#I care for you who seeks to save everybody

[fleetinglyshelved]

Catharsis

I was having an emotion. Like a big overwhelming emotion. It felt bad but good, a weird combination of happy and sad and relieved, like something had been stuck and it wasn’t stuck anymore. Cathartic, okay. This fits the definition of cathartic. It was like the way I’d felt when I killed the Target who threatened Amena and laughed at me because I was upset when I thought ART was dead. Except without the violence, and that only lasted a minute or so, and this seemed like it would go on a while. (System Collapse)

This feeling of "something finally being unstuck" feels to me like something Murderbot has been chasing after for the entire series. It shows in smaller moments like the one it mentions, where it seeks bloody revenge against an imminent threat, or bigger missions, most notably trying to figure out what happened at Ganaka Pit:

On the way here I had shared the recording of what I had found at Ganaka Pit. ART said, This is good news. You were not at fault. I agreed, sort of. I had been expecting to feel better about it. I mostly just felt awful. (Artificial Condition)

It was clearly hoping that finding out the truth, finding out that it hadn't been responsible for the slaughter on a conscious level, would give it that exact kind of lasting closure.

(Alternatively, a self-hating part of it might have almost wanted to find out it had caused everything, so it could feel truly justified in its negative self-view, but that's a different analysis.)

The mission to Milu, finding evidence against GrayCris to support Mensah in her case against them, was another attempt to achieve this sense of closure on a larger scale, and while I do believe it came closest to it when it saved everybody, the thing still hadn't come "unstuck", so it - pun intended - stuck around on Preservation while trying to figure out what it wants.

The survey trip with Arada didn't really seem to give it a sense of fulfillment either, even though I'm sure it was glad it was there to protect everybody. But the mission wasn't a big eye-opener or anything about how great it was to do what it has always done but as itself this time. And sure, a lot of it has to do with the almost disastrous ending to the mission, but even so, it doesn't seem like it has found its purpose. We don't find out anything about what Arada and the others were even studying, because it doesn't care about that.

So it's no wonder it starts the mission at the beginning of System Collapse with an attitude of "Oh well, if it's boring, ART-drone and I can just watch media together." (Obviously, it also has a LOT going on emotionally in this book, but I believe that even if it had been in a better place, it would have gone along with the same sense of "the humans will do their thing, and I'll do my thing if someone or something tries to hurt them".)

And here we are, at the end of the mission. It saved humans from a fate it considers worse than death. It gave two SecUnits a chance to break free, and one returned the favor and helped them escape. It got the humans and ART-drone out alive. It beat a corporation at its own game and helped a central system protect the humans it cares about.

It accomplished something it considers meaningful and important, helping not just humans but also bots and even other constructs, other SecUnits in the process. It's no longer stuck searching for something it might want, it's no longer stuck in old patterns, it has finally found a path to continue walking.

The choice to leave with ART is motivated not only by wanting to keep being with it (❤️), but also a desire to actively support its mission. It finally knows what it wants.

[lemongrasstea1677]

A Prince to Your Princess Act.

Yan!Subaru x Fem!Reader/MC

"Misery loves company but it hates similarity"

< warnings: pushover!reader/mc, minor scene of JinxMC/Reader, white knight syndrome, mentions of confinement and stockholm syndrome, >

||•||

A princess.

that's how i would describe her, a Cinderella willing to help anybody and everybody out the kindness of her heart, a princess who runs around solving the problems of her nonexistent kingdom seemingly to take a look more of a servant rather than a honored model, but that what make her a princess in my eyes.

Kind,

Beautiful,

Helpful,

Caring with a noble heart.

she is the embodiment of the word princess herself, telling her this might make her see it as a compliment and try to deny it but in all honesty all i see is her playing that role, a role she was forced to play.

a princess meant to be saved and cared for but yet it's so opposite of how the supposedly princes treat her. it feels like as if she doesn't care how they treat her, how they see her, how much harm they do to her.

she will take it all, without complains.

even if they touch her, even if they hurt her, even if they abuse her. it doesn't matter to her as long she find herself useful for them.

i know that she is a tool in her own eyes.

It's a bit sickening to watch her be like that.

she could be talked down to, pulled somewhere rather harshly and forcefully, touched without her consent and yet...

....yet she smiles through it, saying sorry if she disagrees and anger them, she will apologize to who apparently she had done wrong to.

she trips to the ground, hard jagged rocks bruising the soft skin of her hands as he starts to walk away.

at those times i find myself walking up to her whenever she had these confrontations, at these moment i try to make myself innocent and harmless in her eyes, as it is my plan to earn her trust as well like i do to others.

i, too perform an act, playing my role of a caring friend worried for the princess who have no one to rely to at the moment

yes, i am a kind shoulder she can lean on, she can cry on, she can find comfort on, it is my role in this play. she have to seek my comfort because she is meant to find it from me, i offer my hand for her to take

but take she doesn't,

instead she runs after to the person she tries so hard to please, trying to catch up to them, to ask what she did wrong and how to fix it.

she doesn't need your reassurance.

she refuses to let me play my role, denying me to give my lines and scene.

i was left alone standing with my hand still reached out to the princess i am supposed to lend a shoulder on, running after him, asking him to wait for her.

i feel a pang in my heart whenever i watch her as someone treats her harshly like this, i feel this strange emotion similar to irritation whenever someone consistently bothers me with a matter i do not care about or is part of my plan, it is that but this feeling, it's.... worser, it's a rotting infestation of termites of anger that spreads and scatters through my veins.

no, it unbefitting of me, i should be patient and wait for her to come for me at her own accord, for her to cry at me and vent those emotions.

yet she doesn't, she never comes. the tea i prepared had gone cold, the mochi in the platter was left to dry with no one to enjoy them, then it is anger.

if she knows, she will apologize, i will too, while that anger is lingering inside.

i feel anger, and she feels guilt

she says sorry even if it is not her fault,

even if they hurt her,

if her feelings does not matter to them, to me, it will not matter to her.

even if they abuse her,

she is a doll,

even if they use her, it doesn't matter.

an asset, a tool.

just like you.

no, she's genuine. a truly pitiful girl she is for seeking love to those who uses her like-

like you.

she needs me.

and finally it happened, the straw that broke tha camel's back is when I came across the scene of the captain of Frostenheim dragging her to his supposed dorm, muttering and mumbling to himself as her head is downcast, cheek red while walking behind as he tugs her hand for her to follow

it is not the fact that he is holding her hand or the way he how he is pulling that hand that triggered that feeling, that rotting irritated emotion got triggered but it was the fact she is sniffling and hiccupping behind him.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Please let go of her" my voice is quite shakey but my resolve didn't falter, i stepped infront of him, stopping him from his tracks, he stops while the princess behind him halts, she didn't even look at me, she had just stop whenever he stopped walking

"I need her to do something from me, move." he tries to move away from me but i persisted on blocking him, he's not getting away by making her cry like that and taking her forcefully

"Please let go of the Honor student, Kamurai-san" i plead to him, this is not a right thing for a prince to do to his princess, he is messing up the role he's supposed to act.

"she'll be fine, hey servant, tell him." he cocked his head and looked behind him to the crying girl he had been pulling all along

"..." she is silent, hiccuping for a bit and then taking a deep breath.

pleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyoupleaseletmehelpyou--

"Yeah, I'll be fine, thank you for worrying Subaru-san" she finally looks up and smiling, her eyes are still red and puffy, her nose still sniffling as she tries to keep it together while looking horrible.

Oh, she needs me.

"Geez, wipe your nose, you look like a snotty crybaby" the king of Frostenheim pulls out his handkerchief and proceeds to wipe the girl's nose

"Sorry, Jin-sama. i look so messy right now" she giggles through her cries as she lets herself blow to the handkerchief.

In a normal point of view this is a perfect scene, a prince like Jin being such a gentleman to the honor student who you could compare to Cinderella, a perfect couple they could look like.

but not to me, i knew

She needs me after all.

A prince calling his princess his servant is undeserving of that title, he had enough of these men treating her like this. he had enough of her letting them do her wrong like this. but what is a man of his built up collected and calm persona supposed to do? act out in front of everybody? scream at him for mistreating her like this? yell at her to stop letting herself get used? kneel infront of her to choose me as her prince instead?

"well then, I'll see you soon Subaru-kun, come on Jin-sama, Tohma-san might be looking for you now" now she pulls him instead trying to tug him to walk forward as i move away, waving me goodbye.

i didn't fail to notice the King's icy glare shot at me before walking after her shoving his other hand in his pocket after breaking it away from her hand

A prince would never let go of the hand of his princess, or else she might get snatched up and be put in danger

a knowledge that should be engraved in his brain and stored inside that probably ice cold heart of his.

it doesn't matter, he doesn't fit that requirement anyways, i can do a better job in playing that part for her. unlike him or the men that surrounds her I'll never mistreat her, I'll never use her for my own gains, or verbally abuse her like they do in a daily, she is a princess and should be treated as one

even if i have to lock her up like the monster in those fairytales, that the princess need to be saved from.

Lyca's old cell seem to be a good place to start i just need to make sure it looks like a place a princess would be living in, a soft bed, silk sheets, a marble vanity and a dress fit for her.

she will learn to love me, and maybe, just maybe i would save her from the grace of being executed from my plan and then, both of us could watch this world burn down.

||•||

(this is my first time writing about Tokyo Debunked lol, srry if its bad)

[ultimategenshintournament]

Ultimate Genshin Tournament: Round 5

Propaganda below cut

Venti:

calls the Traveler "his warrior" plus he's like our long-time friend??? He basically asked us out during the alchemy event???? You can choose to bring him up during the fight with Signora????? He's the best idc

He. Is. Amazing. So many layers, so interesting...So much trauma and potential...Not to mention look how AWESOME he is generally!!! He's kind and caring towards everybody, and also carefree and mischievous!!! How can you not love him??

he’s TOO GOOD for this world- he’s just a little guy!! Like he cares for his nation and the people of Mondstadt SO MUCH it hurts when people say he doesn’t. Like, my poor trauma-driven little mega-powerful war god who’s actually just a tiny little wind spirit honoring his dead friend!!!! I love him so much

his lore means he gets brought up almost every patch. he convinced a bunch of the most lethal women in Teyvat to have tea instead of screwing him up. he would always rather take the path of least resistance. he’s the three time best bard in Mond. he never seeks glory, only wishes to offer it to others. he was a better father to Diona than her real one five minutes into meeting her. he gives Glory whispers of what the world looks like so she can navigate. when a nun of his own church denied his identity he decided to run a heist to steal back an item that is only holy because it is his. he keeps his misery and loneliness trapped within, and does his best to bring joy to every person he meets. how can you not love him? 

