#does this decision have DIRECT CORRELATION to him wanting to do more of his food shows again???

[sergle]

lollll stevens insta post is so tone def too like uhh u can smell the privilege coming off this 🧍

ohhhh... I think I'm going to hurt him

[scarletwritesshit]

Yosuke Hanamura x F!Reader ❀ Town of Blossoms ❀ June 4th, 2013

You looked out your window as the sun was practically roasting everything in its range, including your room, unfortunately. The patch of purple hydrangeas that you had noticed a few days ago still caught your attention. The breeze had long since subsided, and they were no longer rustling about amidst the field of pink. For some reason, you found yourself unable to take your eyes off of them, despite how small the patch appeared to be.

From the heat that you could feel radiating off of the window alone, you could tell that it was once again going to be too hot to do anything even relatively invigorating. For a brief moment, you turned on the television to take a peek at the weather as some sort of a false hope that conditions would ever so slightly improve.

High temperatures for today, high temperatures for tomorrow, high temperatures for the rest of the week. You were immensely disappointed, but unfortunately not surprised. Going against the advice of the weatherman as well as the cautious alert on your phone regarding the dangers of heat stroke, you still made the decision to brave the treacherous temperatures once more. Where is there to possibly go in Inaba that is of such note, that you were willing to brave the sun to venture out to?

Why, you were heading to nowhere other than Junes, of course.

After all, you did forget to pick up something important while you were there yesterday.

Thankfully, you managed to arrive at the food court before the afternoon rush set it. The plans were to not linger around as long as you did yesterday, so you merely ordered a regular vanilla cone. As much as you would love to order a larger serving and drag out your visit like yesterday, that simply wasn't a sensible option.

All through the entire food court, every single table remained unoccupied. Perhaps you arrived a bit too early, or maybe he wasn't coming out for his break after all? You couldn't blame him, as it was quickly becoming an absolutely dreadful experience in the sun. A part of you wanted to attempt to seek him out, but it would raise suspicion if you went looking for him directly. Rather than try and hunt him down in the interior maze of Junes, you took a seat in the shade and opted to eat your ice cream alone.

After you have made it through about half of the liquidizing ice cream, your name was called from the direction of the entrance. You looked in the direction of the voice calling you to be pleasantly surprised to see that Yosuke has taken notice of you sitting all by yourself. He trudged over to your table and took a chair that was across from you and slid it outwards and to the side, allowing him to sit closer to you. Very slick move of him, yet you chose to not make a side comment as that could lead to an awkward conversation that you are not quite ready for yet.

"Back so soon?" he said. "Did you forget something?"

"I did, but I already found what I was looking for."

"More ice cream all for yourself, I see. Come on, I didn't eat that much yesterday."

"I was actually after something sweeter than that."

"Huh? There's not much out that's sweeter than Junes's sugar loaded cones..."

"You'd be surprised," you said, hoping that Yosuke would catch onto your point here. At the same time, you wanted him to completely breeze past your subtle attempt at flirting, if one could even call it that.

"Really, now? I felt like I was going to die after yesterday's sugar overdose."

"Does that imply that I should be dead right now?"

Yosuke looked at you with a blank, confused expression. He was unsure as to how to interpret your comment, as the two ideas did not seem to correlate initially. After a moment, though, he seemed to have figured it out, and he was taken aback.

"Huh??? W-what do you mean that you should be dead? What damn sense do you mean that you could possibly be dead?"

Perhaps it was a little cruel to tease him in this fashion, considering his past experience with Saki. However, you were confident that he was able to understand your true intentions. He wasn't nearly as stupid as everyone made him out to be.

"You're sitting right next to me, aren't you? You pale in comparison to any ice cream served here."

"By your logic here, I think that we should both be dead!"

Both of you turned slightly to look at each other with blank expressions, hoping that either one of you would say something to at least move past this topic. Did he mean to say that? Did you even mean to say that in the first place?

You said nothing, and he said nothing. It was a silent stalemate between the two of you.

Yosuke was the one who countered your statement, so why was he getting noticeably anxious? On the other hand, the exchange between you two hadn’t fully sunken in yet, but you could tell that some inner thoughts had definitely slipped out. The middle of a warehouse store wasn’t exactly the best place to be exchanging deeply rooted feelings. Best to shift the topic before either of you become more awkward.

"Anyways!" you said, brushing off the past few moments as if nothing had happened, "How have things been at Junes lately?"

"Ah....uh...just…just the usual I guess. You know how it goes."

"Long and boring?"

"More like long, boring, and hot. I can’t seem to catch a damn break this year."

"I heard that its only supposed to get worse. A few lives have already been lost to heat stroke."

Yosuke's eyes widened upon hearing this news.

"Already? It’s not even summer yet and people are losing their lives..."

"All I’ve been hearing on the local programming is how we should be considering staying indoors."

"Then, why aren’t you staying home yourself?"

He had a good point there. Not only was the intense heat draining on your body, but you had no real reason to sacrifice your health to come to Junes today. Though, you kept telling yourself that a chance to spend more time with Yosuke was worth braving the weather, it would mean absolutely nothing if the scorching temperatures claimed you as its next victim.

"I’ll be fine, probably. You are the one who should be concerned."

"I’m alright myself. There’s a cooler in the back where we keep our produce and frozen goods. I can sometimes duck in there if it’s getting too bad."

"Are you sure you’re allowed to do that?"

"Eh, probably not unless I’m restocking that day, but they could care less as long as you don’t slack off too much. It’s a warehouse store, can’t really expect much in terms of top-of-the-line customer service."

"Whatever you say. Just don’t go getting yourself fired."

"Worst case scenario, I could probably get my parents to cut me some slack.”

"Wouldn’t your coworkers turn on you if they discovered the strings being pulled behind their backs?"

"It doesn’t matter. They don’t really think very highly of me in the first place. I’m willing to deal with a few disgusted looks if it means saving myself from being roasted to death."

"When you put it that way…" you said, though now somewhat concerned. "Still, you sit in there all by yourself? And no one checks for you in there?"

"We're supposed to open the freezer as little as possible in these conditions, so I can just slip in when no one’s looking."

"If you can do that, why can’t the both of us just go in ourselves?"

Your suggestion was made with pure innocence, yet there was obvious potential for misinterpretation. You did not realize this until it was a bit too late, and you already had pitched the idea to him. The cool air does sound like the relief that both of you need, but really? Was it wise to casually suggest being alone with him?

"Well, I guess we theoretically could, but I’m not too sure how I can slide a guest back there."

Yosuke did seem to be genuinely considering your suggestion. Perhaps interpersonal relationships can be set aside for the sole purpose of seeking shelter from mother nature. Unless…there was the off chance that he was plotting something devious. If that were the case, though, would you really mind in the end? You tried to not think of the possibility too much, but you could already feel your hands becoming uncomfortably warm from the nervousness that stemmed from the potential of this outcome.

"You know the innerworkings of this place better than I do. I’m sure you can figure something out."

"You’re making it sound like I have to come up with some elaborate, over-planned strategy. My days of doing those are long done.”  

“Isn’t walking in the only thing that we have to do?"

"Customers aren’t allowed back there under any circumstance, that’s the issue here."

"Can’t you just say that I’m a close friend of yours, or something?"

"That would arguably make my case worse."

"Hmm…there has to be a better way then. I’m sure you’ll figure something out regardless. It would be a lot better than sitting out in these conditions."

“It’s going to be worth it if I can get us both back there. I hate it out here.”

“Not even ice cream is sustainable in these conditions,” you said, fidgeting with the leftover paper sleeve with your free hand. It was beginning to feel a bit too gross to fidget with, so you crumpled it in your fist and tossed it into the middle of the table. Yosuke looked at it disappointingly, as if he would be expected to clean it up after his break was over. You still planned to put it in its place though. Probably.

Sheltering in the freezer was starting to sound more appealing by the minute, despite the potential risks that involved both you and Yosuke. Your hands alone were starting to get disgustingly sweaty just from resting on the table, and the rest of your body didn’t feel much better. It felt as if the temperature has taken a turn for the worse over the past few minutes…or even worse than it was earlier in the afternoon, to be precise.

Yosuke didn’t seem to be doing much better himself. He seemed as if he was desperate to return to the inside of Junes, where he could at least have a slight break from the heat. Something was holding him back. Though, if he wanted to spend the duration of his break aimlessly wandering Junes, you would take that over sitting out here baking in the sun.

“Should…we maybe head inside?” you suggested. “You look as if you’re suffering more than anything.”

“That would be great. Well, if you would like to, that is.”

It seemed that the mutual consensus was that it would be nonsensical to subject yourselves to the heat further. After all, you could clearly see that Yosuke was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the ever-rising temperatures. You weren’t exactly having a good time handling the heat yourself, as you were feeling lightheadedness slowly looming upon you. It is also worth noting that one of your hands was feeling the effects of the heat a bit worse than the other, as you must’ve left it resting on the table in an unfortunate spot of direct sunlight.

Though, this initial assumption was disproven when you glanced down at the table to scout out where the sun may have been affecting you most. The source of the unusual amount of warmth that you were feeling on your hand was not from the sun, but rather, Yosuke resting his hand on top of yours. You wondered if he was aware, or if it was completely on accident. Seemed like a rather precise accident to happen, though, stranger things have happened. And, despite how sweaty your hand has become, you could hardly bring yourself to pull away from him. It felt…oddly calming to have your hand be held in such a fashion, whether or not it was intentional.

He didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, he was completely unphased. It felt as if the lingering feelings that you had for him have reached a strange sense of peace, rather than be primarily comprised of worrying over his perception of your actions. You began to try and gently wrap your fingers around his, as if to drag out this moment just a tad bit longer. In the long run, this shouldn’t mean much, as this is something that best friends do all the time, right?

Even if you are in love with said friend?

“Well? What are you waiting for?” Yosuke asked.

“Uh, right.”

Both of you got up from the table, fingers still intertwined. By now, he should’ve said something. Was this actually on purpose? Could it possibly be a very subtle way of him dropping a few hints of his own? Or maybe you were overthinking this entire thing, and it was simply his own rather unique way of showing a little kindness. It wasn’t completely out of character for him, after all.

Rather than waste your energy questioning him, you allowed Yosuke to drag you over to the entrance to Junes. The air conditioner above the automatic doors blasted both of your faces with sweet, cold relief from the summer heat. It could not, however, save you from the warmth of your lingering anxiety, nor could it distract you from the comforting feel of Yosuke’s hand.

[the-iron-kettle]

We (I) demand coffee-related smut! Let's get frothy.

Mod Ali: Oops, this gets a 1/10 in smut, but I think I make up for it with yearning. Here ya go!

Tony hasn't felt wanted in a long time.

That's a lie. Every day his son looks at him with the big brown eyes he'd stolen from Tony and wants him around, needs Tony to protect him; and, honestly, being that person day after day is enough. Peter is his whole world. He hadn't known this before, but he wasn't complete until Peter came along. Feeling wanted in the way Tony Stark had always been wanted—for money, for sex, for… well, it was mostly sex—doesn't even cross Tony Carbonell's mind anymore. The only person in his life is Peter, and he was content with that being true for almost 8 years.

But then somewhere along the way he met Pepper Potts, and for someone who is so keen on schedules and plans, she sure threw a redheaded wrench in all of his.

As soon as Tony and Pepper make it into her apartment after a date, the door is locked and lights are dimmed and they're falling together onto her big, soft bed with the eggshell linens. The food was good and Peter was sleeping over at Happy's so Tony could sleep over at Pepper's. The first time he'd been here, he'd made a stupid offhand comment about how colourful the place was, glancing pointedly at the varying shades of cream and warm grays. Hey, he'd been nervous. He still is nervous.

But then, he catches glimpses of colour, like a bright red Hotwheels car on the dining room table from the last time he and Peter were here for dinner, or the (to her total distaste) neon green hoodie he'd lent her after she got caught in the rain on the way to the shop, hanging in her open closet. Or the small collection of picture frames on Pepper's bedside table, the only instance of anything that can be described as 'clutter' in the entirety of her apartment, of him or Peter or all three of them or of everyone—Rhodey and Happy, too. Then, he feels a little less nervous and a little more like he belongs here, in Pepper's neat little apartment and her neat little life, when his own is so complicated and rough around the edges.

He and Pepper stop their bickering (about the ultimate pastry, of all things) between the gentle kisses, and now they're just sort of looking at each other. Tony knows her face better than his own at this point, for all the admiring he's done; the curve of her cheeks are familiar, and the smattering of freckles across her nose are delicious. He knows her eyelashes, underneath the light makeup she wears, are pale and delicate. Her cheeks and lips are a little ruddy at the moment, and that's his fault, as is the softly quirked smile. He only realizes he's not breathing when she touches his cheek and pulls a sigh out of him.

Pepper has this way of looking at Tony with her intelligent blue eyes—she's doing it right now, studying her lover the same way he was doing—that screams to Tony that she wants him. It scares him and, on top of that, confuses him, because she is pretty much the coolest, smartest person in the universe, he's damn sure. What does she want with his sorry ass? She could have anyone with a snap of her perfectly manicured fingers but she's here, inviting a scruffy, washed up murderer into her bed. 

(She knows it, now; she knows who he was, and she still wants who he is.)

The worst, and best, thing about Pepper's eyes is that he's pretty sure they see right through him. Without saying a word, Pepper ends the silence with a gentle squeeze on his shoulder, and she leans in, and Tony is just selfish enough to stop thinking and meet her halfway. She knows him so well, knows when he's thinking too much, knows how to distract him. That's the first way Pepper makes him feel wanted—by just knowing him. By taking charge, carefully pushing him back into the cushions, an increasingly firm grip on his collar or hips or hair, and just letting them make out like teenagers for a while.

(As the kids say: no thoughts. Head empty.)

"Tastes like coffee," Pepper whispers, because she always says that, like a running joke. It's not very funny, bless her, and it's probably true; Tony would be surprised if his body wasn't actually just 70% coffee at this point.

"I can definitely keep you up all night, honey," Tony smirks back, because his mouth runs independently from the rest of him, and thank god, because broadcasting his anxiety all the time would be a fucking bummer.

Pepper scoffs, but she loves his puns, he knows it. That's another way she makes him feel wanted. She laughs at his jokes. He always seems to catch her giggling in the corner of his eye, even when he's just being himself. She has an incredible smile.

Pepper makes him feel wanted with her hands, exploring his body in a way that made him squeamish at first. Tony Stark had never once been body-shy, but Tony Stark stopped existing several haircuts and thirty pounds ago. It hadn't mattered one bit to him until he and Pepper had started—this—and it struck him that the guy Pepper should be seen with was someone like Tony Stark, with the crisp Armani suits and shiny Italian shoes and nicely windswept hair. Damn, Tony had had really sexy abs at one point.

But despite his pudgy stomach—the result of many blueberry danishes, his haphazard cooking skills and a now non-existent vanity budget—and because Pepper can undoubtedly read his mind, she throws a leg over his and their thighs slot together, which is a pretty good distraction. She pulls her face away from his, which really kind of sucks, but then kisses his jaw like it's an apology. She trails down his neck where he's only somewhat ticklish, and her small, thin hands have somehow crept onto his love-handles without him noticing. She squeezes gently and giggles when Tony jumps because his ribs are also somewhat ticklish. Somehow, he doesn't have it in him to be any kind of upset, though, especially with her grinding low and slow on his groin like that. Her mouth does a slow, sensual tour of him, tasting him, nipping him. 

(Pepper Potts is a biter, to Tony's awe and, ultimately, delight.) 

She coaxes him out of his shirt and slides out of her own, and right when Tony feels a dumb joke coming up she grins and takes a convenient break from her exploration to return home and kiss him. It's been a while since his last partner, but Tony was never one to be useless in bed, and he just barely lets Pepper finish giving him the hickey on his collar (Tony remembers suddenly that she got him a couple turtleneck tops this past Christmas and he wonders if the two actions are correlated) before flipping them over and turning the tables, showing her how much he wants her. He tongues at her throat, her arms, her breasts in a way that makes her sigh happily, a now bare leg wrapping around his back and pulling him in tighter. He obediently kisses where she directs him to and he tells her in low murmurs how beautiful she is.

Neither of them had a drop to drink tonight besides sparkling juice, or a hit of anything that would remind Tony of his club kid youth. No mind games, no sex games; unless what Pepper is after is a lifetime of free chocolate croissants, he has nothing to offer but himself. So maybe it's caveman of him to think this, but yeah, when he reaches a hand down and Pepper is wet after a half hour of their usual quips and some smooching, it makes him feel wanted. The hand Pepper has snaked around his wrist feels like it's grounding him. The other hand vacillates between his hair and his ass, which is really just the cherry on top of the ego cake.

Pepper kisses him slowly while he fucks her the same way. They both enjoy the moment. Pepper makes him feel wanted when they've both finished and she tucks herself into his arms, and there's something in the way that she fits so perfectly there that makes him kind of lightheaded. 

She does it when she continues her argument from, like, two hours ago that Happy's chocolate croissants are in fact the best treat The Iron Kettle serves, and she does have the authority to make this decision because she has tried everything over the last few years where she came in just to be with Tony, with Peter, with Happy. She does it when she keeps his and his son's shit all over her apartment, in plain view despite the immaculate tidiness of everything else, because she likes having these pieces of her new family around her all the time. She does it when she fights him, because he knows he has a bad habit of pushing away and she knows it too, and she doesn't let him indulge in it for a second. She does it when she makes every excuse to come up to his and Peter's apartment, because she has apparently made it a game to discover something new about them every time she stops by, in the form of a toy Peter made or the books on the shelves. She does it when she laughs at his dad jokes, and when she cares for Peter like he was her own son.

(Peter could be her son. Tony realizes suddenly that he wants to marry her. Can she hear his heart thudding? Fuck. Let's shuffle this terrifying thought to the back for the moment. A heart attack, even a small one, would really ruin the afterglow.)

Pepper makes him feel wanted. Pepper, a shining light in his life, another piece that he hadn't known he was missing until he had them, like Rhodey, like Peter… Tony couldn't not want them if he tried.

For as long as they wanna keep Tony around, he is going to be grateful, try not to cry, and do his fucking best to act like he deserves it.

[linkspooky]

Zenin Maki: Family or Strength

Zenin Maki is one of the most complex characters in the story of Jujutsu Kaisen, she’s also one whose motivations we know a great deal about already due to her being featured in the prequel, and her continued development in the main series. In her character she represents one of the main themes of the series, the conflict between defining yourself individually (by who you are and what standards you set) or by defining yourself by the people around you (conforming or going with the expectations of other people). Maki’s struggles to be an indivudual in a world that has already written her off as a failure is pretty central to the themes of the story. MORE UNDER THE CUT. 

Maki is caught in a pretty classic Want/Need conflict. All stories are rooted in a character’s conflict. Maki’s conflict is with herself as much as it is with the Zenin clan. 

 A want is at its simplest, the Thing Your Characters Wants is the plot goal.  [...] Whereas the Want is a direct equivalent of the plot goal, the Thing the Character Needs is a direct correlative of the thematic value. Whatever Truth your story is positing about reality, that is the ultimate Thing the Character Needs.  [x]. 

A want is oftentimes something the character defines for themself. It’s what motivates them to move forward. Whereas, the need is what the story itself says they need in order to grow. 

You don’t make a character change by giving them exactly what they want, which is why the want and need are often in conflict with one another. In most cases a character grows over the course of the story to realize their need in the end. The want motivates them, the need is their resolution. 

What Maki wants is to be recognized as an individual. She wants to prove her family wrong. Her family has already defined her as a failure. Just like how Getou sees her, because she has no natural talent for jujutsu sorcery her own family has denied that she’s even a person. She’s constantly dehumanized by them. If she’s not useful for Jujutsu Sorcery, then she’s nothing at all. For Maki, being her own person, and living for herself, her own amibtions, is an act of rebellion against her family who want to deny her everything. 

