#i think I said I cancelled out of mental health reasons

[spicyicymeloncat]

I saw in your notes that you had to cancel your birthday so happy (possibly late) birthday!!

Haha thanks it was last year in September lol!!

And actually I did get to do birthday plans it was just kinda miserably bc the reason I was going to cancel was due to conflicts with my mum (and her making me feel like an awful person about it), but my other mum didn’t care and we went anyways and it was actually fine (the concerns my mum didn’t happen)

Also I was going through basically a platonic break up as well so crazy month lol

But thank you, and everyone who sent me flags, it was nice to get some positive interaction during all that!

[iamthat-iam]

"Ego", The Final Boss

Olivia (she prefers to be called Liv) has been on quite the spiritual journey for a couple of years. She was born and raised Catholic, then as a teen she decided to leave the church because it didn't resonate with her. She went through a law of attraction phase, followed by law of assumption, and finally, she found non dualism from a few Twitter and Tumblr accounts.

The message, from what she gathered, was that she needed to fully drop the ego in order to realize her true self/true nature and to experience whatever she wanted. She even read a few books where realized masters have spoken about their own personal journeys of dropping ego and how life is generally more peaceful for them now that they've done so.

Now, Liv is one with a troubled past. She would give anything to become an entirely different person with no childhood trauma, and just a happy life all around. She meditated every single day, practiced "sitting in silence", and tried her hardest to detach from her "ego."

She stopped enjoying her usual hobbies out of fear of identifying too much with the character. She would go out of her way to correct thoughts that she felt were "too related to being the person." Needless to say, her mental health began to go downhill very fast.

One of her best friends, Marcus, decided to check up on her one day through face-time. "Hey sis! How have you been?! Haven't seen you in a while."

"Hey..." Liv answered. "I'm not doing all that great to be honest."

"Yeah I figured that. That's why I reached out to you," Marcus stated. "I'm worried about you. It seems like you barely leave the house. Everytime myself or anyone else tries to make plans with you, you either cancel last minute or come up with some bogus excuse as to why you can't come out."

Liv had to laugh because everything he said was true. "So I'm guessing you didn't believe the story about my pet rabbit dying."

Marcus cackled. "GIRL. I've known you for years and not once have you ever had a pet rabbit. Stop playing."

"Okay let me tell you what's really going on with me," Liv began, "So a few months ago I found this 'spiritual practice' called Non Dualism, and the premise of it is you need to 'let go of ego' in order to realize your true nature as God, or Awareness, whatever you want to call it. Also you get to experience whatever you want."

"So this is the reason why you've stopped enjoying your usual hobbies, and why you've stopped having a social life?" Marcus inquired. "I'm going to be honest here. As your friend, I feel like I owe it to you to tell you the Truth even if it isn't what you want to hear. I don't think that this 'practice' has helped you one bit. Either you have misinterpreted the message, or these people are spreading misinformation. Never at any point should you sacrifice your mental health for the sake of 'becoming enlightened.'"

"I don't know what else to do," Liv started to cry a little. "I just want to become a different person living a life full of happiness, one without trauma and constant reminders of my horrible past. I hate being this broken person!"

"It's okay hun, I totally understand," Marcus consoled her. "I can help you. You remember my family guru right? She hates being called that, but I don't know how else to refer to her. Her name is Sage. My family has gone to her for spiritual advice and healing for years."

"Yes, I remember her! Didn't she help your mom heal her lower back pain?" Liv asked excitedly.

"She sure did. I can give you her number if you want!"

After Liv ended her face-time call with Marcus, he gave her Sage's number. She immediately reached out to her to schedule a day where they can meet up.

- -

One day, Liv arrived at a beautiful park to discover Sage already sitting on one of the benches waiting. "Hi! I don't know if you remember me, I'm Marcus' friend Liv."

"Yes! Hi Liv, it's nice to see you again," Sage reached out and gave Liv a warm hug. "Now what can I help you with?"

Liv sat down next to Sage. "Well, I discovered Non dualism a few months ago, and I'm not sure if I misunderstood the message or not, but I thought you had to let go of ego in order to realize your true nature as awareness. And after you realize this, you can experience whatever you want. So long story short, I stopped enjoying life because I thought I had to do that in order to be enlightened."

Sage hesitated for a moment, and then smiled. "Think about it this way.. if it's true that our true nature is awareness, or God, whatever label you put on it, why would you have to go through these unnecessary steps in order to 'become' it? If that's what you already are in the first place?"

Liv opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. Maybe Sage had a point.

"Here are my thoughts. If anyone is telling you to 'drop the ego', it's bullshit," Sage chuckled. "The point of Non Dualism is realizing that you were always awareness. You were always the awareness behind everything that seems to appear. The ever-stretching, limitless silence that can take on the form of anything. The ego is just a thought. The idea that you are not already fully realized is also just a thought. In reality, there's no ego or person here to let go of. No person here who needs to become 'fully realized.' Just drop the idea that you are a limited human that has to become something, and you'll be golden."

Liv's jaw dropped to the ground. "You're telling me it was THAT SIMPLE THIS ENTIRE TIME?"

Sage laughed heartily. "Yes it is. Why do you think it took masters like Lester or Sri Nisgardatta months or YEARS to 'realize Self?' because they spent so much time trying to get rid of an ego that doesn't exist!"

Liv let out a sigh of relief. "So there really is nothing to do. I can't believe I exerted all that effort for nothing. I do have one more question, how can I experience whatever I want knowing I'm awareness? I want to be a completely different person with a different past."

"The person you think you are now, and the one you want to be are both illusions. You, as awareness, can 'choose' either one like a costume. Everytime you think about this ideal version of you, you've already experienced it," Sage grinned.

Suddenly a wave of emotions flooded through Liv, a mixture of relief and happiness. She felt the urge to give Sage a tight hug. "Thank you so much for helping me today."

"You're so welcome, sweetie."

Good for Liv, she has finally accepted her omnipotence and freedom to experience anything!

[numinousher]

CHANTAJE! (xxi)

SUMMARY: being under the watchful eye of the media and your fans, your managers are in desperate need of regaining back your popularity after other influencers who hate you cause mayhem to your life. what best way to do so by having you pretend to be in a relationship with the popular 7 who are known to be intensely wealthy and stoic? will you be able to regain their trust or will they go with their promise of damaging your reputation even more?

WARNING(S) FOR LATER: gore/blood/murder, harassment/bullying, mental health talks (nothing badly triggering), child endangerment (mc was a child actor, again nothing badly triggering. if there is, there will be a warning)

NOTE: ngl im ready for the series to be done bc i want the drama already!!

TAGLIST (CLOSED): @parapiop7 @an-ever-angry-bi @softforyoongles @thenaverse @chansatlan @juju-227592 @skyys-universe @carolinexkpop @reallysparklychaos @namjooncrabs @savagemickey03 @drunkzseok @svnbangtansworld @2ne1unni @shakespeare-in-the-park7

“Why the fuck was Namjoon telling me to kiss you?”

Jimin asked as soon as you opened the door to let him in.

You staggered back as he walked past you because you did not expect him to appear unexpectedly two days after your dinner with the other 4. You thought you had more time to mentally prepare yourself but, you figured Namjoon had something up his sleeve when they were all too quiet for your liking.

“Because it’s Namjoon,” you scoffed, closing the door and hopping away.

At seeing your hopping, Jimin glanced at your figure before doing a whole double take at you. You had your ankle wrapped in some type of white gauze, and he reached down by kneeling in front of you.

“What the hell happened?” He questioned, rubbing his thumb over the rough texture.

Sighing, you recounted what happened.

It wasn’t your fault.

“Hyung-min, if you drop me, I will kick your ass, dude,” you had sternly said to the actor who was holding you in his arm because, for some stupid reason, you had to be held in his arms while his character ran. So, he was running while he had you in his arms. “Why do we have to keep this scene in?”

“He thinks it makes him look bad ass,” Jae said with almost a humorous scoff at recounting her boyfriend’s words back to you. She seemed embarrassed at the way her boyfriend dramatically breathed in and out like an animal, and that’s when you came to a conclusion that Hyung-min was giving you the ick. He really was a man.

“Oh, shit.”

Before you could process it, Hyung-min had tripped over his own two feet, instantly dropping you to the floor. You had tried catching yourself before you landed on your butt, but you failed once you felt your ankle doing whatever it did that shot up a huge amount of pain from your ankle close to your thigh.

“They’re going to kill you,” Jae muttered once she hurried to your side, already grabbing her phone to call your personal doctor, the one you had for a few years now after a nurse almost tried killing you in a public hospital. It was a long story, and it was one you hated thinking about considering the nurse was a huge fan of yours. He didn’t get a lot of years in prison for attempted murder, but you did get a restraining order against him.

“Who?”

“Who else, my love?” Jae asked, giving her boyfriend a look as he instructed him to carry you over to the couch so you don’t have to put pressure on the foot. “Hey, doc. She got hurt… Her foot, it’s not broken or anything. But, it’s starting to swell.”

“So, you hurt your ankle because of Hyung-min?” Jimin asked, his phone already in his hands while he sent a message to the others that they can’t take you out. “Canceled the dinner we had on Saturday. You can’t walk like that.”

Rolling your eyes, you walked (hopped) past him. “I have crutches and it’s a dinner. I will be sitting down majority of the time. Now if it’s a dinner where we have to stand up for whatever reason, then I’ll understand the concern.”

“It is.”

“Uhuh.” Landing on your couch, you made yourself comfortable while eyeing his look. He was looking around, wondering where your help was. “She wasn’t needed today any longer, so I gave her a day off.”

“You give your workers days off?”

“I’m not cruel.”

Knowing you clearly were suffering through the pain of having to hop, he kneeled again beside your figure lying on the couch, and ran his hand over your covered calf. “Are you in horrible pain?”

“Not too much,” you responded. You sighed at his worried look, the one he tried to hide behind his stoic facial expression. “I have a sprained ankle. I’ll be good in a bit. I’m just happy it wasn’t anything too serious.”

“Did Hyung-min apologize?” You nodded. “Good. I need to have a chat with him that he needs to be careful.” Giving him another nod, you dismissed him to continue watching your favorite show, and briefly took a glance at him once he placed his phone on his ear.

“Jae.”

“You saw her ankle I’m guessing,” your dear friend breathed out as soon as she answered the call. She had been waiting for one of them to call her ever since yesterday when her stupid ass boyfriend decided to carry you in his arms while running.

“Yeah, I saw her ankle,” Jimin scoffed. He stood up and crossed an arm over his chest while the other was still held up by his ear. “What the hell was Hyung-min doing?”

