#I do NOT want anyone to get hurt physically I just am saying this is getting boring now we’ve got fucking 40laps left

[bunnihearted]

regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p

[chaosinstigator]

100% chance of safety car… bitch where

[adhderall]

well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.

also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever

(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )

[quietwingsinthesky]

ohhhh u know what i wanna write. need to, even. very important to do it at some point. but i think i really do need to make the doctor have a meltdown. i think that would be very cathartic to put them through.

[jonny-b-meowborn]

My bestie is moving out for college this week and I don't know how to cope with that. I don't know how can I handle being alone again

[sunshinereddie]

rr

[dragonfyre-creations]

I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)

(long dump in the tags and under the cut)

The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.

Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.

Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.

She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.

She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona

[ink-asunder]

We NEED to reevaluate how we view people with "red flags" that don't actually indicate harm to anyone. Things like "doesn't like animals," "doesn't have pets," "my pets immediately distrust them, so that means they're Secretly Evil."

I have a psychotic disorder. I suffer from flat affect. I have zero control over how I am emoting, and very often my emotional readout is completely blank. A LOT of animals (dogs especially) have exhibited aggression and fear around me ever since this started. (There are only TWO dogs I've met in the last five years that didn't BITE ME.) Dogs are unsettled by me because of a symptom of my psychosis--a condition that is out of my control that IS NOT DANGEROUS and doesn't harm anyone.

I also have a severe autoimmune disease and severe allergies to basically all animals. Whenever I tell people I can't come over because they have pets, or I don't have/want pets of my own, the IMMEDIATE response I always get is "why don't you like animals?" So I'm always pretty pissed off when I have to say, "I'm severely allergic. Don't fucking assume I have an undesireable quality just because I'm not a pet owner."

Another ableist red flag we need to talk about is "has no other friends/all their friends break up with them." Hi. I'm physically disabled with a digestive disease and a degenerative disease in my spine. That means my dietary restrictions are stupid and I can't sit/stand/walk for more than 15 minutes without being in pain. Most of the friends I break up with, I do so BECAUSE THEY ARE INCREDIBLY ABLEIST TO ME with no visible potential of changing. From people relentlessly harrassing me about lifestyle changes to not accepting correction or feedback when I tell them "hey, you CAN'T do x because it triggers y condition." If they argue or blow me off, I'm not their fucking friend!

Tl;dr: Disabled, chronically ill, and people with "scary" mental illnesses are often lumped in with "bad people" for characteristics that hurt no one and aren't in their control. Stop using "my dog is uncomfortable around them" as a litmus test for everyone you hang out with.

[caotictimmy]

🍏- ANON? MAYBE??? it's so late for me but reading your nsfw on Daisuke...UAAAGHHH SAAGHHH 🗣️ he's such a vocal man and the whole morning sex thing where he can't get into you quick enough .helpop helppp meeeee helpppp

(maybe this is a request? Maybe I'm just yapping lowkey??? But if you want to write on this, by all means go for it LMAO)

Giggling over Swansea being mortified while walking in on reader x daisuke getting it on, I imagine they don't notice him and Daisuke is getting all needy trying to keep his pace 🤞 That boy has never felt the touch of person romantically so I could onllllyyyy assume that he'd been sensitive his first time. Or like. Every time with reader- especially if they're still on the ship. He's trying to not make too much noise as everyone is asleep ☹️ his whiney ass is NOT making it through that night. Bonus if reader is nonchalant about it the next day at lunch. They're talking with someone about their poor love lives (finding people to stay with how long their jobs shipments are)- reader dropping shit like 'aw man yeah. if only there was someone to really understand me, y'know?'. As if Daisuke wasn't memorizing their insides and how they physically react to him with his body just last night 😭

HELP 🍏 ANON THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I ALMOST FELL OFF MY BED. But this is Acually so smart. I always believe Daisuke gets lost in the sauce when you guys have sex. For the headcanon I was thinking they were known dating. But for this let’s pretend the crew doesn’t know Daisuke and reader are dating. The first kind middle part will be NSFW. But the rest should be NSFW. This will be done as a one shot. (I’ll also include your little bonus! Plus a little more:3)

What was that god damn noise..? Swansea thought. Irradiated as he heard a squeaking sound, an indescribable muffled sound coming along with it. For fucks sake he just wanted to get some rest! But those loud noises would not let the poor man drift to sleep. He was gonna put a stop to that noise. Once and for all.

Swansea swings his legs over the side of his bed, sitting up. Stretching his arms as he gets ready to investigate what the noise is, and where it’s coming from. He stands up, his back making a loud crack.( I love old man Swansea). He slips his slippers on. Grabbing and putting on his robe by the door. Slowly pushing the door open. Before silently shutting the door. The noise got louder. Even though the walls were paper thin. It still muffled some of the noise.

He tread carefully through the halls. Getting closer to the noise. Swansea could hear talking maybe? The squeaking of something getting louder the more he approaches. Wait. He’s getting closer to Daisuke’s room..? What the hell was that kid doing. He could hear a faint panting? He started walking a bit faster.

Daisuke’s door was cracked open. God was the kid hurt-. Oh… Oh dear god.. For the love of pony express why did he have to be the one to catch this scene. He could now clearly see what was happening now. God why him..? (Warning for what’s ahead will be NSFW)

“Nyyhhh… F-fuck you feel so good. G-god so good. Am I doing good? Mhm!.. a-am I doing good for you. Wanna make sure your feeling as ..ahh ~… as good as I am.” Daisuke whimpered out. His arms wrapped around your waist as he continues going his rough pace.

“Yes! O-oh fuck hah… doing so good for me!”, Your voice muffled as you were face first in your pillow. Daisuke’s body pressing against your back. Like he was trying to mold his body with you. A loud ‘plap’ sound being able to be heard.

Swansea felt his face contort in horror. He could feel his stomach twist in disgust. He definitely walked in on something he definitely shouldn’t have. So what did he do. He went back to his room. Staring at the ceiling with that petrified face still stuck on his face. To say he wasn’t able to sleep that night would be an understatement

-

“I feel like it’s impossible to date anyone with this crappy job.” Anya huffed in a frustrated tone. “I second to that.”, Curly sighed as he ate his crappy lunch.” Our shipments at a Minimum are 5 months! And it’s like we get a month or two back on earth, before they send us back to ship something!” Anya finished. The annoyed look on her face quite prominent.

“I get you Anya. I want to Acually spend time with someone and let them get to know me. But you can’t really do that on this floating rock.”, You said nonchalantly. You sure were letting Daisuke get to know you. All of you… Swansea thought. Trying not to gag at the imagie of what he witnessed last night.

You could feel Daisuke’s eyes turn to you. Lingering a bit longer than ‘just friends’. “Yeah man, it’s such a bummer!” Daisuke said. A light blush spread across his face as he said it. No one else except Swansea noticed.

“Say uh..” Anya started, looking up at you. “I saw you walking in here with a limp, you good?” She asked,her voice laced with concern. God why did you have to ask that Anya! Swansea cringed at her question. “Oh yea no I’m good! Just hit my leg on the wall while sleeping y’know.” You said. Hmh.. I’m sure you were doing some sort of sleeping. Swansea hurrying to finish his food. Quickly getting up to put his plate in the sink and immediately start work. He really just wants to take his mind off this..

-

“Swan-sea!” Daisuke said, dragging the two parts of Swansea’s name out. Swansea ignored Daisuke, continuing to work on the broken vent. “Dude did I do something wrong?” Swansea sighed. Since Daisuke wanted the truth he’ll get it.”For fucks sake Daisuke! Can you have them stop fucking like rabbits! I know you young people have your urges, but this has been going on for the past week. And it’s Saturday for crying out loud!” Swansea yelled.

“AND IF YOU FREAKS ARE GONNA KEEP GOING AT IT. AT LEAST KEEP THE DOOR SHUT AND BE QUIET. SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP.” Swansea finished, catching his breath. Daisuke just stood there stunned.