He's Venti. How do you beat that? Answer: you don't. You can't. 

they say that an nation is most like their archon but is the anemo archon a god that took after the people's traits or did the people take their archons traits (the only correct answer is that venti took after old mond's people traits and it's so disgustingly sweet, he's a lil baby who cared so much that he kept old mond's wishes heard and their dream a reality — of freedom (without a god, as much as he could) where humanity leads trust. he left mondstadt because he trusted that humanity would do that right thing always but then he got betrayed by the Lawrence clan but he forgave them???! the anemo archon gave them no punishment , but mondstadt did . venti has me ugly crying

Kaeya:

He's cool, he's mysterious, he wears an eyepatch, he has a super tragic backstory, he's good with kids, he takes care of his friends, what's not to love!!!

despite all the hardships he’s suffered, he’s still such a kind person 

This is the character of the everyman. Everyone should love Kaeya because he's with you no matter what. He has the great mystery of his origins and his damage with his family and his brother, but he is with you til the end. That's what makes him so special to me

Furina:

girl deserves therapy and hugs and the best life in the WORLD because oh boy she went through a lot!!!! wouldn't pretending to be a god for 500 years with no support mess you up? and yet she still kept on going for her people!! she wanted to save her nation from a doomsday prophecy and she DID

After act 5 she deserves the world :(

“If all the people of Fontaine are on one side, and I am on the other…is it not obvious where the scales of suffering should tilt?” NO IT ISNT YOU’RE JUST ABNORMALLY SELFLESS AND INCREDIBLE AND PERSISTENT. Even the Archons praise Furina’s name and say she is a human with strength and capability worthy of an Archon. That’s not even to speak of Focalors. She snapped at Arlecchino only when the Harbinger implied that Furina had done nothing to preserve her people from the flood. Meanwhile every minute she was working to prevent the prophecy. A month after we took her to court and almost got her killed she agreed to help us direct a play, a favor for a favor

[franzkafkagf]

How do you personally think they massacred his potential? I fully agree, by the way. He could have and should have been a fan favourite. He's one of the most tragic characters I've seen, honestly. He's interesting and definitely the most complex character of the season, but the lack of catharsis the writers gave him for his issues is anger inducing.

the concept is just so good to me. the prince with no sense for duty or responsibility, who did not want the throne but feels forced to take it anyways. he takes the throne to save his family and yet, he watches all of them die anyways.

At first, the prince refused to be a part of his mother’s plans. “My sister is the heir, not me,” he said. “What sort of brother steals his sister’s birthright?” Only when Ser Criston convinced him that the princess must surely execute him and his brothers should she don the crown did Aegon waver.

that's just amazing. i cannot stress this enough; it's so profoundly tragic and sad. i don't hate everything they did with him in the show; they have many good ideas actually. him rejecting his valyrian heritage, him being kind of a failure at everything, him being desperate to my accepted/loved... this is all profound and good stuff! but i feel like his tragedy has been squandered by how the writers decided to frame the story. i could go on about how rhaenyra and alicent are potrayed so blandly in this show in order to make their embarrassing gender essentialism theme going but this is about aegon so i won't go into that.

aegon reminds me so much of theon greyjoy. maybe it's just me, but in my head theon and aegon start the story in similar places. they're spoilt, vain and indulgent. then they get their "calling", for aegon it's the crown. it's the first time in his life that he has a reason to get out of bed, to actually do something good for once. also, him believing his father actually wanted him to take the crown and it hurting him when otto scoffed at him for believing it? AMAZING stuff. I love s02xe02 to bits.

because [my father] didn't like me

theon's calling is to finally get his father's approval. balon, obviously, has no fatherly affection towards him and theon kind of knows it, he still betrays the only person he ever truly loved. and what happens to theon? he loses everything, absolutely everything; he is stripped of his pride, his dignity, of his entire identity. i've never seen a character go through something theon went through.

and i see parallels to aegon here! aegon is quite literally made and broken by the weight of a crown he never wanted. his story is more tragic than theon actually; the thing that destroyed him was quite literally forced on him. it actually kills me to think about it. he rushes into rook's rest because he feels powerless; because everybody around him shows him not even one ounce of empathy. his baby is dead and no one seems to care!

and he fails; of course he does. he is BETRAYED by his own brother, the brother he thought was loyal to him. this is just such good stuff my head hurts. his arc after the fall of KL is so amazing too, i'm desperate to see him go on his adventure to dragonstone and actually grow into the type of man that can turn rhaenyra's own people against her.

now, what could've been done to make his arc better in the show? well. let's start with not making him a rapist. i cannot stress this enough. the single worst choice was to introduce him as a rapist. it's actually crazy to me. it's so easy too... just make him like theon; make him promiscuous, make him vain, make him spoilt! they should've introduce his adult version with a drunk sex scene actually. set the tone for his character from the beginning.

he is not suited for the throne; he seeks pleasures, doesn't care for his valyrian lessons (based!), he drinks all day... like, what was the POINT of making him a rapist? what was it? -> the answer is obvious.... they didn't want us sympathizing with him. they were scared of people liking the villain. why is this hbo show scared you might have people sympathizing and pitying the "villain"? are you okay? YOU HAD ONE JOB. DEAR GOD.....

so with that said; make his motivations clearer. have him scream at aemond after jaehaerys dies, change up the godawful brothel scene to actually drive the point home; he is still grieving and his way of grieving is lashing out and drinking himself half to death! focus on his alcoholism and his rashness. I actually rewrote the brothel scene here

make us understand him bettter; there are moments like the "do you love me?" or all of ep 1 and 2 of season 2, but it's too little, too late. the writers in general have such a hard time with writing characters with actual qualities. all of them are so empty and act like robots. only aegon, criston, daemon and rhaenyra (in episodes 1 and 2 at least... then we went right back to robot mode lmao) show moments of actually being a character with rich inner workings. i hate it so much.

[imitationgame77]

To be ART's trusted friend

I saved a backup copy and hid it where only a trusted friend could find it.

[Network Effect]

When Perihelion found its beloved crew gone after a forced restart, and alien remnant installed on its wormhole drive, it decides to seek help from Muderbot. Not from its university colleagues. When it considered the possibility of itself being deleted by the targets, it made and hid its copy in such a way that only Murderbot could find and reinstall.

This is such an amazing level of trust. And even more amazing when you think about the fact that they had only known each other for just over 3 weeks. Yes, I know that the duration doesn't matter - it's the quality of the time spent together.

When they met, all MB asked for was a ride to RaviHyral. It asked for nothing else, and ART certainly didn't need anything from it. Even though a rogue SecUnit was something new to ART, with its capabilities, it didn't need to speak to it at all. ART could have taken anything under control.

But ART chose to speak to MB. It wanted to get to know it. It decided to befriend it, and help it survive. For MB, it was something extraordinary - to be wanted for something other than its functional values. All ART asked for initially was to watch media with it so that it can understand the context.

ART had no ulterior motive at all to help MB. Knowing this somehow made it easier for MB to ask for ART's help when it faced problems while working for Rami, Tapan and Maro. ART watched MB do much beyond what was required for that contract - which was really just a way to have access to RaviHyral. It saw how far MB went to protect the humans it barely knew. ART, as a research transport, is not supposed to be impulsive or jump to conclusions, but it comes to like and trust MB very, very quickly and completely. Which is heart warming.

Their friendship was founded first by ART really wanting to know this curious rogue SecUnit, mutual, implicit understanding of each other through joint-media viewing, and again by ART's selfless desire to help its new friend survive. It was such a rare, unexpected fortune that MB met ART almost as soon as it started its life as a rogue SecUnit off inventory. Someone who wanted to be its friend, not for its functions.

Everybody else MB met and interacted was through its job (or a pretend job). Fulfilling its functions (esp. the ones it likes, like protecting people, thinking of a clever way to protect them) is very important to Murderbot, certainly. But starting a friendship where nothing except it being itself is asked for must have been very rare and special for it. Just by being itself earned ART's complete trust - with its life, and its crew that it cares about so much.

I'm rambling - sorry. It's just their friendship is so special - to borrow MB's expressions somewhat, I like them being together, and want them to keep on being together!

[all-pacas]

I was going through your spreadsheet and realized that even though cameron confides in and seeks advice from chsse a lot, he doesn't? ever? he never confides in her at all, not even about his father in cursed.

To be fair, this is very much a Chase Problem: he doesn't confide in anyone. House spends most of Cursed trying to manipulate him (House's words) into opening up, too, and Chase does a good enough job ignoring that that House eventually just sits him down for a Conversation.

Which starts with this little exchange:

CHASE: Why does everybody need to know my business? HOUSE: People like talking about people. Makes us feel superior. Makes us feel in control. And sometimes, for some people, knowing some things makes them care. CHASE: I’d tell you my dad left, my mum drank herself to death… you gonna care about me more? [sarcastic] HOUSE: Cameron would. Me, I just like knowing stuff.

(A little earlier:

HOUSE: Yeah, it’s better. I’ll get to see his face when he reads his dad’s obituary. ROWAN: It’s not your business.

)

It's not your business. Chase doesn't care that House wants to know, that Cameron would want to know. His tone is defiant: he knows House wouldn't care more. House implicitly agrees.

