#I do not know why this is so stuck in my brain

[in-class-daydreams]

Imagine ex-husband Gojo doing things for his new love interests that you begged him for while you were married.

After a joint meeting between the sister schools, you overheard Suguru asking him who he was texting during the meeting.

Satoru replied, "Just letting my date know I'll be a bit late tonight since we ran long here. Todo can yap, huh?"

"Seriously!" Their voices faded as they walked down the hall.

You stood just outside the meeting room watching the corner the disappeared around. If you had to pinpoint the number one reason your marriage failed - more than clan pressure, more than the strain of being young parents, more than back to back to back missions - it would be the fact that Satoru can't communicate for shit.

Part of it wasn't his fault. His brain just didn't work like that. An inconvenient side effect of limitless is that everything makes sense in your head, but it's hard for a person with the gift to explain their thoughts to others.

So the no-call, no-shows to dinners was technically a side effect of limitless, as was his inability to articulate his feelings like an adult or the fact that he would just do things without even telling you there was a problem in the first place.

"Quit doing that with your face, brat." Sukuna emerges from the meeting room. He's out of his Ryomen form at the moment, as he usually is during meetings so that he can actually fit in his chair. "How long are you gonna let what he does affect you?"

"It doesn't!" you insist.

Sukuna rolls his eyes. "If that helps you sleep at night."

Imagine reminding yourself that you can't be mad at him.

You're seeing other people now, too. Hell, you've been divorced for over a decade, it's insanity that you care at all.

It's just. You never doubted his love for you. Not for a second, not even now that your marriage failed and you largely raised your son on your own.

"Mom?"

Maybe your divorce was his motivation to be better. You're not sure. But if he's capable of change, capable of being attentive and communicative, why couldn't he change for you all those years ago?

"Mom."

Could it be that you were his childhood companion and he loved you, but he was never in love with you? Was his love for you less than your love for him?

You hardly notice your son calling out to you until he springs into action. "Mom!" Sen nudges you away from the stove to turn of the burner. When did smoke fill the kitchen? The roux you were trying to make was burnt to a crisp, stuck to the pan and emanating an unpleasant smell.

Sen gently pries your hands off the handle and drops the ruined pan in the sink to soak. Then he makes sure the burner's off before turning to you with a conflicted expression.

He may have inherited a hybrid of both your and Satoru's personal brands of emotional stuntedness, but he could put two and two together between how distracted you've been and the rumors of Satoru dating again - What with it being huge news among jujutsu society (aka power hungry clans with eligible daughters.) Your son had his own complicated feelings regarding his father and as much as he'd prefer Satoru stay away from you, it hurt him to see you like this.

Though, watching you try to keep a stiff upper lip for his sake during the divorce is the reason he doesn't want his father anywhere near you.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." You wipe your hands on a dish towel. "I wasn't paying attention. Hang tight while I make you something else."

He could kill Satoru right now. But you wouldn't like that, so he won't.

"Mama, I--" He shuts his mouth. You've been protecting him from the details of the divorce his whole life. What did he know about comforting you? But while he may not have been able to protect you then, he can sure as hell try now.

"Mama, why don't I take you out to dinner? My treat."

Imagine that Sen decides he needs to stop having ideas.

He brought you to a local okonomiyaki that you've been going to since he was little to the point where the owners knew you well and liked to give you little extras from the kitchen. Today's treat was a side of pickled radish.

It was your happy little hideaway. Away from jujutsu and clans and curses and your broken home.

Sen insisted on cooking the okonomiyaki for you, saying that, "My treats means I'll take care of everything!" The weak smile you gave him made his heart soar.

You giggle while he jokes around and tells you about school like how Hikari fell asleep for 45 minutes out of an hour long test and still got a better score than him. Hearing about your son and his happy school days always made you feel better.

Sen was ready to give himself a pat on the back for cheering you up when he hears the front bell jungle and a woman's laughter carries over.

"Fancy places are like that, though!" the woman laughs. "They give a bite of food per plate."

Then a familiar voice replies, "Yeah, but it was good, wasn't it? And now we get to fill up at a cute place like this."

Even though he's the one facing the door and not you, the look on your face tells Sen all he needs to know. What breaks his heart is that you've sunk lower into your seat to make yourself smaller.

Sen could kill his father right now.

Hooray, angst!

Click [here] to keep up with ex-husband Gojo and his estranged family | Ask stuff about Sen and the fam [here]

[theotherbuckley]

Tommy’s dad dies on a Monday.

He checks his emails on a Wednesday. There’s an email from his aunt. It’s only a few sentences. She was always very succinct and to the point.

His dad is dead.

It was a heart attack.

Bastard didn’t even suffer. 