“You.. you heard us..?” Daisuke asked, his mouth agape and his eyes shot wide. “I didn’t just hear you guys. Saw it to! Close the damn door next time!” Swansea said irritated. Daisuke continued to stand there embarrassed. “Swansea uh.. I-I’m so sorry I didn’t realize.” Daisuke stuttered out. Still shocked about the revelation.

“Yeah you better be fucking sorry” Swansea muttered. Turning around before pausing. Sighing a bit. “At lest your getting some action in this hell hole. Reminds me of me and my wife.” He said. Before holding his fist out. “I’m only gonna do this once Daisuke.” Swansea said. Daisuke happily returned the fist bump.

“Now get the hell out of my sight for the rest of the day!” Swansea yelled. “Alright swan-sea!” Daisuke said, doing the same long period name thing. Swansea let out an annoyed sigh. At least the kid was happy…

[redhead1180]

Sunshine

Pairing - dark!Rafe x pogue fem!reader

Summary - Reader has a crush on JJ, but JJ is dating Kie. Rafe decides he wants reader to get over JJ, no matter her say in the matter.

Words - 3k

Warnings MDNI - NON CON, DUB CON, drugging with E, slapping, physical fight (m vs f), dry humping, alcohol use, drug use, rough sex (p in v), degradation, blackmail, very dark Rafe.

A/N: This is my darkest piece I have ever wrote and of course it's for Rafe. He is mean SOB in this, so if that triggers you, please don't read. Thank you to @haven247 for the beta read. I am nervous about writing this dark, but hope you like it. PLEASE HEAD THE WARNINGS!

Being at a kook party was not your idea of fun, but they had free booze and it was better than a keggar. After the last week you’ve had, you have every intention of getting plastered and trying to forget your crush and best friend was dating someone else.

JJ your best friend since you were 4 and crush since you were 14, was officially dating Kie. And it hurt, a lot. You knew it was coming, saw the writing on the wall, but held out hope it wouldn’t. The only person who knew about the crush, that you knew of, was John B. He was your brother from another mother, and knew you inside and out. You three had been friends so long, you don’t remember a time when they weren’t there. John B has given you hug and told you he was sorry the day you saw them kissing through the Chateau window. He informed you they were dating and you had gone home and cried yourself to sleep. Avoiding them this past week, but couldn’t get around it for this party.

You had watched them dance, laugh, and make out, and were completely ready to vomit. Or wait, was they alcohol? I was in my 3rd concoction of the night and was not feeling much of anything. Well physically anyway.

Anyway, you were in the kitchen getting another drink, when you heard the last voice, you wanted to here.

“Well, well if it isn’t Miss Sunshine” Rafe Cameron sneered as he walked into the kitchen.

“Fuck off, Cameron” I told him, trying not to say more and start something.

“Anyone ever told you have a venomous mouth, Sunshine” he laughed.

“Only to you, Cameron. Everyone else thinks I am adorable and sweet” my voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I bet you taste sweet” he chuckled. I turned around and caught him looking me up and down. He showed no shame for being caught. “What’s got you drowning in booze tonight? Wouldn’t have anything to do with Maybank and Carrera doing the horizontal mambo, would it?”

“You’re such an asshole, Cameron” You go to walk past him and he grabs your upper arm and pulls close to him.

“Most girls that talk to me the way you do get punished” he leered, inches from my face.

So, side note, when I drink, I think I am ten feet tall and bulletproof. And tonight was no exception.

“Let go of me you fucking psycho!” I hissed at him, pulling my arm. Unfortunately, he was so much stronger than me, my arm barely moved in his grasp. “I swear to God Rafe, I am not in the mood for your bullshit tonight.”

“Don’t call me psycho and I think I need to teach you some manners.” he growled right before he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me in to kiss him.

I instantly started pushing on him and struggling to get free. I bit his lip and he howled in pain and jerked back. I slapped him across the face, not caring this was Rafe Cameron, Kook Prince himself, and no one ever told him no.

He snapped his head back and I looked in his eyes. They were completely black, no amount of blue left, and had a predatory look that actually caused a little fear to creep up my spine. Something else, God help me, arousal shot through to my core and made me soak my panties.

I started to back away and with each step I took back, he took forward.

“Rafe just fucking walk away, leave me alone” I try to sound defiant and flippant, but not sure I pulled it off. His grin was pure evil, reminding me of every Disney villain I ever watched.

*Oh Sunshine, you really shouldn’t have done that” he smirked. I turn to run and get one of the pogues, but he grabs me by my waist and turns me around to throw me over his shoulder.

“You psychotic motherfucker, put me down!” I yell as I punch his back as hard as I can. He just grunts and slaps my ass hard, bringing tears to my eyes and more arousal to leak out of me. My mind was telling me to fight because you hate him, but my body was yelling at me to let him have his way.

He takes you to some room, locks the door, and proceeds to throw you on the bed. He immediately grabs both your wrists and roughly jerks them above your head, causing you to arch your back from the roughness and your tits rub against his chest. The lace bra you wear offered little protection from the friction and instantly your nipples hardened. Rafe chuckles as his free hand rubs over my breasts and pinches my nipples.

“You may not want this, but your body does” he chuckles as his hand slides down over my stomach and to the waistband of my shorts. I continue to struggle, he slaps my bare thigh, causing me to gasp. I know if I looked down right now, there would be a red hand print.

“You’re a feisty thing, maybe we should get you a little more pliant.” He threatens.

I see him reach in the pocket of his shorts, but don’t see anything in his hand when he pulls it out.

“Rafe, what the fuck are you doing?” I demand trying to keep the worry out of my voice.

“Just a little something to make you enjoy it more.” He smirks as he places a pill on his tongue and grabs my jaw to look at him.

“Open up, Sunshine” he murmurs as leans in to kiss me.

I try to shut my mouth, but the hold he has on my jaw won’t let me. He shoves his tongue in my mouth and I feel the pill begin to dissolve as he devours my mouth. God he is a good kisser, I can’t stop myself as I whine in the kiss, causing him to moan. He held my jaw until the pill was fully dissolved, then he lets go, but we continued to kiss. Fuck, what was I doing, this was Rafe, I should be biting his fucking tongue off, yet I didn’t want the kiss to stop. He finally pulls away when air became a necessity.

“What the fuck did you give me, Rafe?” I pant, still trying to catch my breath from the kiss.

“Aww Sunshine, it’s just a little E to make you forget your troubles and help me fuck you without the feistiness.” He smiles down at me. I start to struggle again and hurt him in some fashion. His hold on my wrists and him between my legs really left me defenseless, and he knew it.

“Now let’s get rid of these clothes.” He grabs the neckline of my shirt and rips it down the middle. I screech from shock, and he continues ripping till it is off me.

“Oh Sunshine, you have some beautiful tits.” He groans as he leans down and latches his lips on one of my nipples. I gasp out from pleasure as he sucks, nibbles and licks my nipples through my bra. Thousands of jolts of delight ripple through my body to my core. I began to feel a zing of energy and mixing that with pleasure, I couldn’t stop myself from grinding my hips up into Rafe.

“That’s it baby, let the drug begin to work. Let me make you feel good and forget Maybank for tonight.” He murmurs as he continues his assault on my tits, his mouth on one and his hand, pulling and pinching the other.

“More” I whimper to him, trying to get more friction. He reached behind me undoing my bra and let go of my wrists, I moved my arms so he can get off. My hands fly into his hair to push more into my chest. He grinds down on me and I groan, I feel the heat build in my stomach.

I have a slight moment of clarity, where I thought what the fuck am I doing, when Rafe rolls his hips and the tip of cock hits the seam in my shorts just right to rub my clit and I see stars. I moan out as I squeeze my eyes shut and let my orgasm wash over me.

“Fuck Sunshine, when was the last time you came?” he chuckles, reaching down to unbutton my shorts and take them off. He stands up, using the opportunity of me in a blissful state, to rid himself of his clothes. I look over to him and see his cock saluting me. My eyes wide at how big he was.

“Shit Rafe, I don’t know what you plan to do with that monstrosity, but it ain’t fitting in me.” I say in wonder.

