#I can't eat the food I like or do the things I like or feel safe or comfortable or confident. I've lost so much weight and I hate it

[creative-clawmarks]

Is Jay tasty

Carnivores can taste things in raw meat that we omnivores simply can't, so while human flesh and blood do absolutely taste good to Alex there aren't really words he could use to describe it.

If you asked Alex how Jay tastes he would just say "He's my favorite." He wouldn't elaborate because nobody else could ever understand, but to the very depths of his being he simply knows that he tastes better than anything or anyone else.

Like imagine if you could only eat your favorite food once so you spend as long as possible taking little nibbles to make it last. Even though you know, you just know, that some day you are going to get so hungry that you snap and eat it all in one sitting. Also this favorite food just so happens to be a person you actually like and you would feel bad if they died.

I tell ya, Alex is in the thick of it...

What was I talking about? Oh, right. Yes, Jay is tasty :)

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KO-FI

[sweetiesicheng]

seonghwa - café

word count : 953

-

"y/n, you gotta stay awake," you hear your friend say to you.

you just grumble as you take a second and rest your eyes. you have been studying at a café for hours for exams with a one of your friends.

"why do we have two exams on monday?" you mumble to him.

"beats me," he sighs. "oh damn, i gotta go," he says, realizing that he has to leave. you open your eyes and see him scrambling to pack up his things.

"did you forget about your club again?" you ask him.

"i'm never being an officer for a club ever again," he says and slings his stuffed backpack over his backpack. "i'll text if i go to the library tonight," he says to you.

"okay. see ya."

"bye!" he waves and jogs out of the café.

you look at the time and decide to buy another coffee. you grab your wallet and get up from the table. then, you head to the cashier and wait for one of the workers to come over to you.

"ah, iced coffee, extra sugar?"

one of the workers comes over to the cash register.

"oh, uh no. not this time. can i get a large vanilla latte?" you request, "iced."

"anything else? food?" he asks you. you quickly scan over the half empty case but decide against getting a treat for yourself. you shake your head to answer. "alright, just tap your card here," he instructs, pointing to the card machine. you tap your card and wait for it to process. "you're all set. i'll bring it over to you," he says with a smile.

"thanks," you reply with a smile.

you return to your table and decide to study for your other exam. you clean up a bit and neaten up the table while taking out the textbook for the class.

right before you're about to resume studying, the worker comes up to you with your latte.

"oh, thank you," you say to him.

"no problem," he replies. "kitchen closes an hour before we close by the way. in case you want something to eat later."

you smile at him, "thanks for letting me know."

"of course." he walks back to behind the counter.

you take a sip of the latte and smile at the taste. then, you start to study for your other exam.

—

a few hours go by, no more latte and all of the material studied. you sigh and tilt your head back for a second while closing your eyes.

need more coffee...

you open your eyes and sit up and grab your water bottle. while taking a sip of water, you debate if you want more caffeine in your system but ultimately decide against it since you need to sleep tonight.

just as you're about to continue studying, you see the worker from earlier come up to you with a juice box in his hand.

"want one?" he asks, "i bought a pack on my break."

"oh, thank you," you say to him and take the juice box. "you're really nice."

"ah, can't help it. you've been studying here all day," he replies to you while you poke the straw through the top of the juice box.

"you a student too?" you ask him.

he nods, "graduated last semester actually. i have a job lined up in a few months, so i'm just working here in the meantime," he explains to you. "i'm seonghwa."

"y/n," you reply. "it's nice to meet you."

"yea, you too," he says with a smile. then, he looks over his shoulder, "oh, i need to help them," he says and hurries to help out a customer.

guess i could take a break for a bit.

you wait for seonghwa to come back, but it seems like he gets caught up in working as you wait. you decide to scroll through your phone for a bit in order to distract yourself.

after some time, seonghwa appears at your table again, this time with a small sandwich that is cut into two pieces.

"kitchen made an extra," he says to you as he puts the plate on the table.

"oh, let me pay for it," you say and reach for your backpack to get your wallet.

"don't worry about it, really," seonghwa says to you. "besides, i'm taking half because i'm hungry," he adds and takes one half of the sandwich.

you laugh, "thanks." he hums in response while eating.

"still have a lot to study?" he asks.

"feels like it, but i actually went through a lot already," you answer him.

"i think you need a break," seonghwa says to you.

"i think you're correct, seonghwa," you reply.

all of a sudden, another worker comes up to the two of you. "seonghwa! save the flirting for after we close! you need to mop!" the guy says to seonghwa and hands a mop to him. the guys walks away while shaking his head and grumbling about cleaning.

"i wasn't even flirting with her," seonghwa argues back before eating another bite of the sandwich. "ignore him," he says to you.

you laugh, "alright," you reply. "maybe i should leave so you can focus."

he frowns, "leaving me already? so sad." he sighs.

"you working tomorrow?" you ask him.

"hm? tomorrow? yea," he answers and stands up.

"then you'll see me tomorrow," you say to him.

he nods with a smile, "okay, tomorrow."

"seonghwa! hurry up! i want to go home!"

seonghwa rolls his eyes and stands up. "i heard you the first time," he says to his coworker. he looks at you, "see ya."

"see ya," you say and start packing up while seonghwa starts cleaning.