He stares at his laptop screen until the words start to blur together. For an hour, he just sits there, looking at his computer but not really seeing anything at all. His coffee is long since cold. He never even took a sip. 

His mind feels empty, like there’s this fog that’s settled inside, clouding over his thoughts. He’s stuck. His brain doesn’t know how to process this, and neither does his body.

So he stays frozen. Just staring.

He doesn’t notice the time until he feels large arms wrap around him from behind.

“Tommy?” Evan asks. It doesn’t sound like the first time he’s spoken.

“I—“ The words are stuck in his throat. 

Tommy turns around from his chair, blinking a few times, until he manages to say, “My dad died.”

“Are you okay?”

That’s all it takes for Tommy to break.

He opens his mouth, closes. Shakes his head. 

And he just—

Cries.

Full body-wracking sobs overcome his body as he slumps into Evan’s open arms. He shakes, tears streaming down his cheeks as he burrows his face into his boyfriend’s neck. He’s getting snot and tears all over Evan’s shirt but his boyfriend doesn’t complain, just squeezes him tighter as he continues to be overwhelmed by his emotions.

He doesn’t even know why he’s crying. He just can’t seem to stop. 

He cries and trembles in Evan’s arms until he’s run out of tears left to shed. Evan murmurs sweet nothings into his ear, holding him tight and never letting go. 

“I’ve got you. I'm here,” Evan whispers in his ear. 

He feels like he’s run a marathon by the time he’s calmed down enough to pull back from Evan. His hands shake as he wipes the tears from his eyes, Evan’s own warm hands coming to hold his. 

“I don’t— I don’t even know why I’m cry—crying,” Tommy hiccups. He’s sure he must look a mess, red-faced and covered in tears.

Evan gives me a soft look, a small comforting smile on his face as he presses a kiss to Tommy’s forehead.

“You lost your dad. You’re allowed to cry,” Evan says kindly.

Tommy just shakes his head. “But he wasn’t— he wasn’t good.” He has an awful, vile human who never gave two shits about him. Only cared about him being a man, enlisting, stepping up. He doesn't understand why his chest still aches like his loss matters. It doesn't. It doesn't.

Evan wraps his arms around Tommy. He’s practically sitting on him, but Tommy doesn’t mind. Not when it’s Evan.

“He— He was a big part of your life, Tommy,” Evan says, running his fingers through Tommy’s hair. “And now he’s not. You’re allowed to be upset.”

Tommy just nods, collapsing back into Evan, who rubs gentle circles on his back in comfort, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He lets his boyfriend soothe his pain with his touch. He wishes it didn't hurt in the first place. Still doesn't understand why it does. He hated that piece of shit.

He's glad he's dead.

He hiccups as another tear makes it's way down his cheek. Evan squeezes tighter.

“Is there a funeral?” Evan asks softly.

Tommy almost laughs. “There’s no one who cares enough to give him one. He doesn’t even deserve one.”

“But you do,” Evan says sincerely.

That gets Tommy to look up, eyebrows raised in question.

“You deserve to have the closure,” Evan continues. “It’s a lot better than trying to pretend you’re alright when you're not. Trust me.”

“You lost someone?” Tommy asks. Evan’s never talked about it, but maybe—

“No, no. I just know what it feels like to— to bottle your emotions up when it comes to the people who are supposed to love you.”

“I’ll speak to my aunt about a funeral,” Tommy says. Evan gives him a soft smile and a chaste kiss to his lips before pulling him close again, Tommy wasting no time to burrow into the corner of Buck’s neck, soaking up the comfort of his boyfriend.

“I love you,” he murmurs into his shoulder.

“I love you,” Evan repeats back. 

[zomtart]

Chapter 1: Morphine and Lavender (Frank Castle x Fem Reader/OC)

okay this is terrifying but hi I am going to share some of my writing! this is just a snippet I wrote cause Frank is always on the brain. thank you tuna team for the encouragement <3

content warnings: hospital, canon-typical violence/gore, mentions of needles, language

word count: 1.1k

Frank was beginning to think they had left him in there to die when he heard a knock. A young woman opened the door with a huff, brushing her hair out of her face before giving Frank a curt nod.

“Alright, hi, sorry, I know I’m not your assigned nurse but everyone in my unit decided to take lunch at the same time, so you are stuck with me at the moment.” she mumbled, barely looking up at Frank as she wheeled her computer stand to his side. She stayed outside of the duct-taped line, but it didn’t seem to bother her much. In fact, she didn’t seem bothered at all. Frank’s eyebrows furrowed together as she pulled up his medical sheet, searching for his name.

“Okay, you are Mr…Castle?” she asked, the sound of her mouse clicking echoing in the small hospital room.