“I’ll make it fit,” he said as he spread my legs and slapped my pussy. I yelped, still sensitive from my release, but it caused a wildfire to spread through my veins. He slapped it a few more times, rendering me a whiny mess. I tried to hide my face, ashamed at how he was making me feel. I knew the E was mainly to blame, but a part of me knew it wasn’t all the drugs.

“Oh, don’t be shy now” Rafe taunted as he pulled my hands from face and roughly kissing me.

Distracted by his kiss, I didn’t notice he lined his cock up to enter me. He shoved it in my soaked pussy and I screamed in his mouth. The pain and burn from his stretching without prep was almost unbearable. Instantly, tears formed in my eyes and I pulled my mouth free.

“FUCK!” I cried out “Rafe, get out, pull out, it hurts so bad!” I cry but he continues to snap his hips into me, even though I was pushing on his stomach.

“Shut the fuck up and take it.” He growled as he grabbed my arm and jerked it above my head, slamming into me faster. I was whimpering, crying mess underneath him. He continued to pound into me, hitting my cervix, lips taking what they wanted from my lips down to my breasts.

“I’ll have you forgetting Maybank after tonight and you’ll only want my cock in this pussy. You’re mine now, Sunshine” he rasped in my ear.

“I hate you” I hissed at him.

Eventually the pain began to be replaced by pleasure, my cries turning into moans as I felt my core heat up and the band began to tighten.

“You keep saying that, but your body doesn’t,” he taunted “you might be venomous, nonchalant, and a raging bitch to the rest of the world, but all you needed was a Daddy to tame that mouth and this pussy. Didn’t you?”

I ignored him, not wanting to agree with him. Suddenly I heard and then felt the smack across my face. I let out a shocked yelp and grabbed face with my free hand. My body betrayed and a rush of arousal coated his cock.

“Oh, you like being slapped huh? When I ask you a question, you answer it, slut” he hissed at me.

“Yes Daddy” I moaned out, before slapping my hand over my mouth, not believing what I just said.

“That’s my good little slut” he teased.

He let go of my hand and reached down with both hands to push my thighs into my chest. I cried out as the new position hit my G-spot and I saw stars. Within seconds, the band snapped in my stomach and I was screaming daddy repeatedly.

“That’s it, you little cunt, cum all over my cock.” He grunted before pulling out and flipping me over on my stomach. He straddled my thighs, pulled my butt up, and shoved himself back into me. I moaned as the new position let him hit deeper. I grabbed the headboard needing to ground myself, as the drugs and orgasm made me feel like I was floating away.

He wrapped his arm around my neck, putting me in a chokehold, snapping his hips into me at such an ungodly pace. I could already feel another release coming. The drugs had all my senses turned up to an eleven, the burning in my stomach, the tingling in my core, the pleasurable pain every time he hit my cervix. I felt that if I had another orgasm, I would fly off into outer space.

“S’too much, daddy” I whine, trying to push on his stomach. “I can’t do it”

He slapped my hand away and smacked my thigh hard, making me cry out.

“You will take everything I give you. You’re my little cum slut now and you will obey me” he grunted. He grabs my arm and jerks them around behind my back, grabbing both wrists with one hand. With his other hand, he grabs hair and uses both as leverage to fuck me harder.

All you could hear in the room were my ‘uh-uhs’ and our skin slapping together. I was close as my walls begin to flutter around his cock, but he was too as I felt his hips stutter.

“You better cum before me or you’re outta luck,” he panted. “We’re not here for your pleasure, only mine.” He taunts as he speeds up getting closer to his release.

I manage to wrestle one of my hands free and reach down to rub my clit. The added stimulation almost instantly makes me fall over the edge, I scream out and clamp down on Rafe’s dick. My body convulses as I have the strongest release of my life, but the E in my system causes me to keep cumming tears falling down my cheeks as I can’t stop.

“Jesus Fuck” Rafe gasps, “You’re clenching so tight I can barely move.”

He forces his cock in and out of me as he pants and grunts. Slamming into me one more time, I feel his seed shoot out against my walls.

“fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck” he hisses. He slowly thrust back into me a few times before pulling out and flip me over. I was essentially a rag doll by this point.

“Oops can’t have any Daddy’s juices spilling out can we?” he smirks, shoving two fingers in me pushing his cum back in me. I whimpered and grabbed his wrist.

“Stop, too sensitive” I whimper out.

“Stop being a whiny slut” he sneers before slapping my pussy a few times. I cry out, tears running down my cheeks. He reaches for his phone and takes a picture of me.

“What the fuck” I snap.

“I need something to jerk off to when you’re not around”

He shows me the picture. I look royally fucked out, mascara and tears running down my cheeks, lipstick smeared all over my face, bruises and hickeys around my neck and chest. He grabs my phone and tosses it to me.

“Unlock it” he demands.

I do without any argument. He puts his number on and sends himself a text, so that he has my number.

“When I call, I expect you to answer and come to me” he demands coldly. “If you don’t, then the whole island will know your just my cum slut and enjoy it. I have evidence.” he grins.

I nod, knowing he had me, because the thought of the pogues, especially JJ finding out made me sick to my stomach. He tossed my shorts and some tshirt he found to me.

“Now you’re gonna get dressed, go back to the party and act like nothing happened. Your hickeys were from some random touran.” He instructed. “The whole time you pine over JJ, my cum will be seeping out of your cunt. Oh, and clean your face up.”

I move slowly getting off the bed. I get dressed and head to the en suite bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and start to cry. I splash water on my face, cleaning myself up, the whole-time sobbing.

Rafe comes in the bathroom and stares at me for a minute. I turn to face him and he smacks me on the cheek, not hard enough to bruise, but enough to sting and leave his handprint.

“Stop crying like a cunt,” he mocked me, “You enjoyed it, I think I counted three orgasms from you?”

“It was the drugs” I argue.

“Sure, sure. The explain why you were soaked before I gave you the E?” he asked.

I’m looked away cause I had no answer, at least not one I was willing to admit.

“S’what I thought,” he smirked “Now get downstairs, before I change my mind and take you home, tie you up, and use you all night.”

I ran out of the bedroom and went downstairs, looking for my friends.

Walking around, I finally found John B and Sarah making out in a corner. Pope was in another room trying to woo a girl with coroner talk, the poor girl looked scared for her life. The last room I walked into, JJ and Kie were on a couch, Kie in JJ’s lap making out. My friends, wait no family, didn’t seem to have missed me.

I walked into the kitchen and made me a drink and walked outside to one of the patio chairs. My phone dinged with a message.

Remember our deal and no one finds out. Although with as worried as they were for you, not sure they would seem to care.

I downed my drink and got up to get another one, tears running down my cheeks.

How the fuck did I get in this situation and what was I gonna do. All knew was I hated Rafe Cameron and I would find a way out.

Tagging some moots:

@princessmaybank @echo-at-the-pond @babygorewhore @drudyslut @rafescokewhore @rafesc0kewh0re @starfxkr @blueicequeen19 @drewstarkeyslut @pankowperfection @maybankskiss @ch4rrykisses

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

Happy 6k!!!! That’s so exciting and you deserve it :)

Can I request Bucky & touch starved?

.⋆｡Small Adjustments｡⋆.

Bucky Barnes x plus size reader

To Bucky, touch brought with it pain and suffering but maybe it can be different with you

Warnings:  touch starved!Bucky, fluff, mutual pining, mention of torture, bit of hurt/comfort WC: 1.3k

6k Follower Celebration Bingo

Library- @hannibals-favourite-meal-library

It was an unspoken agreement amongst the Avengers that under no circumstances was Bucky to be touched. There were one too many instances of him lashing out at even the smallest of touches and after Peter’s arm was almost broken when he grabbed Bucky’s shoulder to steady himself after tripping, the rule was firmly set in place. 

