#I can still go to the grocery store and because
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living lies and compromise
(8b spec) (buddie) (879 words) spoilers for 8x08! set a few days after eddie returns from texas and i still managed to make it angsty :) i bet you'll never guess what band i stole the title from
The knock on Buckās door isnāt entirely unexpected. He doesnāt know what to do with it, though, doesnāt know how to exist in this strange liminal space where Eddieās back but everything is still different.
A few months ago, Eddie wouldāve used his key and walked straight in. A few months ago, Buck wouldāve welcomed him with open arms. As it stands, he hesitates. Just for a moment, butā
Itās been a long time since Buck was hesitant with Eddie. He hates it.
He opens the door, and the smile he greets Eddie with feels brittle and fake.
āHey, man,ā Buck says, trying trying trying to make it come out right. He hears it, thoughāit doesnāt sound the same.
āHey,ā Eddie replies. He hoists a six pack in the air, and if Buck squints he can almost pretend this is exactly what it used to be. That theyāre what they used to be.
āComeācome in,ā Buck invites. He canāt remember the last time either of them waited for permission like this.
Eddie swallows visibly and steps into the loft for the first time sinceāgod, heās not actually sure. Right after Halloween, maybe?
āThanks,ā Eddie says. He drops the beer on the counter but makes no move to grab one.
Silence stretches between them. Itās not uncomfortable, necessarily, but itās also not the kind that falls when everything that needs to be said is out in the open and everything left can wait.
āI thought youād be happy to see me,ā Eddie says finally, achingly quiet.
Buck shakes his head. āI am, of course Iām happy to see you,ā he says.
āPlease donāt do that.ā Eddieās eyes are wide and sincere, and if Buckās not carefulā
āEddie,ā he says, pleading, āI am, you have no idea.ā
āThen whyā¦ā He gestures vaguely at the space between them. Why the distance? Why the reticence? Why arenāt they falling together the way they always have?
Buck bites his lip and steps into Eddieās space to grab a beer for himself. He retreats, but he doesnāt go far.
He pops the cap off and sighs. āYou left,ā he says simply.
Eddie stumbles back against the counter. āBut I came back,ā he says. āAnd I thought you understood.ā
Buck offers him a sad little smile. āI did. I do. Butācoming back wasnāt the plan.ā
āDid youā¦ not want me to?ā Eddie asks, small and a tiny bit incredulous.
āNo,ā Buck says, watching as Eddieās disbelief turns to hurt. āI didnāt want you to come back. I needed you to.ā
A wounded noise escapes Eddieās lips. āI did,ā he says.
āWhat about next time?ā Buck asks. He wishes he didnāt sound so raw and ragged, but it hardly matters when Eddieās the one listening.
āWhat?ā He breathes, punched out like a cough.
Buck looks over Eddieās shoulder, out the window and into the vague glow of night in Los Angeles. He takes a swig of his beer.
āI need you, Eddie, I stillāthe whole time you were gone it felt likeālike I was missing a limb. And I canātāI canāt keep needing you like this, not if I donāt get to keep you,ā Buck admits. āSo I justā¦ I have to figure out how to stop. But I canāt do that when youāre here.ā
āDonāt,ā Eddie says desperately. āPlease donāt. Iām here, okay? Iām not going anywhere. You have me.ā
āIām not sure I know how to survive believing that again,ā Buck replies.
Eddie takes a step forward, close enough now that Buck can feel his breath ghosting across his skin.
āLook at me?ā he asks.
Buckās never been able to deny him much of anything.
āI kept looking for you. Iād see something funny and Iād turn, because I wanted to see your reaction. The front door would open, and I kept thinking you were going to be the one to walk through it. Hell, every time I went to the grocery store I wanted to call you to make sure everything we needed was on the list.ā
āEddie,ā Buck breathes.
His hand drifts toward Buckās shoulder, just like it always seems to, but this time it doesnāt stop. Eddie reaches until his fingers are resting against Buckās neck and his thumb is slowly sweeping across his jaw.
āYou need me?ā he asks.
Buck nods.
āGood,ā Eddie says in a rush of air. āBecause I need you too, okay? So please donāt stop, please donāt pull away. Iām sorry I didnāt ask you to come with me.ā
āIām sorry I didnāt ask you to stay.ā
Eddieās shoulders slump. He takes the last step forward and pulls Buck into a tight hug.
Thereās this thing Buckās been trying not to look at. Itās been growing in size, taking up more and more of his field of vision since the moment Eddie left for Texas. Itās been fuzzy and hard to discern, difficult to ignore but easy to avoid putting a name to. As he melts into Eddieās arms, though, everything comes into sharp relief.
Itās need. Itās want. Itās love.
And the thing is, Buck knows how this goes. But what the hell? Itāll be a privilege, getting his heart broken by Eddie Diaz.
He clings a little tighter.
