#i dont want to lose her. i cant lose her
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My bestie is moving out for college this week and I don't know how to cope with that. I don't know how can I handle being alone again
#shes everything to me#the love of my life my soulmate#and i want whats best for her i cheered her on to get to that college and find a room and move out from her shitty parents#but yknow. it hurts to be left behind#shes not going that far. i think its about five hours from here?#but thats still more than living five minutes apart#i will still visit her but we won't do errands around town together#or even just see each other on the street when neither of us have the time or energy to hang out but we say hi#or go on long walks and do nothing together#what im saying is. i already miss her and theres still a few days left#tomorrow were having a picnic if the weather allows#but man i am so bad at any kind of goodbyes#i am so afraid that she will find friends shell like more than me and wont want to hang out with me anymore#i dont want to lose her. i cant lose her#i dont have anyone else#i do have a few friends but none of them are so close to me#both emotionally and physically i have literally no one in this town#i already feel alone#i have only her and now shes leaving#god i feel like a child again when my dad moved out to germany#christ#bee buzz
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reading This Is How You Lose The Time War, and yeah twitter user Bigolas Dickolas Wolfwood was so right about going crazy from it
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(and this last one feels very “I wanted to share my tomorrows with him” vashwood vibes ;-;)
#this is how you lose the time war#this book is rlly so good and poetic and beautiful#books#bigolas dickolas wolfwood#trigun#trigun stampede#mine#and not to make it about vashwood.. but i cant help but think of them while reading it (bc of the mr. bigolas)#but at the same time its ofc very unique and different and so good#and i totally dont see Red as Vi from Arc/ane lol totally not except yeah bc i assossiate her with red colors :))#im on page 90-something out of like 140 and dont want to finish it ;-;
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Kaito having red eyes after he "broke" Pandora cause it needed a physical item to latch on to but now every time Kaito cries, his tears are the elixer of immortality
#PANDORA IS SENTIENT FRRR#Kaito having to leave his civilian life behind after finding Pandora propaganda#drawing on Akako not being able to shed a tear or else she would lose her magic#i hc the tears from Pandora dont stop you from aging but just heals all wounds#so Kaito would continue aging but cant die cause hes now Pandora's host#maybe Auntie Vermouth giving him that one drug that stops aging#to stop him from suffering#dcmk#kaito kuroba#kaito kid#kaitou kid#going insane incase you couldnt tell#au#also like#the “heals all wounds” thing is more of a never get injured so he wont be able to get poisoned or anything#idk how he and Pandora would detatcg from each other#i just see Pandora as this obssesive being#not wanting to let Kaito go#idkk(
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Kenny and Violet anon here YES.
Violet is upset because someone she defended against her found family of 8 years let her get taken by brainwashing adults for 2 seconds and everyone flips their lid.
But Kenny refuses to stop a train, and gets into a whole fight with Lee over it (AND REFUSES TO HELP YOU FIND A LOST LITTLE GIRL WHILE YOU’RE FIGHTING OFF AN INFECTION, where as Violet always defends you in Episode 1 regardless of whether you ignored and/or antagonized her or not), and gets mad at an 11 year old for not being able to handle helping someone in labor by herself and everybody’s like “Nah it’s okay, his family died years ago so he gets to do whatever he wants.” as if Violet didn’t witness one of the only consistent family members in her life die in front of her 💀
There’s so many comparisons I could make and one day I’ll make a Venn Diagram about all of their similarities but for now I’m glad someone pointed this out.