But again, this is very much a Chase Thing. We see it again in The Mistake: at any point — when House is yelling at him for not asking Kayla follow up questions, when Stacy is asking questions six months later, when Cuddy reveals Chase is getting sued punitive damages — he could have said honestly, she came in the second I found out my dad died. Instead Chase sat on that for six months. House demands to know why Chase screwed up? Nothing. His job at stake? Nothing. House has to force Chase's hand by telling him he already knows to get Chase to share his business and save his job.

It happens again! By the way! You could make a case that Chase's Boundaries Era is tied to this; he no longer feels like he owes House anything and is keeping his distance. We see it all the way in S8 with Chase, with how Chase refuses to admit he's upset and struggling with stuff, how he brushes off the entire team with stock phrases ("Just knowing you're there for me is enough"). We see it post divorce, as he lies in the break room rubbing his ring finger and then blows off every attempt by his coworkers to talk to him about it, denies he cares, and then punches House.

HOUSE: So you busted my nose to keep people off your back. CHASE: Pretty much. HOUSE: Making people even more worried about you. CHASE: Maybe. But at least they're not talking to me about it.

Chase does not like people in his business.

And, of course, tying it all back to the note that Cameron confides in him but he never does her: this very much goes to Dibala as well. He spends weeks avoiding her, avoiding the ICU, insisting he's fine and nothing is wrong and he has it handled. Chase does have reason to doubt Cameron would support him, but it's also excessive: we do see that she's willing to give him a real shot when she does learn about the murder, and he knows very well she's a good person. Shame is probably a factor. But so is, you know. Chase doesn't talk about stuff. Chase tries (and fails) to handle his own business. He's better at being honest with House, probably because House doesn't care — House doesn't pity him, House is honest and frank and just wants to know, knowledge is a neutral thing. Chase doesn't want people to care about him more, to pity him and feel bad and offer advice. Even when he really, really needs it.

In fact, even some of the rare times he does open up — in S8 — he's sort of resentful of it. He trauma dumps onto Adams, who is appropriately shocked and throws back sympathy ("It must have meant a lot to your mother and sister you were there for them;" "I never knew,"), only for Chase to curtly reply "I know, that's why I told you." He barely manages to admit to Park he was jealous of her family. Chase isn't totally repressed or anything, but when it comes to being vulnerable, with allowing himself to rely on others… he doesn't. He would rather ruin his career and his marriage every time.

He's not totally repressed. He's just fine with most emotions; he's an easy crier (a fun touch for someone as private as him; I bet he finds it embarrassing). He's quite friendly and quite physical, he's able to express himself usually, without much fuss. But every time, when something big enough or scary enough comes along, Chase shuts down completely. He doesn't want people in his business. (You gotta wonder if and when and how he did tell Cameron about his dad.)

And of course, I'm tying this all around: This is why his friendship with Thirteen is so incredible. Because she's the one he opens up to: not all the time, not all the way. But it's her he tries to talk about his divorce with, trying to figure out why Cameron left after weeks of not talking about her at all. Chase and Thirteen have a couple other little conversations about the divorce, actually, like the one he admits he couldn't handle an open marriage, that he was jealous of House for years. Chase tells Thirteen about Dibala, making her the only person he's willingly told besides Cameron. And what took him weeks of guilt and cost him his marriage in one case, he uses to try and comfort and help Thirteen. It's only a few minor examples, but they're all we get. Maybe because Chase and Thirteen have very parallel traumas (and because she also hates opening up and talking about herself), but they're blinding exceptions. Mostly, Chase doesn't want people in his business.

[sugarlywhispers]

☆–a.n; @hitoshisbf MOOTIE, I GOTCHUU♡ tho, idk if this is the turn you were looking for with his, but i hope at least satiates a bit of your need ;) also, i haven't written this fast anything LOOOL idk, i'm living for the angsty fics lately♡

☆–warnings; angst, alcohol consumption, a bit of smut in one paragraph lol, and of course swearing, because Shinsou is as bad as Bakugou.

Shinsou Hitoshi is not a man that shows his feelings openly. 

Everybody knows that.

So it isn’t a surprise when he returns to the agency from that hell of a fight, face blank, void of any emotion, eyes looking sleepy and tired like they always do. But there is something. Something about the way he is walking, the way he is breathing, or maybe call it his aura, that makes everyone flinch as he walks from the entrance directly towards the elevator.

From all the eyes he knows and feels looking at him, he strongly feels yours. He knows he shouldn’t close on himself and not seek help when he perfectly knows this is a moment to seek for help. For you.

But he can’t avoid it.

The guilt.

Another partner lost.

Another person died in his care.

More than one.

He is 32 years old and apparently he can’t take care of a sidekick half his age, who is already an adult, but still a baby in this profession. This fucking profession of being a hero. How many have already gone? How many have lost their lives because he wasn’t fast enough, strong enough, or even smart enough? How. Fucking. Many.

Hitoshi sighs when he’s in front of the door to his office, not really knowing how he got there; and when he enters and then turns to close it, he encounters the eyes of Midoriya Izuku who looks at him, worried and pitiful.

“It wasn’t your fault, Hitoshi,” Midoriya’s words feel more like a dagger stuck deep in his guts than the comfort he tries to give.

“How many, Midoriya… How many.”

And with that he closes the door and locks it. He doesn’t wait for his co-worker and friend's response. Hitoshi doesn’t need it. He knows it.

After throwing some of his equipment over the small couch he has in the middle of his office, Shinsou walks directly towards one of his furniture where he hides it. Alcohol. Rum, to be exact. He discovered –after a situation similar to this one– that the only thing that gives him a bit of comfort is the burn of the liquor going down his throat. He hates it, he loathes it completely. But he loves how the painful burning turns off his senses and closes down his gullet as the liquid slides inside his system. His ability to speak turns off, just as his consciousness.

He gulps down glass after glass after glass. He doesn’t care that he’s at work and by all ethics he shouldn’t be doing this here. But he doesn’t fucking care anymore.

He doesn’t care that once again one of his co-workers and two of his sidekicks died right in front of his eyes.

He doesn’t care that even if he got there a tad bit sooner, they could still be alive, he could have saved them.

He doesn’t care that it was his fault, because he got distracted from trying to follow one of those villains and didn’t stay to help his team.

But he does care. It is his fault. Everything.

Glass after glass after glass of rum, and he already feels the rise in temperature and the dizziness in his body. But he doesn’t care. He deserves feeling like this… This helpless and useless, because that’s what he is. A fucking useless piece of shit. Not even good at his own job. What would Aizawa say? Dad would agree with Shinsou. He’s just a fucking nuisance. He has been for everybody since his very first day at UA.

The rumble of knocks on his office’s door makes him groan. He doesn’t move, whomever it is should know already that he’s not going to fucking answer the door.

“Shinsou, it’s me,” your muffled voice sounds and he curses Midoriya’s name. He knows it was him who sent you. He always did whenever Hitoshi traveled down to the most inner dark places of his own mind.

He can’t not open the door to you. You are and will always be the exception to any rule. You come before anything and everyone, even his own misery. But, he had drank so much he realizes now he can't move his legs as he tries to stand up from his chair behind his desk. His arms and legs feel like gum, uncontrollable and useless gum, and he doesn't have the strength to even throw the keys closer to the door so you can grab them from under it and get yourself in. He knows, he had tried it, just now. Unfortunately, he just knocked a decorative vessel that sat at the corner of his own desk. What a shame, you have gifted him that from one of your trip missions.

“Hitoshi, what was that? Please, please, let me in,” your begging voice is something that stir so many emotions inside him.

He likes to hear it when he’s on top of you, buried so deep inside you that you beg for him. More, fast, harder, deeper. He loves it, to drive you that insane that only him can give you what you need.

Now, it sounds so desperate and sad, he hates being the reason too behind that begging.

It doesn’t pass too much time until the door is forced open. He regrets having locked it when he looks up and you’re there, standing with all that worry and fear in your eyes as your chest pushes up and down in puffs of air that you inhale. Oh. You forced it on your own. He feels proud of you. You have grown so much. So strong and so dependable.

He remembers when he met you, a small thing of eighteen years old, filled with dreams and hopes, that had just joined Hero Deku’s agency, where he also worked too. You had also been his sidekick for a while, before everyone –Hitoshi included– recognized your strength and power and by your twenty one years old you already had sidekicks helping you on your missions.

He was so proud and mesmerized by the person and hero you have become, he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help to feel things for you.

Your first kiss happened on your twenty-fifth birthday. Izuku had the idea to throw a surprise party after you came back from a mission in Osaka that day. Hitoshi would never forget the shine in your eyes when you entered the conference room, turned on the lights and everyone jumped yelling “happy birthday, Y/N!!” in greeting. You almost cried, and Hitoshi found that cute.

Shinsou was also known for liking his own space, so it didn’t take you long to finally find him at the balcony, alone and smoking his cigarette.

“You know, that thing kills you,” you closed the door of the balcony before walking and standing next to him.

He smiled, a genuine one, before saying, “Our work can kill us, did you know that?”

You rolled your eyes at him, softly pushing him with your shoulder, which made him laugh.

“Thanks for being here, Shinsou-san.”

“Ugh. Drop the honorifics already. Makes me feel old,” this time you laughed, and he took that as a queue to take out the little box he brought for you.

“What is this?” You asked receiving the little box.

“The villain’s teeth of my last fight,” you look up at him, not really amused and he snorts, “It’s your present, dumbass.”

“Couldn’t you just say that?” You protested, clearly exasperated by his jokes, which made him even fall for you more.

Hitoshi takes another drag of his cigarette as you open the box. It’s a necklace, not a very expensive one, with a pendant that has the form of a moon. To others, it might not mean shit, and maybe they would comment on how cheap the present looks. But to both of you, it had a significance. It signified all that time you spent together, patrolling and wandering the streets at night when you were his sidekick, given that both of your Quirks worked better at night.