#you know when you have something important to do but you decide to write an angsty little spec fic instead? yeah#buddiefic#buddie fic#911fic#911 fic#911#buddie#fic#abbie writes#911 spoilers
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It's fine; you just have to understand that friendships between people in different age groups don't and can't necessarily work the same as friendships between people in the same age group.
I'm not even kidding when I say that when I was a kid/teenager two of my best friends were the grocery bagger at my local supermarket, Mr. David, who was in his mid 50s, and Mr. Theodore, an usher at my church, who was in his mid 70s. I was bullied and ostracized in my own age group, so I didn't have a lot of friends my own age. But I saw these two old guys a couple times a week. Mr. David had met my mom when she was pregnant with me so he'd been around my whole life and watched me grow. And we'd been going to the church where Mr. Theodore was an usher and since I was 3 years old.
And the thing was, it wasn't a friendship where I could invite these old guys over for sleepovers or to play tag or to watch SpongeBob, and they didn't talk about politics or playing golf or retirement plans with me. But when I saw them, I'd get a great big bear hug and a "how ya doin, kiddo?" They'd ask me how school was and I'd ask them how things were at the grocery store or the church. They'd ask me how my siblings were doing, and I'd ask Mr. David about his nieces and Mr. Theodore about his grandkids. I had a secret handshake with both of them (that now that I think about it might've been the same handshake for both of them but they didn't know each other so it was fine). We'd tell each other jokes. We'd make promises to see each other again when my parents eventually dragged me off to the next errand or sunday school class.
And those were good friendships! Not every good friendship has to include tons of quality time and numerous shared interests. I'm sure tons of us have friends now, even in our own age group, where we text them or see them once every six months, catch up for a few hours, and then we don't hear from them from a long time, and that's just how the cycle goes, but you still consider that spotty cycle a friendship!
And I'll also say: I'll never forget how devastated I was when I found out Mr. David had died in an accident. I remember going to the grocery store when I was 13 and asking a manager where he was because I hadn't seen him for a while, and the manager pulled my mom and I aside and said "Sweetie I'm so sorry. I know you and Mr. David were very close, but he died in a car accident three weeks ago." That was the first major death in my life. I'll never forget how furious I was when I told teachers and therapists that my best friend had died in an accident, and when I explained that my best friend had been an "old" man named Mr. David, I was told children couldn't be best friends with old men. I still tell people to this day that Mr. David was my first best friend.
I know now that there are definitely more fulfilling ways to have friendships than the friendships I had with Mr. David and Mr. Theodore (Mr. Theodore is still alive to my knowledge, I just don't live in that state anymore), but I don't regret the friendships I had with them at all, in fact I'm very very grateful for them.
My mom was constantly stressed but very much doing her best to raise me and my 3 siblings, and my dad was around but he was an abusive piece of shit. I'd had a boatload of disrespectful and downright demeaning therapists, and 9 times out of 10 the teachers I had either brushed me off entirely or loved me right up until they didn't. Suffice to say my view of adulthood was pretty shitty.
But these two old guys were there to remind me adults can be kind, to kids and adults and everyone in between! And adults can be silly! And adults can hug people just because they're happy to see them. And adults can have fun. And adults can love- their parents, their children, their spouses, their neighbors, their coworkers, their friends, a stranger walking by who just needs a smile.
Think about all the lessons kids and teens could learn from adult friends.
We ask your questions so you donāt have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
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Think of a scenario that could be improved by being very pregnant~
of course thereās the classics like driving or going to a restaurant but a scenario i love thinking about that would be amazing to do while very pregnant is grocery shopping as silly as it sounds
i like to imagine myself my twins. gotta go to the grocery store weekly which means regulars who come the same time and day I do and the same employees get to see me get more and more pregnant each week. and because itās twins, iām getting big quickly. at first no one would notice anything of course. the small curve of my previously flat tummy is easily hidden by my shirts, barely pressing into my pants yet. just my little secret.
but every week starting after the day my pants stop buttoning though? oh thatās when the changes really start. as my tummy starts to really round out and become a proper belly i notice things. i notice how itās getting harder to reach for things on top shelves without my belly getting in the way. the day i stretch to try and grab a can, my belly knocks over a bunch of products on one of the lower shelves and i am so embarrassed and lean i have to reach sideways now to not risk that happening again.
i think about me, standing in an aisle trying to find something and rubbing my belly as I do so. hand resting on the curve of it as i peer over my choices. maybe iām looking at something iām craving, not on the list but im sooooo hungry. the babies do nothing but kick me and demand me to eat it feels like. and by the way my thighs stretch my maternity pants and my new love handles, you can tell how all those cravings have been adding up.
all the walking i do up and down the aisles is when i start to notice im beginning to waddle a bit. my belly getting so big and heavy on my widening hips. i can feel how the added baby weight makes my ass and thighs jiggle as i move in a way theyāve never done before. itās clear from my cart that gets more and more items for all my cravings how i got those soft new curves and as the babies get heavier, the harder it is to try and complete my grocery trip. the babies that my partner did such a good job fucking into me take after them in size which means they are biiiiig. and theyāre only getting bigger from that point on. they sit heavy against my pelvis, and curve my back so much that it makes me groan.