there are some things kenny does that have No excuse (like refusing to help bitten lee look for missing clem all because hes mad you didnt side with him enough. leaving lee to singlehandedly save himself in the pharmacy because he got scared. threatening to slap clem for blaming herself for lees death. off the top of my head). but his behavior on the train is annoying yet understandable. he doesnt want to admit his son is dying and he feels like duck dying in the first place is his fault for not saving shawn. you can convince him to stop without things getting physical
the Problem comes in when people can understand and sympathize with kennys annoying/shitty actions, but when it comes to violet (who has the same "my family is dead and its made me bitter and closed off" backstory (and her whole arc is about learning to love and care again)), suddenly all understanding goes out the window. even tho shes not even a FRACTION as annoying and shitty as kenny can get 😭😭
violet is mean to clem for the One scene where youre introduced to her (ignoring your first moment with her in the courtyard where shes smiling at clem so you already know her shitty attitude later is a lie. louis even defends her. wingman lol. and depending on what you say in response to her you can Immediately see the regret on her face LOL). but before the scene even Ends shes complimenting clem and clem loves it. then youre forced to talk to her and tenn about the twins, you have a nice card game where you can joke around with her, then she shows up at the dorm and they have a nice heart to heart about how theyre BOTH struggling with the loss of people theyve loved, and they can sympathize about both being harsher than they intend (THEY GET EACH OTHER CANONICALLY)
and vi not being "a people person" is a huge part of her arc?? she doesnt like that shes like this 😭 but shes also better with people than she gives herself credit for and its why she makes a good leader. (and even if you pick the "came off strong" option clem is OBVIOUSLY teasing about it but vi cant tell and gets defensive ("its not like im trying to be bffs or whatever. sorry" is so "you want to kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid" of her)
and then after this shes never mean to clem again?? (unless you antagonize her but even then its mostly just about her standing her ground and not taking shit she doesnt deserve. which is fair). shes only mean to brody while fishing (and shes mean to brody because deep down she blames HERSELF) and the whole POINT of that scene is to try and mend their broken relationship which immediately makes vi a happier/nicer person if you do (also interesting how louis doesnt get any shit for His behavior while hunting 🤨 no hes just cool and fun). violet also apologizes for being "weird" in the dorms the previous night as well (bby girl why are you afraid that everything you do is weird 😭 she says that word a lot)
violet will Always have clems back (in EP1 and 2!!) No Matter What you do or say to her. i think people take her loyalty for granted. so if you dont save her in EP2 and expect to continue to have her unwavering loyalty in EP3? thats a You problem. she is Fucked Up mentally on that boat by lilly and her not-exactly-ex, and then gets caught in the explosion she didnt want anything to do with. AND THEN SHE APOLOGIZES because she recognizes she was WRONG
(not her literally trying to make a joke about it to ease the tension 😭 people dont give her credit for also having a sense of humor. like louis is the only one who cracks jokes around here) but again when it comes to kenny his actions are understandable and defendable even without an apology 🙄 i literally side with kenny on Everything except the larry thing and if you dont make the right dialogue choice with him? he will not help you look for clem. because of larry 😐 i killed your son for you bro and then took care of his walker doppelganger so you didnt have to. and this isnt even touching his behavior in S2. and yet despite everything he does hes still one of the most beloved characters in the fandom 🤨
i just have to remind myself sometimes that all vi options were made 53-61% and the vi haters are a loud minority. her always being above 50% is so interesting to me because i love when choices are split perfectly 50/50. but the way the fandom talks about her (and the women in general) you wouldnt think shes technically the more popular option (and i Hate playing the popularity card its so annoying, but im only doing it bc people also say shit like "maybe if vi wasnt so mean more people would pick her" they DO pick her!!! you just got mad she was mean for 5 seconds, never payed attention to her again, and used her determinate reaction on the boat as justification for not liking her 😑) (also ignores how mean louis gets in EP2 regardless of choice?? but like kenny His actions are defendable and sympathetic and hers arent 🙄)
#again just in case people cant tell I LIKE ALL OF THEM they are all interesting characters!!! but some of you only give grace to the men#vi i will defend you until i die because Someone has to#why do people hate and even want to kill the women in this game so bad 😭 its so weird#im literally just asking yall to Not hate her so vehemently when you LOVE male characters who do the same or much worse#its just weird all the excuses that exist for the men but when its a woman? shes just a bitch. why do the men get to be bitches 😐#the game is Intentionally very even between vi and louis' reactions but for some reason hes defendable/sympathetic and shes not#someone pretty much ended up proving my point on my last ask about this without even realizing it 💀#but i didnt even know where to begin. so i was so glad to get this ask almost immediately after hdskfjkd#also the numbers im using are TFS numbers not DE numbers. ive noticed the DE numbers are fandom skewed idek what they are for S4#i dont think i have much more to say about this and im afraid the men only defenders are gonna start coming out of the walls#i love you fucked up women of twdg :)#if anyone tries to defend the male characters on this post im gonna lose it. they dont need your help!!!#replies with lexi#incognito#twdg
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The difference between the tragedy of Edwin's and Charles' lives and deaths and what makes Charles' much more compelling to me is that Edwin never had anyone he could trust: he grew up with distant parents who i imagine he saw rarely and could not confide in, then he went to school and was immediately recognized as other in a way he had not fully realized of himself yet and was killed for it, and then comes hell and well who can u trust in hell? Certainly not the things that chase you until your legs ache, and even if your compatriots in the whole ordeal are as innocent as you, trapped in the same technicality, what is the good of trusting them, when they are just as helpless as you?