Touch had always been the harbinger of pain to Bucky. He had experienced and survived thousands of experiments; he knew the difference between acids just based on how much they burned him when they made contact with his skin. He knew what it was like to be ripped apart from the inside out as he was stitched back together while fully conscious. Bucky’s nerves were permanently scarred with each and every moment of pain, ensuring that he would never forget what he had gone through. Needless to say, he appreciated the physical distance the Avengers afforded him, even if it did make his chest ache sometimes.

He saw the friendly touches between them all— a hug after a hard mission, a clap on the back during training, even the occasional platonic cuddling during movie nights and he couldn’t help but be envious, especially when it came to you.

You were, by far, the most affectionate person he had ever met. You didn’t hesitate to wrap yourself around anyone who needed a hug, your hand was quite frequently clamped with someone else’s (Natasha’s or Wanda’s more often than not). You weren’t selfish with your touch and though it could be deadly thanks to your training, Bucky knew that you would never hurt the people you cared about.

“Barnes~ where are you!” Bucky’s lips curled into a gentle smile as your voice floated through the hallway, immediately brightening up the entire building.

“I’m in the kitchen, doll!” He shouted back before your footsteps quickened and you burst into the room. Your eyes, although still bleary with sleep even though it was 2 in the afternoon, positively sparkled as soon as you spotted the ex-assassin. Bucky raised an eyebrow at you, and you flustered slightly, looking down at what you were wearing.

“I thought I lost that shirt.” 

“Yeah well don’t leave your stuff out if you don’t want someone to steal it.” You shrugged as you skipped over to the pot of fresh coffee still sitting in the machine.

“I seem to remember putting that shirt away, in my closet, in my locked bedroom.”  Bucky took a sip of his own coffee.

“I don’t know what to tell you, I think old age is finally getting to you.” You tried to hide your warming cheeks behind your mug but he could see right through you.

“Whatever you say doll.” A comfortable silence settled over the both of you for a moment before you cleared your throat.

“So… we have the place to ourselves today,” Bucky knew what was coming, “wanna binge-watch Supernatural with me?” You looked up at him with such a hopeful expression on your face, it made his heart skip a beat.

“I don’t know, I was planning on going for a long run today.” His voice tilted up but in your post-sleep haze, you couldn’t pick up on the shift in his tone. Immediately, your eyes dropped and your bottom lip poked out. Bucky’s stomach flipped and suddenly all he wanted to do was to scoop you up into his arms and kiss away your pout. Instead, he blurted out quickly, “Hey, hey. I was just teasing. Of course I’ll watch with you. Gotta see what Sean and Dan get up to.”

You sniffed. “It’s Sam and Dean and you know it. Don’t pretend you’re not as obsessed as I am.” The band around his heart loosened.

“Yeah sure. You want Chinese or Thai?” He fished his phone out from his pocket.

“Like you even have to ask.” You retorted.

——————

You felt like you were sitting next to a feral cat as the food coma finally set in. Empty boxes of food were scattered around the coffee table in front of you while yet another episode started up but it wasn’t as if you were paying any sort of attention to the screen in front of you.

Somehow, during your feast of questionable takeout, Bucky had migrated from where he had been perched on the other side of the couch to sitting beside you, the thick muscle of his thigh almost touching your knee where you were curled up. His blue eyes stayed glued to the TV while he sighed heavily and leaned back into the couch cushions.

You held your breath as his shoulders dropped, leaving barely an inch of space between you. This was the closest Bucky had ever gotten to you and you would be damned if you fucked this up. Of course you knew about his aversion to touch, you had even witnessed his violent response to it first hand but Jesus did you want to feel the heat of his skin, the strength of his body as he hugged you.

Bucky was undoubtedly your best friend out of all the Avengers yet he was the only one to have never felt your embrace. 

Your body trembled as you tried to keep yourself still. You didn’t want to accidentally brush against him and send him scrambling off but you also didn’t want to move away and give him the impression that you didn’t want him near you. And selfishly, you did want him beside you if only to fuel your hopeless crush on the man. 

There was a gunshot on the screen, startling you. You jumped and suddenly, you were half on top of Bucky. 

Your palm spread across the expanse of his stomach, letting you feel the hardness of his abs and the warmth that radiated off of him. The tip of your nose brushed against his as your eyes locked. You both stayed there for a second before the reality of the situation hit you squarely in the chest.

“Oh god Bucky I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.” You threw yourself back against the arm of the couch as panic bubbled up in your gut. Bucky remained frozen where he sat, both his hands slightly raised as he looked down at his lap. “Bucky I-“ Your voice was thick with tears. 

You shook your head as you pressed the heels of your palms to your eyes, desperately trying to keep them away. How stupid were you? You knew you should’ve just given him some more space, paid attention to the TV so you would know if something would startle you. Do literally anything else besides jumping on the man with severe trauma. You messed everything up.

“Doll,” Bucky cooed as his hand gently wrapped around your wrists, slowly pulling them down so he could look at you, “I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?” He chuckled softly, now bringing your hands into his lap so he could hold them.

“How could I ever be mad at you? I know it was an accident but more than that, I know you would never want to hurt me. I’m safe with you.” You could feel the slight tremble in his hands like he was struggling to keep touching you but Bucky refused to let go, he even shuffled closer to you. You nodded but stayed quiet. He finally smiled. “Besides, I think it’s time I got one of those famous Y/N hugs. Not now of course, I’m way too fucked up for that, but soon.”

“Don’t be mean to yourself Barnes,” you scolded, “lots of people hurt you. You get to be patient with healing. We just make small adjustments, build up to it y’a know.”

“Yeah, small adjustments.” His right hand slid into your left, your fingers intertwining as you both melted back into the couch, your eyes drifting back to your show that neither of you would be paying any attention to. After a few minutes, Bucky’s thumb began to rub against the skin of your knuckles, a delicate back and forth that both sent a flurry of butterflies into flight in your stomach and ignited your cheeks with a blazing heat.

Small adjustments indeed.

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[pippin-katz]

In Defense Of Edwin

Something that has bothered me is that there's a significant amount of people who talk about Edwin being unaware of Charles' pain as if he's oblivious, or like he did something wrong; that is simply unfair to Edwin.

Charles is happy, friendly, and wonderful. That is his personality. That is not all forced.

People are quick to jump on the line that Charles has been hiding his pain from Edwin, but a line people are ignoring from that argument is: "He's probably been hiding it from himself!"

His behavior indicates that he doesn't talk or think about trauma or negativity unless it's relevant to the situation. I doubt Charles even realized how bad his trauma was until the Devlin Murders. His pain was so repressed that he wasn't "feeling" it anymore.

Charles’ Triggers

While I'm not going to say that Charles did not hide his pain from Edwin at all, I am going to point out that this may have been the first time, in a very long time or ever, that they encountered something this close to home for him.

The only real reason Charles discusses his trauma now is because the Devlin House triggers him, genuinely in a psychological way. It's not just the "crazy dad" that gets to him. There are so many details that fit Charles personally. That whole situation is too fucking much for him.

The song Owner Of A Lonely Heart playing in the background; a song that he says he liked enough to get the cassette tape but that it was smashed by his father.

The controlling and restrictive behaviors of the father on his daughters. The eldest daughter writing about walking on eggshells and looking forward to graduation.

The way that the father kills them; he doesn't shoot them, or poison them, or whatever, he butchers them. His attacks are physically direct. He swings an axe, so his movement is the root of the violence. If it had been a gun, it would've been his finger on the trigger, but the bullets hitting them. Charles was abused by his father through the means of a belt, which is physically direct.

The loop, having to watch it over, and over, and over again with no break, no relief, and not being able to do anything, no matter how many times he sees it happen. Charles' abuse seemed to be regular and constant, no matter what he did. It always ended the same way.

All of that is then exacerbated by the Night Nurse forcing him to reexperience his trauma the very next day. That's a lot of specific details and events that lead to his complete breakdown.

Charles hasn't been consciously choosing to hide all of that pain from Edwin. It had been buried to the point where even he couldn't see it anymore, but the Devlin House uprooted it from his subconscious.

Charles’ Parents

Now, he does hide his habit of checking on his parents from Edwin, but that's not fully about his abuse. Charles misses his family, his life, being alive.

