#I didn’t really wanna keep typing it out but bill would

[pinetreesdoodles]

RIP bill cipher you would’ve gone FERAL over neopronouns 😞

[megapteraurelia]

TWO-WAY STREET. — part 2.

🫧 SUMMARY; — how is suna rintarou ever going to get over you? or: having a hard time not thinking of begging you on his knees to give him a second chance.

🫧 WARNINGS; — graphic smut; angst; fem!reader; pathetic!suna/sweet talker!suna and fem!receiving oral; mentions of weed and alcohol; second chances (except they're still stupid)

🫧 WORD COUNT; — 3122.

🫧 AUTHOR'S NOTE; — how to angst...? ( part 3 in the works!)

please let me know what you think! -` ♡ ´-

pt. 1 | pt. 2

“if this keeps up, yer gon’ be labeled a stalker.”

atsumu held the bills between his fingers, and suna snatched it, stuffing the money into his back pocket and the rest of the mary jane in the side pocket of his jacket, “how about minding your own business once in a while?”

“nah,” atsumu grinned, “where’s the fun in that?”

his fingers were quick in rolling the joint, crumbling the buds into a neat line before closing the paper with a swipe of his tongue. when he searched his jeans pockets for a lighter, suna’s eyes found your presence amidst the many people at the party, fitted between dancing, sweating bodies. 

the party he hadn’t wanted to stay at once he finished up his deals, but that he couldn’t help but prolong his visit more once his sweeping gaze over the masses found the light you were radiating.

so there he stood, in the shadowed corner of the room with his shady business, several couches and tables between you both, basking in your light even though he knew you didn’t like him to. he knew, he knew, and yet he stood there while the fake blonde next to him clicked his thumb against the lighter, watching you dance.

his hoodie and the jacket thrown on top of it felt heavy and too hot on his shoulders, but he didn’t bother shrugging any of it off.

because he hadn't planned to stay.

“so — “ atsumu dragged a deep breath, and that shit stank up this pathetic little corner suna rintarou was standing in, “ — what do ya say, i try my luck with’er?”

suna froze, but said nothing. maybe if he pretended that the music thrumming through the air was too loud, then he could ignore atsumu and his cocky exclamation of stupidity. 

but as blonde as atsumu was, he wasn’t as gullible.

an arm draped over suna’s shoulder, he leaned in, and smoke curled up into the air, the scent as penetrating as ever, “oi, come on, rinnie, what’s with yer stoic attitude, huh? you can hav’er right after, hn? jus’ wanna see what the fuss is all about. so, how abou—”

suna rintarou did not fight. he really didn’t. he wasn’t the type to, and punches hurt his knuckles.

if anything, he was more the underhanded type to deal with things, maybe a bit of blackmail if they wouldn’t let up, but fighting? smashing any of his body parts into somebody else for violent reasons? not really his style.

but atsumu asked for it. 

so leaving behind a doubled over blonde whose joint had fallen down from his open mouth onto the wooden floor, suna had to get out. it was hot, it was stuffy, it was so fucking unbearably close to where you were, with annoyance pumping through him at every turn because fuck— not even sending him a glance or leave any crumbs of recognition that you had seen him, that you had felt his presence in the same way that he did when he stepped into the goddamn house.

the air outside was fresh, cooling the sting on his knuckles, and he grit his teeth when he bent at the knee, sinking, leaned against a tree in the backyard of the house. the knuckle of his uninjured hand rapped against the space between his eyebrows, trying to pound back some sense back into his head. 

he should leave, ignore that atsumu would get up from the ground and would pursue you out of spite, and just go home. he may had been joking but the venomous way those words left his mouth, painting you like an usable toy, when suna couldn’t even fucking help but let you slip through his fingers, when all he wanted was to lose himself in you, keep a grasp on your essence, selfishly own all that you had to offer.

“rin?”

his head snapped up so fast, he felt his neck protest, but that didn’t matter, because—

fuck. 

the way you were rubbing your arms at the cool air, the hesitant look on your face when he had gotten so used to the look of disdain you used to send his way the past weeks, the absolute wreck that was your hair from running your hands through them while dancing. 

you were breathtaking. 

“what happened with miya?”

“nothing.”

you didn’t believe him, but that was because you knew him. you knew the way his face settled in the slightly bored expression when nothing was going on, the way his shoulders would relax because there was nothing to be tense about, the way he would roll his eyes, the sharp lines of his features laid-back.

suna rintarou looked up at you from where he was seated on the ground, and his face painted a clear picture for you. the tension in his jaw, the deep set of displeasure as his lips pressed into a thin line, the twitch of his ears whenever he lied, the red on his knuckles — he was pissed.

“it’s not nothing.”

what did you want to hear? that he couldn’t bear to hear somebody talk that way about you? as if you were dismissable? at the insult hurled your way and his? 

that he had no right to feel any way about you anymore, not when he fucked up and lost you?

you leaned forward, and a couple of strands of your hair slipped from your naked shoulder, littered in goosebumps. god, he wanted to exist within your confines.

“why do you care?” he settled on that question, a note of bitterness entering his voice, “last i checked, you were too busy dancing with some lame idiot.”

your silence was icy, and suna thought that he might be stupid. at last, your hands resumed rubbing your skin, and your voice sounded almost tired, “because you’re injured, rin. because you look like you’re gonna make some bad decisions.”

then, you huffed, just as bitter and full of resentment as he felt when he breathed next to you and could not call you his, “but i guess i’m the lame idiot here, whatever.”

you turned to leave, but movement rustling behind you and a warm hand on your legs stopped you. half-crawled, half-supported on a knee and a foot, suna rintarou’s fingers squeezed your flesh, and he looked up at you with eyes that spelt out too many hidden emotions, too many hidden desires, too many words unsaid.

“fuck, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean that,” he leaned his forehead against your thigh and your leg twitched at the contact, “i’m annoyed. this shit’s annoying. i fucking miss you, and you’re dancing and you don’t care and god, i’m so fucking pissed—”

a hot kiss placed on your thigh, his hand warm; tendrils of guilty and embarrassed pleasure shooting from where he had touched you to your lower stomach. 

“rin, i don’t—”

his other hand coming up to grip the back of the leg he was leaning against shut you up, and his fingers felt so familiar, the press of the tips against your flesh, marking you in the way they used to. the trace of his lips against you spelt out a dirty secret that he kept hidden in the sleeves of his jacket, in the confines of his pants, in the innermost window of his soul.

those eyes looked at you, half his face covered by the skirt from where you were watching him, pleading, another swipe of his tongue on your skin, tasting you, asking for you to give in.

“i can’t without you,” he murmured against your leg, hot and wet, a bite, “fuck, please. tell me you miss me just as much.”

your ribcage heaved up; rin at your feet, his hands spelling out his desire, the press of his face so comfortable and everything you wanted. your chest hurt, the arousal pooling low, “i hate you.”

he couldn't help but notice that you still didn't deny him.

“i know,” another kiss, and god, he was going to make you go—, “i know, babe, i know. but i’m— crazy, i’m going crazy.”

his nose was searching, a trail he could follow with his eyes closed, leading him under your skirt with ease, tracing the edges of your panties. his groan rumbled in his chest against your leg when he found the proof that you wanted him just as much, the vibration sending shocks through you and you couldn’t help the little pant escaping your mouth.

“fuck, you don’t even know,” suna mouthed against your clothed pussy, the desperate raw edge in his voice kissing you you through the material. your legs trembled, tiny little flutters at the way suna rintarou disappeared under your skirt so naturally, the way the hood of his sweater draped over his back peeped out from underneath, his hands steading you as he licked the wetness of your panties until his saliva drenched all of it.

“r—rin,” your hands found his shoulders to support yourself on, legs spread a little further, hair tickling your innermost skin, “i hate you, a—ha-nd i hate all those s—stupid girls you had with you, an— rin.”

his finger had wrapped around your panties, pulling it to the side, mouth latched to your pussy freely now, tongue tracing your folds like he had forgotten the look of you, the feel of you under his pink muscle, all the little things that had your breath hitching, that had you moan, that had your hands grip his thick neck to press him up further.

“i hated seeing those assholes at your arm,” he snapped against you, mouth growing forceful, and two of his fingers coating themselves in your wetness, teasing you, pushing in slowly, deliberately, “what do they fucking know about what type of sounds you make, huh? how to treat you? how to love you?”

suna knew you; he knew the spot to curl his fingers against, knew the rhythm of his tongue against your clit, knew the erogenous zones to stimulate with his other hand to have you panting, knew the tell-tale sign of you coming undone underneath his touch. and with each stroke, with each kiss, with each gasp of air he forces down his throat before diving back into you, he missed you.

“i want you,” the squelch in the air was obscene, so fucking vulgar, “i need you. please.”

your nerves coiled and crashed on top of him, dissolving into an onslaught of lust, of love, of hate, of cum, of his tongue ever-lasting, of his voice begging, and had he not been holding you up, you would have lost your footing and fallen down, too.

“rin, rin, rin, rin,” name chanting, hands sweaty on his jacket, the pull of your panties, the wet sounds of his fingers fucking you through the orgasm.

“tell me,” his hips were moving against the air, desperate for reprieve, “tell me there’s no other, babe. there’s me, hn? i’ve got you.”

another orgasm was on the edge of your perception at the continuous stimulation, at the continuous plea to give suna what he had to miss out on for the past weeks. brain drunk on you, yours drunk on him, fingers slipping, “rin, there— ah, never wa—ha-as. fuck, you make m’feel soo goo—oood.”

his cock pulsated in tandem with his heart, aching, your words beelining straight down, fuelling the haze surrounding his mind. his mind couldn’t help but conjure all the times other men’s hips snapped into your heat, imagining you opening your mouth wide to fit them. it was like a disease; his thoughts revolved around you, jealousy rushing hot through his veins. 

the way his fingers turned harsh, curling deep had your nerves tingling with an excitement that you hadn’t felt in so long, and your tongue flicked out to moisten your lips. he had leaned back, face exposed to the cool air, lower half of his face glistening in the night and the soft backyard lights. he kept you in his gaze, eyes following the movement of your tongue. his other finger joined to take over the featherlight touches to your clit, so in contrast to the filthy way a third finger joined to wedge itself into your cunt. 

he huffed, “look into my eyes.”

suna's eyes were like a maze that drew you in, the way they had from the first night you had found yourself in his bed. it kept luring you in, even when he paused to stand up in one swift move, balance found quickly, chest pressed against yours, his fingers slowing down from the pace you couldn’t keep up with. so close to you, in the familiar embrace, your head came forward instinctually to rest on his shoulder. 

“eyes up. look at me,” he repeated, nudging your head with his shoulder and you lifted it slightly to recapture the storming grey. his eyebrows were slightly furrowed, eyes half-lidded as he drank you in.

their usually sharp lines having softened, yet his voice remained rough, “nobody compares. you fuckin’ get that?”

his touch became more like a caress; the strokes plunging in deep but not with any less of the needy passion. it drew from you trembles, little moans meant for him, his name tumbling from your lips as you asked for another release; the brewing of feelings in your chest accompanying the heat pooling low.

suna’s head dipped low, found your sensitive skin littered with goosebumps and had his tongue brushing over your flesh to taste your scent. his teeth bit down lightly, a sharp canine digging into your skin; a certain intent behind the marking, possessive and pissed off. the pressure of his clothed cock rubbing your stomach had you clinging to him, and when you opened your mouth, amongst tiny mewls leaving your mouth, another inquiry did as well.

“w—what did a—ah-tsumu say to you?”

he inhaled sharply, surprised, his teeth sinking in deeper and harder for a second, and a painful gasp escaped you. immediately, suna ripped his head back at the sound, half an apology in the depth of his eyes, half fogged confusion, a lot of annoyance.

he stilled, because why the fuck were you taking another man’s name into your mouth when he was knuckles deep inside you?

“who the fuck cares about that guy?”

you visibly recoiled from the sharp tone and the way his fingers felt anything but nice anymore, yet when you stepped back, the inner walls of your pussy quivered at the loss, “why are you reacting like that?”

suna knew from the way your hands came up to hug yourself that you felt a little lost, and the way his pruney fingers grew cold, exposed to the air, squeezed his heart. he didn’t want to be apart from you, but when he stepped forward, you stepped back and suddenly, he thought that the jacket wasn’t enough to keep him warm anymore.

something licked at his heart; something ugly and anxious, clawing through his ribcage like something trying to escape a prison, “you don't get that it kind of wasn’t the time?” 

just stop asking. stop caring about that fucking miya guy. why are you so interested in what miya said? just sto—

“it never is the time with you,” another step back, your voice bitter and regretful, and suna had half a mind to try and step forward again, “you know, i didnt come out here to fuck around with you. i was genuinely concerned and there you go again, completely stuffing whatever fucking emotional connection i want to start.”

suna swallowed poison; tongue bitter and words even more so, “i didn't ask for your damn sympathy, alright?”

he was lying. 

sunarin was lying through his goddamn teeth. he wanted your sympathy and more. he wanted you to have the same interest, the same suffocating need for his presence the way he craved yours; so badly that he could vomit. yet you stared at him like he had never made you happy once, and drawing up the same old walls felt safe, a routine he had perfected, felt like something he couldn’t fuck up no matter how much he tried.

he didn’t want to mention atsumu, didn’t want to think that saying his name might prompt you to go look for that guy. because why wouldn’t you? 

you knew atsumu from before, doing god knows what. goddamn it, you weren’t even his.

suna wanted you for himself, wanted you to not even entertain the idea of hearing atsumu express any kind of interest, jest or not, couldn’t bear the idea that you might take the fake blonde up on his offer. 

he couldn’t. he couldn’t. 

he wanted you to never hear that name again, but he supposed that he had a funny way of expressing that. because what escaped his numb lips was not the love confession he yearned to say, but accusation after accusation. because he didn’t know and he needed to know and he couldn’t rest until he knew.

his palm hurt where his nails dug in harshly.

“if you just came out here because you’re scared for your miya fucking shitsumu, don’t bother. you already have his number, no? no need to go through me then.”

suna regretted his words the moment they left his mouth. because he did mention the guy. he did mention the number that would help you bridge the distance. did what he didn’t want to do because jealousy and sorrow and anger swirled in his chest and the gravitational pull of his heart for all negative things was too great. suna hated that he was the reason you looked like you were going to cry. 

he thought he was stupid. he was so goddamn stupid, and he wanted to get back down on his knees and ask you for forgiveness, but when he stepped forward, you took not one but two steps back. 

the silence stretched between you seemed to be more of a measurement of distance, and you were so far away.

“you’re messed up,” is what you replied, quiet, hands rubbing your arms. you wanted to turn around, wanted to leave and curl up because you felt so used, but he stood there with his stupid hoodie, with the stupid slanted eyes that always observed you so sharply, with the stupid glistening of his lips from where his mouth had met your body feverishly; and it was difficult to breathe because he was still the most beautiful guy you had ever met.

you turned around to leave and this time, sunarin didn’t stop you because maybe he did deserve to be alone.

TAGLIST | @takes1

[arandomaquarius]

Kay so before I get into this rant I just wanna say that I’m definitely back on my bullshit again and to take this post with a grain of salt lmao it’s late and insomnia has struck once again warnings in tags

So! I want to point out something I’ve noticed in Transformers: Prime. Specifically about Knock Out and his relationship with Megatron and Starscream. Specifically about the abuse he endured on the Nemesis.

Now, it’s common knowledge that Megatron was physically abusive towards Starscream. However, I’ve seen a few fan made things saying that he was abusive towards Knock Out. Now while we have canonical proof of this in the case of Starscream, we do not have any for Knock Out. The closest thing we get is that one scene where Megatron picks Knock Out up from underneath his chassis (much like you would pick someone up by their shirt). But that happened when dark energon was coursing through his body, changing his actions and thought patterns. There was also the time that he shot at Knock Out after he retrieved the shield, but I’m not sure if that counts. Otherwise, Megatron never laid a servo on Knock Out (as far as I can remember right now.)

Of course, physical abuse isn’t just hitting someone. It’s using your body to threaten and intimidate another being or to make them feel inferior. There are many examples of Megatron doing this to all of his troops (save the Waves and Predaking). So as for that part of being physically abusive, Megatron fits the bill!

The type of abuse that Megatron uses the most is verbal abuse. The demeaning remarks, the intentional mentions of past events that have clearly left a mental mark, insults, threats, everything. He is degrading Knock Out (because this post is mostly about Knock Out not Screamer sorry Screamer enjoyers) with his comments and he knows it. He’s doing it on purpose, and that’s what makes it abuse. This is a very common type of abuse, despite the media focusing on physical abuse the most. Megatron never lays a servo on KO, but his words do enough.

Starscream, however, does both. He insults and demeans Knock Out the first episode he appears in! He obviously learned this abusive behavior from Megatron after serving under him for so long, but he ramps it up. The way Starscream gets in KO’s personal space; the way he used the spark extractor to scare him more than once; the time he hurt Knock Out after he street raced; when he hit KO after the Omega Lock got destroyed; how he threatened him in Thirst; and more that I’ve probably missed.

Point is, out of the two, Megatron has treated Knock Out better. Starscream has been more manipulative and abusive towards him than Megatron was. Megatron very rarely got physical, while Starscream didn’t hesitate to get in Knock Out’s face and use his (not by a lot) superior height to intimidate and threaten him. Megatron made snide remarks and brought up painful reminders, and he was abusive in this way, but not really physically. And I say really because he was still shit, but he didn’t physically hurt KO as much as Starscream did.

This is important for their dynamics because Knock Out kept aligning himself with Starscream when it came to betraying Megatron. Despite Megatron not being as physical as Starscream. I dunno if it was ever explained why Knock Out did this, but I do know that abusive relationships are difficult to get out of and that many stay because it is familiar and they believe that they deserve it. I don’t think KO thinks he deserves all the pain he gets from Starscream: he just doesn’t strike me as that mech. However, I think Knock Out was comfortable where he was and felt he could correctly gauge whether or not he was in enough danger that he would need to leave the safety of the Decepticon ranks. The Decepticons were in control of the energon supply, therefore the winning team and where Knock Out was safest and most comfortable. He likes luxury, so it was a no brainer for him: security, a place to keep up his finish, and plenty of energon; or no security, no way to keep his finish flawless, and barely any energon?

Anyways, all this to say that Knock Out suffered abuse at the hands of Starscream and Megatron, although Megatron’s was less severe than Starscream’s. We need to talk about it more and acknowledge that Starscream, while being an abuse victim, is also an abuser. You can be both. Just because you are/were abused doesn’t excuse you if you are also abusive. Knock Out could have continued this cycle, but he didn’t. And as far as I’m concerned, post-Predacons Rising Knock Out is living his best goddamn life on Cybertron.

thanks for coming to my Ted talk! If you have any additions, feel free to add them

[ithinkabouttzu]

easy company when they’re jealous?

BoB reaction to being jealous

genre: romance; angst

warnings: kissing; fighting; jealousy

*****Scenerio: A guy flirting with you at the bar*****

Dick Winters: Okay so I think that he would try to be not let it show. He’s very quiet about it, but you could tell that he was getting a little annoyed. And I mean, it takes a lot for him to get jealous, just because he’s just so comfortable in his own relationship and he’s not worried you’ll cheat or do something like that to him. So it’s kind of surprising when he comes to you and tells you that he doesn’t like a certain guy talking to you.

Lewis Nixon: You can tell almost immediately if he’s jealous. The way he’s rolling his eyes, or the snarky jokes he’s making, the way he grabs onto the back of your waist extra tight when he sees anybody making moves towards you. He can be pretty possessive, but it’s only if someone is really trying to flirt with you. It really ticks him off if someone tries flirting with you right in front of him, like the nerve omg.

Carwood Lipton: He gets more disappointed then jealous, even though you don’t realize that you’re being flirted with, he still just wished you could see that that person is totally checking you out. He doesn’t disrupt your conversation though and waits until after you guys are somewhere private to tell you how he didn’t like the way they were talking to you.

Joe Toye: Oh he doesn’t hide it at ALL, he’s going to be mad about it point blank, period. It’s kinda hot though, the way his jaw is fully clenched, and how his eyes are low with anger. He would come up to you and immediately just interrupt the conversation by pulling you into a deep kiss, completely ignoring the guy right in front of you. He gets the idea that you guys are together and walks off afterwards.

Joe Liebgott: He says something to the guy almost immediately. “Will you quit annoying my girl, she doesn’t wanna talk to you” He’d say coldly, taking you away from that creep and into his lap on the other side of the room. He gets so possessive for the rest of the night. His hands on you at all times, constantly kissing and touching you, whispering into your ear how you’re his and only his.

Bill Guarnere: He’s gets angry jealous, like he’s 🤏🏽 close to taking that guy and beating the fuck out of him. Comes up to y’all’s conversation and introduces himself as your boyfriend. “I’m her boyfriend, do you need something?” He’d be so mean about it 😭 just taking you away from that guy, when you ask him why he did it, he’d just reply back, “You’re mine”

George Luz: He gets pouty at first, cause like why are you giving this guy the time and energy? He’s the jealous type and he’s not afraid to show it at all. He’s super petty about it. Like mocking the guy after he said something super cheesy, and getting a slap on the arm in return by you. He gets very touchy though, clinging to your arm the whole time. You have to remind him that you only have eyes for him the rest of the night :(

Bull Randleman: When he sees a guy talking to you, he doesn’t mind at first, he rarely gets jealous and he’s pretty secure in y’all’s relationship. But later that night when that same guy asks you to dance and you say yes, he can feel a hint of anger build up in his chest. He doesn’t want to pull you away from everyone but he hates to see you dance with another man. At the end of the night when you guys head home, he’s quiet but you can tell something’s wrong, you guys talk it out and you make it up to him with some good cuddles.

Eugene Roe: He’s usually more sad then jealous, he feels like you’re almost being pulled away from him when he sees you laughing at some guys horrible attempt at a pick-up line. He keeps it quiet and doesn’t say anything until after you guys leave. Then he tells you how much he loves you, and would hate to see you with anyone else. He’s so cute about it that you end up getting mad at yourself abt it.

Floyd Talbert: He straight up walks up the the guy and tells him to leave you alone. He makes sure not to leave you either, for the rest of the night, he’s on you completely, holding your hand, caressing your body. It kinda turns him on ngl, seeing another boy sulk for you when he can have you all he wants, by the end of the night he wants nothing more than to show you how much you are his.

Skip Muck: He keeps his eyes on you all night, making sure that the guy isn’t getting too out of hand. He’s very subtle about his jealousy and he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable so he just watches you guys closely, until the guy flirting with you starts saying some inappropriate stuff to you, making you uncomfortable. When he hears that he probably goes after the guys, throwing punches before even thinking. Let’s just say you guys have to leave earlier then everyone else 😭

Don Malarkey: If looks could kill, then the guy trying to talk to you would be straight dead. He cannot stand to hear you laugh at anymore of this guys jokes, so he simply takes you away from him, excusing you guys to the bathroom. Where he then tells you how he doesn’t like how that guy was talking to you back there. Followed by a quick make out session bc jealous mal is so hot.

Babe Heffron: Balls his fists up and threatens to go over there and beat him up 💀He doesn’t really know what to do, I mean he doesn’t know whether he should be calm and talk to you about it, or throw his fist at that douchebag. Finally he decides to just walk over to you guys and see what’s being said. “You look really nice tonight, y/n” The guy says, and before you know it, your boyfriend is having to be dragged out of the place for getting into a bar fight.

Shifty Powers: He gets extra quiet when he’s jealous. Like he can’t speak at all, just the thought of another guy stealing you away from him makes him go completely silent. You notice it and ask him what’s wrong, all he can say back is that he loves you and he would hate to see you go with another guy. It’s honestly so heart warming that you feel bad for making him even feel that way.

Frank Perconte: He gets so sassy the whole time, correcting the guy on every little thing he says, making him seem like a total idiot. He also gets pretty handsy. Holding and touching your body almost constantly. He cannot stand to be away from you for the rest of the night.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Thank you for your request! Sorry for the long wait lovely!! Reblog and like if you enjoyed!! <3

[steddieas-shegoes]

it's steff time apparently

this is for @stobinesque and maybe @stobinesque only but here it is. something something steve and jeff are mutually pining until they are mutually kissing. i just missed your birthday and it feels like this could still just be considered a late and very, very short birthday gift.

putting under the cut just because it is so far from my usual posting and i am certain a lot of people are going to be so very in their feelings about it so this is giving me the 'you had to click read more to read this, it's on you friend!' excuse.

rated T | steve/jeff pairing | don't like, don't read, and definitely don't comment | modern au or suspension of disbelief about what was tolerated in bars in the late 80s

Jeff was used to everyone falling all over Eddie at shows. 

He was a natural performer; Talented, charming, attractive. 

So when Steve Harrington of all people walked up to him after their show, he was a bit confused.

“Um…sorry. What did you say?” Jeff asked him, eyes blinking as if it would help him understand why the hell Steve was here, or talking to him, or smiling at him like that.

“I asked if you wanted to grab a drink at the bar?” Steve’s smile weakened slightly, uncertainty starting to show on his face.

“I’m only 19.”

“And I’m only 20,” Steve laughed. “We could just get sodas if you want?”

What was happening? What was this?

“Sure,” he said, not sure at all.

Steve’s responding smile only added to the confusion.

If it were possible for a person to actually, literally be glowing, Steve was.

As if Jeff needed anything added to the mental checklist titled ‘Reasons To Love Steve Harrington.’

“Coke okay?” Steve asked when they got to the bar.

Jeff nodded. He watched as Steve ordered their drinks, watched as he handed over a $5 bill, watched him turn back with a beaming smile.

“Your show was great. You’re really good,” Steve said.

“Thanks, I had a lot of fun. I always do. The guys and I are, like, really trying to make a go of it and it just-”

He was cut off by Steve’s lips on his.

Steve’s lips were on his.

It was quick, only a peck in comparison to what Jeff tended to picture when he thought about having Steve close enough to touch. The length of the kiss didn’t matter, though.

Not when Steve was giving him his wide-eye stare, a small smile breaking through as touched his arm.

“Sorry, just. I’ve wanted to do that since the first show I saw,” Steve admitted, a blush forming on his cheeks.

Steve blushing? Maybe the best thing Jeff’s ever seen. The faint pink color spread down his neck, probably to his chest.

“I’m glad you did it. I’ve wanted you to since…maybe I was a Freshman?” Jeff leaned against the bar, his legs suddenly feeling weak.

“Really? You didn’t hate me then?”