Maki’s want is an almost childish sense of revenge. An “I Told You So”. She wants to prove the people that dismissed her wrong, by proving she’s better than them. She wants to make the Zenin clan bow their heads to her. 

Wants are not bad things. They are what motivates the character to move forward. Maki’s spiteful amibtion, the fact that what she wants is basically no better than revenge, is neither a good nor bad thing in the context of the story. It’s her driving force. Maki is allwoed to be spiteful and angry at the way herfamily treated her. Yuta, who is basically one of the most soft-hearted and understanding characters in the prequel completely approves of her ambitions. 

The fact that she’s selfishly motivated. The fact that she wants to do all these things for herself. Her strong sense of individuality are not bad things. They are just the things that make Maki, Maki. In fact rebelling is basically the only way Maki can be an individual. Her urge to destroy her family is not presented to us as a bad thing, but rather something necessary for Maki to truly grow and be herself. 

However, once again a want is not the entire answer. You don’t make characters change by giving them what they want. 

Moron, this only works if I’m doing it by myself. 

Maki wanting to be stronger than anyone in her family. Her focus on individual strength above all else. None of these are bad, however it’s not entirely what she needs either. Look at what she says don’t go feeling like you got accepted. 

It’s almost like some part of Maki is afraid of those feelings of acceptance. She feels like family is something she has to throw away in order to be strong. 

I do not mean in a sense that Maki will not work with people on her team. She clearly has the ability to form connections with people as friends, get along with others, and even cooperate owith them as a team and care for her comrades. However, she never lets her feelings go any deeper than that. She’s gone so long without unconditional love and acceptance that she feels like she has to destroy her own need for such a thing. 

1. Maki vs Mai

Maki has two significant foils in the series who share this same conflict, choosing between your individual development and strength, and also your need to be accepted by the people around you. 

Mai is presented to us first as someone who looks down on Maki like the rest of her family. This makes sense because at the time the story was telling it from Maki’s perspective mainly. Maki tends to see her whole family, even her own twin sister, as the other. 

However, we’re presented with two different narratives. That of Maki who left the family and began to develop as her own person. That of Mai who stayed behind with the family, and had to continue living inside of an abusive household. The narrative becomes one of not Maki or Mai being the better sibling, but rather two siblings reacting to an abusive household in different ways. 

Mai has never once thought her sister was weak. She’s just parroting what the rest of the clan says about Maki in order to get Maki’s attention after Maki left her. Mai has always thought Maki was the stronger one between the two of them, but the thing is Mai doesn’t care about strength at all.

What Mai wanted was a personal connection with her sister. That’s why she mentions not telling her who her first crush is. In order to become her own person Maki has distanced herself from everyone, but that also means as a consequence Maki has shut Mai out. 

It’s clear Mai reads Maki’s declaration and decision to leave the family, to leave her behind in an absuive household to also mean that she’s rejecting her sister, the one family member who loves her for her. 

Once again neither sister is wrong. Maki wanting to run away from an abusive household when she’s a teenager and can’t really take care of her sister, or maybe even did not have the ability to bring her sister with her is not something that should bee expected fo a cihld. Mai turning against Maki for bieng left behind in an abusive environment, and not knowing a healthy way to reach out to her sister is also what’s to be expected fo a child. It’s not Mai and Maki who started this conflict, it’s the adults that pitted them against each other.

Mai is not trying to put Maki down because she sees herself as superior or anything like that, she literally has always thought Maki was much better than her. It’s a pretty basic cry for attention. 

Both sisters want and chose different things. Maki wanted to be herself, Mai wanted a family. Neiter of their desires are wrong or better than the other. Mai is not wrong for wanting a normal life, Maki is not wrong for wanting to be a Jujutsu Sorcerer.

However, because Maki has to draw such a clear line between herself and other people. She can’t accept or understand Mai’s feelings. The conflict between the two of them goes completely unresolved. Because, Maki doesn’t have to leave those connections of unconditional love and acceptance behind to be an individual, she just thinks she does. That is the point where her want clashes with her need. 

2. Maki vs Toji

Maki and Fushigoro Toji were both born into the Zenin clan, and both suffer from the same inability to see cursed spirits. While at first the comparison may look like a positive one for Maki, Maki is choosing to stay inside the system and work to prove herself better than what her family told her she was then going completely rogue and living as a mercenary for money like Toji did. 

However, eseentially both of them made the same choice. They chose power, and their own personal ambitions over their family. The first thing we learn about Toji in story is that he left his son behind, and practically forgot about him. 

While Maki is not responsible for her twin sister the same way that Toji is responsible for his son, they still both believe they have to throw away those kind of family connections in order to survive as an individual. They don’t allow themselves to feel that connection. 

Toji seems to live entirely for himself, and to prove others wrong about him. He has the same want as as Maki, to be stronger that the Jujutsu Sorcerers who dismissed him. They just chose different paths, Maki works from inside, whereas Megumi this late in his life has gone completely outside of the system. 

Toji s a lot more spiteful than Maki towards talented people. Maki’s more self directed and doesn’t blame everybody around her for her circumstances, so much. She’s a lot more focused on herself and her own sense of self improvement. However, both of them have an extreme amount of self awareness and use that to push themselves to develop their bodies to their absolute limit.

Toji is someone who is incredibly aware of his own limits, and rather than that making him unmotivated it causes him to be an extremely strategic thinker, and also push his body beyond even what most Jujutsu sorcerers are capable of. He makes excuses for his own violent behavior because he’s nothing but a reject and a monkey, but he doesn’t let other people’s talents be an excuse for him to be weak. When he sees Gojou fighting him at full power, he doesn’t hesitate or run away, he literally approaches the situation with an extreme amount of determination that believing he can overcome it. 

As a person he’s practically a disaster, always eating fast food, gambling, leaving his son behind, and acting immature and irresponsible with his business partner. Whereas Maki is much more cold and composed. However, this behavior stems from the fact that Toji, like Maki, has focused his entire life around fighting and therefore everywhere else he’s underdeveloped as a person. He’s the extreme result of Maki’s belief that if she’s stronger than her family, that will somehow fix what is missing inside of her. 

Toji even says he believed the only way to go against his family and continue being himself, was to twist his personality like this. That he had no choice but to become this way in order to deny what his family said about him. 

However, what Toji regrets as he’s dying is not that he wasn’t strong enough. He doesn’t even regret becoming a crimminal, or rebelling against the Jujutsu world. What he regrets is that he threw away his family in the process. 

What he wanted was to be strong. What he needed was a family. Maki and Toji are not exactly the same, but Toji is a cautionary tale that shows us that Maki’s choice to reject understanding and acceptance is unhealthy behavior. It’s what she wants and not what she needs. And these things are not mutually exclusive, Maki can both pursue her own individual strength and at the same time accept others around her. The manga has always advocated finding a balance, and a reconciliation between the two, rather than one as being more important than the other. Just like her conflict with her sister, beating her sister in a fight proves nothing. What Maki needs is reconciliation, the ability to understand her sister’s feelings and also have her sister be able to understand her own. 

She needs those connections to be an individual. We are defined by ourselves, we are defined by the people around us. It’s not either or, it’s both at the same time. Maki’s choice isn’t even a choice she necessarily needs to make, she’s allowed to choose both. 

[greengrungeemo]

Higurashi Character Analysis - Onikakushi

I completed it! Higurashi Chapter 1 complete! Such a fulfilling story arc. Before moving onto Chapter 2 - Watanagashi fully, I’ll provide some insight to each of the characters, the purpose and roles they fill, and how I find it wraps things up brilliantly as a prologue or introductory chapter. While Keiichi is the main protagonist, I’ll begin with the other characters first to emphasize the varying points. This post may contain spoilers!

Rena

Rena Ryuugu is one of the main characters in the group. She is known as the excitable type of girl, who aims to experience her life with anything and everything that is “kyuuute!” As a result of this, she seems to be hoarding a ludicrous amount of objects that can fall under *her* umbrella term of “cute”. Her home is layered with statues and mailboxes and signs and overall what would be deemed as “junk” to most. She views them as treasures. She is also willing to capture cute people and bring them to her home. She suffers from a few disorders, but one unmentioned disorder she could be suffering from is a hoarding disorder due to the sheer expanse of her collection (and never-ending desire to hoard cute objects!) A sad reality, but is this to fill some sort of gap in her life? Which gap in particular? Well, for one, she exhibited violent and aggressive behavior at her old school, she claims due to a curse. It makes you wonder, what goes on in her mind? For instance, when Rena is home alone, what sort of activities does she do? We know for certain she cooks great meals, which can take a big chunk of her time, what else? My personal theory is that she simply stares into all of her cute possessions in her room, and thinks. Thinks about what? Thinks about her friends, Keiichi in particular, thinks about the potential cute things she can collect, but overall, she thinks about her never-ending hunger for romance. The cute possessions in her life is to fill her desire for a loving mate and companion. It is clear through her expressions, reactions, and mannerisms that she is fondly interested in Keiichi, so until that is satisfied, she will continue this behavior. She is also known for her unmatched unarmed combat skills, being able to instantly disarm or dispatch any foe with one or more punches - exemplified further when she is in her “kyuuute” mode.

Mion

Mion Sonozaki is my all-time favorite character in Higurashi! She reminds me of one of my friends who was a girl - who sadly passed away recently - because she was a full representation of a leader. Mion represents leadership and a competitive nature. She’s way too cool, definitely a best friend I would want in my life! She has charisma that can rally a group easily together, so much that she is the one responsible for setting up the activities or events. She is also reflective of a model of leadership due in part to how she responds to the group, you can tell that the baggage of her friends is often on her own shoulders. When Keiichi was “acting up with a bat”, she emphasized the point that he is “scaring everyone”. A clear sign she looks out for the feelings and emotions of those around her on the inside, even though she displays a portrayal of ruthless bravado on the outside! She synergizes quite well with the group, especially Keiichi, due to their love for competition and identical style of humor. They both enjoy rubbing it in, making snarky remarks, and how she often refers to herself as an “old man” shows how easy-going and open-minded she is. She seldom expresses herself as a “serious” type, unless it’s with strong regards or urgency about her friends. Therefore, she doesn’t seem to express “serious” emotions too much, which masquerades her crush for Keiichi perfectly. Their synergy is so strong, combined with her love for teasing or feeling dominant in situations, meshes the two so well. It’s a no-brainer she considers him a possible love interest. The combined responsibilities as well as her hidden love for someone adds a great burden on her shoulders that she tends to conceal elegantly.

Satoko

Hojo Satoko is most well-known as the “trapper” of the group. Brilliant-minded in planning, devising, and retroactively setting up traps to whomever she wishes to feel dominant over. She absolutely aims for anything regarding that rush or feeling of dominance and power, that she uses any means necessary for it. That being said, when the opposite happens, she has counteractive measures like cutely crying or vocally presenting how cruel the person is. This instantly synergizes Satoko perfectly with Rena - the obsessor of cute things and people. Rena feels jubilation every time she sees Satoko express any type of cute emotion, even crying fits with how it appears like Rena’s own child to take care of. Therefore, since Satoko has a constant desire for dominance, she knows to use Rena to her advantage, knowing how capable Rena is with her combat capabilities. She may be small, and may appear frail, but she has countless weapons to her disposal. This makes her a force to be reckoned with.

Rika

Rika Furude is known as the cutest, smallest girl in the group. Everyone loves Rika! Despite her cute outwardly appearance, she is incredibly intelligent, wise, and can be both playful or serious at her whim. She understands when to use her cuteness to take advantage of any situation, and she is well-disciplined in that she is obedient and calm. Still, this does not fully prevent her from being mischievous, especially towards Keiichi. Any time that Keiichi succeeds in a remark or event towards his opponent, such as Satoko, Rika is sure to retort back in a guilt-tripping or intelligent way in defense of her best friend. This alone displays pure synergy between the two small girls, reinforced further by the fact that the two of them live together without parents. They look out for each other by nature, so this is shown in their dialogue, too. It is clear that Rika is substantial in Himanizawa, as she has a shrine dawning her last name, the Furude Shrine. This bestows her as a highly-valued figure in the town, as she possesses a clear status and place in it. Later, it is clearly confirmed when she fulfills the role of a Shrine Maiden for the Watanagashi Festival. With such a status, it is important to note her immense underlying power that she seems to hide so well.

Tomitake and His Mystery Woman

Tomitake Jiro is most known for his love for photography of bird. He visits Himanizawa a few times a year to capture photos of the area and to attend the Watanagashi Festival event. It is clear with how he interacts that he has a good heart and always wishes for the best to all those around him. This is evidently clear in how he spends time with the main group at the festival, and aims to win the teddy bear prize for Rena. He is good-natured, and does his best to keep those around him happy. He is also open-minded in how he performed varying activities with a younger group, and accepted his punishment without complaint when he failed the club’s activity. He carries zero evil within him, that much is clear.

The Mystery Woman with him however, she carries a perplexing nature and aura around her. The way she smiles and responds to Keiichi’s comments is far too suspicious, instantly giving anyone the vibe that Tomitake could be in trouble - since the two of them seem to have a love interest in one another - this is reinforced further by what happens in the chapter. Her caricature looks of that of a mastermind, a deceiver, a manipulator. She possesses the “evil eyes”. She carries every evil within her, that much is clear. She is clearly the perpetrator to an underlying mystery, the causal factor, the antagonist. It is psychologically and literally - written all over her face.

Keiichi

Keiichi Maebara is the main protagonist of this chapter. The main focus. Unfortunately, he also carries the most burden in his newfound life in Himanizawa, being an exchange student. He is the only male in his group of female friends, and he exerts a competitive and overall “male” nature. He can be hot-headed, boisterous, confident, friendly, and... unfortunately, very delusional. Eventually, he suffers from great delusions that another classmate had suffered from, who “transferred out.” Keiichi suffers a huge weight on his shoulders due to his sudden involvement with the police, namely Oishi Kuraudo, since the events after the Watanagashi Festival put his friends in a bad spotlight. This sparks the discourse. A suddenly split in everyone’s roles in the story. Keiichi’s unquenchable desire to learn the truth, combined with the direct correlations his own friends have in the many mysteries in Himanizawa and the curse, it drives him mad. He cannot emotionally handle being caught between the police and the people he loves and cares about, it is far too much pressure for him. This leads him to make very, very bad decisions. Her distances himself from his friends, he displays paranoia and delusions (both auditory and visual). This makes him “react” badly in any circumstance, even where ones should be concerning. For instance, when he wanted to mask his household as his parents being home when they were on a business trip to Tokyo, when Rena arrived with her delicious food, he should have done the following: 1) Let her in. 2) Inform her he needs to finish up a phone call. 3) Rush over to the phone and inform Oishi, “Sorry, I have to go, my friend Rena is here! Bye.” 4) Enjoy dinner with Rena in the dining room as normal. This would not have triggered anything, this would not have forced a response from Rena. Keiichi lies directly to his friends, and his friends pick up on it quite easily, this causes the divide and mistrust. Another instance with Rena, when walking home together and asking Rena is she’s hiding any secrets, when she replied with, “Well, are you hiding any secrets?” He should have answered “Yes”, but in a sincere tone of voice, he should have explained he doesn’t know what to do since he was confronted by the police, and doesn’t want to put his friends at risk of investigation. Being forthcoming, as well as portraying the need for advice from his friend, would have prevented any “creepy” or “scary” reaction from Rena. One could argue that this wouldn’t have pushed the evidence of sketchy behavior, but in truth, that’s what Keiichi wants deep down. He wants to be able to simply go to school, and have fun with his friends, not to investigate things he should not have gotten involved with. It would have prevented his delusional behavior since he wouldn’t notice any disconnect from his friend group, and it would have undoubtedly prevented him any harm from his friends, since they would deem him as trustworthy. Unless... it really is a curse?

Either way, from Mion’s genuine and saddened expression when Keiichi exploded on her, that alone proves to me that she had the fullest of love and trust in him, and when he denounced her and her group of friends, that’s what pushed her over the edge. He pushed himself in that situation from his bad decisions, understandably, it isn’t his fault either.

[shashidubeyguruji]

Lord Krishna, the modern-day Management Guru

Lord Krishna and the Bhagavad Gita have intrigued and compelled the Indian mind for centuries. Today it continues to inspire millions of people across the world. For readers of this blog, the Bhagavad Gita, or simply, the ‘Gita,’ is one of the most important religious texts of Hinduism. It has three major themes of knowledge, action, and love.

This sacred text, containing seven hundred verses, is a dialogue between Lord Krishna and warrior Arjuna in the epic battle of Mahabharata around 3100 B.C.E. Lord Krishna imparts profound knowledge to a confused and disturbed Arjuna who faces the moral and ethical dilemma of choosing to fight for righteousness and battle his own. All Arjuna could see on the battlefield was his uncles, grandfathers, teachers, maternal uncles, brothers, sons, grandsons, and comrades. Seeing fathers-in-law, all those kinsmen, and other dear ones standing in the ranks of the two armies, this upset and confused him greatly.

In essence, the Bhagavad Gita imparts the knowledge of the Self and answers some fundamental questions of life. 

Recently, one of my students asked me for advice when his business was forced to shut down during COVID-19. Luckily, it gave him an opportunity to reflect on his business operations and management of staff. He wanted to use this time to become a better leader and strategist. His priority areas were efficiency, effectiveness and effortlessness. I simply advised him to read the Bhagavad Gita. He looked at me puzzled!

 I explained to him that Lord Krishna resides in the heart of all living beings. He is a charismatic leader, a manager, teacher a loyal friend and a philosopher. He taught the lessons of Bhakti (devotion), good Karma (fruit of one’s actions), compassion and courage. Krishna’s lessons are still relevant to the modern man’s thoughts and needs. The Gita ticks every box of the “modern day survival guide.” Although the script may be old, it is contemporary in its essence. Lord Krishna is the master of finesse.

 I used excerpts of the Bhagavad Gita to mentor top international executives and CEOs, which I shared with my student. To me the answer is simple – we must correctly identify the principles laid out in the text and apply them appropriately to the corporate setting. Top management and business schools use it as an educational tool to inspire executives and increase productivity, confidence, motivation, and fearlessness. It expands their thoughts and brings meaningful change. These traits are necessary for successful leaders, managers, entrepreneurs, and politicians alike.

 My student was intrigued and wondered how the Bhagavad Gita Model is relevant to today’s business and economic context. I smiled and quoted this excerpt:

“karmaṇy-evādhikāras te mā phaleṣhu kadāchana

mā karma-phala-hetur bhūr mā te saṅgo ’stvakarmaṇi”,

“You have the right to perform your prescribed duties, but they do not entitle you to the fruits of your actions. Never consider yourself to be the cause of the result of your activities, nor be attached to inaction” (BG:2.47).

 Nearly every school child in India is taught this well-known verse of the Gita. It teaches from a young age, the proper spirit of work or Karm Yog (art of action). It offers four distinct instructions regarding the science of work: 1) Do your duty, but do not concern yourself with the results, 2) The fruit of your actions are not for your enjoyment, 3) Even while working, give up the pride of doership and 4) Do not be attached to inaction.

 The following are some management strategies, principles, and skills that Lord Krishna shared with warrior arjuna on the battlefield of Kurukshetra.

 Master the Mind and you Master the World

“One must elevate – and not degrade oneself by one’s own mind. The mind is one’s friend and one’s enemy. The mind is the friend of those who have control over it, and the mind acts like an enemy for those who do not control it” (BG:6.05-06).

 Here, Lord Krishna is sharing the importance of mastering one’s mind to the great warrior Arjuna. Our biggest enemy in the world is an uncontrolled mind. We can achieve a lot if we use wisdom and intellect to progress ourselves. James Allen, a philosopher said, “Self-control is strength, right thought is mastery, and calmness is power.” Only when the mind is mastered, a manager or leader can provide right direction with firm determination.