It's worth noting that he only shows Crystal his parents because he's trying to connect with her about not being able to go home. He didn't bring that up on a whim. It was relevant to help Crystal feel understood. She's not special; if someone completely different from her did the exact same thing, Charles would've shown them too.

Now, let's talk about him not telling Edwin. Charles may not have a full comprehension of Edwin's experiences, but he knows he's different from "normal" people. Hiding his parents from him is likely just as much about not wanting to hurt Edwin as it is protecting himself.

Edwin does not show any type of longing for his life. Everything he knew about the world from his time is gone or been changed beyond recognition. He doesn't have a family to miss, not that he was close to them in the first place; even if he did have an emotional connection to them, they've been long dead.

And Edwin seems unbothered, but there’s no way for Charles to know that for certain. Watching his parents weekly would remind Edwin constantly that he does not have anyone. He’s worried about being insensitive; he feels like he would be unintentionally taunting Edwin and rubbing salt into the wound.

Edwin has been dead for over 100 years and spent 70 of those years being torn apart by a demon in Hell; how could he even remember physical sensations other than pain and exhaustion? How could he remember the taste of food while running through Gluttony, watching its inhabitants vomit profusely? He never saw the appeal of romance or sex prior to his death, and then he witnesses the bloody masses of people in Lust; how could he be anything other than repulsed?

Charles tells him that pain is not a contest, but he almost without a doubt compares his own experiences to Edwin's. It's something people with low self-esteem do more than others. He feels guilty, like he’s selfish for being upset; Edwin has it so much worse.

How does being abused by his dad compare to being dragged to Hell? He got hit with a belt; Edwin was ripped apart. Who is he to whine about his life to a boy who has died more times than days Charles has existed?

He may not have had the specific details before, but the knowledge of it being Hell was enough. When you don't put your own needs on your priority list, that's one of the first "justifications" your brain comes up with. They already have enough on their plate, and you don't need to talk about it. You're totally fine! So yes, hiding his parents from Edwin makes sense from his perspective.

But his abuse? Charles doesn't even realize how much pain he's in; how could Edwin have realized?

My point is that Charles wasn't actively choosing to hide all of his pain from Edwin for thirty years, so to blame Edwin for not noticing is like blaming a blind person for picking up a red ball instead of a blue one. He couldn't have noticed; there was nothing for him to notice. Charles wasn't wearing a full mask.

The second Charles shows any indication that something is wrong, Edwin does notice!

Edwin may have trouble with people, but he's not oblivious, and he knows Charles. If he's ever been upset like this before, he would've noticed. He notices Charles' change in behavior after Crystal joined in only a day, and he doesn't deny it when Edwin calls him out.

Edwin also follows up on asking if he needs to talk about his father. Charles brushes him off, but Crystal and Niko show up before Edwin has a chance to press a little more, which I think he would've. I don't think Charles would've opened up, but it would've shown that Edwin is aware that all is not well. He is aware, but on top of being in the dark about it, he's got his own shit he's working out and cases to solve. His attention is divided.

I think it's important to remember this fact that has been driving me mental for months now:

Charles and Edwin’s dynamic during the show is a completely different dynamic than the one they've had for the past thirty years.

The introduction of Crystal, going to Port Townsend, meeting Niko, Monty, fighting Esther, the Cat King, etc. etc. etc. Everything about their relationship gets shaken up from the start of the show. They're both acting differently in all sorts of ways, and some they even acknowledge to each other.

What we saw of them in Port Townsend is not what Charles and Edwin were during those thirty years. It's unfair to pass judgement on something we don't actually know about.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm getting really tired of fics/posts making a commentary about Edwin not noticing being something he has failed at. Does Edwin feel guilty for not realizing it sooner? Absolutely, but please, at least acknowledge that it wasn't his fault if you're sticking to canon. If you want to twist some shit into it to make it more complicated, make it more angsty, go right ahead! I'm absolutely not stopping you!

But canonically, at least I feel after studying these characters under a microscope, Edwin could not have known sooner.

(ko-fi)

[traveler-at-heart]

Hello there, how are you? I don't know if you take requests at the moment but i want to ask you if you could write something with Liho?

Maybe something like, Liho didn't like any partners Nat had before Yn, and since they got together Liho likes Yn, Nat thought that maybe more than the cat loves her.

And maybe Yn left some clothes in Nat's house and when Liho misses her, she went to i don't know, a jumper, and sleep on top of it. And when Nat found Liho, she send a picture to Yn, and went next to Liho like saying "i'm gonna marry her soon"

So, this isn't exaaactly the request, but it is where the story took me! In any case, I hope you enjoy it and thanks for the prompt :)

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!R

Natasha knew how to protect herself.

Don’t trust anyone, always look over your shoulder.

It’s what kept her alive for so long.

But it’s what made her lonely too.

The few people she dated took her dettachment as a challenge that they happily accepted but soon abandoned.

Others were disinterested in complicated affairs from the start, and so things didn’t move past a couple of dates.

Then, you.

Medical staff came and went around the Compound. Most of the team had enhanced capabilities to heal themselves; for her part, Natasha was too stubborn to go on her own.

That’s how she knew she was seriously injured.

“Agent Romanoff” you greeted, a wary smile on your lips as Natasha struggled to focus, the white lights hurting her eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Confused”

“Yeah, that tracks” you nodded, turning away from the chart to look at her. “Do you remember anything?”

“An explosion…“

“And before that a bullet to your side. We were able to fix it by resecting a small portion of your liver and spleen, but you’ll need rest. For now, I’ll monitor you. Let’s think about discharging you in a couple of days”

“I can take care of myself” she objected, but struggled to sit up, pain invading her right side.

“That would be the feeling of cracked ribs” you nodded torwards her side. “I’m not asking if you want to stay, Agent. Your teammates are coming and going for missions or other engagements and you need to be monitored 24/7 for possible complications”

“What you’re saying is, I’m a prisoner here”

“Of course not” you closed the chart, smiling. “We don’t let the prisoners watch tv”

—

It had been mere hours, and Natasha was restless. There was nothing interesting in the tv, her phone was dead and it was ridiculous she was held captive here for “observation” when no one had checked on her for the last three hours.

“Sorry about that. Busy day here” you said with a smile, checking her blood pressure and the chart. “Any discomfort, pain?”

“No”

You nodded, asking for her permission to do a physical exam. Natasha scoffed but agreed with an eye roll.

“Bowel movement?” you asked, checking her pupils.

“No!”

“Ok, no need to get defensive” you placed your hands on each side of Natasha’s head. Your gentle touch made her squirm, and she was able to inspect you closer.

“You’re pretty” Natasha blurted out. You chuckled. “I am so sorry, I don’t know where that came from”

“No need to apologize” you smiled. “It’s the concussion”

“Right”

“Vitals are good, I’ll come back to check up on you in a bit” your pager went off. A large group of agents had just gotten back from a mission. “Squeeze the button if you need anything. Enjoy your stay with us, Agent Romanoff”

“When will I be able to go… home?” Natasha said, but you closed the door before she had a chance to finish her sentence.

—

Natasha hated being wrong. At midnight, the pain got bad and yet, you had to convince her she needed some medicine to ease the discomfort and rest.

But whatever you gave her worked wonders. When she openes her eyes, you were on the couch next to her bed, going through some charts and reports.

“Hey” she said. “I don’t know your name”

“Y/N” you looked up, smiling.

You sat next to her, checking her vitals as she drifted in and out of her sleep stupor. By the time she was fully awake, it was almost noon.

There you were again, munching on a cookie as you scribbled on a sheet.

“You don’t have to stay here all day”

“Oh, it’s no bother” you said, not looking up.

“No other patients right now?”

“No, it’s actually because every medic and nurse is afraid of you and they won’t bother me when I’m here”

“Glad I can be of service”

“Are you hungry? We can get you something very light to eat” you finally looked up, trying to hold back a yawn. It had been an intense night in the emergency medbay.

“What are my options?”

“Oatmeal and that’s about it”

“No coffee?”