He blinked, dumbfounded. “...yes ma’am.”

She nodded, her relaxed (but rather exhausted) expression staying constant even as she said the name that was headlining every newspaper in New York. 

“Mr. Castle, could you give me a pain rating on a scale of 1-10?”

He blinked again. He felt like he had fallen into some sort of alternate universe. His assigned nurse hadn’t talked to him in the few days he’d been here, much less give him treatment he’d give another patient. An innocent patient. 

“Mr. Castle?” she repeated. 

“Right--uh…five.” he said quietly.

At that, she raised an eyebrow, looking him up and down slowly. She eyed the numerous bruises, cuts, and scars he was no doubt covered in, and asked, “That your final answer?” 

Something like a smile itched at his lips, but he forced it down. “...yes.” 

She shrugged, typing something into her computer. “Alright, well at least the painkillers are doing something. I’ll make sure to get a refill for that--” she paused as she looked at the full IV bag of morphine, following the IV down to…the floor.

She grabbed at the IV, looking at the wire and then back to Frank. “Did you yank this out?”

“No, ma’am.”

“The fuck?” she murmured, before understanding seemed to dawn on her. The cuffs, the bright red line of tape, the bruises on his face. Frank waited for disgust, for her to become terrified, for her to spit in his face. Instead, she stubbornly set her jaw and walked back to her computer. 

“Who the hell is your nurse?” she sounded furious, but it didn’t seem aimed at him.

Frank, through his confusion, could only shrug.

She rapidly typed at the keyboard, eyes running up and down the screen. Then she stopped scrolling, eyes narrowing. “Did he have blonde hair? Eagle tattoo on his forearm?”

Frank vaguely remembered the eyes of an eagle staring back at him as he faded in and out consciousness from the pain, a man with blonde hair sneering down at him. He nodded. 

“...motherfucker.” she all but growled, and the sound turned into a jagged laugh. She threw her hands up. “Aaron. Of course it--god fucking…damnit--”

Frank felt he was obligated to ask, or maybe his curiosity got the best of him. “Ma’am, are you alright?”

She laughed humorlessly again, words tumbling out of her mouth. “Oh yeah. I’m just peachy. I haven’t slept in two days, haven’t been in my own bed in almost a week, and all because I need to take extra shifts. Why do I need to take extra shifts? Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I decided to move to New York fucking City where an apartment room costs more than an arm and a leg! And just when I think--oh just when I think I’m gonna get that promotion? No. No, I lose it to Aaron, who won’t even do his goddamn job correctly!” she finished with a burst of gusto, before collapsing down into a chair.

She just sat there for a minute, face buried in her hands, and Frank wasn’t quite sure what to do besides give her the grace of silence. 

The absence of noise was quickly interrupted by her pager going off, and she reluctantly held it up to her vision before sighing and putting it back at her hip. It seemed to snap her back into reality, and she stood up and smoothed down her hair.

“I’m…very sorry about that Mr…” she glanced up at the computer again. “...Castle. I’m--that was unprofessional, it has just been a…very long week.”

Frank’s eyebrows furrowed. “...you really don’t know who I am?” 

She grabbed some gloves from the table and snapped them on. “Someone very humble, I see.”

That got him to laugh, a low rumble that made its way out of his throat. He…couldn’t remember the last time had laughed. It felt nice. Familiar, even after all this time. 

She shook her head with a small smile, grabbing the IV and sterilizing it. “No, I do not. I’m not even sure what day it is, to be honest.”

He nodded, stretching out his arm for her and making a fist. “But you…I mean they told you…somethin’, right? A warning?”

“I vaguely recall being told to stay behind the red line besides when absolutely necessary, yes.” she said, readying the needle. “Small pinch.” 

He stared, barely registering the sensation of the IV. “...so you…then why would you…?” he tried to find the answer in her face, but all he could see was concentration on her task. 

“Why would I…?” she repeated, waiting for him to continue. With the IV in his arm she took her gloves off, typing something on her computer.

“...I don’t know, you’re just being awfully kind.”

She pursed her lips, a hand going to her hip. “I’m not being kind, I’m doing my job. I took an oath to help people, no matter who they were, and that’s what I’m doing. Simple as that.” 

He grunted absentmindedly, his eyes flitting to the window. Ten stories down, New York raged on, lights flashing like fireworks. “Doesn’t seem simple.”

She shrugged. “It is to me.” she started wheeling out her computer. “I’ll be back to check on you in a couple hours. Hopefully that IV will help. If that dipshit comes in here again, you tell him about nurse malpractice. You have constitutional rights, even if you are off robbing banks or whatnot.”

With that, she was gone, the faint scent of lavender left in her wake.