“He was stupid that’s what,” Jae said with a shake of her head. “Anyway, don’t worry too much. It’s just sprained, she’ll be fine as long as she stays off. Her doctor checked her and her maids are coming in tomorrow to do whatever she wants. Tell her, too. She’s going to be stubborn about it.”

“You better stay off your feet,” Jimin strictly told you, his finger pointed at you to emphasize the seriousness of his words. You waved him off. “I’m not kidding. I will come in and babysit you if I have to and guess what? I will.”

“No.”

“Yes, now shut the fuck up.” Jae snorted at hearing how serious he sounded. It’s why she had warned Hyung-min not to carry you because she knew how serious things were surprisingly getting with the boys. Much to her surprise and Chan-woo’s. And now Hyung-min, too, who has been begging her to give him the boys’ phone numbers so he could apologize to them (he couldn’t stop sending you flowers as an apology).

“Listen, Hyung-min didn’t mean no harm.”

“Yeah, he better not,” Jimin said. “And tell him I don’t want kissing scenes.”

“They’re not doing kissing scenes, Jimin,” Jae reassured him, glancing down at her paperwork. “He and Y/n have been changing the script because they don’t want to hurt my feelings, when I don’t really care.”

“Why would your feelings matter in this situation?”

“I’ve been dating Hyung-min, idiot,” she unintentionally let out. Once she realized the name she had called him, she immediately apologized with a monotonous voice that made Jimin shake his head.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’.”

Jimin glanced at you and walked away towards your hallway leading to the kitchen and dining room. He cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “They’re not kissing?”

“No,” Jae said with an annoyed sigh. “Convince her, please, to have at least a kissing scene with him. It adds more to the movie.”

“Well, I think kissing scenes are not necessary in this scenario,” Jimin mumbled, looking at his fingers. “I’m sure dialogue and unwanted touches are much more intimate.”

“You just don’t want no one to kiss her,” Jae called him out. “Because you want to kiss her, you freak. I see your looks—”

“I’ll deal with you tomorrow.”

“Don’t hang—”

Hanging up, Jimin goes back to be with you, his phone buzzing in his hand.

He sat down by your feet and placed a hand on your good ankle. “I’ll come by tomorrow, okay? In the meantime, I’m all yours.”

“Jimin, I’m okay,” you said with a chuckle, eyeing his face. He was obviously concerned.

Jimin knew he was concerned because he cared about. It was the reason why he loved bickering with you; he couldn’t let you know he genuinely had a soft spot for you. It’s always been there and it has been since you had slapped him. Don’t get him wrong, it was embarrassing when you did so. But, he knew you had a big heart when you didn’t know the reason as to why he was scolding the people he was scolding and you took it as him being mean.

You didn’t need to know the reason why he did what he did was because he was tired of hearing them talk shit about you behind your back.

You didn’t need to know that.

The next morning, Jimin came at exactly 10 AM.

Your maid had opened the door and she was very surprised when he waved her off and told her to take the rest of the day off. He was in charge of taking care of you now.

“Come here.”

He was tired of reaching over to your head resting on some pillows while your feet rested on his lap. He placed the food on the table and stood up to pick you up bridal style.

“What are you doing?” You asked, immediately holding onto to this neck.

“My shoulder was hurting passing you the food,” he simply said as if it was nothing, sitting back down on the couch with you now on his lap. Your hands were still wrapped around his neck and you could smell the cologne he wore that always made you mentally inhale. He did smell so good.

“Thank you.”

He was feeding you for a while and he was actually entertained with the show you had put on—after he told you to change that “cheesy shit”—due to his facial expressions when a character betrayed the other.

“That bitch.”

Chuckling, you shook your head and hummed in agreement.

You two didn’t even realize you had been done eating and were just now too into the show.

“Kiss me.”

“I will.”

“Is that going to be me and you?” Jimin teased with a small grin, clearly beginning the banter you had. He always mentioned you two kissing.

“Why? You want to kiss me?” You teased back, bumping your shoulder against his.

“You just want to kiss me so bad that’s why I’m asking,” he said with a shrug, feeling your body shake simultaneously with the chuckles you were letting out. He looked down at you. “I always see you glancing at my lips that’s why.”

“Well, yeah,” you sat up as best as you could and eyed the way his lips were glossy due to the chapstick he had put on. “Ypu have nicer lips than me.”

He scoffed and looked to the side before glancing back at you. “You raise my ego too much, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart?”

“Mhm, you don’t like it?” He raised a brow. He dramatically sighed. “Well, I guess since you hate it so much, I can just call you an idi—”

Placing a hand over his mouth, you groaned. “Sweetheart is fine. I’d rather hear that instead of you calling me an idiot 24/7.” He opened his mouth to speak again but you shushed him. “Shut up, you would never stop calling me that name.”

“You just want me to give you a nickname like Jungkook, Tae, and Namjoon have for you,” Jimin’s muffled voice said under your hand. “You have a little crush on me, hmm?”

“No,” you scoffed out, taking your hand away to flick him on his forehead. “Don’t become delusional.”

“Shame,” he continued his dramatics by sighing rather loudly. “You eye-fucking me turned me on a little.”

“I-” You slapped his shoulder as he let out a laugh. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” he said in between chuckles, shaking his head. He chuckled a bit more before looking at you with that stupid smirk of his that, you’re not going to lie, did something to you. “Was what Namjoon said true?”

“About us kissing?” He nodded, his eyes glancing between your eyes to your lips and then traveled back to your eyes. You hummed. “I don’t know. Maybe not. He probably just said that because we kissed at the restaurant we went to with the others.”

“Were there cameras?”

You shook your head. “I didn’t see any. But, yeah, it was just a kiss and he wants us to stop bickering.”

“But I love bickering with you.” He could see the facial expression you sent him, making him laugh under his breath. “I just love knowing how much you get ticked off. I like the idea, though, of being able to just shut you up when I get to your face like this, too.”

His hands snaked its way to your neck, right under your jaw, and he brought your face closer to his. His thumb reached over to brush the pad of it on your lips with his eyes never straying away from yours. You could obviously see the humor he had in his eyes.

“And you do shut up,” he lightly said with a few snickers escaping his mouth. “Obedient and beautiful. If only…”

“If only what?”

He smiled and brushed his lips against yours, his other hand slightly hovering above your wounded ankle. He kept his distance though, and you knew he was just teasing you by the way he deviously grinned when he could see you wanted more. But he loved feeling the excitement of having you so close, having his lips brush against yours, to feel that electricity of being close to kissing you.

“I don’t feel like it’s right we’re this close,” you muttered, looking at him under your eyelashes. “With Namjoon, the others knew about it. But, you guys are still in a relationship.”

He smiled at your words and shook his head. “We’ve all been wanting to kiss you. If I knew it was wrong, I would not be pulling this move out of respect for the others and you. But, we have respect for you and we have spoken about this.”

“You have?”

“When I’m in a relationship,” he explained, still holding you a bit closer but maintaining a bit of distance between you two, “I don’t fuck around with others. I’m loyal and I always am. With you, we have all acknowledged that kissing you, is not in any way a direct threat to our relationship. We’re all bonding with you and that’s all that matters; having their consent and having yours.”

“Mine?”

He nodded. “Yours.” He could feel you relax under his touch at knowing that the others know about his actions. He continued his gaze. “If only we could test out Namjoon’s theory.”

“Should we?” You questioned him, slightly backing away. But, you couldn’t get far without his hand bringing you closer again.

“Maybe,” his breath hit your lips as he spoke, the smell of mint and vanilla hitting your nose.

“It’s not a ‘yes’.”

“Definitely not a ‘no’ when you look at me with those pretty eyes.”

“You think my eyes are pretty?”

“I’ll give you whatever you ask.”

“A practice kiss.”

“Anything.”

< before - after >

[aranock]

I'm tired.

Just sort of in general I am exhausted. I know I put on a brave face a lot, but the hate does get to me. The constant unceasing hatred both offline and online gets to me. I'm human idk what to say. Been thinking a lot about the Bilbo quote, I might be paraphrasing, "I feel like too little butter spread across too much toast."

It's pride month, I should be feeling happy right? I convocated finally after a brutal long degree I should be feeling happy right? I like how my body looks for the first time in my life shouldn't I feel happy?

And I know that's not helpful, that feelings are not a should thing. And yet I feel it anyway :/. Not that I do not feel happy, I would say on average I am better than I have been at any other point in my life. But it does get to me.

I was invited to dinner with a former family member, a blood relative that breached every boundary I placed and even went so far as to accost me in a public space. It's hard watching someone lose all love for you the more you become yourself. Being told I'm an embarrassment to my parents by creeps online stings a lot more now that I had a blood relative say it to my face while aggressively yanking my jacket so I couldn't get away. I know its a lie, I know that this person saying that hurt my parents as much as it did me. Alas, anxiety rarely responds to facts or evidence.

Everytime it feels like I'm fine and over it; this person manages to weasel their way around boundaries to fuck up my mental health for a week. And the thing about chronic illnesses like mine is they flare up quite horrendously when you get stressed and anxious. Anxiety means waking up to acid burnt throat from reflux.

It makes my voice dysphoric all day.

I think deep down one of my greatest fears is that I am unlovable, that everyone around me secretly hates me and is just waiting for the excuse to finally be rid of interacting with me. I am terrified that I am a burden. Mortified by the false belief that I am broken.

Despite how horrific my childhood adolescence and some of my early adulthood were, my family was at least a safe place. I recognize that I was privileged to have that. With that said I think the reason this whole thing has rocked me so much is that it violated that one last place I felt safe. It has made me doubt the love of those I never thought I would.

Sometimes transphobia feels like drowning, and if you try to swim for air everyone decides to shove you further down cause actually it's proof you are faking needing breath.

I text someone anytime I go run errands, just to make sure someone knows. Had too many experiences of hate. I get anxious when I go to get groceries; will this be the time I get hit by a vehicle driven by a far right transphobe, am I going to get called a slur again, will the store staff get suspicious of me and search through all my groceries to make sure I actually paid for it. But please, tell me how I don't know what its like to be oppressed. When men sexually harass, catcall, creepily hit on, follow me around clearly I am not at all experiencing sexism. Obviously the real worst thing in the world is that women "cancel" people on the internet, and trans people exist. Did they think sending me hateful articles would suddenly make me go "oh yes clearly its all in my head, please genocide my community, I stand for nothing and have the moral backbone of a slug."

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I dont usually feel or desire to express something like this publicly. I will probably delete it later. Maybe I disappear into writing cause its easier to deal with the feelings that way. That at least then someone gets something out of my pain. That maybe it helps to condense emotional mountains to the mole hills of short strokes of a pen or presses of a key. To let them explode outward in a flurry of thoughts and words that others look at and say "I too have felt this, you are not alone, you are not wrong for feeling this way."

Anything to take the weight of it all off my chest for a second.