 Focus the Mind

 “Therefore, fix your mind on Me and let your intellect concentrate upon Me alone through meditation and contemplation. Thereafter, you shall certainly attain Me” (BG:12.08).

 The dialogue demonstrates further the importance of a focused mind that Lord Krishna tries to instill onto Arjuna. Swami Vivekananda once said, “The powers of the mind are like the rays of the sun. When they are concentrated, they illuminate.” When the mind is focused, it can achieve what a disturbed mind cannot accomplish due to disturbance and noise. A focused mind has high problem-solving abilities and decision-making skills. In a business setting, it is highly beneficial for a manager to have a focused mind to achieve organizational objectives effectively and efficiently.

 Distribute Profits to Employees and Contribute towards Society

 “The righteous who eat after sharing with others are freed from all sins, but the impious who cook food only for themselves (without offering it first to God or sharing with others), in truth, eat sin” (BG:3.13).

 Lord Krishna is suggesting the importance of the habit of sharing with society. Most businesses and corporations consume the resources of the society. We must therefore heighten our awareness to contribute back for the welfare of all. An offering made by a millionaire and a poor man is considered the same, if it is done with humility. It is suggested that business profits must be distributed to employees to give them a sense of being valued, worthy and appreciated.

 Be a Leader and Provide Right Motivation

 “The wise should not unsettle the minds of the ignorant who are attached to the fruits of work but should inspire others by performing their duty efficiently with dedication and without selfish attachment” (BG:3.26).

 There is a direct correlation between an employees’ level of motivation and productivity. Employees need motivating factors to remain committed and productive. At times, they need to be managed, advised and guided in the right direction. Lord Krishna showed the great warrior Arjuna the right direction, in the scenario above. As it is famously quoted by Mahatma Gandhi, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” Similarly, a manager should ensure that they are the leader, motivator and guide for the workforce to achieve objectives of the organization.

 Be Action Oriented

 “O warrior Arjuna, there is nothing in the three worlds – heaven, earth, and the lower regions – that should be done by Me, nor there is anything unobtained that I should obtain, yet I engage in action” (BG: 3.22).

 Here, Lord Krishna is highlighting the significance of being action oriented. I often say that your actions become your habits, habits become your values, and values become your destiny. This means that our actions have a direct impact on shaping our destiny. To achieve the desired result, we must combine our knowledge with the necessary action to attain those results. One should always let actions speak louder than words, for actions are worthier.

 Hold Firm and be Strong even in Adversity

 “Considering also your duty as a warrior, you should not waver because there is nothing more auspicious than one’s personal duty in life” (BG:2.31).

 Here, the importance of facing adverse situations with firmness and determination is communicated to warrior Arjuna. We face both turbulent and smooth periods in our lives. Similarly, in business one must remain focused in both favourable and unfavourable situations.  A manager should make a suitable strategy to prepare for any eventualities. Currently we face unprecedented challenges. If we apply the principles that Lord Krishna has shared with the world, a manager or leader can face even the most arduous times with firmness. Nothing can stop them from achieving organizational objectives even during adversity.

 Act with Conviction

 “Whatever is done without faith – whether it is sacrifice, charity, austerity, or any other act – is useless. It has no value here or hereafter, O Warrior Arjuna” (BG: 17.28).

 Lord Krishna is emphasizing action with truthful conviction and the significance of belief in everything we do. Leaders must believe in an action before undertaking them. Half-hearted attempts will not get us the desired result. Therefore, it is necessary for managers to give their best so that their team members can make meaningful contributions.

 Achieve your Dream

 “That resolve is in the mode of ignorance by which a dull person does not give up sleep, fear, grief, despair and false pride, O Warrior Arjuna” (BG: 18.35).

 Lord Krishna is explaining here the meaning of having dreams. All individuals have aspirations that come from dreams. Former President of India, Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam Sir, once said, “Dream is not that which you see while sleeping, it is something that does not let you sleep.” The beauty in dreams make life beautiful and worth living. They motivate us to achieve life goals.

 Finally, As you can see, the Bhagavad Gita contains words of wisdom through practical teaching that can be easily applied to present-day situations to solve any problem. This sacred text crosses all boundaries of religion and race, containing divine wisdom and direction for all of us.

 Lord Krishna’s life is a model that people have applied for many centuries. I believe it will be used for many generations to come. His teachings go beyond infinity.

[testingcheatsenabletrue]

I feel that Rasputin would be diagnosed with high-functioning Autism, so him letting us into THAT part of the bunker is an immense sign of trust.

Oh that’s an interesting take! =0 

I’d warn against relating autism to a robot character, since from my understanding that can be insensitive. Though worth saying - I can’t say much else on the topic, because I’m not in a position to do so. I’m not autistic myself, but I know that’s a frequent gripe with my friends who are autistic.

I like to look at it from a programming/development standpoint since that’s been my background and what I’ve been interested in for pretty much my entire life, so I have a foot to stand on when discussing it. It equates well to humans, just there’s always that added factor of unpredictability that comes with the fact that humans are organic creatures and so biological systems lead to unforeseen randomized inputs that influence us in one way or another. But, fundamentally, our minds work almost exactly like computers, and it’s no coincidence because we made computers.

(putting the rest under a read more because I ended up writing for 2 hours on this)

In a more realistic setting, which Destiny can model somewhat, a ‘sentient robot’ would likely be achieved by extensive use of machine learning, which is basically how us as humans develop just we also toss in some gross chemicals to spice things up. Over our lives, we have certain inputs and their respective outputs fed to us and we record them, expecting those inputs to result in those outputs and vice versa in the future, thus allowing us to make more informed decisions should those events arise. The same goes for a computer utilizing machine learning.

In the case of Rasputin, the range of data that Bungie has confirmed he has been fed to develop his sentience is... admittedly very, very small, even though there was a lot of it. And, coming from the background I am, I’m almost 100% certain a lot of his actions that are perceived as ‘diabolical’ are direct results of incomplete data/ignorance (ie. him just straight up not knowing what the fuck would happen) that we are, as humans, interpreting as diabolical because we’re judging him as we would an adult human.

As an example of what I mean:

A parent is at the grocery store with their younger child (think maybe 3 to 4 years old), buying food. They go through the isles and get what they need, go through checkout, pay their bill, then head to the car. As they’re putting the groceries away, they notice the younger child is holding a candy bar. They look at the receipt, and the candy bar is not listed.

Now, you know that what just happened is that the child stole from the store. You know that stealing is bad, and if you were in the parent’s shoes, you would be responsible for their action, and could face consequences due to breaking the law. And so your immediate reaction would be to feel bad about stealing.

The child, however, has no concept of ‘stealing’. They haven’t read a law book, no one has told them about the law, and they don’t know that if you break laws you get in trouble. They are used to being in the house, where they can pick up anything and play with it or eat it or mess with it as they please. In their mind, if they want something, they can take it, because they want it, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Essentially, an older unit (ie. unit with a comparatively larger set of data) is aware that one input (stealing) results in a certain output (getting in trouble with the law) because they have been given that data set to be able to correlate events. The younger unit (ie. unit with a comparatively smaller set of data) is unaware of this phenomenon, as they have yet to experience it or have been told of it.

This does not mean that what the child did was not wrong - it was. However this does mean that the child, after being scolded by their parent, has acquired that datapoint now and will have it as reference. They should then be given the chance to prove that they learned, and will change their behavior.

Same goes for Rasputin, just the stakes are astronomically higher than stealing a 1 dollar candy bar. Whole ass people are at risk here. But you have to take into account that, like the child has only known a world that panders to them and has not learned the boundaries thereof, Rasputin has only known a world that requires him to fight, constantly, to solve every problem he encounters. While he has some semblance of morality, it’s very limited due to his lack of data. He doesn’t know, yet, the boundaries of where the fighting ends and where the rest of the world begins. But it seems like he’s starting to learn where it is, as evidenced by his actions over the past season.

He is, for the first time, learning of a world of kindness (or interpersonal politics, your pick), and the boundaries thereof with the world of violence. He’s doing his best to try and function in it. He’s fucking failing miserably in the most catastrophic ways imaginable but God Damn It He’s Trying, Karen. 

Like, for god’s sake, he’s using war tactics to try and do friends... like bro. No. He’s doing the Warmind equivalent of Scary Kid In The Schoolyard Looming Over Us Threateningly but then being like ‘I like your shirt. Do you like Pokemon? I like Pokemon too. Would you like to see my Pokemon? My favorite Pokemon is Pikachu. I have a lot of them in this save. Its really cool, right? Do you want one? I have a lot, here, have one. It's okay! Don’t worry! I'm not bothered! Can we be friends?’ 

Except the Pokemon are highly dangerous weapons, the save is the secret part of the moon bunker and Tragic Backstories Explained Via Orange Holograms, and the Pikachu is a fucking shotgun and he only has one of them. Which is (like you said) a mind-numbingly huge sign of trust. And That’s Character Development Bay Bee.

[imagine-loki]

Litklœði

TITLE: Litklœði

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 5/6 AUTHOR: Goldtrimmedspectacle ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine that Loki and you have been friends for years. Granted, he’s had his rough patches as you have had yours, but your friendship has been a reoccuring factor through the lasting centuries. However, something hasn’t been right recently. Your chest constantly aches and you keep coughing up petals - sometimes whole flowers. Loki seems none of the wiser but you just can’t hide the ongrowing illness. Surely it has no correlation with your love for the dark prince of Asgard.

RATING: M (eventual) NOTES/WARNINGS: ANGST and happy ending!

Earlier updates on AO3.

__

Vines dug and scrapped at your lungs, filling your throat with wide petals and leaves, the sweet stench of flowery fragrance and dried blood filled the room. Your body twisting and wheezing under the invisible pressure.

  So much pain.

  You whimpered under the stabbing sensations filling your chest, stuttered wheezes escaping your lungs and dissolving into the silence.

  Soft shushing.

  A sweet kiss pressed to your forehead.

  You turned towards the hand, eyes squeezed shut with pain, and breathed out softly, “Loki.” The thankfulness ingrained in your words and dripping from the relief that gripped your aching body.

  The person sighed and their hand traced your chin.

  “No, my sweet. I am not the one you want. Go back to sleep. He will be here when you next awake.”

  You nodded, familiar with the voice and trusting their words. A soft hum filled the room as another kiss was placed upon your brow and their head rested against your own, hands tracing your neck with maternal intent, and they smiled against your cheek.

“Sleep, my dear. All will be well. Trust my words.”

  And a haze filled your being.

  Frigga pulled away as your head lolled once more, falling back onto the cotton pillow where it previously lay. Your eyes fluttered at the odd sensation as the golden seiðr began to diminish from your cheeks, its lines of light trailing from your temples down to your chest, where the flowers lay in wait.

  Frigga sat there a while longer, watching your innocent form sleep blissfully unaware of Asgard’s current events and its political standoff against Vanaheimr. And especially oblivious to the state that you had pushed her younger son in to, where he dismissed care and refused to display his emotions, even to herself, whilst avoiding all men like the plague.

  Her visions were never wrong, but they had never been so vague as to not foresee such dire consequences, even if they had been so early in their prophecies. And granted, the Allmother loved her husband with every piece of her heart, but his need for power and desire for protection sometimes corrupted all thoughts of happiness for his own children, and sometimes for himself.

  Men. The epitome of fools. So blind in their love for others, they became blind to their most beloved.

  It had not been easy to retreat on Odin’s promise to the Vanir kingdom. His words of betrothal, all without the consent of his son or forewarning, were outstandingly thoughtless. And to not have sought out counsel with Frigga? Completely and utterly blind.

  As much of a good ruler the Allfather appeared, his actions and political decisions having always been wise, but solely through the counsel of his wife and royal advisors. Especially before she had come along.

  Frigga was glad that the Princess Catriona had not been so unforgiving in their broken promise, her eyes wavering with caution and slight fear when they laid upon Loki’s frail figure, and had broken off the engagement without much thought beyond her own self-comfort and her kingdom. However, her advisor had been the most difficult to deal with and had it not been for Loki’s sullen mood and flared temper, the engagement may have ensued.

  Frigga could not prevent her son’s doings when she, herself, could not calculate his actions in such a volatile state.

  The advisor was lucky that Loki was unwell, otherwise Frigga was sure that his dagger would have landed in his chest rather than next to his head.

  Not the most political actions, yes, but effective in its release.

  She smiled bitterly and squeezed your hand, aware that you would not be capable in returning the favour.

  It had always been you.

  Odin was a fool to see otherwise.

  The door’s latch unlocked and in trailed her remaining ladies-in-waiting. Each carrying a bouquet of flowers or food, but all holding a look of fear and upset upon their features. Her second youngest, Maarit, was the worst off – eyes filled with ever-falling tears and her cheeks red with hollow cries.

  “Hello dears.”

  They nodded in respect and placed their presents at your bedside.

  Ona said a soft prayer and traced her open palm down your nose. The others bowed their heads and so did Frigga.

  “Do we know how long she has suffered this ailment?” Maarit asked into the open room, eyes trained on your sick form and beginning to brim with tears once more. “I had noticed something was wrong, however I did not ask upon what her ailment was. I believed that when she was ready to speak, she would. Or she would have mentioned it to the prince.” She paused and turned to Frigga, “Why did she not?”

  The question lay heavy with its own answer.

  “We already know why, my dear.”

  The ladies nodded and their grief darkened the atmosphere once more.

  “Does he not love her in turn?” Maarit asked once more, the tears beginning to spill and her voice catching at the end of said sentence.

  “You know that also, Maarit.” She nodded and wiped the tears away.

  The silence stayed for the remainder of their stay, all watching your pained body with empathy and all hoping that what had just occurred was a mere figment of their imaginations.

  “How has the prince reacted to the news?” Ona spoke up, turning towards the Queen with her steadfast expression. Ever dramatic as she was.

  “Loki is not well. He has barely left his room since the spring cotillion,” Frigga brushed her dress down and began to follow her ladies out of the room. “Food is unappealing and company is frowned upon. He did not react well to Vanaheimr’s royal advisor the day before yesterday and threw a knife at his head. And Thor has spoken of my son’s general disposition in public and private.” She frowned. “I have noticed that Loki is despondent in public, but it has grown much worse in the passing days. And in private? There is not a moment when he is not weeping for his beloved or laden heavy with guilt. Thor has been forced to make Loki eat on some days.”

  She looked back at the bed.

  “It has barely been a half turn of the moon and I have never seen my son in such a state.” The door closed and with its click, you dozed on, completely unaware of the conversation which had just ensued.

  “Is the prince to see her when she wakes?”

  Frigga nodded and smiled, albeit with a slightly pained grace.

  “I hope so. He is always so aware except for himself. I know that what ails him is not his bedridden companion, but what it means for their friendship and her future. My son is both selfless and selfish in his desires for our lady’s recovery.”

  “I hope all ends well,” Maarit spoke in a hushed tone. “I hope they end up happy.”

  Frigga did not reply, but it did not erase her agreement at her lady’s words.

  “As do I, sweet one. As do I.”

  “Brother, please, open the door. I have news for you,” Thor begged from the hall outside of his brother’s apartment. His hands were empty and his clothes were of a more relaxed attire, having skipped his training regime for Loki’s needs and his heartbroken state, but his heart lay heavy under the pretence of Loki’s distress.

  The door opened and in Loki’s place stood the frail image of a broken man, his eyes rimmed a dark red with blackened skin gathered under his eyelashes. The composed and snarky prince of Asgard had been reduced into a mess of anxiety and delirious want.

  Thor knew the feeling.

  “Brother, have you eaten the pallet I gifted you last night?”

  Loki stared at him, eyes glazed and vacant. They twitched and glanced back at the full tray on his lounge table.

  Thor faltered and cautiously placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

  Loki flinched.

  “Loki, please, you need to eat something.” Thor allowed himself into the apartment whilst directing his brother onto a gold-accented chair. “Think of our dear blóm – “

  Loki whipped around and growled.

  “She is not yours! She belongs to no one! She is not anyone’s but mi – “ his voice faltered, body seizing up, and fell silent once more. The fire which had gathered in his stomach was diminished without a moment’s notice.

  “I know, Loki. I would be a fool not to,” Thor eased him back down and gifted the younger prince a piece of fruit. “For each food you eat, the more I will tell you about your lady’s recovery. Is that a fair deal?”

  Loki glared, annoyed at such a poorly strategized bargaining chip, and nodded. He ate the fruit with little refusal.

  “She is well now – her flowers have reduced whilst in mother’s seiðr-induced coma, however she is not cured, as you well know.” Loki finished the first fruit and began his next. “Mother has been checking on her daily and your lady has gained some of her weight back, thanks to the biometric nutrients which has been fuelled into her body.” Another fruit was swallowed. “Her conscious state is still in a considerable amount of pain but it is better than at the beginning, however mother believes she can feel your absence. Even in her sleep.” Loki paused and his stoic façade was forced to cover the pain in his heart. He bit into a piece of bread. “She woke this morning but has been in and out of consciousness from the pain and unforeseen circumstance. Mother believes you will be able to visit later this afternoon, that is if you wash and sleep beforehand.”

  “I cannot see her now?”

  Loki swallowed a slice of meat, ever placid in his monitored behaviour.

“She is asleep right now, or she may be waking up, but mother says it will take a few hours until the seiðr is fully drained from her system and she will be able to understand the full circumstance in which she has landed herself in.”

  A flash of defence flared in Loki’s eyes.

  “It was not of her accord. It is whatever man that has forced her into such a position.”

  Thor backtracked.

  “Of course, brother. We both know that Lady blóm is incredibly intelligent, but that is not the point I am making. What I meant to say is that once your lady has woken, you are free to visit and help until the situation can be eradicated. However, it is both wise and sensible to see to your own health until you seek to assist another’s.”

  He hummed.

  “Loki,” Thor began softly, “Understand that the lady – she is not well. Mother does not think she will survive the next – “

  Loki ate the last cutlet of meat and grunted. He rose and turned to retreat into his bedroom, barely sparing his brother a glance as the door swung shut and Thor was forced into his own silence. Waiting and hoping for another sign of life from his melancholic brother.

  The sound of running water came from his brother’s room and Thor winced, ashamed at his fabricated lie.

  “Remember to wear your best vest, Loki!”

  He could only hope that all would end well.

  Light tapping woke you from the uneasy sleep which plagued your body.

  Your joints moaned and creaked from the two weeks of rest, chest stabbing thorn after thorn into your lungs with each breath, and your mind blurry and weak from the unfortunate events which had occurred at the spring cotillion.

  How cruel fate was.

  You slid up the bed and opened your eyes, temporarily blinded by the sun as its rays filtered through thin curtains and filled up the room.

  The tapping ceased.

  “Blóm.”

  You turned and met the man’s green eyes, who sat watching your actions like a hawk – book in hand and a pencil tapping at your bedstand.

  Tears sprung to your eyes – shame and regret gripping your being.

  “Loki.”

  His arms engulfed you and the book fell to the floor in an ungraceful heap of folded pages and scribbled notes. Little was noticed as your body slot perfectly with his own. Loki’s comfort and scent flooded your senses and the pain worsened momentarily, but you refused to pull away from the arms which had forced you into such a frail condition.

  Loki pulled away before you could retreat back into the cocooned sheets.

  “You are foolish and entirely conceited.” The prince snarled at your bedside and grabbed your hand, clenching it tighter and encasing the skin wholly with his large palm. “How dare you hide something so dire from the palace staff. From Eir and the healers. From my mother and the other ladies-in-waiting. From me,” his voice broke and you watched, tears building as Loki stared at you, pained and bitter.

  The consequences of your actions had hit when the Allmother had awoken you, feeding you a bowl of porridge and remaining oddly silent. Her eyes had met yours, sad and all-too-familiar, and you had collapsed into sobs. Solely comforted by her maternal instincts and her motherly shushing, rocking your body back and forth until the sniffing had stopped and all tears had dried.