But Charles? Everyone Charles was supposed to trust betrayed him. His parents were close to him, atleast somewhat, atleast his father was around enough to get sick of hearing owner of a lonely heart, and his mother was around enough to watch his father beat him and be silently horrified and ultimately not do anything about it, maybe she stepped in once and we just never saw it, but I wouldn't bet on it, Charles' mom is 'quiet' that's her defining feature to Charles not protective or gentle just 'quiet', then Charles gets to school and he is popular he has friends! He has people who care for him (or should maybe, as long as he's good at sports like he's needed to be) and then he stands up for one person, because he has always wanted to be good and maybe he trusts himself to do it just this once and his friends kill him and his own actions signed the death warrant and he cannot even trust himself to do the right thing properly (it never got better and then you died)
And maybe, maybe Edwin does it too, with less intention to hurt, and with less knowledge but Charles and Edwin trust eachother maybe more than anything (maybe Charles would sooner slip away from earth's gravity than stop putting his trust in Edwin who he thinks is good and smart and brills and aces) and maybe Edwin still looks at Charles trying to protect him after Charles has had maybe the worst week of his existence and says "that was a bit...... extreme" and Edwin still promises Charles can tell him anything while hiding himself in a way that makes Charles feel untrustworthy
So yeah I'll never stop thinking about the tragedy of Charles Rowland actually 👍 think about him with me
#Charles Rowland#Edwin payne#dead boy detectives#Wrotong this down made me want to delve even further into characters and their relationships w/ trust btw#Crystals is also really interesting to me because she is looking for people she trusts and she keeps coming up empty slowly coming to the#relaization that she cant even trust herself and she'll never b the same girl but theres old roads that need to be repaved#or atleast properly gated off and she nearly loses the trust she has built up over the course of the show because it is not enough to trust#them with her and she cant trust herself with them because she has finally friends she doesnt want to hurt for amusement and she is sick w/#the idea it wont last#Niko lost two of the biggest ppl she could trust in one fell sweep as one died and the other just wanted her to not be sad anymore and it#broke her in a way and shes having to build new bridges to find herself again#The Cat King trusts people enough to let them in his bed and to charm them but not enough for them to see anything deeper to see who he#really is because he is A Cat King (TM ;) ) and he should be Better than That and hes just as petty and mortal as anyone else#Monty well maybe this is a hot take but monty trusts himself and not much else he is a charmer and confident in his feelings for Edwin he i#sure of his ability to deceive and Charm the ghost boys and i think he is sure when he brings Charles his bag#Maybe u could say Monty trusts Esther but i dont thinks thats true when he realizes the effects Esthers revenge will have he tries 2 get th#ghost buys tf outand even earlier he crows when Esther is trying to “threaten some kids#monty“ and then obvi already mentioned getting charles his bag he doesnt so much trust esther as he is chained to her which kinda makes me#wonder how old is monty? Like when made into a human he is made vaguely teenager aged but like he is the familiar of a very old witch is he#the last in a long series of familiars or is he near as old as Esther herself maybe he was picked up some years ago but long after Esther#was already a well established witch he could literally be any age wtf
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"i'll just sketch Seven a couple of times here to get the hang of it yk simplify the shapes a bit yeah yea-" SLAPS far too detailed borg implant on the first fucking sketch les gooooooooooo
#seven of nine#star trek#star trek voyager#st voyager#st voy#etc#might as well post it yk. cant stop drawing pretty seven with stars around her head and dont even think i want to tbh it is what it is#also i just love teeny weeny tiny b'elanna losing it in there man. yess that's exactly how you react seeing a pretty woman. god bless you#my art
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life went forward and the world moved on but I never got over among us (2018)