[erosmutt]

ok like i dont expect you to write this or anything its more just food for thought- which hayden characters, including hayden, would be a boobs guy, a butt guy, or thigh guy or something else lmaooo

ugh i luh yew for this. disclaimer, most of them are ass men <3

☆ HAYDEN : ass

I'll be real... I don't know. All his exes are flat skinny girls... KIDDING! Hayden is an ass man! He's not one to objectify, but he can appreciate a nice ass when he sees one. He's the type to give your ass a swat in passing, just because. Or because he likes to see it jiggle. Either way, he likes to touch it. Fills his hand nicely.

☆ SAM : boobs

Sam... just objectifies girls. All the time. He's a horny teenage boy, and nothing gets him off quicker than a nice rack on a girl. His favorite pastime is watching the volleyball girls play, and all he can imagine is grabbing at their tits, or burying his face into them.

☆ SCOTT : boobs

Scott'll stare at your tits shamelessly. Especially since Horizon's activities call for so much hard labor, you're constantly moving and working up a sweat. You mostly wear camisoles and tanktops, so he has an amazing view of your cleavage. Plus you sweating usually equals a see through top, which is an amazing perk.

☆ ANAKIN : boobs

Anakin hates that he can't see your body well in your Jedi attire, but he can see your breasts a bit because of the fabric straining against them. He gets distracted during training watching your tits bounce while you swing your saber about.

☆ JAMES : ass

ass man. ASS. MAN. James' favorite position is doggystyle because he gets to watch your ass ripple and jiggle when his hips smack into it. he'll do double takes when he's walking down the street after seeing a girl with a fat ass. bonus points if you're chubby - fatter ass and a whole lotta whole lotta for him to grab onto!

☆ CLAY : thighs

Clay loves your thighs because they make such a comfortable resting spot. After a hectic day at the office, all he wanted was to bury his head in your plush thighs to relax. The way you'd play in his hair while he rested was also even better.

☆ BILLY : hips

No matter what, Billy always has his hands on your hips. he loves to stand behind you, loves to feel you up. whenever you try and step away, he grabs you by your hips and pulls you back into him. he likes the sense of power it gives him.

☆ LORENZO : boobs + waist

Your body was what initially drew Lorenzo in, but your resourcefulness was a plus, so he said. Totally not your cleavage and waist. He helped you get dressed one morning (he was squatting at your place hiding from Gerbino, go figure) and he refused to get his hands off your waist. Just constantly roaming from your tits to your waist, back and forth. He kept saying it was to adjust your undergarments which you knew was NOT true but... it felt good, so you didn't make a move to stop him.

☆ LUKE : ass

For the same reasons as James and Billy. He loves to worship your body, loves to touch on you, just to be near you. He loves you, but the thing that really made him fall in love was your ass in the jeans you wore on your first date together.

☆ KURT : ass

He just loves your ass. Just does. He loves eating it too. He'll absolutely fiend for you, antsy for you to come home so he can worship your ass. Spank it, grip it, fuck it... any and everything. If it can be done, he'll do it to your ass.

☆ DON : thighs

Don likes to rest. He's content with just sitting. Napping, reading a book, just nothing too strenuous. One day you came and sat on his thigh after washing the dishes, and the way your thighs squished and spread had him curious. Despite being married for a few years, you two had only been intimate a handful of times, which meant he hadn't paid your body much attention. So he began to invite you to sit on his lap, and one hand would idly caress your thighs while the other would jot down notes as he prepped for his next sermon.

☆ VADER : hips

He feels like he has control over you when he holds you by your hips. Plus his hands are so large, it's hard for you to get out of his grasp... generally.

☆ AJ : ass

AJ can appreciate any woman's body, but it's something about a girl's ass that always gets him. He's always at fancy gatherings courtesy of his job, so there are always women wearing fancy dresses - most that accentuate their figures. Also, strip clubs. Can't forget those. His favorite thing about the clubs is the dancers bending over right in his face. All he wants to do is give their asses a good, firm smack. He wished they had a bit more, though. Why do they always hire skinny, flat girls to be dancers?

☆ LEO : hips

You two went to dinner after getting engaged, and the dress you wore had him in a frenzy. It wasn't a skimpy dress or anything either, it just accentuated your natural curves. While he was guiding you around, his hand was on your hips at all times. He'd occasionally give a slight squeeze, not to tease you, just because he needed to have a feel of you constantly.

☆ STEPHEN : thighs + boobs

Stevie likes anything about a woman that's maternal. Or, what he considers maternal. Big breasts, thick thighs... those are all things he associates with a mature woman. So naturally, he wants a woman with those physical attributes!

[diminuel]

Considering Crocodile likes the finer things life has to offer. I imagine he's a good cook (he's also paranoid enough to not trust many people to cook his food without poisoning him), but also if he's gonna eat it will taste good. I also see him as someone who has problems not being good or excellent at things, so naturally he at one point in time went on a whole hyper fixation induce time period where he got really good at cooking. Regardless eventually cooking becomes a nice relaxing part of his day, to destress and listen to music and he learns to love cooking. (He'd probably hate the monstrous appetite Monkey D's have though).