You’re silent for a bit, and that silence worried him for a second. Then he saw the little droplets of your tears on the railing of the balcony where you are standing close to, and he sighed, throwing the cigarette to the ground and stepping on it to turn it off.

“You’re not supposed to cry, dummy,” his hands grabbed your face and he softly tilted your head back so he could look at your face better.

He saw the tears running down your cheeks, but your eyes looked genuinely happy. Fuck, you're gorgeous, inside out.

“It’s my birthday, I can do whatever I want,” you replied back, your beautiful dove eyes not leaving his.

“That you can.” He said almost in a whisper, his eyes darting down to your lips for a second. And when he looked back at your eyes, he saw the realization in them.

“I… Can I?” He saw your eyes do the same action he did before, and fuck, yes please.

“You can.”

You stood suddenly in your tiptoes and finally connected your lips together. One of his hands slid to the back of your head as the other went down and his arm surrounded your waist, pulling you against him even closer, lips firm against each other.

Shinsou had felt on cloud nine. He still does every time you kiss him. Every time he wakes up and sees you there laying next to him, all cutesy with your sleepy-puffy face and all. Every time you come back to him, even when he told you many times before that he isn't worth it.

He doesn’t deserve you. And you deserve so much better.

“Why did you lock the door?” Your voice sounds angry, but also worried.

Hitoshi looks down again to his desk where he finds the bottle of rum almost finished. Wow. How much time has passed since he got here? The dizziness and the constant burning in his throat doesn’t let him think straight, or do the maths. So he immediately disposed of that thought. He won’t be able to find the answer either way. But he can tell that, by your worried expression, it’s been long. I mean, the almost empty bottle in front of him says much too.

“Shinsou,” you call him again. And by his surname, which means you are angry too.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he asks in a murmur, his voice sounding so rough and deep he barely recognizes it like his own.

He then feels hands, small delicate hands, that hold his face and turn him to the side. They feel so soft, so sweet as the thumbs caress his cheeks that he closes his eyes, feeling that knot in his throat so tight is about to explode and make him bleed til he dies.

Hitoshi takes a faltering breath as he feels your forehead press against his.

“Let’s go home, love,” your gentle voice says and he feels like crying now.

But he nods and lets you help him up.

You’re his home. So he will go anywhere with you.

When Hitoshi wakes up the next day, he feels like a truck ran over him. Bones and all heavy, his head pulsing with pain that makes him want to vomit.

He remembers vaguely what happened. And he remembers you dragging his stupid and sorry-sad ass to the apartment. With Izuku. Midoriya helped you bring him home. How embarrassing.

Hitoshi finds the strength to sit on his bed, after seeing that your side of the bed is empty. That’s weird, but it doesn’t surprise him. It is just time you finally see the scum and worthless ass he is.

He rests his elbows on his knees, holding his head with his hands. It hurts, realizing that he lost you. Hurts more than anything. How fucking hypocrite of him. Yesterday, he was moping about the death of his team members, swearing that what he felt was pain. Nothing compares to what he’s feeling now.

The tears slide through his face before he has a chance to stop them.

He never deserved you. He doesn’t even deserve to be called a Hero.

He feels like a fucking loser.

“Hitoshi?”

Your voice makes him look up instantly. And in two long strides you’re kneeling on the floor in front of him, arms around his neck.

He immediately returns the hug. And cries. Like a fucking child.

But this is you, he can do this with you. He can be vulnerable with you.

“You stayed.” He cries, feeling like a wounded animal that needs help.

But somehow, he is. Wounded. In pain. And you’re his savior, what he needs to heal.

“I’m always going to be here, love. I choose you, and I will always do.”

The fingers of one of your hands slides in his hair as his whole body shakes in his cries.

“You have to stop doing this. Nothing that happened was your fault, and if you don’t believe yourself, believe me.” You back away from him just a bit so you can look into his eyes. “Believe me when I say that it was not your fault. And believe me when I say that it’s time you stop this behavior.” He knows you’re talking about his drinking habit from this past months.

“I choose you, but you have to choose me. Or… I don’t think I’m going to want to stay here to see you lose yourself. It hurts me too much, Hitoshi.”

That gets his attention completely.

No. He can't lose you. He won’t lose you. No. No. No.

You're the one crying now, and he’s the one that pulls you up so you straddle his waist and hold your face very close to his.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I won’t… I’ll be good, I’ll be better for you, I promise.” He chants like a prayer as he kisses every part of your face as he can.

You shake your head, “No. Be good for you, be better for you. Because you deserve it. You deserve to be happy, Hitoshi.”

He doesn’t believe it. Not yet anyway.

But he believes you. He loves you. And if to cherish you how you deserve means he has to believe he’s good, he will.

He will be good for you. And with time, for himself too.

[alipeeps]

A Moment But Forever - Episode 15

He's gone from literally running away from her to seeking her out because she's been gone for a bit and he's worried... 😍

Aaaahhh and he pre-ordered the restaurant to have some roast goose, because he knew she was wanting to eat it?!!

Loving Yuanzhong explaining the concept of a social construct.

Oh man, his explanation that what matters is not the length of life but what you do with it, and being able to do what you want with your life... is especially poignant from a man whose autonomy was basically stripped from him as a teenager. He was made host of a divine weapon (and lbr he was NOT given a choice in that) and then used to fight their war for them... and then immediately after imprisoned. He hasn't been able to "live the life you want" since he was a child.

WTF Xie You?!! (But also, why didn't Yuanzhong do anything to defend himself?)

Damn, payback for something that was an accident? Tanyin herself didn't feel the need to take revenge for what happened at Pinghu, but Xie You feels he needs to do so on her behalf.

Is Xie You dying? Is that what the line means?

Damn. So what you're saying is... you were jealous of your disciple?

Ah she worries if she solves the final question for him, he will have no reason to go on living.

Ah man I kinda love when cdramas do this whole thing where they put such emphasis on what it means for one person to kowtow to another... for the master to kneel for the student, or the parent to kneel to beg the child. It's a uniquely cultural emphasis.

Is that why she's been hesitating and pondering over this final question? Not because she doesn't understand the task... but because she was afraid that she understood the implications of her completing it... and what it would mean to Xie You?

And it's a kowtowing-fest...

Oooh who's singing the song over this scene of her heading back to solve the final problem? It reminds me quite a bit of Farewell Love from Love Between Fairy and Devil... is it Faye singing this?

Oooh what's wrong with Yuanzhong? What was he feeling? Was it something to do with what Xie You hit him with and the fact that Xie You is now gone?

Bro's been sealed for 60 years and his first thought on being awakened is FOOD!! Valid, tbh...

Bit fucking rude to just rock up to somebody's/a stranger's house and just head on inside without being invited, Tanghua. Especially when you know the person you are looking for at that house does not want to see you...

Mmmm Tanghua makes a good point. Apologising in the hopes of forgiveness isn't entirely sincere. Apologising for your past actions without expectation of forgiveness, but because you sincerely regret those actions, despite knowing the past cannot be changed, is more so.

I'm still not sure Yuanzhong particularly cares to hear it though. And tbh chasing after him when he's made it very clear he doesn't want to see you still makes this feel somewhat selfish... like you are apologising not for his benefit but for yours, so that you can feel "better" that you apologised sincerely.

Oh wow, so the two generals who were part of the fake possession plot didn't die after all? Yuanzhong had Zi Fei save them and hide them away! He really is two steps ahead of everybody isn't he?

Oooooooh Yuanzhong is getting closer and closer to finding out the truth about Tanyin...

Would the curse on her only count if she tells that she is a goddess... or would it also kick in if people work it out independently? 😬

Oh wait, as well as the Goddess Wushang, Xie You's other famous student was the Mute Lady of Wu Mountain? Who took a hit for you at the battle of Pinghu? Babygirl, they are one and the same person!!

Could Tanyin be the Mute Lady of Wu Mountain? Hmmm... maybe... 😂

I love the contrast between Tanghua's towering earnestness and Yuanzhong's just... whatever...

DOOOOOOOON'T FUCKING TELL HER YOUR BIRTHDAY TANYIN HOLY SHIT!!!

Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease tell me you used your brain and faked her out with a fake birthdate....

Hahahaa him checking under her nose to see if she's breathing, just in case she's dead again! 😂

Ahhhh but why didn't we get to see him carrying her into the carriage? (And why wasn't he a bit freaked out that she wouldn't wake up?)

I'm love him!! 😂😂

"This fellow disciple of mine is quite impressive!" she says with mad poker face skills.

So according to legend it seems there is Goddess Wushang and the Mute Lady of Wu Mountain - both of whom were students of Xie You. And now we see Yunniang worshipping the Mute Goddess of Wu Mountain? Or is this all just a bit of confusion caused by how the subs are being done? What is the actual characters for Wushang? (Had a quick google and can't find out).

Oh shit is that the War Demon dude? (When it first showed his face I thought for a second it was Tanghua?!)

Whoah, who's the freaky dude scaring the beggar children?

[maxwell-grant]

So, which of the alien empires do you like better, the Kree or the Skrulls?

I feel mostly the same way about either, in that I don't particularly care for them in their own right, there is plenty I outright dislike most of them, but they can be useful worldbuilding elements to have around and have led to decent things over the years. I guess if I had to draw a straw here I'd say the Skrulls, but the Skrulls have more asterisks attached. I think the Skrulls have aged poorly overall and seem to be more trouble than they're worth.

It simply was inevitable that the Fantastic Four, at the moment of their inception, would have to deal with little green spacemen bent on world domination, these being shapeshifting Red Scare allegories just being part-and-parcel of what alien invasion stories are generally about at core (well that and antisemitism). Invading armies made of alien races are just kind of grandfathered into superhero settings at this point, like one of those things you have to address or do at some point. I'd say my biggest issue with the Skrulls isn't so much that they exist, and less that they are made to embody ideas I find politically or socially or morally reprehensible (although that is an issue, and Secret Invasion was an abysmally fucking ugly chapter in Marvel history, I'll link these articles by Ritesh Babu and Kelly Kanayama who can better elaborate why), as much as I think they really fall apart as a concept that's meant to exist in a shared universe where everybody's gonna be approaching them with different sensibilities and everybody who does so is gonna do some course-correcting on the previous takes to make their new one stand. They are living breathing allegorical embodiments of The Other who are also meant to pose an actual verifiable threat to the planet, and when you treat that idea seriously, when it’s no longer the 60s and this stuff is no longer given a pass for being charmingly antiquated, what do you do with it?