Because I am tired.

I'm exhausted really.

I don't want to be brave or strong or resilient. It's tiring to bear the weight of that and a billion projections. Atlas does not bear the heavens upon his shoulders because he is strong or brave. He bears it because he has no other choice. Because people put it on him.

I just want to exist; that is apparently too much to ask for as a trans woman.

If you are concerned, please don't worry I'll be fine, I was fine every other time after all. This too shall pass. But right now it hurts.

And I have had my fill of hurt for many lifetimes.

[wishing-stones]

So it's no secret that Underverse was the main reason the plot of R&R worked. It revolved around UV, actually. I tried to be respectful to the source material and the characters. I tried to portray them as the incredibly multi-faceted, wonderfully written beings that they are.

It breaks my heart to see someone whose work inspired me to take the leap and actually attempt a multi-chapter be pushed out of the fandom for, what I understand, is 8 year old drama that has repeatedly been addressed and apologized for? I'm not sure on the details of it, but what I do know is that these kinds of dogpiling attacks that are common in fandom tie into purity culture and all of that bullshit. No one's perfect. People make mistakes. People are sometimes assholes.

People should be given the room to grow past their mistakes and not have shit that happened almost a decade ago held against them.

It's disheartening to see a creator who very obviously loves her craft pushed out because people are obsessive, to the point of legitimately needing mental help, about what someone has done every waking moment of every day since they were born.

Be fucking better. This isn't even really about Jakei (it is, kind of, but not my main point) it's about how fucking awful and brainwashed purity culture has made people. To believe that it's okay to harass and torment someone because they said something you didn't like years ago is mind-bendingly insane and asinine. How do you sit there, type out attacks against someone you don't know beyond the public persona they project, and think to yourself "yeah! I'm the good guy!"

My brother in christ, you are the fucking cyber bully. Full stop. End of fucking discussion.

Everyone who participated in this disgusting mob mentality, not just to Jakei, but to other creators, ought to be ashamed of themselves. This shit has far-reaching impact on people's lives. Finances, mental health, housing, employment... all of this could be jeopardized because someone said something you didn't like years ago. How do you look at that and think to yourself "I'm in the right"? Genuinely.

Do better. Be better.

Back to your regularly scheduled radio silence.

(Oh and before anyone comes crying to be about being a hypocrite for canceling Cat; there is a distinct difference between someone making an off-color remark and someone actively supporting and voting for violence against marginalized people, and additionally supporting extremist views on such things. It's not a matter of opinion then, it's a matter of systemic oppression.)

[storiesforallfandoms]

look at me ~ bo burnham

word count: 2323

request?: yes!

“so you already know that inside: the outtakes has gotten so many people back into their bo thing. me included. sooooo i was thinking, he’s a big guy, ya know👀 so my lil brain was doin some thinkin (not at all while horny) and it came up with this: bo fucking you in front of a mirror!! he’s holding you up, fucking you from behind, saying things like ‘look at how much of a pretty little whore you are for my cock’. just, please please please do your thing and make this something great🥹”

description: after a long day of filming his special, he finds himself pent up and wanting to release his aggressive sexual energy, so he decides to take his girlfriend in the first place he finds her: in the bathroom in front of the mirror

pairing: bo burnham x female!reader

warnings: swearing, smut

masterlist (one, two, three)

Bo had a lot of feelings surrounding the filming of his quarantine special. At first he was upset over having to cancel his plans of returning to live performances, but then the idea of filming, editing, directing, lighting, etc., his own special seemed exciting. And getting back into writing comedy felt almost therapeutic. The longer quarantine went on, though, the more his mental health struggled. He was enjoying creating, but he hated that this was how he had to create. And he hated how much he struggled to make everything perfect.

But more than anything, he was unbearably horny. To a point where he was writing extremely horny bits into the special.

It was his own doing really. Bo would spend every day - from the moment he woke up to the moment he fell asleep - working on the special. Most nights, that was late enough that his girlfriend, (Y/N), would be fast asleep. Other nights, he felt too mentally exhausted to try and initiate sex.

He felt guilty for the quality time he was losing with her by working all day, but (Y/N) was incredibly supportive. She would check on him every day to make sure he was doing okay, occasionally bringing him food so he would eat. She’d get him to take little break every now and then before going back to long hours of working on the special. Bo felt extremely grateful to have her in his life. But man, did he ever miss being intimate with her.

He was sat in this guest house one evening, editing his most recent bit, which was a song about sexting. His mind was on (Y/N) as his own voice played through the speakers. He thought about how badly he wanted to hold her, feel her body against his, her warm walls around him. His horniness was definitely trickling into his work and it was something he needed to fix soon or else he felt like he might explode.

Bo stood and looked out the window that faced towards his house. He could see a light on in the room that belonged to him and (Y/N), signaling that she was still awake. He quickly rushed out of his guest house, leaving the unedited song running.

(Y/N) was in the ensuite bathroom getting ready for bed. She had peaked out to the guest house to check on Bo. The lights were off besides a dull blue light that she assumed was Bo editing another bit. She had sighed to herself before going to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. As proud as she was of Bo for working on this special all on his own, she really did miss getting to spend time with him. Their bed felt too empty without him.

She was leaned over the sink, washing her face, when she suddenly felt two arms wrap around her. She let out a yelp and stood up quickly to see Bo’s towering figure behind her in the mirror. He buried his head in the crook of her neck, lightly kissing the area, causing her heart to flutter for a different reason.

“Hey,” she said. “You finished up early tonight.”

“I can’t standing being away from you anymore,” he responded. “It’s getting too hard to not have you in my arms.”

“That’s not the only thing that’s hard,” she teased.

Bo chuckled and grinded his hard, clothed dick against her. “You got me there.”

He continued to kiss her neck as he pressed himself against her. She lulled her head to the side, giving him more access to her neck. She closed her eyes and sighed. His hands moved from around her waist, one going upwards to cup one of her breasts and the other moving down between her legs. Her breath hitched as he teased the waistband of her pajama pants.

“Is this okay?” he asked, his hot breath fanning over her ear in a way that sent a shiver down her spine. She nodded in response. “I need to hear you say it, baby.”

“Yes,” she breathed. “Yes, please Bo.”

Bo grinned and nibbled on her ear as his hand dipped under her waistband. He ran a finger through her folds, teasing her clit with a feather-light touch.

“You’re already so wet,” he whispered. “Desperate for me to you, baby?”

“Yes,” (Y/N) whimpered. “I’ve missed your touch so much.”

“I’ve missed touching you. You don’t understand how much I’ve missed having you. I think about being inside of you practically every waking moment, and when I’m sleeping too.”

She moaned as he finally applied pressure to her clit. He rubbed slow circles into the bundle of nerves as he continued to kiss over her neck. He nipped at the sensitive skin, leaving red marks in his wake that he really hoped would turn into hickies. There was something so hot to him about marking (Y/N) in a way that other people would see and know she was his. He slipped his hand under her shirt to cup and knead at her breasts, one at a time, making her nipples pop out underneath his fingers.

(Y/N) was a moaning mess; putty in Bo’s hands. He was essentially holding her up at that point as she was leaning back against him, her legs wobbling to a point where she wasn’t sure she could stay up much longer.

“Are you close already?” Bo asked. “I can feel you trembling.”

“I-I’m s-so close,” she said.

“Open your eyes, baby. I want you to look at me while you cum.”

She pried her eyes open to look into the mirror. Bo’s eyes were staring back at her, dark with lust. It was hard to keep them open as her orgasm washed over her. Her legs just about gave out from under her as she cried out. Bo held her, smirking to himself as she trembled in his arms. He whispered praises into her ear as she came down from her high.

“I need you,” he whispered. “Right here, baby, please.”

“The bed is just a few steps away,” she teased.

“I can’t wait. I’m a slight breeze away from cumming in my pants.”

She giggled and turned her head to kiss him. She reached back to run her hands through his long hair. At first, she wasn’t a fan of the idea of Bo growing out his hair and facial hair, but now, with his beard leaving a tickling sensation in its wake and his long hair giving her something to hold on to, she suddenly loved it.

Bo broke away from the kiss to shove (Y/N) down over the bathroom counter. He pulled her pants and underwear down around her ankles, helping her to step out of them and kicking them off to the side. He let his own pants fall to the floor as well, his hard dick springing free from his pants. He took it in one hand and ran it through (Y/N)’s drenched folds, collecting her slick to use as his own lube. (Y/N) bit down on her lip as she whimpered, but couldn’t contain her moans once Bo pushed the head of his dick against her entrance. He easily slid his cock into her, slowly moving inwards until he was buried at the hilt inside of her. He dropped his head against her back, groaning at the sensation. It was a feeling he had been longing for, and now that he had it he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to last.

He slowly pulled himself out halfway before slowly thrusting back into her again. The head of his dick so easily nudged her g-spot that it made her already shaky legs even more wobbly every time he thrust inwards. She held on to the counter, digging her nails into it with such a grip that she thought she was going to break the counter.

Bo kissed over (Y/N)’s neck and what he could reach of her face again. “Can I start fucking you, princess?”

She nodded, unable to speak. Bo took that as enough of an answer for him this time and started thrusting into her at a quicker speed. He held on to her hips as he slammed into her, the sound of their skin slapping together filling the room. (Y/N)’s mind went blank, the only thing she could think of being Bo, Bo, Bo! She cried out his name, a sound more beautiful than any song Bo had ever heard.

“I might not last long,” he told her. “Do you think you can give me one more before I shoot this hot load inside you, baby?”

“Yes!” she cried. “Yes, yes, yes.”

It became a chant, like that was the only word she knew.

Bo smiled and put his hand around her throat, pulling her up so that she was flush against his chest. He continued thrusting at his brutal pace while reaching his other hand between her legs to rub her clit again.

“Look at how much of a pretty little whore you are for my cock,” he said. “God, you look so fucking hot, falling apart for me like this.”

Her eyes were rolling in the back of her head, which clearly was not what Bo wanted. He squeezed her throat slightly, just enough to block her airways and make her lightheaded.

���I said look at me,” he growled into her ear. She opened her eyes and looked into the mirror. He smiled at her. “Good girl. Look how fucking good you look, all cock drunk for me like this.”

Her eyes were hooded, threatening to close again, and her mouth was in a permanent “O” shape as her body bounced with every thrust. Bo looked like a man on a mission, watching her face intently as he rubbed ruthlessly at her clit and thrusted hard into her. He took his bottom lip between his teeth, a sight which just drove her further over the edge.

She didn’t have to tell him this time that she was close. Actually, she didn’t even have time to tell him. Her second orgasm hit her quickly and intensely. Her vision clouded for a moment and her entire body felt heavy. Bo wrapped an arm around her lower stomach, keeping her up for his last few thrusts before he also hit his own climax. He buried his head in her neck again, muffled groans tumbling from his lips as he gave a few more shallow thrusts.