“No! I mean, I probably wanted to hate you, especially when you were my entire sexuality crisis and I couldn’t even tell my friends, but-”

“Wait. I was your sexuality crisis?” Steve sounded smug, blush disappearing rapidly.

Jeff could only nod as Steve stepped in closer.

“I didn’t think I was your type.”

“You were. You are,” Jeff felt his heart literally skip a beat as Steve cupped his jaw in his hand.

“Good to know.”

Their second kiss was longer, like it was leading to more.

Jeff’s hands rested on Steve’s hips, a barely-there pressure for now.

He had the intention of holding him harder later, maybe leaving a reminder that he was the one holding him. 

This time, when the kiss ended, Steve blinked his eyes open slowly, his breaths uneven.

“You guys wanna take your drinks and go or keep crowding my bar while you make out?”

Jeff and Steve turned to the bartender, who was luckily staring at them with a knowing smirk instead of a disgusted or angry scowl.

“Sorry, we’ll go,” Jeff said after a moment, his brain finally coming back online.

They forgot their drinks. 

They didn’t need them anyway.

[yowyowyaoi]

Kakuzu’s Daily Texts from the Akatsuki

From Tobi

I paid already!

I didn’t break it that was Senpai!

Please Kakuzu-san come look at it, that plant made my arms so itchy 😓

If Itachi can have one why can’t I ?!

How old do YOU think I am 🤪

Don’t worry I didn’t buy it I “borrowed” it 

You don’t need to get so mad, I know how to fix it!

From Zetsu

Please inform your partner that it’s MY job to dispose of the bodies, and I don’t appreciate him interfering with my meals.

I did the scouting, he’s in that small village with the lake in the middle, house with a red roof.

You keep the money, I’m only interested in his head.

YOU try talking to her when she’s in one of her moods!

I truly appreciate your “finding” that artificial sun lamp for me. The winter should be much more bearable now.

From Konan

No more excuses. I made your favorite and you WILL come and eat.

Oh he did? Funny how this is the FOURTH time he’s made this “mistake” this month. 

I need a bigger budget than that. Have you not seen how much these guys eat?? 😒

All three of them? Together? Are you sure that’s wise? 

No more recruits unless absolutely necessary. Money aside I simply cannot “adjust” to one more person in this organization.

“Grandfather” is a bit exaggerated; you’re much too handsome for that, my friend 😏

Of course I appreciate the help but you did NOT have to kill him! 

Please come and join us. It’s a documentary but I know you’ll like it.

I’ve tried to be patient but I’m done asking. My next warning will be paper-cuts to their jugulars. 😡

From Sasori

Overexertion and poor nutrition isn’t doing a man your age any favors.

He said *I* started it? Tell him to watch himself before I decide to END it as well.

Boyfriends or babysitters? 😂

I finished the first two volumes, I highlighted the parts I thought you’d find most useful.

He needed it tightened so I’ll be sending him to you when you have a moment.

If you truly wanted one I could work on building one for you. It would be a version of my Hiroku.

Why would I contribute to that? I don’t eat.

From Itachi

I think I need a new prescription, everything is blurry again.

Thank you, I appreciate the advice.

You were sleeping so I slid the money under your door.

If he does it again I’m using my eyes and tormenting him for 72 hours 😡

Borrow it any time you like. I think we have the same hair type so mine should work great for you.

What meowing? 👀

It wasn’t that much blood don’t worry.

Kisame’s carrying him, I have Deidara.

Not really. It’s a spectrum, right?

Honestly? No. He’ll probably shred it with that scythe of his.

From Nagato

Did you pay the electric bill?

Did you pay the heating bill?

Did you pay the water bill?

You didn’t kill the bill collector did you ?

If they caused the damage, it comes from their checks.

If he feeds it himself I don’t mind.

The eye drops help a lot, thanks.

No we’ve discussed this. Anyone else, fine. But Konan NEVER sees a single bill. Understood?

If the punishment is within reason, yes. Don’t go overboard; remember they’re not immortal like you.

From Deidara

That wasn’t my fault, it was Tobi!!

My clay is an important part of my job so you should pay for it.

Can’t you gag him? I’m legit having nightmares over the sounds he makes 😣

It was only once and I didn’t break anything!

Can I get the money to you next week?

Hidan broke that guys arms and made him scream! THAT’S what got us caught, NOT my bombs 😡

He’s lying I wasn’t even in the room!

Please can you tighten the stitching? Sasori won’t do it because he’s mad I was “reckless”.

Can you just come help me pick one out? I have no idea what kind of medical books he likes.

I swear I’ll fix it before she notices, pls don’t tell her she hits so hard 😢

From Kisame

You wanna do the weights or the jog first?

Please make him think it was your idea. If he knows I sent him to you he’ll get upset.

You can eat it. I don’t want to insult his cooking but I truly dislike liver.

No, Samehada is trained better than that. 

We ate there last week. Itachi loved it but I’m not sure it’s Hidan’s type of place 🤔

From Hidan

Don’t overeat last time you got that cramp remember?

You sure didn’t seem to mind it last night …

There’s literally no point it just gets all bloody again at some point anyway right?

Wtf? No. That was completely blondie and the orange dumbass.

I’m not complaining but damn you’re a freaky old bastard aren’t you 😏🤤

Damn you just go rest. That fucking bounty can WAIT you asshole you’re gonna kill yourself 😡

Ffs Uchiha doesn’t need to come we don’t need a babysitter we’re both grown!!

Yeah but you never say No so what’s that say about YOU? 

Stop fucking with me don’t think I won’t turn this entire house inside out until I get that necklace back 😒

If I say Yes am I in more trouble or less? 🤔

If I tell her the truth she’s just gonna tear my head off and really that’s just more work for YOU.

Gay. But same 🖤

[pyolyuja]

hi again everybody !!  it’s admin ocha here with my 2nd child who is the epitome of tranquil surfer boy aesthetic~  i am wayyyy less prepared with him, so pretty much all his info barring his profile/stats page is under the cut , but i wanted to go ahead and post something for him 🧡 beyond the read more, you’ll find his bullet point origin story & some wanted connections so please do hit the heart if you would like to plot with yunseong !

grew up in the yangyang city area of gangwon district. his parents owned a bed & breakfast at jukdo beach, so the family spent quite a lot of time there.

the family dynamic was really tight-knit and was very reliant on humor to make it through difficult times, something that would have a lifelong effect on yunseong.

while their parents worked, yunseong and his older sister (wc!!) would kill time for hours on the beach. he loved being there, smelling the sea salt in the air, hearing the battling chirps of seagulls and the crashing of waves.

this was where he took his first surfing lesson. he saw them being given on the beach and begged his mother for the 26,000 won it cost to enter the class. he fell in love on the first wave, even though he fell into it within milliseconds. by the end of that day, he had enough muscle memory in his calves to withstand a good five or so seconds on the board.

the lessons became semi-regular and a few months later, he could surf bigger waves and his balance had been trained along quite nicely. he could officially consider it a hobby, and didn’t really need the input of an instructor anymore.

he used his newfound balance to also learn skateboarding, something that translated into a very specific friend group in school.

yunseong was fairly athletic, playing a few different sports in school, but never having any real aspirations to go pro at anything. still, the world of sports fascinated him, and he could definitely see himself doing something behind the scenes.

after graduating from high school, he admittedly slacked off quite a bit. all he really wanted to do that summer was hang out on the beach he grew up on and surf as much as he could. he didn’t really wanna accept that his childhood was over, and it was time to start taking responsibility for himself.

after a year of goofing off, his father scolded him about not taking his future seriously and pushed him to start thinking about what he wanted to do with his life.

he wound up getting accepted to meikyung university in daegu, and is currently pursuing his degree in sports marketing.

after moving to daegu, he got a job at xpixel in the mall to pay his bills and rent (he was insistent on moving out of the dorm and living off campus bc he just couldn’t take it anymore) and is about a year out from graduating.

he’s once again become unsure about his future, because he enjoys working at sunset galleria so much. he kinda just wants to stay at the hotel pool or hang out at the arcade with his friends for the rest of time.

personality

some beachy surfer vibes; mostly he’s just an extremely calm, laidback individual. he’ll really only fight or argue if it means keeping the peace in the end, if that makes sense.

complete mama’s boy. his mom is his favorite person on the whole earth, whereas he wasn’t as close to his more stern father.

still uses humor to lighten the mood or deflect his true feelings. can be a little self-effacing sometimes in a humoristic way. doesn’t like to make other people the butt of his jokes unless he knows them and they have that type of comfort level.

he is the type to cover your shift to help out, but also, don’t expect him to do a good job rip

is slightly competitive due to his background in sports, but again, it’s more in a joke-y way

has a hard time taking anything seriously, and it can be to an annoying degree. it may sometimes feel irreverent, but just when you think he’s incapable of being genuine, he tells you something very real and you’re taken aback by it.

this communicates into how he loves quite a bit. you may sometimes feel like he doesn’t say the right words enough, but he always comes through in the end. he is also pretty big on romantic gestures, rather than using words to convey his feelings. catch him making u a mixtape of songs that remind him of you and planning you a poolside picnic 🧡

wanted connections

gamer friends

friends he hits up the pool with a lot

mutual crush / flirtationship

frenemies

fwbs

roommates

friends from college / study buddies

people who will actually eat his strange cooking

literally anything give me all the things

[olderjodijournals]

Sunday, May 1, 1994

 

Just had a chat with Andy and I’m about to hit the sack.

I have a total of 167 letters so far.

Today I’m not in the best of moods. I blew my schedule. I couldn’t wake up till 11 PM.

Also, the little animals are screaming their heads off in the backyard next door so I sure as hell won’t get any peace in my backyard. It sounds like the pool at the apartment complex.

What’s God trying to tell me? Why, why, why?! Almost everyone else here’s quiet on this street. Why me? Will they all really go to Idaho for the summer? Will they stay inside when it’s very hot? Why me? God, what are you trying to tell me?

I just got the two stickers in the front cover of my journal from my box of Lucky Charms.

I’m very hungry now, so I think I’ll get a bite to eat and then do some typing.

Later...

I wish Tom was working nights just for tonight so I could go throw a bottle onto their roof next door. Oh, I wanna do something sooo bad.

I wish I was deaf. I really really do. Yes, I’d miss my music, but I’ve heard long enough to hear plenty of songs in my head and to keep singing. I really really wish I were deaf. This one ear of mine has heard too many sounds it didn’t want to hear.

I don’t know how long they were out there, but I can imagine it was a good 4-6 hours. People have no respect for those around them. People have no control over their own kids. I’m sure they won’t go away for the summer. God just wouldn’t bless me with that. If He did, there’d be some other problem till we live in a house someday far enough away from others.

I just want to be deaf so bad. It’s all I think about lately. It’s always on my mind. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf.

Monday, May 2, 1994

 

Earlier Tom showed me how to hook the VCR up to the computer and print out pictures. I was doing fine till he went to bed, but now I can’t get the damn thing to print.

So much for his wearing me out today like he said he would cuz he felt really lousy, but I truly understand. I couldn’t be horny if I had a cold.

I talked to Andy and I may very well go to his place tomorrow to do wall art.

I’ll be going to bed soon, and on my way there, I not only wish I were deaf, I still wonder what’s God’s motive, or whoever my maker is, behind throwing these kids next door at me? Of all the houses on the block, too. It just had to be me. Is he trying to tell me I’m to have a kid? Or just annoy me? I think if I were meant to have a kid, I’d be pregnant by now and not a DES daughter. As far as to annoy me; I haven’t been doing anything to really annoy, upset, or piss off anyone else for quite a while now, so I don’t know about that. What is the reason? There’s got to be a reason. These things just don’t constantly happen wherever one goes. This is no coincidence.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Tuesday, May 3, 1994

 

In just a little while, I have to go see Dr. Wilcox. When I get there and have to wait 20 years I’ll write more.

Later...

I’m in one of the exam rooms waiting to be seen. It’ll be a while, I’m sure. God, I hate waiting!

Yesterday was lots of fun. Andy picked me up at 12:30 and I was there till 6 PM. Before that, I got 3 letters from Bob and 1 from Kim.

I also spoke to Tammy. They removed Bill’s spleen which was loaded with cancer. Luckily his liver’s OK and they hope he can resume light duties at work within 6 weeks if the chemo works. If not, they may have to do a bone marrow transplant.

When Andy picked me up he went to pay his cable bill. That took forever.

Oh, before I forget. I spoke to Mom yesterday. She’s sending a package, but she wouldn’t say what of. I should get it at the end of next week.

After the cable company, we went to the Abco grocery store where he got a 6-pack of Snickers bars and some milk.

I took my suit hoping that maybe his

Later...

I got cut off in mid-sentence cuz Dr. Wilcox came in. Luckily it didn’t drag on as long as I thought it might.

She thought my journal book was so beautiful and was astounded when I told her how many I had. She asked me how I got into it and I told her. I noticed she had the same pen I’m writing with now, but hers was black. She asked to try this pen, she did, liked it and I offered to swap, but we didn’t. I intend to get more of these pens for sure.

Anyway, my boobs are very sore. She recommended vitamin E. She also said my lungs were a little tight, but not that bad. Yup, they certainly could be worse. They took blood for my Theo level anyway and they’ll call only if there’s a problem.

So anyway, about yesterday. I took my suit over to Andy’s hoping the heat would still be on since there’s a huge Olympic-size pool there, but it was too cold.

Andy did his laundry and cleaned while I drew cactus and a pot of flowers. He was very happy with it.

He gave me some things, too. The picture Tom took of us with my cactus I drew in the living room here behind us. Also, some other pictures of him, a nice wall shelf and an old Stevie dress. A nice pair of sunglasses, too. This pair doesn’t bother my ear and when I blink, my eyelashes don’t hit the lens. I’m going to adjust the Stevie dress and make a nice skirt out of it for myself. The wall shelf’s up in my room. It has 3 spokes on it and I’ve got necklaces and hair stuff hanging off it.

I lent him my Bonnie Raitt CD again, gave him the tapes I dubbed, and also his tape with his messages from his voicemail. The tape’s not done yet. He just wants to hear what he has on it so far.

More later.

Wednesday, May 4, 1994

 

We fixed our sluggish toilet. No more having to flush number twos twice.

Last night I printed out tons of Norah pictures. Yes, I can do it all on my own now and it was so much fun. Going to do more of Gloria and others for Tom.

Sabrina and I still haven’t heard from Fran. Maybe a letter is on its way in the mail, but I doubt it very much.

We’re going to try to make and sell a computer program with me signing. First we’ll begin with those not serious about signing. Those who are usually going to school, but further on down the road, we may do an advanced one. We’ll start with simple everyday signs like in a foreign traveler’s guide for certain situations. Like if you have a deaf visitor or work in an office with deaf people.

I typed up a handful of letters. To Fran, Bob, Kim, Tammy and my parents.

Got lots of things to do. I want to clean the bathroom after the blue toilet water made quite a mess while Tom fixed it.

Gotta type up my signing ideas. Simple phrases and questions. He’s going to use the video blaster and the camera that’s on a tripod.

Gotta somehow turn that big Stevie dress from Andy into a skirt. Gotta record My Time Has Come. Gotta keep typing #3.

This is the last month of SS and SSI checks.

I was just thinking of all the shocking, unexpected, yet great things that have happened since I came here nearly two years ago between the dancing, getting a 2-bedroom apartment, meeting Tom, moving into a house, seeing Kim and Larry, learning computers, getting off SS and SSI and only having a few asthma attacks. I wish I could add quitting smoking to the list, but I just can’t.

Thursday, May 5, 1994

 

Yesterday was quite a busy day. I got up at 12:30 PM and went for a swim. I also recorded my song and typed up ideas for the signing program.

At 6:30 Andy came and brought me to his place. I drew an Indian design to give it that real southwestern look. I also did his lampshade like I did mine.

He fed me well while I was there. He gave me cookies, crackers, a hot dog, and made me my coffee.

He also gave me tons of video labels, but I have yet to figure out what I’ll do with them.

Tom was in bed when I got home at 9:30. We left each other messages, though.

I talked to Tammy and Bill’s latest report isn’t good. He’s vomiting and has a fever.

My doctor called in antibiotics. I’ve been quite congested and yesterday they called to tell me my white blood cell count was too high. Next Tuesday I still gotta go back for a re-check. When I awoke today at 11:30, I was coughing up gallons of shit.

Went for another swim today. The water’s still chilly, but I managed to throw myself in.

What will the mailman bring me today? Another batch of Bob letters?

Later...

Yup, the mailman brought me 2 Bob letters which he stuck in one envelope.

Now for my cutest and funniest news of the day. I brought the pig out to the Jacuzzi and slowly lowered him down. I could tell right away that swimming would be one of his bags, cuz he remained totally relaxed. He swam around and around several times for a good 60 seconds or so and he loved it. Totally had a ball.

Andy’s TV’s dead and tomorrow I have to record 2 soaps for him. He says he’s getting a new TV tomorrow, but we’ll see. I have a feeling I may be doing this for him for a while. Guess he’s going to try getting a loan from his parents.

I also numbered all the journals on the top shelf of my bookcase. So, that’s 1-25. I’ll do more another time. I’ve got 2½ out of my 5 shelves filled up with journals. 1-25 on the first shelf. 26-54 on the second. 55-73 on the third.

I typed a letter to my folks today and I’ll do more typing later. Right now I’m a little bored. What else can I write about? I’m just trying to think. Have I forgotten anything? I said that yesterday and today I went for a swim, right?

Next door was quiet, thankfully, but I’m sure they’ll be ruling the weekend. That seems to be their thing lately till it gets over 100º. I say let them have this weekend cuz at 80º, the pool won’t be as nice and they say there’s a slight chance for rain Saturday - Monday.

Later...

Well, Tom will be delightfully pleased when he comes home which will be any second, cuz I have a spag dinner waiting for him.

I think I hear him now.

Later...

Guess Andy’s gone to bed. I just tried calling, but there’s no answer.

Guess what? I am now beginning the typing of #4. Amazing, huh? This is the furthest I’ve ever gone with typing them. It’s so much easier not to print them out. Also, it’s much easier using all caps and no fancy fonts.

Tom loved his spag dinner and we talked a lot to catch up since we didn’t see each other yesterday.

Will the pool be suitable for swimming tomorrow? I don’t know. We’ll just have to wait and see. Today was 97º and they say tomorrow it’ll be 94º, but hopefully that difference of a few degrees won’t matter. I’m not doing any swimming over the weekend. They say it’ll only be in the lower 80s, may rain, and they’ll be out back screaming next door.

No heavy metal concerts. They’ve been great. If they have been doing any playing, they’ve kept it quiet.

Tom’s going to pick up my antibiotics tomorrow. This will really help. He said he may drop them off at lunchtime if he can get the time.

Later...

I just went to the bathroom and got my regular meds.

In a half-hour, I’m going to watch a movie with Melissa Gilbert in it.

I saw something quite interesting on a news documentary show. Stalkers on Prodigy. But how the hell do they get people’s addresses unless they gave them to them? That must be it cuz there’s no way you can get this address from either Tom’s or my membership. I think it had to do with something like a bulletin. Where people are either pen pals or looking for dates.

Anyway, they just couldn’t get this one guy to stop. I am very against the sexual and threatening stuff he sent, but it seems like a fun way to send wacky stuff without getting caught. Then again, when Tammy sends me messages, a thing comes up giving me her name and her code. So, how in the hell are they sending mail without it being able to show where and who’s sending it? I’ll have to ask Tom tomorrow.

Andy said he finished that very long letter for me and Bob. Like 14 pages or so. When will he mail it here? Who knows? Fran’s full of shit, though, when he says he’s going to write to me and Sabrina. That’s OK, I get my fair share of letters from Bob.

Let’s see…what else is going on? Not much else. Can’t wait to watch the pig go swimming again. It’s so cute and so funny. I’ll wait, though, for when I’m in the pool with him. This will give us better peace of mind. Also, he shakes water all over me, so I may as well have a suit on, rather than regular clothes.

Friday, May 6, 1994

 

I’m watching that movie now. It’s good so far.

I saw a commercial for an exercise machine I’d really like to have. Now here goes all those girlie talk-line commercials.

God am I feeling like a blimp! It seems my gut goes in and out, in and out. I still have to get those water pills.

Boy, this movie’s good. Most movies are so predictable. This one keeps twisting and turning with lots of surprises. After the movie, I’ll set up the timer to record Andy’s soaps.

My tits are sore but I’m only 6 days away from relief and I’ll be getting that vitamin E the Doc recommended.

Later...

God, are my lungs tight. It could be worse, though.

I left a note to Tom with the idea I’m about to write. Remember how when I first got here I wrote a letter to the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf requesting a deaf friend to sign with? This was when I lived next to the VV butch before she pulled her shit on me. I met one woman who was prejudiced against the fact that I was on disability. Well, now I think I’d like to try again and send in another letter.

Andy’s on his way over, so, be prepared for me to possibly be cut off.

Guess who’s playing? Yup, across the street, but at an acceptable volume. I can ever so barely hear it.

They’ve been great next door too, but during the next two days, we’ll see. I won’t mind cuz I’m not going swimming tomorrow. I also may very well be asleep.

I began my antibiotics today. Last night I slept 4 hours, waking up at 8 AM. No noise woke me up. I fell back asleep, though, from about noon to 5:00. I needed it, and the antibiotics have a way of making you drowsy.

Andy rented a TV today and is coming to get the soaps I recorded for him.

He’s also bringing 4-5 Mexican TV dinners. I probably won’t like them, but Tom will. He got them from a guy who drives a delivery truck with TV dinners.

Got a letter from Bob today. That makes my current total 175. BOL #8 is just past halfway.

I may also have another pen pal from where Bob is. I told Bob that as long as the guy’s no sex offender, it’s OK. I can deal with robbery or drug offenses, cuz you know I believe sex offenders can’t be rehabilitated and should be tortured and executed. Also, I’ll accept no sexual talk. I’m just not into that anymore. Those I’ll mark ‘return to sender.’

Tom thought it was a great idea for me to write to the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf for a deaf friend to sign with.

I put my note I left him in a no-postage-necessary envelope. I sent Kim Bob’s letter and Bob a letter, too. Soon I’ll type my parents and maybe Fran, too.

Later...

Andy came and got his tape. He also brought about 6 Mexican TV dinners, which I hate, but Tom will like. He also brought some pies, but they were crushed.

Yuck! There was a spider crawling on the headboard of this bed. Thank God we’re going to bomb real soon.

I finished typing up #3 last night and began #4. Typed letters to Bob, Kim and my parents tonight.

Fran called and Ricky was with him. He says Sabrina’s letter is ready, but he’s having trouble finding someone to take a picture of him. Guess he’s still trying, though. He wants more and more to come out here and said it’s cold there now and they almost had a hurricane.

Ricky called Nervous and I was surprised he didn’t instantly recognize his voice and hang up. Ricky pulled some ticket scam on him and for a few minutes, he was dumbly going along. Then Crystal grabbed the phone and she was just getting heated up, but Ricky hung up cuz he thought I hung up.

Saturday, May 7, 1994

 

I am sitting at the kitchen table now where it’s easier for me to write.

I just copied a drawing Bob sent of a horse. It was from the neck up. Mine was good, but most of his I liked better.

I’m getting sort of drowsy now and I also have to go take another antibiotic now. I’m going to veg out to music and lay down, so I’ll write another time.

Later...

Yup, I’m still up.

I killed 3 spiders and typed a letter to Boo and Max. Why? Oh just for the hell of it and to give them a life update since they last helped me out. Hopefully, they’re still in Longmeadow and will get the letter. I believe they only go to Florida during the winter.

I forgot to mention the lovely and unexpected surprise I got from Tom shortly after I got up yesterday morning. He went down on me on the couch, then later we played on the waterbed. This time wasn’t a clumsy disaster as he made it in there. I swear this guy’s getting closer and closer to cumming, but if he ever will, who knows?

He’s going shopping this morning for some stuff we need around here. We need silverware, margarine, water, and of course, food items, too. He’ll be up in 1-3 hours.

Gotta call Prodigy. I’m sure I have all kinds of junk mail to delete. Gotta shave, gotta polish my nails and whatever else I can think of.

Yesterday I gave my hair another mayonnaise treatment. It really does work well at getting the dryness out. Makes it softer. I topped it off with Infusium.

Later...

Today I got Andy’s 14-page letter. It’s pretty cool and funny. I also got a letter from Bob. I’m going to go type them up and use the disk labels to stick them in BOL #8.

Got myself an unexpected surprise today. I went swimming today and the water’s a little warmer. No noise next door.

Tom did some yard work and it really looks nice out there. He trimmed with the edger after he mowed and swept the grass away since tomorrow they say it’ll be not only windy but very much cooler.

He also brought out this little round raft which is perfect for my size. It’s actually intended for something other than a raft. It’s got 8 small spots for glasses around it and in the center, another bigger sunken spot for a thing of ice. The pig will love traveling around in that.

I typed up Bob’s 7-page letter and Andy’s 14-page letter. It’s printing out now.

Later...

I just jumped up to take my antibiotic. Don’t wanna be too late on it.

Amazingly enough, I got up at 12:30 today. Even after yesterday’s long nap.

Well, gotta go check the printer now. Later I’ll be back to write more.

Later...

I taped in my letters.

Tom’s cooking pork chops now while we’re watching the movie Police Academy.

Later...

OK, I’m back. Tom just went to bed. Dinner was good.

I cut another big baggy of lettuce for the pig.

Tomorrow Tom’s going to work on this guy Eldon’s (a friend of his) computer.

Tomorrow’s Mother’s Day and we’re both going to call my mom tomorrow night.

Next Sunday I’ll be meeting his parents (finally).

Tom went grocery shopping this morning and he picked up the vitamin E Dr. Wilcox recommended. Yup, it does help these tits of mine. Now I gotta get the water pills. Tom’s been having a hard time finding them. I think our best bet would be to go to a drugstore for them.

Hang on while I go potty.

Later...

I got an idea last night for the waterbed. I was thinking of taking the foam pad off the twin bed and sticking it on the side I sleep on. This will make the sheets cling to it better. You know how waterbed sheets are always slipping off.

After I try that, I will go look in the TV guide and see if there are any good movies on tonight or not. If not, I’ll type letters. I’ll do that anyway as I usually tape whatever I watch to zip through the commercials. That is unless I’m watching HBO or Cinemax.

I need to call Andy too, to let him know his letter arrived today.

Later...

I just typed letters to Fran, Bob and Kim. In a few minutes, I’m going to watch a movie.