  You felt numb, watching as your best friend crumpled under the realisation of your fate. You had become accustomed to the concept of your death but Loki had not. And as the aching reminder of violets sat cruelly in your lungs, the tears you shed were not for yourself, but for the man holding your hand – even in your last moments.

  Much like he did when you were children.

  “Are you so ashamed of your condition that you would seek no alternative for your ailment other than death? Ashamed of loving someone so purely that you would leave your friends and family to grieve their negligence and the loss of your presence. Are you so foolish to believe that death would be better than the loss of one’s love?” The grief that crept in to Loki’s words slanted you with their cutting edge, laden with burden and sitting heavy upon the flowers of your chest.

  You were glad that the main healer had settled you in one of the more secluded healing chambers. No one would be able to hear yours nor Loki’s cries.

  “Loki please, you do not understand.” You wiped the last of your sleep away. “I cannot do that to him – “

  His lips curled into a snarl.

  “But you would do that to me.”

  It was only now did you realise the straggled state in which the prince appeared. His lips were chapped and his skin, albeit freshly washed and clean, was sunken and held a paler pallor compared to earlier days. Even Loki’s hair, which he held such great pride and vanity for, was bunched up in dry and messy bun rather than its ebony waves. His face seemed equal in its dry state, the skin around his eyes cracked by tears shed for your pain, and his cheekbones appearing extremely daunting and tight through his skin.

  Your breath heightened to a wheeze; the pain of your betrayal accompanied by the pain of vines ripping your body apart. It was the tight grasp of Loki’s hand upon yours which kept you grounded, however his wet eyes did little to gift your slights with compassion.

  “The tale of Hanahuki. When one loves another and that love remains unrequited, the fallen flower has either of three options.” Loki’s broken voice wavered as his thumb traced the indents of your fingers. The words were so familiar yet never boring. “The maiden, sire or other can die, accepting their death with pained petal-cased gasps. However, they may otherwise confess their feelings and hope that the object of their affections loves them in turn. If not, they are destined to die a much harsher and painful death – or the fallen flower can rid of their feelings through seiðr. Expelling such emotions and attachments to their unrequited lover before the flowers suffocate them.”

  “Yes,” your voice cracked, “but in removing the feelings of love, all other traces of companionship and adoration are erased from the person. It is like they never held a connection to their loved one – that they never knew the touch or smell of the other, even if they were to meet once more. Just like your mother said when were we small and young.”

  Loki smiled at the memory, but his eyes sat hollow on his features, and his lips seemed to form a pained grimace than a symbol of joy.

  Your heart lurched at the concept of banishing the friendship and love for this man. All for the sake of your life, which may or may never be happy after losing such a close loved one and never remembering why.

  “And you would rather die than abandon such connections,” Loki asked, low and angered.

  “I would rather die a million deaths and know that the man I adore has loved me and I loved him, even if our forms of love do not match and our statuses would never be accepted.” You entwined your fingers with Loki’s. “It is a pity that platonic love cannot placate the curse of Hanahaki.”

  The lost hope that was contained in Loki’s eyes broke your resolve and you hiccupped a small sob, a pained smile forced upon your lips – hoping that in your last hours Loki would perceive you as happy and content in his presence.

  “Did your mother tell you about my condition?”

  Loki swallowed and his lip curled into a wavering frown, his adam’s apple bobbing with the oncoming tears and overpowering emotion.

  “You have little time left.”

  “How much, Loki?”

  He refused to meet your eyes.

  “A week at the most, a day at the least.”

  You felt a sob rack your body. It felt so real when the words fell from his mouth, but at least you were happy to be blessed with Loki’s presence although it made the situation all the harder on your soul.

  “I want you to remember that I adore you, you mischievous God. Never has a woman had such a friend as you, Loki Odinson. I envy your next partner in chaos whence I am gone from Asgard.”

  “Do not – “ his voice tightened and the glossed sheen fell from his eyes. Tears dripped down the dark prince’s cheeks, falling down the sharp jaw that you had held in teasing gesture or tapped in playful happiness. “Please. Do not speak like that, my dear friend. I cannot fathom Asgard without your radiant presence, sentimental fool.”

  The choked air he breathed in was sharp. Barbed in its inhalation.

  “Alas, but I cannot stay. Not with my condition,” you smiled pitifully, pausing when a cough racked your body, pressing Loki’s hand upon your chest. He silenced as the steady thump of blood filtered through your body, over and over again in a cycle of life. Two small petals fell from your lips and he wiped the splattered flowers from your features. “But you can stay,” you breathed out and raised his hand to your lips, “And you can enjoy life.”

  Your eyes searched the green depth of his own desperately, trying to convey the emotion which grasped you so tightly.

  “So, I beg you to make the most of your enjoyment among the living. Perhaps Valhalla will accept me or I shall return in another form elsewhere in the realms, and we may meet once more in another life or amongst the Valkyries. I hear Midgardr is beautiful this time of year,” you joked. “Maybe I will meet Thor’s mysterious lady?”

  The hand upon your chest tightened and Loki slipped forward, running his fingers over your frail body with a rare gentleness - all which was reserved for you. His nose was buried in your neck and you rubbed the leather on his shoulders, all whilst your dearest friend wept openly into your skin, his voice jagged with agony and releasing the cracked sobs of a man lost.

  The silence was betrayed by his whisper. “Tell me who it is,” Loki begged as more tears wet your bedsheets, ignoring your jest in times of sorrow. “Tell me who it is so that I may make him pay. It is unjust that you should die for a fool’s mistake.”

  You gripped him back.

  “I cannot and I will not let him carry the burden of my death when he cannot have prevented it.”

  The God ripped himself away, eyes slanted and burning with hatred – whether that was for your actions or for himself. It was uncommon for Loki to feel inferior or at a loss of what to do.

  “You do not deserve this. By Odin, woman! You are as stubborn as you are foolish. Wouldn’t you rather live out the rest of your life amidst the palace walls and in my company, rather than pine over a man so unworthy of your attention that I have never seen such a person in your inner-circle.” His voice came out rough and pleading.

  “Loki - !”

  You went to retaliate but another series of coughs ripped from your lungs, preventing a reply to Loki’s outburst. It was with Loki’s dedication and crumbling hope that he wiped the petals from your mouth and washed away the blood splashed upon your lips.

  His tears had grown heavier.

  “I have been so foolish. I should have been able to detect the symptoms when you first fell for him. I could have prevented this occurrence. By Odin, why do you refuse my help? A chance of a longer life?”

  You smiled and slowly tugged Loki forward, resting your forehead against his own and watching his pupils dilate through the tears.

  “Why ever not? It is a heart’s job to yearn and adore, but it is a mind’s job to rationalise and seek realism. I cannot help if my heart and mind want opposite things.”

  Loki pressed his nose against yours in an effort of half-hearted comfort, “But why someone who could not love you? Could it not have been an admirer of yours? Or could not that foul prince from Innangard, whose eyes did not waver from you at the Cotillion ball last summer, have fallen with this ailment. It would have been delightful to watch him suffocate in retaliation for his vile actions towards you and the other young maidens at the event.”

  His breathing grew heavy again and the salty tears mixed with your own.

  “You are so young, my dear. So young and so loved. How I would do anything to have you live another hundred years by my side. For our positions to be swapped. You offer far more to the kingdom of Asgard than I ever could, and it would lighten my soul to see you well and standing at my side once more.”

  You laughed lowly as the tears continued to flow.

  “Indeed. I remember quite distinctly that the last time I stood by your side for a formal event, I lost my footing because someone decided to step on my dress – may I say purposefully – and he chose to then sweep me into his arms, claiming to have saved me from a demise that were his misplaced steps.”

  A shared look of warmth flooded Loki’s features.

  “You looked stunning in the green dress Mother picked out,” the prince reminisced softly, “What ever was I to do but carry you away from the ballroom and undesirable suitors? Surely, it was in yours and my best interest to stash you way for my attention only.” He kissed the heel of your hand and smiled sweetly, features alight with past embraces and laughter.

  “How I would love to see you in my colours once more.”

  Your smile weakened.

  “You will have a wife one day and she shall wear your colours every day, my dearest friend. Fret not, for there are many others who would suit green more than I.”

  Loki’s eyes locked with your own and the teasing atmosphere vanished. The sorrow of your words lay heavy in the air and Loki whimpered softly, pressing down the harsh sobs that had begun to rack his chest once more.

  “I would rather have you wear my colours than any other woman in the nine realms,” he whispered and looked at you through thick eyelashes, “But it was not in the fates plans for you to do so.” His fingers stroked another tear from your cheek.

  “What I would do to reverse time and have you fall for me instead.”

  You choked as another sob brought up a heavy mass of purple and green petals.

  Loki sat patiently as the petals continued to fall and blood was smeared over your clothes, the bedsheets and his hands. He repeated the process of cleaning and dusting the petals away every few coughs until finally, you breathing eased and the blood was removed from your bare skin.

  His profile stood so regal in the shadows of the sun.

  “Say it again.”

  Loki paused in his ministrations.

  “What?”

  “Say that you would have rather had me fall for you,” the words begged as your body shook from the extent of heart-inflicted damage laying waste upon your lungs. “Say that you would have rather made me your wife than have me in this bed, so weak and frail.”

  Your mouth leaked more blood, which Loki wiped away dutifully.

  “Say that you would have loved me eventually.”

  He paused and dropped the cloth.

  Your name was breathed between Loki’s lip and his hands held your face, eyes searching yours frantically as tears glimmered in the whites, lips curled into a teary frown. He nodded in defeat and propped his head against your own as the tears began to fall again.

  “Dear one,” he shuddered out, and you wept silently. “I would have adored you for all the realm to see.”

  “No one would have ever passed us without the evidence of my love whispered to you in soft ballads, poetry and language of the heart. The whole of Asgard would have seen us and said ‘how I wish for a love so pure and wonderful than that of the prince and his bride’,’ Loki whispered and rocked your body against his own.

  “There would never have been a day where I did not carry you to our chambers each night, hoping to hold your comforting body against mine. The servants would watch us with adoration whilst the noble men and women would glare at us with envy. There would be no one who could doubt my affections for you, and if they did, I would woo you with every romantic means possible until the whole of the nine realms understood the depths of my affections towards you.”

  Loki nudged his face closer.

  “You would want for nothing and I would greet you each morning with a kiss. And every evening we would both dress in green and I would walk you to the dining chambers where we would tease and jest with one another until dark. Then after dinner we would read and talk of our future together. Talk of marriage, of children and of my disdain for Thor and his friends.”

  Your eyes blurred with the thick tears that wet your cheeks and gifted the dark prince a laugh to his joke.

  “Our children?”

  Loki smiled impishly through his tears.

  “Yes, our children. I would hope three or four, but I imagine two would be enough if they inherited my seiðr and your influence.”

  You bit back the overflowing tears.

  “What would we name them?”

  Loki’s eyes welled with tears and he stifled a sob, hiding his face from view as he raked his hand through your hair.

  He raised his head and met your eyes.

  “Why don’t you allow the healers to remove the flowers from your chest and then you could live and bear those children yourself - rather than leave them in a dream whilst you lie dead on the healer’s beds.” His hands trembled on your cheeks, eyes so soft and vulnerable in that moment. “Why don’t you live and I could woo you? I could make you mine and you could make me yours. Then we could have those children together and name them whence the time comes.” He sobbed pathetically as you trembled – the pain stemming from the on-growing cluster of petals in your chest, charged by your desire and want of an unattainable future.

  Controlled by your unadulterated adoration for the man by your side.

  “Please, I could want no less.” You whimpered. “But I cannot. My affliction cannot be changed, Loki. I am a lost cause.”

  The dark prince paused in his weeping, eyes still red and gleaming, and his grip tightened.

  “But it would. The pain would be removed and I could woo you to love me.” The desperation hung heavy on his tongue. “To see me like you see another. Anything to have you here beside me.”

  Your eyes brimmed with tears and shook your head, “It would not, Loki. I am sorry.”

  The tears fell from your eyes once more, hoping that the prince would ignore the depths of your words and allow you peace in these last few hours. Hoping Loki would just stay and hold your hand as you stared at his charming face and the flowers overtook your system. Hoping he would allow you the peace in dying with your unrequited love by your side.

  You turned and met the glistening green that formed his irises.

  He whispered your name.

  “Why would it not work?” The manner of his tone was light and held an air of desperation, passing completely undetected by your shame and fear of Loki’s rejection.

  “Loki, please.”

  The prince met your eyes again, resolve steeled and stubborn. His demeanour changed from soft and broken into something purely anger-driven and dripping with anguish.

  “Say it.”

  “Loki – “

  His face scrunched into a scowl and the words seethed from his lips, “Say it or I swear on Hel that I shall join you in Valhalla more quickly than you would prefer.” The contrast of his words to the tender touch upon your cheeks went unnoticed as the air stilled.

  You gasped.

  “I can’t.”

  “You can.”

  His eyes met yours and softened from their harsh glare.

  “Just tell me.” He pleaded.

  “And what if I do?” You snapped, overwhelmed and tired. “What would it do? All my words would fall flat. Nothing can prevent the inevitable, Loki.” You wheezed and another petal fell onto the sheets. “I could think of nothing worse to confess whilst I die.”

  Your name passed from his lips once more and your resolve fell flat.

  Bittersweet tears fell.

  “For I know that you could never – “ A hiccup. “You could never love me as I have loved you.”

  Silence.

  Your lips trembled at their confession and your arms cocooned yourself in a wall of safety.

  Shock.

  Realisation.

  Anger.

  A snarl erupted from the dark prince as the words registered and Loki moved suddenly, gripping your hair tightly and tugging you into an upright position. Eyes level and noses touching. The heavy breathes he released met yours in equal equilibrium and the tears that once flooded your features dried to salted crystals. His eyes seemed to swallow you whole with their intensity.

  “It is me.”

  You refused to reply.

  “I caused this and you refused to tell me out of fear of rejection?!” The silence swallowed you whole. “And you dare claim,” the God panted like an animal, “that I have never loved you. That I would not die for you?!”

  His roar welcomed an unsettled silence as Loki’s last words ricocheted off the surrounding walls.

  “Are you so dim-witted to believe that I do not love you, my dearest friend? My ástvinur? The woman who has been my closest companion for years,” his angered tone began to elevate into a distressed wail, “The person who I have voiced all my deepest desires and fears to for years. Who I whispered secrets to every night before we fell asleep as children and those rare evenings as adults, where we hid in the darkest swells of the library? Did you think they meant nothing to me – that – that I was incapable of calling you mine when I never let my eyes wander elsewhere? That my heart has not resided with you since we were barely teenagers?”

  His voice echoed with the insecurity of his past and heritage.

  “It should have been me. I was surprised to have never developed flowers but I suppose it is the curse of a Jötunn. But to have you hiding chest flowers – violets. Our flower.”

  “Loki – “

  “No!” His snarled deepened. “You are not allowed to cut me off, blóm. Not now – not ever. We are having a serious discussion and I will not allow you to cause my attention to stray, especially when it concerns your physical and mental health.” Loki shifted and cradled you against his chest, inhaling your scent as warmth encompassed your beings.

  “Who sat by your side during the dragon pox plague? Even though mother insisted on separating us, especially as neither you nor I had received the vaccine. And who waltzed with you every night leading up to your first ball, all so you could impress my brother and his loathsome friends?” His words spat and curled in your chest, forming the clawed fingers of an ill-used dagger. “And who insisted on your beauty each time your eyes fell upon a poorly lit mirror? When you were tired or racked with fears. By Odi - !”

  “Loki, please.” The plea fell quietly from your lips, accompanied by the painful shocks of vines encasing your chest cavity – the purple petals proceeding to land on your bottom lip. “It will only make this worse.”

  The prince’s hand tightened in your hair and he shoved himself closer.

  “How dare you never speak of your ailment, especially when I was the cause.” His voice had begun to break. “Were you ashamed to have fallen in love with a frost giant? An estranged prince of Jötunheimr. Or was your pride too swelled to accept the fate that had been bestowed upon you – taunting me with false ideals of a life that you claim to want but are too selfish to take.”

  Guilt joined the painful jolts of flowers.

  “I do want it – I want you. I have since we were merely teenagers, barely scrapping seven-hundred,” you begged and nursed the sharp lines of Loki’s face. “And I assure you, nothing changed when your true heritage came to the light. But we cannot, Loki. It is one thing to be your best friend but it is wholly different to be your lover! We would never be accepted by polite society and I would damage your reputation more than I already have.” The pain of the flowers caused you to pull away and retch the god-awful petals from your system as Loki sat by your side.

  His hand remained steady on your back.

  “And what? You believe that your position as my mother’s lady-in-waiting immediately diminishes our hopes of happiness and marriage. That your years of advanced tutoring and close relations to the princes of Asgard did not hint at other opportunities rather than my mother’s ward?” His husked voice taunted you, anger still flooding the prince’s system but overcome by remorse as more petals fell from your lips.

  “I have pined and wished and begged for your attention for centuries,” he whispered and settled a hand on your chest, wishing away the blossoms that resided in your lungs as his tears fell once more. “During my younger years, you were all I could think about. Your presence filled my dreams and captured my attention in thoughts that were not of my own will, but my heart’s.”

  “I have adored you since we were children and I fear I will adore you forever, blóm. Wherever you go, I will be quick to follow,” he whispered and your eyes filled with tears which were reciprocated in Loki’s deep green irises. “Whether that is Hel, Asgardr or Vanir. So please, say you love me. Let me kiss you and proclaim my love so that your body may heal. Let the healers aid you – let me court you properly and we shall wed during the summer when the apples are ripe and the flowers are in full bloom, just like you have always wished. I will even allow Thor to attend.”

  “Your father – “

  “Forgotten. The damned engagement? Broken. It is never to be mentioned again. I had not consented at the time of the announcement and I will not consent now or ever. In the end, Odin is forgotten. His opinion is unnecessary and unwanted. But know that my mother and Thor would want nothing more than for you to live and bless our lives. Bless mine.” The prince grasped you tighter and shook, breathing in hard and broken gasps through the waves of heartbroken pain. “Bless me with your presence every morning and every night. Bless me with the honour of your first dance at every ball and your first kiss each day. Bless me with your hand in mine when we take our vows and I claim you as my wife and eternal lover. Bless me with the children we always dreamed about, even if those specific dreams were kept quiet from one another.”

  “You are my darling. My kærasta. My beloved. I have never strayed from your side in our lives and I have vowed to protect you with every fibre of my being, such was the promise when were children. So, please. Please just say you love me so that you can be cured. None of this absurd fear of disapproval from my parents or from society. We could go live wherever you like, as long as you just accept my love and take my being as yours. Any doubt of my dedication – my adoration for you – I will diminish with every step I take with you by my side.”

  “I am so entirely and deeply in love with you. And I know that I could never love another as I have loved you. No other Asgardian. No Jötunn. No Midgardian. No elf. No one but you. So please, just say you love me and allow me the reprieve of kissing your aching lips. To still those growing flowers and have them shrivel up and die. To let you live.”

  “Loki.”

  His eyes begged you – pleaded for your attention and love. For your life and fate. For your future and his.

  Tears swelled once more.

  The suffocation of flowers was nothing compared to the suffocation of your love for him.

  “I love you.” Loki’s eyes met yours firmly and the words fell from his lip like a prayer. “I love you now and I will love you forever more. Those cruel flowers can curse themselves from existence because this love – it is not unrequited. I adore you. I love you. My existence is nothing without you by my side. Whilst I would not cease to be if you died, I would cease to live. Nothing would be worth my time besides seeking out your body to hold once more and joining you in whichever realm you may return in.”

  He leant against your forehead.

  “Please.”

  “Loki.”

  The silence no longer felt suffocating as you gripped your object of affection.