They were both panting and sticky with sweat once they finally started coming down from their highs. Bo was reluctant to pull out, but he could feel himself becoming soft and slipping from between her legs. (Y/N) gasped as she felt the hot trail of cum running down her legs.

“Let me clean you up so you can finally lay down,” Bo said.

He reached past her to grab the face cloth she had been using early and ran warm water over it again. Turned her so she was facing him and knelt down in front of her to wipe her legs and between them. He planted a kiss on both of her inner thighs, causing her to twitch a little from overstimulation. When he stood again, he discarded the cloth onto the floor and took (Y/N) into his arms. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her to bed.

He laid her down first before crawling into bed next to her. He took her into his arms, reveling in the feeling of her warm body against his. It had been so long since they had been able to fall asleep together. He rarely tried to cuddle her when he came into bed after she had fallen asleep in fear that he would wake her.

“Are you done working for the night then?” (Y/N) asked, her voice soft and sheepish.

“Definitely,” he decided. “This takes so much more precipitant than working on that stupid special.”

“Hey, it’s not stupid. I think it’s going to be really good.”

Bo chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “You haven’t even seen any of it.”

“I saw that one that was a parody of Drake’s music.”

“Eh, I’m thinking of cutting that one. I don’t even like it all that much.”

“Don’t do that! It’s my favorite one!”

He squeezed her slightly and kissed her again. “Okay, no promises, but I’ll try my best to put it in.”

“Thank you.”

They laid in silence for a while. It was quite comforting. Bo never wanted to leave the bed. He just wanted to hold (Y/N) and lay here in the dark and silence.

“I miss this,” (Y/N) whispered into the silence.

Bo sighed. “Me too. I promise I’ll try not to work too late so that we can have these moments more often. And I promise I’ll try to finish the special soon so that I’m not working on it at all anymore.”

“You don’t have to finish it soon if you don’t feel it’s ready, but I would prefer it if you were here in bed with me when I fell asleep at night. It’s not the same to fall asleep in a lonely bed all by myself.”

“I promise. Now get some sleep. I can tell you’re fighting off the unconsciousness.”

(Y/N) shook her head and smiled to herself. Of course he was right, she felt exhausted now after their bathroom activities. Being curled in his warm embrace didn’t help that matter either. She settled herself next to him and closed her eyes, letting the sleep take hold of her. Bo wasn’t too far behind, placing one last kiss on the top of her head before closing his eyes and letting himself drift off to sleep.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my brother his wife is using him?

This may be long but I want to make sure there is enough info for you to give an accurate judgment. TLDR at the end but I encourage reading the full post

I (25f) have an older brother, J (28m). I also have a younger brother (22m), L. J and I were always close when we were younger then grew apart as we got older, the boys always were close. The year J graduated high school we became close again.

J met his gf A (29-31f, I dont even know how old she is but she's older then J) during college. I remember the first time A came home with him, and she was very sweet but very nervous. We clicked and had a good conversation that lasted hours (we all were at our parents house and us girls had to share a room and the boys did too). Anytime there were holidays we stayed at our parents and did this (big holidays that colleges had off like Christmas and Thanksgiving)

We met up a couple of times and all was fine. It was hard as they lived far away from where we grew up (2-4 hours depending on traffic and routes). Then I moved to the country, about 20 minutes away from them. We met up more often, but only maybe about once every 3 months. No big deal, I was busy working. Then J and A got engaged and it felt like everything changed.

I would invite them to hang out or get dinner, but J and A would make excuses. J would be like "A can't come so we won't make it" even when I said "okay but what if only you came? You're my brother?" He would make excuses. The days they agreed to meet up, suddenly day of couldn't go. He was tired after work, she wasn't feeling good, the car wasn't working. Anything and everything you could think of. I did notice whenever L came to visit me and stay, J and A would always be available to meet up, even if it was last minute.

So I figured...it somehow must be me? And then they got married. And it was beautiful.

Or so im told as it was a private ceremony and I wasn't invited :) I actually was originally told the date, which I asked off of work for, but then I got a text a week prior saying "guess what happened tonight" and then was told they got married. L was there. Our parents and myself were not. A did tell me she didn't feel right inviting our parents if her parents weren't there...but why not me? I was told it was a private ceremony and only L was there as a witness, but one of their friend's posted pictures and it had over 5 different people in them

I tried to let it go but honestly it hurt me and pissed me off and everything kept adding onto it. I have zero clue what the hell i did. I have texted J and asked him point blank if he is mad at me, he would deny. I asked for A's number cause he mentioned she was lonely and had lost friends, I said we could go get our nails done since that's something she likes (I dont but I figured I'd extend an olive branch) he refused to give it to me. It seems its me but again I have zero clue why.

It worsened after me and J got into an argument. They canceled again, and I do know A was having a bought of depression at this time. I understood, as someone diagnosed with depression and anxiety. But J told me I never would understand (A was still going out to places and hanging out with friends, meanwhile there were days I couldn't get out of bed and called into work sick. I know we shouldn't compare mental illness but it seemed like an excuse to me. A also would do things that she has said makes her mental health worse, like reading and watching things that triggers her). The whole reason I wanted to hang out is because I had Christmas gifts from our parents and a few of our childhood friends for them (L was out of the country at this time and had mailed a gift to them). They kept bailing and I tried for TWO MONTHS, I finally delivered the items the week after Valentines.

One of our friends was a baker and TOLD THEM she baked them a cake, special for them because A has dietary restrictions due to a chronic disease. They knew this and it spoiled. So I was upset for my friend, and I lied and said they got it to save her the hurt.

But when J finally told me to drop off the items I blew up at him. We stood outside his house and yelled at each other. He flat out told me to stop being so emotional and that I was letting hormones get in the way of thinking, and that I should understand A being depressed. I did! I yelled at him he should get his head out of his ass and that he is letting down not just me but our friends, especially the baker who has a waitlist and made stuff SPECIAL for them. He didn't thank me for my gift, but texted each individual person for theirs.

That was in 2022. A month after I apologized and he said he forgave me. But nothing has changed. Since then they didn't wish me happy birthday (they called L on his, he is now living with me temporarily, but when I pointed out I didn't get a happy birthday from anyone *literally only one friend wished me a happy birthday and L, even my own parents forgot* A told me I needed to get over myself and that birthdays weren't that important to them so I shouldn't take any offense. I didnt expect them to wish me a happy birthday this year because of that, but my true friends and my parents did remember this year),. They didn't come to my college graduation. I stopped texting J and I hadn't heard a response since. We did see each other this past Christmas coincidentally, not planned as they didn't come to our parents. J was pleasant, A said nothing but watched me the whole time, and I made excuses to leave this Christmas party as I didnt even know they knew the person throwing the party.

I came home early from work this past week and J was visiting L (something J claims he can't do during weekdays cause he works 9-5 during the week...allegedly). J gave me a hug and we all chatted for about an hour, it felt like old times, but then his wife called. It was a smooth conversation then I got brought up, and suddenly A needed J back home immediately. He bailed on dinner plans he and L had (L had spent all day cooking a roast, it was delicious btw and yes L was upset J didn't stay).

I had enough. I called J during his "work hours" on his cell. J answered and I chewed him out. I said our brother was hurt and whatever the issue with me is HAS to stop. If he doesn't tell me whats wrong, I CANT fix it. J told me there was nothing wrong with me and I was reading too into it. I pointed out some of the same instances I listed and he told me I was reading into it. He then accidentally let slip that A didn't want us talking. Which I figured. I blew up and told him A was using him. A was turning him against me and our parents *i am too lazy to go back but he stopped talking to our parents the same time he stopped talking to me but he always talked to L*. I mentioned how she is an adult and if she has an issue with me she needs to tell me, but instead she's a fucking coward. J yelled at me that she has anxiety and I yelled back "bitch I do too! I'm on fucking meds for it" which i know she isnt. J hung up on me.

Not only is everything above an issue, A also: doesn't have a job and only J has the income. Claims its because of her illness, the one that causes dietary restrictions, yet EATS said things even though she knows makes her sick. She won't let J meet up with our childhood friends. A also has stsrted getting J to take edibles with her. If J is tested, it will get him fired from his job. But then she complains he's being a loser if he doesn't do edibles with her.

The kicker is this: A solely used to date women. J is NOT a woman, nor does he want to identify as one. J knows A used to date women, and again tells me I should be more considerate seeing as how I am openly bisexual. However, and I havent told J this, one of the conversations I did have with A after they got married, she told me TO MY FACE "yeah, I never imagined marrying a guy yet here I am." Laughed and I kind of was like oh haha, isnt it crazy how things work out, to which she said "I dont even like men!" Slapped my thigh laughing and continued laughing. I was bewildered and when J had returned and asked what we were talking about we both changed the subject.

I did tell L when that happened and he thought it was weird but we couldn't change anything as they were married. I dont know if I should tell J.

But really I do feel as though A is using J, but now im wondering if I should lay it out more clearly WHY. Or if I should stay out of it. They already seem to hate me, so part of me is like why not go for it. But L is talking me off that bridge (my therapist is also testing me for something that isnt solely anxiety and depression) . I know J is hurt as he told L such, and part of me feels bad I yelled, but also the rest of me wants to key his fucking car and tell him to shove it up his ass and ban him from seeing L at my house as it is MY house even though L is living there

AITA?

TLDR: I yelled at my brother his wife is using him as she doesn't have a job, always falls back on her mental and physical illness yet does things to make them worse, and has also told me she doesn't like men (she used to exclusively date women prior to my brother).

What are these acronyms?

[house-of-slayterr]

X-Men & Bat/Super Fam Incorrect Quotes:

Superman : We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Y/N : …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Y/n : So what are your political beliefs?

Jason: awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

Batman : Robin , why are you crying?

Dick : This book is so sad!!

Batman , picking it up: But this is my diary-

Charles : Hey Jean, wanna third wheel on my date with Erik tomorrow?

Jean: Sure.

Charles : Storm ! Wanna third wheel on my date with Erik tomorrow?

Charles : Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!

Jean & Storm : ...

Erik : Charles ...

Jean: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”.

Storm : *looks over at Erik and Charles * Storm : Is it “sexual tension”?

Rogue : You know, Bansheee gives Hank flowers everyday, I wish you'd do that too.

Gambit : Okay.

*Later*

Gambit : *gives Hank flowers*

Hank : ???

Gambit : I don't know, I'm confused as well.

Rogue : Hank , you'll be working with Bansheee and Gambit .

Hank : Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

Hank : ...Of people on a team.

Jubilee : Why are your tongues purple?

Pyro : We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Bobby : I had a red one.