the space between me and the cart too is nearly non existent at this point too, it just swells so much in front of me that i fear what iāll do if i canāt reach past it. before i got pregnant i used to always use self checkout, but thatās nearly impossible for me now, trying to maneuver all those items by myself is too exhausting. so instead i squeeze me and my wide hips into a register line. i try and not just how much my hips have grown and spread but itās hard to when i see how much they fill the small space. i pray i donāt get stuck by the end of this pregnancy, but by how these babies are growing, i better not test my luck.
the cashier would smile at me and like many of the customers iāve passed, theyād ask me when i was due because it had to be soon right? i tell them i still got three months left and itās big twins and i see the shock on their face because im just so gravid.
still by my due date, iām still attempting those trips. my partner helps me though because i have to have one hand holding the underside of my baby filled belly and one supporting my poor back. no way to man a cart groaning as i make my slow way beside them and panting but smiling all the same. my clothes barely fit too, belly hanging out and ass near bursting through the seams of my pants. customers and employees stare at me as we pass, wondering how could be just so big and fertile. wondering why i would still be up and moving when itās obvious how uncomfortable i am. and theyāre right, i am but god it feels so good still being this pregnant and out.
and as we walk and chat about the babies and what to eat for dinner, i lovingly rub my belly thinking about how iām so excited to do this all over again
#ftmpreg#nbpreg#wg#tmpreg#preg kink#pluto writes#i could probably write so much more but iām eepy#grocery shopping is just a fun thing to think about doing while pregnant#anything with just a big awkward belly is made more fun#asks#this was such a fun prompt too thank yooouuu <3
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How the batboys would react to shopping!
Quick A/N: Thank you for all of the support! I appreciate every single one of you!! I have also added Duke just send an ask if youād like him to also be included in my previous posts and Iāll make it happen.
Dick Grayson
You would both spend an equal amount doing shopping for yourselves. This means youād also help Dick with his shopping too.
Dick would make no secret of trying to find clothes that match the ones you just bought- heāll hold up your new dress to a jacket in the store, to check the shades of colour are the same.
Youād most likely spend a long time at the shopping centre if you both love shopping. However if you arenāt the biggest fan of shopping then youād still spend a fair amount of time shopping, just because Dick likes it so much.
Dick is one of the best men to go shopping with opinion wise. He gives the best advice and slowly steers you away from the less than attractive pieces of clothing. Youāll find you have plenty of fully planned outfits by the end of the trip.
The time youād go shopping is the morning- Dick would make an entire day out of the spree, which means youād wrap it up between late noon or evening time.
Jason Todd
Unless youāre shopping for something Jason has an interest in, like books, he wonāt be contented following you around like a guard dog. So youād have to be sneakier with planning your shopping trips.
Youād have to ease him into the day gently by shopping for books and then going to a shop youād want to go to. Then youād have a meal and continue shopping, ensuring you drop in shops youāll know he wants to go to so he doesnāt get bored.
Your plan works, but Jason gets wise and realises. He pretends not to notice, because he adores the fact that youāre not selfish. You make the day fun for him as well and act on what he wants to do.
The shopping day would most likely begin at noon, because Jasonās tired from patrol the night beforehand and has slept in.
If you tell him how excited you are about the trip though, heāll make the extra effort to get up earlier and show heās more enthusiastic.
Tim Drake
Timās not afraid to spend money on you and frequently youāll find you donāt even need to go shopping. Since as soon as you mention one little thing you need, itāll be right in your hands. He isnāt wrapped around your little finger though, but he wants to communicate to you that he listens to what you say.
Timās more of a business now, fun later type of man, youāll go past shops that perhaps arenāt the highest on your hit list and heāll grill you to make sure you donāt need anything from them. This leads to you going grocery shopping during your shopping trips.
Heāll hold some of your bags for you though, but only if you really need him too. Heās a firm believer that if he didnāt buy it, he shouldnāt have to deal with it.
The shopping trip is usually in the evening time, since he likes to do them after work. Nevertheless heāll try and be sneaky occasionally by taking you earlier (this is when you end up going grocery shopping).
Damian Wayne
Damian genuinely doesnāt want to go. Heāll tell you to just go with your friends instead. So youāll have to be cunning to try and inadvertently get him to agree to go shopping with you.
After a date youāll make sure you walk a specific way past a store you want to go to. When you mention it Damian begrudgingly takes you, because it would be counterintuitive not to take you when you were so close to the store.
You two go to stores sparingly, itās not something Damian finds necessary- the internet can be just as useful for shopping in his mind. Although you do argue that you canāt try clothes on- which circles back to the ājust go with you friendsā solution.
Duke Thomas
Duke absolutely loves going shopping with you. He enjoys walking with you and going window shopping. Sometimes the pair of you will go on impromptu shopping sprees just because you saw something you liked in a window.