  “Kiss me.” You whispered the plead softly and watched as realisation sunk into the prince’s features. “Please. Please. Please, just kiss me. Make it stop. Marry me. Love me. Have me bear your children. Have me as your wife to love and to hold. Never leave me whilst I live. Please, Loki. My love. My darling. The man who has been mine for the past seven hundred years. You’re right,” you laughed pathetically, “You are always right. So, by Frigga’s command, kiss me.”

  Loki barely allowed you the grace of finishing the sentence.

  You were overwhelmed by the heat of the kiss – the coolness of Loki’s skin, the desperation on his lips laden by years of pining and secret glances from between handwritten pages and ballroom dances. The bittersweet taste of salted tears and the sugary relief of finally accepting the entirety of your feelings.

  Your hands sunk deep within the rich waves of your beloved’s hair and Loki moaned. His hands had come to rest on the side of your neck and the other squashed between your back and the bedsheets. They refused to remain still as Loki traced the entirety of your being – treating this like the first and last time he would ever touch you. He could not quieten his noises and aimed to elicit the same reactions in turn.

  You noticed as the kiss proceeded that there was a sudden ease to your breathing and a comfort which stemmed from laying in Loki’s arms. Your chest ached slightly but nothing like it did moments ago. There was no phantom tickling at the back of your throat and your lungs no longer felt as if they would tear themselves apart. The sinking sensation that often overwhelmed your being when asleep was absent also, and you rejoiced at the gorgeous freedom from your curse.  

  With this realisation, you tugged harder at Loki’s hair and pulled him onto the bed, failing to hide your amusement when he moaned lavishly and tumbled over his own feet to avoid missing the mattress. There was a slight bounce as Loki made contact with the bed and you failed to hide your relief and desire at the sudden turn of events – turning to lavish his jaw with kisses and drawing him into a deep and heartfelt kiss that left both of you breathless.

  Loki looked at you with lidded eyes, both surprised at your dominance but not unhappy, as shown by his self-satisfied smile.

  “Better, my love?”

  You kissed his cheek. “Always, my prince.”

   “Wonderful.” He panted and squeezed your hand, just like he used to do as children. “Again?”

  You smiled, tears brimming with joy, and kissed Loki once more, just as he asked.

  “I love you, Loki.”

  His tears joined yours.

  “I love you too, my dear blóm.”

  And you smiled.

[jadekitty777]

Cram Session

Alright, the final day is here – and you better believe I’m ready to burst with excitement! I have not been able to calm down all week!

So, to cap things off, let’s go for a ‘feel good’ one, yeah? This one’s all about friendship and teamwork.

Rating: K

Word Count: 2200

Summary: With the looming threat of his entire team being failed if he does, Tai finds himself desperately trying to absorb every bit of knowledge he can before the big test. Unsurprisingly, it’s not going well – but at least Qrow’s there to offer some moral support.

Ao3 Link: Cram Session

The fluctuation of hormone levels from pure dust injection in the human body was found to have different effects depending on many factors including the following: Age, weight, aura level,…

The tapping of his pencil kept time with the ticking clock as Tai read through the scientific journal, trying to absorb as much as he could. He needed to get a good grade on this test; he was doing horribly in his Analytical Dust Chemical Bonding class. Just the name of it was daunting – but the actual lessons were brutal. He’d never gotten so many bad marks in his life. One more and he was going to fail the class. While that wouldn’t be the end of the world on its own, there was just one teensy-weensy, itty-bitty little problem:

If he failed, the rest of his team did as well.

No pressure there or anything.

He believed that the dire consequences was all about promoting teamwork – some philosophical mumbo-jumbo about how if they let a partner fall behind in class, they’d let them fall behind on the field too. He wouldn’t even say he disagreed with the idea, but it certainly didn’t account for people like Qrow and Raven, who had virtually no prior schooling experience. Not to say they were dunces – put them on the field and they’d ace nearly any training exercise. But the minute a pen was in their hand and a book in their lap, they suddenly seemed like the stupidest people in all of Beacon.

It was Summer who had figured it out. Their history teacher had called on Qrow to answer a question on the board. He had squinted for a few moments, before saying, “I can’t.”

“You don’t know the answer?”

“Nah, just can’t read your handwriting.”

At the time, Tai hadn’t thought anything of it; but as the teacher read off the question, Summer sat up straight in her seat, looking as if she’d just solved an enigma. Later that day, she called for an impromptu ‘team meeting’.

He remembered how she paced, looking troubled, before finally whirling on the twins. “Look, I’m just going to be direct about this. You two can’t read, can you?”

Tai was so caught off guard by the announcement his mind was struggling to catch up. The siblings, however, had no such issue, going from bored to alert in a blink. “What nonsense are you spouting? How do you think we filled out our transcripts?” Raven counterargued.

“Bribery.” Summer replied without missing a beat. “Just like you’re doing with Oobleck.”

“It’s called working smarter, not harder.” Qrow quipped.

“No, it’s called cheating.” She retorted. “And it’s not going to carry you through the next four years.”

“Don’t know if you don’t try.”

“And anyways, last I checked, we were here to fight Grimm.” Raven added. “Who cares about the written stuff?”

Summer started ticking off points on her fingers. “How are you guys going to write the papers? Do the presentations? Take the finals?”

That seemed to knock out some of their bluster as they shared an uncertain glance. It seemed the exact scale of what they needed to worry about had never occurred to them – but how could it of? They couldn’t read the lesson plan. “We’ll figure it out.” Raven finally said, shrugging it off.

Summer looked between them, huffing like a bull about to charge.

Tai was the one who found his voice first. “Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?”

“Oh great, now you have something to say?” Qrow snipped, his casual tone shifting to something more caustic.

Deliberately avoiding the obvious goad, he continued, “Look, there’s no shame if you don’t know how to read or write. There’s only shame in not being willing to learn.”

“You’re a regular ol’ walking proverb, you know that?”

“I have a book filled with them. I’ll let you read it when you can.” He finally shot back, getting to his feet. “But you’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t try. So, either you lower your pride and ask us for help, or you fail. Your choice.”

Summer intervened, gentle yet firm. “You guys must have come to this school for a reason. You have to decide if that reason is worth working hard for.”

Nothing had happened right away, and after a few days, Tai was pretty sure the twins were going to stick it out on their own. Then, one day, while he and Summer were studying in the library, the two had walked right up to their table and demanded their ‘supplementary lessons’ (Raven absolutely refused to call it help).

As it turned out, neither of them were completely illiterate, but their handwriting was atrocious and the level they could read at was on par with a seven-year old’s. So, Summer got them comprehensive reading books to strengthen their vocabulary and stencils to help them with their letters. It was torturously slow-going at times, and he had worried the whole process would be agonizingly painful, as he’d expected every lesson would be nothing but their attitude dialed to eleven – and it had been. At least, at first.

But as the weeks passed, the twins seemed to be less focused on irritating their teammates and more focused on actually learning. Qrow had an insanely good memory, so he was picking up new words and how to apply and spell them by the buckets nearly every week. For Raven, what she lacked in memory she made up for in pure fortitude as she rewrote and reread until she got it right. And though he’d never dare tell them, it was kind of adorable seeing one of Raven’s little smiles or hearing Qrow’s soft ‘Oh’ whenever they understood something.

To his own surprise, Tai discovered he had a bit of a fondness for teaching. There was just something so uplifting about helping the twins work through a problem and see them get it and realizing it was him who helped get them there. It made him really look forward to their time together. It was nice, just being able to sit down together, just the four of them, laughing and helping one another. It finally felt like they were a team.

More than that even - like they really were friends.

He wasn’t going to mess that all up by failing this exam.

The mesolimbic dopaminergic system seems to have a habit of creating new pathways in the ventral striatum…

“The what in the what?” He groaned, letting his head thump onto his desk. How was he going to get all this by Monday?

The door opening had him shooting back up. He expected the rest of his team to walk in, but was surprised when it was just Qrow. He was polishing off the remains of a cookie – Summer’s idea. She thought a reward system would be a good motivator. The twins had rolled their eyes about it, reminding their leader they weren’t children; yet, every cookie earned was mysteriously gone by the end of the session.

“Yo.” He greeted around the mouthful.

“Hey. Done already?” Tai replied, glancing at the clock. It wasn’t even late afternoon yet.

“Nah.” Qrow said, dropping his book bag onto the desk adjacent Tai’s. “Flowerbud called for a break. So, I came back for a nap.”

“Where’d they go?”

“Where else? Training room.”

He snorted softly. From the way she behaved, anyone would have expected it to be Raven’s scheme – but it was actually Summer who loved to unwind by kicking the crap out of them. Rae was just too stubborn to back out of a challenge.

“Isn’t that the same chapter you were reading when we left?”

Tai looked down, covering part of the page. “I was just going over it again.”

Qrow hooked his ankle around the leg of his desk chair, pulling it out and plopping down. “So you know all about the transcriptional mechanisms that develop over time from dust exposure?”

He stared. “Do you?”

“I mean, I don’t actually know what I just said, but I know that basically people get addicted to the stuff.” He replied with a shrug. “So when you see those words, that’s the answer you’re looking for.”

His brow furrowed, trying to make sense of that suggestion. “Is that how you’ve been taking these tests? Just correlating words with the answers you hope will be there?”

“Well yeah. It’s not like I’m gonna be able to read at an academy level anytime soon. Gotta make do with what I got.” He stretched his legs up onto his desk, tipping his chair back. “Don’t need top marks, just passing ones, right?”

“Yeah but,” Tai tried to argue, but when he realized he really didn’t have one, he merely sighed, slumping over some. “Well, I guess it works for a guy like you. You’ve practically got a photographic memory.”

“Or just nothing’s up here.” Qrow joked, tapping his own temple. “An empty mind makes room for more genius.”

“Oh yeah you’re a real prodigy.”

He popped his collar. “Glad you noticed.” With a clack, his chair landed back on all four legs and he popped out of his seat. “And genius like this needs rest.” He put his palm against Tai’s forehead, pushing his head back. “Come on sunburn, you need some too.”

Tai shoved him away. “Maybe later.”

He shrugged, walking across the room. “You know it’s not that big of a deal if you fail, right?”

“Of course it is!” He turned, draping his arm across the back of his chair. “What if I get us all held back?”

“Oh gosh!” He exclaimed sarcastically, falling back onto his bed. “Another whole semester of free food and a bed so soft it’s like sleeping on a cloud? What ever shall I do?”

Huh.

Well, when he put it that way, Tai had no idea why he was trying so hard either.

As if he could read his thoughts, Qrow continued, “See? It’s all in the perspective.”

He couldn’t help it. “So you’re giving me the ‘bird’s-eye view’?” He rose his arm to guard from the pillow flung his way, cackling madly.

Not quite as amused, his roommate only rolled his eyes. “Whatever man, you’re stupid.”

“Don’t worry, our chemistry teacher agrees.” He joked, turning back to his textbook. He underlined the bit about transcriptional messages.

Too lazy to fetch his own, Qrow snatched the pillow off of Raven’s bed. As he got comfortable, he spoke up again, “I still think you’re stressing too much.”

He wrote a note in the margin beside the paragraph. “I just don’t want to disappoint you guys.”

“Sorry to tell ya this bud, but you’re sharing a space with me. Disappointment is guaranteed.” As if Qrow’s words were a cue, the lead on Tai’s pencil suddenly snapped.

He sighed, tossing it down. Alright, maybe a break was in order.

Tai got to his feet, stretching out some of the kinks that had settled. He fetched the pillow off the floor, nailing Qrow in the face with it. He laughed as the other squawked indignantly, turning away to pick up his scroll. He flicked off the lights and headed for his own bed, ducking under a retaliatory throw, the pillow hitting the door and flumping uselessly to the ground. “Nice try.”

Not willing to sacrifice his other, Qrow just grumbled over his failed attempt, kicking off his shoes. He twisted onto his side, facing Tai as he laid down on his own bed. The smirk he gave him was borderline lecherous. “At least I finally got you into bed.”

Tai threw his pillow. And Summer’s for good measure. “You’re the worst!” He ignored the way he laughed at him, focusing on his phone as he set an alarm for them. He placed it on his nightstand. “Alright, give it back. Alarm’s on for five-thirty.” He caught his pillow when it was tossed back at him, burying his face into it.

He heard Qrow shift around before he said, “Hey so, I can’t help you study, but if it means that much to you, I can help you cheat.”

He turned his head, “What?”

“Yeah. I’ll write you tiiiny little notes and we can slip them in the lapels of your jacket.” He pinched his forefinger and thumb together to accentuate just how tiny he meant. “They’ll never suspect a thing.”

Despite knowing it would expel him if he got caught, the fact he was legitimately considering it was probably not a good sign of where his moral compass was going. “I’ll pass, but thanks anyways.”

“Alright. If you change your mind I got plenty of ideas.”

Tai smiled, knowing just how much it said about Qrow that he was at least offering – or trying to cheer him up at all, for that matter. Six months ago, they could barely stop themselves from flinging insults if they were in the same room together; now, he merely ribbed him for fun. Things had definitely changed.

As he drifted off, he figured Qrow was right. It really didn’t matter if he failed some silly test. He’d made some good friends along the way and that was the best success he could ever have.

-

A/N: Prompt was “Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?”

[greatestmanblog]

THE ANTI-VIRTUES OF POSITIVE MASCULINITY

Exploring the different virtues not conducive to the health of your masculine expression. Bolded are the anti-virtues, what follows in the brackets is different insights and distinctions, or other commentary around the theme of the anti-virtue being highlighted. Some food for thought for the manosphere after a longtime.

X - sloth  [sloppy on the outside is sloppy on the inside, clean on the outside is “cream” on the inside;  take it how you want, but one thing is a given—you’ll never meet a man who’s got a great, healthy, powerful self-image of himself that dresses crappy and acts sloppy or otherwise carries himself in a dull manner;  no, a man of true value treats himself as such—in manner, in deed and in virtue…fresh as f*ck]

X - laziness  [“the lazy man walks the same road twice”;  why waste your time and energy?;  value your time and energy (which if you don’t already, I promise you, having a purpose and path of pursuit for your life will definitely make you value your time and energy);  when you do value your life like this, your life begins to take on more power and expression;  every single person who values their life has life valuing them back, watch for this next time you meet such a person, chances are they take a lot of action in their life and have a lot of “rewards” to show for it;  action is what creates your life and living is a ‘verb’ so get moving because your laziness is your self-destruction]

X - entitlement  [does nothing for you and literally robs you of your personal progress;  it’s okay to setup a positive expectation for the way you view things and the outlooks you have on life and the people that you interact with, but never make demands of things that are not yours to begin with nor things that you have yet to earn—it sets up a bad precedent for your own psychology and leads you astray;  you have right to yourself, your thoughts, your actions, your choices, your body, your energy and the things that are generated by all of that, all the rest let it be & let it flow however it wants to;  you have a right to yourself, consume yourself with the knowledge of that and demand the best out of yourself]

X - passivity  [masculinity, the male essence, by virtue is the active principle in life so to allow yourself to be too passive in the way you go about your experience of life is unhealthy to say the least;  you want to stay active, stay in motion, stay flowing with the very juice that makes more of you;  go take the world full-on with the fullness of your desires, dreams, determinations;  there is a notion in sex consciousness that says how a man fucks his woman is how he fucks the world, meaning to say that how you relate to your own sexuality is a direct correlation to how you live your life;  just think about the potential of that one;  chances are that if you are a passive lover as a man then you are probably pretty passive in taking on your dreams and goals and not much is happening to move the needle forward in your life;  your passivity could lead to you being extremely stuck in life, think about it…]

X - immaturity  [is behaving like a child, not to be confused with being playful or spirited, and blaming others for not having your needs being met;  whining, complaining, tantrums, hissy-fits and other self-absorbing behavior is indicative of acting as a child;  to do so as a child is one thing, but to continue this sort of behavior well into your adult years is very unhealthy;  part of being a mature realized adult is working with and knowing the power you do have to make way for yourself and how you want to live;  you only enable your lack of power if you act immaturely;  an adult always takes responsibility for him/herself and are at cause for what’s transpiring in their world]

X - irresponsibility  [is not acknowledging your ability to respond to things in healthy, constructive, empowering manner;  also can be defined as carelessness and a refusal to hold yourself accountable for what you are required to do, whether they are family obligations or personal obligations that you have committed yourself for;  if you give someone your word that you will do something or follow through on some course of action then you better make sure that you are following through on that promise, otherwise you are being irresponsible]

X - irrationality  [lack of clear thought;  easily duped into other people’s ways of thinking;  unoriginal thought;  being a puppet and pawn to other people’s agendas;  hero-worship, to make anyone outside of yourself your hero is to give away your power to an outside source—and giving away your own power by choice is definitely irrational behavior, you are your own hero so step into that;  learn to think for yourself and see through bullshit, including your own delusions;  critical thinking is a must in this day and age of misinformation;  on the opposite end of irrationality is discernment, a discerning man is a wise man indeed, make your eye a discerning one]

X - indecision  [people don’t often waver when they know who they are and where they are going;  when you have deep inner confidence stemming up from the depths of your integrated character, you can quickly make important decisions without looking back on them in doubt and are slow to make a move to reverse those appropriately considered yet quick decisions;  indecision either comes from fear or a lack of trust you have on your ability to make the best decisions for yourself (which begets a weakness of character)—you don’t want that;  have character & be decisive, stand by those convictions unless you realize you were severely off-base (if you were, then immediately decide to course-correct and you’ll come out on top)]

X - dependent  [un-self-sufficient;  your cup is not full so you dip into others cups to fill up your own, which is not only unsustainable but asking for trouble—you’re playing not to lose, which ultimately is playing to lose; depend on yourself and go for the win;  also, dependent behavior taken too far is parasitic behavior, you’re just leaching off of others resources ultimately resulting in lose-lose situations across the board;  the best longterm strategy is developing your own sense of independence in life, work towards it if you are behind the eight-ball, you cannot go wrong]

X - ego/unaware  [closed-minded, narrow-minded, one-sided, unconscious expression of self;  you just don’t want to see yourself, and if you are choosing that then you won’t ever see what you’re made of and what you could set out to achieve;  be brave, see yourself in all it’s facets—the good, the bad, the ugly, the great—it will allow you to see more of life too;  never be afraid of the truth especially of the man in the mirror and what you see reflecting from it;  see it and see everything]

X - sociopathic  [no empathy;  unable to feel self and, by extension, definitely not others;  that is not a good thing and it is very severely damaging of your ability to experience lasting happiness and fulfillment;  cultivate the richness and depth of feeling otherwise you’re just a robot…or a serial-killer;  allowing yourself to feel things including deep pain is invaluable to your growth and your experience of the living world;  feeling is life;  don’t you want to feel alive?;  feel the electricity of the energy pulsing through your veins, the aliveness of your own vitality and strength and purpose…]

X - abusive  [not physically, not emotionally, not mentally, not in any way is a real man about that;  cowards are abusive, not real men;  cowards choose such a demeaning and low route to sustain themselves;  don’t do it to anyone, not even yourself;  respect yourself, create the highest sense of meaning and esteem about who you think you are or want to be—and by default, you’ll automatically bestow that esteem and respect on everyone else;  but first you, create your own deeper, truer sense of self-worth that profound affects how you do everything else]

X - narcissism  [thinking too highly of yourself without consideration for anything else—aka “buying your own hype”;  as a rule, never buy your own hype, it’ll actually keep you stronger as an individual, more even keel and able to act on your own merit, and if you have (the aforementioned) real self-worth then you’d actually have no need to be narcissistic in the first place because the awareness of your true self would govern you, not some false fabricated front of high-value]

X - violent  [be dangerous but never violent—dangerous with your charm, your wits, your ability to observe, your unpredictability, your spontaneity, your sense of humor, your kindness, your character, your physical capacity to exude strength, etc.—and yes, your composure too;  it makes you very dangerous because you then are capable of using your entire being for your highest good in any critical moment of decision-making] [composure makes you very dangerous, never forget that]

X - victimhood  [don’t ever play that card, victimhood betrays you and your power instantaneously;  the second you go there, you lose everything;  victimhood is not manhood;  men take their life by the horns and steer it in the direction of their own choosing;  they accept nothing less than their path and purpose to create their greatest visions in life;  they’re self-empowered and driven to take on the responsibilities that come with the territory of their self-chosen mission in life]

X - lying/deception/cheating  [nothing sinks you faster than the path of dishonesty, in any of its forms;  it is the biggest b*tch move you could ever play and no one does it hurt more than you;  historically, time has always proven that the person lying, cheating, deceiving always ends up on the short-end of the stick and any gains to be had from doing so only result in short term, temporary, minute, fleeting gains aka “fool’s gold”;  you owe yourself the opportunity to fairly play this game of life to the best of your ability—which is immediately disallowed when you lie;  and truth, that is your highest calling card in life, setting out on its path will ultimately be the most rewarding thing that you could do;  truth will always set you apart from the rest because majority of the players in existence don’t choose that;  truth will protect you and shield you against the deceptions of others;  it will illuminate for you a path of your own nobility, whereby it ensures that you almost always win;  one of the biggest platitudes that we’ve all heard is also one of the most evergreen pieces of wisdom you’ll ever receive, don’t discount it because “the truth will set you free”]

I would add that not being grounded, not being present as a man is unbecoming of positive masculinity, but they are either directly or indirectly covered in the commentary that preceded. Many men become unhinged in their development processes because of their failure to adequately ground themselves from the intense heat of the lightning strikes of lessons that life throws at them. Firmly rooting yourself in values and core principles that keep you strong & aware are key to staying centered in any and all adversity that comes your way. Furthermore, your awareness is fed and kept alive by the presence of mind you bring to your life moment to moment. If you are not present to the momentary feedback life continuously gives to you, you will miss more than one point about how you can keep yourself agile enough to constantly keep making progress for yourself in moving forward and rising up in your particular path of greatness.