I love my piggy, but sometimes I think it’d be nice to have a small poodle. Something you can run around with. Also, they have no dander, don’t shed, and don’t need to be declawed. No litter box, either.

Well, till later.

Later...

I know I’ve said this before, but I have to do something about my weight. I recognize the old, yet familiar pattern. It’s been 101-103 too much lately. I’ll keep gaining 2-3 pounds a month if I don’t stop it now. I must lose 2-3 inches all around. If my parents are coming within the next few months, I’d like for them to see I’m still thin. It’ll be fine with them and they’ll love me just the same if I’m chunky, but I prefer to be thin, regardless of what others want for me.

Late at night, they play all these commercials of sexy girls to call. That’s my idea of pictures for Tom. I’ll surprise him, but right now the VCR is in use, taping a movie.

Sunday, May 8, 1994

 

I hope Tom hurries up and gets home. Last night we agreed we’d call my parents. For two reasons. One’s cuz it’s Mother’s Day and the other’s so they can talk with Tom. I have a feeling he may have an excuse not to call. Does he really want to talk to them or even meet them? I wonder about this, but we’ll see what he says when he gets in.

Next Sunday I’ll be meeting his parents, but now I wonder if I’ll be able to be up at a decent hour. I didn’t get up till 2:30 today.

I talked to Tammy who says Bill’s doing better. She’s got a cold, though, or something. She said Larry called her. They only spoke for two minutes. He was in Missouri.

They made it sound like it was going to be very chilly today. Well, it’s not hot, but it’s not chilly either.

The pool doesn’t feel too bad, but it is very windy out. They say we may have T-storms tonight or tomorrow.

I’m very hungry now, so I think I’ll go cook some chicken wings.

Later...

I just threw in a few chicken wings and did the dishes.

I think I just heard Tom. If he isn’t back in an hour then, I’m not going to call my mom. If we don’t call my mom I’ll keep my mouth shut for a few days and see if he mentions it. If he doesn’t, I’ll remind him that he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to and he can tell me so up front.

Later...

Tom got home about 20 minutes ago and we did try calling my parents, but there was no answer.

I ate and now he’s eating.

I also talked to Andy for a few minutes. Between both of us, we’ve got lots of mail to go out tomorrow. He’s got his bills, book club and whatever computer stuff. I’ve got letters to Fran, Bob, Kim, Tammy, Bill, my nieces and my parents.

God, my face has been so greasy. Guess that’s better than it being all dry and flaky, though.

I just printed out 3 pictures from tapes but they’re too light. Time for a new color ribbon. That video thing’s so fun. When we get a new ribbon, I’m going to do some of Gloria. I’m going to do different stuff for Tom, and I have a real surprise for him and Andy both. I’m going to take the video of me and Andy performing at the pub and the Frontier and print some of those out.

Later...

That guy Eldon gave Tom an old VCR for working for him today. He just sprayed electrical spray on it, so I’m in my room now till the smell goes away. Later on tonight, I may use whichever VCR to print out some pictures.

He’s on the phone now talking to David.

I have been running a mile a minute here and now I gotta slow down.

Tom was really tired so we didn’t have any fun tonight. That’s alright though as amazingly enough, I’m not all that horny for being 3 days away from my period.

Tuesday, May 10, 1994

 

I have several things to write about, but then again, maybe I should wait till tomorrow.

Tomorrow we’re bombing this place, thank fucking God. I’m sick of finding at least 3 spiders a day.

I’m getting blood drawn again tomorrow to see if my white blood cell count is normal again. Of course, we’re taking the pig with us. Getting blood drawn won’t take 2-3 hours, so what else we’ll do and where else we’ll go, who knows? I’ll save the rest of my news for either later or tomorrow.

Later...

I am at the doctor’s now waiting to be stuck. She said it won’t be too long, but we’ll see.

Before we left we set off the bombs. Piggy’s in the car with Tom.

Wednesday, May 11, 1994

 

Now I finally have time to update. Yesterday me and Tom broke a record. He went down on me and I came twice. No one else has ever been able to make me cum twice.

I spoke to Ma a couple of days ago and she tried to call us too on Mother’s Day, but we both missed each other’s calls. Oh well. Better luck next time.

Got a Bob letter two days in a row and Kim called yesterday, too. She had me play a joke on Phil, her very much ex. He placed a personal ad on a 900-voicemail system and I called with a bogus Northampton number and name, saying I was very interested in meeting him. She’s going to reimburse us and wrote a check to Tom for $10.

She’d also like to visit again in the summer or fall and maybe go to Vegas. Tom said he’d like to go, too. That’s cool. I thought he’d want to avoid Kim.

She’s got letters on their way to me, too.

So, it didn’t take long for the blood work, then we went to get cash, then to KFC, then to Jack-n-the-Box, then home. We were gone for about two hours.

Upon getting home, we opened the place up and turned the EC on. No more spiders!

When Tom woke me up yesterday, damn was he horny! Unfortunately, I was too tired to respond.

I printed address labels for the people I write to a lot except for Bob since he may be moved out to Gardner.

Speaking of address labels, a Veteran company sent me about 90 of them on a sheet. Right before I get married, huh? That’s OK, though, cuz I’ll use them for Fran, as well as entry separators. They weren’t overly impressive. Just so-so. They had 4 different things preceding the address. Eagles, flags, rainbows and fireworks. I put the labels in the front cover of my journal.

I’m mailing Nerv tons of computer catalogs. Yup, Tom gave me lots of NPN cards for catalogs I know he didn’t get yet. I printed out 2 sheets, each of 14, so that totals 28 labels of Nerv’s name and address, so I only had to write 4 by hand. So, he should get 32 catalogs, all from different states.

Later...

Tom’s home from work now, eating dinner and getting the basketball scores on the TV in the back room.

In the living room, I’m recording Friday the 13th. They’re having about 5 episodes from Wednesday-Friday.

Within an hour or so, he’ll be going to bed, seeing how he’s been up since 5 AM. After he’s in bed, I’ll probably do some typing. Last night I used all those free labels I got, plus some of the ones I already had.

Later...

I was about to expand on my labels, but Tom and I got to talking, then he crashed.

I had several journals, especially the earlier ones, with calendars, and other little things here and there, taped in the front and back covers. I had written stupid stuff like numbers on the back and front covers, making it look confusing and unorganized. That’s the original purpose of covering them with pictures of flowers from calendars and whatever the hell else. I took off the pictures I had taped on and re-covered the confusing mess back up with address labels.

Thursday, May 12, 1994

 

They say when one falls in love (or thinks they are), they’re compensated with weight gain. Well, they were right as I continue to get bigger. The sooner I stop worrying about it and trying to change it, the better I’ll feel. So, let the fat come! This also happened with Brenda and Kacey. Yeah, well, no chance of me leaving Tom, so God can pile all the pounds on me he wants.

I finished watching the movie I taped.

I was typing letters earlier to my parents and to Tammy and I figured out how to insert symbols and special characters.

I had another idea about my weight. Why don’t I try to get fat? Cuz, you know that the harder you try for something, the less likely you are to get it. That rule didn’t apply to me with women, though. Even when I wasn’t looking I never got approached by anything spectacular.

Tomorrow I will have my period. That’ll only make my tummy a little flatter for 24-48 hours or so, so I’ll just go with the flow, do whatever my body’s going to do and not try to resist it. By August I’ll probably be 106-110 on our scale here. I’ll keep a regular log of it. Earlier the scale said 102 and my waist was a sickening 27”. The last time I had a 27” waist, I weighed 110-115. Someday I could weigh 100 and have a 29” waist. It feels like I get way more inches for the pounds. Tom keeps insisting I’m skinny and that’s fine and that’s his opinion, but what’s really important is how I feel. That’s what really counts and I no longer can as easily look in the mirror. That is unless I’m not nude.

Yesterday I fell asleep at 8 AM and got up at 2:30 PM. I’m surprised I didn’t sleep till 4:00 or 5:00 and that I wasn’t tired all day. Especially with the rain too, cuz that usually makes me tired.

Friday, May 13, 1994

 

Got up at 2:30 PM yesterday. Got 6 hours of sleep, but I’m not tired. Woke up with my period, too.

I went swimming at 6 PM. It was nice and within the next week, the temperature will be climbing. Tomorrow will be 93º, and for Saturday, 97º. Sunday & Monday, 100º. Who knows if I’ll be lucky enough to have a peaceful swim this weekend? I’ll probably get screamed out by the lovely animals next door. Will they really ever go to Idaho? Who knows, but I’m definitely going to Vegas from June 14-17. We’ll be married on the 15th. Can’t wait!

Fran called earlier all upset about that girl Annette. Tom thought it was really neat how I calmed him down and got his mind off of it.

Yesterday Tammy brought Bill home from the hospital, so that’s cool.

I wrote letters to Bob and Kim. Got 2 letters today from Bob and I should hear from Kim tomorrow. I’m sending out my letter to the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf, so we’ll see where that goes.

I exercised and will continue to regardless of where my weight goes.

Wanna go for a swim right now, but I’m sure it’s too chilly now.

Well, now I’m going to go start typing up more of #4.

I sure did lots of typing on #4 tonight. I typed 10 pages, which only took 5 on the computer. I made some spaghetti, and wonder if BOL #8 will be finished tomorrow?

I gotta take a break and lay down for a while, so I’ll see ya.

Later...

I forgot to mention that yesterday I got a call from Dr. Wilcox’s office. My white blood cell count has improved. In 3 weeks I gotta get blood drawn again, though.

I did even more typing on #4. I typed a total of 8 pages through the night. There are 53 lines per page. I think that’s 505 lines altogether. That’s a lot. Most of the shit I’m typing is either way off the wall or shit I really don’t care to remember.

Spoke to Tam and gave her our wedding date. She said she wished she could be there. Me too, but what can anyone do?

Tom just turned the shower off and will soon be off to work. Poor guy. He’s running late, too.

Well, gotta go set the VCR.

Saturday, May 14, 1994

 

I am so fucking pissed! There’s nothing like having everything break down on you at once. God just insists for whatever reason that I don’t do any computer work right now. The printer’s fucked up, so I can’t print out Bob’s and Fran’s letters. The VCR keeps flashing that the timer’s on and I can’t turn it off! I swear I’m on the verge of handwriting all my letters again! And fuck working with the video blaster!

The good news that I amazingly have is that I got one letter each from Bob and Kim today and BOL #8 is done.

Kim sent Tom a check for $15. That was nice of her. I thought she said she was sending $10.

Fran called and we talked for two hours. We got Andy on the line at one point and he had Fran call his friend Mary who’s also in Springfield. We called Nervous and Crystal a few times and they only spoke briefly and hung up. I couldn’t get Crystal to go off like I wanted her to. Nervous was drunker than hell. Lastly, we ordered them a pizza, but who knows if they’ll get it? You can’t get into their front door with no key.

Tomorrow we’re going grocery shopping. I mean today (early this morning).

I’ll probably be too tired to swim today, but who cares when I’m sure all they’re going to do is scream all day next door.

Don’t they ever go anywhere? I swear these people are home more than I am. When did they move in? November or December? Maybe even October? I’d have to look it up, but my point is that they’ve spent a total of no more than 4 days out. Tom says that if they really do go to Idaho, it’s tradition to go on Memorial weekend. So many people talk but never do, so I’ll keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. And also hope that if they do split, God won’t stick me with someone else’s noise. It didn’t sound like anyone would be renting cuz the guy’s going to stay there the bulk of the time and fly up on weekends. That’s what she said.

Later...

I just did some typing on #4, the only thing I can do tonight on the computer that works.

My waterbed sheets have been staying on a hell of a lot better since I cut the corners at the headboard, making straps. It’s a very hard thing to describe in writing, but it works.

I also did some exercises.

I hope Andy didn’t get killed or something when he went for his walk after Fran and I talked to him. He said he’d call back, but I’m sure he fell asleep. I still have a keen enough 6th sense and I’d have a lousy feeling in my gut if there was anything wrong.

I’ve got 8 hours’ worth of movies taped. This will be good for those days when I don’t feel like doing anything at all. That’s usually only 1-2 times a month, but it’s good for those kinds of days.

In about 4 hours we’ll be going grocery shopping.

Sunday, May 15, 1994

 

Got a letter from Bob and got a letter from Kim today.

I’m certainly going to have a lot of movies taped. Six of them, and in 40 minutes or so, I’m going to watch another. One is about ice skaters trying for gold and falling in love while they're at it.

I got up at 6 PM and could’ve easily gone to Tom’s parents' house tomorrow morning. Guess why I’m not, though? Cuz Tom says there’ll be some cousins, “ants” and uncles who are jerks. Don’t I know all too well about that one?

It was 101º today. I went out back a couple of times in the early evening and guess who I could hear? It pisses me off and it’s also very depressing. Except for dogs, it used to be so quiet and peaceful back there. I still hang onto the hope that as the temperature gets hotter and hotter, they’ll shut their fucking door. Better yet, leave. It’s better than having them right outside my bedroom, though, and during the winter they oughta have their doors shut. I never could really hear them in the back till recently.

Well, it’s nice to know the music’s quiet across the street, their dog’s quiet next door and the dog across the street has been long gone.

Also, not one spider since we bombed. That’s just great cuz by now I’d have found about 20 more.

The more I think about it I realize that it doesn’t matter if they leave next door cuz if they do, God will send someone else to irk me.

Later...

I know I’ve bitched and bitched, but I guess I just always have something to whine about with life’s many ups and downs and changes. However, next door, for example, really hits me hard cuz of the NHA. Also, the VV and CC, but especially the NHA.

I’m bummed now cuz I want to go swimming today. Well, I might want to. We’ll have to see how tired I am. The point is that I live in a house that will sound like an apartment complex out back.

Again I ask God why He insists on doing this to me. What does He want from me? No matter when I may think about having a kid, I know it is not meant to be. There are more reasons for it not to be meant to be, than for it to be meant to be, so why does He insist on exposing me to kids’ noise so much? I don’t care that it’s a fraction of the NHA’s noise, either. I want to know what the point is. What did I ever do to any child for Him to use them against me? Is it cuz I pissed off adults when I was a child? Every child does, so why me? There are enough people in this world, you know, who don’t have to put up with having their own backyards screamed out. Especially in a house.

It would ease my mind right now if I knew for sure they were going to Idaho or would shut their fucking doors.

Tom’s up now, so I’ll continue this later. He’s up early. I thought he’d sleep in today.

Later...

Last night I went through a catalog for work at home. Sending mailing lists, stuffing envelopes, etc.

I slept from 10 AM to 7:30 PM and feel so much better. Today’s the last day of my antibiotics.

Tomorrow oughta be a great day. It’ll be Monday, and too hot for them to have their doors open.

Tom said he was glad I didn’t go to his parent’s house today. He said there were 4 kids and 20 adults. All in a house half the size of ours.

He surprised me today with a teddy bear journal (#74) that was only $2.49.

Monday, May 16, 1994

 

I’m printing out shots of Andy and I performing at the Pub and Frontier. I hope it comes out OK. Andy’s going to love it and I’ll send copies to my parents, Tammy, Bob and Kim too, eventually. This will be so much fun, but right now I’ve got to go see how it’s printing out. It takes forever and I’ve got sooo many scenes of sooo many different things that I want to print out.

Later...

Picture #1 came out so-so. Parts of it were either too light or too dark. People’s faces were one big white blob. You couldn’t see much detail. We need a new ribbon. Also, Tom said he’d show me how to lighten and darken things. How to change picture sizes, too.

I wonder if my package from my folks will arrive today. I hope so if she mailed it last Tuesday or Wednesday.

The journal Tom got me is so cute. It’s so sweet of him too, and he said he finally wanted to buy me a journal without me there.

I’ll have to ask for Andy’s help in mid-June or so, to take me somewhere to get something for Tom’s birthday.

Well, let me go check on how picture #2 is making progress.

Later...

Picture #2 came out lousy, but we’ll see how #3 comes out. I definitely have lots of questions for Tom. I’m going to try to print a Gloria picture as I’m curious to see how that comes out. I’ll try more of Norah, too.

Later...

Yay! I’m so psyched. I showed Tom how shitty the pictures came out and he said it was cuz I was starting with the picture too small on the screen. He also said he’d show me how to fix it sometime. Well, guess what? I figured out how to fix it for myself. So, this is what I’ll be doing for a while, then maybe I will go for a swim.

Tuesday, May 17, 1994

 

I have so much to write about, but I am temporarily all written out. I’ll do a quick rundown on things.

I got all psyched up last night for nothing, but Tom said he’ll show me what I’m doing wrong with printing pictures.

I got 2 letters from Kim, 2 from Bob and 1 from David. He’s an inmate where Bob is and the letter he sent was nice. I have another pen pal possibly.

BOL #9 has 38 pages done already.

Wednesday, May 18, 1994

 

Yesterday I managed to stay up till 2 PM and I got as close to midnight.

Also yesterday, Tom did yard work. I even helped saw off a tree branch.

Tom brought up a very important subject. He said, “I don’t want you to feel controlled or like I’m picking your friends, but I don’t think it’s wise to be pen pals with anyone else in prison.”

He brought up some other things to consider, too. The guy lived in Arizona for 5 years, knows the area, knows people here, and is in for involuntary manslaughter which is a common plea bargain for murder. He’s right, and that’d be all I’d need is for him to get released, come out here and stalk me. Usually, the only way to rid yourself of a stalker is to kill them. I certainly don’t feel like having to go out, learn to shoot, then kill this guy. Or anyone else.

I’ll explain all this to Bob, but I think he’s just been transferred. In the letter I got today from him he says he’d like to call collect to let me know the new address. As I was falling asleep I forgot to ask Tom if he could accept his call, if he did call. He did call, but Tom refused. Oh well. He also left me a message saying Andy, Fran and Kim called, too.

In a half-hour he should be getting up, then after he leaves I’ll dust and vacuum.

Later...

I’m so tired now. Just exhausted, but I don’t want to go to bed just yet. Let’s see… what can I write about? Well, for starters, Bob called and gave me his new address in Gardner. He says it’s so much better there than in Concord. Easier for Kim to visit here and there, too, cuz Gardner’s an hour away, whereas Concord’s a little over two hours. Any mail already on its way to Concord will be transferred to Gardner. I went to the computer and opened his address file, typed in his new address (now that I know this is his last transfer) and printed out a sheet of labels.

Speaking of labels, got my cactus labels. When I’m officially married, there’ll still be plenty of the old ones left to use as entry headers.

Thursday, May 19, 1994

 

Tammy got her address labels today. She liked them a lot and I just realized the second order of mine could be out front so I’d better go check.

Nope. It’s not, but I might get it tomorrow.

Got the package from Mom yesterday of one huge stuffed cheetah, leopard, or whatever. Tom and I aren’t sure, but it’s cute.

I went for a very quick swim in the Jacuzzi today. The pig did too. Early this morning the water temp was 76º and it was almost 80º an hour ago. I may go for another swim after I finish writing.

I got 1 letter from Kim and 2 from Bob. Bob’s artwork is really improving. Kim also sent me 3 letters she’d gotten from Bob. I typed them letters and quickly chatted with Fran. They’re about to turn his phone off. His bill’s currently $1,500. Ha, ha!

Now I think I will go, after all, and see what the pool’s like now.

Later...

I changed my mind about going swimming. I could, as it’s far from freezing, but it’s very windy. I only like it windy when it’s 100º or higher.

I’m watching Donoghue now. God, guys are so horny and so easy. I can bet you that 99% of guys hit on by a woman will jump to the opportunity right then and there. There’s nothing wrong with being a whore if your partners are willing, but guys are such major whores.

Saturday, May 21, 1994

 

Today's been a real frustrating day so far. I went to wash my pillows and one came apart. The other one's all bunched up. At least it's quiet next door. So far.

Sunday, May 22, 1994

 

Well, well. I’ve got quite a bit to write about this time around. Let me first think about all the little things to tell about before I get into bigger things.

Well, Tammy got her kitten labels. Mine oughta come at the beginning of this week.

Andy and I were going to go to some yard sales yesterday, but he got sick.

I’m starting to get some color once again and I haven’t laid out either. I won’t do that ever again cuz all I do is get chased by bees and get sun poisoning.

Yesterday, in my opinion, wasn’t a good day, but it could’ve been much much worse. I woke up today with the attitude that yesterday was done and over with. First my pillowcase came apart in the washer, as I had mentioned before. Once again the reality of being trapped on cigarettes till they kill me had me bummed. Tom watched basketball all day, then we went swimming.

At one point in the pool, Tom started to initiate sex, but after a few minutes, I began to get really chilly. I wasn’t going to mention it, but it was making me so tense and rigid that I had to. He then put on the spa and I had a smoke while I was waiting for it to warm up. When it did warm up I got in and began giving him a hand job. He didn’t seem overly aroused but aroused enough, so I thought. When we went to get out he seemed bummed and when I asked why he said it was cuz it was hard for him to restart again. I had mentioned finishing our business in bed, but he just couldn’t seem to get in the mood again.

Up till yesterday, it seemed to be that we swapped shoes in a way. Remember how I was the one who was always horny and would be begging for him to initiate sex more? Well, now it seems the other way around. Guess I go through my phases with that.

Well, things are far from bad with us and both of us are still eager to get married, but there are still a few things I don’t get. When he said how he didn’t want to be held back (sexually I mean), I didn’t get that cuz he’s held his own self back. I used to think that he couldn’t cum by me but now I think he can. If he can get so hard so many times, he can cum. There were several times he was about to cum and he just stopped, so why he’d hold back beats me. I don’t want to put him on the spot, though, and ask him. If he chooses not to cum by me, then that’s his choice.

This morning he told me he didn’t sleep too well cuz yesterday was a bad day. He said he’s not blaming me for it or trying to put a guilt trip on me, but I feel that way anyhow. I feel like he’s not going to initiate sex later as a punishment for yesterday. He always tells me to look ahead, don’t take things so seriously, so then why is it still a big deal? I can understand something very traumatic being a big deal for a while, but yesterday really wasn’t all that bad.

Lastly, when I went to put on a certain shirt I jokingly said we oughta get married with me in it and he looked mortified. I hope he knows me well enough to know I was joking. He seems to be taking some things too seriously. I resent his saying I’ve taken away all the things that turn him on about me. If I’ve turned him off so badly, wouldn’t he not want to be with me? Also, I dress with my tits hanging out which is bull. There was only this one shirt and I didn’t even know it till he mentioned it. Now I’m going to be paranoid about what I wear when we go out. My body is for him and him only, but I cannot and will not live to please others. I can’t spend my whole life worrying about what they think of me or my clothes. I just don’t feel I should need to worry about what a stranger approves or disapproves of. I just hope that Tom knows that I am for him only, regardless of whatever some stranger may be thinking when they see me in public.

Regardless of this, we both do love each other very much, have way more better days than most couples, and want very much to be married.

I called Florida today, but only my mom was there. She and Dad are both going to call back this week. She asked Tom about his life in general. Tom told him about his work, being here all his life and that we’ll be married in Vegas. Ma mentioned getting us a portable dishwasher for a wedding present. Cool. No, she never went into why we shouldn’t have kids.

Well, that’s pretty much it. We both swam today and it’s been so quiet next door, across the street, and with dogs.

Later...

Well, I’m now recording the first part of the Menendez Brothers’ murder case. It’s a 2-part movie about these 2 brothers who murdered their parents. It’s based on a real-life true story.

Tom mentioned us fooling around, but we were both really hungry so we ate. I think we’re both going to be too tired.

Monday, May 23, 1994

 

Got a letter from Bob. One of the happiest he’s ever written. He really likes it better where he is.

I also got 5 returns for info on home computer work which I’ll have Tom check out later on.

Today is a weird day! Last night Tom and I cuddled, but we were both too beat for sex. He reminded me to wear whatever I want, regardless of if it’d be something he’d wear or not if he were me. It’s true that he never plays daddy, otherwise I wouldn’t marry him or be here.

The phone’s ringing, but I ain’t answering it. People always call when I’m busy. Kim called and she’s sending stamps and envelopes. Cool cuz my supply is running out and I don’t want to reorder now. I want to save all my money for Vegas.

She’s also mailing me a tape of different outgoing messages for the VM. There are people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rosanne Barr, Joan Rivers, Star Trek, Madonna, David Letterman and some others.

Andy got Sabrina’s letter and he read it to me. It’s sooo funny and he’s putting it in tomorrow’s mail (I hope).

I went for a few swims today.

Tom and I went over the business info I got. He’s going to check them out on the computer. Some sounded hopeful and some sounded shady.

Speaking of computers, boy did I get so mad and bummed! I accidentally deleted 6-7 pages I typed on and off all day today, but when Tom got home he recovered it. Andy said, “Thank God you’re marrying a genius.” How true indeed. What a heroic rescue.

Well, I’m sort of tired now and tomorrow will be a big day, so I think I’ll just go take it easy.

Tuesday, May 24, 1994

 

Just got this pen at the grocery store. It’s the same kind as the blue one I’ve been writing with.

Got my meds too, and the guy came today to do the appraisal. We hope all goes well with that and fast.

I am so tired, so I’m going to make this quick. Today was a fun and productive day. Tom and I also made love.

We had T-storms today and for the first time in a while, my allergies acted up. I took an allergy pill and I’m much better now, but very tired.

I’m going to go shut the computer off and try to get some sleep. I need it.

Kim called telling me she won’t be able to mail out the tape, stamps, and envelopes till Friday. That’s OK, cuz we got some stamps and envelopes.

Wednesday, May 25, 1994

 

Where the hell is the mail? Oh well, I guess it’s still early enough. I just stepped out to put out Bob’s letter and I saw his truck so he’s on his way. I hope he has Sabrina’s letter and letters from Bob and Kim, too. I do have more to write about, but I’m not in the mood just yet. I’ll fill you in later.

Yup, just got Sabrina’s letter which was so funny! This guy can’t spell, make any sense, and never uses any periods. Sabrina and I wrote him back and I’m sending letters to Kim and Bob. I’m going to send Fran’s letter to Kim. She’ll get a major kick out of it, then send it to Bob.

Fran left me a message for Bob’s address saying he knows people in prison where he is. I sent Bob’s address and I also sent Bob Fran’s address.

I talked with Tammy who dropped a jug of juice, stepped on it and had to get stitches in her foot. Good, God! I feel like not only did I leave the curse that was on me behind, upon coming here, but that now the curse is on them.

Today’s their anniversary, too. I sure hope their next one’s 100% better.