Jubilee : oh.

Jubilee :

Jubilee : OH.

Kitty :

Kitty : You drank eachothers slushies?

Jean : So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Logan recently.

Scott : No, Jean , it's not what it looks like, I swear.

Jean : Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?

Scott : No! You’re the only one for me.

Jean : Is that so?

Scott : I promise! Logan and I are just dating, okay? They’re my partner.

Jean : So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?

Scott : You are still my one and only best friend! They’re just the love of my life, nothing more!

Jean : But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?

Scott : Of course bro!

Jean : Bro...

Logan : What the-

Logan : Is there a cactus where your heart should be?

Jean : What’s up your ass this morning!

Scott : *walks in* ...Hey.

Jean : Hmm… nevermind.

Logan : WAIT NO!

Damian : How do Jason and Tim usually get out of these messes?

Dick : They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

Damian : *running into the room* Dick just said they don’t love me anymore!

Tim: What?!

Dick : *following him in* I did not say that. I just said that we are not driving all the way across the country just so you can punch Jason in the face.

Damian : Good night.

Dick : Sleep tight.

Jason : Don't let the bedbugs crawl up to your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself.

Tim: Great, now Dick 's crying.

Jason : Why are you smiling?

Kon : What? I can’t just be happy?

Damian : Jon tripped and fell in the parking lot.

Jason , to Jon: When was the last time you let someone hug you?

Jon: *thinking*

Jon: 2012.

Kon : 2012…?

Jon: Yeah. I almost died and it really freaked Damian out so I let them hug me.

Damian , carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day?

Jon: …

Jon: What’s in the box?

Damian : What woul-

Jon: Damian , what’s in the box?

Damian : I think you know.

Bonus Villains:

Crane : I sleep with a gun under my pillow.

Ed : I sleep with a knife.

Harley : Both of you are pathetic.

Crane : Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?

Harley : Ivy .

Harley : HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

Harley : *aggressively throws water bottles*

Ed : Uh... what's up with them?

Crane : They're trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.

Harley : I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Ivy , crying: It's working.

Oz, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.

Ed : I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

Ed : We have a problem.

Oz: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Y/n: You have to apologize to them Crane .

Crane : Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

Y/n: *angrily presses Crane against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!

Crane : ...

Crane : Are we about to kiss-

Joker : Lex , I need some advice.

Lex : You need advice from ME?

Joker : Yeah, frightening, isn't it?

Lex : I haven’t lost my virginity.

Joker : Because you have no friends?

Lex : No... because I never lose!

*At a speed dating event*

Joker : Oh wow, people are really shallow.

y/n : Consider it a background check. For example: Do you have a death certificate?

Joker : *Checks their pulse* Sorry, not yet.

y/n : Good, I'm not fucking a ghost again.

Bonus to the Bonus: + Wade

Y/N: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

Logan : But we lost Wade .

Y/N: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

Logan : Thank you all for coming.

Wade , wearing a hospital gown: When I heard you couldn't get laid, I dropped everything and came straight here.

Logan : Well, I couldn't imagine anyone else being part of the "Fuck Logan Task Force".

Y/N: Yeah, I interpreted that in a different way.

Logan : Come on, Wade . Nobody actually believes that Y/N is in love with me.

Wade , to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Y/N is helplessly in love with Logan .

*Everyone raises their hand*

Logan : Y/N, put your hand down.

Tag: @oceansrose2002 @kados-of-chaos @mothmans-kingdom @myers-meadow

[jmdbjk]

Oh, Jimin...

These are my personal impressions, thoughts, interpretations and opinions on Jimin’s solo FACE album. Some of the things I say here are built on things I know from past original content, interviews and what Jimin has shared personally. Some of it is just me reveling in my first experience with Jimin’s long awaited album. 

It is such a serious album. Jimin said this is the story of what he was feeling, chronologically, 2020-2022, during the pandemic era. At the beginning of 2020, BTS was rising higher than any Korean artist ever had before and then all of a sudden the momentum came to a halt, and there was nothing. Having the life you’ve known suddenly jerked away from you is traumatizing. 

Once the king of social media, Jimin almost ceased by the end of 2020 and never went back. “Oh, he just outgrew it.” No, the man was struggling with his issues and not only did he not need to see the extra crap spewed all over social media but he had nothing left to give, nothing left inside. 

I noticed how Jimin looked physically back in 2020. He was downright frail y’all. The man was trying to give us what we wanted at the expense of his mental and physical health. That breakdown he had during the ending ments in Memories 2020 was too much. They were all stressed out, but Jimin... those that said he was being over dramatic... the man was struggling with his mental health.

I wrote this last June, 2022 but never posted it: 

After Memories 2020 dropped, we’ve heard Jimin say he struggled after everything got canceled. Days upon days that turned into months upon months and more than two years passed before they finally returned to in-person performances. He stated that during isolation and lockdowns he wondered what was the purpose of his life, or that he had lost his purpose.

Jimin’s struggles were most likely much more severe than he let on and he 100% kept it to himself because he didn’t want us to worry about him. That sounded like solo delusional projection but think about Jimin and how he’s behaved in the past...always telling us not to worry. Always saying things to reassure us that he’s happy, he eats well, don’t worry.

There was no working, no performing, their lives and his life changed drastically overnight just like all of ours did. Would we ever get back to normal? What will happen in the future? When will all of this end? 

Face-Off

The album opens with a carnival calliope, it was a little jarring and unexpected. The images it conjured in my brain as the notes played were of a worn out circus winding down. It made me think of the big wild circus that WAS his life, and it just wound down and keeled over. 

Knowing the premise of the album, I think the title, Face-Off, implies Jimin is looking at himself. Speaking to himself. The lyrics could also imply he is speaking to someone else, like people he once trusted. But I don’t think so. 

He was having a confrontation with himself. Reasoning and bargaining with himself.

Maybe he once trusted himself but in this time and place in which he finds himself, he questions what is he doing? and second guessing himself. Day in and day out, the days are all the same nothingness. Hiding his feelings, faking it, pretending it was all ok. It’s all cool. It’ll be all right. He has said many times he looks back at that time and thinks he could have done more for the fans. Being hard on himself. His own worst critic. 

And then this enters the picture: using alcohol to self-medicate. Getting drunk. Numbing the pain. Forgetting. Drink all night. Oh, Jimin...

We know he has a very high alcohol tolerance. He once mentioned that he used to drink a lot. When he declined the champagne during the live after the Busan concert, we all made jokes about it and moved on. Oh, Jimin. 

Face-Off feels like it could have been a purging song when he wrote it. A little primal, you know... just scream, get it out. Painful but cathartic. 

This is the lyric that was scary: “tonight is a beautiful night, I think I’m close (or I think I have it all/I think I’ve found myself)” were chilling to me because they did not come across as optimistic, they came across as being at the end of one’s rope after becoming a shell of a person. He follows that line with “tonight I don’t want to be sober.” Oh, Jimin. 

His vocals open very low and moody then transition to a plaintive cry, punctuated with anger. 

Pour it down, pour it out... the anger, the emotions, the words, just pour it out. 

Interlude: Dive

Like the calliope that sadly wound down, Dive opens with the melody slowly winding back up to speed. Another day starting. Someone knocks, voices, the ambience of a normal day, breathing, running footsteps. The crowd cheering and Jimin’s voice during his ending ments at the Busan concert, more sounds of people in his life. We hear Jimin’s footsteps trudging, it sounds like we hear him climbing steps, entering his house, closing the door, and first thing he does when he is alone in the quiet is pour a drink and drinking deeply. I am concerned. 

Maybe it is supposed to represent the closing of Chapter 1, about a day in the past that was once a “normal” day, since it included the last things he said during that concert.

The music track is dreamlike, repetitive. Living in a dream. Every day. Same thing. Go home. Drink. Do it again. Dive means go deep. In deep. He’s in deep. 

There is a very subtle line between drinking in order to make it through another day/night versus drinking to relax and wind down. A slippery slope to walk on every single day.

We’ve transitioned from the world changing overnight to living in a daze trying to pretend everything is ok. Coping.

Like Crazy

(I am going to express my thoughts using the English version of the song.)

Jimin has explained the song is influenced by the movie of the same name. 

I have learned that the dialogue from the movie was NOT original to the movie but hired voice actors specifically for the song: “I think we can last forever.” “I’m afraid that everything will disappear.” “Just trust me.” And at the end: “How long again?” “What’s the point?”

He has said the dialogue that was used fit the message of the song. I have not seen the movie. I don’t think the song is a literal interpretation of the movie. I think the song’s basic concept is the emotional struggle trying to maintain a dream. But maintaining a dream is unrealistic no matter what you do to try to make it last. Jimin had to come to terms with that.

Jimin’s vocals begin very light and airy, very dreamy. 

[God, he’s fine.]

The vibe of the song is sort of retro, very much evokes the artist, The Weeknd. It has a very 80′s synth beat. It is a very danceable song. Like I said, on the surface.... very dreamy.

Vocals transition and it still seems like he’s having a conversation with himself, or with a voice within himself. A voice telling him to “trust me, follow me... I will make it good for you.” Me: gives a side eye to that voice in Jimin’s head because now I know it’s not trustworthy. “I’ll take the pressure off, been reaching for the stars.” Chasing that high. Go easy, Jimin. Please be careful.

Yes, the lyrics are also very sexy... “give me a good ride,” and “Let me have a taste.” Yep, I’m with ya on all that... ahem... 

[Wow]

[side note: I love the make up in the bathroom scene with that stroke of silver under his eye.]

“All my reflections, I can’t even recognize.” ...what he sees of himself is not reality. He doesn’t recognize himself. Don’t try to save me. I want to stay like this. 

To me, the mud on the floor, the mud flowing down the walls, the mud on the hand that grabs his wrist at the beginning of the song, the mud on his hand at the end... could represent his perceived imperfections, flawed, therefore dirty: his struggle to cope, his less than perfect thoughts... substance abuse... the struggle that he needs to be perfect on the outside or the attempt to appear perfect on the outside but there’s all this dirt on the inside that he can’t hide any longer.....the huge pile of mud at his feet is out of place in the otherwise normal room of his life. Becoming overwhelming for him.

Some of the visuals of this song are, to put it bluntly, very, not heterosexual. Again, these are just my impressions and opinions. But a friend pointed out the photo on the front of his pants and I went looking for information about the art photographer, Robert Mapplethorpe. He was heavily involved in New York’s gay BDSM scene. Some of the things written about him: 

“In a rapidly changing society, he fearlessly confronted taboos surrounding gender, sexuality and mortality, seeking to instill beauty and dignity into subjects that lay outside accepted social norms.”

“... a man who consistently brought his audience face to face with the unknown and the unseen.”