Your shopping days are well planned out and heāll be more than happy to take the day off patrol just to be with you- instead heāll go patrolling in the night.
Duke loves dragging you around various shops and explaining all his interests in intricate details. Heāll have a massive smile on his face the whole time, as he holds up various things to you and explains their relevance.
Duke is more than happy to wait outside changing rooms for you, no matter how long it takes. Heāll try and be nice about all the clothes you show him- if he doesnāt like any heāll ask you nicely why you want it.
#dick grayson headcanon#dick grayson x reader#jason todd x reader#jason todd headcanon#damian wayne headcanon#damian wayne x reader#tim drake x reader#tim drake headcanon#duke thomas x reader#duke thomas headcanon
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Also preserved in our archive
As weāre facing the next COVID surge (brought on by holiday travel), I thought I might try a different kind of COVID post. You can skip to here for some easy to do tips and tricks you might have missed, or you can read down for my discussion of why this is important.
I have recently been writing and thinking a lot about why so many of my friends and familyās actions on COVID are so different from mine. Namely why so many people I know no longer seem very interested in either preventing themselves from being sick or, importantly, not spreading sickness to anyone else.
In my own case, the experience of staying home to stop the spread in 2020 forced me to strongly reconsider my behavior up to that point. Why had I ever thought it was OK to go to work or ride the subway with the flu, unmasked and taking no precautions, knowing that the flu certainly hospitalizes and kills people each year? Even if the flu was no big deal for my body, my behavior had limited other peopleāparticularly disabled peopleāfrom comfortably being in public during flu season. I had knowingly spread around an illness. I radically reconsidered a lot of my behavior, and in particular, 2020 pushed me to focus more specifically on disability justice in my activism. A disability justice framework pushes us beyond thinking about individual access to consider how ableism limits us all from liberation.
Getting back to why this reconsideration didnāt happen on a mass level, understanding disability justice also means understanding that ableism is the current social order. And if itās the order of the day, like other oppressive ideologies, that means we are all drenched in it and it is impossible to avoid ever doing something ableist. Furthermore, most people are going to act in ableist ways, most of the time. None of this are exempt from this, but not even trying is definitely worse!
I am also well aware that good COVID information is hard to come by, especially if you are not on the regular lookout for it. And if you do go looking for it, it can quickly get overwhelming. So Iād like to offer here a very short, distilled list of things people might have missed since 2020. (Iāve not taken the time to track down citations for all of these things; youāll have to trust me that I got them from trustworthy sources or you can verify on your own. Iām happy to give more info on any of these too.)
Some of these things are easy enough to do. Iām offering this list because from a āstop the spreadā mindset, each specific thing you do is helpful. This list is not meant to be comprehensive, and itās hopefully not overwhelming. You donāt have to be perfect or avoid COVID 100% of the time or make this part of your identity, but Iād like to ask everyone reading this to take one step up in your mitigations for the holiday season, since this is reliably a time with huge increases in virus transmission. With around a thousand people still dying every week from COVID in the US, you donāt know whose life you may save by being a little more careful.
Masking This is the biggest bang for your buck, precaution-wise. If itās hard for you to mask all the time in public, consider masking in places that disabled people really canāt avoid, like the pharmacy, the grocery store, and on public transportation.
Iād also suggest that if masks are uncomfortable, try different kinds of masks! The Aura is my favorite mask ā itās tight to my face so my glasses donāt fog and head straps donāt hurt my ears like ear straps do. Wellbefore sells masks in different sizes and colors, and Armbrust has sampler packs. Just try a bunch and see what works for you!
Finally, know that if at all possible, you should wear an N95 or KN95 mask. This is a change since spring 2020 because the current variants of COVID are more contagious.
Mouthwash Washing your mouth out with a mouthwash containing CPC (cetylpyridinium chloride) before or after seeing people, or just regularly, will kill some of the virus in your mouth and keep you below the threshold to get sick and/or shed the virus to others. This is a really easy one; CVS brand mouthwash has CPC.
Sip mask These valves will allow you to drink without breaking the seal of your mask. This is great for airplane travel, crowded conferences, or other risky spaces that you need to be in for an extended amount of time.
Airplane The most dangerous time on an airplane from a virus transmission standpoint is the time sitting on the runway (because of the way they circulate and filter the air onboard). Even if you donāt mask up during the flight, this is the best time to mask. (And if you do mask, this is the worst time to have a snack or drink ā try to keep your mask on for all of this period.)
Space out risky or crowded events Donāt go to a wedding and a concert in the same weekend! Illness takes 3-5 days to develop after exposure, so give yourself time to know if you got sick from the last thing before potentially spreading that to the next thing.