I called Ma and told her and she said (as we were about to hang up) “I bought you something. Yes, it’s real. You can wear it at your wedding to feel like I’m there with you, but only if you want to.”

Tom had a great idea last night. We’re going to get some dorky shirts there for the wedding.

Both Mom and Dad will be calling either Friday or Saturday night.

Well, I think I’ve remembered to write about everything I wanted to. Going to go play a computer game!

Thursday, May 26, 1994

 

Got a lot done today. I finished typing up #5 and then I typed all of #7. How’d I do that? Easy. It was only 20 pages or so cuz the old little #10 was recopied into #7 when I lived at the Vista Ventana. Remember? The remainder of #7 is being used for an ongoing journal chart.

I’m outside now and the weather’s gorgeous. It’s the perfect temp now. Not too cool, not too hot. It’s not very easy to write out here, though. Wish there was a table out here.

Guess Tom needs to chlorinate the pool. It’s a lovely shade of jade green.

I’m momentarily going to put the stuff I want to write about on hold.

Later...

OK, I’m going to write till Tom’s dinner is digested. Then it’s playtime for us.

Got 3 letters today from Bob and 1 from Kim. Got a total of 204 letters now and BOL #9 has 38 pages left in it now.

Andy called with Sarah on the line who’s playing Sabrina and I read her Fran’s letter. She was cracking up.

I was out bouncing my superball off the laundry room door when Tom came home. He shocked the pool.

So, their last name is M next door. A catalog came in their name. I brought it over, hoping that’d be a great opportunity to see if they’re really going to Idaho, or if they’re all talk. No one came to the door, though, cuz I doubt my knocking could be heard over all those screaming kids.

I’ve been playing another computer game Tom showed me. It’s kind of cool and lots of fun.

Later tonight I’ll begin typing #6. I thought about maybe typing up the quicker ones, though, first. What I mean by quicker ones is that there are a few with large print.

Andy and I may shoot again for going to yard sales this Saturday morning.

What am I forgetting to mention? Guess I’ve covered everything. I still can’t wait till we get new ribbons, but that’ll probably be after we’re married. There are so many pictures I want to eventually print out.

Friday, May 27, 1994

 

Andy will be here any time now. Of course, he was supposed to be here two hours ago, but you know how he is. Always late.

Been back and forth from the pool all day. Getting a bit more color.

Saturday, May 28, 1994

 

Tom came home early yesterday, and Andy got here shortly after. He swam a bit and we talked and he played the new Stevie single he bought on his way over here. After he left, mom and dad called and Tom and I spoke with them. It was a nice chat.

Ma says Larry’s going to be calling. Cool, but with my luck, it’ll be when Andy and I are out at yard sales.

Andy called last night with his sister Marla in California on the line. She was telling me all about her new and very impressive computer and that she’d eventually send me a message on Prodigy. Tom also talked with Marla and her husband even cuz they had lots of questions for Tom.

Andy will be calling any second to tell me he’s on his way over.

Tom’s going to go help Eldon with his computer cuz it’s trashed.

Later...

This afternoon Andy picked me up. We were out for about 3 hours. We couldn’t find any yard sales. It was kind of late for that, but we drove through some absolutely gorgeous neighborhoods.

First we went to JB’s where I ordered a pork chop dinner. It sucked so it was comped. All I got was a sundae and an iced tea.

When we couldn’t find any yard sales, we went to a pawn shop. There, I got an oldies CD and the CD Trio with Linda, Dolly and Emmylou. I have it on tape, but it’s finally nice to have it on CD. I sing a lot of the songs on that CD. At another store, I got Lush Life by Linda. Another one I only had on tape and most of those songs I enjoy singing.

Got 2 letters from Bob, 1 Bob sent Kim and 1 from Kim to me. She also surprised Andy with a letter.

When Andy and I got back here we went swimming. The pool’s the most comfortable it’s been all year so far. Andy hung out for an hour or so. I read him Bob’s letters. He also pointed out that I put the shelf up wrong that he’d given me when I was doing wall art at his place. I fixed it and I hope it holds.

Oh! Almost forgot. Got the diamond earrings my parents sent. Yes, they’re very beautiful.

No call from Larry yet. He sure won’t recognize this place. When he was last here, there were no wall drawings and that old ugly kitchen paneling was still up.

Now, I’m going to go change the batteries in my speakerphone.

Later...

Where in the world is Tom? I guess Eldon’s situation with his computer was as horrible as Tom said it was when he called him last night. Anyway, I thought he’d be back between 4:00 - 6:00, but I guess not.

Tammy says she’s back on Prodigy. She hooked it up. I’ll leave her a message maybe tomorrow. I just haven’t really felt like doing any computer work today. I’ll probably type some letters, too.

No calls from Fran. I wonder if he’s already lost his phone. If not, I’m sure it’ll be soon enough. Maybe Larry will call tomorrow, but Ma said something about Wisconsin, but that’s quite a way away.

I changed the batteries on the speakerphone. I watched some TV and there are 1 or 2 movies I’ll be taping. Tomorrow we have to get Piggy another big bail of sawdust. I mailed Becky’s birthday card out today and on the 1st I’ll mail Mom’s out. Well, I guess that’s it for now. I’ll just go veg out.

Monday, May 30, 1994

 

Well, it was on this day two years ago that I found out I’d be moving to Phoenix.

Today was a good one. Larry called, but I wasn’t awake enough to talk to him. I hope he catches me the next time.

Not much else happened today. We got more sawdust and some treats for Piggy, did computer work, and went swimming.

There’s no mail tomorrow cuz of Memorial Day, so hopefully Tuesday will bring me lots of mail.

They’ve been so quiet next door and they were definitely out today. Could they have gone to Idaho? I sure hope so, but I won’t count on it.

Later...

Tom got home right after I last wrote. He had quite a bit to fix on Eldon’s computer.

We just had pork chops and now I’m full.

Tomorrow’s the 102º day, so I heard, and it’s going to be a great swimming day.

Tom just said he thinks it’s best to get wedding rings after we’re married so we’ll have money for Vegas. I agree, but it would’ve been nice to have rings at the wedding. Why must love be so expensive?

Come to think of it, I think Larry’s just going to be calling, not coming to visit.

Well, there’s nothing else going on at the moment. I’m taping a movie and Tom’s eating. He’s on Prodigy now and I have my first of two loads of clothes in the dryer, which I guess he’s waiting for. I suppose I could call Prodigy to see if I have any messages from Marla or Tammy, but I doubt it. Tammy’s too busy, and Marla’s told me it may be a while.

When am I going to bed? I have no idea, but I think I’ll go listen to my music.

Tom just said he feels much better. He hadn’t eaten all day long.

Later...

Just got done swimming with Tom. It’s really hot out and the water felt so good.

He’s checking to see if the start of our sign language program works, then we’re going to have fun.

Again they’re not home next door. What luck, huh? I sure hope they split to Idaho. It’d be even nicer if they decided just how much they missed it and sold their house to a nice old couple. One with no little grandkids who hardly ever have company. No dogs, either. Hopefully, they’re cat, bird, or fish lovers instead.

Later...

The typing of #6 is going pretty fast. Within the next couple of days, I should be done with it. Then, I’ll be skipping #7 cuz I already typed it and I’ll do #8.

Swimming was lots of fun today and it was 105º today. They say it’ll be 102º tomorrow and 107º the next day. Wow! Summer’s definitely here. The pool shouldn’t be too chilly for the next handful of months. Even in the middle of the night, it will be extremely warm.

They were definitely gone all weekend as I said before. (next door) I still haven’t heard them return and I definitely think I would’ve if they were back. As the parents were unpacking, I’m sure the kids would’ve been screaming back and forth with them. I hope they’re in Idaho and seriously enjoying it.

After I let enough time go by, cuz I just took my meds, I’ll make some popcorn. Yummy!

Larry didn’t try to call back again, but Tammy said he called her. She said they only spoke for two minutes. He was in Wisconsin on his way to Colorado.

I hope I have a generous supply of mail tomorrow. Kim’s answering machine tapes, envelopes, stamps, and whatever the hell else may arrive tomorrow.

Going to go finish my coffee now.

Tuesday, May 31, 1994

 

I just typed a letter to Bob and have one ready for Kim tomorrow, too.

I don’t really feel like watching TV now. I watched a little while I ate my popcorn, though. Guess now I’ll go listen to some music or just veg out for a while till I can fall asleep.

Tomorrow I have to get blood drawn, meet Tom’s parents, and we’re also planning on videotaping me signing for the sign language program we hope to launch.

Later...

I am in the car right now, heading to get stuck. Lucky me, huh?

We’re not sure if we can see his parents cuz he called there and they said they were going out.

Yuck. I’m coughing up lots of sticky stuff.

It’s too bumpy for me to write now, so I’ll continue either in the doctor’s office or at home.

Later...

I am at the doctor’s office now. Amazingly there was one other guy only in the waiting room. He just went to get stuck first.

We’re going to KFC after. Then who knows where?

I just asked Tom if he had anything to say in here. He said nope. Not today.

Later...

I’m taping the music awards now. According to Andy, Gloria will be on at some point.

Got 3 letters from Bob today. In one of Bob’s letters, he enclosed a letter from a guy named Donald. He said he talked to him, warning him (Donald) of what’s OK and what’s not OK to write. I made a deal with Bob that anyone can write to me as long as they send their letters through Bob and never get my address. When I write them back, I’ll either write directly to them or send them to Bob to give to them. I know I can trust Bob’s judgment with this.

I got a package from Kim. She sent 2 sheets of 18 stamps. The kind you stick, rather than lick. She sent 2 boxes of envelopes. Each box contained 100 envelopes. Now we’re at a total of nearly 300 envelopes here!

Lastly, she sent 2 tapes of funny outgoing answering messages which I like a lot. I already put one on my voicemail. I duped them on Tom’s stereo and will soon send her back the originals. I’ve got to call Andy and let him know about the tapes and see if he wants to hear them. I’m sure he will. I also have to leave Kim’s address on his VM.

Later...

I just turned the VCR off and later I’ll watch the awards. I zip through 98% of it cuz most of it’s boring. Filled with people I could care less about.

Tom and I swam a lot today. It was fun. He has this plastic boat that’s broken, so it sinks. Therefore, I throw it across the pool and dive down under for it. I can open my eyes under water, but he can’t cuz of his contacts.

Still haven’t seen the van next door. I thought I heard a quick scream or two, but it kind of didn’t sound close enough to be right next door. It could’ve been anywhere, and all kids sound the same to me. They’re all one big scream in my book.

I put the pig on the little round raft and he loved it. He sat there so calmly, totally unafraid. Yes, he really does love the water.

Still no messages on Prodigy from either Tammy or Marla.

I’ll call on the 3rd to wish Becky a happy b-day. I sent a card with a $5-dollar bill. Tomorrow I’ll send out Ma’s card. Her birthday is on the 6th.

Tom called travel agencies today to get info. Only 14 more days left! Yup, in my next journal, I’ll be a married woman! Can you believe it?! I can’t fucking believe it! I never ever thought I’d see that day in my life. Maybe the next, if there is a next, but not in this one.

I think I’ll go watch the awards now.

Oh, I forgot to mention - no calls from Larry. He either gave up or tried to call when we were out but left no message. Oh well.

Later...

I just saw the awards. It was the World Music Awards. Gloria just doesn’t look as good as she did during her Let It Loose album and her Cuts Both Ways album.

I suppose I should shave my legs now, but I’m too lazy.

I saw an interesting commercial for an upcoming show on 20/20. Water births. They say it takes some of the pain and pressure off and makes it easier for the baby. Bet you gotta be rich for that. Water or no water, I can’t imagine something the size of a watermelon ripping through my crotch. Plus, I’d probably have to have a C-section anyway.

Later...

Starting another beautiful journal. This shall be the journal in which I am to be married in. Amazing!

Can’t think of anything to write about at the moment. Just that I’m going to go turn the computer off and watch TV. I expect to listen to music at some point, as well. My nails look pitiful. I better go cut those, too.

Hopefully, by tomorrow book of Letters #9 will be finished. It all depends on what I get in the mail. In the meantime, I will write later or tomorrow.

[longlivedelusion]

Hi! Sorry, uhm, TW for SH:

I checked your request guidelines and I didn’t see anything about like, mental illness and stuff so I wasn’t sure if you were against writing comfort fics? If you’re ok with that can I request a Sirius (or Wolfstar) comfort fic where the reader wears a lot of rings and shiny stuff (like a crow) and one of their rings is like, a scratchy wire and he sees some scratches on their arm while they hold the ring and Sirius comforts them?

If you don’t want to then that’s totally okay, but if not can you reply and let me know? My notifications are always weird. Thank you! Sorry!

Hello lovely anon! Thank you for the request, I'm totally fine with mental health related topics if I feel I can cover them and am in the mental space to do so. I'm not personally familiar with this type of SH, but I hope that this offers you enough of what you we're looking for. 🤍

Money Problems

GN!Reader, no use of Y/N. Pet names galore.

Warnings: financial struggles, mentions of SH, some description. Not too graphic, but still please keep yourself safe. If you think you need help, don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional or loved ones. 🤍

UPDATES ON MARAUDERS REQUESTS/CONTENT

It had been a rough one today. 

I'd been doing well, or decently enough. Things were looking up and my thoughts weren't so overwhelming these days. I had things to look forward too and overall couldn't complain.

But then I woke up to some unexpected bills glaring from my screen. I checked my bank balance to confirm what I secretly knew, and found the amount... Low. I hadn't splurged really, I just needed to stock up on basic toiletries this month which I usually did every once in a while. I thought it'd be fine, that I could afford it, but now those small things made the difference between being able to pay these new outstanding bills and affording groceries for the next month.

I tried to pull every penny I could, calculating how I could manage the new payment, but it still wasn't tallying up right. 

My hands started to fidget as I tried to come up with a plan. 

I'd have to cut on some things again, probably cancel my plans for the rest of the month that involved money, which meant most of the outings with my friends. I'd also have to cancel my trip to the north with Sirius, as much as we'd both been excited and planning to go... There was just no way I could manage my cut of it. 

I started to spiral my rings, trying to let the friction soothe me. But the more they spun, the more my mind did too. I felt my body grow tense and my chest tighten as the numbers on the screen blurred together. A scratch caught my attention, my small, barbed wire ring leaving a fresh mark on my finger. I felt my body as if it almost sighed in relief at the sensation, familiar. Comforting.

I tried to shake it off, but none of my usual soothing techniques seemed to wanna work at the moment and my mind wouldn't shut off. 

It was just a little scratch. It's fine.

After a few moments I heard the door unlock, my breathing slightly regulated at this point but body still buzzing with the unresolved stress. I tried to put on a smile as Sirius walked in, motorcycle helmet in hand as he shook off the rain. 

"Fucking hell, it's a mess out there! I could barely see on the way back." He took off his drenched leather jacket ad he spoke, walking in with a big smile on his face despite the weather.

"Want a cuppa?" I said already standing and walking towards the kitchen, keen to move my body and hopefully shake off the lingering anxiousness. 

"Yeah, let me change real quick and I'll be right out!" He said, moving to our shared bedroom and shutting the door behind.

I reached for a cup and started to brew some tea, body on autopilot as my mind kept moving. How would I tell Sirius about the trip? He's been so looking forward to this and I'm tired of him paying for so much or having to cancel because of me, I-

I was so stuck my head that I didn't hear him sneak up behind me, arms finding my waist as he always did. "Guess who found the perfect spot for our trip next week? That's right, your incredible and dashing boyfriend that is. I asked James if he knew of any good places and he mentioned- hey, what's wrong love?"

My grip around our cups had tightened, my body rigid as Sirius spoke. I hadn't realized I'd done it until he mentioned it. I tried to force my body to relax, taking as casual of a deep breath as I could. "Nothing, nothing. Just... A bit of a headache is all. Here's your tea by the way."

I felt his eyes on me, calculating, reading. 

"What's this?" He said, breathless.

I turned to him slightly and found him looking down at my arm, the small mark from earlier spread up the length of my arm. 

"Oh nothing, just accidentally bumped int-"

"Love," Sirius said, not accusingly. He turned my body to face him now, leaning his forehead against mine and looked at me with so much love and understanding. As if I couldn't hide from him, never from him. 

I let out a sigh. "I got some unexpected bills today." I started, fingers moving the rings again nervously.

He looked down at the movement and then back up, his hand casually reaching for mine. "Yes?" I felt his hand stay there, softly stilling my movements.

"And... I..." My hands twitched against Sirius's, his thumb brushing across my wrist. My voice came out shakily. "I can't do the trip anymore. Or anything else this month. I'm sorry." 

He let out a sigh, looking up incredulously. "Is that all? Darling, I don't care about the trip. We can go at any time. Besides, you know I can cover the exp-"

"No. No, I don't, I can't -" I started, body instinctually moving back but his hand on my waist stopped my movements.

"Hey, hey it's okay. We don't have to talk about it now." He started, eyes wide. "If you don't want to go, I'm more than happy to postpone for another time yeah? It doesn't have to happen now my love, we can always go later. It's ok." 

"But... You shouldn't have to cancel your plans because of me all the time. I hate that I can't do things, that I'm always scrounging for enough money for the month and that I can't just... Go out. Go places with you. Take you out for once." My breathing came out unsteady, tears gradually slipping down my face.

His hand on my waist moved to my cheek, wiping at the wetness. One hand always stayed on mine though. "If it's gonna make you this stressed, it isn't worth it then." He lifts my hand then, gently stroking the finger with the barbed ring. "May I?"

I look away with shame, but give a nod. I feel as he slowly removes my rings one by one, setting them down on the counter before going back to my hand. I felt both hands on it now as he gave it a gentle message, the movements making my body melt as I rested my head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I said again, mumbling against him.

"You don't have to apologize. Not for this." He said, the unsaid words lingering between the lines. He pressed a kiss to your hand before letting it go, reaching for the other, the arm with the damning evidence. He simply lifted it up, kissed that hand as well, and then let them settle back around you.

He kept you close to him, his face buried in your hair as he gently soothed you. The deep thrum of his voice lulling you as he hummed a familiar tune, keeping you there a while. There was no intention to move or leave any time soon, no pressure to think about the day or the future. He just let you take the comfort you needed, for as long as you needed. That is until he eventually suggested dinner. 'Leftovers and whatever that show is that you're obsessed with right now?' he said. His presence never leaving your side, his hands always reaching back for you in some way. 

He was always exactly what you needed.

[jungk0oksthighs]

Ride Or Die | The Party pt.1

mafia!jungkook, druglord!jungkook, angst, smut, unhealthy relationship

Word Count - 4.5k

Jungkook wants you to join him at a BTS party. Warnings: swearing, drinking, angsty emotional pain, mentions of past ab0rtion, violence & guns, drug use. cliffhanger, pls wait for part.2 if this bothers u i'm sorry :( Important note: this is fiction and i do not condone this type of behaviour / relationship

MINISERIES COLLECTION

“And you’re sure, you’re certain there’s no reason Namjoon would wanna see you after all this time?” Jungkook sniffs, the remains of class-a substances almost completely disappeared from his airways now. He’s been very curious about your past relationship with RM, but for obvious reasons you’ve kept what truly happened to yourself.

It’s been almost a week since your dearly beloved pressed the barrel of his gun to your chin and terrified you beyond belief. Much like everything else he does it’s not been mentioned since, as though it never happened at all. You’re hurting, longing for an escape from this life but truthfully you know you can’t leave him. You’ve tried. You were almost killed.

Being with Jungkook is like you’ve been transformed into a rubber band, the harder you pull away the more painful the inevitable snap back into his arms will become. And much like a rubber band you know if you keep pulling and pulling and pulling away from him, you’ll break.

You need him.

“For the millionth time… no.” You swallow, avoiding your boyfriend’s gaze while trying to live vicariously through whatever reality tv show is playing on the new television. Giving that Jungkook had to replace the last one after the two of you… broke it.

There are multiple reasons Namjoon would want to see you, with multiple possible motives. Your somewhat whirlwind romance with the ex-club owner was short lived but it was intense. An intimate affair in its own right. There was a time you never left his office, never left his lap. He’d asked you to run away with him, but the timing was off and you were left behind. Finding out that the infamous RM who simultaneously completed and broke your heart four years ago was actually BTS' old leader was less than settling. You really didn’t know the man at all, not even his real name, and so you have no idea why he would be outside the hotel room you were nearly killed in.

Why would he come for you? Because of the abortion? Why now? Was he trying to save you? Save you from… his new gang? Nothing makes sense, your head hurts, your brain feels fried and heavy inside your skull. It’s like an inescapable bad dream, especially when it’s all your present gang leader boyfriend wants to talk about. As if he's avoiding mentioning his extreme reaction completely.

“The gangs having a party tonight.” Jungkook’s tone is somewhat absent, he’s busying himself counting stacks of dirty money next to you, not bothering to glance in your direction, too focused on the task at hand, “Do you still have that long black dress? The one with the thigh split?”

“You want me to go?” You bite back a scoff. It’s no secret that you rarely attend the BTS parties, why would you? To watch your boyfriend knock back white slug after white slug of cocaine? The idea alone makes you nauseous. You hate that side of him.

“Mhm,” Kook nods once, wetting his thumb to separate some of the bills that are stuck together, “I’ll behave I promise, no drugs.” He’s chuckling to himself, but the sound does nothing but make your skin burn.

You love him. You adore him. But you hate him. A contradiction in itself, you’re fully aware of that. To love someone so bad for you is to knowingly consume poison because you like the familiar taste. That’s what being in his life is like, the constant daydreaming and longing for things to be different all while begging they remain the same. Are you in love with Jungkook? Or are you in love with the idea of who Jungkook could be if he finally changed his ways? The man physically pulled a gun on you, despite you being ‘the love of his life’. And yet, frustratingly, he's still the most genuine and sweet man you’ve ever known.

Perhaps what you hate the most is how much you love him.

“I don’t particularly want to go to a BTS party…” You admit cautiously, nervous gaze flickering to the man you’re seated next to. He’s shirtless, wearing nothing but ripped black jeans after his shower, even his feet are bare against the cream fur rug centre of the living room. “I think I’ll just stay in tonight, thanks for inviting me though.”

At this Jungkook stops what he’s doing, carefully piling the stacks of cash next to him before turning his face to you. The thing about your relationship is that you’re constantly walking on egg shells, you never know which of his personalities you’re going to be faced with. To your surprise his handsome features are kind, his hair still damp and brushed away from his face. When you lock eyes his immediately soften, crinkling with the beginnings of a breath-taking smile.

“Please?” He gives you a goofy grin, one that’s impossible not to mirror. If only he were always this genuine and non-threatening. Things could be so different if he dropped his Russian roulette lifestyle and remained true to the man you fell in love with. “I need to look my best, and that’s just not possible without you by my side.” He winks, and you can’t help but laugh.

“Nice try,” You’re giggling, playfully slapping his denim-clad-thigh, “But flattery isn’t going to get you anywhere, I’m staying in tonight.”

Jungkook’s features drop into something cold and icy faster than you can register, until your giggles fade into a deathly silence. There’s something fierce flooding his eyes. Something that makes every nerve ending in your body freeze over with caution, “Staying in or running off again?”

“W-what are you talking about? No…” You whisper, fuck, he found the bag. You stifle a groan, attempting to remain visibly indifferent.

Right after he held a gun to your chin you packed a bag, adamant he’d hurt you for the final time – but you didn’t go through with it. Of course you didn’t. You rarely do, and when you actually do you always end up back in his arms.

Jungkook leans closer, until he’s draping a muscular tattooed arm over your shoulders. Glaring at you, through you, and it’s enough to make you swallow uncomfortably. “You and I are more alike than you think, looks like we’re both liars, baby.” The sound of him scoffing sends a rush of nausea through your stomach lining.

“I didn’t lie about anything—”

He messily grabs your jaw with a contradicting gentle grip, smirking when he leans in closer, until his pierced lips are a hair away from your own, “You weren’t exactly honest with me either, even if you didn’t go through with it you were planning on running off again at some point. I found the bag. Clearly I can’t trust you anymore, which is exactly why you’re coming to the party tonight whether you like it or not.”

“Jungkook…” Your exhale is shaky, your words even more so as they begin to rot in the back of your throat, “I-, I was scared and I…” You peer up at him through long eyelashes, blinking slowly, defeatedly, “I’m sorry.”

“I know baby, I know you are…” He coos, softening his hold and exchanging it for an inked finger lovingly caressing your cheek. His touch is equal parts comforting and nerve-wracking, but your body melts beneath it either way, as it always does. “Go and get ready,” His sharp chin tilts toward the doorway, “It’s a fancy party so I recommend that dress I bought you for our anniversary last year.”

“Okay…” You swallow again, glancing round the seemingly normal young couple’s apartment. There are pictures of you both throughout the years on the side table, the glass on the frames smashed right over your bright smile. The place screams young love, when in reality, you and Jungkook are far from the normal young couple. It’s poetic really, how the cracked frame conceals your happiness. Because that’s exactly how you feel.

Sometimes happy. Sometimes broken.

Wanting nothing but an easy life you do as he says, taking your time to get ready for the night ahead. The dress he bought you is stunning, a floor-length black gown with a long thigh split and plunging neckline that flaunts the swells of your fake breasts – another present from Jungkook two years ago. Your hair hangs in loose waves, diamond droplet earrings peeking through the strands and perfectly matching the diamond necklace sitting between your collarbones. Yet another gift from Jungkook.

The thing is – he treats you ‘well’. Everything you desire is yours without a moment of hesitation. From the breast implant surgery you wanted, to almost everything you wear. It’s yours, it’s all yours. He buys you everything a woman your age could possibly ever want. Beyond everything you could ever want. Puts a roof over your head, keeps you alive. And when he isn’t drugged up to the nines he’s so sweet, caring and genuinely loveable. Sometimes you think you’re overreacting, everybody has flaws. It’s just his flaws could very well kill him. And they’ve put your life in danger also.

Footsteps against the wooden flooring outside the bedroom prompt you to stand from the dresser, having just finished your makeup. A smoky eye and nude glossy lip, it’s been a long time since you’ve had an occasion to dress up for and so you’ve made the most of it – even if you’d rather stay at home.

When you open the bedroom door you’re greeted with your boyfriend looking every part of delicious. Raven hair slicked back and wet-looking, emphasising the undercut style. Plentiful silver hoop earrings that somehow manage to bring your focus to his jaw. Jawline so sharp it could do the man’s dirty work for him, killing anyone who dares to touch it. Everything he’s wearing is black. The suit, the shirt, the shoes, down to the tie. It’s been equally as long since you’ve seen him dressed up like this too, so much so it almost takes your breath away.