#but no one:(( will play it:(( with me:((#i miss amogus with my ex best friend and all her friends#she was just like me fr she loved introducing all her friends to each other its another reason i loved her so much#and why i struggled so much when my high school best friend started making friends outside of me who didnt like me#one of them even gave me this long ass lecture on KAVYA YOU DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS' FRIENDS YOU KNOW#oh and you cAnt jUst Ask pEoPle tO bE yOuR fRiEnd (jokes on her we're friends now. kind of ive been ghosting her for a while but not the po#Int ����)#and look i learned that. sort of. but i still struggle with it sometimes#like at least with my best friends i always wanted to know about and be involved with everyone in their lives you know#which ive realized now is not practical#but im still this hopeless romantic who wants to be friends with all my friends friends and all my friends to be friends#even if i barely have the energy for it anymore. i guess losing her drilled that in#also another thing i realized is. its good to keep your friends separate sometimes because if the chain breaks you dont lose a whole system#which wasnt even a point of consideration for me back then because like i said. hopeless romantic. why would we ever fall out#but yeah it was hard having to accept that sometimes the whole world doesnt want to be friends. and people are allowed to dislike each othe#shocking i know#anyway what am i even talking about how did i get here#liveblogging.pdf
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we have to take callie to the emergency vet. she suddenly can't walk and she threw up all over the place. trying not to freak out but I can't stop crying
#we cant afford this man we haven't even been able to afford a check up but we cant not take her#im so scared i dont want to lose her#callieupdates
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The strongest warriors are those that love botw but don't ship zelink (me its me I'm the strongest warrior)
#*points at botw link* the boy is aroace and theres nothing you could say or do that'll convince me otherwise#(boy in an incredibly nonbinary way btw. hes also nonbinary to me and i cant be convinced otherwise of that either)#tbh? I generally dont ship zelink lol idk its never appealed to me like i never *got* it?#with the exception of skyward sword zelink but thats becos ur invested from the start w/ those two#and link isnt a knight so he isnt bound by obligated--thats just his best friend!!!!#and maybe he didn't have feelings at first but after all that shit went down and theres the threat of him losing her#(and vice versa on Zelda's end) it puts things into perspective...they cant and dont want to fathom a world without the other#honestly i read it both as romance and transcending the confines of romance#(which i suppose suits two characters whose souls/spirits are doomed to reincarnate every cycle lol)#but anyways#maybe also spirit tracks zelink. sometimes! it depends on my mood#spirit tracks arguably (and i will argue) has the best developed zelda so that definitely contributes#becos as much as i love botw and like totk. they really pissed on zelda's character...especially in totk#spirit tracks zelda is much more fleshed out and complete im gonna be real w/ u#again w/ her and link theyve been through shit together and although they werent friends to start like ss link and zelda#they grow into it and eventually become incredibly close so sometimes i read it as romance#but otherwise yeah. not a huge zelink fan!#botw link is much more interested in food than romance and of that isn't the most stereotypical ace thing than idk what is#scout.txt
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Knight Zwei West Ishmael on- your house actually, pay up.
#bart#ishmael limbus company#ishmael lcb#limbus company#im not undressing this woman unless all love fucked up scars and an actual old woman in your face#anyway i will be HOPEFULLY making lots of lore about u corp#i also wanted to dig into how abnormalities and distortions are treated because its so inch resting#also carmen is interesting too have i said that? no dont worry im not degrading her into distortion means ot else ill keel over#i am in the fucking trenches all the fucking time in every place i go to dont even WORRY#not yall folks on tumblr. i read yalls tags n stuff and they make me smile.#im lurking and im stalking when you least expect it#but yall have pretty good opinions im eating this shit up#the fandom on twitter actually making me lose braincells its actually so bad how it looks like they eat and read slop all day#anyway(pt2) i cant wait to explain some of the scars ive given her. i actually have a lot of lore for some of them it makes me happy#ive messed with ishmael a lot and i hope she actually looks like she has been weathered by the sea. please tell me if she does or dont#also i cant expect much from Twitter my oomf just watched somebody be ignorant and fall for racist propaganda in a GAME no less
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Am I Into This Person But Very Nervous About It, Or Just Going Along For The Ride Because Idk What I Want - And Other Paralyzing Questions To Haunt Your Weekend!