But when the kids get older, cooking becomes a time when they either sit/help their Baba in the kitchen. They talk about their days and work and anything else. If they had homework (do Crocodile and Dragon actually teach them or send them to school? Or they forever wild jungle kids?) they could do it then. Eventually when they are teens, I feel Crocodile makes it his mission to teach his children at least the basics of cooking. No child of his will not know how to season whatever they catch with spices or at the very least know when meat is cooked, what you can eat raw safely, and which mushrooms are the best.

This probably has varying degrees of effect. Ace probably has a tendency to overcook things by cooking them to hot or too fast. Sabo is fine. If Merry (Baby 2) is a thing (depending on AU) she might be the best or the worst. Luffy probably is okay maybe was taught some self restrain to cook one or two more complicated dishes that are his favorites Baba makes...I feel Luffy would have more restrain if cooking for others, by himself he'd just roast meat likely.

But imagine Sanji gets sick or hurt. The other strawhats are debating who should cook now, and without being asked or really thinking much about it, Luffy steps up and cooks for his crew, as his crew argues about who should cook. Luffy makes that one dish his Baba taught, that Luffy likes to cook. Maybe it's curry or something using those Alabasta spices as it's what Baba always liked to use or a simple stew to help Sanji feel better. But Luffy stepping up because he can and as Captain it's his responsibility to help his crew and Sanji shouldn't worry about the crew eating when he's not well. I don't know how the strawhats actually react to their captain doing this, but I feel it would be amusing.

Dragon should probably be banned from the kitchen. Burns everything. He can cook meat over a campfire, and that's it. The man burns his toast no matter what. Poor guy.

Oooh, I love it!

He does love to cook, but preparing Monkey D. appropriate meals is probably quite a bit harder due to the sheer quantity they consume.

I love the idea of cooking time being family time too (and yes, I do imagine that the kids get sent to school. Maybe Dragon wouldn't be too fussed about it but the jungle can't teach them everything they need to know so Crocodile would insist on school.) and that the kids would learn to cook.

And yes! Luffy cooking for his crew when Sanji can't is so good and I do think they'd be rather shocked about it because he never lifts a finger to cook otherwise so they just assumed he couldn't do more than put meat over a fire (which is generally the thing with Luffy, also in this AU I think. He doesn't share information that isn't relevant or do things that aren't necessary - why cook if they have a cook, why navigate if they have a navigator, etc etc).

Dragon's banned from the kitchen for more than one reason. Not only does he seem to be cursed to always burn his toast (maybe he actually IS cursed *lol* Garp has probably made enough enemies for one of the other curse aimed at his bloodline or firstborn to stick) but the curse will infect Crocodile too! (It's not because Dragon is so distracting, with wandering hands and kisses pressed against his neck~) If the kids don't want burnt food they have to get Dad out of the kitchen *lol*

(When it's Dragon's turn to watch the kids on his own they all know it's time to go hunt for food and cook it over a campfire X'D If they need something else they can go to Makino *lol*)

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Hii, Delta anon back again and I have more random hc's!

So Epic obviously has the most sleep issues out of all of them, but I'd imagine both Delta and Color have a bit of issues with sleeping, too. Color because he was stuck in one place for so long, so he probably slept a lot to pass the time. Delta because he has intense PTSD nightmares, but also can't go too long without a nap or else he won't be able to function as well.

I'd imagine that the magic version of sleep-walking would probably be sleep-teleporting, or something similar. Delta probably does this, because his body takes longer to rest than his mind does, and if he starts thinking about going somewhere while he's half-asleep, next thing he knows, he's there. Epic and Color usually have to track him down and bring him back, and then babysit him to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Delta's favorite season is fall, Color's is spring or summer, and I'd imagine Epic enjoys both summer and winter.

(This one is inspired by spiralsalad's latest art piece lmao)

When one (or all) of them get sick, the other two immediately help out.

Let's say Color's the one to get sick first. Epic and Delta would immediately stop what they're doing to take care of him, even if Color protests it because he doesn't want to "bother" them. Whatever he needs, they'll get for him. I'd also imagine that his migraines, misophonia, and sensory issues would act up way more than usual during this time. He'd probably spend most of his time sleeping or distracting himself with something that won't trigger his misophonia, and Delta and Epic would let him rest until he felt like waking up to eat or drink something.

When Epic gets sick, the nightmares increase along with the pain that comes with them. And he'll do ANYTHING to avoid sleeping during this time, which means he'll be going a few days without sleep at a time. He'll try to keep going, distract himself with whatever he can before he knocks himself out, but Delta and Color force him to rest. They'll usually just watch anime marathons, and they'll always get Epic some food. And when Epic does finally fall asleep, the two make sure to stay there with him for when Epic wakes up screaming and in severe pain from his nightmares.

When Delta gets sick, he is far more difficult to deal with. He would try his hardest to pretend like he's not sick and to hide it for as long as he can, until the sickness and exhaustion takes over. Usually this means they're so exhausted from masking it, that they'd physically collapse. When they'd wake up, they'd be in bed, with Epic and Color making sure they won't try to run off. But of course, when he wakes up, he'll try to convince them that he was just tired, definetly *not* sick, that it was an accident. Obviously, Color and Epic don't believe that for a second. They'd make them rest and not even bother to ask if anything hurts, because they know they'll hide it. So they just grab any meds he could potentially need and give it to him. Same with food and drink. I'd imagine that the sickness makes him incredibly clingy, though, not wanting to be alone when he's semi-vulnerable. So they spend most of their time cuddling with Delta until he can get up and keep going. The sleep-teleporting issue enhances.