“You look—” You’re at a loss for words, jaw slack and eyes wide. You swallow, a genuine smile creeping onto your features, “You look so handsome…” And he does, he really, really does.

“Nothing compared to you…” His hooded eyes drag themselves from your toes to your face, hungry and swimming with lust. They flicker down to your breasts once, twice, three times before he smirks. Looking you dead in the eye. “Fucking look at you. You’re so beautiful Y/N.”

“Uh-, thanks…” Blood rushes to your cheeks, but he doesn’t stop the string of compliments there.

“I really am the luckiest guy in the world to call you mine.” His smirk transforms into a smile, a panty-dropping, earth-shattering bright smile that throws you off balance. “Gorgeous.” He hums with pride, edging close enough to steal a soft open-mouthed kiss that you reciprocate.

Soon his strong arms snake round your body until they find your ass, squeezing it softly when his tongue slips into your mouth. You’re in a daze, hypnotised by the feeling of his body so close to yours. If only things could always be this simple, just you and him, untainted by anything else. It’s when you playfully tug his bottom lip between your teeth that he chuckles, letting go of your ass cheeks with another smirk, “Later baby, I promise. We’ve gotta go.”

“Right now?” You pout, using your best whiny voice that you know drives him insane. The icy discomfort of the accusation he threw at you earlier has completely dissipated, being with him is so hot and cold and right now? You feel nothing but hot.

At this he closes his eyes, inhaling, as though he’s having the debate of the century inside that handsome head of his, he sighs, kicking his head back with a tiny groan. “Trust me I wish we had time, trust me. You-, ah… There’s no way you’re not getting your brains fucked out tonight wearing that.” He grins, shaking any intrusive thoughts from his mind before he plants a chaste kiss to your temple. Breezing past your body to get to the dresser.

“What are you looking for?” Your gaze follows him.

“This,” He holds up his favourite gun before tucking It neatly into his suit jacket, “And… This.” He slides the brass knuckle duster onto his inked fingers, flexing his hand a couple times until he’s comfortable with the way the new accessory feels. Your stomach churns, reality shooting you in the face. Back to feeling cold.

Jungkook fixes his tie in the mirror, a hand brushing back his hair to keep the style in place. Everything about him screams danger tonight, he looks like he means business. Which is less than fortunate for you considering what line of business that entails. Clearing your throat you walk over to your shared bed, grabbing your stiletto heels.

He's staring at you through the mirror, “Sit down.”

“It’s okay I’ve got it—”

But Jungkook doesn’t fold, gently pushing your shoulders until you’re perched on the edge of the mattress that’s seen thousands of your most intimate moments together. He kneels before you, gripping your ankle and planting it atop his bent knee, sliding your foot into your heel before criss-crossing the dainty straps over your smooth legs, being sure to make the knot extra tight.

“Thank you…” You whisper, grateful and albeit a little surprised by the gesture, giving him the other foot. “I could’ve done it myself though.”

"I know," The corners of his lips tug into a smile, focussed on your other shoe, "Just another excuse for me to show you how much I love you." He says, affirming his words with a small kiss to your ankle.

You giggle lightly in return, staring at him with nothing but love and adoration. It’s moments like this that you wish could last forever, when your boyfriend is selfless and kind. But the glimmer of the brass knuckle duster beneath the bedroom light is a painful reminder that he’s not always this person. Not by a long shot.

--

BTS’ manor house is nothing shy of extravagant. It’s tucked behind other huge mansions concealed and protected by a large black gate that even you don’t know the access code for. By the time you arrive the party looks to be in full swing, music booming from every angle of the obnoxiously gigantic building. Your stiletto heels knock uncomfortably against the stones on the driveway, prompting Jungkook to lift and carry you inside from the car, effortlessly, as though he’s always had the weight of you in his arms.

“Jungkook! Over here!” His best friend calls from the bar as soon as you step inside, nursing a flute of champagne and entertaining all of three women who’re practically clawing the grey suit off his frame. “It’s good to see you Y/N.” Jimin adds when you get a little closer, your boyfriend finally resting your feet to the ground.

“Looking as gorgeous as ever.” Jimin hums, tugging you into an awkward half-hug where he kisses your cheek, prompting Jungkook to laugh.

“Careful there. Keep your hands to yourself before I have to break them,” He jokes, though there’s a spike of malice to his tone that even you notice, “Is everybody here?”

Jimin nods, pursing his usually plump lips into an awkward line, “Whole team is here now, yeah.”

“What’s this party for?” Your gaze flickers between the two men, thanking Jungkook when he passes you your own flute of champagne. The manor house is busy, bursting at the seams with fabulously dressed men and women who look as though they own the world. Everybody here has money, not just money but money. It’s obvious, wealth oozes from the crowd of party-goers and you’re glad you listened to Jungkook’s outfit recommendation.

“You didn’t tell her?” Jimin’s frowning, nudging his blonde bangs from his eyes with one hand, feeling up one of his groupies with the other. You bite back a grimace at the sight, “This party is for you Y/N.”

“I-, what?” It’s your turn to frown, stare snapping to your boyfriend instantly. He’s nodding slowly, expertly analysing the crowd as though he’s looking for someone. “What do you mean this party is for me?”

“A welcome home party.” Jungkook sniffs, still busy searching for something hidden in the sea of people, “I missed you baby.”

Jimin’s smiling, peeling a small button-sized packet from his suit trouser pocket, filled with crushed white powder. “He was insufferable without you Y/N,” He chuckles, opening the tiny bag and dipping a key into the snow, taking a heap of it on the metal before vacuuming it up with his symmetrical nose, “You want a bump Jungkook?”

You freeze, heart hammering inside your chest. This is exactly why you don’t come to these things. For this reason. You love Jungkook, but you hate the fact he toys with his life so recklessly. He knows you hate drugs, he knows you don’t approve of the risky decisions he makes every time the dust of forced dopamine finds it’s way into his nostrils –

“Nah, not tonight.”

“Really?” Jimin’s brows are hiked so far up his forehead it’s wrinkled, taking the surprise straight out of your mouth, “You sure? It’s good shit, imported from Columbia and I haven’t crushed it with anything else. It’s pure cocaine Kook, your favourite.” The bag has found it’s way into the hands of one of Jimin’s adorers and you watch her with nothing but disgust when she takes a bump too. So out in the open, in front of everybody.

It's not that you're too proud to partake in such activities. It's more that you've witnessed first hand what this lifestyle does to people. When you used to work as a stripper the amount of girls who destroyed their lives over this stuff was more than enough to put you off ever trying it yourself. At first you didn't particularly care that Jungkook took drugs, most people in their twenties swimming in dirty money and guns do. But as you fell deeper and deeper in love with him, his after hours hobby started to bother you more and more.

It was around then that you established that you love him dearly - but sometimes you fucking hate him too.

“I said not tonight.” Jungkook’s tone is absent, as though he’s not fully paying attention to what’s happening right here in front of him. He's sipping champagne, finally zoning back into the conversation when the next words tumble from his lips, “I’m done with that shit.”

Jungkook’s looking right at you, deadly serious.

“Yeah, okay.” Jimin snorts, sounding every part of congested and you wonder how much of the substance he’s already consumed, “I’ve heard that before. When you change your mind let me know.”

“I’m not gonna change my mind Jimin.” If looks could kill, Jungkook’s best friend would be dead. You feel awkward, as though you shouldn’t be witnessing this unfold. Truthfully had you not been here you know it would be a very different outcome indeed, it always is. “I’m done. I’m done with coke, done with pills, I’m done with all of it.”

“You are..?” You whisper, heart thumping in your chest as though you’ve just taken a hit of the class-a powder yourself. Is this a façade? Is he only saying this because you’re standing right here? You want to believe him, but with his track record it’s a little difficult. A little too good to be true.

“I am.” He cracks a small smile, wetting his lips, “For good.”

“Well I’ll have Mr No Fun’s then…” One of Jimin’s admirers pipes up, seductively batting her lashes in the direction of your boyfriend. You frown upon seeing her sultry expression, clicking your tongue to the roof of your mouth with an audible pop. The audacity of some people, you're standing right here.

A puff of air rips from Jimin’s partially blocked nostrils upon seeing your reaction, but he turns to the red-headed woman with a drunken grin, “Yeah you will baby, come here…”

“I’m gonna-, where are the rest rooms?” You have to physically stop yourself for pulling the woman’s cheap hair extensions from her scalp when she takes a bump of blow, being sure to stare at Jungkook the whole time. Going as far to send a distasteful wink his way.

Jungkook’s already noticed your discomfort and internal anger, prompting him to tug you into his arms before his lips smash against yours hard enough to bruise.

He kisses you with everything he has, with everything the man is. As though he wants the world to know, wants her to know, that he’s taken. That he’s yours. A content rather smug hum lands in his mouth along with your tongue, swirling against his in a kiss so sinful you almost forget you’re in public. On muscle memory alone his free hand finds the swell of your ass and squeezes, a small chuckle rumbling his strong chest when you yelp.

Pulling back with a grin you hand him your champagne flute, determined to show this girl exactly who you are. When you face her she’s already staring, mouth agape and eyes narrowed with disgust, but you don’t care. It’s been a while since you’ve had to use the art of seduction to get what you want – giving that Kook’s almost always the one to come onto you first. But you have a plan, a brilliant, evil plan. You used to be a stripper after all, you know exactly how to show her who’s boss. Jungkook’s boss. Things with him may not be perfect by any means, but he's yours.

“Come here…” You whisper, locking eye contact with your new enemy. Motioning with your finger you’re very grateful that she obliges, until her face is impossibly close to yours. Jimin, the other girls and Jungkook all watch on with very cautious gazes. Though in your peripherals you can see your boyfriend smirking into his champagne glass, lips smeared with your lip gloss.

“What?” The red head says curtly, quirking a single brow.

And that’s when you lean in closer, until you’re a hair away from her dry looking lips, giving her the chance to pull back if she’s not into it. But she doesn’t, instead she gauges the situation perfectly and kisses you before you even have the chance to make the first move. You kiss her back, nothing too salacious just an innocent closed-lipped kiss that lasts no longer than ten seconds before you chuckle against her mouth, resting your forehead to hers.

“If I were you I’d savour that taste,” Your voice is loud enough for the other’s to hear, “Because that’s the closest to my man you’re ever going to get.” Pulling away you wink at her, palms finding Jungkook’s chest when you turn, “I’ll be right back…” You whisper, sweetly kissing his cheek.

Jungkook’s laughing in disbelief at your boldness, though when your body brushes past his you feel that your little display has definitely, definitely caused a nine inch problem in his slacks. “I’ll come with you,” His voice is hoarse, eyes trained to your curves before he swallows, “Excuse us.” He’s rushing you to walk faster, breath hot in your ear when his strong arm snakes round your middle, “Jealousy has never looked so fucking sexy.”

“I’m not jealous of her.” You tut, rolling your eyes all while trying to rid your features of a triumphant smirk, “I just don’t want her to think you’re available, because you’re not.” You remind him with a smile, a smile that has the suited-man equal parts flabbergasted and horny.

“Oh I know I’m not, I’m all yours baby. All fucking yours.” His fingers lace with yours before he tugs you in the correct direction, being careful not to knock over anybody in his way, “And you’re mine.” The weight of his words are met with a firm slap to your ass.

It’s when you’re almost by the restrooms that Jungkook is called over by a nearby waiter, holding a glass of champagne with a single red rose petal floating atop the bubbles. He stills, looking every part of irritated that he’s been summoned by the staff and his plans of a bathroom stall fuck have been delayed. But to your surprise, and to his utter shock, the tall waiter’s gaze zones in on you.

“For you miss, from a gentleman over there…” His head tilts behind him, Jungkook’s stare snapping in that direction faster than the speed of light itself. You swallow, brows pinching with uncertainty. On the tray there’s not only the drink but a small white card inked with beautiful black calligraphy that reads:

My cinnamon, I’ve missed you.

"RM wanted me to let you know that you won't get a chance like this again Y/N." The waiter's words are laced with venom, piercing blue eyes fixated on your horrified features.

This is not happening right now, RM is here, in the BTS mansion. And Jungkook doesn't have a clue about what truly happened between you and your old boss. His old boss. It's only a matter of time before you're forced to tell the truth and that genuinely terrifies you. You swallow, peering up at Jungkook who's large palm is reaching into his suit jacket, for the gun you saw him put in there.

"Jungkook don't." You try to warn him, but it's too late. He pulls the gun from his inner pocket and pushes it against the nameless waiter's stomach, eyes burning with blind rage.

"You've got five seconds to tell me what he wants before I shoot." His voice is serious, any flirtation long forgotten about. With a firm hold of your hand and the other pressing presumably a loaded gun to the other man's stomach, you freeze.

"Isn't it obvious?" The water laughs, in the blink of an eye pulling his own silver gun and shoving it to your ribcage hard enough to make you hiss in pain. "He wants his girl back."

Jungkook's jaw tightens upon seeing the man click the safety off his gun, eyes blown out with wrath and disgust, maybe even a flicker of fear. The kind of look that makes every hair on your body stand to attention, simultaneously wanting to escape him now he knows the truth, and be saved by him all at once.

There's a deafeningly loud gunshot that follows, but you feel no pain. For it wasn't you who'd been shot, rather the waiter who's dropping to the floor with a pained shriek. You swallow when the crowd begins to scream, chaos ensuing at the aftermath of your boyfriend's quick thinking.

That's when he turns to face you, his expression nothing short of panicked when his fingers untangle from yours,

"Run."

x

[bratshaws]

goodness gracious 59. brb x oc

a/n: i am. so cold. i had to type this chapter under the covers and it was very hard

check out the fic's playlist made by the sweet @wiipes !!

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: Fluff, slightly suggestive???

chapters:

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36/37/38/39/40/41/42/43/44

45/46/47/48/49/50/51/52/53/54/55/56/57/58

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taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 

@lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2 @emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale @leobabbyyy @kulicny @winter-run @ktjmac @graciereads 

-

The good news was that her father knew someone who could take her car immediately and pay her for it, she wasn’t even that sad in reality that she didn’t get a lot of money out of it, she was upset that she now no longer had a car. She didn’t even know what car she could get now, she’d love a new one, but she also had bills to pay.

Rooster leans on the railing as Beatrice lies on the bed staring at the ceiling, tilting his head with a small smile, “Baby.” he calls but she doesn’t move, she just keeps clenching her hands on top of her stomach with her jaw tight. He sighs, pushing himself forward to lie next to her, pulling her immobile body to his so her face was tucked on the curve of his shoulder, “Baby, talk to me.” she just makes a defeated sound against his skin in response.

After a couple seconds she finally says, “...I can’t believe I’m feeling sad because of an old car.” she murmurs, “One that’s been giving me issues for months, I should be happy it’s done with.” but that was the very first car she got, of course it was Guillermo’s first and she technically already got a busted up vehicle…but it was her in the end. 

“I mean,” he shrugs with one of his hands coming up to cup the back of her head, “I’d be pretty upset if my car suddenly stopped working.”

“Your car is new Roos. You can get it fixed if that happens.” Beatrice counters, “Mine just was a driving fossil that honestly lasted longer than anyone thought it would.”

Bradley hums, moving his fingers in a circular motion against her scalp as she just sighs against him, “It was still your car.” Beatrice makes a noise of displeasure, burying her face even further against his neck, “Well, then what do you want to do now? You wanna get a new car?”

“I guess?” she groans, “It’s just…I don’t know what sort of car I’d like.” she pauses, furrowing her eyebrows and then lifting her head to look at him, “I…hm.” he arches his eyebrows for her to continue, Beatrice taps her hands together, “I…well, actually, I kinda know what sort of car I’d like.”

“Okay, hit me.”

Beatrice seemed nervous for some reason, avoiding his eyes before she explains, “I’ve always liked Volkswagen Beetles. My nonna had a 1971 red beetle she drove everywhere until she couldn’t anymore and my dad had to sell it. I’m not saying I’d like a ‘71 Beetle but I guess I’d like a Beetle?” she blinks, “Am I making sense?”

Bradley smiles, cupping the side of her face to rub her cheek, then pulls on the lower lip she was starting to bite on nervously, rubbing the irritated flesh soothingly, “Of course you are.” he chuckles, “Okay, so we have a new option. What next?” Beatrice frowns again and shrugs, supporting her face on both hands “Do you want to call your dad and ask his opinion?”

“I could.” she mutters, “But still I’d have to, you know check the prices and whatnot.” she groans, sliding her hands from her jawline to rub her face, headache returning the more she thought about it  “But there is…another option…I also really like Jeeps. I kinda wanted a Jeep Wrangler.”

A Beetle he could see Beatrice driving, but a Jeep Wrangler was definitely something new. But she surprised him before, he shouldn’t even be shocked anymore “...okay then we have two options now.” he kinda liked the idea of both of them having similar cars, of course not exactly the same but similar “I like the idea of a Jeep, though. They are useful.”

Bea chews her lower lip, rubbing her hands together, “Well…yeah, but they are also more expensive than a beetle.” she mutters, dropping her face back against his shoulder to huff in indignation, “This is awful, Roos. If I ask my dad he’s going to say I should get something like…a van or whatever. I don’t want a van. I want a car that I like.”

He kissed the top of her head, smiling when she looked up at him with those big green eyes, “We’ll figure something out.” Beatrice furrows her eyebrows, looking away from him, “I can give you a ride anywhere you’d need me to, babe. You know I don’t mind.”

“I know, and I really appreciate it, Roos.” She smiles, leaning up to kiss him sweetly, before she pushes herself to sit on her knees, resting her hands between her legs as she purses her lips in thought. She slides her hand in her back pocket when she feels something poking her, only to touch the sleek surface of Marcus’ business card. 

Rooster follows her hands with his eyes as she pulls the card out, already pushing himself to a sitting position so he could have a better look. “What’s that?” She hesitates on showing him the card, but eventually turns it towards him so he could grab it and bring it closer to his own eyes. 

“When I went to visit Evelyn, well, she had a friend over and his name is Marcus Beverly,” Rooster showed no reaction at the name, much like she did when she was told, “And he was looking for a model for a photoshoot and…um…he saw me and thought I was perfect for it.” Now that got his attention, his eyes slowly lifted from the card towards his red faced girlfriend who was now once again biting her lower lip.

“Wait,wait.” he has to close his eyes to remember the words she just said, “He wanted you? What kind of photoshoot is it?”

“I-I’m not sure, he just said I was perfect for it. And Evelyn said I don’t have to do it but he said I’d get paid handsomely.” he didn’t know how to feel about knowing his girlfriend was asked to be part of a photoshoot by a guy he had never heard of before.

He hums, flipping the card between his fingers, seeing the man’s name written in golden letters on the back of the piece of paper. Bradley takes a while to reply, still digesting her explanation, “And he gave you his card.” she nods, still biting her lower lip anxiously, wringing her hands together, “Well, what do you want to do?”

“I-I don’t know Roos. No one ever offered me a model job before.” she says while moving her hands up in the air only to drop them by her sides “He said I have the beauty he’s looking for…I was just thinking, I mean, I dunno, maybe the money would help? Especially because of the car and us moving together? Depending on how much it is, it could definitely help.”

Rooster taps the thin paper on his palm, pursing his lips as he thinks, “I think we need to know more about him. About this job too, I don’t want to tell you what you can and cannot do, baby. You know that. If you feel safe about it and you think it’ll help, then I’m all for it.” her smile softened over his words and she cupped his face to kiss him, rubbing his cheekbones before pulling back.

“Thank you.” she whispers, “But you are right, I should research who he is and all that.” She pulls away from him to grab her laptop while the pilot leans his back against the headboard with his hands interlaced on top of his lap. He wondered what exactly this job would be about, of course he could help Beatrice get a new car if she wanted to but he also knew she’d never forgive herself if he spent so much money on something that she’d want. Would probably figure ways to pay him back too.

She returns to the bed after plugging her laptop and placing it on top of her crossed legs, already typing the guy’s name on the search bar and waiting until the results show up. Apparently he was sort of a big deal in California, a local fashion designer who was now branching to out of state ventures. Beatrice leans on a hand as she looks around the website, seeing the past collections and blinking in surprise when she sees that most of the models he liked to use were women of various sizes and skin colors, which to her was already interesting.

Not to mention the clothes were really pretty, each collection had a name of either a goddess or it was something mystical. The collection she assumed he was talking about was only called ‘summer collection’ and there were no pictures of what it looked like. Interesting that she was still considering this, after all it wasn’t not long because of the money but she would be seen by she didn’t know how many people. What if there was a billboard? Or was she going to be seen only on the website?

“Well…he seems legit.” she murmurs as she bites the corner of her thumb, furrowing her eyebrows to turn towards Rooster, “Should I give him a call?”

Her boyfriend moves his gaze from the laptop screen to her face, “I think you should wait until New Year.” he smiles, “Because he knows that now is the holidays baby, he can wait a little bit right?” Beatrice nods in agreement, sighing softly as she still looks down to her laptop, then drops the lid shut hiding it from their view.

“...yeah, you are right.” she says, putting the laptop aside to cross her arms and lean back against the headboard just as he was. She bites her lower lip again, furrowing her eyebrows a bit, “Is it a crazy idea?” she asks, “To accept it?”

Rooster considers his words for a few seconds, then mirrors her position by crossing his arms as well, licking his lips before speaking, “I think if you think it’ll help it’s not crazy. If this guy is serious about giving you this model job and the money will be good money, then I don’t think it’s crazy at all.” he sees her chew her lower lip even harder, tsking under his breath to use his hand to pull it from between her teeth, “Bea, baby, you are overthinking about it.”

“I am…” she confesses, “It’s just…what if it’s a swimsuit photoshoot Roos? And I have to wear…bikinis and such? Or something that barely covers me?” she is too busy worrying to notice how his eyes darkened and dropped all over her figure slowly, only noticing he’s too quiet after she explains what was bothering her. She meets his eyes again, his eyes that now were such a deep brown she could no longer see where the iris was.

“I’m not complaining if it is.” he finally says, the corner of his lip quirking up amusedly at her red face, “You are gorgeous, whatever it is you’ll have to do you’ll look beautiful doing it.” she should’ve known that Rooster would be anything but against it, he wasn’t a guy who got jealous like that often. Actually he rarely got jealous, he was too busy being an amazing boyfriend to be jealous of her and not to mention, she never did anything to make him jealous at all. 

Beatrice’s cheeks get darker but she’s smiling, “You think so?”

“Baby,I know so.” he chuckles, rubbing her chin sweetly before he leans closer to peck her in the middle of her forehead, “You have nothing to be nervous about, if it’s something like that. You have an amazing body,” oh her cheeks warm up even more now, “And think about it, some other people with the same body type as you would be inspired the moment they see your photoshoot.”

Oh.

She hadn’t thought about that. 

Considering her own issues buying clothes her size because the models were always a size minimum when it comes to advertising, she always wished she could see more people like her wearing the clothes on the racks. It has gotten better now, but there was still a long way to go. Maybe she could help a teenage girl who is going through the same things she did when she was in school, maybe she could be the one thing that someone sees when trying to step out of their comfort zone. “That’s a really good point.” he smiles in agreement, tipping his head in a ‘thank you’ “I guess you are right, I’ll just wait a bit you know? Think about it better, I also have other things to worry about like the NYE party.”

“You do.”

Beatrice smiles a bit more, hugging his neck to kiss his lips repeatedly, “Thank you, you are,” she cups his cheeks for a deeper smooch, “The sweetest guy ever.” she says against his lips giggling when he wraps his arms around her middle to bring her flush against him, dropping back on the bed to lie on the mattress. He breaks the kiss to tuck a strand of brown hair behind her ear, rubbing her red cheek with the side of his thumb, just admiring her sweet face.

The more he looked at her, the more the words inside his brain repeated itself. But no, they had to move in together first, then they’d worry about that. Even if he desperately wanted, even if his heart was one hundred percent certain what he wanted to do he still had to wait. They’d have time to talk about it, surely.

–

In the next morning, after Beatrice’s pole dancing class, she commented with Shells the proposition she got as the two went out for boba tea, while the weather was colder they were both warmed up from their practice to drink anything else but that. So while they were sitting on the pink pleather chairs from the boba shop, Beatrice explained to her friend what happened.

Shells sipped her taro milk tea boba while supporting her head on a hand, taking her time to pop the bubbles in her mouth as she listened to Beatrice’s explanation, “...wow, holy shit.” the blonde laughs when Bea is done, “You know how often that happens in real life? Never. That shit is only common in movies.”

Beatrice nods, stirring her black straw inside the cup to mix some of her black tea “I know, that’s why I’m telling you. You, Ev and Rooster are the only ones who know. I already talked to Roos and he thinks if I’m safe doing it I should do it.” she shrugs, finally slurping her tea once she’s done mixing everything.

“Well, he’s supportive of you.” Shells smiles when her friend blushes a bright red, avoiding her gaze, “Not to mention, he’d love to see you all dressed up.” her blush intensifies, “You want to call the guy after NYE?” Beatrice nods, telling Shells it only makes sense since the photoshoot is scheduled for February but she had no idea what else she could do, “You think this is a new career path for you? Are you abandoning us to become a supermodel?”

Beatrice scoffs, shaking her head and placing her cup down, “No, of course not. This is a one time thing, I wouldn’t want to be a model forever Shells, don’t be silly.” she looks down at the baby blue colored napkins, sighing softly, “It’s just to help me get a new car.” she almost said ‘and to save money when we move in together’ but she held that back just in time.

“And what car do you wanna get?”

“I’m choosing between a Volskwagen beetle and a Jeep Wrangler.”

Shells blinked her eyes twice, a confused smile forming on her face imagining her friend driving such a big car was hilarious yet so fitting for Beatrice. She knew that Bea had her very specific tastes in several things and she wasn’t surprised that a Jeep Wrangler would be one of her choices for cars, “Well those are indeed choices, huh? You do you ,queen, you do what’s best for you.” she holds up her plastic cup in a cheers move.

Beatrice laughs softly, touching their cups together before she sighs, folding her arms on the table so she looks at the outside with her eyes turning soft, ‘You know, we hit five months.” she begins, “Me and Roos, we’ve been together for five months already, isn’t it crazy?”

“I don’t think it’s crazy at all, I knew it’d happen.” Shells shrugs with a grin, “You two goobers were crazy for each other from the beginning.” 