Are the Skrulls refugees? Are they imperialists? Are they warmongering genocide enthusiasts by nature or are they just regular people abused and groomed into war by their leaders? Are they space capitalists or commies? Are they honorable warriors or filthy backstabbers? Are they evil jihadist extremists hellbent on destroying America? Are we supposed to cheer when the heroes enthusiastically destroy them to save the planet or is this an oh-so-sad why-couldnt-we-get-along thing where the superheroes are very sad they have no choice but to kill them all? Are we meant to distrust the heroes when they attack Skrulls who are clearly not the aggressors or is it just an understandable funny misunderstanding? Are they really just gonna keep ping-ponging between perfect aggressors and perfect victims depending on what is convenient? That just feels irresponsible and too discomforting to me.

And I think that discomfort with their past depictions, with Secret Invasion, with the general fantasy orc problem they carry, is very clear in how modern creators tackle the Skrulls, and so they lean more heavily on making the Skrulls palatable, making them warriors torn between their honor and their loyalty to their dying empire, going hard on the angle of them as refugees displaced by war (which only makes the people at conflict with, the Kree and the superheroes, even less sympathetic in a way that never allows that thread to pan out), making conventionally pretty Skrulls like Hulkling to be "the good ones" in charge, drowning them in white savior bullshit that does little to address that fundamental tension and doesn't even last because eventually the Skrulls will be villains again, eventually it's their turn on the list of old pulp tropes superheroes recycle periodically. Even putting Secret Invasion aside, and you can't, the Skrulls are fundamentally a hostile endless race of alien monsters seeking to infiltrate America's borders by replacing it's people with themselves so they can take over the world. Valuable attempts have been made to flesh them out, but you are just not going to bleed that fascistic validation out of them.

The most I ever liked the Skrulls as a concept is probably in that storyline where Ben Grimm gets captured and sent to a Skrull planet where they are all obsessed with imitating Prohibition-era gangsters and forcing several other captive aliens to battle out, simultaneously allowing The Thing to deal with an upscaled gangster problem and a Star Trek problem and a Flash Gordon problem all in one. Skrulls-as-Space-Gangsters felt like it was onto something, a decent middleground power and threat-wise for them to occupy in the cosmic hierarchy with a niche not occupied by anyone else in the F4 rogues gallery and one that might de-emphasize the inherent xenophobia, open up different nuanced takes without needing to defang their value as an imperial power (and frankly Ben Grimm should be punching gangsters more often, he'd be the first to agree). That might be too limiting, so if there were a step beyond that, I'd suggest doing more on the weird exploration side, go big on the Skrulls as a species of copycats who can be anything and allow for weird alternate scenarios and themes and topics to be touched on, some of that weird anything-goes experimentation that made so much of F4 fun to read.

Skrull utopias, Skrull dystopias, Skrull societies that revolve around cooking competitions (maybe there are Skrulls morphing themselves into meals). Skrull planets doing shonen fighting tournaments, Skrull corporations dissatisfied with the Super-Skrull so they start splicing superpowers from a bunch of others hoping to strike big with the next great warrior, planets that are moving backwards because everytime their Skrulls get dissatisfied with modernity they take a step back on their timeline as literally as possible, Skrulls play-acting their versions of Marvel story arcs that center them as the heroes, a planet that is just the Skrulls doing their version of the DC universe, a city of rocky orange Skrulls who worship Ben as the greatest warrior in the universe, serious debates in Skrull circles over what is the worst form possible to take, roving bands of Skrull hippies trying to find the next cool thing to transform into and mold their identities around, Skrull beauty pageants, etc. I guess most of these are ideas better served outside of the Skrull framework and there's not much getting around the core make-up of these guys, but idk, if the Skrulls are gonna be a thing forever then they should be something that isn't just an Other existing in service of white savior/xenophobic fantasies. Give them their own Monkey Meat-esque anthology series about the things these weirdos endure and do when they aren't getting into spats with superheroes or space fascists or their warring governments.

Oh yeah and there's these guys too, I guess. To be honest I don't think I actually even know what's their deal. I know they are distinct enough from the skrulls due to their superpowers and big hammers and imagery, they come in different colors, they take orders from a big weird mostly-evil supercomputer, they have the Accusers as essentially a police force they've used to murder a bunch of planets with, they created the Inhumans by fucking around with cavemen, and their deal a lot of the time seems to be that they are powerful space fascists, and also that they are responsible for Captain Marvel, which doesn't do a lot to dispel the whole space fascist thing. I do think Ronan is okay though. I liked him allright in his FF debut because, given his introduction, given how he spends every line of dialogue in it flabbergasted at the F4 for daring to oppose his authority and resist his judgement and that of his empire and shocked that they won't simply comply and bow and accept death, it made him maybe thee closest you could get to a evenly-matched Fantastic Four vs The Cops story, which I thought was enough reason to justify him and the Kree as an ongoing element. Hickman also does good stuff with him and the Kree in his Fantastic Four and Avengers runs enough that I am broadly okay with them as a thing, along with the whole reocurring cosmic invader bucket they share with the Skrulls and the Shi'ar and whatever. The best one in that alien invader bucket I'd say is Annihilus, but he is his own degree of freak not really comparable to them.

If I was gonna point to anything between the two that I actually love, not just appreciate but actually really enjoy, it would be the guy in that image speaking the thing on my mind most of the time, Super-Skrull. That is ENTIRELY because he is a very entertaining character in MvC3, not just in terms of his playstyle but his general personality and demeanor, and that was my introduction to him, mostly divorced from the context the Skrulls usually occupy I was very on board with this funny green spaceman with such a cool and busted powerset and such an attitude problem. Charlie Adler does so much for his personality, this hilariously unpleasant egotistical jerk who's spitting and snarling everything he says, jeering and stomping the camera or stomping your opponent after they're down, nobody in the game is quite playing the Heel to the extent Super-Skrull is, and I like that some of his lines and ending emphasize how he's not even really that much of a villain. He is the hero his empire needs, even if he nurtures a rebellious streak, and asks you not to look too much into whenever he breaks character.

[thevindicativevordan]

What are your hopes for absolute Brainiac

Anonymous asked: Aaron did an interview where he briefly talked about his plans for Brainiac. It reminded me of your first write up for him!

Speaking of the future, we also know that Brainiac is coming cause he's been teased for a while, and we're going to get to see him in a few issues. What do you want to tell us about Brainiac and what he’ll mean for Absolute Superman?

Jason Aaron: Yeah, we've seen him kind of clearly orchestrating things behind the scenes, with Lois, with Peacemaker, sort of playing people like pawns on a chess board. And with issue seven, we get his origin story, or at least a huge chunk of it. We also get a bigger picture of what he's doing in the present day and who he's working for. Just in terms of his origin, I can say it's a much this is a much darker, much creepier, more disturbing version of Brainiac than I think we've ever seen. I mean, just from that first issue, where we kind of see him from behind, where he appears to be naked, sitting at this work bench. I was kind of channeling Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs and just that shot of him sewing. But Brainiac sitting in this workshop, and you see the bottled cities, which we're used to equating with Brainiac, where he shrunk these alien cities down and stowing them away. But these are more like very strange, murderous experiments that he's conducting. So you see where he's pumping noxious gas into one city or another one's overgrown with some kind of fungus, another one's full of insects. And there are tiny, tiny screams coming from all of those cities. This is the version of Brainiac that we're going to see here, this is a really dark, broken, demented character, again, in the Absolute Universe, everybody is more broken and corrupted than we're used to seeing, and that includes the bad guys that they can go to even darker places than we're used to.

Aaron's description of Brainiac sounds intimidating, and yes it does remind me of my own first attempt at a revamp for Brainiac. Also it reminds me somewhat of my second. Instead of seeking solutions to problems he hasn't been able to solve, Absolute Brainiac might be trying to make various evils worse. Mainline Brainiac, in my revamp, unleashes a bioweapon on Earth to force Earth to cure it for him. Absolute Brainiac unleashes a bioweapon, watches how Superman cures it, then gets to work on making it immune to that cure, improving it's transmission vector, and enhancing it's mortality rate. Think Josef Mengle, Unit 442, or the PHS Tuskegee Experiment. In fact that last one is perfect because medical advancements meant those black victims could have been saved.

But Uncle Sam didn't want to save them. He wanted to watch what would happen. And so does Absolute Brainiac.

Aaron comparing Brainiac to the serial killer from Silence of the Lambs who skinned women to make a flesh suit to wear is so incredibly messed up, but damn if it doesn't excite me. We might finally get a great Brainiac story that doesn't rehash Johns/Frank Brainiac, one that actually does something different with him. And if Brainiac is Buffalo Bill, you know what Lex has to be then: Hannibal Lector. Can't wait for that, I've been thinking a lot about how do you make Superman's villains more dangerous when they were already plenty powerful in the mainline universe. There are a few that might benefit from being wealthy: Toyman, Prankster, Livewire, etc. Unlike Joker however, it's not a matter of resources when it comes to exacerbating Lex's ability to be a threat. Earth 0 Lex already has plenty of financial power. At first I figured he'd be President but Absolute Wonder Woman has seemingly ruled that out.