Frank blinked. “...robbing banks,” he mumbled before closing his eyes, letting the numb embrace of morphine lull him to sleep.

[dr-spectre]

Guys... I might..... I might have a problem....

I think I need to see a doctor... or a psychologist... or a therapist... or all of the above... hell maybe a visit to the local mental asylum might do the trick... /j

This damn squid woman has been stuck in my brain for at least a year now. I genuinely don't know what to do. She won't leave. She just won't leave. No matter what I do, no matter what other obsessions I try to form, she doesn't wanna leave. She doesn't wanna wiggle her way out of my ears, no. She won't LEAVE!!!!!

Is this like... a crush? An obsession? A hyperfixation? Some weird specialised part of my special interest? Why her? Why HER?!?!?! Why specifically HER?!

I've been wondering this for over a year. Why do I get so defensive when it comes to her arc in Splatoon 2? Why?!

AHHH!!!! ugh.... I love her.... I love her so much...

[what-have-i-unleashed]

player!killer and anomaly!dust

since these ideas have been invading my brain lately, i feel like i need to ramble about the toxic (doomed) kist potential they have.

imagine the game world of dusttale trying to correct itself ever since the anomaly/virus that is killer entered it. so things in the world start to glitch and don't make sense. a character repeats their lines over and over without stopping. shortcuts stop working properly. character stats inexplicably get messed up. goners start appearing to warn dust and killer about the end of the world. it's nearing its doomed timeline trajectory, and yet dust will not give up trying to salvage his universe. in his mind, there's one surefire way to get everything back to normal: exterminate the virus that is killer.

dust and killer (and the goners and the almagamates) are not affected by the glitches because they are anomalies, glitches detached from the world already. to killer, this means enlightenment and freedom. he doesn't understand dust's attachment to the underground, his dogmatic beliefs about justice and the greater good for the monsters. doesn't dust want to ascend to be something "real", rather than the npcs that the rest of the monsters are? doesn't he want to escape from the control of the player? why would he want to obey to the whims of a dying, boring, constricting world anyway? if dust can't see it, then killer will make him see.

the thing is, dust is a difficult monster to persuade. sure, killer can kill him again and again (chances are 50/50 on who will win anyway). but dust always bounces back, more vindicated in his retaliation and belief that killer needs to be gone. the thing is, when you want to break someone down, you need to be the thing they fear the most. killer is already that, isn't he? he's a future of a sans, of dust's own past. this is what dust could have become. killer is what dust has become - a sans doing the work of the no-mercy player.

"aren't you bored of doing the same thing over and over again? aren't you crazy from repeating all these useless cycles only to reach the same conclusion again and again?... oh wait, you already are!"

and dust - what can he say to all that? is it true? is it not? who cares - the only satisfaction he can have is wiping that smirk off that face. killer knows intimately beings like dust - not only because they were the same person at some point, but also because dust is a control freak with a savior complex as well as survivor's guilt. deep down inside, dust cannot fathom losing. he has poured too much, sacrificed too much, to get this far. and he won't stop - not until he reaches his happy ending, which will never come. so he'll forever be stuck down here, repeating his worst nightmares again and again in a hell of his own making.

the only variable in dust's life is killer. gradually, dust treats killing other monsters as a job - an important yet thankless job that someone has to do. the only kill in which he feels something is of his brother... and killer. with killer, dust is filled with something - maybe it's joy, maybe it's hate, it's hard to tell when apathy is his usual state.

and the thing is, the opposite of love isn't hate. it's the lack of love - it's apathy. he feels something for killer - an attachment, an obsession, a possessiveness. "only i get to kill him", "he's my kill", that's what dust thinks. he rationalizes that thinking of course - killer reminds of him too much of himself, the person he hates the most. but there's that fear every time he kills killer - fear that killer will never come back, leaving dust with his empty broken world and voices in his head. and he fears killer will know it, somehow.

for killer, it's always a game to see who's the winner and who's the loser. it's a struggle for control, with the controller and the controlled. and with the player gone, dust should belong to him now. an eternal playmate, after everyone else has disappeared from his life. and like, it's totally therapeutic to beat up and mess with the guy who reminds you of yourself, right? totally not a self-esteem issue waiting to be explored or anything at all. it's funny how much they match. "look, we both wear red!" exclaims killer as he points to his own red soul and dust's red iris. determination pulls them together, and determination will break one of them in the end, and it's not going to be him. he'll persevere once this world rots away, while dust will be trapped by his own volition.

maybe, just maybe, he'll whisk dust away once the end comes. and they'll find another playground to re-enact their play again. killer will take and take and take, until all they are is dust.

