#I didn’t actually say I was depressed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

confettidogs · 25 days ago

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My gp: we need a new picture for your medical file

My gp: *takes picture*

My gp: no let’s take a new one, you’re happier than that

My gp: *takes a new picture of me smiling* that’s better. So what brought you in today?

Me: I’m depressed

#I thought this was funny #I haven’t been to my gp in like 8 years or something so the picture they have of me is from when I was like 15 or something #I didn’t actually say I was depressed #but more like #I haven’t really been doing okay mentally lately #which is a double understatement #because 1 #I’m hella depressed #and 2 #it’s been a long time #as in like #12 years long #as in I had just started high school long

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pixelatedraindrops · 6 months ago

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So about last night...

I'm still not over it.

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cheekblush · 5 months ago

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took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.

#i just wanted to have a good time and not rot in bed for once on my work free weekend but of course my brain can’t let that happen #it was such a lovely day actually the weather was sunny and windy it wasn’t too hot or cold ideal weather to stroll through the city #i had delicious food and found some comfortable clothes but at the end of the day i just felt so empty and worn out #seeing all these couples and friend groups and families and i’m still all by myself after so many years #tbh i’m even lonelier now than i was 10 years ago back then i at least had a few friends #idk what i’m doing with my life tbh.. i just want to be happy but even when i take myself on a cute little date i end up feeling miserable #bc it just hits me how truly lonely i am #i fear i’m incapable of forming any genuine relationships anymore bc i had so many bad experiences that i just stopped trying to connect..#with anyone.. even though i crave community friendship companionship and love i completely shut myself off from the world #i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say with all this.. i wish i knew how to be a person in this world #i wish i could be happy #tbh ever since i got back from my italy vacation i’ve been feeling depressed bc life could be so beautiful if i didn’t have to sacrifice..#almost all of my time for work #the post vacation depression is too real…#realizing you can only spend a very limited time traveling and enjoying yourself bc you have to work most of the time just to afford living #let me stop.. i keep rambling and my thoughts are falling like a waterfall #idk what’s wrong with me… i should have breakfast and put my phone away #sorry to anyone who actually reads all this word vomit #☁️

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seilon · 3 months ago

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love when this is referred to as the gifted kid website. shockingly my mental disorders made me mentally disordered and school never really vibed with that so. couldn’t be me

#ppl always talking about their whatever grade reading level and how many books they’d read as kids and im just over here like🧍🏽#I’ve never been actually bad at english or reading but I couldn’t focus on reading books to save my fucking life #I hated those sheets where you had to read like a certain number of books or whatever over the course of a semester or the year or whatever #my GATE test scores for english were super high but my math was bad enough that I never qualified #and adhd made me not even perform well in English half the time because I couldn’t pay attention I couldn’t read long books I couldn’t turn #in my assignments or if I did they were late and etc etc etc #don’t get me started with math #I was the worst in my class in third grade at minute math and never made it to the levels of minute math my classmates did #(they posted results on the wall for everyone to see)#and in 6th grade I was put into an additional remedial math class #throughout middle-high school I was at the level of most classmates in terms of the classes I took but that’s only because I was not allowe #to fail and was put through absolute fucking hell with a billion tutors and grueling hours of extra work from them and blah blah blah #like I remember how I felt in those tutoring sessions and half the time I actually wanted to cry.#I didn’t start doing solidly genuinely Good in school until senior year of high school.#not coincidentally around the same time I started taking adderall I think #I had accommodations by 9th grade but they didn’t do that much except for the function that let me turn in assignments up to 2 days late #without penalty. which i had teachers question sometimes and i had to pull the Yeah it’s Literally Against The Law to not allow me this car #anyway. point is. i was never in the gate program and most of my friends were and it was mostly adhd related #adhd is considered such a quirky nothing disorder nowadays that I don’t even like mentioning I have it really. because what people think of #when I say the term is Not what i actually dealt with and made school torturous and made my parents lash out at me for things and etc etc #depression and dysphoria did not help either. but I digress #I’m not sure why im making this post #kibumblabs

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idlestories · 11 months ago

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approaching the part of the story i’ve been too intimidated to write for about a year now

#there actually is a first draft somewhere but it sucked and then i just didn’t believe i could do it justice #it just needs to GET WRITTEN idc anymore it’s haunting me #i say intimidated because it’s true and funnier than saying busy being depressed but i’ll say it here ✌️😘#mine

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turnleft · 8 months ago

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do you ever think about how in journey’s end donna thought she had nothing else to live for, but in the star beast she had something (someone) to die for