Because Color was stuck in the Judgement Hall for so long, I imagine he has mild issues with eating since there was not really food there. When he first got out, finally being able to eat after so long got to him and he ate literally until he got sick. It did not end well. Over the years he's gotten better with eating, but if he starts to feel anxious about being forgotten or abandoned again, he turns to food as comfort and a reminder of where he is now, and that he can't predict the future, but he can plan for it.

And that's all I have for now! Thoughts?

Oh I love that. The idea of sleep teleporting Delta and Color turning to food for comfort as a reminder of where he is now? Yes 👌.

I can picture Color figuring out how to bake his friends’ favorite foods for whenever they’re feeling down and need a pick-me-up or just whenever they’re sick or feeling homesick.

You know how some characters are sometimes HC’d to have the ethnicity/nationality, such as Color & Killer being Arabic, id imagine Color would try to figure out how to make cultural meals like that.

I don’t know what Epic and Delta’s creators’ are, I heard Epic’s is Philippines, but Color can make them meals of their own country or his.

And the sleep teleporting thing gave me a mental image of like, sleeping Delta trying to teleport off a cliff and like Epic having to tackle-hug them or Color having to use his Grablings to stop him from falling off the cliff 💀.

[goquokka00]

Stray Kids on Weed

The Lee Know Strain In which the love of their life smokes the mary jane, and they give it a shot for the first time...

Bangchan | Minho | Changbin | Hyunjin Jisung | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin

A Few Notes: This is purely just supposed to be funny and a joke. I've also never been high and while I am friends with those who have either tried weed or do weed on the regular, I only know so much. So please just bear with me and have a good laugh, okay? Okay. Love you guys ❤️❤️❤️

So I have this gut feeling that Minho's first experience with weed would be with an edible. Seeing as he loves cooking and all, and is also just scared that he could potentially fuck up his lungs if he did actually smoke, I feel like this would probably be the way that he would combat that.

It's not often that you bring home edibles, but when you do, Minho asks to try it. And surprise surprise, nothing happens at first. Why? Because it's an edible. Minho thought you were scamming him when he didn't feel anything happen in his system, but it all changed about 45 minutes later.

Stupid idiot.

That's what he got for not listening to you when you tried to explain that edibles take longer to kick in since you have to let the food and weed actually digest in your stomach. Maybe next time, he'll learn to listen to you and not claim that he had beaten god.

Now, once this high kicks in, I see Minho doing a complete and total 180 in his mood. He goes from having this cocky, cold, mischievous and honestly just closed off personality to being the most cuddly, happy, giggly, softest best boi you've ever met in your life.

He smiles more than you've ever seen in your entire life, he GIVES hugs instead of tolerating them and plotting your murder once you have him in your arms (Bangchan is lowkey jealous when he hears about that), he talks about how much he loves and appreciates his members, and even states that he cares for Hyunjin a lot more than he usually lets off.

Course, when you told him what he said once he was sober again, he threatened you that if you told anyone he'd air fry you until you were burnt. Ah, he's so in love with you...

I also have this sneaky suspicion that Minho would want to do things that he really shouldn't do when high. Things such as going to the gym, going out in public because he's an idol and if anyone saw him high he could be in a shit ton of trouble, cook, go and practice dance routines...y'know. The typical Minho stuff.

He'd go on and on and try to reassure you that he was fine, and that he wasn't that far gone. In reality, this poor baby can't even figure out how to zip up his coat.

Now do I think Minho would give weed more chances in the future? Maybe on very special occasions like after parties, but I really don't see him using it often. I think him finding out about how he gets really makes him worry about actually admitting to the fact that him and Jisung do, in fact, have a secret relationship and that he's his one true love. That, or the fact that he secretly wants to have a polyamorous relationship with both you and Jisung.

God only knows at this point.

Hey! Firstly, thank you so much for reading this post, and I really hope you enjoyed! If you did, please like, reblog, or comment so I can see how I'm doing with writing and getting feedback! I hope you have a lovely day! Sleep well, stay in good health, and eat something if you haven't! ❤️❤️❤️

Taglist: @miss-daisy04 @kayleefriedchicken @wolfs-archive @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @wolfs-howling @rose-w-00-d

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

Sugar kisses

People's memories can be linked to places, smells or textures, today you attempt to awaken Jiro's memories with sweets!

Wc: 1,1k

Note: wrote this kind of quickly to see if he would come home after getting a fic like Leo

Update: he didn't.

When you found out Jiro was able to eat normal food when you fed him, Nicolás would have guessed that he would show some sliver of emotion and be interested in tasting different things without his body rejecting it but it seems like you found it more fun than him.

“So you are saying the inspector asked you to bring more candy? Why is it weird? Halloween is approaching”

Bentai downed his whiskey before swiping the glass towards Rui and looking at him “but you had to see how funny they looked dragging one of your ghouls around ugh… the tall one with scars? What was his name…” his words slurring together after his third drink.

“Jiro? Mhh… they must want to make him try new flavors”

“How cute! Another couple on campus that will buy things for valentine's and white day! Let's cheer for that, Rui two on the rocks in my tab” and the blond just smiles and serves the drinks.

.✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦. .✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦.