Oh, I will ruin you It's a habit - I can't help it

I will only break your pretty things I will only wring you dry of everything And if you're fine with that If you're fine with that

[beauty-and-passion]

CCCC Vol.1 - Cacophony: the beginning (2/5)

And finally, after a long time, welcome back to the Cacophony act.

Mucka Blucka gave us a good summary of the current situation and an interesting foreshadowing of what will happen along the way. All we know (for now) is:

Heart is the leader when the story starts

There was an initial attempt at compromise among the three sides

Mind doesn’t accept Heart as leader and tries to appoint himself as the new leader instead

Something happens, a fixed event on the time loop that changes the status quo (the Juno incident)

The consequences of this event will lead to Heart’s apathy and Mind taking full control

Oh and let’s not forget that these things should still happen, but have already happened too, because we’re stuck in a loop.

So, in order to better understand the whole thing, it’s time for us to “enter” the loop, by its starting point - or, well, the “peaceful period” prior to the big incident. And this “beginning phase” is developed through the next three songs.

<- Previous post - First post

_______________________________

Never Meant to Know: introduction from Chonny

Never Meant to Know is a song about the mysteries of life. Many things are unexplained, and many questions will never have an answer. This evokes a sense of uncertainty, of insignificance in comparison to such huge enigmas, but also a sense of communion, since we are part of these enigmas and live alongside them.

And now, I can hear your questions:

Why is this an introduction from Chonny?

In the Q&A, Chonny said that he made this album because he wanted to explore the mysteries of duality and mental dissonance. In his words:

“The idea that the same brain can produce completely separate and juxtaposed conclusions from a single input is strange, and something I’ve noticed fairly frequently throughout my currently short life. CCCC is a manifestation of those dissonances from an extremely personal and biased perspective, in song form.”

Our brains and the complex mechanisms behind our reasoning are a mystery still mostly unknown. And Chonny knows that, considering it’s one of his interests. Hence, with this song it’s a bit as if he’s trying to make us understand that too: we are facing something mysterious and we will do it through Chonny’s lenses - specifically, through the characters he made, to talk about the themes he wanted to explore.

Does that mean this is an introduction from Chonny as an author?

It’s very possible and I kinda like the idea. But it can also be an introduction from Chonny as a character.

Why? Well, everything will be clearer in the Concord act, but if this is a loop, that means all we will see already happened - so it’s not just events, but memories too. And a Chonny who already saw and experienced all of them has a higher awareness of himself and his mental processes.

So this introduction can easily come from a Chonny who, right after the Concord act, starts the new loop, while still retaining the awareness he developed by already experiencing it.

Okay, but why is the introduction here and not in the Calamity act?

As we saw in the previous post, the Calamity act served to close the previous time loop and connect to the new one.

Think of it as raising the curtain on a show or turning the screen on: the story hasn’t started yet, but the preparations are made. You get a little glimpse of what has to come (Mucka Blucka) and now, the story can finally start after a little “prologue/disclaimer” (Never Meant to Know).

And who can make the introduction of the story, if not the character who is closer to Chonny’s reasoning?

_______________________________

Spring and a Storm: introduction from the Soul

Of course it was Soul who introduced us to the story: he was the last and first voice in the previous loop (Dream), it makes sense he opens the story too. After all, he’s the one closer to Chonny.

Soul’s introduction has some elements already hinted at in Mucka Blucka: a romance, the concept of writing songs for himself, but also writing a specific song and feeling good about it (we’ll get references about it in Haiku and Hidden in the Sand).

He also hints at conversations with a mysterious “she”: weather, religious beliefs, life mysteries. But instead of simple, plain answers, there are dark undertones and twisted, complicated thoughts. All hints that Chonny’s mind is a lot darker and complicated than it seems.

And we’re about to see it.

_______________________________

Night: the starting point

This song is just one huge metaphor so follow me.

Under Soul’s suggestion, Heart leaves a light on “underneath the moon”.

Since the moon and the night are both associated with Heart, they can easily serve as metaphors to identify Heart’s leadership.

On the other hand, the sun and the light are associated with Mind. So by leaving a light on underneath the moon, Heart is implying that, while he’s being in charge, he’s still leaving a door open/he’s giving Mind a chance to come closer.

Please notice: the idea of leaving the light on (aka giving Mind a chance to come closer) wasn’t Heart’s. It was Soul who suggested it. Why, you may ask? Because Soul has one goal and one goal only: to unify. And they can’t do it, if they do not stand together.

As soon as Heart leaves this chance on, Mind comes closer. And despite what we might think, he doesn’t immediately start bickering with Heart. On the contrary: they sing the chorus together and confirm their intention to cooperate and become one again.

I want to see your eyes Looking back and out through mine

There is still harmony, at least for now. The three characters are working together (“Tonight, all the black, and the grey and the white”).