[ikke-secret]

Make Me Relax (#2)

Pairing: Calum & Y/N

Warnings: Swearing and smut

Word count: 3050+

Requested: Yesss

Send requests here

-------------------------------Read part 1 here-------------------------------

I’ve been writing this over a couple of days, since someone is visiting me, and it’s hard to find time. I originally hadn’t planned on doing a part two, but I did, so here it is

“Y/N?” A muffled voice sounds.

My brows furrow together as I stretch out my exhausted limbs. Heavy, warm hands squeeze my hips, holding me tightly against a naked body. A complaining groan pushes out of Cal’s mouth, when the voice speaks again, knocking a little harder on the door this time.  

“The brunch is in twenty minutes, and you better be there.” The voice warns, which instantly correlates with my newlywed sister Bianca.

I don’t reply and neither does she knock again. Though I can’t stay in bed with Cal all day – even though I’d very much like to – because Bianca would find some way to get in here if I don’t show up.

“Calum?” I speak, trying to wake him up.

I can only slightly see his eyes as they open only a fraction of an inch. “Yes?” he replies, his voice raw and hoarse.

My fingers absentmindedly begin drawing small patterns on his chest. Instead of saying what I know I should be saying I get lost in the way he looks.

His dark hair is messy and flopping onto his forehead, while his chocolate eyes twinkle at me. I move onto my elbows, so I can lean up and press my lips against his. Maybe it’s just to ensure myself that what happened last night wasn’t just some wonderful dream.

I simper against his lips when he returns my kiss, deepening it with his hand cupping my cheek.

He rolls over, hovering over my body, while his hands run freely along my side. I feel him against my leg, and I know – despite how much I’d rather not – that I’ll have to stop this. “Cal –” I begin, but I’m interrupted by a sudden sensation coursing through my body, as Cal’s rough finger strokes over the most sensitive part of me. 

If he keeps this up I’ll be screwed – literally.

“We need to get ready.” I breather, as he circles my clit, making me whimper.

“For what?” he murmurs into my ear, without stopping his sweet torture. He slowly pushes a finger into me, keeping the slow pace. I let my legs fall open to him, mentally urging him to continue.

“Brunch.” I push out through clenched teeth.

He ignores me and nips at my shoulder, adding another finger to my heat.

“Cal.” I almost wail, causing him to grin – obviously knowing that he’s making me lose my better judgement.

Then I do the only thing, which I know will get his attention. My hand wraps around the length of him, causing his fingers to stop what they’re doing.

“We need to get ready, so I suggest a cold shower to you because no matter how bad I want to continue, we have to go.” I say dropping my voice to some demanding girl I didn’t even know existed.

Cal pouts at me as he removes his fingers and rolls off me.

I follow him and give him a soft peck on the lips, “Maybe another time.” I suggest, and wink at him, before getting out of the bed. 

“You made it.” Bianca announces in a bubbly voice as we walk onto the open pavilion. I smile at her and take a seat across from my parents. The table in front of us is filled with all sorts of different foods, making my stomach rumble – especially the pancakes right in front of me.

“Calum, was it?” my mom questions and points a fork with a piece of sausage on it. Cal redirects his gaze from me to her and sprawls the most handsome smile in existence, “Yes it was.” My mother plops the sausage into her mouth. “Where’d you meet?” she asks. Cal’s eyes shortly catch mine, when he obviously sees the burning red color spreading into my cheeks.

‘Don’t you dare’ I think for myself, looking anywhere but at my mom.

“We had a class together in college.” He tells her, and I sigh in relief. My mom nods, and glances over at me with an odd look on her face – clearly not understanding what got me so embarrassed.

“Which class?” My dad interrupts, making my eyes shoot up to his – well, fuck.

Calum’s hand lands on my leg, making me jump. I still the bobbing motions in my leg, which I hadn’t even noticed. He gives me a reassuring look, as if to tell me that what he’s about to say won’t even matter. My eyes narrow at him, silently flipping him off – mentally, that is – as he doesn’t know my family.

“Sex ed.” He says, and I feel like face planting onto the table. I hadn’t planned on telling them about my sex ed classes, even though it was for scientific reasons only. Though all it had led to was a hell of a lot of sexual frustration, since that’s mostly where I’d see Cal, before we really became friends – not that it’s been any less frustrating afterward.

I catch my sister’s gaze, who’s looking at me with a smirk playing on her lips, like when she would tell on me when we were younger.

My parents both just nod synchronously, not seeming particularly faced.

Cal squeezes my knee, as if to tell me ‘I told you so’.

Deciding I’d rather draw the attention away from how I know Cal, I grab the tray with toasted bread, as it passes by.

Throughout the dinner, Cal doesn’t remove his hand from my leg, and once in a while it draws a little further up my leg. Each time I glance around at my family, making sure that no one notices my heated face nor Cal’s hand on my knee – or mid-thigh at this point. I probably should stop him, but I relish in the small jitters he gives me.

He keeps up a conversation with most of my family, seeming unfazed by the small jerks he receives from me. I might be fooling myself, but I’m pretty sure that if he keeps up doing what he’s doing, he’ll soon reach the territory, which isn’t child-friendly – nor family-friendly.

He makes one extremely bold move all of the sudden, grazing the edge of my underwear – wearing a skirt was definitely the worst and the best decision I made today.

“Y/N?” A voice breaks through to me, snapping me right back to reality.

My eyes refocus on my mom, who’s wearing an impatient look on her otherwise soft features. My brows knit together, “Yeah?” I answer, as Cal’s fingers peak under the hem of my panties, making it almost impossible for me to stay still.

I cross my legs in a pathetic attempt to remove his fingers, but instead I get them stuck between my thighs. I can already picture the smirk on his face, before I even glance over at him from the corner of my eye.

“Do you remember this place?” she asks me, for what might as well be the tenth time. My eyes skim over the pavilion and the wide garden, then over the white building with small mosaic windows, before shaking my head.

She looks halfway disappointed with me as Bianca breaks in and yell whispers to me, “Mom and dad got married here.”. My eyes widen, while my parents chuckle at my sudden realization, I do sort of remember this place, but it’s been at least twelve years or so.

“Maybe you want to go for a look around the park?” Bianca suggests, “Spark your memory.”

I don’t get the chance to speak, as Cal does so first, “I’d love it if you could show me around.” He tells me, and grins broadly, flashing his perfect teeth.

Bianca points at Cal and nods, seeming to love the idea.

“I told you that I barely remember the place.” I tell him, and discard the idea, too nervous – or scared – to be alone with him again.

“Then you probably need to see it even more.” Bianca urges me by pushes out my chair from under the table.

Cal’s warm hand slips away from my skin, instantly leaving me cold without it.

‘Go’ she mouths.

 I push myself up from my chair, and reach for Cal’s wrist to pull him up with me, but he grabs my hand instead, and doesn’t let go – not that I mind.  

We walk around the white building, Cal leading me more than I’m leading him.

The moment we turn the corner he presses me against the brick wall, with his lips coming down on mine instantly.

My mouth opens to him immediately, letting his tongue into my mouth. He entangles his fingers in my hair, while using the other one to curve my body into his, so I can feel every inch of him – including the bulge growing in his pants.

His teeth nip my bottom lip as he pulls a few inches away from my face, “I’ve needed that since you sent me to the shower.” He hums.

I suck my bottom lip into my mouth and smirk at him, when his hand moves up the side of my thigh, lifting my skirt, sending jolts of electricity through my body.

“Not sure you’re allowed to grope your tour guide.” I joke, and duck under his arms, swinging my hips a little more than necessary as I walk away.

He’s quickly by my side again, and ignores my earlier statement, as he interlaces our fingers.

I try to figure out where we’re going, but with Cal’s thumb drawing circles on my hand, I find myself quite distracted.

“How about in there?” Cal suggests and points over at a small building about fifty meters from the main building. He doesn’t wait for a reply as he tugs at my hand, already going in the direction.

“You don’t want to see the rest?” I ask, but let myself get dragged along.

He turns towards me and grabs my other hand, walking backwards. He shakes his head, while a small grin tugs at his lips.

Inside the small building is two bathrooms in the entrance, and a third door, which Cal opens. We slip inside another small room, which is decorated with a couch, an old TV and a bunch of videogames and board games along the wall. In the middle of the room, taking up a lot of space is a pool table.

I figure that it’s made for the children who get bored at weddings or other parties thrown here.

My eyes return to Cal, when I hear the sound of a lock being turned. His eyes are filled with a hunger that I’m feeling too, but I don’t make the first move.

Instead I patiently wait for him to close the short distance between us, as he meets my lips with a feather like touch. I return his kiss much harder than he started it, curling my hands into his soft hair and hold his lips to mine, while coaxing his mouth open.

“If you don’t want this, you need to tell me right now because if this takes one step further, I don’t think I’d be able to stop.” Cal mutters into my ear, before he kisses a path along my jawline. I shake my head, “Don’t stop.” I tell him breathlessly. I feel him grin against my skin before he closes his lips over mine again. 

He works my lips roughly and I can barely keep up with the amazing sensations his body against mine is giving me.

His hands move up under my skirt, gripping my panties and pulling them down my legs - slowly.

“Hurry, I need you right now.” I state, stepping out of my underwear as quick as possible - my throat goes dry when he puts the lacy material in his pocket.

“I’m not going to hurry, baby.” he tells me, “I’m going to take my sweet time because you’re not just some other quickie.” 

His burning tongue trails a path over my collarbone, making my breath hitch.

Unexpectedly he steps away from me, leaving me flustered. I look at him with confusion written all over my face, but I don’t speak. Instead I watch him as he closes all the curtains and switches on the lights.

He backs further away until he’s resting against the pool table, with his long legs stretched out in front of him. His eyes gradually travel down my body, causing goosebumps to spread on my skin. 

A mischievous grin settles on his lips, as his coffee brown eyes meet mine once more, “Can I ask you to do something I’ve wanted to see for a long time?” He questions, the challenge thick in his question. I swallow the lump, which has formed in my throat, as I mechanically move my head up and down. “I’d like for you to take off your clothes while I watch.” He dares.

My lips curl into a smile as I nod enthusiastically. 

I have definitely not done my fair share of stripteases, and maybe it would help a lot more if my body wasn’t so ridged around Cal. I pull my shirt over my head and shimmer out of my skirt, leaving me in my bra. I reach behind me and unlock it before letting that fall down too – maybe that didn’t count too much like a striptease, but from the look on Calum’s face, he looked more than pleased with my short show.

He pulls his shirt over his head, and motions for me to come closer, which I willingly do. His lips devour mine, while his hands glide all over my heated skin, careful not to come close to the places where I actually want him touching me.

I’m lifted off the ground, as he sets me down on the pool table and steps in between my naked thighs. With ease, I unbutton his pants and push them down his legs, alongside with his underwear.

“I need you now.” I admit, my voice raw, and not caring if he wants to take his sweet time because that isn’t going to happen.

He reaches down in the pocket of his jeans, pulling out a small golden wrapper, which I remember from the drawer of condoms. I grin at it, and take it from his hands, “Optimistic?” I comment, not the least bit annoyed that he expected this. “Maybe a little too optimistic.” He replies, “I brought a couple more.”

I can barely keep the smile off my face as he throws another two wrappers on the table. I don’t mind at all. 

His big hands cup my cheeks as he pulls my face to his and slips his tongue inside my mouth, flicking it over the roof of my mouth. I take one of the wrappers and smooth it down over his erection, feeling the small spasms in his body when I do so. 

My legs wrap around his hips as he moves me down until I’m lying flat on my back against the table. His lips suck a path down my throat and down my body, while using his hands to massage my breasts. My legs tighten around him, urging him to enter me. 

His dark eyes lift to mine, as he grazes an eyebrow at me, “Please Cal.” I whine and dig my heels into him, and moan when I feel him against my entrance. 

He smirks at me and runs the tip of his head through my folds, causing me to whimper out in disapproval - I need him inside of me.

“I guess if you say please, I bet...” He doesn’t get to finish his sentence, as I murmur another please and push him about halfway into me. 

We both groan in unison as Cal’s strong arms land beside my body, shaking with what seems like self-restraint. 

I need more. 

I pull his head down so his lips are hovering over mine, as I whisper, “Please just fuck me.” My words are barely above a whisper, but he seems to get the memo and pushes in the rest of the way, stretching me out.

He doesn’t waste a single second before he pulls out of me, followed by slamming right back into me. My back arches off the table, while small incoherent words leave my mouth with every delicious thrust. 

His lips ghost over the skin of my neck, sometimes granting me a small kiss when he hits a particularly nice spot deep inside me.

His hands are digging into my sides, tightening and molding into my skin every time he moves just slightly.

A tight ball begins building deep inside me, and it makes my body grow ridged. 

Cal suddenly pulls all the way out of me, and I whimper, wanting him right back to where he was. He quickly flips me over so I’m no longer on my back, but I’m instead lying on my stomach, while my feet are touching the ground. “Spread your legs for me, baby.” He orders, and I instantly do as I’m told.

I’m pulled further towards him with his hands on my waist, as he enters me once more, deeper than before, making me cry out in pleasure.

He drives into me while small moans leave his lips.

The ball inside me is throbbing for release, as I feel Cal’s fingers on my clit, circling them around. I feel my body begin trembling, as I’m suddenly thrown into my orgasm. My body falls flat against the table, but Cal holds my lower half up as he keeps thrusting deep inside me.

Calum stills inside me as his orgasm crashes down on his. His hard, sweaty stomach lands flatly against my back.

He stays momentarily inside me kissing my shoulder blade softly.

Slowly my breathing returns to normal, and when I turn around, Cal has only pulled on his black boxers.

I grin at him like a fool, enjoying as he takes in my still naked body. I begin pulling on my clothes, catching his eyes as he watches me get dressed.

He hands me my underwear as I pass by him. I pull his face to mine and fold my hands behind his head. He returns my kiss, coaxing my lips open.

“Round two when we’re back in the room?” I question, and feel his lips curl into a grin against mine.

Thank you for reading, it means a lot :))

Masterlist

I was thinking about doing like a final part 3, with something “unpredictable”, which is really predictable - so tell me if you want that.

- Calla

[backroadtales]

TALE OF THE MONTH: “FEAR IS A WARNING, NOT A FRIEND”

Ben is walking through a park; he is deep in thought as he surveys the ground below him. The river running parallel to this pathway has a steady but smooth current. A short cement wall is the only thing that separates the pavement path he is walking on from the river, and on this cool spring day, Ben admires the small trees lining the banks of the water that are beginning to show signs of life as mid-April approaches. The odd person passes behind Ben as he stops to watch some seagulls grouping together on the river bed. He then walks further along the river and onto a trail that enters into a heavily wooded area, continuing to think more about what it is that’s been on his mind lately. He feels he has to make a decision, and it is one that is confusing him. He is trying to choose between choices that will make him happy, fulfilling his desires; and choices that are logical and responsible, though unfulfilling and undesirable. He wonders how a person would choose between a path that means pursuing their dreams, although dangerous; and a path that is safe and would keep them alive, although emotionally draining. Ben wonders if all this thinking has any direct correlation to his current situation.

A woman is sitting on a bench situated in front of the trail, overlooking the river. As Ben walks down the trail he sees the older woman, sitting, looking at the river. Beside the woman is a large, dark coloured dog. As Ben gets closer towards her he glances over and makes direct eye contact with her dog. The dog is intimidating, but calm, and just stares right back at him. As Ben is looking into the dogs eyes, he not only notices it’s intensity, but also starts to feel like this dog is happier, and more confident, than he is. As he and the dog stare, the older woman looks over at Ben, looks him in the eyes, and says, “The water is cold, and so is the wind. But the seagulls don’t think so”. Ben smiles and nods his head, and while continuing on his walk, wonders what it was the woman sitting on the bench meant by what she said. Ben can’t help but wonder if this experience just now, somehow has something to do with what he is struggling to figure out and understand about his own life. As Ben walks on, he looks back towards where the woman and dog are sitting. The old woman is just starring out onto the river, as is her dog; both sitting still and calm. Ben starts to think more. Does the woman with the dog know something he doesn’t? What do seagulls have to do with him or their interaction? Can the old woman tell he is lost and confused? Is it some sort of weird advice? Is the woman just a homeless drunk? Ben begins to ponder even harder. What if what the woman is getting at, is that the seagulls like being in the river right now, but we humans don’t. People need to stay dry and warm, or else they don’t survive. What if he is not as lost and confused as he thinks he is, and what if the responsibilities of working, keeping up with bills, adhering to a set schedule, and dealing with other people, are getting to him, and choosing this path that led him through the park is all he actually needed. After all, he is thinking this is exactly what he wanted to do; to get away from the traffic and the crowds, and to find a peaceful place near nature to relax. He is hoping to gain some perspective while finding some much needed alone time. Right now he has dry clothing which means he is warm, he has a roof over his head, and there's food in his fridge, so maybe things aren’t so confusing and maybe he isn’t so lost. Maybe there is something inside of himself he needs to confront, more than anything in the outside world. Maybe that’s why he ended up on this park pathway in the first place. What is it that he really wants to pursue; not because that’s what he’s been told to do, or because he’s acting out of selfishness, but because it feels right. Ben wonders what his true goals in life actually are.

As Ben begins to understand his frustrations, he starts to confront himself. He enjoys stories. He enjoys movies, and music, and books; all tools that help to tell a good story. He is creative, imaginative, but at the same time humbled and down-to-earth. Ben wants to explore his creativity, everything and anything, and he wants to do it fearlessly. But fearlessly means being ready to deal with and endure fear, as it will always show up while it can, and it will tower over you and stare through you and back again. A person can be fearless, only meaning they can be ready to confront fear. Ben hopes he can, as the fear is as real as the old woman, the dog, or the river. Ben himself does not realize it at this very moment, but fear has been watching this whole time. Ben sits down on a park bench, pondering the idea of fear and when it has shown up in his life, when a tall, dark figure appears behind him. This figure, that is transparent yet pitch black, stands ten feet into the air and seems to be focused down on Ben. Before he can turn back to look and experience this entity, it is carried off with a gust of wind as if it never existed. The wind starts to blow hard, and Ben feels uneasy as he continues on his way.