“You seem to be really interested in this” Jiro says absentmindedly before chewing on the candy corn you were pushing against his lips, his tongue is soon drowned in sickly strong sugar caramel-like taste he quickly swallows.

“You just told me you never ate sweets, I-”

“I said I don't remember eating them since I woke up, it's likely I have eaten when I was younger but can't remember”

“Then maybe you could remember something if we try enough” he nods at your logic, there could be a probability he remembers something before his comma, even if it's unlikely. Twisting around to grab your notebook your eyes watch expectantly “so? Anything?” it's endearing how you got a whole new notebook just to record his reaction to the various sweets, writing earnestly his opinion even if it wasn't more than a word.

“It's too sweet for me” is all he says before returning to the microscope, examining tissue from an anomaly. It isn't until you whine in disappointment that he looks to the side and sees you pout “it's originated from America, I doubt I would have tasted it before. Maybe a more traditional sweet would be more likely” even if he had a pessimistic forecast for this, Yuri already attempted to at the time with no results, seeing your determined smile made a nice feeling of lightness settle between his ribs.

If candy corn was too sweet and he disliked how fudge stuck to his teeth, something about cavities and it being annoying to clean, then what could he like… After some thinking, Zenji’s voice booms in your head ‘and when Jiro was a baby his cheeks were as pink and full as strawberry dango!’ He even took his time following after you when you were buying candy, telling you all kinds of stories he remembers about Jiro that could be useful (even if he didn't remember him having a favorite food). Haku even seemed sad when you returned him his ghost.

“Let's try dango” luckily a Hotarubi student agreed to make you a batch of hanami dango even if he thought it was weird as it wasn't anywhere near Sakura watching season “open wide~”

And Jiro, ever so agreeable, turns around from his almost finished investigation and does as asked biting into the soft rice cake while gently holding your wrist between his thumb, pointer and middle finger. At first it was weird how he never had his full hand around you or refused to play wrestle ‘I don't want to hurt you accidentally’ he would say and you would smile, he couldn't possibly be strong to hurt you just having his hand around you, or so you though before seeing him snap an IV drip in half because he held it too tightly.

“Do you like it?” The question slips a few seconds after he starts chewing hoping he would have an opinion other than ‘too sweet’ or ‘fine’ but his expression -or lack of- tells you that he doesn't love it or even feel strongly about it, just like all the other candies you bought for the mini picnic date.

Still, hope is the last thing that gets lost, so you get him to try the other flavors he might possibly like more. Second flavor, no reaction “well, even if we don't find one you like I can see your cute face! Your cheeks are as round as mochi~!”

At the comment he stops chewing. Everyone would have guessed he caught his partner's compliment, but of course Jiro didn't and thought they wanted to eat “If you are hungry you can eat it, I don't mind”

“Eh? If you don't like it just tell me, I also got other types and-”

“My stomach won't really agree with it”

“Is it rejecting food again?? I will call Yuri”

“No… I'm just not used to eating so much yet” ah, it makes sense, he hasn't really eaten anything solid for a year without puking it out.

Defeated, you sit on the table beside Jiro, feet kicking the air while you pour the sweet soy sauce over the mitarashi dango. Having failed at both targets, making him remember Zenji and finding a food he likes, ruined your mood for the day

Without much hunger but not wishing to waste food you start eating until a deep voice breaks the silence.

“Why are you so insistent on this?”

“What do you mean?”

“insistent on getting my memories back”

“I just think it's sad” teeth dig into the rice cake drenched in syrup and tear it into small pieces that are easier to eat without much care for the string of liquid sliding down the corner of your mouth “If I were to forget my family and friends and all my experiences… It would be depressing”

Jiro mumbles something that is quite hard to make into a sentence because of the volume and how close the words are together “did you say something?”

getting your face closer to his in an attempt to understand his scarred hand grabs your chin and plants a kiss just where the candy was.

His eyes light up with impish joy and a boyish laugh escapes from his lips just like when he scares you or Yuri “you are really jumpy, how cute” his tongue collects the remnant sauce from his lips to the inside of his mouth.

Without a care about your warm cheeks he gets up from the chair and walks off to the door to deliver the paper but teases with a light smile “I don't truly mind not remembering anything before waking up, but if you care so much we can make new memories together”

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Love That Burns ~ 3

LOVES THAT BURNS MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,460ish

Summary: You and James grow closer together. The two of you have nightmares of your own.

Warnings: nightmares, past traumas, injuries

Notes: I really can't help myself with this series! I'm just cruising along in writing it so I just have to keep sharing it! Reminder: I DO NOT do taglists. Please don’t ask. Please follow and interact! I appreciate any reblogs, likes, comments, and asks! Also, help me decide the endings! (also, I couldn't find the gif I wanted to use. I might have actually cried a little...)

James kept his promise to you, no matter how hard it was. While the two of you tried to figure out what you’d do now, James made sure you always had a bed to sleep on, clean clothes to wear, and food to eat. You had never been cared for like this. Yes, at one point you had parents, but they didn’t necessarily care a whole lot about you. Not the way James did.

The two of you wandered from place to place until James decided to build a house in the Canadian Rockies. James got a job as a logger and began going by Logan, while you got a job as a teacher. James hardly slept as he worked on the house. The house was completed faster than you had ever seen. The two of you were only able to afford one small truck, but neither of you minded. Often, James would drive the two of you to his work and then you would take the truck to yours. You would pick him up at the end of the day and he would drive the two of you home.