#like!!!! in JE she chose death because there was truly no reason for her to live #(ofc the doctor did not let her die and he wiped her mind against her wishes to die as the doctordonna)#and then in the star beast she chose death because of rose. because of shaun. because of sylvia and wilf and all of london #ofc tsb isn’t the first case of donna agreeing to risk her life/sacrifice herself for someone else #she jumped in front of ten when the racnoss empress ordered to shoot him #‘never mind us’ in fires of pompeii #the suicide in turn left (and she didn’t even know the doctor in that universe and still gave her own life for him)#ANYWAYS back to my point #the difference between her choosing death because her old life is so depressing vs her in TSB choosing death bc her old life needs saving #you can say she was pretty much suicidal in JE #and fifteen years later she got her own family. a husband. a daughter that she loves more than anything. a mother who actually appreciates-#-her.#maybe i’m connecting random dots but i think it’s a beautiful example of why you should always keep going. things WILL get better.#my posts #donna noble

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lemonynuggets · 22 days ago

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sitting in front of my brother’s candy pile miserably knowing he won’t share a single candy with me

#lemon man talks #I didn’t go bc of the body aching. Yeowch #So I didn’t get any candy at all basically #and my brother got a bunch of my favorite lollipop and when I say it’s a candy pile I mean AN ACTUAL VERY BIG PILE #and I just know he’s not gonna share any bc he never shares anything #I’m just bitter right now because I know everyone is having fun and I’m just sitting here #I’ve been in this depressive episode for like 4 months now can I get out please #Everyone else is partying or trick or treating or whatever and I’m just fucking sad #I don’t like parties or anything I just wish I wasn’t feeling miserable for several other reasons #Sorry for ranting today I’m gonna go back to responding to the inbox trick or treats #Sorry #im gonna. Do something productive instead of moping

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gaysforbyler · 9 months ago

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If you head cannon Mike as bad at math, I automatically don’t trust your opinion. No one that sucks at math likes physics. He’s such a logistical genius.

#he took algebra in 7th grade. geometry in 8th. algebra II/trig in 9th #then he failed AP Calc AB in 10th bc he refused to take pre-calc #he feels like if he doesn’t take the highest possible class then he’s stupid #don’t do that kids #TAKE PRE-CALC IM BEGGING YOU #then he took pre-calc in 11th and stats in 12th #that’s really specific you say?#that’s bc it’s what i did #don’t take ap calc during covid when your algebra II/trig teacher didn’t actually teach trig #and you’re severely depressed #18 missing assignments 😍

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bright-and-burning · 20 days ago

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i log into tumblr for two minutes. i make it three posts down the dash. i burst into angry tears.

#i fucking hate this sport actually #i wish there was a way to deactivate temporarily lmfao #bc the temptation is too high to resist logging in #it’s really fascinating how i can just not say the mean things on my mind all weekend #but nobody else seems to give a flying fuck. whatever man legitimately i hate it here #i wish i had a thriving social life offline still so i wouldn’t constantly drag myself back #i wish i never got into f1 . like i should’ve just been miserably depressed and lonely anyways cuz god knows i still am #and i wish i didn’t care abt not hurting other people’s feelings #bc it would be really fucking satisfying to say all sorts of awful things in response to the shit i see #maybe i do just deactivate.#even tho it’s not possible to come back w/o starting over.

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flippedorbit · 1 month ago

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i’m gonna be so for real, if things don’t start changing for me in good ways i will be disappearing off the face of the earth

#Rasp Rambles #vent #my mental health is already in a shitty state and i am already considering multiple different ways to end my own fucking life #suicide mention #like i’m genuinely hanging on by the thinnest fucking thread only because i have friends that care about me. i don’t want any of them to be #sad about me dying. i’d say the same for my family but i don’t they ever have really given a shit about me so what does it matter.#i’ve been forced to be the perfect; quite child my entire fucking life and that was never good enough. i had to be kind and respectful #even though none of the adults in my family ever really were that to me. and the ones who were didn’t stay that way for long. it truly #sucks so fucking badly that i can’t get away from any of them. i don’t have a job because mental health issues; some physical health issues #and my lack of drivers license and car. i can’t financially support myself. i never get to fucking leave the house and go anywhere but the #store or my grandparent’s house with my mom and sister. i have ONE irl friend who i’m not even sure considers me a friend because #we haven’t gotten to hang out much since i graduated in 2023. i have practically no fucking support system in the physical world.#i don’t get to do fun things i enjoy that aren’t internet related besides drawing. but artblock and general depression are doing their #damn best to prevent me from even enjoying the creative process at all. one may think its difficult to feel lonely when you’re living in a #house with at least one other person but its fully fucking possible apparently. for me at least. i really wish my mom would actually get me #a therapist or psychiatrist i can see in person but we all know that’ll never fucking happen because again; she doesn’t fucking care enough #to make any actually helpful attempts to get me medicated for whatever the fucks going on in this stupid head of mine.#sorry for being incredibly fucking depressed and mad at 3am. it will happen again unfortunately for all of us.