Air purifiers work! This is a great one for places that you canāt avoid, like school, work, or daycare. You can make your own Corsi-Rosenthal box, but thereās also a variety of high quality air purifiers you can get for $70-100. You want to make sure it has a HEPA or Merv13+ filter on it, and check how quickly it changes out the air in a room. Since COVID is airborne, there can be COVID in a space even after the person has left it. Setting up air purifiers and/or opening windows until enough air has circulated before you remove your mask is a great way to make a space COVID safer
Test before going to events, even if you donāt feel sick Rapid tests (the kind youāre used to getting from the government and at the drug store) False negatives from these are rampant but a positive test reliably means you have COVID. The accuracy of these tests also increases a LOT if you take two of them 48 hours apart.
Better home tests are now available Metrix and Pluslife are both testers you can buy that offer a similar level of accuracy to a PCR test (that is, very accurate!). These devices are expensive, but so is another COVID infection: think of the missed work, cost of Paxlovid, and potential for Long COVID to keep you down even longer.
Itās a good idea to get an updated vaccine 2x a year too; like the flu shot, these vaccines are updated to try to fend off the particular variants that are circling. Be mindful though that vaccination will not necessarily stop transmission, especially of asymptomatic cases. Handwashing is also good for general prevention, but it doesnāt really stop COVID transmission. In the early days of COVID, researchers guessed that it was spread by physical droplets. Thatās why we were instructed to wash our hands and groceries. But now we know that COVID is airborne; it spreads more like cigarette smoke than spit!
Of course, no single thing works perfectly. The best model is still the Swiss cheese model, but that also means each thing you do helps. If youāre reading this, please consider doing *one more thing* to take care of yourselves and others. I love you
#mask up#public health#wear a mask#pandemic#covid#wear a respirator#covid 19#still coviding#coronavirus#sars cov 2
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I wonder if Momo being small will be a saga long plot point or only last till the end of this arc? I was leaning towards the latter at first b/c I figured the author wouldn't want Momo to be out of commission for a long time and the arc directly following her being shrunk was about fairies, but now that the pygmies seem to be a dead end, I'm not so sure. If the first saga was the entire group helping Okarun, and Okarun growing as a person, it would make sense for the second one to be about them helping Momo, and her development. Also, Momo's fighting ability isn't hindered, so she won't be useless plotwise. I could definitely see a bunch of arcs where they follow up on leads about shapeshifting aliens and ghost and such, only to run in to trouble and dead ends, like how looking for Okarun's balls lead them to meet different supernatural phenomena and antagonists and other players were after them as well.
I like both options (I don't really mind that Momo being shrunk down will push back the confession. I think the romance has been really well paced so far, so some dragging now probably won't make me stop liking it), but Momo being small for a long time will mean that she won't be able to act independently for quite a while. Yes, she can definitely still hold her own in fights but she can't like. Go to the grocery store. She needs help eating/drinking, moving around, and because most people can't see her, communicating. She'll also be considered absent from school and she can't go to work or talk to her non paranormal friends or even wear the clothes she likes. Which could be very interesting to explore! Momo having to rely on others much more than she's used to could lead to a lot of fun character interactions and growth. But it might mean that we won't see much of the world outside of the supernatural elements, unlike in the first saga, where we could see the effects of the characters' adventures bleeding into their everyday lives. It also might mean that there will be less chances to show Momo's personality- her confidence, independence, and sense of style.
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Gonna go to St. Vincent (thrift store) tomorrow to see if they have any suitable wheelchairs for super cheap š They often do! I tried calling today today to ask if they had any in, but no one answered the phone either time.
#thereās a good one on Craigslist for $90 but thatās too steep#hoping to find one at a thrift store for under $20 maybe if possible#cos then I could use Tyrellās card for it (she said so)#now that I know I can drive a chair would come#Iām super duper handy so#in*#I can still go to the grocery store and because#some#of my doctors appointments are deep within the labrynth of a hospital that would be difficult to traverse on underarm crutches#it canāt really put my foot down yet and walking with one leg even with crutches is not very safe for me#I keep like falling backwards#I know goodwill does $5 medical equipment rental things but#Iām gonna need it on/off in the future too so#I want one I can keep#tags are being weird and choppy
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So anyway you repeatedly say we only feel corn husks and similar inedible parts to cattle but Never add a source to back it up. Having worked on farms Iām afraid for the most part the feeds Iāve seen have been parts entirely edible to humans. And like fuck man 5% of all grown soy is fed to humans or however the stat goes, do you really think the remaining 95% is inedible? really?
Anyway yeah Iām asking for a source here cause I donāt want to add this on to months old post
Ingredients such as āgrain by-productsā are referring to the husks, stalks, and other āgreenā parts of the plant that we humans donāt actually have the digestive capabilities to eat. The breakdown of most livestock feeds looks like the above when you actually take a look at it.