Like driving to and from work, the two of you found yourselves in comfortable routines. The two of you would make dinner together and help each other clean up around the house. You would take turns doing laundry for one other, even putting the clothes away. It got to the point where you spent a lot of time in content silence, already knowing what to do for the other person.

The feelings the two of you harbored for one another continued to grow in the two years the two of you had been off of Stryker’s team. Neither of you was willing to confess to the other, afraid to ruin the peace that the two of you had finally found. That also meant that James slept on the pull-out couch while you slept on the bed in the bedroom. At first, you had put up a fight, saying that the bed was big enough to share, but he wouldn’t allow it due to his nightmares. You understood as you had witnessed his claws coming out during a nightmare just as he had witnessed you setting a bed on fire.

James had been watching you carefully ever since you picked him up from work. Something was off, he just couldn’t tell what. You were quieter than usual, almost like you were stuck in your own head. He sat there, staring at you with a cigar in his mouth, as you did the dishes. It was normal for you to light his cigars without even being asked, but you hadn’t even noticed he had one out.

“Sweetheart,” James called, standing up and heading for you. “Did something happen today at work?”

“Hmm?” You hummed barely glancing his way. “Oh, nothing. I’m just tired.”

“Are you sure?” He leaned his hip against the counter beside you, crossing his arms over his chest. “You can tell me if something did happen.”

“I’m fine, James,” you shook your head.

James grabbed your wrist and tugged you to face him. “Stop lying.”

“I’m not,” you tore your wrist away, still not making eye contact. “I’m going to bed… Goodnight, James.”

James sighed as you disappeared into the bedroom. He wished that you would be honest with him about whatever was torturing you. Unable to sleep, James read or at least, he tried to. It was well past midnight when he smelt it. Something burning. He jumped up and rushed into the bedroom to find the bed on fire with you still asleep and whimpering in the middle of it.

“Y/N!” He shouted as he tried to reach you, but the flames grew higher to protect you. “Y/N!”

James tried again to reach for you, only for the same thing to happen. Quickly, James tore off his tops. Knowing he would heal, James reached through the fire. He let out a few cries of pain as the fire scorched his skin. As soon as his hands grasped your arm, you gasped as the flames disappeared. 

“James?” You were panting as you realized he had a hold of your arm. Looking at him, you saw the burns on his skin healing. “Oh my gosh! What did I do?!”

“I’m fine, sweetheart. I’m healing.” You tried to pull away from him but his grip tightened. “Stop that. You’ll hurt yourself.”

“I hurt you,” tears pooled in your eyes. “I hurt you.”

“Look at me, Y/N, I’m healing.” 

You could see his skin repairing itself right before your eyes but you couldn’t get your mind to believe it. James easily pulled you into him and carried you out of the room. The smell of smoke lingered in the air, bringing the tears out of your eyes. James held you tighter as he laid down on his pull-out bed in the living room. You cried into his chest as he held you, trying his best to comfort you. 

Eventually, your cries died out and sleep took hold of you. James made sure that you were completely asleep before he slipped you off of him, tucked you in, and headed to the bedroom. He wanted to clean up the bedroom before you woke up. Going in there, he quickly realized that there was no saving anything on the bed, mattress included. He stuffed the pillows, blankets, and sheets into garbage bags. He placed them in the bed of the truck before taking the mattress there as well. James was sweeping the bedroom when he heard you.

“James?” Your voice was rough from sleeping and crying.

He hurried into the living room and sat down beside you. “I’m here.”

“Hold me.” 

James didn’t need to be told a second time. Before you knew it, he was under the covers and you were practically lying on top of him. Your fingers began to absentmindedly draw patterns on his chest. James remained silent, waiting to see if you would speak up.

“Thirty-two years ago, my father murdered my mother and then I murdered him,” you quietly admitted. You had never talked about your parents or anything besides being homeless before Stryker found you. James would be the first, besides maybe Stryker, to know what had happened. “He murdered her because she was a mutant… I didn’t even know that… I don’t know what her mutation was…” James’ thumbs rubbed against you, to let you know that he was listening. “I didn’t know I was a mutant until that night. I started the house fire without even knowing it… I killed my father without even trying…”

“Was he going to hurt you?” James’ voice was struggling to hold back the anger.

“Yes… his gun was pointed at me.”

“Then it was self-defense. You did nothing wrong.”

“When the anniversary comes up, I can’t help but replay that night over and over again in my mind… I guess I let it seep through while I was sleeping… I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for.” He kissed your forehead. “‘M glad you’re okay.”

“Thank you for being here, James.”