But the more the song progresses, the more a sense of confusion and incomprehension starts to grow.

Why? Well, Chonny said to us from the start: it’s because of the contrasting nature of Heart and Mind. It’s because they are opposites that can “produce completely separate and juxtaposed conclusions from a single input” (Q&A).

But what are those conclusions? And when were they drawn?

The conclusions are drawn here:

Something is here Only thought

And in order to understand what are the conclusions, we need to see the entire song from Heart’s and Mind’s different perspectives.

From Heart’s perspective:

He’s the current leader, he “controls” Soul (read: Soul is siding with him). Soul tells him that hey, let’s welcome the other side. This way, we’ll become one again.

Heart follows his advice and welcomes Mind. They all reconfirm they want to become one, they try to work together into being one again.

But Heart’s and Mind’s nature are too contrasting. And the more time they spend together, the more Heart starts to worry about Mind. It’s a feeling, so it’s confusing and cannot be logically explained, but Heart fears Mind’s growing influence.

So, a thought takes shape in his mind: he must intervene before it’s too late. He must do something to stop Mind.

From Mind’s perspective:

Heart is the current leader, he’s controlling the Soul (read: Soul is siding with him). Mind approaches them and they welcome him. They all share the same goal: to become one again. They reconfirm it, they try to work together.

But Heart’s and Mind’s nature are too contrasting. And the more time they spend together, the more Mind notices Heart’s inability to be a leader. He’s not doing his job well. He’s too confused, because feelings are not as clear as logical thinking.

So, a thought takes shape in his mind: he can be a better leader than Heart. He can control the Soul too. He can do his job better than him.

What do you want? Everything else will fade away

Mind doesn’t reply to Heart’s question, but he doesn’t need to. They already reached their own conclusions.

Heart now is sure: Mind is dangerous, he must do something.

Mind now is sure: he can be a better leader, he will become that leader.

And with that, the line “everything else will fade away” seals the conclusion of the “peaceful period” and the beginning of the story. No more understanding, no more common goal to pursue now: Heart and Mind are drifting away, following their own goals.

And the gap between them will soon become wider.

-> Next post

(How about a coffee? ☕)

_______________________________

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[noxemma]

Dean Winchester is Saved!

Today is 16 years since Cas raised Dean from Hell, since that profound bond was formed, since Cas realized that Dean didn’t think he deserved to be saved.

Lazarus Rising changed my DNA in the best way possible. It was the beginning of a love story that has rotted my brain for years. And this episode specifically prompted me to write my first fic that was more than a thousand words and wasn’t inspired by a prompt.

Almost two years ago I made this note which started me writing and posting nearly 11k solely about an alternate Lazarus Rising where we see the profound bond form and the interaction of Cas and Dean in Hell, where Dean’s been torturing souls.

Anyway if that sounds interesting I put the link and a snippet of the fic below. Happy Lazarus Rising, Destiel Beginning, Dean is Saved Day!

Before Lazarus Rose

Summary: What if Cas and Dean met and formed this amazing bond (profound perhaps) before the iconic meeting in 4x01 but had their memory of it wiped? OR What happened in Hell when Castiel rescued Dean and why doesn't Dean remember it?

Dean

Pain. Never-ending pain is all Dean has known for the last thirty years. Even the few times he’s been allowed to fall asleep, to fall unconscious, he’s had nightmares.   His body and mind are so broken, so fractured, that his dreams are as well. He sees blue light and screams for someone, anyone, to help him. He begs and pleads for someone to save him until his voice gives out.

Doesn’t matter whether you are in Hell or topside, dreams don’t do a damn thing, Dean thinks blearily. He flinches against the chains in his flesh as Alastair draws near. “What shall we try today, hmm?” Alastair pulls out several knives, observing each one before settling on a small paring knife. “I think this will do. You know a smaller blade will take longer, take more effort; it’s … intimate.”

Alastair continues to teach as he slowly carves Dean’s skin from muscle, as he slowly cuts out organs. The commentary, Dean quickly decides, is worse than the physical pain. The pain blurs together, but the tricks of torture bury themself in his mind. He can look at Alastair’s rack of tools and remember what each one is best used for, how much pain each imparts on different areas of the body, and how long each takes to decimate a soul. While his own body is rejuvenated each day, the thirty years of knowledge continues to fester like his soul.

When he’s finally reduced to a mere consciousness tethered to a soul, Alastair whispers into the bits of blood and bone that used to be him. “Well? I’ll put down my blade if you pick one up.” It’s all too much. Too much pain, too much cruel knowledge. He’s not strong enough, he’s never been strong enough.