Different cattle feed, similar ingredients. Still primarily things that, and I have to stress this, you cannot eat. This one is slightly higher in quality and does indeed have actual grain products included. Some of those are edible to humans. Some are not. Generally cattle are fed cattle cubes with supplemental mineral licks and hay. Some also supplement with whole corn, but I can gladly assure you that corn is not in short supply and even if all the corn sold to animal feed was donated to the poor, you canāt actually live off of corn because thereās very little nutrition in it. Hence why in both human and animal food itās typically seen as a filler ingredient. Keeps the mouth busy with a meal without making your stomach feel full and you end up eating more without feeling satisfied.
Soybeans are really only often used in feed for pigs because theyāre a great source of protein for these animals. I would state that soy is also a terrible option to use as an emergency food for humans in need because while, yes, it is indeed a healthy bean, itās also one of the top eight foods that humans are frequently allergic or intolerant towards. Iād also ask you for whether your 5% of all grown soy statistic is referring to the beans or the entire plant because yeah the beans are the edible part. The rest of the plant isn't especially healthy for humans to eat. I would say the beans are around 5% of a mature soy plant sure.
#No offense anon but when you come here with ACTUALLY MOST OF WHAT FARM COWS EAT IS HUMAN FOOD and bring up SOY in the discussion of COWS#I somewhat doubt you actually have much experience farming#because no actually cattle benefit from the green parts of the plant more than the bean parts in most cases#corn is used as a cheap supplemental feed because itās cheap and itās cheap because thereās so so SO much of it#And corn isnāt grown in special livestock only plantations when itās used as feed as opposed to human food either#corn is grown en masse and processed and then sold to various companies which use the corn for various things#if animal feed companies stopped buying corn and that corn was instead bought by human food companies#that doesnāt mean corn would be any more or less accessible to the hungry#because it would go to grocery stores and TV dinner companies and sauce companies and soda companies and so on#and it would still be sold same as always#world hungerTM isnāt caused because people canāt afford corn#corn is dirt cheap and most people can afford it#itās just barely a step above eating sand and you canāt live off of it#Iāve gone a few days only eating corn products because they were cheap#and shocking no one I had no energy and felt just as hungry after each bowl as I had before the last#people cannot survive off of that#giving corn to livestock isnāt taking away any resource of value from humans#sorry it just isnāt
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Okay so once more, I ask of assistance. Not likeā¦ required but Iām not gonna lie, this could improve my life to such a significant degree that Iām asking anyways.
So. I have a lot of disabilities that make it hard to get around, but what Iām asking for is help with getting a bikeā¦ not really, I need a trikeā¦ I know thatās to embarrassing to say as an adult but with my instability I donāt have the ability to keep upright on a bike. I need a trike.
I live in a VERY bike friendly town. Itās small (tho Iām still limited to very small parts of the town because I can only walk for so long and in this heat thatās a very short amount of time) and we actually have dedicated bike lanes here. We even have started construction on multiple bike lanes with center dividers to keep cars out of them, thatās how much this town is friendly to bikes.
And frankly the price isnāt that high either. Like 280$ or so, and I can order one on Amazon (no I cannot buy a trike in this town) and they have them with the giant baskets in the back for groceries and I can get a personal shopping basket for the front of the cart and that would bet. Awesome.
So. Ultimately, I would like a better quality of life and being restricted to a very small part of town because of mobility is kind of sadā¦ I will accept any help you guys wanna give and drop into my PayPal in the bio.
#I canāt go to grocery stores across town or even regularly go to my pharmacy#there are a lot of places I canāt go#because I know itāll take too long to walk there and it might make me sick to try#I want to go shopping with dad#I want to go to the farmers market#I want to go to random town events without planning weeks in advance#only for me to know that if I try Iāll be super sick when I get there#I canāt leave my house because I can only go so far#driving isnāt an option with my nerve tremors either#I went to the store entirely for some meds an a few snacks and it gave me so much anxiety cause I hadnāt planned it#Iāve actually started scheduling my doctors appointments less because I wonāt be able to go as often#Iāve waited till the last day to get my meds and still had to ask dad to get them for me cause it was too much for me#itās tough and i desperately want a live where I can just leave my house#thatās why Iām asking Iām so tired of being stuck in one room all my life
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the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier
#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it#like when i get unfamiliar takeout. half the time i'm like. oh.#i'm going to have to eat all of this. or be judged.#so i just do my best to suppress my gag reflex and Get Through It and then it makes me sick so what was even the point#i think my parents spoiled me. and the most annoying thing is they're significantly better at cooking now than when i was a child#so when i go over i eat three delicious home cooked meals + snacks and they're all different and amazingggg#and then i come back to texas and i am like. googling 'how to feed myself healthy vegetarian'#because I do NOT have the time or money or energy to cook three beautiful delicious meals Just For Me#i think this would be easier with a partner#this whole week i bought a fuckton of mediterranean groceries and i have been making and eating food!!#mediterranean is close enough to indian that i like it well enough#unfortunately for me. i am def going to have to learn how to cook indian food to get through life. because i cannot fucking eat american#i don't know HOW you guys do it i'm so spoiled#i'm assuming meat is this really amazing wonderful thing that just adds flavor to everything#(it is physically repulsive to me and the couple times ive accidentally tasted it it's bleh so i refuse to partake)#i think it's an acquired taste but it magically makes ur food better. that is my understanding of how meat works#cause american vegetarian food is the saddest fucking thing i've ever tasted#i still think about my coworker i was talking to about my food issues and he was like. 'do u understand that you have been given a gift#by having constant access to tasty food your entire life. i ate unseasoned green beans every day of my childhood. learn how to fucking cook#indian food already.' truly a horrific thing to hear. but i'm calling my parents more and going HOW TO COOK VEGETABLE? BEAN? PLEASE HELP??#and by god i am not going to turn into my coworker.#anyways we start with baby steps. lentils and rice it is next week .-. going to the indian store to buy pickles to make it more tolerable#and i have my cabinet full of spices already at least#i wish i was less pickyyy#sometimes lalita cooks indian food for me and i'm like wow. i love and appreciate u for feeding me. but this sure is south indian food#i don't understand How they use spices. it feels like they toss as much of as many bottles as they can into every dish#and it's. the taste is just OW OW OW and nothing else. where's the nuance. the flavor.#and i like it when things are spicy!! i can even eat things where the flavor is just Hot. but not when she cooks it.#she will like watch my face when i take a bite and then go 'if you don't like it i'm throwing away all my pots and running away'#which. honestly a fair reaction. the problem is that i am incapable of lying
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you know what Iāve realized lately? thatās really helped? the axiom: it just doesnāt really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesnāt when youāre talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions āitās not just that they donāt matter in the grand scheme of thingsābecause they do! ābut just. It wonāt make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And youāll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and youāll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and youāll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesnāt make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!
#as Maria once said to me iconically: marry the guy donāt marry the guy#life is hard and it sucks and itās also great and little treats exist#and we have to practice patience and virtue and penance regardless of any other circumstances#and God loves us no matter the path we take#like I just. I am reflecting#you know what also made this click for me recently? the limits that can be reached with doing little things to improve your life#like YES. I need to get some exercise and eat some food that is not totally terrible for me and clean my space#but you know the fuck WHAT#(Iām so sorry for swearing)#it doesnāt !!! actually !!!!! dramatically alter my life if I do one thing or another or in a certain order#I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately)#and itās just like. well. yes you could. and you know what it would keep raining sometimes and my anxiety would still exist#and people would still be irritating and laughter would still be real!#anyway I donāt mean to be dismissive over the ways choices can deeply affect our lives#but when the choices are good and the options are good it just doesnāt matter that much#I also realized this with makeup lol. like I reached the point where I was like I could spend more time and effort and money#to achieve a higher level quality of appearance and literally for WHAT#people would still not pay attention to me in the grocery store (lol)#and they donāt need to!!!!! and itās fine they donāt!!!!!!!#but I just. that voice in my head thatās like if you do X you will experience happiness you have never known#and things will all work out and everyone will be in love you#to that voice I say: well no.#wow this is long but you know what I mean????? it all just sort of matters less in the sense that nothing WE do is going to really#change our lives? I know thatās insane#because people are so insistent that the opposite is true. but like. actually no the most life changing opportunities usually happen#without our control or our scheming or our planning#so of the stuff within our control itās not that big of a deal!! do good avoid evil enjoy your lunch call your mom!!! but thatās all gonna#keep being the same on the other side of so many many different choices we can make#so yeah
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% ŃŠµŠŗŃŠµŃŠ½ŃŠ¹ Š“Š½ŠµŠ²Š½ŠøŠŗ Š»ŠµŠ²Ń ŠŠ Š§ŠŠ¢ŠŠ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!