Now I think the route to go, if I'm right about what Aaron is doing with Brainiac, is to change the mindset of Superman's villains. Absolute Brainiac doesn't care about preserving things. Well what if we applied that to Lex for example, by making it so that unlike his mainline counterpart he doesn't care about winning the adoration of the public? What if instead of wanting to be humanity's champion, he despises humanity and wants to replace them with a new race of posthumans he's created? In other words:

Absolute Lex should be like Ultimate Reed. Where mainline Lex promotes himself as the savior of "normal" humanity from the scourge of all-powerful aliens, Absolute Lex is determined to be the destroyer of weak, flawed, worthless humanity in favor of a new godlike posthumanity he created. Where mainline Lex nominally clings to a recognizable form of traditionally morality, hence his need to justify himself, Absolute Lex has contemptuously tossed his humanity aside. Yet they both hate Superman for getting in their way, which is in line with the AU's aims: altering the details but maintaining the core. And whatever excuse Lex uses, that's true core of why he hates Superman.

Got on a bit of a tangent there but I've spending a ton of time thinking up possibilities for the Absolute versions of Superman's foes, felt I had to take the opportunity to share how excited I feel.

[ricanvvas]

Hinata Hyuga Slander and why it is obnoxiously idiotic.

I actually thought the Hinata Slander was a joke or one or two people sided with it. But I am totally taken aback to realize that it’s actually real—and a little popular—it’s real?

Prepare for a run down through Naruto Series kids, because some few fellas clearly did not watch it properly. Either that, orrr…they’re filled with unreasonable hatred for a character who should be the last to be hated. By literally anybody.

I’m going to try to keep this short (I’m lying), but there are going to be topics on Hinata I’m going to go over so it’s not a messy bunch and rather organized and you can skip to which ever you find most relevant.

Before anything, a remark, I never overly cared for Hinata’s existence and she isn’t even in my top 15 Naruto characters but that does not mean I dislike her nor do I look down at her character. Now imagine a person like me going out of their way to take time and write an entire blog for her—yeah, it’s that ridiculous.

There will be that one person—and I’m saying this beforehand—who will barely skim through this and childishly reply to my blog. Catch me caring though!

All of the topics will include manga based evidence as well as a breakdown of the scene and what they portray, therefore, canon reasonings. There are plenty of other and more evidence out there, I will only provide some and main ones that back up claims. Here are topics I will be going over:

Hinata Hyuga as an anime character/character writing

Personality

Goals & Dedications

Skills & Strength

Incessant Love for Naruto Uzumaki

#1 Character Writing

While many people believe that Kishimoto is terrible at writing female characters, I’d like to disagree. Females like Temari, Konan, Ino, and Karin all pass the main checkmarks of being an exceptionally “good” character; a solid background/past, special abilities, and set personality. What I do agree with though is that he does not know how to put them to use, and it is obvious why. These females were not the only ones tossed aside—so were good characters like Lee, Neji, Jiraiya, and so on, all because of the author’s obsession with the Uchiha as well as Sasuke’s story.

Hinata is included in the “good” character checklist, and rather exceeds. The difference between her and the rest of the women is that she is the best representation of an individualistic woman and had incredible character development.

↓ How did we go from a girl so easily shaken and brought down with mere words

↓ To the girl who had the guts to charge against an Akatsuki member,

↓ And seeked frontlines during the war?

It may look like it’s only for the sake of Naruto, but it’s not entirely the reason, only partial. Everybody was set on saving Naruto anyway, instead of fighting the war themselves because they knew Naruto was their key to winning.

Hinata’s introduction may have started with her admiration for Naruto Uzumaki, and it did play a big part, but her entire existence never just revolved around romance. She had way more to her. Hinata’s character itself promotes women empowerment despite her not being the main female protagonist.

Through her writing, we learn that women don’t need to not seek love in order to be independent and a powerful female with goals and dedications that have nothing to do with romance. Hinata is a perfect example of this.

As a side-side character, Hinata excels in character writing, and is interesting enough to keep the audience invested in her existence. The next few manga pages and break-downs will explain it well.

#2 Personality

Her personality did not revolve around her undying love for Naruto only. She was her own person, too.

↓ While shy and timid, Hinata is also a pure and kind hearted soul, as we do not know any character she actually has bad blood with, making her somebody easy to be around with. She’s very gentle, making the atmosphere around her almost tranquil.

↓ Her conflict with Neji was very one-sided, and despite his harsh treatments, she still used honorifics and respected him.

↓ Yes, she might be a soft human being, but not to the point she is unable to pick out flaws in other people.

She seems more warmed up in Shippuden than she was in Classic, and it’s fair to say that ever since Chunin exams, she had gained confidence with the help of Naruto’s cheering. Confidence in herself and her skills. (Panels above may help)

Something to keep in mind is that Neji was known to be more cold, arrogant, and stronger than Sasuke during this time, by Kakashi’s words.

↓ Yet Hinata did not back away even after being told to, multiple times I believe, even by Kiba himself.

↓ This was the beginning of her journey of trying to be more assertive about herself, as she believes she could keep on going without chickening out.

↓ And she didn't back away when someone from the Hyuga Clan told her to do so--she was persistent.

Hinata was never meant to be somebody with great leadership skills; she has always been a follower, almost, who takes a lot of inspiration from people she looks up to. The obvious person, Naruto, and Neji were mentioned.

#3 Goals & Dedications

Her goal had never been only to be a wife and a lover to Naruto. It was one of her goals, the hope to get Naruto to acknowledge her, which he did several times. But that was not it, there was more.

Hinata did not seem so close with her family, so she had no certain goals regarding the Hyuga Clan. She was almost avoiding them and was deemed to be a shinobi, which she probably preferred, participated, and found likeness to, rather than the next heir to the Hyuga Clan, simply because her father did not believe her feather-like personality was fit for it, nor did Hinata seem too interested to lead a clan with such twisted rules and laws.

Despite her father's harsh, degrading words (and Neji's), she did not let it effect her because she continued to get stronger later on.

Hinata always wanted to be self-assured, and wanted to be as confident as Naruto always has been. She wanted to be of use, somehow. Refer to #2, second last image.

↓ Here, too, we see her admitting that she never believed in herself, until she did.

"I stared liking myself a little more..." shows she had very little fondness for herself.

Hinata wanted to change herself for a very long time. She did not ever want to stay the way she used to be--scared.

Another admittance,

But then...

All of these images show that Hinata had something she was thriving for, something she was dedicated to achieve that was not just romance. So, props to Hinata (and Tenten, but that's another story) for actually having a goal/objective.

#4 Skills & Strength

All powers Hinata has been shown to use/possess:

Byakugan (Kekkei Genkai)

Gentle Fist (Specific Taijutsu)

The Eight Trigrams (Air Palm, Palm Rotation, 64-Palms)

The Gentle Step; Twin Lion Fist

The Eight Trigram; Twin Lions Surging Shots (Utilizes Hagoromo's Chakra)

Hamura Otsutsuki's Chakra

And some others I might’ve missed

I'm not going to make this section breaking down each ability, but I'm going to use this information to factually prove that Hinata has more amounts of known and used abilities than probably all female characters, as well as like 90% of overall Naruto characters or something. And she's definitely stronger than a lot of characters, logically, despite her not having been in fights very often.

During younger years, Hinata Hyuga was put against Neji Hyuga—once again, claimed to be possibly stronger than Sasuke at that time—and Hinata was actually able to put up with Neji. For a bit, or a while, it doesn't matter. For a young, scared girl who has never been in a fight before to be able to do so speaks for her skills.

Inexperienced against the nearly strongest genin, one filled with hatred, among her generation, Hinata exceeded enough.

↓ In Shippuden, we even get a scene where she protects Neji!

There's a very few people Hinata actually canonically fought, but when she did, she did plenty well for being a side-side character.

↓...And that same side-side character, Hinata Hyuga, was the only kunoichi in the entire show to actually land a hit on Pain, during Pain Arc. The inevitable praise.

Here comes the cries of, “but she was flung LOL” “hinata didn’t achieve shit from this” “he threw her like she was nothing”

Frankly, those are most ignorant things you can say regarding her actions. To stand up against an Akatsuki member? That takes a lot of balls, considering that nobody was standing up for Naruto, and practically gave up, giving into Pain’s near-victory.

The entire point was not even to defeat Pain—it was to defend Naruto. And in doing so, she stalled for a bit, preventing him from immediately killing Naruto. In that amount of time, the few who remained could’ve backed her up, they could’ve offered some sense of rescue, but because of twist of fate, and the expected, Hinata was unable to keep Pain off of Naruto. It brought her to near-death, triggering Naruto Uzumaki’s 9-Tail-Fox.

Hinata was the fiercest woman. She wasn’t stupid, she accepted she was weaker and couldn't win before she even got onto the battle field. But she tried.

The scene was never about physical strength to begin with; it was her strong mindset and dedication. She was aware of the consequences and still stepped in, demonstrating her everlasting commitment for Naruto. This entirely proves that she not only had great self-development, she had the audacity to stand against the strongest Akatsuki member (excluding Obito), who killed a Legendary Sannin.

#5 Incessant Love for Naruto Uzumaki

In the entirety of Naruto Anime existence (excluding Boruto), only one of its movies have been considered canon, that being Naruto: The Last.

While I hoped it would show us Naruto promoting to Hokage, all of it was focused on Hinata and Naruto's relationship, and we found out a lot through it. Like, a lot.

There are very few couple/characters in Naruto that actually have past together/some story and strong reasoning to start liking their love interest. Such characters being Kushina, Karin, Konan (the K's lol), and of course, Hinata.

There are filler episodes that go before The Last, but I wouldn't count them (even if they add on to the actual story), but in The Last, we figure out that Hinata and Naruto first met when he protected her from getting bullied due to her Byakugan, and he gets beaten up for it.

"Never go back on my word" was one of Naruto's internal rules that he stuck by and it made up his entire personality, almost. Hinata really seemed to respect it and use it for herself.

She tend to turn his imperfections into motivations,

Those feelings seem to get more bold in Shippuden and more confronting. So much so she did not hesitate to put her life on the line for the boy. Not "just because." Hinata gave a list of unavoidable reasonings, that we were able to point out, too.