“Going once …”

How long can he actually hold out for anyway? Isn’t the end inevitable? After thirty years of pleading into the void, he has to accept the truth. No help is coming. “Going twice …” Even if he was rescued, his soul is already black and tarnished. He’s already in Hell with no hope of getting out. He was already broken before he arrived.

“Can’t say I’m not disappointed, Dean. You have such potential. We could have had a good thi-”

“I’ll do it.” Dean knows he should feel something. He should feel remorse or relief, but all he feels is resignation. This was always the end he was bound for. His body returns to him as Alastair grins and, for the first time in 360 months, Dean is able to step off the rack. For the first time in 10,950 days, Dean’s body and soul are his to control. There is still pain, still bits of Hell stuck in his soul, but this small bit of freedom and control is enough to ignore it. Dean grabs the paring knife and begins. Something in him fractures beyond repair at the first drop of blood. He knows that whatever goodness was in him is gone. Each soul after tears away more of him and replaces it with something dark and unfamiliar beneath his skin. He still thinks he deserved those thirty years of pain, but it gets easier as the years go on. Soul-deep exhaustion and numbness replace the pain with each piece of himself that he carves away. Eventually, he stops counting the souls, he stops counting the days too. He starts believing that the souls deserve it, they are in Hell after all. He even begins to enjoy it. After all he’s endured in life and death, it feels good to finally be the one to deal out some pain instead of constantly being on the receiving end.

[hyperionwitch-art]

Did you think I was done posting art today?? Let's officially ring in 2024 with the Terrible Kids! This time in Ald Ruhn, enjoying some delicious sauced meat on flatbread.

Tev/Dren Masterpost

[tea-cat-arts]

Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

[lightbulb-warning]

so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently

[bittersweetresilience]

it feels cosmically unfair that i think about writing all the time want to write all the time and sit down to write all the time and i come up with two sentences at best. there should be some reward system i think

[this-machine-runs-on-coffee]

"FREEZE YOUR BRAIN" THIS IS NOT AN EXACT TRANSLATION, THIS IS AN ADAPTATION (AND ONE THAT STILL NEEDS TONS OF FIXING AT THAT)

I regret my life choices of not being able to actually start studying. Here's "Freeze Your Brain" adapted in Italian!

ASK ME FOR PERMISSION BEFORE USING THIS, DO CREDIT ME IF YOU EVER USE THIS (I doubt you will it’s impractical and still needs so much fixing it’s unbelievable) AND TELL ME/LINK WHATEVER YOU USED IT FOR USING REBLOGS (because for some reason Tumblr doesn’t like comments with links and while I do think I understand why I don’t always like it)

(the apostrophes [or however ’ is called] are used to shorten the number of syllables often in poetry so I’m obviously abusing that power.)

[J.D.] Sono stato in dieci superiori Tutte la stessa scenetta Inutile abituarsi Perché ce ne andiamo di fretta Mio padre tiene nel baule pronti due bagagli Quindi è solo una questione di ricaricarli I nomi non imparo Che faccia è di chi non m'è chiaro La fiducia in questa oasi di cemento riparo Sembra che ogni volta che sto per disperarmi C'è un 7-Eleven ad aspettarmi Ogni negozio è lo stesso Da Las Vegas all'Ohio Corsie di linoleum che adoro Vagare io Prego al mio altare di granita; Sì, adoro quella dolce botta di vita...

Congela il cervello Succhia dalla cannuccia Meglio di un coltello Arriva la felicità Quando tutto se ne va A chi serve uno spinello? Congela il cervello Congela il cervello

[J.D., parlato] Ti va un tiro?

[VERONICA, parlato] La tua mammina sa che mangi tutta quella merda?

[J.D., parlato] Non più

(cantato) Quando mamma era viva Vivevamo quasi normalmente Ora siamo solo io e mio padre Stiamo meno formalmente Ho imparato a cucinare Le tasse a pagare; Imparato che'l mondo Nemmeno un cent ti vorrà dare Il tuo futuro hai pianificato Veronica Sawyer Andrai a qualche college E sposerai un avvocato Ma il cielo farà male Quando su di te sarà demolito Quindi è meglio se Il tuo muro l'avrai già costruito...

Congela il cervello Nuota nel ghiaccio Perditi nel suo doloroso bello Chiudi bene i tuoi occhi Fino a che non ti vedran quegli sciocchi Non diventare uno zimbello

Congela il cervello Distruggiti il teschio Combatti il dolore con uno più bello Dimentica chi sei Liberati da quel peso Dimentica in un mese e mezzo Riavrai lo stesso frainteso Quando la voce nella tua testa Dice ch'uno come te è meglio se non resta Non ascoltare a quello

Solo congela il cervello Congela il cervello Vai avanti e congela il cervello...