“Don’t want to be anywhere else.”

~~~

The next morning, James woke up to you curled against him, sleeping soundly. He hated the idea of moving away from you but he wanted to go get a new bed before you could freak. Kissing your head, he slipped out of bed and got ready for the day. He left a note in the kitchen before leaving.

You whined as you began to wake. Without opening your eyes, you could tell that James was no longer lying next to you. Did he stay with you the whole night? Did you make him uncomfortable that he slept on the floor? You finally opened your eyes and sat up with a stretch. Looking around, you could see James, or even hear him.

“James?” You called. “James?”

You sighed when there was no response. You knew he could be out doing chores, but his hearing usually allowed for him to hear you. Standing up, you headed for the kitchen, where you found the note he left you on the counter.

Sorry, I left while you were asleep. Had a few errands to run and I didn’t want to bother you. Be back later. ~ James

You knew that James would be gone until dinner time since the two of you lived far away from the nearest town. Going into the bedroom, you realize that he had gone to get a new bed. You spent the day tidying up the house and getting dinner ready for whenever James returned home.

“Y/N?” James called as he entered the house with multiple bags slung over his arms. “I’m home.”

“Hey,” you greeted coming to help him.

“I got new pillows, sheets, and a bed out in the truck.”

“I could have come with you.”

“’s fine. Wanted you to rest.”

“Well, thank you.”

He smiled at you, something that was happening more and more. “Of course.”

After the new bed was inside and all put together, you and James sat down to eat. You both were silent, a question gnawing at you. James could tell, yet again, that something was on your mind.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” James suddenly asked.

Sucking your lips in for a brief moment, you thought about a response. “I… I have a question.”

“Okay.”

“You have every right to say no. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I know that—“

James set a hand on yours, calming your rambles. “Ask.”

“Can you… can you sleep with me tonight?” You cringed as the words left your mouth. “And I don’t mean sexually. It’s just that last night, after the nightmare— Well, I didn’t know I could sleep that well and I—“

“Breathe, sweetheart. Slow down and breathe.” You took a few deep breaths, earning you a small smile from James. “If it helps you sleep, I’ll be there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

~~~

The two of you stood on either side of the bed, the awkward tension filling the room. You eventually laid under the covers first, trying your best to stay on your side of the bed. James followed suit. 

“Is this okay?” James whispered.

“Mhm,” you hummed with a nod.

Silence fell between the two of you, both of you wide awake but staring at the ceiling. You moved your hand slightly, accidentally brushing James’ hand. Before you could completely pull away, he took your hand and pushed his fingers through yours.

“Is this okay?” He asked again. James surprised even himself with the action as he was always too worried about holding hands due to his claws. 

“Mhm.”