Beatrice drops her head in a soft laugh, looking at her phone background and seeing their picture there. “I know, it’s…well, you know I guess now it finally hit me that we are together. You know? I never thought it’d be like this.” and she was happy she took the risk, happy that she accepted going out with him and happy that she chose to remove the fears from her past relationship before going to this one.

The blonde smiled while leaning on a hand, “You deserve it, babes. You do. And if Rooster ever messes up you better know he’ll have to deal with me.” 

“I’ll let him know.” Bea laughs, looking down at her phone when she gets a message from him, “Speaking of the devil, he’s already here.” She is picking up her jacket and cup, standing to her feet with Shells close behind, the two women walking out of the boba shop and looking around in hopes to find the blue Bronco. Beatrice grins once she spots it, Rooster’s grinning face appearing behind the glass, “I’m going to go then, I see you tomorrow?”

“You bet, babes.” Shells smiles, giving her friend a quick hug and waving her goodbye when Beatrice speeds her step to get to the truck. 

The brunette opens the door after wrapping her jacket around her waist, “Hi.” she says, leaning closer to greet him with a kiss, chuckling when he hums happily after swiping his tongue on her lower lip.

“You are tasting pretty good there,” he murmurs, slowly breaking the kiss to give her a smile and lower his sunglasses just enough so she could see his eyes. She holds up her drink for him to take a sip, which he does, smacking his lips once he swallows, “Nah, you taste better.” he chuckles when she swats his shoulder playfully, turning on the car to get out of there “So, how was your day?”

“Pretty good, actually.” she says as she adjusts herself on the seat, running her hands on her hair when it starts to fall off her bun. “Yours?”

“Fine, actually. I was the only one at the gym today for some reason and I talked to Mav.” Beatrice arches her eyebrows with a smile, “Yeah, him, Penny and Amelia are having a lot of fun together. They are coming back on January 4th.” he looks at the red light above their heads, waiting for it to turn green so they can move again “But yeah, my day was pretty good too.”

“I’m glad they are having fun, they deserve it.” she says sweetly, looking at the light just like he was, patting her hands on her thighs as they waited, “I also talked to Shells, about the..photoshoot thing.” he hums meaning he’s listening to her, so she continues, “She thinks I should do it too, so…yeah,I’ll call him after the holidays.” which was good enough for her, it’d give her enough time to plan, better yet she’d call him after her trip with Rooster. She could do that, she wasn’t nervous about it at all.

Maybe she was a little bit, but it was for a good reason!

She still had a lot to think about, especially if the offer wasn’t as helpful as she’d think. Her train of thought breaks when her phone pings with a message from a number she doesn’t recognize but apparently knows her. When she opens it, she’s surprised to see it was from a former classmate of hers, a girl named Lily-Anne who used to be the ‘class president’ back then.

‘Hi, Beatrice! It’s been so long since we talked! First of all, Happy Holidays and great happiness to you. I am just messaging our lovely classmates to announce our reunion has a date and I was wondering if I could count on your presence on March 31st? Can’t wait to hear from you! xoxo Lily-Anne!’

First of all, they never talked more than a couple sentences. Second…there would be a reunion? They’ve been talking about this for so long she genuinely thought nothing would come out of it after all from what she heard, a lot of her classmates were living out of state. She frowns, about to delete the message but she stops, thinking that maybe she should think about it…would it be so bad to have a reunion? After all they were all adults now, they all had jobs and lives and their personalities changed right?

…yeah, she didn’t really believe that.

Bradley, who hears her sigh for a second time, finally takes notice she’s looking at her phone and worried it’s one of those accounts from before immediately asks her if everything was alright, “I got a message from an old classmate about a reunion. And I am trying to explain how I’m not interested in going.” 

He arches his eyebrows behind his sunglasses, parking the car on her driveway to have a better look at her, “I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t go.” he says, knowing very well from her own words what she went through during that time, “When is it?”

“March 31st.” she huffs, “You know what, I’ll ignore it and answer after everything is done with. I mean, what the hell? Sending this to me during the Holidays?? It’s stupid and she just did this because she knows people have free time now to talk to her but I will not.” he chuckles at her annoyed face, walking out of the car to follow her to the front door, seeing how her scowl only deepened the longer she stared at her phone.

Beatrice turns to look at him after petting Jolene, hearing his soft chuckle ,”What?” she asks while crossing her arms and tossing her phone on the couch. The pilot smiles more, lifting his sunglasses to his hairline and approaching her with his arms parted, then engulfing her in a hug. Her body relaxes immediately, her soft breathing hitting his chest as he keeps her there, she’s been going through a lot these days and he felt it was taking a huge toll on her, even if she denied it.

The photoshoot proposition, then the car, and now this reunion thing would just add to her anxiety and he wanted to help her with that. “Baby, it’s okay.” he chuckles, “Let’s just ignore the people we don’t like and we’ll be fine.”

“...yeah.”

“And watch some movies while doing so?”

Beatrice laughs against his chest, her warm breathing hitting his skin, “After I shower, yeah.” she said, “I’m all sticky.” she steps away from him to reach the stairs, her boyfriend following close behind and smirking at her when she turns to face him, “...ah, of course, we could save water.” 

His smirk only widens, “I love the way you think, gorgeous.” anything to get her mind out of things.

[koushou]

i love it smmmm omg. the megumi fix is amazing it’s more than i asked for ❤️❤️ bro 6,9k is a blessing you don’t understand how glad it made me it’s so worth the wait. tumblr is so dry when it comes to anime fics and especially w megumi thank you for feeding me something other than the crumbs this website gives me. i don’t want to be too annoying but whenever you’re free if you could do a pt 2 cause that ending omg. i love it sm and i can’t thank you enough ❤️

pairing : megumi x f!reader [fluff]

warnings : slight makeout scene idk HAHA nothing too intense though (also not proofread because i wanted to get this posted as soon as i finished it)

wc : 3.5k

a/n : ur too sweet omg and im FINALLY back from procrastinating your request again anon… (i really apologize i don’t mean to take so long pls forgive me D: ) i hope this is what you wanted!!

pt. 1 (you don’t really have to read pt 1 to understand this part but i do recommend it)

loud chatter echoes through the large modern dining hall located on the second floor of the hotel.

“i’m… so full…” a certain pink haired male burps for the nth time as he still continues to stuff food into his mouth. gojo laughs at itadori’s passion for the hotel food, while doing the same as he takes a large bite of a pancake.

you chuckle, taking a sip of your drink and leaning back in your cushioned chair, already finished with your 3rd plate of breakfast. i mean, who could blame you? hotel breakfast food just hits a different type of way.

“so, spill all the juicy events that happened last night, i wanna know!” nobara nudges you excitedly, her eyes twinkling as she pulls her chair closer to yours.

rolling your eyes, you look away from the ginger female and pretend to not have heard her. accidentally, you were now faced towards megumi, sitting on the opposite side of you. your eyes met for a brief moment before you quickly turned away, breaking the awkward interaction.

“aww— c’mon, y/n! please—“

“nothing happened at all! and don’t think i forgot the way you ignored my knocks on your door yesterday,” you shot her a glare, earning a sheepish laugh in return.

“but... in the same bed..?”

you were about to retort back when gojo stands up and claps his hand over his stomach, which now seemed just… a few sizes bigger.

“alright! have we all finished our food? god, when did hotel food get so good— anyway, it’s time to pack our things and head back home!” your constantly enthusiastic teacher exclaims, as a waiter comes to collect your plates.

after thanking the waiter and paying the bill (poor gojo-sensei’s wallet), you all head back upstairs to drive back home.

a thick silence hangs over your room as you and megumi collect your items, not wanting to bring up any events from last night. finally ready to head out, you walk towards the door to open it until another hand reaches the handle at the same time.

you retract your hand quickly, while the other hand lingers in the air above the knob.

“oh— sorry, you can go first!” you gulp, backing up a bit so megumi can exit first.

he pauses for a second, twisting the knob until the door pulls open. you expected him to walk out, but he makes his way to the other side of you instead, still holding the door open.

you look over at him with a questioning look, receiving a slight shrug and a hint of a smirk.

“ladies first.”

why was his stupid face so handsome?

you shook your head at his teasing expression, making your way out the door to the carpeted hallway, him following close behind.

the others were already at the lobby waiting, their conversation becoming clearer as you reach them.

“what’s taking them both so long? you don’t think they’re too busy… y’know…” nobara’s usual cheerful voice carries her words to your ears, making you roll your eyes and spook her from being.

“boo.”

“i’m just sayin- oh my go—“ she frantically turns around, breathing a sigh of relief upon seeing it was just you.

“you scared me!”

“what were we talking about?”

“nothing important! come on, we should get going!” nobara nudges gojo and itadori ahead, escaping you as she scurries out of the lobby.

you hear a yawn from behind you, a tuft of black hair moving past you as you suppress the urge to laugh at megumi’s already messy hairstyle, amplified by his morning bed hair.

finally, you were all seated back in gojo’s car, ready to drive back to the school so you all can head back to your own homes.

the ride back was full of gojo’s irritating voice singing along to songs playing from the car radio, itadori laughing along, and the rest of you too excited to leave the car.

“alright kids! we’re here, make sure to be safe on the way back home!”

gojo waves to all of you as you hop out of his car one by one, basking in the cool summer air for a few seconds.

“see you guys!”

itadori jogs away, heading in the direction of his own home, followed by megumi, then nobara, and lastly, you.

upon reaching your house, your mother welcomes you, asking about your day, if you had fun, and other typical mother questions.

you were telling her about your day when you suddenly recalled the hotel night events, and scurried away embarrassed upstairs to your room, leaving a very confused mom behind.

you flop down onto the bed, face down, wanting to get a good few minutes of quiet nap time in before your phone dings with a notification.

grunting, you pull your phone out from your pocket, swiping across the screen to check the message.

surprisingly, it was from megumi, eyebrows suspiciously raising as you open the text message from him. you two rarely texted unless it was about school or business-related, so you couldn’t think of anything he would need from you right now.

megumi : Hey.

megumi : I have your hair tie with me. You probably left it in my bag or something.

megumi : I’m coming over in 5 minutes.

you sat up abruptly, rereading his messages to make sure your eyes weren’t playing tricks on you.

you had been so caught up with his prior messages that you failed to register that he said he was going to be at your house in… 5 minutes.

hurriedly, you swiped to see what time he had sent that last message. 12:34 AM.

your eyes moved to the top of your phone screen, reading the current time. 12:37 AM.

almost falling out of bed scrambling to your room mirror, you checked your appearance to make sure you looked fine and your hair wasn’t messy and-

you paused.

“why am i so concerned about how i look? why do i care about this?”

you slapped your face with both hands, bringing yourself back to reality when you were interrupted again, but this time by your doorbell ringing from downstairs.

making your way out of your room, you saw that your mom had already opened the door with a familiar tall figure standing in the doorway.

“oh! megumi, it’s been a while!” your mom lets megumi in with a smile, already going to the kitchen to make him some tea.

he bows politely, sitting down on the couch, now changed into a loose white t-shirt with black shorts.

“uh- theres no need to make me tea, i won’t be here for too long—“

“nonsense! you can even stay for lunch, dear megumi! i just have to prepare the last dish and—“

you finally clear your throat, standing at the middle of the stairs, catching both of their attention.

“oh, y/n! i have to go out to the grocery store for some ingredients, take care of our guest megumi, alright?” she places two cups of tea on the table in front of megumi, grabbing her keys to head out.

“wait, mom—“

she sends you a wink by the door, already outside before you can finish your sentence.

you sigh in defeat, sitting across from megumi on the other couch.

“here.”

megumi pulls out a black hair tie from his pocket, almost identical to the one currently around your wrist.

you raise your eyebrows in suspicion at the hair tie. “but i only have one? and i didn’t bring any extra yesterday..?” you motion to your own arm.

he looks back and forth between your wrist and the one he had in his hand, scratching his head in confusion.

“it was in our hotel room, so i assumed it was yours.” he shrugs, placing it on the table. “but if it isn’t, i can just throw it away.”

you hum, taking a sip of the tea your mom prepared as he does the same, cringing as the still hot tea burns his tongue.

“pfft…”

he glares at you, placing the cup down as his eyes scan around your living room, taking in the decorations.

“i’ll just keep it then, it seems new.” you take the forgotten hair tie on the table, and wear it around your wrist, now decorated with two black hair ties.

he nods, sitting back against the couch, silence falling between you both.

a question suddenly popped up in your mind, your mouth moving faster than your brain.

“you came all the way here… just to give me a hair tie?”

the question seems to set him a little nervous, clearing his throat and avoiding eye contact as he fidgets in his seat.

“well— i figured i’d return it to you before i forgot,” he shrugs, reaching out to take another sip of his tea before pulling back quickly again at the heat.

you nod slowly, still unconvinced with his answer. who goes all the way to someone’s house to return a hair tie?

“okay then, see you on monday?” you get up, ready to send him back off.

his head snaps up, still not moving in his seat as he opens his mouth slowly, as if unsure of how to respond.

“um- i thought your mom said i could stay…for lunch…?”

he averts his eyes, pink dusting his pale cheeks as he looks away. your mouth forms into an ‘o’ shape as you recall your mom’s words and those were - in fact what she had said.

it wasn’t that you were against him staying for lunch, but you two weren’t even friends or remotely close at that. rivals would even suit you both better than friends.

“but if you want i can, uh, leave now,” he starts to stand, looking uncomfortable in his position across from you.

it was then that you remembered megumi’s background, that his mother had left early at birth, plus his father wasn’t exactly present.

you couldn’t imagine living without your parents, and how lonely he must be without true family.

“no! i mean, that’s not what i meant, you can stay.” you sputter out before he gets the wrong idea.

his eyes seem to light up at your words, nodding before sitting back down on his previous spot on the couch.

you glance over at the time on your phone, it had been around 7 minutes after your mom had left.

the tension was thick in the room, and just when you thought you were about to explode from the awkwardness, he finally breaks the silence.

“do you… play that?”

you turn to where his eyes are placed on, seeing your black xbox console laying on top of a cabinet, having been untouched for a while.

“oh that? yeah, occasionally, why?”

you hear a snicker from beside you, snapping your head to find his lips curled into a teasing grin.

“oh, i just didn’t think a nerd like you would play games.”

you raise your eyebrows at his words. “you sure about that? it doesn’t seem like you’re very good at games either, megumi.” you make sure to stretch out each three syllables of his name to tease him further.

he huffs while leaning back, still maintaining intense eye contact with you, almost challenging each other to say something back.

“how about this, whoever wins against the other gets to make them do whatever they want. no matter what it is.” he nods over to the console, tilting his head as he waits for your response.

you chuckle, standing up to take the console, fiddling with it for a moment before turning back to him.

“alright, just don’t cry when you lose too much, okay?”

he shrugs, smirking as he looks around the living room for the other console, making you remember something.

“oh, the other console plus a TV is in my room, wanna just play there?”

he stiffens suddenly, before nodding slowly and following you upstairs to your room.

reaching the door, you suddenly stop, making megumi grunt and come to a stop, almost crashing into you.

“uh - wait here.”

you open the door just enough to slip inside, quickly gathering some of your belongings and cleaning as much as you could, to at least make your room seem presentable.

“okay!” you open the door for megumi, who makes no move to enter at first.

“...”

“you can come in.”

“... is this okay?”

you cock your head, not understanding his question.

“your mom isn’t home.”

“...so?”

“we’re alone.”

“and?”

“i’m… going into your room.”

“what is your point?” you began to grow frustrated at this conversation. then, it hit you all of a sudden.

“ahh, megumi? have you never been in a girl’s room alone before?” you snicker, shaking your head from laughter.

he starts to protest, before quickly closing his mouth and finally entering your room.

you connect the two consoles into your TV in your room, sitting down on the edge of your bed as you load up the games on the screen.

“you can sit here if you want,” you pat the empty spot next to you, to which he carefully sits down on, taking one console from your hand.

“ready?”

he nods, as you start the game.

-- --

“what--?!”

you throw your hands up in frustration, groaning as you flop backwards on the bed.

“i told you, you can’t beat me.” megumi chuckles, dodging a stuffed bear you threw in his direction.

you huffed, sitting back up, determined to beat him at least once.

“one last rematch!”

he lets out a laugh, a rare one that you think you might just never forget, and starts the game again.

after a few minutes of intense clicking, yelling and laughing, you let out a proud shout, the word victory flashing across your screen.

you pick up another stuffed animal from your bed and toss it straight at megumi’s face, celebrating as he lets out an ‘oof’ and glare back at you.

“but i still won around, 7 times, so i get to make you do something- oof-” he stumbles back again from another stuffed animal to the face.

“hmm? i don’t know what you’re talking about--” you pretend to not have heard him before your vision goes momentarily black from a soft object hitting your face, a pink bear landing in your lap.

“hey!”

“what, you keep throwing them at me!”

“fine…”

“hey, why are you getting so close--!”

you tackle megumi backwards onto the bed, throwing your pillows at his face -- not very gently -- as he tries to shield his arms in vain.

“ahh—! okay, okay, i’m sorry, stop it—“ he huffs as you finally stops your attack, his dark blue orbs looking up into yours.

you only now noticed your close proximity, quickly sitting back up to create some distance between the both of you. he clears his throat, fiddling with one of your pillows.

“well, a loss is a loss, what do i have to do?” you sigh, admitting your defeat.

“hmm…” he seems to be lost in deep thought, probably trying to find the worst thing he can make you do.

after a few silent, intense seconds, he finally speaks.

“are you… free tomorrow?”

you turn to him, giving him a questioning look at his strange question. he only stares back at you in response, awaiting your answer.

“um… yeah, i’m free the whole day, why do you as-“

“come watch a movie with me tomorrow.” he blurts out quickly, not even letting you finish your sentence.

you gape at him, still processing his words, unsure if you had heard wrong.

“... sorry?”

his face was reddenning by the second, yet his eyes remained firmly on yours the whole time.

“let’s go watch the new movie in the theater. i heard it’s quite popular already despite releasing only last week.”

“oh… okay, i can ask nobara if she wants to com-“

“don’t!” he says a little too loudly, clearing his throat after as he regains his composure.

“i mean, i- just, you.”

“just.. us?”

he nods.

silence fell again between the two of you, unsure if he was asking you what you thought he was asking you. you decide to test the waters cautiously.

“man.. it’s almost like you’re asking me out on a date, megumi?” you tease lightly, expecting a ‘tch’ or an, ‘as if’.

“so what if i am?”

now that was an answer you weren’t expecting.

“you’re.. joking, right?”

megumi sighs, moving closer until his body was mere centimeters away from yours.

“i’m serious.”

“do you... like me or something?”

he stares at you blankly. “would i ask you on a date if i didn’t have feelings for you, idiot?”

you only just realize how stupid your question sounded, trying to find a response until he reaches up to cup your cheek with one hand.

they felt soft, yet slightly gruff from constant training and fighting, large enough to cover one half of your face. they were warm, slightly trembling probably from nervousness, yet made you wish he’d never take it off.

“it’s okay if you don’t want to. we can forget this ever happened.” his own cheeks turning slightly pink, yours probably even worse as the space between your faces closed in slowly.

“but i don't think i can do this anymore, so just let me be a little selfish this once, okay?”

barely registering his words before he moves in to kiss you, soft lips moving against the other as his hand tightens against the side of your cheek. you barely register your own actions anymore, hands reaching up to tangle themselves in his hair, moving down to his neck, and finally finding home cupped around his face.

he groans against your lips, pressing you down until he was now hovering above you, never breaking the kiss even once in the process. you lost track of how long you both had been making out in your bed before you hear the front door open from downstairs.

frantically, the both of you separated in fear of your mom catching you in the act, catching your breaths while still processing what just happened.

you hear shuffling from downstairs, standing up to escape megumi before you were pulled back into a warm chest.

“wait—“ his arms wrap around you to trap you from leaving his grasp, your eyes looking everywhere but his, and suddenly your wall was the most interesting thing in sight.

“are we… really going to pretend that didn’t happen?” you finally gather the courage to look him in the face, almost melting at the soft pout set on his (now slightly redder than before) lips.

“ilikeyoutoo.” you get out quickly before you lose the chance to say it again.

he stiffens against you, eyes lighting up almost like an excited puppy receiving treats. “you like me? i didn’t hear you, so can you say it again?”

you huff, trying to wriggle your way out of his arms, only resulting in him pulling you closer to sit on his lap. he presses his forehead to yours, chuckling at your futile attempt to escape.

“i said— i like you—!” you ram your head into his, making him groan in pain, loosening his hold on you. the perfect chance for escape.

you saw the opportunity, dashing to the door, twisting the knob, almost getting it open until—

“nope,” megumi’s hand stops the door in time, instead twisting you around until your back was now flat against the wood, both of his palms placed beside your head.

“y/n? megumi?” your mom’s voice calls from downstairs, but all you could hear was your heartbeat thumping loudly in your chest.

“megumi! move, my mom’s home,” you place your hands on his chest, trying to push him away to no avail.

he grabs your pushing hand and places it on the left side of his chest, letting you feel the soft but fast thumping of his heart, almost matching the pace of your own.

“this is all your fault. you’re not gonna take responsibility for it?” he inches closer to your burning face, making you huff and grab his face.

you press your lips to his, feeling him immediately return the kiss, but you pull away after a few seconds, leaving him still trying to kiss you again.

“nope, my mom’s home, and i’m hungry.”

you open the door, seeing your mom begin to set the table with plates of food downstairs. you look back at megumi, who still looked sad after getting his kiss cut short.

sighing, you take his hand in yours, intertwining your fingers together before pulling him down the stairs.

“come on, it’s time for lunch. you’ll get more later.”

you feel him perk up, giving your hand a squeeze as he follows close behind.

you steal a glance at your wrist, still wearing both the hair ties. good thing he hadn’t noticed you stuffing one into his bag this morning.

[limitlessgojo]

Going to a Private Onsen with Gojo

NSFW Gojo Satoru x F!Reader, established relationship

Type: One shot. This is around almost 4k words.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW content, Voyeurism, exhibitionism, daddy kink, squirting, overstimulation, praising, dom!Gojo, breeding kink, slightly manipulative/ Yandere Gojo, degradation

Notes: finally got to finish this fic, my motivation just dropped halfway lmao. The inn house has rooms with private hot springs. Not shared like the communal ones in public bath houses. This is half fluff half smut.

The private hot springs per room are separated by bamboo trees and wooden walls. (With holes. So you know what's gonna go down👀💦💦💦)

You and Satoru finally get the chance to have a 2 day 1 night short break from work. He takes you to an inn, checking in a tatami room with a private hot spring (onsen) included. The place smelled fresh, and you could smell the flowers outside.

"We can see the hot springs from here love. What do you think? It's gorgeous isn't it?" Satoru wiggled his eyebrows at you. You both set your luggage down, making yourselves at home. The sun is still high up, it is only 2:00pm and the hot spring is steaming, the sunlight making the water shine and glitter.

"It's not bad at all; the room is quite big as well." You smiled. Despite knowing that you're only stroking his ego, you let it go for once. Just this once because it is a special break after all. He internally pats himself on the back, beaming at you. “Glad you like it. Let’s take a walk around the area and then come back for dinner.”

“Fine with me”. Both of you changed into traditional clothing first. Gojo into a Yukata and you into your kimono. He helped you tie your obi and do your hair up. "Look how pretty my kitten is." He practically purred out as he cinched your waist beneath his large hands. His hands felt like fire on your waist.

You flushed, softly calling out his name. "N-not now." You stared at his profile. All lean and muscular. Knowing his physique hidden under the blue fabric did nothing to help. 

"Not now." He agreed. But the glint in his eyes said otherwise. Still he held himself back.

So you both set out, exploring the town. The stalls were bustling with people. You both bought souvenirs for the students as well as omamori (charms) for various purposes. 

You visited the temple and just tried to relieve the pent up stress from the last few weeks. “The air is so cool and it smells really nice here.” The flowers were all in bloom, as it was spring as of now. Satoru, however, kept his eyes on you for most of the time instead of the scenery around him. 

“Yeah, it’s real pretty isn’t it? Wanna take some photos?”

“Good idea! I need a new lock screen pic of us Toru!” you smiled. Your smile unfortunately dimmed upon noticing other women staring at Satoru and batting their eyelashes at him (ignoring the fact that you were right beside him). 

You’ve always known that he was a gorgeous person, just thanking your lucky stars that he actually came around to reciprocate your feelings. “Hey”, Satoru cupped your face and turned it to face him. He was pouting. “Focus on me love. This trip is just for us.” 

You gave him a weak smile. “Yeah, sorry about that. AH! I wanna have a picture by that Sakura tree~”. You tried to be more enthusiastic and engaging, blocking out any jealous and negative thoughts. 

Seriously, it's not like you didn't trust him. Just that your insecurity gets to you sometimes. You quickly bat the thoughts away. Your thoughts came to a halt when you felt something soft on the corner of your lips. 

"Love you." Satoru murmured against your cheek. You turned to see his eyes under his drooping sunglasses just an inch away from yours. You couldn't help but sigh in admiration. Of course he knows how you feel. "I love you more Toruu~ Now let's go." You gave him a genuine and bright smile. Walking over to a shaded area near the lake, surrounded by tall grass.

He leaned down to press his cheek against the top of your head and placed one arm around you. His other hand was holding up his phone for a selfie. After you took some pretty and funny photos, he surprised you by bringing out a polaroid.

"Eh?! Since when did you bring that with you?" You asked him. Satoru gave a sneaky smirk, "Well. Since you talked non stop about loving the vintage aesthetic recently, I thought it would be good to make a small scrapbook or photo album of this trip." 

".... who are you and what have you done with my husband..."

"Hey! That's rude. I'm always nice and sweet." He pouted and widened his eyes, using a finger to push down his shades. "I knowww~ Just kidding Toru, I love your ideas. I'll help you with it then." 

"Of course you will pumpkin." He squeezed you against his side, not caring about anyone who might be looking at both of you being overly affectionate in public. 

He took pictures using the polaroid camera every now and then. Taking your hand and leading you around, Satoru did not give your thoughts a chance to move away from him. He didn't hesitate to tickle you when your guard was down and poked at your cheeks with the most annoying grin. 

After that it was just you and him. Enjoying your precious time together, undisturbed by anyone else. By the time the sun was setting, you dragged him over to an Izakaya. "Should we have dinner here?" You asked him. 

"Ooooh! Looks like they have good meat and eel. That's fine with me." He replied. You both enjoyed dinner and had a bit of sake. Satoru always looked cute with flushed red cheeks and that big stupid smile of his. "Well you look cuter than me for once Hun." He quipped back.

