loved#he makes elite characters what can i say… how can a brain think of a gojo toji geto nanami choso and sukuna… how’d he Do That#personal
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I don’t plan on dying in the immediate future due to kowt in 5 months reasons BUT when I do die I hope that people make sadalinar 69ing art about it in tribute. It’s what I would have wanted. Better yet, draw sadalinar 69ing while I am alive so I don’t have to rely on heavens piss poor broadband to see it
#luke.txt#drunkposting#today I am thinking morbid thoughts which is a shame for a Friday :(#purple dragon jungle juice#I don’t want there to be an afterlife but it would be nice in a voyeuristic way to watch my funeral
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pondering about the lover boy wip reintro....planning my web weave....this poem makes me so crazy if bobby could have an afterlife pov in lover boy it would sound like this....ask me the altitude of heaven and i will answer "how tall are you?" do you get it
#this is by andrea gibson btw who wrote my current fave poem#called In the chemo room I wear mittens made of ice so I don’t lose my fingernails. But I took a risk today to write this down#sometimes i wish lover boy had an objective stance on the afterlife but it has to not have one for it to work#but IN MY HEART bobby and everyone else who died are all there we just cant see them#bobby believed in the afterlife at least and i think that in itself is more important than whether or not its true in story#bc its that belief that opens up beau to look for him. which is fulfilling even if he knows he'll never find bobby the way he wants to
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