The song ends with him reaching toward the camera to smear it with the mud to hide his imperfect self. When Jimin puts his face in front of the camera, he doesn’t want us to see his imperfections. He wants to be as perfect as he can, he says it all the time, he wants to look pretty for us, but I hope he has realized we accept him as a real human being even with his very human imperfections. 

Alone

The alarm clock goes off...yet another day...doesn’t trust the people even if they are nice to him...he’s lost...day in day out... passing out drunk and not remembering...what am I doing? am I the only one feeling like this? Alone, pretending to be ok...every day the same...how much more until I can go back to before? Feeling more and more isolated within his own mind, pretending to be ok but losing himself every day. Mayday. The cry for help. Telling himself it will be all right (we all told ourselves this back then). The small nagging voice that doesn’t believe it. 

Realizing you’ve changed and you are never going back to the way you were before. 

Not gonna lie, that line right there broke my heart. Gives new meaning to Set Me Free Pt. 2′s line: "raise your hands for the past me.” 

He was in so much trouble and no one knew. He reassured us over and over that he was fine. Not to be over-dramatic but I don’t want to think about how close he was... I have seen a few people say this song really resonated with them. It is a very powerful cry for help.

Jimin’s vocals blew me away. The vocals start out very subdued, almost beaten down. His vocal fry squeezes my heart. He ends crying out “what do I have to do to end this darkness?” Bad twilight. Night’s can be hard.

Set Me Free Pt. 2

From my post on March 17, 2023:

Going insane to stay sane. Raise your hands for the past me. Now set me free. This is where I literally cried. Oh, Jimin.

Going crazy trying to fake being ok. 

Now I know this song is about him saving himself, setting himself free from this prison he was in, the depression, breaking the chains of alcohol dependency, of telling the naysayers out there and his own internal naysayer to go fuck themselves, Park Jimin is back. Strong and beautiful and fierce. The light of the moon shining on us. 

We know he still considers soju his joy. He sounds like he’s taken control, not totally abstaining, but in control. I only wish the rest of his days are happiness and stable mental health well-being. 

Letter

So unexpected. I was in shock. My heart floated away. 

People talk about how Jimin’s album has no collabs on it, unlike the previous member’s solo work. My opinion is, when you are sharing deeply intimate feelings and emotions and struggles about yourself you don’t want or need other people/voices on your song. It’s not appropriate. 

The only exception to this was… Jungkook…not exactly a collab, but he’s there. The other songs used background vocalists who are not members of BTS. 

This song was hidden. Yes, there have been other hidden songs. But come on...

Letter has a strong stroke of Promise in the “oh, oh.” And when Jungkook starts singing it is like the world is set right because those two voices blend like nothing else I’ve ever heard. And he comes in in the middle of the song gently supporting Jimin’s vocals. But unmistakably Jungkook. I know it’s up to interpretation, but for me, the lyrics from then on take on something a little extra in meaning with Jungkook there singing with Jimin. 

You held your hand out to me and now I will hold on to you. So simple and beautiful. The sounds of the surf remind me of the song “Okinawa” that Jimin posted once. Which also reminds me of their pics at Santa Monica beach...

Letter seems to be an actual letter. When the members told him to write it down, put it in a song, maybe Jimin’s first impulse was to write it as if it was a letter. The lyrics are simple and very to the point and convey:

“...though I’m not good with words, I want to sincerely say let’s make each other happier. You who showed me I am bigger than my small self. You've been by my side and I will be by yours. I hope we stay together until the cold winter. Though the future is unknown and scary, let’s stay together. Never forget we’re together.”

There are references to past songs: Sea, Spring Day. Both of those songs were from 2017. 

But Jungkook. On a Jimin song. That was hidden. Clever. That we had no idea about...even though Kookie knocked us over the head with it when he played the guitar for us, making sure we knew he’d only had one lesson. Who do you think gave him that first guitar lesson? Jimin... and Kookie blurting out some English in his last live... who do you think he’s been practicing English with? Duh, Jimin. 

It was a hidden song AND the credits were hidden on the page in the book. They were printed in varnish only, which is basically shiny, clear ink.

You know what I think? Jungkook knew about this song since Festa dinner. The teasing about not being offered the chance to listen to the song. That little shit. I KNOW IT WAS THIS SONG!! I JUST KNOW IT!! This was the rumored subunit. Or at least one of them. I guess we’ll eventually see if there are any more between the others.

They sound so beautiful together. I love them. And as I keep saying, they are fine… they’ve been fine.

Last words...

Anyway, that was a lot of words. Maybe I got too deep. Jimin explained himself about how the album originated. 

As I was telling my friend earlier...everything in this album has peeled a layer, or several layers, away from EVERYTHING I've seen and heard from Jimin and the group since 2020. I had written some things in the past, like last June and even before that, about how Jimin seemed not well mentally. Things that I had no business saying in public because who the hell am I to think I can say something like that about someone I have never met? So I never posted those words. I never thought I would be so close to the mark in thinking those things. He’s been through it, wrote songs about it, and moved on. And I am so proud of him and this album. 

[foster-the-world]

Great Gatsby

My Mom, Aunt and I saw the Great Gatsby last night. Great show. Amazing costumes and scenes as you would expect. We got $24 tickets we get through Bee's ice skating program. My husband and I will go see Water for Elephants next month. The Classical theater of Harlem is also having free nightly outdoor performance of a midsummers night dream - which looks like a fun adaption. Thinking of taking the girls next week. I think it has lots of glitzy costumes and dancing. It doesn't start until 8:30 but I think we can go for the first half. As a kid my mom had weekly tickets to the Muny - a huge outdoor theater. All of the kids went to the kids show once a summer. Fond memories.

The girls start science camp next week. They love Camp Half blood/sword camp so much. So much imagination. They are bummed its over but they did science camp and liked it last summer.

We are scheduled to go to Banff and Jasper National Parks the end of August. We always do our summer vacation then because camps end but school doesn't start. Turns out two other people at work also want that week off. They may tell me no. Which is fine. So far I've only booked cancelable lodging. We will figure out childcare and go the week before. We may end up switching destinations because we will no longer have the extra labor day Monday off. Its a pretty pricey flight so I don't want to go if we don't have enough time. Maybe Columbia? We will make it to Banff someday.

Talked with baby boy's new school OT and PT. They said he's doing great. He's so used to doing therapies that he has no problems going with new people. PT mentioned the inability to slow down is his problem. Not news to us. Let's hope they can help.

Was reading the NYT's article about the study that says children's moving anytime between the age of 10 and 16 has really detrimental long term effects. For obvious reasons loosing your close knit community during that age is difficult. Here in NYC because of school choice kids can go across town for Junior high and then to a totally different location with no one they know for High School. In addition to the (unhealthy, I think) stress of applications, etc I do wonder if it would have the same negative outcomes. Maybe that's just common practice everywhere now? Where I grew up Jr High was everyone you went to Elementary school with and then three other elementary schools. High school was everyone from your Jr High. I def went from Kindergarten through Graduation with many of the same people.

In my circles everyone believes social media is the cause of teenagers mental health problems - which I believe. But I also think kids having so much less freedom contributes. Its tricky in NYC - as I can't send my kids out to their neighbors backyard - but I try to give the girls freedom as much as possible. Baby boys only four but unless his personality changes I think it will be even more difficult to give him freedom.

Here's to hoping Biden drops out in the next few days. Let's all buy the man a drink, give him a big thank you and let him live out his days in peace. Job well done. Lots of room for improvement but overall A+ in my book.

[xoxoemynn]

Em!!

Hello lovely, I know I wrote you a lovely letter recently during your own love fest but I still wanted to pop in and say hi and spread some more love and give some hugs.

So, just to reiterate what I’ve said a million times before:

Thank you so much for sharing your work with us and for being so awesome and supportive. It’s so beautiful to have people like you in our fandom who do so much to help uplift others and stay positive. Honestly, idk how you do it sometimes, this world can be so nasty and whenever things kinda go sideways you’re always there with the just right thing to say to bring that little spark of hope back. For me at least.

Your post about the show yesterday really hit me hard bc I was feeling pretty low and it’s just nice to know that we have such passionate fans who are willing to stick around and keep this fandom running, even if we don’t get our show back.

Thank you again 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 I hope you have a lovely rest of your sunday evening. 💜

Awwww lovely, this is so extremely kind of you to say. And I'm glad you found comfort in that post. Truthfully, I do still circle through all the stages of grief in losing OFMD. Some days are better than others. I know everyone handles it differently — some people go full clown, others prefer to accept that it's over for good. We've all got to do whatever is best for our mental health. For me, that does mean keeping a bit of hope alive. That spark, no matter how faint it may be at times, is what keeps me going. I lose hope, I'm just straight into the abyss.

But hope doesn't just happen. You do have to nurture it. I've gotten much more protective of my fandom space since the cancellation. We live in a reality where it's very likely we will never get more canonical content for this show. Fandom is the only guarantee we have left, and even that will only last so long as we tend to it with love.

Because of that, it's just not fun to me to be a hater, or to spend time dwelling on the parts of the show/fandom that I dislike or wish would be different. It's just not interesting to me and, frankly, I think nearly every round of discourse we get is just a weak rehash of discourse we've been through a dozen times already and that's very boring to me. So I just don't engage. I block and filter liberally. If shit starts getting to me, I log off and come back when I'm ready.

I prefer to spend my time celebrating all the art and fic and meta that comes out of this fandom, or sharing fun head canons, or laughing at shitposts. And I have very selfish reasons for doing that because usually that inspires people to do MORE of it, so I get to enjoy it even MORE, even when I'm busy or emotionally drained and can't offer much myself.

It's a common phrase that you get out of fandom what you put into it, and I do think that's true, but I also think it's only half of the equation. I think you also get out of fandom what you take out of it. And so that's why I spend my time in places and with people that spark joy and creativity and love, because that fuels my own, and that's what keeps my spark of hope burning. That's what encourages me to continue sharing my love for the show and all the fans, because I see it in so many others. And if anybody or anything gets in the way of that? Fuck'em. They serve no purpose to me and are in fact counterproductive to the reason I'm in this fandom at all. Fare thee well.

And so when I see you going around spreading kindness, and dropping these really thoughtful notes in people's inboxes, and reaching out to people who are struggling, and leaving really sweet replies on posts and the BEST comments on fics? That's IT. That's what fandom is. That's the whole heart of it. That's what gives me hope. That's what keeps me going. That's what keeps me out of the abyss.

So thank YOU for all that you do, thank you for showing your love for the show, thank you for showing your love to the fans. That's why we're still here. And that's the only way we'll continue to be here years upon years after the Revenge sets sail for the final time. 💕

[anatrik]

First thoughts TTPD:

What a lana x folklore girlie win this issss!