“Nu-uh”

Natasha shruged her shoulders and nodded. You smiled, walking out of the room. At least three interns were waiting for you, asking all kinds of very stupid questions. You turned to her, as if saying, “I told you so” and left.

—

For the rest of the day, Natasha was the perfect patient, which obviously made you suspicious.

You repeated your physical exam, asked the same questions, got the answers minus the hint of sarcasm. You were about to turn and leave when she asked again.

“Wait! I can go home now, right?”

“Your hemoglobin is still a bit low and I’d like to wait at least another day”

“I can’t wait another day” Natasha said, glaring.

“Agent Romanoff, you can’t even go on missions right now. Whatever it is you’re so eager to do, I’m sure it can wait” you insisted, trying to avoid an argument after a 48 hour shift.

“It can’t” she insisted, and the monitor began to signal the rise of her blood pressure.

“Calm down” you asked, walking back to her bed. “Please tell me how can I help”

“It’s complicated”

“I’ll tell you what’s complicated. Pulling out bullet fragments from your stomach while I try to keep you from bleeding out. I was in that OR for eight hours and would like to guarantee you recover fully”

Natasha looked at you, and you sighed, sitting by the edge of her bed.

“I have a… cat”

“Oh”

“I need to feed her”

“Can’t someone else do it? A neighbour? One of the other Avengers?”

“Liho doesn’t like anyone, but me. If she hears or smells a stranger, she’ll freak out and attack them or try to run away” Natasha explained. “It’s not ideal considering my profession”

“Yeah” you nodded, thinking about what to do. Moving Natasha was not an option right now. “Let me try”

“Try what?”

“Try feeding Liho, is that her name?”

“It’s dangerous” Natasha warned you, sure it would end in disaster.

“My shift is ending, I can go right now” you ignored her warning. “If I could discharge you right now, I would. Don’t want a cat starving on my watch”

Natasha nodded, and gave you her address. You were surprised she had moved out of the Compound, but then again, a chief surgeon wasn’t privy to the Avengers every move.

The spy made you swear you’d call her if anything went wrong. As you opened the door to her apartment with the spare key, you were expecting to find a giant, feral animal waiting to sink its claws in your flesh.

“Liho” you called a couple of times, making sure the door was closed so she couldn’t escape. “I’m a friend of your mama, she’ll be back in a couple of days”

You were looking around the living room, when a thud behind your back made you jump. And there she was, a black cat with beautiful green eyes -that strangely, reminded you of Natasha’s-. You stared at each other, waiting for someone to move.

Liho did.

She let out a meow and rubbed herself against your leg.

“You’re the cutest” you cooed her, relaxing as she purred in your arms. “Why would Natasha even say you’re scary?”

While the cat jumped around, you searched for her food, cleaned her water bowl and her sandbox. Once you were done, you called Natasha.

“You owe me an apology”

“Did she scratch your eye out like Fury?” she sighed.

“No… wait. Is that how Fury lost his eye?”

Liho jumped on the kitchen counter, purring and rubbing herself against your arm.

“Is that Liho?”

“Yes. She has been purring and following me ever since I got here, Nat. She’s the sweetest cat and you were calling her crazy! In fact, you don’t owe me an apology, you owe it to Liho. Come here, gorgeous”

The cat responded to your words and Natasha smiled.

“I’ll stop by again before I go back to the hospital. Anything else you need?”

You filled a tote bag with everything on her list. Once you were done, you said goodbye to Liho. Thinking it might be funny, you took a selfie with her, smiling as she snuggled on your chest.

You sent it to Natasha, not thinking much of it.

Natasha’s blood pressure increased as soon as she saw the picture. No nurse dared to comment when she turned off the monitor with a smack.

—

“Is this really necessary?” Natasha said, fidgeting on the wheelchair.

“Humor me, Agent” you asked, pushing her to the entrance of SHIELD’s medical facilities. “This is the last time you have to follow my medical advice”

Clint was waiting for Natasha, and he looked as you wheeled her his way, clearly amused.

“How did you manage to get her to sit?”

“I have my ways” you winked at the man. Agent Barton was a far better patient, if only because you had his wife on speed dial.

“Remember, rest. Take your meds and call me if anything feels off. And say hi to Liho for me” you helped Natasha to the car, closing the door as she settled in. You waved as they drove off.

“What was that about your cat?”

“Oh, Dr. Y/L/N went to my place twice a day to feed her”

“And she survived? She must be special” Clint chuckled.

Natasha had to agree with that.

—

Liho was happy to see her human again, roaring like an engine as she rubbed herself on Natasha’s legs. After she came back from the hospital, the cat would never leave Natasha’s side.

The Russian also noticed that you had kept her place clean, and left some groceries and food for the first few days of her home recovery.

It was a strange feeling, being taken care of. Not unpleasant, truthfully, when it came from you. As she stayed in the confines of her apartment, Natasha pondered if it meant something else or if it was just wishful thinking.

You checked on her via text message, and that was all you could really manage to do, as you had back to back shifts and emergency procedures throughout the week. Still, you made sure to send some food to Natasha through delivery apps.

By the time you finally had more free time, it was a chilly Thursday night. As you were leaving the hospital and walking to your car, your phone rang.

“Please, not another emergency” you sighed, surprised at the name on the screen. “Hey, Agent Romanoff. How are you feeling?”

“I’m doing ok… but I might need your help”

“Nat, what’s wrong?” you dropped all formalities, rushing to your car.

“I’m fine, it’s Liho. I left the window open and she climbed all the way up the emergency stairs. And I tried but can’t go out and reach her”

“What do you mean you tried? You should have called me right away! Anyway, doesn’t matter, I’ll be there. Don’t do anything stupid, those are doctor’s orders”

By the time you got to Natasha’s apartment,  a storm was fast approaching.

“Hey, sorry for bothering you”

“It’s not… blood!”

“What?” Natasha looked down, at the place where you were pointing. Right on her stitches, there was a small stain of blood. “Oh, must have happened when I tried to reach for her”

“I knew I should have kept you for another week at the hospital” you grumbled, leading her to the couch. You found a gauze in your emergency kit and lifted her shirt, applying pressure. “Do not move. I’ll be right back”

“The stairs are slippery” she warned you as you stepped out the window. Natasha was surprised at how graceful your movements were.

You looked around, calling for Liho, but the clouds were covering the moon and the sky was dark, making it almost impossible to spot her.

“Ok, fine” you climbed up the steps, holding on to the rail. Taking a deep breath, you let out a high pitched call. “Kitty. Where’s my kitty?”

There small beads shone in the middle of the darkness, and you reached forward. Liho complained, clearly scared about the height. A thunder made her jump, climbing a lot higher.

“Liho, I take it back. You are crazy”

By the time you were able to reach her, it had begun pouring. You placed the cat inside your sweatshirt, to protect her from the rain and have both hands free to climb down.

“That was fun” you said, going inside soaking wet. You almost slipped and Natasha caught you by the waist. “Thanks” you said, feeling warm as her hand went around your back. You couldn’t help but look at her lips, and Natasha caught on, leaning forward.

In that moment, Liho peeked her head from the collar of your sweatshirt, protesting at the uncomfortable feeling of being drenched.

“Here, you need to dry” Natasha offered while you closed the window.

“Thanks, Nat”

She came back with a towel, yoga pants and a t-shirt. You tried not to swoon at the idea of wearing something of hers. Still, you said thanks and disappeared in the bathroom to get changed.

“Let me have a look” you asked when you came back, inspecting her abdomen. “Looks like it was just a small stitch on the edge of the wound. I’ll fix it if it’s alright with you?”

“Yeah, sure” Natasha nodded, and laid back as you prepared the sutures and wore gloves. You applied some local anesthesia and began to work.

“My technique is flawless. The scarring will be almost invisible” you promised.

“So, I can still wear bikinis?”

“Yeah” you nodded, trying to stay focused while the image of Natasha in a swimsuit floated around your head.

“I can’t thank you enough for taking care of Liho” Natasha said in a low voice, which almost made your hands tremble. “Too bad my doctor hasn’t officially discharged me, or I’d take you out to dinner”

“How about some take out instead?” you smiled, cleaning the wound and helping her up.