After work the next day, Ben goes for a walk and returns to a place from his past. He has been around the neighbourhood many times, as he lives in the general area, but he has not been back to this worn-down, red brick apartment building for years. Ben feels a sense of excitement. He gets a sense of the same feelings he used to get when he was renting there, years ago. Although there are not many good memories and feelings associated with his time there, for awhile it was the place he called home, and he now feels proud that he completed his stay and moved on. Ben continues down the street and towards an entrance to a scenic pathway. He gets to this pathway, which begins with a lengthy set of steep stairs which lead down and into a park. The stairs are completely made of stone and are showing the signs of decades of use. Ben walks about halfway down the staircase, then turning onto a pavement path running horizontally through the stairway. The path runs downhill with trees on either side, then into an opening where a large baseball diamond sits. As Ben is making his way down the path, he sees a man talking on his cellphone, sitting along the edge of the field. Ben has been thinking about his goals and aspirations, and the fears that come along with them, yet he never considered the possibility of running into this man in the park. Ben recognizes this man, and as he travels down the path closer to him, Ben is almost certain it is the person he thinks it is; his old landlord from the red brick apartment building. Ben stops, realizing if he goes any further, he will be seen by the landlord. He still has a chance to turn around and get away from being seen, which Ben then does. Quick thinking has been a useful asset in this instance, Ben thinks to himself as he continues. He thinks about fear, and the fears related to his personal life. His goals, aspirations, and ultimately his decision making all seem to be scattered off course, when he feels they should align. Ben thinks about what fear actually is. He feels fear acts as a warning that something bad could happen, so it could be considered a good thing; but also that fear can act as an inhibitor of good things from happening, so it could be considered a bad thing. Ben feels fear can be useful as a warning, which then can help him to prepare for the bad things that could happen, but can also be toxic, and he cannot let it get in the way of him making good things happen. He feels that fear needs to be understood, and to not let it take control of important decisions or actions that need to be made; that fear is acting as a warning, but you shouldn’t go near it, even if you are tempted by it’s attractiveness. He feels fear can completely take over any individual, and if the person manages to avoid getting lost in it, the experience can still leave lasting impressions. Ben realizes he is going very deep into the subject, and he takes notice on how creative he has gotten with this idea of fear. Later on that evening, Ben is sitting at a bus stop at the cities university campus. He notices a row of trees that have been planted in a garden on the sidewalk. As he follows the row with his eyes, tree by tree, his vision is then met by a large sign for campus information which reads “info”. Ben then suddenly realizes, that standing in the space between the last tree in the planted row, and the info sign, is a woman. Or what appears to be a woman. He can’t tell if the person is real or not, as it is dark out and only the light source is coming from an orange street lamp that shines down onto the info sign. As Ben blinks a few times and looks closer, he sees the street lamp is lighting up this ghostly apparition. He looks away past the trees for a few seconds, and then slowly looks back over to see if the woman is still there. He is very afraid at this point, and as he forces himself to look over, she has moved closer towards him; now standing in front of the info sign. Her appearance terrifies him, as he gets the feeling that she is not a living person, but more like a spirit. Ben remembers he doesn’t believe in ghosts and he directs his attention at the ground; anywhere to avoid looking into her haunting gaze. He suddenly feels like he should say something, and as he looks up to engage her, she is gone. He stares forward as the campus information sign struggles to stay still in the suddenly heavy winds. He wonders what it was he just experienced. He gets up from the bus stop bench and he quickly heads towards his home. As he walks down the sidewalk along the dimly lit townhouses and alleyways, his curiosity regarding the apparition remains and it is all he can think about. Even though he was, and still is, terrified of her, he feels he wants to see her again. Ben wonders what is it was he actually saw.

A few days have passed since Ben witnessed the ghostly appearance at the university campus, and that night has been the main focus of his thoughts ever since. He can’t believe the apparition he saw, and how it seemed to be a woman. He thinks to himself about how he wants to see her again; how he wants to make contact with her, and communicate with her. He wonders if it could be possible to witness this same experience for a second time. If he goes back to this spot at the university where he was that night, would she appear there again? Ben finds this woman not only potentially dangerous, but attractive as well. He seems drawn to the apparition of this woman. He knows she was most likely a figment of his imagination, but he finds himself entranced when he thinks about the experience, and he very much so wants to have this experience again. As time goes on, Ben obsesses over wanting to see the apparition, as he can’t seem to let the experience go. There is something about her that he is just drawn to. There are many nights that Ben goes back to the spot at the university and waits, but her ghostly existence does not appear. There are even nights when he is laying in bed trying to sleep before getting up early the next morning for work, that he fantasies that she could somehow become real. Ben thinks about how maybe this apparition is of a woman who actually exists, and she is eventually going to make an appearance in his life, or that maybe this apparition is some sort of a guardian angel. The experience of seeing this woman has a profound psychological effect on Ben. He makes a personal commitment to somehow see her again.

Ben lays awake in bed as he can’t seem to fall sleep; he can’t stop thinking about this ghostly woman. He decides he must see her again and that he must find out who and what she is, feeling passionate about the commitment as if he is pursuing his own survival. Bed gets out of bed, gets dressed, and leaves to go back to the spot at the university where the info sign is; where he had the ghostly encounter. It is very cold outside on this night which is typical of late with spring still struggling to unfold. Ben shivers as he stands at the bus stop near the info sign where he had the experience. The frustration of still not being able to see this woman, combined with having the burning desire to do so, is starting to get to him emotionally as well as psychologically. He has a lot of reasons to be frustrated in his current life situation, and he now starts to feel like it is almost as though this apparition is mocking him, having shown up once and getting his attention, and now leaving him confused and paranoid. In the upcoming weeks, Ben starts to find that his heavily-paranoid emotions are getting the best of him. He feels confused and lost all the time. His desire to stay working for his employer starts to fade, as he begins to loose the ability to focus throughout the day, and he eventually stops going into work. He starts to live off of the small amount of savings he has left, but unfortunately he does not have any other sort of financial support. He soon finds he is starting to get desperate, financially and personally, and that he still struggles with the burning desire to see this mysterious other-worldly woman again.

After only a few months since seeing the apparition, Ben now finds himself walking the streets and staying at one of the cities homeless shelters. The last of the money he had saved has trickled away, and slowly but surely Ben stops taking care of himself; struggling everyday with his own sanity. Whether it was the experience of seeing this apparition, or an undiagnosed mental illness that caused this psychological downward spiral, Ben doesn’t know. What he also fails to realize is that he is slowly starting to lose his grip on reality. Every night he travels to the university and the neighbourhoods that surround it, but he never again has the experience of seeing this unexplained figure. He commits to finding this woman, but what he doesn’t understand is that she is around him all of the time. Ever since he saw her that night, and ever since he started to become obsessed with wanting to see her again, she has been around him. She has been with him, and she has been watching him. Every time he thinks about her, she is around. Every time he struggles with the memory of that experience, she is there. What Ben does not know is that, it is not a she; this thing is not a woman. Ben perceives her as being an attractive woman, but what his eyes are really seeing is a warning, not a friend. What Ben actually sees is danger, masked in a seductive veil. The woman is a representation of Ben’s fears. Her ghostly apparition makes an appearance in his life as soon as his fear’s start to take him over psychologically, and as his fears grow more and more inside of him, the woman remains around him. This spirit did not cause Ben to fall into the depths of fear; the apparition is Ben’s fear. As Ben falls further into madness and isolation, the apparition of the woman is present around him although he cannot see her. Whenever he goes somewhere dangerous, or is around people who are dangerous, or is simply sitting somewhere lost in his own mind, she is around. She is watching him. This woman does not accompany Ben as a friend would; she exists around him as he falls away from reality and eventually becomes lost forever. The apparition of the woman is Ben’s fear; a natural warning that seems to integrate itself specifically for each one of us. Dangerous, seductive, and cunning, it is something that should be appreciated; from a distance.

[brokenfeathered-blog]

ooc. because it’s like 1:30 in the morning i’m gonna write a bunch of meta bullshit under a readmore while i wait for these hiccups to go away

a lot of shit that’s happened to hibiki wasn’t directly caused by the shimada clan but their large influence in hanamura is what ultimately caused most of hibiki’s problems. the only thing the shimada clan has directly caused was hibiki’s mom being arrested and subsequently hibiki herself being arrested. the lost of her eyesight and limbs was caused by a botched mission against a yakuza who was on good terms with the shimadas rather than the shimadas themselves.

hibiki’s insomnia is rooted towards her childhood conditioning rather than the bounty placed over her head recently. due to her conditioning’s conflict with her emotion’s guilt, it has lead to her staying up late at night contemplating her own morals. which has sort of carried on for years and only recently came back due to her growing anxiety over the bounty.

The Network is an online database that has two lists. A list of frequent and new clients and a list of killers. the sub list includes mercenaries, assassins and other services such as drug dealers and weapon dealers. Hibiki can be found on both the Assassin and Mercenary lists. The lists are organized in a way that showcases successes, kill count and amount of clients served. Leaving Hibiki at the top of both her lists which has lead to conflict since some newer assassins have decided to place a bounty over her head to eliminate her from the competition. The owner of The Network is widely unknown but it seems to have strong ties with yakuza.

the yakuza that Hibiki was taken into is called the Hagiwara clan. The clan is most well known for their reigning female oyabun Chiyoko Hagiwara. It occupies most of the northern coast of Japan and is known to circulate red light districts and dwell into arms and drug deals.

kazumi kaseru, hibiki’s twin brother, was not killed when they were children but rather kidnapped. during an operation in hanamura, talon agents stumbled upon the pair of twins and ultimately favored the boy over the girl. so to create less of a scene, they merely kidnapped the boy in his sleep. similar to hibiki’s conditioning, kazumi also went through an obedience conditioning that resulted him in becoming one of the top operatives in talon. however recently had he started question talon’s motives and the organization itself. to counter this, talon has started subtly brainwashing kazumi to believe talon is still a great organization.

contrary to popular belief hibiki’s mother is still alive, albeit living in the japanese countryside and mourning her children every day.

hibiki listens to traditional japanese music due to her slight anxiety and paranoia. the music helps her calm down and put her in a fit state to carry out missions without error. however that does not mean that’s all she listens too. even though loud music tends to disrupt her cybernetic eyes’ functions and give her headaches, she does have electronic music and korean pop on her phone. this is mostly due to that being her music taste when she was a teenager. though that taste never fully wore off. sometimes hibiki can be see practicing k-pop choreography when she’s exceptionally bored in her room.

hibiki is an avid reader and tends to read haiku books or traditional japanese/chinese literature. the only currently day literature she reads is a select few light novels and the manga Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.

despite being traditional in ever sense, hibiki is not above using a gun. in fact, she keeps with her the handgun she was given in her Blackwatch days, if not for it’s sentimentality.

hibiki’s sword is made from little nanobytes, robots the size of cells created by her former yakuza’s hired russian scientist and drug dealer Nero Anarchy. Nero Anarchy, despite making her own drugs, is actually a brilliant scientist who creates all sorts of gadgets and things for the Hagiwara clan to sell on the black market. one of those things is her nanobytes which can replace body cells and rapidly regenerate flesh, bone, and skin if damaged. another useage is to create nearly indestructible weaponry. the nanobytes are able to replicate themselves so even if a body part is chopped off or part of hibiki’s sword is cut, it’d still be able to regenerate to it’s prior state. the reason hibiki herself has not been injected with the nanobytes is during the time the machines were still undergoing testing and hibiki’s sword was one of the first successes to come out of it.

hibiki’s prosthetics and eyes were also created by Nero Anarchy.

specifically how hibiki lost her limbs was due to a violent fire fight. her sword was shot out of her hand, leaving shrapnel from direct hit as well as chunks of flesh ripping away from her hand, being slightly incapacitated, everyone open fired on her. bone shrapnel was found in her forearms and her left leg, being exceptionally damaging to the point of amputation. she was out of the field for months before being entirely healed and fashioned with prosthetics.

her eyes were due to frag shrapnel hitting her eyes during another fire fight

her eyes are connected to her optic nerve, giving her full sight. however the perks to her eyes is they have an acute heat sensor that allows them to detect heat signatures within 20 feet of hibiki. it can also detect machinery. she also has her own acute night vision.

hibiki’s complicated morals are ultimately her undoing. despite being a stone cold killer, after working within blackwatch she has found a new sense of morality in her decisions. leaving her to question all she’s done. however that wasn’t enough to sway her out of mercenary work. however she still takes those chances in the sense that she refused to take out innocent people if she can help it. it’s also why she’s so hesitant around the shimadas. despite blaming them for her undoing, she wants to put her past behind her and atone for her sins.

hibiki doesn’t have a place to call home. she frequently uses her blood money to buy hotel rooms and pay for prosthetic fixes and replacements when needed. she has a small duffle bag she carries that has her weaponry. which includes a katana, her hand gun, smoke bombs, kunai, hexagonal shurikens, and a wakizashi. other contents include food and water for the day, papers with bounties and cash.

hibiki really really wasn’t very social in her blackwatch days, nor her yakuza days. she only knew the members because she had to work with them when she was a teenager. if she didn’t then she’d be in a lot of trouble since all of them were her superiors. in blackwatch however, being amongst people of equal rank, she never really got to know them. if anything, she avoided talking to people if not because of how she was trained but due to her lack of social skills. the only people she remembers from her blackwatch day is of course Gabriel Reyes because he was her superior and Jesse McCree because her was an asshole who everyone knew whether they wanted to or not.

in the recall hibiki is still as anti social but has learned to keep a conversation now. she is more inclined to talk to those who were previously in blackwatch or overwatch rather than new recruits

she’s very very indifferent to omnics. thought she leans more towards despising them then appreciating them. they killed her father in the war, of course she hated them. but she also realizes the efforts of the shambali monastery. though that doesn’t mean she’s above taking omnic hits

hibiki and kazumi’s designs are based off 4 old ocs i had:

hibiki’s design is based off of Jin Arakaki- the female twin sister of Jun Arakaki. the two make up an assassin team called Regalia where they pretend to be the same person so it gives off the illusions that they’re in two places at once. regalia is also the namesake for kazumi’s callsign

however their real namesakes come from Hibiki and Kazumi Do-oto, their olive eyes and orange hair were also element’s in hibiki’s design but i ultimately changed her haircolor to be black to better correlate with her race, keep the monochromatic scheme she had and to draw more similarities to kazumi, though the olive eyes stayed.

[storytellingforsocialchange-blog]

Students Struggle for Education: Storytelling for Social Change

Many times, we are all told that we must obtain a college education if we want to stand a chance in this “real” world. In the “real” world, where our country has an overly populated workforce and where the cost of living is at an increasing high. College students must make sacrifices in order to achieve such accomplishments, sacrifices such as sleep, financial means, quality of life, and well-nourished diets. The proceeding text will describe the stories of several college students and what their life is like on this journey of achieving an education.

Kimberly is a twenty-two-year-old, first-generation Salvadorian American from Southern California and an individual full of motivation and aspirations. She has completed two years of her college education at a local community college and is now currently studying Marketing at San Francisco State University. Prior to moving to San Francisco, Kimberly lived with her father in Los Angeles, California while communicating with her mother on a daily basis who resides in Utah.

Coming from a family of divorce, she was forced to reside with her father as she was able to achieve a better high school education in California as opposed to Utah. She explained that her relationship with her father is challenging at times and her decision to move to San Francisco was partially motivated by the need to create distance between them. She felt as though she had to get far away from him and escape his toxicity which was not only interfering with her education but with her personal life and morale. Her father has shown that his support for her education is limited and conditional therefore Kimberly relies on her mother for the support that is needed.

Kimberly’s everyday life as a college student consists of work, school, and very minor time for herself at all. The primary focus for her is to complete her education in two years in order to enter the workforce and be permanently out of her financial ties with her father. She explains she has to face the social pressure of obtaining a degree as well as the pressure of finally being able to be out of her father’s control once and for all.

Sam is a twenty-three-year-old who is currently a Junior at California State University, Northridge pushing to obtain a degree in Finance. Sam currently works a full-time job at Starbucks and is a full-time transfer student at CSUN. He has unfortunately lost his father in 2015 due to a losing battle with cancer and has been supporting his mother and sister at their home in Tarzana, California. Through this hardship, he has maintained his devotion to completing his degree no matter the obstacle.

Understandably, Sam believes he faces the struggle of uncertainty in this current stage of his life. With a difficult time finding direction, he believes the transition from a community college to a four-year university has not made it any easier for him. He explains that there is a lack of guidance on the campus as he is simply expected to pick up the pace of a university as well as pick up the increase of tuition costs (as opposed to a community college).  

My personal journey towards my advancement in education has been filled with various obstacles and struggles. I am a first-generation American and the first family member from my immediate family and immediate friends to pursue a higher education after high school. I come from a loving family filled with support for my interest to pursue something more for myself. Respectively, their understanding of what it is like to go through the grueling day-to-day basis of school and work is not there and that has been a struggle for me. I realized how much of a disadvantage it was to have people in my life that couldn’t give me the guidance when I decided to pursue a college degree. The lack of guidance coupled with having obligations to work and pay for my schooling the pressure continues to add up. Meeting with individuals from different backgrounds and struggles has relieved me knowing that we are all the same on different paths. The lack of support and resources are real problems that students face, and it does seem at certain moments that the universities don’t take that into account for their students.

With the pressure of universities pushing students to graduate quicker (motivated by maximum revenue intentions) combined with a continuous incline of tuition cost increases; students bear an overwhelming amount of stress far more than how students were 10 years ago. The words affordable and college are rarely ever in the same sentence anymore. Due to this, the bubble of inequality is implemented, as well as the consideration of positionality. Author Dirk Witteveen contests in his article, “Family Background and Earnings Inequality among College Students” that class-related gaps control the selection process, major, and academic performance in our school system.      Said explains the struggle as a college student with his primary difficulties with time management. Caring for his mother alongside with his two older brothers, Said helps support his family by working full-time hours at their family restaurant as well as taking on a full-time schedule at California State University, Northridge. In his words, “As a transfer student, I would like to say that I was relatively healthy with my dieting and exercise prior to transferring but with the added pressure from the university, I have gone days not eating even a single meal in order to complete assignments. My everyday life revolves around what seems like a never-ending rotation of juggling and my quality of life has significantly decreased.”

Similar to many other college students, it is common that the first aspect of one’s routine to be sacrificed is the maintenance of a proper and well-nourished diet. Whether that be consuming poor food groups such as a cup of noodles or fast food due to a lack of financial means or a lack of time to cook homemade meals. A study on eating attitudes and relative correlation with eating disorders done by Dr. Thomas Richardson explaining, “University students have high levels of eating disorder symptoms… a number of studies have shown a relationship between debt and financial difficulties and poor mental in students, however, there has been no research on financial difficulties and risk of eating disorders in this population.”

Anneliese is a recent college graduate from Cal State, Monterey Bay currently waiting to get accepted to Medical School. Anneliese moved away for college during her years at Monterey Bay and explains the hard life lessons she had to learn during the process. She describes that even after Financial Aid’s assistance (with a qualified low-income household) she still had to pay about seventy percent of her tuition and room and board costs. The idea that Financial Aid could assist a student in every portion of living without the need to work a job is becoming more and more impossible and improbable.