And vice-versa, she did make a difference in Naruto's life pre-marriage. She gave him courage, motivation, and a reason to keep going. Refer to the fourth image in this section, too.

Then, our closure, he finally realized that Hinata has been there for him since the beginning of the times (also in The Last).

“…but…but…! Hinata is a stalker! She was always watching Naruto! She’s so creepy!”

Okay, but her canonically shown watching Naruto was like, twice in 700 episodes… ↓

And...honestly...it's not really...that...deep...lol? Old Japanese humor. And don't act like girls nowadays don't stalk the shit out of the boy they like--let's get real here. Just get over it. It's an exaggerated cartoon.

People have different views when it comes to love. But one thing I heavily disagree with are weak or false reasonings to fall in love with somebody. You’ll screw yourself over. Seeing a guy walk through the door and finding him physically attractive should not be your reason to “fall in love” and keeping that reason forever; you’re falling in love with his body, not him. It could be the start of your interest. Taking your time to get to know what kind of individual they are, and then accepting their personality, and falling in love with that person is guaranteed success. Reasons are important.

And Hinata understood that well, unlike someone who didn’t (I’m throwing shade!)

(A very quick addition and counter-argument I might get is that Hinata was the cause of Neji's death. I didn't want to put this into an entire section because it'll involve mentioning Neji's own character. But to be frank, Neji chose to protect Hinata and died that way. And I idiotically love Neji far more than Hinata. You don't need somebody's permission to protect them, nor did Neji do it just because he was the lower branch of the Hyuga Clan. Neji and Hinata’s relationship was beyond that. Way beyond. Reread the manga, or even rewatch the anime, and listen and figure out why he did what he did. It had nothing to do with Hinata being a higher rank than him, at least not entirely at all.)

__________________________________________

I was going to add another section titled, "Comparison", but because of image restrictions and as well as the thought that this blog is only about Hinata, I scratched it out.

I don't even praise Hinata. She isn't my favorite Naruto female, either. Personally, for me, she just existed as a character. But I'd be damned if I threw any dirt on her for any reason.

If anything, I believe Hinata Hyuga's character is underappreciated in the way she should be appreciated. She's not just some...loyal, attractive girl (hell, Kishimoto never canonically even drew her with tight/exposing clothing, they were always baggy. So, screw the anime studio.) She was a figure of a powerful woman, better written than any other female in Naruto, and a strong individual, with more story than several, several other characters.

So when I heard "Hinata Slander" was a real thing, truly, I was baffled. I'll admit my blog was quite messy despite my effort to keep it organized with main claims and obvious evidence, but there are still multiple more panels that back up everything I've mentioned that make up Hinata's character.

After all this, I really don't think there's anything that can be said against her in the context (and lie) of "she is a horrible character." And there aren't a lot of characters she can fairly be compared to, anyway. She's just awesome.

As a person, and a side-side anime character, Hinata Hyuga undeniably exceeded.

"Hinata Slander" is fake. Find something better to do than embarrassing yourself.

[ammoknightsofficial]

Kendrix apathy tonite 👀

Kendrix apathy tonight king???

Kendrix apathy tonite 👀

(i wanna know about kendrix's apathies)

Kendrix's general Apathy towards almost everything is one of his most defining traits, though it's not one most people interacting with him on a day to day basis would realize. There's not a tragic source for his general aura of Emotional Detachment, it's just one of the ways his Autism manifests. He was perfectly fine ditching everything and everyone he's ever known as a child just to save Panopticon, because Panopticon's the first thing he ever found himself really, truly caring about. No, his own family isn't on that list. That's just... How he is.

He cares about his Work and his Little Monsters. That's just about it, really.

You can't pull a "but it's okay, he cares about his friends!" to soften the blow of the topic. He's Aplatonic, he doesn't really have friends for the most part, and he doesn't really feel the need to acquire them. The only times he will acquire a friend is through happenstance, too - it's not something he seeks out, and seeking out a friend in him actively, especially if you make a whole thing of it, is a great way to make him leave. He isn't Cruel or Asocial, however - he has a lot of fun being around people, and he's known to be quite a nice guy, he just doesn't tend to progress any relationship past the Casual Acquaintance phase. Everybody knows him. but nobody knows him, you know?

His brother, Mateo, does not understand him, and he never will. Mateo cares a lot about the connections he's made in life, and maintains them quite thoroughly. It's one of his main occupations, even. Not too big a fan of being alone, that one. But Kendrix can drop that all on a whim and fuck off to the middle of the Tundra for weeks on end with no contact with the outside world and not go insane. He could move to an entire different country without telling anyone and not feel any real regret about it. Kendrix is a professional at burning bridges and feeling nothing about it.

Kendrix is Aromantic, also, so he doesn't tend to find himself partnered with people. He's tried in the past, but it always lasted two seconds due to Kendrix immediately getting weirded out by the whole thing. It's always such a whole affair. The expectations they always bring have always felt deeply unsatisfying to him, and the process of courting - the intentionality of it all - kind of just gives him the hives. He's definitely done a good amount of casual sleeping around - he's a fan of bars, and is decidedly not Asexual - but that's about as far as it ever usually goes.

Kyle kind of threw a wrench in all this. He managed to make Kendrix really, really care about him. Extremely rare of Kendrix to care for a person on this level, but Kyle managed it by just happening to be around Kendrix a lot, and acting like a huge bitch the entire time. His self-sabotaging aggression, ironically, let Kendrix feel more comfortable approaching him, because he wasn't going out of his way to get up in his business in the way most people try to do. It was happenstance, and Kyle was trying to project massive amounts of Hedgehog's Dilemma in his direction instead of trying to get to know him or, god forbid, trying to court him into any kind of relationship. So, he just, like, won.

One funny note I could make to explain the sheer extent of Kendrix's Apathy - He is not Gay. He isn't Bisexual either. I also wouldn't call him Straight. I wouldn't call him anything, actually. He just cares so little about all of this that he does not care about the gender of who he's coupling with at any point. Especially considering they're usually one night affairs, anyway. Why should he give a shit? He doesn't need a set orientation. This isn't something he has any angst over. He feels nothing on the matter. If you tell him he needs to, he'll just crinkle his face at you and go "Why, though?".

He just doesn't really care about anything. Good for him!

[alpaca-clouds]

The Homeostasis Retcon

Before I start this: A gentle reminder. Generally speaking Japanaese stuff tends to be way less concerned with what we call "canon". And contrary ideas can exist in a canon in parallel (see also this post). Still, I want to talk about this one thing specifically

Again, I do not care what Kakudou claims about nothing being retconned - it is fairly clear that Digimon Adventure 02 THE BEGINNING (all-caps!) very much retcons a good chunk of Adventure lore - both in regards to the epilogue (no, everybody having a Digimon partner is a really bad idea) and in regards to the Homeostasis.

The Homeostasis is kinda one of those things in Adventure-lore that was kinda a headache to start with, due to how badly Adventure was originally planned out. The worldbuilding in the show is most certainly lackluster back then. Technically the term "Homeostasis" was not even muttered, we only knew that word through "word of god" and then later the novels.

I am honest: I found the Homeostasis fascinating - but also thought it was a bad idea. Based on the same issue that I always had with Star Wars. "Yeah, Anakin brought back the balance. The light side was so strong, that it needed a powerful Sith. Duh!" Which is kinda the same issue with the Homeostasis. If it seeks a balance between the light and dark, it will probably end up creating endless conflict - at least in a world of "pure evil" and "pure good". Because there will always be conflict and the solution is not really for everyone to join the "true neutral" faction - if you get my gist.

And mind you, Digimon Adventure tri. did not make these things any better with how it handled the Homeostasis and stuff. It made everything even more messy - and created more problems. *sighs*

But this is why I really liked THE BEGINNING and the reimagining what "balance" could mean in this regard. In a way that it fit very well with some of the base themes of Adventure/02. After all, Adventure/02 were so very much based on this idea of the kids being based around real world problems - obviously none being like real dramatic. Like, sure, there was familiar conflicts, but everything was fairly... tame. So, yeah, Rui is an interesting additions there. A kid, who was so heavily abused that chances were that he would die of abuse eventually.

Now, THE BEGINNING mainly just impleis what this means in regards to the Homeostasis, but what it implies is actually quite genious.

Indeed, the Homeostasis is a force that wants some sort of balance, but rather than a balance between "light and dark" it wants a balance in terms of fairness. And as it becomes aware of this abused, lonely and violated child, it - not fully understanding humans clearly - goes: "Okay, I am creating balance by now giving this kid THE BEST LIVE possible. He will have the best family and the most friends and the kindest people around him. He will have anything he wishes for. He wishes to have an adventure? Great, I am going to create a scenario in which he can!"

Now, of course it is once more a bit iffy of why nobody ever became aware of Rui before, which is kinda handwaved (just like the part with the "original chosen kids" in tri. being suspiciously absent all the time till tri.), but other than that?

I will openly admit, too, that I generally am never a big fan of the "chosen one" trope, if it does not get subverted. Which in Adventure does not happen a whole lot. It really just goes: "Those kids were chosen to defeat darkness. We send them into the digital world, and then they will eventually indeed save the digital world. Hooray."

Which really makes the entire retcon of the Homeostasis just trying to make one boy happy actually kinda... nice. Especially as I really, really love how it very much hinges on the Homeostasis not really understanding how humans work.

I am not sure how the end of this movie is going to impact other future media in this universe. I mean, let's face it: We will get further stuff on this universe, as long as it makes money.

[str8aura-no-not-that-one]

i think animals are better than people.

that's not an uncommon belief, is it? you hear it said all the time, in memes, on coffee mugs, 'id rather talk to your dog', 'my cat doesn't judge me like my coworkers do', etc. its a very popular philosophy to espouse, albeit mostly in jest. It's not really jest for me, but it's not really a dig at humanity either.