You smiled as you wiped that teriyaki sauce off the corner of his mouth for him. It was a really peaceful day. 

Walking back to the inn, you noticed a shadow moving quickly just by the corner of your eye. This is why you don't think about work during your free time. Feeling chills run up your spine, you turned to see a curse, staring straight back at you. "Ah shit I left my sword back in the inn." 

Not even having finished your sentence, you watched as Satoru flicked his wrist and took down the 2nd grade curse in an instant. "I told you not to worry darling. I'm not going to let anything hurt you." He tutted and booped your nose playfully, eyes shining. 

"Heehh~" you pretended not to be impressed but by the look on his face, you knew you didn't do a good job of hiding it. He just chuckled and wrapped his arms around you. "Toru I can't walk like this." 

It was like trying to lug a 190cm tall clingy infant. "I'll protect you with my infinity from all sides love." He looked really happy, just prancing around with you in his arms as you both made your way back to the inn. 

💜💜💜

You both settled back in and got ready to take a bath. It was a really good day and everything went smoother than you thought it would, knowing your chaotic and unorthodox doof of a husband. 

"Dinner was so good. This was a great idea Toru, thank you." You smiled up at him. He smiled back, so soft and gentle with you. The way he never is and never will be with anyone else.

"Now then, I'll be taking my payment from you." You looked up at him, confusion evident on your face. Your husband of 5 years still confuses you until this day. "I'm sorry?" you felt affronted as you asked the question. You had no problem paying your share of the bills, heck you earn a lot as a 1st grade Jujutsu sorcerer yourself. 

But Satoru spent about over a month pestering you about wanting to treat you to a short staycation with him. "Yes", he replied slowly making his way towards you, towering over your shorter frame. You stood your ground and craned to look up at him. 

"Thank you for the meal sweetheart. You will be my dessert." He removed his glasses and threw them aside to showcase his bright blue eyes. You shivered from the intensity, and his lips turned up in a smirk. His words were somewhat funny, but his tone was dead serious.

He wasted no time, leaning down to suck down on the juncture of your neck and shoulder, after he pulled one side of your kimono off your shoulder. "Sa-Satoru!!, hah- ", his grip on you was way too tight.

"Baby, I am so sorry I can't wait any longer. Won't you be good for me?" Satoru asked as he took a step back and cupped your cheeks in his hands.

It's true that this man has no self-control, always palming your ass down the hallways at Tokyo Jujutsu High. But you rarely see him as desperate as he is now, that it was actually endearing to you. So you relented, earning a grin from the man.

He helped you out of your kimono, littering small kisses on your forehead and cheeks, before he started biting on one ear. 

Unclasping your bra, he reached down to grope your breasts. You stared at him as he suckled on one nipple while toying with the other. His eyes opened to meet yours, and you could feel the growing wetness between your legs.

You also reached up to pull his Yukata off, undoing the tie on his waist. "I love it when you hair is done up darling. I can bite as much of your neck as I want." He growled out against your shoulder, biting and sucking wherever he can.

Your mouth watered upon seeing the outline of his hard-on straining against his boxers. On the other hand, Satoru stared unashamedly as you pulled down your panties, keeping your legs together to keep your slick from dripping down your legs.

Impatiently, you reached up and ran your fingers through his locks. "Satoru~" you whined. He only smirked in response. In one quick movement, he gathered you into his arms and brought you over to the small washing area with the soap and shower-head. 

He was still in his boxers however. You just stared at it, drawing closer to press your hand and rub the outline. He let out a long moan, which led to you to quickly look up and snap out a hush. "The neighbours might hear us Toru." You whined. 

"Tch, Let them hear. They can't touch or experience us anyways. And I want to show off my lovely little wife." He leered down at you, finally removing his wet boxers and throwing it onto the ground.

His hard cock sprang up and slapped against his abs. As if moving by some force, you immediately dropped to your knees. Rubbing soap onto his waist, thighs, and finally pumping his cock with your soapy hands. You looked up to him as you "cleaned" him off with innocent eyes. 

Satoru wasn't impressed. "Don't tease me baby or you'll regret it." He pulled you up and brought you into a deep kiss. You both gathered more soap and started washing each other off.

With his hands moving slowly down the sides, Satoru didn't hold himself back from touching every nook and cranny of your body. From your neck, to your shoulders, down your breasts, going to your thighs and legs. His hands were rubbing at your skin, inching nearer and nearer to your cunt. Until he suddenly pulled away, making you cry out at the loss of contact. 

"Be good for me and let me clean you first kitten." He whispered.

No other words were shared as you both rinsed and washed each other off before moving to the onsen.

"You know, I've always wanted to fuck you in a hot spring." Satoru smirked as you both dipped into the water. You sat on his lap and clasped your hands behind his neck, straddling him. His hands gripping either side of you waist tightly. 

"No I don't know." You turned away from him as you rested your head against his chest. He hummed. Both of you resting for a bit. You were both in the same state, antsy for action, but trying to enjoy the hot springs at the same time. 

For a while you both just stayed soaking in the hot water. Until you started grinding down against him. He just stared down at your figure. Breasts spilling against his chest, the slope of your s line with your ass under the water. But you refused to meet his eyes.

Satoru didn't really like that very much. He pinched your thigh hard. "Ow!,' you yelped. "Toru what was-" you finally turned to look up at him, but faltered and stopped moving. His eyes were bright and his expression dark. "I thought my baby was going to be good for me tonight. You don't wanna beg me later just to come right? Or does daddy have to make you do just that?"

As soon as he said the word daddy you felt your insides clench around nothing, thighs quivering. He looked down towards your body, grinning at your response. He pulled you out of the water, sitting down on the ground beside it. 

"Suck me off baby and I'll consider making you cum."

You crawled over on all fours towards him. You kissed him first, then trailed downwards, licking off the water and sweat on Satoru's abs and the outlines of his hard muscles. He groans while staring at you, pupils blown so wide his bright blue eyes actually look dark for once. 

You can see the carnal lust raging behind him as you squeeze your breasts together while kneeling and licking his abs. You leave small butterfly kisses as you slowly make your way down to his aching member.

But, he groans as you skip past it and suck love marks into his lower thighs. "Pumpkin, please -UNGH, p-please don't tease so much." Satoru groaned. You smirked up at him, meeting his eyes while sticking your tongue out and licking one of his balls. Sucking it into your mouth and covering it with your spit.

He reached down to lift your chin up, thumbing your lips as he watched the saliva trickle down down side of your mouth to his fingers. The current sight of you is so lewd and dirty that Satoru almost came on the spot right there. 

You decide to humor him and move to licking the head of his dick, while grabbing a hold of the base and slowly pumping it up and down. Satoru threw his head back. He looked up, seeing the night sky and the stars twinkling while feeling hot pleasure run through his body. He felt like he was floating.

You tried deepthroating all of him in one go, but he was just too big. "Baby, your mouth is too small for daddy's cock isn't it?". You whimpered in response. Trying to swallow as much of him as you can while using your hand for the remainder of his length.

Quiet mewls escaped the sides of your mouth as you opened your aching jaws wider. Tears started running down your face. You didn't stop as you relaxed your jaw and took more of him, swallowing what you can while pumping. He bucked up without warning, causing your gag reflex to react. Then he pulled you off.

"That's enough for now. I wanna make sure I stuff every bit of cum I have inside of your pussy baby." He pulled you up over him, this time with his back to the floor as he spoke. 

"Lemme eat you out, I've been waiting for this all day." He was salivating at the sight of your pussy, positioned in front of his face. You lowered yourself onto him slowly. Impatiently, he tugged you waist down, smashing your lower lips against his mouth. You let out a loud yelp followed by heavy breaths and mewls as he ate you out.

Thrusting his tongue in and out of your walls. He loved the taste of you, always thirsty for more. You tried to grind your pussy against his face. But he held your legs in place with one arm, wrapping around your behind. The other hand was playing with your clit. 

In no time at all you were sobbing and cumming all over his face. Satoru didn't spare you one second of rest. He pulled away and lined himself up, pushing into you during your orgasm. 

He immediately started fucking into you earnestly, grabbing a hold of your waist and lifting it to pull you on and off his cock. "Toru, it's too much for me, I can't-" You could barely get the words out of your mouth as you slurred them out with your eyes shut. 

"Yes you can. I know you can. Because you're made for me and only you can do a good job for me like this love." Satoru grunted as he pumped into you like there was no tomorrow. 

He loved it when your walls clenched and squeezed against him tightly. Especially when your whole body shook during an orgasm. Whenever you open your eyes all you can see are the stars blurring due to your movements. You both came like that, with your backs arching. His cock stayed hard, twitching as it spurted and filled you up. 

He suddenly felt the sensation of eyes on him. As the user of six eyes, his senses were wide alert at ALL times. He looked to the side of the wooden wall, and saw dark eyes staring back at him.

He didn't stop thrusting. You whined and mewled as you ground your hips against his. "Fuck, such a slut for me. Love it when you cry and make those noises babe. Just look at me. I won't look at any other person, man or woman. I'm yours as long as you're mine." He growled out.

He pulled out to reposition you. Dragging your body on top of his. Your back against his chest. "Daddy, I want you. I want more!" You whined out. You positioned his cock at your entrance.

"Daddy will give his baby what she wants. You've been so good to me after all love." He smirked inwardly pushed back upwards into you, thrusting at a fast pace. (Satoru chose the position because he knew you were both being watched. He loves to make other men so jealous of him having you).

You could only squeal and try to hold yourself up against him, putting your palms against the floor. But it was no use. He grabbed your thighs and kept fucking up harder and harder, making it hard for you to hold onto anything.

"Yes just like that baby. You're so good to me. You don't need to think. I'll make it so that you don't have to do anything else. You only need to feel my cock yeah? My doll is the best when she is crying on my cock." He moaned out. 

The man on the other side of the wall was joined by a few other men. Satoru used his ability to see through the wall following the movement of their cursed energy and saw that they were touching themselves to you.

"Daddy, please more. Daddyyy~" you were slipping further into subspace. Soon you couldn't speak clearly anymore. Just babbling nonsense while bouncing on Satoru's lap and staring hazily up at the sky.

"I think we have company." He laughed out. You snapped out of your haze to see peeking eyes behind the bamboo sticks. Satoru just thrusted harder. "Let's give them a show of their lifetime hmm? I spy old men wanting some action. But they won't be able to touch you baby."

He reached up with one hand to grope your breast and the other stayed below to play with your clit. Sex to him was almost like an art form. He knew exactly how to play with your body to bring you to your strongest orgasms. 

You tried to cover your body up but he pulled your arms away. "Don't run away baby, daddy's here to protect you. It will be okay."

At the end of the day you trusted him and his six eyes, so you let go. Pussy clenching harder at the thought of being watched by unknown strangers.

"That's it, my angel. So good for me. You're leaking far more than normal slut. You like it when people watch you get fucked?"

He reached up with his cum stained hand to spit into it. Then shoved his fingers in your mouth. You obediently suckled on and cleaned his fingers for him. He continued to grope you as he pounded away.

Satoru wasn't too worried about the spectators next door. He can see them clearly. Several middle aged men (probably sharing a larger room) messily jerking off to both of you. He saw the way their eyes travelled across your breasts and cunt, which was oozing with his cum.

He hit a hard deep spot inside of you which caused you to squirt hard, a large amount of liquid spraying out. Satoru quickly put his hands over your clit and furiously rubbed at it, wanting to prolong your squirting. You were crying out loud at this point. It was just music to his ears.

One man groaned out, causing you to tense and tighten and Satoru to moan out.

"You love putting a show on huh baby? We should do this more often if it gets you tighter and wetter around me." He snarked out while you drooled and asked for more.

He didn't stop thrusting until he came a few more times inside of you, changing positions.

The men watched as you rode him, your breasts bouncing up and down, while you placed your palms flat on Satoru's chest. They stared at the cum flowing out of your pussy, being fucked back into you by Satoru. The way you both groaned as you clamped down tight and milked his cock.

Soon you found yourself laying on your side with one leg up with Satoru spooning you from behind. What was frightening was his stamina and power. 

His thrusts never lost strength and soon you just felt like his cock was drilling a space inside of you, just for it. You felt so boneless in his hands when you both finished, laying down on your sides.

"Babe…. You okay? We need to clean up." Satoru whispered against your shoulder.

You could only mumble incoherent noises. Squeezing around his softening length, still plugged inside of you to keep his cum inside. 

Satoru gave out a soft sigh. Then gathered you into his arms and took you away from prying eyes. He just turned and smirked at them as he walked away with you, butt naked.

The watchers were disappointed that the show was over. Satoru then cleaned you both with the shower head in the washing area and wiped you down with soft towels.

You stayed silent the whole time. Your head felt like it was in the clouds. Just letting Satoru do his way with you like a doll. "You were really good for me tonight angel. Nobody else can touch you but me." He chuckled darkly.

You just listened to his simple commands such as putting your arms up when he dressed you in your nightgown. 'I always love fucking her dumb.' He smiled to himself as he settled you into his arms in bed. 

"Next time I'll be fucking you in the water." He whispered. He brought you closer to him, tucking your head against his neck. Kissing your forehead and patting you to put you to sleep. 

🎇🎇🎇

The next morning you were absolutely horrified to see people staring at you, when you both left your room to check out. 'I bet they heard us last night. And who were the ones peaking at us?!?!' you frightfully thought to yourself.

Satoru didn't really care. Smiling brightly at the attendants and thanking them for your amazing stay at the inn. 

"Toru I really enjoyed my stay, but it's hard to be happy now knowing that we did it at the expense of our neighbours stay." You whispered, hitting him. "Darling I'm pretty sure they enjoyed the show." He winked at you, shameless as ever.

Suffice to say, you decided not return to said hot springs for a while out of shame.

End notes: 🙈 this fic started because I just thought of Satoru's abs wet with steam and sweat but it evolved during the last edit. Hope you guys enjoyed! Reblogs and comments are very much appreciated 💜

All rights reserved to Limitlessgojo.

[dollslayer]

Sweeter Endings

Sugar Daddy!Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Still reeling from the financial realities of losing your mother you turn to a lucrative website for help and get more than you could have bargained for.

W/C: 5,325

Warnings: Smut (no minors 18+ only), light D/S dynamics, brief mentions of alcohol consumption, unprotected sex, swearing

A/N: NO MINORS, I wrote this for @donutloverxo 's Sugary 4k Challenge (Congrats!!) I love sugar daddy AUs so I was really excited to write this!! If you like it then please like/reblog/comment I'm all ears! Also maybe check out my other stuff if you want! Cheers!

Main Masterlist

____

The saying ‘desperate times call for desperate measures’ was truer than you’d ever imagined and you found out the hard way. Life had hit you hard last year. You had watched your mother succumb very quickly to cancer. A cold that just wouldn’t go away turned into a doctor’s visit turned into three months left to live. Having no one else in her life, the cost of her funeral and medical bills fell to you. The bills outweighing the inheritance you had no choice but to drop out of school.

One year later you were hanging on by threads to keep yourself off the streets without turning to a loan shark or selling yourself. Stocking shelves at a bougie grocery store in Soho by day and bartending in Tribeca by night had you working six days a week. What free time you had you were too exhausted to do anything with. Something had to give or you were going to collapse from the stress, you just didn’t know what.

A couple weeks ago you had been casually venting about how broke you were with a coworker when she jokingly suggested signing up for one of those Sugar Daddy sites. You laughed along with her but it sounded better than getting a third job. You had quietly asked one of your roommates to borrow their laptop saying you needed to look at job postings only half a lie, really and locked yourself in your room.

You were just gonna check out the website, maybe sign up and poke around, it didn’t mean you were committing to anything, just looking. You remembered first looking at the website once your shitty wifi loaded it, promising ‘beautiful and successful people making mutually beneficial connections’. You balked after reading that but you couldn’t look at any profiles without making one yourself so you had set to work.

After making your profile you hadn’t gotten any hits in about a week so you shrugged it off. You couldn’t keep hogging your roommate’s computer anyways so you set off back to work. Your days at the store wore on into endless nights at the bar and you wondered what other options you really had when you had no degree and no experience in any relevant field.

___

6 o’clock on a Thursday night, the typical after work crowd begins to roll in. The bar you work in is upscale, classy. Definitely trying to lure in the businessmen that worked in the area and their wallets. It annoyed you to deal with the same type of customers you did at the store all over again but with the high end crowd came good tips so you couldn't complain too much.

It was busier than usual when a group of men in suits walked in together asking for a booth. You saw a lot of business meetings take place over whiskey sours in this place so you didn’t think much of it. You tried your best to keep tending to your regulars when a pair from the group came over.

One of the men had deep brown eyes and a sly grin that when split gave you the perfect view of the gap between his teeth. He was confident but he had a kind look to him. His friend had dirty blond hair and a beard that clung to his perfect jawline and you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t snuck a second look. You turned your back and continued filling orders to distract yourself when one of them cleared their throat behind you.

As you turned to face them you found it was the blond calling after you. His face held a hint of surprise but it was quickly replaced by a look of amusement as he smirked and one brow lifted, like he knew something you didn’t. He was like any other typical customer for you, professional and handsome, probably over-confident in himself. You returned his smirk and prepared your best charming banter. Time to earn those tips.

“Something to drink for you, gentleman?” You offered.

“We’d like a round of scotch for the table over there. You don’t mind bringing it over, do you sweetheart?” the brown-eyed man asked.

“Of course not” you answered. Pricks.

“Good girl” the blond said with a wink. Creep. A hot creep but still. Before you could ask he took his card out of his wallet and put it on the counter for the tab.

____

A round had come and passed, soon they’d asked for another but this time it was just the blond that approached you. You lifted your eyebrows in anticipation of an order.

“You here often?” he asked. Ugh, not even a good pick up line.

“Am I here at my job often?” You retorted with a playful smile.

The man’s shoulders shook as he chuckled. “Sorry you just uh, you look familiar that’s all. What’s your name?”

You supplied him with it and asked him if he wanted another round of scotch. He nodded.

“Smart girl, I’m Steve by the way.” He laid down his business card which you picked up with a look of challenging curiosity. Steve Rogers, CEO of Shield inc.

Oh. You didn’t recognize the name but you definitely knew the company. It felt like a quarter of their employees stopped in for a drink throughout the week and it was prominent enough of a company that you read about it weekly. Play it cool, these types want to feel like an every-man at the bar but still wanna feel important.

You raised your eyebrows again in recognition. “Nice to meet you, Steve, I’ll have your round right out.”

“Good Girl” he winked again at you. Okay so it’s hot, but he’s a total stranger and you don’t even know him. Stay on your game.

___

10 o’clock came around and things were thinning out slightly, regulars made their way out, awkward Tinder dates and rowdy young 20-somethings made their way in. The party of businessmen was still around but they were hopefully wrapping up after the 2 more rounds they’d had. Steve approached the bar once more and you preemptively picked up the bottle of scotch.

“Whoa, easy, girl! I’m here to pick up the tab” He said, taking out his wallet.

“What’s the name on the tab?” You decided to play dumb but based off the grin on his face he knew you were playing with him.

“Steve. Rogers.” He replied, his tone was stern but his eyes told you he was in on the joke.

You cashed him out and left him to sign his receipt so you could make more drinks. You saw him move in your peripheral and turned your head to see his face.

“Have a good night, sweetheart. I’ll be seein’ ya” he promised.

“Take care!” You smiled back.

A few minutes later you circled back to collect his receipt and found three $100 bills staring back at you. You blinked dumbly in disbelief, who the hell leaves a 200% tip? Looking around to see if Steve was still here he was nowhere to be found. You had no choice but to pocket the money.

____

Another week went by and left you wondering how much energy and concentration it would take for you to just evaporate, since that seemed easier than going to work today. Sadly still in solid form, you punched in at the store and stowed your things in your locker.

Your upscale customer base was a mostly pretentious and successful group of yuppies so even though you were grateful to not be on the streets you were constantly reminded of the professional success you couldn’t help but feel that you were missing out on. Stuck instead to listen to incessant whining ‘is this organic? I won’t eat it unless it’s organic’.

The upside of this job was that the time went by quickly because you always had so much to do. Plus with how monotonous the work was it was easy enough to zone out. So much so that you hadn’t heard someone calling your name and approaching you. A hand softly touching your shoulder snapped you into the present.

You looked up, startled to find a pair of blue eyes staring back into yours. You took a step back and processed who it was. “CEO guy?” Steve?

“‘CEO guy?’ I thought I recognized you, ‘barmaid’ or should I say… ‘stock girl?’” He joked using his fingers to make quotations.

Now that you thought about it, the store isn’t that far at all from the bar, it would make sense if he’s in the area. You smiled and tapped your nametag in response.

“I just came in on my lunch to grab a few groceries” looking down at his basket it held some protein powder, some eggs, and one lonely banana. “Clearly, I’m single. But you’d know that already, wouldn’t you?”

Your brows twinged together in confusion. What is that supposed to mean?

“Excuse me?”

He edged a little closer to you and lowered his voice “SeekingConnection.com?”

Your eyes widened in shock. The fucking Sugar Daddy site! I forgot about that! Surprise was quickly replaced with humiliation. You looked down and away as you felt your cheeks heat up.

“I don’t mean to embarrass you” Steve placated, “But I gotta say, I’m pretty hurt you never responded to me. I sent that message weeks ago and let’s just say I’m not used to rejection.” He kept his tone light, letting you know he wasn’t mad.

“I-I um, I’m sorry, I don’t have a computer and they don’t have an app, I was using my roommates’ computer and I guess I forgot about it…” You admitted.

Steve nodded in acknowledgement. Please say something to salvage this conversation. Please.

“Well,” Steve rummaged in his pocket for another business card. “You got a pen on you?”

You dug around in your apron and came up with one. Handing it to him you watched as he wrote on the back of the card. He held the card and the pen out to you.

“That’s my number, I’d ask for yours but I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable, you already look like you wanna sink through the floor” Not helping, but I do. You took them from him and tucked them away in the pocket of your apron.

“You do have a phone right?” You only glared at him in response. “Well, if you check your profile, you would’ve seen I asked you out to lunch, offer still stands. Just text me when you’re free”

Should I even say yes? I mean, the winking the other night was weird but he’s good looking and at least somewhat considerate. I mean, it’s not like I had any other intention when I signed up for that site. What the hell. right?

“I… usually work mid shifts so I don’t know if lunch is doable, they only give me half an hour but, maybe we could do coffee? I’ve got tomorrow off from the bar I could meet you” you suggested.

If Steve felt pity for you he hid it well behind the wide smile he made when you offered coffee instead.

“There’s a place around the corner from here, just up a block, you know it? I’m off tomorrow at 6, why don’t you meet me there?”

“Sounds like a plan.” He winked at you again and started walking away. What the hell just happened?

____

You did end up borrowing your roommate’s computer once again when you got home to look up Steve’s DM. Sure enough, there he had been in all his internet glory. ‘Steve, 33, CEO. likes: art, conversation, whiskey. Digging around further on his profile you found that he owned several houses here and in Europe, he had a dog that was cuter than he was, and that he was ‘Seeking deeper connection’. All of these things piqued your interest.

‘Hey, Doll. Saw your profile and I had to ask, what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this? Kidding, of course. But maybe you’d care to tell me your story over lunch? Your profile says we’re both in New York. - Steve’ Sent three weeks ago. Fuck.

You had texted him earlier to confirm, which is how you found yourself walking up the sidewalk towards the shop with a mind running rampant with nervous thoughts. What if he just wants to feel big about himself in comparison to me? What would I even really have to offer the relationship? A college dropout working two dead-end jobs with no social life. You needed to snap yourself out of it. You were just meeting for coffee doesn’t mean anything.

Pushing open the door you found Steve waving at you from a quiet corner. He was still in a suit, presumably coming from work himself. Even the buttons on his shirt looked expensive. You were wearing dirty jeans and a worn pair of work boots paired with a flannel. You couldn’t have looked more different if you tried.

“I waited for you to order,” He said. You smiled up at him, only now realizing how tall he was in comparison to you. He ushered you both towards the counter where you both placed your orders. You moved to take your wallet from your purse but he had already beat you there.

“Really? As if I’d let the lady pay, and on the first date no less?” He said playfully.

“Oh, so this is a date now, is it?” You kidded.

Steve shoved his hands in his pockets and gave you that boyish grin and a shrug. The pair of you made your way back to the table and waited for your drinks to be brought over.

“How was work?” You asked, “What exactly is it that your company does?”

“We offer security and surveillance software domestically as well as international. Stadiums, airports, other government buildings. Things of that nature. And work was fine, thank you for asking” Steve said with a genuine smile. “How was your day, doll?”

“Oh, my day was fine, more of the same but y’know,” You answered half-heartedly.

“You know, you never answered me, what’s a funny, pretty gal like you doing on a site like that?”

Embarrassment hit you again, this time maybe accompanied with a hint of shame. You were saved momentarily by your drinks being delivered. He seemed truly interested and since he was paying you supposed you owed him an answer.

“I was going to Columbia and I had a pretty good internship when my mom got diagnosed with cancer. She died three months later and since it was only always just the two of us I ended up footing the bill. I was on partial scholarship but between the hospital and the funeral I can’t really afford the rest of tuition on top of working for free so here I am” you explained, “Oh my god, I’m sorry I’m totally oversharing aren’t I? You probably don’t wanna hear about a bummer like this, sorry”

You tried to laugh to ease the tension you thought you’d created. Braving a look at Steve, he looked thoughtful and only a little bit like he pitied you. You could live with that.

“I’m really sorry about your mom, mine also got really sick before she died, I know it must’ve been hard. What were you in school for?”

___

You and Steve talked for hours, trading anecdotes of childhood and talking about each other’s interests. You had a similar sense in humour so you got on swimmingly. The evening seemed to be coming to a close as the night sky sent in through the window.

Being with Steve was probably the most relaxed you’d felt since before your mom was diagnosed. It became difficult to focus on anything but your financial situation and even though that’s what brought you here in the first place you had managed to forget all about it.

“So look, us getting together wasn’t exactly the most conventional on meet-cutes but to put it bluntly,” He said, “The CEO life makes it hard to meet real people and it gets kinda lonely, I mean, you saw my grocery basket” You both laughed at that. “You need money and I need company, I feel like we could help each other out. Whad’ya say? Think you could put up with me?”

You knew what this was but hearing it put so plainly was a little surprising. At least he was to the point.