(parlato) Provaci So, direct translation! (used in this to specify the meanings and explain certain word choices)

[J.D.] I've been through ten high schools They're all the same little scene (but little in this case is meant in a negative light) No point getting used to it 'Cause we're gone in a hurry My dad keeps two suitcases ready in the den So it's only a matter of refilling(/repacking) them I don't learn the names Whose faces is whose isn't clear to me My trust resides in this concrete oasis Seems every time I'm about to despair There's a 7-Eleven waiting for me Each store is the same From Las Vegas to Ohio Linoleum aisles that I love To walk around in I pray at my altar of slush; Yeah, I live for sweet hit of life (or however you call that, basically gives life force again but something that gives you life force not in a literal sense)...

Freeze your brain Suck from that straw Better than a knife Happiness comes When everything goes Who needs a joint? Freeze your brain Freeze your brain

[J.D., spoken] You want a hit?

[VERONICA, spoken] Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?

[J.D., spoken] Not anymore

(sung) When mom was alive We lived almost normally But now it's just me and my dad We live less formally I learned to cook pasta To pay taxes; Learned the world Won't want to give you even a cent You've planned your future Veronica Sawyer You'll go to some college And marry a lawyer But the sky's gonna hurt When it'll be demolished on you So it'll be better if You'll have already built your wall

Freeze your brain Swim in the ice Get lost in its beautiful pain Shut your eyes tight(/well) Till those fools (sorry I had to use this for the rhyme) won't see you Don't become a laughingstock

Freeze your brain Destroy your skull Fight pain with a more beautiful one Forget who you are Free yourself from that weight Forget in a month and a half You'll have the same misunderstanding again When the voice in your head Says someone like you is better off gone Don't listen to that guy(/him)

Just freeze your brain Freeze your brain Go on and freeze your brain...

(spoken) Try it OG LYRICS (if you’re seeing this I doubt you don’t know them, but here they are anyway):

[J.D.] I've been through ten high schools They start to get blurry No point planting roots 'Cause you're gone in a hurry My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den So it's only a matter of when I don't learn the names Don't bother with faces All I can trust is this concrete oasis Seems every time I'm about to despair There's a 7-Eleven right there Each store is the same From Las Vegas to Boston Linoleum aisles that I love To get lost in I pray at my altar of slush; Yeah, I live for that sweet frozen rush...

Freeze your brain Suck on that straw Get lost in the pain Happiness comes When everything numbs Who needs cocaine? Freeze your brain Freeze your brain See upcoming pop shows Get tickets for your favorite artists

[J.D., spoken] Care for a hit?

[VERONICA, spoken] Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?

[J.D., spoken] Not anymore

(sung) When mom was alive We lived halfway normal But now it's just me and my dad We're less formal I learned to cook pasta I learned to pay rent; Learned the world Doesn't owe you a cent You're planning your future Veronica Sawyer You'll go to some college And marry a lawyer But the sky's gonna hurt When it falls So you better start Building some walls...

Freeze your brain Swim in the ice Get lost in the pain Shut your eyes tight Till you vanish from sight Let nothing remain

Freeze your brain Shatter your skull Fight pain with more pain Forget who you are Unburden your load Forget in six weeks You'll be back on the road When the voice in your head Says you're better off dead Don't open a vein

Just freeze your brain Freeze your brain Go on and freeze your brain...

(spoken) Try it

[skunkes]

having struggles with hobbies and enjoyment and creativity again

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!

[weareuniqueandimportant]

YOU SHOULD JUST COMMIT SSSSCIDE... YOU'RE WORTHLESS... YOU VIEW US THIS WAY YOU'RE AN ABUSER A KILLER A MURDERER... TRULY... YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO US YOUR HANDS THEY'RE ON OUR THROAT... YOU'RE WORTHLESS AS RESULT... GO AHEAD... YOUR VALUE IS COMPLETE 0...

THIS POST IS ABOUT LESBIAN FOOD... NOTHING MATURE ABOUT THAT... I LOVE EATING SSSSIDE... THAT IS A TYPE OF FISH WE WOMAN TEND TO EAT TOGETHER... WHY DO THIS TO US 😢...

DAMN... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS COMPLETELY SHADOWBANNED POST WAS CHECKED BY THE SITE... THAT'S CRAZY... WHO EVEN FOUND THIS...? OH WHATEVER... HA.

[clown-femme]

I kind of resent when other adhd people talk about hyperfocus only because I'm jealous that I don't do that. I WISH I could zero in and stay focused on one task at a time. Can you imagine. I can't even do that with things I like.

That said I am also annoyed when people misuse the term hyperfocus to just mean 'the thing I'm into right now' but that is Beside the point