I struggle often with feelings of misanthropy, how nice it would be to just assume all humans are inherently evil or uncaring, to slot an entire species into a broad stroke to make them easier to deal with. I tell myself sometimes I don't like working with humans, or seeing humans. I have a tendency to go quiet or mute at times because I don't feel like engaging people in conversation.

but that's really just stress. there is no crime for being an idiot. that person who cuts me off on the street made a slip up, or maybe did it with genuine antagonism, and that still doesn't make them a bad or worthless person. I've been 'the one who fucked up' enough times to know how crushing it is when you inconvenience somebody else, and I don't like to lose my temper, as often as it happens. I get angry a lot. I feel angry a lot. it feels good, but I don't enjoy it. I'm not a bad dog. I believe people are good, just flawed, and emotional.

and I wish, like everybody does, that I could talk to animals. I wish I could ask a deer for its thoughts, negotiate with a bear, or tell a hurt animal that its going to be alright, I'm just trying to help you. I yearn for that world, but I also accept that animals would lose their magic if they could. They would still be beautiful, yes, but I don't love animals because I imagine they are weirdly-shaped people, who understand what I say. I love them because they're animals.

We went down different paths, humanity and the animal kingdom; nowadays, we see different boons and drawbacks for it. They fight for their lives every day, never sure which moment will be their last. We struggle with thoughts of complex morality and our place in a dead, empty universe. animals never ate the apple. animals are free from sin, and punishment. When a fox kills a rabbit, it is not a murder. When a viper rescued out of the cold bites and kills the farmer that saved it, it is not a betrayal. it is simply their nature.

a few months ago, at a house I was staying at for a little while, there was a tree outside with a nest of birds. I wasn't aware of this until I came out one day and found all of the babies, freshly hatched, lying on the hard pavement beneath the trees. Cuts and tears along their bodies, eyes still screwed shut, writhing and wriggling to try and restore the warmth of the nest they had suddenly been stolen from. I called animal control and waited with the hatchlings as long as I could, but eventually I couldn't bear to see the sight. I looked up the best way to restore them to their nest, and with the use of a ladder, I got to work.

i also read that you shouldn't touch them with your hands, as it will scare off the mother bird. this, as I later found out, is an urban legend. I put on gloves to hold them, unwieldy, thick gloves meant for hands larger than my own.

they were featherless pink bastards. I think humans have the ugliest babies out of any species, but these ones were pretty close.

the first two went in without problem, but on the third, my fingers wrapped in gloves couldn't get a grip and i

dropped

it

onto the pavement

headfirst

i don't know if it was still alive or not when I finally took the gloves off and restored it. I don't know. there was no splatter, no obvious signs of death. it just stopped moving.

if the mother returned and found the body of her child, she would not be shocked. 60-70% of hatchlings do not survive to adulthood. she would not seek retribution, or to make me pay for what I had done. she didn't understand I had been trying to help, and she didn't care. life went on. she probably had more children to replace the cadaver.

i read a book series as a kid called Funjungle. It was about a kid who lived at a zoo, and would solve various mysteries around the place. In one book, he recounts being present for the lancing of a boil on a rhino, and talks about how animals always fight back against such processes. you cant explain to them that you are trying to help, all they understand is that you are causing them pain right now, regardless of whether it will soothe in the future. animals, wild and tame, think in the now.

ironically, in real life, I try not to anthropomorphize too much. I understand that an animal's 'smile' only resembles such because of the way his lips are shaped. I understand that the possums and raccoons and squirrels I encounter as I go about my life, and that one fox I had the joy of getting to witness up close, are dangerous creatures who do not have my best interests in heart. I understand that something beautiful will kill me without a second thought if it thinks I am a threat to it, and for an animal, it is always always always better to be safe than sorry.

i can tell a human things are going to be okay. I can tell a human this is only going to hurt for a minute. I can tell a human i'm sorry.

a human can lie to me. a human can hurt me. a human can make me feel like I don't want to live anymore.

I can never lose my temper at an animal, any more than I could be angry at a mountain.

animals are base, instinctive, temperamental, capricious, alien creatures.

that is why they are beautiful.

that is why I must stay away from them. as much as I wish to hug them, to talk to them, to befriend them, it is not possible. they may occupy our physical spaces, but they are from different worlds entirely.

i must look, but not touch. it is better this way.

my place is with the humans.

and it kills me a little more every day.

[irrealisms]

anyway something i'm thinking about rn wrt therapy is the way that .. "therapy" is conflated with "help". to "get help". to be "pro recovery". anything labeled "treatment" must inherently be uncomplicatedly good. and so then it's easy from there to see how rejection of that becomes uncomplicatedly bad. some of the worst things i've done in service of the psychiatric system were done while i genuinely 100% believed that i was helping, bc i thought participating in the system was the only way someone i cared about could get better, and i wanted them to be happy and alive and okay. if someone is doing badly you gently propose therapy and/or meds bc that's what you're supposed to do if you want to help. and-- don't get me wrong. therapsychiatry has helped me. you could say it saved my life, and it'd even be true in the same "helped me Not Want To Die As Much during a high-risk part of my life where i wanted to die really really badly all the time" way that most people mean it when they say it and not the "kidnapped me and tied me to a bed" way. but, man, it hurts people! it's hurt me quite badly! sometimes people will say shit that reveals how much they see therapsychiatry not as "a tool that can be helpful sometimes to some people" but as something that is fundamentally good, something that is helpful always, to everyone. frex ppl will just casually talk abt some people "needing therapy" when the thing they mean is "this person is clearly struggling rn" (or "this person is ~evil" if they're being more ableist with it). and if you pushed them on it a lot of them would say "well obviously i don't believe that they necessarily need therapy, everybody's different, some people are helped by other things, i know you've had bad experiences with therapy." (not everyone would say this, some people really do believe Everyone should be in therapy. but a lot of them would!) and even the people who are more hardline would say "i know there's bad therapists/therapy but it's not all like that". (subtext, or sometimes text: either "give it another try!" or "don't discourage other people from seeking life-saving help!". which: there's that assumption again, of therapy=help. no acknowledgement that i could be protecting people or myself from getting hurt by therapy; i'm preventing people from getting helped by therapy.) but, man, even among people who aren't hardline like that, there's a certain way of talking about therapy where they vary in how much they acknowledge exceptions but the default assumption is a very uncritical view of it as good and helpful. (i'm talking mostly abt therapy here but this all goes just as much for meds/psychiatry.) you know? and i really want to push back on that. therapy/meds can be bad. therapy/meds is not the only way to get help. rejecting "treatment" is not the same as rejecting "recovery". (i could also go the route of "you don't have to get help or recover" and i do believe that! that's extremely important and a big part of the basis of harm reduction! & "recovery" especially is such a tainted word to me in a mental health context. but-- you get what i'm saying here, right? that all our words for "trying to feel better & improve our lives after a period of madness or pain" are treated as synonyms for "being compliant with whatever doctors enforce on you")

[vaspider]

I genuinely hope this isn’t too prying or intrusive, I am strictly asking out of curiosity but…. What…. Is going on with that 16 year old and why is it on a post about a house coat? Are you ok?

I'm fine.

That kid has been fixated on me since I said, basically, that the French Revolution killed a bunch of innocent people and isn't something to be emulated.

For the past 3 weeks, since I told her to leave me alone on Tumblr, she's been stalking me across the internet, digging up every possible way to contact me, and sending elaborate death threats along with suicide threats. I've turned off the contact forms on my professional website and NK. She's sent asks here and contacted me from multiple Tumblrs, multiple Facebook and Instagram accounts, TikTok, LinkedIn, Reddit, YouTube, BlueSky, and multiple email accounts. I'm pretty sure I'm missing something, though I do have it all screenshotted and saved. She found my phone number and left multiple threatening voicemails, and she kept contacting my business, sending death threats to places where my employees, including my younger brother, had to deal with them.

She seems to think that I'm a man, and that I'm attempting to use magic on her, and that she can threaten me into doing whatever it is she wants. I don't really understand what's going on in her head, and I'm not trying to do so. I don't really read the things she writes.

At this point, the FBI is involved - she's been sending death threats pretty much every day for about a month now with a few breaks here and there - and I've been declining to respond to her for the vast majority of that time, hoping that she'd get bored, or, hopefully, that someone who cares about her would realize how deeply, deeply unwell she is and get her help before this becomes a criminal matter. I really, really don't want to be put in that position, but I also can't ask the people who work for me (some of whom are my family) to deal with a constant barrage of messages detailing how if I don't publicly apologize for ... fuck all if I know or care... she's going to "slit [my] throat like a Sicilian" and throw my body in the Willamette River.

I really, really, really just want this kid to leave me alone. I didn't seek her out - she sought me out - and I'm not interested in talking to or debating with a 16 year old. But, also, the things that she's been doing for the past month are crimes and truly beyond the pale.

As to why that's on a video about a housecoat... your guess is as good as mine. Her last comments before this were on the two public videos on my abandoned YouTube account, both of which were process videos about making patches, and she left death threats on a post on my old personal Instagram that I made on the day of the Tree of Life shooting. It has nothing to do with me or what I'm saying - she seems to just randomly pick things to add her bizarre urban fantasy VASpider fanfic to.

Please leave that person alone, everybody. She is a third my age and very clearly deeply unwell. I'd been ignoring her, but I'm kind of hoping against hope that knowing that, yeah, actually, what she's doing is a crime, people take that seriously, and I really really really don't want her to fuck up her life? will convince her to stop.

I'm not afraid. I'm mostly just tired and very, very sad. It is really upsetting to see someone who is so out of alignment with consensus reality, and it's even more upsetting when that person is so young. I feel deeply sorry for her, both that she's unwell in a way that's clearly causing her harm, and that she doesn't seem to be getting the help she needs from the people around her. I hope it's just that the people around her don't realize what's going on and that someone can make them aware, because it is just... rotten... to see someone that young making such a mess of things.

I don't want to talk about this further. I've been avoiding talking about it publicly at all, but at the point where we're closing on a month... I dunno. I hope saying something directly and making it clear this isn't going to go the way she thinks gets it through to her.

I'm gonna go play with my dog.