Cynthia comes from a family where she is the first to attend any form or kind of higher education. She currently is working towards transferring at Moorpark City College and is expected to transfer in the coming semester. She explains that the primary challenge for her is the lack of classes provided at her current school being that she is now at the finishing end of her class. Cynthia has made multiple attempts to crash her impacted classes in order to transfer and was unsuccessful doing so—this has caused her to fall behind one semester. In her words, “it is amazing to me that the colleges push and push their students to transfer however they only offer a limited number of classes available to their students.

This is understandable when you look at funding from the state level and at the federal level being that the educational sector of funding is the first to be cut.” An article by Jennifer González on The Chronicle of Higher Education states, “California is a case in point. The community-college system there is one of the largest in the country, with 2.6 million students, or nearly 25 percent of enrollment in the sector nationwide. And it is facing severe budget cuts: The state has slashed its appropriations by 13 percent over the last three years. As a result, the California Community Colleges have had to offer fewer courses.”

Alan is a recent transfer student to California State University, Northridge and is currently on his way to obtaining a degree in Accountancy. His desire to pursue his advancement in education was motivated when his mother became ill and still continued to provide for him and his younger brother by working as a maid and housekeeper. When asked to reflect on how this motivation has impacted his mindset he explained, “you know, I definitely wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my mom. She has taught me to push through whatever challenges that come and currently I am currently in the midst of all of those challenges. The greatest difficulty throughout this process is that while I struggle, I am also told that in order to find a job I need to consider internships as soon as possible. It is almost impossible for me to take on a full-time internship that is unpaid as it wouldn’t be realistic for me to leave my paid job that I have currently. With helping my mom pay for rent and paying for my own costs being a student, I am surely confident I am at a disposition.”

Unpaid internships, as resourceful and useful as they are, deem to be unrealistic to modern day times for the working student. The primary basis of people who are able to take on unpaid internships are students coming from more advantageous families leaving students coming from lower-income families to be positioned. A recent study was done in October 2017, “Paid versus Unpaid Internships: Perspectives of Students and Nonprofit Directors” explains the not only the benefits of internships (paid or unpaid) but moreover how less fortunate college students are still willing to take on the added stress and debt in order to achieve such experiences while tackling on their tuition costs.

To reflect, interviewing many of my fellow peers on the same journey as myself has expanded my mind on our similarities, differences, and mindsets towards our struggle to better our education. While we are all going through separate paths, there are direct links and correlation amongst us all with the struggles of this process. Common issues of what is expected of students from the universities seem to be the underlying fact that most students must work if they want to live during their college years. Each and every year our tuition costs continue to increase, and all students are told are to hurry up and finish from their universities. Moreover, the long-term effects of dealing with stress and poor dieting decisions due to college are overlooked by many and we will be the only ones paying for the consequences later on.

Works Cited

Abdul-Alim, Jamaal. “Juggling Act: Many Low-Income Community College Students Struggle with Balancing a Full Course load and Working to Take Care of Financial Responsibilities Outside of School.” Diverse Issues in Higher Education, vol. 33, no. 8, 2016, p. 10.

Capek, Megan; Klein, Jonathan; and Gassman, Julianne (2017) "Paid versus Unpaid Internships: Perspectives of Students and Nonprofit Directors," The International Undergraduate Journal For Service-Learning, Leadership, and Social Change: Vol. 7: Iss. 1, p. 11-20.

Gonzalez, Jennifer. “Education for All? 2-Year Colleges Struggle to Preserve Their Mission.” Chronicle of Higher Education, 2012, p. r.

Richardson, Thomas, et al. “Longitudinal Relationships between Financial Difficulties and Eating Attitudes in Undergraduate Students.” International Journal of Eating Disorders, vol. 48, no. 5, 2015, pp. 517–521.

Witteveen, Dirk, and Paul Attewell. “Family Background and Earnings Inequality among College Graduates.” Social Forces, vol. 95, no. 4, 2017, pp. 1–38.

[bcnn1canada]

Gratitude Is… a Choice, by Daniella Whyte

Most everything we do in life is preceded by a series of choices. The ability to choose is unique to humanity. It is the transformational process of life that effects change and is the only element by which our direction is controlled. Anything worthwhile requires a decision, a choice that we must make in order to progress. For the peaceful person, choices run parallel to actions. If we choose well, more than likely, we will act well and the outcome will be good. If we choose wrongly, we will act wrongly and the outcome will match that choice.

The story is told of a young boy who had been abandoned by his parents. After moving from foster home to foster home an elderly couple took him in when he was twelve-years-old and raised him as their own child. He was fairly good, got into very little trouble, did well in school, and graduated from high school a year early. His adoptive parents put him through college and proudly watched him graduate at the top of his law school class. By twenty-eight, he had his own law firm in New York City, got married, became a father, and was the picture of success.

However, after a series of poor choices, financial mismanagement, and corporate neglect, he filed for bankruptcy at thirty-six years old. He lost nearly everything he had worked so hard for. To go along with his career failure, his wife was ready to file for divorce, and his only child had been diagnosed with leukemia.

One day, he decided to go back home to see his adoptive parents and to bemoan his terrible situation. As he turned the corner to enter the driveway, his father was already standing outside, and instantly knew there was a problem. Later that evening, the bankrupt lawyer complained to his parents that he had lost everything including hope, and he was no longer happy in life. His father asked, ‘weren’t you happy when you had it all?’ The man said, ‘Yes, very much so.’ The father then replied, ‘Well, happiness is a choice. We may not always have stuff, but we can always have happiness if we choose it.’

Gratitude, like happiness, is a choice. We may not always have stuff, but we can always choose to be grateful. It is often easy to focus on what we do not have, what we have lost, or even on what other people have that we wish we had. A heart of gratitude, however, does not focus on what it does not have or on what it perceives it does not have. It does not look at what other people have and wish it were theirs either. Ultimately, the happy person knows that gratitude is a choice, not based on the material things we have or based on the good times we experience. Viktor Frankl said, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

God has given each of us the ability to choose our response to all circumstances. The choice to be grateful is always present before us. In every situation, whether good or bad, we are given the ability to choose how we respond. Choosing to be grateful involves not only our actions, but our reactions to other people and situations. It is easier to base our life on the immediate situation, but it is never better. Many times, we don’t see things work out because our reaction is wrong, our perspective is distorted, and our thoughts are negative instead of positive.

We use just as much energy to respond negatively to difficult situations as we would use if we responded positively. Everybody can be happy when things are wonderful, but it takes a conscious decision to choose happiness in times that are not so favorable. The power we have and the ability we have to choose never changes, therefore, our ability to be grateful should never change. Gratitude is for all times. There are no higher levels of gratitude in good times and lower levels in other times. The choice to be grateful is ours to make each day at all times.

We make choices that correlate with our thought pattern. Most of us, if we are in our right mind, we think rationally and act accordingly. The people who express the most gratitude are those who choose to accept every situation as it is. We find humble peace in knowing that we have more of the good things we want by being thankful for whatever we have. If we choose to think of our situation in positive terms, by finding the good in everything, we will find ourselves choosing to be thankful right where we are, for whom we have in our lives, and what we are doing.

Choice is a powerful tool in the arsenal of humanity. It is a mighty weapon on the battlefield of life. Our survival and success in the world hinges upon the choices we make each and everyday.

Perhaps, we went to an exotic island for three weeks and everything was absolutely perfect – you had money, good food, a beautiful place to stay, and all the amenities you needed at your disposal. Seemingly, when you’re in this wonderful place, you have no problems to solve, conflicts to resolve, bills to pay, or broken relationships to fix. This place is peaceful and you are grateful for the tranquility that calms your soul. Now, let’s say you’re back at home. You don’t necessarily have everything you need. Seemingly, when you’re at home, problems come out of nowhere all the time, the house must be cleaned, children must be dressed each morning and taken to school, bills are high, money is low, life is hectic, and you have to make a mad dash every morning to a job you don’t particularly like. In contrast to the peaceful exotic island we were in a minute ago, this place called home is noisy and dysfunctional and you are not particularly happy or grateful.

Was it the place that made you happy and grateful or was it your state of mind in the place that determined this for you? The choices we make change when our thoughts change. Perhaps, the peaceful, happy, grateful person on the exotic island could be the same peaceful, happy, grateful person in the noisy, busy house. The choice to be grateful is not based on location or situation, instead, it’s based on our minds and how we choose to think about our location or our situation. If we choose to embody gratitude it does not matter whether our situation is good or bad. We can make the choice to make a right decision in a bad situation.

Sometimes, we fail to choose gratitude. Oftentimes, our situations are not ideal. We may think others have it better than we do. In truth, that’s not the case, but we think it is. Getting more stuff or going more places will never make us grateful, just like those things can never make us happy. When we fail to choose gratitude, we forfeit the life of joy and peace that is available to all of us. This is the life God has created for us to live. If we don’t choose gratitude, we will, by default, choose ingratitude. We can be as grateful as we make up our minds to be.

The story is told of a man who gave his two sons each a bucket of sand that contained small iron pieces. After sifting their hands through the sand for a while, one boy began to complain that he wasn’t finding anything. The other boy, however, ran off and found a square magnet. When he returned, he began to drag the magnet through the sand and the small iron pieces attached themselves to it. While the little boy who complained found nothing at all, the little boy with the magnet found more than he needed.

You see, there is a mighty difference between grumbling and gratitude. When we choose to grumble and complain, we forfeit blessings that would otherwise come our way. We distance the many good things and sometimes, even good people, that could come into our lives because we choose grumbling over gratitude. When we choose gratitude, however, not only do we find blessings, but strangely, blessings find us.

As the story shows, we can be murmurers or we can be magnets. We can choose to look at the bright side or the dark side of every situation. If we sift through the sand of life, complaining that we can’t find anything or we can’t do anything, then we will get exactly what the first boy got — nothing. But if we choose to be grateful for the sand we have in life, we will find a way to get those iron pieces. We will not only find blessings as the second boy did, but blessings will find us. Often when we’re not looking for something, our gratitude for everything we already have will bring blessings in our direction.

The Bible tells the story of Paul and Silas in Acts 16:16-34. Paul and Silas were preaching the Gospel of Christ in Philippi, but some of the government leaders did not like it, and so they threw them in prison. Now, most of us, if we are honest, would admit that if we were thrown into prison for no fault of our own, we would be upset, angry, grumbling and complaining before we even arrived at the prison. The book of Acts tells us, however, that Paul and Silas did none of these things. Sure, in their human mind, they knew they were innocent and perhaps, were disappointed that their plans were interrupted. But they did not grumble or complain about their current unfortunate state.

Do you know what they did? They chose to express gratitude. They began to sing and praise God. Acts 16:25 says, “About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them.” Their attitude was one of gratefulness, not because they wanted to be in that situation, but because they chose to be content in whatever state they were in. They chose to put their minds outside of their jail cells and above their present predicament. What they were going through did not determine their level of gratitude or contentment.

No matter where we find ourselves or what situation we are in, we can make the choice to be grateful. The more we are grateful for our situation as it is, the faster the door will open for our situation to get better. Acts 16:26 says, “Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.” Paul and Silas were freed not because they fought for it, but because they made a decision to praise God in the good times and in the bad times. Gratitude opens up opportunities for good things to come into our lives.

The more appreciative we are of our place in life, the money we have, the house we live in, the job we have right now, at this very moment, the more we are able to walk on the pathway to real abundance and joy. Our life is dictated by the choices we make. We create the life we want to live by our daily decisions. Gratitude does not come automatically, it must be a conscious decision. We have to purposely express thankfulness for the sunshine and the rain, the good and the bad, the big and the small, and everything else in between. We all can appreciate life more if we make a strong decision to show gratitude at every opportunity.

Daniella Whyte is the vice president of GLM Omnimedia Group, LLC. She is an author, blogger, and podcaster. She holds a B.S. in Psychology (minor in Counseling), a B.S. in Religion, a Master’s Degree in Human Services Counseling – Executive Leadership, and a Master’s Degree in Developmental Psychology from Liberty University.

[americafuneral10-blog]

Winter is coming.

Four years ago, my cofounder Tyler’s grandmother passed away. Tasked with the responsibility of planning a funeral in his late twenties, he was lost. Tyler did what anyone who grew up with the Internet would do: he used it to solve his new problem. He tried to find a funeral home online.

He expected the transparency and convenience he’d grown accustomed to in all aspects of his life. It shocked and confused him this wasn’t the case with the funeral industry. He couldn’t make a confident funeral decision online. What should have taken him a few hours ended up taking him a week. That’s when we started Parting to help the Internet Generation navigate the funeral industry.

Over the last three years, we’ve partnered with forward-thinking funeral homes and helped them adapt to the changes they’re seeing in the market. We’ve found customers online for thousands of funeral homes with Parting.com. Hundreds are using Parting Pro, our case management software, to convert price shoppers and sell cremations online. Immersed in the industry, we discovered a larger purpose. We’re preparing our funeral home partners for the impending onslaught of the Internet Generation.

Your funeral home should also see the paradigm shift on the horizon. Transforming the way you do business is necessary for survival. Start preparing. You’ll dominate your competition when the Internet Generation changes everything.

The Internet Generation is coming.

When Match.com first launched in 1995, users met by exchanging messages and photos via e-mail. Within six months, 100,000 young singles registered to meet strangers on the Internet. Still stigmatized by society as “desperate,” by 2006 16 million young Americans had met a stranger on a dating website. Today, it is a social norm, with 40 million Americans currently using online dating apps to meet an online stranger.

If you follow the lives of our young online daters from 2006, you’ll find a wake of destruction. When the Internet Generation faces a life problem, they use the Internet to solve it. Whether it’s planning a wedding, buying a house, or having kids. Every industry they’ve touched has been completely disrupted. Businesses who’ve embraced the radical shift in consumer behavior have done well. Those who weren’t able to adapt are no longer around.

Today, our innovative online daters are now in their 30’s and 40’s. They’re worrying about finding caretakers for their aging parents and grandparents. Consumer preferences of the Internet Generation are now transforming the elderly care industry. Tomorrow, it’ll be the funeral industry.

Neither RedBox nor Netflix are even on the radar screen in terms of competition.

— Blockbuster CEO, 2008

The Shift to “Virtual” Real Estate.

How the Internet Generation will change where you market your funeral home. Real estate was a crucial factor of the successful traditional retail model. A prime location in the community was critical for traditional funeral homes. Potential customers would drive by everyday and would remember where to go if they suddenly had a need. Physical billboards accomplished the same. Strong relationships within the community were the foundation of their businesses. Without additional information, potential customers had to trust word-of-mouth referrals from local churches and hospices.

How and where you get your new customers is the first aspect that needs to change. Real estate is still critical but physical locations are not as relevant. Establishing prime virtual locations is the key to beating the competition.

You’re already seeing indications of the oncoming change. You’ve built your website. You’re paying for Google Ads. You’re investing in Yelp. Congratulations on taking the first steps in adapting to the Internet Generation. It’s important to stay ahead of the curve and continue on this path. The goal is to be the first funeral home a potential customer sees anytime and anywhere they look online.

Google Searches on the term “funeral home” from 2004-2017

First Impressions Now Begin Online.

How the Internet Generation will change how you interact with potential customers. Traditional funeral homes prided themselves in their ability to build trust. In-person, they knew how to make a great first impression and close the sale.

With the coming shift in consumer behavior, you no longer have the luxury of making your first impression in-person. The Internet Generation makes buying decisions based on information available online. They filter out a majority of their options before ever trying to talk to someone — picking up the phone and talking to a live person is the last resort. The average time someone spends on a webpage is fifteen seconds. So ensure they can collect the information necessary to choose your funeral home within that time. If not, they’ll discard your business as a potential option.

First impressions are now made online. Build trust by having a high-quality web presence that communicates transparency. Here are a few questions you’ll need answer with your web presence if you want to be considered as an option:

Are you trustworthy? You should be easy to find with a simple online search. Your website should be high quality and modern. The photographs of your funeral home should be high resolution, well-lit, and beautiful. There should be plenty of people that have tried your services and given you great reviews.

Do the services you offer fit their requirements and needs? You should explain the services you offer in a way so someone who has never arranged a funeral can understand. Communicate the value proposition of each of your services. You should state why someone should choose a service based on a need. Don’t list a menu of options filled with industry jargon. Be transparent about what your services cost.

What should your potential customers do next? Your website visitors should be able to ask questions and get answers immediately without calling you. Your website should have obvious and clear next steps instructions. Instead of forcing your customers to fit into the way you want to do business, offer them the consumer options they prefer. You should have an online buying option if a customer does not want to see or talk to anyone.

The Challenges and Opportunities of Rising Cremation Rates.

How the Internet Generation will change your service offerings. In 2016, 50.2% of Americans chose cremation over burial. By 2035, NFDA projects the rate of cremation to reach 78.8%. Over the next eight years, cremation rates will likely exceed 50 percent in 44 states, up from 16 states in 2010.

Communities that are embracing cremation have “roaming” tendencies. Attributes correlated with these communities include:

Higher incomes

Lower home ownership but higher home values

Higher education levels

More immigrant populations

These are urban, metropolitan areas that are very attractive to the Internet Generation.

For every industry the Internet Generation has forced themselves upon, they’ve faced the same challenges the funeral industry is going through today. Expectations of transparency and convenience pushed the commoditization of their industry’s products and services. Disposition is becoming a commodity in the eyes of the Internet Generation. Many of our funeral homes meet this challenge by offering a low cost direct cremation brand. This market will only grow.

Yet, the shift in consumer preferences also presents a massive opportunity. The wedding industry is a perfect example of these preferences. In a social media-driven world, the fundamental drivers for consumption change. Unique experiences that can build their personal online brand compel them to spend. Gone are the days where wedding planners could operate as wedding service providers with cookie-cutter packages. Internet Generation weddings have evolved into Instagram competitions. There’s an inherent need to one-up each other. Today’s wedding planners now work to ensure that every aspect of a wedding reflects the unique traits of the bride and groom. That every frame of the wedding is special, exclusive, and photogenic. From hipster food trucks, to punny wedding hashtags, to fanatical themes, to artisan snack bars — everything is deliberately constructed for the Instagram likes.

Like weddings, the Internet Generation doesn’t want cookie-cutter funeral services offered to everyone else. Instead, they would rather spend a fortune on unique celebration-of-life events. They want to show how special their loved ones were through the lens of social media.

Your funeral home must stop thinking of itself as a service provider. Instead, you are a consultant that delivers on tailored celebration-of-life experiences. The Internet Generation must think of you as an event planner who honors their loved one in the way that they need. They will take care of your marketing for you by sharing your events with everyone they know. Potential customers will find you through social media. If done right, the viral marketing cycle can repeat and fuel itself.

Operational Efficiency Means More Business.

How the Internet Generation will change the way you manage your operations. When an industry shifts to digital marketing, how their businesses operate must also transform. Acquiring prime virtual real estate on Google, Facebook, and Yelp is a vicious competition. Online destinations monetize their users and maximize revenue by creating bidding wars between competing businesses. Those that can pay more get preferential treatment and receive more potential customers.

The transition to digital marketing gives businesses clarity into their entire operations. Businesses can now track how much each customer costs and where they come from. By focusing on converting a potential family to a happy customer more efficiently, businesses are spending less money on their operations. Since each customer now returns a higher profit, they can bid more to acquire a new one. They can outspend their unsophisticated competitors while still turning a healthy profit.

Businesses who don’t adapt cannot not stay profitable in the digital bidding war. Those that lack the profitability to compete in the new digital world are left behind.

Your funeral home must leverage technology to capitalize on the exciting opportunities ahead. Know where and how much you’re paying for each lead. Use software to track your conversion rates between each step to get to a happy customer. The faster you convert a lead into a paying customer, the more revenue you generate per lead. The more revenue you generate, the more you can spend on acquiring customers. In no time, you’ll fuel a growth machine that leaves your competitors in the dust.

If you can’t measure it, you can’t improve it. Start measuring today to prepare for tomorrow.

Will Chang is a cofounder of Parting Pro and Parting.com.

Winter is coming. published first on YouTube