1.Fortnight is about matty?? HAHAHAHA also why did this make me think of when holt was going running with the ladies when he was in witness protection??? Crying. Fav line has to be they were supposed to take me away but they forgot to come and get me. So sad but also so cool in relation to her cancellation/return. 10/10

2. TTPD- not so hahahaha anymore IS THIS ACTUALLY A FUCKING MATTY HEALY ALBUM??? There was a typewriter at the 1975 show she performed anti-hero at? Unless its somehow about harry? Who else is tattooed on her roster??? Or is this about herself? Kinda feel like modern idiots/who’s going to decode is directed at us lol😂 9/10?

3.My boy only breaks his favourite toys- went in expecting mad woman rage. Pleasantly surprised. king of my heart to queen of sandcastles he destroys….DESTROYED ME. Are you fucking kidding me rn? Im caling it. Best song. Im crying at 7.30 am this is not funny anymore. Also THANK YOU FOR NOT SLANDERING DAD. I knew you wouldnt let us down like that. Also the chorus sounds like long story short😭 oh this is so sad. Once i fix me hes going to miss me? He was my best friend?😭 he runs because he loves me? Stopp😭😭 1000000/10

4.Down bad- ….aaaand we’re back to MATTY AGAIN? He does not deserve this spotlight but why are all the song so goood😭😭😭 is this why artists love to date problematic men? It unlocks some extraordinary potential? Crazy crazy girl😭 also stay down (bad) 🤌🏾 shes done it again 10/10 also for personal reasons i will be believing this is about joe in that Tom/Joe/met gala overlap period when she was photographed going to the gym a lot and that this is about all that yearning please let it be about that plesplesplesplesplesples also down bad waking up in blood staring at the sky…like i lost a twin is giving bigger than the whole sky🥺

5. So long, london- so so long long, lon-don DONE? ok miss girl😭 the hoax parallels😭 dont be undoing the song i was going to play at my weddddding what is wrong with you😭 my only one my smoking gun to two graves one gun youll find someone??? Also reminds me of la la land :/ how much sad did you think I had in me? You wrote hoax so a lot ok leave us alone. crying again. 10000000000000000/10 oh lol its a track 5 ofc it is😂

6. But daddy I love him- she really said if you ever liked, shared or even LOOKED at the ‘vivaa las vegas’ memes you cant come to the wedding and shes so real for it. Lfgggg. Ubothered unhinged uhmazing. Growing up precocious sometimes means you still hold on to that princess/quarterback wattpad fantasy AS IS YOUR RIGHT QUEEN GO THE FUCK OFF🥳 100000/10 calling out toxic fandom for the first time and we love to see it🫡 this is suchhhh a happy songggg you deserve ALL the chaos and revelry.

7. Fresh out the slammer- god she gets it. Like sure he was great and he is still my biological father and everything but as a decidedly melancholy person myself who has constantly had atleast one close friend in a deep depression I can see how all that heavy lifting can just get heavy at some point especially when youre a partner and their sole lighthouse in wtv storms be out there buffeting their mental health. Its not for everyone and thats so fair and so valid but so sad as well. 10/10 for the honesty.

8. Florida- she really said girlrot summer🫡 this is the lanaest song ever. So lucky one/nothing new coded. This will be the First song I repeat and then so long london. Aaaghhh how i love a self aware melancholic anxious little superstar. 90283749292/10 thank you for giving florence an entire verse whew. Little did you know your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in is soooo going on my body forever

9. Guilty as sin?- honestly just fuck if it means we dont have to hear about how desirable ratty healy is man ffs. IThe only reason he looks so hot is bc hes forbidden. You have to trust me on this. He’s sooo mid JESUS. U cant be writing hozier lyrics about a man that hasn’t met a shower😭 1000000/10 writing. -16392992/10 content. Unrequited love/lust truly is the greatest weapon in a poets arsenal bc where is this energy in the joe songs binch?😭 this is such a teen in love with a 26 yo creep who called me so mature for my age mom you just dont get ittt anthem😂😂

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?- is a warning 😂 im so here for it. Like yes I still hate matty with all my heart and soul but yes I agree fans should not be allowed so much of an opinion on another persons life and yes I should be afraid (I am). She said aight love letter era over I AM WRITING YOU ALL HATE MAIL AND I’M HAND DELIVERING IT. Shes sooo done pretending to be the relatable girl next door when she’s anything but and is now reminding us of it and yes yes yessss girl OWN ITTTTTTTT. I’ve been saying for agesssss that there is a darkness under all that sunshine from where she clawed her way to the top and this is sooo vindicating. 10000000000000/10 favourite song ever. Mad woman wishes she was who’s afraid of little old me. I am unwell. I am in love. This is the Taylor Swift i stan. The marketing genius the calculating business woman the puppet master with narcotics in her songs thats why we sing along🫡 she so can handle a dangerous man

11. I can fix him (no really I can)- you cant.

12. loml- ofc. OFC. Its the saddest song of all time. OFC. Fuck offf ughhhh. 😭😭😭😭😭 its giving happiness. Its giving divorce. i am a child of a broken home now and my parents still love each other and hold so much regret still. What do i do with thissss? Im just a little girl taylorrr! 1002380292011010101/10 soo so gooood.

13. I can do it with a broken heart- first of all track 13. Love it. Second of all the upbeat barbieness of it all. Third of all I FINALLY PLACED IT. Shes in her unrelatable era. She is not your girl next door. You will never understand her life. She is as much a phenomenon as a person and we literally only see as much as she allows us to and honestly if i have to get put in my place theres noooo better way to have it done. Im having such a great time actually. 10 BILLION TRILLION OUT OF 10 you tellll em girl you FUCKING TELL EM.

14. Smallest man who ever lived- not going to speculate on who it is bc they clearly had a serious problem and its not a joke but damn :/ thats so sad :/ hope they get help? Didnt expect this to be what the song was about at all?

15. The alchemy- she said TRAVIS IS MY BOY WITH HER WHOLE CHEST😌 10/10

16. Clara bow- did she just name drop herself ? I was so right about unrelatable era. Also the Subtle nod to olivia/sabrina noted and appreciated. Lucky one/castles crumbling (mature version) fr fr. Solid legacy song.

17. The black dog- shared your secrets with and location is the same whiplash as a red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground with no one around to tweet it🤌🏾 joe songs hit so so different 😭😭😭 1000000000/10

18. imgonnagetyouback- the valiant roar was not so valiant and more of a mew i guess. 7/10

19. The albatross- oh this is the ONE. The album defining song for sureeee. Mad woman on coke. A rose by any other name is a scandal???? Thats my religion right there. Little last great American dynasty twist there at the end! Fuck yea. She does reallly try to warn the men in her life have to give her that. One gazillion/10

20. Clearly god has favourites and they are the ppl called chloe or sam or sophia or marcus😭 ALSO this song is about joe for sure. The internet starlet hasss to be delaney rowe!!!! It HAS TO BE. 10/10

21. How did it end?- shes back for the fans😂 plot twist the breakup is with yall🤌🏾 but yesss say it louder! One gasp and then how did it end. So good. 100/10

22. So high school- lmao aristotle grand theft auto ONLYY taylor swift man😭😂 you know what you want and boy you got her🫡🫡 11/10

23. I hate it here- mother’s having a mental breakdown kids yk the drill🤌🏾 10/10

24. ThanK you aIMiee- what better way to say fuck you to a hater than to thank her for jumpstarting your legacy my god!!! She is insane for this. The capitalisation is a bit petty tho ngl. 8/10

25. I look in peoples windows- once again I thank you for the kindness and respect shown to joe. Never doubted you but thank you nevertheless. 10/10 short as nice to have a friend but it didnt need to be longer.

26. The prophecy- its so sad and humbling to see even a woman at where she is having to beg for love bc that literally is the nature of love. Something humiliating, to have to beg for 🤷‍♀️ cards playing out like fools in a fable cursed like eve got bitten. No one writes like her damn. 10/10

27. Cassandra- very madeline miller on this one. Love love loveee modern takes on tragic greek women. 100/10

28. Peter- ah fuck. This one is going to hurt (it did). 1000000/10 my ribs get the feeling she did😭 all her joe related aches are so bone deeeep ugh. Promises oceans deep but never to keep😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 oh god it hurtsss it hurts it hurtss

29. The bolter- curious child ever reviled except by her father wow.

30. Robin- OMG! I needed this song growing up sooo bad. That way to go tiger felt so so warm like running into a kitchen after a day of being in the mud and u tell ur mum the silly things u did and shes genuinely interested and impressed by your smol victories. A bajillion/10

31. The manuscript- postmortem of every ex ever🤌🏾 love it.

[clairelsonao3]

Any Writers tried BookTok?

As some of you know, at some point in the New Year, I plan to self-publish a romance ebook. Over the next few months, I hope to start putting some more infrastructure in place to promote it for when the time comes to send out arcs, etc. I already have friends and supporters on Tumblr and A03, which is a great start. But of course, everyone says BookTok is the place to be, especially for romance writers. But I'm hesitating for a few reasons, which are:

Will I get canceled? To make a long story short, the book deals with topics that are not only dark but could be seen as controversial -- and are liable to be attacked by people who don't care that the book is the exact opposite of what they think it is and simply like canceling things based on certain phrases in titles, blurbs or loglines. Tumblr and Ao3, with a few unfortunate exceptions, have been mostly, blissfully free of these people, but BookTok strikes me as someplace that might have a lot of them. Idk, maybe I'm wrong. And if someone does try to cancel me, will I be able to handle it by simply refusing to engage?

I don't want to and can't really show my face for mostly professional reasons. (I like my face just fine, just not for TikTok!) I can use my own voice and, like, my hands or, something, but face is a no-go. Will I be severely hurting my chances of getting any eyeballs on my posts?

Is the culture toxic or likely to harm my mental health? No amount of promotion is worth something that's going to traumatize or hurt me (see above about cancellation). And if my work and/or my characters are hurt, I'm hurt. I've encountered toxicity on social media before and have largely stepped away from it, with Tumblr being the main exception because the community here is so wonderful.

Will it be too much of a time commitment? I know they suggest posting once a day, which seems like a lot, especially if it involves creating and editing original posts. And really anything that's going to take more than, say, 20 minutes out of my day (unless of course I really enjoy it, like I do Tumblr) is too much of a time commitment, in my opinion.

So, that said, I would love to hear from anyone who has experience with BookTok, especially writers of romance and ESPECIALLY writers of "dark," edgy, and/or controversial romance. Should I just try it for, say, a few weeks and see how I like it? (I have never used TikTok before, ever, so it would mostly just be getting a feel for it). Is that even possible?

Thank you for any opinions, anecdotes, or nuggets of wisdom anyone can offer!