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fluffypotatey · 9 months ago

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discovered yesterday that the reason my mom disliked my kindergarten teacher wasn’t because she was rude to me, but because the teacher told her that i may be autistic

sooooooooooooooo

the clues were there all along

#like the teacher didn’t SAY autistic #but she did say ‘slow’ which is the euphemism for autistic (and my mom implied when telling my sister that it was with a tone™️)#anyway #ya learn something new!#this actually explains so much #also fuck you for making that be the reason i wasn’t allowed in the gifted kids program #would that have fucked up my already fucked up mental state when it comes to academics like it did my siblngs? yes but that’s unimportant #I HAVE MY PRIDE DAMMIT #also my sister and i are fairly confident that our whole family mayhaps be on the spectrum #(definitely my mom)#(i am still 95% sure the adhd symptoms are from my dad but again i am diagnosed for neither)#(the only real self-diagnosis i can confidently account for is my depression!)#*coughs* anyway

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spicyicymeloncat · 6 months ago

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I saw in your notes that you had to cancel your birthday so happy (possibly late) birthday!!

Haha thanks it was last year in September lol!!

And actually I did get to do birthday plans it was just kinda miserably bc the reason I was going to cancel was due to conflicts with my mum (and her making me feel like an awful person about it), but my other mum didn’t care and we went anyways and it was actually fine (the concerns my mum didn’t happen)

Also I was going through basically a platonic break up as well so crazy month lol

But thank you, and everyone who sent me flags, it was nice to get some positive interaction during all that!

#i think I said I cancelled out of mental health reasons #yeah my mental health issue is my parents #they technically did give me mental health issues I definitely was depressed last year before this incident #full context is I have a brother who was 3 and my mum thought he would have a tantrum at the restaurant bc it would be late #and she told me in a way that made me feel like a horrible person for even suggesting going out and never considering other people #the whole summer beforehand was about similar conflicts #but we went anyways and my brother probably enjoyed himself more than I did lol #i just checked all my discord msgs bc I talk to my friends about my parents a lot (it’s good to have a paper trail so I can know exactly wh #and how I’m traumatised by my parents lol)#and apparently after days of me asking my mum if we’re sure we can go and she’s happy to go out and to let me know if it won’t work #she made a backhanded comment the day before we were going to go out #where basically my brother was asleep and she said in a moody tone that this is what it would be like if we went out #and I was just devastated bc I gave her plenty of ways out and at that point I actually had my hopes up about it #and she didn’t say we can’t go she just shat on the idea so backhandedly #oh wow it was such a headache #we cancelled and we’re gonna do it Monday #and then last second we went out that day anyways #yknow when I wasn’t prepared and didn’t get enough sleep #my god #worst birthday actually #at least my sister was there she was cool #anyways sorry for vent ig??#anon #ask #personal

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a-walking-fandom-reference · 4 months ago

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damn the way one conversation can bring the whole mood down

#i complained about my parents to my sister and joked don’t you want to move back #and then she got all serious like you’re the reason they don’t move because you hate change (i am not the reason they don’t move and also #doesn’t solve the problem that it’s hard for me to live with my parents that i physically have to live with #and then also was like it’s much easier in the city like i don’t want to live in the city it’s too loud i don’t like the noise i like where #we live i like the quiet #i can not want to move but also not like who i live with and also be afraid that i will be stuck here my whole life #it’s just like that is a big part of my depression lately and i didn’t need her to say that shit #rey actually speaks #also i feel like she treats me like a kid sometimes it’s like IM OLDER IM THE OLDEST

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professionaljester · 1 year ago

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love being 25 and not knowing how to socialize bc i’m autistic and off putting and cringe so no one wanted to talk to me/wanted to be my friend growing up so now i’m an adult with very few friends or ppl i talk to on a regular basis bc i never learned how to socialize or text properly bc no one taught me how