#hhhhhhhhhghhhhghhhhh#man.#its like. i really like this person as a friend and i dont wanna lose her right#and i djd at one point go “hoohoo what if i had a crush on her heehee” bc im weird n i think that abt p much anyone my age i get close to#but ive been very happy having her as my friend and it was so unexpected when she asked me out#and i genuinely cant tell what i want#and like. am i ready to date again. am i just nervous because i dont wanna get hurt again. do i actually feel that way abt her for real.#is this like a “hey lets try this thing out see what happens n if it doesnt work we'll still be friends” kinda thing#or a “I'm really into you and i want to date and ill be disappointed if it doesn't work out” kinda thing on her part....#i know im overthinking this and its probably gonna be fine and im just really not used to casual dating but. aughhhhhhhh#the agonies
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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy
#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her#she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy#and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general#HOWEVER#i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them 😭😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids#one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids#and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere#like im actually worried about it#i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly#and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on#so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention#anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho#and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job#but im so sadddd#also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group#its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff#and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly#literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving#things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much#but i literally can't see a future here#and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired#she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks#anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids#its just really hard#which is why i've stayed this long#i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss
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Just the way Shin Tsukimi’s “mask off” moment is him becoming increasingly frustrated to the point of having a nervous breakdown where all he can do is laugh maniacally because he’s so done with everyone acting so incompetent and not seeing things “as they are” (aka how he sees them) is just. Mwah chefs kiss hes just like me fr 😰
#yttd#shin tsukimi#like guys you just cant comprehend the ways in which we are the same guy#in the good ways and the bad ways#cuz like god this is exactly how id feel in the same situation literally exactly#it IS how i feel constantly and its an infuriating experience when its like#it feels like you hold the inherent truth like you see something no one else can and you try so fucking hard to explain it#you dumb it down as much as possible but no one will listen to you even though youre trying your best and so you just lose it#and you just sit on your high chair all alone cuz why bother talking when youre clearly the only competent one here#and its so real because shin is like. justified for the most part! he DOES know shit that no one else does!#no one can see how dangerous sara is or how stupid it is to put all this blind trust in her and he doesnt get that it makes no logical sense#but to everyone else sara is just a nice smart girl who wants to help so why wouldnt they trust her?#and hes just so like stuck in his ways about it and believes it so strongly and why wouldnt he? he knows the statistics#and he knows he himself is weak its all hes ever believed about himself#god like. that scene just means so much to me lol i relate so hard it hurts#and its hard to know when youre justified in your beliefs and when youre talking nonsense it all feels the same#and you dont WANT to be an ass you want to understand truly but you literally cant comprehend being that stupid#im so glad this character exists man
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last thing I hate people who are like why don't u just play the fests for fun everyones so negative.. like girl fuck you actually 😭
#im okay with losing you cant expect to win every fest and i dont. it would be nice to win yes but the most fun part of the fest#is the playing part and when the fights dont feel fair or even stress you out (for Whatever reason) then the games not fun#i wouldnt leave nearly as many matches or be mad if the spawncamping problem was not necessarily fixed but dealt with 😭#i need them to fix these maps i cant do it no more yall head in hands#i miss the reef i want her back#kae.txt
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#i dunno man#everytime i read some new thing about covid and long covid#i just feel like im losing my marbles#im the only one still masking it feels like#nobody at my drs offices wear them even the soecialists#my therapist acts like this is an irrational fear of mine#so i dont talk about it as much#shes happy im not isolating myself. and not full of crippling guilt when i do go out#which is good#i agree with her on that#but. ive been numbering my bags with my n95s since i rewear them a few times#ive been using n95s since i took this job. three years in october#which is wild the longest ive worked in one place is just over a year--all seasonal work or short internships. not because i leave#or get fired/laid off#but im getting down to the end of the alphabet#i dont know what ill do when i do#literally as far as labels but also like. its a lot you know?#im debating trying new mask styles. i wanted to ages ago but hoped. i wouldnt need to wear them for much longer#now it feels like i always will.#so. second best time to plant a tree and all.#i want to get out and make friends and do fun stuff. but it's so fuckibg hard and scary#how can i make friends when i cant relax in small indoor spaces#when i. cant eat out at restaurants (due to food issues and masking)#when inviting people to my house makes me anxious for days#how can i make friends under those circumstances?#im so lonely. and so envious#of my friends who do stuff and gave partners. i want that for me but i cant have it. before it was because i moved. ecery 3-6 months#now its this. is it realky any wonder that i nearly cried reading that fic the other day#when Etho took off his mask. and it was treated so fucking kindly and like the trust geasture it was? that it would be. for me?#maybe trust is the wrong word. i dont know. comfort? feeling safe in a space with someone who respects me and my health?
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"thought about Hypnos from the hit game Hades (2018) for a second too long" incident 58 dead 367 injured
#snep rambles#i could write an essay but it all bois down to im so sad#they only start accepting him when hes useful to them and does his job#they all see him as useless and a bother UNTIL HES USEFUL#and then suddenly they like him#he just wants to hang out with his family but his brother hates him and his mom ignores him#even zagreus is mean to him sometimes#can you tell hes important to me#and also he literally cant help dozing off its PART OF HIM#and they hate him for it#id love to replay hades but im gonna lose it if i have to see people being assholes to him gor no good reason#and thanatos only apologises to him when hes useful im going to bite my hand off#i cant remember if nyx ever apologises#but i do remember nyx not allowing hypnos to call her mom#nyx is a better mom to zagreus than she us to hypnos#dont me wrong flawed characters are good and i think shes a good character im just sad about hypnos ok#its almost 5 am
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