[mania-sama]

Call Your Mom by Noah Kahan is so ItaFushi I can't get over it like actually. And the new chapter?? Made it fit so much more?? And it hurts so good and I have to talk about it in depth before I EXPLODE.

"But, don't you cancel any plans / 'Cause I won't let you get the chance to never make them / Stayed on the line with you the entire night / 'Til you let it out and let it in." -> Because they can't ever leave each other to suffer alone if they can help it. Because they are always there for each other. Because Megumi called Itadori stupid for trying to enter and fight in the Culling Games alone. Because Itadori will not give up until he finishes what he started: saving Megumi.

"Don't let this darkness fool you / All lights turned off can be turned on." -> LITERALLY what's going on in chapter 251. Practically all of these lines can be either what Megumi said to Itadori post-Shibuya, or what Itadori will have to say to wake Megumi up.

"I'll drive, I'll drive all night / I'll call your mom." -> They would go to any lengths to protect and save each other. They would drive all night, fight all day, if it meant getting the other to live another day. The second line is a little harder to explain, but I think if Gojo were still alive, Itadori would make him talk to Megumi. He would call Gojo and tell him about how Megumi's falling apart. He would get Gojo to drive all night to save Megumi. And I can imagine how Gojo would feel in this situation, watching his ward fall apart like his best friend did all those years ago. I think, now, he would find the right words to say.

"Oh, dear, don't be discouraged / I've been exactly where you are." -> Itadori has been exactly where Megumi is now. In Shibuya, he had Todo to fix him back up again. He knows what it's like. He has to be there for Megumi now, just as everyone was there for him back then, just as everyone encouraged him to keep going. Itadori is the only one that can pull Megumi back up, because Megumi will only listen to him. Because Itadori understands.

"Waiting room, no place to stand / His greatest fears and wringing hands and the loudest silence." -> It's in my personal theory (that will likely never come true but I digress) that after they defeat Sukuna, Megumi will fall into a coma. He shouldered several of Gojo's domain expansions. He's suicidal. It makes sense to me. And I can imagine Itadori coming to his hospital room every day, unsure of what to say but unwilling to sit in the silence that is only broken by automated breaths and a beeping monitor. I wrote a one-shot about this, actually. I might write another.

"If you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it." -> This can be interpreted in several ways. I think one fun interpretation is that Itadori holds a little resentment for Megumi's choice to not let him walk alone. Because of that decision, Sukuna successfully possessed Megumi and threw him into the near catatonic state he is in now.

"Medicate, meditate, save your soul for Jesus / Throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason / Don't wanna drive another mile without knowin' you're breathing / So won't you stay, won't you stay, won't you stay with me?" -> Basically what Itadori will be doing for Megumi; begging him to find reasons to live. Convincing him that there are still parts of life that are worth bearing the pain for. That Megumi should stay alive because he hasn't lost everyone, that Itadori is still there for him. I can imagine it now, Itadori screaming these words at Megumi, and Megumi staring wide-eyed back at him.

I just recently posted an entire mental health analysis on a few Jujutsu Kaisen characters, and I talked at length about what I think of Itadori's passive suicidal ideation and Megumi's active suicidality. Obviously, a song about suicide is going to fit this ship like a warm glove. It doesn't even have to be about the romantic ship, necessarily. It works just fine platonically.

When I pass out in my mental world for the duration of this song, I also imagine that Gojo fits in there as well. I can see him driving all night to save Megumi once Itadori calls, and I can hear him telling Itadori that he's been in the same position. Because he has, hasn't he? When he failed to save Geto? I can see him telling Megumi to find reasons to keep going, when he couldn't give Geto the reasons when they were Itadori & Megumi's ages.

Anyway. Go stream Call Your Mom. Will probably do another song analysis at some point because I just can't help myself.

[youremyheaven]

Hello, seeing the conversation I'd like to share my own experience with a bharani native, one of my best friends was a bharani moon, venus and rahu stellium in the 2nd house. Shes very intelligent and talented in mathematics, she was popular in school, and someone always had a crush on her. She was never interested though, as she is aromantic and asexual.

I do not mean to bad mouth her or say that she is a terrible person, Humans are complex and I still have a lot of affection for her since we were best friends since childhood but our relationship turned sour similarly as others have expressed concerning bharani natives.

As soon as I hit a low point in my mental health, she started distancing herself from me. She was always very uncomfortable with expressing her emotions and even more so with handling others, but she basically abandoned me in my time of need. It was quite traumatizing and I honestly felt betrayed by her since we were so close. She herself admitted in the future that she did me extremely wrong, we reconnected for a bit, but her emotionally immature and uncaring, cold attitude and mentally persisted in our early young adulthood.

Me and her were also very close with a magha moon and rising girl, we were basically inseparable for years, but she started to treat her with the same coldness as she did me for seemingly no reason. She also did the same to my other pushya girl best friend for no reason. My magha best friend had a conversation with her and she thought they buried the hatchet, we invited her for our magha friend's birthday but she ended up canceling the exact same day citing a BS excuse. She continued to do this 3 more times for her birthday and my mother's birthday.

She was/is the easily bored, emotionally distant type, but we always worked around that in our dynamic, and this behavior was unacceptable. The last time she canceled coming to our friend's birthday, THE VERY SAME DAY, I finally snapped. I was just so upset at her dishonesty, because she clearly didn't want to go/didn't care, but she still accepted to go Everytime! It was like having a deadbeat father for a best friend! I was so angry cause I just wanted her to be truthful, wanted her to just admit she didn't want to go/didn't care for our friendship anymore, but she didn't even respond to that.

It was just very traumatizing to experience how someone you loved so much could stop loving you in an instant, made you wonder if they even loved or cared for you in the first place, the three of us were basically sisters, I always imagined her at my wedding, my graduation, my life.

So yeah, sorry for trauma dumping, but I think the casual coldness of bharani needs to be studied, cause why are some of them like that 😭

DUUUUDE 😭😭😭😭 i literally have two Bharani friends who are just like this lol 🥲ngl it did traumatize me at one point but then I stopped expecting anything from them and stopped reaching out and honestly it's all better that way. Tysm for sharing your experience because I thought having bad experiences with Venusian women (and mostly pleasant experiences with Venusian men) was a me thing 😬. I think people talk a lot about Venusian charisma, social charm and hospitality but forget to mention how cold, uncaring and insensitive they can be. I think it's one manifestation of Venusian refinement, they discard people who aren't doing their best or feeling their best. Absolutely not people you want to reach out to when you're in a tough spot bc they won't gaf 🥲. It hurt me a lot when I'd call them up (in my case, I was always there for her, hyping her, cheering her, being her shoulder to lay on) and they'd act disinterested when I'm literally talking through tears?? She straight up told me she's tired and wants to sleep lol and then said "you know I'm not the type of friend who can comfort you" like 🤧okay??? I felt really used in those friendships and betrayed as well?? I remember one time this friend who frequently visits my city to hang out with her other friends and never meets me (we went 3ish years without talking at one point) called me one night to make plans for the next day and the next day morning she said "oh I'm busy rn let's meet by noon" and then at noon said she had something else going on and then i said I'm not interested in meeting lol . She always told me she couldn't reach out to me cause of her phone/network/social media whatever random excuse and I believed her cause I wanted to and then I spoke to a dude who's pretty close friends with her and he told me about how they always met each other whenever she was in town and always hung out??? and he was sharing stories of times they spend together and I was so?? shook?? like the same person who cannot reach out to me is hyperconnected to some random guy ?? My other Venusian friend told me she stopped talking to her close friend after she started experiencing health issues and then got surgery??? I do think Venusians only want to stick around for the good times, they're like "party friends" but they're completely unreliable when it comes to anything that isn't fun for them. Venusians are the type to treat people as disposable and then get mad when others treat them that way lol . They're used to believing they're irreplaceable but truth be told, everybody can be replaced esp toxic, rude and negative people. I think I strongly dislike Venusian women bc they're so absorbent?? They love to take from others without giving in return. But it's interesting to me how Venusian men are the opposite?? They love to give endlessly even tho they do expect their partner to match their energy and be receptive to them and not shut them out?? It also makes sense as to why Venusian men are drawn to Venusian women bc the women can be pretty self absorbed and draw in their energy. They're good at receiving without guilt or remorse, they receive like that's what God made them to do.

Edit: a girl in college who "discarded" me has Saturn in Bharani atmakaraka lol, astrology never lies

[eclecticpagann]

𝔸𝕡𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕠 & ℍ𝕖𝕣𝕞𝕖𝕤

Apollo and Hermes messing with everyone right now is honestly hilarious.

A huge part of this whole thing comes down to the TikTok algorithm just doing what it does���engage with something even a little, and you’re bound to see more of it.

But…

Still, part of me wonders if I should actually start working with Apollo. I’m not sure yet, though, because I need to get my own life together first. I’ve got to revamp Aphrodite’s altar and finally create one for Hel, so Apollo might have to wait a bit.

The reason I’m even considering it is because of what Apollo represents, but also because I was talking to my mom yesterday—she’s also a pagan and a witch—and telling her about the whole TikTok situation. You know, the supposed bet between Apollo, Hermes, and maybe even Aphrodite.

I joked with her, saying, “Maybe it’s a sign,” but since I was only seeing it on TikTok, I assumed it was just the algorithm doing its thing. But after a little bit of conversation with my mom, her and I started noticing more signs outside of that.

At one point, I half-jokingly said, “If this is a sign, then give me some damn motivation!” Playfully pleading because I’ve been going through a major rough patch, and my house needs serious cleaning—it is in bad shape due to both my mental and physical issues, to put it vaguely.

Yesterday, I was resting on the couch, feeling awful due to some health issues, and out of nowhere, I got the motivation to clean. Me being me, I tried to stay logical, telling myself it was probably just placebo. But I still thanked the gods, whether they played a part in it or not.

Last night, I told myself I needed to clean more today, again jokingly asking the gods for some motivation. I try not to ask too much of them—I just want the energy to clean my space and refresh their altars.

But today, I woke up feeling even worse, so bad I had to cancel my dentist appointment because I was worried I might throw up on them. Sorry for that mental image.

Anyway, I was lying on the couch, trying to shake off the awful feeling so I could start cleaning. I was thinking about where to begin, since I get overwhelmed easily (thanks, autism). I figured the bathroom would be a good start, but something nudged me to take care of my cats first. So, even with my queasy stomach, I managed to clean their boxes and take the trash out to the dump.

I know I need to take it slow for the sake of my health, but it feels good to finally have some motivation back. While I’d like to think most of it came from my own willpower, I’d also like to believe the gods gave me a little nudge in the right direction.

I can’t wait for my space to finally be clean, fresh, and ready so I can work with them in a better environment.