His thumb began rubbing the top of your hand. Slowly, your eyes closed and you fell asleep. James wasn’t too far behind you.

~~~

There was something on top of him as James began to wake, but it didn’t worry him. Peeking his eyes open, he also your head on his chest and arm slung over him with one of your legs between his. You were sound asleep. James smiled as he studied the way your face was relaxed against him. The way your breathing was a steady rhythm. You looked more at peace than he had ever seen you. He only wished it could always be this way, which is why he didn’t allow himself to move until you were awake.

It took until you opened your eyes to realize that you were lying on top of James. With a sharp breath, you tried to push yourself off of him, but his arms would not allow it.

“Stay,” he mumbled, having fallen back asleep. “Sleep.” You smiled as you obeyed, getting comfortable again.

This became a new routine: you and James falling asleep on opposite sides of the bed, only to wake up cuddled together. It went on smoothly for months before anything happened.

James was quiet. All you knew is that someone died at work and it must’ve affected him. You let James be, allowing him silence during dinner and keeping your distance when you both went to bed. You wished him a quiet goodnight before slipping off to sleep. That slumber didn’t last long as you felt a sharp pain in your arm. You woke up with a gasp, sitting up. Looking at your arm, there were three bleeding scratches. Next to you, James’ skin was glistening with sweat. He was breathing heavily and his claws were out.

“James—“

He woke up with a roar, sitting up quickly. You pushed yourself off the bed to miss his claws that came down, cutting the sheets. His roar turned into a growl then turned into panting as his eyes found you on the floor. He looked down at one of his hands and retracted his claws. You stood up and sat on the edge of the bed. James’ nightmares were not new to you, but they hadn’t happened since the two of you began sharing a bed. You had a good guess that whatever happened at work had triggered something inside of him.

“Was it the wars?” You asked softly. He shakily nodded, trying to calm himself down. “Which one?”

“All of ‘em.”

You moved closer to him as his hand combed through his hair. Placing your hand on his face, you gently forced him to look at you.

“Tell me,” you requested.

“Hey…” He grabbed your arm, seeing the scratches from his claws. “I hurt you.”

“It’s just a scratch. I’ll heal.”

“No.” He shook his head. “I hurt you.”

“James, I’m fine. Look.” He looked at your arm again. “It’s healing as we speak.”

“But it’ll scar…” He let go of your arm and flipped the covers off of himself. “I’m sleeping on the pull-out.”

You grabbed his arm before he could stand. “No, you’re not. I’m fine… lay back down, please.”

“No. I can’t risk hurting you.”

“Are you forgetting that I burnt you a few months ago?”

“This is different. I don’t scar.”

“But I still heal. Who cares if I get a scar?”

“I do… I don’t want to be the one to hurt you.”

You put your hand on his face again as you came up to sit beside him. “You’d hurt me by getting up and leaving… Don’t… please.”

“I don’t trust myself.”

“I trust you.” You glanced at his lips. “I trust you, James.” 

You crashed your lips to his, moving your hand to have a better hold of his face. His hands went to your hips, gripping them tightly. When you pulled away, you looked him in the eye.

“I trust you, James,” you repeated. “Let me show you just how much.”

next chapter >

[balkanradfem]

click to read about me complaining about casual misogyny

So the male who lives in the house where I'm taking care of a woman with broken bones, started micromanaging me to affirm his control and authority over the household. it's extremely uncomfortable, as he's always looking at me and everything I do, just waiting for me to make a slight mistake, move a little too slowly, or not do something the way he thinks it should be done. Then he's immediately on it, telling me how I need to be doing it, sometimes when I'm already doing, or have done, what he's instructing me to do. It's often things he's never done himself, and has no idea how they should be done.

I had to put a stop to this when he started mansplaining to me how I need to be eating my pasta. I interrupted him in the middle of his rant and said 'Hey, I have an idea', he looked at me, affronted. 'How about I eat my food the way I want to?' He looked down angrily, and said 'Fine, but you're torturing yourself'.

A few seconds later, he also tried to force his wife to eat differently, and she snapped 'Like ___ said, let me eat my food the way I want to!'

And this was too much for the poor male, who has completely lost control over the household in that moment. 'You can't say anything to you two! Nobody can talk to you people!' he exclaimed in pain and rage, and then proceeded to give us the silent treatment. I chatted with him conversationally 'We're talking to you right now, but you don't like it, do you? It hurts your little feelings if we're not doing things your way, so sad for you'. Which only made him more mad, and in retaliation, he gave us the silent treatment. He didn't want to confirm if he wanted some wine with his meal or not. His wife asked him repeatedly, and already told me to bring it. He pretended not to see/hear us, and then I said 'See, you can't tell him anything', at which he suddenly snapped back into communication, and confirmed he did indeed, want wine.

He's been holding back his comments a bit more since then.

However, he's not the only problem! There's a frequent guest in the house, who comes there specifically to drink alcohol. I'm the help in the household, so I'm told every time, to bring him a glass. If I don't manage to escape the room quickly enough, I get nasty comments. One time I was sitting and politely ignoring him, when he prompted me to drink with him. I ignored him, and looked away, but he persisted and kept pestering me. I looked to the woman for help, but she didn't realize I was getting harassed, so I just waved my head and hoped to be left alone.

In the past, I would say 'I don't drink', but this did not help me at all, as the male would go 'aw come on, it wont hurt you, why not, don't be a killjoy, have some, just for me', and it would become even worse situation; I learned it best not to give them any feedback so they don't have anything to attack.

Another day, I was made to serve him a glass, and I was immediately on my way out of the room, but not quick enough! He laughed and said 'When I own a bar, you're gonna be my best waitress', and I'm not engaging, I'm leaving the room, but he doesn't quit. 'Isn't that right? Am I not telling the truth?' he keeps pressing, until I mutter 'I don't like that' and leave.

Then I went to complain to the woman I was caring for, about his harassment, and how much I hate it. She told me in confidence that he was often degrading and arrogant to her as well, but told me not to be mad about it, as he just 'is that way'. I told her that I'm not getting mad, I just don't ever want to be in his presence, and I want nothing to do with males who act this way, I don't want to be subjected to it no matter what. I told her to give me a sign when he heads into the room, so I can hide behind the doors. She did.

Next day, she informed me that she had a chat with him, and told him to never speak to me again, other than saying 'hi', and apparently he apologized for his comments, saying 'he didn't know it would upset me'. We'll see if it works out!

I feel like I am gathering a bit of solidarity with the woman; with me around, she doesn't have to rely on the males for anything. I've proven to be able to do anything they can, without ever harassing her or making her feel bad. So it makes sense to team with me and tell them off, something she hasn't done before, probably because she was without support. The household is finally being taken over by women.

[icewindandboringhorror]

On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

[sergle]

lollll stevens insta post is so tone def too like uhh u can smell the privilege coming off this 🧍

ohhhh... I think I'm going to hurt him

[mars-ipan]

some postgame doodles for pride month

[neverendingford]

skyglow:

(alternative title: photo dump of a midnight desert run)

[suncaptor]

yeah this cannot go on i need to take something like my chest is exploding i can't calm down it's 7am i feel insane insane insaneeeee

[lunarharp]

lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters

[monster-noises]

I'll put this under a cut and also don't read the tags if like... talk about what might be disordered eating habits or like.. struggling with food/eating are an issue for you.

I drink my tea and I try not to think about it, I eat my dinner and I try not to think about it, I worry that I've been trying not to think about it too much (despite calculating every meal and snack as carefully as I can with some exceptions for special occasions, which haunt me like regretful specters) and so I've Fucked myself, So I think about it, Everything in my brain starts to scream and, despite being hungry, I don't want to eat anymore or ever again, because clearly everything Bad and Dangerous, doubly so if it's Tasty and brings me Joy and if eating isn't Enjoyable then what's the fucking point? and I'm starting to think there Are no Good Foods Anyway, everything's going to add to the blazing pyre that Will kill me (It's a manageable disease that thousands if not millions of people live with, if it even develops, but it is still very dangerous and that frightens me) and I have no way of keeping track of what's happening inside my body or knowing if I'll ever not feel frayed and stressed and anxious (which affects my work and my art, which is the biggest most heartbreaking theft in all of this) or be able to enjoy a nice meal ever again and then I Spiral Spiral Spiral and Spiral, and then I realize I need to be up at 5am and I keep eating dinner and trying not to think about it.