“That can be done for sure”

You had pizza with beer, sitting on Natasha’s living room while Liho jumped from your lap to hers. It was the best date you ever had.

Pretty soon, the alcohol and exhaustion caught up to you and when Natasha came back from the kitchen, you were fast asleep in her couch, Liho snuggled up in your chest.

Natasha smiled, covering you with a blanket. Liho purred, and your hand went up to scratch behind her ear on pure insctinct.

“I like her too, Liho” Natasha said with a smile. “She’s definitely a keeper”

[shouts-into-the-void]

Just read screenshots of the Aaron extra chapter and I have so many thoughts, so here they are:

It's always so funny to me to be reminded of the fact that the animosity between Aaron and Neil is mostly one-sided. Like, Neil finds Aaron frustrating, but all the antagonistic stuff he does to him is ultimately in service of helping him in some way and while he's angry when Aaron provokes him, he otherwise regards him with disinterest and even expresses the desire to see what he's like when he's relaxed and enjoying himself during the party with the Vixens. Meanwhile Aaron just really hates that man.

I really appreciated Nora using this chapter to clear up some of the gripes a lot of the fandom has had with Aaron's character in the past and confirm that Aaron's comments to Nicky have to do with his cousin making graphic and unwanted sexual advances on their teammates, and his accusations towards Neil were from a place of concern for his brother. I also liked that it was pointed out that of course he would have at least some internalized homophobia due to being raised by religious zealots in a conservative area, but is unlearning it due to Nicky.

On a similar note, I'm glad that we were provided the context that Nicky's inappropriate behavior is a defense mechanism to weed out people who might hurt him rather than legitimate advances, because I think the fandom tends to forget that he is also a character with extreme trauma written outside of the "perfect victim" stereotype. His actions aren't okay, but the entire point is that they are the result of what he's had to endure just like every other member of the team

The implication that Andrew specifically signed with the Foxes so Aaron could go to college

Aaron and Andrew have the same nervous habit of picking at loose thread

It causes me physical pain to see Andrew clearly trying to open up to Aaron about his self-harm, but because his way of communicating is less straightforward (he doesn't lie, but he because he stuggles to confront and be open with his emotions, he presents the truth in flowery, vague language) and because the two dont really know or understand each other, Aaron can't fully grasp the implications of what he's saying

On the subject of things that cause me physical pain: baby Aaron telling his mom that he wanted to be a neurosurgeon like the people on TV and her laughing and saying he'd never make anything of himself. Fuck Tilda Minyard, all my homies hate Tilda.

Andrew is so uncomfortable, someone Get Him Out of There.

Going off that and his nervous habits (that Aaron mentions he did often enough to be noticable as a habit premedication), I am highkey wondering if the reason Sober Andrew doesn't talk to anyone outside Neil is because he's just. Socially Awkward.

We get a little bit of insight into Andrew's "misogyny" (I personally think distrusting certain people as a result of extreme personal trauma is a little bit different than just being sexist, in the same way women distrusting men because they're used to being harassed and belittled isn't misandry, but that's up to your personal opinion) and that his distain for Katelyn comes from the fact that he thinks she's stringing Aaron along and will turn out to be awful like his previous girlfriends (there's also a notable implication that Aaron has the same self-destructive tendencies as Andrew, and may be why he went out of his way to get him into college and on the straight-and-narrow) also see that this extends to Bee as well despite their close relationship, with him being so afraid that she'd reject him for being gay that he can't even look at her while talking about Neil, probably made worse by the fact that she's a maternal figure for him, which is where this trauma response originates.

Aaron is the only person on the team who's aware that Andrew hasn't slept with Neil, and the only one to grasp the significance of the fact that they've gotten close to that point already despite Andrew's trauma, outside of Renee

It was overall really interesting to see inside Aaron's head (I actually wouldn't mind a book from his perspective, he has a similar way of thinking to Neil but much more grounded) and to see Andrew through the lense of someone who just views him as Just A Guy

[222col]

girl i just discovered your blog and i've read all of your work and let me tell you YOU'RE LITERALLY ONE OF THE BEST WRITERS ON THIS APP. I don't know if i can suggest a fanfic idea but can you write something about Stanford Art being your fwb and whenever you had sex he would hint/joke about wanting to take you out and have a committed relationship and you're always acting oblivious and since he's been doing it so many times you decide to end the whole thing. And to get you back Art decides to use your jealousy over him to his advantage. So whenever he knows you're around at college you would find him talking and laughing with one of the girls you hate so your possessive side takes over you and later that night you decide to go to his dorm and punish the brat he is and maybe end up accepting to finally be his girlfriend

im fr blushing 🫣 thank u so much bestie boo <3

"wanna make you mine," art groans out, mid thrust. "i am yours." your nails clawing down his spine, smirking up to his face. art has to physically hold back from rolling his eyes. not what i meant, he'd think. "let me take you out." he asks, putting his t-shirt back on. "we are out?" you laugh, shimmying your jeans back up your legs. "we're in the car park of applebee's." the eye roll can't be held back this time. flinging his head back onto the headrest in the backseat, his arm resting behind your head on the top of the car seat. "c'mon, you know what i mean." art sighs out, turning his head to look at you. "art, let's not do this. you know it would never work." ouch.

"can you just drive me home, please?" you'd sigh, climbing into the passenger seat, looking back to him. "yeah, whatever." he scoffs, climbing into the front seat. the drive back is silent, apart from the radio quietly playing. parking up outside your dorm, turning off the car before looking over to you. "let's just leave it here, yeah?" you breathe out, unbuckling your seatbelt and looking over to art. he raises his eyebrow, as if to question your meaning. "i don't think we should see each other anymore." you half shrug, biting your bottom lip. art just scoffs, shaking his head as he looks out the windscreen. "sorry art, but i think it's for the best." you smile, opening the car door. "yeah whatever, bye." art says through gritted teeth, his knuckles white from his heavy grip on the steering wheel. "see you around, art." he hears before the closing of the door, slamming his palms against the wheel as soon as you've gone. "fuck!"

your friendship circles are close, so there's a lot of crossovers, at parties, library meets, hang outs. the first time you saw art again after ending things was during a study date with your friends. walking into the library, smiling weakly at him, his eyes rolling in response. setting down your books as his arm immediately drapes around the girl to his left, scoffing as you start studying for your classes. it becomes a regular thing, always a girl hanging off of him whenever you're around. hearing giggles at his jokes, girls on his lap at parties, his lips smashed into someone else's an hour later. you'd never admit how much it was getting to you, you hadn't seen anyone else since art. jealous, that's how you felt. it was almost primal, possessive, how jealous you felt. but you ended it, so technically, you couldn't be mad. you'd only ended things because you were scared, scared of commitment, of being hurt. but, you had to live with the fact that you had ended it.

you were out at a bar with a group of friends, two beers in when art arrives, with yet another girl hanging off his arm. a girl he knows for a fact you can't stand. his eyes staring into you as he sits down, pulling her onto his lap, hearing those grating giggles from her as he does. his hands around her waist, blue eyes on you. physically shifting your body to face away from him, breathing sharply, trying to remain composed during your conversation. watching his hands caress the exposed skin of her midriff, shaking your head into your drink. he goes so far as to kiss her neck at the table, looking straight to you as he does. little shit knows exactly what he's doing. "real mature." you mouth across the table to him, only for him to air kiss back to you across the table. after a couple more drinks, everyone heads home, your blood boiling as you walk into your dorm room. sitting down on the edge of your bed, having met your end in ability to look past what he's doing. pulling out your phone, bringing up art's contact.

you: are u at ur dorm??

art: yeah, why?

immediately putting your phone in your back pocket, strutting with speed over to his dorm building. slightly out of breath by the time you arrive, banging on his door. hearing scrambling behind the door before it opens, his blonde locks meeting you. he smirks slightly, before his face is cupped your hands, lips smashing against him as you push into his room. art pushes the door closed behind you, hands gripping the fabric around your waist. "what are you doing?" he whispers against your lips, shushing him as you push him down onto the bed. "do you want me to stop?" you ask, climbing over his body, knees on either side of his thighs. looking down to him, propped up on his elbows. "n-no." he manages to get out, already looking dishevelled underneath you. "then shut up." you tease, pulling your t-shirt over your head, leaning down to attack your lips to his again. art whimpers against your mouth, hands moving to roam over the exposed skin on your back. almost immediately you're grabbing his wrists from behind you and pinning them down to the bed above his head. "you don't get to touch." he's pouting, looking up to you with pleading eyes. "why not?"