#like i get kids can be overwhelming for a various amount of reasons but its not going to kill you to treat children with basic human decency#adults can be just as overwhelming or annoyingāif not more. yet if you talked to an another adult the same way you do to a kid#then ppl would fucking hate you and not want to be around you because youre not being cool and wittyāyoure just mean!!!#everyone has experienced the frustration of being a kid being mistreated by an adult. some more than others#rather its ignoring your bodily autonomy (from sa and assault to hugging you when you don't want to be touched to not letting you#make your own harmless choices like a haircut or whatever). everyone has been talked down to or had their opinion treated like its nothing#or that their thoughts or input doesn't matter. everyone has a childhood experience with a mean or judgemental adult#yet over and over ppl are fine just repeating that cycle of abuse and hatred#like youre a young adult and youre still getting treated like shit by older ones. but youre able to have a drink or you graduated or smthn#so now you feel like you earned that right to be judgemental & angry & mean to a group of people that didnt fucking do anything to you#anyways. this is because im sick and had to go to the store to get groceries and meds#so its a 20 minute walk to the nearest store in 108 degrees bc i dont have gas money and then in the store im ofc using a face mask#like im sweaty and feel disgusting and like shit but this kid was SO fucking excited about his spiderman toy and wanted to talk and#his mom said āi told you no one wants to hear about that crap leave her aloneā and like?? no fuck off let a kid be happy?? hes not fucking#doing anything wrong?? so we talked and he showed me the little tiy that lights up and asked if i saw the new spiderverse movie#and i told him i havent! so he asked why so i explained i have photosensitivity and what that means and why i cant see it#(āeven though i heard its super cool!ā) and HE WAS SO SWEET... like immediately hid the toy because oh! flashing lights can hurt me!#and then immediately said dont worry because he'll tell me about it so its like i saw it instead!#and like. guys imma be honest with you. i stilm got no fucking idea what this movie's plot is.#but you bet your fucking ass i was pretending like i was following along & was going āno way!ā āso it's a parallel universe...?ā āoh wow!ā#like yea its unnecessary. i felt oike i was gonna collapse and im still struggling to breathe at home now. but also i been the kid#who just wanted to talk about my interests and no one wanted to or was dismissing it.#i know it's not a end of the world deal but i also know that crushing feeling. you gotta be the kindness you want to see in the world yknow#anyways. be nice to kids or im not going to be nice to you. they're one of the most vulnerable members of our society and deserves kindness
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FRIDAY NIGHT CHILLING
#personal#this weekend i am gonnaaaaaa hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm#write write write work on the wiki i think... pick some random articles to work onnnnn#i'm ordering food tomorrow for lunch because i got paid and i got a bonus ^_^ so i am treating myselffff#getting some kapsalon because i've been craving it for weeks now it's so so good#and i'm gonna finish watching a movey....#no plans yet for sunday other than going to the grocery store to stock up on some snacks while they're still on sale#if the weather's nice i may go into town :] need to get some good not scented candles for when it gets colder#so i can light those whenever my room already has a strong scent from the scented candles that i have
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Fuck dysphoria, dresses are the coolest shit ever and I need to start wearing them more
#i wont because i dislike my body but right now i can believe#i love dresses. the aesthetic is so lovely and cool and i just want to look nice in a dress#im wearing one right now as i type this post#because its part of my ren faire outfit. in addition to a cute corset belt thing#so i wanted to try them on together and holy shit#i look really hot#i own dresses i just never like my body enough to wear them which is tragic#im stepping outside of my comfort zone with this ren faire outfit quite a bit#mildly related but i need to cut and dye my hair again. and im not dyeing my hair a fun color just going back to natural brown#im in hell about it but i have a job interview tomorrow so i need to look normal. and my hair is getting scruffy and needs a trim#wish me luck in the interview bcuz i actually want the job#its at my old workplace (a big grocery store) but i used to be a bagger. the interview is to be in the deli#i love a nice kitchen job. kitchen is my ideal work environment#i should probs be okay because they remember me from when i used to work there. but still#but back to the dress. fuck i look cool. fuck i wish i was more comfortable with my body. i got hit with body image issues and dysphoria#double the fucking problem when i want to look nice#i love being nonbinary but i know if i want to look cute in a dress then ill only be seen as a woman (moreso than usual)#curses and drats. but its whatever
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@beatingheart-bride
"So, what all are we looking for here, lass? What do you want to take home the most right now?"
In a way, Wilhelm was reminded of his own packing back in Ireland, his preparation for his travels to the States: He remembered walking around his room, his house, trying to think of what he wished to take with him the most. He tried to focus on the important things: Clothes, of course, a photo album, an Irish flag, his mother's tea set, but there were more personal, sentimental items he thought about taking-childhood toys, knickknacks and bric-a-brac, little things he still had an emotional investment in...he didn't have enough room in his suitcase to take it all with him, he knew, but it wasn't for a lack of trying.
"Are these any heirlooms in the house, anything very valuable you want to move out?" June asked, trying to see the situation a touch practically: Given how much time Emily had spent at their home, her own home must've looked quite dark and uninhabited, and so a part of her feared some hooligans might want to break in and try to steal the silverware, so valuables were at the top of the list.
At the mention of valuables, Randall immediately thought of the veil: If there was anything that fit under that descriptor, his masterpiece would be it, and that would be the first thing he'd make sure to grab for Emily.
#((i admit; i was also one of those naive folks! i figured 'okay; so long as we play it safe; follow the mandates'))#(('we'll be fine! we'll just kick back and in the words of 'shaun of the dead'; 'wait for all of this to blow over'!))#((several weeks later i'm wrapping up my german and scriptwriting courses online))#((and finding myself searching every other grocery store for toilet paper!))#((it was defidently rough; and i can only imagine it was even rougher with the unemployment! thank god you got the job!))#((i'd really like to avoid living through another pandemic; one really IS more than enough!))#((i did a lot of horror movie marathons when the lockdown was going on; i fell in love with a lot of franchises))#((because i had suddenly had so much time on my hands; and while i credit them for keeping me sane))#((i'd still rather not go through that nightmare again!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Dark Shadows
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