#abc shut it #vent #i’m so lonely it’s not even funny #my talking to myself has just gotten worse in the past few months alone #i just want some friends i can do watch parties with and play games with damn it #i’m so bored and lonely all the time #my life has just been work sleep and chores and it’s driving me insane bc i have nothing breaking up the routine #like it doesn’t help no one texted me bc i was poor and had didn’t get a smart phone until is was basically too late :)#like i know part of it is the depression but #idk i just don’t do anything when i get home #sometimes i do art sometimes i game but usually i just lose track of time staring at tumblr and the next thing i know my few hours—#after work are gone and i have to go to bed #like don’t get my wrong i LOVE my coworkers but i need some more friends within my own age bracket #like is it to much to ask for a group of friends that will watch anime and movies with me in our own discord server #like is that literally to much to fucking ask of the universe can i be allowed to feel like an actual normal human being that’s connected #to the human experience for once in my fuckkng life #and not feel like some sort out outlier that doesn’t fucking exist to anyone #i’m to a point where i think and feel like i’m not even real! lol #like idk i would just like there to not to be days where i literally don’t communicate with anyone #and know what to say when ppl DO text me bc when ppl do text me i half the time don’t even know what to say #and forget the message is there and get to scared to reply after too much time has passed like #i know it’s a me problem that therapy would help but im terrified that it won’t #that i’ll just be going therapy and still be a lonely autisic looser who doesn’t know how to communicate without being off putting #or being too much

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exopelagic · 7 months ago

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what WAS the normal child response to learning abt climate change actually. bc I’m pretty sure ‘depressed for at least 6 months and becoming deeply fascinated by apocalypses for ~3 years’ was prooooobably not it but who am I to say

#did NOT realise how much this has shaped me actually #also am not exaggerating when I say depressed I. cannot remmeber a lot of it but my parents were Worried about me #anyway I joke abt how I’m a biologist now bc of pokemon and that is very true but this is probably a pretty big chunk too #it’s just wild like that happened when I was 11 and I was DEEEEEP in the apocalypse trenches until I was at least 14 #I think I wrote my first longish story when I was? 13? about waking up after some massive chunk of time to a world with no people left #that concept rlly held onto me for some reason. just all the people suddenly disappearing #I’m saying all this like I’m not still rlly into apocalypse stories but it is a mere shadow of its former self #anyway I’m so grateful for the conservation module I took this year bc learning abt the state of everything + the way out of it #scientifically instead of piecemeal from the news and the shit I could read abt. has been rlly good for my everything honestly #didn’t properly sink in until two months ago I don’t think that year this is kiiinda what I would like to do with my life #bc I’d always been resistant to the idea of doing conservation or climate science or anything bc historically thinking abt it for too long #has been BAD for me and I didn’t think I could do that forever while keeping most of me #but now I’m at a point where like. okay very likely I’m gonna be an actual scientist. and while pure science is cool and worthwhile #and I still have feelings abt how there’s no funding or anything for studies without immediate practical applications #(THEY NORMALLY COME LATER AND EVEN IF THEY DONT ITS WORTH KNOWING EVERYTHING WE CAN KNOW SHUT UUUUPPP)#i do wanna do smth that’s gonna make a difference bc like I’m kinda in a position where that’s possible here #anyway my masters is gonna be ecology and hopefully with a microclimate focus which is cool as hell and will hopefully keep stuff open a bit #and I’m gonna try do as much as I can next year. there’s some very cool stuff happening I might be able to join #anyway wow this took a turn #climate crisis! woo!!#luke.txt

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rosicheeks · 8 months ago

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😓🤬

#I fucking hate doctors and the medical field so much #I was FINALLY starting to get on the right path #called a php place and think I know where I’m going #have a therapist I’ve been talking to here and there #I’ve been trying to get into a psych evaluation right?#called 5+ places the other day and they all had 5-8 month long waitlists #I need to get most of this shit done before June #so that ain’t gonna work #called the psych place my doctor referred me to #(would like to add that I did call this same place right after my doctor visit a few months ago and they never called me back)#so I had no hope they were even going to pick up #I was shocked when I heard someone picked up and even more shocked when they said they had an opening for fucking Wednesday #literally I felt like everything was finally aligning #I scheduled the appt for a zoom meeting at 10am #then I get a bunch of random emails saying my appointment was changed #now I have two different appointments- Wednesday and Thursday both at 9am and with a totally different doctor #so I was like???? ok guessing something happened but I didn’t think much of it - called to figure out what day it actually is #when I called to confirm they told me that I can’t be tested until I get an internal referral #I told them I did get a referral???#they looked at it and it was just a referral for depression not adhd or anything else #but then when they looked more into it they found in the notes she wanted me to get adhd testing #SO she just forgot to add it to my referral #I get people make mistakes #but this is like the 4th time something like this has happened lately #I’m just trying to be healthy #and it is fucking RIDICULOUS how incredibly hard it is to find the proper help #also the girl yesterday when I made the appointment said yes to all my questions but sounds like she doesn’t know what she’s talking about #was like ‘does this test for adhd and autism?’ ‘yeah for sure’ and then I find out they don’t even test for autism #so now I have to find a totally different person to either do both or just test for autism #either way I feel incredibly disheartened and overwhelmed and sad

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