"because you've been touching every girl that moves." you tighten the grip on his wrists as he smirks, knowing his game worked, of trying to make you jealous. rolling your hips against him, removing your grip on his wrists to pull his t-shirt over his head. kissing down his jaw, his neck, working your way down to his stomach. crawling your body down his, undoing the buttons of his jeans, looking up to him through your lashes. pulling down the zipper at snails pace, before pushing his jeans and boxers down his legs. placing wet kisses all around his stomach, the top of his legs, the inside of his thighs. art's a whimpering mess, desperate for your touch, hips bucking up slightly. placing one sloppy kiss to his tip before moving away. art's head flinging back into his pillow as you do, smirking down to him as you push your own jeans down your legs. "oh sorry, did you think i was gonna suck your dick after you've been whoring around campus?" you're smirking down to him, your now naked body straddling his waist. pink blush floods his cheeks, furrowing his brows up to you, pout on his lips. "i- i haven't." he's pleading with you, hands creeping up your legs, to rest on your thighs. "didn't touch any of them. ju- just,"

your fingers are in his mouth, pushing two of your digits onto his tongue, his mouth widening as you do. "just what?" you smirk, pulling your fingers from his mouth, holding his jaw tightly. "just wanted to make you jealous." he pouts, hips bucking up again. "you're such a brat." you smirk, pushing your thumb into his mouth as he sucks on it instinctively. leaning back, lining art's cock up with your entrance, before sinking down onto him. his grip on your thighs tightens, eyes fluttering shut as he hums against your thumb. grinding yourself against him, moans slipping from your mouth, moving your hands to rest on his chest. "fuck, missed you." art grumbles, moving his hips along with your rhythm. smiling down at him, watching his eyes flutter, his swollen lip between his teeth.

art's hand comes down to thumb at your clit, rubbing slow circles against you, smirking up as he hears his name fall off your lips. art's cock curls against your walls as you grind against him, his length hitting your g-spot with every movement. the mixture of sensation stretching the band in your stomach tighter, leaning down to kiss art's lips, his grip on your thigh moving to your hips, guiding you as he thrusts up to meet you, fucking you faster. groans fall into each others mouths, bodies sheen with layers of sweat. his blonde curls sticking to his forehead, sloppily kissing each other as you both push each other closer to the edge. "fuck- i'm so close." you mumble into art's mouth, hands wrapping around the hairs of his scalp. art moans louder, feeling you clench around his cock. his mouth licking down your jaw as he suckles on the skin on your neck, feeling you come undone on his shaft. "mmph, m'gonna cum." art mumbles, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he paints your walls, his cum dripping down over him as he slides out of you.

collapsing down on top of him, your legs feeling like jelly, both of you breathless. sinking onto your side, laying down next to art, eyes locked on each other as your breathing returns to normal. art leans to push your hair off of your forehead, smiling to you as his hand rests on your cheek. "will you please, let me make you mine." he half laughs, his thumb stroking your skin. smiling as you roll your eyes jokingly to him. "what, like be your girlfriend?" you giggle, caressing the skin on his hipbone. "yes, my god, i've been trying to ask you for months." he shakes his head, laughing before looking back into your eyes, waiting for your answer. smiling shyly as you simply nod your head. "is that a yes?" he smiles, tickling your sides. "yes!" you reply through your chuckles. "i'll be your girlfriend." art smiles wide, rolling on top of your body. "fucking finally." he mumbles onto your lips, kissing you tenderly. "you could have just asked." you giggle into his mouth. "you're unbelievable."

[cobragardens]

Notes on the Scene in Job's Basement

Crowley is not tempting Aziraphale here. He's experimenting on him.

Getting Aziraphale to sin, or even getting him drunk, is not Crowley's intent in this scene. Eating food, taking pleasure in food, drinking alcohol, and even being drunk are not sins in most of Judaism or Christianity (and they're certainly not sins in British Christianity, regardless of any church's doctrine). When Aziraphale turns down alcohol, Crowley just suggests he try food instead; so it's not important to Crowley what Aziraphale tries, but it is important to him that he try something.

This scene is also the first time (chronologically) we see that Crowley likes to drink and likes to be drunk.

We know from

and from

as well as from Book Omens and Word of God that angels have no instinct beyond curiosity pulling them toward eating or toward gender. From this we can reasonably presume they have no instinct toward Beverages either.

That means that in this moment--

--Crowley is very likely the only metaphysical entity he knows on either side of the divide, or even knows of, who has ever experienced a physical pleasure.

And he probably has some Lingering Questions about it, like we all did the first time a physical pleasure blew our minds. Like,

Is it this strong for everyone?

Is there something wrong with me?

Am I going to hurt myself if I do this, like, a lot?

And it's not like the poor creature can ask anyone, because the answers for humans aren't necessarily going to apply to him.

So when he sees an opportunity, Crowley gets that one angel he knows who'll talk to him to try a human thing, and then he watches to see if physical pleasure hits the angel as hard as it hit him.

And that's why he looks so creepily pleased when it does.

Apparently it is this strong for everyone and there isn't anything wrong with him. Now he can relax and get sloshed without worrying, and he even has someone to talk to about how rad human stuff is.

A Dip Into Speculation

We know because we're shown this isn't the first time Crowley has gotten drunk that, watching Aziraphale, Crowley understands what he's seeing. I think it's really interesting that Crowley doesn't laugh at Aziraphale at any point during this scene, and he doesn't correct the way he's eating, either.

Maybe it's because this is what it was like for Crowley the first time. Maybe he got so drunk he passed out and woke up in a puddle of his own sick. Maybe he got so drunk he passed out and didn't wake up at all, and there was Paperwork and he had to get used to a whole new corporation just when he'd got the hang of having legs in the old one. Maybe somebody had to show him how to use a fork or whatever they had going on for eating utensils in Ancient Mesopotamia. I distinctly remember having to learn as a small child to chew with my mouth closed. There is every possibility Crowley doesn't consider the way Aziraphale is eating to be worthy of ridicule because whatever Crowley did the first time was worse.

Maybe he wants to leave Aziraphale set up for later embarrassment over his table manners. Aziraphale was a judgy bitch about the wine.

Or maybe it's something like Let him have this one. There can be rules to it later; let him just enjoy it, once, like a little kid with both fists in their birthday cake.

Maybe it's desire. There is some textual evidence for this. Once Aziraphale learns to eat properly, the way he does it is very attractive, and we know Crowley loves watching him do it.

I don't think it's overreaching even to interpret David Tennant's physical performance of Crowley watching Aziraphale eat as one of sensual or erotic pleasure. I mean--

I'm not saying it absolutely has to be erotic, but it's not a reach, or even a full extension of the elbow, to read it that way.

There's another meta somewhere [I'll link it when I find it again; if you know this meta, please drop it in comments!] that discusses how this exchange in Job's basement is filmed like an erotic scene.

Like Crowley, we all want to kiss this face.

Aziraphale isn't eating prettily, but he's eating lewdly, ravenously, desirously, and it's lit like romantic sex, not like gluttony. Whether that's funny or poignant or hot may depend on the viewer. Here's how Crowley's handling it:

Srs tho, any frame of this scene could have been painted by Artemisia Gentileschi.

Or maybe--and this is my favorite of the available interpretations--maybe this is what it was like for Crowley the first time and he doesn't interfere because he wants Aziraphale to come out of this as someone who's had the same experience Crowley's had so Crowley won't be so totally alone in having had it.