“So if I said yes what does that mean, exactly?” you inquired.

“Well,” he started, “We take care of each other. Let me cover some of your bills at the very least, make it so you’d be comfortable quitting at least one of your jobs. And you’d keep me company, we go on dates, maybe you could come over, there’s the occasional work event or charity gala I’d need you on my arm for. Thoughts?”

God I can’t even imagine what it’s like to work only one job anymore. Maybe I could even save up and go back to school. He’s cute and he seems sensible, why not?

“Could we maybe take things slow? What you describe is something I’m down for but I don’t want to make myself completely dependent on you. But I’d love to be there for you, and I have to admit, the thought of only working one full time job is pretty crazy to me” You laughed.

Steve swallowed and placed one of his large, warm hands over yours.

“I can do things the old fashioned way, if that’s what you’d feel good with. I gotta say though, with looks like that it’s not gonna be easy” he jested.

You smiled shyly and looked away. You both stood to leave and he held the door open for you.

“I’ve already got your number from when you texted me earlier but I’ll talk to my assistant about my schedule and maybe I could take you out to dinner this weekend?”

“I um, I’d really like that. It’s a date” You stated.

“Oh, so you think this is a date now?” He jested.

You lightly punched him in the arm and he took the opportunity to pull you closer to him. You looked up to find his face inches from yours. You could smell his aftershave and his deep voice gave you goosebumps when he spoke next.

“I kinda want to kiss you goodnight, would that be okay?”

You could only nod as he shut his eyes and closed in. Your lips met in one perfect, chaste kiss. You sighed and leaned into his hand as it briefly cupped your face.

You broke apart and made promises to see each other soon. You felt like you could’ve floated home as you boarded the subway, caught up in the swarm of newly forming feelings.

_____

You sat in the break room when your phone buzzed to life, ‘Saturday at 7?’

You were about to type out a yes when you forgot you worked closing at the bar. Your thumbs moved quickly to tap out the reply ‘Working, sorry :/ the pitfalls of bartending. Sunday at 7?’

You were nervous telling him no and asking to change plans. You hated not being able to make things work but you only just met the man and the weekend tips were killer, it’s not like you could turn the shift down.

‘Ah yes, almost forgot. Sunday works too, I’ll text you the details. What’s your address? I’ll pick you up’

Oh, God. Steve can’t see my building! His cufflinks probably cost more than my rent!

‘I’ll just meet you there, don’t worry about it’

‘Not a chance, doll. Just tell me where and I’ll come get you’

You let out a worried sigh but knew you had to let it go. You sent him your address and went back to work.

____

Saturday was maybe the longest day in your entire week, in fact you loathed it. Mornings at the store followed by running immediately to the bar. Last call in New York was 4am so it’s a good thing you didn’t try to make brunch plans with Steve for Sunday. But ultimately both your shifts passed without major incident and now it was Sunday and you tried to ready yourself the best you could.

The place Steve mentioned was fancy, you knew that much from a quick search. Panicking instantly upon realizing you don’t really have any nice clothes you turned to your most fashionable roommate for help. She loaned you a cocktail dress that was revealing enough to draw interest without giving everything away. You just hoped Steve would like it.

‘Downstairs, doll. Silver BMW’ you exhaled. Hoo boy, here we go.

____

Steve handed his keys to the valet and rushed around to open your door for you. You held his hand and you clambered onto the sidewalk in your heels. His warm hand on the small of your back as he steered you towards the doors was a comforting weight.

Dinner has been lovely so far, he chose a place that wasn’t completely white-glove but was upscale enough to make you feel only a little underdressed.

You joked back and forth with him over the course of the meal, talked about your lives, and even found out you both have a guilty pleasure for cheesy rom-coms. It wasn’t until dessert and your third glass of wine came that you realized how much time had passed. You frowned slightly thinking of the early morning ahead of you followed by a long night at the bar.

“What’s wrong, doll?”

“Oh, nothing I just didn’t realize how late it was, I’ve got both jobs tomorrow it’ll just be a long day that’s all” you tried to wave it off but Steve frowned in response.

“Quit the bar” he stated.

“What?”

“Quit the bar. This is your card, I’ve already loaded $3000 on there. Put me in touch with your landlord and I’ll get you taken care of.” He slid the card across the table to you. Your name printed on the front. This got real very quickly.

“Steve, that’s.” You were in shock, a loss for words almost “that’s too much, I don’t know what to say.” You felt embarrassed taking the money. You knew that was the essence of your arrangement but actually taking his money had you feeling uneasy.

“Honey, this is what I’m here for. Let me take care of you. Give up your late nights. I wanna take you out on the weekends and you’ll need to be available for events. You can stay at the store if you want but quit the bar, you don’t need it.”

You took a deep sigh. He did say he wanted you to be comfortable quitting one of your jobs; it's just making the change that scares you. But something about Steve felt safe so you nodded and looked up to him.

“I’ll put in my two weeks”

“Good girl” he patted your knee and you involuntarily clenched your thighs. He smirked at that but let it go.

____

A few months had come and gone since that night and your time with Steve had been great. Only working the one job gave you so much more free time. You'd spent a good chunk of it just trying to form a normal sleep schedule but all the time you spent with Steve made it difficult. Not that you minded especially since your allowance was monthly but he’d showered you with gifts here and there.

They started off small, perfume, chocolates and flowers, or a simple pair of white gold hoops that reminded him of you. They gradually became pricier and more elaborate. You’d felt guilty accepting it all at first but he was insistent you deserve the best. He had even mentioned you moving out maybe finding a better place but you reminded him you needed to go slow.

He’d also been nothing short of a gentleman. Out in public at least, you’d learned the hard way that he was an absolute animal in bed. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep your hands off of him.

Something you had appreciated about Steve is that he never made you feel bad or less than for being broke. Never held his money over your head like leverage. You’d felt equal to him in all aspects, understanding you had just as much say as he did.

Still, there was a small nagging voice in the back of your head that reminded you Steve is not your boyfriend. This isn't a relationship and he's looking to get something out of just like you are. But if you were being honest you were catching feelings, it was hard not to when the man was giving you the fantasy. You decided to push that voice aside whenever it came up and let yourself be swept away. Maybe that would bite you in the ass but for now you were happy.

____

You were buzzed into Steve’s building and on the elevator ride up to his penthouse your phone buzzed. ‘I have to make a quick call- I’ve got a present waiting for you in the living room.’ You couldn’t help but feel giddy.

The doors opened and Steve was nowhere in sight but as you entered the living room a bag from Chanel and the Apple Store sat on the table. Oh god, what this time? I swear this man is too much.

You opened the smaller bag from Chanel first and found a beautiful black and white evening bag. It was sleek and simple, very much to your tastes. You were nervous to open the Apple bag, Steve always went overboard. Shakily removing the paper you pulled out the slim case in disbelief. A MacBook Air and a pair of AirPod Pros. The man well and truly spoiled you.

“You said you didn’t have a computer.” His voice came from behind you and startled you.

“Steve, this is too much. You’re too much.” You swung your arms around his neck and kissed him.

“Nothin’s too much for you, doll.” He kissed the top of your head.

“Think you could take a couple days off of work? I just got off the phone and confirmed plans for my house in Nice.”

A trip? France?? Oh my god. How is this my life? You felt so overwhelmed that you grabbed Steve by the collar and brought his face down to meet you in a kiss. His tongue swiped your lips and you granted him entrance. Moaning into his mouth your hands traveled up into his hair, pulling softly and coaxing a groan out of him.

He guided you to sit on the couch and brought you down into his lap. You ground down onto him and felt his hard-on through his slacks. Your hand moved slowly to undo the buttons of his shirt as he kissed down your jaw towards your neck. You sighed softly when he found your sweet spot and started sucking.

He helped you take off his shirt while you got started on his belt and undid his pants. He lifted himself off the couch slightly to move them down to his knees, taking his briefs with them. His cock stood proud and an angry red, leaking at the tip.

“I wanna ride you, I can’t wait.” You pouted as you writhed against him in need.

Steve tutted at you “that’s no way to get what you want. Ask me nicely, baby. Beg to ride my cock,”

You ground down even harder and whined. “Please, sir, please let me ride your cock. I need to feel you, I can’t wait any longer please.”

“Good Girl” Steve's hands flipped up your skirt and found your panties, ripping them to shreds. They were La Perla and had cost a pretty penny but he didn’t care.

He lined himself up and brought you down harshly gripping your hips. You moaned loudly in surprise and satisfaction and wasted no time moving back and forth. Steve made you feel so close and connected to him whenever he fucked you but he still made you feel sordid and dirty. You couldn’t get enough of the feeling, you’d gladly chase it.

His eyes were hooded as watched you chase your own pleasure and giving him some in return. His hands kneaded your ass and smacked it just to get a gasp out of you. He grabbed the back of your head and brought you in for a searing kiss that was all teeth and tongue. He’d nip at you and lick the pain away.

His hips met yours, finding your rhythm and speeding you both up when he gripped your hips.

“Can’t wait to have me, you had to fuck me on the couch huh?” Steve panted, “my dirty girl. So fuckin’ gorgeous.”

You put your forehead against his and went harder, pushing your clit to grind against the muscles of his abs.

“Only yours, sir.” Your orgasm was building. Steve was a pretty relaxed dom but you still needed permission.

“Sir, please let me cum I can’t wait any longer” you tried your best to slow your movements a bit.

“I think you can hold it baby, I wanna enjoy you a little longer”.

You could only whine in response and tried to slow your pace but his grip on your hips and his own movements pushed you further and further towards the edge. You tried to squirm out of his grasp but his hands only tightened. It felt like forever until Steve finally gave you permission.

“Go on baby, cum for me you earned it. Fuck your self on my cock and cum all over me”

Your movements were frantic, desperate to chase your orgasm when finally the perfect angle of his cock inside you and your clit against him set you free. You cried out above him and dug your nails in deep.

Steve held you firmly in place and started slamming into you from below, finally letting himself think about cumming. All you could do was hold on for mercy. Moments later he brought you down onto him one final slam as he came inside of you with a cry.

The only sound in the room was both of you trying to catch your breath. You sighed again and collapsed against him, nuzzling your face into his neck. He kissed the side of your face and let you make yourself at home while he caressed your back.

____

One shower and two more orgasms later you were both clean and made your way to the kitchen. Steve was gathering the ingredients for dinner when you hugged him from behind. Your head resting against his back. Steve twisted around and hugged you in full. You both stayed like that for a moment until you looked up at him.

You were so content. Moments like this where you were just domestic were some of the best between you. It wasn’t about money or material, it was just the two of you making dinner and enjoying each other, no barriers.

“Are you really going to take me to France?” Your voice came out muffled against his chest.

“Of course, doll. After dinner I want you to use your new laptop to buy some outfits for the trip. I left my card in your new purse.”

You lifted onto your tiptoes and kissed his nose.

“You really do think of everything, don’t you?”

“What can I say? I’m a planner” he retorted.

You didn’t know it yet but Steve was going to ask you to become official while you were there. He wasn’t worried in the slightest. In fact he’d never been so sure about something in his life.

[lovclies]

[ halle bailey, cis woman , she/her ] - it looks like zuri morgan is late to class once again . how do they expect to get their degree in dance by skipping class ? it’s a wonder that the twenty year old made it to their sophomore year . then again , i heard that they were + reliable which may give them a pass with professors , but they are also - self centered so maybe not . i heard they were blasting lilith by halsey before class . all i know is that they remind me of muffled screams into a pillow, unread text messages, watching the sun rise through her window after an all nighter.

           STATISTCS   |   WANTED  CONNECTIONS   |   PINTEREST

background  :

     tw  death   the  youngest  of  two , zuri  was  born  as  the  second  child  of  a  loving  and  hardworking  couple  who didn’t  have  much  money  but  still  tried  their  hardest  to  provide  for  their  children  the  best  life  they  could  get . the  father , however , suffered  an  accident  during  his  job  as  a  fireman  that  he  didn’t  survive . zuri  was  a  young  kid  when  this  very  unfortunate  event  happened  to  the  morgan’s , leaving  her  with  only  a  few  memories  of  times  when  her  family  was  complete , due  to  her  young  age .

     their  mother  was  left  to  raise  the  children  on  her  own , it  wasn’t  an  easy  job , to  be  working  as  nurse  and  give  a  good  life  to  her  kids . she  did  it  anyway , being  the  strong  woman  she  was . it  wasn’t  a  secret  for  zuri  and  her  brother  how  much  their  mother  had  to  handle , it  doesn’t  need  a  lot  to realize  that  conciliate  grief , work , motherhood , bills , etc , requires  too  much  from  one  person  to  handle  on  her  own . zuri  understood  that  from  an  early  age , which  helped  to  build  the  good  relationship  she  always  had  with  the  family .

personality  :

     basically , zuri  is  very  straightforward  and  blunt , can’t  keep  her  mouth  shut  even  when  she  should . taking  one  second  to  think  before  speaking  ?   not  possible  for  her . she’s  that  person  that  once  you  know  her , will  try  to  have  an  impact  in  your  life  unconsciously . she  has  a  big  personality , is  very  stubborn , opinionated  and  fiery , but  also  a  humble  person , spontaneous , vivacious  and  free - spirited . and  when  someone  gets  in  her  life ,  won’t  ever  want  to  let  them  go .      owns  an  explosive  temper  but  her  outbursts  never  last  long . unless  something  severe  happened , she’ll  soon  forget  it  and  won’t  hold  a  grudge .      zuri  doesn’t  have  any  patience  for  when  people  make  situations  unnecessarily  complicated , she’s  direct  and  practical , every  time  the  girl  has  something  on  her  mind  she’ll  just  spill  it  out , if  there’s  something  bothering  her  with  someone , she’ll  go  to  the  person  and  deal  with  it . hates  games , overly  dramatic  situations , manipulation , etc .      very  independent , likes  to  think  she  doesn’t  need  anyone  for  anything . and  absolutely  hates  to  be  restricted  in  any  way .      tends  to  avoid  anything  that  seems  like  a  waste  of  time  for  her , which  can  go  from  simple  things  such  as  a  night  out  to  relationships . spending  time  and  energy  with  meaningless  things  is  an  actual  fear  of  her .       the  type  of  person  that  will  be  down  for  whatever ! you  wanna  go  to  a  party ? that’s  your  girl . you  wanna  skinny  dip  3am  in  the  winter ? call  her . wanna  go  to  a  road  trip  in  the  middle  of  the  night  having  work  in  the  morning ? she’ll  do  it . generally  a  fun  person  to  be  around .       zuri’s  bad  with  serious  talks  especially  if  they’re  difficult  and  involve  feelings / emotions , she  prefers  to  just  avoid  it .

      she’s  a  pretty  trustworthy  person , would  never  go  around  spilling  secrets  or  talking  behind  someone’s  back , but  since  she’s  someone  who , most  of  the  time , doesn’t  really  think  before  doing  something , she  can  hurt  people  around  her  without  realizing  it .  and  she’ll  only  later  see  that  her  actions  may  have  caused  harm  to  someone , because  that’s  genuinely  not  her  intention .      also  tends  to  avoid  thinking  about  the  consequences  of  her  actions  because  it’s  just  easier  to  not  deal  with  it  at  the moment  and  leave  the  problems  for  her  future  self , in  fact , most   problems  she  gets  herself  into , could  probably  be  avoided  if  she  started  to  think  before  taking  actions .

[alltooreid]

I Think He Knows

Y/N has a huge crush on Spencer Reid, so huge she embarrasses herself every time she tries to talk to him. She is convinced he is aware to all her pathetic attempts at flirting and just chooses to ignore it, but turns out Spencer may be a little more clueless than she thought.

A/N: Hope yall enjoy this cute fluffy fic! I’ve been having a rough couple of days so writing a fun fluff like this was really comforting :) yes it is inspired by the t swift song, but you don’t need to know the song to read and enjoy! also my requests are open so let me know what you want to see! (also sorry if this is kind of short, but i’ve been super busy and wanted to put something out :)))

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Type: a cute pining fluff fic

Word Count: 2.3K

Content Warnings: mentions of alcohol, otherwise none.

“He got that boyish look that I like in a man I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans It's like I'm seventeen, nobody understands No one understands”

“He has to know Penelope, I’m not exactly subtle.”

You and Penelope spent the majority of your lunch breaks in her office, discussing anything and everything. Recently however, the point of contention had been a certain young genius. One who you had a huge crush on.

“Spencer Reid may be a genius, and one of the best profilers I have ever seen but he most certainly does not know,” she said, as she drizzled more dressing on her salad.

“He has to, it feels like everyone knows. . . Do you think everyone knows?”

She shrugged, “They might, I know my Chocolate Thunder hasn’t picked up on it yet.”

“You haven’t told him? It’s already been a week since I’ve told you! How did you keep it a secret for so long?”

“You asked me very nicely not to tell anyone! Plus this one seems really important to you. I don’t want to go around telling people and for Reid to hear it in office gossip.”

You smiled, “Well you Penelope Garcia are the best, best friend ever.”

“You know it, now I know you desperately want to repay me for my services, and you can by giving me those exact ranch packets you have in your bag,” she said.

“They’re all yours, now let’s discuss something other than my pathetic schoolgirl crush. Like how stupid Kevin’s sweater was today.”

“Kevin? The other internal affairs technical analyst? Yeah what the heck was he wearing?”

“You know, I’m tired of having to carry the weight of the brains, looks and fashion sense out of the two of us,” you said. “Though, that is a good way to gather attention . . . I wonder if Spencer would actually hold a conversation with me if I wore something as ugly as that.”

She laughed, “You know I think that might send you backwards.”

You stabbed your lettuce, “At this point I’ll try anything.”

Before Penelope could respond, someone interrupted your lunch, your only other friend on the BAU team, Emily Prentiss.

“Oh hi Y/N! How are you!”

“I’m good Emily, what kind of gross things are you here to deliver today?” you and Emily joined the FBI at around the same time, and found comfort in the fact that you were both total try-hards. Emily was going to eat lunch with you and your fast friend Penelope, at least on days when she was in the office for lunch, but you and her both agreed that she should eat lunch with the team so that they can get used to having her around.

“Just some paperwork, no cases yet, knock on wood. Also I just wanted to say hello! What are you guys eating?” she asked, pulling up a chair.

“Some salads from that takeout veggie place PG is always talking about. I told you I was going vegetarian right?” “You did not! That’s great Y/N! We need to talk more, like we used to when we first started here,” she sighed, then perked up, “We should have girls night! Remember how fun it was that night at the bar? With Brad the real FBI agent?”

“Yes! We should! You know, Gideon’s replacement comes tomorrow, we should celebrate!” Garcia said.

“You know, I don’t know if the best way to celebrate a new agent is by drinking without them, but I’m down. We’ll toast our girls night to agent Rossi. Someone ask JJ if she’s busy.”

JJ was not busy, but when you and Emily asked, Morgan overheard.

“So am I not invited to the party?”

“Well it was supposed to be girls night . . . but I think PG would throw a fit if I turned down her 2nd favorite person in this building, so I guess you can come,” you teased. “You should come too Spencer!”

“I don’t know, that’s not really my thing . . “

“Oh come on! I know I would love to see you there,” you then realized that you were embarrassing yourself being so forward. “And I’m sure everyone else would too!”

“Alright, I’ll come, but I’m not drinking.” he said firmly. 

Before you could respond, Penelope magically appeared. “Good, you can be completely sober when Y/N gets wasted and embarrasses herself,” she said.

“PENELOPE! I’m not the light weight here! you’ll see Spencer, she’s actually awful. Two shots in and she’ll be on the floor,” this was apparently the wrong thing to say, because Spencer grimaced. “But it’ll be so much fun! You have to be there! You already said yes!”

“I just don’t know if seeing all of my coworkers get drunk while I watch is my idea of a fun evening. . .”

“Trust me! I’ll even stay sober with you, so we can judge them together. It’ll be a blast.”

“Ok, I’ll be there . . . but for now I need more coffee,” he pulled his chair out and walked towards the office kitchen. You silently cheered, forgetting how people were still standing around you.

“Well,” you awkwardly laughed, “um, I guess I better be getting back to my neck of the woods. I’m not a hot shot profiler like the rest of you guys . . . so see you all later!” You tried to escape before anyone interrogated you about your conversation with Spencer. However, a certain profiler followed quickly behind you. 

“So. . . you and pretty boy huh?”

“Shut it Morgan.”

{⋅. ♪ .⋅}

You stayed true to your word that night, Spencer stuck to water and you enjoyed a diet soda. The bartender, who you had grown fairly used to seeing on your many nights out, was shocked to hear you didn’t want any alcohol in it. 

It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t drink, you already embarrassed yourself enough in front of Spencer fully sober.

“So Spencer, you know that new bookstore you said you were going to go to after work a couple weeks ago?”

“New bookstore . . .? Oh yeah! What about it?”

“Well after I heard you talking about it I decided to check it out . . . It’s really nice there! I go like every other night now! We should totally go together sometime.” Luckily, you were sober enough to keep a secret: the fact you were only going so much in the hopes of running into him.

“Oh really? If I’m being honest I wasn’t super impressed with their selection, it was mostly contemporary fiction. And all in English . . . Not really my thing,” when he saw the way your face dropped he quickly changed his tone, “but it’s great if that’s your thing!”

This. Is. Humiliating. The amount of times you had gone and bought books from the bookstore, you were there almost every night hoping to run into him after work and start a conversation. You felt stupid, of course he wouldn’t want to go on a book store date with you. If Spencer Reid didn’t like you so much that he wouldn’t even go to a bookstore with you, there’s no chance at a relationship.

“Oh haha, yeah you’re right it’s totally lame. . .”

“Didn’t you just say you went there all the time?”

“No! When did I say that? You must be drinking Dr. Reid,” you said, quickly hopping off your bar stool, and running towards Morgan and Garcia, not turning around to see how confused Spencer was, but only being able to imagine him as relieved. Relieved he didn’t have to make conversation with you anymore.

“I’m blowing this PG, he totally hates me.”

Morgan laughed, “Y/N, you’re acting silly, this isn’t high school, we aren’t seventeen, stop dancing around it and just go ask him out.”

“Morgan, he doesn’t want to go to a bookstore with me, no way he’s agreeing to a date.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, maybe he’s just not in the mood to go?”

“You go ask him then, 20 bucks he says yes.”

“You’re on Y/N/N.”

7 minutes later Morgan returned and without a word pulled a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and deposited it into your hand. “Sorry, Y/N.”

Penelope then piped up, “I’m telling you Y/N, he just doesn’t know. That boy is clueless.”

You scoffed, “I think he knows Penelope. I’ve made it pretty clear.”

“Have you told him?”

You were thrown off, “Um, no but-”

“Well then you haven’t made it clear enough, have you sugar?”

You almost said something, but you couldn’t really think of a good rebuttal for the argument. So instead, you downed Penelope’s half dranken frozen margarita, and headed back over to Spencer.

“Hey!” he said as you made your way back over, “I was wondering where you went, after you left Derek came over and asked to go to that bookstore with me, isn’t that extraordinary. . .”

“Do you wanna go on a date with me?” you blurted out.

“What?”

You sighed, “I’ve had a crush on you since like, forever, and I keep planning all these ways to ask you subtly but it’s just not working so I’m asking now. Do you want to go on a date with me?”

“You like me? I didn’t know that . . .”

“You’re joking.”

“No, I’m not, I thought you were just being nice. You’re nice to everyone and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

You smirked, “Get your hopes up? Does that mean you’re obsessed with me too Dr. Reid?”

He laughed in response, “Yeah, you could definitely say that.”

You dug through your purse and pulled out your keys, “Ok, then let’s get out of here.”

He paled, “And do what?”

“We’re going on our first date.”

He smiled, and you both got up off your bar stools and headed out the door, ignoring Morgan’s snide remarks as you passed. 

{⋅. ♪ .⋅}

You couldn’t help but smile as you drove. Every couple of seconds you couldn’t help but look over at Spencer, getting lost in his brownish hazel eyes, which looked indigo in the night. He would smile, the kind of smile people write silly little romance songs about and spend verses to describe, and tell you to pay attention to the road before you run off of it. You would laugh, tell him to calm down. Although originally you had an idea of where you were going, now you just wanted to drive in circles, to bask in this memory. 

“So where are we going?” he asked.

“Think about it Doctor Reid . . .” you replied, teasing him in the way you’ve imagined since you met him. 

You pulled up to that little bookstore on 16th avenue, the one you couldn’t stop going to out of the sheer chance Spencer might be there, the one that was obviously closed this late at night, but was too perfect not to spend your first date at. 

“Although this is beautifully symbolic, it’s almost 2 in the morning, this place closes at 8. We’re 5 hours, 49 minutes and 17 seconds late.”

You smiled and pulled out your ring of keys, “You know, when I spent hours a night hanging around here after work, hoping that you would happen to come shop for books and see me here too, the woman who owns this store got pretty curious. So I told her why I was here, and after she got done laughing at me she offered me a key, so that if I ever had the guts to ask you out, I could take you here no matter what.” You turned the key and swung the door open, gesturing him inside and locking the door behind you, “but we have to keep the lights off, so no one comes by and tries to get in.”

You and Spencer sit in the non-fiction section, and enjoy the silence for a few seconds before you have an idea, “Read me something Reid.”

He reached up, pulling a book off of the shelf without looking, “Are you sure, A Brief History of 1491: Life in America Before Columbus, is first date material?”

“Although that book is anything but brief, anything you read to me will sound stunning coming from your pretty mouth.”

So he begins to read, attempting to slow down to a reasonable pace but still going abnormally fast. You didn’t care though, more than you listened to the history of the late fifteenth century you watched Spencer’s hands. They’re really nice hands.

His right followed the words as he read aloud and his left helped hold the book. He wiggled the fingers on his left hand unconsciously as he spoke, getting into the words of the book. 

After about 25 pages he glanced over at you, and you could almost hear the gears turning in his head. After a second he went back to the page, and continued reading. You didn’t think anything of it until a couple minutes later, when his hand made its way to your left thigh.

He held it and you leaned into him, and you both stayed like that until you fell asleep hours later, with his head resting on top of yours. 

At 8:30 Mrs. Betts, the owner of the bookstore, found you and Spencer, arms around each other, the book thrown aside. She smiled, glad to know you had taken her up on her offer. She went to go wake you up but glanced at her watch. She didn’t have to officially open until 10. 

She could definitely spare a couple of minutes. 

“I want you, bless my soul I ain't gotta tell him I think he knows”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

ATR’s tiny taglist: @reidingmelodies​